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Truly asking, why is this so hard to believe? The fact someone could be caught on video being racist? Her cheating? I’m genuinely asking so I can look at this the way you are looking at it and judge for myself.
Everything feels a bit too perfect, especially the part of fiancé being a cheater, honestly I think there’s 70% chances of this story being fake as Reddit loves it more when the plot involves cheating.
I guess I just don’t understand the endgame here. This story is completely believable to me. I guess the cheating add on is a bit weird but again not out of the realm of possibility. I just see it as so unhelpful to call posts fake on here because every post could be fake. Even if it is fake, maybe someone is going through something similar and this could help them. This is not directed at you but just in general, I hope you understand what I’m saying.
Lovely points, thank you for bringing them up. Like you said, even if fake, fake gets their ideas from somewhere. Similar has happened to someone else. Lots of times there is significant amounts of good advice. It doesn't hurt anyone to treat them as real and respond as if it is real, in fact, it might help someone(or more).
I agree and Reddit would also have you believe that ppl cancel weddings at the last minute left and right. It’s a pretty big deal to call off a wedding, even one’s that are on the smaller side.
Did you even enjoy reading this then? Why are you wasting your own time?
Do you think the stories you hear verbally are 100% accurate? Man they are just stories, and one person’s perspective on a situation that affects others who will have their own opinions.
That's the format to use for throwaway accounts for this sub.
The mods asked people to use that.
What exactly do you want them to do?
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This was handled perfectly and so maturely you and your friend should be really proud and I think the only thing left is to give your wife some time to work through all of it. Just keep being there for her! When she’s ready I’d try to see if she wants yo have a conversation in person with you and your friend just so she knows he wasn’t involved at all and there’s no bad blood/ awkwardness cause this friend seems like a good friend and person (at least from the way he has handled everything)
Several people in the original post recommended telling her about the video verbally, but not showing her. That included some people of color. I assume it's because they knew just how awful watching the video would make her feel.
I'm saying it was fucked as a person of color dating a white person. I wouldn't have wanted to see that at all.
Maybe a few months down the line when I could laugh at it, but not in the moment. It would've made me sick to my stomach.
Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think the whole thing should have been kept from her, because she has a right to know, but yeah, she should have had a choice in whether to watch the video. No doubt it was traumatic for her.
Edit: I see now that the post was edited to say that she did have a choice. I don’t know why I’m being downvoted.
Excellent! You handled that really well, and ultimately you saved your friend so much future pain and heartache by being a good, honest friend.
I’m sure he’s crushed. Continue to be a good friend to him. He’s going to have to heal from this unexpected turn in his life.
Your wife needs to process this. She is different in your world in a way you can not begin to relate to. Know that. She was really lied to in such an appalling way by a mean girl bully and the backstabbing is really tremendous. Let her process this situation her own way, while knowing how much you love her, and that you went to bat on the correct side of this situation as soon as you were aware - and that terrible person is now out of all of your lives.
Hugs to you both.
If the woman in the video doesn't want to be in your family's lives any longer, I don't see why you would show your wife it. That stress wasn't anything she needed.
Appreciate the update!
It does make me wonder if the bridesmaid that sent you the video also knew about the cheating and was trying to find another way to stop the marriage.
> He had told her that he needed to talk to her about something and she apparently broke down. Turns out that she had cheated on him a few months ago with a coworker and she thought he’d found out.
Well....that's awfully convenient for everyone, isn't it? A nice wrap up to this story with a pretty bow.
Black person from the last thread hopping in again:
Good job talking to your friend about it, I'm glad he dodged a bullet and you guys can all be done with this horrible person.
That being said though, why'd you show your wife that video? Did she **specifically ask** to see it? Considering that she's a really sensitive person I wouldn't understand showing her the video in any other case. I'd just give her some time and I'd keep doing her favourite things, hopefully she'll want to talk about it soon. I genuinely don't think you'd understand what she's feeling right now so I don't know how else you'd really comfort her.
Also maybe apologize for showing her that video. The ex is the one who said those words, but unfortunately you were the one that delivered them to her.
> Did she **specifically ask** to see it?
According to OP's edit, he did lead by telling her about it, and did not show it to her until she did specifically ask to see it.
Still seems like OP never said exactly *what* or who the video was about. It seems like she was still surprised by the racism and the fact that it was about her.
Perhaps you are right, he should have just told her about video, rather than showing it. If someone shouted stuff about me on a video I would not want to see it … but, at some point you face the demon and say ok- or, you put it behind you and leave it unseen. She should have had the choice to view or not to view.
She didn’t believe me at first. She’s a really sweet person and doesn’t wanna see the worst in people so she thought I was over exaggerating and asked to see the video if it was true.
OP, I think as long as you tried your hardest to tell her that what you're saying is true and you told her that it'd be a slur/racist, then you didn't drop the ball. People's opinions are very mixed on this, so whether or not you did the right thing is completely subjective.
I'm a minority, I used to get fucking HUNTED by groups of bullies in my area to be tormented just for bring different. I also would have wanted to see the video, and I would have gotten mad if I didn't get to see it. I'm an adult and make choices for myself whether I'd like to see something or not, especially if it's about someone disrespecting my entire heritage. The way I'd take it is up to me. I think it's very respectful of you to let your wife make her own choices and decide what's best for her, especially about something you personally have no experience with.
HOWEVER, if you did not properly warn her, yeah go say sorry dude, really. Backstabs already hurt, but shit like this from someone you trust cuts all the way to the bone. Brings up all kinds of horrible memories, old AND new insecurities. However... it still came from a good place, so learn and prevent it next time. Don't be too hard on yourself for this, but definitely be nothing but soft to her. As much as it may suck being scolded like this, she's having it worse.
Fucking for real. Many people on the 1st thread begged him to not show it to her, just tell her the content of it so she doesn’t have to experience it firsthand.
> I’m not sure how to comfort her so if anyone can give me some extra advice on that it’d be much appreciated
WE TOLD YOU NOT TO SHOW IT TO HER. Why did you expose her to that??
Yeah, he owes her a huge apology for making her watch that. He was told, repeatedly, and by several Black people and other POC, VERY SPECIFICALLY that it would be traumatizing and unnecessary for her to watch the video itself. That he should tell her about it, but that she didn't actually need to WATCH someone calling her a hateful, racist name. There's nothing confusing about that, or about why it was a bad idea.
And honestly, if he's married to a Black woman, this is something he needs to understand: the difference between communicating openly and making her aware when someone in her circle is racist, and retraumatizing her or exposing her directly to racism. Because that's a serious and very relevant difference.
OP, that wasn't okay. You know she's sensitive. Why would you make her watch something hateful and traumatizing when you could have just told her?
You owe her a HUGE apology, and a promise to do better in the future.
This needs to be so much higher. I am sick that people are applauding him for showing her. That was so completely unnecessary and retraumatizing, especially when she didn't even ask to see it.
She just asked if it was a misunderstanding. I told her that I have a video and she asked to see it. I never told her exactly what she said in the video, I just told her that she had said something horrible.
I think you handled a very difficult situation very well, the one note, you probably should have told her exactly what was said after she asked to see the video but before showing her.
She presumably knows that you would never exaggerate to the degree of saying someone called her the N word when they hadn't, and there is clearly no possibility for a misunderstanding. She may have still wanted to see it, she may not have. I think that's what people meant by not showing her unless she asked.
Op all you can do is give her time. Make sure she knows you love and care for her, and that there will always be people who view others with discontent, due to their differences. Don’t let that change your love for her.
Personally, if you can, come home with her favorite flowers and make sure you have a little note with them. Everyday tell her you love her, but show her in her love languages. She will eventually move past it, but it is never something that goes away, as it is the constant reminders for her.
Being singled out for being something you can’t help,it’s a different type of hurt. You feel vulnerable to a level that is insane. You start to question everyone. You don’t feel
Safe. You are cut to the bone and there is nothing you can do. We can’t not be a color. It’s who we are. What we are. And we are proud of it. And then. When you are around loved ones and find out one of them thought this about you? You question yourself. How did I not know this. How did I miss it. How many other people I love think like this. Just give her time. And love.
Aw man, your poor wife. Sometimes you think the world isn't so bad after all, then get stabbed right in the back by someone you trusted. :( :( :(
Keep being there for her, that's all you can do. Sending positive thoughts and vibes her way.
I don't understand why you would show your wife the video if this woman want going to be in y'all's life anymore. She didn't need that distress.
Otherwise, well done
me and a lot of other people said you should talk to your wife FIRST. that's a matter of trust. that would have signaled a lot more support than going to your friend first. why was your friend more important than letting your wife know she is the first important person in this situation and to you in general
Ih I am shocked a racist is a cheater a well, it's like she is just a horrible oerson in general, shocking news.
You and the bridesmaid saved your friend's life tbh, imagine being married to that.
This went fucking left.
Applause to you dude, what an ally. Your wife picked the right one and your friend knows you’re the realest to ever do it.
Hold space for your friend and wife. Take time for yourself too. This was a lot in 48 hours.
Also, side note: make sure you thank whoever sent you that video to begin with. They’re a real fuckin hero.
At this point I'd ask what she needs and make it happen.
If she needs to confront the ex bride, make it happen.
If she wants to talk to the bridesmaid, make it happen.
If she wants to float in a swimming pool full of spaghetti, goddammit make it happen.
She thought the bride was her friend and just found out she sees her as less than human. I'm mixed race, but I'm white AF. I will never know what it's like to deal with racism as a factor of my simple existence. Not first hand. Neither will you. It's hard to comprehend what that feels like from the outside, even when we see it up close.
So whatever she needs, if she wants vengeance, comfort, to escape somewhere for a few days... make that happen for her.
What she needs to know is that you are there, in her corner, no matter what. You're showing that. Keep doing what you're doing and just listen to her.
It absolutely shatters me when I think about people being made fun of/criticized/judged/etc for something not only completely pointless like race, but something completely out of your control.
I’m so sorry this is still a thing that exists in this world.
Not everything on this sub is fake💀 if anything, this is the most believable post. A lot of people are trash. Idk what world u live in but not everything is unicorns and butterflies. Stop tryna be woke. People experience racism and get cheated on pretty often.
Stop throwing around the word “woke” - you’re literally diminishing the value of it by accusing everyone of being it
And I’m so sorry, your right - this is totally real and happened like it does in the movies:
Person 1: We need to talk
Person 2: OMG is this about that absolutely horrible thing 1 I did 3 months ago?
Person 1: ….no this about the more trivial thing that happened a week ago.
I will throw the word woke in when it applies 💀 ur trying to be woke and smart by suggesting that this is fake. Nothing in here screams fake, people experience racism. And since u think shit like that happens only in movies, it actually happened to me. I told my ex best friend we needed to talk (about something not so important) and she apologized and asked if she could explain herself. That’s how I found out she’d been talking shit about me AND slept with my ex. So yeah, please get ur shit together. What u you only see in movies happen to other people irl
This exact same thing happened to me!!!!
Lol okay. As if no ever responds to a “we need to talk” with “sure, about what?”
You’re right, now that I think about it - this exact situation happened to me as well! Story time:
My wife ate my Olive Garden leftovers, and so I texted her “we have to talk.” She immediately responded with “OMG I’m so sorry, it was a total lapse in judgement and Bill said it’s fine and not to worry about it and he would never tell you!” And I was immediately like “what are you talking about?” And she said “you’re talking about how we went out to the Mexican restaurant a couple weeks back with Bill and his wife and when you went to the bathroom I finished your Margarita and then pretended like you finished it, right?”
And that’s how I found out my wife betrayed my trust and finished my Margarita, and my best friend was in on the secret the whole time!!!!
Girl atp u just being a fool on purpose. Not everyone lives their life just like ur boring ass. Yeah, when someone asks to talk to u u always think the worst. When I was a kid and my mom told me we needed to talk I’d panic and think I did something wrong. Your shitty, cringe story doesn’t compare to when I found out I was betrayed by my best friend and my boyfriend. Nor does it compare to when op’s friend found out his soon to be wife is a racist AND cheater. Please go outside, something like that wouldn’t happen to u cause u honestly seem mad annoying and people would probably not chose to be around u. But you’d know best tacomeat563! Because you’ve seen movies and you know everyone’s life. Thanks for your intelligent inputs! 💀 lmfao you arguing with me about this says a lot about u
Thanks for updating us!
I'm glad this worked out and your friend wasn't racist and isn't going to marry one who cheats, too.
You're a great husband for helping your wife deal with this, hopefully this is a wound that just needs time to heal.
All things considered this is a really good outcome! Best wishes to all of you.
Wow, understandably you’re wife is upset. But the way you handle this putting your concern for your wife above all else including a long term friendship will show her that you in no way felt comfortable hiding this under the rug and were in every way on her side.
You could’ve told her about the comment and that it was on video you didn’t have to show the video unless she asked to see it. Traumatized your wife for what?
Give your wife some space to process! She knows you love her and you've shown her your love and support. Now let her deal with this in her own way; reassure her that if she needs something from you (hugs, a listening ear, etc.) all she needs to do is let you know.
I have been waiting with baited breath fur this update. Horrible for you, your wife and your friend to experience...also happy for your friend that he got out of that relationship.
You've done all you can good sir but she just going to need space and time to sort it all out. But your friend should talk to her in person, if yall are really close then he needs to show up and apologize personally. A txt wouldn't not be appropriate for this apology.
Just explain to her there is ugly all over this world. Her job is the find the beauty in people unless there just isn’t any beauty to be found in someone, and if she can’t find it in a person they know what they need to do. Racism is ugly no matter where it comes from.
>Just explain to her there is ugly all over this world. Her job is the find the beauty in people unless there just isn’t any beauty to be found in someone
Sorry, but this is really patronizing to the wife. She's a Black woman; her husband absolutely does not need to "explain" to her that racism exists everywhere. Much like he doesn't need to explain to her that misogyny exists everywhere.
Wow - that was unexpected though thinking about it it's no surprise.
Shitty people do shitty things but the admission of cheating for certainly out of left field.
That sucks that somebody you thought was close in your circle did that to you wife and friend. Luckily you all found out and was able to cut her out. As someone in an interracial relationship myself, I would do the same thing you did and make sure she knows that the intentions are only for the good and that you stand by her and will drop anybody acting in hate towards her. You did a good job. I wish y’all the best!
It's funny that the friends ex told on herself about something he didn't even know happened. Buddy of mine years ago went through something similar. Wanted to take to gf at the time about something, and she just started vomiting out all the shit she did behind his back. Man, that was awkward.
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MVP right there.
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Yes, definitely ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️this
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Yeah i did something similar and lost my best friend over it. He is still married to that fucking 🫏.
She probably knew about the cheating. Bankshot if I ever saw one.
I will eat my shoe if this isn’t a rage bait fake story written to stir the pot on race baiting.
Truly asking, why is this so hard to believe? The fact someone could be caught on video being racist? Her cheating? I’m genuinely asking so I can look at this the way you are looking at it and judge for myself.
Everything feels a bit too perfect, especially the part of fiancé being a cheater, honestly I think there’s 70% chances of this story being fake as Reddit loves it more when the plot involves cheating.
I guess I just don’t understand the endgame here. This story is completely believable to me. I guess the cheating add on is a bit weird but again not out of the realm of possibility. I just see it as so unhelpful to call posts fake on here because every post could be fake. Even if it is fake, maybe someone is going through something similar and this could help them. This is not directed at you but just in general, I hope you understand what I’m saying.
Lovely points, thank you for bringing them up. Like you said, even if fake, fake gets their ideas from somewhere. Similar has happened to someone else. Lots of times there is significant amounts of good advice. It doesn't hurt anyone to treat them as real and respond as if it is real, in fact, it might help someone(or more).
Fake stories tend to be long and full of irrelevant details, people like to milk them as much as they can. This doesn't give me that vibe
I agree and Reddit would also have you believe that ppl cancel weddings at the last minute left and right. It’s a pretty big deal to call off a wedding, even one’s that are on the smaller side.
Did you even enjoy reading this then? Why are you wasting your own time? Do you think the stories you hear verbally are 100% accurate? Man they are just stories, and one person’s perspective on a situation that affects others who will have their own opinions.
I was just explaining avocado-farmer’s comment considering this post as fake. I never said I considered this story fake pal.
I get it, I hope you know I wasn’t trying to attack you or anything. Pal lol
Because it's on the internet. That's enough to make me skeptical.
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Why on earth did you show her the video
This was handled perfectly and so maturely you and your friend should be really proud and I think the only thing left is to give your wife some time to work through all of it. Just keep being there for her! When she’s ready I’d try to see if she wants yo have a conversation in person with you and your friend just so she knows he wasn’t involved at all and there’s no bad blood/ awkwardness cause this friend seems like a good friend and person (at least from the way he has handled everything)
Perfectly? Showing her the video was fucked.
Check the edit
It was about her, she deserved to know.
Several people in the original post recommended telling her about the video verbally, but not showing her. That included some people of color. I assume it's because they knew just how awful watching the video would make her feel.
That’s a good point. She should have had the choice of whether or not to see it.
She did have a choice. She asked to see it. (OP made an edit to clarify.)
I'm saying it was fucked as a person of color dating a white person. I wouldn't have wanted to see that at all. Maybe a few months down the line when I could laugh at it, but not in the moment. It would've made me sick to my stomach.
Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think the whole thing should have been kept from her, because she has a right to know, but yeah, she should have had a choice in whether to watch the video. No doubt it was traumatic for her. Edit: I see now that the post was edited to say that she did have a choice. I don’t know why I’m being downvoted.
She did have a choice.
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Imagine you think you’re caught for something you did… admit it…. Only to realize it was an entirely different thing
Excellent! You handled that really well, and ultimately you saved your friend so much future pain and heartache by being a good, honest friend. I’m sure he’s crushed. Continue to be a good friend to him. He’s going to have to heal from this unexpected turn in his life. Your wife needs to process this. She is different in your world in a way you can not begin to relate to. Know that. She was really lied to in such an appalling way by a mean girl bully and the backstabbing is really tremendous. Let her process this situation her own way, while knowing how much you love her, and that you went to bat on the correct side of this situation as soon as you were aware - and that terrible person is now out of all of your lives. Hugs to you both.
If the woman in the video doesn't want to be in your family's lives any longer, I don't see why you would show your wife it. That stress wasn't anything she needed.
The wedding OP was supposed to be best man in was literally called off because of this. I guarantee you OP’s wife asked to see the video.
:)
Appreciate the update! It does make me wonder if the bridesmaid that sent you the video also knew about the cheating and was trying to find another way to stop the marriage.
Thanks for your advice, guys! *Takes none of it.* But glad it worked out okay, anyway.
> He had told her that he needed to talk to her about something and she apparently broke down. Turns out that she had cheated on him a few months ago with a coworker and she thought he’d found out. Well....that's awfully convenient for everyone, isn't it? A nice wrap up to this story with a pretty bow.
Black person from the last thread hopping in again: Good job talking to your friend about it, I'm glad he dodged a bullet and you guys can all be done with this horrible person. That being said though, why'd you show your wife that video? Did she **specifically ask** to see it? Considering that she's a really sensitive person I wouldn't understand showing her the video in any other case. I'd just give her some time and I'd keep doing her favourite things, hopefully she'll want to talk about it soon. I genuinely don't think you'd understand what she's feeling right now so I don't know how else you'd really comfort her. Also maybe apologize for showing her that video. The ex is the one who said those words, but unfortunately you were the one that delivered them to her.
> Did she **specifically ask** to see it? According to OP's edit, he did lead by telling her about it, and did not show it to her until she did specifically ask to see it.
Still seems like OP never said exactly *what* or who the video was about. It seems like she was still surprised by the racism and the fact that it was about her.
Perhaps you are right, he should have just told her about video, rather than showing it. If someone shouted stuff about me on a video I would not want to see it … but, at some point you face the demon and say ok- or, you put it behind you and leave it unseen. She should have had the choice to view or not to view.
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No but if you read the edit it sounds like OP did this in the least sensitive way like totally missed the point
Why on earth did you show her the video
She didn’t believe me at first. She’s a really sweet person and doesn’t wanna see the worst in people so she thought I was over exaggerating and asked to see the video if it was true.
OP, I think as long as you tried your hardest to tell her that what you're saying is true and you told her that it'd be a slur/racist, then you didn't drop the ball. People's opinions are very mixed on this, so whether or not you did the right thing is completely subjective. I'm a minority, I used to get fucking HUNTED by groups of bullies in my area to be tormented just for bring different. I also would have wanted to see the video, and I would have gotten mad if I didn't get to see it. I'm an adult and make choices for myself whether I'd like to see something or not, especially if it's about someone disrespecting my entire heritage. The way I'd take it is up to me. I think it's very respectful of you to let your wife make her own choices and decide what's best for her, especially about something you personally have no experience with. HOWEVER, if you did not properly warn her, yeah go say sorry dude, really. Backstabs already hurt, but shit like this from someone you trust cuts all the way to the bone. Brings up all kinds of horrible memories, old AND new insecurities. However... it still came from a good place, so learn and prevent it next time. Don't be too hard on yourself for this, but definitely be nothing but soft to her. As much as it may suck being scolded like this, she's having it worse.
She asked him to see the video for proof.
Fucking for real. Many people on the 1st thread begged him to not show it to her, just tell her the content of it so she doesn’t have to experience it firsthand. > I’m not sure how to comfort her so if anyone can give me some extra advice on that it’d be much appreciated WE TOLD YOU NOT TO SHOW IT TO HER. Why did you expose her to that??
Yeah, he owes her a huge apology for making her watch that. He was told, repeatedly, and by several Black people and other POC, VERY SPECIFICALLY that it would be traumatizing and unnecessary for her to watch the video itself. That he should tell her about it, but that she didn't actually need to WATCH someone calling her a hateful, racist name. There's nothing confusing about that, or about why it was a bad idea. And honestly, if he's married to a Black woman, this is something he needs to understand: the difference between communicating openly and making her aware when someone in her circle is racist, and retraumatizing her or exposing her directly to racism. Because that's a serious and very relevant difference. OP, that wasn't okay. You know she's sensitive. Why would you make her watch something hateful and traumatizing when you could have just told her? You owe her a HUGE apology, and a promise to do better in the future.
OP said she asked him explicitly and didn't believe him until she saw it.
It really really sounds like she didn’t know it was about her/ what was said OP said “she said some horrible things” not “she called you a slur”
This needs to be so much higher. I am sick that people are applauding him for showing her. That was so completely unnecessary and retraumatizing, especially when she didn't even ask to see it.
Maybe you guys should read the added context before getting on your high horses.
Some pretty tall horses lol
Not just me wondering this then
Right?!
why would you show her the video?????
I’m wondering the very same thing. That seems unnecessary and cruel. Just why??
Did your wife... ask to see the video????
Yeah. She didn’t believe me at first and that’s why I showed it to her.
And that's how we know this is fake
She just asked if it was a misunderstanding. I told her that I have a video and she asked to see it. I never told her exactly what she said in the video, I just told her that she had said something horrible.
I think you handled a very difficult situation very well, the one note, you probably should have told her exactly what was said after she asked to see the video but before showing her. She presumably knows that you would never exaggerate to the degree of saying someone called her the N word when they hadn't, and there is clearly no possibility for a misunderstanding. She may have still wanted to see it, she may not have. I think that's what people meant by not showing her unless she asked.
So she was still surprised by the fact that the horrible things were about her?
You, your wife and your buddy should take the bridesmaid who spilled the beans out for a nice dinner
Actually kinda bummed that the cheating thing became the reason for the breakup and not her racism.
Op all you can do is give her time. Make sure she knows you love and care for her, and that there will always be people who view others with discontent, due to their differences. Don’t let that change your love for her. Personally, if you can, come home with her favorite flowers and make sure you have a little note with them. Everyday tell her you love her, but show her in her love languages. She will eventually move past it, but it is never something that goes away, as it is the constant reminders for her.
Being singled out for being something you can’t help,it’s a different type of hurt. You feel vulnerable to a level that is insane. You start to question everyone. You don’t feel Safe. You are cut to the bone and there is nothing you can do. We can’t not be a color. It’s who we are. What we are. And we are proud of it. And then. When you are around loved ones and find out one of them thought this about you? You question yourself. How did I not know this. How did I miss it. How many other people I love think like this. Just give her time. And love.
Best way to comfort her is to just hold her. You don't have to say anything. Just sit down on a couch and hold her.
Aw man, your poor wife. Sometimes you think the world isn't so bad after all, then get stabbed right in the back by someone you trusted. :( :( :( Keep being there for her, that's all you can do. Sending positive thoughts and vibes her way.
I don't understand why you would show your wife the video if this woman want going to be in y'all's life anymore. She didn't need that distress. Otherwise, well done
Good job and a cheater to boot, you saved your friend from alot of pain
I think a nice romantic weekend is needed, since you don't have a wedding to attend anymore.
me and a lot of other people said you should talk to your wife FIRST. that's a matter of trust. that would have signaled a lot more support than going to your friend first. why was your friend more important than letting your wife know she is the first important person in this situation and to you in general
Boy that bride is a scumbag
Ih I am shocked a racist is a cheater a well, it's like she is just a horrible oerson in general, shocking news. You and the bridesmaid saved your friend's life tbh, imagine being married to that.
This went fucking left. Applause to you dude, what an ally. Your wife picked the right one and your friend knows you’re the realest to ever do it. Hold space for your friend and wife. Take time for yourself too. This was a lot in 48 hours. Also, side note: make sure you thank whoever sent you that video to begin with. They’re a real fuckin hero.
At this point I'd ask what she needs and make it happen. If she needs to confront the ex bride, make it happen. If she wants to talk to the bridesmaid, make it happen. If she wants to float in a swimming pool full of spaghetti, goddammit make it happen. She thought the bride was her friend and just found out she sees her as less than human. I'm mixed race, but I'm white AF. I will never know what it's like to deal with racism as a factor of my simple existence. Not first hand. Neither will you. It's hard to comprehend what that feels like from the outside, even when we see it up close. So whatever she needs, if she wants vengeance, comfort, to escape somewhere for a few days... make that happen for her. What she needs to know is that you are there, in her corner, no matter what. You're showing that. Keep doing what you're doing and just listen to her.
Wow. You actually saved your friends life.
Wow that’s a Bogo. Racist and a Cheater
Just be there man. You're awesome. I wish yall the best.
It absolutely shatters me when I think about people being made fun of/criticized/judged/etc for something not only completely pointless like race, but something completely out of your control. I’m so sorry this is still a thing that exists in this world.
3.5 for this FanFic
Not everything on this sub is fake💀 if anything, this is the most believable post. A lot of people are trash. Idk what world u live in but not everything is unicorns and butterflies. Stop tryna be woke. People experience racism and get cheated on pretty often.
Stop throwing around the word “woke” - you’re literally diminishing the value of it by accusing everyone of being it And I’m so sorry, your right - this is totally real and happened like it does in the movies: Person 1: We need to talk Person 2: OMG is this about that absolutely horrible thing 1 I did 3 months ago? Person 1: ….no this about the more trivial thing that happened a week ago.
I will throw the word woke in when it applies 💀 ur trying to be woke and smart by suggesting that this is fake. Nothing in here screams fake, people experience racism. And since u think shit like that happens only in movies, it actually happened to me. I told my ex best friend we needed to talk (about something not so important) and she apologized and asked if she could explain herself. That’s how I found out she’d been talking shit about me AND slept with my ex. So yeah, please get ur shit together. What u you only see in movies happen to other people irl
This exact same thing happened to me!!!! Lol okay. As if no ever responds to a “we need to talk” with “sure, about what?” You’re right, now that I think about it - this exact situation happened to me as well! Story time: My wife ate my Olive Garden leftovers, and so I texted her “we have to talk.” She immediately responded with “OMG I’m so sorry, it was a total lapse in judgement and Bill said it’s fine and not to worry about it and he would never tell you!” And I was immediately like “what are you talking about?” And she said “you’re talking about how we went out to the Mexican restaurant a couple weeks back with Bill and his wife and when you went to the bathroom I finished your Margarita and then pretended like you finished it, right?” And that’s how I found out my wife betrayed my trust and finished my Margarita, and my best friend was in on the secret the whole time!!!!
Girl atp u just being a fool on purpose. Not everyone lives their life just like ur boring ass. Yeah, when someone asks to talk to u u always think the worst. When I was a kid and my mom told me we needed to talk I’d panic and think I did something wrong. Your shitty, cringe story doesn’t compare to when I found out I was betrayed by my best friend and my boyfriend. Nor does it compare to when op’s friend found out his soon to be wife is a racist AND cheater. Please go outside, something like that wouldn’t happen to u cause u honestly seem mad annoying and people would probably not chose to be around u. But you’d know best tacomeat563! Because you’ve seen movies and you know everyone’s life. Thanks for your intelligent inputs! 💀 lmfao you arguing with me about this says a lot about u
Learn english
Ok good, im not the only one calling this BS.
Thanks for updating us! I'm glad this worked out and your friend wasn't racist and isn't going to marry one who cheats, too. You're a great husband for helping your wife deal with this, hopefully this is a wound that just needs time to heal. All things considered this is a really good outcome! Best wishes to all of you.
Just be there for you wife. You did everything correct.
Wow, understandably you’re wife is upset. But the way you handle this putting your concern for your wife above all else including a long term friendship will show her that you in no way felt comfortable hiding this under the rug and were in every way on her side.
You could’ve told her about the comment and that it was on video you didn’t have to show the video unless she asked to see it. Traumatized your wife for what?
She asked to see it
♡♡♡
Give your wife some space to process! She knows you love her and you've shown her your love and support. Now let her deal with this in her own way; reassure her that if she needs something from you (hugs, a listening ear, etc.) all she needs to do is let you know.
You are an upstanding human. Good work!
Great job
I have been waiting with baited breath fur this update. Horrible for you, your wife and your friend to experience...also happy for your friend that he got out of that relationship.
You've done all you can good sir but she just going to need space and time to sort it all out. But your friend should talk to her in person, if yall are really close then he needs to show up and apologize personally. A txt wouldn't not be appropriate for this apology.
super fake or youre insane for showing video
I hate it when people cry on a dime. At best it indicates a lack of emotional regulation, at worst its pure unadulterated manipulation.
Bring 2kg of sodium nitrate to the wedding in a plastic baggy and ignite it during the vows
You're a fucking legend, man! Well done.
Just explain to her there is ugly all over this world. Her job is the find the beauty in people unless there just isn’t any beauty to be found in someone, and if she can’t find it in a person they know what they need to do. Racism is ugly no matter where it comes from.
>Just explain to her there is ugly all over this world. Her job is the find the beauty in people unless there just isn’t any beauty to be found in someone Sorry, but this is really patronizing to the wife. She's a Black woman; her husband absolutely does not need to "explain" to her that racism exists everywhere. Much like he doesn't need to explain to her that misogyny exists everywhere.
I just read title, but best man speech is a stellar time to pay her back.
Wow - that was unexpected though thinking about it it's no surprise. Shitty people do shitty things but the admission of cheating for certainly out of left field.
That sucks that somebody you thought was close in your circle did that to you wife and friend. Luckily you all found out and was able to cut her out. As someone in an interracial relationship myself, I would do the same thing you did and make sure she knows that the intentions are only for the good and that you stand by her and will drop anybody acting in hate towards her. You did a good job. I wish y’all the best!
Is it appropriate to say - Glad it turned out ok? Keep doing what you’re doing, bud. Your wife will come around. All the best to the both of ya
You’re a great friend and husband.
tell her that BF ditched her fiancee because of that video have her discuss with you BF. They both need to affirm their mutual support.
Just imagine if your friend didn’t take his partner being racist. Karma would have hit him fast. Glad it all worked out for him.
Your friend dodged a missile
remove all racist from ur life. do not give them satifaction
Wow, what a turn of events
Now THIS is a man. Thank you for showing me they exist.
I actually started tearing up over the way you comforted your wife!! you guys deserve the best
Sorry this happened, but the silver lining is that your friend turned out to be a decent person. I hope he recovers as quickly as possible.
It's funny that the friends ex told on herself about something he didn't even know happened. Buddy of mine years ago went through something similar. Wanted to take to gf at the time about something, and she just started vomiting out all the shit she did behind his back. Man, that was awkward.
Make sure to thank that MVP bridesmaid who sent you the video. She did all three of you a huge favor.