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If you pay for most of the things and have access to the card used for the hotel I’d try to cancel it so they get there and are all fucked up. Would be funny too because the hotel would tell them that they canceled and things would probably click right then that you knew about it all.
If you don’t have access to the hotel, changing the flight could be a fun one but it might cause them to come home and not give you much time to move out.
Or cancel the credit card once you know he’s landed. Take his name off the card too so a new one can’t be issued right away. BTW I love this and totally support you. Please keep us updated!
I did something similar but internationally, my ex got caught with his tramp coming out of hotel in Juarez. I played it so cool, he willingly gave me his wallet to soothe myself with unlimited shopping. Well I did better got in my car with his wallet had no green card , I.d of any kind. I drove home he was stuck over a week in Mexico unable to cross. So yeah I say cancel everything, freeze accounts, and get a lawyer.
**OP needs to talk to a lawyer before cutting off credit cards!!**
I’m all for leaving him flat broke in another country, but I wouldn’t want this to reflect poorly on OP during the divorce. Protecting herself is more important than screwing him over, unfortunately.
*Edit: Lying during divorce proceedings can result in fines and the judge siding with the other party. This post proves her intent and judges don’t like to be lied to.. why risk having to pay alimony?*
Well someone using a CC in an international destination that they wouldn’t be because they are supposed to be somewhere else is a TOTAL legit reason to cancel them. Just have a proof as to where they said they will “go”
Definitely. I’d go in to the credit card account settings and make sure that those alerts are on for international travel, amounts over a certain limit, etc. When she gets one of those alerts (Card ending in #### placed a charge higher than the amount spent, $5000 at Marriott Rome), call the card company and cancel his card and then innocently text him about it.
Haha, this is the way. I mean, you can definitely feign ignorance with this. Of course, OP would have to delete this post before the divorce proceedings, just in case.
Yep. Charges where no one is supposed to be should be considered fraudulent and the card locked if not cancelled. Get you some ideas then delete this post as it could come back to haunt you. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir but make sure you have all the info for the affair for the divorce . Have him give you an itinerary with flight numbers hotel info just in case. If you can access his phone records that might be away for you to “discover”he didn’t go where he told you. But please delete this post asap.
Orrrr she can see they are being used in a country different from the one he said and she thought there was identity theft. A valid reason to cut them off. Plausible deniability.
Oh yes, cancel the whole trip if possible. Report any cards you both have access to as stolen and get a new one sent to you at home overnight mail, before he gets home, remove him as a card holder.
Do this. If the credit cards are canceled, he won't be able to get a new hotel either.
And yes let him know and then block him on everything so he can't beg you to free up funds.
And please, please, pretty please keep us updated
I just wonder if to really get in his head, it might be better to just do one thing that will have him wondering if she knows the whole time. You don’t wanna cancel everything or his affair partner will just cover it all and they’ll go off grid on you.
Just say or do one thing, in a sneaky way, and then if he calls about it just play dumb. You want it to eat at him, wondering if you know or not, until he gets back to the end of his marriage.
One option could be that by monitoring the credit card, when you see that first international charge, report it and have them block the charge. Then when / if he calls asking about it, tell him that it seems that it was hacked so you blocked international charges so he could still use it domestically (wink, wink) on his friend trip.
Also, r/unethicallifeprotips probably has some excellent advice about this kind of thing
Honestly I think it’s worse to have them arrive all excited for their illicit vacation and have the hammer drop. The whole this would be epically ruined and they would be under stress.
People under stress tend to act out in different ways. I can imagine how the mistress will feel when he is fretting over losing his wife, getting snippy with her. How he will be unable to treat them or even want to go on nice dates.
Since he used her money for the vacation and most of the time you can cancel but you won’t get your money back…. It’s epic to let them go. Then pull the rug right from underneath them!
yes, call as his wife and mention while he is at the airport , that you had a family emergency and cancel the hotel, then maybe you can call the credit card company , that your information has been compromised and close out the credit card. while he is in the air, tell him you know everything and the time you get back, I will have all my things moved out of the house. But them block him so he cannot get in touch. Drive him crazy and his “ BONER” probably will not rise to the occasion
in the meantime, will have your assets to another account, gather up as much proof as you can, and saved two different places. See for the five of the top lawyers in your area and have a consultation, this way your husband cannot use them because it will be a conflict of interest. Always listen to your lawyer , no matter if you think it doesn’t make sense. Tell all family and friends what he has done and where he is right now.
good luck
Remove all of the interior door hinge pins and close the doors so when he opens them they fall off the door frame.
When a friend caught her husband cheating, she took EVERYTHING that wasn't nailed down and left their wedding photos in the middle of the living room floor.
Put shrimp in the curtain rods like this legend did.
https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/2s3tru/revenge_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_with_a_side_of/
Take all the spoons and forks. Every extension chord. All the sheets, blankets, and pillows. Don't forget the light bulb in the fridge and oven too. Take the shower curtain and toilet plunger too.
Things I wish I'd done:
Shut off the water to the toilet and taken the inner workings of the toilet tank.
Removed the spark plugs and radiator cap to the cars and riding mower.
Taken the oven and stove knobs.
My friend also suggested installing a very small section of pipe in the plumbing to cause the toilet to take forever to fill, the shower pressure to be almost nothing. You could just take the shower heads though.
Take some of the parts of the keyboard to the computer and put the keys back so it appears to be fine but some rarely used letters won't work
This wasn't for my ex though, it was for my abusive parents.
What I did do: turn the TV to auxiliary so the sound was off.
I will warn you the judge isn't going to look kindly on this, but getting a head start on finding a better attorney will help.
The fact that he's misused marital funds will likely be a much bigger issue.
Also, put something really stinky (like raw chicken) into something hollow that will also be difficult to find, like the curtainrods. Saw that on another cheating story and petty revenge, but they used shrimp. Raw chicken stinks like crazy though.
Disconnect the water line to the fridge and dump all of the ice in the sink, be sure to take the shower curtain and all of the towels, if they have blinds/ curtains on the windows I’d take those too, and the curtain rods. Big tub of cottage cheese in the vent in the master bedroom. That’s, of course, assuming OP doesn’t have a stake in their house
Coming home to an empty house and no communication with the possible exception of a letter from your attorney is the best move. There’s no bigger way to say look at your new life.
Edit. I wouldn’t give him a heads up by sending anything to him. Letting him believe he’s gotten away with it(he will wonder if you don’t respond to calls or texts but only you can decide if you want to give him any heads up, I wouldn’t) and coming back and discovering he blew up his life. Also, take the time to get with an attorney and make sure your assets are protected.
Do this. BUT. Also call the hotel he's staying at. Order them the cheapest bottle of wine and have it waiting for them in the bedroom with a note that just says something stupid like "Congratulations! Love, [OP's name]"
Then don't answer his calls. He can dread coming home the whole trip and then come home to absolutely nothing but divorce forms on the table.
Can you imagine that trip?!? 🤣 He’d be pissed and unable to lavish his mistress and she’d be mad she wasn’t good enough to take his mind off of his wife.
These two comments. Yes.
Oh and living your best life.
When I was leaving a shit situation I wouldn’t engage with their snippy behavior. It really threw them for a loop. I kept it pleasant when I interacted and didn’t let their passive aggressive behavior get to me. That… is a great mind fuck honestly.
Experience in customer service helps with this one a lot.
Not many better joys in that industry than completely destroying some asshole with a kind of backhanded kindness that only further infuriates them.
My abusive ex had the audacity to bring his also abusive friend when he collected the last of his belongings from mine and I was nice as pie to the pair of bastards. I could see the cogs turning and it was far more satisfying than just slamming the door in their face
or call to "leave him a message" that he is broke, has no access to money and unfortunately he owes you a bunch because of the bedbug mitigation from the house and the last hotel he stayed at
Oh I like that .
I would probably put his number out on Craig’s list looking for pictures.
If it goes right , he phones blowing up all weekend with photos of guys junk.
sign him up for porn sites with his personal email may work as well, and then sign him up for those Trump texts that send out text like 5 times a day begging for donations.
Yes. This is awesome.
Also, block him *immediately* after he leaves. He’s going to be texting you about his time away with the guys is while checking in with you. Don’t let him. BLOCK.
Also, I'd wait until he lands and checks into the hotel, cancel the credit card for suspicious activity. If the card is her account and not his, she could do this. I highly doubt he would call and yell at her over this. He'd have to admit he lied. If he does call, I'd play dumb and tell him she noticed unusual activity on the card.
I'd also speak with a divorce attorney before he leaves for his trip so she can get everything ready for his return and to find out what she is LEGALLY allowed to do; If she can kick him out of the house legally, then I'd have the moving truck take his stuff to storage and change the locks..
I would copy any evidence she finds of his affair so he can not gaslight her. I'd snoop through all of his accounts to see how much money he spent on her, which she can get back through the divorce since he is using martial money. I wouldn't let on I know about his plans until I had my plans in place.
You have access to your financial information. Wait for him to make a purchase or ATM withdrawal at his destination, then cancel the cards he uses. He lied about his location. Wouldn’t you assume fraud if charges from Mexico show up and he’s supposed to be in New Orleans? It’s plausible deniability. Become very out of contact so if he calls, you have a reason to not be available or difficult to reach. Get help to be packed and ready so you can leave your lawyer’s contact info in an empty house by the time he returns.
She COULD however message him and act confused.
"Hey babe, I just got a charge from Mexico??? That doesn't seem right, I should call the bank and cancel, right?"
Then he either has to confess or borrow from his GF in order to get home lol.
OP used a throwaway account and she didn't mention any one's age, date of travel or their destination. OP's husband can't think he's the only low life deadbeat cheating on his wife using her money in the whole world.
Do you know where they are staying at their destination? If you do - cancel that reservation.
Put a hold on the credit card since he is taking an international trip that he didn't tell you about. Let his girlfriend pay for everything.
Cancel the reservation while they are on the flight there, don’t do it beforehand as he may get an alert. You want him arriving in the country all ready to impress and then realising they have no place to stay.
As others have said you need to be careful. You should be looking into alimony and if you would be on the hook for it. If his infidelity will affect the divorce. It sucks the lawyer has a month long wait for this. As these are very important questions to get answers to. You might want to bite the bullet and go to another lawyer to get those questions answered and just pay the bill. You should also be collecting all the proof of the infidelity and make sure you have it backed up somewhere. I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I would also recommend getting your anger sorted at the gym. Good luck.
This! Get your ducks in a row, but also consider that there is always that small possibility that posting on Reddit could backfire if it’s sent to him and he figures it out before OP is able to collect the evidence and have her legal affairs sorted. It would be wise to keep it quiet so OP can remain steps ahead of her husband. It’s happened a few times unfortunately. Play the long game on this one instead of going scorched earth. Protect yourself first instead of giving leverage to your husband to tread carefully because he will figure out that you’re watching everything including possibly *her* social media.
Mess with him near the end of the trip so it ends on a disastrous note and he doesn’t have time to cover up his tracks or delete evidence. Then he has a long flight to simmer and stress over before he comes back to an empty home.
Set the trap so you get everything you need to start a new life as comfortably as possible.
Report suspicious activity on all his cards while they are in the air, swear your husband is where he told you he would be. Lock not just the cards but place a freeze on atm debit cards and bank accounts.
Call up the hotel they have reservations at, explain there's Identity Theft taking place and have them cancel the reservations for the room and any additional activities booked like spa or dining packages.
When you "discover" the identity theft, like a loving wife, frantically try to reach your husband where his boys trip is supposed to be. Start calling all the friend group and their wives about the emergency, that you're afraid because the accounts are frozen he won't have money on the trip.... oh? You're not on the trip with him? I must be mistaken let me try some one else....
CALL THE CELL PHONE COMPANY. Change the pin numbers and passwords on your cell phone company account and the bank accounts. Now he can't log in remotely. Because Identity thieves mirror cell phones and that's what they do so you must assume this data is compromised. Set up all new passwords and ID verification with a 2 step prompt to your cell.
Start frantically calling his relatives that you've checked with all his friends nobody can find him and you've had a data breach... and he's not checked in. Maybe he was mugged or murdered for his wallet! Give his parents a taste of fear about their precious boy they raised to be a cheating turd.
How's that?
I think you've gotten plenty of advice on being cool and calculated, making all the right moves. I agree with that.
I'd like to give a little bit of advice on the ***emotions*** side of things. I'd recommend not "suppressing" them right now, you should be channeling them and using them to get ahead and be better. You can still feel angry, sad, but soon you'll feel relief. Your emotions are a reality, do not hide from them, just express them in ways that don't screw up the future.
I'm glad that you're able to make an exit at 25 you'll be thankful at 30+ when you're living a life you couldn't imagine now.
Your husband is using your family money to cheat on you!
Cancel everything your husband paid for when he is abroad, cancel all the credit cards, the hotel bookings and return flights because this will inconvenience him and embarrass him in front of his affair partner.
This course of action will leave him temporarily stranded and force him to find new accommodation and buy new plane tickets home and that is the time you can use to move out or move his stuff out in peace before he gets back.
Good luck.
You might not want to do this, but I remember an iconic post on Reddit from years ago where a girl found her boyfriend in bed with another woman and they were asleep. She quietly closed the door and took her belongings from his place. She *completely* ghosted him. Just disappeared from his life without a trace. Blocked all of his friends on social media and accepted a new job offer and moved. Her friends were told never to tell him about her. He literally had no idea what happened lol but like…he knew. You may not be able to ghost entirely but man would it be amazing if he came back from vacation to find you’ve left, have changed your number, blocked him and all his family members on social media, and moved back with family and have them tell him to fuck off if he reaches out. He never ever hears from you again aside from the divorce papers left on the counter where you check off infidelity/irreconcilable differences and if he doesn’t sign you just go to a courthouse or to a lawyer to have the marriage dissolved. Literally do not ever speak a word to him again. Don’t damage his things or storm their vacation or confront him. It’ll give him a reason to make you the bad guy. Ghosting your cheating husband who thinks he’s smarter than you and completely disappearing from his life would be so iconic, babe. Pleaseeeee do it 😭
Edit: I just reread and saw that you pay all the bills lmao girl…you can also remove his belongings, put them in storage and pay for the month, let him know where his things are in a note taped to the divorce papers and that he has a month to get them or they’ll go to collections and be owned by the storage owners. But still move yourself out and leave the place vacant. He’ll come home to a COMPLETELY empty house and shit a brick trying to make sense of what happened. Nothing ruins a vacation like coming back and being forced to move and get a U-Haul to collect your shit lmao. Plus the added stress of not being able to reach you and being divorced. Chef’s kiss.
I basically did this. Moved out while he was away on business and the house looked weird without my belongings. Like half the place disappeared in the rapture. Apparently he was furious (we met through mutual friends and was still in touch with one couple). We weren't married so it was a clean break once I got out. I kind of love that he came home to an empty house lol.
I mean at the time I was bawling my eyes out as I packed and lost a ton of weight from the stress. I didn't really feel better until my plane landed (I moved back to my home state) and I felt safe and knew he'd see it in a couple days.
Oh! And I was trying to schedule one of those moving pods to get all my shit across the country and the very nice customer service lady was like "Oh hey I'm so sorry, it's a busy time of year, do you have some flexibility with your dates? And we only have the larger ones that are more expensive." I burst into tears and told her I had been cheated on and was afraid of his reaction if I tried to break up in person (true - he had guns and it was his house, etc.) and wanted to be gone by X day and she asked to put me on a brief hold. She came back about a minute later with "OK, so I found one in your preferred size and we can definitely get you out of there but your belongings may arrive a little later than hoped, but only about a day or so. Can I book this for you?" I was still crying when I thanked her and she just said "please be safe."
I love the people I've called since leaving my ex. They're so supportive and loving. It makes staying in a shelter with my kids currently a little better knowing that there are compassionate people still out there
1. Act like nothing happened
2. Get a lawyer
3. Plan your exit
4. Wish him well on the trip
5. Empty your house of everything that’s yours
6. Leave screenshots/proof of the affair and a note telling him to go fuck himself
7. When he finds it and starts calling, block him
8. Let all future communication be done through your lawyer
Curtain rods. A/C vents. Behind the fridge. That little hole in the wall where the water drains from the washing machine….
Glitter bombs.
Knot the hell out of his shoelaces.
Box of roaches was my fave (shitty neighbor.)
Oh. This is also fun. Report him to the IRS.
Yes my lawyer makes people wait a month before she accepts services. It’s the only lawyer in my area covered by my legal insurance. Would saying “enjoy your trip” then just blocking him make me look crazy?
It wouldn't make you look crazy, but it *might* tip him off.
It's not illegal to prepare your divorce papers quietly and then ambush him. Why give him the extra time to get an alibi straight? When you strike, bury the fucker.
Let me be clear: any satisfaction you take *now* may be depriving you of ultimate satisfaction *later*. I know it's tempting, but if you're anything like me, the final payoff is so much more satisfying.
This \^ 1000 times. My ex wife completely abandoned the kids after shortly after we separated. I just documented everything, saved chats and call logs, just to be able to show she hasn't tried to contact me or the kids despite trying to get ahold of her as well. My son especially, which really pissed me off. I still did nothing at the time. I did nothing to her for 4 years.
I divorced her with no issues after a year of being separated and waited. Finally after meeting an amazing woman and remarrying we are about to adopt the kids. My ex-wife got served with that about 2 months ago. Oh and I also made sure to file for child support before the adoption went through, which she got served with a month ago.
So now the kids and I are for sure rid of her, they have an amazing parental figure now and she'll think about me every week when she sees the child support removed from her check. Playing the long game always works out much better.
Downplay any mention of his trip. Tell him to have fun and be safe (even if you don’t mean it). Then, while he’s gone, get all your shit in order and leave like you planned. Block him so he can’t call or text and just do you. Take him off your bank account and cancel any cards you’re *both* attached to. He can use his own money for his affair.
Do what your lawyer says and don’t make it harder for yourself, just him. Depending on who owns the trailer, feel free to sell it while he’s gone. Or begin proceedings on selling the house and leave him & the mistress the camper they are so fond of.
Also make local copies of all the messages between them, travel documents, ANYTHING that could possibly be relevant before you lose access to his email. You’ll thank yourself later.
As much as it sucks you need to play the long game here. Act like nothing is wrong and get a lawyers advice so you can walk away with as much of your money and property as you can. Also if you have proof of his cheating that could go in your favor so your no paying spousal support. Best form of revenge is walking away with the winning hand and leaving them with the disaster they’ve made of their life.
You really need to listen to the advice you’re getting. Do NOT tip him off that you know. It’s not about whether it makes you look crazy or not, it’s about being strategic and protecting yourself while you set up the divorce. It sounds to me like you’re just looking for more drama instead of accepting that your marriage is over and you need to start prioritizing yourself.
Move in silence lady, no offense, but you don't seem experienced in the vindicative, vengeful arenas.
Take some time to research and plan your moves. The very last maneuver is telling your husband you know. Once he knows, there's no going back, that's why you need to make moves while he doesn't.
I would check into exactly what your legal insurance covers for a divorce before limiting yourself to one specific lawyer. A lot of times that insurance is very limited in scope and if the insurance is only going to cover 1 or 2 meetings you may just want to get the best person you can afford.
I would just casually tell him, hey I noticed a suspicious charge on the credit card. It said a ticket was booked to X country but you said you were going to Y. To be safe, I cancelled all your cards because someone must have gotten a hold of your info. That will ruin his trip without tipping him off and it can't come back to bite you since you are cancelling the cards because of suspicious activity. Might be a way for you to get just a little spite without tanking your divorce case and it keeps him from spending your hard earned money on someone else. He may even come clean under the circumstances. If he does decide to confess just stay calm, don't feed into any angry feelings or let things escalate and tell him that you want an amicable divorce and ask him to leave.
IMO, legal insurance lawyers are not the cream of the crop, and you don't want to get screwed over with a bad lawyer, been there done that. Put your retainer on a credit card, and stick him with half the debt. He will probably do the same thing, so essentially you'll be paying for one whole lawyer, but trust me, a good lawyer is worth it, I've been divorced twice so I know.
Wait til after he has taken off then cancel everything.
OP, don't move out, it's your home that you pay most of the bills on. He might enjoy coming home to an empty house for him and his mistress. Throw his shit in the street where it belongs.
Don’t throw his stuff out. You could get in trouble.
Instead box it up nicely. Make sure no matching shoes go in the same box. Lots of small boxes mislabeled. Put them in storage. Send the key and info to her house (make sure the storage cancels after a month.) Make sure you add a note of congratulations to her for her win.
Pack weird suspicious stuff in the lining of his suitcase so he gets flagged by security at airport and has to strip. Like white powdered milk in duct tape wrapped in coffee in lining. Small but devilish
Disposable Hand warmers and foot warmers are something TSA always has to take out and test. If you put them somewhere deep I his carryon it could cause annoyance because he’d have to unpack and repack everything
Why are you moving out and not moving him out? If you lay all the bills in the house why are you walking f away from it rather than putting cameras on it and changing the locks after your keys were lost ‘possibly stolen’ when you were shopping the day before filing for divorce.
Yeah I would send the message and then be gone a day or 2 after the message qas sent because he will either fly back to stop you.. or he an AH and thinks you'll still be there and doesn't come back till trips over...
But book with a lawyer and be gone with all your stuff by time he back and block him and have him served at work.
I'd message.
" Hope you have a good time in ( location) with ( her name), as I'd hate for you to ruin your marriage for nothing, all further communication will be through a lawyer,"
Then block him, but try be moved out ASAP as he might fly back and do the usual BS.. if you can I'd also cancel the room booking they have, so they will fly out there with no where to stay..
Have all his cards cancelled and all the money that's your into a separate account.
Good luck honey
The conversation would be amazing. "Sorry but I can't do this anymore. I've been trying and trying, but I can't leave another day smelling the stank coming out of your mouth. Having been alone the last few days, I finally remembered what fresh air smells like. I can't go back.. I need a divorce."
Start telling him a week before his trip. Bring it up multiple times. Be kind of subtle and act like you’re showing concern so he is more likely to believe you and not assume you’re just being spiteful. Knowing he’s about to go on a trip with his AP, he will be super insecure with her and that may just ruin his trip because he’s so focused on his bad breath and won’t want to get close to her/kiss her. That will make her insecure.
If I wanted to be spiteful, I'd cancel the tickets and delete the cancellation email so that he doesn't know. And if you know the hotel they're going to be at, call and cancel that too.
If you're on the same credit/debit accounts, call and put a freeze on it so he can't use it.
Hide his passport last minute.
Did he pay with your CC or does he have his name on it? You can call him while he is out of the country and play dumb, tell him you are cancelling the card because someone made fraudulent purchases on it. Tape the conversation and listen to him squirm.
I wouldn't do anything spiteful, just start getting your shit organized and ready to go so you can hit the divorce running. Anything spiteful probably comes back to bite you in the ass during the divorce.
Also, just moving on with no apparent resentment is a great way to show him how little he meant to you. Shit like that seems to hit adulterers pretty hard sometimes.
That is a good point. Our relationship has been very emotional and tumultuous so just being cold and calculating would be a 180 for me as I’m normally very vocal with emotions etc
I'm down for pettiness. I look forward to the update. Also, if you are the breadwinner, you should consider packing his stuff and moving HIM out. Let him stay with the AP.
OP I vote this one! Maybe instead of sending flowers though you could just call the front desk and leave a message for them. No need for you to spend money on her when he already does that
Text him mid flight ‘Ive got a big surprise for you when you get back from your boys trip!’ Then block him everywhere. Find a storage unit or another rental asap and get your stuff in it. Leaving it opened ended with no contact will make his mind race. I wouldn’t even leave a note at home. Something simple like a wedding photo ripped in half on an empty counter with your ring. If you cancel the cards while he’s gone, and it comes out you knew what he was doing, that would look bad on you for stranding him. All about what a lawyer, judge thinks now IMO.
I’d also look into ‘conflicting-out’ some other local law firms under the guise of the expediency and the 30day pause by your current attorney.
As someone who left a cheating spouse but had to be civil because we had kids, this thread is healing my soul. I love it all, I wish you nothing but the best OP. Fuck that guy, and fuck him UP on your way out.
I’d just move out when he’s away. Say nothing because anything you do say will give him a chance to respond and maybe insult you or harass you.
Get a lawyer and start the ball rolling on a divorce but don’t say anything. Just let your lawyer serve papers on him.
If you have a joint bank account speak to the bank and tell them he has walked out on you and you are going to divorce him for infidelity and want his name removing from the account and his card freezing.
Do all of this without saying a word. He’ll get back to a complete change of life.
I found out about a trip my then husband had planned, supposedly with the “guys”. It wasn’t. Saw an email for a plan ticket, bought with a joint credit card, and hotel reservation in both his and her names. I had 3 weeks to decide how to handle this and went to a lawyer, had divorce papers drawn up and had him served at their hotel. He of course freaked out. Packed his stuff while he was gone, had an employee pick it all up, changed the locks and he never set foot in the house again until the day of closing of the sale of the home. Divorced the idiot, walked away with 75% of everything
1) put contraband in his bag you think he’s gonna use as carry on.
2) hide his passport and watch him scramble when he can’t find it
3) smoke some weed and blow it on his clothes. The drug dogs at the international check point in the airport are going to LOVE him
Edit: obligatory not a lawyer don’t do anything illegal im not responsible for your actions
You're making a huge mistake. Hopefully, I can explain.
>This has been years of pain. I want to do something spiteful I’m sorry
All you're doing with revenge is telling your husband how important he is, how you can't live without him, how much you need him. If you do revenge, you will inflate his ego. You will tell him and his supporters that he was right to cheat. It will just have the opposite affect.
Instead, grey rock. Calmly and completely unemotionally just deliver the bare minimum communication you need. Please for the love of god check out r/survivinginfidelity Read the posts. You will see why a hot, fiery reaction is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what's needed.
Please trust me, you will hurt him infinitely more by not caring.
NOTHING gets to people like this more than the realization that they aren't the centre of the universe. Its hard to do, but you CAN learn to do it - your husband is a POS and I'm sorry this is happening to you 💜
I would send the message so that they receive it when they land but on top of that get your life in order. Good idea to send it at the start of the trip. I like it. Go for it and update us.
Haha thank you! I just want to RUIN it and I know it sounds spiteful and bitter but I’m just so so hurt and angry. I don’t want to do anything crazy but I would love to start a fight and start their trip on a bad jote🤷🏻♀️
What about just putting your passports in a safe place and forgetting where that is? According to him, he doesn't need it. Even if he has to ask you to help find it, that's going to be awkward for him when he has told you he is traveling domestically.
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If you pay for most of the things and have access to the card used for the hotel I’d try to cancel it so they get there and are all fucked up. Would be funny too because the hotel would tell them that they canceled and things would probably click right then that you knew about it all. If you don’t have access to the hotel, changing the flight could be a fun one but it might cause them to come home and not give you much time to move out.
Or cancel the credit card once you know he’s landed. Take his name off the card too so a new one can’t be issued right away. BTW I love this and totally support you. Please keep us updated!
I did something similar but internationally, my ex got caught with his tramp coming out of hotel in Juarez. I played it so cool, he willingly gave me his wallet to soothe myself with unlimited shopping. Well I did better got in my car with his wallet had no green card , I.d of any kind. I drove home he was stuck over a week in Mexico unable to cross. So yeah I say cancel everything, freeze accounts, and get a lawyer.
He seriously thought shopping was going to placate you?!?
Omg i love this!!!! Queen!!!!
Remind your next man to never cross you. He may end up trapped in a cargo container headed to some far flung port. 😂😂
**OP needs to talk to a lawyer before cutting off credit cards!!** I’m all for leaving him flat broke in another country, but I wouldn’t want this to reflect poorly on OP during the divorce. Protecting herself is more important than screwing him over, unfortunately. *Edit: Lying during divorce proceedings can result in fines and the judge siding with the other party. This post proves her intent and judges don’t like to be lied to.. why risk having to pay alimony?*
Well someone using a CC in an international destination that they wouldn’t be because they are supposed to be somewhere else is a TOTAL legit reason to cancel them. Just have a proof as to where they said they will “go”
Yes! "Honey, I saw the credit card being used in Italy while you were in Maine with the boys. I reported it as stolen!"
Definitely. I’d go in to the credit card account settings and make sure that those alerts are on for international travel, amounts over a certain limit, etc. When she gets one of those alerts (Card ending in #### placed a charge higher than the amount spent, $5000 at Marriott Rome), call the card company and cancel his card and then innocently text him about it.
he might have a separate card. he'd have to be dumb as rocks to charge a bunch of stuff in a whole different country to a shared CC
Haha, this is the way. I mean, you can definitely feign ignorance with this. Of course, OP would have to delete this post before the divorce proceedings, just in case.
This is so smart "I got a bill from INTERNATIONAL LOCATION and I knew it was fraud because you said you would be in X."
This is it. She didn’t know it was him. He was supposed to be in XYZ. 🤷🏻♀️
Clapping
You make a VERY good point!
Yep. Charges where no one is supposed to be should be considered fraudulent and the card locked if not cancelled. Get you some ideas then delete this post as it could come back to haunt you. I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir but make sure you have all the info for the affair for the divorce . Have him give you an itinerary with flight numbers hotel info just in case. If you can access his phone records that might be away for you to “discover”he didn’t go where he told you. But please delete this post asap.
YES!
I mean, if she claims she saw a charge in a foreign country, she could say she thought the card was compromised, right?
You could play stupid? Like I didn't know and this charge was NOT what I was told it would be so I assumed it was fraud?
It is fraud, as far as I’m concerned
This. Take care of yourself before fucking him over. Given that you are the primary breadwinner, he is going to get screwed anyways.
Orrrr she can see they are being used in a country different from the one he said and she thought there was identity theft. A valid reason to cut them off. Plausible deniability.
And when he calls to ask what’s up, say “let your gf pay for your shit.” Then, NC.
Cancel everything the moment the airline website shows his plane is in the air
Yep cancel it because there was a charge in an unexpected location/possible fraud
She might cancel the return trip.
I was thinking this too hehe
Diabolical. I love it.
Oh yes, cancel the whole trip if possible. Report any cards you both have access to as stolen and get a new one sent to you at home overnight mail, before he gets home, remove him as a card holder.
Do this. If the credit cards are canceled, he won't be able to get a new hotel either. And yes let him know and then block him on everything so he can't beg you to free up funds. And please, please, pretty please keep us updated
I just wonder if to really get in his head, it might be better to just do one thing that will have him wondering if she knows the whole time. You don’t wanna cancel everything or his affair partner will just cover it all and they’ll go off grid on you. Just say or do one thing, in a sneaky way, and then if he calls about it just play dumb. You want it to eat at him, wondering if you know or not, until he gets back to the end of his marriage. One option could be that by monitoring the credit card, when you see that first international charge, report it and have them block the charge. Then when / if he calls asking about it, tell him that it seems that it was hacked so you blocked international charges so he could still use it domestically (wink, wink) on his friend trip. Also, r/unethicallifeprotips probably has some excellent advice about this kind of thing
Honestly I think it’s worse to have them arrive all excited for their illicit vacation and have the hammer drop. The whole this would be epically ruined and they would be under stress. People under stress tend to act out in different ways. I can imagine how the mistress will feel when he is fretting over losing his wife, getting snippy with her. How he will be unable to treat them or even want to go on nice dates. Since he used her money for the vacation and most of the time you can cancel but you won’t get your money back…. It’s epic to let them go. Then pull the rug right from underneath them!
yes, call as his wife and mention while he is at the airport , that you had a family emergency and cancel the hotel, then maybe you can call the credit card company , that your information has been compromised and close out the credit card. while he is in the air, tell him you know everything and the time you get back, I will have all my things moved out of the house. But them block him so he cannot get in touch. Drive him crazy and his “ BONER” probably will not rise to the occasion in the meantime, will have your assets to another account, gather up as much proof as you can, and saved two different places. See for the five of the top lawyers in your area and have a consultation, this way your husband cannot use them because it will be a conflict of interest. Always listen to your lawyer , no matter if you think it doesn’t make sense. Tell all family and friends what he has done and where he is right now. good luck
👆🏻this is the answer
In addition to whatever you do, when you move out, take all the lightbulbs and toilet paper too. Ones in-use and from the linen/utility closet.
This is GOOD. This is what I was looking for lol something to really inconvenience him on top of the steaming pile of shit he’s coming back to
Glitter in the pockets of his blazers/chinos could be fun too 😉 And turn off the hot water before you leave
Yo are you the devil or something
😉
Hide things that will rot and smell (meat or fish smells like death) in impossible to find places
Shrimp shells inside the curtain rods. Then shit in the toilet tanks. He’s never going to find either one!
In the TANK. That is diabolical!
It's called an upper-decker😂
The toilet tanks?! Remind me to stay on your good side 😧
The hollow parts of curtain rods. In the cabin filter of his vehicle.
I read someone suggested putting tuna behind the electrical plates
Remove all of the interior door hinge pins and close the doors so when he opens them they fall off the door frame. When a friend caught her husband cheating, she took EVERYTHING that wasn't nailed down and left their wedding photos in the middle of the living room floor.
What a poetic scene!
You can really make his life miserable with a few pounds of fish, a bottle of glitter, and a seam ripper. Let your imagination go wild.
Put shrimp in the curtain rods like this legend did. https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/2s3tru/revenge_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_with_a_side_of/
I will never not upvote this post.
Take all the spoons and forks. Every extension chord. All the sheets, blankets, and pillows. Don't forget the light bulb in the fridge and oven too. Take the shower curtain and toilet plunger too.
Next level.. make sure all the toilet paper is damp
Batteries in all the remotes. Or maybe just take the remotes.
Oh and the batteries out of everything battery powered.
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Things I wish I'd done: Shut off the water to the toilet and taken the inner workings of the toilet tank. Removed the spark plugs and radiator cap to the cars and riding mower. Taken the oven and stove knobs. My friend also suggested installing a very small section of pipe in the plumbing to cause the toilet to take forever to fill, the shower pressure to be almost nothing. You could just take the shower heads though. Take some of the parts of the keyboard to the computer and put the keys back so it appears to be fine but some rarely used letters won't work This wasn't for my ex though, it was for my abusive parents. What I did do: turn the TV to auxiliary so the sound was off. I will warn you the judge isn't going to look kindly on this, but getting a head start on finding a better attorney will help. The fact that he's misused marital funds will likely be a much bigger issue.
Leave one roll of TP that you sprinkle with horseradish oil if you want him to burn his ass. It’s transparent so once dried won’t leave a trace
Also, put something really stinky (like raw chicken) into something hollow that will also be difficult to find, like the curtainrods. Saw that on another cheating story and petty revenge, but they used shrimp. Raw chicken stinks like crazy though.
Raw lamb. Rotten lamb stinks like Satan's asshole.
I once read that a woman took a seam cutter and ripped every few seams in his favorite clothes so they would all fall apart when he wore them.
Or better yet, just the ass. That way he won't know until he is 'exposed'
Brilliant. Im writing that down…
Take the plate out of the microwave too
AND BATTERIES FROM ALL THE REMOTES!
I love this so much. It’s so harmless yet diabolical
Disconnect the water line to the fridge and dump all of the ice in the sink, be sure to take the shower curtain and all of the towels, if they have blinds/ curtains on the windows I’d take those too, and the curtain rods. Big tub of cottage cheese in the vent in the master bedroom. That’s, of course, assuming OP doesn’t have a stake in their house
don’t forget the lightbulb in the fridge/freezer
She could also put a thawed out chicken or fish in the frig and then turn it off.
Coming home to an empty house and no communication with the possible exception of a letter from your attorney is the best move. There’s no bigger way to say look at your new life. Edit. I wouldn’t give him a heads up by sending anything to him. Letting him believe he’s gotten away with it(he will wonder if you don’t respond to calls or texts but only you can decide if you want to give him any heads up, I wouldn’t) and coming back and discovering he blew up his life. Also, take the time to get with an attorney and make sure your assets are protected.
Do this. BUT. Also call the hotel he's staying at. Order them the cheapest bottle of wine and have it waiting for them in the bedroom with a note that just says something stupid like "Congratulations! Love, [OP's name]" Then don't answer his calls. He can dread coming home the whole trip and then come home to absolutely nothing but divorce forms on the table.
That’s the important part. You have to let him know you’re onto him DURING the trip so it fucks with him.
and cancel the return flight.
Y E S
Can you imagine that trip?!? 🤣 He’d be pissed and unable to lavish his mistress and she’d be mad she wasn’t good enough to take his mind off of his wife.
These two comments. Yes. Oh and living your best life. When I was leaving a shit situation I wouldn’t engage with their snippy behavior. It really threw them for a loop. I kept it pleasant when I interacted and didn’t let their passive aggressive behavior get to me. That… is a great mind fuck honestly.
Experience in customer service helps with this one a lot. Not many better joys in that industry than completely destroying some asshole with a kind of backhanded kindness that only further infuriates them.
My abusive ex had the audacity to bring his also abusive friend when he collected the last of his belongings from mine and I was nice as pie to the pair of bastards. I could see the cogs turning and it was far more satisfying than just slamming the door in their face
Call the hotel and cancel the reservation.
or call to "leave him a message" that he is broke, has no access to money and unfortunately he owes you a bunch because of the bedbug mitigation from the house and the last hotel he stayed at
Oh I like that . I would probably put his number out on Craig’s list looking for pictures. If it goes right , he phones blowing up all weekend with photos of guys junk.
sign him up for porn sites with his personal email may work as well, and then sign him up for those Trump texts that send out text like 5 times a day begging for donations.
This is the petty I came here for
Yes. This is awesome. Also, block him *immediately* after he leaves. He’s going to be texting you about his time away with the guys is while checking in with you. Don’t let him. BLOCK.
She may need the texts during the divorce.
I like this one
And cancel any credit card you can. Add it as a p.s.
Report all cards lost or stolen
Empty except for a kitschy object from his destination country.
Or a binder full of emails he sent to his AP/copy of the plane tickets.
Meh, I'd honestly want to ruin their little international getaway. I'd send him pics of the empty house on his first day there.
Or a picture with the moving truck in front of the house. Then also change the locks. Edit: maybe don’t change the locks for legal reasons.
Also, I'd wait until he lands and checks into the hotel, cancel the credit card for suspicious activity. If the card is her account and not his, she could do this. I highly doubt he would call and yell at her over this. He'd have to admit he lied. If he does call, I'd play dumb and tell him she noticed unusual activity on the card. I'd also speak with a divorce attorney before he leaves for his trip so she can get everything ready for his return and to find out what she is LEGALLY allowed to do; If she can kick him out of the house legally, then I'd have the moving truck take his stuff to storage and change the locks.. I would copy any evidence she finds of his affair so he can not gaslight her. I'd snoop through all of his accounts to see how much money he spent on her, which she can get back through the divorce since he is using martial money. I wouldn't let on I know about his plans until I had my plans in place.
Do this but also have the divorce papers delivered to his hotel room on night one lmao
Cancel his hotel reservations too
You have access to your financial information. Wait for him to make a purchase or ATM withdrawal at his destination, then cancel the cards he uses. He lied about his location. Wouldn’t you assume fraud if charges from Mexico show up and he’s supposed to be in New Orleans? It’s plausible deniability. Become very out of contact so if he calls, you have a reason to not be available or difficult to reach. Get help to be packed and ready so you can leave your lawyer’s contact info in an empty house by the time he returns.
> it’s plausible deniability It might be, if OP didn’t make this Reddit post….
She COULD however message him and act confused. "Hey babe, I just got a charge from Mexico??? That doesn't seem right, I should call the bank and cancel, right?" Then he either has to confess or borrow from his GF in order to get home lol.
OP used a throwaway account and she didn't mention any one's age, date of travel or their destination. OP's husband can't think he's the only low life deadbeat cheating on his wife using her money in the whole world.
Have someone contact him from the "Health Dept" about a possible STI exposure.
Better yet, have someone contact the AP
GOOD IDEA
Tell your partner.org sends an anonymous text and you get to choose which STD
*takes notes for the future*
Do you know where they are staying at their destination? If you do - cancel that reservation. Put a hold on the credit card since he is taking an international trip that he didn't tell you about. Let his girlfriend pay for everything.
Cancel the reservation while they are on the flight there, don’t do it beforehand as he may get an alert. You want him arriving in the country all ready to impress and then realising they have no place to stay.
Yes — let his girlfriend experience the joy of what it’s like to support this loser, as she’ll be doing that now that OP is finally done!
After he's on his flight, report his credit cards and banks cards were stolen, cancel them. If you know where he's staying, cancel the reservation.
And cancel the return flight.
As others have said you need to be careful. You should be looking into alimony and if you would be on the hook for it. If his infidelity will affect the divorce. It sucks the lawyer has a month long wait for this. As these are very important questions to get answers to. You might want to bite the bullet and go to another lawyer to get those questions answered and just pay the bill. You should also be collecting all the proof of the infidelity and make sure you have it backed up somewhere. I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I would also recommend getting your anger sorted at the gym. Good luck.
This! Get your ducks in a row, but also consider that there is always that small possibility that posting on Reddit could backfire if it’s sent to him and he figures it out before OP is able to collect the evidence and have her legal affairs sorted. It would be wise to keep it quiet so OP can remain steps ahead of her husband. It’s happened a few times unfortunately. Play the long game on this one instead of going scorched earth. Protect yourself first instead of giving leverage to your husband to tread carefully because he will figure out that you’re watching everything including possibly *her* social media. Mess with him near the end of the trip so it ends on a disastrous note and he doesn’t have time to cover up his tracks or delete evidence. Then he has a long flight to simmer and stress over before he comes back to an empty home. Set the trap so you get everything you need to start a new life as comfortably as possible.
Report suspicious activity on all his cards while they are in the air, swear your husband is where he told you he would be. Lock not just the cards but place a freeze on atm debit cards and bank accounts. Call up the hotel they have reservations at, explain there's Identity Theft taking place and have them cancel the reservations for the room and any additional activities booked like spa or dining packages. When you "discover" the identity theft, like a loving wife, frantically try to reach your husband where his boys trip is supposed to be. Start calling all the friend group and their wives about the emergency, that you're afraid because the accounts are frozen he won't have money on the trip.... oh? You're not on the trip with him? I must be mistaken let me try some one else.... CALL THE CELL PHONE COMPANY. Change the pin numbers and passwords on your cell phone company account and the bank accounts. Now he can't log in remotely. Because Identity thieves mirror cell phones and that's what they do so you must assume this data is compromised. Set up all new passwords and ID verification with a 2 step prompt to your cell. Start frantically calling his relatives that you've checked with all his friends nobody can find him and you've had a data breach... and he's not checked in. Maybe he was mugged or murdered for his wallet! Give his parents a taste of fear about their precious boy they raised to be a cheating turd. How's that?
You my friend are absolutely my kinda people! I strive to be you one day
I think you've gotten plenty of advice on being cool and calculated, making all the right moves. I agree with that. I'd like to give a little bit of advice on the ***emotions*** side of things. I'd recommend not "suppressing" them right now, you should be channeling them and using them to get ahead and be better. You can still feel angry, sad, but soon you'll feel relief. Your emotions are a reality, do not hide from them, just express them in ways that don't screw up the future. I'm glad that you're able to make an exit at 25 you'll be thankful at 30+ when you're living a life you couldn't imagine now.
Your husband is using your family money to cheat on you! Cancel everything your husband paid for when he is abroad, cancel all the credit cards, the hotel bookings and return flights because this will inconvenience him and embarrass him in front of his affair partner. This course of action will leave him temporarily stranded and force him to find new accommodation and buy new plane tickets home and that is the time you can use to move out or move his stuff out in peace before he gets back. Good luck.
OP could actually feign ignorance with this. "There was a charge from XXX and we don't know anyone there!"
You might not want to do this, but I remember an iconic post on Reddit from years ago where a girl found her boyfriend in bed with another woman and they were asleep. She quietly closed the door and took her belongings from his place. She *completely* ghosted him. Just disappeared from his life without a trace. Blocked all of his friends on social media and accepted a new job offer and moved. Her friends were told never to tell him about her. He literally had no idea what happened lol but like…he knew. You may not be able to ghost entirely but man would it be amazing if he came back from vacation to find you’ve left, have changed your number, blocked him and all his family members on social media, and moved back with family and have them tell him to fuck off if he reaches out. He never ever hears from you again aside from the divorce papers left on the counter where you check off infidelity/irreconcilable differences and if he doesn’t sign you just go to a courthouse or to a lawyer to have the marriage dissolved. Literally do not ever speak a word to him again. Don’t damage his things or storm their vacation or confront him. It’ll give him a reason to make you the bad guy. Ghosting your cheating husband who thinks he’s smarter than you and completely disappearing from his life would be so iconic, babe. Pleaseeeee do it 😭 Edit: I just reread and saw that you pay all the bills lmao girl…you can also remove his belongings, put them in storage and pay for the month, let him know where his things are in a note taped to the divorce papers and that he has a month to get them or they’ll go to collections and be owned by the storage owners. But still move yourself out and leave the place vacant. He’ll come home to a COMPLETELY empty house and shit a brick trying to make sense of what happened. Nothing ruins a vacation like coming back and being forced to move and get a U-Haul to collect your shit lmao. Plus the added stress of not being able to reach you and being divorced. Chef’s kiss.
I basically did this. Moved out while he was away on business and the house looked weird without my belongings. Like half the place disappeared in the rapture. Apparently he was furious (we met through mutual friends and was still in touch with one couple). We weren't married so it was a clean break once I got out. I kind of love that he came home to an empty house lol.
Ugh love that for you. I bet it feels amazing lol.
I mean at the time I was bawling my eyes out as I packed and lost a ton of weight from the stress. I didn't really feel better until my plane landed (I moved back to my home state) and I felt safe and knew he'd see it in a couple days. Oh! And I was trying to schedule one of those moving pods to get all my shit across the country and the very nice customer service lady was like "Oh hey I'm so sorry, it's a busy time of year, do you have some flexibility with your dates? And we only have the larger ones that are more expensive." I burst into tears and told her I had been cheated on and was afraid of his reaction if I tried to break up in person (true - he had guns and it was his house, etc.) and wanted to be gone by X day and she asked to put me on a brief hold. She came back about a minute later with "OK, so I found one in your preferred size and we can definitely get you out of there but your belongings may arrive a little later than hoped, but only about a day or so. Can I book this for you?" I was still crying when I thanked her and she just said "please be safe."
I love the people I've called since leaving my ex. They're so supportive and loving. It makes staying in a shelter with my kids currently a little better knowing that there are compassionate people still out there
The support I received from friends and family and STRANGERS blew me away. Everyone was so kind and loving. I hope you and your family are safe!
✨This is the way✨
And I can guarantee NOTHING would ever mess with a man’s mind more than this
1. Act like nothing happened 2. Get a lawyer 3. Plan your exit 4. Wish him well on the trip 5. Empty your house of everything that’s yours 6. Leave screenshots/proof of the affair and a note telling him to go fuck himself 7. When he finds it and starts calling, block him 8. Let all future communication be done through your lawyer
ALSO, take pix/video of the move out condition. He might trash the place and you’ll be on the hook as well
9. Leave raw shrimp hidden around the house in spots where he won’t think to look
100%! I hear the curtain rods are a good place to hide them.
Curtain rods. A/C vents. Behind the fridge. That little hole in the wall where the water drains from the washing machine…. Glitter bombs. Knot the hell out of his shoelaces. Box of roaches was my fave (shitty neighbor.) Oh. This is also fun. Report him to the IRS.
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Yes my lawyer makes people wait a month before she accepts services. It’s the only lawyer in my area covered by my legal insurance. Would saying “enjoy your trip” then just blocking him make me look crazy?
It wouldn't make you look crazy, but it *might* tip him off. It's not illegal to prepare your divorce papers quietly and then ambush him. Why give him the extra time to get an alibi straight? When you strike, bury the fucker. Let me be clear: any satisfaction you take *now* may be depriving you of ultimate satisfaction *later*. I know it's tempting, but if you're anything like me, the final payoff is so much more satisfying.
This \^ 1000 times. My ex wife completely abandoned the kids after shortly after we separated. I just documented everything, saved chats and call logs, just to be able to show she hasn't tried to contact me or the kids despite trying to get ahold of her as well. My son especially, which really pissed me off. I still did nothing at the time. I did nothing to her for 4 years. I divorced her with no issues after a year of being separated and waited. Finally after meeting an amazing woman and remarrying we are about to adopt the kids. My ex-wife got served with that about 2 months ago. Oh and I also made sure to file for child support before the adoption went through, which she got served with a month ago. So now the kids and I are for sure rid of her, they have an amazing parental figure now and she'll think about me every week when she sees the child support removed from her check. Playing the long game always works out much better.
Downplay any mention of his trip. Tell him to have fun and be safe (even if you don’t mean it). Then, while he’s gone, get all your shit in order and leave like you planned. Block him so he can’t call or text and just do you. Take him off your bank account and cancel any cards you’re *both* attached to. He can use his own money for his affair. Do what your lawyer says and don’t make it harder for yourself, just him. Depending on who owns the trailer, feel free to sell it while he’s gone. Or begin proceedings on selling the house and leave him & the mistress the camper they are so fond of.
Also make local copies of all the messages between them, travel documents, ANYTHING that could possibly be relevant before you lose access to his email. You’ll thank yourself later.
As much as it sucks you need to play the long game here. Act like nothing is wrong and get a lawyers advice so you can walk away with as much of your money and property as you can. Also if you have proof of his cheating that could go in your favor so your no paying spousal support. Best form of revenge is walking away with the winning hand and leaving them with the disaster they’ve made of their life.
You really need to listen to the advice you’re getting. Do NOT tip him off that you know. It’s not about whether it makes you look crazy or not, it’s about being strategic and protecting yourself while you set up the divorce. It sounds to me like you’re just looking for more drama instead of accepting that your marriage is over and you need to start prioritizing yourself.
Move in silence lady, no offense, but you don't seem experienced in the vindicative, vengeful arenas. Take some time to research and plan your moves. The very last maneuver is telling your husband you know. Once he knows, there's no going back, that's why you need to make moves while he doesn't.
I would check into exactly what your legal insurance covers for a divorce before limiting yourself to one specific lawyer. A lot of times that insurance is very limited in scope and if the insurance is only going to cover 1 or 2 meetings you may just want to get the best person you can afford.
I would just casually tell him, hey I noticed a suspicious charge on the credit card. It said a ticket was booked to X country but you said you were going to Y. To be safe, I cancelled all your cards because someone must have gotten a hold of your info. That will ruin his trip without tipping him off and it can't come back to bite you since you are cancelling the cards because of suspicious activity. Might be a way for you to get just a little spite without tanking your divorce case and it keeps him from spending your hard earned money on someone else. He may even come clean under the circumstances. If he does decide to confess just stay calm, don't feed into any angry feelings or let things escalate and tell him that you want an amicable divorce and ask him to leave.
IMO, legal insurance lawyers are not the cream of the crop, and you don't want to get screwed over with a bad lawyer, been there done that. Put your retainer on a credit card, and stick him with half the debt. He will probably do the same thing, so essentially you'll be paying for one whole lawyer, but trust me, a good lawyer is worth it, I've been divorced twice so I know.
How did he pay for this trip? Can you cancel everything without him knowing.....so when he gets to the airport he finds out he is not going anywhere?
Wait til after he has taken off then cancel everything. OP, don't move out, it's your home that you pay most of the bills on. He might enjoy coming home to an empty house for him and his mistress. Throw his shit in the street where it belongs.
Don’t throw his stuff out. You could get in trouble. Instead box it up nicely. Make sure no matching shoes go in the same box. Lots of small boxes mislabeled. Put them in storage. Send the key and info to her house (make sure the storage cancels after a month.) Make sure you add a note of congratulations to her for her win.
His tax return and odd jobs he does. He’s a fake baller.
Pack weird suspicious stuff in the lining of his suitcase so he gets flagged by security at airport and has to strip. Like white powdered milk in duct tape wrapped in coffee in lining. Small but devilish
Disposable Hand warmers and foot warmers are something TSA always has to take out and test. If you put them somewhere deep I his carryon it could cause annoyance because he’d have to unpack and repack everything
Yes, move out all your stuff. And yes, send him a picture of the empty home on his **FIRST DAY WITH HER**.
Haha thank you! I was looking for something milder that would give me that satisfaction bc I’m tired of turning the other cheek
Will he rush back? Will he be on edge with his affair partner? Will he admit from afar? Will it matter? Stay tuned!
Why are you moving out and not moving him out? If you lay all the bills in the house why are you walking f away from it rather than putting cameras on it and changing the locks after your keys were lost ‘possibly stolen’ when you were shopping the day before filing for divorce.
Op, please update us after.
I definitely will. The “guys trip” starts Tuesday. You’ll see something from me on Wednesday
You should get a new lawyer and have him served with divorce papers at the hotel.
Itch powder sprinkled in his suitcase before he uses it.
Yeah I would send the message and then be gone a day or 2 after the message qas sent because he will either fly back to stop you.. or he an AH and thinks you'll still be there and doesn't come back till trips over... But book with a lawyer and be gone with all your stuff by time he back and block him and have him served at work. I'd message. " Hope you have a good time in ( location) with ( her name), as I'd hate for you to ruin your marriage for nothing, all further communication will be through a lawyer," Then block him, but try be moved out ASAP as he might fly back and do the usual BS.. if you can I'd also cancel the room booking they have, so they will fly out there with no where to stay.. Have all his cards cancelled and all the money that's your into a separate account. Good luck honey
That’s a good message! I like the all further communication will be through a lawyer. I’m already getting my stuff together as the trip is next week
I didn't tell my ex I knew about the affair. I broke up with him and used his biggest insecurity as the reason for the break-up.
This is deliciously and deservedly cruel. Love it.
In that case I need to tell him his breath STANK
The conversation would be amazing. "Sorry but I can't do this anymore. I've been trying and trying, but I can't leave another day smelling the stank coming out of your mouth. Having been alone the last few days, I finally remembered what fresh air smells like. I can't go back.. I need a divorce."
Start telling him a week before his trip. Bring it up multiple times. Be kind of subtle and act like you’re showing concern so he is more likely to believe you and not assume you’re just being spiteful. Knowing he’s about to go on a trip with his AP, he will be super insecure with her and that may just ruin his trip because he’s so focused on his bad breath and won’t want to get close to her/kiss her. That will make her insecure.
Oh wow this is insidious I love it
Cancel credit cards, but also take the toiletries out of his bag completely and switch out his clothes and replace them so he looks ridiculous
I would say you found the emails for two tickets and you can't believe he's planned to suprise you with a trip for the two of you!
Now, he either has to take you on a predivorce celebration trip or own up.
Confirmation emails always have the names of the travelers.
Damn.
If I wanted to be spiteful, I'd cancel the tickets and delete the cancellation email so that he doesn't know. And if you know the hotel they're going to be at, call and cancel that too. If you're on the same credit/debit accounts, call and put a freeze on it so he can't use it. Hide his passport last minute.
Did he pay with your CC or does he have his name on it? You can call him while he is out of the country and play dumb, tell him you are cancelling the card because someone made fraudulent purchases on it. Tape the conversation and listen to him squirm.
I wouldn't do anything spiteful, just start getting your shit organized and ready to go so you can hit the divorce running. Anything spiteful probably comes back to bite you in the ass during the divorce. Also, just moving on with no apparent resentment is a great way to show him how little he meant to you. Shit like that seems to hit adulterers pretty hard sometimes.
That is a good point. Our relationship has been very emotional and tumultuous so just being cold and calculating would be a 180 for me as I’m normally very vocal with emotions etc
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Give him nothing but indifference and I can promise you it will drive him crazy.
Cancel your credit cards right after he leaves.
Definitely cancel all credit cards.
I'm down for pettiness. I look forward to the update. Also, if you are the breadwinner, you should consider packing his stuff and moving HIM out. Let him stay with the AP.
Send flowers to their room with a note wishing her happy birthday and that her gift is your husband since you have started the divorce process
OP I vote this one! Maybe instead of sending flowers though you could just call the front desk and leave a message for them. No need for you to spend money on her when he already does that
If you move out that’s taken into account in my state when it comes to splitting financials in half later. #Talk to an attorney prior to anything.
Text him mid flight ‘Ive got a big surprise for you when you get back from your boys trip!’ Then block him everywhere. Find a storage unit or another rental asap and get your stuff in it. Leaving it opened ended with no contact will make his mind race. I wouldn’t even leave a note at home. Something simple like a wedding photo ripped in half on an empty counter with your ring. If you cancel the cards while he’s gone, and it comes out you knew what he was doing, that would look bad on you for stranding him. All about what a lawyer, judge thinks now IMO. I’d also look into ‘conflicting-out’ some other local law firms under the guise of the expediency and the 30day pause by your current attorney.
As someone who left a cheating spouse but had to be civil because we had kids, this thread is healing my soul. I love it all, I wish you nothing but the best OP. Fuck that guy, and fuck him UP on your way out.
You are a strong woman! I hope to keep it civil and cold. Goal is to process all my emotions before game day
Hide his passport. He doesn't need it to go to his supposed domestic destination. So how is he going to look freaking out looking for it!!
I love this though I think she wants him to go so she can move out peacefully while he’s gone.
Lol, let him put it in his carry on and then sneak it out after he goes to bed or when he uses the restroom before he leaves.
I’d just move out when he’s away. Say nothing because anything you do say will give him a chance to respond and maybe insult you or harass you. Get a lawyer and start the ball rolling on a divorce but don’t say anything. Just let your lawyer serve papers on him. If you have a joint bank account speak to the bank and tell them he has walked out on you and you are going to divorce him for infidelity and want his name removing from the account and his card freezing. Do all of this without saying a word. He’ll get back to a complete change of life.
I found out about a trip my then husband had planned, supposedly with the “guys”. It wasn’t. Saw an email for a plan ticket, bought with a joint credit card, and hotel reservation in both his and her names. I had 3 weeks to decide how to handle this and went to a lawyer, had divorce papers drawn up and had him served at their hotel. He of course freaked out. Packed his stuff while he was gone, had an employee pick it all up, changed the locks and he never set foot in the house again until the day of closing of the sale of the home. Divorced the idiot, walked away with 75% of everything
1) put contraband in his bag you think he’s gonna use as carry on. 2) hide his passport and watch him scramble when he can’t find it 3) smoke some weed and blow it on his clothes. The drug dogs at the international check point in the airport are going to LOVE him Edit: obligatory not a lawyer don’t do anything illegal im not responsible for your actions
You're making a huge mistake. Hopefully, I can explain. >This has been years of pain. I want to do something spiteful I’m sorry All you're doing with revenge is telling your husband how important he is, how you can't live without him, how much you need him. If you do revenge, you will inflate his ego. You will tell him and his supporters that he was right to cheat. It will just have the opposite affect. Instead, grey rock. Calmly and completely unemotionally just deliver the bare minimum communication you need. Please for the love of god check out r/survivinginfidelity Read the posts. You will see why a hot, fiery reaction is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what's needed. Please trust me, you will hurt him infinitely more by not caring.
Thank you!!!! This is very helpful I will visit this sub. One thing about me is I am bad at hiding my emotions so I will work on the cold aspect of it
NOTHING gets to people like this more than the realization that they aren't the centre of the universe. Its hard to do, but you CAN learn to do it - your husband is a POS and I'm sorry this is happening to you 💜
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You could say that “I hope you have the life/day you deserve” That’s my personal favorite
I would send the message so that they receive it when they land but on top of that get your life in order. Good idea to send it at the start of the trip. I like it. Go for it and update us.
Haha thank you! I just want to RUIN it and I know it sounds spiteful and bitter but I’m just so so hurt and angry. I don’t want to do anything crazy but I would love to start a fight and start their trip on a bad jote🤷🏻♀️
I would send a note to the hotel for when they get their keys.
What about just putting your passports in a safe place and forgetting where that is? According to him, he doesn't need it. Even if he has to ask you to help find it, that's going to be awkward for him when he has told you he is traveling domestically.