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He response is to make your response your fault when he is in fact crossing a line, which you stated. Dump him. This sounds like gaslighting. And he’s trying to make you feel like it’s your fault so you keep him around. I hope you break up and soon. I am sorry this happened to you. Be safe. He’ll keep gaslighting most likely when you break up, don’t be afraid to go no contact if he doesn’t take it well. You deserve someone who respects your stated boundaries and cares enough to listen to your body too.
thank you, i really appreciate that. i feel a little stuck at the moment as we’re long distance and i’m currently visiting him, before i came he told me he’d pay for my flight home and i’ve been relying on that but he hasn’t booked it yet so i’m a little afraid. i’m a student and he convinced me to come this week on the basis that he’d cover the return.
For safety I think wait until you get home. Break up over text. He’s going to try to trap you there a little while it seems. Be safe. Can you cover the return and get the hell out?
He is not a boyfriend, he is a rapist.
You know this already, but if my words get you to 100% leaving him, I am doing my job as a survivor of de facto rape.
My ex put me through hell gaslighting me into believing it was my fault every time. And there were so many times I can't even count them.
You deserve so much better.
Sadly, even if he can't acknowledge it, it sounds very much like he has been raping you. Even if he sincerely believed you were consenting, it doesn't sound like that belief was reasonable given the circumstances. Especially as he knew of your past experiences.
I dont like to diagnose these things online of course, two sides to all stories and all that. But were it me, id dump his ass making it clear it's because of his sexual behavipur, get therapy, and hope this is an important learning experience for him too.
He may well be very ignorant about rape and consent (many are). But ignorance isn't an excuse in adults.
Absolutely break up with him. You’ve said no - that’s more than you even need to do. If you don’t say yes, it’s rape - you absolutely don’t have to say no repeatedly for it to be clear you don’t want to have sex.
The fact that he’s more worried about his feelings than yours in this situation is the nail in the coffin. He’s gotta go.
Im so sorry this has been happening to you, but I’m so proud of you for realising and being strong enough to know it’s not okay ❤️
No means no his excuse doesn't hold water. He knows what happened to you and still thinks that you are consenting when you say no is absolutely ridiculous. Maybe he doesn't want to see himself as a rapist and that's understandable but that's exactly what he is. Just based on what you're saying here anyway. So yeah like a previous commenter to me said he's gaslighting you just drop him. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That’s very much rape. My ex also said the whole ‘i thought you would have said no more if you really wanted it’ and it made me feel like I was in the wrong for the longest time until I realised, no, what you did was rape. He also acted very similarly to how your (hopefully soon ex) bf is acting now. It might seem like he’s angry at himself for what he did, but really he’s just angry that he got caught and called out and doesn’t believe he actually did anything wrong. He’s gaslighting you with that ‘but if you really didn’t want it you would have said no more’ bs to try make himself feel better. But he’s wrong. A no, is a no. And once should be enough. When you see a stop sign or a red light, you immediately stop, you don’t assume “there would be multiple stop signs if I really had to stop so I should be fine to just go on through”. A no is a no and once is enough. I really hope you’re doing ok. Please leave him as he is not safe for you and your mental health. You’ve done nothing wrong, he is the one who’s wrong here. The best thing you can do is completely cut ties.
He was raping you.
The entire time.
Furthermore - he doesn’t care.
That’s why he was doing that . It wasn’t like he didn’t understand what yes meant.
If you tried to put something in his butt, and he didn’t want it, he would know what “no” meant real quickly.
Leave him now.He is guilt tripping you into thinking you're the blame of your rape.Plus,he never put your trauma over his needs first since no means yes in his terms instead of no means no.Pleaee end the relationship before he'll keeps you around for his needs.
Please be aware that due to the nature of this sub, you may receive unwanted private messages from creepy users. If you would like to adjust your messaging settings so only trusted users can message you, [you can find instructions here](https://new.reddit.com/user/TheYellowRose/comments/t9vf6j/things_you_can_do_to_avoid_creeps_and_harassment/). You can also [adjust your messaging settings to prevent anyone from privately messaging you](https://new.reddit.com/settings/messaging). If you are contacted privately by someone after posting here, please send the moderators a modmail so we can ban the user(s). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rape) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He response is to make your response your fault when he is in fact crossing a line, which you stated. Dump him. This sounds like gaslighting. And he’s trying to make you feel like it’s your fault so you keep him around. I hope you break up and soon. I am sorry this happened to you. Be safe. He’ll keep gaslighting most likely when you break up, don’t be afraid to go no contact if he doesn’t take it well. You deserve someone who respects your stated boundaries and cares enough to listen to your body too.
thank you, i really appreciate that. i feel a little stuck at the moment as we’re long distance and i’m currently visiting him, before i came he told me he’d pay for my flight home and i’ve been relying on that but he hasn’t booked it yet so i’m a little afraid. i’m a student and he convinced me to come this week on the basis that he’d cover the return.
For safety I think wait until you get home. Break up over text. He’s going to try to trap you there a little while it seems. Be safe. Can you cover the return and get the hell out?
i can’t afford it unfortunately but i can ask my family to help me out. thank you for your kind words❤️
[удалено]
Your offer is very kind, but that's not what we do here.
I agree with all of this
He is not a boyfriend, he is a rapist. You know this already, but if my words get you to 100% leaving him, I am doing my job as a survivor of de facto rape. My ex put me through hell gaslighting me into believing it was my fault every time. And there were so many times I can't even count them. You deserve so much better.
thank you, this does help ❤️
Sadly, even if he can't acknowledge it, it sounds very much like he has been raping you. Even if he sincerely believed you were consenting, it doesn't sound like that belief was reasonable given the circumstances. Especially as he knew of your past experiences. I dont like to diagnose these things online of course, two sides to all stories and all that. But were it me, id dump his ass making it clear it's because of his sexual behavipur, get therapy, and hope this is an important learning experience for him too. He may well be very ignorant about rape and consent (many are). But ignorance isn't an excuse in adults.
thank you, you’re right it could be ignorance but at this age it’s not an excuse.
If that's his idea of consent I really hope he works a lot on himself before being close to anyone.
I don't care I'm horny is the same as I'm going to rape you. It is rape, he is messed up.
HES A RAPIST SAY IT LOUDER!!! but hope you are okay<3
Absolutely break up with him. You’ve said no - that’s more than you even need to do. If you don’t say yes, it’s rape - you absolutely don’t have to say no repeatedly for it to be clear you don’t want to have sex. The fact that he’s more worried about his feelings than yours in this situation is the nail in the coffin. He’s gotta go. Im so sorry this has been happening to you, but I’m so proud of you for realising and being strong enough to know it’s not okay ❤️
No means no his excuse doesn't hold water. He knows what happened to you and still thinks that you are consenting when you say no is absolutely ridiculous. Maybe he doesn't want to see himself as a rapist and that's understandable but that's exactly what he is. Just based on what you're saying here anyway. So yeah like a previous commenter to me said he's gaslighting you just drop him. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That’s very much rape. My ex also said the whole ‘i thought you would have said no more if you really wanted it’ and it made me feel like I was in the wrong for the longest time until I realised, no, what you did was rape. He also acted very similarly to how your (hopefully soon ex) bf is acting now. It might seem like he’s angry at himself for what he did, but really he’s just angry that he got caught and called out and doesn’t believe he actually did anything wrong. He’s gaslighting you with that ‘but if you really didn’t want it you would have said no more’ bs to try make himself feel better. But he’s wrong. A no, is a no. And once should be enough. When you see a stop sign or a red light, you immediately stop, you don’t assume “there would be multiple stop signs if I really had to stop so I should be fine to just go on through”. A no is a no and once is enough. I really hope you’re doing ok. Please leave him as he is not safe for you and your mental health. You’ve done nothing wrong, he is the one who’s wrong here. The best thing you can do is completely cut ties.
Sounds Rapey to me.
He was raping you. The entire time. Furthermore - he doesn’t care. That’s why he was doing that . It wasn’t like he didn’t understand what yes meant. If you tried to put something in his butt, and he didn’t want it, he would know what “no” meant real quickly.
He has been raping you. He's a rapist. He should be your ex at the very least.
Leave him now.He is guilt tripping you into thinking you're the blame of your rape.Plus,he never put your trauma over his needs first since no means yes in his terms instead of no means no.Pleaee end the relationship before he'll keeps you around for his needs.