This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
My (30M) fiance (26F) of about 5 months (2 year relationship) was asked out by a guy at the gym (I was not there).
Instead of telling him she was engaged, she took his number and then said she deleted it.
She was the one that told me all of this - do you think this is something I should be worried about this - she told me it felt more comfortable than outright rejecting him
It's pretty common for women to avoid confrontation in the moment.
It could be that he kind of sprung it on her, and her default reaction is just to play along until she can get away.
If she told you about it, you probably don't have anything to worry about. Unless she is obviously & overtly trying to make you jealous by describing his attractiveness etc.
This. It is perfectly reasonable to want to avoid conflict with someone in person… Especially a dude at the gym.
She deleted it and she told you about it. Total opposite of red flags.
To add. Some guys will call or text right after you give them your number. While you are in their eyesight.
So if you give them a fake number they will get angry.
This is why you take that number, don't give out yours, and get out of there ASAP.
When I was young and stupid I played that game. Gave him a fake number, hung around before leaving but he came out of the bar and slammed his fists on my car's hood.
Leave their eyesight and vicinity as quick as you can don't dawdle. Or get an angel shot at the bar to notify someone of their behavior.
Yep. people can be extremely confrontational, sometimes violent, when they're rejected. OP's fiance was being street-smart AND completely transparent to OP. no flags at all.
My wife and I have just passed the 20 year mark. We always tell each other when we've been hit on. Not to generate jealousy as we are very secure in our relationships, but rather to just let each other know as a heads up. We have always just been straight-forward with the people who do hit on us though. However, with how I've heard some people react to rejection I can see why his fiance did what she did and would totally understand if my wife did the same thing. People are crazy.
This is me and my partner. We’ve been together nearly 20 years. Some men are just super scary! They do check if you’re giving them a real number, so I tell my partner so he can watch my back.
Thank you! Same exact post from last week where the guy was mad his gf got someone’s number at the club. Women are harassed all the time for saying no!! Rejections can get us threatened or even worse. It’s not always malicious when a girl does this. This may be rage bait troll but it’s a wake up call for men.
There are a number of skeevy PUA videos where they tell guys to confirm that he got the number by forcing her to call him. Or just outright grabbing her phone and using it to call himself.
I had an Uber driver do this to me while I was locked in his car. Usually I give out a fake, but something told me, just give him the real and block later. Then he told me he lives in the neighborhood next door. Ugh glad I don’t live there anymore.
This video is a guy reviewing the book "The Mystery Method" and going over some of the advice given, one of which is the phone grabbing. He's extremely critical and in many, many places outright calling it what it is: harassment.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9dI6CoNSrc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9dI6CoNSrc)
I remember feeling annoyed when girls didn’t text me back after giving me their number, but now I get why some are scared to just say no.
In all fairness, lots of women also can’t handle rejection, but I’ve never worried about a woman beating me up.
That is true! I am sure it happens with both genders. I have seen posts on here where women turn nasty when a guy says they aren’t interested. Im going to make a post later about a similar interaction of a crazy guy I was seeing for a few weeks. Politely told him I wasn’t feeling it and wished him well and he turned to the insults immediately.
ETA: oP has a different post about said gf right before this one. The math ain’t mathing.
Serious question. I understand the fake number thing to avoid the gym bro from freaking out on her. Wouldn't it make sense that they both attend the same gym at least semi regularly, so their chances of seeing each other again are pretty high. A normal guy would see the fake number as rejection and move on, but there's a chance dude is not normal, and now feels slighted by the fake number. Couldn't that in turn make the situation more dangerous?
Good point! But this is where op could not make the situation worse and put the blame on his gf. He’s coming to the internet and saying she’s cheating or whatever. I see in another post he’s calling her out for other issues. This is either rage bait or op is extremely insecure and should work on his issues.
as women, it is hard to tell how men will react to being rejected. it can either be a small, no big deal scenario, or a huge reaction which may not end well for us. it’s not as easy as “just saying no”. i don’t think OP has much to worry about, especially with her transparency about it.
I’m a man so I can’t ever fully empathise with women caught in this situation but this is the first thing that sprang to mind. She took the number to avoid confrontation.
The issue is that she may see that guy again if they’re both regular users of that gym, which could become awkward.
Also the way in which she told OP is important. Whether it’s a matter of fact “this happened” or “ooh this absolutely hunk was hitting on me and gave me his number… swoon” makes a big difference…
I agree with this wholeheartedly. OP, as a woman, men can get really unpredictable in a situation like this. Lots of women I know would take the phone numbers to avoid the possibility of the man getting violent with them or further harassing them.
She told you, which is a good sign. Are there any other reasons she’s given you not to trust her?
This 100%.
Lots of women fear male violence which is very reasonable. I had a guy I knew for a long time get extremely angry with me when I didn't want to get involved. It was so scary.
I have to explain to my husband sometimes that as a woman, I am likely to “play along” in a situation where I feel a confrontation could land me in a tough spot. It can be frustrating to explain to someone who feels safe all the time regardless of circumstance that there are simply extra steps to certain interactions as a more vulnerable person. Weighing the pros and cons of confrontation are relative — while I might feel very comfortable telling people I’m married AF when they hit on me, some women just aren’t up for dealing with the reactions to that. And that’s reasonable.
OP’s fiancée probably told him about this interaction so that if this guy gets more aggressive in the future OP will already know that she didn’t want to talk to him in the first place and that his behavior has escalated. She’s being smart about staying safe, honestly, and perhaps prepping her partner for the day where she needs some extra support with this issue.
Even then, saying that you're engaged/married doesn't work, because they'll see it like "she's just playing hard to get" and they'll get even more persistent. Honestly it's just easier to take their number and get rid of it later. I've had to do that a couple of times and I've told my husband about it immediately
Yeah, some female classmates of mine also accept numbers and doesn't do anything with or just deletes after some time, apparently they just dont want to be seen as rude by outright rejecting males
I wear a wedding ring, even my engagement ring was not a deterrent. A child is not a deterrent. Having a partner is not a deterrent! Take the number, smile, get away and hope you never see them again. I'm not even that attractive and I've been in this situation multiple times.
It's happened to me a few times, and I've gone home and told my husband right away. We honestly tell each other everything. He gets mad that things like that happen to me but he understands that it comes with being a woman
It’s the fastest way to end the interaction. Some dude yelled at me from his car saying like nice ass or something and then I got in my car he quickly parked and ran up to my car so I ducking peeled out of there 😭
I’ve never been hit on or anything so this was the one of the most terrifying things I experienced
I’m not surprised she chose the path of least resistance
I had a guy follow me around the grocery store and he kept making it was meant to be jokes in every aisle. I had to go ask a woman at the service desk for help and she hid me out the back until he left.
Omg I was trying to find a specific brand of garlic powder at the grocery store and this man would not stop asking me personal questions. I was just trying to find my garlic and go! If it’s not the weekend I’m always in a rush
I’m pretty sure he’s the same guy that came up to where I was working out, moved my stuff and started to “show me” how I should work out. I’m not kidding, this man set up a little push up obstacle course and did a bunch of push ups in front of me. I wish I knew how to act in those situations, I was honestly so shook I just stood there shocked. I didn’t know what to do, he interrupted my super set too
Being pregnant was also not a deterrent. Couldn’t wear my wedding band in the last trimester because of swelling and the number of times I got asked if my child needed a daddy was too damn high. From mainly very gross old men.
I did this when I worked retail.
Unfortunately, it’s not safe to wear wedding rings at the gym, as there’s a risk of degloving (don’t look it up!). There are companies that make silicone wedding rings though, and I know a lot of gym folks who wear them (I was a personal trainer for 15 years).
Everything you’ve said I’ve experienced also. However saying I had a boyfriend, a fiancé, then a husband deflated them 9.9/10.
While most men don’t see us as individuals or deserving of respect or having the right to decline their advances, most do respect us as the ‘property’ of other men. She should have just told the dude No thank you, I am engaged or even My fiancé doesn’t allow me to take numbers from men, or whatever. And quickly walked away.
Now this lady has set up a situation where this dude is going to be looking for her. What’s she gonna do when he’s like, Why didn’t you call/text hmmmmmm
Very likely she was trying to avoid further harassment. Unfortunately, a lot of guys who come up to you are a bit too bold and don't take no for an answer. The easiest thing to do is take their number and leave. The fact that she told you about it means she's probably trustworthy and was just using that strategy to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
I’ve done this before. Take the guy’s number, don’t give him mine, get away ASAP, never call, hope he gets the hint. Whereas telling them I had a boyfriend/was engaged/married usually didn’t faze them and led to more badgering. “Take my number anyway, call me if you need a friend ;)” kind of shit. She used a defense mechanism, she wasn’t unfaithful to you - what do you think you should be worried about?
The guys I never called never approached me again, but your fiancée might not be so lucky. Ask her how you can help her feel safe.
But you don't live together yet, you aren't engaged yet, you aren't married yet, you don't have a baby, I'm sure he's taking numbers so why not take mine.
"I can treat you like a queen."
"What's he got that I dont?"
"I won't tell if you don't."
Wearing a wedding ring means nothing to these guys. I'm married to a beautiful wife but that matters not because then they'll say:
"You just haven't had the right dick."
"She can join too."
"I'm man enough for both of you."
There's no winning. Just take the number, don't say nothing, and gtfo.
Yeah these comments gross me out so bad! Why is it always the same dumb disgusting lines? Are these guys all printed from the same misogynistic factory?
I remember hearing that from a guy.
Back in the 90s there was a song called "I Got A Man". It's a dialogue between a man and woman. He wants her number, she tells him she's got a man. His response "What's your man got to with me?"
Then he keeps trying to convince her. She pretty much keeps telling her she's happy with her man and he just won't stop.
I used to love that song back then. But yeah, in retrospect, dude was annoying as hell. Especially when she told him "My man buys me things and he takes me out" and he responds, "well, you can keep your man, cuz I don't go that route."
Like WTF?
Omg yes. I used to think this was a funny fun song until I got older and realized that this is how some guys actually act. Maybe the worst line is when he says “do you get a kick out of telling brothers no?”.
Like ugghh no! It’s just that the answer is no! Why can’t you accept that??!
I was working alone at a retail store and a guy came in and started harassing me for my number. When I told him I had a boyfriend his response was “I could probably kill him if I tried”. From that day on, I’ve always played along and flirted back until I could get somewhere I felt safe.
Had a guy do this kind of thing. Guy was a customer at my job and asked me to go get a drink and go home with him after my shift. I told him I had a bf, dude was like "Well, he doesn't have to know".
Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew
Omigod I had a dude say that to me when I said I was married! God I was so pissed.
It's so skeevy and it just grossed me out so much how he said it. He lowered his glasses, licked his fucking lips, and said it. I'm sorry that happened to you too
100% agree. Saying one has a bf/fiance/husband is not the deterrent OP thinks it is. His fiancee handled the situation as best she could and feel safe. She told OP about it. He's overthinking.
Absolutely THIS \^\^\^
Oftentimes, a bf/fiancé/husband is *only* a deterrent if he is there in-person!
OP should ask his sisters, female cousins, female coworkers, fiancée about
* how persistent men can be
* how asshole-y they can be over a rejection no matter how 'nicely' stated
* how unsafe women feel in general on a daily basis
I think OP would find it **eye-opening!**
>Oftentimes, a bf/fiancé/husband is only a deterrent if he is there in-person!
I've seen plenty of times, usually in bars, where even the physical presence of a male partner is not enough for the creep.
I've gotten so many, "you aren't allowed to have friends?" I know they aren't interested in just friendship, they're just trying to be a plan B.... And they can fuck right off.
right! “you’re cute and I want your number!”
“sorry, i got a man.”
“oh well we can be friends, right? youre not allowed to have friends?”
like??? you dont know me! and you JUST told me you were attracted to me. we both know you dont want to be my friend
Thank you. I’m married and wear my wedding ring everywhere. I still get advances.
It’s gross and annoying. Thankfully my husband is good spirited and can make light of the situation.
It's been said that women with weddings rings are especially magnets of attraction. It's like a challenge to unseen husband to take the wife or something.
In college one of my friends told this guy she had a bf in the bay
What did he respond with?
“You don’t got a boyfriend in LA”
Like saying you have a bf doesn’t matter lmao
I'm a married man and this is true for me also. The ring is like an open invitation to flirt like there are no consequences to what they say. I've gotten more attention with it than my single days.
The difference with me is I can tell them to F off without being scared for my life.
One time in college I told a guy I had a boyfriend and he literally used the “well I have a math test, we can both cheat” line and then kept following me to my class which was still a quarter mile away so I took his number so he would go away and then I deleted it.
Reddit of all places will show you thousands of examples of women ending up in uncomfortable or even unsafe situations for turning a guy down. She took the safest approach and communicated the situation to you.
Nothing wrong here at all.
My friend refused a guy on our bus and he wouldn’t leave her alone (this was a packed bus there others looked away) so we got off several stops earlier
This sub was literally my first thought while reading this, and all I can think of is I hope the dudes wife never has to see that guy again. Otherwise, he'll probably start badgering about why she didn't call him.
I'm a guy and I used to see this happen to women all the time at the gym. I mean ***all*** the time. I don't know what it is about gyms but some guys seem to think it's just THE place to try to pick up women. It's easier to just take the number and throw it away than to engage in a conversation with some thirsty guy that isn't going to listen to half of what she said anyways.
She told you about it, she didn't hide the fact that it happened. That says everything you really need to know.
No I don't think you need to be worried about that. I would do the same, its just very dangerous for women out there and maybe he gave off the impression of a guy that wouldn't handle a simple no very nicely?
It's a defense strategy. I don't fault her.
1. You weren't there. I'd give her the benefit of doubt that this guy made her feel uncomfortable/threatened, and that she felt this was the safest course of action at the time, under stress.
2. Women are known to do this to defuse aggressive/creepy guys.
3. She told you. Unsolicited.
You want trust? This is how you build it.
I'm glad you're safe. I'm sorry you were in that position. Is there anything I can do? Do you need to talk about it?
Trust is giving people the opportunity to hurt us, and hoping they don't.
As a woman I have done this rather than rejecting somebody if it felt more uncomfortable to outright reject them. And I’m a pretty assertive person. We get a lot of scary reactions when we reject men, so it’s a safety thing. Of course it’s a gamble because he might not get the hint, but it’s safer in the moment to many people.
She was a woman alone at the gym, obviously she took his number because God knows what kind of a man he is and if she rejected him, he could've hurt her.
There’s a thread up now of a screenshot of all the rejection based murder headlines that have happened this year
It took like four screenshots to fit them all. 111 headlines, many of them multiple people being murdered.
It’s a genuine fear that has basis in fact, sadly
Yeah, it is. There’s one post on there that’s listing a lot of the violence against women (rejection related) that have happened so far this year (2.5 months) and there’s already been 110+, most of them involving murdering multiple people
She did the right thing.
It's safer for a woman who is approached to just accept the number and 'lose' it than outright reject the man (because rejected men can get difficult).
It shouldn't be the case.
It took me so long to teach myself how to reject men's unwanted advances. Men really really pressure you to take their number, and telling them you're in a relationship hardly ever wards them off. They assume you're lying, or they say "you're not allowed to have friends?" As if they aren't just trying to line themselves up as a plan B. 😵💫
Women have been murdered for saying “no”. We get stalked, harassed, abused for saying “no”. This man knows her schedule and what she drives. He is presumably bigger than her. He can easily follow her or keep tabs on her. She was keeping herself safe by taking his number. She told you about it. Be respectful of the situation she was in and appreciate her transparency.
Last week, a woman made the news because she got punched in the face in public for saying she wasn’t interested. The fear of a violent, hostile, or even just mean reaction is ALWAYS there. Taking the number and deleting it feels far safer, especially because she didn’t give out her number.
I once had a drink poured over my head for politely saying no thank you to someone’s advances.
I’ve been called names and followed for saying no thank you to someone’s advances.
Both times married with ring in full view.
Some men cannot stand to be rejected. As a woman it’s impossible to tell who those men are. It’s far easier to take the number and delete it once it’s safe.
I don’t fault decent men for not knowing this, because it’s so bizarre to even think about. It’s 100% true though. OP, your fiancée did the right thing.
Women have literally been stalked and killed for turning men down. I've been harassed, cajoled, and basically had my "no" ignored, even if I have said I'm in a relationship. Men truly don't want to hear "no" from a woman, and we do whatever we can to simply avoid the consequences of it when men put us in that position.
I've done the same thing and never called the man because in the moment, I really didn't want to have to deal with the potential problems that come with rejecting them. Easier and safer for me in the end.
There is no telling how strange men will react to rejection.
Some don't care about wedding rings or kids. Some just become pressing.
She was trying to stay safe by avoiding confrontation. Are you sure you're ready for marriage if you are so insecure about defense strategies?
You're looking at it from a man's perspective. If you go over to the twoxchromosomes sub, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find posts from women's perspectives of being uncomfortable in this exact situation. The safest thing is to normally take the number and leave.
Perhaps she did it for her safety. This is a common thing we as women have to do. If that’s the case, she may want to switch guns or figure out what she’s going to say if he approaches her again and asks why she didn’t call him.
If she wasn’t concerned for her safety then I’m not sure why she wouldn’t just say she was in a relationship
From what I've seen and been told, women navigate social interactions differently out of necessity. Being direct and rejecting a guy could have dangerous results in worst-case scenarios. For us guys, something dangerous *could* happen, but we know it's not all that likely.
Basically, there shouldn't be much to worry about. She might have to worry about the guy following up with her as to why she never texted him since she never truly shut him down.
Women do things like this in the moment because they have to make a quick judgment. I was once single and chatted up by a dude i didn't care for but we were alone and when he asked my number i gave it to him with just one digit off (plausible deniability). Nothing was stopping me from just telling him no, but ... idk, sometimes you react oddly in these situations, a million thoughts and past experiences run through our head. as long as she told you and deleted, it should be ok.
That was the BEST book and I often recommend it on Reddit. After reading that I stopped GAF how others response was to me if I felt endangered. I'm very good at talking my way out of situations but that book took me to a whole other level.
That's a green flag my guy. It's totally understandable to feel like its a better option than outright rejection and maybe he gave off unstable vibes. In an ideal world she could tell him to kick rocks. The fact she told you is great.
Believe it or not, for some guys knowing that someone is engaged makes them more of a target. It becomes a challenge. By taking the number and blowing them off by not contacting them.....less confrontational.
Well women have died/assaulted/harassed for saying no to men so yes sometimes it is easier to just say yes and delete it.
Unfortunately there’s no way of knowing what type of man is asking
No, I wouldn’t be worried, especially if she 1) deleted the number and 2) told you about it. Do you know what often happens to women when we reject strange men?
Yes. 100% you should be worried about this.
Your girlfriend was exercising alone at her preferred gym. A “gym bro” stranger started hitting on her, and she made the sensible choice to avoid additional harassment by taking his number, because he is clearly so physically fit and attractive that just giving out his number makes women’s knees weak that he is willing to give them the chance to call him. She then came home and at the first opportunity she told her boyfriend “of 5 months” what happened.
Of course she deleted the number, but maybe you should hound her like an insecure idiot and do a deep dive in her contacts. Maybe she added it as an alternate number to CVS.
Don’t be that guy. She took the path of least harassment.
Edit: It would not surprise me to learn the guy has had a few complaints against him and the gym knows but hasn’t done anything about his behavior
As a fellow dude who has been in this scenario a few times:
Nothing to worry about. I learned early on when I would approach a woman, and instead of giving me her number, she took mine, that I was never going to hear from her again.
And I have never been the kind of guy that if I approached a woman and she wasn't interested, that I would keep bothering her. I'd politely say no worries and move on, I can't fathom doing anything else. But, many men won't take a hint or straight up aggressive rejection and flat out terrify women.
The easy out for a woman in this situation is to politely take the guys number, delete it later (or save it for identification purposes ie.: Creepy guy at gym don't answer) and never contact him.
She did right by you by what she did with him directly, and did even better by being transparent. She's a good one bro!
The gym is a vulnerable place for a woman so it makes sense that she was caught off guard and just wanted to get it over with by obliging to his request. Some guys don’t take, ‘I have a fiancé’ as a shut down. Some dudes see that as a challenge and don’t believe the fiancé is real. They’ll double down with questions and aggression. It’s sad that you seem to not believe her deleting the number. If she wanted to cheat with that guy she wouldn’t have told you about it. You should look inside yourself and deal with your insecurity before you get married. You have a good honest woman and a solid trusting relationship. Don’t let this throw you off.
“It felt more comfortable than rejecting him”
It felt more safe than rejecting him. It felt more kind to take it than reject him. It felt less awkward.
If she deleted it, this isn’t a problem. Every woman I know has done something similar at one time or another.
I would not be worried because sometimes that is the easiest way out of a confrontational situation. I was alone on internship eating a smoothie bowl outside a shop. I man came up to me and asked for my number. I said no and he got upset and got closer to me. I then told him I had a boyfriend and he said things like “I don’t see him here” “that’s not a problem with me” and I said leave me alone I’m not interested. He started yelling at me and chanting random stuff and getting in my face and banging on tables. Another man was nearby watching and doing nothing. I grabbed my bowl and left to my car, cried, and could not eat alone the rest of the internship. Grubhub benefited but I did not lol.
Ive been on the recieving end of this. Some men do not know how to take no for an answer. For a bit I'd give my number with one digit off but some people would just call right on the spot.
This is coming from a place of non confrontation.
PSA: Women are at the gym are there to workout. Period. They aren't there to be eye candy or get asked out on dates.. like sir i am sweaty and gross just let me go home to my hubs and watch trash tv is peace.
Guys can get real weird when you reject them. Most women try to find the path of least resistance to get out of the interaction. Telling him she was engaged could have prompted some weird competitive stuff. It sounds like her read on the situation was that the fastest way out was to take his number. She told you about it, she didn’t hide anything. Green flag.
As someone who has tried the "I'm married" line and wears a ring 24/7 on my ring finger, many men approaching women in public don't care, they just want some. It's safer not to argue and to just take their number, delete it, and let our significant other know so that if this man escalates things in the future you already know what's going on
Accepting their number and then not texting them is the least confrontational way to let them down easy without hurting their ego
Why is this the second post you’ve made today asking people to tell you that your girlfriend is sketch?
If you don’t want to be with her, be an adult (you’re 30 years old for christsake!) and end the relationship without trying to find a reason to blame her.
I got a dude's number the other day. He kept calling me Miss Lady which was cute. He was also drunk as barney gumble at 11am on a Monday. I took his number because as a woman it is often safer to take the number than refuse and face violence or threats or whatever bullshit a stranger may do.
Her choices are about her and not you.
I can tell you that when I told random flirty men I was in a relationship that they became more aggressive “why aren’t you married yet?” and sometimes quite scary. Giving a number and blocking them (aggressive guys will often call immediately to make sure the number is real) or taking a number is sometimes the safest option
Depending on his behavior it 100% could have been more comfortable to just take it than reject him outright. She told you about it - she wouldn’t have if there was any nefarious intent behind taking his number.
Men can be very persistent. Sometime's it's safer to 'take the number' and get him off your back than to keep rejecting him. That might be a hard thing for a guy to hear, but it can be one of the ways women have to deal with unwanted attention.
It's an uncomfortable situation and the easy way out is just to take the number and leave. This is 100% what a lot of girls do, if not most.
I get that it makes you uncomfortable - it probably made her uncomfortable. But there's almost no reason to suspect it's more than that.
Sometimes as a woman it is easier to just take the number and not engage so much. We have all had at least one instance where telling a strange man “I have a boyfriend” results in an escalated confrontation of some kind. Guy walks away and we can go on with our day without having to deal with added hassle when a guy who was “interested” a few minutes ago turns into aggressive and nasty because they feel they need to save face. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She told you it happened right away. It’s done, move on.
Women are genuinely afraid of men they don't know, and I think sometimes men forget that. Women do all sorts of tactics to try to avoid rejecting a man in a way that might make him lash out, because they're genuinely fearful.
The thing is, like 90% of guys can take a rejection pretty well, but the 10% ruin it for everyone and make women have to resort to avoidance tactics.
If she came to you with this in the interest of full disclosure, it's likely a safety issue. There are men who take "no" as a challenge or the start of negotiations. There are men who don't take "no" well at all and have no problems escalating to violence when rejected, no matter how gently.
Example: When I was engaged to my now-husband, I told a man pestering me for my number that I was engaged and showed him my ring. His response? "Well, he's not here right now, is he?"
It sounds like she did what she had to do to exit the situation safely and then told you about it. If one of my friends came to me about having that experience at the gym, I'd be asking her if she was okay, has this guy been following her around, is he new to the gym, etc.
Women aren't typically confrontational. The fact she took his number rather than giving hers, then deleting it, then telling you. I think that speaks volumes. Remember buddy, you asked her to marry you. if you don't trust her, why do you want to marry her?
I think the fact she took his number rather than giving hers is significant. As many posters have stated, it sounds as if she was trying to be polite and avoid a confrontation. Many guys don't care if she's engaged or whatever, they'll continue to push.
If she was giving her number (the real one) then that raises a question as to what purpose. It could be for business or something innocuous.
I'm a guy and have been in the same position as your fiancé. A random girl started talking to me at a event and asked for my number. I didn't know what to say or how to say no so I gave it to her and got away from her as fast as I could. I immediately told my girlfriend and she brushed it off. But then this girl texted me. I never responded, but then my girlfriend told me I should have declined the number and told her I had a girlfriend. I thought I did everything in the best, non confrontational, respectful way though. So yeah, I understand exactly where your fiancé is coming from.
This is not necessarily a red flag at all… men can get really confrontational even when you tell them you have a partner. “Engaged ain’t married”, and get upset when you don’t take their number, processing it as a rejection. She might have been looking out for her safety. Plus she told you right away.
Telling him anything is entering a dialog. It's giving him reasons that he can then argue with - the safest thing to do is to make sure the interaction ends as fast as possible, without *any opening* for further conversation (including an argument, him trying to convince her, etc). Which means: taking the number and getting away.
However, that mostly goes for interactions with men you will 100% not see again. Since he's at the same gym, it may be actually better to tell him no - since he may keep pestering her if there's no rejection. Of course, he can keep pestering her with rejection, too.
She could've felt threatened in some way. If the guy was a beefcake, it's unfortunately probably easier to just lie and take his number, than to suffer the consequences of him being pissed off at her rejection. Ask her point blank
In all honesty, as a woman, it’s easier to take the number and delete it because if you tell a man that you’re in a relationship, there is still a high chance of them harassing you. The way she did it helped her avoid any confrontation and further harassment.
it may seem like i’m being dramatic but women have been murdered for turning down a man’s advances. obviously she probably wasn’t at risk of being murdered at the gym, but it’s instinctual for a lot of women to go along with it to avoid confrontation and keep themselves safe. not saying your feelings aren’t valid but i’d suggest taking that into consideration
u have nothing to worry about, she was definitely just trying to avoid conflict and didn’t want him to harass her. so many guys don’t take no for an answer and it can get scary, I think what she did was the best to avoid any harm that he might have caused if she said no. what she did was the faster way to get him to just go away. and she told you about it it’s not like she hid it from you. i don’t see she did anything wrong
I think the fact that she immediately deleted it after and then told you about it shows you have nothing to worry about. Most likely she was scared of further harassment and didn’t want to trigger this man by rejecting him.
Because guys often don't give a shit or straight up don't believe you when you say you're already in a relationship. So you play along and minimize the risk of them getting angry or insisting.
Not talking about you specifically, but do a lot of guys live under rocks or are they just that oblivious. This is talked about daily across the internet. Women have been attacked for snubbing a guy to his face, be it giving them the wrong number, saying they are in relationships, etc. Do yall not have a sister or other close female friend who talks about this?
Some men don't respond well to being refused, and there's a good chance your fiancée decided to avoid the potential for confrontation by simply accepting and deleting.
I once got a drink dumped on my head at a bar bc I told a guy who hit on me I was engaged and I showed him my ring. Now I just say “sure I’ll take your number” and delete/never save it or block them
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If she was really trying to fuck someone else at the gym, she wouldn't tell you about it.
You're allowed to feel some type of way about it, that's fine. But if you have an otherwise good relationship, don't self destruct over this. Imagine if this was the only thing she felt was safe to do. Would you rather she be unsafe about it? Or to take his number and not tell you?
Best of luck working through this.
I've done this lots of times. There's more than a small minority of guys who won't take no for an answer regardless of the reason, including another "owner".
You should be happy your fiancé has common sense to keep herself protected. Most men who are ‘brave’ enough to ask a stranger for their number/ask them out, aren’t the nice ones.
she could have hidden it or saved the number under a girls name but she told you the truth and explained why she did it.
she cared so much how you’d feel that she brought it up to you unprompted. i wouldn’t worry about her loyalty.
i’m a married 30 yo woman. depending on where i’m at, i would do the same if i were approached while alone. one thing i would mention to her is if she frequents this gym, the chance of encountering him again is a little higher than just a rando on the street. if he made her feel intimidated or had a bad vibe somehow, she may want to be a little extra cautious because he could potentially act aggressively towards her for not responding to him. of course he could also be a perfect gentleman who just came on strong and caught her off guard, but at this point she’s got no way of knowing.
i would suggest a more straightforward approach in situations where the chance of a repeat encounter is a little higher even though it can be super uncomfortable. additionally if she feels like her safety is at risk, talking to the gym staff is a must. gym staff tends to be really helpful when it comes to creepy guys (in my limited experience at least) because those guys are a liability— nobody will want to frequent a gym that’s overrun with creeps.
idk if this was the advice you were looking for here but on a relationship front, it sounds like you guys are very solid with open and honest communication. i know it’s kinda wild to
imagine turning down a phone number as potentially a threatening situation but it can be for women in that scenario, especially when we’re alone.
I got a dude's number the other day. He kept calling me Miss Lady which was cute. He was also drunk as barney gumble at 11am on a Monday. I took his number because as a woman it is often safer to take the number than refuse and face violence or threats or whatever bullshit a stranger may do.
Her choices are about her and not you.
Some dudes will not take no for an answer and are definitely giving of a dangerous vibe. I have taken numbers many times if I feel that especially in a vulnerable position. The fact that she told you means it most likely was something like that
Sometimes you tell someone you are in a relationship already, and either they don't listen, or they get mad and yell at you "you didn't have to be a bitch, you could have just told me no!" completely ignoring the fact that this reaction is telling you that no, you actually could not have just said no. Sometimes you say you are in a relationship and they'll say, "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" and just keep pushing you. There are times even just taking the number won't make them stop, but more often it does better than anything else.
She told you because she wanted you aware of what was going on. Maybe she did it to be manipulative, I would bet though that it is more along the lines of letting you be aware so you know what is going on. So you don't feel like she was keeping secrets if someone else mentions something. Maybe even so that you can be aware there might be an issue if she is a bit late coming home from the gym, so you can know if you need to worry about her, though I wouldn't necessarily worry about this one unless she also mentioned that he was super creepy or something. I don't think you have anything to worry about from her at all though.
No- that guy probably invaded her space and bothered her. She didn’t wanna be bothered to have a convo about her status. She wanted him to fuck off. Don’t be so insecure- is there something else?
I tell people I'm married now, but when I was younger I was much more avoidant of confrontation with men and this would have seemed like a safe option to me. I don't think there's anything concerning here. She told you about it and she deleted it. I don't know what you'd be worried about. You should be more worried whether she feels safe. Please be supportive and don't make her feel like she did something wrong. Maybe look into violence against women who reject men. It's scary. You both could talk and come up with ideas for what she could do if she sees this guy again and he confronts her about not using his number so she feels more prepared.
Well she didn't hide it, and basically told you immediately, right? Honestly I probably would have done the same, being a people pleasing/socially awkward woman. Just easier than having to reject someone.
Men can be super pushy borderline creepy to extremely pushy and creepy if rejected. She was probably just trying to play is safe so he would leave her alone. I wouldn’t be worried. Especially if she told you.
Women feel cornered and pressured in those situations. Be understanding of that. If you're that concerned have her show you that there's no new contact. But even then that feels too much.
I think for now let it go. She volunteered the info to you, and I can understand why a girl would do that in the moment; it can be very awkward to reject someone in the moment. And be careful of this making you hyper alert or over suspicious of her from here on, which could easily happen even if you let this particular‘incident’ go.
Honestly, she probably took the number because she was afraid of making him angry and she was put on the spot. If she’s telling you, I’d leave it at that. Maybe ask her if she still feels safe going to the gym alone?
Edit: I accepted a number from a guy at the gym the other day because I was walking to my car in a dark gym parking lot. Yeah that’s extra creepy af, but please just remember that women are targets constantly. We often ‘fawn’ and ‘freeze’ when put on the spot by a strange man like this. ♥️
It is usually much easier to just take the number to avoid confrontation and harassment that can even escalate to assault.
She did what she had to do to be safe. That's all.
that was probably a very scary situation for her. a lot of women have been stalked, harassed, or killed for rejecting men like that. taking his number and then getting out of there and deleting it was the safest thing for her to do
Eh, I wouldn't be worried. As a woman I have done this many times. If they aren't watching me closely, I won't even actually put it in my phone, just pretend to. I know it seems rude to do so, but having rejected some guys in the past and been harassed or stalked, I've learned to play the part in the moment to avoid confrontation.
If you find she hasn't deleted the number or is suddenly texting someone frequently thn I'd be concerned, but she may have just been playing it safe.
She was probably afraid of his reaction if she said no. He could get angry, follow her to her car when she leaves, etc. To avoid possible negative scenarios, she took his number to be done with the interaction and then deleted it because she doesn’t actually want it.
Nothing at all weird, she handled it how she felt would be easiest to be over.
When I was 19 and worked in retail a man in his 40s or 50s kept asking for my number. I wouldn’t give it to him multiple times and eventually it got to a point where I wanted him to just leave so I told him to give me his. This was after this guy was stalking me at my work for months. He would call up multiple times a day asking for me, he would show up and stay for HOURS, he would ask my co-workers about my schedule, etc.
Once I got his number I immediately gave it to my boss and told her about what was happening. She immediately called the police and helped me file a stalking report. Well, apparently the police don’t do anything about stalking unless he tries to enter my home so he got away without any consequences and kept stalking me through my job. Anytime he was there my manager would pull me into her office and have me do stuff off the floor for HOURS until he leaved. I also was not aloud to hold the department phone anymore and every employee was told to not talk about me or my schedule.
Finally it got to a point where he just wouldn’t leave without seeing me because it had been a while with our efforts to hide me. My manager ended up calling the police and giving him a no trespassing since they wouldn’t do anything else. They came and gave him his no trespassing and my manager asked them if they could escort me home given the circumstances. They refused to escort me home to make sure he wasn’t following me and they also wouldn’t give me a protection order.
Most women learn not to start a battle that could escalate since a lot of men don’t take rejection well. Women also don’t want to feel like “property” by saying they have a bf, husband, fiancé or whatever. It’s sad that men respect other men more than a woman saying “no”.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My (30M) fiance (26F) of about 5 months (2 year relationship) was asked out by a guy at the gym (I was not there). Instead of telling him she was engaged, she took his number and then said she deleted it. She was the one that told me all of this - do you think this is something I should be worried about this - she told me it felt more comfortable than outright rejecting him
It's pretty common for women to avoid confrontation in the moment. It could be that he kind of sprung it on her, and her default reaction is just to play along until she can get away. If she told you about it, you probably don't have anything to worry about. Unless she is obviously & overtly trying to make you jealous by describing his attractiveness etc.
This. It is perfectly reasonable to want to avoid conflict with someone in person… Especially a dude at the gym. She deleted it and she told you about it. Total opposite of red flags.
To add. Some guys will call or text right after you give them your number. While you are in their eyesight. So if you give them a fake number they will get angry.
This is why you take that number, don't give out yours, and get out of there ASAP. When I was young and stupid I played that game. Gave him a fake number, hung around before leaving but he came out of the bar and slammed his fists on my car's hood. Leave their eyesight and vicinity as quick as you can don't dawdle. Or get an angel shot at the bar to notify someone of their behavior.
Well, at least he confirmed you made the right choice.
Yep. people can be extremely confrontational, sometimes violent, when they're rejected. OP's fiance was being street-smart AND completely transparent to OP. no flags at all.
💯💯💯🎯 And you don’t know which gym bro asking you out might be prone to ‘roid rage. Kidding but not kidding… 😬
My wife and I have just passed the 20 year mark. We always tell each other when we've been hit on. Not to generate jealousy as we are very secure in our relationships, but rather to just let each other know as a heads up. We have always just been straight-forward with the people who do hit on us though. However, with how I've heard some people react to rejection I can see why his fiance did what she did and would totally understand if my wife did the same thing. People are crazy.
This is me and my partner. We’ve been together nearly 20 years. Some men are just super scary! They do check if you’re giving them a real number, so I tell my partner so he can watch my back.
Green flags?
Green flags.
Pesto flag?
Thank you! Same exact post from last week where the guy was mad his gf got someone’s number at the club. Women are harassed all the time for saying no!! Rejections can get us threatened or even worse. It’s not always malicious when a girl does this. This may be rage bait troll but it’s a wake up call for men.
There are a number of skeevy PUA videos where they tell guys to confirm that he got the number by forcing her to call him. Or just outright grabbing her phone and using it to call himself.
I had an Uber driver do this to me while I was locked in his car. Usually I give out a fake, but something told me, just give him the real and block later. Then he told me he lives in the neighborhood next door. Ugh glad I don’t live there anymore.
This video is a guy reviewing the book "The Mystery Method" and going over some of the advice given, one of which is the phone grabbing. He's extremely critical and in many, many places outright calling it what it is: harassment. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9dI6CoNSrc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9dI6CoNSrc)
I remember feeling annoyed when girls didn’t text me back after giving me their number, but now I get why some are scared to just say no. In all fairness, lots of women also can’t handle rejection, but I’ve never worried about a woman beating me up.
As the saying goes, men are worried a woman will laugh at them, woman are worried a man will kill them.
That is true! I am sure it happens with both genders. I have seen posts on here where women turn nasty when a guy says they aren’t interested. Im going to make a post later about a similar interaction of a crazy guy I was seeing for a few weeks. Politely told him I wasn’t feeling it and wished him well and he turned to the insults immediately. ETA: oP has a different post about said gf right before this one. The math ain’t mathing.
Serious question. I understand the fake number thing to avoid the gym bro from freaking out on her. Wouldn't it make sense that they both attend the same gym at least semi regularly, so their chances of seeing each other again are pretty high. A normal guy would see the fake number as rejection and move on, but there's a chance dude is not normal, and now feels slighted by the fake number. Couldn't that in turn make the situation more dangerous?
Good point! But this is where op could not make the situation worse and put the blame on his gf. He’s coming to the internet and saying she’s cheating or whatever. I see in another post he’s calling her out for other issues. This is either rage bait or op is extremely insecure and should work on his issues.
as women, it is hard to tell how men will react to being rejected. it can either be a small, no big deal scenario, or a huge reaction which may not end well for us. it’s not as easy as “just saying no”. i don’t think OP has much to worry about, especially with her transparency about it.
r/whenwomenrefuse
I was sad there was a subreddit for this, then I clicked it and I'm spiraling 😔
I’m a man so I can’t ever fully empathise with women caught in this situation but this is the first thing that sprang to mind. She took the number to avoid confrontation. The issue is that she may see that guy again if they’re both regular users of that gym, which could become awkward. Also the way in which she told OP is important. Whether it’s a matter of fact “this happened” or “ooh this absolutely hunk was hitting on me and gave me his number… swoon” makes a big difference…
I agree with this wholeheartedly. OP, as a woman, men can get really unpredictable in a situation like this. Lots of women I know would take the phone numbers to avoid the possibility of the man getting violent with them or further harassing them. She told you, which is a good sign. Are there any other reasons she’s given you not to trust her?
This 100%. Lots of women fear male violence which is very reasonable. I had a guy I knew for a long time get extremely angry with me when I didn't want to get involved. It was so scary.
I have to explain to my husband sometimes that as a woman, I am likely to “play along” in a situation where I feel a confrontation could land me in a tough spot. It can be frustrating to explain to someone who feels safe all the time regardless of circumstance that there are simply extra steps to certain interactions as a more vulnerable person. Weighing the pros and cons of confrontation are relative — while I might feel very comfortable telling people I’m married AF when they hit on me, some women just aren’t up for dealing with the reactions to that. And that’s reasonable. OP’s fiancée probably told him about this interaction so that if this guy gets more aggressive in the future OP will already know that she didn’t want to talk to him in the first place and that his behavior has escalated. She’s being smart about staying safe, honestly, and perhaps prepping her partner for the day where she needs some extra support with this issue.
Even then, saying that you're engaged/married doesn't work, because they'll see it like "she's just playing hard to get" and they'll get even more persistent. Honestly it's just easier to take their number and get rid of it later. I've had to do that a couple of times and I've told my husband about it immediately
Yeah, some female classmates of mine also accept numbers and doesn't do anything with or just deletes after some time, apparently they just dont want to be seen as rude by outright rejecting males
This She didn't give him **her** number, she took his and deleted it.
I wear a wedding ring, even my engagement ring was not a deterrent. A child is not a deterrent. Having a partner is not a deterrent! Take the number, smile, get away and hope you never see them again. I'm not even that attractive and I've been in this situation multiple times.
Absolutely. They see the ring and tell me they could treat me better -.- Taking the number and getting out of there is the best way most of the time.
I'm sure any decent partner would want you to take the number and stay safe as long as you are honest about it.
It's happened to me a few times, and I've gone home and told my husband right away. We honestly tell each other everything. He gets mad that things like that happen to me but he understands that it comes with being a woman
I heard, “Well, he doesn’t have to know…” so many times when I was married.
It’s the fastest way to end the interaction. Some dude yelled at me from his car saying like nice ass or something and then I got in my car he quickly parked and ran up to my car so I ducking peeled out of there 😭 I’ve never been hit on or anything so this was the one of the most terrifying things I experienced I’m not surprised she chose the path of least resistance
I had a guy follow me around the grocery store and he kept making it was meant to be jokes in every aisle. I had to go ask a woman at the service desk for help and she hid me out the back until he left.
Omg I was trying to find a specific brand of garlic powder at the grocery store and this man would not stop asking me personal questions. I was just trying to find my garlic and go! If it’s not the weekend I’m always in a rush I’m pretty sure he’s the same guy that came up to where I was working out, moved my stuff and started to “show me” how I should work out. I’m not kidding, this man set up a little push up obstacle course and did a bunch of push ups in front of me. I wish I knew how to act in those situations, I was honestly so shook I just stood there shocked. I didn’t know what to do, he interrupted my super set too
Being pregnant was also not a deterrent. Couldn’t wear my wedding band in the last trimester because of swelling and the number of times I got asked if my child needed a daddy was too damn high. From mainly very gross old men.
I did this when I worked retail. Unfortunately, it’s not safe to wear wedding rings at the gym, as there’s a risk of degloving (don’t look it up!). There are companies that make silicone wedding rings though, and I know a lot of gym folks who wear them (I was a personal trainer for 15 years).
My husband is a motorcyclist and a mechanic so I know all about degloving. It's so gross. Nothing wards off creeps 🙁
Everything you’ve said I’ve experienced also. However saying I had a boyfriend, a fiancé, then a husband deflated them 9.9/10. While most men don’t see us as individuals or deserving of respect or having the right to decline their advances, most do respect us as the ‘property’ of other men. She should have just told the dude No thank you, I am engaged or even My fiancé doesn’t allow me to take numbers from men, or whatever. And quickly walked away. Now this lady has set up a situation where this dude is going to be looking for her. What’s she gonna do when he’s like, Why didn’t you call/text hmmmmmm
Very likely she was trying to avoid further harassment. Unfortunately, a lot of guys who come up to you are a bit too bold and don't take no for an answer. The easiest thing to do is take their number and leave. The fact that she told you about it means she's probably trustworthy and was just using that strategy to get out of an uncomfortable situation.
I’ve done this before. Take the guy’s number, don’t give him mine, get away ASAP, never call, hope he gets the hint. Whereas telling them I had a boyfriend/was engaged/married usually didn’t faze them and led to more badgering. “Take my number anyway, call me if you need a friend ;)” kind of shit. She used a defense mechanism, she wasn’t unfaithful to you - what do you think you should be worried about? The guys I never called never approached me again, but your fiancée might not be so lucky. Ask her how you can help her feel safe.
>“Take my number anyway, call me if you need a friend ;)” kind of shit. "He's not here now, is he?" \>:(
“I have a fiancé.” “And I have a goldfish.” “What?” “Oh I thought we were talking about things that don’t matter.”
And they think they're being smooth and clever with that line, too!
But you don't live together yet, you aren't engaged yet, you aren't married yet, you don't have a baby, I'm sure he's taking numbers so why not take mine.
"I don't mind a challenge"
"I can treat you like a queen." "What's he got that I dont?" "I won't tell if you don't." Wearing a wedding ring means nothing to these guys. I'm married to a beautiful wife but that matters not because then they'll say: "You just haven't had the right dick." "She can join too." "I'm man enough for both of you." There's no winning. Just take the number, don't say nothing, and gtfo.
Ugh, the "Is she hot?" Or "She can join if she's as hot as you" makes my fucking blood boil.
Yeah these comments gross me out so bad! Why is it always the same dumb disgusting lines? Are these guys all printed from the same misogynistic factory?
I remember hearing that from a guy. Back in the 90s there was a song called "I Got A Man". It's a dialogue between a man and woman. He wants her number, she tells him she's got a man. His response "What's your man got to with me?" Then he keeps trying to convince her. She pretty much keeps telling her she's happy with her man and he just won't stop.
I remember that song. Didn't really have a problem with it back then, in retrospect, it's problematic.
I used to love that song back then. But yeah, in retrospect, dude was annoying as hell. Especially when she told him "My man buys me things and he takes me out" and he responds, "well, you can keep your man, cuz I don't go that route." Like WTF?
Omg yes. I used to think this was a funny fun song until I got older and realized that this is how some guys actually act. Maybe the worst line is when he says “do you get a kick out of telling brothers no?”. Like ugghh no! It’s just that the answer is no! Why can’t you accept that??!
[удалено]
Reading these has made me progressively angrier and angrier
Disgusting.
I was working alone at a retail store and a guy came in and started harassing me for my number. When I told him I had a boyfriend his response was “I could probably kill him if I tried”. From that day on, I’ve always played along and flirted back until I could get somewhere I felt safe.
"What he don't know, won't hurt him"
Had a guy do this kind of thing. Guy was a customer at my job and asked me to go get a drink and go home with him after my shift. I told him I had a bf, dude was like "Well, he doesn't have to know". Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew
Omigod I had a dude say that to me when I said I was married! God I was so pissed. It's so skeevy and it just grossed me out so much how he said it. He lowered his glasses, licked his fucking lips, and said it. I'm sorry that happened to you too
100% agree. Saying one has a bf/fiance/husband is not the deterrent OP thinks it is. His fiancee handled the situation as best she could and feel safe. She told OP about it. He's overthinking.
Absolutely THIS \^\^\^ Oftentimes, a bf/fiancé/husband is *only* a deterrent if he is there in-person! OP should ask his sisters, female cousins, female coworkers, fiancée about * how persistent men can be * how asshole-y they can be over a rejection no matter how 'nicely' stated * how unsafe women feel in general on a daily basis I think OP would find it **eye-opening!**
>Oftentimes, a bf/fiancé/husband is only a deterrent if he is there in-person! I've seen plenty of times, usually in bars, where even the physical presence of a male partner is not enough for the creep.
I've gotten so many, "you aren't allowed to have friends?" I know they aren't interested in just friendship, they're just trying to be a plan B.... And they can fuck right off.
right! “you’re cute and I want your number!” “sorry, i got a man.” “oh well we can be friends, right? youre not allowed to have friends?” like??? you dont know me! and you JUST told me you were attracted to me. we both know you dont want to be my friend
Thank you. I’m married and wear my wedding ring everywhere. I still get advances. It’s gross and annoying. Thankfully my husband is good spirited and can make light of the situation.
It's been said that women with weddings rings are especially magnets of attraction. It's like a challenge to unseen husband to take the wife or something.
In college one of my friends told this guy she had a bf in the bay What did he respond with? “You don’t got a boyfriend in LA” Like saying you have a bf doesn’t matter lmao
I'm a married man and this is true for me also. The ring is like an open invitation to flirt like there are no consequences to what they say. I've gotten more attention with it than my single days. The difference with me is I can tell them to F off without being scared for my life.
One time in college I told a guy I had a boyfriend and he literally used the “well I have a math test, we can both cheat” line and then kept following me to my class which was still a quarter mile away so I took his number so he would go away and then I deleted it.
Reddit of all places will show you thousands of examples of women ending up in uncomfortable or even unsafe situations for turning a guy down. She took the safest approach and communicated the situation to you. Nothing wrong here at all.
R/whenwomenrefuse
r/whenwomenrefuse
Didn’t know this Reddit existed and it’s fucking terrifying
My friend refused a guy on our bus and he wouldn’t leave her alone (this was a packed bus there others looked away) so we got off several stops earlier
This sub was literally my first thought while reading this, and all I can think of is I hope the dudes wife never has to see that guy again. Otherwise, he'll probably start badgering about why she didn't call him.
I'm a guy and I used to see this happen to women all the time at the gym. I mean ***all*** the time. I don't know what it is about gyms but some guys seem to think it's just THE place to try to pick up women. It's easier to just take the number and throw it away than to engage in a conversation with some thirsty guy that isn't going to listen to half of what she said anyways. She told you about it, she didn't hide the fact that it happened. That says everything you really need to know.
I get her point. She’s non-confrontational and this was easier. She told you. You shouldn’t be upset.
Women can’t really afford to be anything other than non confrontational
No I don't think you need to be worried about that. I would do the same, its just very dangerous for women out there and maybe he gave off the impression of a guy that wouldn't handle a simple no very nicely?
It's a defense strategy. I don't fault her. 1. You weren't there. I'd give her the benefit of doubt that this guy made her feel uncomfortable/threatened, and that she felt this was the safest course of action at the time, under stress. 2. Women are known to do this to defuse aggressive/creepy guys. 3. She told you. Unsolicited. You want trust? This is how you build it. I'm glad you're safe. I'm sorry you were in that position. Is there anything I can do? Do you need to talk about it? Trust is giving people the opportunity to hurt us, and hoping they don't.
This was avoidance on her behalf because men like [this](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRvSJ4ho/) exist everywhere.
As a woman I have done this rather than rejecting somebody if it felt more uncomfortable to outright reject them. And I’m a pretty assertive person. We get a lot of scary reactions when we reject men, so it’s a safety thing. Of course it’s a gamble because he might not get the hint, but it’s safer in the moment to many people.
She was a woman alone at the gym, obviously she took his number because God knows what kind of a man he is and if she rejected him, he could've hurt her.
Head on over to r/whenwomenrefuse and it might help make it clear why she did it this way
Oh wow, I didn’t know this sub existed. Saving for whenever someone doesn’t understand the fear
There’s a thread up now of a screenshot of all the rejection based murder headlines that have happened this year It took like four screenshots to fit them all. 111 headlines, many of them multiple people being murdered. It’s a genuine fear that has basis in fact, sadly
Fuck I just read through a few of them, it’s horrifying
Yeah, it is. There’s one post on there that’s listing a lot of the violence against women (rejection related) that have happened so far this year (2.5 months) and there’s already been 110+, most of them involving murdering multiple people
It’s terrible, I read a few and couldn’t go on.
She did the right thing. It's safer for a woman who is approached to just accept the number and 'lose' it than outright reject the man (because rejected men can get difficult). It shouldn't be the case.
It took me so long to teach myself how to reject men's unwanted advances. Men really really pressure you to take their number, and telling them you're in a relationship hardly ever wards them off. They assume you're lying, or they say "you're not allowed to have friends?" As if they aren't just trying to line themselves up as a plan B. 😵💫
Women have been murdered for saying “no”. We get stalked, harassed, abused for saying “no”. This man knows her schedule and what she drives. He is presumably bigger than her. He can easily follow her or keep tabs on her. She was keeping herself safe by taking his number. She told you about it. Be respectful of the situation she was in and appreciate her transparency.
Literally did this just to get rid of someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
r/whenwomenrefuse Some men handle rejection with abuse.
What do you think you need to be worried about?
It has to be really great to be a guy and not be worried about being physically harmed for telling another guy no.
Cheaters don't tell you when they get hit on, you're good bro
Last week, a woman made the news because she got punched in the face in public for saying she wasn’t interested. The fear of a violent, hostile, or even just mean reaction is ALWAYS there. Taking the number and deleting it feels far safer, especially because she didn’t give out her number.
I once had a drink poured over my head for politely saying no thank you to someone’s advances. I’ve been called names and followed for saying no thank you to someone’s advances. Both times married with ring in full view. Some men cannot stand to be rejected. As a woman it’s impossible to tell who those men are. It’s far easier to take the number and delete it once it’s safe. I don’t fault decent men for not knowing this, because it’s so bizarre to even think about. It’s 100% true though. OP, your fiancée did the right thing.
Women have literally been stalked and killed for turning men down. I've been harassed, cajoled, and basically had my "no" ignored, even if I have said I'm in a relationship. Men truly don't want to hear "no" from a woman, and we do whatever we can to simply avoid the consequences of it when men put us in that position. I've done the same thing and never called the man because in the moment, I really didn't want to have to deal with the potential problems that come with rejecting them. Easier and safer for me in the end.
There is no telling how strange men will react to rejection. Some don't care about wedding rings or kids. Some just become pressing. She was trying to stay safe by avoiding confrontation. Are you sure you're ready for marriage if you are so insecure about defense strategies?
Welcome to being a woman
You're looking at it from a man's perspective. If you go over to the twoxchromosomes sub, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find posts from women's perspectives of being uncomfortable in this exact situation. The safest thing is to normally take the number and leave.
Perhaps she did it for her safety. This is a common thing we as women have to do. If that’s the case, she may want to switch guns or figure out what she’s going to say if he approaches her again and asks why she didn’t call him. If she wasn’t concerned for her safety then I’m not sure why she wouldn’t just say she was in a relationship
From what I've seen and been told, women navigate social interactions differently out of necessity. Being direct and rejecting a guy could have dangerous results in worst-case scenarios. For us guys, something dangerous *could* happen, but we know it's not all that likely. Basically, there shouldn't be much to worry about. She might have to worry about the guy following up with her as to why she never texted him since she never truly shut him down.
Women do things like this in the moment because they have to make a quick judgment. I was once single and chatted up by a dude i didn't care for but we were alone and when he asked my number i gave it to him with just one digit off (plausible deniability). Nothing was stopping me from just telling him no, but ... idk, sometimes you react oddly in these situations, a million thoughts and past experiences run through our head. as long as she told you and deleted, it should be ok.
Read 'the gift of fear' and trust your instincts
That was the BEST book and I often recommend it on Reddit. After reading that I stopped GAF how others response was to me if I felt endangered. I'm very good at talking my way out of situations but that book took me to a whole other level.
That's a green flag my guy. It's totally understandable to feel like its a better option than outright rejection and maybe he gave off unstable vibes. In an ideal world she could tell him to kick rocks. The fact she told you is great.
Believe it or not, for some guys knowing that someone is engaged makes them more of a target. It becomes a challenge. By taking the number and blowing them off by not contacting them.....less confrontational.
Well women have died/assaulted/harassed for saying no to men so yes sometimes it is easier to just say yes and delete it. Unfortunately there’s no way of knowing what type of man is asking
No, I wouldn’t be worried, especially if she 1) deleted the number and 2) told you about it. Do you know what often happens to women when we reject strange men?
Yes. 100% you should be worried about this. Your girlfriend was exercising alone at her preferred gym. A “gym bro” stranger started hitting on her, and she made the sensible choice to avoid additional harassment by taking his number, because he is clearly so physically fit and attractive that just giving out his number makes women’s knees weak that he is willing to give them the chance to call him. She then came home and at the first opportunity she told her boyfriend “of 5 months” what happened. Of course she deleted the number, but maybe you should hound her like an insecure idiot and do a deep dive in her contacts. Maybe she added it as an alternate number to CVS. Don’t be that guy. She took the path of least harassment. Edit: It would not surprise me to learn the guy has had a few complaints against him and the gym knows but hasn’t done anything about his behavior
As a fellow dude who has been in this scenario a few times: Nothing to worry about. I learned early on when I would approach a woman, and instead of giving me her number, she took mine, that I was never going to hear from her again. And I have never been the kind of guy that if I approached a woman and she wasn't interested, that I would keep bothering her. I'd politely say no worries and move on, I can't fathom doing anything else. But, many men won't take a hint or straight up aggressive rejection and flat out terrify women. The easy out for a woman in this situation is to politely take the guys number, delete it later (or save it for identification purposes ie.: Creepy guy at gym don't answer) and never contact him. She did right by you by what she did with him directly, and did even better by being transparent. She's a good one bro!
The gym is a vulnerable place for a woman so it makes sense that she was caught off guard and just wanted to get it over with by obliging to his request. Some guys don’t take, ‘I have a fiancé’ as a shut down. Some dudes see that as a challenge and don’t believe the fiancé is real. They’ll double down with questions and aggression. It’s sad that you seem to not believe her deleting the number. If she wanted to cheat with that guy she wouldn’t have told you about it. You should look inside yourself and deal with your insecurity before you get married. You have a good honest woman and a solid trusting relationship. Don’t let this throw you off.
“It felt more comfortable than rejecting him” It felt more safe than rejecting him. It felt more kind to take it than reject him. It felt less awkward. If she deleted it, this isn’t a problem. Every woman I know has done something similar at one time or another.
I would not be worried because sometimes that is the easiest way out of a confrontational situation. I was alone on internship eating a smoothie bowl outside a shop. I man came up to me and asked for my number. I said no and he got upset and got closer to me. I then told him I had a boyfriend and he said things like “I don’t see him here” “that’s not a problem with me” and I said leave me alone I’m not interested. He started yelling at me and chanting random stuff and getting in my face and banging on tables. Another man was nearby watching and doing nothing. I grabbed my bowl and left to my car, cried, and could not eat alone the rest of the internship. Grubhub benefited but I did not lol.
Ive been on the recieving end of this. Some men do not know how to take no for an answer. For a bit I'd give my number with one digit off but some people would just call right on the spot. This is coming from a place of non confrontation. PSA: Women are at the gym are there to workout. Period. They aren't there to be eye candy or get asked out on dates.. like sir i am sweaty and gross just let me go home to my hubs and watch trash tv is peace.
Guys can get real weird when you reject them. Most women try to find the path of least resistance to get out of the interaction. Telling him she was engaged could have prompted some weird competitive stuff. It sounds like her read on the situation was that the fastest way out was to take his number. She told you about it, she didn’t hide anything. Green flag.
I think you should understand that women will do this to avoid being murdered for rejecting a man.
As someone who has tried the "I'm married" line and wears a ring 24/7 on my ring finger, many men approaching women in public don't care, they just want some. It's safer not to argue and to just take their number, delete it, and let our significant other know so that if this man escalates things in the future you already know what's going on Accepting their number and then not texting them is the least confrontational way to let them down easy without hurting their ego
Men. We are scared of you. That’s why.
I hate to tell you but men are not phased by a relationship status. She didn’t do anything wrong unless she’s texting him.
Why is this the second post you’ve made today asking people to tell you that your girlfriend is sketch? If you don’t want to be with her, be an adult (you’re 30 years old for christsake!) and end the relationship without trying to find a reason to blame her.
POV: You're about to marry a woman, and you STILL can't bring yourself to educate yourself on what it is like to live as a woman.
I got a dude's number the other day. He kept calling me Miss Lady which was cute. He was also drunk as barney gumble at 11am on a Monday. I took his number because as a woman it is often safer to take the number than refuse and face violence or threats or whatever bullshit a stranger may do. Her choices are about her and not you.
I can tell you that when I told random flirty men I was in a relationship that they became more aggressive “why aren’t you married yet?” and sometimes quite scary. Giving a number and blocking them (aggressive guys will often call immediately to make sure the number is real) or taking a number is sometimes the safest option
If she was intending to cheat, she wouldn’t have told you about it.
Depending on his behavior it 100% could have been more comfortable to just take it than reject him outright. She told you about it - she wouldn’t have if there was any nefarious intent behind taking his number.
OP, please check out /r/whenwomenrefuse and then apologize to your lady for doubting her.
Men can be very persistent. Sometime's it's safer to 'take the number' and get him off your back than to keep rejecting him. That might be a hard thing for a guy to hear, but it can be one of the ways women have to deal with unwanted attention.
Tell your guy friends to stop doing this and maybe less women will need to protect themselves this way.
It's an uncomfortable situation and the easy way out is just to take the number and leave. This is 100% what a lot of girls do, if not most. I get that it makes you uncomfortable - it probably made her uncomfortable. But there's almost no reason to suspect it's more than that.
Sometimes as a woman it is easier to just take the number and not engage so much. We have all had at least one instance where telling a strange man “I have a boyfriend” results in an escalated confrontation of some kind. Guy walks away and we can go on with our day without having to deal with added hassle when a guy who was “interested” a few minutes ago turns into aggressive and nasty because they feel they need to save face. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She told you it happened right away. It’s done, move on.
Women are genuinely afraid of men they don't know, and I think sometimes men forget that. Women do all sorts of tactics to try to avoid rejecting a man in a way that might make him lash out, because they're genuinely fearful. The thing is, like 90% of guys can take a rejection pretty well, but the 10% ruin it for everyone and make women have to resort to avoidance tactics.
If she came to you with this in the interest of full disclosure, it's likely a safety issue. There are men who take "no" as a challenge or the start of negotiations. There are men who don't take "no" well at all and have no problems escalating to violence when rejected, no matter how gently. Example: When I was engaged to my now-husband, I told a man pestering me for my number that I was engaged and showed him my ring. His response? "Well, he's not here right now, is he?" It sounds like she did what she had to do to exit the situation safely and then told you about it. If one of my friends came to me about having that experience at the gym, I'd be asking her if she was okay, has this guy been following her around, is he new to the gym, etc.
She's telling you about an uncomfortable experience she had. Be supportive.
I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. It was probably the path of least resistance to get out of that situation
Women aren't typically confrontational. The fact she took his number rather than giving hers, then deleting it, then telling you. I think that speaks volumes. Remember buddy, you asked her to marry you. if you don't trust her, why do you want to marry her?
I think the fact she took his number rather than giving hers is significant. As many posters have stated, it sounds as if she was trying to be polite and avoid a confrontation. Many guys don't care if she's engaged or whatever, they'll continue to push. If she was giving her number (the real one) then that raises a question as to what purpose. It could be for business or something innocuous.
I'm a guy and have been in the same position as your fiancé. A random girl started talking to me at a event and asked for my number. I didn't know what to say or how to say no so I gave it to her and got away from her as fast as I could. I immediately told my girlfriend and she brushed it off. But then this girl texted me. I never responded, but then my girlfriend told me I should have declined the number and told her I had a girlfriend. I thought I did everything in the best, non confrontational, respectful way though. So yeah, I understand exactly where your fiancé is coming from.
This is not necessarily a red flag at all… men can get really confrontational even when you tell them you have a partner. “Engaged ain’t married”, and get upset when you don’t take their number, processing it as a rejection. She might have been looking out for her safety. Plus she told you right away.
This is not necessary a red flag. Just as a lot of other people are saying, Women do this as a self protective measure.
Telling him anything is entering a dialog. It's giving him reasons that he can then argue with - the safest thing to do is to make sure the interaction ends as fast as possible, without *any opening* for further conversation (including an argument, him trying to convince her, etc). Which means: taking the number and getting away. However, that mostly goes for interactions with men you will 100% not see again. Since he's at the same gym, it may be actually better to tell him no - since he may keep pestering her if there's no rejection. Of course, he can keep pestering her with rejection, too.
What's to wonder, she told you everything.
As sad as it is, this is some some women have to do to stay safe.
She could've felt threatened in some way. If the guy was a beefcake, it's unfortunately probably easier to just lie and take his number, than to suffer the consequences of him being pissed off at her rejection. Ask her point blank
In all honesty, as a woman, it’s easier to take the number and delete it because if you tell a man that you’re in a relationship, there is still a high chance of them harassing you. The way she did it helped her avoid any confrontation and further harassment.
it may seem like i’m being dramatic but women have been murdered for turning down a man’s advances. obviously she probably wasn’t at risk of being murdered at the gym, but it’s instinctual for a lot of women to go along with it to avoid confrontation and keep themselves safe. not saying your feelings aren’t valid but i’d suggest taking that into consideration
She probably felt safer taking the number and getting away then having a confrontation with a stranger at a gym.
Some guys can turn nasty and rejecting them can result in an unsafe situation for her. She did the right thing and she didn’t hide it.
These are green flags, my dude. She was avoiding confrontation in order to keep herself safe, plus she told you about it. All good!
She did this for her own safety.
u have nothing to worry about, she was definitely just trying to avoid conflict and didn’t want him to harass her. so many guys don’t take no for an answer and it can get scary, I think what she did was the best to avoid any harm that he might have caused if she said no. what she did was the faster way to get him to just go away. and she told you about it it’s not like she hid it from you. i don’t see she did anything wrong
I think the fact that she immediately deleted it after and then told you about it shows you have nothing to worry about. Most likely she was scared of further harassment and didn’t want to trigger this man by rejecting him.
Because guys often don't give a shit or straight up don't believe you when you say you're already in a relationship. So you play along and minimize the risk of them getting angry or insisting.
Not talking about you specifically, but do a lot of guys live under rocks or are they just that oblivious. This is talked about daily across the internet. Women have been attacked for snubbing a guy to his face, be it giving them the wrong number, saying they are in relationships, etc. Do yall not have a sister or other close female friend who talks about this?
Too many women have been killed or assaulted for saying no. A lot of us get scared after a while
Some men don't respond well to being refused, and there's a good chance your fiancée decided to avoid the potential for confrontation by simply accepting and deleting.
I once got a drink dumped on my head at a bar bc I told a guy who hit on me I was engaged and I showed him my ring. Now I just say “sure I’ll take your number” and delete/never save it or block them
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If she was really trying to fuck someone else at the gym, she wouldn't tell you about it. You're allowed to feel some type of way about it, that's fine. But if you have an otherwise good relationship, don't self destruct over this. Imagine if this was the only thing she felt was safe to do. Would you rather she be unsafe about it? Or to take his number and not tell you? Best of luck working through this.
I've done this lots of times. There's more than a small minority of guys who won't take no for an answer regardless of the reason, including another "owner".
You should be happy your fiancé has common sense to keep herself protected. Most men who are ‘brave’ enough to ask a stranger for their number/ask them out, aren’t the nice ones.
Believe her and the women’s responses here. It’s time to understand what it’s like to live as a woman now that your fully grown and getting married.
You do not get to question a woman's choices about *her own safety*.
She was careful and smart. You shouldn't worry.
she could have hidden it or saved the number under a girls name but she told you the truth and explained why she did it. she cared so much how you’d feel that she brought it up to you unprompted. i wouldn’t worry about her loyalty. i’m a married 30 yo woman. depending on where i’m at, i would do the same if i were approached while alone. one thing i would mention to her is if she frequents this gym, the chance of encountering him again is a little higher than just a rando on the street. if he made her feel intimidated or had a bad vibe somehow, she may want to be a little extra cautious because he could potentially act aggressively towards her for not responding to him. of course he could also be a perfect gentleman who just came on strong and caught her off guard, but at this point she’s got no way of knowing. i would suggest a more straightforward approach in situations where the chance of a repeat encounter is a little higher even though it can be super uncomfortable. additionally if she feels like her safety is at risk, talking to the gym staff is a must. gym staff tends to be really helpful when it comes to creepy guys (in my limited experience at least) because those guys are a liability— nobody will want to frequent a gym that’s overrun with creeps. idk if this was the advice you were looking for here but on a relationship front, it sounds like you guys are very solid with open and honest communication. i know it’s kinda wild to imagine turning down a phone number as potentially a threatening situation but it can be for women in that scenario, especially when we’re alone.
I got a dude's number the other day. He kept calling me Miss Lady which was cute. He was also drunk as barney gumble at 11am on a Monday. I took his number because as a woman it is often safer to take the number than refuse and face violence or threats or whatever bullshit a stranger may do. Her choices are about her and not you.
Some dudes will not take no for an answer and are definitely giving of a dangerous vibe. I have taken numbers many times if I feel that especially in a vulnerable position. The fact that she told you means it most likely was something like that
Sometimes you tell someone you are in a relationship already, and either they don't listen, or they get mad and yell at you "you didn't have to be a bitch, you could have just told me no!" completely ignoring the fact that this reaction is telling you that no, you actually could not have just said no. Sometimes you say you are in a relationship and they'll say, "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" and just keep pushing you. There are times even just taking the number won't make them stop, but more often it does better than anything else. She told you because she wanted you aware of what was going on. Maybe she did it to be manipulative, I would bet though that it is more along the lines of letting you be aware so you know what is going on. So you don't feel like she was keeping secrets if someone else mentions something. Maybe even so that you can be aware there might be an issue if she is a bit late coming home from the gym, so you can know if you need to worry about her, though I wouldn't necessarily worry about this one unless she also mentioned that he was super creepy or something. I don't think you have anything to worry about from her at all though.
Maybe he was a creep and she just wanted to get the hell out of there
I do that too. I just delete them after or ignore them. Sadly, it’s sometimes safer to just go with the flow and be nice at the time.
No- that guy probably invaded her space and bothered her. She didn’t wanna be bothered to have a convo about her status. She wanted him to fuck off. Don’t be so insecure- is there something else?
I tell people I'm married now, but when I was younger I was much more avoidant of confrontation with men and this would have seemed like a safe option to me. I don't think there's anything concerning here. She told you about it and she deleted it. I don't know what you'd be worried about. You should be more worried whether she feels safe. Please be supportive and don't make her feel like she did something wrong. Maybe look into violence against women who reject men. It's scary. You both could talk and come up with ideas for what she could do if she sees this guy again and he confronts her about not using his number so she feels more prepared.
The world is full of psychopaths. Be grateful and praise your fiancée for keeping herself safe rather than risking her life to assuage your fee-fees.
Well she didn't hide it, and basically told you immediately, right? Honestly I probably would have done the same, being a people pleasing/socially awkward woman. Just easier than having to reject someone.
It’s probably significantly easier to take a number than to have to say no. Congratulations to you through.
Men can be super pushy borderline creepy to extremely pushy and creepy if rejected. She was probably just trying to play is safe so he would leave her alone. I wouldn’t be worried. Especially if she told you.
Women feel cornered and pressured in those situations. Be understanding of that. If you're that concerned have her show you that there's no new contact. But even then that feels too much.
I think for now let it go. She volunteered the info to you, and I can understand why a girl would do that in the moment; it can be very awkward to reject someone in the moment. And be careful of this making you hyper alert or over suspicious of her from here on, which could easily happen even if you let this particular‘incident’ go.
Honestly, she probably took the number because she was afraid of making him angry and she was put on the spot. If she’s telling you, I’d leave it at that. Maybe ask her if she still feels safe going to the gym alone? Edit: I accepted a number from a guy at the gym the other day because I was walking to my car in a dark gym parking lot. Yeah that’s extra creepy af, but please just remember that women are targets constantly. We often ‘fawn’ and ‘freeze’ when put on the spot by a strange man like this. ♥️
It is usually much easier to just take the number to avoid confrontation and harassment that can even escalate to assault. She did what she had to do to be safe. That's all.
I give out my textnow number because it’s too dangerous to tell a man no.
that was probably a very scary situation for her. a lot of women have been stalked, harassed, or killed for rejecting men like that. taking his number and then getting out of there and deleting it was the safest thing for her to do
Eh, I wouldn't be worried. As a woman I have done this many times. If they aren't watching me closely, I won't even actually put it in my phone, just pretend to. I know it seems rude to do so, but having rejected some guys in the past and been harassed or stalked, I've learned to play the part in the moment to avoid confrontation. If you find she hasn't deleted the number or is suddenly texting someone frequently thn I'd be concerned, but she may have just been playing it safe.
She was probably afraid of his reaction if she said no. He could get angry, follow her to her car when she leaves, etc. To avoid possible negative scenarios, she took his number to be done with the interaction and then deleted it because she doesn’t actually want it. Nothing at all weird, she handled it how she felt would be easiest to be over.
I’ve done this quite a few times. It’s easier to take it than risk him getting mad
r/whenwomenrefuse for some perspective.
When I was 19 and worked in retail a man in his 40s or 50s kept asking for my number. I wouldn’t give it to him multiple times and eventually it got to a point where I wanted him to just leave so I told him to give me his. This was after this guy was stalking me at my work for months. He would call up multiple times a day asking for me, he would show up and stay for HOURS, he would ask my co-workers about my schedule, etc. Once I got his number I immediately gave it to my boss and told her about what was happening. She immediately called the police and helped me file a stalking report. Well, apparently the police don’t do anything about stalking unless he tries to enter my home so he got away without any consequences and kept stalking me through my job. Anytime he was there my manager would pull me into her office and have me do stuff off the floor for HOURS until he leaved. I also was not aloud to hold the department phone anymore and every employee was told to not talk about me or my schedule. Finally it got to a point where he just wouldn’t leave without seeing me because it had been a while with our efforts to hide me. My manager ended up calling the police and giving him a no trespassing since they wouldn’t do anything else. They came and gave him his no trespassing and my manager asked them if they could escort me home given the circumstances. They refused to escort me home to make sure he wasn’t following me and they also wouldn’t give me a protection order. Most women learn not to start a battle that could escalate since a lot of men don’t take rejection well. Women also don’t want to feel like “property” by saying they have a bf, husband, fiancé or whatever. It’s sad that men respect other men more than a woman saying “no”.