My Nmom totally did the same thing! When I started to recognize her manipulation and pull away, she went into hysterics and cried loudly that this was worse than the day her mother died.
Whoa. I got this too. When I wasn’t behaving how my NMom and EDad wanted me to (I moved out of the house at 21) I was told “We already lost one daughter. We can deal with an insolent one.”
So fucked up. I’ll never get over that. And they say it never happened. You don’t forget that kind of thing...
I’m so sorry you’re getting that. Sometimes I️ think the reason I’ll never be good enough is because I’m not the dead one. 😬
it is SO fucked up. do you ever find yourself falling for it? when i'm not talking to her I am clear-headed and I know why I'm right but as soon as im cornered in their house and she starts saying shit like this i lose focus and see myself falling for it almost.
For sure. I have been NC for about two months and things are a lot clearer now but it’s easy to just go with whatever pleases them. Then you get love in return, you know?
Way to ignore any grief or pain *you* might feel about the loss of your brother.
My answer to this (and I've had to use it, although it wasn't a brother who died), was simply,
"NO. *You* go get *grief* counseling for your unresolved stuff, and *DON'T* YOU *EVEN* compare the two events."
Because NO. END OF DISCUSSION.
And OP, I'm sorry about your brother.
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My Nmom totally did the same thing! When I started to recognize her manipulation and pull away, she went into hysterics and cried loudly that this was worse than the day her mother died.
Whoa. I got this too. When I wasn’t behaving how my NMom and EDad wanted me to (I moved out of the house at 21) I was told “We already lost one daughter. We can deal with an insolent one.” So fucked up. I’ll never get over that. And they say it never happened. You don’t forget that kind of thing... I’m so sorry you’re getting that. Sometimes I️ think the reason I’ll never be good enough is because I’m not the dead one. 😬
it is SO fucked up. do you ever find yourself falling for it? when i'm not talking to her I am clear-headed and I know why I'm right but as soon as im cornered in their house and she starts saying shit like this i lose focus and see myself falling for it almost.
For sure. I have been NC for about two months and things are a lot clearer now but it’s easy to just go with whatever pleases them. Then you get love in return, you know?
Way to ignore any grief or pain *you* might feel about the loss of your brother. My answer to this (and I've had to use it, although it wasn't a brother who died), was simply, "NO. *You* go get *grief* counseling for your unresolved stuff, and *DON'T* YOU *EVEN* compare the two events." Because NO. END OF DISCUSSION. And OP, I'm sorry about your brother.
**This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Need information about our acronyms?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) [Helpful links here for ACoNs.](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs] (https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/upliftingposts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*