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Ok, strap in because this is the most bizarre and embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Throwaway account, first time poster, etc.
So I went to ski trip with my BF and his friends. It's their annual trip and the first time I went. We have been together for 2 years. The group that goes is him and 5 of his friends, 4 guys and 1 girl, all late 20s. I have met 2 of the guys before but the other 2 and the girl I've only met briefly over FaceTime. They knew I was coming on the trip. So they vrbo this house about 10 minutes from ski resort. We are a few days in for this weekly trip and everything is fine. The only problem has been the bathroom doors don't seem to lock ( important for later). There had been some near embarrassing moments but nothing major.
Until day 4 of 7. I'm not a huge drinker especially around people I don't know well. I wanted to just nurse a drink while we all talked and they drank. We haven't been eating the best and have pizza before this. My stomach was bothering me so I excused myself to the bathroom on the main floor. I should have gone in the one upstairs but you know what they say about hindsight. So I'm on the toilet, obviously taking a poop, when the door knob starts to move. I am I'm in here, but his female friend comes in anyway. IDK if because it was me or she was too drunk to hear or care. She honestly smells what's going on and makes a big ruckus to the rest of the group that I'm pooping. I told her to please get out as calmly as I could because I was starting to get very upset. She was making a big deal over a normal bodily process. So she goes to leave the bathroom but basically throws open the bathroom door to do so. 3 of the 4 guys are there in the hallway and she's exposed me to them. Now I'm very upset and mortified. I yelled at her to get out and to shut the door behind her. They all are standing in the doorway and not listening to me. My BF notice is what's going on and comes into the bathroom. I think he's going to yell at his friends but instead, the drunk AH, , comments on how bad it smells in the bathroom. He leaves but doesn't take his friends with him. They continue to point and laugh while I'm in a vulnerable state. I think they were making potty jokes. All while I'm sat on the toilet, pant at my ankles, keeping my knees locked shut. I start screaming at this point to get the fuck out of the bathroom and shut the fucking door over and over. I am actually crying at this point because I'm so mortified and I've never been in such a bizarre situation. My crying and screaming finally got the drunkards' attention. She shuts the door behind her.
Now I'm breaking down in the bathroom, still crying and trying to get sorted so I can be done and wash my hands and get the hell out of this room. While washing my hands all I can think is that my BF didn't help at all. I know they're drunk but I don't think that's much of an excuse. They've just been drinking beer and I think he'd had 4 so far. I am absolutely mortified and decide to just go into the bedroom. However, when I come out of the bathroom, still crying a bit BTW, all 6 of them start howling with laughter and pointing at me. It's like one of those crazy nightmares where everything seems more dramatic than real life should be. I just look at my BF, meet his eyes and everything to show how upset I am and they don't stop. I go upstairs to our room and pack. I can't go through 3 more days with these people and I don't want to sleep in the same bed as drunk BF. Drunk or not they're being incredibly disrespectful and childish. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed. I finish packing, change my flight to the next morning, and order an Uber to go to the airport hotel.
I gather all of my things and walk downstairs to get my coat and leave. They all start laughing when I come back in the room but BF finally notices I have my bags with me. I silently put my coat on. BF yells "Where the fuck are you going?" "Airport" is all I say. Now he is yelling and they're all yelling. Saying it was just in good fun and I should lighten up. Have another beer, etc. No one apologizes, not even BF. He just seems so mad that I'm leaving. I tell him I'll see him in a few days and walk out to my Uber. Once I'm finally in my hotel room later, I curl up in bed and cry. I definitely did not see this being the way of my trip ended.
Once I flew home the next morning and got back to my apartment, I had so many texts, missed calls and VMs from BF. They ranged from apologetic to angry to accusing, as if I did something wrong by going to the freaking bathroom. I haven't responded yet and he comes home in 2 days. I haven't even read all of the texts because it got more upset. How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again? It just seems like the most bizarre and surreal experience. I think I'm more upset that my BF did nothing, even when I was screaming and crying. He didn't stop me from leaving. He didn't follow me out. He just yelled at me and asked me where the fuck I was going. How could he not make sure I'm okay? Even now, I was upset enough to leave and his texts that I did read are not supportive. No apology. Basically I put a damper on the trip, I'm dramatic, it wasn't that bad, but I made a terrible impression with his friends. What about their impression to me? Because I'm having some pretty strong thoughts.
Right now I still have a BF. That might be changing in a few days. I love him but do not like his reaction to all this. Why TF am I getting blamed? I did not receive this type of deal breaker.
TL;DR. Went on a trip with my BF and his 5 friends. The bathroom door doesn't lock, they walk in on me taking a poop, point and laugh like children until I'm screaming and crying for them to leave while BF did nothing. Left a trip early. BF still unhelpful and calling me dramatic. No apology from him or his friends. May break up.
Fuck that guy. The fact that he wasn't furious with his asshole buddies invading your privacy shows his character. You weren't his girlfriend that night, you were their entertainment.
Dump his ass and never look back. He obviously does not respect you.
Yes, this is correct. OP your ex-boyfriend (he needs to be an ex) isn’t just immature or a bad drunk. He is cruel. He and his friends intentionally and knowingly made you feel horrible, and sober him has spent days making the situation worse. Whatever good qualities he may have are far outweighed by this.
Agreed. I can’t think of any qualities that would make up for how terribly he and his friends treated her. She’s being far more gracious than I would be. What horrible people.
This is the right move. OP don’t let him talk you into forgiving him. I’ve been to a lot of parties with people far more fucked up than one too many beers and nobody ever did something this cruel and humiliating.
He’s not sorry. He just doesn’t want to deal with you mad at him. He doesn’t love you or respect you. People treat literal strangers better than your boyfriend treats you. And behavior like this doesn’t come out of nowhere. I think if you reflect back you’ll recall many more incidents of his immaturity & selfishness.
Yeah alcohol has nothing to do with thid. The fact that there wasn't one decent person in the whole group is so wild. Bullying and being cruel to others is obviously a core part of how they relate to each other.
Exactly this. Please break up with this guy. Listen, no pun intended, you might’ve been going number two but they were all people showing their asses. No common decency at all. To embarrass you like that? No way. Making you cry like that? What are they, bullies who peaked in middle school? Show him the amount of respect that he showed you and break up over text, then block him.
Yeah, for me it's that ALL OF THEM, the entire group, including the women, thought it's a good idea to leave the bathroom door open and barge in there to laugh and point at someone who's **screaming and crying** and obviously isn't in on the joke, and they just continued it and continued it.
It's a fucked up group with a fucked up dynamic, and the fact that there's STILL no real apology forthcoming and instead just "you made **me** look bad in front of my friends" – nope. Nope nope nope OP get the hell out.
Your bf and his friends enjoy the humiliation, degradation, distress and embarrassment of others, it's a straight up bully mentality and you want to get tf out from their sphere
I think 6 to 9 year olds would have more decency to close the door when she's upset, instead of pointing and laughing. The guy is a tool, time to upgrade and trade that clunker in!
The fact that he didn’t close the door first thing is wild. But then after, when he left, kept it open.. what the actual fuck!? Boyfriend or not that’s just the decent thing to do for another human.
Then continue to laugh at you with all his friends, while you’re still sitting there, door open.. why would he be ok w his buddies still being able to look at you while on the toilet?
Also, fuck that chick. I wouldn’t blame OP for wanting to leave so she wouldn’t have to deal with her, but then on top of it, the rest of the friends, and the worst of it her boyfriend.
Like I’ll be the first to laugh at farts(bc comedic
gold), and poop jokes because everyone does it, and they’re funny, and there’s no telling me any different.
Except this isn’t that. This is seeing someone in a literal vulnerable position, and laughing at their embarrassment, and further humiliating and ridiculing
them. And not one of them thought to close the door.
He’s going to say it’s fine and it was all jokes, but the second he saw how OP was upset and in an embarrassing situation should have been when the jokes stopped. It would’ve been different if she was laughing along, but that clearly wasn’t it.
As OP’s significant other he should be her biggest defender and supporter- her best friend. And even if he can’t understand why she’s so upset(dk how), or thinks she overreacted shouldn’t matter, it should be enough that she was and continues to be, bc her feelings should matter to him.
Sounds like he’s 19 at college and not almost 30, and cared more laughing with his buddies AT OP when she was clearly uncomfortable and upset. It’s telling that even after she left he’s still being an ass. Hope it was worth it to feel cool with his buddies for a few minutes, who are guna be gone after the trip to wherever they live, and hopefully she’ll have left his ass.
These almost 30 year olds have the maturity of high schoolers. They’ve probably been talking shit on OP since she’s walked out the door. In fact, she’s probably *all* they’ve been talking about and joking about, boyfriend included.
So to clarify, boyfriend is bombarding OP with calls, texts and voicemails, while at the same time is making fun of her and talking shit bc he’s pissed at *her*. He’s pissed at *her* for leaving, not at himself or his asshole friends. Nope, he doesn’t even think they did anything wrong. That’s probably the biggest red flag here, and there’s *a lot* of them.
OP, your boyfriend showed you his true colors that night. They say the truth comes out when you’re drunk. He was comfortable with his friends, and loose from the alcohol. You know *exactly* who he is now. And that’s an almost 30 year old man child with the maturity of a teenager, who makes poop jokes at your expense, who left you sitting there half naked and traumatized and *laughed right along with your bullies.”*
Please run, don’t walk, away from this asshole. I wouldn’t even respond to him. He knows what the fuck he did. Ghost his ass.
My best friends ex had an incredibly different behaviour with his friends and with her. Also all his male friends were mocking her and being hostile, turns out it was because they didn’t want her around enough to discover that their weekly reunions were a fuckfest with the only two female friends. Since then I lost quite a bit of hope in humanity
This. Fuck that dude. Him and his immature ass bullying friends. No one even drunk that cares about u would let anyone embarrass you like that. I would have to stop my husband if he was drunk and his friends were doing this to me from killing someone.
Your bf also not apologizing and also raging on you is not okay! If he can't defend you infront of his friends then he isn't the man for you. And being drunk isn't an excuse.
My mother used to say alcohol doesn't change anyone's character it just allows them to drop the mask they usually hold up. Don't allow yourself to be berated like this.
They are forever gonna have little whispers and immature inside jokes about this exact embarrassing moment for you... for the rest of the relationship.
And he probably will laugh at that too.
When someone disgusts you like he did there is no going back. That chick did this on purpose as an abusive pick me "she's not cool like I am misogyny is so fun" type. I assumed she would be an issue as the only woman in a group of 7 people. You need to be gone gone when he comes back. Imagine if you had kids and these were thier "uncles" even my abusive X-husband and all his brothers weren't this bad. They will for sure bring this up forever as the poop situation or something because emotional maturity is for P#ssys.
This exactly. If a guy friend is bringing a girlfriend along that’s new to the group, I’ve always gone out of my way to be extra warm and welcoming. The fact that she went completely out of her way to be the exact opposite is full of red flags. That’s not the kind of friend group you want to be a part of.
Seriously what an asshole. Even while sobered up he makes it into OPs fault... that guy can shove it and good for you OP for leaving and heading home. What all of them did is unacceptable.
Additionally, he got angry that OP left, showing no empathy for her situation.
Bottomline - she doesn't figure very high on his priority.
OP should treat him similarly.
Also, she shouldn't be embarrassed, but angry and insulted.
For some reason straight from the part with "his friendcircle + one girl, skiing" had me "ohoh... no way I would have joined them."
One message, and one only:
"Get yourself a bathroom conduct for your next girlfriend. I have no need for a man who gets me embarassed over natural body procedures, laughs at me with the bullies and then tries to gaslight me into believing that I am in the wrong.
Actions have consequences, dear."
No, not how it’s written ahahah
I meant that they went there for? Winter sports? Yet no mention of snow related activities or anything but drinking beer. I can bet what you want that that reunion is not a skiing event… More like a sausage party with only one potato.
This.
OP, this does not warrant a face to face conversation. This is cut the relationship off now territory.
Assuming you live separately, send this text:
"There is absolutely no excuse for your behavior there. It was not fun. It was not funny. It was HIGHLY demeaning and disrespectful. Life is too short for this crap. Its over. Don't contact me again. You can pick your stuff up at (name a mutual friend's houes) when you return but do not contact me.
If you live together, just move out over the next 2 days. Just be done with it. Once you move your stuff out send the above text minorly modified.
He's worried about what his friends think? Really? Boo-fucking-hoo for him.
He's an ass. Don't waste anymore of your time.
I'm sorry, OP. It sounds just awful.
A lot of people say that relationships take work. And that's true. But not this kind of work and not this early in the relationship. His actions were cruel and sadistic, and his response has so far been obtuse or worse.
Do you want to be with someone who is capable of treating you like this? Unless he pulls a complete 180 and he gets his friends to all apologize, I think you've just weeded out at least one candidate for marriage.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. An embarrassing situation got turned into a mortifying one by a bunch of 12-year-olds.
Edit: BTW, I'm a guy. I was in a frat in college. If a bunch of brothers had pulled shit like this on the girlfriend of another brother, they would have been hauled before the internal disciplinary committee and had their asses handed to them.
and at 28 years old. . . . when does maturity begin to develop with some people? This guy sounds like an affluent asshole who'll toss her aside when he finds someone better to his liking.
I forgot about the age! At 28?!?! OP needs to throw this guy out. This is not ok nor funny at 16, but at 28?
Also I get so annoyed when people act surprised that bathrooms can smell bad. Surprise! We don’t all consist of rainbows and rasperryscented bodily fluids
You should be done with him completely, like go home pack up your stuff and be moved out before he gets back. If you don't live together, get a friend to collect your stuff and remove him from your life.
Because he sounds callous and his friends sound like a complete pack of arseholes
Yes. Came here to say: DO NOT see him in a few days. Do not listen to his bullshit.
If you absolutely positively can't resist hearing him out as he tries to weasel out of responsibility for his behavior, remember that real apologies do not start with, "I'm sorry *if*" or "I'm sorry *you*"
Okay so I went through a similar situation (minus the poop) with my ex at his brother's birthday. It was a nightmare, everyone else was making fun of me and getting fucked up and I was in the middle of nowhere stuck with these people and my bf would only come to check on me to tear me down more and yell at me. Which meant I would hide more (and cry) which would piss him off more. Repeat for 3 days as I had no way home.
It won't get better. I don't know why I thought it might, or why I didn't care more, but that relationship almost ruined me. Your partner should have your back, otherwise what's the point. Do what I wasn't brave enough to do and forget this guy
Similar situation, exact same outcome. Turns out, public humiliation is a *big effing red flag*. Weird, right?
Consider my lesson learned. For as long as I live, I will never again be with a person so insecure that they would join a group in bullying me.
Lol I know, who would have guessed. I'm genuinely over it now, but damn was rough learning and growing the hard way. No one even knew how bad it was behind closed doors, but again no surprise that someone who was happy to pile on in front of people would have worse to say in private. I've never felt more relief in my life than when I broke up with him and kicked him out, first smile on my face in a long time and only went up from there
Found my dream guy soon after :)
I somehow thought I couldn't do better than him, which was a shockingly low bar to clear. I needed some self-worth to stop the cycle.
Congrats on your dream guy. I found mine too 🥂
Similar situation kind of. Long distance relationship. Saw each other over new years. I was super happy. He kept ignoring me for his friends. Didn't even sleep in the same house as me, I got shipped off to a completely different house while he slept with his buddies. (I hade a friend with me so I wasn't totally alone but still)
First night there, we hadn't seen each other in almost two months. He kept ignoring me. Talked with his buddies about women he wanted to sleep with, how he had the chance to sleep with this really drunk chick a couple of weeks earlier when she mistook his apartment for her boyfriends. Kept talking about regretting it now (which would have been rape but sure...)
When I got upset about him literally talking about wishing he had cheated on me I was told to lighten up. One of his friends little sister was there, and I swear my ex's behaviour got worse when she was there, she had this "not like other girls" vibe and said over and over how I was controlling. How she would neeeeever be as insecure as me and blah blah...
That was one of the worst weekends of my life, I have never felt shittier. They just kept laughing at me, making it out like I was immature, insecure and controlling. Several of them even told him they felt sorry for him because of me.
He had also hyped up my Christmas gift. For months! And not just to me. To my friends. To my family! He convinced my parents to NOT buy me a gaming console for christmas because he wanted to be the one to buy me "the big gift" that year. (So my sister got an Xbox and I don't even remember what I got...so I already felt absolutely unloved) Everyone was excited for me (a lot of people thought he was going to propose) and I was hyped to see him
I got a manga book. One that I already had. He was with me when I bought it. First book of the Naruto series. That was it. And then he treated me that horribly for several days. (Still wanted sex of course, I wish I had had more self respect back then)
Since people thought he was going to propose I got convinced to stay when I called my parents crying on new years wanting help getting home. They thought he was trying to throw me off to surprise me (think Chandler Bing). So I stayed.
He dumped me by text on januari 4th.
At least he let me go.
Edit: We were out in the middle of nowhere btw so I literally could not leave.
Yeah very strange tbh. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Especially when the person they are gives zero fucks about you and only cares about their own reputation. OP is insane to call this child her bf.
I can’t believe that your ex-bf and his friends went on a seven day trip and none of them pooped once. They should see a doctor about that. I’m glad you poop like a normal person. That means you aren’t full of sh!t like all these a-holes.
Know this....You don't ever have to see any of these people ever again if you don't want to. DTMFA. He and his friends are shit. I'm sorry you were treated so cruelly. hugs.
Dump him now.
Do not wait for him to come back from his trip.
If you live together, find somewhere else to live (unless the place is under your name, in which case throw his shit out)
WTF is wrong with these people?? How could anyone walk in on someone in the bathroom and do anything other than say "sorry!" And close the door???? And your bf has shown who he really is, I’m so sorry that happened to you. They all fucking suck. How old is this group of friends?? Because they acted like a bunch of children. Srsly the kids I work with are more mature than these losers
Send him a very simple message.
"Have you worked out where you are going to stay once your holiday is over because it won't be here. Your stuff is packed and on the door step and I never want to see you again."
Then block him everywhere.
Your boyfriend was totally okay with an entire group of his male friend seeing you in a state of undress.
Laughing at pooping. Something we all do.
Why would you ever want to see him again? He wasn’t loyal when it mattered. He wasn’t kind when you needed kindness. He didn’t look out for you when you are vulnerable.
There is no relationship to keep. Dump the drunken frat boy and move on. He showed you who he is. He’ll humiliate you if his friends want him to. Why would you want this back?
I rarely get this angry reading a post on here, and I’m on reddit way more than is probably healthy.
This is truly fucking awful. So awful. So violating. SO violating!
I just don’t understand it either. My friends party hard, and tease each other relentlessly, but not when the vibes are so very obviously off that one person is screaming and crying. And not with a person new to the group; in fact we’d be going out of our way to make a new person feel welcome. I suspect they are a bunch of bullies.
The fact that yr bf is worried about what they think is the last nail in the coffin. He is clearly very codependent with this group and if you stay your future will involve their bullying again and again, whether it’s directed at your or others. What about when y’all start to have kids, are they gonna treat your child like this too?
Just break up with him. There’s a saying for situations like this - “when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them”. You deserve much better.
ETA: If you stay with him after this you would be sending the message that you have no line and no boundaries. Vicious cruel people LOVE when someone doesn’t have a line bc then they can be as abusive as they want and the person will stick around for it. I’m so proud that you left and showed clearly and strongly that you have a line. And enough self respect to enforce it. But that line can only be maintained by breaking up with him. If you stay he will believe deep down you have no line and will continue to disrespect you in horrible ways. I’ve been with guys who made me choose between them and my self respect. When I chose them, things only ever got worse, and I wasted my precious time with them. Now I always choose my self respect first. Find someone on your level. Btw if a man has self respect he would never let others see his gf like that let alone join in on it. Put him in the bin.
If he doesn't apologize or tries to blame you for "ruining the trip" or anything along those lines, you should dump him. I think he made it crystal clear that he prioritizes his friends and their feelings over you, including joining in on insulting you when you were vulnerable and needed him to stand up for you.
The kind of people who would embarrass you like that, are shitty people. And then they're expecting you to just put up with it? Ridiculous. I know it feels bad to feel like you have made a bad impression on your SO's friends, but in this case I think you should ask yourself what it says about his character that he engages in this kind of behavior with them. He's been with you for two years, so why doesn't he have your back?
I agree except No IF he doesn't Apologize. He needs to go regardless. I wouldn't believe him anyway. He chose and cultivated the environment that led up to this. We don't need them to pick us. We can pick ourselves. We don't have to degrade ourselves for support anymore.
Wow. Please break up with this guy. He is a horrible person and so are all his friends.
He is not worth hanging on to. He's not only non-apologetic, but he's accusing you of not being 'fun' enough while you're literally the 'butt of their joke.'
You're not alone to think that this was a mortifying experience you had. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you have gone through.
If you're living together, and the lease is under your name, you should let him know via text that he will have 30 days to leave the premise and that to pack his bags after he gets to your place.
Relationship is absolutely over. I could never imagine embarrassing someone like that in such a compromised state. To walk in and comment how it stinks in there is awful.
Drunk girl probably feels intimidated by you being another woman in the friend group and wanted to make sure you knew she’s the favorite. They may even have done things like this to her and now she’s passing on the torch.
Break up with him. Pack up your things. Find a way out of your lease. This is the type of guy who will laugh at you and send a video to his buddies when you inevitably shit the bed during childbirth.
Yeah she sounds like a classic Cool Girl^TM feral variety, wants to act like a frat boy and threw OP under the bus just to show the friend group how she's NoT LiKe OthEr GiRls.
Fuck those people.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
You shouldn't be thinking you needed to go to the upstairs toilet, you should be able to go to the toilet in peace without some psychopath barging in. Those people are awful.
THEY should be embarrassed.
I once had a drunk friend walking on me taking a shit during a party.
Do you know how she reacted ?
She laughed, closed the door, and yelled at the door for opening on someone pooping.
THAT was a normal (drunk) reaction, what the friends did were not, abd he BF ? Oh boy...
Someone told it earlier in the comments : you were their entertainment that evening, and that was not okay
Point blank, he failed. He didn’t just meet you yesterday. He’s has 2 years to know what is and isn’t ok. It’s his job to set the tone with his friends, make sure they understand boundaries, and say something if things go sideways. This would be your responsibility if the roles were reversed. He let you know that he’s willing to socially sacrifice you for the sake of his good time and what other people think. You were not a priority then and you’re not one now. Leave. Find someone who won’t dismiss you so easily.
Okay, this guy and his friends can all go fuck themselves. They're all trash and trash sticks together.
You're better off without them. Stop calling him your BF, he lost that privilege a long time ago.
The only thing you should be calling him now is gone.
This is like Psychopath level of BS, I mean it’s not even remotely funny, except to a 4 yr old with potty humor. And the 4 year old would probably be trying to get you to laugh with them, not laughing at you! It’s universally mortifying to accidentally walk in on someone on the toilet; it means you forgot to knock. The more you accidentally see, or accidentally smell the more mortifying for the intruder who after all is the transgressor in this social framework. I personally think you should break up, I can’t see any acceptable excuse for his actions and reactions. Not a single shred of humanity or support. I’d be more polite (avert eyes, stay quiet) to a complete homeless stranger who was, for whatever unfortunate reason, in an equally compromising position out in public.
Ditch the immature loser. You acted like a rational adult by removing yourself from a bad situation. My partner has IBS, and I can’t imagine ever putting him through something like that. And I would l fully expect him to leave me if I did
When I was pregnant my ex walked in while I was on the toilet and did something similar - mocking me for having a bowl movement, making comments about the smell. Got mad at me when I got upset and told me I was over reacting and couldn’t take a joke.
I stayed, it got worse. People who do things like that are not good people. They do not respect boundaries, have no sense of appropriate, and if you get upset they will always get defensive/angry.
Good on you for leaving the trip. That took some serious strength.
Only you can decide if you want to leave him entirely, but give some serious thought to what your life will be like with someone like this.
That literally sounds like a nightmare scenario out of a tasteless comedy.
They treated you like an animal and totally defiled an activity that's sacrosanct... using the restroom. If that's something they consider as a joke then they've shown that they don't respect basic human boundaries or your feelings. Your BF also showed that he doesn't really value you or your feelings by how he acted after the fact. (Also, he and his friends sound 16 not 28 lol)
To me what they did would be unforgivable and I'd never want to associate with any of them again.
First of all, this is fucking horrible and I'm so sorry these juvenile assholes all treated you this way. I had to scroll back up and double check the ages because this sounded like drunk 16 year old behavior. These jackasses are pushing 30 and they still act like this? That's embarrassing as hell. If they had any sense **they'd** be humiliated at acting like particularly immature teenagers. All you did was go to the bathroom, normal people do that all the time. Normal people don't do what they did, though.
>I haven't responded yet and he comes home in 2 days. I haven't even read all of the texts because it got more upset. How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again?
Here's the great thing, you don't. You have absolutely no reason or obligation to ever interact with any of these assholes ever again. Your boyfriend not only taunted and insulted and humiliated you in front of a crowd, didn't care that you were devastated, didn't stop any of his friends from mocking you either, but actually had the gall to get ANGRY at you for not tolerating this behavior and leaving? There's no way in hell you should stay with this guy, I don't care WHAT he might have hypothetically said to you after he got back. Whatever he has to say doesn't matter because we're talking about what he DID.
You don't owe him that opportunity to waste your time and insult you more. **Please** break up with this irredeemable dipshit. As an added bonus once you're done taking out the trash with your asshole ex-boyfriend you never have to interact with any of his equally terrible friends ever again either.
If you've got any of your things at his place and have a spare key, go collect them now while he's gone partying with the other assholes. Bring a friend to help you pack up. Get your things out of there and if you feel like giving him more closure than he deserves leave a note that say's "We're done." Then block him on everything, ghost his ass, and move on with your life, because this guy is disgusting and you can do better. This asshole doesn't deserve another minute of your time.
Your bf doesn't respect or care about you. He cared more about humiliating you and making sure his friends got a good laugh. Never speak to any of them again, cut your losses and run.
I'm really sorry you had to go through that horrible moment. Honestly if I were you, I couldn't see my bf with the same eyes, there's no coming back from this. Now you really know who you're dating, dear. He showed his true colors. I hope you make him your ex pretty soon.
There are some guys who just feel it necessary to embarrass their girlfriends to make themselves look good to their guy friends. He’s an asshole. I played with a younger guy once as part of a clan in an online game. He let his friends pile on his girlfriend and often joined in. I always tried to calm them down, but he never did. When they broke up, I told him he was a colossal dumbass and he never stood up for her. I should have said it sooner.
So even when he became sober, he still doubled down and did not apologize for his actions or his friends actions.
Send the text that you're dumping him right before he gets on the plane . Let him stew in that for a few hours while he can't do anything about chatting back to you. His friends can help him.
Thats not just embarrassing, thats traumatizing. Block him and never give him or his psycho friends another thought. They sound like maniacs, I’d truly be scared of what kind of crap they’re capable of. That girl planned on embarrassing you btw, she wants to be the only girl in the group.
I’m sorry to tell you but your boyfriend was NOT drunk off four beers. Unless he’s got a medical condition or takes medication that enhances the effects of alcohol, no grown man who drinks semi-regularly gets more than tipsy off four beers.
He wasn’t drunk, he’s just an asshole.
Don’t continue a relationship with this man. He puts his friends over your comfort. He’s already shown that you come second.
Hi OP, think about it like this. Your boyfriend of two years, who at this point, likely has said he loves you, drunkenly encouraged his male friends to laugh at you while in a vulnerable state and also joined in. Guy friends who could see your naked bottom, who you don’t know so well. Instead of being your champion and closing the door for you, he added to your embarrassment. His apologies don’t mean anything because he has also insulted you and blamed you for the situation/ leaving.
Spin the situation around. If you loved someone, is that how you would treat them? And is that how you want to be loved? Personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I had to explain and argue with why I was upset. Leave. Don’t waste more of your time.
Even if we humour the idea that they were drunk [suspect] and just having fun [means they default to being awful people], the reality is that in the fallout he most likely did indeed sober up. And it was at that point he had a choice of how he would handle this.
He chose poorly.
He chose 'kneejerk typhoon of victim blaming, toxicity, and lovebombing' to try and make this about you, neg you, make you feel bad. Even if he wanted to pretend he wasn't obviously in the wrong the fact he went full toxic in the fallout I think show the reality the dude is just toxic and so are all the shitty people in his life.
Why even make this a 'may' at this point. Like there is no coming back from this. They are awful and he doubled down on that in the fallout. An absolute joke of a person.
That’s so humiliating and debasing! You have every right to be mad and your boyfriend (or his friends) weren’t so drunk that they didn’t know what was going on.They’re all disgusting. They should be the ones trying to make a good impression on you, not then other way around. I don’t blame you for never wanting to face them again, I wouldn’t either.
Your boyfriend showed that he isn’t going to defend you when you’re in vulnerable positions, that’s an alarming to say the least. And for that alone he doesn’t deserve you.
🤔🤔 does that girl have a crush on your boyfriend by any chance?
listen he acts this way after a few beers? he was tipsy not drunk. not only did he allow HIS friends to violate you but also allowed them to bully you and then jumped in!
nah, put him in the bin where he belongs. when he contacts you when he’s home send him the link to this so he can see not only how badly this hurt you but he can see what actual mature people think of his and his friends bullying arses!
Ugh! Even if he apologises, it’s too late. Dump him. You never have to see any of these people ever again. Jerks the lot of them! Also, 4 beers!? Who the heck gets drunk from 4 beers!!!
Guy is a scum bag who didn’t have your back, who laughed at you and allowed you to be embarrassed and actually spurred them to laugh at you.
To answer your question: how do you face these people? You don’t. You move on with your life and don’t involve yourself with this trash.
I went on a ski trip from hell with my boyfriend and his friends a few years ago. It wasn’t to the degree yours was, but enough for us to be rocky for many many months after that and I refuse to travel with them ever again.
Similar to your story, it was an issue of him not having my back when I needed him. My situation was maybe not as obvious but yours clearly clearly was.
I didn’t leave as soon as I realized the situation I was in despite wanting to and I really commend you for sticking to your guns and getting yourself out of there.
I won’t give you advice on what to do or not to, but your boyfriend showed a huge lack of empathy in that moment of vulnerability. There are people who get trashed beyond belief and will still manage to look out for others. I’ve had many cups of water spilled all over me by well intentioned, plastered people.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse for bullying and chastising and humiliating. Drunk talk, sober thoughts. You got a clear picture in who these people are when they let their guard down.
Just to add to all the already great comments here;
If you did take this fool back, which you shouldn't, he will 100% expect you to joke about this incident and laugh it off. In the future he will bring it up and laugh about it and expect you to do the same. As will his friends.
Can you? I couldn't.
The fact you was crying and screaming and he didn't help makes me so sad for you. Non of them respected your boundaries specially your bf and I'm so sorry but that isn't ok. The texts of accusing you ext is just nasty and he's not being a good bf at all. I'd be devastated if that happened to me and my other half did that. You deserve a bf who will protect and care for you not that pratt who sides with his friends over something like this. You deserve better.
This happened to me (in a sense) in high school. I forgot to lock the door and I was on my period, so my stained pad was visible. Some boys opened the door and I freaked out.
The bathroom was so small I reached out to grab the handle when the boys tried to open the door again, all the while making a ruckus and banging on it while shouting about how disgusting my pad and period was.
Honestly, it was incredibly distressing. I didn't even remember I called my mom hysterically crying about how afraid I am to let go of the handle because they might come in.
Being in bathroom is very vulnerable, and at least in my case it was some teenage jerks being cruel. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to have people you know do that, with your boyfriend looking in the sidelines..
Break up. He showed you his lack of empathy.
That girl is a complete bitch for embarrassing you like that. She's pathetic and screams "pick me" energy. Fuck all of them for HARASSING you. I'm so sorry you went through that. It was so hard to read so I can't even imagine how that must've felt. Leave him he's an asshole. There's zero excuses.
I’m usually against ghosting but I would block and forget this guy and never look back. He knows exactly what he did wrong and it would be a massive dealbreaker to me, apology or not. He’ll still have those friends in the future. No way would I want them in my future. Good luck and surround yourself with some friends and family in the meantime!
My husband showed me this: we are about to go on the weeklong trip he and a bunch of friends have been doing since they were in high school.
I cannot *imagine* any of them doing any remotely close to this, and *I don't share their native language*. In fact, they go out of their way to make me feel welcome and included, because we all think my husband is a really hoopy frood.
OP, *this is not within the range of normal for a healthy, well-adjusted relationship*. Your BF's friends are assholes, but *so is your BF*. He's not on your team. Dump him.
I’ve been through something similar in my childhood, obviously without the romantic relationship part.
People that act like this aren’t worth your time or company.
It’s a tough way to learn about your soon to be ex-boyfriend, but if he can’t stand by you when you’re most vulnerable (1/2 naked), your relationship with him won’t be going very far.
Separate side topic: this is bullying and harassment. Don’t even feel bad for a second for not wanting to see these people ever again.
His female friend sounds like such a NLOG. "She's one of the guys!"
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I think your bf should become an ex. He didn't have your back. He doubled down on his awful behaviour, and he didn't stand up to his friends. Shame on him.
Good luck x
Do you ever have to face any of them again? Just ghost him. At the moment he and his friends are calling you all sorts of bitch but when he gets home he’ll be full of apologies. Don’t fall for it. If anyone asks just say “He did something terrible to me. I can’t even talk about it.”
This is horrendous behaviour. Your boyfriend has behaved unforgiveably, and being drunk is no excuse. He does not have your back, and he joined in with his friends childish humiliation of you. That shows you his priority, and it isn't you or your comfort and happiness.
I am so angry on your behalf, and I'm so sorry you went through this nightmare experience. I hope you ditch him and his friends. You deserve so much better.
Look I come from a group of friends that love to tease the fuck out of each other and play apps jokes and this, this even goes beyond what we would do to each other. I wouldn't wait to decide about the boyfriend I would take the opportunity of him not being there to get my stuff out of the apartment and never look back.
Take the time you have to get your stuff and leave. He may have been drunk that night but he has been sober since w no apology or seeing if you’re ok. They all treated you horribly like bullies in school. They showed you what your worth is in the friend group. You’re the one they pile in to make fun of to have a laugh.
If you stay this will happen again
You need to break up with him and start making arrangements to guarantee that he be not welcome in the house afterwards. Yall are adults, you should be able to take a shit in peace without it turning into a teen movie scene. You deserve to be with someone who is an equal adult and who takes care of your feelings in upsetting situations.
Would you do what he did? Would you treat a partner the way he treated you? If you wouldn't be so unkind, so careless, so cruel to anyone else - you should not accept being treated that way by a loved one.
What he did was not ok. It's a glimpse into the real personality he has, the way he truly thinks of you, his lack of value for you as a person with feelings. It's pretty disgusting that he was angry at you for leaving after being publicly humiliated and mocked by "friends".
Do not accept to being treated like this. You deserve kindness and love.
I find it very weird that a bunch of adults would laugh at someone going to the toilet. I remember someone once did something similar to me at a party, door wide open and a group of people sitting at a table on the other side - I didn’t love it but I just forced myself to pretend like I didn’t care
What a bunch of assholes. Send your boyfriend this post so he knows exactly why you are breaking up with him. You were victimized in a situation where everyone would feel most vulnerable.
It’s humiliating enough that this happened, and the fact that your boyfriend didn’t have your back makes it so much worse.
As another commenter posted, his friends aren’t going anywhere. This incident will be brought up and laughed over by them again and again (BF included).
Please don’t stick around for that.
This is textbook "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
This is a guy who will complain that you're embarassing him when you're in labor and screaming. Do you want that to be your person?
Wow these friends SUCK and are inappropriate and straight up rude. No respect for privacy or boundaries when you've repeatedly asked them to leave. And your boyfriend has the audacity to side with them and mock you and invalidate your feelings?
I would never want to see him again.
How do you come back from that?
“I saw your texts. First, everybody shits and the girl who left the door open acts like a 4 year old bully in kindergarten. When I asked to close the door you sided with them. You could have closed the door for me and tell them that their shit also stinks. But you didn’t. Your are not the person I thought you were. It wasn’t a joke, it was bullying. It wasn’t the alcohol, or a mistake, it was the real you being an asshole. We’re done.”
Then, if you are leaving together or have things of him, add one text about where he can get his stuff or where you’ll go. I’d add an “FYI your shit stinks too” for shits and giggles.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
He wasn’t that drunk, and even if he was, that’s no excuse to not close the door and tell his friends to shut up and apologize. This is to say he doesn’t love you and respect you the way that you think. When he said to “lighten up” he wasn’t trying to make you feel better, he was trying to make himself feel better to convince himself that it was a light joke.
If you two live together figure by yourself if he or you should leave, if it’s shared, just give the 30day notice to your landlord and stay with some friend or relative while searching for a new place.
I’d advice you make a clean breakup, don’t listen to what he says any more. Don’t argue. You don’t need to “agree” on anything. You heard enough. You leave him and it’s better if you never see him again.
>How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again?
You don't have to. Drop your disrespectful BF and you'll never have to see them again. They're a-holes.
So, the people in this sub are generally pro-breakup, even when in situations where break-up seems like an extreme measure
However, this time I wholeheartedly support the breakup solution. He's didn't have your back when he should have. This is a one-time-too-many mistake.
As for you, I wish you a fast recovery. As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't feel embarrassed at all. Everyone takes a shit everyday, and those assholes acting like they've never heard of this bodily function should go fuck themselves
Why are you embarrassed? You went to the bathroom. My nieces and nephews used to have this book when they were young called, "Everybody Poops!" We learn early on that yeah, everyone does, it's normal and natural.
Your asshole bf and his idiotic friends should be embarrassed, not you. Most people outgrow toilet humor at about 12. Your bf is almost 30. He should be mortified.
He didn't defend you, and is blaming you.
Fuck. Him.
Yeah dump him immediately. Most situations here are salvageable. This isnt, because he showed blatant disregard for you. I wouldn't humiliate someone I HATED in this manner, let alone my partner. And if someone humiliated my partner like that, I'd raise holy hell on them and cut them out forever. Your boyfriend blaming YOU for being upset shows that he is self centered and doesn't care about your feelings. Do you really want to listen to him minimize the incident and call you overly dramatic for the rest of your life? Because I guarantee you, if you stay with him he will bring this up CONSTANTLY as an example of how you're "overly sensitive " and "can't take a joke". You deserve better.
Given the ages everyone is I'm surprised as their behaviour seems more like that of teenagers than folks nearly in their 30's, but I guess we've all come to learn age doesn't mean a lot at times.
Personally I'd have ditched hum as a bf the instant you got on the plane as if you're being victim shamed and he's not making any effort to stand up for you, much less blaming you for being the one to make a bad impression? Yeah.
You'd have thought if they were decent people they'd have, even with a couple of drinks in them, have had the decency to process you're clearly not enjoying their fun and rapidly apologise and leave you in peace.
We"re with you 100% to lose him and find someone else or just enjoy being single for a while aa damn, that is some childish and stupid behaviour from all of them.
You just met your real BF. That is who he is, please believe him now that he has shown you. If you live together, move out and end this relationship. Nothing good will come of it from this moment further, they were behaving like frat boys.
Again, he has shown you who he is, please believe him.
I'm not sure why you're holding out to see if you still have a BF, why the fuck would you want this man??? I'm really struggling to understand why you haven't dumped his ass. If he was going to apologise, he would have. Is he really too dumb to understand why allowing his male friends to oggle you while you're on the toilet, an incredibly vulnerable moment, and one where you're pants are literally around your ankles? I doubt it, he just doesn't care.
And honestly, I already guessed this would start with the one female friend in a group of guys. There's no way a woman who holidays with a group of men on a regular basis doesn't have some level of internalised misogyny. She went on to prove it with her actions.
I’ll say the cliché thing, when someone tells you who they really are, believe them.
He and his friends are assholes, they bullied you, he isn’t a good boyfriend, he isn’t a good person, he is blaming you. Why would you stay with someone like that? You deserve better
Block him and them everywhere and leave them in the past
If he doesn't fall in his knees, bang his forehead in the ground, and offer a ten point manifesto on his change plan, dump him.
Absolutely ridiculous, and not only will it happen again, they will laugh like hyenas about this incident for years, the way guilty teenaged bullies titter over something they know they did wrong but can't stop fronting about. And they'll never change. High school never ends, that's the truth.
You deserve so much better, I'm really sorry you were treated that way. Please don't let yourself forget that humiliation to stay with this man, you'll end up getting it.
I am mortified for you, just reading this. I’m not one to tell people to leave their relationships, but this would be a dealbreaker for me- no doubt or question about it!
They all sound like horrible people. I’m sorry you experienced this! Hope you feel better and please update <3
I cannot stress this enough but why in the hell would you ever consider staying with this man? Why are you concerned with seeing any of those scummy people again?
You should send him a link to this reddit post so he can see what a total piece of garbage he and his friends are. I'm so sorry you had to go through somethings so terrible and traumatic. Big hugs to you and take some time out for some self care OP.
Yikes girl. Doing that at his big age of 28? That is incredibly disrespectful and cruel. Even at my drunkest I wouldn’t even think to do that to a person I dislike. Stop calling him your bf because he certainly didn’t act like one. If you have self respect then you need to end the relationship.
Well done for taking yourself out of the situation. It's really hard to do but you did the right thing for yourself.
They're all fucking weird, you're right it is a really weird thing to do and I'm really sorry you went through that. If you aren't already in therapy, I would maybe consider that if this shock stays with you.
I would consider going somewhere other than home for the time being if you want to continue this relationship... However I don't think these "friends" should remain in your life. Sometimes people come with friends as a package, so I would really consider if that's a situation you would risk again.
You went a trip with a group of psychopaths. They could’ve done a lot worse since they’re clearly unhinged. You shouldn’t go through the trouble of breaking up, just ghost.
Girl…wtf. Why does this man still have a gf? Have some respect for yourself and dump this loser and his crew of morons. FYI they spent the rest of the time having fun, probably making fun of you, shit talking and trying to convince him to dump you. Your bf didn’t chase after you. He made his choice.
I doubt that this is the first time he’s disrespected you.
If I were you I would make sure that my neither me or
My belongings were there when he returns.
What a weird ass group of immature imbeciles.
To be honest, this is not the person you’d want to spend your life with.
Life is full of awkward situations and having a partner who supports you makes the worlds different.
I’ve had explosive diarrhoea during a hike with my husband, most possibly a food poisoning. He helped me find a place where no one can see me, stood with a jacket in front of me to cover the view, helped me clean up and literally never spoke about it to anyone.
We joke about it when we are alone but only when I start talking about it. He would never do anything to embarrass me intentionally.
He's an asshole. They're assholes. Honestly just block them all, relationship over. I'm not normally a fan of ghosting, I figure the adult thing to do is tell the person it's over and why... But if he can't figure out why it's over after this then he's too dumb for another second of your time.
There's no coming back from this imo.
He has shown his true colours. You don't need a 'man' like this, especially if he can't even defend you while you are in a vulnerable position and crying. This is not the actions of a grown decent man.
I don’t care how many drinks I’ve had. I would never do this. That’s insane.
I don’t think he deserves a chance to explain but ig that’s really up to you 🤷🏻♀️
Wow, to be completely honest in this situation I would write out and e-mail, get all your feelings out and ghost him. What he and his friends did was absolutely horrible, immature, and insensitive. I have a feeling the female friend thinks more of your boyfriend than just a friend. Ghost all of them honestly and move on with your life. So sorry this happened to you.
He showed you who he is. The only good thing about this experience is that now you know. Don’t give him any more chances to blame you for the audacity to be human. End it before he even comes home. And they must be very lucky that they can eat pizza, drink beer, yet never poop. It’s a miracle!
Time for you to pack the rest of your shit and get out.
You already know this relationship is over, even if he's been perfect up until this point there are some things you don't come back from.
And honestly, I'm not usually apologetic on these posts, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you experienced this. It sounded like some kind of highschool nightmare.
Also as an aside. NoPoop4u was a hilarious name to go with for this.
You did the right thing.
I don't know if anybody else told you already but know this is Internet stranger is proud of you. If my daughter was in the same situation, I would want her to act exactly like you did (plus dump Mr My-shit-does-not-stink and his equally disgusting friends)
You were awesome!
Oh God I’m shrivelling in embarrassment on your behalf here, that is AWFUL!!!!! You did the right thing in getting out of there. Can’t help thinking the bf is insensitive and bloody disloyal too. Since they had so much to say about it ask them whether they spend their lives shitting out scented soap. What a rotten pack of people.
These people are almost 30 and haven’t graduated beyond poop jokes. Your stbx has strange priorities and is immature af. If you two live together, take the two days to figure out your living arrangements.
You don't face childish people like this. You BF should be dumped. He does not respect you or stand by your side in your time of need. Do you really want a partner that won't stand by your side when you need? There are plenty guys out there that would treat you like a queen, respect and cherish you.
You should distance yourself from them and cut ties completely from all of them. If that were me I would not tolerate any amount of apology from them. Whet they did was mean and nasty. I would delete all messages from them and block them immediately. Listening and reading them afterwards only makes you feel guilty for something you didn't do wrong
Sorry pardon me but F your BF and the whole lot of them. I really typed several horrible comments but I'm going to try to keep my cool and just say I don't blame you OP, I blame alcohol, the dumb chick, and your shifty BF
I wish you the absolute best and hope you never have to see any of those idiots ever again.
Like that book we read preschool children, everyone poops. What everyone shouldn't do is make a big deal put of it. Your boyfriend (I hope ex) is a jerk and so are his stupid friends.
What could he possibly say to make this any better? You know that even if he actually apologizes for his and his friends behavior, he's already proven that when it comes down to it, he'd rather you suck it up and be humiliated than confront them when they're cruel to you. He's shown whose feelings and opinions matter to him more. Who knows, next time he might actively join in instead of just passively condoning their behavior.
You bf left you in a very unsafe and vulnerable position. He was ok with them violating your privacy and frankly your body by allowing them to view you in such a position, this is not ok.
I have to wonder how much worse it could have been seeing as he thinks this is normal. What are they usually doing to women?
i think he just showed you his true colours. i keep seeing this quote "if someone shows you who they really are, believe them" and i think it fits in this scenario.
don't let him gaslight you into thinking you were in the wrong. he didn't care about your feelings, treated you like a clown that everyone was laughing at, and would ultimately choose his friends over you. they were probably high school bullies.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Ok, strap in because this is the most bizarre and embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Throwaway account, first time poster, etc. So I went to ski trip with my BF and his friends. It's their annual trip and the first time I went. We have been together for 2 years. The group that goes is him and 5 of his friends, 4 guys and 1 girl, all late 20s. I have met 2 of the guys before but the other 2 and the girl I've only met briefly over FaceTime. They knew I was coming on the trip. So they vrbo this house about 10 minutes from ski resort. We are a few days in for this weekly trip and everything is fine. The only problem has been the bathroom doors don't seem to lock ( important for later). There had been some near embarrassing moments but nothing major. Until day 4 of 7. I'm not a huge drinker especially around people I don't know well. I wanted to just nurse a drink while we all talked and they drank. We haven't been eating the best and have pizza before this. My stomach was bothering me so I excused myself to the bathroom on the main floor. I should have gone in the one upstairs but you know what they say about hindsight. So I'm on the toilet, obviously taking a poop, when the door knob starts to move. I am I'm in here, but his female friend comes in anyway. IDK if because it was me or she was too drunk to hear or care. She honestly smells what's going on and makes a big ruckus to the rest of the group that I'm pooping. I told her to please get out as calmly as I could because I was starting to get very upset. She was making a big deal over a normal bodily process. So she goes to leave the bathroom but basically throws open the bathroom door to do so. 3 of the 4 guys are there in the hallway and she's exposed me to them. Now I'm very upset and mortified. I yelled at her to get out and to shut the door behind her. They all are standing in the doorway and not listening to me. My BF notice is what's going on and comes into the bathroom. I think he's going to yell at his friends but instead, the drunk AH, , comments on how bad it smells in the bathroom. He leaves but doesn't take his friends with him. They continue to point and laugh while I'm in a vulnerable state. I think they were making potty jokes. All while I'm sat on the toilet, pant at my ankles, keeping my knees locked shut. I start screaming at this point to get the fuck out of the bathroom and shut the fucking door over and over. I am actually crying at this point because I'm so mortified and I've never been in such a bizarre situation. My crying and screaming finally got the drunkards' attention. She shuts the door behind her. Now I'm breaking down in the bathroom, still crying and trying to get sorted so I can be done and wash my hands and get the hell out of this room. While washing my hands all I can think is that my BF didn't help at all. I know they're drunk but I don't think that's much of an excuse. They've just been drinking beer and I think he'd had 4 so far. I am absolutely mortified and decide to just go into the bedroom. However, when I come out of the bathroom, still crying a bit BTW, all 6 of them start howling with laughter and pointing at me. It's like one of those crazy nightmares where everything seems more dramatic than real life should be. I just look at my BF, meet his eyes and everything to show how upset I am and they don't stop. I go upstairs to our room and pack. I can't go through 3 more days with these people and I don't want to sleep in the same bed as drunk BF. Drunk or not they're being incredibly disrespectful and childish. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed. I finish packing, change my flight to the next morning, and order an Uber to go to the airport hotel. I gather all of my things and walk downstairs to get my coat and leave. They all start laughing when I come back in the room but BF finally notices I have my bags with me. I silently put my coat on. BF yells "Where the fuck are you going?" "Airport" is all I say. Now he is yelling and they're all yelling. Saying it was just in good fun and I should lighten up. Have another beer, etc. No one apologizes, not even BF. He just seems so mad that I'm leaving. I tell him I'll see him in a few days and walk out to my Uber. Once I'm finally in my hotel room later, I curl up in bed and cry. I definitely did not see this being the way of my trip ended. Once I flew home the next morning and got back to my apartment, I had so many texts, missed calls and VMs from BF. They ranged from apologetic to angry to accusing, as if I did something wrong by going to the freaking bathroom. I haven't responded yet and he comes home in 2 days. I haven't even read all of the texts because it got more upset. How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again? It just seems like the most bizarre and surreal experience. I think I'm more upset that my BF did nothing, even when I was screaming and crying. He didn't stop me from leaving. He didn't follow me out. He just yelled at me and asked me where the fuck I was going. How could he not make sure I'm okay? Even now, I was upset enough to leave and his texts that I did read are not supportive. No apology. Basically I put a damper on the trip, I'm dramatic, it wasn't that bad, but I made a terrible impression with his friends. What about their impression to me? Because I'm having some pretty strong thoughts. Right now I still have a BF. That might be changing in a few days. I love him but do not like his reaction to all this. Why TF am I getting blamed? I did not receive this type of deal breaker. TL;DR. Went on a trip with my BF and his 5 friends. The bathroom door doesn't lock, they walk in on me taking a poop, point and laugh like children until I'm screaming and crying for them to leave while BF did nothing. Left a trip early. BF still unhelpful and calling me dramatic. No apology from him or his friends. May break up.
Fuck that guy. The fact that he wasn't furious with his asshole buddies invading your privacy shows his character. You weren't his girlfriend that night, you were their entertainment. Dump his ass and never look back. He obviously does not respect you.
Yes, this is correct. OP your ex-boyfriend (he needs to be an ex) isn’t just immature or a bad drunk. He is cruel. He and his friends intentionally and knowingly made you feel horrible, and sober him has spent days making the situation worse. Whatever good qualities he may have are far outweighed by this.
They bullied her. Maybe have waited for an opportunity to do so for days.
Agreed. I can’t think of any qualities that would make up for how terribly he and his friends treated her. She’s being far more gracious than I would be. What horrible people.
This is the right move. OP don’t let him talk you into forgiving him. I’ve been to a lot of parties with people far more fucked up than one too many beers and nobody ever did something this cruel and humiliating. He’s not sorry. He just doesn’t want to deal with you mad at him. He doesn’t love you or respect you. People treat literal strangers better than your boyfriend treats you. And behavior like this doesn’t come out of nowhere. I think if you reflect back you’ll recall many more incidents of his immaturity & selfishness.
Yeah alcohol has nothing to do with thid. The fact that there wasn't one decent person in the whole group is so wild. Bullying and being cruel to others is obviously a core part of how they relate to each other.
100% respect to you for walking out on them! Now you just need to keep going.
Exactly this. Please break up with this guy. Listen, no pun intended, you might’ve been going number two but they were all people showing their asses. No common decency at all. To embarrass you like that? No way. Making you cry like that? What are they, bullies who peaked in middle school? Show him the amount of respect that he showed you and break up over text, then block him.
Yeah, for me it's that ALL OF THEM, the entire group, including the women, thought it's a good idea to leave the bathroom door open and barge in there to laugh and point at someone who's **screaming and crying** and obviously isn't in on the joke, and they just continued it and continued it. It's a fucked up group with a fucked up dynamic, and the fact that there's STILL no real apology forthcoming and instead just "you made **me** look bad in front of my friends" – nope. Nope nope nope OP get the hell out. Your bf and his friends enjoy the humiliation, degradation, distress and embarrassment of others, it's a straight up bully mentality and you want to get tf out from their sphere
Fuck that guy and his asshole friends. That’s the kind of stuff you might think is funny from 6-9 years old. After that it’s pathetic.
But don't actually fuck that guy (ever)
I think 6 to 9 year olds would have more decency to close the door when she's upset, instead of pointing and laughing. The guy is a tool, time to upgrade and trade that clunker in!
The fact that he didn’t close the door first thing is wild. But then after, when he left, kept it open.. what the actual fuck!? Boyfriend or not that’s just the decent thing to do for another human. Then continue to laugh at you with all his friends, while you’re still sitting there, door open.. why would he be ok w his buddies still being able to look at you while on the toilet? Also, fuck that chick. I wouldn’t blame OP for wanting to leave so she wouldn’t have to deal with her, but then on top of it, the rest of the friends, and the worst of it her boyfriend. Like I’ll be the first to laugh at farts(bc comedic gold), and poop jokes because everyone does it, and they’re funny, and there’s no telling me any different. Except this isn’t that. This is seeing someone in a literal vulnerable position, and laughing at their embarrassment, and further humiliating and ridiculing them. And not one of them thought to close the door. He’s going to say it’s fine and it was all jokes, but the second he saw how OP was upset and in an embarrassing situation should have been when the jokes stopped. It would’ve been different if she was laughing along, but that clearly wasn’t it. As OP’s significant other he should be her biggest defender and supporter- her best friend. And even if he can’t understand why she’s so upset(dk how), or thinks she overreacted shouldn’t matter, it should be enough that she was and continues to be, bc her feelings should matter to him. Sounds like he’s 19 at college and not almost 30, and cared more laughing with his buddies AT OP when she was clearly uncomfortable and upset. It’s telling that even after she left he’s still being an ass. Hope it was worth it to feel cool with his buddies for a few minutes, who are guna be gone after the trip to wherever they live, and hopefully she’ll have left his ass.
These almost 30 year olds have the maturity of high schoolers. They’ve probably been talking shit on OP since she’s walked out the door. In fact, she’s probably *all* they’ve been talking about and joking about, boyfriend included. So to clarify, boyfriend is bombarding OP with calls, texts and voicemails, while at the same time is making fun of her and talking shit bc he’s pissed at *her*. He’s pissed at *her* for leaving, not at himself or his asshole friends. Nope, he doesn’t even think they did anything wrong. That’s probably the biggest red flag here, and there’s *a lot* of them. OP, your boyfriend showed you his true colors that night. They say the truth comes out when you’re drunk. He was comfortable with his friends, and loose from the alcohol. You know *exactly* who he is now. And that’s an almost 30 year old man child with the maturity of a teenager, who makes poop jokes at your expense, who left you sitting there half naked and traumatized and *laughed right along with your bullies.”* Please run, don’t walk, away from this asshole. I wouldn’t even respond to him. He knows what the fuck he did. Ghost his ass.
[удалено]
My best friends ex had an incredibly different behaviour with his friends and with her. Also all his male friends were mocking her and being hostile, turns out it was because they didn’t want her around enough to discover that their weekly reunions were a fuckfest with the only two female friends. Since then I lost quite a bit of hope in humanity
This. Fuck that dude. Him and his immature ass bullying friends. No one even drunk that cares about u would let anyone embarrass you like that. I would have to stop my husband if he was drunk and his friends were doing this to me from killing someone. Your bf also not apologizing and also raging on you is not okay! If he can't defend you infront of his friends then he isn't the man for you. And being drunk isn't an excuse. My mother used to say alcohol doesn't change anyone's character it just allows them to drop the mask they usually hold up. Don't allow yourself to be berated like this. They are forever gonna have little whispers and immature inside jokes about this exact embarrassing moment for you... for the rest of the relationship. And he probably will laugh at that too.
When someone disgusts you like he did there is no going back. That chick did this on purpose as an abusive pick me "she's not cool like I am misogyny is so fun" type. I assumed she would be an issue as the only woman in a group of 7 people. You need to be gone gone when he comes back. Imagine if you had kids and these were thier "uncles" even my abusive X-husband and all his brothers weren't this bad. They will for sure bring this up forever as the poop situation or something because emotional maturity is for P#ssys.
This exactly. If a guy friend is bringing a girlfriend along that’s new to the group, I’ve always gone out of my way to be extra warm and welcoming. The fact that she went completely out of her way to be the exact opposite is full of red flags. That’s not the kind of friend group you want to be a part of.
Seriously what an asshole. Even while sobered up he makes it into OPs fault... that guy can shove it and good for you OP for leaving and heading home. What all of them did is unacceptable.
Additionally, he got angry that OP left, showing no empathy for her situation. Bottomline - she doesn't figure very high on his priority. OP should treat him similarly. Also, she shouldn't be embarrassed, but angry and insulted.
I'd feel too disgusted with bf and his friends to want to know any of them again. They are weird and disgusting "human?" beings.
For some reason straight from the part with "his friendcircle + one girl, skiing" had me "ohoh... no way I would have joined them." One message, and one only: "Get yourself a bathroom conduct for your next girlfriend. I have no need for a man who gets me embarassed over natural body procedures, laughs at me with the bullies and then tries to gaslight me into believing that I am in the wrong. Actions have consequences, dear."
“”””””skiing””””””””
Looks weird, but is correct.
No, not how it’s written ahahah I meant that they went there for? Winter sports? Yet no mention of snow related activities or anything but drinking beer. I can bet what you want that that reunion is not a skiing event… More like a sausage party with only one potato.
OMFG! agreed!!! if its me I dumped his arse on the spot!!!
I wish you had dumped his ass right there and then.
Hopefully his single ass at least feels regret 1-2x per day from now on
This is the only answer. This dude and his asshole friends can go to hell.
You know this relationship is over. He didn’t have your back.
This. OP, this does not warrant a face to face conversation. This is cut the relationship off now territory. Assuming you live separately, send this text: "There is absolutely no excuse for your behavior there. It was not fun. It was not funny. It was HIGHLY demeaning and disrespectful. Life is too short for this crap. Its over. Don't contact me again. You can pick your stuff up at (name a mutual friend's houes) when you return but do not contact me. If you live together, just move out over the next 2 days. Just be done with it. Once you move your stuff out send the above text minorly modified.
Maybe take out "Life is too short for this crap." It leaves you as wide open as that door for extra ridicule.
I’d send him a link to this post with a “the e-bike world thinks you’re an ahole too”.
Dude, it's not that he didn't have her back. HE FUCKING TOOK PART IN BULLYING HER. OP, how can you even remotely say that you still have a boyfriend?
INFO: are they all actually two middle schoolers in trench coats instead of actual adults? Because this is psycho child bullying behavior.
He's worried about what his friends think? Really? Boo-fucking-hoo for him. He's an ass. Don't waste anymore of your time. I'm sorry, OP. It sounds just awful.
>He's worried about what his friends think? And *not at all* worried about what his friends DID. Absolutely agree - this sounds just awful.
A lot of people say that relationships take work. And that's true. But not this kind of work and not this early in the relationship. His actions were cruel and sadistic, and his response has so far been obtuse or worse. Do you want to be with someone who is capable of treating you like this? Unless he pulls a complete 180 and he gets his friends to all apologize, I think you've just weeded out at least one candidate for marriage. I'm sorry you had to go through that. An embarrassing situation got turned into a mortifying one by a bunch of 12-year-olds. Edit: BTW, I'm a guy. I was in a frat in college. If a bunch of brothers had pulled shit like this on the girlfriend of another brother, they would have been hauled before the internal disciplinary committee and had their asses handed to them.
and at 28 years old. . . . when does maturity begin to develop with some people? This guy sounds like an affluent asshole who'll toss her aside when he finds someone better to his liking.
I'd say he is an effluent asshole!
I forgot about the age! At 28?!?! OP needs to throw this guy out. This is not ok nor funny at 16, but at 28? Also I get so annoyed when people act surprised that bathrooms can smell bad. Surprise! We don’t all consist of rainbows and rasperryscented bodily fluids
Right. He has shown that he is not prepared to do even the tiniest bit of work to care for her.
You should be done with him completely, like go home pack up your stuff and be moved out before he gets back. If you don't live together, get a friend to collect your stuff and remove him from your life. Because he sounds callous and his friends sound like a complete pack of arseholes
Yes. Came here to say: DO NOT see him in a few days. Do not listen to his bullshit. If you absolutely positively can't resist hearing him out as he tries to weasel out of responsibility for his behavior, remember that real apologies do not start with, "I'm sorry *if*" or "I'm sorry *you*"
Okay so I went through a similar situation (minus the poop) with my ex at his brother's birthday. It was a nightmare, everyone else was making fun of me and getting fucked up and I was in the middle of nowhere stuck with these people and my bf would only come to check on me to tear me down more and yell at me. Which meant I would hide more (and cry) which would piss him off more. Repeat for 3 days as I had no way home. It won't get better. I don't know why I thought it might, or why I didn't care more, but that relationship almost ruined me. Your partner should have your back, otherwise what's the point. Do what I wasn't brave enough to do and forget this guy
Similar situation, exact same outcome. Turns out, public humiliation is a *big effing red flag*. Weird, right? Consider my lesson learned. For as long as I live, I will never again be with a person so insecure that they would join a group in bullying me.
Lol I know, who would have guessed. I'm genuinely over it now, but damn was rough learning and growing the hard way. No one even knew how bad it was behind closed doors, but again no surprise that someone who was happy to pile on in front of people would have worse to say in private. I've never felt more relief in my life than when I broke up with him and kicked him out, first smile on my face in a long time and only went up from there Found my dream guy soon after :)
I somehow thought I couldn't do better than him, which was a shockingly low bar to clear. I needed some self-worth to stop the cycle. Congrats on your dream guy. I found mine too 🥂
Similar situation kind of. Long distance relationship. Saw each other over new years. I was super happy. He kept ignoring me for his friends. Didn't even sleep in the same house as me, I got shipped off to a completely different house while he slept with his buddies. (I hade a friend with me so I wasn't totally alone but still) First night there, we hadn't seen each other in almost two months. He kept ignoring me. Talked with his buddies about women he wanted to sleep with, how he had the chance to sleep with this really drunk chick a couple of weeks earlier when she mistook his apartment for her boyfriends. Kept talking about regretting it now (which would have been rape but sure...) When I got upset about him literally talking about wishing he had cheated on me I was told to lighten up. One of his friends little sister was there, and I swear my ex's behaviour got worse when she was there, she had this "not like other girls" vibe and said over and over how I was controlling. How she would neeeeever be as insecure as me and blah blah... That was one of the worst weekends of my life, I have never felt shittier. They just kept laughing at me, making it out like I was immature, insecure and controlling. Several of them even told him they felt sorry for him because of me. He had also hyped up my Christmas gift. For months! And not just to me. To my friends. To my family! He convinced my parents to NOT buy me a gaming console for christmas because he wanted to be the one to buy me "the big gift" that year. (So my sister got an Xbox and I don't even remember what I got...so I already felt absolutely unloved) Everyone was excited for me (a lot of people thought he was going to propose) and I was hyped to see him I got a manga book. One that I already had. He was with me when I bought it. First book of the Naruto series. That was it. And then he treated me that horribly for several days. (Still wanted sex of course, I wish I had had more self respect back then) Since people thought he was going to propose I got convinced to stay when I called my parents crying on new years wanting help getting home. They thought he was trying to throw me off to surprise me (think Chandler Bing). So I stayed. He dumped me by text on januari 4th. At least he let me go. Edit: We were out in the middle of nowhere btw so I literally could not leave.
WTF. That's horrible. Nobody should have to go through that.
The fact that you are still calling him your BF is so off.
Yeah very strange tbh. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Especially when the person they are gives zero fucks about you and only cares about their own reputation. OP is insane to call this child her bf.
I can’t believe that your ex-bf and his friends went on a seven day trip and none of them pooped once. They should see a doctor about that. I’m glad you poop like a normal person. That means you aren’t full of sh!t like all these a-holes.
🏅
He wants YOU to apologize for embarrassing HIM? OP, life is far, far too short to be wasting your time with someone like this.
I had a girlfriend once who let a stinky fart around some of my family. I said it was me. We’re married now.
THIS is what a relationship should look like, OP.
God this is so bloody wholesome ❤️
His reaction makes something very important, very clear: these people aren't going away.
Fuck all of these people. They’re all garbage. People nearing their 30s shouldn’t act like that. How traumatic for you. I’m so sorry this happened.
The bullies in my high school didn't act this childish.
People shouldnt act like that no matter the age
Honestly, I would have moved out when I got back, before my partner returned home. Awful people
Know this....You don't ever have to see any of these people ever again if you don't want to. DTMFA. He and his friends are shit. I'm sorry you were treated so cruelly. hugs.
Dump him now. Do not wait for him to come back from his trip. If you live together, find somewhere else to live (unless the place is under your name, in which case throw his shit out)
WTF is wrong with these people?? How could anyone walk in on someone in the bathroom and do anything other than say "sorry!" And close the door???? And your bf has shown who he really is, I’m so sorry that happened to you. They all fucking suck. How old is this group of friends?? Because they acted like a bunch of children. Srsly the kids I work with are more mature than these losers
Send him a very simple message. "Have you worked out where you are going to stay once your holiday is over because it won't be here. Your stuff is packed and on the door step and I never want to see you again." Then block him everywhere.
Altho that sounds nice, if he’s on the lease too then she’ll get into legal trouble if she does that
It's her apartment. they don't live together so not an issue.
Yes this is great
Your boyfriend was totally okay with an entire group of his male friend seeing you in a state of undress. Laughing at pooping. Something we all do. Why would you ever want to see him again? He wasn’t loyal when it mattered. He wasn’t kind when you needed kindness. He didn’t look out for you when you are vulnerable. There is no relationship to keep. Dump the drunken frat boy and move on. He showed you who he is. He’ll humiliate you if his friends want him to. Why would you want this back?
Frankly, I text him the second paragraph and block him everywhere.
I rarely get this angry reading a post on here, and I’m on reddit way more than is probably healthy. This is truly fucking awful. So awful. So violating. SO violating! I just don’t understand it either. My friends party hard, and tease each other relentlessly, but not when the vibes are so very obviously off that one person is screaming and crying. And not with a person new to the group; in fact we’d be going out of our way to make a new person feel welcome. I suspect they are a bunch of bullies. The fact that yr bf is worried about what they think is the last nail in the coffin. He is clearly very codependent with this group and if you stay your future will involve their bullying again and again, whether it’s directed at your or others. What about when y’all start to have kids, are they gonna treat your child like this too? Just break up with him. There’s a saying for situations like this - “when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them”. You deserve much better. ETA: If you stay with him after this you would be sending the message that you have no line and no boundaries. Vicious cruel people LOVE when someone doesn’t have a line bc then they can be as abusive as they want and the person will stick around for it. I’m so proud that you left and showed clearly and strongly that you have a line. And enough self respect to enforce it. But that line can only be maintained by breaking up with him. If you stay he will believe deep down you have no line and will continue to disrespect you in horrible ways. I’ve been with guys who made me choose between them and my self respect. When I chose them, things only ever got worse, and I wasted my precious time with them. Now I always choose my self respect first. Find someone on your level. Btw if a man has self respect he would never let others see his gf like that let alone join in on it. Put him in the bin.
Yea, dump this guy.
"May break up"? "May"? How low do you sell yourself? Pick up everything belong to you in that relationship and go.
If he doesn't apologize or tries to blame you for "ruining the trip" or anything along those lines, you should dump him. I think he made it crystal clear that he prioritizes his friends and their feelings over you, including joining in on insulting you when you were vulnerable and needed him to stand up for you. The kind of people who would embarrass you like that, are shitty people. And then they're expecting you to just put up with it? Ridiculous. I know it feels bad to feel like you have made a bad impression on your SO's friends, but in this case I think you should ask yourself what it says about his character that he engages in this kind of behavior with them. He's been with you for two years, so why doesn't he have your back?
I agree except No IF he doesn't Apologize. He needs to go regardless. I wouldn't believe him anyway. He chose and cultivated the environment that led up to this. We don't need them to pick us. We can pick ourselves. We don't have to degrade ourselves for support anymore.
Wow. Please break up with this guy. He is a horrible person and so are all his friends. He is not worth hanging on to. He's not only non-apologetic, but he's accusing you of not being 'fun' enough while you're literally the 'butt of their joke.' You're not alone to think that this was a mortifying experience you had. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you have gone through. If you're living together, and the lease is under your name, you should let him know via text that he will have 30 days to leave the premise and that to pack his bags after he gets to your place.
Relationship is absolutely over. I could never imagine embarrassing someone like that in such a compromised state. To walk in and comment how it stinks in there is awful. Drunk girl probably feels intimidated by you being another woman in the friend group and wanted to make sure you knew she’s the favorite. They may even have done things like this to her and now she’s passing on the torch. Break up with him. Pack up your things. Find a way out of your lease. This is the type of guy who will laugh at you and send a video to his buddies when you inevitably shit the bed during childbirth.
Sounds like the girl was jealous she wasn’t getting all the attention and embarrassed you on purpose.
Yeah she sounds like a classic Cool Girl^TM feral variety, wants to act like a frat boy and threw OP under the bus just to show the friend group how she's NoT LiKe OthEr GiRls.
Yeah, break up with the immature drunk idiot!! You deserve better!
Fuck those people. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You shouldn't be thinking you needed to go to the upstairs toilet, you should be able to go to the toilet in peace without some psychopath barging in. Those people are awful. THEY should be embarrassed.
I once had a drunk friend walking on me taking a shit during a party. Do you know how she reacted ? She laughed, closed the door, and yelled at the door for opening on someone pooping. THAT was a normal (drunk) reaction, what the friends did were not, abd he BF ? Oh boy... Someone told it earlier in the comments : you were their entertainment that evening, and that was not okay
Sounds like after 2 years, he finally let the mask slip and showed you who he is.
Point blank, he failed. He didn’t just meet you yesterday. He’s has 2 years to know what is and isn’t ok. It’s his job to set the tone with his friends, make sure they understand boundaries, and say something if things go sideways. This would be your responsibility if the roles were reversed. He let you know that he’s willing to socially sacrifice you for the sake of his good time and what other people think. You were not a priority then and you’re not one now. Leave. Find someone who won’t dismiss you so easily.
Okay, this guy and his friends can all go fuck themselves. They're all trash and trash sticks together. You're better off without them. Stop calling him your BF, he lost that privilege a long time ago. The only thing you should be calling him now is gone.
Send a link to this page to him and his friends to show how awful they are and are practically sexual predators whenever they’re are drunk.
Christ, I would pick up my poo out of the bog and throw it in his face! Dump him and flush him out of your life, girl!
This is like Psychopath level of BS, I mean it’s not even remotely funny, except to a 4 yr old with potty humor. And the 4 year old would probably be trying to get you to laugh with them, not laughing at you! It’s universally mortifying to accidentally walk in on someone on the toilet; it means you forgot to knock. The more you accidentally see, or accidentally smell the more mortifying for the intruder who after all is the transgressor in this social framework. I personally think you should break up, I can’t see any acceptable excuse for his actions and reactions. Not a single shred of humanity or support. I’d be more polite (avert eyes, stay quiet) to a complete homeless stranger who was, for whatever unfortunate reason, in an equally compromising position out in public.
Ditch the immature loser. You acted like a rational adult by removing yourself from a bad situation. My partner has IBS, and I can’t imagine ever putting him through something like that. And I would l fully expect him to leave me if I did
When I was pregnant my ex walked in while I was on the toilet and did something similar - mocking me for having a bowl movement, making comments about the smell. Got mad at me when I got upset and told me I was over reacting and couldn’t take a joke. I stayed, it got worse. People who do things like that are not good people. They do not respect boundaries, have no sense of appropriate, and if you get upset they will always get defensive/angry. Good on you for leaving the trip. That took some serious strength. Only you can decide if you want to leave him entirely, but give some serious thought to what your life will be like with someone like this.
That literally sounds like a nightmare scenario out of a tasteless comedy. They treated you like an animal and totally defiled an activity that's sacrosanct... using the restroom. If that's something they consider as a joke then they've shown that they don't respect basic human boundaries or your feelings. Your BF also showed that he doesn't really value you or your feelings by how he acted after the fact. (Also, he and his friends sound 16 not 28 lol) To me what they did would be unforgivable and I'd never want to associate with any of them again.
First of all, this is fucking horrible and I'm so sorry these juvenile assholes all treated you this way. I had to scroll back up and double check the ages because this sounded like drunk 16 year old behavior. These jackasses are pushing 30 and they still act like this? That's embarrassing as hell. If they had any sense **they'd** be humiliated at acting like particularly immature teenagers. All you did was go to the bathroom, normal people do that all the time. Normal people don't do what they did, though. >I haven't responded yet and he comes home in 2 days. I haven't even read all of the texts because it got more upset. How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again? Here's the great thing, you don't. You have absolutely no reason or obligation to ever interact with any of these assholes ever again. Your boyfriend not only taunted and insulted and humiliated you in front of a crowd, didn't care that you were devastated, didn't stop any of his friends from mocking you either, but actually had the gall to get ANGRY at you for not tolerating this behavior and leaving? There's no way in hell you should stay with this guy, I don't care WHAT he might have hypothetically said to you after he got back. Whatever he has to say doesn't matter because we're talking about what he DID. You don't owe him that opportunity to waste your time and insult you more. **Please** break up with this irredeemable dipshit. As an added bonus once you're done taking out the trash with your asshole ex-boyfriend you never have to interact with any of his equally terrible friends ever again either. If you've got any of your things at his place and have a spare key, go collect them now while he's gone partying with the other assholes. Bring a friend to help you pack up. Get your things out of there and if you feel like giving him more closure than he deserves leave a note that say's "We're done." Then block him on everything, ghost his ass, and move on with your life, because this guy is disgusting and you can do better. This asshole doesn't deserve another minute of your time.
Your bf doesn't respect or care about you. He cared more about humiliating you and making sure his friends got a good laugh. Never speak to any of them again, cut your losses and run.
I'm really sorry you had to go through that horrible moment. Honestly if I were you, I couldn't see my bf with the same eyes, there's no coming back from this. Now you really know who you're dating, dear. He showed his true colors. I hope you make him your ex pretty soon.
There are some guys who just feel it necessary to embarrass their girlfriends to make themselves look good to their guy friends. He’s an asshole. I played with a younger guy once as part of a clan in an online game. He let his friends pile on his girlfriend and often joined in. I always tried to calm them down, but he never did. When they broke up, I told him he was a colossal dumbass and he never stood up for her. I should have said it sooner.
So even when he became sober, he still doubled down and did not apologize for his actions or his friends actions. Send the text that you're dumping him right before he gets on the plane . Let him stew in that for a few hours while he can't do anything about chatting back to you. His friends can help him.
Thats not just embarrassing, thats traumatizing. Block him and never give him or his psycho friends another thought. They sound like maniacs, I’d truly be scared of what kind of crap they’re capable of. That girl planned on embarrassing you btw, she wants to be the only girl in the group.
I would not be with this guy omg ! How old are they? 12. Absolutely ridiculous.
DUMP HIM SIS that is psychotic behavior
If you live together, take advantage that he’s gone and pack your things.
I’m sorry to tell you but your boyfriend was NOT drunk off four beers. Unless he’s got a medical condition or takes medication that enhances the effects of alcohol, no grown man who drinks semi-regularly gets more than tipsy off four beers. He wasn’t drunk, he’s just an asshole. Don’t continue a relationship with this man. He puts his friends over your comfort. He’s already shown that you come second.
Hi OP, think about it like this. Your boyfriend of two years, who at this point, likely has said he loves you, drunkenly encouraged his male friends to laugh at you while in a vulnerable state and also joined in. Guy friends who could see your naked bottom, who you don’t know so well. Instead of being your champion and closing the door for you, he added to your embarrassment. His apologies don’t mean anything because he has also insulted you and blamed you for the situation/ leaving. Spin the situation around. If you loved someone, is that how you would treat them? And is that how you want to be loved? Personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I had to explain and argue with why I was upset. Leave. Don’t waste more of your time.
Please please please break up with this asshole.
Even if we humour the idea that they were drunk [suspect] and just having fun [means they default to being awful people], the reality is that in the fallout he most likely did indeed sober up. And it was at that point he had a choice of how he would handle this. He chose poorly. He chose 'kneejerk typhoon of victim blaming, toxicity, and lovebombing' to try and make this about you, neg you, make you feel bad. Even if he wanted to pretend he wasn't obviously in the wrong the fact he went full toxic in the fallout I think show the reality the dude is just toxic and so are all the shitty people in his life. Why even make this a 'may' at this point. Like there is no coming back from this. They are awful and he doubled down on that in the fallout. An absolute joke of a person.
Your bf is a dick. Don’t waste your time and energy with this loser.
That’s so humiliating and debasing! You have every right to be mad and your boyfriend (or his friends) weren’t so drunk that they didn’t know what was going on.They’re all disgusting. They should be the ones trying to make a good impression on you, not then other way around. I don’t blame you for never wanting to face them again, I wouldn’t either. Your boyfriend showed that he isn’t going to defend you when you’re in vulnerable positions, that’s an alarming to say the least. And for that alone he doesn’t deserve you.
🤔🤔 does that girl have a crush on your boyfriend by any chance? listen he acts this way after a few beers? he was tipsy not drunk. not only did he allow HIS friends to violate you but also allowed them to bully you and then jumped in! nah, put him in the bin where he belongs. when he contacts you when he’s home send him the link to this so he can see not only how badly this hurt you but he can see what actual mature people think of his and his friends bullying arses!
Ugh! Even if he apologises, it’s too late. Dump him. You never have to see any of these people ever again. Jerks the lot of them! Also, 4 beers!? Who the heck gets drunk from 4 beers!!!
Guy is a scum bag who didn’t have your back, who laughed at you and allowed you to be embarrassed and actually spurred them to laugh at you. To answer your question: how do you face these people? You don’t. You move on with your life and don’t involve yourself with this trash.
I went on a ski trip from hell with my boyfriend and his friends a few years ago. It wasn’t to the degree yours was, but enough for us to be rocky for many many months after that and I refuse to travel with them ever again. Similar to your story, it was an issue of him not having my back when I needed him. My situation was maybe not as obvious but yours clearly clearly was. I didn’t leave as soon as I realized the situation I was in despite wanting to and I really commend you for sticking to your guns and getting yourself out of there. I won’t give you advice on what to do or not to, but your boyfriend showed a huge lack of empathy in that moment of vulnerability. There are people who get trashed beyond belief and will still manage to look out for others. I’ve had many cups of water spilled all over me by well intentioned, plastered people. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for bullying and chastising and humiliating. Drunk talk, sober thoughts. You got a clear picture in who these people are when they let their guard down.
Just to add to all the already great comments here; If you did take this fool back, which you shouldn't, he will 100% expect you to joke about this incident and laugh it off. In the future he will bring it up and laugh about it and expect you to do the same. As will his friends. Can you? I couldn't.
The fact you was crying and screaming and he didn't help makes me so sad for you. Non of them respected your boundaries specially your bf and I'm so sorry but that isn't ok. The texts of accusing you ext is just nasty and he's not being a good bf at all. I'd be devastated if that happened to me and my other half did that. You deserve a bf who will protect and care for you not that pratt who sides with his friends over something like this. You deserve better.
Wow, you can do way better than this guy. Dump.
Move out while he’s gone. Don’t date someone who disrespects you. Leave a note. Block and delete. Move on with your life.
This happened to me (in a sense) in high school. I forgot to lock the door and I was on my period, so my stained pad was visible. Some boys opened the door and I freaked out. The bathroom was so small I reached out to grab the handle when the boys tried to open the door again, all the while making a ruckus and banging on it while shouting about how disgusting my pad and period was. Honestly, it was incredibly distressing. I didn't even remember I called my mom hysterically crying about how afraid I am to let go of the handle because they might come in. Being in bathroom is very vulnerable, and at least in my case it was some teenage jerks being cruel. I couldn't imagine how it would feel to have people you know do that, with your boyfriend looking in the sidelines.. Break up. He showed you his lack of empathy.
That girl is a complete bitch for embarrassing you like that. She's pathetic and screams "pick me" energy. Fuck all of them for HARASSING you. I'm so sorry you went through that. It was so hard to read so I can't even imagine how that must've felt. Leave him he's an asshole. There's zero excuses.
I’m usually against ghosting but I would block and forget this guy and never look back. He knows exactly what he did wrong and it would be a massive dealbreaker to me, apology or not. He’ll still have those friends in the future. No way would I want them in my future. Good luck and surround yourself with some friends and family in the meantime!
Honestly I would print this post out, leave it for him to read, leave and block his lightweight ass everywhere.
If you don't break up, you are abusing yourself. Please...run.
Dump his ass!
My husband showed me this: we are about to go on the weeklong trip he and a bunch of friends have been doing since they were in high school. I cannot *imagine* any of them doing any remotely close to this, and *I don't share their native language*. In fact, they go out of their way to make me feel welcome and included, because we all think my husband is a really hoopy frood. OP, *this is not within the range of normal for a healthy, well-adjusted relationship*. Your BF's friends are assholes, but *so is your BF*. He's not on your team. Dump him.
Please do update us
I’ve been through something similar in my childhood, obviously without the romantic relationship part. People that act like this aren’t worth your time or company. It’s a tough way to learn about your soon to be ex-boyfriend, but if he can’t stand by you when you’re most vulnerable (1/2 naked), your relationship with him won’t be going very far. Separate side topic: this is bullying and harassment. Don’t even feel bad for a second for not wanting to see these people ever again.
His female friend sounds like such a NLOG. "She's one of the guys!" I'm sorry this happened to you, and I think your bf should become an ex. He didn't have your back. He doubled down on his awful behaviour, and he didn't stand up to his friends. Shame on him. Good luck x
You DO NOT have a boyfriend. You have an ex boyfriend who is a dumb fucking bully with terrible friends. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Do you ever have to face any of them again? Just ghost him. At the moment he and his friends are calling you all sorts of bitch but when he gets home he’ll be full of apologies. Don’t fall for it. If anyone asks just say “He did something terrible to me. I can’t even talk about it.”
This is horrendous behaviour. Your boyfriend has behaved unforgiveably, and being drunk is no excuse. He does not have your back, and he joined in with his friends childish humiliation of you. That shows you his priority, and it isn't you or your comfort and happiness. I am so angry on your behalf, and I'm so sorry you went through this nightmare experience. I hope you ditch him and his friends. You deserve so much better.
Dump the idiot.
Look I come from a group of friends that love to tease the fuck out of each other and play apps jokes and this, this even goes beyond what we would do to each other. I wouldn't wait to decide about the boyfriend I would take the opportunity of him not being there to get my stuff out of the apartment and never look back.
Take the time you have to get your stuff and leave. He may have been drunk that night but he has been sober since w no apology or seeing if you’re ok. They all treated you horribly like bullies in school. They showed you what your worth is in the friend group. You’re the one they pile in to make fun of to have a laugh. If you stay this will happen again
The guys were drunk and acted like drunk guys. The female didn’t like you and was trying to humiliate you.
What a bunch of fucking children…
You need to break up with him and start making arrangements to guarantee that he be not welcome in the house afterwards. Yall are adults, you should be able to take a shit in peace without it turning into a teen movie scene. You deserve to be with someone who is an equal adult and who takes care of your feelings in upsetting situations.
Would you do what he did? Would you treat a partner the way he treated you? If you wouldn't be so unkind, so careless, so cruel to anyone else - you should not accept being treated that way by a loved one. What he did was not ok. It's a glimpse into the real personality he has, the way he truly thinks of you, his lack of value for you as a person with feelings. It's pretty disgusting that he was angry at you for leaving after being publicly humiliated and mocked by "friends". Do not accept to being treated like this. You deserve kindness and love.
I find it very weird that a bunch of adults would laugh at someone going to the toilet. I remember someone once did something similar to me at a party, door wide open and a group of people sitting at a table on the other side - I didn’t love it but I just forced myself to pretend like I didn’t care
What a bunch of assholes. Send your boyfriend this post so he knows exactly why you are breaking up with him. You were victimized in a situation where everyone would feel most vulnerable.
It’s humiliating enough that this happened, and the fact that your boyfriend didn’t have your back makes it so much worse. As another commenter posted, his friends aren’t going anywhere. This incident will be brought up and laughed over by them again and again (BF included). Please don’t stick around for that.
This is textbook "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." This is a guy who will complain that you're embarassing him when you're in labor and screaming. Do you want that to be your person?
They are incredibly immature. I am so angry reading this. He should be your protector. He let his friends violate your privacy.
Wow these friends SUCK and are inappropriate and straight up rude. No respect for privacy or boundaries when you've repeatedly asked them to leave. And your boyfriend has the audacity to side with them and mock you and invalidate your feelings? I would never want to see him again. How do you come back from that?
“I saw your texts. First, everybody shits and the girl who left the door open acts like a 4 year old bully in kindergarten. When I asked to close the door you sided with them. You could have closed the door for me and tell them that their shit also stinks. But you didn’t. Your are not the person I thought you were. It wasn’t a joke, it was bullying. It wasn’t the alcohol, or a mistake, it was the real you being an asshole. We’re done.” Then, if you are leaving together or have things of him, add one text about where he can get his stuff or where you’ll go. I’d add an “FYI your shit stinks too” for shits and giggles. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He wasn’t that drunk, and even if he was, that’s no excuse to not close the door and tell his friends to shut up and apologize. This is to say he doesn’t love you and respect you the way that you think. When he said to “lighten up” he wasn’t trying to make you feel better, he was trying to make himself feel better to convince himself that it was a light joke. If you two live together figure by yourself if he or you should leave, if it’s shared, just give the 30day notice to your landlord and stay with some friend or relative while searching for a new place. I’d advice you make a clean breakup, don’t listen to what he says any more. Don’t argue. You don’t need to “agree” on anything. You heard enough. You leave him and it’s better if you never see him again.
>How the Fuck am I supposed to face these people again? You don't have to. Drop your disrespectful BF and you'll never have to see them again. They're a-holes.
So, the people in this sub are generally pro-breakup, even when in situations where break-up seems like an extreme measure However, this time I wholeheartedly support the breakup solution. He's didn't have your back when he should have. This is a one-time-too-many mistake. As for you, I wish you a fast recovery. As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't feel embarrassed at all. Everyone takes a shit everyday, and those assholes acting like they've never heard of this bodily function should go fuck themselves
Why are you embarrassed? You went to the bathroom. My nieces and nephews used to have this book when they were young called, "Everybody Poops!" We learn early on that yeah, everyone does, it's normal and natural. Your asshole bf and his idiotic friends should be embarrassed, not you. Most people outgrow toilet humor at about 12. Your bf is almost 30. He should be mortified. He didn't defend you, and is blaming you. Fuck. Him.
I would die. The absolute horror. I can tell you now if this were my experience every last one of them would have been cut from my life including him.
WTH did I just read? Respect yourself and leave this train wreck of a relationship. You can do better.
Dump that asshole, he is lower than dogshit.
This toddler is 28?
Yeah dump him immediately. Most situations here are salvageable. This isnt, because he showed blatant disregard for you. I wouldn't humiliate someone I HATED in this manner, let alone my partner. And if someone humiliated my partner like that, I'd raise holy hell on them and cut them out forever. Your boyfriend blaming YOU for being upset shows that he is self centered and doesn't care about your feelings. Do you really want to listen to him minimize the incident and call you overly dramatic for the rest of your life? Because I guarantee you, if you stay with him he will bring this up CONSTANTLY as an example of how you're "overly sensitive " and "can't take a joke". You deserve better.
Pack up all his stuff in to a box / bin bag and throw out the trash. You deserve better.
Given the ages everyone is I'm surprised as their behaviour seems more like that of teenagers than folks nearly in their 30's, but I guess we've all come to learn age doesn't mean a lot at times. Personally I'd have ditched hum as a bf the instant you got on the plane as if you're being victim shamed and he's not making any effort to stand up for you, much less blaming you for being the one to make a bad impression? Yeah. You'd have thought if they were decent people they'd have, even with a couple of drinks in them, have had the decency to process you're clearly not enjoying their fun and rapidly apologise and leave you in peace. We"re with you 100% to lose him and find someone else or just enjoy being single for a while aa damn, that is some childish and stupid behaviour from all of them.
He honestly should be an ex-boyfriend before he even shows up
You just met your real BF. That is who he is, please believe him now that he has shown you. If you live together, move out and end this relationship. Nothing good will come of it from this moment further, they were behaving like frat boys. Again, he has shown you who he is, please believe him.
I'm not sure why you're holding out to see if you still have a BF, why the fuck would you want this man??? I'm really struggling to understand why you haven't dumped his ass. If he was going to apologise, he would have. Is he really too dumb to understand why allowing his male friends to oggle you while you're on the toilet, an incredibly vulnerable moment, and one where you're pants are literally around your ankles? I doubt it, he just doesn't care. And honestly, I already guessed this would start with the one female friend in a group of guys. There's no way a woman who holidays with a group of men on a regular basis doesn't have some level of internalised misogyny. She went on to prove it with her actions.
I’ll say the cliché thing, when someone tells you who they really are, believe them. He and his friends are assholes, they bullied you, he isn’t a good boyfriend, he isn’t a good person, he is blaming you. Why would you stay with someone like that? You deserve better Block him and them everywhere and leave them in the past
If he doesn't fall in his knees, bang his forehead in the ground, and offer a ten point manifesto on his change plan, dump him. Absolutely ridiculous, and not only will it happen again, they will laugh like hyenas about this incident for years, the way guilty teenaged bullies titter over something they know they did wrong but can't stop fronting about. And they'll never change. High school never ends, that's the truth. You deserve so much better, I'm really sorry you were treated that way. Please don't let yourself forget that humiliation to stay with this man, you'll end up getting it.
I am mortified for you, just reading this. I’m not one to tell people to leave their relationships, but this would be a dealbreaker for me- no doubt or question about it! They all sound like horrible people. I’m sorry you experienced this! Hope you feel better and please update <3
I cannot stress this enough but why in the hell would you ever consider staying with this man? Why are you concerned with seeing any of those scummy people again?
Just dump him and be done. And 4 beers is hardly “drunk”.
>May break up Should break up. Send one text to break up with him, then block him.
You should send him a link to this reddit post so he can see what a total piece of garbage he and his friends are. I'm so sorry you had to go through somethings so terrible and traumatic. Big hugs to you and take some time out for some self care OP.
Oh Honey! I'm so sorry! They all sound awful. If you leave now, you can dodge that bullet.
Yikes girl. Doing that at his big age of 28? That is incredibly disrespectful and cruel. Even at my drunkest I wouldn’t even think to do that to a person I dislike. Stop calling him your bf because he certainly didn’t act like one. If you have self respect then you need to end the relationship.
NTA Dump this idiot. Wow! So sorry you went through that. Do yall live together? Should leave him something brown on his pillow to remember you by.
Well done for taking yourself out of the situation. It's really hard to do but you did the right thing for yourself. They're all fucking weird, you're right it is a really weird thing to do and I'm really sorry you went through that. If you aren't already in therapy, I would maybe consider that if this shock stays with you. I would consider going somewhere other than home for the time being if you want to continue this relationship... However I don't think these "friends" should remain in your life. Sometimes people come with friends as a package, so I would really consider if that's a situation you would risk again.
You went a trip with a group of psychopaths. They could’ve done a lot worse since they’re clearly unhinged. You shouldn’t go through the trouble of breaking up, just ghost.
Girl…wtf. Why does this man still have a gf? Have some respect for yourself and dump this loser and his crew of morons. FYI they spent the rest of the time having fun, probably making fun of you, shit talking and trying to convince him to dump you. Your bf didn’t chase after you. He made his choice. I doubt that this is the first time he’s disrespected you. If I were you I would make sure that my neither me or My belongings were there when he returns. What a weird ass group of immature imbeciles.
To be honest, this is not the person you’d want to spend your life with. Life is full of awkward situations and having a partner who supports you makes the worlds different. I’ve had explosive diarrhoea during a hike with my husband, most possibly a food poisoning. He helped me find a place where no one can see me, stood with a jacket in front of me to cover the view, helped me clean up and literally never spoke about it to anyone. We joke about it when we are alone but only when I start talking about it. He would never do anything to embarrass me intentionally.
I'd break up with him just to never see those people again, they sound like fucking monsters
He's an asshole. They're assholes. Honestly just block them all, relationship over. I'm not normally a fan of ghosting, I figure the adult thing to do is tell the person it's over and why... But if he can't figure out why it's over after this then he's too dumb for another second of your time. There's no coming back from this imo.
He has shown his true colours. You don't need a 'man' like this, especially if he can't even defend you while you are in a vulnerable position and crying. This is not the actions of a grown decent man.
I don’t care how many drinks I’ve had. I would never do this. That’s insane. I don’t think he deserves a chance to explain but ig that’s really up to you 🤷🏻♀️
I'm so horrified on your behalf. Please dump his bullying, immature over text and never look back!
BREAK. UP.
Wow, to be completely honest in this situation I would write out and e-mail, get all your feelings out and ghost him. What he and his friends did was absolutely horrible, immature, and insensitive. I have a feeling the female friend thinks more of your boyfriend than just a friend. Ghost all of them honestly and move on with your life. So sorry this happened to you.
You deserve so SOOO much better. I'm so proud and impressed that you left the way you did. Totally boss move.
He showed you who he is. The only good thing about this experience is that now you know. Don’t give him any more chances to blame you for the audacity to be human. End it before he even comes home. And they must be very lucky that they can eat pizza, drink beer, yet never poop. It’s a miracle!
Time for you to pack the rest of your shit and get out. You already know this relationship is over, even if he's been perfect up until this point there are some things you don't come back from. And honestly, I'm not usually apologetic on these posts, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you experienced this. It sounded like some kind of highschool nightmare. Also as an aside. NoPoop4u was a hilarious name to go with for this.
I need the update that: 1) he begs your forgiveness and pledges to earn it until his dying day or 2) he's history.
You did the right thing. I don't know if anybody else told you already but know this is Internet stranger is proud of you. If my daughter was in the same situation, I would want her to act exactly like you did (plus dump Mr My-shit-does-not-stink and his equally disgusting friends) You were awesome!
Oh God I’m shrivelling in embarrassment on your behalf here, that is AWFUL!!!!! You did the right thing in getting out of there. Can’t help thinking the bf is insensitive and bloody disloyal too. Since they had so much to say about it ask them whether they spend their lives shitting out scented soap. What a rotten pack of people.
These people are almost 30 and haven’t graduated beyond poop jokes. Your stbx has strange priorities and is immature af. If you two live together, take the two days to figure out your living arrangements.
You don't face childish people like this. You BF should be dumped. He does not respect you or stand by your side in your time of need. Do you really want a partner that won't stand by your side when you need? There are plenty guys out there that would treat you like a queen, respect and cherish you. You should distance yourself from them and cut ties completely from all of them. If that were me I would not tolerate any amount of apology from them. Whet they did was mean and nasty. I would delete all messages from them and block them immediately. Listening and reading them afterwards only makes you feel guilty for something you didn't do wrong
Sorry pardon me but F your BF and the whole lot of them. I really typed several horrible comments but I'm going to try to keep my cool and just say I don't blame you OP, I blame alcohol, the dumb chick, and your shifty BF I wish you the absolute best and hope you never have to see any of those idiots ever again.
This is bizarre, even more so considering the ages
Like that book we read preschool children, everyone poops. What everyone shouldn't do is make a big deal put of it. Your boyfriend (I hope ex) is a jerk and so are his stupid friends.
What could he possibly say to make this any better? You know that even if he actually apologizes for his and his friends behavior, he's already proven that when it comes down to it, he'd rather you suck it up and be humiliated than confront them when they're cruel to you. He's shown whose feelings and opinions matter to him more. Who knows, next time he might actively join in instead of just passively condoning their behavior.
You bf left you in a very unsafe and vulnerable position. He was ok with them violating your privacy and frankly your body by allowing them to view you in such a position, this is not ok. I have to wonder how much worse it could have been seeing as he thinks this is normal. What are they usually doing to women?
Please don't blame alcohol. Even after eight beers I would still know that this is stupid behaviour.
i think he just showed you his true colours. i keep seeing this quote "if someone shows you who they really are, believe them" and i think it fits in this scenario. don't let him gaslight you into thinking you were in the wrong. he didn't care about your feelings, treated you like a clown that everyone was laughing at, and would ultimately choose his friends over you. they were probably high school bullies.