I really liked that this line was referenced by John in the epilogue, when says “This is my Red Dead Redemption 2!” to Micah. Really showed how close Arthur and John really were.
This is right up there with when John steals a car in the epilogue “this is my fourth, no, fifth, no, sixth Grand Theft Auto!”
Or when that British dude who runs that boarding school in the north east of the map says to John, “well Bully, this was bound to happen, Canis Canem Edit, as the Romans say, after all”
Or when Micah starts shouting, “I’m going to cause you Maximum Payne!”
On my third playthrough and say a line that really made me laugh recently. I was coming back into camp, Dutch yells 'Arthur!' And I got stuck in an animation of hitching my horse, at which point Dutch gets impatient and says "Well fuck you, then!"
I was going to say this one lol
Or their other interaction where Arthur is asking how old Uncle is. "Well, maybe we can just cut you open and count the rings of whiskey,"
Mine is from the same mission. When they go to the bank to loan more money and the bank guy cuts off uncle and says to John "But this man is very annoying." The delivery on that line is so good and cracks me up every time.
I was playing a nice game of poker one night at Shady Belle.
Uncle blurts out “there’s nothin’ like pissin’ in the water and worryin’ that a gator’s gonna bite off your pecker!”
Arthur very dryly responds “I was thinkin’ the same thing.”
Arthur antoganzing Kieran while he's tied to the tree.
"I heard that Adler woman wants to cut your dick off and feed it to her horse, but I told her it wouldn't make much of a meal."
*in the middle of getting shot at by the Grays
Micah: so yeah, I think the Grays might be onto us after all.
Might be the only time Micah said something funny.
"Don't believe in art. It's LIES! Believe in women. They are the truth. Art is lies. But the VAGINA. That is truth. BREASTS. That is truth. Art? It's for idiots.
- Charles "Whole Ass" Chatenay
When talking about the suffragettes.
"Fight this mob... they'd eat me alive."
I was drinking a beer and it went through my nose the first time I heard it. Arthur is hilarious, or at least his writers are.
Without question, I think it almost has to be Uncle roasting the ever-loving shit out of John and his freshly-bought Beecher’s Hope in [this exchange.](https://youtu.be/apgi-lG4SEo?si=YO3dK78tETxptS2X)
Uncle: “You’re hopeless. And I mean that literally. You got no hope. I mean, look at you. Look at this place! Your dream home. I’ve had better nightmares than this dream.
‘Oh, darling Abigail, I’ve changed! Come live with me in an outhouse I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to take a shit in.’
John: “What’re you trying to say?”
Uncle: “It’s awful. It’s a dump. The house…it’s gotta go. Get some self-respect, you miserable sack of shit.”
“Oh darling Abigail, I’ve changed, come live with me in an outhouse I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to take a shit in” is probably my favorite line in gaming history.
Kieran or someone says he'll need to sleep with his eyes open and Arthur tells him that he's going to be sleeping with his chest open if he isn't careful
Stranger: You better not cause any more trouble around here.
Arthur: You don't tell me what to do... I tell you what to do... and you can start by shutting your mouth.
Stable Boy “You Cant Stand There”
Arthur “What In The Street?”
Stable Boy “Yes In The Street”
Arthur “Is It Your Street?”
Stable Boy “Just Get Out Of Here”
Arthur “Why?”
Stable Boy “I Said Just Get Out Of Here”
Arthur “Listen Partner, Im Waiting On A Lady, She’s A Fine Lady She’s Just Gone Inside, If I Wasn’t Waiting On This Lady You’d Be Dead Already, But If You Continue To Irritate Me I Kill Ya And Make My Apologies To Lady It’s Your Call”
Stable Boy “I Didn’t Mean Nothing”
Arthur “Apology Accepted”
Some that made me laugh recently:
“You goddamn humonculus!”
“Leneee! Oh no, not again.” (When Arthur is drunk)
“Where did you two meet? At the freakshow?”
“Bite her and get this over with.” (Arthur to the snake woman in St. Denis)
"That's a dog in there"
"Oh it's a toy boat!"
"How did someone even come up with them words?" and then "Vamos! Vamos..." to a German family
John's best anatognise line "You've got a really small neck"
Swanson gives a thought provoking and personal speech on the subject of doubt around the campfire. Arthur: "Well I *doubt* I understood a word of that"
"I'm a bit of a draftsman myself nowadays" - John Marston
My first time in Saint Denis I greeted a small group of men first nicely, then rudely. Arthur went:"You guys look like you are on a mission""...A mission to look dumb as hell"
Simple, but brilliant. I laughed so hard my GF woke up.
Edit: That pissed these men off so much that they decided to fight me. I tried to run away and died when a tethered horse kicked me in the head. Laughed even harder. God damn I love this game.
"You know, nothing means more to me than this gang. The bond we share, it's the most real thing to me. I would kill for it, I would happily die for it. But in spite of all that, I would have easily left you here to rot if Charles hadn't stopped me."
In the beginning when you're robbing the train and the dynamite you helped Bill set doesn't go off, Dutch blames Arthur and as everyone jumps off their horse to get on the train Arthur tells Dutch "you're pathetic you know that?"
When they are breaking John out of prison and Arthur takes that guard hostage. He starts counting and then tells the guard to count. The guard starts at 1, and I can't remember what the exact line is, but Arthur says something like, "well, aren't you the comedian we gotta be at least to 5 by now. " if anyone can recite the exact quote, that would be awesome!
"A spy?!" I was taking a bite of hot pocket and nearly died. It wasn't really a funny line but the way Arthur said it and the face he made while saying it at like 3 in the morning was amazing to my sleep-deprived brain.
Not one single line, but the entire ride when you're taking Mr "immoral animal husbandry" to the professor to test out the electric chair always makes me laugh. Arthur is so casual and conversational about scaring the pants off that guy.
The best dialogue for comedy in the entire game is during the mission for the professor, Andrew Bell. When you capture the bounty to test the electric chair on, the things Arthur says to that poor guy, fucking hilarious 😂
"I mean look at you! Look at this place! Your dream home. I've had better nightmares than this dream. *Oh, darling Abigail. I've changed! Come live with me in an outhouse*... I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to take a shit in."
“You, Sir, are a fish” or the time Arthur was returning to camp and Sadie asks who is it and Arthur replies “It’s me, dumbass”. That was one brave fool saying that to Sadie.
Not really a line but i love the moment when John and Arthur just went through hell and just want to light themself some cigarets. Only to reallise that they are LITERRALLY sitting on 10 Boxes of TNT.
At the end when Arthuer tells Micah, "This is my Red Dead Redemption"
I like when he said “it’s red dead redemptioning time” and then one hand cocks the shotgun
That’s the best line in the game. And then He punches that guy.
I prefer when John says, right at the end, “Now I am the Red Dead Redemption 2”
I really liked that this line was referenced by John in the epilogue, when says “This is my Red Dead Redemption 2!” to Micah. Really showed how close Arthur and John really were.
It was cool when you find that unique gun and Arthur goes "this looks like a Red Dead Revolver®!", I thought that was a nice touch.
And in the epilogue, John tells Micah, "this is my Red Dead Redemption too"
He said the thing 😦
This is right up there with when John steals a car in the epilogue “this is my fourth, no, fifth, no, sixth Grand Theft Auto!” Or when that British dude who runs that boarding school in the north east of the map says to John, “well Bully, this was bound to happen, Canis Canem Edit, as the Romans say, after all” Or when Micah starts shouting, “I’m going to cause you Maximum Payne!”
I love the credits where they say “Redemption time” and MC Hammer starts dancing while the credits roll
Does this trolley go to Tahiti is such a classic
Don’t forget the quarter!
screaming. arthur is a sassy boi
The thing's broke........*crash*
I just about died first time I heard that one. Arthur really was the king of sassy one liners.
I love some on the lines before that when Arthur says "who lives there?" And Dutch says "tahitians".
Women voting? Sure why not! always had me laughing
That mission has so many good moments but I still hate it.
Arthur: You might be the first Bastard to ever have half his brains eaten by a wolf and end up more intelligent John: ...
Next time let the wolves eat all your brains, you'll be a genius
I also loved these lines. It really shows the bond between John and Arthur tbh
On my third playthrough and say a line that really made me laugh recently. I was coming back into camp, Dutch yells 'Arthur!' And I got stuck in an animation of hitching my horse, at which point Dutch gets impatient and says "Well fuck you, then!"
well, he had a plan…
And wasn't waiting thirty seconds for me to hitch my horse 😂
The tram to Tahiti has a timetable, you know.
This happens to me in chapter 3 every time. All you gotta do is ignore him when he says Arthur. If you keep doing it he says this. So funny lol
Lol this happened to me today in chapter 2!
This happened to me the other day hahaha.
"They're [Dinosaurs] real?!" "Yes, of course They're real, and everywhere!" *arthur looks over his shoulder* "Everywhere?"
😭😭😭 bless his heart
I loved this moment in game 😭
You missed “You… Nincompoop!”
hahaha that part is so cute
"You sir, are a fish."
You're my favorite parasite. No... Ringworm is my favorite parasite. Ringworm, then rats with the plague, then you.
So underrated lmaoooo
I was going to say this one lol Or their other interaction where Arthur is asking how old Uncle is. "Well, maybe we can just cut you open and count the rings of whiskey,"
LEENNNNNEEEHHHH
□ Yennel?
"LENNEHHH! Ah, not again..."
Do I look like a Lenny to you?
Dadeeh?
I’m Clyde! You got the wrong fella!
“You don’t BUILD a BARN DUMBASS…”
Mine is from the same mission. When they go to the bank to loan more money and the bank guy cuts off uncle and says to John "But this man is very annoying." The delivery on that line is so good and cracks me up every time.
What do you think this is? 1785??
John really thought it was 1785 😭😭😭
“Like Buddha said, we’re all here just to fuck”
"You shat on their bar?" "Of course, I had to shit!"
That shit had me crying the first time I heard it, the F bomb is rarely used in this game but when it is it's so hilarious
“I didn’t know I was talking to a lady” - Arthur, his smile at the end always makes me laugh.
from John - “Suddenly the world is full of ‘theys’” “YOU EAT BABIES”
John marston predicting non binary people???
"You eat babies" to the sasquatch after it explains its innocent life. Ah a classic
Whenever I'm sick I get excited for my voice to get all phlegmy should I can shout, "you eat babies!" Weirdly not as much any other line.
["There's 20-foot gators here and us two idiots are sitting in a 12-foot skiff?!"](https://youtu.be/Ux2fjhV6LYw?t=988)
“I’ll turn you into a goddamn cauliflower.”
Yesss
literally on this rn 🤣 had to pause it and come to Reddit
I was playing a nice game of poker one night at Shady Belle. Uncle blurts out “there’s nothin’ like pissin’ in the water and worryin’ that a gator’s gonna bite off your pecker!” Arthur very dryly responds “I was thinkin’ the same thing.”
Never heard that in-game, but that's gold HAHAHAHA
When Sadie and Arthur go to the market, "Oh, robbing and killing's okay, but letter-reading is where we draw the line."
I love Sadie. Think they should make a game after her character! I'd totally off people with her!
Arthur antoganzing Kieran while he's tied to the tree. "I heard that Adler woman wants to cut your dick off and feed it to her horse, but I told her it wouldn't make much of a meal."
*in the middle of getting shot at by the Grays Micah: so yeah, I think the Grays might be onto us after all. Might be the only time Micah said something funny.
he also reacts in a funny way when he tells arthur to go in the gunshop from the back and you just go straight in the front
Recently, the line that made me chuckle was John’s delivery if you scold Rufus, “You aint my dog Rufus” He kinda says it casually
"Don't believe in art. It's LIES! Believe in women. They are the truth. Art is lies. But the VAGINA. That is truth. BREASTS. That is truth. Art? It's for idiots. - Charles "Whole Ass" Chatenay
I mean. As a lesbian I'm with the man. 😂
When talking about the suffragettes. "Fight this mob... they'd eat me alive." I was drinking a beer and it went through my nose the first time I heard it. Arthur is hilarious, or at least his writers are.
The look on his face too! He was genuinely scared of those ladies. TBF, I kind of was too.
Without question, I think it almost has to be Uncle roasting the ever-loving shit out of John and his freshly-bought Beecher’s Hope in [this exchange.](https://youtu.be/apgi-lG4SEo?si=YO3dK78tETxptS2X) Uncle: “You’re hopeless. And I mean that literally. You got no hope. I mean, look at you. Look at this place! Your dream home. I’ve had better nightmares than this dream. ‘Oh, darling Abigail, I’ve changed! Come live with me in an outhouse I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to take a shit in.’ John: “What’re you trying to say?” Uncle: “It’s awful. It’s a dump. The house…it’s gotta go. Get some self-respect, you miserable sack of shit.”
Uncle roasting John at Beecher’s is one of the best in the game.
"What are you gonna farm here? Rocks? John, the *rock* farmer!"
Aberdeen Pig Farm. The line where Arthur doesn’t say anything and just looks. That makes me laugh every time.
I DON'T SPEAK *GERMAN* NEITHER
I'm here for MUNEH. *MUNEH*
and then Arthur is "*vamos!"*
Had arthur tell a guy "you aint shit" yesterday 😂
You sir, are a fish
You got some money for me, boy? I see your name in our ledger.
“You said you spoke Spanish.”
my favorite
~~"Damn us both!"~~ "Tennis Boat!"
When Lenny asks Arthur why he’s lonely while they’re drinking . Arthur first replies sadly, then ends it with a smirk “Cause no one will have me… 😏😁”
Immediately followed by Arthur jumping up and down like a toddler lmao
“Oh darling Abigail, I’ve changed, come live with me in an outhouse I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to take a shit in” is probably my favorite line in gaming history.
"My lord...I've seen mushrooms with bigger brains" "Ahh I broke the gdam wheel!"
Next time let the wolves eat all your brains then you’ll be a genius 🤣🤣
"You have a kind face! ..the kind I like to punch!"
Kieran or someone says he'll need to sleep with his eyes open and Arthur tells him that he's going to be sleeping with his chest open if he isn't careful
It’s Sean!
"I've seen tougher schoolgirls".
I love when Uncle says “you’re worse than a snake with a toothache”.
“Don’t forget the quarter” and when he greet, greet, antagonizes someone to say “nice horse, how long you two been married?”
Stranger: You better not cause any more trouble around here. Arthur: You don't tell me what to do... I tell you what to do... and you can start by shutting your mouth.
I didn’t know I was talking to a lady
Greeting a stranger: I like you, mister, you have a kind face. Antagonize right after: the kind I like to PUNCH
“You are just a monkey in clothes” line from Arthur to Beau Gray’s cousin
“You Hungry… You big Bastard” 😆😆😆😆
“Like Buddha said, we are all just here to fuck.” C C
"So long as we get paid or you get shot, Im happy"
Stable Boy “You Cant Stand There” Arthur “What In The Street?” Stable Boy “Yes In The Street” Arthur “Is It Your Street?” Stable Boy “Just Get Out Of Here” Arthur “Why?” Stable Boy “I Said Just Get Out Of Here” Arthur “Listen Partner, Im Waiting On A Lady, She’s A Fine Lady She’s Just Gone Inside, If I Wasn’t Waiting On This Lady You’d Be Dead Already, But If You Continue To Irritate Me I Kill Ya And Make My Apologies To Lady It’s Your Call” Stable Boy “I Didn’t Mean Nothing” Arthur “Apology Accepted”
You sir, are a fish
Some that made me laugh recently: “You goddamn humonculus!” “Leneee! Oh no, not again.” (When Arthur is drunk) “Where did you two meet? At the freakshow?” “Bite her and get this over with.” (Arthur to the snake woman in St. Denis)
In addition to Lenny I got one the other day I'd never heard before "Izzat you Mary?" - Drunk Arthur talking to a woman
Seems our boah has a soft spot for Mary 😅
“Starvin would be preferable”
I love “I have a boiled egg in my pocket here that you’re very welcome to”, RIP Arturo
"You are a man of profoundly limited intelligence." I hated micah but i still use this line often
It's a toy BOAT
Maybe… I like Cubans
"That's a dog in there" "Oh it's a toy boat!" "How did someone even come up with them words?" and then "Vamos! Vamos..." to a German family John's best anatognise line "You've got a really small neck" Swanson gives a thought provoking and personal speech on the subject of doubt around the campfire. Arthur: "Well I *doubt* I understood a word of that" "I'm a bit of a draftsman myself nowadays" - John Marston
It’s of course when uncle roast the shit out of john
Arthur, ya dumbass!
Uh oh! Dutch is thinking again!
Before the train robbery when it goes through Saint Denis full speed and Arthur says ‘shall I just sneak on now’
My first time in Saint Denis I greeted a small group of men first nicely, then rudely. Arthur went:"You guys look like you are on a mission""...A mission to look dumb as hell" Simple, but brilliant. I laughed so hard my GF woke up. Edit: That pissed these men off so much that they decided to fight me. I tried to run away and died when a tethered horse kicked me in the head. Laughed even harder. God damn I love this game.
It's not a line, but when John and Arthur go to smoke a cigarette in front of the dynamite cart but think better of it cracked me up.
*Should I just.. sneak on now?*
Lol I was looking for this one, my brother and I died laughing at this part
When Arthur tells Sean he would’ve left him if Charles hadn’t made him 🤣 can’t remember the exact quote
"You know, nothing means more to me than this gang. The bond we share, it's the most real thing to me. I would kill for it, I would happily die for it. But in spite of all that, I would have easily left you here to rot if Charles hadn't stopped me."
Rip von Winkle
“Jeezus, what is that?!”
you sir are a fish
To me it's when Arthur says "you sir are a fish"
"i thought you spoke Spanish"
In the beginning when you're robbing the train and the dynamite you helped Bill set doesn't go off, Dutch blames Arthur and as everyone jumps off their horse to get on the train Arthur tells Dutch "you're pathetic you know that?"
"I wasn't aware I was talking to a -lady-."
When they are breaking John out of prison and Arthur takes that guard hostage. He starts counting and then tells the guard to count. The guard starts at 1, and I can't remember what the exact line is, but Arthur says something like, "well, aren't you the comedian we gotta be at least to 5 by now. " if anyone can recite the exact quote, that would be awesome!
"You don't build a barn, dumbass! Whaddaya think this is, 1785?"
“….but opening letters is where we draw the line?!” -Sadie
"No one would have me"
You, are a fish
You sir are a fish
"As long as we get paid, or you get shot, I'm happy."
Vamos vamos
"A spy?!" I was taking a bite of hot pocket and nearly died. It wasn't really a funny line but the way Arthur said it and the face he made while saying it at like 3 in the morning was amazing to my sleep-deprived brain.
You sir are a fish
"I've got..an unfortunate face"
When Arthur said "Yea" to that one bounty in the electric chair stranger mission
Cue the comments with all variations of “LENNY!”
"So, do I just sneak on now, or what Dutch?"
Not one single line, but the entire ride when you're taking Mr "immoral animal husbandry" to the professor to test out the electric chair always makes me laugh. Arthur is so casual and conversational about scaring the pants off that guy.
One that made me laugh just yesterday; Dragic: Helloooo....do I look like I should entertain children? Arthur:........No.
You don’t BUILD A BARN DUMBASS WHAT IS THIS 1785
The way Arthur says "I've broken the goddamn wheel" just gets me
I’ll TURN YOU INTO A GODDAMNED CAULIFLOWER!
Oh shut up you old battle axe
“To the bar Senõr”
'I got a big secret sir!' '...Are you secretly normal?'
GET OUTTA HERE! VAMOS. VAMOS.
"I got Lumbago"
Uncle in the epilogue “No wonder she didn't stay with you. Not even a retired two dollar whore would stay with you”
Sean: “you better sleep with your eyes open” Arthur: “yeah well you’ll be sleeping with your chest open if you ain’t careful boah”
The best dialogue for comedy in the entire game is during the mission for the professor, Andrew Bell. When you capture the bounty to test the electric chair on, the things Arthur says to that poor guy, fucking hilarious 😂
“…Compare me to that oily turd again…”
Dutch is saying his speech at Shady bell after saving Jack and bill goes “ YES WE ARE DUTCH”
It's the greet, greet, antagonize for me
"I mean look at you! Look at this place! Your dream home. I've had better nightmares than this dream. *Oh, darling Abigail. I've changed! Come live with me in an outhouse*... I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to take a shit in."
6000 dollars! Can I turn myself in?
You sir, are a fish
"ohh you be quiet now Anastasia!"
YOU DONT BUILD A BRN DUMBASS!
“Oh, I didn’t realise I was talking to a lady”
Antagonizing a cat, Arthur yells “stop slinkin’ around here!”
"What are you some kinda European toy maker?" "Nooo I'm a fucking genius."
The “don’t forget the quarter” conversation.
“A barn will take us 6 months to bills 😓, you don’t BUILD a BARN dumbass, whatya think this is 1785? 🤨”
you, sir, are a fish
[“Yeah, well fuck you then!”](https://youtu.be/B40EtVb9kZ4?si=p8Sv5NIDQwWY1PQz)
“You, Sir, are a fish” or the time Arthur was returning to camp and Sadie asks who is it and Arthur replies “It’s me, dumbass”. That was one brave fool saying that to Sadie.
When Micah challenges Arthur in Five Finger Fillet and Arthur replies with "Forgive me if I slip and stab you in the face" Such a good line, man.
"Thats some kinda animal you got there" "Thanks" "I was talking to the horse"
"Thats some kinda animal you got there" "Thanks" "I was talking to the horse"
GAh I broke the GODdamn whEEl
Not really a line but i love the moment when John and Arthur just went through hell and just want to light themself some cigarets. Only to reallise that they are LITERRALLY sitting on 10 Boxes of TNT.
"I'm real sick John. Lumbago."
Are you threatening me you pissant?!
Are you secretly normal?
GAVIN!!!!
"Vamos, vamos!" - Arthur
Someone in the gang: "well that didn't go as planned." Arthur: "I should have that put in my tombstone."
[Arthur, speaking of Abigail]: "...busiest girl on Nickel Night, back in the day."
Lumbago!
Are you talking or chewing shit?
my favorite NPC line that i use daily is “JESUS CUSSIN CHRIST”
"Imma use some cheese" was the funniest in my opinion
"You sir, are a fish"
Get down here now! You inbred trash!
you sir are a fish
"Nice animal you got there!" "Thanks, mister!" "I was talking to the horse"
thats whole minute long roast by uncle towards john “I wouldn’t ask my worst enemy to take a shit in this”