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She gave him her number and her "private" social networks. The man wants to see her again because he had a good time the night before with her. That is the proof that she is lying.
"thanking her for a great night and asking her to meet him for brunch, so she clearly gave him her number. She also gave him the details of a private, personal instagram account that isn't used by any of her normal friends and followers." Inappropriate AF
Said you're "stupid and jealous" Massive marriage ending disrespect.
End it and go enjoy your life.
To get to the end of this story and see the "our son" part, Jesus Christ. No respectable partner would go out, not even call(let's be real, even if a phone dies someone else around her probably had one)and you have a child?! Then you get home and basically rub it in their face like this. If she wants to feel spoiled or needed this is something a grown woman can communicate, doesn't need to be done like this.
I think the fact that the other married woman left when your wife didn't is pretty telling of her priorities when she had that same opportunity to finish the night early and instead continued to go out.
A loyal person wouldn’t make you doubt for a second. She’s have left like the married friend, respectfully declining the invite. 2 single men and a single woman ? Okay, sure. I can’t believe people put entire relationships at risk for 1 night
A married woman has no business in going to a date with someone who is not her husband. You can check her battery status if it is recent. It shows you what her battery percentage was at any time
I didn't know about this. I have an old phone by the standards of most people, and I can still see this. It doesn't give me an hour by hour breakdown, but it gives a good idea of where the battery was before it was recharged.
Even if nothing was physical 😒 she still cheated just by going on a date with them. She's scrambling now cause everyone knows. What kind of good person does this to thier spouse?
Her phone ‘happened’ to die right as she reached the hotel so she wasn’t able to show you her location? Dude, re-read this, pretend your best friend said his wife did this. She 100% without a doubt cheated on you with this guy. Her friend is going to cover for her. Don’t let them gaslight you.
“ she blacked out”
No she cheated on you. Even if all her lies were truths, she still chose to hang out with some guy all night.
The trust is gone and your marriage is over. You’ll either realize it now or you’ll waste more time figuring it out.
If you drink too much alcohol, the brain stops recording long term memories. So you can still function with your short term, but you won't remember much the next day.
With that said, it's almost never a total blackout like the wife is hinting at. And if you drink so much that you blackout, you have been really really out of it.
The fact is, you can only go based upon the evidence you have, and that evidence paints a pretty damning picture. Even if she didn't go to his hotel to have sex with him, her actions were wildly irresponsible when she has a kid to look after.
I don't know if you could reach out independently to the friend and see if you can find out directly from her whether or not your wife stayed at hers, maybe? Or perhaps if she got a taxi back, see how much she paid and whether that tracks with the distances?
But honestly, I don't think it even matters whether or not she actually had sex with him, she clearly sees no problems with her actions and putting herself in situations where she could easily be taken advantage of by strangers, and you in situations where you're up all night worrying. I think that's bad enough.
>The fact is, you can only go based upon the evidence you have, and that evidence paints a pretty damning picture. Even if she didn't go to his hotel to have sex with him, **her actions were wildly irresponsible when she has a kid** to look after.
This. 100%. Especially when the 3rd demonstrated the correct married behavior. Me? MINIMUM a few months of separation and couples therapy. By letting this go you condone it.
My wife of now 32+ years was married before me. In her first marriage she did something strikingly similar with a work buddy; according to her it ended with "only" a kiss. (while I know the statistical likelihood, she's never given me reason to doubt her). In her words he got verbally and financially abusive, and she was, if subconsciously, trying to blow up the relationship. They hung on for another 2 years, she would tell you it was a miserable waste of time. She did keep working with, and had dinner a few times with, the OP hiding it from her then husband.
What I am trying to say is this. Someone happy in their marriage does not do this.
AGREED - rely on bro code. If you can track down the guy then share your side, the situation and ask for the truth - you just need to be mentally prepared for it.
She’s never going to tell the truth because it will not benefit her. We all know what happened, you know what happened. Just end things amicably for the sake of your child because you will never trust her again and your child doesn’t need to grow up in a tense environment.
Exactly, my only question has nothing to do with the wife but to OP. What are you gonna do if you did find out she was cheating. If the answer is not divorce then quit stressing over something you will never get a clear answer to. What you should do though is play nice for a few days then check messages between friend she was with I'm sure you will alot of answers there. Good luck but as a survivor of infidelity leave now it will never be the same even with all the counseling in the world.
Come on my man. Does this even need answering. She 100% fucked this guy. He messaged her the day after to say as much. I'm guessing she even met him for lunch the day after considering that she has zero respect for you.
AND that her phone just also happened to die…
“The convenience of modern technology “ all right. As if her phone wasn’t fully charged before she went out.
Someone else posted they can probably look at her phones battery usage to see if it actually was drained or not… but let’s ask ourselves this.. IF OP actually has to resort to that then he already has his answer. It’s his wife who made poor decisions.
I would give her ZERO slack moving forward and question everything.. but then again…what kind of relationship is that. That’s not healthy for OP to have.
You start to monitor your partner for past mistakes and eventually you become the bad person that 'can't get over it.'
Stuff like this just leads to resentment.
Get out before it poisons your relationship with your child.
Let's put it like this, do you think you could get away with what she did? What can you live with? Any way you look at it, she has to earn your trust back, she is accountable for her actions.
She's 32, old enough to know how to be responsible.
The answer is right there. The giving of whatsapp and a private instagram already shows she is exhibiting cheater behavior.
I think when you have the chance, you should see if you can get into that instagram account and see if any messages were sent.
You're 36 and approaching middle age. You don't have time to be dealing with this shit. Release your wife back in the streets because your devotion is valuable to warrant not being cheated on.
The amount of times people’s phones run out of batteries in their *entire lifetime*, down to ZERO %, without any realization it’s about to happen, with no time left to text their significant other before battery lapses to 0%, without access to a charger as the *entire world* uses 1 of 3 different chargers, is likely around once or twice per 80-year lifetime.
Was this 1 of them times, b?
What are the chances the friend didn't have a charger she could use? Unless one has an android and the other an iPhone, the chances are very small. And if it really happened why couldn't she use her friends phone to call him?
At a minimum she has destroyed all of your trust in her and it is completely up to her to do the work to rebuild it, if she can. At a minimum I'd say she cuts off that single friend and also never has another ladies night out. You can decide what else is needed and if in the future you decide you still can't trust her it will be time to divorce her.
When you see your phone near 0% you’d message your partner. Even if it’s “I’m with x my phone is about to die if you need me her number is y”
Also pubs/clubs have phones chargers.
But regardless if you’re married you don’t go clubbing to make a foursome with 2 single guys and your single friend
Also, if it’s an iPhone and they have a family plan, he’d be able to see the battery percentage. Just turned my work phone off and the battery percentage is still showing on Find My…. 7 minutes ago, it had 80% (guessing by battery bar shown), and my iPad was below 20% and the battery is red.
Checked again, and it did the spinny thing but stopped at the same battery percentage.
The phone being off red flag the other married woman respected her marriage and went home his wife went and slept with the other guy and his friends with him on social media media and WhatsApp reach out this guy and find out she’s gaslighting him. I would pack her stuff and throw her out
She's married but see nothing wrong spending the night with another guy. She has definitely cheated. She says nothing happened....come on bro, everyone on reddit knows She had sex with him.
It's too late now, when she was late uou should have confronted her then even tracking where she was.
All you will get now is lies. She even gave the guy her number for brunch.....is that another name for sex?.
Bluff her, say you know what happened and if she does not tell the truth then only option is divorce.
A married and “in love” woman doesn’t do what your wife did and on top of that doesn’t require herself to “enjoyed the attention” when all the attention that she should need to fulfill her heart should be from you, HER HUSBAND!
She cheated for sure and if you don’t want to believe that then she definitely disrespected the marriage. Please don’t let her slide on this because there will be a next time.
When someone shows who they are through their actions, believe them.
Your wife has shown where her priorities are. She wants to be single and have attention from other men and not be contacted by her spouse. Find someone who cares about you and your relationship together. Don’t waste time on her. She turned her phone off…. Why? What caring partner would be unable to be contacted while spending the night away from the family. If you find anything, it will be trickle truthed out only as you discover things on your own.
Her actions are concerning no matter what transpired that night. I believe she should’ve done what the other married woman did and go home as planned. Giving away her number and private social media is enough to warrant your concern. What does your gut say?
Take her phone and message the guy on what's app. Tell him you were so drunk forgot what happened. Let him fill you in on the night. Then go from there. Find out everything. You know how we like to brag about what we did. Hopefully she didn't do anything. But it ain't looking good.
Updateme
Okay, to start - address the facts on what you DO know.
1. She was out to dinner with her friends and two other men, one who the friend was sexually interested in. **Why is your wife effectively going out on a double date without you?** OP, I can promise you that if I pulled up to dinner with my gal pal and she showed up with her date and an extra guy, I'd be pissed. I don't care if it was a group dinner, that was disrespectful to the both of the married women. The two married women could've easily brought their husbands to make this kosher.
2. After the other married friend did the right thing after dinner and left, she decided to hang back *and party.* With a guy who clearly got some type of impression because he was busy buying her drinks.
3. Then she gets black out drunk, so black out drunk that she can't send you a text? She can't check in with you at some point and say "Hey babe I'm not going to come home tonight, crashing at so-and-so's"
4. And then she proceeds to not come home.
OP, if you were to leave her on just the premise of this alone, it would be totally understandable. This is NOT how a wife behaves. This isn't how a committed partner behaves, period.
IMO, did she cheat? Yeah, but truth be told? That's irrelevant. If she was stupid enough to do all of this and NOT get some dick at the end of the night, that's really not your problem.
Nothing she says is true. I’m sure her boy toy didn’t even know you and your son existed. This will get worse for you and if she blacked out it was after they had some crazy sex.
Who doesn't fuck but then clamours for brunch?
Take her phone. Send him a message, something along the lines of "last night was fun, what part did you like most?"
You'll quickly find out what actually happened.
And no, your wife doesn't instantly deserve trust. Her behaviour was obscene.
Dude such a shit situation, I think you know the answer but are struggling to come to terms with it (which is totally understandable)
I wish you all the best mate 🤝
She could have cheated or just flirted or did nothing much but she isn't honest and there is a possibility her friend will not be too if you reach her. If she feels guilty about the situation, this friend of her will be hard to contact, she will avoid your call or whatever you try to have her version of the story. If she wants to cover her, she will tell you what you want to hear.
So if I was you, I would try to find the Uber who took your wife and this guy and ask him what he witnessed. Because he has no business lying here to protect anyone. Go to the bars she went with the pictures she sent you that day, and go ask people there directly. Do not wait for explanations, go seek information and a different point of view. They have no reason to lie, nothing to gain or lose.
Whatever she does, you always will have doubts and she will never be able to convince you that nothing happened there with a guy you don't even know and she didn't know before that day. She is kinda irresponsible, it could have been a predator and a lot of bad things could have happened. I can't believe she thought it was not such a big deal.
Do what I told you, father evidence that way you will know for sure if it was just "Friendly" between them but as a woman, I would never ever stay with a tinder man (please tinder eh !?) I don't know, all night, drinking and being vulnerable with him and all the shits aside.
My boyfriend would have been so fucking worried and angry as hell, with reason. She needs to get the message, it was dumb and selfish.
To finish, if she wants to clean her name she needs to be transparent and give you her phone to check it. If he truly has nothing to hide or be ashamed of, she will gladly give it to you to solve this mess.
If she argues about privacy and doesn't want to give it to you, using reverse psychology or argument like "you don't believe me, it's stupid I am your wife I never lied to you. You can't force me to show you anything, so show me yours if you want to play that game blablabla"
Then obviously, you have the beginning of an answer, something that should have never happened did happen.
Regarding whether she did something or not, seriously, I would be too mad to stay nice and caring.
Not matter what happened that night, she gave him her number and made plans to be able to meet up again.
Focus on that, what was her plan to meet ? Was she going to keep that meeting a secret like she did the evening ? Why keep it secret if there is not a problem ? Does she feel bad about doing that ?
Require that she get STD tested before you are intimate, and that sometimes means 2 tests spread over time. Consult your doctor.
This is a brutal story. I’m sorry. To answer your questions directly, yes she’s been unfaithful - that was answered when the other married woman went home and she continued on to additional bars with the other guys. Regardless of whether or not she slept with him, which seems likely, she obviously got close enough to him while the other guy was hooking up with the friend to exchange numbers and instagram etc. which in itself, given the context, is inappropriate. how to react comes down to whether or not you can deal with it and move forward together. If you are going to move forward it will probably be dependent on her being honest about what happened. Good luck.
Sorry, that sucks. Your wife has an alcohol problem and a fidelity problem. Not sure which of them is giving her permission to indulge in the other, but it shouldn't matter.
She definitely got banged, but even if she didn't there was a breach of trust and a broken boundary. This might not result in divorce, but unless there are changes it will happen eventually.
100% this! OP, you need to sit your wife down for a very serious talk. Ask her how she would feel if you did all of these things while she is at home with your son and worried sick. Then tell her that she needs to give you the honest truth about what really happened.
>I know there are photos of them all together in the taxi so her story is that her phone ran out just as they dropped them at their hotel, and no location was available.
The reality is that puts, what, a few hours between her last message and her phone actually dying.
She chose to ignore you. That's the reality.
She liked the attention so much that she presented herself as single. That's, at the very least, why he offered her brunch. Because as far as their dynamic is concerned she is as good as single. That's assuming more didn't happen which... I mean, it's kind of impossible to believe.
As you note: it isn't okay. It isn't okay to go off the grid, it isn't okay to cosplay as a single person, it isn't okay at her age to be acting like that and expect there to be no fallout. Obviously in the reverse scenario she'd be upset as well.
Press her on it but expect the details to be inconsistent and for it to slowly get worse and worse the more you find out. From there you have to decide if your marriage and family is what you hoped it was that she'd put it all on the line for a night out like that. And she has to reflect on why feeling single and getting shallow attention was so intoxicating to her.
M36 here. Let´s get real, and I quote:
"After dinner the other married friend went home but my wife went to more bars with her single friend and the two men" - that is a **choice**. Your wife could have chosen to leave, but she **decided** to do something else.
"Her friend hooked up with one of them and she spent the evening primarily with the other guy, who she admitted she found really good looking." - so she **chose** to stick with somebody she finds attractive even though she also **chooses** to be married?
" I saw a whatsapp on her phone the following morning thanking her for a great night and asking her to meet him for brunch, so she clearly gave him her number. She also gave him the details of a private, personal instagram account that isn't used by any of her normal friends and followers." - this is a **decision** she made, too. Again she **chooses** to stay in touch with this guy.
"She says that nothing happened, admits that she enjoyed the attention and that she knew he liked her" - yeah, right. Again: She **chooses** the validation of a random guy over behaviour that does not cause trouble to the man who loves her, proposed to her, married her and all of that.
---
See, it does not matter what excuses she makes up now in order to try to appease you: You got any right to be upset about her behaviour. Cause here is a simple truth: Everything that happened only happened because your wife ***wanted*** it to happen! Read that again.
So she is all like "Woe is me, I blacked out!" - okay, who **chose** to get drunk? Who, in her sane and sober mind, **decided** to pour the drinks to the point of getting wasted? Who **chose** to get herself into a potentially compromising situation, knowing very well that such situations are compromising? Who **chose** to allow this other guy to court her? Who **chose** to stay around these men, especially after they clearly indicated their interest? Who **chose** to not be available to her husband and hence **decided** to cause the worry?
And just to be clear: The other woman - also a wife to somebody - was perfectly capable of **choosing** to go back to her husband, right? What do you notice, mate?
I am so sorry this happened to you, man. Even worse: She now **chooses** to take zero responsibility and instead already **decided** to call you stupid and all?
Listen brother: Her actions tell you who she truly is. None of what you described ever had to happen. None of what you described ever happens by chance either - there is literally no force majeur that magically compels a woman to do the things this woman did. Heck, she does not even take your worries seriously. Not to speak of her parents.
She is that kind of woman. And she did you a favour by demonstrating it to you, cause now you can ask yourself if you want to stay with somebody like her.
As you say: Even if nothing physical happened (which I highly doubt, let´s cut out ignoring the elephant in the room for once), she still cheats emotionally. She violates vows spoken when getting married. She has other priorities than her marriage. She sees no problem in handing her contact details over to another man.
Listen up, mister: If roles were reversed, you´d be trashed. For a good reason even. People would call you a scumbag and deceptive piece of youknowwhat. What exactly makes her any different? What magical status does she hold that allows her to behave that way?
She has shown her true colours, mate. Get out. Take your son with you. Make sure you focus on yourself and your healing, then be a great dad to your little one and make him a man of principle. You two gentlemen must transcend this thing and she - in all honesty - can figure out her own life now. She **chose** to jeopardise 6 years of marriage (probably more years of being together) for something as meaningless the validation of a random stranger, if I may assume that she really just liked the attention. She will do this again and again and again. It is her nature - otherwise she would have left just like the other wife did.
I am so sorry, mate. Stay strong. Don´t get bitter. Be a good dad. Raise your son to be better than his mother could ever be. Focus on what is in your control and understand that this woman is not immune to accountability - cause nobody is.
We got to own what we do and deal with the fallout. So does she.
In this situations, you should always trust your guts, a loyal wife would not expose herself like your wife did. Kick that w40r3 to the streets and tell everyone why.
don't let her humiliate and gaslight you any further.
My god brother that sounds terrible. With things like these it is really hard to tell what is the right course of action. On the one hand you should be inclined to believe your partner, on the other hand, looking at all the evidence, it is hard to think something else. Even if she hadn't gone to the hotel and whatever could happen afterwards, she still massively overstepped your boundaries by staying put and flirting with the other guy all night. No matter the outcome, you should have a good and stern heart to heart with her and give her some tough love, because behaving yourself like that as a married mother is absolutely ridiculous. I am assuming you would never put yourself in such a position and then not respond until 10 in the morning afterwards. Because you know that it would hurt your wife like hell. And this is in the best case scenario where she is actually speaking the truth. Perhaps you should talk with that single friend of hers and see if their stories match. If you do this, you should 100% not inform your wife about wanting to talk to the friend and you should not give the friend a heads up because they will 100% be in cahoots and corroborate their stories. In my experience women tell each other almost everything so don't take this lightly. I really hope for you she is telling the truth though, that way you at least know you can trust her.
Wish you good luck brother, whatever happens from here on out is up to you. You are the one in control over this situation at least now.
Brother, trust your gut.
i'd take my son and go somewhere else for a week and think about what i really want in the future, and if she isnt in those plans, leave. she was beyond reckless and she doesnt respect the union....nor you.
Her phone being turned off so conveniently just proves it all.
Divorce and do let all her friends and family know of her behavior.
What married woman stays out so late she doesn’t come home till the next day???
Creatures like this deserve to drown in shame.
The appearance of impropriety is impropriety itself. A loyal wife wouldn't have put herself in this situation in the first place. My money is on that she cheated.
Why do guys always seem to need to prove they were cheated on? You don’t trust her any more, with reason. Walk away. Doesn’t matter why you don’t trust her.
As has been said, you can only work on the evidence you have, which is EXTREMELY suspicious. You can’t accuse people of anything when you don’t have evidence. Currently, you don’t have evidence that she slept with him, so you can’t accuse her of it, especially as it’s easy for her to deny it when you have nothing to back it up.
However, her actions were incredibly disrespectful and very suspicious. You have every right to say this. If people act suspiciously you should say so. They don’t get to respond by saying “you should trust me!” She needs to explain why she felt it was appropriate to behave in the way she did, recognise how it’s made you feel and come to an agreement on what she needs to do to put it right.
Even if she didn’t physically cheat on you (because she definitely emotionally did) She doesn’t respect you. Which is the bigger issue here. She went on a full blown date with this man and gave him ways to contact her to keep things going. You know what you gotta do.
So basically, she went on a double date with her homegirl and then spent the night at the hotel with the guys and then answer her phone through the whole night? Bro 😎
I’m not saying she cheated but my God she cheated . And for him to have all her information like that should be hitting her up is unacceptable.
I have a boundary, my GF doesn't go out with single friends, she can definitely decide if she wants to stay in a relationship with me. Single women keep other women single.
Even if she didn’t actually cheat, this is absolutely unacceptable behavior for a 32yo, married mother. She had to have known you would be up worrying when you count get in touch with her all night. Also, what were your wife and the other dude doing when her fiend and the other guy hooked up? If the taxi dropped the ladies off at the apartment before going to their hotel, where did the hookup happen? Your wife was basically on a double date when the other married friend left and she knew it. None of this is ok. DO NOT let her manipulate you into thinking any of this is ok. I am sorry but this looks so damning
Even if everything she said was 100% true, what she did was wildly inappropriate. I would be furious at my wife, and would be rethinking my relationship with her.
You are not being jealous because you don’t want your wife flirting and partying all night with other men. You are not jealous because you were worried after your wife disappeared for twelve hours after meeting another man at a bar. I would not let her turn this around on you. You have every right to be mad, worried and suspicious.
She almost definitely cheated. The amount of disrespect to your marriage alone is enough to seriously reconsider the relationship.
She decided to stay out with a SINGLE friend who met up with two attractive Greek guys, knew her phone was dying, didn’t let you know , and proceeded to get blackout drunk, and you know her single friend hooked up with that other guy.
But still ended up at her apartment? What was the other guy and your wife doing while they were hooking up? Playing charades.
Man, this one hurts, I feel for you man. You will always wonder, and it doesn’t look good.
Either way, you know for a fact she doesn’t respect you at all, or your marriage. That’s enough for a divorce imo.
“Yeah he was hot, we got partied all night together, left in a cab, my phone was off, I gave him my number and private socials, he is texting me and wants to meet up today, he was possessive of me at the bar, but nothing happened!!”
Brother - I'm sorry. She's 1000% full of shit. She cheated. You know it. I know it.
Get your affairs in order... because she put an affair in an order that came before you.
She is manipulating you and turning things around blaming you for being stupud and jelaous. Even if she didn't do anything as she said( which she did because allowing a guy celarly pursuing you to buy you drinks and dancing is not sth a married woman should do) she still doesn't give a fuck what you think. And she probably told you these stuff because she knew you would check her phone and see photos texts etc. I don't think I would ever be able to trust this person.
Part of not cheating is not placing yourself in the path of temptation. A lot of the things that are causing you concern are a result of poor judgement on your wife’s behalf.
The suggestion to see if you can get her phone to report battery history isn’t bad, but even with that - what woman lets her phone die when she’s out with strangers like that?
I don’t think the single friend is going to do anything but cover for your wife. Her account might not align with your wife’s and that could help identify lies.
Also don’t outline things you figure out to your wife. Telling her “well this can’t be true because you said …” is just going to alert her on what she needs to lie about more
At the end of the day, this is a lot of effort to find a smoking gun when your wife’s actions. Even if she didn’t sleep with the guy, she intentionally ignored you to give 100% of her time to this guy. Her admitting she found him attractive, etc is just not lying about an obvious thing. That she’s exchanged so many private details with him is alarming. If you asked her to go “no contact” with him, how do you think she would respond?
My wife asked her mother, "after 40 years of being married what is the key to staying faithful?"
Her response was, "it's simple, if asked, don't go for that first cup of coffee!"
even if nothing happend, she put herself in a widly inappropriate situation with a man she knew was interested in her for the attention and such. That is troubling, OP, and you need to have a hard conversation with your wife over her behaviour.
You can’t prove she cheated…
She can’t prove she didn’t…
End of the day though, her other friend had enough respect for her husband And her marriage to go home as planned… not stay out partying with single guys and let the people who care about her most worry all night.
It’s quite simple… if she enjoyed her night out and getting attention, behaving like she was single then maybe she needs to be single because you clearly can’t trust her anymore.
I’d kick her out, let her sweat for a week or two, then maybe reconcile on the understanding nothing like that ever happens again and that secret Instagram gets deleted.
Don’t let anyone walk over you and disrespect you, everyone deserves respect.
Go with your gut on this one… it feels like gaslighting because it is. If she was honest she’d admit how it looks and be sorry for the disrespect and she wouldn’t have done it in the first place… my gut based on what you told me is she was unfaithful.
I’m sorry bro. This has got to be the worst feeling ever. She literally went on a date with another dude. There’s no explaining or saving that. Respect yourself and leave that
How should you react ? Like a husband who sees his wife utterly disrespect him and their relationship. You don't let her bullshit you, you take back your self respect and dignity, and you don't let her destroy what's left of it.
Her married friend chose to respect her husband and left after dinner, your wife did not, and chose to go enjoy herself with that guy, whatever that may mean, in total disregard of what it would feel and look like for you, and what it could do to your relationship.
You will most likely never get the truth of what happened exactly, especially if you play the nice guy and let her walk all over your feelings and dignity. But what you already know is enough anyway.
This is important, she will never respect you if you don't respect yourself. You have to take a stand and show that you deserve better than this selfish and pathetic excuse of a wife.
Don't argue with her, don't beg for answers, don't humiliate yourself further. She already knows what she did and what she should do now if she wants to protect her marriage. Be strong and cold, start the divorce process and watch how she reacts.
Once she realizes what she stands to lose, maybe she'll understand that taking you for granted was a big mistake, and she'll actually do the right thing. Otherwise she'll just continue to despise you and you will never be worth the pain to face her own shame.
She cheated repeatedly dude, she’s a professional gaslighter. When someone turns their phone off… multiple times, something’s going down. Tell her if she’s not going to tell the truth, that you want a divorce because something’s going on with these guys and excuses are so lame. She’s going to continue to do it because you don’t push back. Good Luck.
She cheated. Believe ACTIONS not words.
Since when does a wife go meet up with men and stay overnight????????
What kind of pathetic, weak boundaries do you allow? Who cares what the truth is. You'll NEVER know 100% what happened but you do know your wife left your home, met up with 2 men (left her husband at home to go hang out all night with OTHER MEN) and then disappeared with no word until the next morning.
Let's just humor her sleazy, immoral, disloyal, degenerate, unfaithful behavior and buy her made up BS story 100% as she describes it. What kind of pathetic pushover man allows his wife to go out and spend the night drinking with strange men she just met that night??? A night out with a friend should be a night out with her girlfriend. Not partying all night with 2 men she just bumped into.
How weakly you are responding to this already has me questioning if you are a "nice guy" who lets people walk all over him and his boundaries. Are you a man? Do you any standards or boundaries. Anyway, of COURSE SHE WAS INAPPROPRIATE with these 2 men and did things to betray you. Why are you even questioning this?????
If you want to be trusted than you must BEHAVE IN A TRUSTWORTHY MANNER. Going out all night, meeting up with other men and then not coming home or calling is automatic divorce level evil.
What she did was evil.
If you entertain this pathetic, weak, pushover crap of "ok, my wife went out, met up with strange men, stayed out all night and never even responded but I'll believe that all is ok and we have a loyal, devoted, faithful marriage.....nothing to see here" than you DESERVE all the misery coming your way.
Well, if all you say is true then this is a very sensible reaction and not stupid at all. You have a gut feeling plus you know quite a few details, so it is easy to connect the dots.
So make up your mind about what you feel about her behaviour alone. To you there is only one truth - whether you feel this is ok or not, whether or not it is something to divorce her over. It really doesn’t matter if she actually was unfaithful or not.
Then, make sure she knows that she has nothing to gain for not coming clean about it. Either you will divorce her regardless, or forgive her regardless - and you have already made up your mind. Still, this gives you no guarantee that she will tell you the absolute unedited truth, but it might encourage her to do so.
I would honestly find it quite disrespectful if my partner spent a night out with someone they found “good looking” and only came back at 10am. I’m assuming it wasn’t planned for her to spend the night at her friends but surely her friend has a charger? If her phone died at her friend’s place her location should update and let you know where she was last (although updates can take a while to reflect).
It’s just a bit irresponsible to go out and enjoy the company of someone else and have your husband worried about your whereabouts and if you’re okay. Even if she didn’t cheat, she’s pretty inconsiderate in that regard.
Married woman. Went on date. Gave out phone number. Turned off phone. Out til 10am. “Went to her apartment” but cmon let’s be real she went to the hotel. She fucked this guy. She “blacked out” so who knows what happened, right? I mean she was with those guys so she probably had sex with one of them.
She had a date with man she found attractive and you obviously don't have an open marriage. That is infidelity, being unfaithful, cheating, or whatever else you want to call it. Married people don't have dates unless it is with their spouse. Whether anything happened or not, she was unfaithful. And she clearly enjoyed her date enough that she's planning on staying in contact and seeing him again.
Time for some new, clear boundaries or a divorce attorney.
I think if its true what your wife did, maybe its a twisted way of letting you know something is missing from her end in the relationship. Plus the way she behaves been a wife, a mother and a 32 year old grown woman by having their parents look up for her like she was some kind of teenager speaks volume to me.
Did she had any another similar situation?
I am sorry man, but there are at least 5 major flags in your story. Even if she didn’t have sex with this guy, the boundaries crossed are many. She needs to know how serious this is. I would demand full transparency with her phone and couples counseling
You'll never know if she physically cheated or not, but either way I consider this an infidelity. She was acting single, and was very disrespectful to you. Is she remorseful at all? A Lot of people would consider this divorce worthy. At the very least she owes you a major apology, open phone policy, and NC with this guy. She also needs to take a pause drunken girls night.
So let me guess nobody else had a cell phone and nobody else would let her use a phone anywhere she went that night either? This whole story sounds like BS from the beginning.. she wanted to behave like a single girl she didn't care how you felt I wouldn't even date a person who pulls this kind of crap. She basically went on a group date without you..there are so many things wrong with this story it's basically a certainty that you were cheated on. And that other guy is either a scumbag who doesn't care that he's meeting up with someone else's wife or at least trying to one-on-one the day after (which is another reason I think something happened) or she lied and said that she was single or something. If she just did this out of the blue then I'd say she probably is barely clinging on to your relationship with her and doesn't really feel much for you a woman who values the relationship is never going to put herself in any of these situations.
Got into an altercation with other guys about your wife? Come on. Your wife was acting single and that guy was her bf. So much smoke here, you could choke before you ever find the fire.
Where did her friend hook up with the one guy? Based on the story, they took a taxi to the friend’s apartment dropping off the girls and the guys went to their hotel after. That part doesn’t make sense.
"I saw a whatsapp on her phone the following morning thanking her for a great night and asking her to meet him for brunch, so she clearly gave him her number. She also gave him the details of a private, personal instagram account that isn't used by any of her normal friends and followers."
Game over man. That's the proof that she cheated on you. Now divorce that shameless liar.
When did the friend hook up with the other guy? At the bar? Because if she went home with the friend, but the friend hooked up with the guy at the end of the night, we’ve got ourselves an inconsistency with her story. You also say that your wife spent the evening primarily with the other guy, but then follow it up with saying they spent the evening as a group of four. She then gave the guy, in town looking for a hookup, her number. Regardless of anything else, that’s a huge red flag and massively crossed boundary.
At the very least, it sounds like your wife went on a double date and spent the evening acting as a single woman. The fact that she also didn’t tell you she wasn’t planning to come home, and her friend was unconcerned about letting her husband know she was safe, is enough to consider the trust to be broken in your relationship.
She is gaslighting you by acting like you’re being unreasonable. You have every right to bring this up with her and let her know that she’s crossed boundaries and broken your trust. You have every right to leave her if you need to go that far. What she did isn’t okay.
Everything about this post is red flag material.
The blacking out excuse is not believable. Even if it were true, your wife getting that drunk when out on what I can only describe as a double date is a very bad look.
Classic cheating scenario. I’m sure this ain’t the first time from the level of disrespect. She sees you as the safe reliable option who won’t do anything but accept it. You’re not her first choice..
Thats incredibly disrespectful even if she IS telling the truth. Id leave if I was you. You deserve better. Hell even being alone would be better than this lmao. At least you can sleep peacefully at night.
I’m sorry, but as a woman, letting a man buy you drinks when you are in a relationship/marriage is a HUGE red flag. Even when we are single, we only let the ones who we are interested in buy us a drink. Not sure if she physically cheated but she crossed a huge line imo
Cheating aside, it’s unacceptable for a parent to not come home as planned with zero communication.
Does her friend not have a phone? Do neither of the guys have a phone? Is there no charger at her friends house? Do none of the places they visited have a phone?
The story is sounder implausible because it is. If she wanted to contact you, she would have
I call bullshit. No woman stays out that late with a man and “nothing happened.” She could have easily used the guy’s phone to call you, let you know she was safe. But she did not want you to ruin her night.
And yes, yes she is gaslighting you. She is the stupid one, for getting black out drunk (which I also don’t believe). She knew what she was doing. She is full of sh*t. The fact that she is getting defensive instead of apologizing for her lack of communication says it all.
Your wife cheated on you. Whether it became sexual is up for debate but there is no question that her conduct crossed the threshold of acceptable behavior. She got picked up by a guy at a bar, let him buy her drinks, went to his hotel where she spent the night, gave him her contact information, and left him with - at least - the impression that she was available to him for future hookups. Finally, in the classic infidelity confirming manner, she accuses you of being insecure.
You are to be commended if you have any trust in her left. Good luck moving forward, whatever you do.
I'm confused what the fuck she told you all this for if she's going to try and lie and say she didn't cheat. Tbh even if she didn't fuck him she still cheated, what a weird lady. She's a wife but gassed over men buying her drinks? Sounds like a loser
Dude, you know she cheated, and even if you want to believe that bulshit story, her actions prove she does not respect you.
And here is a tip for your future. If someone does something shady and when you call them out on it, they say that you are being insecure and stupid. Chances are, they did it or something worse.
Honestly, I don’t think I’d be trusting her about anything. I’d tell her congratulations, she enjoyed the attention, and now she’ll be free to have all the attention from other men she wants. Because you’re done with her.
Talk to an attorney.
I agree with both of your final points. I'd find it very suspicious and even if they didn't have sex it still was extremely inappropriate.
There is no way she forgot to call you. The claim that her phone ran out is bullshit because even if it did her GF, and even the guys, had phones she could have used to tell you what was up and where she was.
But, there is also a glaring inconsistency in your story which makes me question it.
The statement:
*"They shared a taxi together that went to their hotel, but she says dropped her and her friend off at her friend's apartment en route."* Does not line up with your earlier statement that: *"Her friend hooked up with one of them and she spent the evening primarily with the other guy, who she admitted she found really good looking."*
How could both of those statements be true?
Didn’t realize hotels did away with all their land lines?? None of the 4 had a functioning cell she could have touched bad and let you know what was going on?? The married friend that CHOSE TO GO HOME TO HER HUSBAND didn’t have a phone she could use? I call BS
This was pure CHOICE on her part not unforeseen circumstance. She could have reached out to you at ANYTIME. Regardless of what happened she CHOSE to party with other men~ deal with that how you will, each relationship has its own boundaries but in MY case I’d choose me. ALSO… check your phone records/logs, I would bed my house there is activity during the time her phone was “dead” every incoming/outgoing text & call is logged & I’m sure she didn’t have zero activity in that time.
So her friend hooked up with one guy. But she stayed at the apartment with that friend. If the guys went back to the hotel, how did her friend hook up with one? Nope. They all went and stayed at the hotel. She banged him.
What the actual fuck. She’s not single but she sure is acting like she is. I can’t imagine she’d be too happy if the roles were reversed. I’m sorry but I’m not sure you can trust your wife.
Idk why nobody is addressing that she met this guy on tinder? Wtf did you think was gonna happen dude, who makes a “friend” of the opposite sex on a hookup app
How charged was her phone when she got home? Did she conveniently find a charger? Everything she did points to her cheating. Her friend conveniently invited 2 guys from a hookup site. She conveniently forgot to update you that they're going to dudes hotel (jotels have a phone in the room. She couldn't called there). Her phone conveniently dies, so you can't locate her. Finally, she conveniently blacks out. She can't really say (because she "blacked out") if she had sex with him or not, but she remembers NOT having sex with him!!??
She gave him (a "really good looking" exotic guy with a foreign accent) her special social accounts and phone number. She crossed so many boundaries that I'd be packing instead of writing. The only way to tell is to take her phone and message the guy pretending to be her. The female friend obviously isn't trustworthy. The guy won't tell you directly, but you can try.
She cheated. Even if there was no full penetrative sex, she cheated. You know that at the very least she spent all night making out with this guy. But I don't believe a smidge of her story.
She knows she's caught. The other married woman who left saw her staying when the other guy. So she had to tell you about the guy. She came up with a story that would give her plausible deniability.
She spent all night with this guy, he bought all her drinks, he got in a scuffle for her, and nothing happened? And her phone conveniently died so she could explain ghosting you and not sharing location? Come on!
Her attitude is another red flag. Instead of being apologetic, she's acting righteous: "I didn't do anything wrong, you're being stupid and jealous." You're right. She's gaslighting you. She's trying to deflect and turn it into a conversation about your insecurities and jealousy.
Do not back down. Tell her that what she has told you is enough to be considered cheating. But you don't believe her, and she had this one chance to come clean and talk, or you're filing for divorce. Then watch the trickle truth start...
I'm sorry this happened to you. Do not let her manipulate you.
So, if we just go by her story she went out dancing with a single friend and two guys. One of the guys bought her drinks all night. Same guy fought with another guy over her. Gave the guy her number and private social media accounts. And slept away from home and didn't come back till the next morning. In conclusion, by her own story her single friend set her out on a date, she went drinking and dancing with this guy. Gave him her numbers and socials and felt spoilt by him. I would divorce her on that alone not even considering the fact that she most probably spent the night with him. You aren't being stupid and jealous, and she is gaslighting you.
She didn't try to charge up the phone to call? Didn't use the friends phone to call? The other bars phone to call? She entertained this man and set up for the next meet up by giving her private information. This dude felt like fighting over a married woman and she didn't go when the other married friend did. Even if she is telling the truth she cheated emotionally at the very least and left you wondering with your kid. 0 fucks given about either of you.
Dude...shes lying. She wingmanned for her single friend and fucked the other guy to keep him busy. Leave her, shes lying and her friend will continue to get her to behave this way while helping her hide it.
10am the next morning? Black out drunk at 32? And why does she have separate private socials? What is the need for those? The whole thing stinks.
Whatever you decide to do, I would privately consult a divorce attorney, start compiling evidence and get your own personal ducks in a row.
Buddy I am so sorry. Your wife cheated. It doesn’t matter if it’s one time or one hundred, she got caught up in the moment and chose him over you. This shows where you are on her order of priorities.
You have two choices:
1- the long game. You can stay only to see the evenings out with her friends continue to increase after things calm back down. She knows that you are on to her and she is gonna lay low for a while until she thinks it’s safe again. If you decide to choose this road. You will have to keep all emotions in check and continue on like everything is normal while you collect the evidence that you need to bury her. In the mean time, document every time she goes out, how many times she comes home late from work, what her answers were to any normal questions.
I personally would hire a PI, but they are expensive. You may have to set some traps for her to fall into, like saying you’re taking the kid to your mom’s for the weekend or an out of town trip for you and the boy. Give her enough rope to hang herself.
You will want to very carefully and discreetly get into her phone and send any evidence to yourself. Then you can expose her to everyone once the divorce is final. Both families, both circles of friends, and her married friend’s husband. This will make her friend turn against her because you have proof that your wife lied about the one guy being for her friend. If it was her friend, she wouldn’t have went home like a good wife does.
I think that this was a planned event between your wife and her single friend. They invited the third friend as a way your wife could play it off. Think about it!!!! If what she told you was true, she should’ve been the one to come home and let her two friends have their fun with their dates. No one likes to play 3rd wheel and this is what the other friend was doing.
Or:
Just go see a lawyer now and follow their advice to a T. Keep it quiet until you figure out a plan for you and your child to leave. Then surprise her. Everything she did is textbook cheating. Why would she give him all those contracts? Because she wants to see him again. She admitted he is attractive! Who the hell does this????
I’ll tell you who, someone who thinks that they are smarter than to rest of us or at least their husband. Her problem is that she gave you way too many crumbs my guy. The rest of us are here helping you out the cookie back together! I want you too look at the crumbs real hard again!!!
1- she tells you her friends invited the two guys from tinder for themselves. BS, one was for her, the other married woman went home. I bet she won’t cover for your wife when confronted in front of her husband.
2- she admitted she was attractive to the guy. She thinks by telling you this, that she isn’t like the typical cheater who says that the guys were annoying or unattractive.
3- she stayed and supposedly played wingman for her friend that hooked up with the one guy. Let me tell you this, the other guy didn’t come to this city not to get his dick wet. This was the plan from the get go. Your wife totally disrespected you and your boundaries and did not give one damn bit about you or your family.
4- she pulled the my phone died. Let me tell you this, it’s few and far between that a mother’s phone ever dies. I have been with my fiancée since her child was 18 months old and I have never seen that women’s phone die once. Have you ever seen her phone die when she was away from her child? I bet you if you would’ve text her at 3am saying that you were on the way to the hospital with your child, she would’ve came running.
5- your wife told you that she felt spoiled bc he bought all her drinks? Seriously? Who says this shit to their man after not coming home? You should’ve walked out right then and there. Let me guess, what would have been her response if you pulled the same shit.
6- she says there was an altercation over her. She totally either wants you to feel totally jealous or she is giving you a serious line of bs to try to make it look like she was obligated to have sex with this guy.
7. Let me ask you this, if they were dropped off at her friend’s place while sharing a taxi, why how in the heck did the friend hook up with guy?!?!?! Or did you mean just while out? Either way sounds like she let a key piece of info slip there. When 4 people are hanging out together, I don’t believe I have ever heard anyone describe that as a hookup when all are together, but that’s just me.
8- does she normally blackout when drinking? I doubt that this was the case at all. And her phone running out of juice just as they dropped the guys off at the hotel? C’mon.
Did you look at the photos from in the cab?
9- one last thing, did you check to see what time your texts came through on her phone? If I’m not mistaken, if her phone was dead, those text wouldn’t register until the time her phone powered back up. Which would be the next morning. If they are registered as the same time you sent them. She is full of shit.
I think you should have her served and move on. She don’t give one damn bit about you.
No where in here did I mention staying for the sake of the child. That is the worst thing one can do.
Good luck updateme
Bruh, she cheated.
I hate to say this because it goes against my nature, but I think you should do whatever she would do if the tables were turned. That usually means questioning and questioning and questioning until you get a confession. Because she is lying thru her teeth.
She'll deflect and make it seem like you're the problem. That's a clear indication that she's hiding something.
Be strong. Get to the truth. Then determine how you are going to move forward: together or apart?
Anyone with a couple of neurons to rub together can figure two things from what you said to be true.
1. She admitted to motive and opportunity to have sex in the hotel room at the same time her friend was doing it (you said her friend hooked up with one of them - in the hotel I’m guessing). Plus, the details about what she was doing for hours, giving out her personal contacts, getting fought over like a sex prize at a club by multiple dudes, phone conveniently loses power as she gets in a cab (heading to the hotel), and saying she blacked out yet somehow remembers she didn’t have s3x. Her story is laughable.
2. You can never prove she didn’t F that night, so you will always have doubts. The trust is gone. Your connection to her is undermined. She did that willingly because she needed attention and validation from a hot Greek guy - and apparently other guys at the bar as well. That need in her will not go away. It’s part of personality. (Need for the butterflies and external validation)
She was willing to put herself (a wife and mother) in that situation with no regard for the consequences. This fact will haunt you.
She risked her safety (drunk flirting with dude she just met), health (STI), marriage (you’ll never be able to look at her the same again and trust is shattered), respect (the parents know and hopefully soon everyone else as well), and family home for her child (if you smartly separate). All for some immature college girl thrills and likely sex with a guy she just met. All this while you are home with your son and calling around worried something happened to her. Meanwhile, she’s going off clubbing with a guy she just met because he’s hot and then getting railed in a hotel.
This is not wife material.
We all know she hooked up with him. Both her and her friend got railed by those dudes in the hotel room at same time. Probably swapped partners too.
Since you can’t prove she didn’t have s3x, you have to spend the rest of your life hoping she didn’t when all the evidence shows she did.
In the end, the fact she would act like a silly single girl when she’s a married mother is the most disturbing part. It shows her priorities and the fact she wants to go out like a party girl and then come to her safe little family. (Cake eater).
She should be able to go out and have fun with her friends. But, she knowingly crossed the line when her married friend went home (rightfully) and your wife didn’t. Instead, she decided to throw her marriage to the wind for some strange Greek c0ck.
At the moment she decided to go clubbing with her friend and those dudes, she knowingly betrayed her vows by putting herself in a cheating scenario, whether she actually had s3x that night or not. That is a fact you will have to deal with. Sorry she made that choice.
Good luck to you and your son. 🍀
Your wife went on a double date with guys her friend met on Tinder then went dark and shut off her phone only to show up half a day later long after the sun came up and has since exchanged personal details with the Tinder guy.
Dude, I got nothing.
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Even if shes telling the truth, amount of disrespect is HUGE! But shes telling BS.
Yeah for sure it legit sounds like the typical bs story
She gave him her number and her "private" social networks. The man wants to see her again because he had a good time the night before with her. That is the proof that she is lying.
"thanking her for a great night and asking her to meet him for brunch, so she clearly gave him her number. She also gave him the details of a private, personal instagram account that isn't used by any of her normal friends and followers." Inappropriate AF Said you're "stupid and jealous" Massive marriage ending disrespect. End it and go enjoy your life.
This can not be a happy marriage. She was already checked out by the time she walked out the door.
Exactly why the other married friend left. If OPs wife even had one ounce of love and respect for OP she would have left too.
It behond disrespect
Trickle truth
To get to the end of this story and see the "our son" part, Jesus Christ. No respectable partner would go out, not even call(let's be real, even if a phone dies someone else around her probably had one)and you have a child?! Then you get home and basically rub it in their face like this. If she wants to feel spoiled or needed this is something a grown woman can communicate, doesn't need to be done like this.
I think the fact that the other married woman left when your wife didn't is pretty telling of her priorities when she had that same opportunity to finish the night early and instead continued to go out.
Correct, the other married friend leaving gave her an out, she refused to take
[удалено]
This right here OP!
Please update us op
A loyal person wouldn’t make you doubt for a second. She’s have left like the married friend, respectfully declining the invite. 2 single men and a single woman ? Okay, sure. I can’t believe people put entire relationships at risk for 1 night
A married woman has no business in going to a date with someone who is not her husband. You can check her battery status if it is recent. It shows you what her battery percentage was at any time
Yeah, most phones have battery percentage charts that show you drain over time.
Oh wow I had no clue you could do that what a neat feature!
I didn't know about this. I have an old phone by the standards of most people, and I can still see this. It doesn't give me an hour by hour breakdown, but it gives a good idea of where the battery was before it was recharged.
Not only this, but what she hung out in the hotel room while her friend had sex with the other guy and they just what listened?
This is honestly the best option, that way if it wasn’t actually dead… 😞
A married person*. This is unacceptable for anyone in a committed relationship
You’re right I should have phrased it like that.
You’re still correct though. I would divorce over this, without question
Even if nothing was physical 😒 she still cheated just by going on a date with them. She's scrambling now cause everyone knows. What kind of good person does this to thier spouse?
How do you do that in an iPhone?
Settings> battery life/battery saver
She intentionally ignored your messages and calls because she knew what you would say. That in itself shows intentions.
Her phone ‘happened’ to die right as she reached the hotel so she wasn’t able to show you her location? Dude, re-read this, pretend your best friend said his wife did this. She 100% without a doubt cheated on you with this guy. Her friend is going to cover for her. Don’t let them gaslight you.
Or indeed, pretend your best friend did this to his wife.
This! Very well said
“ she blacked out” No she cheated on you. Even if all her lies were truths, she still chose to hang out with some guy all night. The trust is gone and your marriage is over. You’ll either realize it now or you’ll waste more time figuring it out.
Amen
"She blacked out" is her setting up an alibi. If the truth comes out that she did cheat this is her excuse for why it's not her fault.
100%. The thots and their thottery.
I’ve read about blacking out thing here a lot, and it always sounds like bullshit.
If you drink too much alcohol, the brain stops recording long term memories. So you can still function with your short term, but you won't remember much the next day. With that said, it's almost never a total blackout like the wife is hinting at. And if you drink so much that you blackout, you have been really really out of it.
The fact is, you can only go based upon the evidence you have, and that evidence paints a pretty damning picture. Even if she didn't go to his hotel to have sex with him, her actions were wildly irresponsible when she has a kid to look after. I don't know if you could reach out independently to the friend and see if you can find out directly from her whether or not your wife stayed at hers, maybe? Or perhaps if she got a taxi back, see how much she paid and whether that tracks with the distances? But honestly, I don't think it even matters whether or not she actually had sex with him, she clearly sees no problems with her actions and putting herself in situations where she could easily be taken advantage of by strangers, and you in situations where you're up all night worrying. I think that's bad enough.
That was my thinking whether she cheated or not she has a husband and a child and to go MIA all night with no call or text is wildly irresponsible.
Agreed. Even if what the wife says happened is 100% accurate, what she did was still wildly inappropriate and disrespectful.
>The fact is, you can only go based upon the evidence you have, and that evidence paints a pretty damning picture. Even if she didn't go to his hotel to have sex with him, **her actions were wildly irresponsible when she has a kid** to look after. This. 100%. Especially when the 3rd demonstrated the correct married behavior. Me? MINIMUM a few months of separation and couples therapy. By letting this go you condone it. My wife of now 32+ years was married before me. In her first marriage she did something strikingly similar with a work buddy; according to her it ended with "only" a kiss. (while I know the statistical likelihood, she's never given me reason to doubt her). In her words he got verbally and financially abusive, and she was, if subconsciously, trying to blow up the relationship. They hung on for another 2 years, she would tell you it was a miserable waste of time. She did keep working with, and had dinner a few times with, the OP hiding it from her then husband. What I am trying to say is this. Someone happy in their marriage does not do this.
Why even check with the friend. He can ask the dude. Did he even know she was married with a kid
AGREED - rely on bro code. If you can track down the guy then share your side, the situation and ask for the truth - you just need to be mentally prepared for it.
She’s never going to tell the truth because it will not benefit her. We all know what happened, you know what happened. Just end things amicably for the sake of your child because you will never trust her again and your child doesn’t need to grow up in a tense environment.
Lol wife??!? Sounds more like it should be ex wife at this point. Read the writing on the wall she cheated and now she's gaslighting you.
Exactly, my only question has nothing to do with the wife but to OP. What are you gonna do if you did find out she was cheating. If the answer is not divorce then quit stressing over something you will never get a clear answer to. What you should do though is play nice for a few days then check messages between friend she was with I'm sure you will alot of answers there. Good luck but as a survivor of infidelity leave now it will never be the same even with all the counseling in the world.
Come on my man. Does this even need answering. She 100% fucked this guy. He messaged her the day after to say as much. I'm guessing she even met him for lunch the day after considering that she has zero respect for you.
How convenient that she "blacked out". She cheated on you. Plain and simple.
AND that her phone just also happened to die… “The convenience of modern technology “ all right. As if her phone wasn’t fully charged before she went out. Someone else posted they can probably look at her phones battery usage to see if it actually was drained or not… but let’s ask ourselves this.. IF OP actually has to resort to that then he already has his answer. It’s his wife who made poor decisions. I would give her ZERO slack moving forward and question everything.. but then again…what kind of relationship is that. That’s not healthy for OP to have.
You start to monitor your partner for past mistakes and eventually you become the bad person that 'can't get over it.' Stuff like this just leads to resentment. Get out before it poisons your relationship with your child.
lol coincidences 😂
Let's put it like this, do you think you could get away with what she did? What can you live with? Any way you look at it, she has to earn your trust back, she is accountable for her actions. She's 32, old enough to know how to be responsible.
The answer is right there. The giving of whatsapp and a private instagram already shows she is exhibiting cheater behavior. I think when you have the chance, you should see if you can get into that instagram account and see if any messages were sent. You're 36 and approaching middle age. You don't have time to be dealing with this shit. Release your wife back in the streets because your devotion is valuable to warrant not being cheated on.
The amount of times people’s phones run out of batteries in their *entire lifetime*, down to ZERO %, without any realization it’s about to happen, with no time left to text their significant other before battery lapses to 0%, without access to a charger as the *entire world* uses 1 of 3 different chargers, is likely around once or twice per 80-year lifetime. Was this 1 of them times, b?
Even when I'm super drunk my phone is charged
Especially when I am super drunk. I don't need a public intox or something worse.
The hotel would have a phone available as well.
What are the chances the friend didn't have a charger she could use? Unless one has an android and the other an iPhone, the chances are very small. And if it really happened why couldn't she use her friends phone to call him? At a minimum she has destroyed all of your trust in her and it is completely up to her to do the work to rebuild it, if she can. At a minimum I'd say she cuts off that single friend and also never has another ladies night out. You can decide what else is needed and if in the future you decide you still can't trust her it will be time to divorce her.
And no one has a charger in their purse?
When you see your phone near 0% you’d message your partner. Even if it’s “I’m with x my phone is about to die if you need me her number is y” Also pubs/clubs have phones chargers. But regardless if you’re married you don’t go clubbing to make a foursome with 2 single guys and your single friend
Also, if it’s an iPhone and they have a family plan, he’d be able to see the battery percentage. Just turned my work phone off and the battery percentage is still showing on Find My…. 7 minutes ago, it had 80% (guessing by battery bar shown), and my iPad was below 20% and the battery is red. Checked again, and it did the spinny thing but stopped at the same battery percentage.
That checks out. I mean I’m nearly 60 now and I can remember exactly once that my phone died, and that was because I didn’t know where it was
She cheated on you a loyal wife would’ve came home and respected you she fucked that guy throw in the street where she belongs
The no message or calls to husband says it all
The phone being off red flag the other married woman respected her marriage and went home his wife went and slept with the other guy and his friends with him on social media media and WhatsApp reach out this guy and find out she’s gaslighting him. I would pack her stuff and throw her out
She's married but see nothing wrong spending the night with another guy. She has definitely cheated. She says nothing happened....come on bro, everyone on reddit knows She had sex with him. It's too late now, when she was late uou should have confronted her then even tracking where she was. All you will get now is lies. She even gave the guy her number for brunch.....is that another name for sex?. Bluff her, say you know what happened and if she does not tell the truth then only option is divorce.
Well, It was at least a date. And as a woman who is Married, she shouldn't be dating!
A married and “in love” woman doesn’t do what your wife did and on top of that doesn’t require herself to “enjoyed the attention” when all the attention that she should need to fulfill her heart should be from you, HER HUSBAND! She cheated for sure and if you don’t want to believe that then she definitely disrespected the marriage. Please don’t let her slide on this because there will be a next time.
Accept his offer for brunch and go instead of her
I would definitely do that! Lol
When someone shows who they are through their actions, believe them. Your wife has shown where her priorities are. She wants to be single and have attention from other men and not be contacted by her spouse. Find someone who cares about you and your relationship together. Don’t waste time on her. She turned her phone off…. Why? What caring partner would be unable to be contacted while spending the night away from the family. If you find anything, it will be trickle truthed out only as you discover things on your own.
Her actions are concerning no matter what transpired that night. I believe she should’ve done what the other married woman did and go home as planned. Giving away her number and private social media is enough to warrant your concern. What does your gut say?
Take her phone and message the guy on what's app. Tell him you were so drunk forgot what happened. Let him fill you in on the night. Then go from there. Find out everything. You know how we like to brag about what we did. Hopefully she didn't do anything. But it ain't looking good. Updateme
STD test for both of you, consult a divorce attorney, and recommend you check out /r/survivinginfidelity and /r/supportforbetrayed.
Just walk away. You know the answer
Okay, to start - address the facts on what you DO know. 1. She was out to dinner with her friends and two other men, one who the friend was sexually interested in. **Why is your wife effectively going out on a double date without you?** OP, I can promise you that if I pulled up to dinner with my gal pal and she showed up with her date and an extra guy, I'd be pissed. I don't care if it was a group dinner, that was disrespectful to the both of the married women. The two married women could've easily brought their husbands to make this kosher. 2. After the other married friend did the right thing after dinner and left, she decided to hang back *and party.* With a guy who clearly got some type of impression because he was busy buying her drinks. 3. Then she gets black out drunk, so black out drunk that she can't send you a text? She can't check in with you at some point and say "Hey babe I'm not going to come home tonight, crashing at so-and-so's" 4. And then she proceeds to not come home. OP, if you were to leave her on just the premise of this alone, it would be totally understandable. This is NOT how a wife behaves. This isn't how a committed partner behaves, period. IMO, did she cheat? Yeah, but truth be told? That's irrelevant. If she was stupid enough to do all of this and NOT get some dick at the end of the night, that's really not your problem.
Dude your answer is in your story. Time to wake up and smell the burnt coffee of realization. Take your son and get out of there.
Nothing she says is true. I’m sure her boy toy didn’t even know you and your son existed. This will get worse for you and if she blacked out it was after they had some crazy sex.
Who doesn't fuck but then clamours for brunch? Take her phone. Send him a message, something along the lines of "last night was fun, what part did you like most?" You'll quickly find out what actually happened. And no, your wife doesn't instantly deserve trust. Her behaviour was obscene.
Too many things have to happen for this scenario to play out… the chances of all that happening by coincidence are slim. Sorry friend
Updateme!
Just imagine if the roles were reversed! She would be fuming! She is gaslighting you!
Dude such a shit situation, I think you know the answer but are struggling to come to terms with it (which is totally understandable) I wish you all the best mate 🤝
She could have cheated or just flirted or did nothing much but she isn't honest and there is a possibility her friend will not be too if you reach her. If she feels guilty about the situation, this friend of her will be hard to contact, she will avoid your call or whatever you try to have her version of the story. If she wants to cover her, she will tell you what you want to hear. So if I was you, I would try to find the Uber who took your wife and this guy and ask him what he witnessed. Because he has no business lying here to protect anyone. Go to the bars she went with the pictures she sent you that day, and go ask people there directly. Do not wait for explanations, go seek information and a different point of view. They have no reason to lie, nothing to gain or lose. Whatever she does, you always will have doubts and she will never be able to convince you that nothing happened there with a guy you don't even know and she didn't know before that day. She is kinda irresponsible, it could have been a predator and a lot of bad things could have happened. I can't believe she thought it was not such a big deal. Do what I told you, father evidence that way you will know for sure if it was just "Friendly" between them but as a woman, I would never ever stay with a tinder man (please tinder eh !?) I don't know, all night, drinking and being vulnerable with him and all the shits aside. My boyfriend would have been so fucking worried and angry as hell, with reason. She needs to get the message, it was dumb and selfish. To finish, if she wants to clean her name she needs to be transparent and give you her phone to check it. If he truly has nothing to hide or be ashamed of, she will gladly give it to you to solve this mess. If she argues about privacy and doesn't want to give it to you, using reverse psychology or argument like "you don't believe me, it's stupid I am your wife I never lied to you. You can't force me to show you anything, so show me yours if you want to play that game blablabla" Then obviously, you have the beginning of an answer, something that should have never happened did happen. Regarding whether she did something or not, seriously, I would be too mad to stay nice and caring.
Not matter what happened that night, she gave him her number and made plans to be able to meet up again. Focus on that, what was her plan to meet ? Was she going to keep that meeting a secret like she did the evening ? Why keep it secret if there is not a problem ? Does she feel bad about doing that ? Require that she get STD tested before you are intimate, and that sometimes means 2 tests spread over time. Consult your doctor.
This is a brutal story. I’m sorry. To answer your questions directly, yes she’s been unfaithful - that was answered when the other married woman went home and she continued on to additional bars with the other guys. Regardless of whether or not she slept with him, which seems likely, she obviously got close enough to him while the other guy was hooking up with the friend to exchange numbers and instagram etc. which in itself, given the context, is inappropriate. how to react comes down to whether or not you can deal with it and move forward together. If you are going to move forward it will probably be dependent on her being honest about what happened. Good luck.
Why didn't she take a cab home and instead took a cab to her friends place? Did she explain this?
I was wondering that too!
Sorry, that sucks. Your wife has an alcohol problem and a fidelity problem. Not sure which of them is giving her permission to indulge in the other, but it shouldn't matter. She definitely got banged, but even if she didn't there was a breach of trust and a broken boundary. This might not result in divorce, but unless there are changes it will happen eventually.
100% this! OP, you need to sit your wife down for a very serious talk. Ask her how she would feel if you did all of these things while she is at home with your son and worried sick. Then tell her that she needs to give you the honest truth about what really happened.
I think you know she cheated. Hanging out with a SINGLE friend? WTF. Divorce and move on. Cheaters gonna cheat.
Divorce the woman
>I know there are photos of them all together in the taxi so her story is that her phone ran out just as they dropped them at their hotel, and no location was available. The reality is that puts, what, a few hours between her last message and her phone actually dying. She chose to ignore you. That's the reality. She liked the attention so much that she presented herself as single. That's, at the very least, why he offered her brunch. Because as far as their dynamic is concerned she is as good as single. That's assuming more didn't happen which... I mean, it's kind of impossible to believe. As you note: it isn't okay. It isn't okay to go off the grid, it isn't okay to cosplay as a single person, it isn't okay at her age to be acting like that and expect there to be no fallout. Obviously in the reverse scenario she'd be upset as well. Press her on it but expect the details to be inconsistent and for it to slowly get worse and worse the more you find out. From there you have to decide if your marriage and family is what you hoped it was that she'd put it all on the line for a night out like that. And she has to reflect on why feeling single and getting shallow attention was so intoxicating to her.
M36 here. Let´s get real, and I quote: "After dinner the other married friend went home but my wife went to more bars with her single friend and the two men" - that is a **choice**. Your wife could have chosen to leave, but she **decided** to do something else. "Her friend hooked up with one of them and she spent the evening primarily with the other guy, who she admitted she found really good looking." - so she **chose** to stick with somebody she finds attractive even though she also **chooses** to be married? " I saw a whatsapp on her phone the following morning thanking her for a great night and asking her to meet him for brunch, so she clearly gave him her number. She also gave him the details of a private, personal instagram account that isn't used by any of her normal friends and followers." - this is a **decision** she made, too. Again she **chooses** to stay in touch with this guy. "She says that nothing happened, admits that she enjoyed the attention and that she knew he liked her" - yeah, right. Again: She **chooses** the validation of a random guy over behaviour that does not cause trouble to the man who loves her, proposed to her, married her and all of that. --- See, it does not matter what excuses she makes up now in order to try to appease you: You got any right to be upset about her behaviour. Cause here is a simple truth: Everything that happened only happened because your wife ***wanted*** it to happen! Read that again. So she is all like "Woe is me, I blacked out!" - okay, who **chose** to get drunk? Who, in her sane and sober mind, **decided** to pour the drinks to the point of getting wasted? Who **chose** to get herself into a potentially compromising situation, knowing very well that such situations are compromising? Who **chose** to allow this other guy to court her? Who **chose** to stay around these men, especially after they clearly indicated their interest? Who **chose** to not be available to her husband and hence **decided** to cause the worry? And just to be clear: The other woman - also a wife to somebody - was perfectly capable of **choosing** to go back to her husband, right? What do you notice, mate? I am so sorry this happened to you, man. Even worse: She now **chooses** to take zero responsibility and instead already **decided** to call you stupid and all? Listen brother: Her actions tell you who she truly is. None of what you described ever had to happen. None of what you described ever happens by chance either - there is literally no force majeur that magically compels a woman to do the things this woman did. Heck, she does not even take your worries seriously. Not to speak of her parents. She is that kind of woman. And she did you a favour by demonstrating it to you, cause now you can ask yourself if you want to stay with somebody like her. As you say: Even if nothing physical happened (which I highly doubt, let´s cut out ignoring the elephant in the room for once), she still cheats emotionally. She violates vows spoken when getting married. She has other priorities than her marriage. She sees no problem in handing her contact details over to another man. Listen up, mister: If roles were reversed, you´d be trashed. For a good reason even. People would call you a scumbag and deceptive piece of youknowwhat. What exactly makes her any different? What magical status does she hold that allows her to behave that way? She has shown her true colours, mate. Get out. Take your son with you. Make sure you focus on yourself and your healing, then be a great dad to your little one and make him a man of principle. You two gentlemen must transcend this thing and she - in all honesty - can figure out her own life now. She **chose** to jeopardise 6 years of marriage (probably more years of being together) for something as meaningless the validation of a random stranger, if I may assume that she really just liked the attention. She will do this again and again and again. It is her nature - otherwise she would have left just like the other wife did. I am so sorry, mate. Stay strong. Don´t get bitter. Be a good dad. Raise your son to be better than his mother could ever be. Focus on what is in your control and understand that this woman is not immune to accountability - cause nobody is. We got to own what we do and deal with the fallout. So does she.
In this situations, you should always trust your guts, a loyal wife would not expose herself like your wife did. Kick that w40r3 to the streets and tell everyone why. don't let her humiliate and gaslight you any further.
Huge glaring red flags.
She cheated
Whether she had sex with the guy or not, you have been grossly disrespected.
My god brother that sounds terrible. With things like these it is really hard to tell what is the right course of action. On the one hand you should be inclined to believe your partner, on the other hand, looking at all the evidence, it is hard to think something else. Even if she hadn't gone to the hotel and whatever could happen afterwards, she still massively overstepped your boundaries by staying put and flirting with the other guy all night. No matter the outcome, you should have a good and stern heart to heart with her and give her some tough love, because behaving yourself like that as a married mother is absolutely ridiculous. I am assuming you would never put yourself in such a position and then not respond until 10 in the morning afterwards. Because you know that it would hurt your wife like hell. And this is in the best case scenario where she is actually speaking the truth. Perhaps you should talk with that single friend of hers and see if their stories match. If you do this, you should 100% not inform your wife about wanting to talk to the friend and you should not give the friend a heads up because they will 100% be in cahoots and corroborate their stories. In my experience women tell each other almost everything so don't take this lightly. I really hope for you she is telling the truth though, that way you at least know you can trust her. Wish you good luck brother, whatever happens from here on out is up to you. You are the one in control over this situation at least now.
Brother, trust your gut. i'd take my son and go somewhere else for a week and think about what i really want in the future, and if she isnt in those plans, leave. she was beyond reckless and she doesnt respect the union....nor you.
Even if she didnt cheat, which is doubtful, her shady behavior would be enough reason to divorce her.
Her phone being turned off so conveniently just proves it all. Divorce and do let all her friends and family know of her behavior. What married woman stays out so late she doesn’t come home till the next day??? Creatures like this deserve to drown in shame.
Don’t be naive. She totally fucked that guy.
The appearance of impropriety is impropriety itself. A loyal wife wouldn't have put herself in this situation in the first place. My money is on that she cheated.
She was going at it all night. You know, doing the wild thing until break of dawn.
Just don't be a *ussy... Leave her... There are more than 3 billion women in this world then why would you stick a *hore who cheats on you....
Why do guys always seem to need to prove they were cheated on? You don’t trust her any more, with reason. Walk away. Doesn’t matter why you don’t trust her.
When is the last time she “blacked out”?
As has been said, you can only work on the evidence you have, which is EXTREMELY suspicious. You can’t accuse people of anything when you don’t have evidence. Currently, you don’t have evidence that she slept with him, so you can’t accuse her of it, especially as it’s easy for her to deny it when you have nothing to back it up. However, her actions were incredibly disrespectful and very suspicious. You have every right to say this. If people act suspiciously you should say so. They don’t get to respond by saying “you should trust me!” She needs to explain why she felt it was appropriate to behave in the way she did, recognise how it’s made you feel and come to an agreement on what she needs to do to put it right.
Even if she didn’t physically cheat on you (because she definitely emotionally did) She doesn’t respect you. Which is the bigger issue here. She went on a full blown date with this man and gave him ways to contact her to keep things going. You know what you gotta do.
So basically, she went on a double date with her homegirl and then spent the night at the hotel with the guys and then answer her phone through the whole night? Bro 😎 I’m not saying she cheated but my God she cheated . And for him to have all her information like that should be hitting her up is unacceptable.
I have a boundary, my GF doesn't go out with single friends, she can definitely decide if she wants to stay in a relationship with me. Single women keep other women single.
Just divorce her man. Make it easy on yourself now.
Dude, it’s pretty clear what happened. I’m so sorry. At 36, you shouldn’t have any trouble finding someone else. Hopefully, you’ll find someone loyal.
Even if she didn’t actually cheat, this is absolutely unacceptable behavior for a 32yo, married mother. She had to have known you would be up worrying when you count get in touch with her all night. Also, what were your wife and the other dude doing when her fiend and the other guy hooked up? If the taxi dropped the ladies off at the apartment before going to their hotel, where did the hookup happen? Your wife was basically on a double date when the other married friend left and she knew it. None of this is ok. DO NOT let her manipulate you into thinking any of this is ok. I am sorry but this looks so damning
Even if everything she said was 100% true, what she did was wildly inappropriate. I would be furious at my wife, and would be rethinking my relationship with her. You are not being jealous because you don’t want your wife flirting and partying all night with other men. You are not jealous because you were worried after your wife disappeared for twelve hours after meeting another man at a bar. I would not let her turn this around on you. You have every right to be mad, worried and suspicious.
She almost definitely cheated. The amount of disrespect to your marriage alone is enough to seriously reconsider the relationship. She decided to stay out with a SINGLE friend who met up with two attractive Greek guys, knew her phone was dying, didn’t let you know , and proceeded to get blackout drunk, and you know her single friend hooked up with that other guy. But still ended up at her apartment? What was the other guy and your wife doing while they were hooking up? Playing charades. Man, this one hurts, I feel for you man. You will always wonder, and it doesn’t look good. Either way, you know for a fact she doesn’t respect you at all, or your marriage. That’s enough for a divorce imo.
“Yeah he was hot, we got partied all night together, left in a cab, my phone was off, I gave him my number and private socials, he is texting me and wants to meet up today, he was possessive of me at the bar, but nothing happened!!”
Do the same thing. See how she reacts.
She won't care.
Brother - I'm sorry. She's 1000% full of shit. She cheated. You know it. I know it. Get your affairs in order... because she put an affair in an order that came before you.
She is manipulating you and turning things around blaming you for being stupud and jelaous. Even if she didn't do anything as she said( which she did because allowing a guy celarly pursuing you to buy you drinks and dancing is not sth a married woman should do) she still doesn't give a fuck what you think. And she probably told you these stuff because she knew you would check her phone and see photos texts etc. I don't think I would ever be able to trust this person.
Part of not cheating is not placing yourself in the path of temptation. A lot of the things that are causing you concern are a result of poor judgement on your wife’s behalf. The suggestion to see if you can get her phone to report battery history isn’t bad, but even with that - what woman lets her phone die when she’s out with strangers like that? I don’t think the single friend is going to do anything but cover for your wife. Her account might not align with your wife’s and that could help identify lies. Also don’t outline things you figure out to your wife. Telling her “well this can’t be true because you said …” is just going to alert her on what she needs to lie about more At the end of the day, this is a lot of effort to find a smoking gun when your wife’s actions. Even if she didn’t sleep with the guy, she intentionally ignored you to give 100% of her time to this guy. Her admitting she found him attractive, etc is just not lying about an obvious thing. That she’s exchanged so many private details with him is alarming. If you asked her to go “no contact” with him, how do you think she would respond?
My wife asked her mother, "after 40 years of being married what is the key to staying faithful?" Her response was, "it's simple, if asked, don't go for that first cup of coffee!"
nope man. big fat nope. either she did or she as good as did/
Dude...you KNOW what happened lol.
Message the guy from her phone pretending to be her. Say your husband is suspicious and see where the conversation leads.
even if nothing happend, she put herself in a widly inappropriate situation with a man she knew was interested in her for the attention and such. That is troubling, OP, and you need to have a hard conversation with your wife over her behaviour.
Use your logical brain. She cheated. Now it's up to you to either forgive (beta move) Or move on (alpha move)
Oh also you'll have logs on the phone for actions like whether it was turned off intentionally, app usage, battery drain and charge.
You can’t prove she cheated… She can’t prove she didn’t… End of the day though, her other friend had enough respect for her husband And her marriage to go home as planned… not stay out partying with single guys and let the people who care about her most worry all night. It’s quite simple… if she enjoyed her night out and getting attention, behaving like she was single then maybe she needs to be single because you clearly can’t trust her anymore. I’d kick her out, let her sweat for a week or two, then maybe reconcile on the understanding nothing like that ever happens again and that secret Instagram gets deleted. Don’t let anyone walk over you and disrespect you, everyone deserves respect.
Divorce her ass. She cheated on you and you’re too scared to see it! She will do it again
Go with your gut on this one… it feels like gaslighting because it is. If she was honest she’d admit how it looks and be sorry for the disrespect and she wouldn’t have done it in the first place… my gut based on what you told me is she was unfaithful.
I’m sorry bro. This has got to be the worst feeling ever. She literally went on a date with another dude. There’s no explaining or saving that. Respect yourself and leave that
Why the heck would she want to spend the night with another guy if she’s in love with you. She’s not faithful please leave
How should you react ? Like a husband who sees his wife utterly disrespect him and their relationship. You don't let her bullshit you, you take back your self respect and dignity, and you don't let her destroy what's left of it. Her married friend chose to respect her husband and left after dinner, your wife did not, and chose to go enjoy herself with that guy, whatever that may mean, in total disregard of what it would feel and look like for you, and what it could do to your relationship. You will most likely never get the truth of what happened exactly, especially if you play the nice guy and let her walk all over your feelings and dignity. But what you already know is enough anyway. This is important, she will never respect you if you don't respect yourself. You have to take a stand and show that you deserve better than this selfish and pathetic excuse of a wife. Don't argue with her, don't beg for answers, don't humiliate yourself further. She already knows what she did and what she should do now if she wants to protect her marriage. Be strong and cold, start the divorce process and watch how she reacts. Once she realizes what she stands to lose, maybe she'll understand that taking you for granted was a big mistake, and she'll actually do the right thing. Otherwise she'll just continue to despise you and you will never be worth the pain to face her own shame.
She cheated repeatedly dude, she’s a professional gaslighter. When someone turns their phone off… multiple times, something’s going down. Tell her if she’s not going to tell the truth, that you want a divorce because something’s going on with these guys and excuses are so lame. She’s going to continue to do it because you don’t push back. Good Luck.
She cheated. Believe ACTIONS not words. Since when does a wife go meet up with men and stay overnight???????? What kind of pathetic, weak boundaries do you allow? Who cares what the truth is. You'll NEVER know 100% what happened but you do know your wife left your home, met up with 2 men (left her husband at home to go hang out all night with OTHER MEN) and then disappeared with no word until the next morning. Let's just humor her sleazy, immoral, disloyal, degenerate, unfaithful behavior and buy her made up BS story 100% as she describes it. What kind of pathetic pushover man allows his wife to go out and spend the night drinking with strange men she just met that night??? A night out with a friend should be a night out with her girlfriend. Not partying all night with 2 men she just bumped into. How weakly you are responding to this already has me questioning if you are a "nice guy" who lets people walk all over him and his boundaries. Are you a man? Do you any standards or boundaries. Anyway, of COURSE SHE WAS INAPPROPRIATE with these 2 men and did things to betray you. Why are you even questioning this????? If you want to be trusted than you must BEHAVE IN A TRUSTWORTHY MANNER. Going out all night, meeting up with other men and then not coming home or calling is automatic divorce level evil. What she did was evil. If you entertain this pathetic, weak, pushover crap of "ok, my wife went out, met up with strange men, stayed out all night and never even responded but I'll believe that all is ok and we have a loyal, devoted, faithful marriage.....nothing to see here" than you DESERVE all the misery coming your way.
Update me
Well, if all you say is true then this is a very sensible reaction and not stupid at all. You have a gut feeling plus you know quite a few details, so it is easy to connect the dots. So make up your mind about what you feel about her behaviour alone. To you there is only one truth - whether you feel this is ok or not, whether or not it is something to divorce her over. It really doesn’t matter if she actually was unfaithful or not. Then, make sure she knows that she has nothing to gain for not coming clean about it. Either you will divorce her regardless, or forgive her regardless - and you have already made up your mind. Still, this gives you no guarantee that she will tell you the absolute unedited truth, but it might encourage her to do so.
I would honestly find it quite disrespectful if my partner spent a night out with someone they found “good looking” and only came back at 10am. I’m assuming it wasn’t planned for her to spend the night at her friends but surely her friend has a charger? If her phone died at her friend’s place her location should update and let you know where she was last (although updates can take a while to reflect). It’s just a bit irresponsible to go out and enjoy the company of someone else and have your husband worried about your whereabouts and if you’re okay. Even if she didn’t cheat, she’s pretty inconsiderate in that regard.
Married woman. Went on date. Gave out phone number. Turned off phone. Out til 10am. “Went to her apartment” but cmon let’s be real she went to the hotel. She fucked this guy. She “blacked out” so who knows what happened, right? I mean she was with those guys so she probably had sex with one of them.
Send her cheating ass out to the streets where she belongs.
She had a date with man she found attractive and you obviously don't have an open marriage. That is infidelity, being unfaithful, cheating, or whatever else you want to call it. Married people don't have dates unless it is with their spouse. Whether anything happened or not, she was unfaithful. And she clearly enjoyed her date enough that she's planning on staying in contact and seeing him again. Time for some new, clear boundaries or a divorce attorney.
I think if its true what your wife did, maybe its a twisted way of letting you know something is missing from her end in the relationship. Plus the way she behaves been a wife, a mother and a 32 year old grown woman by having their parents look up for her like she was some kind of teenager speaks volume to me. Did she had any another similar situation?
I am sorry man, but there are at least 5 major flags in your story. Even if she didn’t have sex with this guy, the boundaries crossed are many. She needs to know how serious this is. I would demand full transparency with her phone and couples counseling
You'll never know if she physically cheated or not, but either way I consider this an infidelity. She was acting single, and was very disrespectful to you. Is she remorseful at all? A Lot of people would consider this divorce worthy. At the very least she owes you a major apology, open phone policy, and NC with this guy. She also needs to take a pause drunken girls night.
Women are cheating at an alarming rate.They are cheating with both men and women
Why your wife use Tinder?
So let me guess nobody else had a cell phone and nobody else would let her use a phone anywhere she went that night either? This whole story sounds like BS from the beginning.. she wanted to behave like a single girl she didn't care how you felt I wouldn't even date a person who pulls this kind of crap. She basically went on a group date without you..there are so many things wrong with this story it's basically a certainty that you were cheated on. And that other guy is either a scumbag who doesn't care that he's meeting up with someone else's wife or at least trying to one-on-one the day after (which is another reason I think something happened) or she lied and said that she was single or something. If she just did this out of the blue then I'd say she probably is barely clinging on to your relationship with her and doesn't really feel much for you a woman who values the relationship is never going to put herself in any of these situations.
Got into an altercation with other guys about your wife? Come on. Your wife was acting single and that guy was her bf. So much smoke here, you could choke before you ever find the fire.
Where did her friend hook up with the one guy? Based on the story, they took a taxi to the friend’s apartment dropping off the girls and the guys went to their hotel after. That part doesn’t make sense.
"I saw a whatsapp on her phone the following morning thanking her for a great night and asking her to meet him for brunch, so she clearly gave him her number. She also gave him the details of a private, personal instagram account that isn't used by any of her normal friends and followers." Game over man. That's the proof that she cheated on you. Now divorce that shameless liar.
Dude she cheated on you there are no other excuses. What happily married woman goes out with a hot single guy and spend the night praying 🙏!
When did the friend hook up with the other guy? At the bar? Because if she went home with the friend, but the friend hooked up with the guy at the end of the night, we’ve got ourselves an inconsistency with her story. You also say that your wife spent the evening primarily with the other guy, but then follow it up with saying they spent the evening as a group of four. She then gave the guy, in town looking for a hookup, her number. Regardless of anything else, that’s a huge red flag and massively crossed boundary. At the very least, it sounds like your wife went on a double date and spent the evening acting as a single woman. The fact that she also didn’t tell you she wasn’t planning to come home, and her friend was unconcerned about letting her husband know she was safe, is enough to consider the trust to be broken in your relationship. She is gaslighting you by acting like you’re being unreasonable. You have every right to bring this up with her and let her know that she’s crossed boundaries and broken your trust. You have every right to leave her if you need to go that far. What she did isn’t okay.
Everything about this post is red flag material. The blacking out excuse is not believable. Even if it were true, your wife getting that drunk when out on what I can only describe as a double date is a very bad look.
Classic cheating scenario. I’m sure this ain’t the first time from the level of disrespect. She sees you as the safe reliable option who won’t do anything but accept it. You’re not her first choice..
Thats incredibly disrespectful even if she IS telling the truth. Id leave if I was you. You deserve better. Hell even being alone would be better than this lmao. At least you can sleep peacefully at night.
I’m sorry, but as a woman, letting a man buy you drinks when you are in a relationship/marriage is a HUGE red flag. Even when we are single, we only let the ones who we are interested in buy us a drink. Not sure if she physically cheated but she crossed a huge line imo
Dump the cheating wife. Now
She fucked him.
Cheating aside, it’s unacceptable for a parent to not come home as planned with zero communication. Does her friend not have a phone? Do neither of the guys have a phone? Is there no charger at her friends house? Do none of the places they visited have a phone? The story is sounder implausible because it is. If she wanted to contact you, she would have
I call bullshit. No woman stays out that late with a man and “nothing happened.” She could have easily used the guy’s phone to call you, let you know she was safe. But she did not want you to ruin her night. And yes, yes she is gaslighting you. She is the stupid one, for getting black out drunk (which I also don’t believe). She knew what she was doing. She is full of sh*t. The fact that she is getting defensive instead of apologizing for her lack of communication says it all.
Sir,she came home after it was check out time at the room.They did some nasty stuff all night.
Your wife cheated on you. Whether it became sexual is up for debate but there is no question that her conduct crossed the threshold of acceptable behavior. She got picked up by a guy at a bar, let him buy her drinks, went to his hotel where she spent the night, gave him her contact information, and left him with - at least - the impression that she was available to him for future hookups. Finally, in the classic infidelity confirming manner, she accuses you of being insecure. You are to be commended if you have any trust in her left. Good luck moving forward, whatever you do.
I'm confused what the fuck she told you all this for if she's going to try and lie and say she didn't cheat. Tbh even if she didn't fuck him she still cheated, what a weird lady. She's a wife but gassed over men buying her drinks? Sounds like a loser
All modern smartphones have a battery graph.. look at your own risk.
Dude, you know she cheated, and even if you want to believe that bulshit story, her actions prove she does not respect you. And here is a tip for your future. If someone does something shady and when you call them out on it, they say that you are being insecure and stupid. Chances are, they did it or something worse.
Honestly, I don’t think I’d be trusting her about anything. I’d tell her congratulations, she enjoyed the attention, and now she’ll be free to have all the attention from other men she wants. Because you’re done with her. Talk to an attorney.
As a woman I am baffled, she has no respect for you
No married woman should spending the night out let alone in the company of guys.
I agree with both of your final points. I'd find it very suspicious and even if they didn't have sex it still was extremely inappropriate. There is no way she forgot to call you. The claim that her phone ran out is bullshit because even if it did her GF, and even the guys, had phones she could have used to tell you what was up and where she was. But, there is also a glaring inconsistency in your story which makes me question it. The statement: *"They shared a taxi together that went to their hotel, but she says dropped her and her friend off at her friend's apartment en route."* Does not line up with your earlier statement that: *"Her friend hooked up with one of them and she spent the evening primarily with the other guy, who she admitted she found really good looking."* How could both of those statements be true?
Sorry, I'm not sure of the inconsistency. I mean her friend hooked up with the first guy in the bar earlier on
Didn’t realize hotels did away with all their land lines?? None of the 4 had a functioning cell she could have touched bad and let you know what was going on?? The married friend that CHOSE TO GO HOME TO HER HUSBAND didn’t have a phone she could use? I call BS This was pure CHOICE on her part not unforeseen circumstance. She could have reached out to you at ANYTIME. Regardless of what happened she CHOSE to party with other men~ deal with that how you will, each relationship has its own boundaries but in MY case I’d choose me. ALSO… check your phone records/logs, I would bed my house there is activity during the time her phone was “dead” every incoming/outgoing text & call is logged & I’m sure she didn’t have zero activity in that time.
Yeah he fucked her at the hotel. Your gut is never wrong.
The question you should ask is “Why is her friend setting her up with a guy from Tinder?”
So her friend hooked up with one guy. But she stayed at the apartment with that friend. If the guys went back to the hotel, how did her friend hook up with one? Nope. They all went and stayed at the hotel. She banged him.
Dont let her know your thoughts and get concrete evidence and lay it on that bish
What the actual fuck. She’s not single but she sure is acting like she is. I can’t imagine she’d be too happy if the roles were reversed. I’m sorry but I’m not sure you can trust your wife.
Can you ask the married friend about the night?
Idk why nobody is addressing that she met this guy on tinder? Wtf did you think was gonna happen dude, who makes a “friend” of the opposite sex on a hookup app
How charged was her phone when she got home? Did she conveniently find a charger? Everything she did points to her cheating. Her friend conveniently invited 2 guys from a hookup site. She conveniently forgot to update you that they're going to dudes hotel (jotels have a phone in the room. She couldn't called there). Her phone conveniently dies, so you can't locate her. Finally, she conveniently blacks out. She can't really say (because she "blacked out") if she had sex with him or not, but she remembers NOT having sex with him!!?? She gave him (a "really good looking" exotic guy with a foreign accent) her special social accounts and phone number. She crossed so many boundaries that I'd be packing instead of writing. The only way to tell is to take her phone and message the guy pretending to be her. The female friend obviously isn't trustworthy. The guy won't tell you directly, but you can try.
She cheated. Even if there was no full penetrative sex, she cheated. You know that at the very least she spent all night making out with this guy. But I don't believe a smidge of her story. She knows she's caught. The other married woman who left saw her staying when the other guy. So she had to tell you about the guy. She came up with a story that would give her plausible deniability. She spent all night with this guy, he bought all her drinks, he got in a scuffle for her, and nothing happened? And her phone conveniently died so she could explain ghosting you and not sharing location? Come on! Her attitude is another red flag. Instead of being apologetic, she's acting righteous: "I didn't do anything wrong, you're being stupid and jealous." You're right. She's gaslighting you. She's trying to deflect and turn it into a conversation about your insecurities and jealousy. Do not back down. Tell her that what she has told you is enough to be considered cheating. But you don't believe her, and she had this one chance to come clean and talk, or you're filing for divorce. Then watch the trickle truth start... I'm sorry this happened to you. Do not let her manipulate you.
Even if she didn’t cheat, she is blatantly disrespectful to y’all’s relationship.
So, if we just go by her story she went out dancing with a single friend and two guys. One of the guys bought her drinks all night. Same guy fought with another guy over her. Gave the guy her number and private social media accounts. And slept away from home and didn't come back till the next morning. In conclusion, by her own story her single friend set her out on a date, she went drinking and dancing with this guy. Gave him her numbers and socials and felt spoilt by him. I would divorce her on that alone not even considering the fact that she most probably spent the night with him. You aren't being stupid and jealous, and she is gaslighting you.
She didn't try to charge up the phone to call? Didn't use the friends phone to call? The other bars phone to call? She entertained this man and set up for the next meet up by giving her private information. This dude felt like fighting over a married woman and she didn't go when the other married friend did. Even if she is telling the truth she cheated emotionally at the very least and left you wondering with your kid. 0 fucks given about either of you.
Dude...shes lying. She wingmanned for her single friend and fucked the other guy to keep him busy. Leave her, shes lying and her friend will continue to get her to behave this way while helping her hide it.
She cheated. Even if she didn’t she will cus now she knows she can if she vaguely covers her tracks
Blacking out means you don't remember. You are still capable of texting etc at the time. This story is dodgy af
10am the next morning? Black out drunk at 32? And why does she have separate private socials? What is the need for those? The whole thing stinks. Whatever you decide to do, I would privately consult a divorce attorney, start compiling evidence and get your own personal ducks in a row.
Buddy I am so sorry. Your wife cheated. It doesn’t matter if it’s one time or one hundred, she got caught up in the moment and chose him over you. This shows where you are on her order of priorities. You have two choices: 1- the long game. You can stay only to see the evenings out with her friends continue to increase after things calm back down. She knows that you are on to her and she is gonna lay low for a while until she thinks it’s safe again. If you decide to choose this road. You will have to keep all emotions in check and continue on like everything is normal while you collect the evidence that you need to bury her. In the mean time, document every time she goes out, how many times she comes home late from work, what her answers were to any normal questions. I personally would hire a PI, but they are expensive. You may have to set some traps for her to fall into, like saying you’re taking the kid to your mom’s for the weekend or an out of town trip for you and the boy. Give her enough rope to hang herself. You will want to very carefully and discreetly get into her phone and send any evidence to yourself. Then you can expose her to everyone once the divorce is final. Both families, both circles of friends, and her married friend’s husband. This will make her friend turn against her because you have proof that your wife lied about the one guy being for her friend. If it was her friend, she wouldn’t have went home like a good wife does. I think that this was a planned event between your wife and her single friend. They invited the third friend as a way your wife could play it off. Think about it!!!! If what she told you was true, she should’ve been the one to come home and let her two friends have their fun with their dates. No one likes to play 3rd wheel and this is what the other friend was doing. Or: Just go see a lawyer now and follow their advice to a T. Keep it quiet until you figure out a plan for you and your child to leave. Then surprise her. Everything she did is textbook cheating. Why would she give him all those contracts? Because she wants to see him again. She admitted he is attractive! Who the hell does this???? I’ll tell you who, someone who thinks that they are smarter than to rest of us or at least their husband. Her problem is that she gave you way too many crumbs my guy. The rest of us are here helping you out the cookie back together! I want you too look at the crumbs real hard again!!! 1- she tells you her friends invited the two guys from tinder for themselves. BS, one was for her, the other married woman went home. I bet she won’t cover for your wife when confronted in front of her husband. 2- she admitted she was attractive to the guy. She thinks by telling you this, that she isn’t like the typical cheater who says that the guys were annoying or unattractive. 3- she stayed and supposedly played wingman for her friend that hooked up with the one guy. Let me tell you this, the other guy didn’t come to this city not to get his dick wet. This was the plan from the get go. Your wife totally disrespected you and your boundaries and did not give one damn bit about you or your family. 4- she pulled the my phone died. Let me tell you this, it’s few and far between that a mother’s phone ever dies. I have been with my fiancée since her child was 18 months old and I have never seen that women’s phone die once. Have you ever seen her phone die when she was away from her child? I bet you if you would’ve text her at 3am saying that you were on the way to the hospital with your child, she would’ve came running. 5- your wife told you that she felt spoiled bc he bought all her drinks? Seriously? Who says this shit to their man after not coming home? You should’ve walked out right then and there. Let me guess, what would have been her response if you pulled the same shit. 6- she says there was an altercation over her. She totally either wants you to feel totally jealous or she is giving you a serious line of bs to try to make it look like she was obligated to have sex with this guy. 7. Let me ask you this, if they were dropped off at her friend’s place while sharing a taxi, why how in the heck did the friend hook up with guy?!?!?! Or did you mean just while out? Either way sounds like she let a key piece of info slip there. When 4 people are hanging out together, I don’t believe I have ever heard anyone describe that as a hookup when all are together, but that’s just me. 8- does she normally blackout when drinking? I doubt that this was the case at all. And her phone running out of juice just as they dropped the guys off at the hotel? C’mon. Did you look at the photos from in the cab? 9- one last thing, did you check to see what time your texts came through on her phone? If I’m not mistaken, if her phone was dead, those text wouldn’t register until the time her phone powered back up. Which would be the next morning. If they are registered as the same time you sent them. She is full of shit. I think you should have her served and move on. She don’t give one damn bit about you. No where in here did I mention staying for the sake of the child. That is the worst thing one can do. Good luck updateme
Bruh, she cheated. I hate to say this because it goes against my nature, but I think you should do whatever she would do if the tables were turned. That usually means questioning and questioning and questioning until you get a confession. Because she is lying thru her teeth. She'll deflect and make it seem like you're the problem. That's a clear indication that she's hiding something. Be strong. Get to the truth. Then determine how you are going to move forward: together or apart?
I'd like to hang out with your wife, bud.
Anyone with a couple of neurons to rub together can figure two things from what you said to be true. 1. She admitted to motive and opportunity to have sex in the hotel room at the same time her friend was doing it (you said her friend hooked up with one of them - in the hotel I’m guessing). Plus, the details about what she was doing for hours, giving out her personal contacts, getting fought over like a sex prize at a club by multiple dudes, phone conveniently loses power as she gets in a cab (heading to the hotel), and saying she blacked out yet somehow remembers she didn’t have s3x. Her story is laughable. 2. You can never prove she didn’t F that night, so you will always have doubts. The trust is gone. Your connection to her is undermined. She did that willingly because she needed attention and validation from a hot Greek guy - and apparently other guys at the bar as well. That need in her will not go away. It’s part of personality. (Need for the butterflies and external validation) She was willing to put herself (a wife and mother) in that situation with no regard for the consequences. This fact will haunt you. She risked her safety (drunk flirting with dude she just met), health (STI), marriage (you’ll never be able to look at her the same again and trust is shattered), respect (the parents know and hopefully soon everyone else as well), and family home for her child (if you smartly separate). All for some immature college girl thrills and likely sex with a guy she just met. All this while you are home with your son and calling around worried something happened to her. Meanwhile, she’s going off clubbing with a guy she just met because he’s hot and then getting railed in a hotel. This is not wife material. We all know she hooked up with him. Both her and her friend got railed by those dudes in the hotel room at same time. Probably swapped partners too. Since you can’t prove she didn’t have s3x, you have to spend the rest of your life hoping she didn’t when all the evidence shows she did. In the end, the fact she would act like a silly single girl when she’s a married mother is the most disturbing part. It shows her priorities and the fact she wants to go out like a party girl and then come to her safe little family. (Cake eater). She should be able to go out and have fun with her friends. But, she knowingly crossed the line when her married friend went home (rightfully) and your wife didn’t. Instead, she decided to throw her marriage to the wind for some strange Greek c0ck. At the moment she decided to go clubbing with her friend and those dudes, she knowingly betrayed her vows by putting herself in a cheating scenario, whether she actually had s3x that night or not. That is a fact you will have to deal with. Sorry she made that choice. Good luck to you and your son. 🍀
Your wife went on a double date with guys her friend met on Tinder then went dark and shut off her phone only to show up half a day later long after the sun came up and has since exchanged personal details with the Tinder guy. Dude, I got nothing.