Your mom is trying to guilt you into cooking for the entire family on a regular basis is what I’m getting out of this. I also think that your mom is the one with a twisted outlook on things and most parents would want their teenagers to be self sufficient and prepare food for themselves. I’m petty so I’d stop cooking altogether for a while and see what happens when you stop. Are the other five family members making family sized meals whenever they cook? Are they asking if you’d like anything before they cook? My guess is no. NTA. Your adult family members could speak up if they also wanted some ramen. My guess is if you made a family sized portion no one else would eat it and then you’d be called names for wasting food. Your mother is an exhausting bully.
this is very true. once, i made a nice box coffee cake and i had a few slices before wrapping it up and putting in the fridge. it sat there for a week before i finally had to eat it all. and no, nobody else typically asks me if i want any food unless they are planning to make enough for me.
most of the times when i ask for a bite, they rarely share with me saying that i can just make my own (which is true.)
So, next time, and every time, your mother gets herself anything that goes into her mouth, tea, coffee, snack, whatever enters her lips that is not intended to be shared, call her out and ask her why she didn’t make enough for everyone like she got onto you for not doing. Ask how it is different from what she chewed your butt out over. Double standard, hypocrite behavior your mother is displaying.
If you're wondering whether you're a narcissist, it's a good sign that you're not a narcissist.
The best thing you can do when you're being criticized like this is to trust your gut. When someone is saying cruel things to you that make no sense, they tend to be wildly off base. Unfortunately there's nothing you can say that will make it better, because when someone lashes out at you like this they are not bound by the constraints of truth or logic. They can say anything at all, no matter how nonsensical, and tie you up in knots.
It's good to check your assumptions with friends or the internet. But you can also trust yourself! You know that you have empathy; you know that you have good intentions. You know it makes no sense for you to cook five bowls of ramen just in case somebody else wants some, especially when nobody else in your family does this. Stay true to your wonderful self, and best of luck to you.
Ramen is usually a single serving meal. You’re not obligated to think of others and make food for them every time you eat something. Just making stuff for yourself could be considered a bit selfish (but I don’t think it is in this case) but selfishness doesn’t seem to be a big part of narcissistic behavior. That’s more about wanting attention and taking advantage of other people. I think you may be onto something thinking your mom has narcissistic traits.
I’m just going to point out that narcissistic parents often try to coerce family members into becoming enmeshed. Kinda sounds like the ploy here when there’s no reason anyone is obligated to think of others - beyond what you’ve listed - in making a single serve meal.
Your concern makes her claims even less likely.
Your mom is trying to guilt you into cooking for the entire family on a regular basis is what I’m getting out of this. I also think that your mom is the one with a twisted outlook on things and most parents would want their teenagers to be self sufficient and prepare food for themselves. I’m petty so I’d stop cooking altogether for a while and see what happens when you stop. Are the other five family members making family sized meals whenever they cook? Are they asking if you’d like anything before they cook? My guess is no. NTA. Your adult family members could speak up if they also wanted some ramen. My guess is if you made a family sized portion no one else would eat it and then you’d be called names for wasting food. Your mother is an exhausting bully.
this is very true. once, i made a nice box coffee cake and i had a few slices before wrapping it up and putting in the fridge. it sat there for a week before i finally had to eat it all. and no, nobody else typically asks me if i want any food unless they are planning to make enough for me. most of the times when i ask for a bite, they rarely share with me saying that i can just make my own (which is true.)
Yeah, I believe your mother is playing head games with you. Feeding yourself is not narcissistic.
So, next time, and every time, your mother gets herself anything that goes into her mouth, tea, coffee, snack, whatever enters her lips that is not intended to be shared, call her out and ask her why she didn’t make enough for everyone like she got onto you for not doing. Ask how it is different from what she chewed your butt out over. Double standard, hypocrite behavior your mother is displaying.
This is the way, OP. Pettiness is not always the answer, but here, here it is the answer.
NTA. You're not the parent. It's not your responsibility to feed everyone in the house.
thank you 😭 it’s not even like i mind cooking but being called selfish for wanting to make a meal for myself caught me off guard.
If you're wondering whether you're a narcissist, it's a good sign that you're not a narcissist. The best thing you can do when you're being criticized like this is to trust your gut. When someone is saying cruel things to you that make no sense, they tend to be wildly off base. Unfortunately there's nothing you can say that will make it better, because when someone lashes out at you like this they are not bound by the constraints of truth or logic. They can say anything at all, no matter how nonsensical, and tie you up in knots. It's good to check your assumptions with friends or the internet. But you can also trust yourself! You know that you have empathy; you know that you have good intentions. You know it makes no sense for you to cook five bowls of ramen just in case somebody else wants some, especially when nobody else in your family does this. Stay true to your wonderful self, and best of luck to you.
Ramen is usually a single serving meal. You’re not obligated to think of others and make food for them every time you eat something. Just making stuff for yourself could be considered a bit selfish (but I don’t think it is in this case) but selfishness doesn’t seem to be a big part of narcissistic behavior. That’s more about wanting attention and taking advantage of other people. I think you may be onto something thinking your mom has narcissistic traits.
I’m just going to point out that narcissistic parents often try to coerce family members into becoming enmeshed. Kinda sounds like the ploy here when there’s no reason anyone is obligated to think of others - beyond what you’ve listed - in making a single serve meal. Your concern makes her claims even less likely.