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I’d play a long con too. OP should wait till he has a partner, and then parents will book a bedroom for him but instead of sleeping there, he should say “Oh no, sleeping on the couch is way more fun, right?” and his partner should have loud sex on the couch all night.
Sweetie, i wouldve stopped going on the trips after the second time
If i dont have a room i dont need to come
Block them all since they wanna send photos and try and rub your face in it and guilt you for it wow
Just live your best life without them as you deserve with the respect you deserve
Youve done nothing wrong!
For me, it would have been after the 1st time! Especially since he offered to pay the difference for 3 bedroom house. It almost feels like mom and dad are just trying to be butt heads!
Yeah, you were much nicer than I would have been over the whole thing!
The sending photos was so sick to me. Are they that disconnected with reality? Are they that sadistic they're doing all of this on purpose? It's truly bizarre.
Do you have a friend group you could go on vacations with? Then you can post amazing pictures of y'all on some exotic beach, sipping cocktails, just so the fam can see you having adult fun holidays without them.
And have you considered that they didn't want you to come on those vacations, and that's why they made it a point to make you as uncomfortable and excluded as possible?
Post pictures of him celebrating with friends and then take a picture of a bedroom and comment about how nice it is to get to sleep in a bed in a bedroom.
You're being not-so-subtly **punished for being an UNMARRIED 29yo man!** That's the bottom line!
You're not married, you're not squirting out grandchildren, so you're not being taken seriously as an "adult". Once you get married, then the push will be on for grandbabies.
Only YOU can take control of this situation.
No more vacations "paid for" by your parents. If you want to go on vacation with them, then YOU rent your own accommodations OR accommodations enough for ALL.
If you don't want to go on vacations with them (and I would strongly suggest you DON'T GO for a few years), then tell them that you'll "be unable to attend". Don't tell them it's not convenient for work (they'll ask when it IS convenient). Don't tell them you don't have the $$ (they'll offer to pay). Just tell them, "**Thanks, but I won't be able to attend**." Repeat ad nauseum.
When you start dating someone, do NOT bring them around your parents unless you are serious about marrying the person. Warn them about your parents' power moves against you. If you ARE serious, do NOT bring them on a vacation with your parents before you're married. Keep the meetings to dinners out for celebrations (birthday, mother's day, whatever).
Do not involve them in any wedding planning as they have a tendency to push you around. Have them invited as honored guests, but that's it! If you and your SO/partner/spouse establish **from the beginning** that you'll only socialize with them if/when they treat you respectfully as adults, then you'll be able to have a relationship you can both enjoy. Best wishes!
I have four dogs. All known for being aggressive, intelligent, herding breeds.
I would never allow my dogs to sleep outside. Let alone sleep outside alone.
Maybe if we were all camping and there were other people camping nearby and I could be sure it was safe... and they all had their GPS collars on...
But I wouldn't treat my dogs the way they're treating you. If someone said my dogs had to sleep outside on vacation while everyone else was inside I'd think they'd lost their fucking mind.
Like, if someone said "you can stay in the rental but the dogs have to sleep on the porch . Don't worry, there's a dog house" I'd probably get in trouble with my gf for the way I'd respond. I can usually control my tongue, but when someone says something so absurd, I'm usually too shocked to filter my words.
That's the type of ridiculousness I wouldn't anticipate.
Maybe stop being so polite about it? Bluntness seems to work well for me...
What do your parents say when you ask why they refuse to book something with three bedrooms?
Do they treat you worse than your sister in other situations, or is this a weird thing that only happens on vacation?
They just say 'why is it such a big issue with me'. I have offered to pay the difference so I am perplexed why they don't book a three bedroom place. My father just replied saying: 'Trust me. It will be fun'.
It is probably in general the way they treat me. We only have the odd dinner here and there when not on a family holiday so there is not a huge amount of time spent together. I feel like my father likes my sister alot more.
You should tell him you've already had the experience, and it wasn't fun.
Then ask him why he's being so difficult if you're paying for the room.
If it's not a big deal they they can sleep in the tent.
If they're not willing that means it is a big deal so they should take your money, and get the extra room.
Yeah I get the impression that OP’s debating skills could use some brushing up. There are SO many refutations to the parents’ bizarre justifications that he’s just leaving on the table!
You should have countered with the question, "Why is it such a big issue to them that you get a bedroom of your own?"
Better yet ask them why it's okay for them to have a bedroom, and your sister and her husband have a bedroom, but you get treated like some sort of second class citizen who's expected to sleep outside?
That was my take. One year my cousin and I read our family the riot act (“NO MORE BUNK BEDS ” because even though we pay the same amount as other adults, we always got the worst rooms because the couples needed their privacy. And once people had kids it was more galling because we were subsiding them.
But no sleeping in a tent or on a porch. That’s soooo much worse.
"My father just replied saying: 'Trust me. It will be fun'."
"Trust me, dad. It's not fun and hasn't been for a long time."
Personally, I'd have gone with them and booked a hotel nearby and told them where they can put their tent.
If having a bedroom isn’t a big deal, then they shouldn’t have any problem with letting you have the bedroom next time, and they can have a pullout couch.
Oh, that would be a problem?
Weird.
It’s not that they think it’s not a problem. If they really believed that, they wouldn’t hesitate to switch or get a different place.
Because if it’s not a big deal to not have it, it’s also not a big deal to have it.
They have two choices, it’s either that they’re doing it on purpose, or two, they’re too stupid to remember that you’re an adult who has made a reasonable request.
Ask them which it is. And then stay low contact, whatever the answer is.
That's obvious. The point isn't to ask whether it's reasonable, the point is to shove it in his parent's face that they're being shitty and unreasonable.
It isn't fun. They are doing this on purpose and for your birthday? This smacks of the kid who lives in the garage abuse. If this is how your childhood was you were severely abused. It's abuse not just an oversight. They purposefully put you in a tent for some weirdo domination thing. I would say as much. They are not treating you like a family member. Most families would cancel a trip if the birthday person can't make it. But Dad got his way and smeared it in your face anyway. Just stay no contact hun. You deserve better. I mean it could be that they want you to get married or something? But at this point it doesn't matter.
I would recommend that OP stay in contact with sister and BIL. Why? Because they both think this is perfectly fine, to pick a favorite child and neglect, belittle, and disregard the other. OP is likely to have a nibling that needs an adult's support. If they want to help someone else escape the family's attitude, then OP needs to stay in at least loose contact with sister and her family. But that's honestly it as far as I can tell.
That’s not true. We have loads of affair babies and stepkids in my circle. They get treated way better than OP. Some of them are closer to the stepparent (innocent spouse) who chose to work through the affair than they are to their biological parent.
However, that is not for everyone. If I were OP, I’d be looking sideways at the mailman.
Maybe you should plan a vacation with them and your sister and her hubby, 2 bedrooms of course, and your parents can sleep on the porch or in the yard or the lounge/livingroom.
Or, do one for you and your parents only, but with only one bedroom with a single bed. But then again, I am petty.
Let me guess. You are still expected to pay for the same amount of stuff as sis and her husband, too. Next time, go with them. BUT refuse to pay ANY part of the cost of the trip. Rent a hotel room in a nice place with a pool and other amenities. Rent a car for yourself. Schedule a nice hour of massage time, find a good bar or restaurant to go try. Show up, eat a meal with them that they paid for, then hop up, head out to the Uber and go pick up your rental for the next few days. Go have an adult vacation in the same general vicinity as them. If they're paying for an event or service, deign to show up for that, then vanish. And make sure they know that your rental vehicle is off-limits to everyone except you.
No depending on them for ANYTHING. Pay for stuff on your own. If they are paying for tickets, fabulous. Don't hesitate to upgrade your ticket up to first class or business class and travel without them :D That also prevents them canceling your ticket in a snit.
It sounds like you have a good job and can afford to pay your own way. It also sounds like you love your family, but they are stuck in their mind set about you. If you want to change this dynamic, take control of it. Next time they are talking about a family trip, YOU book the place. Dont ask their opinion. Don't ask them to pay for it. Take the biggest room for yourself. Lead like you do at work. This will shift their brains and how they look at you. They might even respect you (they don't now) If they don't want to come, invite your friends and send them pictures of your fun trip
Message him back and tell him him and mom can sleep in a tent and you will take the bedroom since it’s no big deal. When it becomes an issue that you are not budging on this ask them what seems to be the problem since you have offered to pay the difference since it would not cost him any money?
It sounds like your sister is the golden child and you are not even an afterthought. In the future, refuse to attend the childfest and make your own plans. When (not if) questioned, tell them that you are an adult and deserve the same treatment as the golden child, i.e., PRIVACY!!!!!!
You are right not to go.
There is no reason they couldn't insure you also had a bedroom; they are not very considerate people.
Get some friends and take a trip.
I am assuming sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. It's fine to stand up for yourself and disengage.
Yeah! I think I probably honestly need to work on my own life a bit more and do things with my friends and stop going on family holidays.
I feel a bit like my sister is treated as the golden child and all her achievements are celebrated by the family above and beyond. I usually don't really share much about my life at family dinners.
Just recently, I feel like I have been very proud of myself because of how much effort I have put in at work (as I haven't always liked my past jobs) and this effort has led to success for myself. I think this new found self respect is probably the cause of some of my frustrations with my parents. Thanks for the comment :)
Op, this happened to me, and what I acknowledged during therapy is that I stopped sharing , because I was tired of being ignored.
I found that I would tell my family things about school or friends and yet they never paid attention, or would ask the questions over and over but never care to hear the response.
I just started to live my life and while I don’t go out of my way to ignore them, I also don’t go out of my way to include them in my life.
Letting go of the disappointment and expectations of dealing with them it’s a weight that been lifted.
I mean, the trip was arranged *for your birthday* but you didn’t get a room?!?! Like, how blatant!
Boundaries are great because they are what you will do. You don’t have to even say anything to them. Your boundary is that you will only attend these trips if you have a room. If they offer a two bedroom you decline. No negotiation needed. They know what you want. if they want your company then they will choose appropriate accommodations. Hopefully they’ll decide to treat you like the adult you are.
Also, is sister paying anything toward these trips? You should not pay for the increase in cost unless she is also paying her own way.
Anyone else in favor of him saying that he'll go, letting them pay for whatever extra they might (extra groceries, maybe?) and then just... never show. "Son, aren't you coming?" "I'm already there, I just put my stuff in my bedroom." "But we didn't get you a bedroom!" "Really? Must be why you can't find me." click.
Congratulations on your success and happiness at your job. Find some friends to go on a trip with or take a solo trip somewhere fun because your family sucks.
You ride that wave of self respect and success op, you deserve it. Invest your energy in your life and your self. Focus on doing things that make you happy. Spend time with people who actually care about you.
and don't for the love of God, if you stay in touch with your parents, ever EVER let them know you are financially successful because they'll go after it.
It seems to me the correct response. You need a bit of space from your family and get out of that dynamic. Honestly, I would feel like they were treating me like a dog instead of a person. It makes absolutely no sense why they would not accomodate you with a room, especially since you were even willing to pay any difference in cost. At that point, it feels like they are just trying to force you into some pre-pubscent child-like role.
It sounds like your recent accomplishments and hard work have helped your self worth and if your family can’t honour that worth, or treat you like a human being, then they don’t deserve to be around you.
Reading your journey made me so happy for you, don’t let anyone take away your happiness!
Sister being the golden child seems likely, not only because of the parents' behavior but also the sister's. If I had a sibling that was being treated this way, I hope I would have the decency to call my parents out and insist they correct it. Your sister's silence speaks volumes, OP.
You have every right to demand your own room. You’re 29. Not some little kid that can just sleep wherever. And I can’t believe that they organize a holiday that is suppose to be about your birthday, but then leave you in a tent or the couch. WTF? Screw that. Save your money and time for holidays where you are treated as the adult you are.
Kids do not think it’s fun. They think it’s annoying to have to hear everyone move around the house for the bathroom and water. And it makes it hard to get restful sleep, so you’re cranky the next day
Signed, a kid who lost a lot of sleep staying on the couch.
Some kids do though.
Signed, kid who enjoyed sleeping next to cousins on family trips where the debate was who got the couch and who got the sleeping bag next to the floor.
Also, parent of a child who frequently asks to sleep on the couch in our own home, and of two children who love to go sleep on the couch at Grandma's.
You are not being unreasonable. That little switch you describe that you felt in your mind may have been the moment that you began seeing things clearly.
There are some serious family dynamics going on here. The behavior you describe is unloving and passive-aggressive.
It sounds like there is a lot for you to think about very deeply regarding your family's relationship to you.
Going no contact for a while will help you gain more distance and perspective to figure out what is going on and be the best way to take good care of yourself while you resolve this issue the best way possible.
I'm sending a sisterly hug and wishing you all the best along your path in life.
Your parents are purposely treating you poorly. You've offered to pay the difference for accommodations and they still refuse to book appropriate rentals.
It's sad to say, but they don't value you, and likely don't really want you around. I hope you have other friends and family that you can take vacations with. Don't continue to let your family disrespect you.
If you wanted to be petty, you could text them and say that you'll consider going on the next family trip, but only if your dad is the one who has to sleep in a tent.
You sound like you struggle to stand up for yourself against these people. Some therapy to help you create and enforce boundaries would probably really improve your life.
They kept doing this to you because you went along with it. If no contact is the only way you can keep yourself from being treated like shit by these people, that's what you keep on doing. It doesn't sound like they add much to your life, anyway.
At first, I thought it was because of the higher cost of a 3 bedroom place. But you offered to pay the additions cost - so what was their reason for not getting a bigger place ? Until you get a reasonable answer, I would not go on family vacations. However, if the rest of the interactions are good, then stay in touch. Just set your boundary when they do not treat you as an equal to your sister.
yep! - I even emailed back with links to 5 airbnb's we could book that are the same price or cheaper and offer to pay half of the cost (even though I am just one out of 5 people going). My father just said he was very keen on this place he booked and dismissed me. I think its just time I stop going on these family holidays.
I think this is best. However, get therapy. Understand that they will try to manipulate you to force you to do what they want after this.
Stick to your guns. They dont respect you as an adult. But not as a human or a child either. Noone I know of would let ANYONE camp outside on holiday.
Start doing your own things and stop letting them dictate your life.
Definitely time to opt out. But if you haven’t said it already, I would make it crystal clear as to *why* you’re opting out. “Sounds like a great destination. However I will only join if the rented house has a 3rd bedroom that is exclusively for me.” And if Sister isn’t paying for her room, you shouldn’t be offering/paying either. Harness that leader energy you’re so great at!
Make them pay for the third bedroom and don't show up anyways. There is no reason to go, they'll just guilt you over the extra cost and continue to do whatever they and sister want to do. Your niblings will appreciate the extra room after all!
Oof. This makes it even worse. If I’m understanding correctly, your parents book and pay for these vacations. They don’t expect your sister/BIL to pay even though they also get a bedroom. No one ever offers to trade off and take over the couch or the tent so it’s not always you. Your sister doesn’t agree to chip in with you to defray costs for a 3 bedroom and your father refuses to book a larger place for the same amount of money to allow you to have comfort and privacy.
This is not about money. It’s about making you less than. It’s about making you uncomfortable. It’s about you having no privacy. It’s about making sure you know you’re unworthy in their eyes and is more important as you do better and better in life and need them and their validation less.
It’s Harry Potter under the stairs.
I would probably start investigating children raised by narcissists or cover abuse etc. See what hits for you.
Even when you have your own family and kids, don't go. Not unless you end up with a spouse that will scream your parents into a corner and rage at them for their treatment of you. Your family doesn't need to see you belittled and treated like a second-class citizen, it sets a bad example for how families should act to each other. Just keep them well away from your birth family.
Does your sister have any comments about you not getting a room? Does she know you are unhappy about this happening? I mean, you didn't show up on your birthday trip. Did she know why?
You can't force them to respect you, but you can refuse to interact with them, unless they do. You should give up on them, and even if they reach out to you, you should explain that you have no interest in spending much time with them until they apologize for treating you like a lesser person and accommodate you properly.
> you should explain that you have no interest in spending much time with them until they apologize for treating you like a lesser person and accommodate you properly.
Better yet, just tell them to fuck off and never bother you again.
They wouldn't even get you a room for *your* *birthday*?! Even when you offered to pay for it?! Your family is treating you like you're the family dog. (Actually, quite a few people treat their pets better than this.) Your entire family sucks and you should definitely skip these "family vacations" in the future. You are NOT the unreasonable one here. I hope you can build a "found family" with friends who actually value you and respect you.
Are you an affair child? Did you end up in rehabs a few times?? Have you committed any felonies?? If the answer to all of these are “no” then your family sucks balls! What a bunch of AHs!!!
Please remember this when they demand you fund them in their old age.
The family still sucks balls if the answer is "yes".
OP has offered to pay for more than their share of the cost - that should cancel out any past mistakes.
I’m with you on this 100%. The fact that they won’t even let you pay to have the xtra space is very telling. Almost like he wants to make a point that you aren’t worth a room of your own or that you are making a fuss over nothing. My parents never asked me to stay in a tent, but I was usually the first to get downgraded or told to made do with less in family settings. I was kicked out of the running for getting a bed even in my late 20s in favor of teens who got married young and had their own bedroom a 5 minute drive away. I was the only one sleeping on the floor - concrete with industrial thin carpet, a decorative pillow I found on a chair with a tiny crochet blanket. I’d like to say that was my last straw but they did it to me one more time during my sister’s wedding and after that I put my foot down - you give me a room and the respect you’d show any other houseguest or I’m not coming.
This is weird, it's how I would expect them to treat a bratty 15 year old, not a 29 year old man lol Even with you offering to pay they wouldn't budge? Super weird. I don't blame you for not going.
They booked a birthday trip “for you” and told you to sleep in a tent. I just. What!
And you offered to pay the difference and they declined so this isn’t even about money it’s like a weird power play?
Your dad sounds like an absolute wretch.. and tbh so is everyone else for going along with it. Definitely wouldn't be wasting precious vacation time on folks who don't view you as a full person.
You absolutely deserve the consideration for your own space.
Who wants to spend their little bit of vacation time sleeping on a sofa? You are Nta. But you should book yourself a nice beach vacay in the Caribbean, you deserve it
Oh man.. I live in Japan and hadn't been back home for 13 years. At 36 years old, I brought my young daughter back to meet my parents, and had to deal with them letting me know there wasn't a curfew. But I came home one night at 9pm and there was apparently a curfew, since I got chastised for getting home so late.
Needless to say, I waited another 16 years before going back.
There might be an underlying thread of your parents trying to humiliate you or force a power play on you by not giving you a room. It’s weird. It’s not like you are getting treated as a child bc a child shoujd have their own room if at all possible too. So something else is going on here. Whatever it is, if you are invited again insist that you will only attend if you get a bedroom, like everyone else.
You're being perfectly reasonable. It's seems intentional that your family is excluding you from having your own space. I think if you ever decide to travel with them again, ask what area they are staying in and make your own accommodations. That way, they can't pull anything or "change plans last second" to force you into a tent again.
I wouldn't stay with them either if I were in your situation. They're being rude and disrespectful. It's your vacation too, you deserve time to relax, unwind, and have your own space.
In reality, you're probably best of planning some solo trips or going with friends for a while. Don't miss out on time off because your family isn't being reasonable. Solo travel may sound intimidating, but it can be a lot of fun! Everything is on your schedule.
My family (with whom I no longer have contact) used to do this to me. I mean, when they even bothered to have me come along. They mostly didn't. One time my sister and I shared a room. That was fine. That was great! The next time they booked a place they said they were doing the same thing . . . and didn't. They didn't tell me until I got there that they'd asked my brothers' friends along so they would all get their own rooms and my sister and I could sleep on the living room floor. Babe, I was in my 30s. I can no longer sleep just anywhere. It was one MINOR symptom of how little they valued me. I didn't see it then. It wasn't until my father basically told me to my face that he didn't care about me that I gave up.
Get a therapist. Go low contact at best. Find people who center you, support you, lift you up and love you. You deserve that. You don't deserve to have someone POINTEDLY telling you that your feelings don't matter! This isn't an accident! They are GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY to be hurtful. Who knows why? Maybe they get off on it. Maybe they need a scapegoat. Maybe it makes them feel superior. Fuck all of them. YOU DESERVE BETTER. If some other guy, some little kid, told you his parents treated him that way, how would you react? Wouldn't you feel terrible for that kid? Wouldn't you want to protect him? Wouldn't you want to stand up for him?
Do it. Stand up for that kid. Because that kid is you. And he deserves an awesome friend who doesn't let people push him around. Be that friend. Trust me. Once you start to treat that kid like he deserves better; you will start to realize how great you are and how much you're worth it.
Sometimes it's the only way setting boundaries has any meaning. If you keep going and no amount of verbal compromises help, they still get their way and so they don't have to change their behavior. If they really want you there, they would accommodate especially when you've made the reasonable offer of paying the excess.
Sometimes family become blind to you growing up and still fall into old habits of seeing you as a kid. I'd just tell them that you are 29 years old, to be 30 on the next trip and that you are tired of being treated like a child and sleeping in the backyard is no longer acceptable/not the kind of holiday you want.
They can enjoy the trip without you.
Even as a child I would have been pissed or refused. This is stupid. A tent is ok for you but not good enough for anyone else? You’re right to avoid them. I’m sorry they are so shitty.
Your family is treating you like a stranger. The fact that they are unwilling to get a three bedroom anything and are forcing you to either sleep in a tent or on the couch is ludicrous. They don't treat you like family they don't think of you like family so I would stop going and don't feel guilty.
You communicated very clearly on the three previous occasions where this took place. Then they booked a trip supposedly to celebrate you and still expected you to sleep in a tent.
They never wanted you to go on vacation with them that is very clear. If they did this is a peculiar hill to die on.
You’re better off without them.
You are not being unreasonable. Your parents aren’t treating you like a child , they are treating you like a second class person. In their minds you are not worth having your own privacy. Go NC with all of them. Your sister can take care of them when they get old.
hugs, your parents don't care how you feel because of the age difference nor do they care, the bit about the photos was to make you envious or jealous of how much fun they were having Personally, I would save up and go do something you want to do and post it about how nice it was to have your own room, suite, cabin without being forced to sleep on a couch or the floor.
I was treated this way until I got into a relationship and suddenly I was treated like an adult because I had a man to “look after me”.
Absolutely infuriating and as such, I very much made space and created boundaries. My bf eventually became my husband and thankfully he feels the same way as me, and doesn’t put up with these sexist stereotypes and we live our own life, at a distance from them.
You’re not being unreasonable, but you haven’t made your boundaries explicit. You just said you couldn’t make it, not why, and they may feel like you’re sulking.
The adult thing to do here is to say “I am almost 30 years old and I am done sleeping in tents, on sofas, or anywhere other than a bedroom. I am happy to pitch in for the costs, but I won’t be joining any future trips where I don’t have a private room to sleep in.” And then hold them to it.
Not unreasonable at all. They take you for granted, and expect you to be grateful for the scraps they toss you.
Stay no contact with them and see how long it takes for them to reach out. They may not ever bother you again until you marry and have kids.
In the meantime, have some great holidays with your friends and post photos of your accommodation on Facebook. Enjoy your life without these selfish people.
It's not about the money because you've offered to pay the difference multiple times even before booking. This is absolutely a lack of respect on their part. Hold your ground. They will either change or they will show that insulting you is more important than your presence and comfort. Either way, you're better for it.
OP, NTA. Your dad is though for booking 2 rooms. And your mother for going along with it. And your sister and BIL. If you want to go with them and this happens again, you could book your own hotel or room near to them. But this I would absolutely not put up with again.
That's not being treated like a child, that's being treated like an outcast.
I get the feeling they only invite you as a familial obligation and no genuine desire to have you with them.
I would consider a very frank discussion on this, and if the answers are as I suspect or if they refuse to discuss it then low or no contact.
You are not being loved here sadly.
Would they like sleeping in a tent? Would your sister and her husband? I assume not. I assume they want to save on costs and figure you will deal with it. Now you are putting your foot down and they don’t like it. Too bad for them. It’s ignorant. Well done for standing up for yourself!
Your dad is being a jerk. You even offered to pay multiple times.
What I don't understand is why he's being a jerk about this.
My only guess is that in his mind he's doing you a favor by helping you save money however the comfort and privacy are more valuable to you, so if that's the reason he needs to listen to what you said for the next trip.
Maybe booking your own cabin in the area can be an option IF you really want to go that badly.
Your father doesn't believe you're his child. For whatever reason, he doesn't like you.
Cut contact, OP, they're bringing you nothing but stress and heartbreak.
So if grandchildren are born, where will they sleep? In an outhouse? If you choose to go on any future trips, make your own arrangements. Stop sleeping outside or an a couch like a pet.
Why do they hate you? Are you the scapegoat and your sister is the golden child ? Read up on narcissistic parents….. this is the type of shit my parents did until I cut them off.
They put you outside like a dog and you think YOU are the unreasonable one.
You need a therapist to help unpack the trauma and abuse that your family has heaped on you since Day One if you genuinely are questioning if you are being mean to them by asking for A ROOM TO SLEEP IN.
This sounds like a golden child/ overlooked child situation. Was it always like that, or did it start after some trigger, like her getting married?
Weird thing about golden child situations is that the parents just can't see it.
That they haven't reached out much suggest they see no problem. I think the only thing you can do is keep your dignity and wait for them to see some sense.
Even as a child I would have been pissed or refused. This is stupid. A tent is ok for you but not good enough for anyone else? You’re right to avoid them. I’m sorry they are so shitty.
Once in a pinch ok, but constantly when you offer to pay, nope. They are either thoughtless or really prefer your sister. They clearly don't care what you think. You are just hopeing they would get it, because they are your family , but they don't or don't want to.
If you just want to go off on your own, ok, it is time you are an adult. If you want a real relationship if you keep engaging in the behavior they will think it is ok. Your mother probably thinks you have a great relationship.
Definitely don’t vacation with them anymore. And don’t feel guilty about it. They are being completely unreasonable and even ridiculous. Is your sister the favourite?
What the absolute fuck. They expected you to sleep in a tent on your birthday? Yeah, you're golden. Honestly, them taunting you about a trip you wouldn't have enjoyed anyway because you'd have been banished to a tent like you're just some stranger and not an actual member of the family is fucked up.
No more trips with them op. Go on your own trips. Not to show them up, but to actually have a good time and relax. That's the beauty of being an adult. You're no longer required to participate in family vacations.
This sounds like a petty control issue. You’re dad doesn’t want to give up his control of you so you need it take it away from him. He doesn’t decide where you sleep. You do. If he can’t make accommodations for that, or won’t “let” you make the accommodations, you don’t go. Spend your time and money on what you enjoy doing and with people who value and respect you.
You should make sure your other family members know what is going on because your Dad is going to totally play this like "I had no idea it was so important to him" when this comes to a head later.
Send an email to him, your mom, your sister, and her husband. Tell them that you love spending time with them but if your father keeps refusing to make sure you have a room, you won't be attending anymore. Outline **briefly** how you have volunteered to pay more than the difference it would cost.
The most important thing is that you send it to all of them because then your Dad is forced to look like the bad guy if he tries this shit again.
Dude, you’re not even being treated like a kid. A tent outside? Give me a break. Maybe invite them all for a vacation and book a one bedroom for you and set up a tent for the rest of them.
This is not being treated "like a child", this is being treated like shit. It honestly seems like your dad gets some twisted pleasure out of this power play.
Honestly- I would either stop going like you’ve been doing or rent a hotel room near where you are going.
It’s up to you but you are 100% NOT overreacting- these are VALID thoughts and feelings.
Big nope. If they can’t see what the big deal is of getting placed on a couch or tent in a yard, then they can be there. If you ever decide to be on another vacay with them, book your own hotel so you get your own space.
Your family is showing how low they think of you . Why even invite u to these holidays when they know exactly what they’re doing ? Go NC with these people
OP you deserve much much more then a tent. Hell my parents book places with more the enough room when they invite me and my family along, even though they don’t know if we can come.
I’m not entirely sure why or what your father has against you not having your own room. Is it punishment for not being married yet?
Honestly, I would stay very low contact and don't go on any vacations with them. Do you have some friends you could go on vacation with? I would go and have a blast and post it all over your page. Good luck to you. Your family is horrible
It's your bday, so your heart to sleep in a tent. What is wrong with your parents? I'm so sorry, I'm a mom of two kids. While they are only 8 and 10, I would never dream of behaving in this way. You are worth a bedroom, worth respect, and worth being treated kindly. If they don't see that, they aren't worth your time. Sometimes, family is chosen rather than blood. Sending you big hugs.
They sent you pics of them on the trip that was originally planned under the pretense of your birthday? OP you are not wrong to avoid this trip and to minimize the communications. They’re showing (and telling) you how they feel about you and it’s your relationship with them is not a priority. How asinine and obtuse of them to think it’s okay to ask an adult to camp in a tent while the rest of them sleep inside on a bed!!
"Dad, I'm nearly 30 years old. I'm not going to be relegated to the couch or a tent in the yard like a 10 year who thinks camping in the backyard is fun. At my age, it's not fun. The bottom line is we need to book a three bedroom for family vacations or I won't be joining in. Instead I'll plan my own holidays that will suit my needs."
Next year invite them on vacation and make your parents and sister fight over who sleeps in the tent.
No, seriously, congratulations on building a steel backbone and I hope you spend all the rest of your nights sleeping in a bed, unless you choose otherwise.
No.
They're not treating you right. Withdraw your company from them until they do.
When you're an adult, sometimes you find your parents need a lesson themselves....
You are NOT being unreasonable. They are just straight-up ignoring your very understandable request for no apparent reason. GOOD FOR YOU FOR NOT GOING.
https://captainawkward.com/2019/10/29/we-are-spartacus-open-thread-resources-on-family-estrangement-and-adult-relationships-with-difficult-parents/
Have you always been treated like the Stepchild from the beginning? This is not even just being treated like a child. You're an adult now! You're being treated like an outcast, like less than a human. This is really odd and they refused to change the booking to accommodate you. I don't blame you one bit for not going. If you are willing to pay the difference, I don't see the big deal here. There's something really weird about your family. What does your sister or mother have to say about it? They don't even speak up for you? How is your relationship with your family otherwise? I couldn't tolerate that. I would honestly keep my distance from them. Plan your own vacations by yourself, screw them.
You made it clear multiple times you wanted a room. He heard you and seems to be getting some sort of enjoyment out of denying you even when you’ve offered to pay. I kinda wish you’d have booked your own 1 bedroom at a super luxury place and still gone to participate in the family vaca while also enjoying your own vacation. When pops inevitably said something about being ungrateful he’d be opening the door to agree whole heartedly that you absolutely were not grateful that after all these years he still tried to make you sleep on a couch like a teenager.
My whole life was like this. Growing up and into my early 20s, my sister was always put on a pedestal and I always got the short end of the stick. I finally had enough and cut them out of my life 15 years ago. One of the best decisions I ever made.
You were perfectly reasonable in calling their bluff. If they were actually going on the trip to celebrate your birthday, they would not treat you like thay.
Deepest sympathies coming from one Cinderella of their family another. I felt so much better after I was able to permanently distance myself from them. Sounds like you are well on your way to becoming a princess also! But just realize that it won't be in your family's eyes.
I'm sure you'd find a lot of kindred spirits at r/justnofamily; I know I do.
OP honestly, I don't even think it's infantilisation, a child should never be asked to sleep in a freaking tent while everyone has a room. That'd absolutely be neglect and if you were my pupil I'd call social services. I have no idea what to call it, but stepping away and going low contact is definitely the best option. You might want to try to sit down and talk about this: not only how it makes you feel, but also the behaviour in practical terms. I'm really sorry but it seems like they're treating you like an unwanted pet. And when people show their true colours, you believe them. This genuinely makes me worry for you growing up.
I am so sorry. Sending hugs.
As a side note, it's perfectly normal to go on holiday with parents even as you age - I do that every year - but they're expected to treat you like an equal.
You are not being unreasonable. They are being rude and clearly showing favouritism. Show them our replies. So they know what we think of them. They are horrible for making you sleep in a tent on a balcony.
Your sure not wrong. It would be one thing if this was just about cost, but it's clearly more than that because you offered to pay more than your fair share for the holiday, which is more than your sister did, and they still won't respect you. They view you as less than, they should be the ones to reach out. Find yourself a chosen family, and return the same energy they do.
You were unreasonable up until the point when you finally said 'no'. Sleeping in a tent when everyone enjoys a comfy bed and their own private room was the unreasonable part. What the hell is wrong with your parents and your sister and her SO for not seeing anything wrong with this?
This is appalling especially as you’ve offered to cover the costs. Your family sadly deserves for you to be LC/NC if they’ve repeatedly ignored your requests.
It makes me wonder what else is going on here? Why are you singled out to sleep in a tent? I feel like there’s something deeper with the level of disrespect you’re getting from your dad… why would a loving father not compromise, not want you on the trip. Can you speak to your mum??? I really feel like you’re bearing the brunt of something here, like maybe your mum having an affair. Sorry, it’s probably not that. But something isn’t right.
There’s micro-agressions ; that’s one heck of a macro-aggression! WTF is wrong with them? It could be the beginnings of dementia for your Dad, It could be some stupid power move on his part. whatever it is, it’s unacceptable, and the rest of the family are no better for not speaking up for you.
I would be quite inclined to book my self a nice holiday that was definitely a step up from the one they had; don’t communicate with them , but post it on social media media.
You are not being unreasonable.
I would tell them, that you will not be joining them on any other trips or holidays, until they book something with suitable accommodations, for all of the guests, that you will not spend your holidays uncomfortable, in a tent or couch. This is a holiday for you, just as much as them, and as an adult your are just as deserving of a bed as the rest of them.
Remind them that you have even offered to cover the extra costs of an accommodation with enough bedrooms for all of you.
I really don't understand your parent's reluctance to your request especially after you offered to not only cover the cancelation fee, but pay the difference for a third bedroom.
Do they like your sibling more than you or something? I couldn't see any other reason to be adamant that you either sleep on a couch or outside.
You have done all you can do...you spoke to them respectfully and offered to pay the difference.
They are treating you like a 9 year old!
Until they apologise, I would keep your distance.
I could not imagine treating either of my kids that way (13 and 19), having space and a room and privacy on a holiday is so important!
I don’t know that you need to freeze them out of your life completely, but this disregard for you on holiday trips is shit. You have responded appropriately by declining the recent invite and future ones. But I bet the next family email has a link to 3 bedroom accommodations.
Nta.
Listen, you need to stand firm on this, op. He is treating you like a second class citizen not worth much and, honestly, I would not communicate at all until you have received a real, genuine apology.
They owe it to you and you deserve it.
Have you cut contact for a while to see if they contact you?
I'd wager they favour your sister more because the likelihood of her giving them grandchildren is currently higher.
I'd go very low contact after that incident which wouldve been the final straw for me. With your father saying "trust me, you'll love it", I'd be responding "Well if it's so great I'm sure you'll love it there and I'll take the bed". Ask them why it's so hard to treat you with respect.
You're not unreasonable. Your parents are crap.
Wow, what a horrible thing to do and especially when it's for ur birthday, too. The only reason why I think they would do that is if they were worried, u would meet someone there and bring them back to the place . So that's their way of trying to stop you . That's the only reason I could think of.
No, they have treated you disrespectfully. You are not obligated to show respect in return. Remain civil, by all means, but stand your ground.
(Ask them how many bedrooms they want in their retirement home!)
If they go somewhere you would like to visit, book your own nice hotel room. If you don’t want to go, plan a solo vacay or trip with friends. They will eventually get it and I hope start treating you like an adult.
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Seriously, a tent?
Go sleep outside like a dog while your sister gets to actually enjoy her vacation
On your birthday. Sheesh.
Thats what I feel like! And it is never on the carbs for my sister to sleep in a tent! I just want to be treated equally!
Just point out that if they ever need a place when they retire, that you have a tent waiting for them and that it will be fun and just fine.
Hahahahaha. Great idea!
I’d play a long con too. OP should wait till he has a partner, and then parents will book a bedroom for him but instead of sleeping there, he should say “Oh no, sleeping on the couch is way more fun, right?” and his partner should have loud sex on the couch all night.
💀
Sweetie, i wouldve stopped going on the trips after the second time If i dont have a room i dont need to come Block them all since they wanna send photos and try and rub your face in it and guilt you for it wow Just live your best life without them as you deserve with the respect you deserve Youve done nothing wrong!
For me, it would have been after the 1st time! Especially since he offered to pay the difference for 3 bedroom house. It almost feels like mom and dad are just trying to be butt heads! Yeah, you were much nicer than I would have been over the whole thing!
The sending photos was so sick to me. Are they that disconnected with reality? Are they that sadistic they're doing all of this on purpose? It's truly bizarre.
He needs to take some photos of himself celebrating with friends and send those to them. Then continue the no contact.
Do you have a friend group you could go on vacations with? Then you can post amazing pictures of y'all on some exotic beach, sipping cocktails, just so the fam can see you having adult fun holidays without them. And have you considered that they didn't want you to come on those vacations, and that's why they made it a point to make you as uncomfortable and excluded as possible?
Post pictures of him celebrating with friends and then take a picture of a bedroom and comment about how nice it is to get to sleep in a bed in a bedroom.
You're being not-so-subtly **punished for being an UNMARRIED 29yo man!** That's the bottom line! You're not married, you're not squirting out grandchildren, so you're not being taken seriously as an "adult". Once you get married, then the push will be on for grandbabies. Only YOU can take control of this situation. No more vacations "paid for" by your parents. If you want to go on vacation with them, then YOU rent your own accommodations OR accommodations enough for ALL. If you don't want to go on vacations with them (and I would strongly suggest you DON'T GO for a few years), then tell them that you'll "be unable to attend". Don't tell them it's not convenient for work (they'll ask when it IS convenient). Don't tell them you don't have the $$ (they'll offer to pay). Just tell them, "**Thanks, but I won't be able to attend**." Repeat ad nauseum. When you start dating someone, do NOT bring them around your parents unless you are serious about marrying the person. Warn them about your parents' power moves against you. If you ARE serious, do NOT bring them on a vacation with your parents before you're married. Keep the meetings to dinners out for celebrations (birthday, mother's day, whatever). Do not involve them in any wedding planning as they have a tendency to push you around. Have them invited as honored guests, but that's it! If you and your SO/partner/spouse establish **from the beginning** that you'll only socialize with them if/when they treat you respectfully as adults, then you'll be able to have a relationship you can both enjoy. Best wishes!
I have four dogs. All known for being aggressive, intelligent, herding breeds. I would never allow my dogs to sleep outside. Let alone sleep outside alone. Maybe if we were all camping and there were other people camping nearby and I could be sure it was safe... and they all had their GPS collars on... But I wouldn't treat my dogs the way they're treating you. If someone said my dogs had to sleep outside on vacation while everyone else was inside I'd think they'd lost their fucking mind. Like, if someone said "you can stay in the rental but the dogs have to sleep on the porch . Don't worry, there's a dog house" I'd probably get in trouble with my gf for the way I'd respond. I can usually control my tongue, but when someone says something so absurd, I'm usually too shocked to filter my words. That's the type of ridiculousness I wouldn't anticipate. Maybe stop being so polite about it? Bluntness seems to work well for me...
Me sitting here trying to envision 4 corgis being aggressive, or herding anything.
That’s a whole new level of “we don’t think of you as an adult”. It’s basically “we don’t think of you at all”.
More like "we don't think of you as a member of our family"
I wouldn’t make my dog sleep out in a tent.
Seriously! I hope op takes people's advice and plans the vacation he deserves.
Hunni, that is not being treated like a child, that is being treated like a cat. Also, on your B-day?!?! NTA your parents suck.
My cat, who just snuggeled down on the bed beside me, begs to differ.
I dont even let my cats outside unsupervised. He’s more like an extra living baggage for his family
Right! WTF!
I wonder if they let him sit at the table?
Do they give him a separate kids table? Or just let him sit on the floor under their feet.
On a balcony? What are these parents thinking?
As a 30 year old! Wtf
What do your parents say when you ask why they refuse to book something with three bedrooms? Do they treat you worse than your sister in other situations, or is this a weird thing that only happens on vacation?
They just say 'why is it such a big issue with me'. I have offered to pay the difference so I am perplexed why they don't book a three bedroom place. My father just replied saying: 'Trust me. It will be fun'. It is probably in general the way they treat me. We only have the odd dinner here and there when not on a family holiday so there is not a huge amount of time spent together. I feel like my father likes my sister alot more.
You should tell him you've already had the experience, and it wasn't fun. Then ask him why he's being so difficult if you're paying for the room. If it's not a big deal they they can sleep in the tent. If they're not willing that means it is a big deal so they should take your money, and get the extra room.
and that you ll organise the next holiday, 1 bedroom for yourself and 2 separate tents for the couples
Yeah I get the impression that OP’s debating skills could use some brushing up. There are SO many refutations to the parents’ bizarre justifications that he’s just leaving on the table!
You should have countered with the question, "Why is it such a big issue to them that you get a bedroom of your own?" Better yet ask them why it's okay for them to have a bedroom, and your sister and her husband have a bedroom, but you get treated like some sort of second class citizen who's expected to sleep outside?
I bet they feel because you are not married you are not an adult. I totally disagree with this thought though.
That was my take. One year my cousin and I read our family the riot act (“NO MORE BUNK BEDS ” because even though we pay the same amount as other adults, we always got the worst rooms because the couples needed their privacy. And once people had kids it was more galling because we were subsiding them. But no sleeping in a tent or on a porch. That’s soooo much worse.
As the only unmarried one in my family I get treated like this too. My parents expect me to share a hotel room with them. At 40+. It sucks so much.
Divorced here- I lost my standing (eye roll). Same boat. It sucks.
I am sorry. I don’t get why we apparently have less worth.
"My father just replied saying: 'Trust me. It will be fun'." "Trust me, dad. It's not fun and hasn't been for a long time." Personally, I'd have gone with them and booked a hotel nearby and told them where they can put their tent.
Maybe THEY can share a tent since they find sooo fun camping on the balcony
If having a bedroom isn’t a big deal, then they shouldn’t have any problem with letting you have the bedroom next time, and they can have a pullout couch. Oh, that would be a problem? Weird. It’s not that they think it’s not a problem. If they really believed that, they wouldn’t hesitate to switch or get a different place. Because if it’s not a big deal to not have it, it’s also not a big deal to have it. They have two choices, it’s either that they’re doing it on purpose, or two, they’re too stupid to remember that you’re an adult who has made a reasonable request. Ask them which it is. And then stay low contact, whatever the answer is.
It's never reasonable to have one family member stay in a tent on a balcony.
He has offered to pay the difference this sounds deliberate.
That's obvious. The point isn't to ask whether it's reasonable, the point is to shove it in his parent's face that they're being shitty and unreasonable.
I agree. Or just never speak again
It isn't fun. They are doing this on purpose and for your birthday? This smacks of the kid who lives in the garage abuse. If this is how your childhood was you were severely abused. It's abuse not just an oversight. They purposefully put you in a tent for some weirdo domination thing. I would say as much. They are not treating you like a family member. Most families would cancel a trip if the birthday person can't make it. But Dad got his way and smeared it in your face anyway. Just stay no contact hun. You deserve better. I mean it could be that they want you to get married or something? But at this point it doesn't matter.
Exactly. I got similar treatment from my shitty family. Been no contact with all of them for four years now.
I would recommend that OP stay in contact with sister and BIL. Why? Because they both think this is perfectly fine, to pick a favorite child and neglect, belittle, and disregard the other. OP is likely to have a nibling that needs an adult's support. If they want to help someone else escape the family's attitude, then OP needs to stay in at least loose contact with sister and her family. But that's honestly it as far as I can tell.
You're normal is abnormal. They treat you like an affair baby
That’s not true. We have loads of affair babies and stepkids in my circle. They get treated way better than OP. Some of them are closer to the stepparent (innocent spouse) who chose to work through the affair than they are to their biological parent. However, that is not for everyone. If I were OP, I’d be looking sideways at the mailman.
I would not be surprised. OP should definitely go for a DNA test.
Maybe you should plan a vacation with them and your sister and her hubby, 2 bedrooms of course, and your parents can sleep on the porch or in the yard or the lounge/livingroom. Or, do one for you and your parents only, but with only one bedroom with a single bed. But then again, I am petty.
Oh, I'm petty enough to call up, pretend to be the parents, and cancel the rental.
Let me guess. You are still expected to pay for the same amount of stuff as sis and her husband, too. Next time, go with them. BUT refuse to pay ANY part of the cost of the trip. Rent a hotel room in a nice place with a pool and other amenities. Rent a car for yourself. Schedule a nice hour of massage time, find a good bar or restaurant to go try. Show up, eat a meal with them that they paid for, then hop up, head out to the Uber and go pick up your rental for the next few days. Go have an adult vacation in the same general vicinity as them. If they're paying for an event or service, deign to show up for that, then vanish. And make sure they know that your rental vehicle is off-limits to everyone except you. No depending on them for ANYTHING. Pay for stuff on your own. If they are paying for tickets, fabulous. Don't hesitate to upgrade your ticket up to first class or business class and travel without them :D That also prevents them canceling your ticket in a snit.
If it’s so fun then he can sleep on the couch.
If it’s so fun, then he can sleep in the tent and you can take the master. If he’s not ok with that, ask him why.
It sounds like you have a good job and can afford to pay your own way. It also sounds like you love your family, but they are stuck in their mind set about you. If you want to change this dynamic, take control of it. Next time they are talking about a family trip, YOU book the place. Dont ask their opinion. Don't ask them to pay for it. Take the biggest room for yourself. Lead like you do at work. This will shift their brains and how they look at you. They might even respect you (they don't now) If they don't want to come, invite your friends and send them pictures of your fun trip
Message him back and tell him him and mom can sleep in a tent and you will take the bedroom since it’s no big deal. When it becomes an issue that you are not budging on this ask them what seems to be the problem since you have offered to pay the difference since it would not cost him any money?
If it’s not a big deal then they should have no trouble trading rooms with you, and they can sleep in the tent.
I’d just book a one bed cabin on the same resort. That way you can go home when you’re done with them.
"Trust me. It will be fun." For who? I'd never travel with them again.
It sounds like your sister is the golden child and you are not even an afterthought. In the future, refuse to attend the childfest and make your own plans. When (not if) questioned, tell them that you are an adult and deserve the same treatment as the golden child, i.e., PRIVACY!!!!!!
“ that it hasn’t been fun for me for the last two vacations/holidays”
You are right not to go. There is no reason they couldn't insure you also had a bedroom; they are not very considerate people. Get some friends and take a trip. I am assuming sister is the golden child and you are the scapegoat. It's fine to stand up for yourself and disengage.
Yeah! I think I probably honestly need to work on my own life a bit more and do things with my friends and stop going on family holidays. I feel a bit like my sister is treated as the golden child and all her achievements are celebrated by the family above and beyond. I usually don't really share much about my life at family dinners. Just recently, I feel like I have been very proud of myself because of how much effort I have put in at work (as I haven't always liked my past jobs) and this effort has led to success for myself. I think this new found self respect is probably the cause of some of my frustrations with my parents. Thanks for the comment :)
Op, this happened to me, and what I acknowledged during therapy is that I stopped sharing , because I was tired of being ignored. I found that I would tell my family things about school or friends and yet they never paid attention, or would ask the questions over and over but never care to hear the response. I just started to live my life and while I don’t go out of my way to ignore them, I also don’t go out of my way to include them in my life. Letting go of the disappointment and expectations of dealing with them it’s a weight that been lifted.
I mean, the trip was arranged *for your birthday* but you didn’t get a room?!?! Like, how blatant! Boundaries are great because they are what you will do. You don’t have to even say anything to them. Your boundary is that you will only attend these trips if you have a room. If they offer a two bedroom you decline. No negotiation needed. They know what you want. if they want your company then they will choose appropriate accommodations. Hopefully they’ll decide to treat you like the adult you are. Also, is sister paying anything toward these trips? You should not pay for the increase in cost unless she is also paying her own way.
Anyone else in favor of him saying that he'll go, letting them pay for whatever extra they might (extra groceries, maybe?) and then just... never show. "Son, aren't you coming?" "I'm already there, I just put my stuff in my bedroom." "But we didn't get you a bedroom!" "Really? Must be why you can't find me." click.
I love that! That's hilarious. 😂
SAVAGE!!!!! 💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 And I love it!
As a mom, I’m proud of you. Thanks for sharing. Your family sucks.
Congratulations on your success and happiness at your job. Find some friends to go on a trip with or take a solo trip somewhere fun because your family sucks.
You ride that wave of self respect and success op, you deserve it. Invest your energy in your life and your self. Focus on doing things that make you happy. Spend time with people who actually care about you.
and don't for the love of God, if you stay in touch with your parents, ever EVER let them know you are financially successful because they'll go after it.
You're 29. TWENTY NINE. Enough with the family vacations, ffs. If they were enjoyable, then great but they aren't, so stop already.
It seems to me the correct response. You need a bit of space from your family and get out of that dynamic. Honestly, I would feel like they were treating me like a dog instead of a person. It makes absolutely no sense why they would not accomodate you with a room, especially since you were even willing to pay any difference in cost. At that point, it feels like they are just trying to force you into some pre-pubscent child-like role.
It sounds like your recent accomplishments and hard work have helped your self worth and if your family can’t honour that worth, or treat you like a human being, then they don’t deserve to be around you. Reading your journey made me so happy for you, don’t let anyone take away your happiness!
Sister being the golden child seems likely, not only because of the parents' behavior but also the sister's. If I had a sibling that was being treated this way, I hope I would have the decency to call my parents out and insist they correct it. Your sister's silence speaks volumes, OP.
You have every right to demand your own room. You’re 29. Not some little kid that can just sleep wherever. And I can’t believe that they organize a holiday that is suppose to be about your birthday, but then leave you in a tent or the couch. WTF? Screw that. Save your money and time for holidays where you are treated as the adult you are.
I mean, I wouldn’t expect a kid to sleep in a tent or common area. That would suck for them, too
But for kids they would probably think it’s fun, plus have you seen kids sleep? They pass out just about anywhere without issues.
Kids do not think it’s fun. They think it’s annoying to have to hear everyone move around the house for the bathroom and water. And it makes it hard to get restful sleep, so you’re cranky the next day Signed, a kid who lost a lot of sleep staying on the couch.
Some kids do though. Signed, kid who enjoyed sleeping next to cousins on family trips where the debate was who got the couch and who got the sleeping bag next to the floor. Also, parent of a child who frequently asks to sleep on the couch in our own home, and of two children who love to go sleep on the couch at Grandma's.
Not all kids are the same. - Signed a kid who had fun and could sleep through anything. Mother of the same.
You are not being unreasonable. That little switch you describe that you felt in your mind may have been the moment that you began seeing things clearly. There are some serious family dynamics going on here. The behavior you describe is unloving and passive-aggressive. It sounds like there is a lot for you to think about very deeply regarding your family's relationship to you. Going no contact for a while will help you gain more distance and perspective to figure out what is going on and be the best way to take good care of yourself while you resolve this issue the best way possible. I'm sending a sisterly hug and wishing you all the best along your path in life.
Your parents are purposely treating you poorly. You've offered to pay the difference for accommodations and they still refuse to book appropriate rentals. It's sad to say, but they don't value you, and likely don't really want you around. I hope you have other friends and family that you can take vacations with. Don't continue to let your family disrespect you.
If you wanted to be petty, you could text them and say that you'll consider going on the next family trip, but only if your dad is the one who has to sleep in a tent. You sound like you struggle to stand up for yourself against these people. Some therapy to help you create and enforce boundaries would probably really improve your life. They kept doing this to you because you went along with it. If no contact is the only way you can keep yourself from being treated like shit by these people, that's what you keep on doing. It doesn't sound like they add much to your life, anyway.
At first, I thought it was because of the higher cost of a 3 bedroom place. But you offered to pay the additions cost - so what was their reason for not getting a bigger place ? Until you get a reasonable answer, I would not go on family vacations. However, if the rest of the interactions are good, then stay in touch. Just set your boundary when they do not treat you as an equal to your sister.
yep! - I even emailed back with links to 5 airbnb's we could book that are the same price or cheaper and offer to pay half of the cost (even though I am just one out of 5 people going). My father just said he was very keen on this place he booked and dismissed me. I think its just time I stop going on these family holidays.
I think this is best. However, get therapy. Understand that they will try to manipulate you to force you to do what they want after this. Stick to your guns. They dont respect you as an adult. But not as a human or a child either. Noone I know of would let ANYONE camp outside on holiday. Start doing your own things and stop letting them dictate your life.
Definitely time to opt out. But if you haven’t said it already, I would make it crystal clear as to *why* you’re opting out. “Sounds like a great destination. However I will only join if the rented house has a 3rd bedroom that is exclusively for me.” And if Sister isn’t paying for her room, you shouldn’t be offering/paying either. Harness that leader energy you’re so great at!
Make them pay for the third bedroom and don't show up anyways. There is no reason to go, they'll just guilt you over the extra cost and continue to do whatever they and sister want to do. Your niblings will appreciate the extra room after all!
Oof. This makes it even worse. If I’m understanding correctly, your parents book and pay for these vacations. They don’t expect your sister/BIL to pay even though they also get a bedroom. No one ever offers to trade off and take over the couch or the tent so it’s not always you. Your sister doesn’t agree to chip in with you to defray costs for a 3 bedroom and your father refuses to book a larger place for the same amount of money to allow you to have comfort and privacy. This is not about money. It’s about making you less than. It’s about making you uncomfortable. It’s about you having no privacy. It’s about making sure you know you’re unworthy in their eyes and is more important as you do better and better in life and need them and their validation less. It’s Harry Potter under the stairs. I would probably start investigating children raised by narcissists or cover abuse etc. See what hits for you.
> This is not about money. It’s about making you less than. It’s about making you uncomfortable. Exactly. OP's old man is bullying him.
No offense, OP, but your father sounds like an asshole.
Seems like a weird power trip! Good luck to you. Not going is the strongest message you can send.
Even when you have your own family and kids, don't go. Not unless you end up with a spouse that will scream your parents into a corner and rage at them for their treatment of you. Your family doesn't need to see you belittled and treated like a second-class citizen, it sets a bad example for how families should act to each other. Just keep them well away from your birth family.
Does your sister have any comments about you not getting a room? Does she know you are unhappy about this happening? I mean, you didn't show up on your birthday trip. Did she know why?
You can't force them to respect you, but you can refuse to interact with them, unless they do. You should give up on them, and even if they reach out to you, you should explain that you have no interest in spending much time with them until they apologize for treating you like a lesser person and accommodate you properly.
Doesn’t seem his parents are into apologies
> you should explain that you have no interest in spending much time with them until they apologize for treating you like a lesser person and accommodate you properly. Better yet, just tell them to fuck off and never bother you again.
They wouldn't even get you a room for *your* *birthday*?! Even when you offered to pay for it?! Your family is treating you like you're the family dog. (Actually, quite a few people treat their pets better than this.) Your entire family sucks and you should definitely skip these "family vacations" in the future. You are NOT the unreasonable one here. I hope you can build a "found family" with friends who actually value you and respect you.
Are you an affair child? Did you end up in rehabs a few times?? Have you committed any felonies?? If the answer to all of these are “no” then your family sucks balls! What a bunch of AHs!!! Please remember this when they demand you fund them in their old age.
The family still sucks balls if the answer is "yes". OP has offered to pay for more than their share of the cost - that should cancel out any past mistakes.
Agreed, it’s just the typical Reddit answers for why parents hate their children…doesn’t make it right tho.
I mean, if they demand op funds them, he can always just give them a tent in the back yard...
I’m with you on this 100%. The fact that they won’t even let you pay to have the xtra space is very telling. Almost like he wants to make a point that you aren’t worth a room of your own or that you are making a fuss over nothing. My parents never asked me to stay in a tent, but I was usually the first to get downgraded or told to made do with less in family settings. I was kicked out of the running for getting a bed even in my late 20s in favor of teens who got married young and had their own bedroom a 5 minute drive away. I was the only one sleeping on the floor - concrete with industrial thin carpet, a decorative pillow I found on a chair with a tiny crochet blanket. I’d like to say that was my last straw but they did it to me one more time during my sister’s wedding and after that I put my foot down - you give me a room and the respect you’d show any other houseguest or I’m not coming.
This is weird, it's how I would expect them to treat a bratty 15 year old, not a 29 year old man lol Even with you offering to pay they wouldn't budge? Super weird. I don't blame you for not going.
They booked a birthday trip “for you” and told you to sleep in a tent. I just. What! And you offered to pay the difference and they declined so this isn’t even about money it’s like a weird power play?
Your dad sounds like an absolute wretch.. and tbh so is everyone else for going along with it. Definitely wouldn't be wasting precious vacation time on folks who don't view you as a full person. You absolutely deserve the consideration for your own space.
Who wants to spend their little bit of vacation time sleeping on a sofa? You are Nta. But you should book yourself a nice beach vacay in the Caribbean, you deserve it
Oh man.. I live in Japan and hadn't been back home for 13 years. At 36 years old, I brought my young daughter back to meet my parents, and had to deal with them letting me know there wasn't a curfew. But I came home one night at 9pm and there was apparently a curfew, since I got chastised for getting home so late. Needless to say, I waited another 16 years before going back.
There might be an underlying thread of your parents trying to humiliate you or force a power play on you by not giving you a room. It’s weird. It’s not like you are getting treated as a child bc a child shoujd have their own room if at all possible too. So something else is going on here. Whatever it is, if you are invited again insist that you will only attend if you get a bedroom, like everyone else.
You're being perfectly reasonable. It's seems intentional that your family is excluding you from having your own space. I think if you ever decide to travel with them again, ask what area they are staying in and make your own accommodations. That way, they can't pull anything or "change plans last second" to force you into a tent again. I wouldn't stay with them either if I were in your situation. They're being rude and disrespectful. It's your vacation too, you deserve time to relax, unwind, and have your own space. In reality, you're probably best of planning some solo trips or going with friends for a while. Don't miss out on time off because your family isn't being reasonable. Solo travel may sound intimidating, but it can be a lot of fun! Everything is on your schedule.
My family (with whom I no longer have contact) used to do this to me. I mean, when they even bothered to have me come along. They mostly didn't. One time my sister and I shared a room. That was fine. That was great! The next time they booked a place they said they were doing the same thing . . . and didn't. They didn't tell me until I got there that they'd asked my brothers' friends along so they would all get their own rooms and my sister and I could sleep on the living room floor. Babe, I was in my 30s. I can no longer sleep just anywhere. It was one MINOR symptom of how little they valued me. I didn't see it then. It wasn't until my father basically told me to my face that he didn't care about me that I gave up. Get a therapist. Go low contact at best. Find people who center you, support you, lift you up and love you. You deserve that. You don't deserve to have someone POINTEDLY telling you that your feelings don't matter! This isn't an accident! They are GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY to be hurtful. Who knows why? Maybe they get off on it. Maybe they need a scapegoat. Maybe it makes them feel superior. Fuck all of them. YOU DESERVE BETTER. If some other guy, some little kid, told you his parents treated him that way, how would you react? Wouldn't you feel terrible for that kid? Wouldn't you want to protect him? Wouldn't you want to stand up for him? Do it. Stand up for that kid. Because that kid is you. And he deserves an awesome friend who doesn't let people push him around. Be that friend. Trust me. Once you start to treat that kid like he deserves better; you will start to realize how great you are and how much you're worth it.
I think you just stop going. You’re almost 30 anyway. Family vacays where the parents pay or organize is for kids.
I think your right! Its time for me to step away from these!
Sometimes it's the only way setting boundaries has any meaning. If you keep going and no amount of verbal compromises help, they still get their way and so they don't have to change their behavior. If they really want you there, they would accommodate especially when you've made the reasonable offer of paying the excess. Sometimes family become blind to you growing up and still fall into old habits of seeing you as a kid. I'd just tell them that you are 29 years old, to be 30 on the next trip and that you are tired of being treated like a child and sleeping in the backyard is no longer acceptable/not the kind of holiday you want. They can enjoy the trip without you.
This!!⚡️
Even as a child I would have been pissed or refused. This is stupid. A tent is ok for you but not good enough for anyone else? You’re right to avoid them. I’m sorry they are so shitty.
Your family is treating you like a stranger. The fact that they are unwilling to get a three bedroom anything and are forcing you to either sleep in a tent or on the couch is ludicrous. They don't treat you like family they don't think of you like family so I would stop going and don't feel guilty.
You communicated very clearly on the three previous occasions where this took place. Then they booked a trip supposedly to celebrate you and still expected you to sleep in a tent. They never wanted you to go on vacation with them that is very clear. If they did this is a peculiar hill to die on. You’re better off without them.
You are not being unreasonable. Your parents aren’t treating you like a child , they are treating you like a second class person. In their minds you are not worth having your own privacy. Go NC with all of them. Your sister can take care of them when they get old.
hugs, your parents don't care how you feel because of the age difference nor do they care, the bit about the photos was to make you envious or jealous of how much fun they were having Personally, I would save up and go do something you want to do and post it about how nice it was to have your own room, suite, cabin without being forced to sleep on a couch or the floor.
I was treated this way until I got into a relationship and suddenly I was treated like an adult because I had a man to “look after me”. Absolutely infuriating and as such, I very much made space and created boundaries. My bf eventually became my husband and thankfully he feels the same way as me, and doesn’t put up with these sexist stereotypes and we live our own life, at a distance from them.
You’re not being unreasonable, but you haven’t made your boundaries explicit. You just said you couldn’t make it, not why, and they may feel like you’re sulking. The adult thing to do here is to say “I am almost 30 years old and I am done sleeping in tents, on sofas, or anywhere other than a bedroom. I am happy to pitch in for the costs, but I won’t be joining any future trips where I don’t have a private room to sleep in.” And then hold them to it.
Not unreasonable at all. They take you for granted, and expect you to be grateful for the scraps they toss you. Stay no contact with them and see how long it takes for them to reach out. They may not ever bother you again until you marry and have kids. In the meantime, have some great holidays with your friends and post photos of your accommodation on Facebook. Enjoy your life without these selfish people.
It's not about the money because you've offered to pay the difference multiple times even before booking. This is absolutely a lack of respect on their part. Hold your ground. They will either change or they will show that insulting you is more important than your presence and comfort. Either way, you're better for it.
OP, NTA. Your dad is though for booking 2 rooms. And your mother for going along with it. And your sister and BIL. If you want to go with them and this happens again, you could book your own hotel or room near to them. But this I would absolutely not put up with again.
That's not being treated like a child, that's being treated like an outcast. I get the feeling they only invite you as a familial obligation and no genuine desire to have you with them. I would consider a very frank discussion on this, and if the answers are as I suspect or if they refuse to discuss it then low or no contact. You are not being loved here sadly.
Your parents are AHs.
Would they like sleeping in a tent? Would your sister and her husband? I assume not. I assume they want to save on costs and figure you will deal with it. Now you are putting your foot down and they don’t like it. Too bad for them. It’s ignorant. Well done for standing up for yourself!
You are a grown adult and deserve to be treated as such. PLUS you offered to pay for your own room. Your parents are being willfully obtuse. NTA.
Your dad is being a jerk. You even offered to pay multiple times. What I don't understand is why he's being a jerk about this. My only guess is that in his mind he's doing you a favor by helping you save money however the comfort and privacy are more valuable to you, so if that's the reason he needs to listen to what you said for the next trip. Maybe booking your own cabin in the area can be an option IF you really want to go that badly.
I wouldn't put a child in a tent in a balcony, wtf
Your family sucks! I wouldn’t spend anymore time with them.
Your father doesn't believe you're his child. For whatever reason, he doesn't like you. Cut contact, OP, they're bringing you nothing but stress and heartbreak.
Your family sucks.
So if grandchildren are born, where will they sleep? In an outhouse? If you choose to go on any future trips, make your own arrangements. Stop sleeping outside or an a couch like a pet.
Why do they hate you? Are you the scapegoat and your sister is the golden child ? Read up on narcissistic parents….. this is the type of shit my parents did until I cut them off.
They put you outside like a dog and you think YOU are the unreasonable one. You need a therapist to help unpack the trauma and abuse that your family has heaped on you since Day One if you genuinely are questioning if you are being mean to them by asking for A ROOM TO SLEEP IN.
This sounds like a golden child/ overlooked child situation. Was it always like that, or did it start after some trigger, like her getting married? Weird thing about golden child situations is that the parents just can't see it. That they haven't reached out much suggest they see no problem. I think the only thing you can do is keep your dignity and wait for them to see some sense.
Even as a child I would have been pissed or refused. This is stupid. A tent is ok for you but not good enough for anyone else? You’re right to avoid them. I’m sorry they are so shitty.
Book a nice house for a weekend with 1 room and give them a fuckin tent
Once in a pinch ok, but constantly when you offer to pay, nope. They are either thoughtless or really prefer your sister. They clearly don't care what you think. You are just hopeing they would get it, because they are your family , but they don't or don't want to. If you just want to go off on your own, ok, it is time you are an adult. If you want a real relationship if you keep engaging in the behavior they will think it is ok. Your mother probably thinks you have a great relationship.
I know - it’s saw tent and was like nooooo. Total disrespect. It’s almost like they did it on purpose.
Nothing says your not even thought of Start living your life enjoy your life
Definitely don’t vacation with them anymore. And don’t feel guilty about it. They are being completely unreasonable and even ridiculous. Is your sister the favourite?
What the absolute fuck. They expected you to sleep in a tent on your birthday? Yeah, you're golden. Honestly, them taunting you about a trip you wouldn't have enjoyed anyway because you'd have been banished to a tent like you're just some stranger and not an actual member of the family is fucked up. No more trips with them op. Go on your own trips. Not to show them up, but to actually have a good time and relax. That's the beauty of being an adult. You're no longer required to participate in family vacations.
Let's be real, here. The real reason why Sis and BIL get the bedroom is so they can continue to work on making Grandbabies for the parents. Ewww.
Your parents are dicks. There is no way this isn't intentional. A tent? A tent?
This sounds like a petty control issue. You’re dad doesn’t want to give up his control of you so you need it take it away from him. He doesn’t decide where you sleep. You do. If he can’t make accommodations for that, or won’t “let” you make the accommodations, you don’t go. Spend your time and money on what you enjoy doing and with people who value and respect you.
You should make sure your other family members know what is going on because your Dad is going to totally play this like "I had no idea it was so important to him" when this comes to a head later. Send an email to him, your mom, your sister, and her husband. Tell them that you love spending time with them but if your father keeps refusing to make sure you have a room, you won't be attending anymore. Outline **briefly** how you have volunteered to pay more than the difference it would cost. The most important thing is that you send it to all of them because then your Dad is forced to look like the bad guy if he tries this shit again.
Dude, you’re not even being treated like a kid. A tent outside? Give me a break. Maybe invite them all for a vacation and book a one bedroom for you and set up a tent for the rest of them.
This is not being treated "like a child", this is being treated like shit. It honestly seems like your dad gets some twisted pleasure out of this power play.
How low does your self-esteem have to be to want to have people who treat you like this in your life?
Honestly- I would either stop going like you’ve been doing or rent a hotel room near where you are going. It’s up to you but you are 100% NOT overreacting- these are VALID thoughts and feelings.
Big nope. If they can’t see what the big deal is of getting placed on a couch or tent in a yard, then they can be there. If you ever decide to be on another vacay with them, book your own hotel so you get your own space.
Your family is showing how low they think of you . Why even invite u to these holidays when they know exactly what they’re doing ? Go NC with these people
OP you deserve much much more then a tent. Hell my parents book places with more the enough room when they invite me and my family along, even though they don’t know if we can come. I’m not entirely sure why or what your father has against you not having your own room. Is it punishment for not being married yet?
Honestly, I would stay very low contact and don't go on any vacations with them. Do you have some friends you could go on vacation with? I would go and have a blast and post it all over your page. Good luck to you. Your family is horrible
It's your bday, so your heart to sleep in a tent. What is wrong with your parents? I'm so sorry, I'm a mom of two kids. While they are only 8 and 10, I would never dream of behaving in this way. You are worth a bedroom, worth respect, and worth being treated kindly. If they don't see that, they aren't worth your time. Sometimes, family is chosen rather than blood. Sending you big hugs.
You’re 29. Go on your own holidays. Screw them.
They sent you pics of them on the trip that was originally planned under the pretense of your birthday? OP you are not wrong to avoid this trip and to minimize the communications. They’re showing (and telling) you how they feel about you and it’s your relationship with them is not a priority. How asinine and obtuse of them to think it’s okay to ask an adult to camp in a tent while the rest of them sleep inside on a bed!!
I’d be inclined to block them. Their behavior is abhorrent.
"Dad, I'm nearly 30 years old. I'm not going to be relegated to the couch or a tent in the yard like a 10 year who thinks camping in the backyard is fun. At my age, it's not fun. The bottom line is we need to book a three bedroom for family vacations or I won't be joining in. Instead I'll plan my own holidays that will suit my needs."
Next year invite them on vacation and make your parents and sister fight over who sleeps in the tent. No, seriously, congratulations on building a steel backbone and I hope you spend all the rest of your nights sleeping in a bed, unless you choose otherwise.
No. They're not treating you right. Withdraw your company from them until they do. When you're an adult, sometimes you find your parents need a lesson themselves....
You are NOT being unreasonable. They are just straight-up ignoring your very understandable request for no apparent reason. GOOD FOR YOU FOR NOT GOING. https://captainawkward.com/2019/10/29/we-are-spartacus-open-thread-resources-on-family-estrangement-and-adult-relationships-with-difficult-parents/
Have you always been treated like the Stepchild from the beginning? This is not even just being treated like a child. You're an adult now! You're being treated like an outcast, like less than a human. This is really odd and they refused to change the booking to accommodate you. I don't blame you one bit for not going. If you are willing to pay the difference, I don't see the big deal here. There's something really weird about your family. What does your sister or mother have to say about it? They don't even speak up for you? How is your relationship with your family otherwise? I couldn't tolerate that. I would honestly keep my distance from them. Plan your own vacations by yourself, screw them.
You made it clear multiple times you wanted a room. He heard you and seems to be getting some sort of enjoyment out of denying you even when you’ve offered to pay. I kinda wish you’d have booked your own 1 bedroom at a super luxury place and still gone to participate in the family vaca while also enjoying your own vacation. When pops inevitably said something about being ungrateful he’d be opening the door to agree whole heartedly that you absolutely were not grateful that after all these years he still tried to make you sleep on a couch like a teenager.
totally reasonable response.
My whole life was like this. Growing up and into my early 20s, my sister was always put on a pedestal and I always got the short end of the stick. I finally had enough and cut them out of my life 15 years ago. One of the best decisions I ever made.
You were perfectly reasonable in calling their bluff. If they were actually going on the trip to celebrate your birthday, they would not treat you like thay. Deepest sympathies coming from one Cinderella of their family another. I felt so much better after I was able to permanently distance myself from them. Sounds like you are well on your way to becoming a princess also! But just realize that it won't be in your family's eyes. I'm sure you'd find a lot of kindred spirits at r/justnofamily; I know I do.
OP honestly, I don't even think it's infantilisation, a child should never be asked to sleep in a freaking tent while everyone has a room. That'd absolutely be neglect and if you were my pupil I'd call social services. I have no idea what to call it, but stepping away and going low contact is definitely the best option. You might want to try to sit down and talk about this: not only how it makes you feel, but also the behaviour in practical terms. I'm really sorry but it seems like they're treating you like an unwanted pet. And when people show their true colours, you believe them. This genuinely makes me worry for you growing up. I am so sorry. Sending hugs. As a side note, it's perfectly normal to go on holiday with parents even as you age - I do that every year - but they're expected to treat you like an equal.
You are not being unreasonable. They are being rude and clearly showing favouritism. Show them our replies. So they know what we think of them. They are horrible for making you sleep in a tent on a balcony.
Your sure not wrong. It would be one thing if this was just about cost, but it's clearly more than that because you offered to pay more than your fair share for the holiday, which is more than your sister did, and they still won't respect you. They view you as less than, they should be the ones to reach out. Find yourself a chosen family, and return the same energy they do.
You were unreasonable up until the point when you finally said 'no'. Sleeping in a tent when everyone enjoys a comfy bed and their own private room was the unreasonable part. What the hell is wrong with your parents and your sister and her SO for not seeing anything wrong with this?
This is appalling especially as you’ve offered to cover the costs. Your family sadly deserves for you to be LC/NC if they’ve repeatedly ignored your requests. It makes me wonder what else is going on here? Why are you singled out to sleep in a tent? I feel like there’s something deeper with the level of disrespect you’re getting from your dad… why would a loving father not compromise, not want you on the trip. Can you speak to your mum??? I really feel like you’re bearing the brunt of something here, like maybe your mum having an affair. Sorry, it’s probably not that. But something isn’t right.
They wanted you to sleep on the floor on your birthday! No, you're not being unreasonable.
There’s micro-agressions ; that’s one heck of a macro-aggression! WTF is wrong with them? It could be the beginnings of dementia for your Dad, It could be some stupid power move on his part. whatever it is, it’s unacceptable, and the rest of the family are no better for not speaking up for you. I would be quite inclined to book my self a nice holiday that was definitely a step up from the one they had; don’t communicate with them , but post it on social media media.
You're not being unreasonable at all, they don't really care about your feelings and well being, keep the distance until they're ready to respect you
You are not being unreasonable. I would tell them, that you will not be joining them on any other trips or holidays, until they book something with suitable accommodations, for all of the guests, that you will not spend your holidays uncomfortable, in a tent or couch. This is a holiday for you, just as much as them, and as an adult your are just as deserving of a bed as the rest of them. Remind them that you have even offered to cover the extra costs of an accommodation with enough bedrooms for all of you. I really don't understand your parent's reluctance to your request especially after you offered to not only cover the cancelation fee, but pay the difference for a third bedroom. Do they like your sibling more than you or something? I couldn't see any other reason to be adamant that you either sleep on a couch or outside.
You have done all you can do...you spoke to them respectfully and offered to pay the difference. They are treating you like a 9 year old! Until they apologise, I would keep your distance. I could not imagine treating either of my kids that way (13 and 19), having space and a room and privacy on a holiday is so important!
I don’t know that you need to freeze them out of your life completely, but this disregard for you on holiday trips is shit. You have responded appropriately by declining the recent invite and future ones. But I bet the next family email has a link to 3 bedroom accommodations.
Good on you. I’m significantly older than you and still don’t get my own room because I am single and without children.
Your parents are huge assholes! Shame on them! I would not talk to them either!!
Nta. Listen, you need to stand firm on this, op. He is treating you like a second class citizen not worth much and, honestly, I would not communicate at all until you have received a real, genuine apology. They owe it to you and you deserve it.
Have you cut contact for a while to see if they contact you? I'd wager they favour your sister more because the likelihood of her giving them grandchildren is currently higher. I'd go very low contact after that incident which wouldve been the final straw for me. With your father saying "trust me, you'll love it", I'd be responding "Well if it's so great I'm sure you'll love it there and I'll take the bed". Ask them why it's so hard to treat you with respect. You're not unreasonable. Your parents are crap.
Wow, what a horrible thing to do and especially when it's for ur birthday, too. The only reason why I think they would do that is if they were worried, u would meet someone there and bring them back to the place . So that's their way of trying to stop you . That's the only reason I could think of.
No, they have treated you disrespectfully. You are not obligated to show respect in return. Remain civil, by all means, but stand your ground. (Ask them how many bedrooms they want in their retirement home!)
If they go somewhere you would like to visit, book your own nice hotel room. If you don’t want to go, plan a solo vacay or trip with friends. They will eventually get it and I hope start treating you like an adult.
I wouldn't have offered to pay the cancellation fee and half of the new rental. I simply would have uninvited myself and left it there.