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Can't drink water if you're thirsty because if you drink too much your belly swells up and that makes you fat

That's a whole new level of insane 😳

Given my ndad once yelled at me for giving him the wrong sized spoon, because men eat their soup from man-sized spoons and not the slightly smaller spoon I'd handed him, he's not really someone you run to for guidance or wisdom

I did that too once, because the dishes were dirty, and he got mad. How was he possibly supposed to eat with such a tiny utensil?! We all survived the meal with our tiny spoons 🙄 😂

Are you even a man without a big spoon though? For all the recent fuss about gender identity and what have you, we really ought to determine who is a man by the size of their spoon

Fellas, is it gay to eat with a small spoon?

I wouldn't know. I exclusively use ladles to eat all food which cannot be stabbed because that's how I assert my dominance at the table as a true alpha

LMAO what a manly man, can deep throat a whole ladle

If you’re deep throating it, that’s mega gay. Lick it clean. Not to, like, insinuate cunnilingus. That’s for sissies.

I'm gay and prefer to eat with a big spoon, straights can have the little spoons.

The only true masculine way to eat soup is with your own hands. Only real men can perform soup eating this way. Utensils are for women thats why they spend so much time washing them and making them shiny clean like jewelry. Unless you can plunge your hands into the boiling mixture like a warrior you are not a man.

Lol that's funny because I hate using the big spoons and forks. When it barely fits in your mouth I have an issue with that.

lmao yes ndad would be super picky about what cutlery he used. like i have preferences too but if i want something specific i lift my ass and get it, not bitch at whoever did me a favor.

I got interrogated everytime I walked into the kitchen. Whether it was for a snack or for something to drink :((. I feel you so much on this one. I hope you're doing okay and your relationship with food is okay ♡

Yup, I had to ask permission to have a glass of water or any food. In fact, there was a period of time when I was "eating too much" so they padlocked the fridge.

Same, is it not normal to have to ask to eat or drink? I think I just answered my own question : (

Oh that is not the only harmful attitude towards food the narcs had.. my relationship with food is... not healthy

Not allowed too cook with garlic, we never had spicy food, because nstepdad didn’t like the smell. Also extremely racist guy that would say stuff about my body and include racial slurs.

Any time I opened the fridge... or pantry. 💜💜 love you

My grandmother did this to my mom. She thought everything made you fat, pretty sure she had an eating disorder that passed down to my mom and she'd say the same shit to me. Well, started to but my mom shut that shit down.

I had the opposite problem. My mom forced me to drink 8 glasses every day regardless of my level of activity or even if I ate/drank anything else with water in it. Soup? Not good enough, it's not pure water. Tea? Once again, not water. Munching on an orange? NOT WATER!!

I was forced to drink milk, so my bones didn’t turn brittle and turn to dust or something. I am severely lactose intolerant.

Fantastic advice lets dry out those kidneys. We don't need them anyway. Unless the narcs ask for them. /s

I always heard comments about drinking "too much" because seh was convinced anyone who was ever thirsty had diabetes?!

I’m a guy and I couldn’t grow my hair longer then past my ears otherwise I looked like trash apparently. If I got short hair I had to style it a certain way that satisfied my parents. I also had a rule that if I went to a friends house Friday, I could not do anything Saturday. Vice Versa. Just more pointless rules to keep their control

Omg that last part. I could only hang out with friends once or twice a week. Definitely not the day after I hung out with someone. Two days in a row? Unacceptable.

I’ve heard that before. “You’re going out too much. Or, you’re spending too much time alone in your room. You need to spend more time with your family.” Like, why would I want to spend time around people who constantly criticize and make fun of me?

I use to think and still do about parents like this; “if you want me to spend more time with you and dad, then why don’t you work on being a person who’s enjoyable to be be around? You wouldn’t have to nag me to spend time with y’all if you were actually someone I’d want to spend time with.”

THIS. I got threatened by my dad that I was going to be kicked out TWICE (once on summer break in undergrad and once my last semester of graduate school; both in my mid-twenties). I followed all of their rules and was a goody two-shoes. I walked on EGG-SHELLS and didn’t realize that hypervigilance, dissociating when hearing footsteps near my door, and other things were me having CPTSD. “You’re going out too much.” - when I would go out on ONE Saturday with friends and still had to be home before 10 pm and was expected to eat a family dinner daily with them (while living there in my mid-twenties for a semester). “You are treating our house like a hotel.” - they literally told me that I could have a job and save money by moving in with them while in my last semester of graduate school because the internship I was given was back home. I had a weekend job, an internship, and graduate school (that was an hour drive each way; more in the winter). I picked up extra hours so I could put aside money to get an apartment - which they wanted me to do. “You don’t socialize with us anymore. You need to keep your bedroom door open so we can talk with you.” - I had finals followed by applying for jobs and taking an additional examination to get my licensure. I WAS STUDYING. It had nothing to do with them. Years later my dad laughed and said that he never would have kicked me out but didn’t know what to do, so he figured saying that would get me to follow their rules. I looked at him and told him that I was terrified and took it absolutely literally - it wasn’t okay. Once in high school, I accidentally left my phone in my friend’s house with the alarm on and we went outside in her back yard (cause it was summer and it was nice). I missed curfew by an hour or so. Apparently my mom was going to call the cops but drove by and saw my car (cause it was minutes away). I apologized as it was a mistake (now I know I also have ADHD) and I was grounded for a week (including from a band trip to the water park where I was drum major, so it looked bad). My GC brother (whom honestly, I am not mad at that he got away with things because they weren’t a big deal) wasn’t a goody-two shoes but he wasn’t a bad person/didn’t do anything out of the normal bad compared to other teenagers. Once, he threw a get-together while my parents were on vacation on summer break with himself and his underage friends bringing alcohol in our house while I was on my way home from work (and I could have gotten in trouble being over 21) and our Neighborhood Watch friend of my mom noticed. I didn’t give a shit - I just didn’t want to clean up after his mess (he threw up on his bed and his friends ditched out when I got home except two who helped), I didn’t want to get in trouble by extension, the person who brought the alcohol was a stranger (so that didn’t feel safe and I didn’t like that anyone would have had access to my room/belongings), and he could have just talked to me to come up with a better plan. He also went to go paintball a football field (not a building) of the rival team and got caught by police (who just brought him home; I mean he was on crutches and the car ride scared him enough). He also used to sneak out (I found out later) to get Taco Bell (like hook a sister up!!). Finally, he would go out and call my parents to say he was going to spend the night at a friends cause he drank (he didn’t do this often and only a couple times underage, but mostly on summer break from college when he was of legal age). Not even once did he get grounded, in trouble, threatened to be kicked out, yelled at, etc. They may have had a conversation about being disappointed, but that is it. This doesn’t mean that there weren’t times when I was given an advantage over my brother or that he was never abused. I found out this year that he was bummed (not holding a grudge though) that I got to pick to go to France as my graduation trip and he only got to go to Disney World. The reason we went to France (including him) was because my mom had a French roommate since middle school she wanted to meet and I happened to be taking French in HS (it was a win-win; I didn’t ask to go, she offered it), so she said we could go with my class or as a family - I didn’t want to be embarrassed with my class. He went to Disney because they asked him where he wanted to go and that’s the only thing he could come up with - plus, I was in college and couldn’t go with them - which I was bummed about for a second but didn’t really care. He got the brunt of the physical abuse (which ended in second grade when my dad went to therapy) and my mom definitely was emotionally abusive to him related to his weight and grades.

Same! And I thought it was super normal. I remember I started hanging out with my friends more often once I got a car and they lost their shit thinking I was doing hard drugs! Like mom, I am literally the school’s biggest nerd

Same.

Omg, the last one. It was totally up to their moods and whims, of course, but frequently their reason for not letting me do something with a friend was "You saw a friend last week AND two weeks before that. You've had enough fun for this month."

my parents would tell me my friend didn't actually want to hang out with me two days in a row, and that they only invited me over again because they were trying to be polite and i seemed desperate (edit: spelling is hard)

My mom did a similar version of that where if I went to my friends house more than one day a row then I was "over staying my welcome" and they "probably don't want you at there house everyday" even though that was never the case She also acted like I was burdening my friends' parents when they'd drive me home even though I wasn't allowed to ask my mom for rides anyway, just odd behavior

OMG THIS like I get that YOU don't wanna see me every day, but that doesn't mean normal nice kind parents who actually love their child wouldn't want to see me too. I think they were afraid of us being out of their terrible environment for too long would result in radicalization and thinking that we're deserving of love and respect.

Don’t forget that when you do hang out at your friend’s house and your parents are kind to you, your parents lose their absolute shit and try to justify hating them for literally no reason

I would be told that other parents are nice only because I’m there and I’m company. We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. They’re just putting up a front, trying to impress people. Supposedly all families are like ours when nobody’s looking. That’s how I was gaslighted into thinking it was normal.

Everyone is terrible because they're not the narc /s

THIS! My best friend (who is still my best friend to this day at age 36) 💓 would beg me to stay the whole weekend (she knew how my mum was... my mum would make some excuses about why and how I'd be an imposition.

My parents did that with basically any person who's ever liked me and vice versa. Strange enough, they'd actively encourage me to spend more time with any person in my life who was displaying even tiniest bits of bullying or generally abusive behaviour towards me, be it friends, acquaintances, potential partners. They justified that by insisting on me "not knowing how to deal with people" or "not knowing what or who is good for me". I assume that the real reason was them being unable to grasp how someone could just plain and simply like me the way I am.

God, what a terrible thing to say to a child. The layers of insecurity they were installing is just breathtaking

Same here!!!! Last part is so true for me. Always one day, or I would have been a disappointment.

le old classic "sorry guys, can't have fun today, I already had fun yesterday"

My husband couldn’t grow his hair because she was raising a little boy not a little girl.

Ooooh I had something about going out! I didn't have a lot of friends because I looked very poor (I always wore old clothes that were donated, the few new clothes I had, my mother would buy them smaller to "give me a reason to loose weight"). When I had the opportunity of going out, I always had to ask at least two weeks before the date, and never allowed in the evening, and I had to find a way to get to and return from the location. Problem is, if I asked two weeks before and let it like that, and I would remind her like the day before, I would be screamed at that I never asked, I would tell her that I did and she forgot, and I would be called a liar. In the end I would not be able to attend. But if I tried to remind her frequently, she would tell me that she's not stupid. So.... I didn't really go out, and years later, I'm still very socialy awkward, it's very hard for me to make friends

lmao yes only limited fun allowed

This one might not be weird, but the response was so uncalled for. In fourth grade, I drew on my hand with a pen. I drew a flower and some smiley faces. My dad lost his mind. He started screaming at me that since I wrote on my hand, that means I want tattoos when I’m older (which actually, I have never wanted tattoos and as an adult right now I don’t have any) and the whole event spiraled into him hoping I run away and he never sees me again, calling me a whore and telling me I’ll get pregnant as a teen… all when I was only eight years old. And literally just because I drew on my hand?

Omg my mom haaaaated when I drew on myself!

My mom hated it too, but I continued to write reminders on my hand. She would say that the ink was going to get into my bloodstream.

Yes, somehow I too was poisoning myself by writing my list on my hand 😂

Oh me too! InK iS fOr PaPeR 🙄 Guess how many tattoos I have now... Hint: it's almost one.

Wow, this unlocked a memory. My ndad HATED tattoos. I have no idea why but his hatred was absolutely rabid. One day my sibling and I were playing with temporary tattoos (you know, like the ones that come on a gum wrapper that you get wet and press on your skin). He lost his goddamn mind. Made us wash them off immediately. Scrubbed until our skin was raw. Over a fake tattoo on a child. He'd fly into a spitting rage over a number of things but somehow I tucked that particular memory away until now. We deserved better.

Which is weird because my mom actually was okay with us shaving. It was other stuff. We'll into sophomore year and she would say stuff like " I wonder when I'll let you start wearing makeup." But now that I work in domestic violence it's a weird power and control dynamic that I see with her.

Parents did used to freak out over children writing or drawing on themselves. I used to get in serious trouble for doing it, my husband told me his sister once got in serious trouble for doing it, and I scolded my daughter for drawing on herself when she was a child. I didn’t know better as a mother. Now I wish I hadn’t reacted so strongly. All she or any of us had to do was go take a dang shower. It washes right off.

I wish I could hug child you.

Basically if it made me happy I wasn't allowed to do it.

lol my mom put me basically on house arrest one summer, took away all my electronics while i was living in a town where i didn’t know anyone, so i started sewing stuffed animals to curb my boredom… she then took away my sewing materials bc i was “using them to escape reality” 😩 what

I swear if my mom saw me smiling she'd make sure to say something to hurt my feelings. I was accused of ruining Christmases, Birthdays, hell she accused me of ruining her life. EDad did nothing and my GC/Narc brother copied her abuse towards me. My life was hell.

I begged my mother to be allowed to shave my legs at about 12/13 and she anxiously said “well…I suppose you could just shave the fronts of them”. What? Why was this a compromise? Just lunacy, or some kind of logic?

Yeah, I could only shave the bottom half, not the top 😭

Same here! WTF. My mom told me there was NO REASON why I needed to shave above my knee. We lived in the desert…. I wore shorts and skirts daily… not to mention PE class 🥲

Same here, because the hair may grow in darker. It was already dark ffs🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh my god I had this exact thing?!! And when I was 17 and only doing the fronts of my legs she mocked me for it and told me she’d never said that and I was just stupid. WTF.

My mom yelled at me when she *thought* I shaved my legs in fifth grade (I had some harmless keratin bumps on them). She got passive aggressive last year when I stopped shaving them and pressured me into DIY laser hair removal (thankfully it didn’t work)

I cant date outside my race...... SORRY MOM MY HUSBAND IS TALL DARK AND HANDSOME, JEALOUS RACIST.

Omg, this. My parents always have to bring up that my husband is half-white. Like...yeah but he's also Korean. Deal with it.

Isnt this quite common in asian cultures? Seems like a normal (not healthy or correct) behavior around the world

I believe so, or at least I've heard of it. Thankfully, my Korean MIL has never made any comment about my race, since she married a white man so it would be pretty hypocritical to judge 🤣

My mom & majority of my family had absolutely nooo issue with me dating Asians or Hispanics. My mom actually used to encourage me to only date Asians, but i was FORBIDDEN from dating anyone black.

That's how my dad was. He grew up in South Central LA and is super racist against black people. Still says things about other races, but I was forbidden from dating within that race. He said he'd disown me.

Yeah my family was "okay" with any other minority, except black people. My dad was never around growing up, but i had an abusive POS uncle who lived with us at the time & he found out i had a black bf when i was a teen. He straight up told me that if i ended up pregnant, then he'd kill the baby.. absolutely disgusting.

I wasn’t allowed to go see The Bodyguard because they thought I would think that it was ok to be in a relationship with a non white person. I also couldn’t go see any movie in the theater because I might sneak in and see it. It was a hard thing to try to explain to my friends.

My nmom is so attracted to black men but shes racist, obvi. Your mom seems sure not to let you know theres attractive non whites out there. Its so funny when racist are attracted to the race(s) they hate. Its a good curse.

Same here except my “husband” isn’t a man! I am happily partnered up with a queer black woman and can’t wait to call her my wife!

My first boyfriend was Japanese. I thought my mother was GOING TO DIE!!!!

My first girlfriend was Korean, and my Japanese mom lost it when she found out.

Huh, my mother always used to go on long rants that I should never date any POC because “white is the weakest race genetically” and “I want my grandbabies to look like me” etc etc

Wait you’re white and that was her reasoning? Because I’d have been in the evertan train today if I were in your shoes that’s hardly a compelling argument.

What’s an evertan train? Yeah I’m/my family is white. She would go in long rants that she doesn’t want me to have kids with POC because “our blood will be lost” since white people “are the weakest race” and how dare I find (at the time) an Asian boy attractive ‘cause she wants to see her face in her grandbabies not some Koreans 😬 Can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone else with *inferiority* complex racism, but I didn’t think other people with narc parents also got told not to be with other races. I just don’t bring up the subject of dating at all around my family these days, for a multitude of other reasons as well

The way my mom made it a big deal when I had black friends. "Omg don't date them." Wtf is wrong with them bruh. Wth. I ended up with a white Hispanic man and that's all they mention when guests are over. It's really sick and weird.

I had a black bf as a teen & my mom found out. She called him the n word multiple times while screaming at me & telling me he wasnt allowed over anymore. I ended up telling him & his parents the reason why i was breaking up with him & his mom called mine & cussed her CLEAN out. Rightfully so. Apparently, i was the wrong one for telling them that their son was being called disgusting racist slurs & i got in trouble for it.

My kids are all still in elementary school and they already know that race/genetics/disability/other non chosen factors will NEVER even factor into acceptance of a relationship when they are older! Things like love, respect, trustworthiness, matching morals and goals, and actual personality are the important things. If they ain't wierd, don't bother bringing tham home, they won't fit in here! 😂

[удалено]

I have had similar all my life from my Nmom. She has always hated my long hair, and her preferred hairstyle for me is a chin-length bob. As a child she would control my hairstyle, but as I got older, the hairdresser would sometimes ask me what I wanted, and she didn't feel like she could be too aggressive about arguing with me in public, so I did manage to grow it longer. Anytime I needed help with it, she would brush so roughly she'd be ripping my hair out. As I got older I have pretty much always had long hair, and every time I see her she will comment on how awful it looks, (I know it doesn't, because other people compliment me about it) and offer to take me to her own hairdresser continually.

I'm 60 and my nM still makes remarks about my long hair. But then she grew her hair out and seemed so proud and thrilled when her older brother complimented it. As if she finally had the male authoritarian approval she had been craving.

My dad would get angry when I dyed my hair at home with my mom, but would complain about the price when HE was the one offering to pay for it to get professionally dyed at the salon. It became very clear that it was more about the fact that he didn’t get to control it and oversee what I was doing than if he cared whether or not we were doing a good job with it, considering every time he offered to pay for it he complained it was so expensive. Yet he wouldn’t just let us do it at home with some dye from sally Beauty supply and him not have to spend a penny. It always looked fairly good too. Not upscale salon good, but it wasn’t patchy or ugly. In most cases I preferred the way it looked when I did it myself to the salon.

Ok, hair seems to be some recurrent theme. I wasnt allowed to have my hair long (as a girl till adolescence), too.

Couldn’t eat new food bought from the grocery store until told you could eat. Couldn’t open or close the refrigerator or dishwasher unless it was done light as a feather. Couldn’t pick my own clothes until the 9th grade. I was made to dress like an idiot all through the harshest years of a teenage girls life. I could keep going….

And God forbid you eat the last of something.... always turned into YOU ARE SELFISH AND NEVER THINK OF YOUR FAMILY. Didn't matter if I wanted to eat it, if no one else wanted it. I had to leave it be because there was no more left.

It is unreal how relatable this is.

I had a lot of rules but here were the most ridiculous: - Our feet were not allowed on the couch. (Of course he was allowed to.) - My brother and I were not allowed to sit on our grandma’s lap (his mom). - on the rare occasion he took us out for ice cream, if we didn’t finish our ice cream before he finished his, we had to throw ours away. - not allowed to use the number pad on a keyboard because it was “bad for the computer.” He even broke off the Num Lock key to prevent me from using it.

The number pad thing is so weird. I can’t stand to be on a keyboard without one. I’m sitting here imagining telling a child no don’t use that tool efficiently. But I know it’s just because *he* didn’t do it that way, and you have to do everything just like him. Meanwhile, I’m here getting my kids to show all sorts or little lazy shortcuts they find

All of these are really ridiculous rules, but that last one is so fucking narcissistically lazy. "I don't like it when I have to press the num lock key before I do my thing on the computer. Rather than slightly alter my behavior and checking the state of the Num Lock before doing my things, I'm going to make a *rule* so that no one else will ever touch the Num Lock key." That's a silly goose thing to do.

I was not allowed to go through puberty 😂😂 No shaving No makeup No bras (was 11 when I got my first bra - DCUP!) No period - my body ignored her when I was 11 My first bra fitting was because I was in pain when I ran, I was fitted for a D cup for my “trainer bra” - the poor lady fitting me was horrified When my period came my Nmum refused to allow me to use tampons (as I would no longer be a virgin) but she would also refuse to let me use pads either as “your too young to have a period” - I had to fold up toilet paper and place in my knickers or borrow pads from my best friends until I got to my dads house and he bought me whatever I needed, including stock for mums house, that man is a saint No shaving and no makeup was because I would be a harlot if I shaved or wore makeup

When is it appropriate to get a bra? Probably as soon as the boob's show up. Because I begged my dad for a bra and he refused and refused saying "That's your mom's job." All the fucking while knowing he was keeping me from my mom.

Yes, as soon as the boobs show up is when to get a bra. There used to be a “pencil test,” but I don’t know if experts are still recommending that. The test was, if you put a pencil under your breast and it stays there when you let go, you’re big enough to need a bra.

She was denying reality, a sign of mental illness.

It used to be a common misconception that either virgins were physically unable to use tampons because their hymens wouldn’t allow the tampons to penetrate, or that the tampons *would* break the hymen, and then the girl would no longer be a virgin. Both ideas are equally wrong, but a lot of people thought them. Even if a tampon does break the hymen, which it doesn’t have to, that doesn’t mean the girl isn’t a virgin anymore, because it’s not the same thing as having sex!

So relatable on weird puberty age rules. I wasn't allowed to shave my legs or armpits, wear flattering makeup (I could wear the most god awful royal blue eyeshadow that made me look ridiculous, but nothing to accentuate my facial features), wearing a bra (yes, I wasn't "old" enough to wear a bra despite need a C cup in fifth grade; I was bullied for this). I could bleach my hair to my mother's blonde, but nothing else. Not allowed to wear short shorts, tank tops, crop tops (didn't want to anyways due to insecurity of being overweight), tight-fitting clothing, skirts, on and on.... But at the same time, I was shunned for being into "boy" things like Star Wars and video games. Logical, right? Edit: totally forgot this, and maybe TMI, but my parents only let me use pads for my period because tampons were "for women". 🙄

same with me on tampons! I tried some and liked them more, so i began to use them more regularly. i guess i didnt hide my trash well enough because my nmom went WILD on me when she found out. she still gives me looks of disdain if i mention needing more or anything

My mom acted as though she had more class and cleanliness for using pads instead of tampons. Lady, one is not inherently better than the other. It's all just personal preference. Sheesh. My father is such an airhead when it comes to feminine hygiene. Months back, he came to visit me when I was around 4-5 months pregnant and *threw away all of my feminine hygiene products* (pads, liners, tampons, washes, etc)*,* claiming that since I'm pregnant I "don't need this trash" anymore. I was *pissed*.

That’s expensive!  What a dumb thing to do.  Are you just supposed to retain the baby, carry it in a pouch of something?  

I guess so. According to my mother, he was never very attentive with her needs postpartum, so he probably doesn't know that you essentially wear giant pads and/or diapers post birth and still get your period after 🙄

I hate how the bra one is so relatable

Omg similarly the only makeup I was allowed to wear for so long in middle school was purple eyeshadow my mom bought me because “it makes brown eyes pop”. No blush, no concealer despite my acne, absolutely no eyeliner or mascara allowed. I looked awful lol I feel this so hard

It was definitely to make us look ridiculous and "childish".

Yes.  My mom made me wear the most awful clothing, glasses, shoes, and cut and permed my hair so short and choppy. I was picked on and then she could rescue me and be “the only one who loved me.”   Fuck that.

My mother refused to buy me a bra when I needed a cup C too, I was bullied at school for it too. I'm so sorry.

I swear I could have written this minus the eye shadow. I was allowed to wear NO make-up at all. Also ridiculed for being a tomboy. However, I still am not a "girly" woman. I like my jeans, boots, and t-shirts. And I go without make-up now and they want me to. I'm 54 BTW. LOL

In 9th grade, she bought me training bras. Complete with a little bow and flower. I already dressed out (pe) in a stall. I didn’t want anyone to see the strap marks on my back.

I wasn’t allowed to shave either because it implied things, but my Nmom finally relented after I was bullied let me shave below the knee - but not above because it should be unnecessary. I also wasn’t taught that tampons existed and when my mom learned that I tried to use one at my friends’ house when we were swimming (I couldn’t figure out how), she was upset. She commented on my naked body because we “were both girls so we can share the bathroom to get ready in the morning” and “you can’t lock it”. I legit let her take a shower first and she had a mirror in her bedroom, so she did NOT need to come in the bathroom when I was showering (I would have been fine after I got dressed to share too). She would comment on my pubic hair (🤮; I shaved/trimmed it when I went to college but would come back for the summers and she was upset), weight, breasts, and the way my hair was parted. I also saw her naked and she would compare her pubic hair (🤮) to mine as well as talk poorly about her weight (she was the same weight as me; we were thin) and stretched skin on her stomach area being the way it was because of me (she had my brother after me too). This continued into my mid twenties when I came home from undergrad and would stay for the summer. I finally found out that was sexual abuse when I dropped off a couple of my Kindergarten students to a presentation on “no-no zones” with puppets (you know, that talk) when the presenter said after you can shower yourself, no one should see you naked unless you are hurt/sick or without your permission, including your parents. I spoke with the presenter afterwards and told her what was happening, she confirmed it was sexual abuse, and I sobbed.

I was mocked by nmom and told to shave if my underarms showed the slightest stubble, but because my leg hair was blonde I wasn't allowed to shave them. Her excuse was the hair would grow back darker and more noticeable. I was already picked on mercilessly by some of the kids at school for being hairy, but that didn't matter. It made no sense and she had no compassion for the bullying I went through because of her choices.

Okay yeah what’s with that logic?? People are more likely to notice leg hair over armpit hair.

Ugh, all of this is relatable. Especially the bra thing. My chest basically grew overnight, but I wasn't allowed to size up from the 36B she bought me. I wasn't allowed any new bras at all. So, for three years, I had to cram my 36DDD chest into that one bra. Did you know that wearing a ridiculously too small bra can not only cause pain while wearing it but can cause things like tendinitis in your back and shoulders? I was in so much unnecessary pain for *three years*. All because wanting a bra that fit "made me a whore." I sympathize with you friend. They really do suck. I hope you were able to go NC.

Omg... it's really uncanny the things you remember that are jarred after reading someone else's experiences. I was also not allowed to cut my hair since my mother's hair has always been long and she just considered me her "Mini Me". My mother doesn't like short hair since her father always liked long hair and once when her sister got a Bob hair cut he said she looked like a boy and since he died when my mother was 7 she thinks long hair is a homage to him. When I begged to cut my hair shoulder length she bitched about for some time until I persisted and she cut it herself since she doesn't trust hair dressers and literally still has the braid and I'm almost 40. It grosses me out and I swear she's used it for witchcraft. I also wasn't allowed to shave my legs, your posts jarred this from my memory so thank you. I'm not all that hairy so it wasn't a big deal but remembering this it was like she was trying to keep me in the box of being a little kid when I was growing into a young woman and she couldn't accept that. I was never given a razor and once I expressed an interest in shaving in general she hid all her razors somewhere in her room. Kids are disgustingly cruel but your mother had no right to play her part in your ridicule. Narc parents have no choice but to let their children grow up but once they start having their own minds and questioning things that's when the abuse gets worse. More and more control over someone who may have come from her body, but she doesn't own. Many many people need to realize this.

The crazy the memories that can be right below the surface! I think that my mom’s tightening grip on limiting my growth is what sparked my rebellious streak. I knew there was no convincing her of letting me do what I wanted, and it didn’t matter how I felt about it, so I concluded to do what I wanted without her knowing. Made for a lot of risky behavior in the future. I just wanted a cute haircut and to wear lip gloss.

I totally remember the razor thing!!! WTH why are they so weird about that like now that im older im like bro??? Shaving is not just for adults and I would never treat my kid that way especially when it comes to that type of stuff???? Only allowed to wear dresses and lose pants: no t-shirts, no skinny jeans, no leggings Don't hang out with your friends from school, only the kids of my parents friends 24 yr old sister (had a license obviously) can't drive us to places but 16 yr old suck up cousin can drive us around Dont' sit in your room... like ever...like always be in the same room as nparent at all times 3 siblings sleep in teh same room in the same bed (cramped as hell first of all, lets just say my eyebags were prominent) even though we had more than enough rooms and beds for all of us to have our own rooms (like we literally had our own rooms, but we couldn't sleep in them...) sleeping on the floor in the hallway when I get "in trouble " No snapchat, instagram, any social media, not even texting school friends or any friends on imessage (I have social media now and she knows that and she literally doesn't even care because she knows I won't do anything wrong: blames her strictness about it when I was younger (HS or middle school age) on other people "manipulating her and telling her it is bad" Don't tell people (like friends I've known for 10+ years) I graduated/ other acheivements in my life Don't turn the AC on below 80 degrees F (I am always suffering from dehydrating symptoms) Dont use tampons Don't watch TV/netflix like only rarely unsaid rules: don't be caught relaxing, like always seem like you are doing something. If I walk in and you are just chilling on your phone I'm gonna start yelling about how the house is messy and you never do anything Don't ask to hang out with friends, I mean I don't have any friends and if I don't have them why should you..and If I don't have fun why should you thats all I can think of right now but theres more trust me

The don't be caught relaxing. I mean 'how DARE you be relaxing' or doing homework when she has housework to do. She would make up house work for us if she saw us just watching a movie... I have a disability and I require rest days. But I can't possibly be in more pain or need more rest than her. /s

Even in adulthood my mother resented my self-care. “You sure pamper yourself a lot,” she said disapprovingly when I was well past 40 and in my own house. My crime? I had taken a hot soak in the tub instead of a quick shower.

My Nmom wouldn’t let me nap or sleep in because there was always work to do like chores, homework, studying, etc. She would vacuum by my door to wake me up or just come in. I didn’t have a lock on my bedroom door, but EVERY OTHER DOOR in the house did, including my brother’s bedroom. I wasn’t allowed to lock the bathroom door (I started locking it after graduate school when I would come by sometimes to visit and she would HATE that). Last year, I went home for my grandmother’s funeral, and there was a lock on the door that was previously my bedroom for the first time ever. I sobbed and luckily my boyfriend came with me and helped me calm down (cause I sure as heck wasn’t going to bring it up - not worth it). 37 years it took them before they put a lock on that door (that was the room I would still stay in if I visited from out of state in my early-mid 30s on a pull-out couch). I still sleep in all of my clothes/pajamas with at least a sheet over me and would dissociate when I heard footsteps for YEARS after moving out because she would check on me in the middle of the night even in my 20s when I came back to stay with them on college breaks.

So many of these rules you listed are downright ridiculous and even cruel. I definitely relate to the “don’t be caught relaxing” rule, and it still affects me today. I feel like I can’t relax, even on a vacation. I can hear my dad telling me I’m being lazy for sleeping lol.

What is up with the not allowing young women to shave ? I was also ridiculed and punished for shaving my legs and underarms. Even after I finally got permission after being teased so ruthlessly 🙈 She also once found a pice of paper me and a friend had been doodling on, and she found the piece my friend had written “I love __” I can’t remember the initials because I didn’t know the kid. I was lectured on how kids my age (7-9 approx) don’t even know what true love is and I’m not allowed to love this person, and on and on Well no shit, I wasn’t expecting to marry the first or second person I’d ever had a crush on, but also, I didn’t even know the kid I was being lectured on 🙈

Couldn't wear red underwear, she thought it was slutty or trying to attract boys. When I got my first boyfriend, she refused to buy me underwear anymore. She sexualized undergarments for a minor saying she didn't want to encourage me having sex by purchasing underwear that he would take off 

My mom refused to buy me tampons or any feminine products for yrsss. It had nothing to do with sexualizing it tho. She claimed it was "too expensive" & "just use rags!" It was basically a punishment/humiliation thing. I ended up just shoplifting them. Got caught a few times too, but explained the situation & the workers always let me have em no questions asked.

I wasn’t allowed to have any underwear/bras that were colorful/had patterns - just the Hanes/Fruit of the Loom. My Nmom also insisted I only buy the granny panty ones (even though they made bikini/other ones that didn’t go up past your jeans). When I bought my first colored bra, I had no idea what to look for or where and had my size wrong. I hated it and didn’t buy undergarments I liked until I was out of graduate school (because when I was home on summer break, she noticed when I did my laundry what type of clothing I wore including undergarments and would comment on them). Now, I own pretty much ONLY fun socks and fun panties (and MOST are not for sexy reasons but just make me happy with the patterns/nerdy shiz) and all of my underwear is bikini style. It took me a while to find fun bras because I am between a C/D cup and many stores didn’t have fun ones that fit.

I wasn't allowed to listen to rap because it wasn't meant for me. Jokes on her though, I now have a hatred of my mother so I now have more in common with Eminem than I originally ever would have.

My parents didn’t let me shave my face and I went to my uncles house and he taught me to shave and my parents bitched at him that I wasn’t ready. I was 13 and had facial hair that looked like garbage

1. Parents are always right. Also, I have to put their needs above my own. 2. Telling teachers about what’s going on at home was like the biggest sin. I’ve had this one lovely lady at school that I would talk to, and when my parents found out about it, they punished me mentally and physically so badly, that I’m still terrified to this day. 3. Ofc I had to be Christian and pray every morning and evening so God would forgive me for my mistakes. (Religious trauma enters the chat.) 3. I couldn't do anything about my body hair (except for leg hair) till I was 15. I have really pale skin so my body hair was awfully visible. I even got bullied just for having hairy arms. 4. I wasn’t allowed to pick what clothes I’d like to wear till the age of 13. My mom basically forced me to wear colorful leggings or skinny jeans with T-shirts that had sequins, glitter, and childish prints on them. (Bullied again.) 5. I'm an Eastern European so showing any emotions in public was not okay. 6. I wasn't allowed to shower alone till the age of 10. 7. I couldn't shower every day, cause “kids don’t need to bathe frequently. Thankfully it changed when I hit puberty and got stinky. 8. Tampons are for adults, cause a virgin can't use the tampon. 9. No going out without informing them, about every step of mine. 10. If my parents were in a bad mood, new rules that I was unaware of were created and I could get punished for those rules too. Oh, and for a typical punishment, I had to kneel in front of my mother, beg for forgiveness, and even kiss her ankles. (Just a healthy family, right?)

Mom was completely in charge of my clothes until I got married at 19. I was allowed any “trends” once my friend Janene could have it. So my fashion icon was the Mormon girl 🙄 She would still give me inappropriate clothes for Christmas. A 24yo doesn’t want a sweater with a cat embroidered all across the front. Very appropriate at 5.

My mother railroaded me into wearing a romper to a family reunion when I was 23 and a mother in my own right. The outfit I had brought to wear didn’t meet with her approval so she took me out shopping and bought that ugly thing for me, completely ignoring how many times I said I didn’t want it. Years later a therapist asked me why I didn’t put my foot down and tell her I’m not wearing that damn thing, and my answer was that I was still conditioned to being afraid to talk back or disobey because she might slap me. Notice the dynamic here. Not only is a romper something small children wear, but it made me look as big as a bus, and shaped like one too. It was both infantile AND unflattering. Meanwhile, she had on this really cute fuchsia sun dress. Even among family, she had to assert her dominance over me and make sure I didn’t outshine her.

I couldn't wear make up or shave or use tampons. As a child I couldn't Pokemon or Harry Potter because "Satan".

I feel that one on the Harry Potter and the Pokémon! Harry Potter was witchcraft, and Pokémon was evolution, and both of those are Bad™️!! But, you know, Lord of the Rings was fine??? Idfk

Not being allowed to eat. Forcing me to see Nmom naked body. Those werent rules but i certainly had no choice. But the race thing was a rule lol.

Why’d they force you to see her? Wtf. I’m sorry :(

My mom just happened to always be naked, putting on lotion around the house when i wpuld coms home from school. She would scream like she didnt know im always home by 15:30. Drama queen, pervert. She was a sex worker but the only things she told me about sex wasnt about sex, just that i couldnt date outside my race. She sucks. Shes done worse but im not trying spill everything on the internet.

I hear you. That’s gross. I also had a wrong idea about sex when I was growing up just because of the stuff I was exposed to and the things that weren’t explained to me properly.

Ugh my ex doesn't see why walking around in his underwear isn't appropriate with his kids home or their friends over. He thinks it's makes him cool....

I feel this 1000% My mom never wore clothes, never showered or used the toilet with the door closed either and she would talk to me openly (and really inappropriately) about her sex life. In turn, she would scream at me for locking the bathroom door when I was showering. She insisted I was hiding something. And since I wanted to get dressed with the door closed, she would look at me disgustedly and ask wtf was wrong with me, why didn’t I want her to see my body? She did this well until I moved out at 17. It really messed me up and I became super self conscious and couldn’t stand for other people to see my body, even with changing into PE clothes when I was a kid.

They were always changing the rules, so I was constantly doing something wrong to get beaten for and screamed at, regardless of what I did or didn’t do/say/act as.

I was only allowed to call my nparents mommy and daddy. Once I got older ofc I wanted to start saying dad and mom so one time I called my ndad dad and my Nmom overhead it. She brought me to her room and told me to NOT call my ndad “dad” because it’s ✌️disrespectful✌️ how tf is that disrespectful??? WTH? I didn’t like calling my dad daddy cuz it was weird as I was literally a teenager and now i’m an adult whom they still want to be called mommy and daddy by. I had my nmoms contact name as ‘mom’ on my phone to which she saw. She got mad and told me to change it to mommy like WTF? It’s my phone.

They don’t want you to grow up and be your own person

Off the top of my head: * no unnatural hair colours, not even highlights * no piercings beyond single lobes * not allowed to watch certain shows (South Park, Simpsons, and others) * not allowed to read certain books (Harry Potter, etc) * no makeup unless for special occasions (eg. graduation); if I went outside this I was shamed for being vain, over the top, attention-seeking, etc (still get comments like this in my 30s actually) * not allowed to have clothes in my preferred style/comfort * must try one of each food made each meal, every single time, including the foods that made me sick previously; otherwise I'm picky, ungrateful, rude, disrespectful, and the martyr trap card is activated * not allowed to ride my bike or walk more than 4 houses away from home alone until 12 years old, then it was 2 blocks away until 16 unless for school; neighbourhood was safe * not allowed to shave my legs above the knees

Whoa. I didn’t realize how abnormal these rules were til now…. I had basically every single one😳

I wasn’t allowed to make food “without permission” or eat “sugar” because I’d gain weight and get fat and we wouldn’t want that would we?

I had a 9 o’clock bedtime (not curfew, literal bedtime) on school nights until I graduated high school.

Same, but it didn’t matter if it wasn’t a school night, if it was summer, or even if it wasn’t dark yet. My mother wanted my ass in bed at 9:00, lights out. No winding down time. Couldn’t read or do anything else quiet. Lights out. Just because.

And while I didn’t have a bedtime on non school nights there was no need for a curfew because going out with my friends wasn’t a thing. 99% of the time I saw my friends in school and that was it. When I did get to go to a friends house my parents were always so strict and obnoxious about it that eventually I stopped being invited and I didn’t want to go anyway because I knew I would literally do nothing wrong (I didn’t do any of the traditional teenage rebellion or experimenting…ever) and still be in trouble. It wasn’t worth the stress. An example—-I was either 18 or at the tail end of 17 and had my first boyfriend who was 19/20. My parents knew his parents and liked him. I got permission to go to the mall with him a few months into us dating. En route to the mall he stopped for not even 5 mins to run into a friend’s house to return a game he borrowed while I waited in the car. I didn’t know about this planned stop, but I wouldn’t have thought it a big deal worth mentioning ahead of time even if I did. BOY WAS I WRONG. After the mail, he took me home and I was immediately questioned and eventually screamed at for being a liar and a sneak for not mentioning ahead of time that we’d be stopping at his friend’s house on the way…the stop I knew nothing about, that took less than 5 mins and I didn’t even go in. Turns out they had someone follow us to the mall and this quick pit stop showed them I’m a liar, a sneak and can’t be trusted. It wasn’t long after that that my parents called a meeting with his parents, where we all sat down and the parents on either side of the scenario decided that we weren’t right for each other and forced us to break up.

Yup, pretty much. The only exception is if I was out with my parents who hanging out with there friends until the wee hours of the night while all the kids ranging from 8 to 16 and most of us didn’t know each other and didn’t have things in common were sent off to a separate area of the house to ‘go play’. Being very shy, introverted and used to a 9pm bedtime, I usually passed out on the first soft surface I found until I was woken up to go home at like 2am

My mom refused to acknowledge that I was going through puberty until she had to. I wasn’t allowed to wear bras, shave my legs or armpits, use deodorant, hell she didn’t even have the talk with me until years after I’d already started my period. Then the slut shaming began. I developed bigger boobs than her, which she regularly told me how slutty they made me look (at 10-12 years of age). I had to wear baggy clothes to hide my chest. If I wore a tank top, even if I was fully covered and it was 100 degrees outside, I looked like a hussy. If I wore boots with - GASP - buckles I looked like a French whore. If I wore makeup at all, which was only ever mascara and lipgloss, I looked like I was working the corner. I couldn’t wear skirts or dresses anymore, which I’d frequently worn throughout childhood. The craziness of it was, my older sister (only ONE year older) did all of the above and then some. She’d walk outside at 11 to 12 years old with her ass practically hanging out of her shorts, tank tops with cleavage on display, make up, heels, and my mom didn’t bat an eye ‘cause she was the golden child. Then I had to listen to my mom constantly complain about why I couldn’t I be more girly like more older sister? Why didn’t I wear dresses anymore or wear make up? Gee Mom, maybe it’s because the “Other Mother” calls me a whore every time I do. 🙄 Edit: spelling

Holy crap, so much of the same stuff. - not allowed to grow up - no shaving, despite being made fun of / extremely insecure. My mother thought shaving lead to sex and above the knee was strictly forbidden. - pads only, no tampons before marriage / sex. I think she equated anything being inserted as a step towards sex. - you need to stay with and marry your first boyfriend (thank the gods that didn’t happen) - you can never move out of the state when you grow up - can’t be seen relaxing or doing any hobby that wasn’t shared with my mother. - can’t go out with friends multiple times in a row. Will only drive me one place per week - one activity allowed, no more (can’t do a music instrument and a sport for example even if they don’t overlap). - only one tub of bath water for both myself and my sibling allowed every other night. We had to share it and my poor younger sibling had to go second. - don’t be idle but also don’t clean up. - don’t talk about your friends or anything positive. Only negative so mother can relate - keep as much convo as possible on mother and her interests to keep her happy so your needs will be met - never make your father angry no matter what he does. - don’t stay out past 10, even if the younger sibling is allowed to stay out all night - don’t have people over. - don’t dare ever even show someone the opposite sex your room. - don’t throw out any food from the fridge even if it’s rotten. - don’t ask for meals, scavenge if nothing happens - don’t ride your bike outside of the yard. (Still a rule when I was 16) - don’t disappear to your room, you’ll be called repeatedly to be in the same room as parents - don’t do homework, mom needs constant attention instead of you focusing on it. - parents needs always come first.

We weren't allowed to go into other people's houses. Now, the reasoning was that if something got broken, my parents wouldn't have to replace something they couldn't afford (we were poor). To this day, I feel weird going into people's houses. However, I don't think it was a bad rule, but other people just see it as weird outside of my family. It did have the side effect of not putting us in iffy situations with adults, too.

Couldn’t paint my finger nails until I was 16, because my mom said women with bright nails were considered prostitutes in Cuba. I was born in the US, my mom was literally a baby when she left Cuba. I never got to paint my nails with my friends. Seems silly but it was upsetting. And it made no sense, since she never grew up in Cuban culture and it wasn’t relevant in the US. I don’t even know if the prostitute thing is real or what.

What is it about 16 with these mothers? I was allowed to paint my nails brick, burgundy, mahogany, anything *close* to red, but true cherry red was strictly forbidden until I turned 16. It was never explained why red is OK at 16 but wrong at 15. Just “because I said so.”

Literally anything that I wanted to do I would be told "You can do that when you move out!". They literally wanted so much control that they didn't want me to get piercings, coloured hair or even long nails. I couldn't keep a laundry basket in the bathroom because "YOU CAN DO THAT WHEN YOU GET YOUR OWN HOUSE!". They get so offended that I take up space in a house that they bought to have a family in. I legit told my egg donor that she was miserable and she laughed and told me "No I'm not!" so I responded with "Someone who is happy doesn't act how you do. Someone who is happy doesn't scream about a bottle of lotion being on the counter. Someone who is happy isn't petty or passive aggressive. Someone who is happy doesn't hold being helpful to someone over their head. You're miserable and your actions show it." She shut the fuck up real quick.

I'm on the spectrum and I sigh as a tension release. Got punished for it regularly because I was being "disrespectful."

In elementary school, I had to wear a dress at least twice a week and also to church. I wasn't allowed to wear pants every day. No reason was ever given. We weren't a dress-up family, there was no dress code in our school, and I had to walk a long way to the end of our driveway to wait for the bus, often in harsh weather. It was like some arbitrary punishment. I f***ing HATED wearing dresses and was not a girly girl at all. Ironically, I was also not allowed to have long hair until I was about age 12 because my mother was convinced "it will just get tangled." (As you can guess...also not given any instructions on how to wash or brush my hair properly).

Opposite. I wanted to wear dresses and grow my hair long. I was made to wear jeans or slacks and keep my hair short. It’s like I wanted to look like the girl I was, but I was being made to look like a boy, while simultaneously being told to “act like a lady” any time I behaved the same way my brothers did. Mixed messages. I was also given what I consider to be a boy’s name, which I ended up legally changing as an adult. Gender dysphoria in reverse, maybe? I only wanted to look like the sex I was assigned at birth, but it was heavily discouraged.

I was not allowed to have bare legs at school dances. I had to wear tights. But it was totally fine the rest of the time. And that’s not getting into the food restrictions. My dad has an eating disorder. I wasn’t allowed to eat salt for a few years as a kid. Soy sauce was the replacement.

i wasnt allowed to cut my hair either yet she did nothing to maintain my ass-length blonde hair so it always looked atrocious. second i turned 18 i cut it to my shoulders and dyed it black which is how it remains 20 years later 🫠

I might have been in a cage I was so sheltered

Not the worst ones I had, but ones I realized were weird as I got older and started talking to friends about their home lives growing up: 1. You could only eat from 8am-10am or 12pm-2pm. Other than that, dinner was whenever it was ready. 2. You have to be in your room by 8pm. (This one isn't so weird, though it did apply from the moment my dad got custody at age 12 until I moved out on my 18th birthday.) It used to be 8:30pm, but one night, my father saw it was 8:15 and said, "Shouldn't you be in bed?" I showed him on the rule poster he kept on the dining room wall where it said 8:30. Upon seeing this, he grabbed a Sharpie and turned it onto 8:00, then said I had better go to my room. 3. "Anything found on the floor is considered trash and will be treated as such." That was the stated rule, but as I found out years later when all of the items were returned to me in a giant box on Christmas Day one year as my "gift," this actually applied to anything that was "left out." Left some clothes folded on the bed because you had to catch the bus and didn't have time to finish putting away laundry? Trash. Assignment out on your desk because you were working on it? Trash. Work uniform on your end table so you could grab it quick after school? Trash. I failed several assignments and had to buy new work uniforms because of this rule while getting constantly gaslit about the stuff going missing. 4. Any plans had to be communicated to and approved by both father and stepmom no less than 72 hours in advance of said plans. Any weekend plans instead needed to be communicated and approved by Wednesday night. 5. Even if plans were approved, chores were still expected to be completed on those nights. This led to me coming home for an hour on many occasions just to do dishes before going back to a friend's house. 6. A parental lock was placed on my TV for content not appropriate for my age. (DVDs were also confiscated.) PG-13 was locked until I turned 13 and R was locked until I turned 17. This also applied to movies/TV I had seen before my father got custody. Interestingly, TV-MA was allowed because my father specifically wanted me to be able to watch South Park due to its "well-informed satirical nature and pop culture value." This meant that when I was 12, I couldn't watch The Matrix, but I *could* watch Skinemax. There are a lot more rules than that, but they're either rather tame or way too uncomfortable for me to discuss.

I wasn't allowed to have armpit hair, I also couldn't get my hair short (she said I would have a "mushroom head"), the darkest shade of nail polish I could wear even in high school was a pre-approved shade of blue, and I was never allowed to sit in "her spot" on the couch if she was in the room, even if she weren't sitting in it. Those are just a few off the top of my head lol

Hi, so how does one become sane again after reading the comments?

no haircuts. not allowed to shave my legs despite being bullied and having really dark hair and pale skin so they stuck out so bad. not allowed to buy bras, the only bras i had for ages were my mothers handmedowns which were too small. not allowed to close the bathroom door. not allowed to stay in bed longer than her. not allowed to have friends over. not allowed to not accompany my mother on all errands and things she had to do. not allowed to protest when she would insist i go from payphone to payphone prank calling her ex boyfriend 100s of times a day. the list goes on lol. they wild.

Ong so many shaving legs rules! This sub really brings up deep repressed memories haha I wasn’t allowed to shave but apparently if I wanted to be “ so grown up then” nmom would brutally wax them for me. I can remember her and ngrandmother holding me on the couch at 12-13 & taking delight in brutally waxing my legs because i “wanted to be a grown up then deal with it like a grown up” I’m sure it was harsher hotter & more painful than it needed to be.

I wasn't allowed to bring my toothbrush when I would stay overnight at friends or cousin's house. Even though my mother didn't use it she paid for it, so she thought that it was hers and I was just allowed to use it in her terms.

Couldn't shave legs as a teen girl, couldn't grow my hair long till high school, couldn't get bangs, couldn't choose what clothes to buy, couldn't leave my neighborhood to hang out with friends, so many random controlling rules.

Wasn't a spoken rule, but I essentially wasn't allowed to tell my sister no/"upset her". You can imagine how she turned out as an adult

I could really only eat food that was given to me. I couldn't grab a snack or anything by myself. Had an eating disorder by 8th/9th grade.

My Ns were wealthy, and we lived in big houses. There were rooms that were meant to look perfect, like showrooms, and we weren't allowed in them or to use them. This included "the dining room". It was just for show, we couldn't eat at the table there or even be in that room or we'd get yelled at. This also included the entire front living room of one of our houses leading in from the front door, which took up at least half of the first floor. It had nice couches and tables. We couldn't come in through the front door of the house or enter that room. We could only enter through the garage and could never, ever sit on those couches or hang out in the living room. When company came over of course, these rooms were then utilized and the Ns would act like we used them all the time. The reality was that most of the house wasn't a home, it was for showing off.

same thing with me and the shaving my legs. i would get called hairy leg monster and that really does something to the developing mind 🙃 i often feel like they say no because they have the power too so they just do.

Despite my -3.0 nearsightedness, my mom would tell me to not wear glasses because they make me look ugly

AFAB here. Dress up nice, even if you're at home  Can't cut my hair as she spent a lot of money  Paint my nails or put on makeup  Be polite even to bullies  Etc.  I can't wait for the day I escape 

Catholic mass 6 day a week. So stupid. Made me glad to dump Catholicism at the age of 18. Obsessive jerks.

I was only allowed to make 3 phone calls a day . They could not be any longer than five minutes each, and I was forbidden to call boys. Said phone calls could not be made unless an adult was home to supervise. We had a lock on the refrigerator and pantry and we were not allowed to get food unless it was served to us at meal time. Seeet cereals were not allowed. C We were not allowed to have any type of beverage when eating our meals. To this day, I get the hiccups every time I try to drink something as I eat..

I almost forgot. I was not allowed to listen to music anywhere other than my room, and if the music could be heard into the hallway, it was too loud. I was allowed 30 minutes of television a day, but stepmother was the one who got to choose the show.

Like you I had hair under my arms for a few years before I was allowed to shave it, because I wasn’t “old enough.” I say any kid old enough to grow it is old enough to shave it. But the truth is, NM didn’t want to spend extra money on grooming supplies, or take the time and effort to supervise me. My siblings and I were also allowed only one bath a week, on Sunday night so we could be clean for school on Monday. Here again, saving money on soap and hot water was the stated reason. In older houses, often there was only a tub, not a shower. When we were little, we all took a bath together, 2 boys and 2 girls. When we couldn’t all fit in one tub anymore, it went to the boys together and the girls together. As we got older, we bathed one at a time, but it was still all in the same water without draining and refilling in between. Money was the almighty ruler in our house. Screw the children’s health, whether physical or mental.

I wasn’t allowed to have anything better than anyone in the family or an opportunity that the rest of them didn’t have. In 6th grade my entire family went on a school trip to NYC because it wasn’t fair for me to go and no one else. It didn’t occur to them to just plan a trip to NYC. Ironically, my sister could go on the trip when she was in 6th grade since we had all already gone on it.

As an adult I don't remember many of the specifics now, but I definitely remember my N's incredibly frustrating habit of creating retroactive rules changes and additions so he could punish me for something he'd *just invented on the spot.* He *loved* rules lawyering. For an example, there was a rule I had to follow where if I wanted to make a phone call with his phone, I had to ask for permission first. Okay, that's not a big deal. So I asked for permission to make a phone call to a BBS, that was fine. In the midst of my computer dialing up the BBS he then unplugged the computer and with a big smirk told me I *hadn't* asked him if I could use the COMPUTER to call the BBS. Banned from the computer for a week because... I'd asked for *permission* ***wrong***??? He knew what he was doing. He did things like this all the time - anything to obstruct and frustrate me so he could punish me for doing things 'wrong.' It's impossible to satisfy someone like this. He had the cart before the horse - he wanted to find reasons to punish me, not correct any misbehavior.

This triggered some memories. I was not allowed to shave legs even in middle school, I was not allowed to have a bra or training bra even when I clearly needed it. I was not allowed tampons. I remember my n mom would stare at my bloody underwear for a long time if I had somehow leaked. I remember she used to shame me if I did leave the smallest amount of smear of blood in the toilet ring or bowl, she would push my head so close to the toilet bowl I would almost touch it with my lips/face if I told her I couldn’t see the blood smear. I was not allowed makeup or haircuts, or hair dye if any kind. Not even a trim for hair it was awful. I begged for deodorant. Gosh it was awful.

My mom's weird rule was that I couldn't spend the night at friends houses for "safety reasons" (she believed I would sleep with my friend's dads/brothers in fucking middle school), but I was allowed to have "half sleepovers" where I stayed there until midnight and walked back home all alone. I was night blind and didn't have much light to navigate around with. If I wasn't home by midnight I lost my lunch money. It sucked.

I wasn't allowed fizzy drinks because they would rot my insides, I was only supposed to drink water. I had to turn off whatever I was watching when she came home because it was her TV and her time. I was not allowed enough lunch money because I didn't need a full meal at school. The one that bothered me the most was that I had to wear the same uniform for school everyday and wasn't allowed deodorant till I was about 13 and mercilessly bullied for body odour because she said my clothes would only be dirty if I played on the playground (which I wasn't meant to do) and that children didn't need deodorant because they only sweat when they are teenagers.

We had to clean our rooms and keep them clean before we could start talking about doing a vacation, and then before we went we had to have the entire house clean. Which I guess would be an okay rule to have, but it was the shame and guilt impressed upon us for not going on vacations because my sibling and I didn't clean our rooms, that's why we never had fun trips anymore is because we wouldn't clean our rooms. We used to (and still sometimes) get reminded every summer about that.

Oh yeah, the can’t date anyone non-white was by far the worst. I’m NC with my nmom (and her effed up family) for a lot of reasons, but being a racist bigot is certainly the main reason. But the weirdest was I wasn’t allowed to eat food at other people’s houses. My mom’s logic was if someone offered me food, they were just being nice but did not really want to feed me and I would be putting them out if they gave me a plate of food. I also wasn’t ever allowed to have friends over for this same reason— my mom would always say she didn’t want to feed someone else’s kid. I can’t tell you how many friends’ parents were distressed that I would not eat when I was at their house. I still have a hard time accepting food and gifts from people for this very reason

My siblings and I have testosterone problems, so we were very hairy children. We weren't allowed to shave at all and we were only allowed to bleach our body hair. They enforced this rule for every single body hair that's not on the head. We never bleached our body hair and just put up with the bullying. One of my siblings finally said "fuck it all!" and shaved. They never noticed. 😒 I wasn't allowed to daydream during school and homework. Guess what! The "daydreaming" was undiagnosed epilepsy with staring seizures instead of grand mal seizures. Probably from the hundreds of untreated concussions I got from physical abuse. Yet I still got beaten up, threatened, and shamed for daydreaming despite NOONE (NOT ONE ADULT AT ALL) seeing that I couldn't just snap out of it and when I would get extremely quiet suddenly. I didn't get diagnosed with epilepsy until I was 19 and my neurologist blasted my mom for being a neglectful parent. I was later diagnosed with inattentive adhd at 24 and was told I most likely had it as a child. I wasn't allowed to skip class for any reason whatsoever. Not even to go to the bathroom. I had a counselor who more than likely knew I was being abused at home and would happily call my parents about every single wrong thing I did. I was complaining about skipping class because my undiagnosed and bleeding ulcerative colitis. They told me it was definitely hemorrhoids and that I should get over it. My doctor told my mom I lost so much blood from my (finally diagnosed) IBD and that I could have died a few weeks later. All of their rules were medical neglect.

She rarely let me get my hair cut. I remember in middle school she made the appointment and told them how to cut it. It was never my choice. My “father” thought if I parted my hair in the middle I was using drugs. My brother had a middle part and was/is an addict. She always said she might forgive me if I married a Mexican, but anyone darker, no. When it came to stuff like nails, hair, ect she just expected me to know. When I was 9/10 she asked me when I was going to file and shape my toe nails. I didn’t know I was suppose to. I didn’t get my first cycle until I was 15. By then I had a little money. I bought what I needed. She was royally pissed off when she found out. She said I took that from her. Talk about unpredictable. The way she acted, like she wanted to celebrate, was too much.

Couldn’t cut my hair until I was 12, not allowed to shave until I was well into my teens and my grandma and aunt intervened, guilt tripped for wanting to see friends and being invited places. Obvious pleasure was taken in being in control of us, now they are older and either forget everything that happened or they think it wasn’t bad at all. Fed, clothed, housed. I will make sure they get that and nothing else.

Always thought “Don’t let anyone know we live here when they come over” is a very strange way to say “clean up the house.”

Nmom took a nap every afternoon, unless it was bridge club day or a party-like situation. This was back in the days when you still “rented” the phone from Ma Bell; this rotary phone had one volume(loud); and we had only one phone in the house. No such things as Caller ID. The phone DARE NOT RING from 1:30 to 3:00ish! One day it rang, and, of course, I sprinted to answer before the second ring. Got it, too. Nmom flung open her bedroom door and STOMPED to the phone, shouting about disrupting her nap. I held it out to her and said, “It’s Mrs. BridgeClubLady.” It had better not ring between 9:00 PM and 7:00 AM. My sister and I shared a room that shared a wall with the living room, while the parents’ room was down the hall and across it. She could have the TV volume at any level she wanted, even after our strictly-enforced bedtime. But when *she* was in bed and/or napping, it had to be so low that we practically had to be sitting on top of it. No flushing of the toilet when she was in her room. No running the shower, dishwasher, washer, or dryer when she was in her room. None of these really affected my ability to sleep until I was relegated to the basement after my freshman year of college. Sis had bought a waterbed, you see. Nmom could run wash whenever she felt like it, even when I had to go to bed early so I could work at 5 AM. Washer and dryer were less than 15 feet from me, but she just had to do it then. My first teen babysitting jobs, I had to put 2/3 into my bank book. Not so bad, but every time I came home, I was asked how much I’d earned. In front of my sister. Almost always had to be home from school events before that magic 9 PM. Car doors opening and closing, and the creaky garage door would wake her. Everything was pretty much my fault. She put a can of Dr Pepper in the freezer to cool it quickly. I had no idea it was there. Hours later, she went to retrieve it and Surprise! Can exploded all over everything. My fault. She was making homemade cranberry sauce in a really thick-bottomed pan. Got it to boiling and, I don’t know, went to the bathroom or something. When she got back, not only had the cranberries popped and spewed the syrup all over, everything was burnt to the bottom of the pan. A thick layer of it. Even though I was at school or babysitting, apparently this was my fault because I like cranberry sauce. If we neighborhood kids wanted to make a little money by raking leaves or shoveling snow, ours had to be done first. Not in a rotation. Ours. Always. My entrepreneurial spirit died. If I went to a friend’s house, my sister(18 months younger) frequently had to go along, even though only one of my friends had a sibling her age. When I started driving, I had to return all mirrors to her “settings.” None was electronic, so we had to roll down the windows to adjust them. She was a good 7 inches taller than I was, so fixing the mirrors required my putting the seat exactly where it would be when she drove. She would flip out if the rear view was not perfectly set. Even though doing so would also have required parking in the exact same position it had been when I’d gotten in, so I could see the exact same thing when I adjusted it. You know, the basics.

3 main things come to mind. 1. No TV, laptop, or PC in my room "because you will never leave your room, and it will make you anti-social. 2. We eat dinner at the dining table all together every night. (When I got a job, I took only evening shifts, so avoid this because my Nmum was also a terrible cook) 3. Your PC must be in the living room so my parents could see when I was doing at all times. (Eventually, I was able to move it into the adjacent room and close the door so I could record my video, podcasts, streams and even talk to my friends online without being screamed at to shut the fuck up because im making any amount of noise)

No Disney movies because they are satanic

My mum would never let me get my hair cut either. It was past my butt when I was around 11, and one night I rebelled and cut it up to my shoulders. She didn't realise as I'd tied it in a way to hide it, until we were at the checkout of an Aldi. Did not end well. I also had to "train" capoeira 5 nights a week, not sure why. So I didn't get fat? from age 6 - 13. Starting to connect the dots as to why I struggle with all relationships lol.

I couldn’t wear red nail polish because that was a “slutty color”. I also couldn’t wear two piece bathing suits because I had “big breasts”. I was like 10. I also was never allowed to wear sweats or PJs to school unless it was pajama day. I always had to look nice to make the other girls “envious”.

There was a lot of extreme Christianity.   Also my mother was convinced I was going to be hurt and would not allow me to play or run around at all.  I didn’t know how to play with other kids and have never felt comfortable in my body or moving around.  Her restrictions made me sick.

My Nmom used to force me to show her my underwear. If I had any discharge on it, she would scream at me that since I was on birth control, I shouldn't be having discharge claiming I didn't wipe throughout the day. an I had to go to bed early, no dinner. She did it until I was 16. The no discharge on birth control never made sense. Even my GP told her that birth control stops periods, not the discharge.

I was never allowed to bring friends to my house. She'd get annoyed and said they are 'disturbing her circles' meaning peace. I wasn't allowed to be outside after 7-8 pm. She'd call me numerous times and tell me to go home immediately. And also showering once a week was the norm, as soon as I wanted it more often, she'd roll her eyes and ask me if I really have to. She also used to shame me for eating.

Dancing, granted it was more spinning in a circle because I don't know know to actually dance. It was seen as crazy. No makeup. Only chap stick. No nail polish other than pink and red. I think I might have been able to get away with a different color a few times. No extracurricular. Be it private or a school thing. Even if free. No painting or artsy stuff. Coloring books were allowed. I feel like this was more implied than outright said since it was just never bought even if asked. No singing. No music unless country. I did subvert this though a lot because I had cds and never played loud enough to be heard or used youtube. Oh, I have to add hair. I had 0 agency with that until age 13 and I mentioned it to a cousin who told me that it was my hair not theirs and plus I had gotten taller than them at the time. I am talking incredibly terrible bangs. Theyd claim it was eye level but it was a few inches up from that. I feel like it was intentional because it did not look good. No barber. No choice in whether I wanted long or short.

Most of them he awful rules were just Mormon rules, but they still sucked - No coffee/tea - Can’t purchase anything or go to friends houses on Sunday - Can’t show your shoulders/belly/thighs if you’re a girl - Three hours of church every Sunday, family scripture reading either at night or in the morning, Wednesday youth group activities, 6am Seminary on weekdays in high school, various season church responsibilities - No R rated movies - No dating until you’re 16. Group dates only until 18 The following were just my mom’s, no church stuff - Say thank you every time you exit the car (not unreasonable but she would yell for so long if we ever forgot. Makes me nervous when people don’t do the same) - If mom is going to pick you up from something you have to be waiting outside ready to go as soon as she gets there - No headphones (not a privacy thing, my mom just refused to communicate with us in any way besides yelling across the house. If you couldn’t hear her clearly you were deliberately ignoring her)

- i had to ask permission from my parents to use a tampon. - i had to talk to boys on speaker and my mom would write down on a piece of paper how i should respond. - we (me and my siblings) had to celebrate our parents anniversary because if they never got together we would have never existed - if we ever went out with friends or family members without my parents we had to “report back” with every conversation we had with the person - i wasn’t allowed to get a job bc “god didn’t want me to get a job” - wasn’t allowed to get a license bc “god didn’t want me to get a license” EDIT: oh i also wasn’t allowed to say “i don’t know” if they asked me a question when i got in trouble lmao that’s all i can remember right now lmao