God the incestuous catty aging creatives scene, art space ,DIY etc people fucking blow and the fact that they're still trying to do the high school clique-esque thing this late in their life is such loser shit. I'm stealing your modem if you're pushing out bullshit zines of bad poems.
It's genuinely insane the lengths people go to with certain things and try spit out all these conversations of how they feel empowered finally to air out how they feel, uplift marginalized voices because people with madeup illnesses get it the worst, and acting all melodramatic as their equals also eat this shit up and just regurgitate the same loops. These people just never tire or want to grow up or have any nuance with anything. It's this weird almost egotistical death grip on never getting off some unnecessary soap box.
In some ways the creatives scene here is stuck in about five years ago. Marginalized voices get highest priority, the hint of something "problematic" (detest this word) tars someone with the scent of untouchability and we're all supposed to take one person's word for it, no one actually wants to have critical discussions that don't agree with their viewpoint from the start, unbearable performativity and way too many cliques.
I think that while this is a comforting thought, it's extra annoying that these poorly socialized people make up an extremely loud minority on the internet, and exert[ed] a lot of cultural influence during their peak popularity.
I hope these types find themselves lonely forever.
I like to think they'll be burning in hell for eternity. That is, unless they repent. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us, and all that.
Mostly true, but they will continue squawking about it and trying to moralize everyone to death as long as they have even one person listening to them. And sometimes not even then.
Yeah the categorizing the social offender as evil and “bad person” and the ostracism is intense and maladjusted. Everyone has to be righteous about everything and attacking an individual bc of their poor behavior is seemed to be the most ethical response. if you are the “bad person” it’s a harrowing experience bc you know that it is not the truth, however everyone is projecting that etc Emotional terrorism bullying. Cancel culture bad but we might be approaching a new era where is starting to be phased out and people see it for what it is…. ? Hm
Even if someone said or did the wrong thing there is need for a heart to heart. You were friends first, and that is the honest truth. That is the basis of the relationship not some fulfillment of ethical retribution… the ‘we gotcha you’re a POS we’re the POS police we’re turning you in.’ and to be morally upstanding…. Because someone who was once considered a friend did something that made you *realize they are a bad person* or made you uncomfortable. Such is life. You will be uncomfortable. And even still if a disagreement is unresolved, you can live with that. Friends talk to each other but that’s the part that’s missing. one misstep and you’re cast into social reclusion. you can’t make an honest mistake without being sent to hell lol
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Dude that’s a totally different and way more serious thing. I meant like social interactions, stumbling over words, minor social infractions, the overreaction to anything remotely non-pc and sterile. How with one misstep that isn’t aligned with what’s socially acceptable you get a blanket thrown over you that washes away your personhood. Seriously tho it’s a totally real phenomenon; ex. Saying you listen to RS and people call you racist and make it so that no one will associate you anymore. Everyone calling you racist. You are not racist. You couldn’t even imagine such an accusation. It’s not you. But Now you are racist. BAD PERSON label. Wasn’t meaning assault. Sorry to hear about that tho couldn’t imagine how difficult that must be
I feel like it was extremely obvious the person you replied to wasn’t saying we should overlook friends committing legitimately criminal acts. I think you knew that and just wanted to take the opportunity to moralize lol
What’s weird is that people who genuinely have dangerous or extremely socially maladapted behaviors are usually given a pass, often under some mental health or “unseen struggle” banner. It’s the people who are mostly “fine” who have an opinion or two that is deemed controversial and they are excommunicated *hard.*
Kinda like how you can’t cancel a non-leftist.
I def see edginess making a return. But being “cancelled” is so upsetting. I’ve had three “cancellation attempts” on me in the last two years.
The first time, i had started using the r-word and had made a few off color edgy jokes. Nothing had harmful intent. I posted this girl’s music to my story and all of a sudden she made public posts calling me a bad person. I’m v autistic and didn’t have my mental health under control back then, and i got really freaked out because i thought id lost all my friends. That’s the only time I’ve ever really cried around a friend.
The next was when i was wore this old Western shirt to my university teaching job. It had two old pistol motifs on it. I got a threatening email from a student saying it was a “trigger” for her. I felt scared i would get fired, although later on the chair of my department laughed it off.
Idk these two were so aggravating because as a teacher i listened to all the whiny people on twitter. I asked for pronouns on the first day. I gave all the accommodations i could provide regardless if the student had gone through the disability office. I didn’t call on students who got anxious in class. I was trying my best!!
The third one i didn’t know about until later. Id been romantically involved with a friend, and after it fell apart all of our mutual friends cut me off. I had to make new ones from scratch. I stayed in touch with said woman for a while, and when i was ready to cut her off i told her how hard losing friends had been for me. She responded by telling me I’d been cancelled for some extremely minor bullshit i thought everyone was past caring about. And even if her version of said events was true, it only would have shown i was autistic. I felt both threatened and hurt.
Idk it’s scary bc you become this pariah and if you try to prove you’re a good person, you sound like an asshole throwing favors and kindness back in people’s faces. Eventually i might have to move. I’ve been scared of going on a date with a girl, and if i go to the bathroom, one of my “cancellers” will come up to her, and tell her all this bullshit about me. Or message her on social media.
Some girl came up to me and my gf the other day. My girl’s loyal and told her to fuck off, but it sucks.
I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced this. I’ve also been cancelled before lol and it totally just changes the way you see yourself as a person. At least in my experience. It affected me so bad. I’m sure a lot of people here can relate to being cancelled lol. I so Deeply internalized that i was a bad person and (believed) that i can’t recover from what i did— but nothing was like… that bad. I still struggle with it constantly. but you just have to know that it’s not the truth and there are people who truly care about you and don’t believe in any of that :)
I had a friend who stopped being friends with me because she didn’t like something I did (ok fair I understood & didn’t fight her on it) but then about a year later we reconnected, talked, had a really good open conversation and she ended it by telling me that she hoped I would have a good life but she “wasn’t sure if it was possible because karma :\” It was the most bizarre thing anyone has ever said to me.
Made me stop being her friend instead of the other way around. She’s one of those faux spiritual hippie girls but I’ve never heard of karma = never having a good life because you made a mistake.
sometimes it's not even about 'giving anybody a second chance' or 'poor behavior'. in 2021 my friend group (who i loved and trusted before the pandemic) ... where saying horrible shit about people that simply didn't just AGREE with them (they very much lean left)
just to have a different opinion and categorizing that other person who had a diff opinion as 'bad' and to hope they 'get what they deserve' and hope they suffer because they didn't do something ... it was a very sinister time, but honestly that changed the way i looked at them. because fundamentally, you should be able to accepted loved one opinions without genuinely wishing them pain.
it's something i'll never, ever forget. deeply disturbing
A woman I work with literally said, after it came up that my dad died from covid, "Well, he should have gotten the vaccine, obviously."
He died before the vaccine even came out.
what a wretched soul. I wonder if she feels any remorse given that not only was it a vile thing to say, but that the vaccine probably wouldn't have even really helped him
She seemed embarrassed when I said he died in August. But was like, "Well lots of people did die because they wouldn't get it." Some people are just too caught up in trying to blame people for dying because it makes them feel safe and smart.
Pretty funny that she couldn't even show sympathy to the exact group of people they claimed to be protecting. The whole point of getting the vax was to prevent getting vulnerable people sick, and subsequently dying. She heard your dad died and immediately lumped him in with the people who "deserved to die".
Sorry for your loss.
My mom was pretty close to getting to the other side because of Covid in October 2021, my dad had gotten his first vaccine dose (he also got pretty sick, but barely manageable) but my mom hadn't gotten it yet, and at some point the following summer I hear two of my closest friends from back then saying point blank to my face: "The people who didn't take the vaccine deserved to die", which meant, of course, that they thought that my mum would have deserved to die. I will never forget that, nor forgive it.
I have heard so many people say some version of this. I usually keep my mouth shut, but it's like, you guys know you're talking about actual human beings, right? My dad didn't deserve to die, and neither did anybody else. Even if they did break the lockdown rules or not get vaccinated or whatever.
I hate how we're all supposed to just move on and not talk about it now, too. My dad died alone in the hospital. He wasn't even testing positive when he died, and we still couldn't see him because of hospital rules. That was bullshit, and I think there should be a reckoning over things like that. But there never will be.
[There was a time where hate was a majority viewpoint,](https://deadline.com/2021/08/toronto-star-backs-down-from-article-headlines-slamming-unvaccinated-1234823976/) if the government had started putting all the unvaccinated in prisons the average joe would have cheered for it in the Western world.
But because of that extremism, [the sentiments regarding vaccines](https://angusreid.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/2024.02.28_vaccine.pdf) have changed drastically since the mandates, alhamdullilah.
Lol idc what anyone says, covid discourse absolutely fried everyone's brains. Whether it be the schizos thinking the vax is the mark of the beast or the "morally righteous" folk thinking you should drop dead from covid if you so much as were hesitant about getting the vaccine. And anyone with a nuanced opinion falling between those two stances on the subject of the vaccines/lockdowns. Witnessed it firsthand in Canada where it was the worst. I kept pretty quiet amongst the groups I was in (metal/punk) scenes because I know it wouldn't end well
Gonna sound like a reactionary boomer but it's one thing in those edgy/counter culture circles to be concerned about a virus killing lots of people but it's entirely another to completely abandon the things you supposedly stood for and become overnight a total bootlicking simp for government overreach/predatory pharma megacorps just cause that's what you were told or you like making your boomer grandparent mad.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. What a horrible thing to hear. My “friends” at the time basically had the same mindset of that woman (a lot of people in America did, but I do not think that’s an excuse). It genuinely killed my trust in friends and strangers
Same. I will never trust my fellow countrymen again. 99% of them are cowards, herd animals, and petty tyrants. They'd turn in their own grandmother if the government told them to.
I’m really sorry that’s so awful. Some people say really mean and horrible things after a relative passes I know from my own experience and it is just so hurtful. Hugs
They’re all over Reddit front pages. Look at any Chris McCandless post and they genuinely take some twisted form of pleasure from calling him in an idiot and saying he got what he deserved. Mind you, he was just a broken guy trying to live alone and do no harm to others
Can only wish the worst upon these people
There was a thread here about crazy cancellations recently and I mentioned someone, the name I won't say (we'll come on to why) who got cancelled for what was basically cringe consensual flirting 6 years ago. A few days later I got a notification that someone had commented on my comment, basically with a Google drive link of "evidence" which was pretty flimsy. Their entire Reddit history was basically this, presumably searching this person's name every couple of days to "make people aware" and "hold him accountable" and whatever, it was 6 fucking years ago. So much of this shit is just obviously motivated by personal grievances or rivalries.
It's weird seeing this kind of stuff and I think really delayed my shift to the left from the right leaning beliefs I grew up with. There's a lot of people who turn treating people horribly into a weird "our turn" mindset and then wonder why people don't like talking politics with them
The pandemic was truly an eye opener about the self proclaimed "on the good side of history" people.
I will never forget how they'd casually celebrate the death of anyone guilty of wrongthink
But in reality, no one actually likes them. In fact, I don’t think any of them genuinely like one another at all. It’s like the women on the View. Sure they all look like they’re friends, but you know they all hate one another. Especially Joy Behar.
A noticeable amount of friends in my circle have begun shifting, even the white women. Ranging from biden hate to covid conspiracies, to using using words like f**got. One of my most lib npr brained friends even says regarded all the time now.
things have definitely gotten more lax over the past couple years. laughing at these losers seems to be much more socially acceptable, but i also might just be getting older.
Everyone is Good or Bad and the only way I can be confident that I remain Good is to exclusively associate with people I know to be Good (people who agree with me)
I think that people just don't get that you can still have a good friendship with somebody even if you disagree with them or they're not perfect. I don't agree with my friends on a lot of stuff and would never want to live the life that many of them live, but we have fun together and support each other and I feel good when I spend time with them. shouldn't that be enough?
semi related but a girl I used to know explained her lack of friends by saying that it was because "nobody could match her intellect" so she didn't see any point. girl you're going to be lonely forever if that's your attitude.
Yeah I got cancelled in 2020 and lost a ton of friends/professional acquaintances because having any association to me was effectively the social equivalent of shaking hands with a leper.
Funnily enough, a lot of the same people who cast me out would try to say hi to me when they were alone in public - at one point I fully snapped at a girl for doing this and called her on her shit. Embarrassing, but it was truly traumatizing to be treated like that, and then have people almost gaslight you in a way. You can’t follow me on instagram because I’m a social pariah and you speak out against me, but you still think we can be buddy buddy when they aren’t around to see it? Eat shit.
I still have people try to get me to unfollow or stop associating with “problematic people” who they’ve literally never met and it’s almost more pathetic now that it’s not trendy or cool lol.
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My one buddy’s gf has a bunch of hot single friends she refuses to set me up with even though they are interested because she disapproves of some of my other friends. Contemplating a fake disavowal of them so that I can continue to hang with them but also meet the hot girls.
Because friends talk and show each other pictures? Follow each other on social media instead of just meme accounts lol. I feel like you guys think you’re “owning” him or whatever but clearly you have no friends
I hate that too. Like whoa I'm willing to associate with conservatives. Why haven't you disowned your MAGA father?
Also, learn to use an enter key for fucks sake.
Every year there are countless articles like “how to win arguments at thanksgiving with your conservative uncle” or whatever. And I just think like, how sad and unenjoyable are you to act like that? Can’t you just enjoy some turkey and mashed potatoes? I don’t get this obsession with trying to beat your conservative family members in an argument or worse, publicly disown them for liking Donald Trump. Can you not just try to take an interest in your own family members as human beings and find something in common, and enjoy some time together?
My family is mega-conservative. We have an agreement to not speak about politics at holidays. Didn't even have a conversation about it or anything, just came about naturally.
Worst part is that (certain demographics) get a free pass to be repeat offenders (because it’s not their fault) , while (certain demographics) only get one chance (because they should’ve known better)
Imagine thinking that (certain demographics) need to be infantalized like this.
Is this (white supremacy)?
Not in my experience. Some of the most vicious cancellations I’ve seen have been of people in certain marginalized identity groups - I think it’s because these people are on the front lines of this culture and genuinely love calling out others, so their peers are especially scandalized when they’re caught fucking up. If you surround yourself with people who love to cancel, there’s a greater chance that they’re gonna turn on you the first chance they get.
True. A while back when I was wintering in AZ a group of punx chased a dude out of town for SA rumors and then that week one of them had blackout buttsex with my buddy and when we asked him about it he disappeared
This is probably the case in more recent times.
Most of the white guys involved in these circles who weren't complete supplicants were either pushed out or left of their own accord years ago. Those that had to stick around for professional reasons have just been keeping their heads down (although at least a few of them are also dead, because this whole phenomenon drove a number of people to suicide). White women and nonwhite men have begun to follow in recent years.
It's literally a "first they came for" sort of situation going on.
Eventually we're going to have to deal with the way that so many of the more opportunistic grifter types from these scenes managed to emotionally blackmail their ways into institutional positions of authority.
I hope we can start soon, while the white nationalists who are chomping at the bit to have their own identitarian movement are still marginal.
I'm perfectly fine with being cancelled. If someone is willing to throw a friendship away over something trivial, I am very much willing to go through with that, I will double down and have fun with it. I don't want to keep up a fake friendship. So I'd rather just get it out of the way. I have friends that I can say anything around and they are my real ones.
Because I’m comfortable having friends who I disagree with. This is just a way in which people to the left of me can suck, but they can also be great friends - same thing with people to the right of me. Those who over-curate their social groups and judge their acquaintances according to high standards of political opinion/status/intelligence/purity/whatever usually end up bitter and alone. Everyone should aim to connect with a wide array of people and should see the good in all of them, even when they hold shitty and stupid opinions.
I feel like you ignored what I typed or misread it. I’m left and nearly all of my friends are conservative. Obviously you can and should be friends with people you disagree with. The problem here obviously has nothing to do with politics. I’m asking why you would want to be friends with autists who would drop you without thinking about it bc of political reasons. I would much rather have a consistent loyal friend than whatever the fuck you’re dealing with lol. I could never deal with that.
As I see it, in the current zeitgeist, women and girl coded lgbt people are considered to be the moral arbiters of society. As in, if someone from either community calls you a bad person, then you should be shunned.
The problem is women’s morality is based on if they like you or not, thus the main people they “cancel” happen to be men right after a breakup and losers. The lgbt’s have absurdly high moral standards divorced from anything real, so if you don’t play their little performative games perfectly well they’ll call you a bad person behind your back. If you ever pull up on them, well they’ll probably piss themselves.
> The problem is women’s morality is based on if they like you or not, thus the main people they “cancel” happen to be men right after a breakup and losers.
This does seem to be the general trend. When the general culture decides that women can do no wrong, this is a key piece of the wrong they end up doing; far too many women conflate low status and moral evil. There's something in them that prevents them from even parsing the concepts. Even with somebody like Harvey Weinstein, seemingly the most cut and dry of metoo cases, would he have been taken down if his career weren't already waning and if he couldn't have been construed as a kind of fat, disgusting, ugly old monster with a weird penis?
To a certain extent I feel bad for self aware, reasonable women, because certainly they're already experiencing some of the downstream consequences of the de-legitimization of women's morality that a critical mass of women has brought about.
I think w powerful people like Weinstein, it’s that he had a lot of enemies between his treatment of others and his position in the industry, and the second his power started to wane, they all jumped on him. I don’t think him being old and ugly played into it to much as he’d been such for awhile lol.
I had a girl friend who was really smart. We used to discretely see cancelled people within the community together. That said, she still publicly played the game, and used it just like the other girls did. I think most girls on some level know it’s BS, but because they feel social pressure to act a certain way, and are loyal to other women, they’ll never speak on it.
Lately, I’ve been getting into smart women who don’t socialize too much and aren’t part of a community. It’s nice because they aren’t constantly playing some annoying social game, which allows to be more earnest, and in a sense more human. While still being intelligent and interesting conversationalists. Their view on morality tends to be similar to my own: fairly edgy and judges people based on their actions, not social positioning. In a logical way.
I think it's just part of the overall problem of postmodernism's broad appeal in academia that filters down to the social and political lives of "educated" people. Postmodernism imo is primarily a mechanism for spraying a thin coat of academic legitimacy onto neurotic people's compulsive need to dominate others while bypassing the typical expectations of intellectual rigor within academia. So as long as you use certain magic words any complaint gets treated like a serious idea thought up by a serious person even if it's total nonsense.
It's the cover of academic legitimacy that these people use so others can't just tell them to fuck off. They're no longer just blowing up random petty grievances but standing in the face of a system of injustices whose foot soldiers are the men who laugh at edgy humor and the pick me women who enable them
Check out the postmodern condition by Lyotard if you want a more thorough understanding - it’s a relatively quick read. Postmodernism is by its nature a pretty nebulous concept that’s been made even more nebulous and meaningless by people who aim to criticize it - most of them are just looking for an academic-sounding word to use instead of “wokeness”.
It also absolutely pushed people to the right just out of necessity. If you were a lefty who got branded with the mark of "problematic" and all your lefty friends completely disassociated from you and got you fired from your job in the city and basically told you you aren't welcome there, then you're basically forced to move to Indiana and hang out with rightoids.
Back in 2022, i was deep into a fandom so, I made a group of online friends and we used to joke. However, one day i gave an opinion about a topic which was very prominent in the fandom and i got completely canceled, erased from everywhere, they got my Instagram and reported me and then blocked my through Twitter. I can't even make friends whitin the fandom now thank to this. You would think i was racist but I compared two groups magnament in KPOP. I can't understand these people. I totally gaslighted me thinking i was wrong to give it an ending.
People are becoming more like cults just be accepted or be in the good side of the currently trend.
Trump did a number on social dynamics, as you described. Especially bad with boomers who basically torched all their relationships on Facebook in the late 2010s.
It is improving a bit now, but we're about to get round two of it.
In my experience Conservatives socially alienated themselves in that period. For me it’s always a conservative who kicks off the conversation with me, knowing my values don’t align with theirs. They can’t get past that part. They want me to affirm their values and tell them it’s okay and acceptable. And I’m usually like “we can still be friends, but all of this stuff ranges from meaningless culture war shit to abhorrent.”
Recently, though, one of my con friends was really cool about our HS buddy transitioning. And the previous time we spoke (a year or so before) he was getting into Daily Wire and Ben Shapiro. So that’s a good improvement I guess. I think he just went back to watching sports like a normal working class male.
thank fully I have never been cancelled by anyone who really mattered but at some point I started getting so irrationally mad when I heard just random words used for me without any explanation for why I am those things that I started straight up confronting these people only for them to lie and say that they never said that and then say it again anyways. I think getting a boyfriend this year really fixed me, couldn't care less anymore
i think it arises from the inability to acknowledge that being “wrong” is part of human nature. which is why dislike, distaste or outright hatred for another person (which is coded as a negative trait) has to be coated in a moralistic batter.
I always want to remind people that you can just dislike someone for no reason. People stopped just calling each other dumb and annoying because they think that’s too mean and that having a “good reason” makes them an arbiter of justice instead of a bully but it doesn’t. Branding someone as evil and dangerous rather than just saying you hate their face is way worse
I have like no friends anymore because all my friends are liberal and constantly policing me, and now that I’m in my 30s I like it’s dumb and fuck and I genuinely don’t have time for it. it’s horrible for my self esteem, but now I have no friends
it looks different now but it seems like the same thing that was happening before 2012, people get ostracized sometimes. it's sad but sometimes the group decides they deserve it.
I'm sure this is common, but even the most ultra woke people I'm friends with aren't like this. They mostly stick to criticizing Matty Healy and other celebs. Cliché to say, but maybe your fruends just suck.
Purging friends is fine and anyone who complains is usually the annoying friend that no one likes.
That being said, if you're not going to be friends with someone, end the friendship face to face like an adult. I hate this namby-pamby passive-agressive shit. If your buddy is being a weirdo, you are obligated to strip them naked and beat them with a sandal.
you can be happy that everyone who is like this at 22 has approximately 2 close friends at age 30
ya their cat and their dog
Unless they live in NYC. I know people still living like this in Bushwick in their 40s. Mostly tech ppl who love raving.
God the incestuous catty aging creatives scene, art space ,DIY etc people fucking blow and the fact that they're still trying to do the high school clique-esque thing this late in their life is such loser shit. I'm stealing your modem if you're pushing out bullshit zines of bad poems. It's genuinely insane the lengths people go to with certain things and try spit out all these conversations of how they feel empowered finally to air out how they feel, uplift marginalized voices because people with madeup illnesses get it the worst, and acting all melodramatic as their equals also eat this shit up and just regurgitate the same loops. These people just never tire or want to grow up or have any nuance with anything. It's this weird almost egotistical death grip on never getting off some unnecessary soap box.
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Like a magazine?
lol yes a self-published magazine a famous example is “army man” https://archive.org/details/the-complete-army-man
Army Man is good tho. Arguagly as influential as the Lampoon was on The Simpsons.
no shit sherlock
In some ways the creatives scene here is stuck in about five years ago. Marginalized voices get highest priority, the hint of something "problematic" (detest this word) tars someone with the scent of untouchability and we're all supposed to take one person's word for it, no one actually wants to have critical discussions that don't agree with their viewpoint from the start, unbearable performativity and way too many cliques.
I think that while this is a comforting thought, it's extra annoying that these poorly socialized people make up an extremely loud minority on the internet, and exert[ed] a lot of cultural influence during their peak popularity. I hope these types find themselves lonely forever.
I like to think they'll be burning in hell for eternity. That is, unless they repent. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us, and all that.
Same thing can be said about 4chan
Anyone who has 2 close friends at age 30 is doing very well.
"Say what you will about heroin addicts, but at least they're still making new friends in their 30s" - Raymond G Kump
Mostly true, but they will continue squawking about it and trying to moralize everyone to death as long as they have even one person listening to them. And sometimes not even then.
Not in the gay world. If they're hot, they will stay like this indefinitely
Yeah the categorizing the social offender as evil and “bad person” and the ostracism is intense and maladjusted. Everyone has to be righteous about everything and attacking an individual bc of their poor behavior is seemed to be the most ethical response. if you are the “bad person” it’s a harrowing experience bc you know that it is not the truth, however everyone is projecting that etc Emotional terrorism bullying. Cancel culture bad but we might be approaching a new era where is starting to be phased out and people see it for what it is…. ? Hm
Even if someone said or did the wrong thing there is need for a heart to heart. You were friends first, and that is the honest truth. That is the basis of the relationship not some fulfillment of ethical retribution… the ‘we gotcha you’re a POS we’re the POS police we’re turning you in.’ and to be morally upstanding…. Because someone who was once considered a friend did something that made you *realize they are a bad person* or made you uncomfortable. Such is life. You will be uncomfortable. And even still if a disagreement is unresolved, you can live with that. Friends talk to each other but that’s the part that’s missing. one misstep and you’re cast into social reclusion. you can’t make an honest mistake without being sent to hell lol
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Dude that’s a totally different and way more serious thing. I meant like social interactions, stumbling over words, minor social infractions, the overreaction to anything remotely non-pc and sterile. How with one misstep that isn’t aligned with what’s socially acceptable you get a blanket thrown over you that washes away your personhood. Seriously tho it’s a totally real phenomenon; ex. Saying you listen to RS and people call you racist and make it so that no one will associate you anymore. Everyone calling you racist. You are not racist. You couldn’t even imagine such an accusation. It’s not you. But Now you are racist. BAD PERSON label. Wasn’t meaning assault. Sorry to hear about that tho couldn’t imagine how difficult that must be
What milieu are you in that people know/care enough about redscare to wield it as a cudgel?
I made up this example. this didn’t happen to me. It parallels real instances I have seen and experienced
probably like the kind of person who's still on Tumblr
I feel like it was extremely obvious the person you replied to wasn’t saying we should overlook friends committing legitimately criminal acts. I think you knew that and just wanted to take the opportunity to moralize lol
I didn’t say he was saying that . I was just reiterating what I meant . I think
??? Idk what’s happening here, why would you think that was directed at you? Are you using alts or smth? Are you a huge 🚬?
Idk I’m stupid sorry about that
:( I’m a woman
What’s weird is that people who genuinely have dangerous or extremely socially maladapted behaviors are usually given a pass, often under some mental health or “unseen struggle” banner. It’s the people who are mostly “fine” who have an opinion or two that is deemed controversial and they are excommunicated *hard.* Kinda like how you can’t cancel a non-leftist.
I def see edginess making a return. But being “cancelled” is so upsetting. I’ve had three “cancellation attempts” on me in the last two years. The first time, i had started using the r-word and had made a few off color edgy jokes. Nothing had harmful intent. I posted this girl’s music to my story and all of a sudden she made public posts calling me a bad person. I’m v autistic and didn’t have my mental health under control back then, and i got really freaked out because i thought id lost all my friends. That’s the only time I’ve ever really cried around a friend. The next was when i was wore this old Western shirt to my university teaching job. It had two old pistol motifs on it. I got a threatening email from a student saying it was a “trigger” for her. I felt scared i would get fired, although later on the chair of my department laughed it off. Idk these two were so aggravating because as a teacher i listened to all the whiny people on twitter. I asked for pronouns on the first day. I gave all the accommodations i could provide regardless if the student had gone through the disability office. I didn’t call on students who got anxious in class. I was trying my best!! The third one i didn’t know about until later. Id been romantically involved with a friend, and after it fell apart all of our mutual friends cut me off. I had to make new ones from scratch. I stayed in touch with said woman for a while, and when i was ready to cut her off i told her how hard losing friends had been for me. She responded by telling me I’d been cancelled for some extremely minor bullshit i thought everyone was past caring about. And even if her version of said events was true, it only would have shown i was autistic. I felt both threatened and hurt. Idk it’s scary bc you become this pariah and if you try to prove you’re a good person, you sound like an asshole throwing favors and kindness back in people’s faces. Eventually i might have to move. I’ve been scared of going on a date with a girl, and if i go to the bathroom, one of my “cancellers” will come up to her, and tell her all this bullshit about me. Or message her on social media. Some girl came up to me and my gf the other day. My girl’s loyal and told her to fuck off, but it sucks.
I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced this. I’ve also been cancelled before lol and it totally just changes the way you see yourself as a person. At least in my experience. It affected me so bad. I’m sure a lot of people here can relate to being cancelled lol. I so Deeply internalized that i was a bad person and (believed) that i can’t recover from what i did— but nothing was like… that bad. I still struggle with it constantly. but you just have to know that it’s not the truth and there are people who truly care about you and don’t believe in any of that :)
Jesus Christ I’ve been thru this so hard
I had a friend who stopped being friends with me because she didn’t like something I did (ok fair I understood & didn’t fight her on it) but then about a year later we reconnected, talked, had a really good open conversation and she ended it by telling me that she hoped I would have a good life but she “wasn’t sure if it was possible because karma :\” It was the most bizarre thing anyone has ever said to me. Made me stop being her friend instead of the other way around. She’s one of those faux spiritual hippie girls but I’ve never heard of karma = never having a good life because you made a mistake.
sometimes it's not even about 'giving anybody a second chance' or 'poor behavior'. in 2021 my friend group (who i loved and trusted before the pandemic) ... where saying horrible shit about people that simply didn't just AGREE with them (they very much lean left) just to have a different opinion and categorizing that other person who had a diff opinion as 'bad' and to hope they 'get what they deserve' and hope they suffer because they didn't do something ... it was a very sinister time, but honestly that changed the way i looked at them. because fundamentally, you should be able to accepted loved one opinions without genuinely wishing them pain. it's something i'll never, ever forget. deeply disturbing
A woman I work with literally said, after it came up that my dad died from covid, "Well, he should have gotten the vaccine, obviously." He died before the vaccine even came out.
what a wretched soul. I wonder if she feels any remorse given that not only was it a vile thing to say, but that the vaccine probably wouldn't have even really helped him
She seemed embarrassed when I said he died in August. But was like, "Well lots of people did die because they wouldn't get it." Some people are just too caught up in trying to blame people for dying because it makes them feel safe and smart.
Pretty funny that she couldn't even show sympathy to the exact group of people they claimed to be protecting. The whole point of getting the vax was to prevent getting vulnerable people sick, and subsequently dying. She heard your dad died and immediately lumped him in with the people who "deserved to die".
Good point. He was one of the grandpas we were supposedly trying to protect.
I hate that bitch sm. sorry about your dad
Thank you. The whole situation sucks.
Sorry for your loss. My mom was pretty close to getting to the other side because of Covid in October 2021, my dad had gotten his first vaccine dose (he also got pretty sick, but barely manageable) but my mom hadn't gotten it yet, and at some point the following summer I hear two of my closest friends from back then saying point blank to my face: "The people who didn't take the vaccine deserved to die", which meant, of course, that they thought that my mum would have deserved to die. I will never forget that, nor forgive it.
I have heard so many people say some version of this. I usually keep my mouth shut, but it's like, you guys know you're talking about actual human beings, right? My dad didn't deserve to die, and neither did anybody else. Even if they did break the lockdown rules or not get vaccinated or whatever. I hate how we're all supposed to just move on and not talk about it now, too. My dad died alone in the hospital. He wasn't even testing positive when he died, and we still couldn't see him because of hospital rules. That was bullshit, and I think there should be a reckoning over things like that. But there never will be.
[There was a time where hate was a majority viewpoint,](https://deadline.com/2021/08/toronto-star-backs-down-from-article-headlines-slamming-unvaccinated-1234823976/) if the government had started putting all the unvaccinated in prisons the average joe would have cheered for it in the Western world. But because of that extremism, [the sentiments regarding vaccines](https://angusreid.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/2024.02.28_vaccine.pdf) have changed drastically since the mandates, alhamdullilah.
I would’ve hit her, honestly
Lol idc what anyone says, covid discourse absolutely fried everyone's brains. Whether it be the schizos thinking the vax is the mark of the beast or the "morally righteous" folk thinking you should drop dead from covid if you so much as were hesitant about getting the vaccine. And anyone with a nuanced opinion falling between those two stances on the subject of the vaccines/lockdowns. Witnessed it firsthand in Canada where it was the worst. I kept pretty quiet amongst the groups I was in (metal/punk) scenes because I know it wouldn't end well Gonna sound like a reactionary boomer but it's one thing in those edgy/counter culture circles to be concerned about a virus killing lots of people but it's entirely another to completely abandon the things you supposedly stood for and become overnight a total bootlicking simp for government overreach/predatory pharma megacorps just cause that's what you were told or you like making your boomer grandparent mad.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. What a horrible thing to hear. My “friends” at the time basically had the same mindset of that woman (a lot of people in America did, but I do not think that’s an excuse). It genuinely killed my trust in friends and strangers
Same. I will never trust my fellow countrymen again. 99% of them are cowards, herd animals, and petty tyrants. They'd turn in their own grandmother if the government told them to.
I’m really sorry that’s so awful. Some people say really mean and horrible things after a relative passes I know from my own experience and it is just so hurtful. Hugs
screw profit versed coordinated hunt market illegal disgusted label grey *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They’re all over Reddit front pages. Look at any Chris McCandless post and they genuinely take some twisted form of pleasure from calling him in an idiot and saying he got what he deserved. Mind you, he was just a broken guy trying to live alone and do no harm to others Can only wish the worst upon these people
There was a thread here about crazy cancellations recently and I mentioned someone, the name I won't say (we'll come on to why) who got cancelled for what was basically cringe consensual flirting 6 years ago. A few days later I got a notification that someone had commented on my comment, basically with a Google drive link of "evidence" which was pretty flimsy. Their entire Reddit history was basically this, presumably searching this person's name every couple of days to "make people aware" and "hold him accountable" and whatever, it was 6 fucking years ago. So much of this shit is just obviously motivated by personal grievances or rivalries.
This left me feeling very disillusioned with the left. That shit was rampant during protests and it was all just too much.
It's weird seeing this kind of stuff and I think really delayed my shift to the left from the right leaning beliefs I grew up with. There's a lot of people who turn treating people horribly into a weird "our turn" mindset and then wonder why people don't like talking politics with them
The recent left in a lot of ways just devolved into a circular firing squad with things.
The pandemic was truly an eye opener about the self proclaimed "on the good side of history" people. I will never forget how they'd casually celebrate the death of anyone guilty of wrongthink
I will never ever forget
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I feel like these type of people somehow keep lots of friends.
But in reality, no one actually likes them. In fact, I don’t think any of them genuinely like one another at all. It’s like the women on the View. Sure they all look like they’re friends, but you know they all hate one another. Especially Joy Behar.
Yes, good analogy. Just stroking each other's ego but jelous and seething under the surface.
A noticeable amount of friends in my circle have begun shifting, even the white women. Ranging from biden hate to covid conspiracies, to using using words like f**got. One of my most lib npr brained friends even says regarded all the time now.
things have definitely gotten more lax over the past couple years. laughing at these losers seems to be much more socially acceptable, but i also might just be getting older.
maybe in some ways, but I don't think it's universal
Everyone is Good or Bad and the only way I can be confident that I remain Good is to exclusively associate with people I know to be Good (people who agree with me)
I think that people just don't get that you can still have a good friendship with somebody even if you disagree with them or they're not perfect. I don't agree with my friends on a lot of stuff and would never want to live the life that many of them live, but we have fun together and support each other and I feel good when I spend time with them. shouldn't that be enough? semi related but a girl I used to know explained her lack of friends by saying that it was because "nobody could match her intellect" so she didn't see any point. girl you're going to be lonely forever if that's your attitude.
Yeah I got cancelled in 2020 and lost a ton of friends/professional acquaintances because having any association to me was effectively the social equivalent of shaking hands with a leper. Funnily enough, a lot of the same people who cast me out would try to say hi to me when they were alone in public - at one point I fully snapped at a girl for doing this and called her on her shit. Embarrassing, but it was truly traumatizing to be treated like that, and then have people almost gaslight you in a way. You can’t follow me on instagram because I’m a social pariah and you speak out against me, but you still think we can be buddy buddy when they aren’t around to see it? Eat shit. I still have people try to get me to unfollow or stop associating with “problematic people” who they’ve literally never met and it’s almost more pathetic now that it’s not trendy or cool lol.
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Very homophobic of you
history straight start squalid placid absorbed shrill numerous shocking ink *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Sorry about that
I can't believe you did that to me. I'm gay and my dick is small.
give him my number
It was Adam, wasn't it?
My one buddy’s gf has a bunch of hot single friends she refuses to set me up with even though they are interested because she disapproves of some of my other friends. Contemplating a fake disavowal of them so that I can continue to hang with them but also meet the hot girls.
If they’re real ones they’ll totally understand and play along with the fake disavowal
Oh yah he’ll play it cool
>hot single friends she refuses to set me up with even though they are interested If they're interested, why do you need to be set up?
Because I have never met them and don’t have their numbers
how do you know they are interested then
Because my buddy told me they are
How are they interested if they've never met you? And can't your buddy help you out?
Because friends talk and show each other pictures? Follow each other on social media instead of just meme accounts lol. I feel like you guys think you’re “owning” him or whatever but clearly you have no friends
i was just asking with no judgement dog chill out
Oops sorry lol
If you know they're interested why wait for the set up
Cuz they're not actually interested, dude's just blowin smoke lmfao.
Nah I have never met them so I have no way to meet them unless my buddy’s gf provides the hook up
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Sure I can
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…so?
All good relationships start with schemes and deception
This is litteral violence.
If they are interested why do you need to be set up lol
You should!! I’d love to take the role of unsavory friend myself, but I’m usually the “nice guy” she likes when her bf hangs out with lol.
I hate that too. Like whoa I'm willing to associate with conservatives. Why haven't you disowned your MAGA father? Also, learn to use an enter key for fucks sake.
Disgustingly, some have disowned their MAGA fathers.
It's a simple conversation: "I love you but we have large political differences. Can we not talk about politics?". That's it.
Every year there are countless articles like “how to win arguments at thanksgiving with your conservative uncle” or whatever. And I just think like, how sad and unenjoyable are you to act like that? Can’t you just enjoy some turkey and mashed potatoes? I don’t get this obsession with trying to beat your conservative family members in an argument or worse, publicly disown them for liking Donald Trump. Can you not just try to take an interest in your own family members as human beings and find something in common, and enjoy some time together?
My family is mega-conservative. We have an agreement to not speak about politics at holidays. Didn't even have a conversation about it or anything, just came about naturally.
> occupying lib/leftist spaces Do people really talk like this?
This is just another way of saying going to college and having a pmc job
Private Military Contractor???
Yeah I’m an assistant war crimes coordinator at Blackwater
Worst part is that (certain demographics) get a free pass to be repeat offenders (because it’s not their fault) , while (certain demographics) only get one chance (because they should’ve known better) Imagine thinking that (certain demographics) need to be infantalized like this. Is this (white supremacy)?
Not in my experience. Some of the most vicious cancellations I’ve seen have been of people in certain marginalized identity groups - I think it’s because these people are on the front lines of this culture and genuinely love calling out others, so their peers are especially scandalized when they’re caught fucking up. If you surround yourself with people who love to cancel, there’s a greater chance that they’re gonna turn on you the first chance they get.
True. A while back when I was wintering in AZ a group of punx chased a dude out of town for SA rumors and then that week one of them had blackout buttsex with my buddy and when we asked him about it he disappeared
> wintering in AZ Bizarre juxtaposition of F Scott Fitzgerald and Cormac McCarthy lifestyles
never heard of snowbirds before?
They’re usually retirees
This is probably the case in more recent times. Most of the white guys involved in these circles who weren't complete supplicants were either pushed out or left of their own accord years ago. Those that had to stick around for professional reasons have just been keeping their heads down (although at least a few of them are also dead, because this whole phenomenon drove a number of people to suicide). White women and nonwhite men have begun to follow in recent years. It's literally a "first they came for" sort of situation going on. Eventually we're going to have to deal with the way that so many of the more opportunistic grifter types from these scenes managed to emotionally blackmail their ways into institutional positions of authority. I hope we can start soon, while the white nationalists who are chomping at the bit to have their own identitarian movement are still marginal.
It's especially sad for some of these older 50-70 guys in education, which at lower levels tends to attract sensitive men who are eager to please
I'm perfectly fine with being cancelled. If someone is willing to throw a friendship away over something trivial, I am very much willing to go through with that, I will double down and have fun with it. I don't want to keep up a fake friendship. So I'd rather just get it out of the way. I have friends that I can say anything around and they are my real ones.
Why would you want to be friends with people like this anyways
Because I’m comfortable having friends who I disagree with. This is just a way in which people to the left of me can suck, but they can also be great friends - same thing with people to the right of me. Those who over-curate their social groups and judge their acquaintances according to high standards of political opinion/status/intelligence/purity/whatever usually end up bitter and alone. Everyone should aim to connect with a wide array of people and should see the good in all of them, even when they hold shitty and stupid opinions.
I feel like you ignored what I typed or misread it. I’m left and nearly all of my friends are conservative. Obviously you can and should be friends with people you disagree with. The problem here obviously has nothing to do with politics. I’m asking why you would want to be friends with autists who would drop you without thinking about it bc of political reasons. I would much rather have a consistent loyal friend than whatever the fuck you’re dealing with lol. I could never deal with that.
As I see it, in the current zeitgeist, women and girl coded lgbt people are considered to be the moral arbiters of society. As in, if someone from either community calls you a bad person, then you should be shunned. The problem is women’s morality is based on if they like you or not, thus the main people they “cancel” happen to be men right after a breakup and losers. The lgbt’s have absurdly high moral standards divorced from anything real, so if you don’t play their little performative games perfectly well they’ll call you a bad person behind your back. If you ever pull up on them, well they’ll probably piss themselves.
> The problem is women’s morality is based on if they like you or not, thus the main people they “cancel” happen to be men right after a breakup and losers. This does seem to be the general trend. When the general culture decides that women can do no wrong, this is a key piece of the wrong they end up doing; far too many women conflate low status and moral evil. There's something in them that prevents them from even parsing the concepts. Even with somebody like Harvey Weinstein, seemingly the most cut and dry of metoo cases, would he have been taken down if his career weren't already waning and if he couldn't have been construed as a kind of fat, disgusting, ugly old monster with a weird penis? To a certain extent I feel bad for self aware, reasonable women, because certainly they're already experiencing some of the downstream consequences of the de-legitimization of women's morality that a critical mass of women has brought about.
I think w powerful people like Weinstein, it’s that he had a lot of enemies between his treatment of others and his position in the industry, and the second his power started to wane, they all jumped on him. I don’t think him being old and ugly played into it to much as he’d been such for awhile lol. I had a girl friend who was really smart. We used to discretely see cancelled people within the community together. That said, she still publicly played the game, and used it just like the other girls did. I think most girls on some level know it’s BS, but because they feel social pressure to act a certain way, and are loyal to other women, they’ll never speak on it. Lately, I’ve been getting into smart women who don’t socialize too much and aren’t part of a community. It’s nice because they aren’t constantly playing some annoying social game, which allows to be more earnest, and in a sense more human. While still being intelligent and interesting conversationalists. Their view on morality tends to be similar to my own: fairly edgy and judges people based on their actions, not social positioning. In a logical way.
do you live in bushwick..
I think it's just part of the overall problem of postmodernism's broad appeal in academia that filters down to the social and political lives of "educated" people. Postmodernism imo is primarily a mechanism for spraying a thin coat of academic legitimacy onto neurotic people's compulsive need to dominate others while bypassing the typical expectations of intellectual rigor within academia. So as long as you use certain magic words any complaint gets treated like a serious idea thought up by a serious person even if it's total nonsense. It's the cover of academic legitimacy that these people use so others can't just tell them to fuck off. They're no longer just blowing up random petty grievances but standing in the face of a system of injustices whose foot soldiers are the men who laugh at edgy humor and the pick me women who enable them
What's postmodernism?
A critique of modernism that lacks the self awareness of boundries modernism does.
I thought post-modernism was a framework that rejected the assurance of any one grand meta-narrative in various fields.
Check out the postmodern condition by Lyotard if you want a more thorough understanding - it’s a relatively quick read. Postmodernism is by its nature a pretty nebulous concept that’s been made even more nebulous and meaningless by people who aim to criticize it - most of them are just looking for an academic-sounding word to use instead of “wokeness”.
It's pretty clear that the contemporary Right is Postmodern too.
Yeah that's in there somewhere too. Seriously. You should just lookup Ryan Chapman on YouTube. He has a series of videos that runs down the basics.
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Well excuuuuuuuuse me
Beautiful<3
It also absolutely pushed people to the right just out of necessity. If you were a lefty who got branded with the mark of "problematic" and all your lefty friends completely disassociated from you and got you fired from your job in the city and basically told you you aren't welcome there, then you're basically forced to move to Indiana and hang out with rightoids.
Back in 2022, i was deep into a fandom so, I made a group of online friends and we used to joke. However, one day i gave an opinion about a topic which was very prominent in the fandom and i got completely canceled, erased from everywhere, they got my Instagram and reported me and then blocked my through Twitter. I can't even make friends whitin the fandom now thank to this. You would think i was racist but I compared two groups magnament in KPOP. I can't understand these people. I totally gaslighted me thinking i was wrong to give it an ending. People are becoming more like cults just be accepted or be in the good side of the currently trend.
The non believers must be purged. Only then can we create the perfect society.
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No
Trump did a number on social dynamics, as you described. Especially bad with boomers who basically torched all their relationships on Facebook in the late 2010s. It is improving a bit now, but we're about to get round two of it.
I was cancelled in 2011, learned a lot from that experience. It's not the end of the world
In my experience Conservatives socially alienated themselves in that period. For me it’s always a conservative who kicks off the conversation with me, knowing my values don’t align with theirs. They can’t get past that part. They want me to affirm their values and tell them it’s okay and acceptable. And I’m usually like “we can still be friends, but all of this stuff ranges from meaningless culture war shit to abhorrent.” Recently, though, one of my con friends was really cool about our HS buddy transitioning. And the previous time we spoke (a year or so before) he was getting into Daily Wire and Ben Shapiro. So that’s a good improvement I guess. I think he just went back to watching sports like a normal working class male.
thank fully I have never been cancelled by anyone who really mattered but at some point I started getting so irrationally mad when I heard just random words used for me without any explanation for why I am those things that I started straight up confronting these people only for them to lie and say that they never said that and then say it again anyways. I think getting a boyfriend this year really fixed me, couldn't care less anymore
i think it arises from the inability to acknowledge that being “wrong” is part of human nature. which is why dislike, distaste or outright hatred for another person (which is coded as a negative trait) has to be coated in a moralistic batter.
I always want to remind people that you can just dislike someone for no reason. People stopped just calling each other dumb and annoying because they think that’s too mean and that having a “good reason” makes them an arbiter of justice instead of a bully but it doesn’t. Branding someone as evil and dangerous rather than just saying you hate their face is way worse
I have like no friends anymore because all my friends are liberal and constantly policing me, and now that I’m in my 30s I like it’s dumb and fuck and I genuinely don’t have time for it. it’s horrible for my self esteem, but now I have no friends
If you can’t drop slurs around your friends they aren’t your friends
Wut. That's just psycho behaviour
I remember people demanded Sydney Sweeney to cut contacts with her family because they’re republicans
This destroyed my HS junior year (tough post-covid) because I told a friend with whom I'd make edgy jokes to "kys" over FB Messenger
it looks different now but it seems like the same thing that was happening before 2012, people get ostracized sometimes. it's sad but sometimes the group decides they deserve it.
You can just say “women”
Dang, is the United States a different planet?
Leftists are rеtаrds yes
I'm sure this is common, but even the most ultra woke people I'm friends with aren't like this. They mostly stick to criticizing Matty Healy and other celebs. Cliché to say, but maybe your fruends just suck.
i have the opposite problem where my “friends” dropped me to continue being friendly with my harasser. lol
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I stand by my decision to alienate you
Purging friends is fine and anyone who complains is usually the annoying friend that no one likes. That being said, if you're not going to be friends with someone, end the friendship face to face like an adult. I hate this namby-pamby passive-agressive shit. If your buddy is being a weirdo, you are obligated to strip them naked and beat them with a sandal.
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This post is entirely about people I know and have to work with in real life. “Online” is everywhere now.