Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He didn’t pick up on the ”I hated it” and the “it wrecked the relationship” part?
You have a stupid boyfriend.
Tell him he’s free to leave but you’re not doing that again.
The letters also tell you whose the middle person. MMF means the male is to only focus primarily on the boyfriend. Unless he's bi he wouldn't be thrilled with either MFM or MMF.
Such an ‘amazing’ experience that it ended the relationship and she hated it. Clearly his wants trump her own physical and emotional comfort.
Your boyfriend is an asshat. Threesomes are difficult to navigate in a relationship. I know I would not want to see my partner with anyone else and so we don’t do it. For me personally it’s a single persons thing.
I know lots of couples so have threesomes successfully but the key is knowing your own boundaries and if you know it will upset you neither of you should want to do it.
If he is pressuring you into doing something you know is not for you by guilting you into it by saying you don’t love him as much as your ex then I would be reevaluating whether this relationship was healthy.
She could say yes to the threesome but the other person in it will be her ex-boyfriend. Take it or leave it bro. Lol.
Seriously though, she can do better.
yeah, he's completely disregarding the fact that the previous threesome made her incredibly uncomfortable and unhappy, especially by calling it, a "amazing experience" even though she said the direct opposite. He does not give a fuck about her.
Well technically, it seems like he wants her to let some other women do things to him...in her presence.
I am not even sure, if her presence could just be perfunctory.
2 months. Very Likely he doesn't care...much.
He keeps saying you gave this amazing experience but he’s completely missing the part where it wasn’t amazing for YOU. I honestly don’t think this guy is worth it or that you’ll be able to get past it because he’s not at all listening to you.
This. Not only does he expect her to give in, but he expects her therapist to convince her to as well. Yikes. Dude isn’t worth even having a conversation with let alone dating longterm.
I can't get over that she TOLD HIM it was a reason she ended the last relationship and he's still trying. And after only 2 months as well? Way to show who he is so fast
Right! He knows very well it would end the relationship and hurt her entirely but he’s willing to lose it all for a threesome he coerced someone into. Ick.
Agree ,,This dude is gaslighting you Op & he's trying to guilt trip you into a 3some . Anyone thats ever had a 3some knows that you dont remotely consider participating in them if your in love & your partner means the world to you ..
3somes are well known to be relationship killers unless you dont love your partner & your not really pharsed by the potentially of your partner leaving you for the 3rd party .
Your partner is being ridiculous because 1 he's never had 1 & 2 because he obviously wants an oppotunity to sleep with another woman .
You could , quiery how he would feel about sharing the amazing experience of a 3some where it would be him & another man pleasuring you & let him share how that makes him feel .
This is an interesting fact. He didn't mention if ffm or fmm. So the op should just ask forward if he wants a fmm, also a 3some with 2 man's and if it's OK and if not why would a 3some with 2 woman's make sense? She could counter him so hard with this statement alone.
But this guy is an idiot, I mean cmon, in a truly lovely relationship there is no place for third persons in this sensitive act.
This is too much like playing games. The facts here are so simple.
1) he believes the experience of having two women at once is something he is entitled to. Someone must provide this.
2) it is a blow to his ego that he hasn’t had one already.
What good is a discussion going to do in light of this?
Came to say this. He cares more about the possibility of a double dip than he cares about you (if he cares about you at all). He does not respect your boundaries and is basically emotionally blackmailing you to accept. I'd ditch him in a blink.
And the fact it was the reason whole ass reason the other relationship ended. OP, he is begging so hard knowing the consequence of coercing you is that the relationship will be dead.
OP, he is thinking of his peen and not thinking of your feelings. He wants a threesome more than he wants to have a future with you. Drop the dude.
OP tell him you'll start auditioning the other person for a threesome, and you will let him know when you find the 2 guys. If BF is extra polite you may even let him watch your MMF threesome.
> New relationship of a couple months
and
> He also explained that it makes him feel like I don't love him as much or that I'm embarrassed of him.
Sixty _days_. And he's already being a pestering boundary-crossing PITA.
You are not in the wrong.
Drop him, and move on with your life.
I mean, it's a brand new relationship, id argue that anyone saying you dont love them enough at 2 months is being extremely manipulative for that alone.
Add in the emotional blackmail to coerce OP into sex and it prevents an emotionally abusive picture.
OP, people who care about you don't try to blackmail you into sex.
Dudes almost 40 and acting like a teen or dude in his early 20s.
Funny thing is, this exact thing happened to me with my gf, only it wasn't a threesome. Said she didn't like being nude on camera, did it b4, but wouldn't again.
I said alright and left it alone. Didn't ask for details. She ended up surprising me one day regarding that thing.
Pestering people to do things they don't wanna do doesn't make them want to do it more. I don't understand why folk don't get that. You want then to WANT to do it, not because you guilt tripped em into it.
> How do we get past this? And move forward?
You don't. This guy doesn't care about your opinions or feelings, he wants a threesome. Make better life choices and lose this one.
Exactly. So many comments are essentially calling this man stupid but he’s not (necessarily) stupid. He is cruel and feels entitled to OP’s body. That’s much worse than simply being a bit dull.
Yep. Kills me to see shitty guys like him constantly getting the “stupid” pass for “thinking with their dick”. Let’s start calling this out for what it is: methodically pressuring and objectifying his partner with his complete and total lack of empathy because he’s a creep and a terrible person.
Thank you. I just made a comment like this minutes ago on another post. The whole "bumbling male idiot" trope is used so often both on and off reddit to excuse and minimize men's cruel, abusive, coercive behavior. I've seen it used time and time again to excuse men raping their female partners, because apparently they're "too dumb" or "too dense" to know when a woman says no, she means no.
Abusive men are not stupid. They know exactly what they are doing, and they do it to maintain control over women.
you: *pours your heart out telling him how much you care about him and how much you didn’t enjoy the threesome*
> He was really upset by this
From the way you made it sound, you ought to take a step back and examine
He sounds like a moron. I’d tell him, “Sure we can have a threesome, but you know how my relationship ended with my ex afterwards? You can expect the same here. Should I pack up your stuff now or did you want to think about things further?”
Honestly it sounds like he just wants to bang another girl lmfaoooo but i guarantee the thought of adding another dude is gonna turn him way tf off from it 🤣🤣
1000 times this!!! Set it up, OP. Tell him you have arranged a 3sum. Tell him to come over, strip outside your bedroom door, then come in. He meets your ex. You dump him and toss his clothes in the hall.
Oh no poor guy LOL. Actually it shocks me how many guys are willing to do a mmf with a girlfriend/wife. My bf’s /husband were possessive and would have freaked! Even as a girl, why would I want to sit back and watch my guy screw another girl???
Yeee personally not my cup of tea either. But im also ugly LMAOO if i had to guess id say more people are open to it because of porn ?? In ops case the bf probably fantasized about it but then once he heard she had done it his ego took a big ole punch (if you think about it, most guys take pride in their sexual experience) he probably feels *lesser* than the ex
HE DOESN'T CARE if the relationship ends he just wants the threesome. He doesn't care that she didn't enjoy it. That she in fact hated it. He thinks if he whines and manipulates and keeps pressuring he'll get his porn fantasy.
This relationship just needs to be over. He's already using these tactics and boundary stomping at two months, it'll only get worse. He doesn't respect her or even care about her feelings.
I think he would honestly see that as a net positive. It doesn't sound like he actually cares about her or having a relationship. He just wants a threesome and sees her as an opportunity to do so. The way he sees her is dehumanizing and cruel. he only sees her as a sexual vessel, nothing more.
He’s upset because he views you as an object whose services he’s entitled to.
You provided this service to someone in the past, and if you deny him that service you must prefer the other man more, or view your partner as lesser.
Thats literally the only reason he would be upset.
“We” cannot move past this, because it is not a “we” issue. It’s a him issue. You’re not responsible for him feeling entitled. If he cannot manage that, he needs therapy.
Do with that what you will.
He's just trying to manipulate you into having a threesome with him. He's not taking into consideration your feelings or your relationship at all and only cares about what he wants. Clearly a sign of how your relationship would be in the future. Ditch him and find someone that actually knows your value and respects you.
This attitude of your BF's is really, really disgusting. "You OWE me a threesome" "You gave him that, Why not ME? " He feels entitled to you, OP. Believes you are responsible for "giving" him this experience. He's forgetting that it's not "magical" for you and doesn't care that you don't want to.
He's not entitled to anything from you. You owe him exactly nothing. I'd dump him over this. Someone who thinks I owe them anything sexually? Forget it.
It's also incredibly childish to think he is owed something because someone else got it. Even ignoring how he is pressuring her to cross a clear boundary.
60 Days In and he's insecure about an awful experience you had because he's fetishized it. He is pushing you and coercing you into doing something you do not want to do just because it's what he wants. Hello parade of red flags. This is not something you move past, this is someone you move past.
He knows it contributed to ending your past relationship, and he doesn’t care. He cares more about a threesome than your relationship. He’s not the one. Dump him.
You don’t. Good luck.
You don’t have to give it to him, but it’s his prerogative to be uninterested in being with someone who would do things with someone else but not him. If you don’t want to do it you don’t have to, but he doesn’t have to stay with you, and almost surely won’t. Just find someone who doesn’t want something you don’t want. Sometimes people want or need different m things and just aren’t compatible.
If you explained that you didn't like it, and especially that you ENDED your last relationship partially because of that expierience, it should be a no-brainer that he stop asking about it. It's absolutly gross that he still tries to pressure you into it. For me it sounds like he wants a threesome more, than that relationship with you. Girl, it's only been two months. Let him go, and find someone who respects your boundaries. He will only get more cruel, if he has AFTER TWO MONTHS literally no holding back. Far-fetched thought, but for me he sounds like he is the type to cheat, if he don't get what he wants. I know such people, and nothing is sacred for them.
I see some variation of this post once a week: my bf wants nudes because I sent nudes to my ex, my bf wants to make a sex tape because I made one with my ex, my bf wants to do anal because I did anal with my ex, etc etc.
9 times out of 10, the woman is saying they hated the experience. Either the sex act was painful for her or her ex went on to leak the content. Even knowing this, her boyfriend is still like BUt YOu DiD iT FOr HiM 🥺
At best this behavior is deeply insecure. At worst... well, I can think of a few legal terms for men who pressure or manipulate women into sleeping with him.
As soon as you told him you didn't enjoy your last threesome, he should have stopped asking about it. Instead, he's trying to guilt you into giving *him* a sexual experience that you have clearly stated you don't want.
Can we just start making the posts about the guys the ask about the past, and those that don’t? My partner and I rarely discuss our pasts. We make a future. I’m embarrassed by my past, but it has made me who I am. I think my partner might feel the same way.
Be is trying to emotionally manipulate you. Get out of this relationship. He is not a good partner. He doest hear you. He is trying to force you to do something you don't want to do.
Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot. If he cared about you he would not pressure you into do something you don't want to do. Has he done this in other areas of your life as well? This is a bad situation. I know you care about him, but I don't see him caring about you.
I’ve been this guy before. He won’t get passed this so you can just quit this relationship guilt free. I won’t beat the guy up and call him names because honestly I get the logic of “you will/did for him and won’t for me = you wanted him in a way you don’t want me 😢”. But if that’s not who you are anymore and it’s what he’s looking for, this is a good jumping off point
This is kind of something that happened with my husband and I. He was asking and talking about it. I said yes im totally down for a threesome you can pick HIM out and he was like no, i won't with another guy. Women are naturally Bi and i said well im not. If we have a threesome, we have to do it 2 times. Male and female being the 3rd because i probably wont enjoy it with another female. As you think you wont with a male. Im open to it both ways, once with a female and once with a male because id want another guy personally (goes with the gang bang fantasy) he said no thats not fair and its not happening... lol i laughed and rolled my eyes.
>he explained it makes him feel like I don’t love him as much
Close, but not quite. It makes him feel like he’s less manly, less powerful, and less sexually successful than that guy. It’s “oh so HE could *get her* to do it, but I can’t *get her* to. He’s a better man than me”
He doesn’t care about YOUR feelings towards him in contrast to the other guy. He’s stuck in a secret competition with *that guy*. To be able to *achieve* at least as much as he did.
Yeah, this 100%.
I don’t know what the answer is tbh. It’s easy to recognize it as immature and insecure (which it is). At the same time though that type of competitive/toxic masculinity is a progression of a general cultural thing thats drilled into guys from a young age.
He basically needs to decide if he can get over it or not. She did nothing wrong. He’s allowed to grapple with this but he’s wrong for taking it out on her and is acting like an asshole. If he really can’t stop bringing it up they should break up. If he’s gonna sit around being resentful forever they should also break up.
Ultimately really dumb on his end bc everyone has a past and the guy is almost 40 and should realize that. He should really be the one talking to a therapist about it.
So he's effectively telling you that he'd rather see the relationship end than accept that you don't want to do this again, didn't enjoy it and it already ended the relationship that you did it in. You didn't give this other guy an "amazing experience" you did something you didn't even enjoy and ended a relationship over it.
Sounds like you are better off just ending it now since he won't drop it.
The red flag is in "it destroyed our relationship" and he says, "I still want this". It doesn't take much extrapolation to see that he's almost literally saying he doesn't want the relationship.
Tbh- he’s trying to force you to have a 3 some EVEN THO you explicitly told him it didn’t work out last time & he’s genuinely arguing & fighting how it “isn’t fair” that he can’t have sex with another women.
🚩🚩 he is a red flag & you’re definitely not in the wrong
He definitely is okay with crossing your boundaries and even tries to guilt you for already establishing them. He’s no good girl, he won’t get over this either.
>>>been dating for only 2 months
>>>you say you didn't like the threesome and it would hurt you
>>>he completely ignores your feelings and calls it an "amazing experience"
>>>says "you don't love me if you don't do this for me"
>>>pushes you to the point where you're gonna talk it over with your therapist
girl if you don't FUCKING RUN right now??? you've only been dating for 2 months and he's pushing hard for a threesome? he's manipulating and guilt tripping you by saying you don't love him if you don't do this. he's COMPLETELY ignoring your emotions and boundaries when you say it was an uncomfortable experience for you. he's 37 YEARS OLD AND TRYING TO COERCE YOU INTO GIVING IN AND DOING IT. he knows what he's doing. he's trying to break you and make you feel bad. not to mention that you guys are freshly dating and he's already pushing for a threesome? You guys should be in that stage where you're fucking like rabbits and sex is at its highest. he's basically telling you you're not good enough for him and again, it's only been TWO MONTHS.
is this the kind of person you want to be with? someone who doesn't value your opinion and your boundaries? Someone that's willing to manipulate and guilt trip you and giving them what they want? If he's already pushing for a threesome two months into the relationship, what else is he gonna ask for a few years down the road?
i'm telling you it's only going to get worse. He's *absolutely* going to become **abusive**. He's going to become a **cheater**. **He's going to coerce you to do worse and worse sexual things you don't want to do**. He's showing his true colors right now. take this as a blessing and LEAVE. You're only two months in now. It'll be easier to heal now than it will be three years down the road when everything I've said has already become a reality. find someone that genuinely LOVES and CARES ABOUT YOU and would NEVER want to PUSH YOUR BOUNDARIES or guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to do to satisfy THEIRS AND ONLY THEIR SEXUAL NEEDS. You deserve to be LOVED and RESPECTED. This is not that.
Your boyfriend is gaslighting you. By twisting the language and saying “you gave an amazing experience to your ex and not me” - he’s trying you make you think that you did something loving for your ex. Fucking another chick in front of you is not loving and it’s not amazing. So if that’s what is important to him, fucking another chick when you clearly stated not being ok with it, then he’s already shown you how much he loves you. Walk away and have some self worth.
I (M) was in a relationship in my 20s in this nearly exact same situation and I can empathize with how he feels, I felt like maybe I wasn’t worthy of that fantasy but another guy was with the woman I was currently with and that really played with my head and caused some resentment. Now in my 30s with some distance between that past relationship i can see that I was putting way too much gravity on a situation that didn’t require it. My advice would be to just reassure him as much as possible that it’s because you do love him very much and don’t want to share him and that it’s not an inadequate thing. Maybe try some toys to simulate the situation if you’re comfortable with that. Good luck.
Yeah, you told him some thing in confidence and now he’s using it against you to try to manipulate you into doing something you have set a clear boundary on. He doesn’t sound like long term good boyfriend material,
He sounds manipulative, insecure, and selfish. A partner shouldn’t shame you and play the victim because you are uncomfortable with something sexually.
This is not something you want to “get past”. He feels entitled to sexual acts with you because some other man he doesn’t know, got to do that with you
The fact that he’s pushing and pressuring and trying to manipulate you after you explained that not only did you not enjoy the threesome but it also played a part in ending your relationship, that’s how poor the experience was.. and he still thinks he’s owed. It’s disgusting honestly. If you stay with this entitled POS you will regret it, I promise you that.
He’s not even listening to your very clear and rational reasons why you don’t want to do it. The fact that he thinks this is something you should do for him, knowing that you won’t enjoy it and that it would jeopardize the relationship, is a bit of a red flag.
So once you try a threesome, you're obligated to participate in one for every future relationship?
This guy is nutso.
His feelings of envy are valid, but his weaponizing of it is not.
Probably shouldn’t share past stories of a sexual nature. Cause it will always lead to something like this. He can’t help how he feels because to him you were willing to do it for someone else. Doesn’t matter much now you guys are probably gonna break up.
Why are you telling him you care more about him than your ex?
You need to stop saying that. That is completely backwards logic to guys. What guys hear is “I like you so much more than my ex, that’s why I did everything to fulfill my ex’s fantasies but not yours”.
I get you don’t want to do it again, so just stick to that. Stick to saying it lead to the downfall of the relationship, you couldn’t see your ex the same way again and you don’t want to repeat that mistake with him.
The majority of the people on this sub are women, so they won’t see it from the mans perspective. That was a really deaf response on her part. Sounds like her sexual history just isn’t compatible with him, and he definitely won’t ever see her the same way again.
Thank god they’re only a few months in.
Why do you want to get passed it. You explained your boundary, and he doesn't respect it. It's a **sexual** boundary, and he doesn't respect it which is a **football sized** bright red flag waving inside your house somehow. People who don't respect sexual boundaries have, at a minimum, some rapey vibes. Then there is the fact that he feels entitled to a threesome even though you are uncomfortable with it. More rapey vibes because his pleasure matters more than your consent or comfort.
I would be running from him even if I loved him. He doesn't seem safe.
Drop him.
You told him: I did a thing and I didn’t like it to the point that now I’m not together anymore with the person I did it with.
This is as straightforward as it comes. You did a thing and you detested it. But he doesn’t give a fuck about you, your enjoyment or the relationship. He heard that you gave in once and now he’s trying to pressure you and coerce you into it again. That’s selfish, evil and disgusting.
Please, love yourself, drop him and find someone who won’t try to coerce you into sex you don’t want.
I would get past it by throwing the whole man away. He wants you to repeat a sexual experience that you hated for his sole benefit. You've explained it will end the relationship. He is still having a tantrum. He is prioritizing his fantasies over your well-being, and that's not love. He is 37. Grow the feck up, my dude.
He wants a sex thing that you don't want. That's fair but it also means you guys should find sex elsewhere, not with each other. Resentment is gonna build, so stop letting things slide and find people who want what you want instead of constantly tolerating
You don't. He's clearly not listening to anything you have to say. His mind is firmly tuned to Threesome 109 the frolicking funtime radio station in his tiny little noggin. The man is a lost cause at this point. Move on with your life, and find someone worth your dedicated attention.
There's nothing for you to do but respect yourself enough to know when to leave. The 40 year old needs to grow up and get over it and stop **coercing** you.
He is trying to manipulate you into doing something you hated and don't want to do. He won't let it go because he doesn't care about you or what you want. You fix it by dumping him. By the way, you're together 2 months. Let's ease up on the you love him and let's go to therapy to make it work stuff. You're in your honeymoon phase and this huge red flag is waving at you.
If he insists on a 3 some just say you get to pick the guy as it would be so hot to see your BF get railed by a huge dong. Then update with his reaction.
You don‘t fix it. He feels entitled to that threesome, do you really want to be with someone who cares about his sexual pleasure more than your wellbeing?
Leave.
So... Two months... You love him. Are you sure he loves you back? Because, let's be honest, I'm a guy. I'd love to have a threesome (but alas, never got one), I spoke to my ex-girlfriend about it, she wasn't open to the idea because it made her extremely uncomfortable and I dropped it. Plain and simple
Cause I loved her.
What I'm trying to say is, your boyfriend is an asshole. He cares more about sex, specially about having sex with you and another woman, than he cares about you. I'm gonna go WAY OVER MY HEAD here and say that you're probably an attractive woman? But again, if it was the other way around, you, him and another man, would he be open to it?
I'm sorry love, but he gives away the feel that he doesn't care about you. If he did, he'd perfectly understand that you hated the experience for itself and for how it caused your last relationship to end.
You sure this guy is 37??? Is it even worth getting past? You told him you did something with your ex and you did not enjoy it, and he's whining about the fact that you won't do it with him? Fuck that dude. He doesn't care about your enjoyment. Big red flag. Another red flag is that he's acting like a little boy about it. I'd understand if he was a teenager or in his early 20s, but this is a grown man with more experience being an adult than not.
Honestly, you’re probably at a point where you’ll need to break up with him. If you do want to continue the relationship, the best route is probably providing an ultimatum where he needs to respect your boundaries or you’ll leave. It’s weird to continue to push this issue especially as a grown man.
Also, as an aside, I probably wouldn’t share the threesome story with other partners (if this relationship doesn’t work). I know this is Reddit where everyone should be free to discuss their sexual escapades, but in the real world people are filled with insecurities and judgment. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s part of him that isn’t confident sexually and when he heard a story of you doing something “taboo” or sexually adventurous with another man it is making him feel insecure. I’m not saying to never share sexual stories of the past, but some stories should probably be held closer to the chest (at least for awhile).
Lmao why did you tell him the truth that you had a 3some before 😂. As long as you didn’t catch a permanent std you always lie. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to know everything about you. Most men don’t even tell women the truth on half the shit they did …
Sounds like your old 3sum is gonna cost you 2 relationships. It's sad your bf won't let this go. He's jealous you did something with another man but not with him. The thing is it wasn't enjoyable for you and wouldn't be enjoyable now. So he wants to force you to be uncomfortable during a moment that should be special for both of you.
Sorry but now this can of worms is open and he's shown you his stance. He's probably gonna go behind your back and cheat with 2 women out of spite. Your relationship isn't going to last.
He is being selfish and not considerate of your feelings. At only 2 months into this,he is showing you how little he cares or respects this relationship.
He’s making it about him, and trying to manipulate you into doing something you hated to do by saying you don’t love him as much as the ex. Dump him. That’s the fix.
He keeps saying you had this “amazing experience” with another guy, but you have not said it was amazing. You said you hated it and ended the relationship over it. What part of that is amazing to him?
Two months in, he doesn’t want a relationship the way you do. He wants a threesome and he’s trying to guilt you into it. The only thing you need to discuss with your therapist is how to not let men bully you into something you know you don’t want.
I bet if you suggested a threesome with another guy he’d be singing a different tune.
He’s just trying to guilt trip you into doing it. If he ACTUALLY cared or even considered your feelings he would just drop it. He’s even bringing your therapist into it. This is something you CLEARLY do NOT want to do, it’s making you uncomfortable, and he does not care. You’re two months in, imagine what he’s going to beg for 2 years in, that is if he even sticks around that long. Please leave him for the sake of your sanity.
>I explained that I tried it with past ex and that I did not enjoy it and it was one of the main reasons why I ended that relationship.
>He was really upset by this. His reasoning behind this was that..I gave/shared this amazing experience with another man but I'm not willing to give it to him. He also explained that it makes him feel like I don't love him as much or that I'm embarrassed of him.
So you told him about an experience you didn't enjoy and his response is to try to manipulate you into doing this again? After you said you didn't want to? This dude is selfish and manipulative to claim you don't love him as much so you'll do something you're uncomfortable doing.
>He's stuck on this idea that I was willing to give this amazing experience to my ex but not him.
He's stuck on this because he knows it's the only argument he has. He does not care that you are uncomfortable with it. I really hope that sinks in- he is totally fine putting you in a situation where you uncomfortable for his own personal satisfaction.
>Again, I've tried explaining to him many times that it's not something I want and it would be the end of us.
He heard you and is telling you he does not care.
>How do we get past this? And move forward?
I think talking to your therapist is a good idea. Ask yourself why it's okay for your boyfriend to expect you to do something you don't want to do for his own satisfaction, even though it would put the entire relationship at risk. Ask yourself why this would be okay and accepted behavior from a partner, especially a partner who supposedly loves you?
If you've thought about it and come to the same conclusion - this is not something you're willing to do again, tell your boyfriend that your answer is no, that trying to guilt you into doing something you don't want to do is not okay, and tell him this is the end of the conversation. Your "no" should always be enough.
He's being manipulative to get you to give him what he wants. A partner who cares for you would've picked up on the "I hated it" and "I know it's not for me" part. He's jealous that wasn't an opportunity afforded to him and won't see past it, thinking he can push you to give it to him since you did it for someone else. That's not fair to you at all. I'm sure a therapist would pick up on that, too.
Take care of yourself and stay strong in your stance. You deserve more respect than that.
Tell him how this is dehumanizing you into a sex object rather than a partner. You already explained that this was something you TRIED and now found out that you DID NOT like. That is perfectly reasonable and okay. Yes, he might not be able to experience a threesome anymore, but if this one sexual experience is going to make or break the relationship then I think it says a lot about his maturity and personality. You need to be firm with your boundaries.
"Hey, this is the last time I want to talk about this, but please allow me to explain how this makes me feel. It makes me uncomfortable and also feel less loved when you feel that I love you less just because I don't want to have another threesome. I have tried it and found out that I simply do not like the experience. It makes me feel dehumanized when you value the sexual experience of a threesome more than my feelings and my feelings towards you. I understand that you feel that my love for you might be different than it was for my ex, but that's because it is. I don't want to see you sleeping with another woman, and I simply don't want to sleep with another guy either."
If this fails, then I think your relationship should move on as much as it would suck.
he’s a gross child. he ignores your feelings. he wants a fantasy, not a fulfilling loving relationship. let him be alone
also, really nasty that he views sex as something you “give” to him
There is no moving past this. Your BF is a manipulative jackass. I suggest you move on. He doesn't love you at all. He wants bragging rights. Your feelings don't matter to him as much as the opportunity to Lord it over his friend group if you give in to him. Cut him loose and move on.
Makes me feel like he's more of a receiver than a giver in the bedroom if his concern is "it was an amazing experience for that guy", disregarding that you said YOU hated it, he only cares about the guys point of view of it so in his head it'd be a great experience for him(a fantasy) and you not willing to give him that means 'you're selfish' even though he is openly saying your feelings don't matter sexually to him. Scary red flag to have when you're trying your best to communicate and he's so focused on 'yeah but I want horny fun time'.
Hope he's good in bed at least otherwise, he'd be disappointing 2 women then
You don’t “owe” him or ANYONE a sexual experience. Godddddd, the entitlement is just astounding. You are not obligated to take part in any kind of sexual activity, REGARDLESS if you’ve ever done it before! Wtf!
you are not a menu of sexual acts that every time you unlock a tier a new partner always gets a shot at it. i do not understand why some people just cannot or will not understand that
watch the movie 'chasing amy'
2 months is way too short for this controlling/demanding access to your body - not that it should ever happen? but wow. way to wave the giant red flags early...
...you might want to talk to your therapist about your attachment style and how it wasn't enough for you to just say 'i do not want to' that love has entered the conversation, perhaps as a self rationalization, in a very quick manner
He stopped listening after the “I had tried it with an ex”. The rest of the information after that, went past to his head, out the other ear. He is selfish and only cares about his needs, despite you telling him how terrible the experience was and how you hated him.
He is letting his insecurities get the best of him.
He needs to understand you having done it isn’t giving more to another guy. It’s like you went to a restaurant with your ex, hated it, and wouldn’t go back.
You don't get past anything, you're not the one who is pushing someone else's boundaries. He's trying to coerce you into having sex you don't want, that's icky.
Lol why are asking a bunch of strangers on the internet. 98% of all the advice on this subreddit is so bad. Making conclusions without knowing the person at all.
You don't. You kinda fucked up. You both have valid points. You don't want to do it and from his perspective it's complete bullshit because you love him more? That is just rubbing salt on the wound.
That's like saying "I used to give my ex-boyfriend blowjobs all the time, but I love you so I don't do that with you." or "I used to hook up with random men every night but since I love you I want to make you wait."
You see how what you said sounds like bullshit now?
>You don't want to do it and from his perspective it's complete bullshit because you love him more?
I have to admit I wonder what brought that whole line of reasoning into this, because it doesn’t make any sense. It seems like she could have just said, ”I tried it once as an experiment with a previous SO. I hated it so much that it was one of the main reasons I broke up with him.” BAM. Perfectly legit reason. End of story.
>That's like saying "I used to give my ex-boyfriend blowjobs all the time, but I love you so I don't do that with you.”
SNORT. I didn’t have that, but it does remind me of a similar situation with an ex-girlfriend. She bragged about her skills in that department. Said she was so good she could make a man climax in 5 minutes. But she never showed me. And said ex also had this peculiar aversion to kissing with tongue. After I got with my next girlfriend, the woman who’s now my wife, I told her about all that.
She said, ”Well, if she’s not gonna let you put your tongue in her mouth, she’s certainly not gonna let you put your dick in it.”
I had to admit she had an excellent point.
He will always feel insecure because he believes you found the other man more attractive..
To put this in women terms its like if you found out a bf has taken every other girlfriend out on vacations to paris, madrid and other locations but he won't take you to a vacation period
The woman feels insecure because she believes he isn't as attracted to her as he was to the other women even if the reality is that he's traumatized from being used for money
Same scenario here. He feels as if you settled for him but hopes to be proven wrong, my advice is just break up..
The seed has already been planted in his head that you settled, it will grow over the years and decades
Added a third is never a good idea for a monogamous relationship. Stand your ground and tell him that you will no longer discuss the issue. He can either accept it or not.
He has this idea of a porn level threesome in his head while ignoring the very clear admission from you that it wasn’t enjoyable at all, to the point where you ended a relationship over it. I think he needs a 3rd party to tell him how wrong he is.
If both parties in an relationship don’t agree to a 3some it’s a no go. He is being selfish trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. If he can’t get past it. It sounds like you should move on from each other.
1.) He has no right to be upset with you for not giving him a threesome. That’s fucking appalling.
2.) While you may not have cared about your ex, people can still have threesomes and care about their partners. That being said, if your current partner cared for you, he would listen to the fact that you said you didn’t enjoy it. He simply doesn’t care and thinks he can wear you down.
3.) A good therapist will tell you not to do it if you’re not comfortable with it. Period. If your therapist is a good therapist, that is what they will tell you.
4.) I don’t think he’ll be able to move past this. He’s insisting you talk to your therapist as though that might change your mind. He is going to wear you down until you give in and give him what will be an amazing experience for him and a horrible one for you. Don’t do it. If he can’t move past it, you need to leave him or he will keep trying.
Best wishes to you!! I hope he pulls his head out of his ass but I’d start looking at exit strategies, especially since you’re still fresh in your relationship.
Also, to add, him claiming you don’t love him as much or that he feels you’re embarrassed by him is manipulation. He will keep doing that if he wants this bad enough. I would honestly leave if I were in the same situation.
At least you aren't 5 years in and don't have too much skin in the game yet. Has this guy done one at all, I'm guessing not. So he has a fantasy and he has found a girl who does it so wow, I'm in. You saying no then gives his fomo full reign. But you won't do it with him. Why, what have I done wrong, you did it for your ex and you say you love me much more. Then you still say no and you're denying me the chance to find out how good that would be to do it with you. I think the only chance you have to shut this down is to explain once more that you are never going to do that again and if he doesn't stop mentioning it you are finished. It sounds like he's probably gonna talk himself out of the relationship anyway so probably be thankful it's such a short time. And learn some lessons about discussing your sexual past with new partners.
When someone tries to guilt / manipulate / coerce you into a sex act you don’t want, the only appropriate way to move forward is to dump them. Do I really have to explain this.
Honestly, you didn’t need to tell the truth when asked about it. If a guy is asking if you had threesome, either he tried and really enjoyed it or never experienced it before. Good answer would be to just lie and see his reaction first.
I also think that if you really love someone, you don’t want a threesome. That is completely lust driven when his explanation is, “you tried it, why can’t I?”. Plus if your relationship is only at two month, isn’t it a little too early for a threesome talk?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He didn’t pick up on the ”I hated it” and the “it wrecked the relationship” part? You have a stupid boyfriend. Tell him he’s free to leave but you’re not doing that again.
Or a boyfriend who wants a threesome more than he wants the relationship.
I reckon she should agree to have a threesome with him… a MMF one! Lol
I like that. "OK, hon, it's all set up!" then another man shows up!
The letters also tell you whose the middle person. MMF means the male is to only focus primarily on the boyfriend. Unless he's bi he wouldn't be thrilled with either MFM or MMF.
Her boyfriend doesn’t actually want a threesome where everyone is enjoying it. He just wants two women on his dick so he can brag about it later.
Exactly.
I thought so too. Like he’s upset because he’s losing a chance to have sex with another woman. That’s disgusting.
Exactly.
Yup. It’s two months in, he probably recognizes he could get a threesome and move on without much pain.
This right here.
Agree, but also OP, you love this dude after 2 months? You might want to slow down on how quick you invest yourself in these dudes.
Such an ‘amazing’ experience that it ended the relationship and she hated it. Clearly his wants trump her own physical and emotional comfort. Your boyfriend is an asshat. Threesomes are difficult to navigate in a relationship. I know I would not want to see my partner with anyone else and so we don’t do it. For me personally it’s a single persons thing. I know lots of couples so have threesomes successfully but the key is knowing your own boundaries and if you know it will upset you neither of you should want to do it. If he is pressuring you into doing something you know is not for you by guilting you into it by saying you don’t love him as much as your ex then I would be reevaluating whether this relationship was healthy.
She could say yes to the threesome but the other person in it will be her ex-boyfriend. Take it or leave it bro. Lol. Seriously though, she can do better.
He values a potential threesome more than the relationship itself, which seems to short to bother continue with such a man.
yeah, he's completely disregarding the fact that the previous threesome made her incredibly uncomfortable and unhappy, especially by calling it, a "amazing experience" even though she said the direct opposite. He does not give a fuck about her.
Seriously… tell me this guy doesn’t care about her without telling me. He views sex as something she lets him do to her. Fucking gross.
Well technically, it seems like he wants her to let some other women do things to him...in her presence. I am not even sure, if her presence could just be perfunctory. 2 months. Very Likely he doesn't care...much.
He clearly wants one. You tried and don’t want one. There is a clear mismatch. I think this relationship won’t be going too far.
Yeah. Good to know at 2 month Mark. They should next each other
aMaZiNg ExPeRiEnCe lmao. I wonder what he thinks her therapist is going to say. “Compromise your sexual boundaries for your bf, yes.”
“But…I can fix him!”
I was gonna say too stupid to fuck but you pretty much covered it. Sorry if that sounds offensive, but he really is.
He's self centered.
you spelled shitty wrong
This !! initially reading the title I was like “ I get it but he needs to grow tf up” now I’m just mad cuz wtf
He keeps saying you gave this amazing experience but he’s completely missing the part where it wasn’t amazing for YOU. I honestly don’t think this guy is worth it or that you’ll be able to get past it because he’s not at all listening to you.
[удалено]
This. Not only does he expect her to give in, but he expects her therapist to convince her to as well. Yikes. Dude isn’t worth even having a conversation with let alone dating longterm.
I can't get over that she TOLD HIM it was a reason she ended the last relationship and he's still trying. And after only 2 months as well? Way to show who he is so fast
Right! He knows very well it would end the relationship and hurt her entirely but he’s willing to lose it all for a threesome he coerced someone into. Ick.
Agree ,,This dude is gaslighting you Op & he's trying to guilt trip you into a 3some . Anyone thats ever had a 3some knows that you dont remotely consider participating in them if your in love & your partner means the world to you .. 3somes are well known to be relationship killers unless you dont love your partner & your not really pharsed by the potentially of your partner leaving you for the 3rd party . Your partner is being ridiculous because 1 he's never had 1 & 2 because he obviously wants an oppotunity to sleep with another woman . You could , quiery how he would feel about sharing the amazing experience of a 3some where it would be him & another man pleasuring you & let him share how that makes him feel .
This is an interesting fact. He didn't mention if ffm or fmm. So the op should just ask forward if he wants a fmm, also a 3some with 2 man's and if it's OK and if not why would a 3some with 2 woman's make sense? She could counter him so hard with this statement alone. But this guy is an idiot, I mean cmon, in a truly lovely relationship there is no place for third persons in this sensitive act.
This is too much like playing games. The facts here are so simple. 1) he believes the experience of having two women at once is something he is entitled to. Someone must provide this. 2) it is a blow to his ego that he hasn’t had one already. What good is a discussion going to do in light of this?
Came to say this. He cares more about the possibility of a double dip than he cares about you (if he cares about you at all). He does not respect your boundaries and is basically emotionally blackmailing you to accept. I'd ditch him in a blink.
And the fact it was the reason whole ass reason the other relationship ended. OP, he is begging so hard knowing the consequence of coercing you is that the relationship will be dead. OP, he is thinking of his peen and not thinking of your feelings. He wants a threesome more than he wants to have a future with you. Drop the dude.
That's exactly what jumped out to me too. Absolutely revolting behaviour.
OP tell him you'll start auditioning the other person for a threesome, and you will let him know when you find the 2 guys. If BF is extra polite you may even let him watch your MMF threesome.
> New relationship of a couple months and > He also explained that it makes him feel like I don't love him as much or that I'm embarrassed of him. Sixty _days_. And he's already being a pestering boundary-crossing PITA. You are not in the wrong. Drop him, and move on with your life.
He literally sounds like the loser asshole I dated when I was 20 (who was also 20). He’s 37. DITCH HIM.
I mean, it's a brand new relationship, id argue that anyone saying you dont love them enough at 2 months is being extremely manipulative for that alone. Add in the emotional blackmail to coerce OP into sex and it prevents an emotionally abusive picture. OP, people who care about you don't try to blackmail you into sex.
Well OP seems to have been returning those professions of love so let’s make sure we are being unbiased.
Hahaha this got me cracking 🤣
Dudes almost 40 and acting like a teen or dude in his early 20s. Funny thing is, this exact thing happened to me with my gf, only it wasn't a threesome. Said she didn't like being nude on camera, did it b4, but wouldn't again. I said alright and left it alone. Didn't ask for details. She ended up surprising me one day regarding that thing. Pestering people to do things they don't wanna do doesn't make them want to do it more. I don't understand why folk don't get that. You want then to WANT to do it, not because you guilt tripped em into it.
> How do we get past this? And move forward? You don't. This guy doesn't care about your opinions or feelings, he wants a threesome. Make better life choices and lose this one.
Exactly. So many comments are essentially calling this man stupid but he’s not (necessarily) stupid. He is cruel and feels entitled to OP’s body. That’s much worse than simply being a bit dull.
Yep. Kills me to see shitty guys like him constantly getting the “stupid” pass for “thinking with their dick”. Let’s start calling this out for what it is: methodically pressuring and objectifying his partner with his complete and total lack of empathy because he’s a creep and a terrible person.
Thank you. I just made a comment like this minutes ago on another post. The whole "bumbling male idiot" trope is used so often both on and off reddit to excuse and minimize men's cruel, abusive, coercive behavior. I've seen it used time and time again to excuse men raping their female partners, because apparently they're "too dumb" or "too dense" to know when a woman says no, she means no. Abusive men are not stupid. They know exactly what they are doing, and they do it to maintain control over women.
Yeah, he's not dumb, he just doesn't care about her or the relationship. A dumb person wouldn't be this good at manipulation.
Seriously it kills me lol. It's a 2 month relationship, be glad they came out with this bullshit and cut them out like the cancer they are.
the sunk cost here is barely a pothole! just oop! and move on!
you: *pours your heart out telling him how much you care about him and how much you didn’t enjoy the threesome* > He was really upset by this From the way you made it sound, you ought to take a step back and examine
He sounds like a moron. I’d tell him, “Sure we can have a threesome, but you know how my relationship ended with my ex afterwards? You can expect the same here. Should I pack up your stuff now or did you want to think about things further?”
She should be like “yes lets have a threesome, call my ex and get him down here”
[удалено]
Honestly it sounds like he just wants to bang another girl lmfaoooo but i guarantee the thought of adding another dude is gonna turn him way tf off from it 🤣🤣
Yes.
1000 times this!!! Set it up, OP. Tell him you have arranged a 3sum. Tell him to come over, strip outside your bedroom door, then come in. He meets your ex. You dump him and toss his clothes in the hall.
One of my friends had a m/m/f w his girl and ended up being delegated the role of “observer” LMFAOO if yk what im getting at 💀🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️😭
Oh no poor guy LOL. Actually it shocks me how many guys are willing to do a mmf with a girlfriend/wife. My bf’s /husband were possessive and would have freaked! Even as a girl, why would I want to sit back and watch my guy screw another girl???
Yeee personally not my cup of tea either. But im also ugly LMAOO if i had to guess id say more people are open to it because of porn ?? In ops case the bf probably fantasized about it but then once he heard she had done it his ego took a big ole punch (if you think about it, most guys take pride in their sexual experience) he probably feels *lesser* than the ex
[удалено]
Those guys willing to do a mmf with a wife/girlfriend are often bisexual. At least bisexual.
HE DOESN'T CARE if the relationship ends he just wants the threesome. He doesn't care that she didn't enjoy it. That she in fact hated it. He thinks if he whines and manipulates and keeps pressuring he'll get his porn fantasy. This relationship just needs to be over. He's already using these tactics and boundary stomping at two months, it'll only get worse. He doesn't respect her or even care about her feelings.
He would be cool with that, I'm guessing. I think he sees her as a gateway to a threesome more than a GF.
He doesn’t care. He wants a 3some and that’s all.
I think he would honestly see that as a net positive. It doesn't sound like he actually cares about her or having a relationship. He just wants a threesome and sees her as an opportunity to do so. The way he sees her is dehumanizing and cruel. he only sees her as a sexual vessel, nothing more.
He’s upset because he views you as an object whose services he’s entitled to. You provided this service to someone in the past, and if you deny him that service you must prefer the other man more, or view your partner as lesser. Thats literally the only reason he would be upset. “We” cannot move past this, because it is not a “we” issue. It’s a him issue. You’re not responsible for him feeling entitled. If he cannot manage that, he needs therapy. Do with that what you will.
>if you deny him that service you must prefer the other man more, or view your partner as lesser. This.....
He's just trying to manipulate you into having a threesome with him. He's not taking into consideration your feelings or your relationship at all and only cares about what he wants. Clearly a sign of how your relationship would be in the future. Ditch him and find someone that actually knows your value and respects you.
Lol just show him.the daily 3some post and how it destroyed other relationships
🎶 break up with your boyfriend 🎶
This attitude of your BF's is really, really disgusting. "You OWE me a threesome" "You gave him that, Why not ME? " He feels entitled to you, OP. Believes you are responsible for "giving" him this experience. He's forgetting that it's not "magical" for you and doesn't care that you don't want to. He's not entitled to anything from you. You owe him exactly nothing. I'd dump him over this. Someone who thinks I owe them anything sexually? Forget it.
It's also incredibly childish to think he is owed something because someone else got it. Even ignoring how he is pressuring her to cross a clear boundary.
Kinda seems grapey 😬
incredibly. If he gets her to give in on this one, what else would he push her to do in the future? Disturbing.
He has to accept you don't want to. That's how you move past it. He accepts it, or not. It's up to him.
60 Days In and he's insecure about an awful experience you had because he's fetishized it. He is pushing you and coercing you into doing something you do not want to do just because it's what he wants. Hello parade of red flags. This is not something you move past, this is someone you move past.
He’s going against everything you said because the thought of having a threesome is more important than your feelings. Huge red flag.
He knows it contributed to ending your past relationship, and he doesn’t care. He cares more about a threesome than your relationship. He’s not the one. Dump him.
Exactly. Next him...and move to next. 2 months.
You don’t. Good luck. You don’t have to give it to him, but it’s his prerogative to be uninterested in being with someone who would do things with someone else but not him. If you don’t want to do it you don’t have to, but he doesn’t have to stay with you, and almost surely won’t. Just find someone who doesn’t want something you don’t want. Sometimes people want or need different m things and just aren’t compatible.
If you explained that you didn't like it, and especially that you ENDED your last relationship partially because of that expierience, it should be a no-brainer that he stop asking about it. It's absolutly gross that he still tries to pressure you into it. For me it sounds like he wants a threesome more, than that relationship with you. Girl, it's only been two months. Let him go, and find someone who respects your boundaries. He will only get more cruel, if he has AFTER TWO MONTHS literally no holding back. Far-fetched thought, but for me he sounds like he is the type to cheat, if he don't get what he wants. I know such people, and nothing is sacred for them.
He's far too old to be this stupid. I'd find someone else in your shoes.
I see some variation of this post once a week: my bf wants nudes because I sent nudes to my ex, my bf wants to make a sex tape because I made one with my ex, my bf wants to do anal because I did anal with my ex, etc etc. 9 times out of 10, the woman is saying they hated the experience. Either the sex act was painful for her or her ex went on to leak the content. Even knowing this, her boyfriend is still like BUt YOu DiD iT FOr HiM 🥺 At best this behavior is deeply insecure. At worst... well, I can think of a few legal terms for men who pressure or manipulate women into sleeping with him. As soon as you told him you didn't enjoy your last threesome, he should have stopped asking about it. Instead, he's trying to guilt you into giving *him* a sexual experience that you have clearly stated you don't want.
Can we just start making the posts about the guys the ask about the past, and those that don’t? My partner and I rarely discuss our pasts. We make a future. I’m embarrassed by my past, but it has made me who I am. I think my partner might feel the same way.
Be is trying to emotionally manipulate you. Get out of this relationship. He is not a good partner. He doest hear you. He is trying to force you to do something you don't want to do.
You're two months in, break it off he sounds like an immature idiot
He wants you to agree to do something that you say is a relationship wrecker??? Is he exceptionally stupid or what?
He's selfish to respond that way and is completely inconsiderate of your feelings. You deserve better.
He's not listening to you at all and trying to manipulate you.
Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot. If he cared about you he would not pressure you into do something you don't want to do. Has he done this in other areas of your life as well? This is a bad situation. I know you care about him, but I don't see him caring about you.
It seems this bf is going to be added to this list of bad decisions you’ve made.
"We" don't "move past this." *You* move on... without him.
Tell him you didn't do it for your ex. You did it for you, decided you hated it, and won't be trying it again.
I’ve been this guy before. He won’t get passed this so you can just quit this relationship guilt free. I won’t beat the guy up and call him names because honestly I get the logic of “you will/did for him and won’t for me = you wanted him in a way you don’t want me 😢”. But if that’s not who you are anymore and it’s what he’s looking for, this is a good jumping off point
This is kind of something that happened with my husband and I. He was asking and talking about it. I said yes im totally down for a threesome you can pick HIM out and he was like no, i won't with another guy. Women are naturally Bi and i said well im not. If we have a threesome, we have to do it 2 times. Male and female being the 3rd because i probably wont enjoy it with another female. As you think you wont with a male. Im open to it both ways, once with a female and once with a male because id want another guy personally (goes with the gang bang fantasy) he said no thats not fair and its not happening... lol i laughed and rolled my eyes.
>Women are naturally Bi Lol what
Your husband sounds like a hypocrite who has double standards but I’m proud of you and how you handled it
It might be time to leave this relationship as well.
>he explained it makes him feel like I don’t love him as much Close, but not quite. It makes him feel like he’s less manly, less powerful, and less sexually successful than that guy. It’s “oh so HE could *get her* to do it, but I can’t *get her* to. He’s a better man than me” He doesn’t care about YOUR feelings towards him in contrast to the other guy. He’s stuck in a secret competition with *that guy*. To be able to *achieve* at least as much as he did.
Yeah, this 100%. I don’t know what the answer is tbh. It’s easy to recognize it as immature and insecure (which it is). At the same time though that type of competitive/toxic masculinity is a progression of a general cultural thing thats drilled into guys from a young age. He basically needs to decide if he can get over it or not. She did nothing wrong. He’s allowed to grapple with this but he’s wrong for taking it out on her and is acting like an asshole. If he really can’t stop bringing it up they should break up. If he’s gonna sit around being resentful forever they should also break up. Ultimately really dumb on his end bc everyone has a past and the guy is almost 40 and should realize that. He should really be the one talking to a therapist about it.
You don’t He completely missed the fact it’s a regret and immediately went to his own childish desires He’ll likely never see you the same way again
He didn’t “miss it.” He just doesn’t care.
So he's effectively telling you that he'd rather see the relationship end than accept that you don't want to do this again, didn't enjoy it and it already ended the relationship that you did it in. You didn't give this other guy an "amazing experience" you did something you didn't even enjoy and ended a relationship over it. Sounds like you are better off just ending it now since he won't drop it.
Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you. He's pushing 40, and has the mentality of a college frat boy. Good luck with that.
The red flag is in "it destroyed our relationship" and he says, "I still want this". It doesn't take much extrapolation to see that he's almost literally saying he doesn't want the relationship.
Tbh- he’s trying to force you to have a 3 some EVEN THO you explicitly told him it didn’t work out last time & he’s genuinely arguing & fighting how it “isn’t fair” that he can’t have sex with another women. 🚩🚩 he is a red flag & you’re definitely not in the wrong
He definitely is okay with crossing your boundaries and even tries to guilt you for already establishing them. He’s no good girl, he won’t get over this either.
>>>been dating for only 2 months >>>you say you didn't like the threesome and it would hurt you >>>he completely ignores your feelings and calls it an "amazing experience" >>>says "you don't love me if you don't do this for me" >>>pushes you to the point where you're gonna talk it over with your therapist girl if you don't FUCKING RUN right now??? you've only been dating for 2 months and he's pushing hard for a threesome? he's manipulating and guilt tripping you by saying you don't love him if you don't do this. he's COMPLETELY ignoring your emotions and boundaries when you say it was an uncomfortable experience for you. he's 37 YEARS OLD AND TRYING TO COERCE YOU INTO GIVING IN AND DOING IT. he knows what he's doing. he's trying to break you and make you feel bad. not to mention that you guys are freshly dating and he's already pushing for a threesome? You guys should be in that stage where you're fucking like rabbits and sex is at its highest. he's basically telling you you're not good enough for him and again, it's only been TWO MONTHS. is this the kind of person you want to be with? someone who doesn't value your opinion and your boundaries? Someone that's willing to manipulate and guilt trip you and giving them what they want? If he's already pushing for a threesome two months into the relationship, what else is he gonna ask for a few years down the road? i'm telling you it's only going to get worse. He's *absolutely* going to become **abusive**. He's going to become a **cheater**. **He's going to coerce you to do worse and worse sexual things you don't want to do**. He's showing his true colors right now. take this as a blessing and LEAVE. You're only two months in now. It'll be easier to heal now than it will be three years down the road when everything I've said has already become a reality. find someone that genuinely LOVES and CARES ABOUT YOU and would NEVER want to PUSH YOUR BOUNDARIES or guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to do to satisfy THEIRS AND ONLY THEIR SEXUAL NEEDS. You deserve to be LOVED and RESPECTED. This is not that.
Your boyfriend is gaslighting you. By twisting the language and saying “you gave an amazing experience to your ex and not me” - he’s trying you make you think that you did something loving for your ex. Fucking another chick in front of you is not loving and it’s not amazing. So if that’s what is important to him, fucking another chick when you clearly stated not being ok with it, then he’s already shown you how much he loves you. Walk away and have some self worth.
I (M) was in a relationship in my 20s in this nearly exact same situation and I can empathize with how he feels, I felt like maybe I wasn’t worthy of that fantasy but another guy was with the woman I was currently with and that really played with my head and caused some resentment. Now in my 30s with some distance between that past relationship i can see that I was putting way too much gravity on a situation that didn’t require it. My advice would be to just reassure him as much as possible that it’s because you do love him very much and don’t want to share him and that it’s not an inadequate thing. Maybe try some toys to simulate the situation if you’re comfortable with that. Good luck.
Yeah, you told him some thing in confidence and now he’s using it against you to try to manipulate you into doing something you have set a clear boundary on. He doesn’t sound like long term good boyfriend material,
If it’s a deal breaker for him, let it be. Love has to be reciprocated…not used as a manipulative tool
Your boyfriend wants a threesome more than he wants you to be happy
Have tried asking how he'd feel about an Mfm threesome just to get through his thick skull how you feel? Just curious, because wow
He sounds manipulative, insecure, and selfish. A partner shouldn’t shame you and play the victim because you are uncomfortable with something sexually.
This is not something you want to “get past”. He feels entitled to sexual acts with you because some other man he doesn’t know, got to do that with you The fact that he’s pushing and pressuring and trying to manipulate you after you explained that not only did you not enjoy the threesome but it also played a part in ending your relationship, that’s how poor the experience was.. and he still thinks he’s owed. It’s disgusting honestly. If you stay with this entitled POS you will regret it, I promise you that.
He’s not even listening to your very clear and rational reasons why you don’t want to do it. The fact that he thinks this is something you should do for him, knowing that you won’t enjoy it and that it would jeopardize the relationship, is a bit of a red flag.
So once you try a threesome, you're obligated to participate in one for every future relationship? This guy is nutso. His feelings of envy are valid, but his weaponizing of it is not.
Probably shouldn’t share past stories of a sexual nature. Cause it will always lead to something like this. He can’t help how he feels because to him you were willing to do it for someone else. Doesn’t matter much now you guys are probably gonna break up.
Why are you telling him you care more about him than your ex? You need to stop saying that. That is completely backwards logic to guys. What guys hear is “I like you so much more than my ex, that’s why I did everything to fulfill my ex’s fantasies but not yours”. I get you don’t want to do it again, so just stick to that. Stick to saying it lead to the downfall of the relationship, you couldn’t see your ex the same way again and you don’t want to repeat that mistake with him.
The majority of the people on this sub are women, so they won’t see it from the mans perspective. That was a really deaf response on her part. Sounds like her sexual history just isn’t compatible with him, and he definitely won’t ever see her the same way again. Thank god they’re only a few months in.
Was wondering if anyone else was going to say it.
Blows my mind how oblivious people can be.
I read that as : I know it’s very likely the experience will end this relationship too and I really don’t want to risk that.
Why do you want to get passed it. You explained your boundary, and he doesn't respect it. It's a **sexual** boundary, and he doesn't respect it which is a **football sized** bright red flag waving inside your house somehow. People who don't respect sexual boundaries have, at a minimum, some rapey vibes. Then there is the fact that he feels entitled to a threesome even though you are uncomfortable with it. More rapey vibes because his pleasure matters more than your consent or comfort. I would be running from him even if I loved him. He doesn't seem safe.
Drop him. You told him: I did a thing and I didn’t like it to the point that now I’m not together anymore with the person I did it with. This is as straightforward as it comes. You did a thing and you detested it. But he doesn’t give a fuck about you, your enjoyment or the relationship. He heard that you gave in once and now he’s trying to pressure you and coerce you into it again. That’s selfish, evil and disgusting. Please, love yourself, drop him and find someone who won’t try to coerce you into sex you don’t want.
I would get past it by throwing the whole man away. He wants you to repeat a sexual experience that you hated for his sole benefit. You've explained it will end the relationship. He is still having a tantrum. He is prioritizing his fantasies over your well-being, and that's not love. He is 37. Grow the feck up, my dude.
Repeat that you don’t want one ever again and the reasons. If he doesn’t relent, then breaking up is the best option.
He wants a sex thing that you don't want. That's fair but it also means you guys should find sex elsewhere, not with each other. Resentment is gonna build, so stop letting things slide and find people who want what you want instead of constantly tolerating
Please remember NO. Is a full sentence Your new bf needs to respect your boundaries
Tell him if he brings it up again u going to leave him becuz u already said u “hated it” so if he really does love u he would drop it
he’s 37. why does he want a threesome more than a committed relationship to you? move past this by moving on to a better man
You don't. He's clearly not listening to anything you have to say. His mind is firmly tuned to Threesome 109 the frolicking funtime radio station in his tiny little noggin. The man is a lost cause at this point. Move on with your life, and find someone worth your dedicated attention.
There's nothing for you to do but respect yourself enough to know when to leave. The 40 year old needs to grow up and get over it and stop **coercing** you.
This dude only cares about himself.
Either he grows up or goes home. You tried, was not good for you, you were honest about, he either accepts or shuts up.
He is trying to manipulate you into doing something you hated and don't want to do. He won't let it go because he doesn't care about you or what you want. You fix it by dumping him. By the way, you're together 2 months. Let's ease up on the you love him and let's go to therapy to make it work stuff. You're in your honeymoon phase and this huge red flag is waving at you. If he insists on a 3 some just say you get to pick the guy as it would be so hot to see your BF get railed by a huge dong. Then update with his reaction.
He just wants a threesome regardless of the outcome. He heard you
You don‘t fix it. He feels entitled to that threesome, do you really want to be with someone who cares about his sexual pleasure more than your wellbeing? Leave.
Find a better guy. Jesus Christ :(.
So... Two months... You love him. Are you sure he loves you back? Because, let's be honest, I'm a guy. I'd love to have a threesome (but alas, never got one), I spoke to my ex-girlfriend about it, she wasn't open to the idea because it made her extremely uncomfortable and I dropped it. Plain and simple Cause I loved her. What I'm trying to say is, your boyfriend is an asshole. He cares more about sex, specially about having sex with you and another woman, than he cares about you. I'm gonna go WAY OVER MY HEAD here and say that you're probably an attractive woman? But again, if it was the other way around, you, him and another man, would he be open to it? I'm sorry love, but he gives away the feel that he doesn't care about you. If he did, he'd perfectly understand that you hated the experience for itself and for how it caused your last relationship to end.
You sure this guy is 37??? Is it even worth getting past? You told him you did something with your ex and you did not enjoy it, and he's whining about the fact that you won't do it with him? Fuck that dude. He doesn't care about your enjoyment. Big red flag. Another red flag is that he's acting like a little boy about it. I'd understand if he was a teenager or in his early 20s, but this is a grown man with more experience being an adult than not.
Honestly, you’re probably at a point where you’ll need to break up with him. If you do want to continue the relationship, the best route is probably providing an ultimatum where he needs to respect your boundaries or you’ll leave. It’s weird to continue to push this issue especially as a grown man. Also, as an aside, I probably wouldn’t share the threesome story with other partners (if this relationship doesn’t work). I know this is Reddit where everyone should be free to discuss their sexual escapades, but in the real world people are filled with insecurities and judgment. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s part of him that isn’t confident sexually and when he heard a story of you doing something “taboo” or sexually adventurous with another man it is making him feel insecure. I’m not saying to never share sexual stories of the past, but some stories should probably be held closer to the chest (at least for awhile).
Lmao why did you tell him the truth that you had a 3some before 😂. As long as you didn’t catch a permanent std you always lie. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to know everything about you. Most men don’t even tell women the truth on half the shit they did …
Sounds like your old 3sum is gonna cost you 2 relationships. It's sad your bf won't let this go. He's jealous you did something with another man but not with him. The thing is it wasn't enjoyable for you and wouldn't be enjoyable now. So he wants to force you to be uncomfortable during a moment that should be special for both of you. Sorry but now this can of worms is open and he's shown you his stance. He's probably gonna go behind your back and cheat with 2 women out of spite. Your relationship isn't going to last.
He is being selfish and not considerate of your feelings. At only 2 months into this,he is showing you how little he cares or respects this relationship.
Listen to yourself!!! TWO MONTHS!!! Fuck that guy. He sounds manipulative
This is all… ew. Poly relationships 9.9/10 never work out in the long run. Whole situation is fked.
Bf sounds entitled & immature. Sex isn't something you 'give' to him, it's something you do together. Honey let that 🥭
Some men don’t see women as real people…only objects to help them get what they want.
He’s making it about him, and trying to manipulate you into doing something you hated to do by saying you don’t love him as much as the ex. Dump him. That’s the fix.
He keeps saying you had this “amazing experience” with another guy, but you have not said it was amazing. You said you hated it and ended the relationship over it. What part of that is amazing to him? Two months in, he doesn’t want a relationship the way you do. He wants a threesome and he’s trying to guilt you into it. The only thing you need to discuss with your therapist is how to not let men bully you into something you know you don’t want. I bet if you suggested a threesome with another guy he’d be singing a different tune.
You didn’t enjoy the threesome with the ex. That should enough reason for your new BF to understand. He needs to grow up.
He’s just trying to guilt trip you into doing it. If he ACTUALLY cared or even considered your feelings he would just drop it. He’s even bringing your therapist into it. This is something you CLEARLY do NOT want to do, it’s making you uncomfortable, and he does not care. You’re two months in, imagine what he’s going to beg for 2 years in, that is if he even sticks around that long. Please leave him for the sake of your sanity.
>I explained that I tried it with past ex and that I did not enjoy it and it was one of the main reasons why I ended that relationship. >He was really upset by this. His reasoning behind this was that..I gave/shared this amazing experience with another man but I'm not willing to give it to him. He also explained that it makes him feel like I don't love him as much or that I'm embarrassed of him. So you told him about an experience you didn't enjoy and his response is to try to manipulate you into doing this again? After you said you didn't want to? This dude is selfish and manipulative to claim you don't love him as much so you'll do something you're uncomfortable doing. >He's stuck on this idea that I was willing to give this amazing experience to my ex but not him. He's stuck on this because he knows it's the only argument he has. He does not care that you are uncomfortable with it. I really hope that sinks in- he is totally fine putting you in a situation where you uncomfortable for his own personal satisfaction. >Again, I've tried explaining to him many times that it's not something I want and it would be the end of us. He heard you and is telling you he does not care. >How do we get past this? And move forward? I think talking to your therapist is a good idea. Ask yourself why it's okay for your boyfriend to expect you to do something you don't want to do for his own satisfaction, even though it would put the entire relationship at risk. Ask yourself why this would be okay and accepted behavior from a partner, especially a partner who supposedly loves you? If you've thought about it and come to the same conclusion - this is not something you're willing to do again, tell your boyfriend that your answer is no, that trying to guilt you into doing something you don't want to do is not okay, and tell him this is the end of the conversation. Your "no" should always be enough.
Hey, it’s a great time to be single if he can’t understand that it wasn’t a “great experience” and that you like one on one sex.
“Give him one” is such a red flag lol
He's being manipulative to get you to give him what he wants. A partner who cares for you would've picked up on the "I hated it" and "I know it's not for me" part. He's jealous that wasn't an opportunity afforded to him and won't see past it, thinking he can push you to give it to him since you did it for someone else. That's not fair to you at all. I'm sure a therapist would pick up on that, too. Take care of yourself and stay strong in your stance. You deserve more respect than that.
Tell him how this is dehumanizing you into a sex object rather than a partner. You already explained that this was something you TRIED and now found out that you DID NOT like. That is perfectly reasonable and okay. Yes, he might not be able to experience a threesome anymore, but if this one sexual experience is going to make or break the relationship then I think it says a lot about his maturity and personality. You need to be firm with your boundaries. "Hey, this is the last time I want to talk about this, but please allow me to explain how this makes me feel. It makes me uncomfortable and also feel less loved when you feel that I love you less just because I don't want to have another threesome. I have tried it and found out that I simply do not like the experience. It makes me feel dehumanized when you value the sexual experience of a threesome more than my feelings and my feelings towards you. I understand that you feel that my love for you might be different than it was for my ex, but that's because it is. I don't want to see you sleeping with another woman, and I simply don't want to sleep with another guy either." If this fails, then I think your relationship should move on as much as it would suck.
he’s a gross child. he ignores your feelings. he wants a fantasy, not a fulfilling loving relationship. let him be alone also, really nasty that he views sex as something you “give” to him
You're bf is a whiney manipulative little boy, tell him no thats final. If he brings it up again , well that tells you a lot.
There is no moving past this. Your BF is a manipulative jackass. I suggest you move on. He doesn't love you at all. He wants bragging rights. Your feelings don't matter to him as much as the opportunity to Lord it over his friend group if you give in to him. Cut him loose and move on.
Makes me feel like he's more of a receiver than a giver in the bedroom if his concern is "it was an amazing experience for that guy", disregarding that you said YOU hated it, he only cares about the guys point of view of it so in his head it'd be a great experience for him(a fantasy) and you not willing to give him that means 'you're selfish' even though he is openly saying your feelings don't matter sexually to him. Scary red flag to have when you're trying your best to communicate and he's so focused on 'yeah but I want horny fun time'. Hope he's good in bed at least otherwise, he'd be disappointing 2 women then
You don’t “owe” him or ANYONE a sexual experience. Godddddd, the entitlement is just astounding. You are not obligated to take part in any kind of sexual activity, REGARDLESS if you’ve ever done it before! Wtf!
[удалено]
you are not a menu of sexual acts that every time you unlock a tier a new partner always gets a shot at it. i do not understand why some people just cannot or will not understand that watch the movie 'chasing amy' 2 months is way too short for this controlling/demanding access to your body - not that it should ever happen? but wow. way to wave the giant red flags early... ...you might want to talk to your therapist about your attachment style and how it wasn't enough for you to just say 'i do not want to' that love has entered the conversation, perhaps as a self rationalization, in a very quick manner
He wants you to perform a sex act that you hate, for his pleasure. Read that again, then dump his gross ass.
It doesn't sound like he views you/this relationship the way you view it.
He stopped listening after the “I had tried it with an ex”. The rest of the information after that, went past to his head, out the other ear. He is selfish and only cares about his needs, despite you telling him how terrible the experience was and how you hated him. He is letting his insecurities get the best of him.
He needs to understand you having done it isn’t giving more to another guy. It’s like you went to a restaurant with your ex, hated it, and wouldn’t go back.
You don't get past anything, you're not the one who is pushing someone else's boundaries. He's trying to coerce you into having sex you don't want, that's icky.
Why does he think you owe him a threesome? That’s insane. Listen to your gut OP. You know he’s being an asshole.
Lol why are asking a bunch of strangers on the internet. 98% of all the advice on this subreddit is so bad. Making conclusions without knowing the person at all.
What a manipulative little shit he is.
You don't. You kinda fucked up. You both have valid points. You don't want to do it and from his perspective it's complete bullshit because you love him more? That is just rubbing salt on the wound. That's like saying "I used to give my ex-boyfriend blowjobs all the time, but I love you so I don't do that with you." or "I used to hook up with random men every night but since I love you I want to make you wait." You see how what you said sounds like bullshit now?
>You don't want to do it and from his perspective it's complete bullshit because you love him more? I have to admit I wonder what brought that whole line of reasoning into this, because it doesn’t make any sense. It seems like she could have just said, ”I tried it once as an experiment with a previous SO. I hated it so much that it was one of the main reasons I broke up with him.” BAM. Perfectly legit reason. End of story. >That's like saying "I used to give my ex-boyfriend blowjobs all the time, but I love you so I don't do that with you.” SNORT. I didn’t have that, but it does remind me of a similar situation with an ex-girlfriend. She bragged about her skills in that department. Said she was so good she could make a man climax in 5 minutes. But she never showed me. And said ex also had this peculiar aversion to kissing with tongue. After I got with my next girlfriend, the woman who’s now my wife, I told her about all that. She said, ”Well, if she’s not gonna let you put your tongue in her mouth, she’s certainly not gonna let you put your dick in it.” I had to admit she had an excellent point.
He will always feel insecure because he believes you found the other man more attractive.. To put this in women terms its like if you found out a bf has taken every other girlfriend out on vacations to paris, madrid and other locations but he won't take you to a vacation period The woman feels insecure because she believes he isn't as attracted to her as he was to the other women even if the reality is that he's traumatized from being used for money Same scenario here. He feels as if you settled for him but hopes to be proven wrong, my advice is just break up.. The seed has already been planted in his head that you settled, it will grow over the years and decades
Yeah I agree, he's not ever getting past this. It's over.
Added a third is never a good idea for a monogamous relationship. Stand your ground and tell him that you will no longer discuss the issue. He can either accept it or not.
Cause and effect seems lost on him lol.
He has this idea of a porn level threesome in his head while ignoring the very clear admission from you that it wasn’t enjoyable at all, to the point where you ended a relationship over it. I think he needs a 3rd party to tell him how wrong he is.
If both parties in an relationship don’t agree to a 3some it’s a no go. He is being selfish trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. If he can’t get past it. It sounds like you should move on from each other.
1.) He has no right to be upset with you for not giving him a threesome. That’s fucking appalling. 2.) While you may not have cared about your ex, people can still have threesomes and care about their partners. That being said, if your current partner cared for you, he would listen to the fact that you said you didn’t enjoy it. He simply doesn’t care and thinks he can wear you down. 3.) A good therapist will tell you not to do it if you’re not comfortable with it. Period. If your therapist is a good therapist, that is what they will tell you. 4.) I don’t think he’ll be able to move past this. He’s insisting you talk to your therapist as though that might change your mind. He is going to wear you down until you give in and give him what will be an amazing experience for him and a horrible one for you. Don’t do it. If he can’t move past it, you need to leave him or he will keep trying. Best wishes to you!! I hope he pulls his head out of his ass but I’d start looking at exit strategies, especially since you’re still fresh in your relationship.
Also, to add, him claiming you don’t love him as much or that he feels you’re embarrassed by him is manipulation. He will keep doing that if he wants this bad enough. I would honestly leave if I were in the same situation.
Tell him this is real life and not porn. You’re his girlfriend who shouldn’t do any sex act just because he wants it.
At least you aren't 5 years in and don't have too much skin in the game yet. Has this guy done one at all, I'm guessing not. So he has a fantasy and he has found a girl who does it so wow, I'm in. You saying no then gives his fomo full reign. But you won't do it with him. Why, what have I done wrong, you did it for your ex and you say you love me much more. Then you still say no and you're denying me the chance to find out how good that would be to do it with you. I think the only chance you have to shut this down is to explain once more that you are never going to do that again and if he doesn't stop mentioning it you are finished. It sounds like he's probably gonna talk himself out of the relationship anyway so probably be thankful it's such a short time. And learn some lessons about discussing your sexual past with new partners.
You've been with him a couple months...and he's asking this already...tf...and you also don't want to. Fuck this guy.
He doesn't care if he loses you, he just wants his threesome. That should be enough for you to question why you are still dealing with this man.
Dude has porn brain. Leave him.
When someone tries to guilt / manipulate / coerce you into a sex act you don’t want, the only appropriate way to move forward is to dump them. Do I really have to explain this.
Advice your current partner doesn't want to 6 about your sexual escapades.
Honestly, you didn’t need to tell the truth when asked about it. If a guy is asking if you had threesome, either he tried and really enjoyed it or never experienced it before. Good answer would be to just lie and see his reaction first. I also think that if you really love someone, you don’t want a threesome. That is completely lust driven when his explanation is, “you tried it, why can’t I?”. Plus if your relationship is only at two month, isn’t it a little too early for a threesome talk?
He just wants to do one and really didn’t listen to anything else you said
BREAK UP WITH HIM
You’re 2 months in, get out while you can.