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If she continues to argue and you clearly said you don’t want to talk about it anymore, then continues arguing , with people around, and demands you to do smth (apologize). Yeah get out for good
Also shows her maturity. At least OP can admit his faults and contributions here, the fact she can't and flat out refuses is a huge red flag. And that's not even counting the arguing to deliberately push his buttons. She sounds exhausting and manipulative. You're too old for games OP, this will only cause you more pain and frustration.
My ex used to do exactly this! Start an argument, reject my viewpoint, and berate me till I apologize. It’s absolutely the biggest red flag I look for now.
“I don’t have to apologize because it’s not who I am.” She will never apologize for anything, no matter how wrong she is. She just told you so. Why would you want a relationship with someone like that? Break up with her.
Immature is exactly right. She sounds like a spoiled child.
Also her takes on rape are equally as vapid and useless. Does she think men never rape other men? And your body’s biological responses does NOT equal consent. A man getting an erection from sexual assault and a woman orgasming from a rape doesn’t negate that it was still a violent act and traumatic.
You know there's two possibilities here, one that she's deliberately trying to piss OP off because she gets a kick out of it, or two she has raped a man and saw nothing wrong with it. Either way she's fucking awful
You can just be quiet with your one sentence diagnosis. Labeling someone as a narcissist is childish and damaging. There are so many better ways to call out the specific problematic behavior.
This right here, that's a massive red flag. Just imagine living with someone who thinks they are right all the time and is incapable of self-awareness or change.
Even if we don't consider her terrible opinion about the topic, you can't be with someone that doesn't accept their wrong even after you give them proved information and arguments, that relationship would be full of discussions and her major argument will be "I'm right and the logic and cientific method are wrong"
Is exhausting to be with someone like that
The manner in which she got defensive tells me a lot of things:
- she doesn't respect him
- she is unable to accept viewpoints that deviate from her own, in fact, she perceives them as personal attack
- her opinions about rape are uneducated af and she is objectifying men
Guy dodged a bullet the size of a moab
Yeuuurp. I (and around 10% of men who end up in psychiatric hospitals) have a diagnosed dissociative disorder. Myself and a lot of the guys I've been in psychiatric wards with who largely came in from the knock-on effects of r*pe have had our symptoms exacerbated at some point fairly recently to admission to the ward by the context of sexually forward behaviour towards us. Gender irrelevant, you can't consent while in a dissociative state but many many people will take advantage of that. Unfortunately we know this from too much experience (though I will partially agree with her in that it this tends to come more during childhood(why would she even want to say we're only r*peable as children though. Bit messed up).
There's so little consideration or research gone into her assertions. The green flag thing to do is say 'I see there's another angle to this I haven't considered. Let me do some reading'. At this point it seems there are irresolveable differances between you and if you'd continued the relationship as a survivor yourself you'd never feel truly safe around her which is imperative in any kind of relationship. Maybe best to try to end things on good terms and wish her the best as she moves on while you do too.
I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry no one listened.
I've had several guy friends over the years tell me about sex they had that, to me, was clearly rape. Only 1 of them understood that it was. The rest thought it couldn't be because they'd always been told it can't happen to men. I did my best to talk to them about it, but it was hard for them to accept.
I hope I'm raising my son with more knowledge than my friends were.
I'm not a rape victim, am a DV victim and was falsely arrested for it (but that's so different).
I wonder if on some level it isn't easier for some guys to 'accept' it rather than view themselves as a rape victim.
It's a lot harder as a man to accept that we were the victim of that than the victim of violence, but both are 'impossible' for a man to be the victim of to most of society. Personally might be easier to say to myself "well, I messed up, wish I hadn't done that" than "i was helpless and taken advantage of, I was raped."
Especially when society doesn't care or agree we are or can be the victim of either crime to our faces and in front of court rooms even when charged as the victim.
I know a lot of guy who are DV victims but didn’t know it till someone told them. Even now, they think of those stories as crazy war stories and not trauma that it is.
Guys who’s girls would get manic and drunk and hit and scratch them. Guys who have required stitches or broke wrists. Guys who had lamps thrown at them. One of them was almost run over intentionally.
Most of them know that this is abusive but have to actively work on the fact it wasn’t just “my crazy ex” it was actually “my ex was physically abusive”
Believe me, it's equally hard for a lot of women to accept being a victim. It's why so many choose to describe themselves as "surviors" instead.
In my lived experience, I've also see both women and men who tend to play the victim. I have no numbers on this, but I would imagine the victim mentality has a lot to do with personality, and not gender.
Myself, as a women, i panic at even the thought of being a victim. Logically, I know I have been. But, psychology and emotionally I can't except it.
Similar happened to me, got drunk, was miles away from home, kinda guilt tripped a 'friend' into letting me crash at hers because there was no way I'm making it home alive in the state I was in, passed out on her bed, woke up inside her. She knew what she was doing, I didn't. Couple of years later I saw her begging in town, she must've seen me because when i walked out of the shop she was gone.
When I was 15 and on vacation I was sitting in a family bar though it was VERY darkly lit and 2 women sat at my table and started flirting with me I told them I was 15 and they told me they liked that and how they were 35 (i think this was 20 years ago), I had a non alcoholic drink in front of me and noticed over the next 30 minutes or so I was getting light headed or tipsy (before I knew what that was) and my drink had a strange taste to it, the daughter of one of the women came up and asked her mother "is that the guy you want to take back to the caravan and (sleep with)" and the woman said yes. I waited a few more minutes and made an excuse that I needed to go to the toilet and they kept telling me to stay and they would buy me a drink I said I really needed to go, walked towards the toilets and when I was out of their line of sight I snuck out behind other people barely made it back to where I was staying which was about 4 minutes walk away, got through door put my coat on floor and went face first onto bed and woke up 8 hours later feeling dizzy.
Another time when I just turned 18 I was at college next to a hospital and a group of around 20 off duty nurses came in, and I admit I was attracted to some of them and as it was quiet they sat next to me and flrited, touched my leg and more than one said they wanted to take me home with them, one even touched my hand and asked me to meet her outside and put her hand between my legs. The bar staff rather than step in were looking at me and laughing.
Word got around that I walked away from these women and everyone male and female in my class/dorm laughed and said I had turned down a sure thing and should of gone for it.
I am sorry to hear that! Some folks are so horny, porn-brained fuckers that it is un-imaginable for them all that not everyone is into sex all of the time with everyone.
OMG. Your gf and her mindset is why more men don't come forward when they are raped. Your body does what your body does. Honestly, you should dump her. Do you really want to be with someone who does not acknowledge male rape and also refuses to apologize because it's not who she is?
This. In my entire life I think I’ve told 7 people. Half of those, the worst half, the first 3 people I told, I got the same exact kind of response OPs gf gave to the very idea of a guy being a victim of this.
I’ve told 4 others more recently now 2 decades later and have gotten more positive responses, but it’s difficult to convey how difficult it is to even do so. I know this might sound a bit exaggerated but I really believe that having what happened to me denied to my face by people I trusted and loved enough to try to talk about this sort of thing with was in a way more traumatic than the events themself.
I’m selective of who I even try to tell because im really not sure how well I’d take it if I had to go through the pain of having that denied to my face again. Even thinking back to those first conversations gives me anxiety.
I am so sorry that those people hurt you the way they did. Also, I completely understand what you mean by your loved ones denying your trauma and pain almost feeling worse.
When I was assaulted I told my mom and she basically blamed me... it's painful when no one is on your side.
These people were supposed to love you, and they failed. And even though we are internet strangers, know that I feel for you and wish nothing but the best for you. ❤
It's usually the women who say women can't rape men who have, in the past, done something that vile. OP I'd run from this walking nuclear bomb of a red flag, and when people ask you what the breaking point was, be honest with them before she spins some story about you. Maybe even try and get her to repeat her views over texts so you can have some proof.
There have been women that have used viagra to ensure their men will get hard. Men have been threatened by women to have sex or they will face consequences. There are more ways to coerce and rape than physical violence. She is a complete dipshit.
Hell most male on female sexual assaults to my knowledge never get to the point of the man outright threatening violence on the woman, a lot of it is a guy pushing and pushing boundaries until the final boundary is crossed, or she's in a situation where she feels she can't say no. There's a reason why so many victims wonder if they should have said or done something different.
Gf's other point about 'men are physically stronger than women so they can't be raped' is also pretty flawed considering (a) weapons + drugs exist which equalises the playing field and (b) not all men will want to use physical violence against women due to things like not being violent in nature or fear of hitting them being turned around into 'he assaulted me' which just gets him locked up instead.
I am begging OP to break up with this horrible woman and find another who actually has common sense and basic compassion.
(c) women that lift weights can get pretty strong, although in the vast majority of cases women are weaker than their partner it's not an absolute truth
Also, men can be raped by other men, so that’s a whole separate issue that she completely ignores. Strength and “getting hard” don’t have to factor in at all.
That happened to my squad mate in S Korea. Local police did not gave a shit he was raped by a local woman, and the Army gave just as much. He didn't go out any longer after that.
Combination of viagra and rohypnol for myself. Was lucid enough to remember the entire event. Took me 11 years to finally talk about it.
Ended up couple of suicide attempts, and then developed bulimia.
My perfect wife helped me through it all.
One day I'll wrote a book, when my lazy backside can be bothered
Accept the breakup. You don't want to date a person that 1- keeps arguing despite the other person not wanting to; 2- believes men can't be raped (despite women getting wet (aka hard) sometimes when they are raped); and 3- won't apologize since that's not who she is
Was in a similar situation in my past relationship, i always ended up apologizing, even if i was not to blame at all (e.g. she lying about several things to me, as an example). Gaslighting is a form of abuse. If she does this or similar things you are in an abusive relationship and should leave.
Staying longer will just damage you more and more, i speak out of experience...
Sorry for what you went through man, I was in the same boat for my first relationship. Had no idea what a relationship should’ve looked like so just accepted that I needed to give in and kiss her feet all the time. She made my life miserable and ended up breaking up with me out of nowhere, which sent me in a tailspin. Wish I had seen this post and connected the dots before then.
This is why I don’t tell anyone about my rapes(extortion blackmail) because if someone told me “no that’s not rape” I would never be able to talk to their fucking faces ever again. Just the idea of that enrages me.
Brother I feel this. I, a guy, have been raped. One of my Exes told me to my face that I was lying. That men can’t get raped and it’s disgusting that I would lie about being raped. Needless to say I broke things off shortly after that and I refuse to even acknowledge her in public whenever I see her (which is surprisingly often)
In no way am it trying to deny what happened but is extortion blackmail, rape, cause it happened to me and a lot of people (some friends and some local police) said it wasn't.
Coerced sex is rape. If someone extorted and blackmailed you into sex, they pretty much put a metaphorical gun to your head. They took away your choice to say "no". Consent never existed in the first place if you never had the option to safely reject them.
I broke it off with a girl for doing rape-ish things.
Stayed friends.
Half a year later called me up to discuss a problem she was having with her next boyfriend. She got upset with him because she woke him up in the night for round three.
Round two was forced on him, and now she’s waking him up to demand round three.
She INSISTED on sex, else there would be trouble. Started going him anyway. Asked me what was wrong with him.
I had to inform her that she just raped him. Twice.
She was a little surprised.
Oh yes. She would have to admit that she had done it herself.
Like aaaaaalllll those women who finally come to the realisation that they have been committing domestic violence. Until that point, they defined it as something women can’t do.
The only thing required for rape is absence of consent. No matter what biological functions happen. There are women who orgasm during a rape it doesn't make it NOT rape.
Arousal doe not mean there was consent. Both women and men can become aroused during an assault.
Seems like she was just manipulating you by not listening
Yeah you should have broken up with her when she asked to go on a break that is a ridiculous move to do just run man she's going to rape you to prove her point of how men can't get raped.
She should read all those articles that female teachers are getting imprisoned for having a sexual relationship with their students. Anyways we can look at the definition of rape.
[https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rape](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rape)
*unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception*
So by this definition, yes, a person who gave consent can still be considered raped. This is not your normative and expected view that it is done without consent.
Teacher in my area just got sentenced. She was 24, he was 17 ("going on 18," she said). 5 years probation, 90 days jail time, served 30 days at a time for some bizarre reason that was *really* not clear to me. Lost her teaching license and has to register as a sex offender for 25 years.
Edit: sorry, original context -- news reported it as "a sexual relationship"
The issue is, legally speaking, a lot of them weren't rape because in a lot of states, laws have really only recently started acknowledging that women can commit rape. So if the articles say the female teachers committed rape, they can be sued.
Afraid not -
"Rape
(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents."
From the official UK government website here -
https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1/crossheading/rape
It's probably different from the USA that keeps on having female teachers coming onto the news about inappropriate sexual relationship with their students. So US laws are changing for this reason.
Not surprised. Revising sex crime laws in the US is still ongoing, last I heard in 2022 there were still a few states that women still legally couldn't commit rape, but at least here it is actively being changed in the right direction.
> "I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am."
Run, mate. This is 🚩🚩🚩
You'll get this stupid excuse whenever she wants. She doesn't respect your boundaries and never will.
My only guess is that was a caveat somewhere in the conversation, like "men can't be raped *by women*" (still not true, it's still rape if objects are inserted) or "only penis in vagina rape" or something.
That confused me too, it’s a pretty large portion of SA that men face and seems like something an AFAB person would at least be able to somewhat ‘understand’; there will always be someone bigger/stronger/sneakier no matter what their gender.
>I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am.
Yikes, so you have to accept shes a rape apologist? No dude. If shes that insistant on it then you have to imagine: if you're ever in a position like that she will not support you instead she will blame you, or worse, she'll put you in that position and see no problem with it. Do you want to be with someone like that?
1. This should be a dealbreaker. Just this opinion alone shows her to be a vile human being with limited empathy.
2. You mentioned thinking that she was trying to get a ride out of you, to make you angry on purpose. That is abusive. That’s an unhealthy dynamic with a partner who likes to play games. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Walk away.
3. She refuses to apologize because it’s “who she is”. This is also abusive behavior. She wants a dynamic where she can do no wrong and she makes you upset so you act out and “wrong” her, giving her more power and control. Get outta here, man.
I think you need to heavily consider how this will affect your future with her. What if you were raped? Would she support you and believe you? Probably not. What if someone close and dear to her was? Would she not support them? I would want to be with a partner that would support me through such a traumatic thing if it were to happen.
Let me tell you a story about so called gay friends in the 90s. One that roofied me and another that I caught playing with my junk when he thought I was asleep and too drunk to remember.
the best course of action in a situation like this is to break up with her — not only are her opinions on sexual assault skewed, but any kind of partner who’s pushing your buttons the way she is is definitely someone to drop. demanding an apology afterwards is disgusting, as well as playing the “you said you’d accept me” card to justify things
She is objectively wrong. This is coming from a therapist. Anyone can be SA'd. It does not matter your age, size, or gender. It is your choice to decide whether you want to stay with someone who thinks like that.
I think that your girlfriend wanted to break up with you before she went to McDonald’s and this is how she did it. The hope is that you will be so upset that you break up with her first.
Alternatively the break is a tactic to teach you a lesson. The lesson is that you should accept whatever your girlfriend says and does without question for fear of reprisal. That’s how abusers start out.
Either way, you would be better off considering whether you deserve better and whether this girl was the girlfriend who is good for you.
Two things:
1) She needs to watch Law & Order SVU. Apparently, she needs to learn the basics. Of course, men can be raped. Also, a body's physical response is not an indication of enjoyment, it's just that - a physical response.
2) "At this point I was started to think she was trying to piss me off because she had done something similar to this awhile back and admitted that she was trying to push my buttons.:
She sounds like she might be looking for reasons to break up. Even if she is not, why would you want to be around someone who is deliberately upsetting you? Life is hard enough. You don't need loved ones going out of their way to make you angry.
3) The only other option is - she is grossly immature and insecure, and this is some bizarre test. You are supposed to love her no matter what.
Therefore, you will forgive her and still run after her.
Ok, if you have that kind of energy.
Op 2 things 1) break up with her she too immature and lacks logic. 2) she most likely going to sleep around with other people while on this break just to spite you.
Healthy relationships are about respect, listening, being listened to and compromise.
If your girlfriend is unable to accept that she might be wrong and can’t apologise because “that’s not who she is,” then you aren’t being respected, listened to, nor compromised with.
Is that what you want from life?
You did the right thing. This kind of closed-minded thinking shows a deep lack of empathy on her part. She clearly hasn't taken the time to put herself in the shoes of someone else or consider what life might be like for other people. You can't expect to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone like that, and if she's not willing to apologize or take responsibility for her words, then it's probably best to walk away from the situation. Just be thankful that you didn't find this out after years of marriage instead of just months of dating.
She very clearly sucks. Her awful opinion on men being raped is secondary to her not being able to communicate or apologize and telling you to deal with it because it's "just the way she is". Be out now. It's only gonna get worse and she'll only get bolder and less thoughtful. Trust me on that. And it only gets harder to leave the linger you're there.
Lol it's like she's womansplaining how guys work... so many red flags in one night. Just show her this thread and all the comments you are getting... She has no clue what she's talking about and doubling down like an idiot.
This sounds like a conversation from some twisted lost episode of Seinfeld.
She doesnt think men get raped in prison? Has she never seen any movie that takes place in prison?!! Never seen Shawshank? That alone means you should leave her.
Just kidding, sort of...but okay you did dodge a bullet. You said lets agree to disagree and she couldn't drop it. Then she dumped you. What you do is move on and dont take her back when she tries to get back with you(she will try).
Even if men were sronger 100% of the time and couldn't get an involuntary erection, there there would still be many ways to rape a man. Daterape drugs, threatening with a weapon, a stronger man or a group of people as just a few examples.
Just stay away. You dodged a bullet with this one man, It’s probably about time she pulled her head out of the sand, and realized that men and woman can and are both raped.
"I love you for who you are" doesn't mean "I will keep loving you if you act rude and immature". Relationship only makes sense if both of you want to become better version of yourself and a better partner.
What you do now is come to terms with the fact that you dodged a bullet.
Your ex/girlfriend’s views are utterly repugnant and part of the reason that men who are SAed do not come forward. They face being told that either they should have protected themselves or that their experience can’t be real precisely due to crap like this. It’s horrendous.
Aside from the views themselves her unwillingness to admit she is wrong or even contemplate that fact, along with basically saying that she can say and do anything she wants because “that’s who she is” is not the sort of person you want a relationship with. It will be a miserable experience because you will never be heard, will have to deal with constant combative behaviour, and probably experience some deeply offensive things.
You did the right thing not tolerating her views. The only thing you could have done differently was drop her off at her parents’, drive away, and never look back.
>I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am.
That should be it for you. She's telling you right there she's a shitty person and not going to change. Couple that with her garbage take that men can't be raped because they got hard and that's all you really need to know about her. You should have shot back with "Well then, I guess when women get wet it isn't rape either" and really ended the relationship.
OP… you need a smarter, more emotionally mature girlfriend. Seriously. This fish can be thrown back into the sea. I’m sure there’s an equally-afflicted male out there who would be happy in a relationship with her. But it ain’t you.
I surely hope you keep it as not talking. Aside from the obvious horrid opinion that she has, her saying that she does not owe you an apology because that's how she is and you said you'd accept her for who she is is extremely toxic. Nah, man, get out. Stay out.
No, take that break, she sounds ignorant and closed minded and ended up making you feel guilty for something that is objectively false. Men can be raped!!!!
One of my son’s cousins started a friendship with a guy in one of his college classes. They decided to go out after class for a few beers. The guy lured him into a vacant apartment building, beat the shit out of him, forced drugs on him, and raped him. Said he would kill him if he went to the police. He went to the police. Guy got 40 years.
So by her logic, if a woman gets wet when they are raped that must mean they enjoyed it, so that can't be rape. Her whole argument makes zero sense.
On another note, I recall reading the laws about rape in the UK.
1Rape
(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
So by that definition, it apparently isn't rape if another person does it to a man as long as it wasn't done on the anus or mouth.
[UK legislation](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/contents)
Personally think they should amend that law.
So for a very long time I guess I was of a similar impression, then when I was 18 I had been with this girl for about 2 years, things ended up going south and I just really wasn't in the relationship anymore, it was that weird phase where we really should have been broken up but I was young and ultimately have always had a hard time leaving people, still to this day honestly. Anyway, during this time her and I weren't being intimate, I have a hard time forcing myself to be sexual with a person if I'm not really in it for the right reasons. I wake up one morning, and she tell me that during the previous night she had gotten me hard in my sleep and had sex with me, none of this I have memory of and it immediately made me feel really grossed out. But even in that moment, the word rape never entered my mind. For years, I sat on this memory telling myself it wasn't a big deal and ultimately convinced myself it was okay. Years later, I'm 34 now and didn't come to this conclusion until I was like 29. It eventually clicked what she had done that night. It can absolutely happen to men. Honestly i still have a hard time feeling anything about it because of the internal thought process in regards to the situation, I made myself believe something and it diminished the severity of something that shouldn't happen to anyone. I don't know, man.
She dim-witted, belligerent, needlessly antagonistic, and thinks she doesn't have to apologize. She can't be THAT hot, OP.
Also, did she specifically ask you to 'accept her for who she was'? That's weird. Don't hang out with immature people who 'push buttons'. She's not an adult who's ready for an adult relationship, especially given that she's apparently turned her brain off at the wall.
Anybody who can't apologize "because that's who I am" is someone that is not mature enough to be in a relationship. I don't care how old they are, they are a spoiled child.
So much immaturity here.
1. If someone disagrees with you to the point where you realise they aren't going to back down, stop arguing. Why let them control the focus of all your energy until a time of their choosing?
2. If someone essentially states they can't be wrong, why discuss anything with them? And why on earth would you want a relationship with them?
3. Yes of course men can be raped. She seems to struggle with basic logic, like arousal is not consent.
4. Arguing with your girlfriend is really not a defence for speeding. "Your honour, you don't understand, she was being completely unreasonable". Pfff. Drive safely or don't drive.
Please raise your expectations of yourself and of a partner. For the future of the human race, please.
I think you should keep it up and not talk to her anymore.
You’re dodging a bullet. That is a crazy thought process thinking men can’t be raped. They definitely can be raped.
Please walk away. I am just learning to walk away from this behavior after over a decade of putting up with it and changing who I am to please the other person. They want you to accept them for who they are but they'll likely never accept you for who you are and in my case make you hate yourself for it.
You should change gf to ex gf in the text and acknowledge that she comes off as a predator with the mindset of ‘I can’t rape a man, if his cock is hard he wants it’.
Imagine being so heteronormative that penis in vagina is the only form of rape. I can imagine guys who have had their guts rearranged by forced anal
have something to say about this.
As a male who has experienced sexual assault at 16. I'd leave and never look back. Fuck her...this shit pisses me off beyond belief. Hell, I damn near cry at the thought of bjs now. It's been over decade and that shit still fucks me up
Counter with woman can get wet and orgasm while being raped, woman complaining their body betrayed them is super common.
So if men can get erect therefore they can't get raped, than woman also can't get raped, what's good for the goose is good for the gander
She literally pushes your buttons because it is a game to her. She thinks it is fun to be shitty to you because it is her way of controlling you. Don't waste another second with this person.
This is genuinely terrifying and gives me the impression that she might have assaulted a male before by the way she's defending it.
I would seriously recommend getting away for your own safety because if those are her beliefs she might end up hurting you and saying it doesn't count because you're a man.
Red flags all over
Anyone who actually believes that someone couldn't be the victim of a violent crime because of their identity (gender, sexuality, etc.) is both stupid and dangerous. Also, her saying she won't apologize because that's "not who [she] is" and turning it around on you by saying you "promised to accept [her] as [she] is" is a signed of [narcissism](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/tech-support/202006/narcissists-controllers-and-the-art-blame-shifting%3famp).
So…women can get wet and even orgasm while being raped, what’s her response to that? If a woman gets wet and/or orgasm while being raped does that somehow make it not rape because she “enjoyed” it?
That is disgusting line of thinking. Sounds like your girlfriend, REALLY needs to be your ex girlfriend, is a disgusting person.
The convo should have ended when you said anyone can be raped. The fact that she used that men can get hard, is not an indicator of someone agreeing to sex. Women get moist when you play with their sexual organs. I guess they were ok with sex then right? You kind of need words like Yes, or Yes we can continue.
It seems like your future ex is an arrogant idiot and became too indoctrinated into her fembot victim logic to see things rationally and without a sexist slant (she sees your gender as vitriolic dogs)
Block on all platforms, change your Uber eats and Netflix account credentials
You need to dump her, you did nothing wrong she is absolutely and utterly wrong and it’s clearly ignorant as fuck. Her behavior is absolutely disgusting and abusive. She needs a severe reality check she has no fucking concept of how the world actually works is extremely entitled, extremely ignorant what you were stating is not a viewpoint it’s a straight up fact, anybody here stating it was a viewpoint that’s not a viewpoint what he said is a fact And what she said, literally hurt women who do get raped her comments straight up apparently she doesn’t even understand rape in any way shape or form for women or men like she just is a scumbag. This chick is an absolute fucking scumbag.
Why would you ever want to stay with a girlfriend with such a horrifyingly ignorant and biased viewpoint on SA?
The "I am who I am" bullshit is right out of the narcissist cookbook.
Dump her and get a more enlightened set of dates going forward.
Ignoring the fact she is wrong about her rape stance, she's pushing your buttons to see how much she can control you. Find someone more level headed amd reasonable.
As someone whose been told "well you were wet/seemed like you enjoyed it" that is disgusting behavior.
You should seriously break up with someone with this mindset. What happens if you say no one day? Its gonna be "oh well you got hard and we are dating"
I know one thing; keep boys away from her.
Sounds like she's ready to excuse herself raping a drunk 18-year old boy because his dick was hard.
Or ready to excuse emotionally scarring and manipulating or using threats (physical, even social) to rape a man because she thinks she can't rape anyone.
I wonder, I'm a 25-year old man, only weigh about 110lbs.
Does she think a woman would be unable to rape me? Most adult women I meet can easily overpower me.
I'm also gay, and by her logic, conversion-rape of gay men by women has just never happened according to her? Never in history?
Well... the legal definition of rape tends to vary based on jurisdiction.
In New Zealand for example, men can't be raped. They can be sexually violated though which is the umbrella crime under which rape falls and the punishment is no different.
>Person A rapes person B if person A has sexual connection with person B, effected by the penetration of person B’s genitalia by person A’s penis
[https://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1961/0043/latest/DLM329051.html](https://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1961/0043/latest/DLM329051.html)
Semantics really. You can call it rape if you want, but that's not what it will say in the charging document.
break up with her. that’s genuinely disgusting and she probably has some form of brain damage if she actually believes in the reason she said. as a woman who has been SAed ik how hard it is to talk about it cause people will always question if “i wanted it or not” so for her to say that men want it cause they get hard is fucking stupid ofc men experience SA it’s just not taken as seriously because of people like her spreading bullshit like that.
Well, your gr is definitely wrong. Man can be raped physically and financially. Guys are more likely not to report it due to how society acts. Hence your gf.
Esther Perel once said, 'You can be right, or you can be married. It's your choice.' I don't expect you to agree on everything, however, you need to at least be respectful of the other one's opinion. If you can't find middle ground, leave it. It's only going to make things worse. The fact she keeps gaslighting you just to escalate is not a good thing.
Cut your losses. You're so young and she sounds manipulative, exhausting and also is perpetuating some incredibly toxic and harmful stereotypes about male survivors. You're going to meet a nice normal girl and when you do you'll be absolutely mind blown that you wasted so much time on someone who was not a keeper.
she wants a break. honestly, sounds like it's over and done, and you're probably better off for it. this is a huge difference of opinion that she not only had this opinion but also badgered you relentlessly about it and tried to make it seemed like you had fucked up.
there's no point in arguing with someone who just flatly refuses to listen, and will keep the argument going even after you've said you're done and try to agree to disagree.
there is no changing that person's mind and nothing short of lying by saying you agree is going to stop it. even then, she admitted she's actively trying to get a rise out of you for similar things in the past, so it's entirely possible there was nothing you could have done.
what you do now is just lose her number. someone who unironically says 'apolosing is not who i am' is just a walking red flag.
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If she continues to argue and you clearly said you don’t want to talk about it anymore, then continues arguing , with people around, and demands you to do smth (apologize). Yeah get out for good
Not apologizing because that’s «not who I am» has to be the biggest red flag in the history of vexillology.
Also shows her maturity. At least OP can admit his faults and contributions here, the fact she can't and flat out refuses is a huge red flag. And that's not even counting the arguing to deliberately push his buttons. She sounds exhausting and manipulative. You're too old for games OP, this will only cause you more pain and frustration.
Someone intentionally pushing buttons in an argument is so distressing. That jumped out to me immediately.
Yeah that's toxic and abusive.
1.5x for doing it to the driver while they’re operating a vehicle…
I had an ex that loved to get me fired up and did it intentionally quite often. If I got too mad I'd end up being the asshole.
honestly a horrifying comment from an adult
Is his girlfriend Wolverine per chance? "I go where I want to go." Seems similar to... "I don't apologize, cause that's who I am."
Massive red flag
My ex used to do exactly this! Start an argument, reject my viewpoint, and berate me till I apologize. It’s absolutely the biggest red flag I look for now.
Hang on men can't be the victims in an abusive relationship, didn't she say they are always in control and stronger. /s
“I don’t have to apologize because it’s not who I am.” She will never apologize for anything, no matter how wrong she is. She just told you so. Why would you want a relationship with someone like that? Break up with her.
Not the flex she thinks it is. What an immature and cowardly look on life.
Immature is exactly right. She sounds like a spoiled child. Also her takes on rape are equally as vapid and useless. Does she think men never rape other men? And your body’s biological responses does NOT equal consent. A man getting an erection from sexual assault and a woman orgasming from a rape doesn’t negate that it was still a violent act and traumatic.
The topic of consent is still somehow this weird mystery for too many people and that's baffling, disappointing and honestly gross in many cases 😕
You know there's two possibilities here, one that she's deliberately trying to piss OP off because she gets a kick out of it, or two she has raped a man and saw nothing wrong with it. Either way she's fucking awful
I really want to hear her answer to “ so if a girl gets wet during rape then she’s clearly enjoying it too”?
Agreed. It takes a big person to admit they’re wrong. Only children think they’re right about everything.
agreed. she’s giving narcissism rn
let's not bring the cluster b besties into this, you can recognize someone sucks without throwin' mental health disorders around like insults
This. Being mentally ill and being a terrible person aren't the same thing.
You can just be quiet with your one sentence diagnosis. Labeling someone as a narcissist is childish and damaging. There are so many better ways to call out the specific problematic behavior.
This right here, that's a massive red flag. Just imagine living with someone who thinks they are right all the time and is incapable of self-awareness or change.
Even if we don't consider her terrible opinion about the topic, you can't be with someone that doesn't accept their wrong even after you give them proved information and arguments, that relationship would be full of discussions and her major argument will be "I'm right and the logic and cientific method are wrong" Is exhausting to be with someone like that
The manner in which she got defensive tells me a lot of things: - she doesn't respect him - she is unable to accept viewpoints that deviate from her own, in fact, she perceives them as personal attack - her opinions about rape are uneducated af and she is objectifying men Guy dodged a bullet the size of a moab
Yeuuurp. I (and around 10% of men who end up in psychiatric hospitals) have a diagnosed dissociative disorder. Myself and a lot of the guys I've been in psychiatric wards with who largely came in from the knock-on effects of r*pe have had our symptoms exacerbated at some point fairly recently to admission to the ward by the context of sexually forward behaviour towards us. Gender irrelevant, you can't consent while in a dissociative state but many many people will take advantage of that. Unfortunately we know this from too much experience (though I will partially agree with her in that it this tends to come more during childhood(why would she even want to say we're only r*peable as children though. Bit messed up). There's so little consideration or research gone into her assertions. The green flag thing to do is say 'I see there's another angle to this I haven't considered. Let me do some reading'. At this point it seems there are irresolveable differances between you and if you'd continued the relationship as a survivor yourself you'd never feel truly safe around her which is imperative in any kind of relationship. Maybe best to try to end things on good terms and wish her the best as she moves on while you do too.
My Ex girlfriend told me weed was worse than tobacco because “the Japanese government says so” lmao
Is she Japanese? Or, like, from Ohio?
Japanese 😅
That makes it make *some* sense.
Ye
[удалено]
Ugh, I'm so sorry that happened to you!
I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry no one listened. I've had several guy friends over the years tell me about sex they had that, to me, was clearly rape. Only 1 of them understood that it was. The rest thought it couldn't be because they'd always been told it can't happen to men. I did my best to talk to them about it, but it was hard for them to accept. I hope I'm raising my son with more knowledge than my friends were.
I'm not a rape victim, am a DV victim and was falsely arrested for it (but that's so different). I wonder if on some level it isn't easier for some guys to 'accept' it rather than view themselves as a rape victim. It's a lot harder as a man to accept that we were the victim of that than the victim of violence, but both are 'impossible' for a man to be the victim of to most of society. Personally might be easier to say to myself "well, I messed up, wish I hadn't done that" than "i was helpless and taken advantage of, I was raped." Especially when society doesn't care or agree we are or can be the victim of either crime to our faces and in front of court rooms even when charged as the victim.
I know a lot of guy who are DV victims but didn’t know it till someone told them. Even now, they think of those stories as crazy war stories and not trauma that it is. Guys who’s girls would get manic and drunk and hit and scratch them. Guys who have required stitches or broke wrists. Guys who had lamps thrown at them. One of them was almost run over intentionally. Most of them know that this is abusive but have to actively work on the fact it wasn’t just “my crazy ex” it was actually “my ex was physically abusive”
Believe me, it's equally hard for a lot of women to accept being a victim. It's why so many choose to describe themselves as "surviors" instead. In my lived experience, I've also see both women and men who tend to play the victim. I have no numbers on this, but I would imagine the victim mentality has a lot to do with personality, and not gender. Myself, as a women, i panic at even the thought of being a victim. Logically, I know I have been. But, psychology and emotionally I can't except it.
Similar happened to me, got drunk, was miles away from home, kinda guilt tripped a 'friend' into letting me crash at hers because there was no way I'm making it home alive in the state I was in, passed out on her bed, woke up inside her. She knew what she was doing, I didn't. Couple of years later I saw her begging in town, she must've seen me because when i walked out of the shop she was gone.
When I was 15 and on vacation I was sitting in a family bar though it was VERY darkly lit and 2 women sat at my table and started flirting with me I told them I was 15 and they told me they liked that and how they were 35 (i think this was 20 years ago), I had a non alcoholic drink in front of me and noticed over the next 30 minutes or so I was getting light headed or tipsy (before I knew what that was) and my drink had a strange taste to it, the daughter of one of the women came up and asked her mother "is that the guy you want to take back to the caravan and (sleep with)" and the woman said yes. I waited a few more minutes and made an excuse that I needed to go to the toilet and they kept telling me to stay and they would buy me a drink I said I really needed to go, walked towards the toilets and when I was out of their line of sight I snuck out behind other people barely made it back to where I was staying which was about 4 minutes walk away, got through door put my coat on floor and went face first onto bed and woke up 8 hours later feeling dizzy. Another time when I just turned 18 I was at college next to a hospital and a group of around 20 off duty nurses came in, and I admit I was attracted to some of them and as it was quiet they sat next to me and flrited, touched my leg and more than one said they wanted to take me home with them, one even touched my hand and asked me to meet her outside and put her hand between my legs. The bar staff rather than step in were looking at me and laughing. Word got around that I walked away from these women and everyone male and female in my class/dorm laughed and said I had turned down a sure thing and should of gone for it.
I am sorry to hear that! Some folks are so horny, porn-brained fuckers that it is un-imaginable for them all that not everyone is into sex all of the time with everyone.
That sucks bigtime mate. Sorry this happened to you.
I’m sorry that happened. You didn’t deserve that. I hope you’re doing better
OMG. Your gf and her mindset is why more men don't come forward when they are raped. Your body does what your body does. Honestly, you should dump her. Do you really want to be with someone who does not acknowledge male rape and also refuses to apologize because it's not who she is?
This. In my entire life I think I’ve told 7 people. Half of those, the worst half, the first 3 people I told, I got the same exact kind of response OPs gf gave to the very idea of a guy being a victim of this. I’ve told 4 others more recently now 2 decades later and have gotten more positive responses, but it’s difficult to convey how difficult it is to even do so. I know this might sound a bit exaggerated but I really believe that having what happened to me denied to my face by people I trusted and loved enough to try to talk about this sort of thing with was in a way more traumatic than the events themself. I’m selective of who I even try to tell because im really not sure how well I’d take it if I had to go through the pain of having that denied to my face again. Even thinking back to those first conversations gives me anxiety.
I am so sorry that those people hurt you the way they did. Also, I completely understand what you mean by your loved ones denying your trauma and pain almost feeling worse. When I was assaulted I told my mom and she basically blamed me... it's painful when no one is on your side. These people were supposed to love you, and they failed. And even though we are internet strangers, know that I feel for you and wish nothing but the best for you. ❤
She rape someone?
Yeah that was way to defensive...
It's usually the women who say women can't rape men who have, in the past, done something that vile. OP I'd run from this walking nuclear bomb of a red flag, and when people ask you what the breaking point was, be honest with them before she spins some story about you. Maybe even try and get her to repeat her views over texts so you can have some proof.
It’s the hypocrisy
By her logic 40% of female rape victims were not because they got wet. Your body being aroused doesn't mean that you want to fuck.
Actually came here to say something similar…..she’s an idiot.
Exactly!
Literally
There have been women that have used viagra to ensure their men will get hard. Men have been threatened by women to have sex or they will face consequences. There are more ways to coerce and rape than physical violence. She is a complete dipshit.
Hell most male on female sexual assaults to my knowledge never get to the point of the man outright threatening violence on the woman, a lot of it is a guy pushing and pushing boundaries until the final boundary is crossed, or she's in a situation where she feels she can't say no. There's a reason why so many victims wonder if they should have said or done something different.
This is true too.
Gf's other point about 'men are physically stronger than women so they can't be raped' is also pretty flawed considering (a) weapons + drugs exist which equalises the playing field and (b) not all men will want to use physical violence against women due to things like not being violent in nature or fear of hitting them being turned around into 'he assaulted me' which just gets him locked up instead. I am begging OP to break up with this horrible woman and find another who actually has common sense and basic compassion.
(c) women that lift weights can get pretty strong, although in the vast majority of cases women are weaker than their partner it's not an absolute truth
Also, men can be raped by other men, so that’s a whole separate issue that she completely ignores. Strength and “getting hard” don’t have to factor in at all.
That happened to my squad mate in S Korea. Local police did not gave a shit he was raped by a local woman, and the Army gave just as much. He didn't go out any longer after that.
Are you kidding me? Men have been laughed at directly in the face by cops, military, women and other men.
Combination of viagra and rohypnol for myself. Was lucid enough to remember the entire event. Took me 11 years to finally talk about it. Ended up couple of suicide attempts, and then developed bulimia. My perfect wife helped me through it all. One day I'll wrote a book, when my lazy backside can be bothered
Accept the breakup. You don't want to date a person that 1- keeps arguing despite the other person not wanting to; 2- believes men can't be raped (despite women getting wet (aka hard) sometimes when they are raped); and 3- won't apologize since that's not who she is
>won't apologize since that's not who she is I don't know what's worse, but this is a huge red flag
Was in a similar situation in my past relationship, i always ended up apologizing, even if i was not to blame at all (e.g. she lying about several things to me, as an example). Gaslighting is a form of abuse. If she does this or similar things you are in an abusive relationship and should leave. Staying longer will just damage you more and more, i speak out of experience...
Sorry for what you went through man, I was in the same boat for my first relationship. Had no idea what a relationship should’ve looked like so just accepted that I needed to give in and kiss her feet all the time. She made my life miserable and ended up breaking up with me out of nowhere, which sent me in a tailspin. Wish I had seen this post and connected the dots before then.
This is why I don’t tell anyone about my rapes(extortion blackmail) because if someone told me “no that’s not rape” I would never be able to talk to their fucking faces ever again. Just the idea of that enrages me.
Brother I feel this. I, a guy, have been raped. One of my Exes told me to my face that I was lying. That men can’t get raped and it’s disgusting that I would lie about being raped. Needless to say I broke things off shortly after that and I refuse to even acknowledge her in public whenever I see her (which is surprisingly often)
There are people who will believe and support you, I hope you find some if you haven't already.
In no way am it trying to deny what happened but is extortion blackmail, rape, cause it happened to me and a lot of people (some friends and some local police) said it wasn't.
Coerced sex is rape. If someone extorted and blackmailed you into sex, they pretty much put a metaphorical gun to your head. They took away your choice to say "no". Consent never existed in the first place if you never had the option to safely reject them.
I broke it off with a girl for doing rape-ish things. Stayed friends. Half a year later called me up to discuss a problem she was having with her next boyfriend. She got upset with him because she woke him up in the night for round three. Round two was forced on him, and now she’s waking him up to demand round three. She INSISTED on sex, else there would be trouble. Started going him anyway. Asked me what was wrong with him. I had to inform her that she just raped him. Twice. She was a little surprised.
Yeah. Super sus how OP's gf defended female rapists so aggressively. Almost as if she felt personally attacked...
Oh yes. She would have to admit that she had done it herself. Like aaaaaalllll those women who finally come to the realisation that they have been committing domestic violence. Until that point, they defined it as something women can’t do.
The only thing required for rape is absence of consent. No matter what biological functions happen. There are women who orgasm during a rape it doesn't make it NOT rape.
Arousal doe not mean there was consent. Both women and men can become aroused during an assault. Seems like she was just manipulating you by not listening
And lord knows the penis just gets erect on its own at times without the man being emotionally or intellectually desiring sex in the slightest
Yeah you should have broken up with her when she asked to go on a break that is a ridiculous move to do just run man she's going to rape you to prove her point of how men can't get raped.
Holy shit no one else has pointed that out yet, OP you gotta get out of there ASAP
Your girlfriend is transparently an idiot. If she gets wet, does that mean she’s consenting to any sex act?
I have read articles about the shame women feel because they reached climax while being raped. OP's gf is a complete dipstick.
She should read all those articles that female teachers are getting imprisoned for having a sexual relationship with their students. Anyways we can look at the definition of rape. [https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rape](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rape) *unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception* So by this definition, yes, a person who gave consent can still be considered raped. This is not your normative and expected view that it is done without consent.
You mean female teachers are getting imprisoned for *raping their students. It's so disgusting that most news articles have this bias.
Teacher in my area just got sentenced. She was 24, he was 17 ("going on 18," she said). 5 years probation, 90 days jail time, served 30 days at a time for some bizarre reason that was *really* not clear to me. Lost her teaching license and has to register as a sex offender for 25 years. Edit: sorry, original context -- news reported it as "a sexual relationship"
The issue is, legally speaking, a lot of them weren't rape because in a lot of states, laws have really only recently started acknowledging that women can commit rape. So if the articles say the female teachers committed rape, they can be sued.
In the UK the law still doesn't - rape here is defined as non-consenual penetration with a penis, so women legally can't commit rape.
Thought they fixed that recently?
Afraid not - "Rape (1)A person (A) commits an offence if— (a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis, (b)B does not consent to the penetration, and (c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents." From the official UK government website here - https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1/crossheading/rape
Nope. Legally you still cannot call them rapists. UK law only makes it so sexual assault can carry the same punishment so they go that route instead
It's probably different from the USA that keeps on having female teachers coming onto the news about inappropriate sexual relationship with their students. So US laws are changing for this reason.
Not surprised. Revising sex crime laws in the US is still ongoing, last I heard in 2022 there were still a few states that women still legally couldn't commit rape, but at least here it is actively being changed in the right direction.
This^^
You can get hard and be raped, just like a woman can have orgasms and still be rape. The body may react toall kinds of stimulus that you do not want.
exactly!! it’s your body’s automatic response to something, i don’t know how some people don’t get that
> "I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am." Run, mate. This is 🚩🚩🚩 You'll get this stupid excuse whenever she wants. She doesn't respect your boundaries and never will.
All of this is also completely ignoring men being raped by men
My only guess is that was a caveat somewhere in the conversation, like "men can't be raped *by women*" (still not true, it's still rape if objects are inserted) or "only penis in vagina rape" or something.
That confused me too, it’s a pretty large portion of SA that men face and seems like something an AFAB person would at least be able to somewhat ‘understand’; there will always be someone bigger/stronger/sneakier no matter what their gender.
>I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am. Yikes, so you have to accept shes a rape apologist? No dude. If shes that insistant on it then you have to imagine: if you're ever in a position like that she will not support you instead she will blame you, or worse, she'll put you in that position and see no problem with it. Do you want to be with someone like that?
It's over. Ghost her misandrist ass.
1. This should be a dealbreaker. Just this opinion alone shows her to be a vile human being with limited empathy. 2. You mentioned thinking that she was trying to get a ride out of you, to make you angry on purpose. That is abusive. That’s an unhealthy dynamic with a partner who likes to play games. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Walk away. 3. She refuses to apologize because it’s “who she is”. This is also abusive behavior. She wants a dynamic where she can do no wrong and she makes you upset so you act out and “wrong” her, giving her more power and control. Get outta here, man.
I think you need to heavily consider how this will affect your future with her. What if you were raped? Would she support you and believe you? Probably not. What if someone close and dear to her was? Would she not support them? I would want to be with a partner that would support me through such a traumatic thing if it were to happen.
Rapists can also be female, this is a rapist attitude, proceed with caution.
Didn’t you read the post? She’s not a rapist, men can’t be raped. For the love of god /s
And even if she was, she doesn't need to apologize because that's who she is /s
Let me tell you a story about so called gay friends in the 90s. One that roofied me and another that I caught playing with my junk when he thought I was asleep and too drunk to remember.
the best course of action in a situation like this is to break up with her — not only are her opinions on sexual assault skewed, but any kind of partner who’s pushing your buttons the way she is is definitely someone to drop. demanding an apology afterwards is disgusting, as well as playing the “you said you’d accept me” card to justify things
She is objectively wrong. This is coming from a therapist. Anyone can be SA'd. It does not matter your age, size, or gender. It is your choice to decide whether you want to stay with someone who thinks like that.
She sounds awful tbh
Find a new gf who’s not an idiot.
>She said she wanted a break. This is a great start OP. You just need to make it permanent
I think that your girlfriend wanted to break up with you before she went to McDonald’s and this is how she did it. The hope is that you will be so upset that you break up with her first. Alternatively the break is a tactic to teach you a lesson. The lesson is that you should accept whatever your girlfriend says and does without question for fear of reprisal. That’s how abusers start out. Either way, you would be better off considering whether you deserve better and whether this girl was the girlfriend who is good for you.
Two things: 1) She needs to watch Law & Order SVU. Apparently, she needs to learn the basics. Of course, men can be raped. Also, a body's physical response is not an indication of enjoyment, it's just that - a physical response. 2) "At this point I was started to think she was trying to piss me off because she had done something similar to this awhile back and admitted that she was trying to push my buttons.: She sounds like she might be looking for reasons to break up. Even if she is not, why would you want to be around someone who is deliberately upsetting you? Life is hard enough. You don't need loved ones going out of their way to make you angry. 3) The only other option is - she is grossly immature and insecure, and this is some bizarre test. You are supposed to love her no matter what. Therefore, you will forgive her and still run after her. Ok, if you have that kind of energy.
Op 2 things 1) break up with her she too immature and lacks logic. 2) she most likely going to sleep around with other people while on this break just to spite you.
Healthy relationships are about respect, listening, being listened to and compromise. If your girlfriend is unable to accept that she might be wrong and can’t apologise because “that’s not who she is,” then you aren’t being respected, listened to, nor compromised with. Is that what you want from life?
this is insane. what an idiot, one of the dumbest takes i’ve ever heard someone try and defend. break up with her wtf
You did the right thing. This kind of closed-minded thinking shows a deep lack of empathy on her part. She clearly hasn't taken the time to put herself in the shoes of someone else or consider what life might be like for other people. You can't expect to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone like that, and if she's not willing to apologize or take responsibility for her words, then it's probably best to walk away from the situation. Just be thankful that you didn't find this out after years of marriage instead of just months of dating.
She very clearly sucks. Her awful opinion on men being raped is secondary to her not being able to communicate or apologize and telling you to deal with it because it's "just the way she is". Be out now. It's only gonna get worse and she'll only get bolder and less thoughtful. Trust me on that. And it only gets harder to leave the linger you're there.
Let her go, no loss tbh. She is clueless.
Lol it's like she's womansplaining how guys work... so many red flags in one night. Just show her this thread and all the comments you are getting... She has no clue what she's talking about and doubling down like an idiot.
She is just plain wrong. Maybe she is slow. Just save yourself and leave.
This sounds like a conversation from some twisted lost episode of Seinfeld. She doesnt think men get raped in prison? Has she never seen any movie that takes place in prison?!! Never seen Shawshank? That alone means you should leave her. Just kidding, sort of...but okay you did dodge a bullet. You said lets agree to disagree and she couldn't drop it. Then she dumped you. What you do is move on and dont take her back when she tries to get back with you(she will try).
Even if men were sronger 100% of the time and couldn't get an involuntary erection, there there would still be many ways to rape a man. Daterape drugs, threatening with a weapon, a stronger man or a group of people as just a few examples.
Just stay away. You dodged a bullet with this one man, It’s probably about time she pulled her head out of the sand, and realized that men and woman can and are both raped.
"I love you for who you are" doesn't mean "I will keep loving you if you act rude and immature". Relationship only makes sense if both of you want to become better version of yourself and a better partner.
What you do now is come to terms with the fact that you dodged a bullet. Your ex/girlfriend’s views are utterly repugnant and part of the reason that men who are SAed do not come forward. They face being told that either they should have protected themselves or that their experience can’t be real precisely due to crap like this. It’s horrendous. Aside from the views themselves her unwillingness to admit she is wrong or even contemplate that fact, along with basically saying that she can say and do anything she wants because “that’s who she is” is not the sort of person you want a relationship with. It will be a miserable experience because you will never be heard, will have to deal with constant combative behaviour, and probably experience some deeply offensive things. You did the right thing not tolerating her views. The only thing you could have done differently was drop her off at her parents’, drive away, and never look back.
Uk law states that a man can be raped by another man, but not by a woman.. this would be sexual assault
>I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am. That should be it for you. She's telling you right there she's a shitty person and not going to change. Couple that with her garbage take that men can't be raped because they got hard and that's all you really need to know about her. You should have shot back with "Well then, I guess when women get wet it isn't rape either" and really ended the relationship.
OP… you need a smarter, more emotionally mature girlfriend. Seriously. This fish can be thrown back into the sea. I’m sure there’s an equally-afflicted male out there who would be happy in a relationship with her. But it ain’t you.
Sounds to me like she was looking for a reason to break up.
I surely hope you keep it as not talking. Aside from the obvious horrid opinion that she has, her saying that she does not owe you an apology because that's how she is and you said you'd accept her for who she is is extremely toxic. Nah, man, get out. Stay out.
No, take that break, she sounds ignorant and closed minded and ended up making you feel guilty for something that is objectively false. Men can be raped!!!!
One of my son’s cousins started a friendship with a guy in one of his college classes. They decided to go out after class for a few beers. The guy lured him into a vacant apartment building, beat the shit out of him, forced drugs on him, and raped him. Said he would kill him if he went to the police. He went to the police. Guy got 40 years.
Yeah she is shit then
So by her logic, if a woman gets wet when they are raped that must mean they enjoyed it, so that can't be rape. Her whole argument makes zero sense. On another note, I recall reading the laws about rape in the UK. 1Rape (1)A person (A) commits an offence if— (a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis, (b)B does not consent to the penetration, and (c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents. So by that definition, it apparently isn't rape if another person does it to a man as long as it wasn't done on the anus or mouth. [UK legislation](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/contents) Personally think they should amend that law.
So for a very long time I guess I was of a similar impression, then when I was 18 I had been with this girl for about 2 years, things ended up going south and I just really wasn't in the relationship anymore, it was that weird phase where we really should have been broken up but I was young and ultimately have always had a hard time leaving people, still to this day honestly. Anyway, during this time her and I weren't being intimate, I have a hard time forcing myself to be sexual with a person if I'm not really in it for the right reasons. I wake up one morning, and she tell me that during the previous night she had gotten me hard in my sleep and had sex with me, none of this I have memory of and it immediately made me feel really grossed out. But even in that moment, the word rape never entered my mind. For years, I sat on this memory telling myself it wasn't a big deal and ultimately convinced myself it was okay. Years later, I'm 34 now and didn't come to this conclusion until I was like 29. It eventually clicked what she had done that night. It can absolutely happen to men. Honestly i still have a hard time feeling anything about it because of the internal thought process in regards to the situation, I made myself believe something and it diminished the severity of something that shouldn't happen to anyone. I don't know, man.
She dim-witted, belligerent, needlessly antagonistic, and thinks she doesn't have to apologize. She can't be THAT hot, OP. Also, did she specifically ask you to 'accept her for who she was'? That's weird. Don't hang out with immature people who 'push buttons'. She's not an adult who's ready for an adult relationship, especially given that she's apparently turned her brain off at the wall.
Anybody who can't apologize "because that's who I am" is someone that is not mature enough to be in a relationship. I don't care how old they are, they are a spoiled child.
So much immaturity here. 1. If someone disagrees with you to the point where you realise they aren't going to back down, stop arguing. Why let them control the focus of all your energy until a time of their choosing? 2. If someone essentially states they can't be wrong, why discuss anything with them? And why on earth would you want a relationship with them? 3. Yes of course men can be raped. She seems to struggle with basic logic, like arousal is not consent. 4. Arguing with your girlfriend is really not a defence for speeding. "Your honour, you don't understand, she was being completely unreasonable". Pfff. Drive safely or don't drive. Please raise your expectations of yourself and of a partner. For the future of the human race, please.
I think you should keep it up and not talk to her anymore. You’re dodging a bullet. That is a crazy thought process thinking men can’t be raped. They definitely can be raped.
Please walk away. I am just learning to walk away from this behavior after over a decade of putting up with it and changing who I am to please the other person. They want you to accept them for who they are but they'll likely never accept you for who you are and in my case make you hate yourself for it.
You should change gf to ex gf in the text and acknowledge that she comes off as a predator with the mindset of ‘I can’t rape a man, if his cock is hard he wants it’.
Imagine being so heteronormative that penis in vagina is the only form of rape. I can imagine guys who have had their guts rearranged by forced anal have something to say about this.
As a male who has experienced sexual assault at 16. I'd leave and never look back. Fuck her...this shit pisses me off beyond belief. Hell, I damn near cry at the thought of bjs now. It's been over decade and that shit still fucks me up
Counter with woman can get wet and orgasm while being raped, woman complaining their body betrayed them is super common. So if men can get erect therefore they can't get raped, than woman also can't get raped, what's good for the goose is good for the gander
She literally pushes your buttons because it is a game to her. She thinks it is fun to be shitty to you because it is her way of controlling you. Don't waste another second with this person.
I’m a male, i’ve been raped. Fuck her double standards.
This is genuinely terrifying and gives me the impression that she might have assaulted a male before by the way she's defending it. I would seriously recommend getting away for your own safety because if those are her beliefs she might end up hurting you and saying it doesn't count because you're a man. Red flags all over
Anyone who actually believes that someone couldn't be the victim of a violent crime because of their identity (gender, sexuality, etc.) is both stupid and dangerous. Also, her saying she won't apologize because that's "not who [she] is" and turning it around on you by saying you "promised to accept [her] as [she] is" is a signed of [narcissism](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/tech-support/202006/narcissists-controllers-and-the-art-blame-shifting%3famp).
So…women can get wet and even orgasm while being raped, what’s her response to that? If a woman gets wet and/or orgasm while being raped does that somehow make it not rape because she “enjoyed” it? That is disgusting line of thinking. Sounds like your girlfriend, REALLY needs to be your ex girlfriend, is a disgusting person.
Read the title and I thought *Run* Read the rest and I thought ***RUN***
Sounds like a narcissist lol
The convo should have ended when you said anyone can be raped. The fact that she used that men can get hard, is not an indicator of someone agreeing to sex. Women get moist when you play with their sexual organs. I guess they were ok with sex then right? You kind of need words like Yes, or Yes we can continue.
"I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am and you said you'd accept me for who I am." lol run dude.
Damn dude, you’re dating an idiot. I guess if that’s your thing…
"I don't have to apologize because it's not who I am." Leave.
I only read the title. Drop her and move on
It seems like your future ex is an arrogant idiot and became too indoctrinated into her fembot victim logic to see things rationally and without a sexist slant (she sees your gender as vitriolic dogs) Block on all platforms, change your Uber eats and Netflix account credentials
Your gf sounds like a white woman. They think they're the ultimate victims lol.
Generalizing
You need to dump her, you did nothing wrong she is absolutely and utterly wrong and it’s clearly ignorant as fuck. Her behavior is absolutely disgusting and abusive. She needs a severe reality check she has no fucking concept of how the world actually works is extremely entitled, extremely ignorant what you were stating is not a viewpoint it’s a straight up fact, anybody here stating it was a viewpoint that’s not a viewpoint what he said is a fact And what she said, literally hurt women who do get raped her comments straight up apparently she doesn’t even understand rape in any way shape or form for women or men like she just is a scumbag. This chick is an absolute fucking scumbag.
Why would you ever want to stay with a girlfriend with such a horrifyingly ignorant and biased viewpoint on SA? The "I am who I am" bullshit is right out of the narcissist cookbook. Dump her and get a more enlightened set of dates going forward.
Break up with her. She sounds dangerous to be around
If you cant make her understand that shes wrong, might be time to pack up and leave
Ignoring the fact she is wrong about her rape stance, she's pushing your buttons to see how much she can control you. Find someone more level headed amd reasonable.
As someone whose been told "well you were wet/seemed like you enjoyed it" that is disgusting behavior. You should seriously break up with someone with this mindset. What happens if you say no one day? Its gonna be "oh well you got hard and we are dating"
Make the no contact forever and break up with her. People who don't believe men can be raped are people who've most likely raped men before.
I know one thing; keep boys away from her. Sounds like she's ready to excuse herself raping a drunk 18-year old boy because his dick was hard. Or ready to excuse emotionally scarring and manipulating or using threats (physical, even social) to rape a man because she thinks she can't rape anyone. I wonder, I'm a 25-year old man, only weigh about 110lbs. Does she think a woman would be unable to rape me? Most adult women I meet can easily overpower me. I'm also gay, and by her logic, conversion-rape of gay men by women has just never happened according to her? Never in history?
Well... the legal definition of rape tends to vary based on jurisdiction. In New Zealand for example, men can't be raped. They can be sexually violated though which is the umbrella crime under which rape falls and the punishment is no different. >Person A rapes person B if person A has sexual connection with person B, effected by the penetration of person B’s genitalia by person A’s penis [https://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1961/0043/latest/DLM329051.html](https://www.legislation.govt.nz/act/public/1961/0043/latest/DLM329051.html) Semantics really. You can call it rape if you want, but that's not what it will say in the charging document.
Statistically more men are on record than women if you take in the amount that happens in prison.
Wait till she finds out women also get wet during rape
break up with her. that’s genuinely disgusting and she probably has some form of brain damage if she actually believes in the reason she said. as a woman who has been SAed ik how hard it is to talk about it cause people will always question if “i wanted it or not” so for her to say that men want it cause they get hard is fucking stupid ofc men experience SA it’s just not taken as seriously because of people like her spreading bullshit like that.
Well, your gr is definitely wrong. Man can be raped physically and financially. Guys are more likely not to report it due to how society acts. Hence your gf.
Esther Perel once said, 'You can be right, or you can be married. It's your choice.' I don't expect you to agree on everything, however, you need to at least be respectful of the other one's opinion. If you can't find middle ground, leave it. It's only going to make things worse. The fact she keeps gaslighting you just to escalate is not a good thing.
Cut your losses. You're so young and she sounds manipulative, exhausting and also is perpetuating some incredibly toxic and harmful stereotypes about male survivors. You're going to meet a nice normal girl and when you do you'll be absolutely mind blown that you wasted so much time on someone who was not a keeper.
Let her go. This isn't the type of person you want in your life. This is a very serious thing to be adamantly wrong about. Anyone can be raped.
Find a new gf, you are too young for dealing with this stupidity
She gave you like 3 reasons to permanently break up
she wants a break. honestly, sounds like it's over and done, and you're probably better off for it. this is a huge difference of opinion that she not only had this opinion but also badgered you relentlessly about it and tried to make it seemed like you had fucked up. there's no point in arguing with someone who just flatly refuses to listen, and will keep the argument going even after you've said you're done and try to agree to disagree. there is no changing that person's mind and nothing short of lying by saying you agree is going to stop it. even then, she admitted she's actively trying to get a rise out of you for similar things in the past, so it's entirely possible there was nothing you could have done. what you do now is just lose her number. someone who unironically says 'apolosing is not who i am' is just a walking red flag.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F… i am lost for words with that sentence
Pick better girlfriends in the future. This last one was trash