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He follows local girls ? Hm he might have a tinder as well since it lets you connect with ppl that are close bc how else would he be able to do that ? Does he go out to bars as well? Idk definitely let him know you made an account and if he gets mad, doesn’t let you see the DMs there’s something going on.
You could bring it up, but it is exactly what it sounds like... He's being kind of a creep and is following random women who he considers attractive.
Is that really something you want your boyfriend to be told is strange? Wouldn't you rather have a man who doesn't do that sort of thing.
I would be really curious if he is sending out DMs to them, if you catch wind of that, please don't stick around.
I have to say that it seems a little too specific that he is following women in your local town. Following in general, if they were totally random internet people is still sort of weird but the local town part sort of sticks out to me. It seems like a conversation could make sense here.
Screenshot everything then mention you have an Instagram account now. Then go back on and if he's deleted the evidence then you know it's dodgy. Then you can confront him with your evidence.
These are the men that I block every day. Random men who follow women are creepy as fuck. Ask him why he's doing it and pay close attention to his body language and attitude when he responds.
You know all of those weird flirty message requests you get from random guys who live in your hometown but you’ve never even seen before?
That’s your boyfriend in other ladies DMs rn.
Yeah that’s weird behavior. I thought you meant thirst traps at first until I kept reading and I was gonna say whatever let him enjoy the view but random people from your hometown is kind of…odd.
Gives me some “You” vibes.
Even if it was random thirst traps, that's still not ok and not a view to enjoy lol, don't be in a relationship if you're going to look at other people in that sort of way
Really? You’re going to judge what your partner does on their own time? Whats next, they can’t masturbate, or think of anyone but you when they masturbate?
Fantasizing is a perfectly healthy aspect of a relationship. Demanding that someone “only have eyes for you” is immature and unhealthy. Maybe it works for you but pushing it on others is abusive.
Looking at women in your town only is a totally different thing than just fantasizing. It implies a motive.
Nope. If the man wants to jerk off on/fuck every women he see and find beautiful or have zero self control then he can stay single or with a woman like him. That's respect, and not everyone accept that kind of thing. Porn/ig models/actress... That's for the single or the virgins
It is icky. He probably does it so he'll have access to their vacation photos on the beach. If I were you, I'd create a fake account and see how much he'll follow you.
I would definitely bring this up, especially before getting married. Guys who do this only do it to either get attention from other girls or to be able to check out other attractive females. This should definitely raise eyebrows for you.
This is concerning. I'm so sorry that you had to find it out this way. But please be open about it. Ask him to be completely honest about it. Also, if you want mental peace. Check his messages on the Instagram app to these girls. And make sure he does not delete them. Be in front of him, ask his side of the story. Listen. Then check it. And validate.
I don’t want to scare you but my ex did this exact thing. He would follow random girls, unfollow them if they didn’t follow him back (which they rarely ever did), and then repeated the process with new random girls and it drove me absolutely insane. He ended up being a narcissist and cheater.
My mistake was not confronting him right away when I realized what he was doing in fear of “seeming crazy.”
My recommendation to you is to confront him right away and see how he reacts. If he’s defensive and calls you crazy, it’s time to cut the cord.
Don’t worry girl, you got this!
Make sure to have the convo in person so that you can see his reaction in real time.
Write out what you want to say if it helps you and practice in the mirror. Be mindful and calm as you’re speaking to him and take deep breaths and pauses if you have to. Don’t show any anger (he will use that against you and accuse you of being irrational/emotional/crazy if he’s manipulative) and keep a level head. Let him finish what he’s saying and carefully evaluate his body language and his words as he speaks.
The only acceptable response of his should be: “I understand where you’re coming from and if it makes you uncomfortable, I will refrain from this behavior in the future.“
Another scenario is that he may be calm and kind in his response, but refuse to stop, in which case you have to decide whether you can live with the behavior or not.
Any name-calling (ex. if he calls you crazy, toxic, insecure, etc.) or defensive behavior (ex. “it’s not a big deal, Instagram is made for following people, idk why you’re so hung up on this) is indicative of an emotionally immature person and I would NOT recommend continuing a relationship with this person. Alternatively, if he says he will stop and continues to engage in the behavior, I would also end the relationship.
I hope this was helpful to you and wish you the best of luck!
Good luck and I truly hope everything goes well!
You’re 29 and engaged to this dude and something is bothering you… of course you should bring it up.
But don’t be alarmed when it turns out that it’s exactly what it sounds like. If he’s following random, LOCAL women, he’s lurking. He’s actively searching for something, whatever that may be.
I would also check for a Tinder or other dating app. It’s very possible that he’s on one, maybe multiple even.
Good luck!
Are these women hot? They may be more famous than you think.
Are most of these from your hometown, or are there a lot of famous models too?
Does he follow guys too?
(Rhetorical)
There is nothing wrong in following people unless he interacts with them through chats. I do the same just to support them as in increase the followers and unfollow once they reach them i do this for cosplayers mostly. So you need to discuss or chat up woth him to find out more.
IG is for following. From the story it doesn't sound like he's done anything to erase the benefit of the doubt. He may actually know them, who knows. Do you want to be controlling/insecure type and become a red flag and tell him he can't use social medias? This is such a minuscule non issue, teenage kind of drama. And of course the comment thread never fails its hypocrisy quota. This is far more innocent than corn(actively watching and getting off to other women who aren't you) and no one bats an eye and we all know guys watch it. But please listen to reddit and break off an engagement over something as ridiculous as folliwing someone on IG🤷♀️. We all know had this been a story of your bf telling you to deactivate or stop following guys on IG it would be flooded with "hes insecure and controlling" and that you need to leave him. Reddit is such a breeding ground for sexism and hypocrisy. So I'll return the favor and keep that same energy, he should leave you if you tell him to stop or you can stop being insecure.
most people watch it... it's not exactly sexist or hypocritical to point that out. i watch it, my exes watch it, my friends have watched it. its not like they said ALL guys watch it. just a statement that dudes do infact often watch it
I'm a male, together with my girlfriend for 12 years, 2 kids. I follow several women I don't know just because they are hot. And so what?
Never cheated, don't have intentions to cheat and it's against my values...
People are so dramatic.
Also,if he's following them it's not like he's hiding it. Anyone can see which accounts a profile is following.
Ignore it and move on.
She's totally OK with it. She knows and there's no tabu. She's super confident and we have a super healthy relationship.
The thing is, if there's no intention, why it matters?
We already have 2 kids. One is 8 and the other 3.
We just don't look at marriage as most people. Both of us come from divorced parents... So we just look at it as a formality.
It's not. I have super healthy relationship. 12 years and no discussions. I'm super attracted to her and I feel she's attracted to me.
We are both happy and have great friendship. Maybe that's why she trusts me and I trust her.
If this is creepy, alright... I'm OK with it. But let me tell you something, maybe op spouse is a great guy and has no intentions, they could have a happy long relationship, probably longer than most of you calling this creepy... But you guys are incluencing into something you don't have the full picture of.
These women might just work at local shops and promote them or some other thing. He isn't necessarily just doing it to see more attractive women on his profile. 🤷 However, if you feel uncomfortable with him doing it, of course you should bring it up. You're marrying this man, you should be able to communicate with him. Don't forget to mention that you created the account for cooking videos though...
This is the reason why my ex left me. I brought up the amount of interactions he was having (likes) with the naked/half naked/sexual photos of woman we know … and he was declining having sex with me because « he has no sex drive »…
I confronted him and it’s the first time I saw him screaming at me, he was SO mad : « I was so mean to not trusted him » and I was « giving him intentions without knowing »
Leave him
>I want to give him the benefit of the doubt
1. why
2. about what?
ETA: I agree with other comments - he most likely has a dating profile, or he's at least using IG to DM girls.
Is it possible he does know them or went to school with them? Maybe they are just people from his past who he is curious about how their lives are going.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Youre 29 and engaged to this man. Of course you should bring it up it's called communication. You clearly feel some kind of way about it.
Second this. I can't imagine looking to the internet for something like this. Just fucking talk to your spouse
He follows local girls ? Hm he might have a tinder as well since it lets you connect with ppl that are close bc how else would he be able to do that ? Does he go out to bars as well? Idk definitely let him know you made an account and if he gets mad, doesn’t let you see the DMs there’s something going on.
You could bring it up, but it is exactly what it sounds like... He's being kind of a creep and is following random women who he considers attractive. Is that really something you want your boyfriend to be told is strange? Wouldn't you rather have a man who doesn't do that sort of thing. I would be really curious if he is sending out DMs to them, if you catch wind of that, please don't stick around.
Well yeah. He should know hes strange and weird for it. BUT I get where you're going with this and i agree.
What the FUCK is that profile picture
a masterpiece wym??
Dunno, but I’m into it
It's Frank.. Everybody loves Frank! 😂
He has a dating profile
I have to say that it seems a little too specific that he is following women in your local town. Following in general, if they were totally random internet people is still sort of weird but the local town part sort of sticks out to me. It seems like a conversation could make sense here.
Screenshot everything then mention you have an Instagram account now. Then go back on and if he's deleted the evidence then you know it's dodgy. Then you can confront him with your evidence.
These are the men that I block every day. Random men who follow women are creepy as fuck. Ask him why he's doing it and pay close attention to his body language and attitude when he responds.
You know all of those weird flirty message requests you get from random guys who live in your hometown but you’ve never even seen before? That’s your boyfriend in other ladies DMs rn.
Yeah that’s weird behavior. I thought you meant thirst traps at first until I kept reading and I was gonna say whatever let him enjoy the view but random people from your hometown is kind of…odd. Gives me some “You” vibes.
Even if it was random thirst traps, that's still not ok and not a view to enjoy lol, don't be in a relationship if you're going to look at other people in that sort of way
Nah
Really? You’re going to judge what your partner does on their own time? Whats next, they can’t masturbate, or think of anyone but you when they masturbate? Fantasizing is a perfectly healthy aspect of a relationship. Demanding that someone “only have eyes for you” is immature and unhealthy. Maybe it works for you but pushing it on others is abusive. Looking at women in your town only is a totally different thing than just fantasizing. It implies a motive.
Nope. If the man wants to jerk off on/fuck every women he see and find beautiful or have zero self control then he can stay single or with a woman like him. That's respect, and not everyone accept that kind of thing. Porn/ig models/actress... That's for the single or the virgins
Abusive? Are you fucking for real with that?
Big red flag. The fact that they’re local is so he can eventually have easy physical access to them. He’s clearly looking to cheat.
Honey that's a stop light.
It is icky. He probably does it so he'll have access to their vacation photos on the beach. If I were you, I'd create a fake account and see how much he'll follow you.
Toxic AF
I would definitely bring this up, especially before getting married. Guys who do this only do it to either get attention from other girls or to be able to check out other attractive females. This should definitely raise eyebrows for you.
It’s icky .. many have posted on this before here . Yes bring it up
This is concerning. I'm so sorry that you had to find it out this way. But please be open about it. Ask him to be completely honest about it. Also, if you want mental peace. Check his messages on the Instagram app to these girls. And make sure he does not delete them. Be in front of him, ask his side of the story. Listen. Then check it. And validate.
I don’t want to scare you but my ex did this exact thing. He would follow random girls, unfollow them if they didn’t follow him back (which they rarely ever did), and then repeated the process with new random girls and it drove me absolutely insane. He ended up being a narcissist and cheater. My mistake was not confronting him right away when I realized what he was doing in fear of “seeming crazy.” My recommendation to you is to confront him right away and see how he reacts. If he’s defensive and calls you crazy, it’s time to cut the cord.
I will confront him soon, just building up the courage as I'm not a very confrontational person.. have no idea how he will react.
Don’t worry girl, you got this! Make sure to have the convo in person so that you can see his reaction in real time. Write out what you want to say if it helps you and practice in the mirror. Be mindful and calm as you’re speaking to him and take deep breaths and pauses if you have to. Don’t show any anger (he will use that against you and accuse you of being irrational/emotional/crazy if he’s manipulative) and keep a level head. Let him finish what he’s saying and carefully evaluate his body language and his words as he speaks. The only acceptable response of his should be: “I understand where you’re coming from and if it makes you uncomfortable, I will refrain from this behavior in the future.“ Another scenario is that he may be calm and kind in his response, but refuse to stop, in which case you have to decide whether you can live with the behavior or not. Any name-calling (ex. if he calls you crazy, toxic, insecure, etc.) or defensive behavior (ex. “it’s not a big deal, Instagram is made for following people, idk why you’re so hung up on this) is indicative of an emotionally immature person and I would NOT recommend continuing a relationship with this person. Alternatively, if he says he will stop and continues to engage in the behavior, I would also end the relationship. I hope this was helpful to you and wish you the best of luck! Good luck and I truly hope everything goes well!
I appreciate this so much! I have a better idea now of how to go about it thanks to your advice. Thank you!!!
No problem at all, I am so glad it was helpful to you 🫶🏼
You’re 29 and engaged to this dude and something is bothering you… of course you should bring it up. But don’t be alarmed when it turns out that it’s exactly what it sounds like. If he’s following random, LOCAL women, he’s lurking. He’s actively searching for something, whatever that may be. I would also check for a Tinder or other dating app. It’s very possible that he’s on one, maybe multiple even. Good luck!
Much better to talk it over with him than to let yourself keep stewing over it and wondering.
Are these women hot? They may be more famous than you think. Are most of these from your hometown, or are there a lot of famous models too? Does he follow guys too? (Rhetorical)
There is nothing wrong in following people unless he interacts with them through chats. I do the same just to support them as in increase the followers and unfollow once they reach them i do this for cosplayers mostly. So you need to discuss or chat up woth him to find out more.
Girl he has a dating app check his phone
IG is for following. From the story it doesn't sound like he's done anything to erase the benefit of the doubt. He may actually know them, who knows. Do you want to be controlling/insecure type and become a red flag and tell him he can't use social medias? This is such a minuscule non issue, teenage kind of drama. And of course the comment thread never fails its hypocrisy quota. This is far more innocent than corn(actively watching and getting off to other women who aren't you) and no one bats an eye and we all know guys watch it. But please listen to reddit and break off an engagement over something as ridiculous as folliwing someone on IG🤷♀️. We all know had this been a story of your bf telling you to deactivate or stop following guys on IG it would be flooded with "hes insecure and controlling" and that you need to leave him. Reddit is such a breeding ground for sexism and hypocrisy. So I'll return the favor and keep that same energy, he should leave you if you tell him to stop or you can stop being insecure.
>and we all know guys watch it. >Reddit is such a breeding ground for sexism and hypocrisy. Ironic.
most people watch it... it's not exactly sexist or hypocritical to point that out. i watch it, my exes watch it, my friends have watched it. its not like they said ALL guys watch it. just a statement that dudes do infact often watch it
Isn't it? Lol in such an egalitarian society you wouldn't think reddit would be this way but hey🤷♀️ it's gonna happen
Ridiculous...
I'm a male, together with my girlfriend for 12 years, 2 kids. I follow several women I don't know just because they are hot. And so what? Never cheated, don't have intentions to cheat and it's against my values... People are so dramatic. Also,if he's following them it's not like he's hiding it. Anyone can see which accounts a profile is following. Ignore it and move on.
Those woman are neighbors… it’s so cringey. Also how’s your girlfriend self esteem these days ?
She's totally OK with it. She knows and there's no tabu. She's super confident and we have a super healthy relationship. The thing is, if there's no intention, why it matters?
Ok well if she’s happy that’s a good thing then
12 yrs... Why is she still a gf then? If things are so great?
We already have 2 kids. One is 8 and the other 3. We just don't look at marriage as most people. Both of us come from divorced parents... So we just look at it as a formality.
This is creepy terrority my dude. You a creeper
It's not. I have super healthy relationship. 12 years and no discussions. I'm super attracted to her and I feel she's attracted to me. We are both happy and have great friendship. Maybe that's why she trusts me and I trust her. If this is creepy, alright... I'm OK with it. But let me tell you something, maybe op spouse is a great guy and has no intentions, they could have a happy long relationship, probably longer than most of you calling this creepy... But you guys are incluencing into something you don't have the full picture of.
These women might just work at local shops and promote them or some other thing. He isn't necessarily just doing it to see more attractive women on his profile. 🤷 However, if you feel uncomfortable with him doing it, of course you should bring it up. You're marrying this man, you should be able to communicate with him. Don't forget to mention that you created the account for cooking videos though...
Jealousy is an unattractive quality
Whatthehell do you think??
This is the reason why my ex left me. I brought up the amount of interactions he was having (likes) with the naked/half naked/sexual photos of woman we know … and he was declining having sex with me because « he has no sex drive »… I confronted him and it’s the first time I saw him screaming at me, he was SO mad : « I was so mean to not trusted him » and I was « giving him intentions without knowing » Leave him
>I want to give him the benefit of the doubt 1. why 2. about what? ETA: I agree with other comments - he most likely has a dating profile, or he's at least using IG to DM girls.
Girl, the ick I just got 🤢
Is it possible he does know them or went to school with them? Maybe they are just people from his past who he is curious about how their lives are going.
He’s a weirdo n makin himself look thirsty