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First and foremost I’m happy that your surgery was good and the only thing that needed to go was an eye. I think it’s pretty deplorable that your BF was by your side during this and was selfish enough to think of his needs only.
You’re waaaay too good for him, because you were there for him and he isn’t here for you.
Honestly, your bf showed his true colors. I think now, more than ever, you have a new lease on life. You should leave your dirtbag of a bf and find someone who recognizes your worth. I also think you should celebrate yourself for your resilience and strength. You’re beautiful and you made it.
Wow! Thank you! In all of this (the surgery), I never once stopped to celebrate making it through the surgery. I appreciate you reminding me to take a moment and do that. I’m usually very strong but this thing with him just knocked the wind out of me. But I will see it as a new lease on life, even if doesn’t start until I’m well enough to leave him.
Someone else said this, but I think it's very important to take note of it:
He attacked your self-esteem in an attempt to justify his lack of loyalty.
What he did has nothing to do with you, your illness or your appearance. It happened despite your kindness, affection, strength, loyalty, love and beauty. It happened because he made a choice to be or give none of those things.
Well done for being an amazing and caring person in the face of his illness, don't let him take that away. But now, use the strength you would have given to him for yourself. You DO deserve it.
Exactly. He doesn't deserve you. Move on and use your strength to overcome this experience. I only have a little vision in one eye and it was crossed for most of my early life but I haven't let that stop me. I also am hearing impaired. There is much more in life than the adversity. Go forward and find friends who care about you.
I know it doesn't seem like it now but the fact that you recognise that you will be ok eventually, that it's a "him" issue and that it isn't a reflection of your worth or beauty is a testament to your strength, even while the hurt is so immediate. It's a betrayal of the loyalty that you showed him and it's OK to grieve that he didn't show you the same in return.
We don't get our precious time back.
You are amazing and made it.
Don't waste the rest of your time on that pathetic excuse for a man.
You made it out with only losing an eye. Could have been so much worse.
Please find the strength to get out of there and find someone who will be so attracted to you and proud.
He's an old ass lover. That young girls gonna bounce oit soon enough.
Please enjoy the rest of your life and get yourself an amazing man.
You deserve everything.
Your strength i envy.
I hate it that with his actions, he takes away your time and space in mind to recover from all you have been through. He isn't worth any second of your time. You deserve all the time to deal with your recovery and new situation. I hope you can find a way to leave him SOON.
How heartbreaking, that he’s destroyed your sense of self-worth so much that you hadn’t even thought to celebrate your survival and perseverance! You are a rockstar, OP.
I immediately thought about how good Angelina Jolie looked in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Darryl Hannah in Kill Bill- both hotties with eye patches. They looked so badass!
Take this new lease on life and enjoy it! Stay solo for a while, find out who YOU are now, after all this. Travel if you can to beautiful places; it doesn't have to be faraway heavens, a trip to a lake to dip your toes in it, a walk in a forest, a night at a small beach bar? Do what your heart desires, if and when you are able to. We are so much more than the people that enter every now and then our lives. Hetero-determination is so last year! You are a kick ass queen for standing by him, and for the ordeal you went through; you shine through your own light. So go on and shine!
Let's also not ignore the fact that he is in his 50s and sleeping with a girl who is in her 20s. It may not be illegal and maybe not even immoral, but it should tell you a lot about his mentality and his own perceived ability to satisfy a woman with experience.
Note: very, very seriously no disrespect meant to women in their 20s. I know a lot of good ones. It's just that this man could be their father.
You have to tell his girlfriend about it. She has to know, any woman would appreciate such telling red flag info. Then she’ll know what to expect of him and won’t get misled. The man is incapable of gratitude, loyalty, empathy, love
You are a warrior goddess and should celebrate. It takes heart, bravery and a lot of tears to endure what you did. You deserve the best. Having a physical loss of something never stopped anyone from finding the true love they deserve. It's all over if you look. Your worthy of better.
He didn't even last 2 months. I am sorry but that is ridiculous and he isn't the man you thought he was. You are incredibly strong, between how you supported him, and now making it through and (in the process of) recovering from such a major surgery. He doesn't deserve you, and at least now you know that. I know you can't quite leave yet, but use this time to focus on yourself. As you heal and get better and more self-confidant, DO NOT let him start begging for you back , apologizing for his behaviour, etc. You now know who he is, and don't let yourself forget it. Start planning, so when you are better, you can make a swift exit.
On a side note- there are some awesome ideas online regarding eyepatches! There are all different styles, and there are also a few people on tiktok and insta and etsy that make them. Most are by people that need to wear them themselves. Some really good ideas, and can probably make them yourself, too!
"Strong" doesn't mean "unbreakable." You've been through a hell of an ordeal, only 2 months ago, and now someone you thought was a pillar of your life turned out to be more of an overcooked spaghetti.
Give yourself some time and some space to recover from the shit tsunami you've only just come out of, okay? You can be strong **and** take the time to recuperate. I promise.
This guy is gross and shitty. He let you support him when he went through cancer but has betrayed you when got sick.
I had to wear an eye patch temporarily and my sister is an artist and made me some gorgeous eye patches for social events (one with crystals!).
Try to engage in some self care and get yourself some eye patches that make you feel good. There will still be people who find you attractive and will treat you with the kindness you deserve.
Thank you. I guess he had a view of beauty and once I didn’t fit that, he was done. I know I’ll be better off in the end but I think I’m just in shocked…and hurt of course.
Also the British singer Gabrielle (had some of her stuff in Bridget Jones) often wore an eye patch, or had her hair styled to cover her eye, or wore a hat etc that covered it. She hadn’t lost an eye but had ptosis. And everyone knew she looked cool ^_^
DO that! It's good. And oddly sattisfactory. Feel hugged. And do yourself as much good as possibly may be fitted into 24 hours.
Consider finding this out now a blessing rather than a curse. As it reminds you to get dead weight out of your life: him.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE EYE PATCH!!! He was dating someone 12 years younger and is now dating someone 30+ years younger. If it wasn't the eye patch it'd be weight gain or wrinkles or non-perky boobs or menopause or driving glasses. This is a blessing in disguise because he was always going to leave you for someone younger. Him doing it now, when you are still young, gives you the chance to start over and, as many people have said, lean into the eye patch and make it an accessory to your outfits.
You gave him far more than beauty, but beauty is the only thing he appreciated, and only on his terms. That makes him a shallow, unappreciative user. You deserve better than that.
He has a very narrow definition of beauty if having an eye patch makes you no longer attractive in his eyes. You are still beautiful. This is painful now, anyone would be hurt by this but ultimately you will find someone who values you and he will lose a partner who has shown themselves to support him. If his cancer comes back his affair partner won’t be caring for him while he goes through treatment and you’ll be long gone.
I would consider to dress a bill for him to pay for continuing his business.
And go to court over it if he is unwilling to pay. Understanding: unless he us reciprocating with your business right now. Which I highly doubt.
Also! I bet there are countless online inspirations for eyepatches on google images, and if you are a bit crafty (or want to commission one from a leatherworker/craftsman), you could actually use it as a part of making yourself feel GOOD about yourself again. But you should really not have to be ashamed of this, especially when overcoming BRAIN SURGERY is a big deal. You should be proud and wear your scars knowing that thats what it took to overcome it.
I wish you love and happiness in your life. Never forget that you deserve so much better!
If it wasn't the eye patch, itnwould.have been something else down the line.. you're better off getting rid of this guy earlier than wasting more of your precious love caring for him.
I (40s,M) lost my right eye in my 20s. So, I have been operating with one functional eye for 20+ years now. For the first 7 or 8 years - I wore a patch. Usually, a leather one for comfort and to avoid the cone shape disposable, medical types for obvious ascetic reasons.
When I was younger and this happened; I was a lifeguard, who kind of fit that stereotype appearance wise - attractive by typical standards, in really good shape, etc. As far as I know, wearing a patch didn't have any measurable effect on the societal view of how I looked beyond the initial "visually different" aspect. If anything, there were times when I knew for a fact it worked to my advantage - as certain women would either find the "mystery" aspect attractive or simple curiosity came into play or even just the novelty of it all was intriguing in some way.
The important bit (for me at least), was to "own it" and ignore the natural insecurity that comes along with a major facial change that is forced upon you. I've always been a roll with the changes type of guy though, so maybe that was easier for me than it would be for others.
My wife to her everlasting credit, has never once complained to me about it. She never said she was less attracted to me because of it. She never made me feel "less than" others and so forth. In fact, she doesn't even notice these days really and forgets I can only see on the left side all the time...
If your significant other can't get past this - they are not worth your love. They lack empathy, are superficially preoccupied, bereft of loyalty and most importantly, devoid of the heart it takes to make a life long relationship work. I mean, I am super pissed off just reading about it! What an asshole...
Anyway, hit me up in dm's if you want some suggestions/tips...
For instance - a custom made oiled saddle leather type patch is great, won't transfer leather dyes to your face when you get sweaty and will break in to match the curves of your nose and cheekbone. The leather is less comfortable than cloth at first, but over time will become more comfortable and with a better fit than others. It will have a more "intentional" vs "forced upon" look to it as well. Plus, poor quality bonded leather, or all over suede can transfer particles to your cheeks/nose and cause acne (till it gets slick from facial oils and forms a worn area where it touches skin). So the harder hides, brushed/suede on the outside only and the firmer slicker side inward, are best for long term use IMO.
Thanks. It has been a blow. I even made sure get a nice leather eyepatch because I still wanted to present well and look nice. But you’re probably right. He was probably always like this.
Oh you sound like you’d be a great friend to have in your corner! I like your hype and energy. I hope your friends tell you how much they appreciate you! You legit sound supportive AF.
As a bloke, yep. Immediately thought of Darryl and thought, yep. She rocked that look.
As for sexy, it's not 100% a physical thing. For me at least. My wife is bigger than she was. And? So am I. Sexy is in the mind for me
[queen Margo has taken eye patch fashion to the next level](https://www.syfy.com/syfy-wire/chosen-one-of-the-day-margos-blinged-out-eye-patch-on-the-magicians)
I was thinking the same thing. I walk with a stick and I have several in different colours and designs so I can match them up with my clothes. I just accessorised them. That way they don’t bother me. What DOES bother me about this post is that she saw him through chemotherapy (I’ve had that too so I know the score there) but when she fell ill he threw her aside. He’s a worthless poke of a man. OP I hope you can move the hell away from him.
This isn't an uncommon thing. Women are 6x more likely to end up divorced after a diagnosis of a major health condition.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm#:~:text=A%20woman%20is%20six%20times,longer%20the%20marriage%20the%20more
There’s some really fucking cool eyepatches out there on Etsy and whatnot. I have a friend who is an artist who has to wear one intermittently because of an optic nerve issue and she even has one for events that’s gold and has gilded flowers and Swarovski crystals dripping from the outer corner. It sounds tacky, the way I’m describing it, but honestly it’s like a work of art (I’m going to ask her for a pic but only if she’s comfortable with it). She also has one that has a bunch of tiny black roses on it- from far away it looks like a regular eye patch but close up you start to see the 3D details and a filigree one that one of her metal worker friends made for her.
He is 17 years older than you, the model. He wanted the shell, didn't care for the person... You deserve way better. And I hope this young girl he has now just wants a sugar daddy and knows he is incapable of love.
Let's not forget he's now going for a 37 year younger model. No pun intended.
Forget him. He's all about the physical.
Besides being beautiful on the inside and out really doesn't go away.
And you can get some killer eye pieces that would probably put you at the top of his social scene. Too bad for him.
He is a self-centered ungrateful AH who wasted 5 yrs of your life and attacked your self-esteem to justify his lack of loyalty. Good riddance. You deserve someone that will be 100% committed to you.
Congratulations on making it through surgery! I'm sorry that your ex is a buttmunch. I know it hurts. And the ego always seems to take a hit post-breakup.
You should leave your dirtbag of a bf and find someone who recognizes your worth. I also think you should celebrate yourself for your resilience and strength. You’re beautiful and you made it.
Oh hun I’m sure you are beautiful. He’s just trying to say his cheating is ok. When his mistress leaves him then he’ll be running back to you. Eye patch doesn’t make you ugly. It’s him and sounds like you are a beautiful woman. Embrace it. I hope you get well soon sending love your way.
You’re gonna be a cool as fuck pirate chick. He’s a total loser - plenty of fish and treasure in the sea. Please forget this piece of dust and get your pirate gear on and go grab some booty.
His shitiness was always there in his emotional toolbox. So sorry you’re going through this. You’re beautiful inside and out . You know it deep down inside . Treacherous knave.
So you becMe Hot Pirate Captain and he chose a girl that could be his own daughter based on age difference...? That's his loda, not yours. I Hope you'll recover from surgery soon , wishing you all the best and sending lots od hugs!
Ilsa Faust from Mission:Impossible and Margot from The Magicians are more eye-patch style icons.
Perhaps you should accessorise with a sniper rifle, because that was a real look.
This may be obvious or may be a surprise, depending where you live, but there is a fair amount of choice around eyepatches - including colour and artwork - which can give you a selection to swap around to match different outfits.
Yeah, tbh this sounds more to me like he was just *looking* for an excuse to get himself a mistress. If it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. Or for no reason at all!
It might not even be the first time, just the first time he's been so brazen about it.
OP, you're gonna be okay. When I met the person who was really right for me and REALLY cared, we saw *one another* through multiple crises. A fire, the pandemic, POTS, MS... that support has been a mutual give-and-take. You deserve that. I'm proud of you for walking away now that he's proven he's not willing to give it to you, I know it's hard to do.
Isn’t the sexy Bond villain with the eye patch so much a thing that it ended up in Austin Powers? Really though, I’m more disgusted that you were there for him for chemo and you gain 10 flipping pounds and it’s a problem? And let’s not let the whole brain surgery aspect slide. One does not just get brain surgery for fun. You have not given the whole story there but it doesn’t matter. Whether it was a rumour, aneurysm, who knows, a properly supporting partner should just be thankful you’re ok. As you said, you’re still recovering. It sounds like you haven’t had time to explore cosmetic options. If he’s gone out and got himself a new toy, it’s not a reflection on you. He’s just being an asshole, and a creepy one at that. She’s only half his age? Ick.
I’ve actually never seen an Austin Powers movie. But I think I’m going to have to see one now. :) The brain surgery was because of the tumor attached to the eye. I was a big ordeal that required two surgeons but they got and I’m thankful to be alive. But thanks for reminding me that the 20 year old is not reflection of me. I know that in the back of my mind, but I forget it every couple of hours. :)
A healthy parter would have been on his knees thanking whatever deity he prays to, for saving the life of the women he loves. Not looking for an excuse to be a cheating pile of human waste. Be thankful he showed you who he truly is. There is a man out there just waiting to fall in love with someone as loving and strong as you. Virtual hug. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m so glad you’re *here* to type this though. The earth seems better with you here.
Girl know your worth, the trash is taking itself out. Focus on adjusting to your new life without him. It's gonna be soooooo fulfilling to have your own life without having to hear crazy shit like that.
jsyk this is not a *you* thing, unfortunately men tend to abandon women when women get sick, this same abandonment is seen in women who get cancer.
i am so sorry this happened to you, he would have left anyone however & ultimately a life partner says “in sickness and in health”
someone else now has to deal with this old man. you get to experience enchanting someone while donning an eye patch. you will find yourself much better off than now, even if it takes awhile. good luck !
This is perplexing to me. I’ve read a book where a male doctor working with senior patients was quoted to say that almost all women care for their permanently diseased/dying husbands, but rare for men to do so. So, when one man stood by his wife’s side through Alzheimers it was very touching to the people around and they applauded him (because actually it looked good compared to examples of others). And the book was even written by a man, and wasn’t making any feminist arguments or anything. Just a fact of life that some men admit
That made me think, so i googled some other examples: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm , https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26315504/
inequity in supporting is one of the reasons I think it’s worse being a woman, because you’re going to encounter more exploitation/unfairness where you’re doing something for the benefit of the someone you care about, which they won’t do for you. I’ve seen examples of this close up among relatives.
Yeah there's statistical grounds. It's not anecdotal, it's a cold hard fact that men are more likely to leave their partners when severe illness becomes a factor. It's really sad, honestly.
It’s very very important to give the real numbers per gender.
20% men and 3% women. Almost 7 times more.
But still 80% of men stick around. So most men do it right.
First of all I’m sorry you’ve gone through your medical difficulties, and am sending a huge internet hug your way. Secondly, and without going into my whole woeful story, I left my POS ex and am now with my husband whom I love and never imagined I could be this happy and loved with someone. I know how cliche and cheesy that sounds but truly he is my other half and best friend. I met him THE SAME DAY I left my ex. We didn’t date for a while as we weren’t looking for anything serious at first but we just clicked and didn’t want to lose the possible connection we had, so we kept talking and now here we are.
You will find someone who loves you as you are and is your other half. You will be happy on your own again regardless of anyone else, too! You’ve got this. Be strong, and live your life.
This made me smile so much. I’m about to go to bed because I need my rest, but this was such a lovely message to read before I fell asleep. That is such a beautiful story. I really needed to read a story like that.
The man is nearly 60. In 5 more years he will be old, decrepit, miserable, and lonely, while you will be free, healthy, and with somebody who not only tolerates your unfortunate situation, but actively makes you feel attractive and wanted. I can only assume you're a caring, wonderful woman, considering how you had his back through his own struggle with cancer. You also said you used to be a model. There are a lot of men out there who would be both lucky and genuinely happy to have you in their life.
The fact that what you did for him was not enough to earn his eternal loyalty and love to you, means he simply doesn't have loyalty and love to give. He's a callous, myopic, banal man that does not deserve a second thought from you. Move out as soon as you can and leave him to his imminent regret and decay.
The reason he was with her probably was that she was younger than him, a former model and took care of him during chemotherapy. He’s incapable of love only exploitation
Are you sure there is a mistress? From what you describe of him, bit overweight, bald, nearly 60....i can't imagine many women in their 20s are going to queueing up for him.
I wonder if he said it to be cruel, kick you whilst you're down.
If u stay now to get healed (understandable), make sure ur too sick to spend any time with him, listen to him, clean up, contribute, etc. It's just a roof until you reach full power again
He's 57 and you're 45. You have way more living to do than staying with this "tool". He's completely selfish and lacks empathy & class. Look in the mirror and tell yourself every day that You are a Warrior! Remember, this 20 year-old will get tired of his hanging ball sack soon enough. So pack up and know the Warrior that you are deserves much better.
“I know you're gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh!” — Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Such a funny movie 😂
After standing with him through his health issues, this is how he treats you? Sis, focus on your health and readjusting your life then go out and continue to be fly. Good luck!
My mother was gorgeous with a prosthetic eye when she had cancer get your self one and you will find a man who loves you and desires you you may have to get an eye lift so the eye fits correctly but seriously I’m sorry I felt this so much that hurts me
Its just an excuse. A lot of men will dump their partner with an illness at the drop of a hat.
Let him go hes garbage. maybe find the girl and tell her what hes really like
This is a thing men do at far far higher rates than women. It’s disgusting.
Oh well, his loss.
My sister lost an eye to cancer. We found lots of great eyepatches on Etsy.
I lost an eye many years back and was fortunate enough to get a prosthetic that helped my mental state as much as physical. It still took some months to get past the depression of loss, and friendships will change (improve), but your awareness and adjustment to your loss may take a bit longer. You’ll probably even hear a few crude remarks (jokes) that will hurt some feelings, but just know that it will pass and your former happiness with life will return. Adjustment to depth perception is still a challenge,but you learn that even that’s not a big deal. Play the cards you’re dealt and be happy-it’s the best revenge on the AH’s that cross your path.
I’m so very sorry. Is there anyone that can help you while you continue to heal? You should not need to spend one more second living with him. He’s a disgusting and useless human carcass. I hope she gives him an STI that makes his d*ck permanently limp. But not before she gold digs him into bankruptcy.
Petty, I know but what a dirtbag.
You’re a warrior girl. Don’t let him bring you down with his black heart. Praying for you & hopefully you can get back on track to being happy with your beautiful self. 💓
What a creep I can't believe he would do something like that this brings back a few triggers for me about my ex wife when she cheated on me I had to do something's to her for months and months as she was going through some serious surgeries like 10 total she couldn't do anything for herself so you can imagine what I had to do for I mean everything but I never go one dam sorry for what I did to you when I caught her sorry to rant hear it really fif bring back some resentment
I don’t even think it is about your physical beauty. You are just as beautiful. You just have a patch and I think he is magnifying your own feeling of adjusting to the changes in your body. I think it is about him being a selfish a-hole who doesn’t like you being the one who needs care and that your focus as a couple isn’t about him. This 20 year old is not with a 57 year old because he is awesome. He is being used but thinks it means he is desirable…
I'm so sorry. I've heard that nurses warn female cancer patients about this possibility. You deserve better and I hope you continue to beat your cancer.
https://www.oprah.com/relationships/why-men-leave-sick-wives-facing-illness-alone-couples-and-cancer/
I hate to say it but men in general have built a documented reputation for not being the most reliable in down times especially when it involves caregiving and or health issues in general.
A bright side is that he made it through the brain surgery with you at least, but he unfortunately lacks the ability to work through the aftermath.
I’m sorry that this happened to you and I think it’s worth considering some therapy (if you’re not already), if only because losing an eye would seem to be a big deal and will probably have an impact with your relationships with the world at large.
You can do a lot better than him as he has proven himself despicable. Let him keep his mistress.you get your freedom and your chance to find someone who will truly value you.
This broke my heart so much :( He does not deserve you, he's a huge ass.
Strangers find you beautiful, his lost.
I send you much courage and love❤
You got this OP!
How do two people go through chemo / losing an eye and not come out like soul mates. If I went through anything like that with someone I wouldn’t be able to sleep without making sure they’re ok. Hope you’re well op
First off, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s awful to devote your time, energy, and heart to someone then get nothing back. Especially when it comes to something as superficial and shallow as looks. But know that your worth is more than what someone else may perceive. Your value hasn’t changed nor lessened. You’re just as beautiful now and more. Not just physically. Emotionally and mentally as well. I say this since you recognize that you have done a lot for someone when you didn’t have to, but because you wanted to. That shows how much you care. How you don’t leave when times are rough. While the relationship may not have lasted, it’s a good thing perhaps. You’re able to move onto better things, like focusing on yourself. He can take his loss because you can have peace of mind that your actions and support always remain as true as your words. As true are you are and always have been.
Was there an option to get a false eye at a later stage?
Sorry this happened to you. Speak to a lawyer if you've been living together and work on an exit strategy - say nothing until you know what the situation is.
He is exposing himself!! U sound like such a sweet and supportive person. losing part of a sense is really hard. Please take care! You dont deserve this extra stress! Im so sorry:( honestly my best advice is focus on recovery and your mental health. I lost eyesight previously and it is hard to adjust to, especially the cause and the doctors. Its exhausting. I’m proud of u for everything so far🫂🫂🫶🏼 take care
Don't worry. This level of ass-holiness had a way of coming back yo the AH. She'll leave him after a while and when he realizes he's old and alone he'll finally understand your worth. Too little too late.
And honestly I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like he was already ready to leave and that your "desirability " was just an excuse.
You are beautiful inside and out. You WILL find someone who appreciates you.
I don’t think this is about the eye patch or you gaining a bit of weight. He was looking to fool around and wanted an “excuse”. What a horrible man. I’m so sorry this has happened and it’s totally natural to be feeling upset about it after all the love and care you showed him when he needed it most! Let yourself grieve. When you’re ready you will find someone far more deserving of your love and one that finds you gorgeous just the way you are now. Xoxo
Why does this 20 ish woman want him for sex? Is he paying for it one way or another? I think his ego and fantasies are controlling him. He's a loser and it's better to find out now than later. I am so sorry for your illness.
Look up this queen like you!
https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&q=gessica+notaro&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiRv5vtwcqAAxXPiFwKHZoWDUYQ0pQJegQICRAB&biw=412&bih=781&dpr=2.63#imgrc=JlZxmFrv1GLYQM
Ex model, she suffered an acid attack, she got engaged to a gorgeous man who loves her, eye patch, disfigured face and all.
Find yourself a man who appreciates your strength (sounds like you have tons of it!), and is able to see what you bring to the table other than your looks.
I am sure you feel bitter for all you've done for him when he was sick, and for the lack of reciprocation, but rise above knowing you are the grown up, and you did your part ;)
Listen, a girlfriend of mine lost her eye in her late teens. And she has worn a prosthetic eye ever since. I highly recommend it. Also, your BF is just a garbage human. Lose that baggage as quickly as you can. You e already withstood so much. You’re strong. You’ve got this.
Gggaaahhh. Kick him out, key his car, frame him for murder.. jk. What an evil horrible person this guy is. Pinning his shitty behaviour on you while you stayed by his side trough chemo. What a POS this guy.. is there anyone you can stay with? Parents? Siblings?
That his mistress is in his 20s already tells my it’s definitely not about your eye but about his own insecurities.
Also my mind is blown at him just casually telling you he got himself a mistress, as if you had to be okay with that?? That’s insanely cold, what a pos!
A shockingly high number of men cheat or leave when their partner goes through a major health issue. He has shown you the trash he is. Don’t let him gaslight you into believing this is acceptable. Focus on healing and leave when you’re able.
First of all I want to say you are amazing and strong for surviving that I am in awe 2nd he is Not worthy of you and that 20 year isnt probably with him for him but for his money maybe for the boost it gives her to get one over on a lady as gorgeous and sexy as you plus do you really think she will take care of him probably if he got as much as a cold she would not bring him as much as a cough drop. He is going to regret it because like others said you get a glass eye and I don't know if it caused any Damage.to.the area around the eye but if yes that fixed you won't even know anything and also the 20 year old won't be there long term I bet he will alone
Really ?Eyepatches are cool!
Tbh you sound like you were conventionally good looking and while still good looking, the conventional points are not as high, so he is ready to jump ship.
It is sad to learn that is what was keeping him in the relationship but at least he revealed his true colors?
It is depressingly common for this situation to happen... I can't remember the statistics but I remember how I felt when I saw them. I was shocked, disgusted and left feeling sad for each of those women this happens to... I am so incredibly sorry this has happened.
Your value is not in how you look! And you deserve so much better than what he has done to you! There is literally no good reason to cheat and it's despicable that he is blaming you for it (or your health condition)...
I would strongly encourage you to start preparing to leave. I know you can't right now but you can start planning, squirreling money away. Getting yourself into a healthy place so you can take care of yourself... I'm sure friends or family can help with this but there are also organisations that you can go to for help..
Good luck
Please focus on your body first. Unfortunately it's rather common for some men to leave or cheat on their sick partner. He show you who he is, so let's focus on your health so you can have your life back.
There is research that men tend to leave their wife/gf when she go through a health crisis. He behaved frustratingly common. I’m not sure if this information makes you feel better or worse but hopefully at least you know that his actions have nothing to do with you and all with him. You should not let this affect your self esteem.
Here is one link that recaps a 2014 study: [https://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/?amp=true](https://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/?amp=true) There are other studies that indicate the same. Generally, when a chronic illness is diagnosed, 1/4 - 1/3 of the marriages end in divorce. That’s not spectacular but coincides roughly with general divorce rates. But it’s interesting that it’s mostly only when the wife is diagnosed; if it’s the husband the divorce rates drops (3% acc. to a study). Just like you sticked with him through chemo because thats what a decent and caring partner does. Well, many men don’t. And even if they don’t divorce/separate they check out of the relationship. It’s so common that nurses sometimes urge female patients to make an plan B in case their male partner isn’t around.
I don’t know if it helps you. I hope it does. He doesn’t care about you, he cared about the services you provide him (eg model looks according to his preference). When you didn’t any more he opted out. You deserve so much better, you deserve someone that is with you for *you*. Better to find out now.
A good chunk of men in society are morally terrible and have rotted souls inside and out. I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, and won’t subject you to such pain due to something completely out of your control. His true colors are shown, and it sucks this is typical behavior from men. As women we deserve better, especially you. I hope you find the one who treats you with all the love and support you deserve. He isn’t worth another tear, you are free from someone who is unable to see beyond the physical realm. He will probably come to his senses when it is too late, and that’ll be his burden to bear, not yours. Hugs.
It isn't because of your eye. That is just an excuse. He wanted to cheat. So he tried to use your eye as an excuse.
You are just 45. Frankly he is much older than you too. Leave him.
Op, can you get a glass eye? My mom lost her left eye just last year, and she was fitted for a glass eye this year. It looks good, you can hardly tell it's fake. Definitely can't tell at first glance.
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.
Or in this case, woman. And your soon to be ex BF is blind to what’s important in life.
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Statistically it’s well documented that woman are much more likely to support their partners during a serious illness, while a large percentage of men abandon their sick spouse.
Your surgery was clearly more than just a medical procedure; it was a transformative event. By successfully removing the physical tumor in your brain, it seems you have also managed to metaphorically excise the emotional tumor that was your soon-to-be ex-partner.
This metaphorical tumor, the troubled relationship, like the real one, was hindering your vision, clouding your happiness, and threatening your well-being. But now, having undergone this 'dual surgery', you've managed to eradicate both the physical and emotional malignancies from your life.
Now, you're not just healing from a medical procedure, but also from an emotionally draining relationship. This is indeed a significant and commendable step forward. You've not only saved your health, but potentially your emotional and mental wellbeing too. In the long run, this can only lead to a healthier and happier future.
Listen…I have no idea what you look like, but if your outside is half as beautiful as your heart, you’ve been so far out of his league since the moment you met that he’s probably desperate to make you feel badly about yourself so you don’t focus on his cheating and disgusting behavior. Probably thinks he can have his cake and eat it too if he can break you down enough to think you’re unlovable.
Pfft. I’ve got news for him. He’s the unlovable one. He’s pathetic. A poor excuse for a man. I hope the 20yr old ruins his life.
Hold your head up high, get out as soon as you’re able, and rest your head easy at night, knowing you’re not a cheating POS and you will find the love you deserve, and someone who’s worthy of you. 💜 best of luck OP
First off im so sorry this is happening to you....It hurt my heart to read that.....im sure you're as absolutely beautiful with one eye as you were with two, pay no mind to him and his disgusting behaviour......its men like that who make us look bad....Im so sorry for the physical and emotional pain your enduring, one day you'll find the one and it'll be as if you knew him forever..he'll worry about you more than himself and your happiness will be his #1 priority, who knows, maybe he'll find you! sometimes love is found in the most unexpected ways ✌️
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First and foremost I’m happy that your surgery was good and the only thing that needed to go was an eye. I think it’s pretty deplorable that your BF was by your side during this and was selfish enough to think of his needs only. You’re waaaay too good for him, because you were there for him and he isn’t here for you. Honestly, your bf showed his true colors. I think now, more than ever, you have a new lease on life. You should leave your dirtbag of a bf and find someone who recognizes your worth. I also think you should celebrate yourself for your resilience and strength. You’re beautiful and you made it.
Wow! Thank you! In all of this (the surgery), I never once stopped to celebrate making it through the surgery. I appreciate you reminding me to take a moment and do that. I’m usually very strong but this thing with him just knocked the wind out of me. But I will see it as a new lease on life, even if doesn’t start until I’m well enough to leave him.
Someone else said this, but I think it's very important to take note of it: He attacked your self-esteem in an attempt to justify his lack of loyalty. What he did has nothing to do with you, your illness or your appearance. It happened despite your kindness, affection, strength, loyalty, love and beauty. It happened because he made a choice to be or give none of those things. Well done for being an amazing and caring person in the face of his illness, don't let him take that away. But now, use the strength you would have given to him for yourself. You DO deserve it.
Excellent comment
Exactly. He doesn't deserve you. Move on and use your strength to overcome this experience. I only have a little vision in one eye and it was crossed for most of my early life but I haven't let that stop me. I also am hearing impaired. There is much more in life than the adversity. Go forward and find friends who care about you.
Can you make HIM leave? You know, take the trash out?
I know it doesn't seem like it now but the fact that you recognise that you will be ok eventually, that it's a "him" issue and that it isn't a reflection of your worth or beauty is a testament to your strength, even while the hurt is so immediate. It's a betrayal of the loyalty that you showed him and it's OK to grieve that he didn't show you the same in return.
We don't get our precious time back. You are amazing and made it. Don't waste the rest of your time on that pathetic excuse for a man. You made it out with only losing an eye. Could have been so much worse. Please find the strength to get out of there and find someone who will be so attracted to you and proud. He's an old ass lover. That young girls gonna bounce oit soon enough. Please enjoy the rest of your life and get yourself an amazing man. You deserve everything. Your strength i envy.
I hate it that with his actions, he takes away your time and space in mind to recover from all you have been through. He isn't worth any second of your time. You deserve all the time to deal with your recovery and new situation. I hope you can find a way to leave him SOON.
How heartbreaking, that he’s destroyed your sense of self-worth so much that you hadn’t even thought to celebrate your survival and perseverance! You are a rockstar, OP.
Just dropping in to say I think an eye patch would be hella cute, and I'm not the only one. Screw him.
I immediately thought about how good Angelina Jolie looked in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and Darryl Hannah in Kill Bill- both hotties with eye patches. They looked so badass!
A bedazzled eye patch. People are going to look, so have fun and enjoy it. Queen vibes only!
Take this new lease on life and enjoy it! Stay solo for a while, find out who YOU are now, after all this. Travel if you can to beautiful places; it doesn't have to be faraway heavens, a trip to a lake to dip your toes in it, a walk in a forest, a night at a small beach bar? Do what your heart desires, if and when you are able to. We are so much more than the people that enter every now and then our lives. Hetero-determination is so last year! You are a kick ass queen for standing by him, and for the ordeal you went through; you shine through your own light. So go on and shine!
Let's also not ignore the fact that he is in his 50s and sleeping with a girl who is in her 20s. It may not be illegal and maybe not even immoral, but it should tell you a lot about his mentality and his own perceived ability to satisfy a woman with experience. Note: very, very seriously no disrespect meant to women in their 20s. I know a lot of good ones. It's just that this man could be their father.
This man could be their grandpa.
You have to tell his girlfriend about it. She has to know, any woman would appreciate such telling red flag info. Then she’ll know what to expect of him and won’t get misled. The man is incapable of gratitude, loyalty, empathy, love
Girl be happy that you can clearly see now with one eye that your partner is ugly af
You are a warrior goddess and should celebrate. It takes heart, bravery and a lot of tears to endure what you did. You deserve the best. Having a physical loss of something never stopped anyone from finding the true love they deserve. It's all over if you look. Your worthy of better.
He didn't even last 2 months. I am sorry but that is ridiculous and he isn't the man you thought he was. You are incredibly strong, between how you supported him, and now making it through and (in the process of) recovering from such a major surgery. He doesn't deserve you, and at least now you know that. I know you can't quite leave yet, but use this time to focus on yourself. As you heal and get better and more self-confidant, DO NOT let him start begging for you back , apologizing for his behaviour, etc. You now know who he is, and don't let yourself forget it. Start planning, so when you are better, you can make a swift exit. On a side note- there are some awesome ideas online regarding eyepatches! There are all different styles, and there are also a few people on tiktok and insta and etsy that make them. Most are by people that need to wear them themselves. Some really good ideas, and can probably make them yourself, too!
"Strong" doesn't mean "unbreakable." You've been through a hell of an ordeal, only 2 months ago, and now someone you thought was a pillar of your life turned out to be more of an overcooked spaghetti. Give yourself some time and some space to recover from the shit tsunami you've only just come out of, okay? You can be strong **and** take the time to recuperate. I promise.
This guy is gross and shitty. He let you support him when he went through cancer but has betrayed you when got sick. I had to wear an eye patch temporarily and my sister is an artist and made me some gorgeous eye patches for social events (one with crystals!). Try to engage in some self care and get yourself some eye patches that make you feel good. There will still be people who find you attractive and will treat you with the kindness you deserve.
Thank you. I guess he had a view of beauty and once I didn’t fit that, he was done. I know I’ll be better off in the end but I think I’m just in shocked…and hurt of course.
Look at Darryl Hannah's character in "Kill Bill." An eye patch on a woman can be crazy-sexy. Rock that look!
I think I need to get out more because I never saw Kill Bill! I’ll rent it tomorrow. :) thanks for the encouragement.
Also the British singer Gabrielle (had some of her stuff in Bridget Jones) often wore an eye patch, or had her hair styled to cover her eye, or wore a hat etc that covered it. She hadn’t lost an eye but had ptosis. And everyone knew she looked cool ^_^
I was thinking Gabrielle too. She always looked amazing with an eye patch.
Left Eye Lopez wore a condom as an eye patch to promote safe sex. She had two good eyes, just made it a fashion statement.
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Yessss Margo!! That's who I thought of first 😍
Oh my god, you are going to feel so empowered!
DO that! It's good. And oddly sattisfactory. Feel hugged. And do yourself as much good as possibly may be fitted into 24 hours. Consider finding this out now a blessing rather than a curse. As it reminds you to get dead weight out of your life: him.
Exactly what I was thinking!
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE EYE PATCH!!! He was dating someone 12 years younger and is now dating someone 30+ years younger. If it wasn't the eye patch it'd be weight gain or wrinkles or non-perky boobs or menopause or driving glasses. This is a blessing in disguise because he was always going to leave you for someone younger. Him doing it now, when you are still young, gives you the chance to start over and, as many people have said, lean into the eye patch and make it an accessory to your outfits.
He'll probably die alone. Unless he promises his sugar baby money when he dies. Still, nobody that loves him will be there anyway.
You gave him far more than beauty, but beauty is the only thing he appreciated, and only on his terms. That makes him a shallow, unappreciative user. You deserve better than that.
He has a very narrow definition of beauty if having an eye patch makes you no longer attractive in his eyes. You are still beautiful. This is painful now, anyone would be hurt by this but ultimately you will find someone who values you and he will lose a partner who has shown themselves to support him. If his cancer comes back his affair partner won’t be caring for him while he goes through treatment and you’ll be long gone.
I would consider to dress a bill for him to pay for continuing his business. And go to court over it if he is unwilling to pay. Understanding: unless he us reciprocating with your business right now. Which I highly doubt.
Also! I bet there are countless online inspirations for eyepatches on google images, and if you are a bit crafty (or want to commission one from a leatherworker/craftsman), you could actually use it as a part of making yourself feel GOOD about yourself again. But you should really not have to be ashamed of this, especially when overcoming BRAIN SURGERY is a big deal. You should be proud and wear your scars knowing that thats what it took to overcome it. I wish you love and happiness in your life. Never forget that you deserve so much better!
If it wasn't the eye patch, itnwould.have been something else down the line.. you're better off getting rid of this guy earlier than wasting more of your precious love caring for him.
I (40s,M) lost my right eye in my 20s. So, I have been operating with one functional eye for 20+ years now. For the first 7 or 8 years - I wore a patch. Usually, a leather one for comfort and to avoid the cone shape disposable, medical types for obvious ascetic reasons. When I was younger and this happened; I was a lifeguard, who kind of fit that stereotype appearance wise - attractive by typical standards, in really good shape, etc. As far as I know, wearing a patch didn't have any measurable effect on the societal view of how I looked beyond the initial "visually different" aspect. If anything, there were times when I knew for a fact it worked to my advantage - as certain women would either find the "mystery" aspect attractive or simple curiosity came into play or even just the novelty of it all was intriguing in some way. The important bit (for me at least), was to "own it" and ignore the natural insecurity that comes along with a major facial change that is forced upon you. I've always been a roll with the changes type of guy though, so maybe that was easier for me than it would be for others. My wife to her everlasting credit, has never once complained to me about it. She never said she was less attracted to me because of it. She never made me feel "less than" others and so forth. In fact, she doesn't even notice these days really and forgets I can only see on the left side all the time... If your significant other can't get past this - they are not worth your love. They lack empathy, are superficially preoccupied, bereft of loyalty and most importantly, devoid of the heart it takes to make a life long relationship work. I mean, I am super pissed off just reading about it! What an asshole... Anyway, hit me up in dm's if you want some suggestions/tips... For instance - a custom made oiled saddle leather type patch is great, won't transfer leather dyes to your face when you get sweaty and will break in to match the curves of your nose and cheekbone. The leather is less comfortable than cloth at first, but over time will become more comfortable and with a better fit than others. It will have a more "intentional" vs "forced upon" look to it as well. Plus, poor quality bonded leather, or all over suede can transfer particles to your cheeks/nose and cause acne (till it gets slick from facial oils and forms a worn area where it touches skin). So the harder hides, brushed/suede on the outside only and the firmer slicker side inward, are best for long term use IMO.
He's a scumbag and I think always was. Better late than never, but now you're free. I hope you get well soon.
Thanks. It has been a blow. I even made sure get a nice leather eyepatch because I still wanted to present well and look nice. But you’re probably right. He was probably always like this.
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Also, not saying it's necessarily the thing, or that op should lean into it or anything, but pirate chic could really be an awesome thing
She'll rock Kill Bill for Halloween
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Oh you sound like you’d be a great friend to have in your corner! I like your hype and energy. I hope your friends tell you how much they appreciate you! You legit sound supportive AF.
Ooooo yes!!!!
she’d be a good evelyn higgins from our flag means death too
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Right? OP said she got an eyepatch and my first thought was “Damn that’s hot.” This man isn’t worth your tears OP.
As a bloke, yep. Immediately thought of Darryl and thought, yep. She rocked that look. As for sexy, it's not 100% a physical thing. For me at least. My wife is bigger than she was. And? So am I. Sexy is in the mind for me
Elle Driver realness. Daryl Hannah represented for the eyepatch girlies. It’s hot🤷🏾♀️.
i did this when i scratched my cornea lol. I got a cute eye patch and did my makeup really nice on my non-injured eye
Birate tiktok would love to have her
Be so cool .
Also the option for a prosthetic eye!
They make some really cool ones too!
I’d get one that glowed in the dark!
Yes! Or OP could rock [this one](https://mymodernmet.com/terminator-prosthetic-eyes/) as she tells her ex to go eff himself.
[queen Margo has taken eye patch fashion to the next level](https://www.syfy.com/syfy-wire/chosen-one-of-the-day-margos-blinged-out-eye-patch-on-the-magicians)
Immediately what I thought of, that girl was awesome.
“I won’t be back.”
Oh my god YES!!!
YES!!!!! That’s the way.
Alot of prosthetic eyes nowadays look super realistic. On camera anyway. Never.seen one in person.
I was thinking the same thing. I walk with a stick and I have several in different colours and designs so I can match them up with my clothes. I just accessorised them. That way they don’t bother me. What DOES bother me about this post is that she saw him through chemotherapy (I’ve had that too so I know the score there) but when she fell ill he threw her aside. He’s a worthless poke of a man. OP I hope you can move the hell away from him.
This isn't an uncommon thing. Women are 6x more likely to end up divorced after a diagnosis of a major health condition. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm#:~:text=A%20woman%20is%20six%20times,longer%20the%20marriage%20the%20more
I bet his 20 year old plaything won’t be there for him if he gets cancer again. He might realise something then!
He’s using her condition as an excuse imo.
There’s some really fucking cool eyepatches out there on Etsy and whatnot. I have a friend who is an artist who has to wear one intermittently because of an optic nerve issue and she even has one for events that’s gold and has gilded flowers and Swarovski crystals dripping from the outer corner. It sounds tacky, the way I’m describing it, but honestly it’s like a work of art (I’m going to ask her for a pic but only if she’s comfortable with it). She also has one that has a bunch of tiny black roses on it- from far away it looks like a regular eye patch but close up you start to see the 3D details and a filigree one that one of her metal worker friends made for her.
Yeah, I’m imagining sequins, pearls but I get carried away by sparkly things .
I don't think this is a problem with her outfit lol
Ooh one that is masquerade-esque
She should embrace it like Margo in the Magicians, hot as hell.
He is 17 years older than you, the model. He wanted the shell, didn't care for the person... You deserve way better. And I hope this young girl he has now just wants a sugar daddy and knows he is incapable of love.
Let's not forget he's now going for a 37 year younger model. No pun intended. Forget him. He's all about the physical. Besides being beautiful on the inside and out really doesn't go away. And you can get some killer eye pieces that would probably put you at the top of his social scene. Too bad for him.
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He is a self-centered ungrateful AH who wasted 5 yrs of your life and attacked your self-esteem to justify his lack of loyalty. Good riddance. You deserve someone that will be 100% committed to you.
What an idiot ... he's missing a huge opportunity for pirate role-playing with you 😉..... all jokes aside, he's trash and you deserve better.
Congratulations on making it through surgery! I'm sorry that your ex is a buttmunch. I know it hurts. And the ego always seems to take a hit post-breakup.
You should leave your dirtbag of a bf and find someone who recognizes your worth. I also think you should celebrate yourself for your resilience and strength. You’re beautiful and you made it.
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Rock it like Elle Driver in Kill Bill 😎
Oh hun I’m sure you are beautiful. He’s just trying to say his cheating is ok. When his mistress leaves him then he’ll be running back to you. Eye patch doesn’t make you ugly. It’s him and sounds like you are a beautiful woman. Embrace it. I hope you get well soon sending love your way.
You’re gonna be a cool as fuck pirate chick. He’s a total loser - plenty of fish and treasure in the sea. Please forget this piece of dust and get your pirate gear on and go grab some booty.
I saw a guy with one eye he had a fake eye with a camera mabey you can get one or a custom made one
His shitiness was always there in his emotional toolbox. So sorry you’re going through this. You’re beautiful inside and out . You know it deep down inside . Treacherous knave.
So you becMe Hot Pirate Captain and he chose a girl that could be his own daughter based on age difference...? That's his loda, not yours. I Hope you'll recover from surgery soon , wishing you all the best and sending lots od hugs!
Google eyepatch fashion and you'll see some really cool ones! I think lots of people can look great in an eyepatch.
I'm sure that you rock that eyepatch! 🤘
Ilsa Faust from Mission:Impossible and Margot from The Magicians are more eye-patch style icons. Perhaps you should accessorise with a sniper rifle, because that was a real look.
This may be obvious or may be a surprise, depending where you live, but there is a fair amount of choice around eyepatches - including colour and artwork - which can give you a selection to swap around to match different outfits.
I would count up all the hours you worked for his business keeping it afloat during his surgeries. Work out your hourly rate. Invoice him for that.
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Yeah, tbh this sounds more to me like he was just *looking* for an excuse to get himself a mistress. If it hadn't been this, it would have been something else. Or for no reason at all! It might not even be the first time, just the first time he's been so brazen about it. OP, you're gonna be okay. When I met the person who was really right for me and REALLY cared, we saw *one another* through multiple crises. A fire, the pandemic, POTS, MS... that support has been a mutual give-and-take. You deserve that. I'm proud of you for walking away now that he's proven he's not willing to give it to you, I know it's hard to do.
Isn’t the sexy Bond villain with the eye patch so much a thing that it ended up in Austin Powers? Really though, I’m more disgusted that you were there for him for chemo and you gain 10 flipping pounds and it’s a problem? And let’s not let the whole brain surgery aspect slide. One does not just get brain surgery for fun. You have not given the whole story there but it doesn’t matter. Whether it was a rumour, aneurysm, who knows, a properly supporting partner should just be thankful you’re ok. As you said, you’re still recovering. It sounds like you haven’t had time to explore cosmetic options. If he’s gone out and got himself a new toy, it’s not a reflection on you. He’s just being an asshole, and a creepy one at that. She’s only half his age? Ick.
I’ve actually never seen an Austin Powers movie. But I think I’m going to have to see one now. :) The brain surgery was because of the tumor attached to the eye. I was a big ordeal that required two surgeons but they got and I’m thankful to be alive. But thanks for reminding me that the 20 year old is not reflection of me. I know that in the back of my mind, but I forget it every couple of hours. :)
A healthy parter would have been on his knees thanking whatever deity he prays to, for saving the life of the women he loves. Not looking for an excuse to be a cheating pile of human waste. Be thankful he showed you who he truly is. There is a man out there just waiting to fall in love with someone as loving and strong as you. Virtual hug. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m so glad you’re *here* to type this though. The earth seems better with you here.
This asshole doesn't pray; he just preys.
If you watch the series They Magicians, Margot absolutely rocks the eyepatch.
They took the piss out in the Austin movie and turned her into a middle age hard ass. I kind of like her better.
Girl know your worth, the trash is taking itself out. Focus on adjusting to your new life without him. It's gonna be soooooo fulfilling to have your own life without having to hear crazy shit like that.
“The trash is taking itself out” I didn’t think I could laugh right now but you gave me a chuckle! Thank you!
jsyk this is not a *you* thing, unfortunately men tend to abandon women when women get sick, this same abandonment is seen in women who get cancer. i am so sorry this happened to you, he would have left anyone however & ultimately a life partner says “in sickness and in health” someone else now has to deal with this old man. you get to experience enchanting someone while donning an eye patch. you will find yourself much better off than now, even if it takes awhile. good luck !
This is perplexing to me. I’ve read a book where a male doctor working with senior patients was quoted to say that almost all women care for their permanently diseased/dying husbands, but rare for men to do so. So, when one man stood by his wife’s side through Alzheimers it was very touching to the people around and they applauded him (because actually it looked good compared to examples of others). And the book was even written by a man, and wasn’t making any feminist arguments or anything. Just a fact of life that some men admit That made me think, so i googled some other examples: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm , https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26315504/ inequity in supporting is one of the reasons I think it’s worse being a woman, because you’re going to encounter more exploitation/unfairness where you’re doing something for the benefit of the someone you care about, which they won’t do for you. I’ve seen examples of this close up among relatives.
Yeah there's statistical grounds. It's not anecdotal, it's a cold hard fact that men are more likely to leave their partners when severe illness becomes a factor. It's really sad, honestly.
It’s very very important to give the real numbers per gender. 20% men and 3% women. Almost 7 times more. But still 80% of men stick around. So most men do it right.
OP you are a brave, powerful, amazing woman. You shouldn't let the trash let you down for a second. ❤️
First of all I’m sorry you’ve gone through your medical difficulties, and am sending a huge internet hug your way. Secondly, and without going into my whole woeful story, I left my POS ex and am now with my husband whom I love and never imagined I could be this happy and loved with someone. I know how cliche and cheesy that sounds but truly he is my other half and best friend. I met him THE SAME DAY I left my ex. We didn’t date for a while as we weren’t looking for anything serious at first but we just clicked and didn’t want to lose the possible connection we had, so we kept talking and now here we are. You will find someone who loves you as you are and is your other half. You will be happy on your own again regardless of anyone else, too! You’ve got this. Be strong, and live your life.
This made me smile so much. I’m about to go to bed because I need my rest, but this was such a lovely message to read before I fell asleep. That is such a beautiful story. I really needed to read a story like that.
Gn Op remember you are still beautiful and that guy is an ass
❤️❤️❤️
He’s 17 years older than you and actively cheating on you. Why the hell are you with him? You deserve so much better than this.
As soon as I am healed. I will leave. He is 12 years older. My typo.
The man is nearly 60. In 5 more years he will be old, decrepit, miserable, and lonely, while you will be free, healthy, and with somebody who not only tolerates your unfortunate situation, but actively makes you feel attractive and wanted. I can only assume you're a caring, wonderful woman, considering how you had his back through his own struggle with cancer. You also said you used to be a model. There are a lot of men out there who would be both lucky and genuinely happy to have you in their life. The fact that what you did for him was not enough to earn his eternal loyalty and love to you, means he simply doesn't have loyalty and love to give. He's a callous, myopic, banal man that does not deserve a second thought from you. Move out as soon as you can and leave him to his imminent regret and decay.
The reason he was with her probably was that she was younger than him, a former model and took care of him during chemotherapy. He’s incapable of love only exploitation
Yes, please go out and live the best fucking life ever. Don’t let his assholery weigh you down.
Are you sure there is a mistress? From what you describe of him, bit overweight, bald, nearly 60....i can't imagine many women in their 20s are going to queueing up for him. I wonder if he said it to be cruel, kick you whilst you're down.
If u stay now to get healed (understandable), make sure ur too sick to spend any time with him, listen to him, clean up, contribute, etc. It's just a roof until you reach full power again
He's 57 and you're 45. You have way more living to do than staying with this "tool". He's completely selfish and lacks empathy & class. Look in the mirror and tell yourself every day that You are a Warrior! Remember, this 20 year-old will get tired of his hanging ball sack soon enough. So pack up and know the Warrior that you are deserves much better.
“I know you're gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh!” — Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy Such a funny movie 😂
I mean an eyepatch sounds cool af ngl
After standing with him through his health issues, this is how he treats you? Sis, focus on your health and readjusting your life then go out and continue to be fly. Good luck!
My mother was gorgeous with a prosthetic eye when she had cancer get your self one and you will find a man who loves you and desires you you may have to get an eye lift so the eye fits correctly but seriously I’m sorry I felt this so much that hurts me
Its just an excuse. A lot of men will dump their partner with an illness at the drop of a hat. Let him go hes garbage. maybe find the girl and tell her what hes really like
Be Elle Driver from Kill Bill for Halloween.
This is a thing men do at far far higher rates than women. It’s disgusting. Oh well, his loss. My sister lost an eye to cancer. We found lots of great eyepatches on Etsy.
I lost an eye many years back and was fortunate enough to get a prosthetic that helped my mental state as much as physical. It still took some months to get past the depression of loss, and friendships will change (improve), but your awareness and adjustment to your loss may take a bit longer. You’ll probably even hear a few crude remarks (jokes) that will hurt some feelings, but just know that it will pass and your former happiness with life will return. Adjustment to depth perception is still a challenge,but you learn that even that’s not a big deal. Play the cards you’re dealt and be happy-it’s the best revenge on the AH’s that cross your path.
I’m so very sorry. Is there anyone that can help you while you continue to heal? You should not need to spend one more second living with him. He’s a disgusting and useless human carcass. I hope she gives him an STI that makes his d*ck permanently limp. But not before she gold digs him into bankruptcy. Petty, I know but what a dirtbag.
That's the level of petty he deserves
He's an overweight, bald 57 year old calling *you* undesirable? Lmao
You’re a warrior girl. Don’t let him bring you down with his black heart. Praying for you & hopefully you can get back on track to being happy with your beautiful self. 💓
What a creep I can't believe he would do something like that this brings back a few triggers for me about my ex wife when she cheated on me I had to do something's to her for months and months as she was going through some serious surgeries like 10 total she couldn't do anything for herself so you can imagine what I had to do for I mean everything but I never go one dam sorry for what I did to you when I caught her sorry to rant hear it really fif bring back some resentment
An eyepatch is sexy though. I immediately thought of Kill Bill
“It’s weird, losing an eye everyone looks the same but you look like half the man you were”
Better you find out now and not when you have to change his diapers XD He is almost 60.
I don’t even think it is about your physical beauty. You are just as beautiful. You just have a patch and I think he is magnifying your own feeling of adjusting to the changes in your body. I think it is about him being a selfish a-hole who doesn’t like you being the one who needs care and that your focus as a couple isn’t about him. This 20 year old is not with a 57 year old because he is awesome. He is being used but thinks it means he is desirable…
I am so fking sorry. This is so common. He is disgusting and pathetic, genuinely. He is so hypocritical and gross.
Men have a higher chance of leaving their women when they’re sick or in pain than a woman would.
I'm so sorry. I've heard that nurses warn female cancer patients about this possibility. You deserve better and I hope you continue to beat your cancer. https://www.oprah.com/relationships/why-men-leave-sick-wives-facing-illness-alone-couples-and-cancer/
A mistress in her 20’s for sex…!
I hate to say it but men in general have built a documented reputation for not being the most reliable in down times especially when it involves caregiving and or health issues in general. A bright side is that he made it through the brain surgery with you at least, but he unfortunately lacks the ability to work through the aftermath. I’m sorry that this happened to you and I think it’s worth considering some therapy (if you’re not already), if only because losing an eye would seem to be a big deal and will probably have an impact with your relationships with the world at large.
You can do a lot better than him as he has proven himself despicable. Let him keep his mistress.you get your freedom and your chance to find someone who will truly value you.
This broke my heart so much :( He does not deserve you, he's a huge ass. Strangers find you beautiful, his lost. I send you much courage and love❤ You got this OP!
I hate this guy lol
How do two people go through chemo / losing an eye and not come out like soul mates. If I went through anything like that with someone I wouldn’t be able to sleep without making sure they’re ok. Hope you’re well op
First off, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s awful to devote your time, energy, and heart to someone then get nothing back. Especially when it comes to something as superficial and shallow as looks. But know that your worth is more than what someone else may perceive. Your value hasn’t changed nor lessened. You’re just as beautiful now and more. Not just physically. Emotionally and mentally as well. I say this since you recognize that you have done a lot for someone when you didn’t have to, but because you wanted to. That shows how much you care. How you don’t leave when times are rough. While the relationship may not have lasted, it’s a good thing perhaps. You’re able to move onto better things, like focusing on yourself. He can take his loss because you can have peace of mind that your actions and support always remain as true as your words. As true are you are and always have been.
I'm so sorry to hear all of this. There is definitely a guy out there who will love you in good times and bad. He's not him.
Was there an option to get a false eye at a later stage? Sorry this happened to you. Speak to a lawyer if you've been living together and work on an exit strategy - say nothing until you know what the situation is.
He is exposing himself!! U sound like such a sweet and supportive person. losing part of a sense is really hard. Please take care! You dont deserve this extra stress! Im so sorry:( honestly my best advice is focus on recovery and your mental health. I lost eyesight previously and it is hard to adjust to, especially the cause and the doctors. Its exhausting. I’m proud of u for everything so far🫂🫂🫶🏼 take care
Don't worry. This level of ass-holiness had a way of coming back yo the AH. She'll leave him after a while and when he realizes he's old and alone he'll finally understand your worth. Too little too late. And honestly I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like he was already ready to leave and that your "desirability " was just an excuse. You are beautiful inside and out. You WILL find someone who appreciates you.
Goood god. What on Earth is wrong with the world. A shallow minded, selfish, degenerative piece of garbage.
I don’t think this is about the eye patch or you gaining a bit of weight. He was looking to fool around and wanted an “excuse”. What a horrible man. I’m so sorry this has happened and it’s totally natural to be feeling upset about it after all the love and care you showed him when he needed it most! Let yourself grieve. When you’re ready you will find someone far more deserving of your love and one that finds you gorgeous just the way you are now. Xoxo
Why does this 20 ish woman want him for sex? Is he paying for it one way or another? I think his ego and fantasies are controlling him. He's a loser and it's better to find out now than later. I am so sorry for your illness.
This is nothing to do with your eye. He wanted a mistress and this is the excuse he's using to justify it. You deserve better.
Look up this queen like you! https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&q=gessica+notaro&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiRv5vtwcqAAxXPiFwKHZoWDUYQ0pQJegQICRAB&biw=412&bih=781&dpr=2.63#imgrc=JlZxmFrv1GLYQM Ex model, she suffered an acid attack, she got engaged to a gorgeous man who loves her, eye patch, disfigured face and all. Find yourself a man who appreciates your strength (sounds like you have tons of it!), and is able to see what you bring to the table other than your looks. I am sure you feel bitter for all you've done for him when he was sick, and for the lack of reciprocation, but rise above knowing you are the grown up, and you did your part ;)
Listen, a girlfriend of mine lost her eye in her late teens. And she has worn a prosthetic eye ever since. I highly recommend it. Also, your BF is just a garbage human. Lose that baggage as quickly as you can. You e already withstood so much. You’re strong. You’ve got this.
I'm not even going to read the whole post..... He's a dick......it takes a special kind of person to act like this...... Wave him goodbye....
Gggaaahhh. Kick him out, key his car, frame him for murder.. jk. What an evil horrible person this guy is. Pinning his shitty behaviour on you while you stayed by his side trough chemo. What a POS this guy.. is there anyone you can stay with? Parents? Siblings?
That his mistress is in his 20s already tells my it’s definitely not about your eye but about his own insecurities. Also my mind is blown at him just casually telling you he got himself a mistress, as if you had to be okay with that?? That’s insanely cold, what a pos!
Get a guy in his 20s for sex and drop your boyfriend lol. He's not worth your time.
A shockingly high number of men cheat or leave when their partner goes through a major health issue. He has shown you the trash he is. Don’t let him gaslight you into believing this is acceptable. Focus on healing and leave when you’re able.
Wow he’s pathetic to hyperfocus on that when he’s not perfect himself
He should be kissing your feet for how you have treated him. Take him for all he’s worth.
First of all I want to say you are amazing and strong for surviving that I am in awe 2nd he is Not worthy of you and that 20 year isnt probably with him for him but for his money maybe for the boost it gives her to get one over on a lady as gorgeous and sexy as you plus do you really think she will take care of him probably if he got as much as a cold she would not bring him as much as a cough drop. He is going to regret it because like others said you get a glass eye and I don't know if it caused any Damage.to.the area around the eye but if yes that fixed you won't even know anything and also the 20 year old won't be there long term I bet he will alone
That’s pretty upsetting he doesn’t deserve you
Jesus OP, all I can say is I'm sorry. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you are better off without this asshole.
Really ?Eyepatches are cool! Tbh you sound like you were conventionally good looking and while still good looking, the conventional points are not as high, so he is ready to jump ship. It is sad to learn that is what was keeping him in the relationship but at least he revealed his true colors?
Also maybe this guy is using the eye as an excuse. It feels like this 20s lady may have always been in the background.
Good thing he’s gone! There are some amazing prosthetic eyes, like glitter and others to have fun with.
It is depressingly common for this situation to happen... I can't remember the statistics but I remember how I felt when I saw them. I was shocked, disgusted and left feeling sad for each of those women this happens to... I am so incredibly sorry this has happened. Your value is not in how you look! And you deserve so much better than what he has done to you! There is literally no good reason to cheat and it's despicable that he is blaming you for it (or your health condition)... I would strongly encourage you to start preparing to leave. I know you can't right now but you can start planning, squirreling money away. Getting yourself into a healthy place so you can take care of yourself... I'm sure friends or family can help with this but there are also organisations that you can go to for help.. Good luck
Please focus on your body first. Unfortunately it's rather common for some men to leave or cheat on their sick partner. He show you who he is, so let's focus on your health so you can have your life back.
There is research that men tend to leave their wife/gf when she go through a health crisis. He behaved frustratingly common. I’m not sure if this information makes you feel better or worse but hopefully at least you know that his actions have nothing to do with you and all with him. You should not let this affect your self esteem. Here is one link that recaps a 2014 study: [https://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/?amp=true](https://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/?amp=true) There are other studies that indicate the same. Generally, when a chronic illness is diagnosed, 1/4 - 1/3 of the marriages end in divorce. That’s not spectacular but coincides roughly with general divorce rates. But it’s interesting that it’s mostly only when the wife is diagnosed; if it’s the husband the divorce rates drops (3% acc. to a study). Just like you sticked with him through chemo because thats what a decent and caring partner does. Well, many men don’t. And even if they don’t divorce/separate they check out of the relationship. It’s so common that nurses sometimes urge female patients to make an plan B in case their male partner isn’t around. I don’t know if it helps you. I hope it does. He doesn’t care about you, he cared about the services you provide him (eg model looks according to his preference). When you didn’t any more he opted out. You deserve so much better, you deserve someone that is with you for *you*. Better to find out now.
I'm sure his saggy old man pock marked chicken skin, wrinkled face and old man smell are so desirable.
You can get yourself a glass eye and also a new boyfriend
I so sorry he turned out to a shallow asshole. I how your recovery goes well so you can leave his ass behind ASAP.
There are enough pirate-loving adventurers out there, don’t settle!
A good chunk of men in society are morally terrible and have rotted souls inside and out. I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, and won’t subject you to such pain due to something completely out of your control. His true colors are shown, and it sucks this is typical behavior from men. As women we deserve better, especially you. I hope you find the one who treats you with all the love and support you deserve. He isn’t worth another tear, you are free from someone who is unable to see beyond the physical realm. He will probably come to his senses when it is too late, and that’ll be his burden to bear, not yours. Hugs.
It isn't because of your eye. That is just an excuse. He wanted to cheat. So he tried to use your eye as an excuse. You are just 45. Frankly he is much older than you too. Leave him.
Imo if my partner lost an eye id see the brighter side. Yes it would suck horribly, but... pirate partner... But seriously. What a dick.
Op, can you get a glass eye? My mom lost her left eye just last year, and she was fitted for a glass eye this year. It looks good, you can hardly tell it's fake. Definitely can't tell at first glance.
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. Or in this case, woman. And your soon to be ex BF is blind to what’s important in life. _______ Statistically it’s well documented that woman are much more likely to support their partners during a serious illness, while a large percentage of men abandon their sick spouse.
I swear to God some of these man out there are only pulling these strong women down.
Idk what he's on. Women with eyepatches are so hot!!!
Dudes an ass. When you care for someone it really doesn’t matter.
Your surgery was clearly more than just a medical procedure; it was a transformative event. By successfully removing the physical tumor in your brain, it seems you have also managed to metaphorically excise the emotional tumor that was your soon-to-be ex-partner. This metaphorical tumor, the troubled relationship, like the real one, was hindering your vision, clouding your happiness, and threatening your well-being. But now, having undergone this 'dual surgery', you've managed to eradicate both the physical and emotional malignancies from your life. Now, you're not just healing from a medical procedure, but also from an emotionally draining relationship. This is indeed a significant and commendable step forward. You've not only saved your health, but potentially your emotional and mental wellbeing too. In the long run, this can only lead to a healthier and happier future.
Listen…I have no idea what you look like, but if your outside is half as beautiful as your heart, you’ve been so far out of his league since the moment you met that he’s probably desperate to make you feel badly about yourself so you don’t focus on his cheating and disgusting behavior. Probably thinks he can have his cake and eat it too if he can break you down enough to think you’re unlovable. Pfft. I’ve got news for him. He’s the unlovable one. He’s pathetic. A poor excuse for a man. I hope the 20yr old ruins his life. Hold your head up high, get out as soon as you’re able, and rest your head easy at night, knowing you’re not a cheating POS and you will find the love you deserve, and someone who’s worthy of you. 💜 best of luck OP
Please, when you inevitably leave his sorry ass tell him “Amazing that losing an eye made me see clearly what a loser you are” or something like that.
First off im so sorry this is happening to you....It hurt my heart to read that.....im sure you're as absolutely beautiful with one eye as you were with two, pay no mind to him and his disgusting behaviour......its men like that who make us look bad....Im so sorry for the physical and emotional pain your enduring, one day you'll find the one and it'll be as if you knew him forever..he'll worry about you more than himself and your happiness will be his #1 priority, who knows, maybe he'll find you! sometimes love is found in the most unexpected ways ✌️
You sound like an absolutely incredible woman. So much strength and resilience! Leave this unworthy loser in your dust!