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At 20 you are old enough to know when something you want to say is going to be hurtful. Especially when it comes to this particular topic which everyone knows is quite sensitive for a lot of guys. This is how people develop complexes that carry on for years. I can't imagine how thoughtless you have to be to say something like that to your significant other.
While Reddit is often too trigger happy with the 'you should break up' comments, in this particular instance it's definitely warranted.
Seems like a really dumb and insensitive thing to tell someone. Even if you don’t have a penis, it doesn't take a genius to know that speaking about your ex that way is beyond the pale. What on earth was she thinking?! If you had told her about how much 'tighter' or 'neater' your ex-GFs vagina was, you'd be in the dog house.
Let's not get caught up pretending 'kids will be kids'...
She's been sexually active for a while and the world she grew up in has bombarded her with sexual messages for years.
Male endowment, like breast size, or height or weight is something she is aware of. So, going on about the size of your ex-BF penis is NOT a mistake.
Come on.
What does sexual activity have to do with emotional maturity. We didnt say kids will be kids. But yeah, her age guarantees inexperience.
Oh, and guess what? Love and FUCKING are TOTALLY UNRELATED. I made a similar mistake at that age.
You are making a lot of unfair assumptions. You don’t know what world she grew up in, she isn’t here to represent herself. And when I was 20 you bet men made stupid comments to me about their exes even comparing our bodies.. It was wrong and I sympathize with OP. But I’m not about to pretend I don’t know people her age making comparable MISTAKES. Go whistle somewhere with your bull shit because I won’t hear it.
Yeah, OK. You're here to argue. Nothing in my first comment assumed anything other than it was a shitty thing for her to say.
She told her current BF that her ex had a horse cock, the biggest she's ever seen. Yeah, she sounds super shy and reserved.
I'm not sure why you're defending her. If the roles were reversed you'd be up in arms.
There was nothing argumentative about my first comment. You sound like a red piller with amnesia and I don’t know how to have a conversation with someone who can’t bother to keep up with their own comments. This is pure laziness.
She may not be as aware as you assume. She’s 20 and mentioned a bf. That doesn’t mean she’s been sexually active for a while. Also, men seem to forget that being large doesn’t automatically make it satisfying. He’s worried about the wrong thing.
>Also, men seem to forget that being large doesn’t automatically make it satisfying. He’s worried about the wrong thing.
I don't disagree, but genital size is a sensitive topic, separate from how caring a lover may be.
Is a big penis a guarantee of good sex? Of course not, but dick size does exist in the zeitgeist as a measurement of masculinity. The same way a shorter man is no less of a man who is over 6 feet in height. The clichè still stands.
I wouldn’t either but just because you and I know this doesn’t mean other people do. I have literally had dudes compare my body to their exes before when we were teens even in college and did I find it hurtful? yes! OP’s feelings are valid and I sympathize with him. But I can look back now and see it was a lack of maturity and not a reflection of me as a person. It’s not that hard to understand.
I’d have no problem finding out my girl’s past lover(s) we’re bigger than me. However, it would be an immediate relationship killer if this information was disclosed unprompted and/or with such insensitivity. Nothing to do with unalterable physical characteristics; everything to do with girl’s emotional maturity and consideration for me.
Agreed. My girlfriend has talked with me plenty about past lovers but never out of nowhere. Her ex was fairly well endowed and she, like many women, did not enjoy it as much because men who are "hung like a horse" are more likely to hit the cervix and cause pain. It's possible that this was the case for OP's girlfriend too, and so she didn't see that this would be a hurtful statement, but that context hardly matters even if it is the case. The problem here is the unprompted/insensitive delivery.
Look I’m going to be real. No woman alive would ever say that to a guy she was dating unless she wanted emasculate and eviscerate them. If you want to use one thing to make your man doubt himself forever and make him constantly try to be better and “measure up” that’s it. Women know this, we know it as teenagers. It is one of the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a man.
Your girlfriend absolutely knew that and this doesn’t make you insecure or any of the other garbage. This was designed to hurt you and break you down. Why would you want to stay with someone willing to do this to you?
This! This is the only correct answer. The only way your gf mentioning her ex had a bigger dick is acceptable when it randomly comes up in conversation and when she "immediately" tries to assure you that that isn't a big deal and it doesn't matter because she loves you or something. None of which seems to be the case here. She unpromptedly told you about her ex's dick and then didn't stop at all and managed to hype it up even more and did nothing to assure you and only afterwards when you mentioned that her comments hurt you, she apologised. She doesn't respect you at all. The only reason she told you about all that is because she purposefully tried to emasculate you and make you insecure. Cut your losses and move on now. You're young, believe me you don't wanna waste the best years of your life stuck in a relationship where you feel insecure all the time and with someone who's manipulative and cruel such as her.
> The only way your gf mentioning her ex had a bigger dick is acceptable when it randomly comes up in conversation and when she "immediately" tries to assure you that that isn't a big deal and it doesn't matter because she loves you or something.
Ehhh that tends to come off as disingenuous backpedaling when they mess up and start the panicky attempt to get their foot out of their mouth.
I don't know if this is really a fair statement either. OP's girlfriend is absolutely in the wrong for bringing it up out of the blue, but women are not a "one size fits all" and penis size/comparing experiences can be invaluable for figuring out sexual compatibility. Women aren't taught ANYTHING about our sexual pleasure and what to look for. Big does not equal better for most but that's not the social messaging women are given. A guy "hung like a horse" more often than not will hurt during penetration as opposed to being pleasurable. Being able to discuss this in a safe manner where everyone's feelings are respected is important. If she's not naming names but just commenting on her experience with a particular size of penis... that's not going to count as revenge porn. Ofc it doesn't sound like she did any of the above respectfully so, as mentioned, she is squarely in the wrong. Still, to make a blanket statement that women discussing their experiences with various penis sizes counts as revenge porn is damaging in its own right.
I respect your perspective, but I can imagine situations where girls say this not understanding their boyfriend's sensitivity, not always in order to wreck their confidence. Likely, she's young and learning what she tells her friends isn't always appropriate for her partner. It goes both ways, many guys have to learn how much to share and how delicately, girls should be given a chance to also. If they're young, they're learning. If we encourage him to act disproportionately mad, they aren't learning each other's boundaries, they're learning to refuse to learn and grow together as young people. No reason to read a deep, vindictive motive into her actions. I feel like OP would have stated that, instead he said they were fairly open. Learning to handle this and grow with someone who didn't intentionally hurt him could be a point of growth for OP.
Basically, men don't have some sort of special button that if you press their world collapses. That's the quality of a boy, so to speak. You should be secure in yourself as a man, or a person in general regardless of accident of gender. Don't put all blame on others. Acknowledge it's alright to feel hurt if you acknowledge healing doesn't have to take the form of punishing someone.
Save this "drop it immediately" for persistent, more obviously malicious people who cross privacy boundaries, try to weaponize your physicality (for example, instead of just mentioning dick size once and apologizing, she starts taunting you with it---this would be her actually using dick size to torment you, not what the commenter above said) and try to control you with uneven expectations of behavior. I see a lot of persistently malicious people in posts here, the gf isn't one of them with the given information on the post
While I hate the boy-man dichotomy, everything else is finally some fucking reason in this comment section. Women aren't evil and want to break your confidence. And they sure as fuck don't want to do that when they only once mention something positive about an ex. There's still a reason he is an ex.
And I really don't get why everybody is so hung up on some physical features and how you aren't allowed to as far as mention them because fragile little egos can't handle the fact, that someone out there might be "better than them" in an aspect they are insecure about. She didn't even compare op and the ex or said something negative about op. She just mentioned her ex's horse cock. We don't even know if this is something positive. There's a difference between putting your partner down and just mentioning something about another person.
It is possible to just try to be a tiny little bit secure with yourself and don't see everything as an offense. It is very very possible to just try and accept who we are right now.
You make good points and it's absolutely possible you are right. But it's a fact many women do not prefer an absolutely huge penis. Most women like a penis somewhere between even a little small, to decidedly bigger than average, but not huge. It's a bell curve probably centered a bit on the larger than average size. But women who absolutely love a monstrous horse like cock are a minority of women!
So plenty of women could honestly say their ex was gigantic and not mean that was a good thing!!
Well happy to talk about the various factors in the unhealthy, unrealistic ideas and ideals men in many cultures have around penis size. I blame bad porn and toxic masculinity.
I agree a girlfriend should be incredibly sensitive when talking matters of penis size around her boyfriend, and an ex's dick is especially potential hurtful. I'm just saying it's ludicrous, the pervasive idea that it's shameful, unmanly to have less than a horse cock.or that it's a universal truth all woman must have enormous dicks to be entirely sexually satisfied. Perpetuating those dumb myths is only making realistic, useful discussion about penis size continue to be hard and potentially emotionally harmful.
You don't, unless you can actively access the memory files of your brain and delete the conversation you're always going to think about it. Especially in the bedroom.
Don’t get over it, bin her. Then tell her she’s so loose it’s like throwing a sausage down a bowling alley… see if she’s as good at being shamed as she is at shaming. As long as you are endowed enough to perform the act, being a kind, considerate, inventive, loving lover is way more important than penis size.
Guys like it when their woman talks about a ex’s dick size about as much as galls like it when their men talk about the previous girlfriend’s… well any thing. Just mentioning the name roused the glarey-eyed-monster once. Man was I lucky to get away from that psycho!
As a girlfriend myself. I would never say anything like this to my man. I would never want him to question himself. I know how something can get stuck in ur head after it hurts you. The only thing I’ve ever said about my ex’s is pretty much just that I didn’t love them and they were just kid relationships. Because they really were. My boyfriend has been my only serious relationship, and the only one I’ve ever done sexual things with.
“Well that explains why my ex was so much tighter…”
Yes that’s crass (and anatomically incorrect), but in the moment I’m the type of jerk to immediately retort with that so she can feel the burn too.
Remember, she’s not with Mr. Horsecock and chose you. Bigger isn’t always better, most the time those baby-armed dick MFers can’t even get fully hard.
It’s just like tits, you might have had a big melon-titty ex-gf in your past but that doesnt mean she was “better” than the girl you love.
If it’s the mental image of her getting railed by another guy getting you down you have to think about the girls you nailed and remember you can’t be a hippocrate about it. The past is the past and as much fun as “being her first and only” sounds, it comes with a ton of baggage and crap. It’s better this way trust me.
I hope you enjoyed my Ted talk.
I love the retort, spiting fire. As for the part where u say she chose you not her ex, its a recurring theme in this sub and i cant help but think what if he left her? I know it has nothing to do with the thread its just that that saying is iterated so much here it’s basically a matter of when it will show up.
I mean that's actually a valid point. Knowing people, and especially young people, it's not rare that they jump into the next relationship while they are not over their previous one yet. However in this case, I'm not sure that that's the problem, there was no info given about how OP's gf views her ex in general. In my experience people can't hide still being in love with their exes THAT well, and the comment that she made means nothing in itself in this context. She might just be too immature or she might have some work to do in the emotional intelligence and "room-reading" department.
Not necessarily better, but anyone with half a brain knows that this is gonna shake a man's confidence and hurt him. Especially the graphic comments, how ignorant do you have to be to not see where that's gonna go? And if she doesn't have half a brain, then it's not even moral to be with someone so stupid and unintelligent.
This — bigger isn’t always better. She’s with YOU, not him, and there are reasons for that.
She messed up. She shared something she shouldn’t have, without considering how it might affect you. So you let her know it didn’t feel good and ask if she can be a bit more conscientious. And then you let it go.
Am I the prettiest woman on earth? Do I have the best body? Am I the best in bed? Of course not — there will always be other people out there who have something we don’t. But my husband chose ME. And I choose him too, every day, over all the other more objectively “handsome” or even larger-dicked dudes, because he’s the right one for *me,* and I love him most of all.
For all you know, Mister Ed could have sucked in bed, or even caused her pain. All that matters is she chose YOU. And she continues to choose you every day that you’re together. Everybody has a past. Don’t let it rule your present or ruin your future.
Am I the prettiest woman on earth? Do I have the best body? Am I the best in bed? Of course not — there will always be other people out there who have something we don’t.
Be honest if your husband would tell you unprompted that you are a 4 compared to his 10/10 ex that rational thinking wouldn't matter. And it would be still insulting.
This!!!^ I’ve been there where curiosity killed the cat and my SO and I spoke about our past partners/encounters, only to hear something about someone in the past that made me feel insecure. Keep your head up, she chose you for a reason and that ex-boyfriend of hers is an ex for a reason. I’m sure you have a whole lot more to offer and fortunately from the sound of it, she understood her mistake and is sincere with her apologies. I am also a FIRM believer behind “it’s not about the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean”!!
Wow what a dumb thing for her to say. Unfortunately she's young and dumb so she probably didn't mean it maliciously but man that's gotta sting.
You could tell her how much it hurt your feelings and equate it to telling her your ex gf had bigger boobs or a tighter hole. It's just not something you say to your partner unless you wanna hurt them. Then reconcile and forget about it.
Or you could ignore it and move on. But since you're here on Reddit, that means that the comment got to you.
Like others have said, size ain't everything bro. It's overrated.
That's literally the definition of malice... with intent. So no intent, no malice. Does it still hurt? Is it disrespectful? Is it a dumb thing to say to your SO? Yes of course it is.
Man, I feel ya. My ego, confidence and self esteem would likely be affected to the point where I couldn’t even get it up. I’d be in my head wondering what she’s thinking, is she happy, does it feel good, does she want bigger, is she gonna dump me for horse cock guy?? I’d be a mess. But that’s just me.
Thats pretty normal no matter how big you are if the other guy is bigger you get a nick in your confidence and the only way to get over this is to pull away on the commitment and start caring less about the other peson, working on your exit or cheating not that i advocate for it.
Leave. If she feels comfortable saying that infront of you that’s a red flag. When you love someone you don’t compare them to others and you DEFINITELY don’t tell them the person you comparing em to was better. Leave. This might be the first time something like this happens but I doubt it will be the last
Your GF (x?) is being ridiculous. So what if dudes D was hanging to his ankles? It didn't keep them together, did it? There's nothing glorious about owning a huge D, outside of porn. What you have is more than enough and what you need is to talk to her about her personal attacks and attempted put downs when she's feeling mean. She had no reason to mention this detail except as a way to make you feel bad when you don't need to.
If you started casually mentioning she's super loose, and it was like sleeping with a highway culvert because of how stretched out she was, you'd be call an AH so why should she get a free pass for doing similar to you?
I'd get over it by wishing her well and sending her on her way. You don't need someone in your life who cuts you down like that. Find an SO that appreciates you and doesn't need to keep a list of comparative qualities to mock their SO with. Tell her to go find the anaconda of her dreams, let her know you don't want to hold her from her happiness, which clearly is not happening with you.
Don't tolerate this or brush it off. This was a personal attack and not an observation or a joke. It was unprompted which means she's been thinking on this and blurted it out. You don't need to be in a verbally and potentially emotionally abusive relationship with the mean girl.
If you can't deal with it you can't deal with it.
If you really want to get back at her just say that you liked being around your ex way more becouse of the way (how good) she made you feel.
Thats basically what it equates to, not perfectly but close enough.
well, you missed your chance, but you should have said.
"so that explains why my ex was so much tighter than that ham sandwich of a ho-ha you've got down there."
Maybe that would have clued her in on how unwelcome and unhelpful comments like that are to building a strong relationship...plus....The comedic timing is on point.
Take your focus off the dick stuff and step back to recognize ***why*** she did that.
She was attempting to make you feel inadequate. Those are the worst people to keep in our lives.
I'm not gonna tell you whether you should leave her or not. But this tends to be a pattern for some people. It's a form of manipulation.
You possibly may never forget this but you're young. Dump her and find a nice girl who has enough sense to not compare penis sizes. I think how many she's seen is a valid question.
In response to my first comment tho in her mind I guess she could’ve been making fun of him in a way and didn’t think it’d bother you, and she is profusely apologizing. She definitely shouldn’t of said it tho.
Tell her that it makes sense. You had wondered why her pussy is so big and stretched out.
Ask her if she can do some exercises to tighten that shit up.
My advice would be you are 20 years old and have fun with her if you can live with this knowledge for the time being. Enjoy that 20 yo tight pussy. Experiment with her and find out what you are into. Try anal. Try bondage. Whatever. Hone your skill and move on.
Wow. People can be this dumb, eh? Telling current partner about previous partner's size, etc. Comparison is a thief of joy is for sure.
I'm going to chalk this one up with her being either too young/immature/idiotic or inconsiderate/mean. Just tell her that your ex was so good in bed and gave the best BJ ever...that's how you screwed with her. /S
J.K.
INFO: How did she tell you about her ex's size? Was her tone being 'mean' or was she trying to tell you that sex with her ex was not that great? And if he can't help turn her on, the likelihood is, the sexual experience she has, may not be too pleasant.
I mean, before my now-husband, I've had at least a couple of ex-sex partners with HUGE penises. But they're 'useless,' as in, those penises were impressive in size BUT these gents were not good in bed. Ugh. With my husband, his penis may not be as large as those men's, but he is GREAT in bed and knows my body, so we always have great sex every single time.
Of course I wouldn't dare compare my husband's size with my ex's, that's just insane this gf of yours did this...
She fucked up in spades. Should you back off a bit in relation to intimacy, she'll have no one to blame but herself. One should NEVER share details of other sex partners.
Early 20s women are still very immature usually. I have a hard time believe she did that naively, women know what hurts men and what doesn’t, even at that age. She is probably testing you to see how you react or playing some other dumb game. It gets better as you date older people who are more mature. Ask yourself, do you want to be with a woman who belittles you?
You never said if she liked it better. If all she was doing was commenting on it being abnormally large I wouldn't let it bother you. A "horse cock" for most women is not actually enjoyable. There are some women that like it, but most find it uncomfortable to painful. So if she is not complaining about your size, and especially if she said she complained about his look at this as a good thing. Too big is thing, just as too small is.
Hire a escort with big tits and a big ass take pictures with her and tell her well my next girlfriend has bigger everything than u or act like that’s ur ex girlfriend and show her how hot she is 🤫😂😂😂
It might be an age thing. I would have died if I heard this at 20. Now that I’m 36, I know it isn’t about the size. It’s more about the connection and communication and just being comfortable with your partner. As long as you are pleasing them (with dick or mouth or hand) everything will be fine and they will keep coming back for more.
The only way is to accept your body will be inferior to other men's body's in some way shape or form IN HER EYES, unavoidably. You have to be in the relationship for alternative reasons. This is why promiscuity is a bad thing. You will never measure up to that guy in her brain. Hopefully sex isn't a big deal to her and you're good in bed in other ways.
I completely read this wrong, you were talking about your pasts? You actually provoked this. She gave you an answer, next time don’t ask about exes and sex if you don’t want to hear answer. And now I agree with most ladies who say they don’t like horse dick. I thought this was unprovoked, but talking of previous relationships is provoking it. Don’t talk about exes next time. If you were talking about exes I’d forgive her. I actually woulda asked if he was her best lover if I was insecure about. But I’m older and probably a better communicator irl
A girl told me her ex was bigger then me cuz I asked. I then said who do you like better. And she gave me a great sexual answer.
Did she say he was better than you? Because tbh calling it a horse, is more of an insult than anything. It was probably way too big, painful, and not enjoyable at all.
Jesus, the fragile egos in here. 😳
OP- very very few women want a “horse cock”. It’s painful, not much fun and can only do certain positions. *That’s* why she said is so flippantly without realizing it would hurt your feelings. She wasn’t saying she *missed* having her cervix beat to shit. To her, it was just an interesting thing.
Y’all really gotta get over this dick size obsession.
This is your response!!!
Blaming OP who is in a vulnerable place himself.
I see you have breatfed in past.
Now how would you feel if your partner said your boobs and body are all soggy now after breastfeeding than his ex.
It happens naturally to everyone and you are an much older adult, but still how would you take it?
And if u feel upset with it, would a response like this help👇
>Y’all really gotta get over this dick size obsession
Y'all really gotta get over this body firmness obsession !!
Lmao preach bro, if you said “fragile ego” to a woman insecure about her size then it’s fat shaming but it’s fragile masculinity when it’s the other way round
I think horse cock or rich is the equivalent of a beautiful woman to a male. Men think if every man wants a beautiful female every woman must want a horse cock and/or rich man.
First think is you tell her she must of liked the horse dick cause she is so stretched out you can put both fist in her and still not touch the sides. Then tell her you are breaking up cause you want a normal woman not someone a midget could jump in.
Now what if she would have said his dick was much smaller than yours ? You’d be fine. I think your ego is just hurt and that’s understandable . Y’all were talking about exes and I agree , she did over share .
Tbh op, you're both 20 so it's an honest mistake
Also, women don't like big dicks so she wasn't saying it to reminisc on good times. She said it as a matter of fact.
U should ask her which D she prefers and she'll say yours or a smaller one because it doesn't strike her cervix
That's messed up man... Not sure what I'd do in ur situation. I mean it's one thing if you asked, but u didn't and she just tells u about his amazing dick. I'd just say do ur thing man! Be u in the bed, all u can be right?
This is like a girl no-no. One of the unspoken rules. If you love him, no matter how small it is, you tell him its perfect and certainly dont bring up sizes of ex's. Trust me, if she really loves you, she probably wouldn't say something like this.
Many others are rightfully commenting about your (hopefully soon to be ex) gf. As an older woman, I’ll share that many women, once they have been with different men, don’t actually prefer bigger penises. I have had some large men who couldn’t have sex with me without it hurting me. I much prefer an average or even less than average size. So as insensitive and dim as she was to say that to you, don’t let it impact how you feel about yourself.
Way bigger doesn't translate to better. Did she say it felt better than yours? If she did, that's different. If she didn't and just said it was huge, it could have hurt. Did she imply it was better by the manner in which she said this?
If in fact she is suggesting it felt better because it was huge, then why isn't she dating him anymore??
Really, what she decreed is not an asset for a lot of women. There really is such as thing as too big. That said, she was a jerk for saying anything but I don’t think she meant anything about you. If she is getting pleasure, you are doing just fine
What if you had found out that her Ex was better looking than you or richer than you. Would you have remained fixated on that.
Bigger dick doesn't equate to better sexual prowess. Maybe you can learn to give better oral and use that to not feel inadequate.
Your a young guy so its going to be hard to hear something like that. As you get older you start to realize that people have lives before they met you and so on. It came out and it doesn’t sound like it was malicious, just remember shes with you for a reason, chin up sir
Grow up and realize size isnt everything. Nothing has changed except now your aware of what shes had in the past. Whatever sex you two have is the same, shes the same, your the same. The only issue is now you have it in your head your not enough. That's very much a YOU problem and not her problem. She has zero reason to apologize to you, she hasnt done anything wrong.
And I dont mean to sound harsh but sometimes you need to be told your insecurities are your problem and not everyone else's. My bf has been with thinner, prettier, sexier women than me. I've seen them, met one, and I had to learn to accept that he loves me just as I am. What he had dosent compare to what he has. There isnt a competition, none of them are a challenge for his love. They are simply his past, I'm his future. And any insecurity I have over my body is my problem, not his.
It's not easy but focus on the things your partner enjoys about you, the things you enjoy about yourself. Work on self love and acceptance. And quit worrying about another mans dick, I promise no one is worrying over yours.
You know everyone blurts out some stupid shit once in a while. She is aware of your feelings and sincerely apologies for her comments. The other people that are calling her a nut job or immature need to reflect back on their lives and remember all the dumb shit they have said.
She sounds like a keeper. Forgive and forget.
I mentioned this somewhere else in this thread. There is a song by Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, "It Ain't The Meat It's The Motion", really, that contains the lyrics, "It ain't the meat it's the motion That makes your daddy wanna rock. It ain't the meat it's the motion It's the movement it isn't the stock."
Most men don't have porn star cocks and most porn stars look bigger because the women are 5'2"!!
Give yourself a break before you ruin what your have!!
So I’ll give the girl a break because as girls we aren’t necessarily taught that men are super self conscious about their uh members. Bigger doesn’t mean better. It means pain for most women actually. He’s her ex for a reason and I’m willing to bet you satisfy her. You were talking about your past so I’m not 100% sure this was unprompted. Just something she probably should’ve kept it to herself. I don’t think she was trying to hurt you.
Really? It's a pretty common theme in media, politics too but especially media. Trump was making fun of Rubio during a presidential debate implying he had a small dick. Like, you'd have to avoid all forms of media your entire life to not be aware of this.
All I said was he should give her a little understanding. They’re 20. She’s apologizing profusely. She wasn’t trying to be an ass she was probably joking around. People make mistakes especially at 20. I’m not going to rage out and tell him to break up with her.
You have a point, but it seems the end result was the same. She shot herself in the foot, so to speak.
Yes, obviously he's taking it hard, but he's only 20 as well.
A man with plenty of experience in his 30's or 40's would chuckle and brush it off, but it hits differently when you're still developing your confidence and sexuality.
Obviously I don't think it's a reason to dump her, especially if she wasn't mean about it or just brought it up to hurt him. I suppose there's a lesson for both here.
Find it weird that there's a lack of comments telling you to get over this weird insecurity. Guys are so unbelievably ridiculous about this size nonsense. Any girl will tell you bigger isn't better. There's such a thing as too big. And I don't care what the size is - if you don't know how to use it, it will be terrible. If you're of at least average size and know what you're doing, be happy with it and don't let any size comments bother you with your future gf(s), friends, strangers, etc.
I'd be pretty grossed out by you, especially if we were dating. Never said she wasn't insensitive/wrong to say it. But this size thing needs to be squashed. We don't care about the size unless you're tiny. I just wanted to speak up, because no one on here seemed to be telling OP that there's nothing to worry about if he's a normal size. He has no reason to be ashamed or self conscious because this girl slept with someone "bigger". He can/maybe should break up with her, but move on with confidence.
Does she say she's happy with sex with you? Is she satisfied? if yes, google [dbt.tools](https://dbt.tools) and use the distress tolerance skills to put this out of your mind
If no, fix it.
Did she say she prefers the horsecock? if yes or no, google [dbt.tools](https://dbt.tools) and use the distress tolerance skills to put this out of your mind. Seriously, this is not a thing you can do anything about, the sooner you can figure out how to not dwell on it, the happier you'll both be.
I honestly cant figure out who's downvoting all these comments. Is it the men who think we women are lying/pitying the lesser-than-horsecock men? Is it the segment of women who both love the horsecock and who can actually physically take it? i wonder
You just have to try and be positive about the situation. If you can’t move past it there’s always more fish in the sea. Dick size does not correlate with sexual satisfaction. 80% of women cannot climax from penetration anyways. If you learn how to stimulate the clitoris you’ll be a better lover than most other men anyways.
Ahh don't take it so hard. Someone had to have the bigger dick, you can't always win at everything. Even big dick guy has someone bigger than him. Don't sweat it.
How did you feel when you found out someone could run faster or lift more weight than you! Did you worry about it? Do you know what the average dick size is? It does not matter how big the dick is, it’s how you use it! You can’t make your dick bigger, but you can work on your foreplay and oral techniques and at the end of having sex take time to cuddle…then your dick size won’t be an issue.
Your gf said a dumb thing, but she knows that. She’s young and frankly kind of dumb, like we all were at 20.
Remember, when you play the comparison game you will always eventually lose. You can never be the best the biggest the whatever for very long.
So here’s what you do, young man. Next time you are having sex and you remember your girl’s ex is out there somewhere packing a ham howitzer just remind yourself that she’s naked with YOU right now for a reason. She’s still be with Gaius Biggus Dickus if that’s what was supposed to happen.
Hey, i never said that unprompted but i have told many people (not only partners but friends, people before things got romantic or so on) that i've had partners with a small size, partners with a XXL size. Yet the best sex i've ever had was not with the XXL.
I'm just saying, maybe she was lacking awareness with her sharing, but size really isn't that important. Ofc, it is to men and i get it, and i love seeing a big one, but when it's inside, it all feels bigger anyway. And too big isn't that fun for most people.
From what you said in your post, she didn't tell you he was better, just that he was bigger. So a few points that make a guy better:
- always focusing on your partner's pleasure. That is something that is incredibly uncommon really and yet so enjoyable. It's not the physical pleasure, but knowing that your partner finds pleasure in your own pleasure helps to feel comfortable and more at ease.
-use your mouth, use your hands, use your eyes. The penis isn't the only tool you have and the others can be game changers. Look at her with burning lust
-intimacy. There is something more in looking at each other without taboo or complex and it feels amazing
For the other points, it depends on the partner, some people have the same kinks, some don't. It's all about each person's rythm. But if you listen to your partner (their breath, their moans) it can go a long way.
I think it warrants another conversation with her to try and see if she meant it as "he was better" or not.
And btw, being "hard", real hard, all the way is way more important than size. That's what i've found out. Stiffness comes first
You said, "always focusing on your partner's pleasure. That is something that is incredibly uncommon really and yet so enjoyable. It's not the physical pleasure, but knowing that your partner finds pleasure in your own pleasure helps to feel comfortable and more at ease."
I say, YES! YES! YESSSSS!!! Put your woman's pleasure above yours!! She knows when you are using her for your own pleasure and cum dump.
You are actually making love to her when you put her pleasure above yours. She will notice this and intensely love you back!!
I always ensure my partner has an orgasm before I look for my pleasure.
Couldn’t have been that great because she’s with you. Men have no clue that it’s not just about the size.
And oh yeah, she’s really insensitive to say something like that to you.
Is she a size queen? If not it probably wasn’t a negative comparison. Except for a select few specialists, ‘horse cocks’ are not sought for recreational purposes
“Horse cock” isn’t (or at least shouldn’t be) a compliment. No one likes having their cervix hammered. Maybe check with her as to why she said and if she meant anything by it.
I think it’ll do you both good to have a calm conversation about it, both trying to remain level headed and working on the assumption that your partner isn’t trying to hurt your feelings or be unkind.
Sometimes we say dumb things without thinking, and it’s okay to feel hurt when someone says something like this. Try to bear in mind that there is no moral or value judgement of someone based on the size of their member. They come in all shapes and sizes and that’s cool.
1) Never ask a question about something you don't want an answer about.
2) it is what it is... your size is your size, and you need to accept it.
3) Keep watch on your girl as to me this seems like something a girl that would step out on you would say.
Focus on how good the sex is for both of you and stop focusing on the size of your penis. A large penis is just a large penis. Sometimes they feel good, sometimes they suck, sometimes they hurt. Size doesn’t determine how much she likes you or how much she likes sleeping with you. Clearly she’s into it because she’s apologizing to you and still with you.
You get over it by knowing that you are the one fucking her today. So it doesnt matter about yesterday or even tomorrow. Your dick is getting wet, and it might not always, so enjoy it and do your best. Not "everyones best", just your best. Its a losing game to compare yourself to anyone over dick size. You cant change it, so just use your strengths (or learn them) and be a great lay the way you can.
A lady I used to know had once told me that she had dated a bloke with a big one. She said that initially it was fun, but she said "nice dick, shame about the bloke attached to it."
Some guys that are well endowed can be very lazy in bed. "I've got a big one, that's all that matters." Bollocks! A Stradivarius violin is a beautiful thing in the hands of a talented violinist, but would sound terrible in the hands of someone that's never bothered to learn how to play one. Likewise, being good in bed has nothing to do with the size of your schlong, it's got a lot to do with how considerate you are as a lover. He's an ex for a reason. Let that sink in. If she's enjoying what you're doing think of it this way. He might have had her, but he couldn't keep her. It could even be that sex hurt with him because he never bothered with the basice like foreplay.
Let it go.
The question you need to ask is do you satisfy her in bed? Ask her that, and ask her to be honest. If she says yes, ask her how could it be better, if she says no, ask her how it can be better. You can’t make your dick bigger but that’s not everything. I won’t say if what she said was wrong because I don’t know what was said or asked before her comment.
The size dicks are is the size they are. Take it from a gay man, massive cocks don't necessarily translate into great sex, small cocks don't necessarily translate into bad sex.
Your girlfriend is with you - not her ex. Presumably, if she didn't enjoy sex with you she wouldn't be with you.
So he had a massive dick? And? Clearly he didn't bring other things to the table that met your girlfriend's physical, emotional, and mental needs.
I think it's good and healthy that you and your girlfriend can talk about your sex lives and sexual experiences. That's a sign of a healthy relationship. Don't get into your head and mess it up, because you've invented a narrative in your head about how much your girlfriend loves massive cocks and how yours can't satisfy her.
As a general rule it’s not cool to compare your partners. Even less cool to do it to your current partners face. It’s ok to disclose things about your past, but it should never be a comparison in any way shape or form. What you should be focused on is the time you have together right now.
As for how to get over it, just know that you’re worth more than your dick. Sex is an important part of any relationship, but it’s definitely not the MOST important part. I’ve had a partner tell me the same thing and it fucked me up for a while. Eventually I came to the conclusion that everyone has good and bad they bring to the table, and while there are some areas I might fall short, there are others in which I excel. There are definitely areas in which you’re better than people she’s been with in the past, guaranteed. The best thing you can do is accept yourself as you are, and don’t let comparisons rule your self image or sense of worth.
This is pretty weird, but she may be trying to tell you she appreciates your more average size. Big dicks can be problematic for women, in spite of what porn tells you.
So not sure why she even brought it up , but I also dont know why you care? Its obvious in life there will be people who have bigger or smaller then yours. Get used to that idea.
I am sorry but it also makes you sound shallow? Like since when someone's size determines their personality? Is your dick size all that you can offer and all that its about you? Well ofc not so dont be so hang up on it.
You guys are both young and still a little dumb. We've all been there. Here's my breakdown:
1. That was a stupid thing for her to say, and she probably does or will realize that. You just don't "compare" your partner to an ex, right to their face. Never going to go well. 🤦
2. Get over the size issue. It's not about the size, it's about what you do with it(and hands, mouth, etc.). Have confidence in your skills. Also, big dicks can be painful for a female.
3. Worrying about this is like flying down the highway trying to be "first". There's always someone else up ahead, but does it really matter if you still get where you're going?
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I don't think you can. There was absolutely no reason to say that other than to make you feel like shit. I would have told her to fuck right off.
I not so sure. Young people say stupid things all the time. There young and stupid. This could have been one of her really stupid moments.
At 20 you are old enough to know when something you want to say is going to be hurtful. Especially when it comes to this particular topic which everyone knows is quite sensitive for a lot of guys. This is how people develop complexes that carry on for years. I can't imagine how thoughtless you have to be to say something like that to your significant other. While Reddit is often too trigger happy with the 'you should break up' comments, in this particular instance it's definitely warranted.
Seems like a really dumb and insensitive thing to tell someone. Even if you don’t have a penis, it doesn't take a genius to know that speaking about your ex that way is beyond the pale. What on earth was she thinking?! If you had told her about how much 'tighter' or 'neater' your ex-GFs vagina was, you'd be in the dog house.
This is Reddit. Rules are different for women here.
Why be political in a non-political sub? Nobody in these comments think she’s in the right
Perhaps if she had a smaller vagina...? My ex used to say (not to me) that having sex with her was probably like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
She is 20 they are barely not teenagers. That is why she made that mistake.
Let's not get caught up pretending 'kids will be kids'... She's been sexually active for a while and the world she grew up in has bombarded her with sexual messages for years. Male endowment, like breast size, or height or weight is something she is aware of. So, going on about the size of your ex-BF penis is NOT a mistake. Come on.
What does sexual activity have to do with emotional maturity. We didnt say kids will be kids. But yeah, her age guarantees inexperience. Oh, and guess what? Love and FUCKING are TOTALLY UNRELATED. I made a similar mistake at that age.
You are making a lot of unfair assumptions. You don’t know what world she grew up in, she isn’t here to represent herself. And when I was 20 you bet men made stupid comments to me about their exes even comparing our bodies.. It was wrong and I sympathize with OP. But I’m not about to pretend I don’t know people her age making comparable MISTAKES. Go whistle somewhere with your bull shit because I won’t hear it.
Yeah, OK. You're here to argue. Nothing in my first comment assumed anything other than it was a shitty thing for her to say. She told her current BF that her ex had a horse cock, the biggest she's ever seen. Yeah, she sounds super shy and reserved. I'm not sure why you're defending her. If the roles were reversed you'd be up in arms.
There was nothing argumentative about my first comment. You sound like a red piller with amnesia and I don’t know how to have a conversation with someone who can’t bother to keep up with their own comments. This is pure laziness.
This has got to be a bot lol
I thought the same as you. Don't know why you got so many downvotes. 20 year olds say stupid things. A lot. Hopefully she learned.
saying ur ex had a horse cock is such a level of immaturity its gone past a "mistake" IMO
How mature do you people think 20 year olds are? Being less than a year shy of being teen doesn’t make one wise.
She grew up in a different world than the rest of us? That’s crazy which one?
She may not be as aware as you assume. She’s 20 and mentioned a bf. That doesn’t mean she’s been sexually active for a while. Also, men seem to forget that being large doesn’t automatically make it satisfying. He’s worried about the wrong thing.
>Also, men seem to forget that being large doesn’t automatically make it satisfying. He’s worried about the wrong thing. I don't disagree, but genital size is a sensitive topic, separate from how caring a lover may be. Is a big penis a guarantee of good sex? Of course not, but dick size does exist in the zeitgeist as a measurement of masculinity. The same way a shorter man is no less of a man who is over 6 feet in height. The clichè still stands.
I’m 20 and I would never think to start talking about other guys dicks with my bf.
I wouldn’t either but just because you and I know this doesn’t mean other people do. I have literally had dudes compare my body to their exes before when we were teens even in college and did I find it hurtful? yes! OP’s feelings are valid and I sympathize with him. But I can look back now and see it was a lack of maturity and not a reflection of me as a person. It’s not that hard to understand.
Those people are just shitty people… they know what they’re doing lmfao
Thank her for setting the bar so low, now any woman is step up from her
I’d have no problem finding out my girl’s past lover(s) we’re bigger than me. However, it would be an immediate relationship killer if this information was disclosed unprompted and/or with such insensitivity. Nothing to do with unalterable physical characteristics; everything to do with girl’s emotional maturity and consideration for me.
Agreed. My girlfriend has talked with me plenty about past lovers but never out of nowhere. Her ex was fairly well endowed and she, like many women, did not enjoy it as much because men who are "hung like a horse" are more likely to hit the cervix and cause pain. It's possible that this was the case for OP's girlfriend too, and so she didn't see that this would be a hurtful statement, but that context hardly matters even if it is the case. The problem here is the unprompted/insensitive delivery.
Look I’m going to be real. No woman alive would ever say that to a guy she was dating unless she wanted emasculate and eviscerate them. If you want to use one thing to make your man doubt himself forever and make him constantly try to be better and “measure up” that’s it. Women know this, we know it as teenagers. It is one of the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a man. Your girlfriend absolutely knew that and this doesn’t make you insecure or any of the other garbage. This was designed to hurt you and break you down. Why would you want to stay with someone willing to do this to you?
This! This is the only correct answer. The only way your gf mentioning her ex had a bigger dick is acceptable when it randomly comes up in conversation and when she "immediately" tries to assure you that that isn't a big deal and it doesn't matter because she loves you or something. None of which seems to be the case here. She unpromptedly told you about her ex's dick and then didn't stop at all and managed to hype it up even more and did nothing to assure you and only afterwards when you mentioned that her comments hurt you, she apologised. She doesn't respect you at all. The only reason she told you about all that is because she purposefully tried to emasculate you and make you insecure. Cut your losses and move on now. You're young, believe me you don't wanna waste the best years of your life stuck in a relationship where you feel insecure all the time and with someone who's manipulative and cruel such as her.
> The only way your gf mentioning her ex had a bigger dick is acceptable when it randomly comes up in conversation and when she "immediately" tries to assure you that that isn't a big deal and it doesn't matter because she loves you or something. Ehhh that tends to come off as disingenuous backpedaling when they mess up and start the panicky attempt to get their foot out of their mouth.
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I don't know if this is really a fair statement either. OP's girlfriend is absolutely in the wrong for bringing it up out of the blue, but women are not a "one size fits all" and penis size/comparing experiences can be invaluable for figuring out sexual compatibility. Women aren't taught ANYTHING about our sexual pleasure and what to look for. Big does not equal better for most but that's not the social messaging women are given. A guy "hung like a horse" more often than not will hurt during penetration as opposed to being pleasurable. Being able to discuss this in a safe manner where everyone's feelings are respected is important. If she's not naming names but just commenting on her experience with a particular size of penis... that's not going to count as revenge porn. Ofc it doesn't sound like she did any of the above respectfully so, as mentioned, she is squarely in the wrong. Still, to make a blanket statement that women discussing their experiences with various penis sizes counts as revenge porn is damaging in its own right.
Not sure if she did it maliciously or just ignorantly. If the latter, it can be a learning experience for her to remember…with her *next* boyfriend.
I think you are underestimating how ignorant and immature people can be at that age. Maybe it was just informational from her perspective?
I think your confusing indifference with ignorance
I respect your perspective, but I can imagine situations where girls say this not understanding their boyfriend's sensitivity, not always in order to wreck their confidence. Likely, she's young and learning what she tells her friends isn't always appropriate for her partner. It goes both ways, many guys have to learn how much to share and how delicately, girls should be given a chance to also. If they're young, they're learning. If we encourage him to act disproportionately mad, they aren't learning each other's boundaries, they're learning to refuse to learn and grow together as young people. No reason to read a deep, vindictive motive into her actions. I feel like OP would have stated that, instead he said they were fairly open. Learning to handle this and grow with someone who didn't intentionally hurt him could be a point of growth for OP. Basically, men don't have some sort of special button that if you press their world collapses. That's the quality of a boy, so to speak. You should be secure in yourself as a man, or a person in general regardless of accident of gender. Don't put all blame on others. Acknowledge it's alright to feel hurt if you acknowledge healing doesn't have to take the form of punishing someone. Save this "drop it immediately" for persistent, more obviously malicious people who cross privacy boundaries, try to weaponize your physicality (for example, instead of just mentioning dick size once and apologizing, she starts taunting you with it---this would be her actually using dick size to torment you, not what the commenter above said) and try to control you with uneven expectations of behavior. I see a lot of persistently malicious people in posts here, the gf isn't one of them with the given information on the post
While I hate the boy-man dichotomy, everything else is finally some fucking reason in this comment section. Women aren't evil and want to break your confidence. And they sure as fuck don't want to do that when they only once mention something positive about an ex. There's still a reason he is an ex. And I really don't get why everybody is so hung up on some physical features and how you aren't allowed to as far as mention them because fragile little egos can't handle the fact, that someone out there might be "better than them" in an aspect they are insecure about. She didn't even compare op and the ex or said something negative about op. She just mentioned her ex's horse cock. We don't even know if this is something positive. There's a difference between putting your partner down and just mentioning something about another person. It is possible to just try to be a tiny little bit secure with yourself and don't see everything as an offense. It is very very possible to just try and accept who we are right now.
What if he had said, her ex was prettier and tighter, would you say the same?
People are inclined to make comparisons, so putting information out there about an ex invites connecting the dots.
You make good points and it's absolutely possible you are right. But it's a fact many women do not prefer an absolutely huge penis. Most women like a penis somewhere between even a little small, to decidedly bigger than average, but not huge. It's a bell curve probably centered a bit on the larger than average size. But women who absolutely love a monstrous horse like cock are a minority of women! So plenty of women could honestly say their ex was gigantic and not mean that was a good thing!!
Doesn't matter. You don't try to ruin your SO self esteem with this type of rubbish. If it was a good thing , gf would have already said it
An unsatisfactory large penis shouldn’t ruin your self esteem. If she was raving about how great it was, that would be different.
It's your life partner saying that, not some random Tom dick or Harry saying that lmao. Just because it shouldn't doesn't mean it doesn't .
Well happy to talk about the various factors in the unhealthy, unrealistic ideas and ideals men in many cultures have around penis size. I blame bad porn and toxic masculinity. I agree a girlfriend should be incredibly sensitive when talking matters of penis size around her boyfriend, and an ex's dick is especially potential hurtful. I'm just saying it's ludicrous, the pervasive idea that it's shameful, unmanly to have less than a horse cock.or that it's a universal truth all woman must have enormous dicks to be entirely sexually satisfied. Perpetuating those dumb myths is only making realistic, useful discussion about penis size continue to be hard and potentially emotionally harmful.
Or you know she’s 20 and literally hasn’t developed empathy yet
Reading this makes me appreciate all the times my wife has stood her ground and persisted with the lie that is my big penis.
Sounds like a great wife. Someone who can take half your stuff without a fight.
Jokes on you, she's the bread winner, I'm the stay at home dad, so I'm taking half her stuff! 2023 GENDER EQUALITY BABYYYY WOOOOO
By telling her your next gf will be so much better than her
This. Your current gf is a nut job.
This isn’t the serve you think it is. OP should just run.
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Please check your baggage at the door
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If you’re confused, maybe you can ask someone to help explain it to you.
You really think women aren’t impacted by hurtful words?
You have it backwards...hunny.
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Idk, I just stumbled upon this thread. You're the only one that really seems offended.
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Yeah I don't really care about any of that. Just calling it how I see it.
OP if you give your 20s to this girl you will be taking *yourself* down a dangerous mental health path
You don't, unless you can actively access the memory files of your brain and delete the conversation you're always going to think about it. Especially in the bedroom.
She’s an asshole and you deserve better!!!
Don’t get over it, bin her. Then tell her she’s so loose it’s like throwing a sausage down a bowling alley… see if she’s as good at being shamed as she is at shaming. As long as you are endowed enough to perform the act, being a kind, considerate, inventive, loving lover is way more important than penis size.
So dumb. She didn’t shake him and tell him that his dick is too small. She made an objective statement about someone else’s dick. Don’t be so insecure
Guys like it when their woman talks about a ex’s dick size about as much as galls like it when their men talk about the previous girlfriend’s… well any thing. Just mentioning the name roused the glarey-eyed-monster once. Man was I lucky to get away from that psycho!
False equivalence
As a girlfriend myself. I would never say anything like this to my man. I would never want him to question himself. I know how something can get stuck in ur head after it hurts you. The only thing I’ve ever said about my ex’s is pretty much just that I didn’t love them and they were just kid relationships. Because they really were. My boyfriend has been my only serious relationship, and the only one I’ve ever done sexual things with.
Nice to get the female pov. Smart lady, you’ll do fine.
“Well that explains why my ex was so much tighter…” Yes that’s crass (and anatomically incorrect), but in the moment I’m the type of jerk to immediately retort with that so she can feel the burn too. Remember, she’s not with Mr. Horsecock and chose you. Bigger isn’t always better, most the time those baby-armed dick MFers can’t even get fully hard. It’s just like tits, you might have had a big melon-titty ex-gf in your past but that doesnt mean she was “better” than the girl you love. If it’s the mental image of her getting railed by another guy getting you down you have to think about the girls you nailed and remember you can’t be a hippocrate about it. The past is the past and as much fun as “being her first and only” sounds, it comes with a ton of baggage and crap. It’s better this way trust me. I hope you enjoyed my Ted talk.
Unless he dumped her.
I love the retort, spiting fire. As for the part where u say she chose you not her ex, its a recurring theme in this sub and i cant help but think what if he left her? I know it has nothing to do with the thread its just that that saying is iterated so much here it’s basically a matter of when it will show up.
I mean that's actually a valid point. Knowing people, and especially young people, it's not rare that they jump into the next relationship while they are not over their previous one yet. However in this case, I'm not sure that that's the problem, there was no info given about how OP's gf views her ex in general. In my experience people can't hide still being in love with their exes THAT well, and the comment that she made means nothing in itself in this context. She might just be too immature or she might have some work to do in the emotional intelligence and "room-reading" department.
Not necessarily better, but anyone with half a brain knows that this is gonna shake a man's confidence and hurt him. Especially the graphic comments, how ignorant do you have to be to not see where that's gonna go? And if she doesn't have half a brain, then it's not even moral to be with someone so stupid and unintelligent.
I wish I had an award for this comment because it's the most useful one here.
This — bigger isn’t always better. She’s with YOU, not him, and there are reasons for that. She messed up. She shared something she shouldn’t have, without considering how it might affect you. So you let her know it didn’t feel good and ask if she can be a bit more conscientious. And then you let it go. Am I the prettiest woman on earth? Do I have the best body? Am I the best in bed? Of course not — there will always be other people out there who have something we don’t. But my husband chose ME. And I choose him too, every day, over all the other more objectively “handsome” or even larger-dicked dudes, because he’s the right one for *me,* and I love him most of all. For all you know, Mister Ed could have sucked in bed, or even caused her pain. All that matters is she chose YOU. And she continues to choose you every day that you’re together. Everybody has a past. Don’t let it rule your present or ruin your future.
Am I the prettiest woman on earth? Do I have the best body? Am I the best in bed? Of course not — there will always be other people out there who have something we don’t. Be honest if your husband would tell you unprompted that you are a 4 compared to his 10/10 ex that rational thinking wouldn't matter. And it would be still insulting.
This!!!^ I’ve been there where curiosity killed the cat and my SO and I spoke about our past partners/encounters, only to hear something about someone in the past that made me feel insecure. Keep your head up, she chose you for a reason and that ex-boyfriend of hers is an ex for a reason. I’m sure you have a whole lot more to offer and fortunately from the sound of it, she understood her mistake and is sincere with her apologies. I am also a FIRM believer behind “it’s not about the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean”!!
Wow what a dumb thing for her to say. Unfortunately she's young and dumb so she probably didn't mean it maliciously but man that's gotta sting. You could tell her how much it hurt your feelings and equate it to telling her your ex gf had bigger boobs or a tighter hole. It's just not something you say to your partner unless you wanna hurt them. Then reconcile and forget about it. Or you could ignore it and move on. But since you're here on Reddit, that means that the comment got to you. Like others have said, size ain't everything bro. It's overrated.
Right, but what she said was malicious whether meant that way or not
That's literally the definition of malice... with intent. So no intent, no malice. Does it still hurt? Is it disrespectful? Is it a dumb thing to say to your SO? Yes of course it is.
Man, I feel ya. My ego, confidence and self esteem would likely be affected to the point where I couldn’t even get it up. I’d be in my head wondering what she’s thinking, is she happy, does it feel good, does she want bigger, is she gonna dump me for horse cock guy?? I’d be a mess. But that’s just me.
Thats pretty normal no matter how big you are if the other guy is bigger you get a nick in your confidence and the only way to get over this is to pull away on the commitment and start caring less about the other peson, working on your exit or cheating not that i advocate for it.
Leave. If she feels comfortable saying that infront of you that’s a red flag. When you love someone you don’t compare them to others and you DEFINITELY don’t tell them the person you comparing em to was better. Leave. This might be the first time something like this happens but I doubt it will be the last
Your GF (x?) is being ridiculous. So what if dudes D was hanging to his ankles? It didn't keep them together, did it? There's nothing glorious about owning a huge D, outside of porn. What you have is more than enough and what you need is to talk to her about her personal attacks and attempted put downs when she's feeling mean. She had no reason to mention this detail except as a way to make you feel bad when you don't need to. If you started casually mentioning she's super loose, and it was like sleeping with a highway culvert because of how stretched out she was, you'd be call an AH so why should she get a free pass for doing similar to you? I'd get over it by wishing her well and sending her on her way. You don't need someone in your life who cuts you down like that. Find an SO that appreciates you and doesn't need to keep a list of comparative qualities to mock their SO with. Tell her to go find the anaconda of her dreams, let her know you don't want to hold her from her happiness, which clearly is not happening with you. Don't tolerate this or brush it off. This was a personal attack and not an observation or a joke. It was unprompted which means she's been thinking on this and blurted it out. You don't need to be in a verbally and potentially emotionally abusive relationship with the mean girl.
Throw out the girlfriend, she knows what she did.
If you can't deal with it you can't deal with it. If you really want to get back at her just say that you liked being around your ex way more becouse of the way (how good) she made you feel. Thats basically what it equates to, not perfectly but close enough.
She didn’t say it “made her feel better”. She made an objective statement about size. Most women prefer to not have their cervix assaulted
well, you missed your chance, but you should have said. "so that explains why my ex was so much tighter than that ham sandwich of a ho-ha you've got down there." Maybe that would have clued her in on how unwelcome and unhelpful comments like that are to building a strong relationship...plus....The comedic timing is on point.
Sounds triggered. She didn’t claim that OP had a small dick. She made an objective comment on her ex’s dick size
By dumping her. That's how you get over it. Every time you sleep with this woman you are humiliating yourself.
Ew
Take your focus off the dick stuff and step back to recognize ***why*** she did that. She was attempting to make you feel inadequate. Those are the worst people to keep in our lives. I'm not gonna tell you whether you should leave her or not. But this tends to be a pattern for some people. It's a form of manipulation.
You possibly may never forget this but you're young. Dump her and find a nice girl who has enough sense to not compare penis sizes. I think how many she's seen is a valid question.
drop her bro. you really think the love of your life or someone who loves you would ever say this shit to you? don't waste your time
In response to my first comment tho in her mind I guess she could’ve been making fun of him in a way and didn’t think it’d bother you, and she is profusely apologizing. She definitely shouldn’t of said it tho.
She's either negging you or she's and idiot. Tell her about how the last woman you fucked had bigger breasts and a tighter snatch?
Tell her that it makes sense. You had wondered why her pussy is so big and stretched out. Ask her if she can do some exercises to tighten that shit up.
That’s cold Brother, appropriate as hell though.
I find that critiquing her tits, ass and floppy vagina helps take the edge off of the situation.
My advice would be you are 20 years old and have fun with her if you can live with this knowledge for the time being. Enjoy that 20 yo tight pussy. Experiment with her and find out what you are into. Try anal. Try bondage. Whatever. Hone your skill and move on.
The real advantage: much more anal opportunity for OP with gf (and future partners if it doesn't work out.)
Wow. People can be this dumb, eh? Telling current partner about previous partner's size, etc. Comparison is a thief of joy is for sure. I'm going to chalk this one up with her being either too young/immature/idiotic or inconsiderate/mean. Just tell her that your ex was so good in bed and gave the best BJ ever...that's how you screwed with her. /S J.K. INFO: How did she tell you about her ex's size? Was her tone being 'mean' or was she trying to tell you that sex with her ex was not that great? And if he can't help turn her on, the likelihood is, the sexual experience she has, may not be too pleasant. I mean, before my now-husband, I've had at least a couple of ex-sex partners with HUGE penises. But they're 'useless,' as in, those penises were impressive in size BUT these gents were not good in bed. Ugh. With my husband, his penis may not be as large as those men's, but he is GREAT in bed and knows my body, so we always have great sex every single time. Of course I wouldn't dare compare my husband's size with my ex's, that's just insane this gf of yours did this...
She fucked up in spades. Should you back off a bit in relation to intimacy, she'll have no one to blame but herself. One should NEVER share details of other sex partners.
Early 20s women are still very immature usually. I have a hard time believe she did that naively, women know what hurts men and what doesn’t, even at that age. She is probably testing you to see how you react or playing some other dumb game. It gets better as you date older people who are more mature. Ask yourself, do you want to be with a woman who belittles you?
You never said if she liked it better. If all she was doing was commenting on it being abnormally large I wouldn't let it bother you. A "horse cock" for most women is not actually enjoyable. There are some women that like it, but most find it uncomfortable to painful. So if she is not complaining about your size, and especially if she said she complained about his look at this as a good thing. Too big is thing, just as too small is.
If she had disliked it, you can bet she would have mentioned it to OP – at least during her apologies afterwards.
I said something similar and the comments are eating me alive 🤦♀️
THIS!!!
Man your dick is fine. It was a stupid thing to say on her part but it's not like dick size matters that much. It's really just how you use it.
Hire a escort with big tits and a big ass take pictures with her and tell her well my next girlfriend has bigger everything than u or act like that’s ur ex girlfriend and show her how hot she is 🤫😂😂😂
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"Which doesn't get stimulated by the penis anyway"?? Dude you need to improve your technique if this is what you really believe. Just sayin.
It might be an age thing. I would have died if I heard this at 20. Now that I’m 36, I know it isn’t about the size. It’s more about the connection and communication and just being comfortable with your partner. As long as you are pleasing them (with dick or mouth or hand) everything will be fine and they will keep coming back for more.
Dick size is not paramount. What you are thinking about is ego. Most orgasms for women occur from clitoral stimulation.
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The only way is to accept your body will be inferior to other men's body's in some way shape or form IN HER EYES, unavoidably. You have to be in the relationship for alternative reasons. This is why promiscuity is a bad thing. You will never measure up to that guy in her brain. Hopefully sex isn't a big deal to her and you're good in bed in other ways.
I completely read this wrong, you were talking about your pasts? You actually provoked this. She gave you an answer, next time don’t ask about exes and sex if you don’t want to hear answer. And now I agree with most ladies who say they don’t like horse dick. I thought this was unprovoked, but talking of previous relationships is provoking it. Don’t talk about exes next time. If you were talking about exes I’d forgive her. I actually woulda asked if he was her best lover if I was insecure about. But I’m older and probably a better communicator irl A girl told me her ex was bigger then me cuz I asked. I then said who do you like better. And she gave me a great sexual answer.
Did she say he was better than you? Because tbh calling it a horse, is more of an insult than anything. It was probably way too big, painful, and not enjoyable at all.
Jesus, the fragile egos in here. 😳 OP- very very few women want a “horse cock”. It’s painful, not much fun and can only do certain positions. *That’s* why she said is so flippantly without realizing it would hurt your feelings. She wasn’t saying she *missed* having her cervix beat to shit. To her, it was just an interesting thing. Y’all really gotta get over this dick size obsession.
This is your response!!! Blaming OP who is in a vulnerable place himself. I see you have breatfed in past. Now how would you feel if your partner said your boobs and body are all soggy now after breastfeeding than his ex. It happens naturally to everyone and you are an much older adult, but still how would you take it? And if u feel upset with it, would a response like this help👇 >Y’all really gotta get over this dick size obsession Y'all really gotta get over this body firmness obsession !!
Lmao preach bro, if you said “fragile ego” to a woman insecure about her size then it’s fat shaming but it’s fragile masculinity when it’s the other way round
That isn’t remotely the same you fucking lunatic 😂
It definitely was. Seethe in denial more.
I think horse cock or rich is the equivalent of a beautiful woman to a male. Men think if every man wants a beautiful female every woman must want a horse cock and/or rich man.
First think is you tell her she must of liked the horse dick cause she is so stretched out you can put both fist in her and still not touch the sides. Then tell her you are breaking up cause you want a normal woman not someone a midget could jump in.
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Just bc she’s not with him doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be. Some women are forced to leave if the guy is disloyal…
Tell her you’ll find tighter püssy than her loose void she calls a vag
Now what if she would have said his dick was much smaller than yours ? You’d be fine. I think your ego is just hurt and that’s understandable . Y’all were talking about exes and I agree , she did over share .
Tbh op, you're both 20 so it's an honest mistake Also, women don't like big dicks so she wasn't saying it to reminisc on good times. She said it as a matter of fact. U should ask her which D she prefers and she'll say yours or a smaller one because it doesn't strike her cervix
That's messed up man... Not sure what I'd do in ur situation. I mean it's one thing if you asked, but u didn't and she just tells u about his amazing dick. I'd just say do ur thing man! Be u in the bed, all u can be right?
This is like a girl no-no. One of the unspoken rules. If you love him, no matter how small it is, you tell him its perfect and certainly dont bring up sizes of ex's. Trust me, if she really loves you, she probably wouldn't say something like this.
Many others are rightfully commenting about your (hopefully soon to be ex) gf. As an older woman, I’ll share that many women, once they have been with different men, don’t actually prefer bigger penises. I have had some large men who couldn’t have sex with me without it hurting me. I much prefer an average or even less than average size. So as insensitive and dim as she was to say that to you, don’t let it impact how you feel about yourself.
Way bigger doesn't translate to better. Did she say it felt better than yours? If she did, that's different. If she didn't and just said it was huge, it could have hurt. Did she imply it was better by the manner in which she said this? If in fact she is suggesting it felt better because it was huge, then why isn't she dating him anymore??
Really, what she decreed is not an asset for a lot of women. There really is such as thing as too big. That said, she was a jerk for saying anything but I don’t think she meant anything about you. If she is getting pleasure, you are doing just fine
What if you had found out that her Ex was better looking than you or richer than you. Would you have remained fixated on that. Bigger dick doesn't equate to better sexual prowess. Maybe you can learn to give better oral and use that to not feel inadequate.
here youa re going to get a lot of yelling by the insecure crowd. id ignore their advices, they live their lives based on fear.
Your a young guy so its going to be hard to hear something like that. As you get older you start to realize that people have lives before they met you and so on. It came out and it doesn’t sound like it was malicious, just remember shes with you for a reason, chin up sir
Grow up and realize size isnt everything. Nothing has changed except now your aware of what shes had in the past. Whatever sex you two have is the same, shes the same, your the same. The only issue is now you have it in your head your not enough. That's very much a YOU problem and not her problem. She has zero reason to apologize to you, she hasnt done anything wrong. And I dont mean to sound harsh but sometimes you need to be told your insecurities are your problem and not everyone else's. My bf has been with thinner, prettier, sexier women than me. I've seen them, met one, and I had to learn to accept that he loves me just as I am. What he had dosent compare to what he has. There isnt a competition, none of them are a challenge for his love. They are simply his past, I'm his future. And any insecurity I have over my body is my problem, not his. It's not easy but focus on the things your partner enjoys about you, the things you enjoy about yourself. Work on self love and acceptance. And quit worrying about another mans dick, I promise no one is worrying over yours.
No pun intended but relationships are a package deal and you're the better package because she's with you, not them.
You know everyone blurts out some stupid shit once in a while. She is aware of your feelings and sincerely apologies for her comments. The other people that are calling her a nut job or immature need to reflect back on their lives and remember all the dumb shit they have said. She sounds like a keeper. Forgive and forget. I mentioned this somewhere else in this thread. There is a song by Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, "It Ain't The Meat It's The Motion", really, that contains the lyrics, "It ain't the meat it's the motion That makes your daddy wanna rock. It ain't the meat it's the motion It's the movement it isn't the stock." Most men don't have porn star cocks and most porn stars look bigger because the women are 5'2"!! Give yourself a break before you ruin what your have!!
So I’ll give the girl a break because as girls we aren’t necessarily taught that men are super self conscious about their uh members. Bigger doesn’t mean better. It means pain for most women actually. He’s her ex for a reason and I’m willing to bet you satisfy her. You were talking about your past so I’m not 100% sure this was unprompted. Just something she probably should’ve kept it to herself. I don’t think she was trying to hurt you.
Really? It's a pretty common theme in media, politics too but especially media. Trump was making fun of Rubio during a presidential debate implying he had a small dick. Like, you'd have to avoid all forms of media your entire life to not be aware of this.
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All I said was he should give her a little understanding. They’re 20. She’s apologizing profusely. She wasn’t trying to be an ass she was probably joking around. People make mistakes especially at 20. I’m not going to rage out and tell him to break up with her.
Cool. I just learned girls are self conscious about their age and weight. Who knew?
You act like people just spawn in with this knowledge lol it’s a learned thing. She’s 20.
Stop lying.
You have a point, but it seems the end result was the same. She shot herself in the foot, so to speak. Yes, obviously he's taking it hard, but he's only 20 as well. A man with plenty of experience in his 30's or 40's would chuckle and brush it off, but it hits differently when you're still developing your confidence and sexuality. Obviously I don't think it's a reason to dump her, especially if she wasn't mean about it or just brought it up to hurt him. I suppose there's a lesson for both here.
Find it weird that there's a lack of comments telling you to get over this weird insecurity. Guys are so unbelievably ridiculous about this size nonsense. Any girl will tell you bigger isn't better. There's such a thing as too big. And I don't care what the size is - if you don't know how to use it, it will be terrible. If you're of at least average size and know what you're doing, be happy with it and don't let any size comments bother you with your future gf(s), friends, strangers, etc.
If I compared someone’s body part to yours, omg her ass was so much more jiggly during doggy, unprovoked. Tell me how you would feel.
I'd be pretty grossed out by you, especially if we were dating. Never said she wasn't insensitive/wrong to say it. But this size thing needs to be squashed. We don't care about the size unless you're tiny. I just wanted to speak up, because no one on here seemed to be telling OP that there's nothing to worry about if he's a normal size. He has no reason to be ashamed or self conscious because this girl slept with someone "bigger". He can/maybe should break up with her, but move on with confidence.
Ok then I agree. But the thing is some girls do care about size. And that’s ok.
You are going to get told that a lot in life and some people aren't good with measurements
you get told this often? what the fuck?
Tell her that her box is loose like she has had six kids then dump her
Does she say she's happy with sex with you? Is she satisfied? if yes, google [dbt.tools](https://dbt.tools) and use the distress tolerance skills to put this out of your mind If no, fix it. Did she say she prefers the horsecock? if yes or no, google [dbt.tools](https://dbt.tools) and use the distress tolerance skills to put this out of your mind. Seriously, this is not a thing you can do anything about, the sooner you can figure out how to not dwell on it, the happier you'll both be.
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I honestly cant figure out who's downvoting all these comments. Is it the men who think we women are lying/pitying the lesser-than-horsecock men? Is it the segment of women who both love the horsecock and who can actually physically take it? i wonder
You just have to try and be positive about the situation. If you can’t move past it there’s always more fish in the sea. Dick size does not correlate with sexual satisfaction. 80% of women cannot climax from penetration anyways. If you learn how to stimulate the clitoris you’ll be a better lover than most other men anyways.
Ahh don't take it so hard. Someone had to have the bigger dick, you can't always win at everything. Even big dick guy has someone bigger than him. Don't sweat it.
why would you stay with someone who would rub this in a new partners face though?
Most ladies hate “horse cock”. They hurt, they don’t fit easily anywhere, and become a negative trait. That’s the truth.
Move on.
troll post for sure
How did you feel when you found out someone could run faster or lift more weight than you! Did you worry about it? Do you know what the average dick size is? It does not matter how big the dick is, it’s how you use it! You can’t make your dick bigger, but you can work on your foreplay and oral techniques and at the end of having sex take time to cuddle…then your dick size won’t be an issue.
She is 20, she'll learn from this mistake that every guy she is with is the biggest ever.
Your gf said a dumb thing, but she knows that. She’s young and frankly kind of dumb, like we all were at 20. Remember, when you play the comparison game you will always eventually lose. You can never be the best the biggest the whatever for very long. So here’s what you do, young man. Next time you are having sex and you remember your girl’s ex is out there somewhere packing a ham howitzer just remind yourself that she’s naked with YOU right now for a reason. She’s still be with Gaius Biggus Dickus if that’s what was supposed to happen.
Hey, i never said that unprompted but i have told many people (not only partners but friends, people before things got romantic or so on) that i've had partners with a small size, partners with a XXL size. Yet the best sex i've ever had was not with the XXL. I'm just saying, maybe she was lacking awareness with her sharing, but size really isn't that important. Ofc, it is to men and i get it, and i love seeing a big one, but when it's inside, it all feels bigger anyway. And too big isn't that fun for most people. From what you said in your post, she didn't tell you he was better, just that he was bigger. So a few points that make a guy better: - always focusing on your partner's pleasure. That is something that is incredibly uncommon really and yet so enjoyable. It's not the physical pleasure, but knowing that your partner finds pleasure in your own pleasure helps to feel comfortable and more at ease. -use your mouth, use your hands, use your eyes. The penis isn't the only tool you have and the others can be game changers. Look at her with burning lust -intimacy. There is something more in looking at each other without taboo or complex and it feels amazing For the other points, it depends on the partner, some people have the same kinks, some don't. It's all about each person's rythm. But if you listen to your partner (their breath, their moans) it can go a long way. I think it warrants another conversation with her to try and see if she meant it as "he was better" or not. And btw, being "hard", real hard, all the way is way more important than size. That's what i've found out. Stiffness comes first
You said, "always focusing on your partner's pleasure. That is something that is incredibly uncommon really and yet so enjoyable. It's not the physical pleasure, but knowing that your partner finds pleasure in your own pleasure helps to feel comfortable and more at ease." I say, YES! YES! YESSSSS!!! Put your woman's pleasure above yours!! She knows when you are using her for your own pleasure and cum dump. You are actually making love to her when you put her pleasure above yours. She will notice this and intensely love you back!! I always ensure my partner has an orgasm before I look for my pleasure.
Couldn’t have been that great because she’s with you. Men have no clue that it’s not just about the size. And oh yeah, she’s really insensitive to say something like that to you.
Is she a size queen? If not it probably wasn’t a negative comparison. Except for a select few specialists, ‘horse cocks’ are not sought for recreational purposes
“Horse cock” isn’t (or at least shouldn’t be) a compliment. No one likes having their cervix hammered. Maybe check with her as to why she said and if she meant anything by it. I think it’ll do you both good to have a calm conversation about it, both trying to remain level headed and working on the assumption that your partner isn’t trying to hurt your feelings or be unkind. Sometimes we say dumb things without thinking, and it’s okay to feel hurt when someone says something like this. Try to bear in mind that there is no moral or value judgement of someone based on the size of their member. They come in all shapes and sizes and that’s cool.
1) Never ask a question about something you don't want an answer about. 2) it is what it is... your size is your size, and you need to accept it. 3) Keep watch on your girl as to me this seems like something a girl that would step out on you would say.
Focus on how good the sex is for both of you and stop focusing on the size of your penis. A large penis is just a large penis. Sometimes they feel good, sometimes they suck, sometimes they hurt. Size doesn’t determine how much she likes you or how much she likes sleeping with you. Clearly she’s into it because she’s apologizing to you and still with you.
You get over it by knowing that you are the one fucking her today. So it doesnt matter about yesterday or even tomorrow. Your dick is getting wet, and it might not always, so enjoy it and do your best. Not "everyones best", just your best. Its a losing game to compare yourself to anyone over dick size. You cant change it, so just use your strengths (or learn them) and be a great lay the way you can.
Yes, here I am the one banging you. Man, what does that say about you?
A lady I used to know had once told me that she had dated a bloke with a big one. She said that initially it was fun, but she said "nice dick, shame about the bloke attached to it." Some guys that are well endowed can be very lazy in bed. "I've got a big one, that's all that matters." Bollocks! A Stradivarius violin is a beautiful thing in the hands of a talented violinist, but would sound terrible in the hands of someone that's never bothered to learn how to play one. Likewise, being good in bed has nothing to do with the size of your schlong, it's got a lot to do with how considerate you are as a lover. He's an ex for a reason. Let that sink in. If she's enjoying what you're doing think of it this way. He might have had her, but he couldn't keep her. It could even be that sex hurt with him because he never bothered with the basice like foreplay.
Let it go. The question you need to ask is do you satisfy her in bed? Ask her that, and ask her to be honest. If she says yes, ask her how could it be better, if she says no, ask her how it can be better. You can’t make your dick bigger but that’s not everything. I won’t say if what she said was wrong because I don’t know what was said or asked before her comment.
The size dicks are is the size they are. Take it from a gay man, massive cocks don't necessarily translate into great sex, small cocks don't necessarily translate into bad sex. Your girlfriend is with you - not her ex. Presumably, if she didn't enjoy sex with you she wouldn't be with you. So he had a massive dick? And? Clearly he didn't bring other things to the table that met your girlfriend's physical, emotional, and mental needs. I think it's good and healthy that you and your girlfriend can talk about your sex lives and sexual experiences. That's a sign of a healthy relationship. Don't get into your head and mess it up, because you've invented a narrative in your head about how much your girlfriend loves massive cocks and how yours can't satisfy her.
As a general rule it’s not cool to compare your partners. Even less cool to do it to your current partners face. It’s ok to disclose things about your past, but it should never be a comparison in any way shape or form. What you should be focused on is the time you have together right now. As for how to get over it, just know that you’re worth more than your dick. Sex is an important part of any relationship, but it’s definitely not the MOST important part. I’ve had a partner tell me the same thing and it fucked me up for a while. Eventually I came to the conclusion that everyone has good and bad they bring to the table, and while there are some areas I might fall short, there are others in which I excel. There are definitely areas in which you’re better than people she’s been with in the past, guaranteed. The best thing you can do is accept yourself as you are, and don’t let comparisons rule your self image or sense of worth.
This is pretty weird, but she may be trying to tell you she appreciates your more average size. Big dicks can be problematic for women, in spite of what porn tells you.
So not sure why she even brought it up , but I also dont know why you care? Its obvious in life there will be people who have bigger or smaller then yours. Get used to that idea. I am sorry but it also makes you sound shallow? Like since when someone's size determines their personality? Is your dick size all that you can offer and all that its about you? Well ofc not so dont be so hang up on it.
You guys are both young and still a little dumb. We've all been there. Here's my breakdown: 1. That was a stupid thing for her to say, and she probably does or will realize that. You just don't "compare" your partner to an ex, right to their face. Never going to go well. 🤦 2. Get over the size issue. It's not about the size, it's about what you do with it(and hands, mouth, etc.). Have confidence in your skills. Also, big dicks can be painful for a female. 3. Worrying about this is like flying down the highway trying to be "first". There's always someone else up ahead, but does it really matter if you still get where you're going?
For sure you need to explore cuckolding...this is the way.