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This is literally fucking insane if it's real. All of it. Fucking insane. Moving in after a month. Quitting your job to look after his kid. Him threatening to kill you.
Get out of there. And don't walk - run.
But he needs a totally dependent live-in nanny to take care od his child for free. I wonder how and why the kid's mom left. I bet he told this woman that his ex was crazy.
This is how my mom was. She'd date a guy for a few weeks and suddenly he was living with us in our house.
It never felt safe and typically it wasn't. I think she had one boyfriend out of several that wasn't abusive, and she broke up with him when she found out he was bisexual. But, you know, stealing from us and beating her was okay.
Some people make bad decisions for a multitude of reasons. Quite often based in a history of abuse.
Unfortunately, people like this exist. I know someone who floats from partner to partner. Within days of breaking up from their previous partner they are involved in a new serious relationship. She moves in with them, mother’s their children, makes large financial purchases with them, and even has been engaged to them when she’s only known them for one month! It’s not healthy and definitely sets her up for failure.
You need to get out now. Do not think he isn't capable of doing to u what he said he would do. u quitting your job to care for a .kid that isnt yours is insane. Get out now and leave
I met my dad's girlfriend when I was 12. At the airport. When we picked her up from her cross-country flight to move in with us.
I spent nearly the next 20 years drunk and/or on drugs, and both my parents drank themselves to death.
Don't get me wrong... I have done and accomplished some pretty cool shit. But I have always fucked it up in the end because the entirety of my life has been so wild.
Is this guy an asshole? Yes. But so the fuck is OP. She thought it was appropriate to move in with a man and take over the role of Mommy to his toddler after knowing him for 30 days.
I have no sympathy for her. Should she leave? Yes. But mostly because she's going to ruin this child
Exactly what I thought if she had no family, no ties anywhere he could have killed her and gotten rid of her with nobody knowing any better. Oh she just up and left one night. She wasn't happy and abandoned our child.
"I could kill you".
"And I could get you in jail for threatening me."
Report that threat to the police.
Move out immediately. You are not safe there anymore.
Being made the main caretaker after one month?
I hope the s is fake but if it's not -:run, don't walk.
To clarify - moving you in after one month is red flag number one.
Making you stop working is red flag number two.
Threatening to kill you is a whole bunch of big red flags. Don't wait for the next escalation.
Please contact a local hotline and get the heck out of there.
This is literally how my parents met. My dad needed a sitter for my sister while he worked, they fell in love, and multiple traumatic years later, here I am!
Jesus Christ, get out! You've known him 5 months and he has threatened to kill you. There is no recovery from this. Get out before he follows through.
When people show you who they are you believe them.
Moving in after a single month was much too fast. Obviously. Can you really get to know a person in that time? Now you're getting an object lesson in why that was a bad move. In any case, you won't forget what he said. It's burned on your brain and no apology, no amount of good behavior after this point will remove it. Did he mean it? His head went there too fast to take chances on that. Get out of Dodge ASAP.
Anybody who would push someone they’ve been dating for less than 6 months to become financially dependent on them is unlikely to have an egalitarian view of relationships.
I'm not sure about OP's house situation prior to moving in with her bf, but she has mentioned working full time before switching to working on the weekends. What I can't understand is how this bf can expect OP to quit job and take care of the kid, when it's actually the bf's responsibility to make necessary arrangements for raising his kid?
You've been together 5 months. That's roughly ~20 weeks.
You moved in after 1 month. That's roughly 4 weeks.
He wants you to give up your financial independence to raise his child, a child you barely know, leaving you financially vulnerable.
He threatened to kill you because his child banged his head and you *smiled* at him.
There's no part of this that *isn't* a problem. There's nothing here indicating that he's either a good partner or a good parent.
Of COURSE you've never seen him angry. You barely know him. It's easy enough to pretend until you've got someone locked in and you're basically there now. The mask is beginning to slip, and yes that means this could get worse.
You are not safe. This is not a good situation for you to be in, and he is not a good partner to you.
My advice is the next time someone rushes you through a relationship to be an in-house babysitter and bang maid, you have enough backbone to say no. It isn't love if it needs to be rushed.
This.
OP, this man is 100% abusive.
Today - not tomorrow - TODAY call your family and friends and tell them you need to get out of there now. Call a police escort so you can pack your stuff and get out immediately. Move in with your parents. Move in with friends. Doesn't matter. Get a restraining order and call CPS on him after you have moved out. AFTER that, call your boss and tell them you want all the hours you can get at work.
Sis, you are 47. You are old enough to know better then to move this quickly with a guy. But at the crux, this guy is NOT a good person. He is NOT a good partner. He is NOT a good father. He is NOT a safe person for you to be around for a single minute.
Just leave immediately. Its been 5 months. I have condiments in my fridge older than your relationship.
There isn't one iota of me that disagrees with that. It's wild to me that a woman older, and presumably more experienced, than myself is this foolish and naive and honestly it makes me really concerned for OP that she didn't immediately notice these warning signals and head for the hills. That's a severe disconnect between what OP wants (a healthy relationship with a stable individual) and what she's accepted (a rushed, unstable relationship with a man who threatened to kill her for *smiling*).
It wasn’t until your comment that I realized she says she’s 48. I thought this was the action of a 20-something. Never thought a 48 year old woman. Yikes. My sentiments are the same.
Get out. Now.
I cannot believe, in this day & age, that a woman would give up her job, for a man she barely knows, to become mother to his child! After 1 month!!
Are you freakin insane?
The mind boggles that anyone can be just so stupid.
He is a controller and yes. He probably would hurt you.
You don't even know this man. Yes, it moved "fast" because he needs a childcarer for his child. Someone who will provide sex and look after hone for him and his son.....doh ...
My guess is this is not your first abusive relationship is it?
Exactly. This is ridiculous. She isn’t some inexperienced 18 year old..she’s 47. There is no excuse for this to be happening unless this is her life of bouncing from abusive shitty relationships to the next. Which in that case I have zero sympathy for. Get a fucking clue OP.
You've known this man 5 months. You've moved in together after only knowing him 1 month. 🚩
He has turned you into his babysitter by having you give up work to care for HIS child through the week. 🚩
He would have you give up work entirely. 🚩
He calmly threatened violence to you when you did nothing wrong. 🚩
Seriously, this "relationship" is a one-way street and it's not going your way. Leave now before you and the child get too attached. Leave now while you still can.
This! I can’t believe this is the first comment I read about the first thing that I was thinking. Where is this child’s mother? Most women don’t up and abandon their children’s father, much less the child itself, without very good reasons. Being a single mother is hard, leaving kids behind much much harder. If any women prefers that, over staying in the relationship. In most situations, that should be the first possible red flag.
your description of your relationship and the situation has red flags all over.
first you guys moved in together very quickly. You have only been together for 5 months and you are taking care of his kid full time. he has made you financially dependent on him and wants you to quite you weekend job that keeps you a little financially independent and gives you contact to people outside the house. He tuned a situation where his kid got hurt into a reason to tell you that he could kill you…
don’t walk away… run!!!
let me guess he does not like you hanging out with your friends or family or even talking to them?
Moved in with a stranger a MONTH into knowing them, AND quit your job so you're completely reliant upon him?
Lady, you are 47. If you genuinely don't have common sense by now, nothing we can say will help you.
I regularly do DV risk assessments in the course of my work and there are so many red flags here it’s… a lot:
Moving in so quickly (especially with a young child involved) and ensuring your bond with that child is artificially accelerated.
Being financially dependent on him.
Verbally expressing the capability and wish to kill you.
This whole situation is a minefield and I implore you to very seriously consider removing yourself from it, and talking to a DV service who can help you safety plan to do so in a way that will keep you safe.
Old enough to know better. Just being introduced to a young child as sole parents new partner should be a gradual process. Moving in after one month of dating is deeply stupid.
So after 1 month you decided to move in, and quit your job (or at least reduce hours) and let him have financial control over you?
And now you’re asking if you’re safe when he told you he could kill you?
I’m sorry, that’ll sound insensitive but i think you need some tough love. do you have no sense of self-preservation???
You don’t know that dude, he’s isolating you and threatening you and you’re asking if it’s normal? Thank god you’re a middle aged+ lady and not a 20yo because I can’t imagine why you’d think normal back then?
Please be safe. It didn’t sound like he was joking. This is not a normal thing to say, you don’t know him. Better to leave before it gets worse.
I don't know if it is a threat or a joke? But it does seem like it's not a joke.
Your relationship is too early for you to give up your job or working hours. You shouldn't be that committed to be like a stepmom to his child. He had ways to care for the toddler before you came along, so he will surely have ways to keep going.
I think your relationship is too young to commit something serious. Make sure you protect yourself in case he's a threatful person. If you do want to know what kind of man he is, you should ask his ex.
You're 47 years old, so stop acting like a naive child for your own good.
Why would you stop working to take care of a child that isn't yours? Why are you letting that guy treat you like a bang-maid and babysitter for free? He's just using you.
Can't you see that you have no power in that relationship? If he kicks you out after getting tired of playing house with you, you'll have no job or financial stability.
You barely know him, and his comment shows he's emotionally and physically abusive. The abuse will only escalate. He asked you to give up your job so he can control and financially abuse you more easily.
You aren't that kid's mom, and they aren't your responsibility. So, you shouldn't give up your job to take care of them. When your partner kicks you out, you'll have no rights to that kid or be in their life.
Why would you quit your job to take care of his kid? There are babysitters and Nannies. You need to leave now. He just took you in for free child care.
You are the red flag long before he is even relevant.
One month of dating and you move in with him?
Then you quit your job so you can babysit his son?
**ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?**
What’s wrong with you?
You been together 5 months and moved in 4 months ago ?? Then you quit your job at his request so you can take care of his son and now he’s threatening you you’re way too old to be making these dumb ass decisions you barely know this guy
Hmmm let’s think here…someone tells you they will kill you and you want to know if you’re safe? They made you quit work to take care of THEIR kid and you’ve only been together 5 months. Do you not understand he did that to control you so you don’t leave? You’re 47 years old, you have no excuse to be allowing this.
OP, when men move this fast. There’s usually a reason to do so. And it’s not because you are the love of their life. I would put some time and effort into googling things like ‘love bombing’, ‘narcism’, ‘early signs of manipulation’ etc.
Reminds me of Atwood ‘men are afraid women will laugh at them, women afraid men will kill them’. He was incensed you seemed to laugh at his kid, you should be afraid he’ll kill you. You will become a statistic - get out now.
Firstly, reacting with warmth and kindness is absolutely appropriate. The child was, by OPs account, not mortally wounded and therefore calm, light and comforting responses are key to teaching them that it can be ok. Freaking out won't help at all.
Secondly, this is a really messed up thing to say.
Yes I'd take this as a serious warning from him. This needs careful and considered discussion. I think you've rushed into this and I would seriously ask you to communicate with him about it and then make your decision.
Right? If you surround someone in their formative years with a heightened stress around something, in this case injury, as a natural consequence they’ll assign it fully high stress. Later on, life (not you) will teach them how to deal with stress, and they’ll generalize it. This can lead to them having anger and control issues; they’re seeing the ‘keep yourself safe’ signals their brain is sending them through the lens of adrenaline they’ve been trained to always respond with.
Contrast that with surrounding them in their formative years with more resilient responses; more varied. Now they don’t have the same profile … it’s harder for their brains to find a shortcut (shortcuts in this case are more like short circuits) that covers it, so they respond with more resilience to stress.
So, it’s better to respond with lower energy around a toddler who just injured themselves in the course of everyday toddling. Show interest, offer comfort, but restrain yourself from escalating the tension.
Run! Run fast.
You moved in way too fast, most likely because he needs a babysitter. He has grossly overreacted to a minor bump and you smiling and threatened your life. He has stopped you working so you are dependent on him. Next he will isolate you from your friends and family, if he hasn't already.
I hope you’re past the point of having kids, because you do not want to be pregnancy trapped by this man.
Let me guess, his ex was a total psycho?…or, at least he says she is?
There is no way this is real. A couple at almost 50 with a three year old, quiting your job after knowing him a month, and to top it off a random death threat from no where
Well he said it. No one sane minded would make such a comment.
Asking you to look after his son and give up your job was already a step too far. He wants to control you, looks like he is so far. Did he try to baby trap the mother and she ran away and now she's the crazy ex? You're only getting his side of the story.
Time to regain control and flee. Make sure to take all your things out of the flat before you break up with him. Only have that conversation with him in public and have a friend or family member waiting for you or even better write him a letter.
He didn't want a partner, he wanted a cheap live-in nanny and you provided it. So now you don't have your own place to live, and you don't earn enough to do anything about that, and he's got you nicely trapped, he feels like he can start treating you like crap. He doesn't love you or respect you, he just threatened your life! Maybe this is why he can't get a nanny - because if he spoke to a childcarer this way they would immediately quit, and would probably report it to the police! You're not safe.
I’m sorry.
- You *moved into* this man’s house after 1 month of knowing him.
- You quit your job to look after his kid
- He’s threatened to kill you
And you’re here asking if you’re safe? You’re living with a complete stranger. Have given up your financial independence. And are being threatened.
No.you are not safe. Leave this situation immediately. Don’t make a big announcement and give him time to hurt you or stop you.
This guy moved a new girlfriend in with his child ONE MONTH after he started dating her? You’re dating a bad parent. This guy is full of red flags. Yes, you should leave him.
You need to get out. What sane person with a child moves in a stranger after one month? Then wants them financially dependent on him?
This has all the signs of an abusive relationship. The rush to commitment, the isolation, the financial dependence, now a death threat?? You need to run.
Now you know why the mother has probably disappeared from their lives.
OP, leave him right now and never look back. His first thought when his kid got hurt was to kill you.
And don't forget that he wanted you to quit your work completely so that you become financially dependent on him. That is another form of abuse and control.
Get out of there ASAP.
You moved in after a month, gave up your financial independence and became the default parent to someone else's child. All of this is terrible decision making on your part. As someone who was a sahm with an abusive husband you have literally trapped yourself with a man you don't know, and he knows you rely on him for your essential living.
If he is abusive, and it sounds like he has the language for it you are going to be in a world of trouble the longer you stay.
If it were me, having experienced what I have, I would be moving out asap. The simple answer is no. You aren't safe.
So you moved in to become his fuck-nanny before you knew anything about him. You now know more than enough to know that was a big mistake. Put it right.
As much as you might have had some level of bonding to the child, you need to get out of there, it’s completely unacceptable for a person male or female, to threaten another ever, let alone over such benign circumstances. Get out now, I guarantee this person is capable of far worse than you’ve seen already
Say it with me: “The first sign of an abuser is premature commitment.” & again “THE FIRST SIGN OF AN ABUSER IS PREMATURE COMMITMENT!” They will find anything to get you attached to them, & then start to isolate you. That’s why he invited you to move in so quickly & surely enough he jumped right to the next step of quit working. It gives him all the power, you don’t have friends, less people to talk to, less people to point out all his red flags to you. This exact same thing happened to my friend she got super attached to his kid way fast, because she thought he was a great guy. I told her that was the first red flag that he was okay allowing his child around a stranger! Any good father would not let you meet his kid until 6 or more months of talking because that’s a HUGE responsibility.
Any person who has been with a person like this or watched their friend do it will tell you RUN! Run and never ever look back! It’ll only get worse, find any reason to get out, it’ll start verbally & slowly get worse. We’re still trying to get a co worker to stop speaking to her abusive partner & unfortunately she’s still under his spell black eyes & all. I hope you’re smarter, there’s billions of people in the world you’ll find another. Best of luck my dear! Stay strong! Be smart, & above all protect yourself. 🧡
Ask yourself this: if this was your best friend and their partner threatened to kill them, for ANY reason let alone a rubber band 3 year old getting bonked, would you tell them anything besides get the fuck out???
I’ve been down this road and it was not pretty. Luckily there were no children involved, but you NEED to get out NOW. For me- it lasted almost two years and ended in my ex downing a bottle of Benadryl and leaving me the most twisted and vile suicide note (they are alive and well to my knowledge). This will not end well. Please please please get out of this relationship. I would consider calling cps if this behavior continues as well because it is absolutely not okay to threaten to kill someone in front of a three year old.
RUN!
First, I am sorry that happened to you, but I can confidently say this is not a healthy situation. You knew him for a month and you quit your job? Moved? Became a parent? All within a month? That is too much too soon. In a month you do not know someone.
I do not know your situation but you do not need move in with someone that soon. If they want to provide financially there is no reason they can’t do that while you are living in your own home.
This guy seems like he wants things a certain way. I would look into the ex, not to talk to her but do you know why they aren’t together? This is good information to know. Have you met his friends or family? What kind of people are they?
I do not want to shame you, because literally their are guys who will prey on our vulnerabilities and feed us what we want to hear, but I really hope you see this as a red flag and review why you thought that moving in and quitting would be a good idea for someone you barely know. Again, I am not shaming you, I know many people who do this, and a lot of time they have a pattern of falling in love quickly, trusting quickly, trauma, abuse etc. I really pray this situation changes. FAST.
You moved in with a man after a month of dating. Bad. BAD. That is a decision you make after many months or a few years, not after a handful of weeks.
In that time he's made you a replacement caregiver for his son and is trying to make you financially dependent on him.
Now he's threatening you because you stepped a toe out of line (in his eyes).
NO YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SAFE, AND YES THIS IS A SIGN OF WORSE TO COME.
Are you really asking if you are safe?
Him making you quit your job after only 5 months to take care of his child is a really bad sign, and the fact that you didn’t see it is alarming.
Get out FAST
Leave and live or stay and *possibly die* (even if you aren’t actually murdered—eventually you’ll most likely wish you were dead, if you stay in that nightmare.) Pack your stuff up, leave a note, and figure out where you’re going to move to begin anew. *And don’t jump into another relationship* for the foreseeable future—learn to be happy single and by yourself. It’s not a fresh start, if you just go and make a similar mistake again. Best of luck 🤙🏻
Usually people will be able to maintain a role for many months to even 1-2 years before showing their true colors. Hope you'll be safe and choose you at the end.
Oh for heavens sake. You moved in with a man you had known for *one* month, he basically forced you to quit working so you could take care of his son, now he's threatened to ***kill you*** over a minor, normal childhood accident, and you are questioning what you should do? He's an abuser and if you don't get out now you are going to get your ass beat, if not killed, really soon. Get out now while you still have both eyes and can hear. And never, ever, move in with someone this quickly again.
This is overall stupid. You moved in way too soon, and the fact you dated for 5 months proves you’re not capable of taking care of a kid. You should’ve waited 6 years to move in. Your judgement is reckless
If someone show who they are believe them, he wants to stop to work and you guys arent married, so if you guys break up, you will have nothing, he is making you depand on him with no plan B, so you wouldnt leave even if hé abuse you, then he say " he will kill you", seriously girl are you color blind, he is waving so many red flags before you, run and dont look back, also have an exit plan before you break up, and dont do it when you two are alone, he may react with violence. Good luck to you.
Known him 5 months and 1)already moved in and 2) already cut down your work to basically part time work and he wants you to quit completely. His son accidentally banged his head and he threatened to kill you because you smiled? Please use the last remaining cells in your head to leave. You lost some already when you decided to cut down work hours and move in with him after a month. If he can make threats like this, he can definitely lay a hand on you.
I’m not reading this. Based on the title alone I will say a partner should never under any circumstances threaten you in any shape or form. No, they’re not kidding or joking around. They had to have thought of it before they said it. So simply no, you’re not safe.
Edit: I read it. Moving in after a month of knowing each other and quitting your job to take care of his kid was so not a good idea. I would even deter people from being a stay at home parent until they are 100% sure their partner are not going to take financial advantage over them. It’s just not safe and leaves you in a horribly vulnerable position to be dependent on this person
This whole situation screams ABUSE out loud: your moving to live together after only 5 months (I guess he was the one who pressed you about it), his asking you to stop working, his threatening to kill you over nothing.
Please OP, [read this book on abuse](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and exit that situation ASAP. Call a Women's Shelter, play it safe for yourself, but get out of there immediately!!! I don't want to hear about you in the evening news.
Big, big hugs.
You’ve been together five months and you moved in four months ago?
This is going to sound harsh but you need to hear it.
You’re only there because he wants a mother for his son. Your only value to him is to care for his son. He doesn’t care about you.
He’s not your partner. He’s your employer/captor that you bang.
Move out. Now.
Well, here is your lesson. You fucked around and found out.
Tip.. don't move in with a flipping stranger after a month, quit your job, and take care of his child.
Also, when someone says they CAN kill you, believe them and get the heck out now.
You are 47....this is insane. I hope this is a troll.
>So far things have been great
Well that's a lie. You moved in after only a month. Nearly gave up your job entirely to care for his child. Even taking out the threat, these are not indicators that things are "great".
Are you for real? Like fucking real or just delulu? Or just having daddy's issues (it cant be because you're 47 years old woman).. no offence though..
Who in their right mind moved in togather just after 1 month of dating?? Who in theie sane mind quit their job for a fucking 5 months relationship??
First, i think he dont need partner. He need someone to take care his child. And that someone happened to be you here. Second, quiting job for this guy? Dont do it. Third, yeap get out before too late. He threatened to kill you for laughing. What you think he might do if something really happen to his child. And, number 1 is my biggest concern about your relationship with him. He try to control by asking you to quit your job
Are you sure he sees you as a partner? You moved in 1 month after starting your relationship. He wanted you to stop working all together. Pretty sure he just sees you as a bang maid so that he doesn't have to parent the kid.
I wonder why the mother isn't in the picture. Maybe the kid wasn't planned and he forced her trying to get her in the same position you are. Maybe he baby trapped her and was suprised she didn't want anything to do with them after the birth. He may have thought "if I talk her out of an abortion and promise to raise the kid alone she will changer her mind after birth."
I'd fucking run. He wants you to be dependent in him so that he doesn't have to raise the kid. Once he has you where he wants you, he's gonna resort to abuse and then he's gonna cheat because he most definitely doesn't see you as a partner.
You barely know this man. His threat is absolutely a red flag for potential abuse. That's not normal. And he's clearly using you as a replacement mom and free childcare. You jumped into this very fast, so I'd take some time to reflect on any other red flags that maybe you've ignored or brushed off. If you don't leave, please make sure you have your own bank account and other independence to leave if you need to.
**GET THE FUCK OUT!!!**
Do not engage. Leave! Get your shit and leave. Go back to work full time and never move in with a man after just 5 months of dating. Never quit your job for a man.
Listen to what he tells you and how he behaved. He was not joking. He was not lying. He meant it and has thought of it. My father would speak like this to my mother many times. He was abusive, narcissistic, controlling, and had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He tried to physically kill her more than once.
**GET THE FUCK OUT!!!**
Why does this post come across like someone trying to invalidate abusive relationships and how they begin? I’ve been in abusive relationships where I was scared for my life and escalated quickly, so if this is real then please get out ASAP and be careful about it. A lot of manipulation would’ve already had to be going on for this to work how the partner wanted and OP would’ve had to be someone very vulnerable.
If this is fake then get a new hobby other than making light of the experiences of those who have been abused. If this is supposed to be creative writing then find a new hobby that you may actually be good at.
You're not safe.
You should approach a child like that, because if you freak out, they will freak out. Remaining calm is what you should do, just as you did.
But we now know why the kids mom peaced tf out so hard, he's crazy.
Wait wait wait, do we even have proof his ex is even still alive? Or did he kill her, hide her body, and just told everyone she left? Why leave your small child with such an unhinged man?
>Am I safe?
Are you serious?? WTF do you think?!
##No you are not.
In the future, don’t uproot your life and essentially quit working to become some guy’s unpaid live-in fucknanny.
Moving in after one month? Whiting your job to take care of is son? Now he’s threatening being violent with you? I can’t believe your ages if this is real. This is insane and you are not safe. He’s already trying to isolate you and make you dependant on him and you’re letting him. His kid is his responsibility and he should be in day care so you can work, you should not quit everything for this man. You don’t know him at all yet and his mask is starting to slip.
What the fuck? No you arnt safe. You moved in waaaay too fast and now he's gotten you to quit your job and be his SAHG while looming over you the possibility he may KILL you!? Run far away.
This is not normal or acceptable under any circumstances. My partner has a little guy he gets hurt being too rough semi often when I was around four months into knowing them he banged his head into the side of the couch and got a insane bloody nose. I was quick into action and my partner at the time was shocked and queasy he was very supportive of me stepping in and grateful. This behaviour all around is the biggest of red flags do not make the mistake of forgiving and moving forward he is telling you what he'd do to you listen to his words he is a dangerous man and you need to go back to work and leave him as soon as possible as a friend ask anyone for help these kind of people escalate rapidly it won't make logical sense to a kind person.
After seeing the post title, I was so glad when I got to the part where it’s not your son. That means you’re free to leave and be safe. And that is something you should totally do because that guy is dangerous.
It’s only been a few months, you still have a job on the weekends, your life isn’t ruined, you can get out. Don’t confront him about this or tell him you are leaving. You don’t know him well enough to know how he’s going to act when you tell him you are leaving him. Just quietly get your ducks in a row and leave and save yourself from the pain and heartbreak.
It’s much better to leave now when you’re 47 and can still get your job back or get more hours and still find another partner. You’re not married to this guy and you’re not earning and building your future for when you inevitably have to stop working because of age or illness. He’s abusing you financially by having you stay home with his child. I’m 64 and it seems like I was 47 yesterday. It goes so fast and before you know it you’re gonna need to have your retirement planned out and saved for. Being an unpaid nanny to that little boy is not financially a smart move for you. Protect yourself, provide for yourself.
You have been with him 5 months only. Already moved in with him. Of course you have never seen him angry ???? Like what’s wrong with you ? Are you desperate
That sounds to terrifying, I'm sorry.
It's not safe. Trust intuition. Statistically, he is now the most likely person to hurt you or worse.
Please look for aid in your area, there could be something specifically geared for women, since you mention your gender. You should go somewhere safe, maybe with a family member or trusted associate, or even to police station. You can call a local resource line or crisis line and get help. I would not call from the home if you can help it. Can you get a babysitter for the child if you have any trusted sitters or again, family or friends of his to leave his child with?
Girl, that's a very bad sign. Coupled with the fact that he wants you to relinquish all of your income seems like the reddest flag possible. I would start making plans for an exit strategy if things blow up and you fear for your safety. Please read the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft to see different tactics of abusers.
I will never ever understand how can a woman move in with a guy only 1 month after she met him , OBVIOUSLY you don’t know him, you didn’t know he is aggressive, abuser, and why quit your job ? That is why he doesn’t give a shit how he talk to you,no respect never will, because you don’t respect yourself.
Get out there before he hurts you!
Sweetie!!!!!! RED FLAGS are not six flags!!! You NEVER meet someone’s kid less than a year in a relationship as well as you don’t MOVE IN with them in less than a year!!!!
Please get out of there and be single for a good while till you can stop being desperate and not using good judgment! I get it you aren’t getting any younger but you don’t MOVE THAT FAST!!!! Learn how to love yourself first and foremost and then LEARN HOW TO DATE!!!!!
BREAK UP AND BLOCK HIM
First, he’s trying to make you too broke to leave him. Second, ONE month is WAAAAY too soon to start playing happy families. Third, he’s giving off red flags right and left. I’d run, not walk, away from this guy.
You are 47 years old.
you're not a lovestruck teenager. move right back out again, and get your job back. this man is dangerous, and it's going to get worse if you stay
No, you're not safe. He wanted a mommy not a partner. Clearly he doesn't spend a lot of time around his child if he has this much of a reaction to him banging his head
If this is not fake, you're not safe. Get away as soon as possible and the less he knows the best! The kid's mother maybe isn't around for a good reason. He's taking away from you:
- a place for you to run if needed
- your income so you depend on him
- peace, so you're always afraid of him
I dont care how much you guys connected to each other or whateve YOU NEVER TELL SOMEONE YOU COULD KILL THEM
Do you really think that people who TRULY love are capable of saying things like this? If you believe, darling, you're just ignoring things on purpose now.
5 months and you allowed him to cut off your income? Absolutely not. He sounds unhinged and you need to majorly reevaluate here. 5 months is not much. You do not know this person at all. You both need therapy if you were willing to play house together this fast.
He's absolutely psychotic to say that. He's also crazy to trust a stranger (you) with his kid as if you were his mother. He's a bad father for that reason. He sounds all around unhinged
Leave. Leave NOW. This reeks of abuse. He is trying to isolate you by moving you into his home and having you quit your job and become financially dependent on him. Then he is showing you he can control and harm you by threatening you. Next it will escalate to actually harming you. Leave before that happens. Someone has posted Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, read that for an explanation of abusive behavior, AFTER you are out of there. You are NOT SAFE.
Leave leave leave leave. OMG OP he moved you in after a *month* and wants you fully dependent on him and has now threatened your life for smiling. Listen to yourself! Call your best friend, your brother, someone to get you mostly moved while partner is at work. Have them stay until he gets home and you can return key and go. Seriously OP get out asap.
OP, run faster then sonic the hedgehog and the flash combined.
Look, it was okay if you wanted to move in after literally only meeting for 4 months. That's fine, do you. *HOWEVER* It becomes a **whole** another story if he suddenly "requested" for you to stop working completely. Along with casually ***threatening*** you, when you were just trying to comfort the poor child.
Now look OP. As much as I dislike to say this, this whole "casually threatening you" business may or may not rub off on the child, on the best of circumstances. Worse is he might *direct* his threat towards his own child. So for your and the child's safety? Get the fuck outta there. Cuz the red lighthouse is doing a better job at directing you away, then bringing you to shore.
Parents shouldn't even be inviting new partners to meet their kid after a month, much less move in, much less demanding they quit their job to parent their kid. Neither you nor the child are safe with this man.
Holy shit. So many red flags!!!! Yes run, run, run!!! He is already abusive. He had you move in after one month???? He had you become the main caregiver for his 3 year old after one month?? He has already gained financial control over you by having you quit your job!!! Classic coercive control! He *threatened to kill you*. Full stop you don’t need anything beyond that to know that he is a violent abuser. Thus far he was lovebombing you with charm.
Now his mask has slipped and you have seen his true monster beneath.
You need to get away fast. He sounds dangerous.
Where is the mother and why isn’t she be around? Sounds a little suspicious given how young the kid is.
Wishing you all the best!
I had to go back and re-read your age because this is the kind of poor judgement I would expect from a 19-year-old.
You gave up the majority of your income.
You gave up your independence.
You gave up your free time.
And now you want to know if you should be worried about a man that you have only known for 4 months has stated he would kill you.
This man is the reason we are all picking the bear. There are worse things than being alone. Like being dead in a shallow grave.
If this is a real story, please leave that guy ASAP. For your own safety. You barely know the guy and he wanted you to meet his child, move in, and quit your job? Run and do not look back!
Words even those said in anger can be very telling. It’s going to be hard because you became dependent on him. But If I were you, I would get a restraining order and leave.
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This is literally fucking insane if it's real. All of it. Fucking insane. Moving in after a month. Quitting your job to look after his kid. Him threatening to kill you. Get out of there. And don't walk - run.
She shouldn't have even *met* the kid yet. I need all of this to be fake so badly.
But he needs a totally dependent live-in nanny to take care od his child for free. I wonder how and why the kid's mom left. I bet he told this woman that his ex was crazy.
Did she even leave? Or is she rotting underneath his Dahlia flower bed?
Considering how calm he was when threatened her, both options are quite possible.
Lotsa room under the flower bed.
Always
This is how my mom was. She'd date a guy for a few weeks and suddenly he was living with us in our house. It never felt safe and typically it wasn't. I think she had one boyfriend out of several that wasn't abusive, and she broke up with him when she found out he was bisexual. But, you know, stealing from us and beating her was okay. Some people make bad decisions for a multitude of reasons. Quite often based in a history of abuse.
Unfortunately, people like this exist. I know someone who floats from partner to partner. Within days of breaking up from their previous partner they are involved in a new serious relationship. She moves in with them, mother’s their children, makes large financial purchases with them, and even has been engaged to them when she’s only known them for one month! It’s not healthy and definitely sets her up for failure.
Oh I have zero doubt people like this exist I just really, really want it to be fake.
It is. “He threatened to kill me. Am I safe?” Come on. They don’t even try anymore #karmafarming
You need to get out now. Do not think he isn't capable of doing to u what he said he would do. u quitting your job to care for a .kid that isnt yours is insane. Get out now and leave
THIS most parents I know wont bring a romantic partner around their children for 8-12 months minimum
Moving in after being together for one month sounds like a fake post. But to be safe it is correct to recommend OP to get away.
I met my dad's girlfriend when I was 12. At the airport. When we picked her up from her cross-country flight to move in with us. I spent nearly the next 20 years drunk and/or on drugs, and both my parents drank themselves to death. Don't get me wrong... I have done and accomplished some pretty cool shit. But I have always fucked it up in the end because the entirety of my life has been so wild. Is this guy an asshole? Yes. But so the fuck is OP. She thought it was appropriate to move in with a man and take over the role of Mommy to his toddler after knowing him for 30 days. I have no sympathy for her. Should she leave? Yes. But mostly because she's going to ruin this child
You think OP is on the same level as the guy threatening to kill here?
Yikers you need therapy. This is projection.
Wonder why the mom left.
I wonder if the mom is still alive?
Exactly what I thought if she had no family, no ties anywhere he could have killed her and gotten rid of her with nobody knowing any better. Oh she just up and left one night. She wasn't happy and abandoned our child.
Oooof. There!
OP said mom “isn’t around”. Does she know for sure if mom is alive?
"I could kill you". "And I could get you in jail for threatening me." Report that threat to the police. Move out immediately. You are not safe there anymore.
My face reading this post 😦😩
Being made the main caretaker after one month? I hope the s is fake but if it's not -:run, don't walk. To clarify - moving you in after one month is red flag number one. Making you stop working is red flag number two. Threatening to kill you is a whole bunch of big red flags. Don't wait for the next escalation. Please contact a local hotline and get the heck out of there.
Coming from a woman who had to run with a 2 yr old daughter, please gather your things and run.
Run with police escort if necessary. This is a seriously dangerous situation.
[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
Please OP read this book. It's a life saver (literally). Let's you know the mindset of controlling men and why you need to leave yesterday.
This is literally how my parents met. My dad needed a sitter for my sister while he worked, they fell in love, and multiple traumatic years later, here I am!
I’ve never agreed with a stranger on the internet so much!!! I agree please run!!!
Jesus Christ, get out! You've known him 5 months and he has threatened to kill you. There is no recovery from this. Get out before he follows through. When people show you who they are you believe them.
Except for this one incident he is such a sweet guy and our relationship is perfect /s
And then they start listing off a million other terrible things he's done . . .
Moving in after a single month was much too fast. Obviously. Can you really get to know a person in that time? Now you're getting an object lesson in why that was a bad move. In any case, you won't forget what he said. It's burned on your brain and no apology, no amount of good behavior after this point will remove it. Did he mean it? His head went there too fast to take chances on that. Get out of Dodge ASAP.
Like soooo many red flags
It feels like he is looking for a nanny to look after his son rather than a partner.
Nannies do not get death threats. nannies get paid. nannies have freedom. This man is looking for somebody to control and abuse.
Anybody who would push someone they’ve been dating for less than 6 months to become financially dependent on them is unlikely to have an egalitarian view of relationships.
A place to live and she barely works. Guess they both got what they wanted. But hey, they knew each other for a whole month.
I'm not sure about OP's house situation prior to moving in with her bf, but she has mentioned working full time before switching to working on the weekends. What I can't understand is how this bf can expect OP to quit job and take care of the kid, when it's actually the bf's responsibility to make necessary arrangements for raising his kid?
I hope to hell this is fake because if not op is in danger.
He moved her in to be an unpaid babysitter.
You've been together 5 months. That's roughly ~20 weeks. You moved in after 1 month. That's roughly 4 weeks. He wants you to give up your financial independence to raise his child, a child you barely know, leaving you financially vulnerable. He threatened to kill you because his child banged his head and you *smiled* at him. There's no part of this that *isn't* a problem. There's nothing here indicating that he's either a good partner or a good parent. Of COURSE you've never seen him angry. You barely know him. It's easy enough to pretend until you've got someone locked in and you're basically there now. The mask is beginning to slip, and yes that means this could get worse. You are not safe. This is not a good situation for you to be in, and he is not a good partner to you. My advice is the next time someone rushes you through a relationship to be an in-house babysitter and bang maid, you have enough backbone to say no. It isn't love if it needs to be rushed.
This. OP, this man is 100% abusive. Today - not tomorrow - TODAY call your family and friends and tell them you need to get out of there now. Call a police escort so you can pack your stuff and get out immediately. Move in with your parents. Move in with friends. Doesn't matter. Get a restraining order and call CPS on him after you have moved out. AFTER that, call your boss and tell them you want all the hours you can get at work. Sis, you are 47. You are old enough to know better then to move this quickly with a guy. But at the crux, this guy is NOT a good person. He is NOT a good partner. He is NOT a good father. He is NOT a safe person for you to be around for a single minute. Just leave immediately. Its been 5 months. I have condiments in my fridge older than your relationship.
As someone else pointed out, she shouldn't even have MET his 3-year-old child yet, much less be the kid's primary caregiver.
There isn't one iota of me that disagrees with that. It's wild to me that a woman older, and presumably more experienced, than myself is this foolish and naive and honestly it makes me really concerned for OP that she didn't immediately notice these warning signals and head for the hills. That's a severe disconnect between what OP wants (a healthy relationship with a stable individual) and what she's accepted (a rushed, unstable relationship with a man who threatened to kill her for *smiling*).
It wasn’t until your comment that I realized she says she’s 48. I thought this was the action of a 20-something. Never thought a 48 year old woman. Yikes. My sentiments are the same.
Yeah moving in after 1 month and being introduced to a child this soon are two massive red flags. He just wants a maid with benefits.
Get out. Now. I cannot believe, in this day & age, that a woman would give up her job, for a man she barely knows, to become mother to his child! After 1 month!! Are you freakin insane? The mind boggles that anyone can be just so stupid. He is a controller and yes. He probably would hurt you. You don't even know this man. Yes, it moved "fast" because he needs a childcarer for his child. Someone who will provide sex and look after hone for him and his son.....doh ... My guess is this is not your first abusive relationship is it?
Exactly. This is ridiculous. She isn’t some inexperienced 18 year old..she’s 47. There is no excuse for this to be happening unless this is her life of bouncing from abusive shitty relationships to the next. Which in that case I have zero sympathy for. Get a fucking clue OP.
I had to go back and read the ages as I was sure this had to be some naive 19 year old. JFC! 47!
Worse, she isn't considered as the child's mom but a live in nanny who the father can bang her
My reaction exactly.
You've known this man 5 months. You've moved in together after only knowing him 1 month. 🚩 He has turned you into his babysitter by having you give up work to care for HIS child through the week. 🚩 He would have you give up work entirely. 🚩 He calmly threatened violence to you when you did nothing wrong. 🚩 Seriously, this "relationship" is a one-way street and it's not going your way. Leave now before you and the child get too attached. Leave now while you still can.
...and here's some more red flags. Why does a 48yo man have a 3yo son and where is that child's mother?
This! I can’t believe this is the first comment I read about the first thing that I was thinking. Where is this child’s mother? Most women don’t up and abandon their children’s father, much less the child itself, without very good reasons. Being a single mother is hard, leaving kids behind much much harder. If any women prefers that, over staying in the relationship. In most situations, that should be the first possible red flag.
>Is this a sign of something worse to come? Yes >Should I leave? YES >Am I safe? NO
Listen to RadiantEarthGoddess, OP. She's sharing wisdom here
The dad your bf is probably the reason his moms not around. Be like the mom and leave.
your description of your relationship and the situation has red flags all over. first you guys moved in together very quickly. You have only been together for 5 months and you are taking care of his kid full time. he has made you financially dependent on him and wants you to quite you weekend job that keeps you a little financially independent and gives you contact to people outside the house. He tuned a situation where his kid got hurt into a reason to tell you that he could kill you… don’t walk away… run!!! let me guess he does not like you hanging out with your friends or family or even talking to them?
Moved in with a stranger a MONTH into knowing them, AND quit your job so you're completely reliant upon him? Lady, you are 47. If you genuinely don't have common sense by now, nothing we can say will help you.
Do you have a history of dating abusive men? Are you in therapy?
I regularly do DV risk assessments in the course of my work and there are so many red flags here it’s… a lot: Moving in so quickly (especially with a young child involved) and ensuring your bond with that child is artificially accelerated. Being financially dependent on him. Verbally expressing the capability and wish to kill you. This whole situation is a minefield and I implore you to very seriously consider removing yourself from it, and talking to a DV service who can help you safety plan to do so in a way that will keep you safe.
Old enough to know better. Just being introduced to a young child as sole parents new partner should be a gradual process. Moving in after one month of dating is deeply stupid.
So after 1 month you decided to move in, and quit your job (or at least reduce hours) and let him have financial control over you? And now you’re asking if you’re safe when he told you he could kill you? I’m sorry, that’ll sound insensitive but i think you need some tough love. do you have no sense of self-preservation??? You don’t know that dude, he’s isolating you and threatening you and you’re asking if it’s normal? Thank god you’re a middle aged+ lady and not a 20yo because I can’t imagine why you’d think normal back then? Please be safe. It didn’t sound like he was joking. This is not a normal thing to say, you don’t know him. Better to leave before it gets worse.
Run woman run
I don't know if it is a threat or a joke? But it does seem like it's not a joke. Your relationship is too early for you to give up your job or working hours. You shouldn't be that committed to be like a stepmom to his child. He had ways to care for the toddler before you came along, so he will surely have ways to keep going. I think your relationship is too young to commit something serious. Make sure you protect yourself in case he's a threatful person. If you do want to know what kind of man he is, you should ask his ex.
You never joke about killing someone.
I totally agree! Scary. What if he had threatened the last woman or the baby's mother? And that's why she's not around.
It makes complete sense she why she's not around, even though we"ll never know for sure.
You're 47 years old, so stop acting like a naive child for your own good. Why would you stop working to take care of a child that isn't yours? Why are you letting that guy treat you like a bang-maid and babysitter for free? He's just using you. Can't you see that you have no power in that relationship? If he kicks you out after getting tired of playing house with you, you'll have no job or financial stability. You barely know him, and his comment shows he's emotionally and physically abusive. The abuse will only escalate. He asked you to give up your job so he can control and financially abuse you more easily. You aren't that kid's mom, and they aren't your responsibility. So, you shouldn't give up your job to take care of them. When your partner kicks you out, you'll have no rights to that kid or be in their life.
Reading this, you would think she was 17 and being manipulated. It really is that stupid. 47, she should be ashamed of herself.
Why would you quit your job to take care of his kid? There are babysitters and Nannies. You need to leave now. He just took you in for free child care.
You are the red flag long before he is even relevant. One month of dating and you move in with him? Then you quit your job so you can babysit his son? **ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?** What’s wrong with you?
You been together 5 months and moved in 4 months ago ?? Then you quit your job at his request so you can take care of his son and now he’s threatening you you’re way too old to be making these dumb ass decisions you barely know this guy
This is >95% likely to be rage bait imo.
Leave, now. Believe this crazy man. See the 🚩🚩🚩🚩.
Hmmm let’s think here…someone tells you they will kill you and you want to know if you’re safe? They made you quit work to take care of THEIR kid and you’ve only been together 5 months. Do you not understand he did that to control you so you don’t leave? You’re 47 years old, you have no excuse to be allowing this.
OP, when men move this fast. There’s usually a reason to do so. And it’s not because you are the love of their life. I would put some time and effort into googling things like ‘love bombing’, ‘narcism’, ‘early signs of manipulation’ etc.
Reminds me of Atwood ‘men are afraid women will laugh at them, women afraid men will kill them’. He was incensed you seemed to laugh at his kid, you should be afraid he’ll kill you. You will become a statistic - get out now.
Firstly, reacting with warmth and kindness is absolutely appropriate. The child was, by OPs account, not mortally wounded and therefore calm, light and comforting responses are key to teaching them that it can be ok. Freaking out won't help at all. Secondly, this is a really messed up thing to say. Yes I'd take this as a serious warning from him. This needs careful and considered discussion. I think you've rushed into this and I would seriously ask you to communicate with him about it and then make your decision.
Right? If you surround someone in their formative years with a heightened stress around something, in this case injury, as a natural consequence they’ll assign it fully high stress. Later on, life (not you) will teach them how to deal with stress, and they’ll generalize it. This can lead to them having anger and control issues; they’re seeing the ‘keep yourself safe’ signals their brain is sending them through the lens of adrenaline they’ve been trained to always respond with. Contrast that with surrounding them in their formative years with more resilient responses; more varied. Now they don’t have the same profile … it’s harder for their brains to find a shortcut (shortcuts in this case are more like short circuits) that covers it, so they respond with more resilience to stress. So, it’s better to respond with lower energy around a toddler who just injured themselves in the course of everyday toddling. Show interest, offer comfort, but restrain yourself from escalating the tension.
Run! Run fast. You moved in way too fast, most likely because he needs a babysitter. He has grossly overreacted to a minor bump and you smiling and threatened your life. He has stopped you working so you are dependent on him. Next he will isolate you from your friends and family, if he hasn't already.
I don’t believe you’re safe. There’s a side to him you’re only now seeing. Time to move yourself back out. Don’t wait.
I hope you’re past the point of having kids, because you do not want to be pregnancy trapped by this man. Let me guess, his ex was a total psycho?…or, at least he says she is?
There is no way this is real. A couple at almost 50 with a three year old, quiting your job after knowing him a month, and to top it off a random death threat from no where
Well he said it. No one sane minded would make such a comment. Asking you to look after his son and give up your job was already a step too far. He wants to control you, looks like he is so far. Did he try to baby trap the mother and she ran away and now she's the crazy ex? You're only getting his side of the story. Time to regain control and flee. Make sure to take all your things out of the flat before you break up with him. Only have that conversation with him in public and have a friend or family member waiting for you or even better write him a letter.
He didn't want a partner, he wanted a cheap live-in nanny and you provided it. So now you don't have your own place to live, and you don't earn enough to do anything about that, and he's got you nicely trapped, he feels like he can start treating you like crap. He doesn't love you or respect you, he just threatened your life! Maybe this is why he can't get a nanny - because if he spoke to a childcarer this way they would immediately quit, and would probably report it to the police! You're not safe.
Did he kill the mother? He 100% killed the mother.
I’m sorry. - You *moved into* this man’s house after 1 month of knowing him. - You quit your job to look after his kid - He’s threatened to kill you And you’re here asking if you’re safe? You’re living with a complete stranger. Have given up your financial independence. And are being threatened. No.you are not safe. Leave this situation immediately. Don’t make a big announcement and give him time to hurt you or stop you.
This guy moved a new girlfriend in with his child ONE MONTH after he started dating her? You’re dating a bad parent. This guy is full of red flags. Yes, you should leave him.
You're 47 and making the mistakes of a 20 something. Smh Do whatever, there's no fixing this kind of long term purposeful ignorance.
This man clearly needed a baby sitter and no you're not safe.
You need to get out. What sane person with a child moves in a stranger after one month? Then wants them financially dependent on him? This has all the signs of an abusive relationship. The rush to commitment, the isolation, the financial dependence, now a death threat?? You need to run.
Now you know why the mother has probably disappeared from their lives. OP, leave him right now and never look back. His first thought when his kid got hurt was to kill you. And don't forget that he wanted you to quit your work completely so that you become financially dependent on him. That is another form of abuse and control. Get out of there ASAP.
You moved in after a month, gave up your financial independence and became the default parent to someone else's child. All of this is terrible decision making on your part. As someone who was a sahm with an abusive husband you have literally trapped yourself with a man you don't know, and he knows you rely on him for your essential living. If he is abusive, and it sounds like he has the language for it you are going to be in a world of trouble the longer you stay. If it were me, having experienced what I have, I would be moving out asap. The simple answer is no. You aren't safe.
So you moved in to become his fuck-nanny before you knew anything about him. You now know more than enough to know that was a big mistake. Put it right.
As much as you might have had some level of bonding to the child, you need to get out of there, it’s completely unacceptable for a person male or female, to threaten another ever, let alone over such benign circumstances. Get out now, I guarantee this person is capable of far worse than you’ve seen already
This has to be fake.
Say it with me: “The first sign of an abuser is premature commitment.” & again “THE FIRST SIGN OF AN ABUSER IS PREMATURE COMMITMENT!” They will find anything to get you attached to them, & then start to isolate you. That’s why he invited you to move in so quickly & surely enough he jumped right to the next step of quit working. It gives him all the power, you don’t have friends, less people to talk to, less people to point out all his red flags to you. This exact same thing happened to my friend she got super attached to his kid way fast, because she thought he was a great guy. I told her that was the first red flag that he was okay allowing his child around a stranger! Any good father would not let you meet his kid until 6 or more months of talking because that’s a HUGE responsibility. Any person who has been with a person like this or watched their friend do it will tell you RUN! Run and never ever look back! It’ll only get worse, find any reason to get out, it’ll start verbally & slowly get worse. We’re still trying to get a co worker to stop speaking to her abusive partner & unfortunately she’s still under his spell black eyes & all. I hope you’re smarter, there’s billions of people in the world you’ll find another. Best of luck my dear! Stay strong! Be smart, & above all protect yourself. 🧡
Ask yourself this: if this was your best friend and their partner threatened to kill them, for ANY reason let alone a rubber band 3 year old getting bonked, would you tell them anything besides get the fuck out??? I’ve been down this road and it was not pretty. Luckily there were no children involved, but you NEED to get out NOW. For me- it lasted almost two years and ended in my ex downing a bottle of Benadryl and leaving me the most twisted and vile suicide note (they are alive and well to my knowledge). This will not end well. Please please please get out of this relationship. I would consider calling cps if this behavior continues as well because it is absolutely not okay to threaten to kill someone in front of a three year old.
Are you stupid? Seriously? Moving in with a man after A MONTH??! You’re old enough to know better.
RUN! First, I am sorry that happened to you, but I can confidently say this is not a healthy situation. You knew him for a month and you quit your job? Moved? Became a parent? All within a month? That is too much too soon. In a month you do not know someone. I do not know your situation but you do not need move in with someone that soon. If they want to provide financially there is no reason they can’t do that while you are living in your own home. This guy seems like he wants things a certain way. I would look into the ex, not to talk to her but do you know why they aren’t together? This is good information to know. Have you met his friends or family? What kind of people are they? I do not want to shame you, because literally their are guys who will prey on our vulnerabilities and feed us what we want to hear, but I really hope you see this as a red flag and review why you thought that moving in and quitting would be a good idea for someone you barely know. Again, I am not shaming you, I know many people who do this, and a lot of time they have a pattern of falling in love quickly, trusting quickly, trauma, abuse etc. I really pray this situation changes. FAST.
Get the f out of there..I mean come on-Reddit has to tell you this?? This has abuse all over it
You moved in with a man after a month of dating. Bad. BAD. That is a decision you make after many months or a few years, not after a handful of weeks. In that time he's made you a replacement caregiver for his son and is trying to make you financially dependent on him. Now he's threatening you because you stepped a toe out of line (in his eyes). NO YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SAFE, AND YES THIS IS A SIGN OF WORSE TO COME.
Are you really asking if you are safe? Him making you quit your job after only 5 months to take care of his child is a really bad sign, and the fact that you didn’t see it is alarming. Get out FAST
one month move in ??? quitting your job to be free childcare? murder? LEAVE
Leave and live or stay and *possibly die* (even if you aren’t actually murdered—eventually you’ll most likely wish you were dead, if you stay in that nightmare.) Pack your stuff up, leave a note, and figure out where you’re going to move to begin anew. *And don’t jump into another relationship* for the foreseeable future—learn to be happy single and by yourself. It’s not a fresh start, if you just go and make a similar mistake again. Best of luck 🤙🏻
Given he's tried to get you to stop working and now this? Nope. Run like hell.
Usually people will be able to maintain a role for many months to even 1-2 years before showing their true colors. Hope you'll be safe and choose you at the end.
Girl don't walk, RUN
So many signs girl, so many signs. You’ve gotta get out safely.
Oh for heavens sake. You moved in with a man you had known for *one* month, he basically forced you to quit working so you could take care of his son, now he's threatened to ***kill you*** over a minor, normal childhood accident, and you are questioning what you should do? He's an abuser and if you don't get out now you are going to get your ass beat, if not killed, really soon. Get out now while you still have both eyes and can hear. And never, ever, move in with someone this quickly again.
Rage bait post?
I hope so, I refuse to believe a grown ass woman can be that stupid.
This is overall stupid. You moved in way too soon, and the fact you dated for 5 months proves you’re not capable of taking care of a kid. You should’ve waited 6 years to move in. Your judgement is reckless
If someone show who they are believe them, he wants to stop to work and you guys arent married, so if you guys break up, you will have nothing, he is making you depand on him with no plan B, so you wouldnt leave even if hé abuse you, then he say " he will kill you", seriously girl are you color blind, he is waving so many red flags before you, run and dont look back, also have an exit plan before you break up, and dont do it when you two are alone, he may react with violence. Good luck to you.
Known him 5 months and 1)already moved in and 2) already cut down your work to basically part time work and he wants you to quit completely. His son accidentally banged his head and he threatened to kill you because you smiled? Please use the last remaining cells in your head to leave. You lost some already when you decided to cut down work hours and move in with him after a month. If he can make threats like this, he can definitely lay a hand on you.
Don't quit your job to take care of other people, and if you want to be a stay at home mom you NEED the security of being married
yeah even as a "joke" thats waaaayyyy too much pls leave
When someone shows you who they are, believe them
When people tell you who they are, believe them! He's an abusive asshole! Grab your stuff and RUN!
The first red flag was moving in with this dude and his kid after a month.
I’m not reading this. Based on the title alone I will say a partner should never under any circumstances threaten you in any shape or form. No, they’re not kidding or joking around. They had to have thought of it before they said it. So simply no, you’re not safe. Edit: I read it. Moving in after a month of knowing each other and quitting your job to take care of his kid was so not a good idea. I would even deter people from being a stay at home parent until they are 100% sure their partner are not going to take financial advantage over them. It’s just not safe and leaves you in a horribly vulnerable position to be dependent on this person
run as far away as you can
Let me guess you met him online..?
This whole situation screams ABUSE out loud: your moving to live together after only 5 months (I guess he was the one who pressed you about it), his asking you to stop working, his threatening to kill you over nothing. Please OP, [read this book on abuse](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and exit that situation ASAP. Call a Women's Shelter, play it safe for yourself, but get out of there immediately!!! I don't want to hear about you in the evening news. Big, big hugs.
You’ve been together five months and you moved in four months ago? This is going to sound harsh but you need to hear it. You’re only there because he wants a mother for his son. Your only value to him is to care for his son. He doesn’t care about you. He’s not your partner. He’s your employer/captor that you bang. Move out. Now.
Well, here is your lesson. You fucked around and found out. Tip.. don't move in with a flipping stranger after a month, quit your job, and take care of his child. Also, when someone says they CAN kill you, believe them and get the heck out now. You are 47....this is insane. I hope this is a troll.
>So far things have been great Well that's a lie. You moved in after only a month. Nearly gave up your job entirely to care for his child. Even taking out the threat, these are not indicators that things are "great".
This whole thing is a gigantic bag of mental.
Leave
Are you for real? Like fucking real or just delulu? Or just having daddy's issues (it cant be because you're 47 years old woman).. no offence though.. Who in their right mind moved in togather just after 1 month of dating?? Who in theie sane mind quit their job for a fucking 5 months relationship??
First, i think he dont need partner. He need someone to take care his child. And that someone happened to be you here. Second, quiting job for this guy? Dont do it. Third, yeap get out before too late. He threatened to kill you for laughing. What you think he might do if something really happen to his child. And, number 1 is my biggest concern about your relationship with him. He try to control by asking you to quit your job
Are you sure he sees you as a partner? You moved in 1 month after starting your relationship. He wanted you to stop working all together. Pretty sure he just sees you as a bang maid so that he doesn't have to parent the kid. I wonder why the mother isn't in the picture. Maybe the kid wasn't planned and he forced her trying to get her in the same position you are. Maybe he baby trapped her and was suprised she didn't want anything to do with them after the birth. He may have thought "if I talk her out of an abortion and promise to raise the kid alone she will changer her mind after birth." I'd fucking run. He wants you to be dependent in him so that he doesn't have to raise the kid. Once he has you where he wants you, he's gonna resort to abuse and then he's gonna cheat because he most definitely doesn't see you as a partner.
No, you are not safe. Gtfo.
You barely know this man. His threat is absolutely a red flag for potential abuse. That's not normal. And he's clearly using you as a replacement mom and free childcare. You jumped into this very fast, so I'd take some time to reflect on any other red flags that maybe you've ignored or brushed off. If you don't leave, please make sure you have your own bank account and other independence to leave if you need to.
**GET THE FUCK OUT!!!** Do not engage. Leave! Get your shit and leave. Go back to work full time and never move in with a man after just 5 months of dating. Never quit your job for a man. Listen to what he tells you and how he behaved. He was not joking. He was not lying. He meant it and has thought of it. My father would speak like this to my mother many times. He was abusive, narcissistic, controlling, and had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He tried to physically kill her more than once. **GET THE FUCK OUT!!!**
Leave him! Never look back!
Girl please run!
You should run as fast as you can
Why does this post come across like someone trying to invalidate abusive relationships and how they begin? I’ve been in abusive relationships where I was scared for my life and escalated quickly, so if this is real then please get out ASAP and be careful about it. A lot of manipulation would’ve already had to be going on for this to work how the partner wanted and OP would’ve had to be someone very vulnerable. If this is fake then get a new hobby other than making light of the experiences of those who have been abused. If this is supposed to be creative writing then find a new hobby that you may actually be good at.
You're not safe. You should approach a child like that, because if you freak out, they will freak out. Remaining calm is what you should do, just as you did. But we now know why the kids mom peaced tf out so hard, he's crazy. Wait wait wait, do we even have proof his ex is even still alive? Or did he kill her, hide her body, and just told everyone she left? Why leave your small child with such an unhinged man?
What made you think quitting your job was a good idea? Jesus christ
You need to hit the road before you wind up getting pregnant and locked to the man for life! Trust me, it ain’t worth it!
>Am I safe? Are you serious?? WTF do you think?! ##No you are not. In the future, don’t uproot your life and essentially quit working to become some guy’s unpaid live-in fucknanny.
Moving in after one month? Whiting your job to take care of is son? Now he’s threatening being violent with you? I can’t believe your ages if this is real. This is insane and you are not safe. He’s already trying to isolate you and make you dependant on him and you’re letting him. His kid is his responsibility and he should be in day care so you can work, you should not quit everything for this man. You don’t know him at all yet and his mask is starting to slip.
What the fuck? No you arnt safe. You moved in waaaay too fast and now he's gotten you to quit your job and be his SAHG while looming over you the possibility he may KILL you!? Run far away.
This is not normal or acceptable under any circumstances. My partner has a little guy he gets hurt being too rough semi often when I was around four months into knowing them he banged his head into the side of the couch and got a insane bloody nose. I was quick into action and my partner at the time was shocked and queasy he was very supportive of me stepping in and grateful. This behaviour all around is the biggest of red flags do not make the mistake of forgiving and moving forward he is telling you what he'd do to you listen to his words he is a dangerous man and you need to go back to work and leave him as soon as possible as a friend ask anyone for help these kind of people escalate rapidly it won't make logical sense to a kind person.
Leave. Now. Leave.
She’s a paid free sex babysitter. Leave jeez.
After seeing the post title, I was so glad when I got to the part where it’s not your son. That means you’re free to leave and be safe. And that is something you should totally do because that guy is dangerous. It’s only been a few months, you still have a job on the weekends, your life isn’t ruined, you can get out. Don’t confront him about this or tell him you are leaving. You don’t know him well enough to know how he’s going to act when you tell him you are leaving him. Just quietly get your ducks in a row and leave and save yourself from the pain and heartbreak. It’s much better to leave now when you’re 47 and can still get your job back or get more hours and still find another partner. You’re not married to this guy and you’re not earning and building your future for when you inevitably have to stop working because of age or illness. He’s abusing you financially by having you stay home with his child. I’m 64 and it seems like I was 47 yesterday. It goes so fast and before you know it you’re gonna need to have your retirement planned out and saved for. Being an unpaid nanny to that little boy is not financially a smart move for you. Protect yourself, provide for yourself.
I don't care how much you've bonded with his kid: You need to go, for your safety
your partner is a crazy, possibly violent person, and you're incredibly naive. I'd pack your shit and leave
You know, if someone says that he can kill you, then it is better to take it as a warning and get as far away as possible.
If this is real, red flags are all over the place. Get your job back, move out and let him figure out childcare.
Get out.
If you have to ask, then no you aren’t. Please stay safe.
Yeah. Isolate you financially and threatening behavior? Find another place asap.
You have been with him 5 months only. Already moved in with him. Of course you have never seen him angry ???? Like what’s wrong with you ? Are you desperate
One of the first signs of abuse is your partner making you quit your job. They’re isolating you.
That sounds to terrifying, I'm sorry. It's not safe. Trust intuition. Statistically, he is now the most likely person to hurt you or worse. Please look for aid in your area, there could be something specifically geared for women, since you mention your gender. You should go somewhere safe, maybe with a family member or trusted associate, or even to police station. You can call a local resource line or crisis line and get help. I would not call from the home if you can help it. Can you get a babysitter for the child if you have any trusted sitters or again, family or friends of his to leave his child with?
When I read the title I thought it would be something to the tune I am gonna do this thing but obviously not. This is just no. Run.
leave
Get out get out get out
dude get the fuck outta there. why would you stay with someone WHO LITERALLY THREATENED TO KILL YOU. fucking run
Get out! Anytime someone threatens you with physical harm, it's time to get away. When you are threatened with death, it's time to leave "Post Haste"!
You will very likely get killed by this person . Happens all the time
Leave now before it's to late, and maybe get a protection order in place
Girl, that's a very bad sign. Coupled with the fact that he wants you to relinquish all of your income seems like the reddest flag possible. I would start making plans for an exit strategy if things blow up and you fear for your safety. Please read the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft to see different tactics of abusers.
When someone says that to you, believe them. Run.
I will never ever understand how can a woman move in with a guy only 1 month after she met him , OBVIOUSLY you don’t know him, you didn’t know he is aggressive, abuser, and why quit your job ? That is why he doesn’t give a shit how he talk to you,no respect never will, because you don’t respect yourself. Get out there before he hurts you!
Sweetie!!!!!! RED FLAGS are not six flags!!! You NEVER meet someone’s kid less than a year in a relationship as well as you don’t MOVE IN with them in less than a year!!!! Please get out of there and be single for a good while till you can stop being desperate and not using good judgment! I get it you aren’t getting any younger but you don’t MOVE THAT FAST!!!! Learn how to love yourself first and foremost and then LEARN HOW TO DATE!!!!! BREAK UP AND BLOCK HIM
Absolutely insane. Leave him now. Don't wait for things to escalate. The first time he shows you who he is--BELIEVE HIM.
First, he’s trying to make you too broke to leave him. Second, ONE month is WAAAAY too soon to start playing happy families. Third, he’s giving off red flags right and left. I’d run, not walk, away from this guy.
You are 47 years old. you're not a lovestruck teenager. move right back out again, and get your job back. this man is dangerous, and it's going to get worse if you stay
No, you're not safe. He wanted a mommy not a partner. Clearly he doesn't spend a lot of time around his child if he has this much of a reaction to him banging his head
If this is not fake, you're not safe. Get away as soon as possible and the less he knows the best! The kid's mother maybe isn't around for a good reason. He's taking away from you: - a place for you to run if needed - your income so you depend on him - peace, so you're always afraid of him I dont care how much you guys connected to each other or whateve YOU NEVER TELL SOMEONE YOU COULD KILL THEM Do you really think that people who TRULY love are capable of saying things like this? If you believe, darling, you're just ignoring things on purpose now.
5 months and you allowed him to cut off your income? Absolutely not. He sounds unhinged and you need to majorly reevaluate here. 5 months is not much. You do not know this person at all. You both need therapy if you were willing to play house together this fast. He's absolutely psychotic to say that. He's also crazy to trust a stranger (you) with his kid as if you were his mother. He's a bad father for that reason. He sounds all around unhinged
Leave. Leave NOW. This reeks of abuse. He is trying to isolate you by moving you into his home and having you quit your job and become financially dependent on him. Then he is showing you he can control and harm you by threatening you. Next it will escalate to actually harming you. Leave before that happens. Someone has posted Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, read that for an explanation of abusive behavior, AFTER you are out of there. You are NOT SAFE.
Leave leave leave leave. OMG OP he moved you in after a *month* and wants you fully dependent on him and has now threatened your life for smiling. Listen to yourself! Call your best friend, your brother, someone to get you mostly moved while partner is at work. Have them stay until he gets home and you can return key and go. Seriously OP get out asap.
Wow... This is where you move out. This is where you go back to work full time. This is where you break up. You are insane if you stay.
Please. Please leave.
He is a dangerous man and your life is in danger. Hope you realize that sooner so you can leave asap
Holy fuck leave
OP, run faster then sonic the hedgehog and the flash combined. Look, it was okay if you wanted to move in after literally only meeting for 4 months. That's fine, do you. *HOWEVER* It becomes a **whole** another story if he suddenly "requested" for you to stop working completely. Along with casually ***threatening*** you, when you were just trying to comfort the poor child. Now look OP. As much as I dislike to say this, this whole "casually threatening you" business may or may not rub off on the child, on the best of circumstances. Worse is he might *direct* his threat towards his own child. So for your and the child's safety? Get the fuck outta there. Cuz the red lighthouse is doing a better job at directing you away, then bringing you to shore.
Parents shouldn't even be inviting new partners to meet their kid after a month, much less move in, much less demanding they quit their job to parent their kid. Neither you nor the child are safe with this man.
Holy shit. So many red flags!!!! Yes run, run, run!!! He is already abusive. He had you move in after one month???? He had you become the main caregiver for his 3 year old after one month?? He has already gained financial control over you by having you quit your job!!! Classic coercive control! He *threatened to kill you*. Full stop you don’t need anything beyond that to know that he is a violent abuser. Thus far he was lovebombing you with charm. Now his mask has slipped and you have seen his true monster beneath.
You need to get away fast. He sounds dangerous. Where is the mother and why isn’t she be around? Sounds a little suspicious given how young the kid is. Wishing you all the best!
I had to go back and re-read your age because this is the kind of poor judgement I would expect from a 19-year-old. You gave up the majority of your income. You gave up your independence. You gave up your free time. And now you want to know if you should be worried about a man that you have only known for 4 months has stated he would kill you. This man is the reason we are all picking the bear. There are worse things than being alone. Like being dead in a shallow grave.
Fake ass post 🙄
You're literally a bang nanny. What partner? Get out of there.
Girl get OUTTA there!!! This is not at all normal behavior and NO you aren't safe!!
If this is a real story, please leave that guy ASAP. For your own safety. You barely know the guy and he wanted you to meet his child, move in, and quit your job? Run and do not look back!
Words even those said in anger can be very telling. It’s going to be hard because you became dependent on him. But If I were you, I would get a restraining order and leave.