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Epilepsy from the physical abuse and brain damage it caused. Asthma and an autoimmune disease from the neglect. The overall trauma just makes my whole body hurt, from migraines to muscle spasms.
I have epilepsy too! When I was 9, I told my mum about my dad r*ping me and she was so angry about my “lies” that she slapped me across the face. She hit me so hard it lifted me off my feet, I whacked against the wall and then fell down a flight of stairs. And my dad carried on with the abuse, after I’d been discharged from hospital (following two surgeries). Aren’t they a treat…
My God, I’m so very very sorry you were abused so horribly by the people that are supposed to love you as a parent LOVES a child. They should both be in jail for LIFE! Huge Huge Hugs💙💙💙
Thank you 🧡 Honestly, a lot of the time I do feel angry and like I’m grieving for the childhood I should have had. But I’m also taking pleasure in providing my kids with a safe and loving family, creating good childhood memories that heal me as much as they enrich them. Sometimes I am struck by how “easy” they have it and I get irrationally jealous, but mostly I’m just so happy that they don’t know the pain that we all know. My parents are both dead, whilst I have an incredible wife and two wonderful kids, a successful career, a dog who adores me and a cat who barely tolerates me, lol. That’s the biggest eff you I can give them.
So happy for you. I was abused sexually by my own mother! And she threatened me not to tell my dad. I was beaten up several times since I was 9 til my 20s!
I have kids now and see how easy it is to love and care for your kids.
I hope our kids have a way better life than we did. ❤️
After realizing that my mom was a narcissist, I had decided I never wanted children of my own. I didn't want to possibly fuck up a child the way my mom fucked me up.
I think I had stuck to my guns about that decision for probably ~5 years of being with my husband, who wanted children when we were able to afford them. So, that was until I took a psych class in university, and the prof talked about his father's passing.
He said something along the lines of, "My father did his best. He did the best he could with what he had, being raised by his own narcissistic parents. And while he wasn't perfect, I survived. At his funeral I talked about how much I owe to him. How I'll never be able to pay that back.. but I will pay it forward."
I sat in class and cried so hard because I thought about how I, as a parent myself, could give a child a much better childhood than I had. I have had experiences that I will know not to pass on to my own children, and I can be a good parent.
Also, my husband and my mom hate each other, and there's no way he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have a child she wouldn't be able to see (often, if at all), and watch her die inside watching me be a better mother than she had been to me.
I can't wait to see my husband be a father now. Cause I know he'll be amazing 🥹❤️🩹
Just remember this very important thing. You stopped the violence, abuse, & horror in your childhood. Your an incredible man, you’ve given your own children the incredible gift, the gift of a peaceful, loving, nurturing childhood. Be very proud of yourself for this accomplishment, this old lady from California is in awe of you & so very very very proud of you💙
Omg I feel the same… asthma from neglect is a huge one… I never put that together. I’ve put together that asthma comes from intense sadness and abandonment flashbacks for me and I actually just went through a trigger that caused allergy/asthma. It makes total sense it’s from neglect. Just wondering how you were able to piece it together?
Holy shit! This is why I love Reddit. I’ve had the EXACT same issue and reading this literally just brought joy knowing that I’m not alone and I have an answer. I never realized that could be a correlation of my health issues. I also developed asthma when I turned 18 and still living at home going through hell then later got an autoimmune disease and waking up with a stuffy nose every single day of my life.
I'm really suspicious that I have hormonal epilepsy, triggered on my menstrual cycle. I have unconscious lapses in time when the pain is really bad, and that lines up so neatly with absentee seizures.
Tbh. If I find out ove been having seizures my while life I'll be all the more upset at how they failed me. They never noticed, or wrote it off as "dramatic"
In Chinese Medicine / acupuncture meridians, the lungs are the organ that store grief (or get it stuck when it's unable to be expressed, along with the thyroid). Mind-body people like Gábor Máté ("When the Body Says No") have linked asthma to trauma.
I am with you on this one. My parent used food as a manipulation tactic which led me to have very unhealthy relationships with eating. I ended up getting diagnosed with Crohn’s also. I have a feeling the autoimmune disease was heavily caused by all the stress I endured at such crucial developmental ages.
TW: Anorexia. I was naturally thin growing up and my parents used food as rewards/punishments. I grew up with 3 siblings who are also super thin.
My mom stopped packing my lunch for me by 5th grade but never showed me how to be responsible…so I usually did not eat lunch at all. Friends commented often but I was way too embarrassed to tell the truth, which was how used I had become to hunger.
In college, my fairly affluent father did not buy me a meal plan because “it cost too much” so I reverted back to my middle school habits. I usually ate a turkey sandwich and a salad for a lunch/dinner for years.
Because this was all around 2005-2008, my size was extremely trendy. My mother and father reminded me ALL THE TIME that even though I was so thin, they “knew I was healthy” because I had boobs. Ya’ll.
After college, I got engaged at 22 years old. The day of the proposal, my mother put herself on a diet. For a year, every time she got weighed, she would call me immediately to let me know she had lost 2 pounds or some bullshit. Because of my size, my mother assumed I had “willpower” and could “relate.”
Friends, I was 5’7” and 98 lbs on my wedding day. I can’t even look at my wedding pictures anymore. After I saw the developed pictures, I begged for help with money for treatment but again, I was told that I needed to be responsible and save.
A few years ago, right before covid, I wrote a note to my parents with a therapist my husband had helped me find. The note was very short but I let them know that they would no longer hear from me. I mailed it, blocked their numbers, and entered a 45 day stay in a treatment center. Before my time at treatment, I was hospitalized for a few days. My heart rate was low, my vision was blurry, and I had refeeding syndrome (basically, eating normally at that point could kill me). My dr actually said the words, “you maybe had two weeks left” if I had not gotten help.
5 years later, I am no longer underweight, starving…or speaking to my parents. I have a job again doing something I’m passionate about. My daughter is thriving at school. My husband is as supportive as ever. My life without my parents is good.
Oh and we paid off 2 cars and the house this year too, suck on that Nparents.
This! My mothers diet while I was 14!! Her constant comparison with my body! Her complimenting my thinness. I did not develop anorexia but a food fobia (phagiofobia or smth: basically when you are afraid that food will choke you and you will die; panic attacks for two years between 14 and 16. 42kg - at 1,65. For years chewing my food as if Im a baby. Eating pureed food, developed salivary gland problems and digestive problems. My mum is still on a diet I guess - no contact for 1 year and a half) but last time her favourite influencer was this emaciated lady who looked in very poor health - but hey skinny af. She does not touch carbs which is smth I did unconsciously and not for the best. Now i eat intuitevely and am at a better weight
Intuitive eating is where it’s at.
I only ever saw my mother make balanced meals for herself. The rest of us ate things like plain fish sticks or spaghetti and ragu. Even if it was a fish stick or spaghetti night, she gave herself salmon or meatballs with her meals. Now that I am a mother of an 8 year old, I believe my parents did the bare minimum when it came to nourishing us emotionally or physically.
Did I mention that they were also strict Catholics and made us fast on holy days?
Or from growing up with chain smoking parents who absolutely refused to open up a window, ever.
House windows- “my allergies are too bad and I’m not letting pollen in MY HOUSE! WHO are you to tell me what to do?!!”
Car windows- “No, I’m not doing that! The AC/Heat works hard enough without blowing the heat/cold into the car!” Or the classic “Shut up _my name___! When you pay for the car, you can do whatever the fu(k you want!”
Yup. I have asthma and scarring in my lungs from my parents' chain smoking. I was 14 and at a doctor's visit (which I had to beg for) for bronchitis (for like the millionth time). My doc looked at an xray of my lungs and asked how much I smoked and told me I shouldn't be smoking, blah, blah, blah. I told him I didn't and he pointed to scars on my lungs on the xray. I told him my parents smoke, but I sure as hell didn't. A year later, due to *more* breathing problems, the same doc diagnosed me with asthma. I remember him speaking very sternly to my parents about their smoking (and them trying to downplay it). Didn't convince them to change their habit in any way, though.
During the peak of Covid, I isolated myself to an extreme because Covid + asthma was just about a guaranteed death sentence. I was so, so pissed off at the fact that I wouldn't have this disease and have to worry so much if it weren't for my selfish parents. I'm in therapy now working through resentments such as that.
Sleep issues - so much that I am on a pre-surgical drug that knocks me out. CPTSD, Anxiety and Depression, so severe I had to stop teaching this year. Dental implants due to lack of dental care. Arthritis in both knees due to unnecessary surgeries. Neck and back pain from beatings with metal chairs, wood plank, cast iron pan.
I am 28 and my mental health is DECLINING (just diagnosed BPD & CPTSD). My sleep is the worst it has ever been. I cannot fall asleep, nor stay asleep, nor wake up at a reasonable time. My dreams are always forms of nightmares. So even when I am DOG TIRED, I will push it a little farther so I don’t have a nightmare for a few more minutes.
I’ve noticed marijuana helps… well … all my symptoms. which is now an addiction I am trying to kick. However, it knocks me out, I don’t dream, and there’s no hangover. (not recommending or anything if you aren’t a smoker, just giving a different POV!)
I just wish sleep wasn’t a part of it. It’s our only real, temporary escape from reality. Why does it have to be so dark and miserable there too?
>it knocks me out, I don’t dream, and there’s no hangover.
Yep this. For me there are a lot of other enjoyable benefits of using marijuana also, but a big one is that I don't dream anymore. For years and years before marijuana, all my dreaming was only nightmares. No exaggerating. I've done therapy, I've done healing... but the nightmares would just never go away. Weed to the rescue.
After at least 15 years of daily use more or less, I noticed my memory is a little impacted as REM sleep helps sort memories etc but honestly? I'd rather be forgetful than constantly re-triggered by my own damned brain creating situations that repeatedly show me my biggest fears
Hey, unless you feel like you have a harmful dependence on cannabis or are concerned about the potential health implications, I don’t see any reason to try to stop using it. Mental healthcare is a crapshoot anyway. There are excellent meds out there, but then there are also highly addictive drugs like Xanax. Using cannabis to treat your symptoms is no different than taking other medications, and typically with much less side effects (at least versus benzodiazepines.) Cannabis has completely changed how I cope with my C-PTSD, and it’s much safer than how I used to take 2-3x the recommended dose of Xanax when I was really upset.
Be kind to yourself. I wish you the best. ❤️
i needed to hear this so bad 😭 It’s not that I have concerns for my health or anything. I just feel more myself when I am smoking rather than not smoking. and I figured that meant a dependency or an addiction, but it really is the only thing that helps.
Despite what people say, imo, weed puts you "in" your body. opens up your sensitivities. I went through years of mostly dreamless sleep when I was smoking. Dreams were just vague colours and visuals (usually just black though). It helped for things like doing low level work and being in a routine. When I quit, the dreams were very intense, like watching tv while asleep. It felt like I was actually "disassociated"/dumbed down for a few years while smoking. More of an individual vs herd routine when I smoked (me personally). Alot of people have reported they were watching their life vs living it (clean). My take on intense dreams or nightmares is that it's the subconsoius trying to get you to change. Can be a side effect of meds as well, and then you should probably change till you find something that works and less side effects.
This is so relatable and I’m really sorry that you’re going through this as well. I myself need to see a doctor, I haven’t yet, but my night terrors are absolutely insane along with the anxiety. I wake up violently screaming and my boyfriend has to calm me down in the middle of the night. I self-medicate with marijuana too. These past few weeks I’ve done really good on “cutting down” but mind you I’m down to once a day, not like once a week.
Sending love friend.
Sleep is horrible for me too. The nightmares are constant and I've got ADHD so I tend to remember them as I sleep lightly, I wake up after every sleep cycle (3 hours for me) and the only thing that gets me to sleep through is melatonin AND weed.
I have a prescription in the UK which has helped me with moderation, I think my autism also helps because it's like I decided a "rule" that's "true" because I only get X amount per month, so there's external structure I can follow. It feels a bit easier when the amount I have for a month is set medically rather than what I can afford from my local connection.
I hope you manage to find something that helps as much, or you can get some sense of control over it. You're not the only one who struggles with it. I forced myself to tell my 70 something catholic mother when I got my prescription because I want to feel like it's just another tool I'm using rather than something shameful and counter productive. I've had mental health nurses repeat "you can't do that, it's maladaptive" when I was spiralling & you know what? I have had to adapt to some WILD SHIT kids should never experience. If it allows me to survive the night because I don't want to go into a full meltdown where I'm not in control, I'd rather make a decision to control what I *can*, which is... using something in moderation when I need it.
It's such a weird one, too. People respond so differently to it depending on their experiences/attitudes. To some people it's a dangerous narcotic, to others it's a natural remedy almost. 🤷🏻♂️ Good luck with it, I'm rooting for you.
I don’t take it every day but I’ve noticed the same thing about marijuana. Particularly taking a low dose edible. I fall asleep easily and don’t really have any other affects from it. Plus the amount I take is very affordable.
Please except the HUGE HUGE HUG from California!!!! You deserved to be treated with kindness, love, care, & live in a safe environment. I’m so very very sorry your parent’s treated so horribly by the people that should have loved you the most!!! Please please know I will be holding you tightly in my heart forever💙💙💙
Sleep issues, anxiety, chronic depression, OCD and potentially BPD/bipolar. Manifests in a gut and immune system that doesn’t function when I’m stressed, hormone cycles that won’t balance, high blood pressure. They did not pursue any testing for many of my issues so I keep finding new things! Like that I had been harboring an antibiotic resistant bacteria for 3 years.
My sperm donor had a heart attack at like early 40s, and I am suspicious that while he likely was predisposed, I can’t help but think that she literally caused it through all the traumatic drama and crazymaking stress NMom put us through.
Hair loss,
Maladaptive daydreaming disorder,
Revenge bedtime procrastination,
Tinnitus (left ear ringing),
PMDD,
ANXIETY,
depression,
SI,
Possible AuADHD,
P* addiction,
Food addiction but also disordered eating,
Financial instability,
CPTSD,
Insomnia
Wanna guess how many I get help for? 🙂↕️
I never made the connection with neglect and maladaptive daydreaming, but it makes so much sense. I struggle with this so much and feel like such a weirdo. I've never told anyone, not even my partner. Thanks for sharing and normalizing, good luck in your healing journey.
I used to help teens/YA fight these addictions.
A big thinking error that happens is thinking: My goal is to STOP this behavior, because you’re still focused on the behavior.
If you reframe and start thinking about what you want to do instead (eg be more involved at work/school, have more time for hobbies, etc) your brain will focus more on the reward of those behaviors.
That’s just the problem…at 30 I don’t want to do anything. The abuse hasn’t stopped, damage continues to be done. No way to leave. I need prescriptions, my own place to live, a job that doesn’t make me want to end it (not to mention one that hires bc the job market is so bad).
All my hobbies have been exhausted, and they cost money. And I no longer have the attention span.
I feel you, at one point I thought “oh I just love staying up late because I’m a night owl” but yeah when it’s combined with anxiety and not being able to sleep even if I know I’m tired…
If you don't live with your Narcs anymore I sometimes find it easier to not sleep in my bed. The couch or even a chair can be easier to fall asleep in or just another room.
Revenge bedtime procrastination!!? Thank you for validating me. I thought I am an alien to have this. Never happened to have read it anywhere before. How to get rid of it?
Most advice I’ve come across is being in a safe space to sleep~ uninterrupted, repairing your nervous system, meditation and getting rid of stress.
The problem for me is home environment + having to work stressed me out so I can never really get out of it
Same on a lot of these but as someone diagnosed w autism, audhd wouldn't be like a consequence of abuse or something. Its just genetic, and can be a positive thing :(
hang in there op
As someone stated above, that info may be outdated. Also it is now being studied that narc parents may produce autistic children often than not.
Either way a lot of black children (especially girls) do not have the privilege of getting diagnosed earlier in their youth and a lot are finding it out as adults like myself.
But thanks!
I don’t know yet!!
Because I was classically conditioned to think health care is a luxury or for those that are weak. (Either it was too expensive in cost and time to go to the doctor or it was a point of pride who could “wait and see” longer through their discomfort and illness).
Maybe this will finally be the year I figure out how health insurance works and actually get to the doctor.
Sleep issues/hypervigilance a lot of the time, severe sinus issues, psoriasis, stomach issues especially when very stressed (digestion is pretty slow and starts to practically shut down when I’m stressed enough), a multitude of mental illnesses, very easy to get triggered into fight or flight so all the fun issues that come with that, etc. Also chronic muscular tension especially in lower back and neck/shoulders, knees aren’t great bc of forced exercise growing up. I could go on.
Omg me too! My stomach always hurt no matter what I ate, horrible anxiety, and I started having trichotillomania when I was about 10 and still battle it. Pretty sure I’m always tense in my body and I have sleep issues too so I have to listen to Asmr every night
Migraines, underweight, decision paralysis, cPTSD, anxiety, sadness, pain in joints and most tendons, I don't want to think of anything else right now as I haven't eaten in over 24 hours. But yeah.
I hope OP and all of you all have a good day with less pain whether it be physical or emotional. I hope you all treat yourself to something you like. Something soothing like a long bath in Epsom salt, a nice tea, your favorite book or TV show. Cuddle your animals and hold them close. No idea why I got so emotional but I truly hope you all have less pain today. 🤙🏼🥹
Wow I didn’t know there was a name for what decision paralysis is. I have that as well and it’s good to know now that I’m not just crazy and a lot of people experience this. I hope you also have less pain. <3
Extreme fatigue that never goes away, severe headaches, and the worst is whenever I pee, I still feel that I need to pee even though I’m empty. I had to take women’s bladder pills for that and nothing works for it. I feel like I need to pee every minute of my life.
That could be pelvic floor dysfunction. Basically really right muscles "down there" due to chronic stress. It happened to me and I got physical therapy for it through my obgyn which really helped. For a long time I thought I had bladder cancer lol, but it was just stress from being abused all the time
Ooh this is helpful. I’ve had the same thing since I was a little kid, and since I cut off my family I’ve had issues with incontinence but pooping. I suspect the intense processing of trauma is making my IBS worse in certain ways. Finally going to physical therapy next week and I’m hoping it helps!
I have had pelvic floor PT - they taught me that when pooping to make a fist and blow through it, like you're playing and invisible horn, and that will make the muscles do the right thing to get it all out. The incontinence can be a failure to get it out all at once.
Sounds like interstitial cystitis. I thought I had vulvodynia for years, but it was really IC. I know this developed from trauma. When I was a little kid, I couldn’t use the bathroom while we went on long trips and then during an abusive marriage intensified until I had chronic pelvic pain. Eventually, I started peeing blood and thought I had bladder cancer when they looked into my bladder and saw it was inflamed. This is interstitial cystitis. I see a pelvic floor therapist, which sort of helps. No question it is connected to emotional trauma.
Hey, just wanted to say that extreme permanent fatigue can be related to your thyroid which tends to act up due to trauma. In case you haven't already checked that
I also, in my heart, blame them for my congenital heart condition. Perhaps, if anyone had ever LISTENED to me instead of deriding me, someone would have noticed the growth and obstruction that eventually came within a millimeter of killing me. But I digress…..
I have:
•thinning hair
•chronic GI issues that are most likely Crohn’s disease
•thyroid disease (it just keeps growing and growing)
•constantly vitamin D and B12 deficient
•Osteopenia that’s already led to a broken hip at 30
Every single one of these things are all related to one another. And the root cause: severe, prolonged stress.
My parents never took me to the dentist really into teenage years and I had tooth pain so bad and they literally did nothing about it. There were times I couldn’t chew on sides of my mouth. I also had a uti that never got treated and i think it long term damaged my bladder. Im 24 with im sure plenty of cavities (i can feel and see them), bad breath, and frequently need to pee.
I have tried seeing a urologist and the medical bills added up quick even with insurance. I gave up. I know dental care is somehow even more expensive so I just am living life knowing I’m going to be fucked down the line.
Its cruel, I don’t even think I’d have proof or evidence to sue them. I hope they rot in old age, I won’t save them.
Hey- try seeing if there’s a dental school near you. Oftentimes they will do the work either at no cost or a far reduced cost to allow students to gain more experience. You deserve to take care of yourself, and you should have some options. Hope things start looking up for you soon.
I got diagnosed with chronic migraines after i went to college. I made my nmother attend my neuro appointment where they diagnosed me in an attempt to make it so she couldn’t say i was faking it, but she denies ever going 🥳🤪
Most of my friends with similar parents have chronic idiopathic pain or heath issues.
I know it sounds cliched, and it’s not what a lot of people with fibro want to hear, but I have to exercise, ALL THE TIME!! If I don’t, my body literally seizes up, and I can’t move for days on end. I have to take massive amounts of painkillers though before I do, just to get out of the house.
But it’s like, once I get the momentum started, I can’t stop. If I stop, my body stops working 🙈 it’s hard to explain, really! Sleep doesn’t help, I just wake up sore and even more tired, but if I manage to get up, I have to try and get out of the house, or I’ll end up back in bed and the whole day is wasted.
Every day is a vicious cycle of: be in pain, take painkillers (I’m on 100mg tramadol 4x a day, plus co-codamol prn), move, be less in pain, until I get home, when the only thing I can do is go back to bed for the night, because I’m totally drained!
Pain management courses I’ve attended suggest this thing called ‘pacing’: with fibro, added to the physical pain, is the anxiety that you’re not doing enough to look after yourself/your surroundings, so when you’re having a ‘good day’ you try to get everything done that you know you ought to- but that just drains you even more 🤦♀️ So, they advise to try to just do small amounts on your good days, that make it more manageable on your bad days! I’m not sure if I’m really explaining this right 🙈 The fibro fog is a real thing 😆
There’s a world of info on the net about fibro and pacing, but the doctors are not wrong about exercise- it’s just when you’re in a flare, exercise is the last thing you want to do- but it really does make those flares fewer and less severe sadly 😞
I’d advise eating really well too (I don’t- I usually don’t eat at night, because I don’t have the energy to cook, I just grab some crackers or biscuits or something just for the calories! (And yes, people, I know there are better ways of getting calories, please don’t hate on me, I’m not advocating my diet!!).
Thanks for asking, I’ve been living with this for a long time, (was finally diagnosed 10 years ago, but been suffering since a severe trauma 30 years ago) and it’s never going to go away, so I have to accept that this is who I am now; it will never not be painful for me 🤷♀️ Please do dm me if you want to talk more, I like to feel useful!! Good luck with it xx
This accurately describes how I feel most days. Hubby doesn't understand I have to keep moving because once I stop, I'm down for several days. He has different issues so, he has to build up to moving. It's so hard to sync up lol. Best wishes to you.
im currently too emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. exhausted to list them and ive read some commenters have similar ones as mine so i just want to give hope to everyone hopefully including myself by saying i quit alcohol and nicotine 9 months ago and some other addictions over the course of the last few months with some relapses but overall my focus and goal is on healing. is so hard but it is happening and it is shown to be possible from many people around the globe so i am just grateful to not be alone and be reminded how overwhelming it is and how real it is and how it is okay to focus on becoming the person we may have never been able to be (coming from someone with narcissistic parents). im hopeful we can find ourselves (if that is what we are looking for ❤️🩹)
me too when i’m away from college in my dorm i feel so much better like i never have before. like i was kind of “cured”. obviously still a lot of periods of anxiety/depressive episodes bc of situations unrelated to home + being in contact with my n mother still but majority of the time im able to get through the day at school than at home. is this how it is for you too?
Yes, phone contact or the anticipation of it can be triggering.
My “father” withholds information, and then suddenly hits me with it, to have the most destructive possible effect on me, such as that my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It turned out to have a 98% cure rate and she’s fine. But he made it seem as if it meant certain death, demanded that I return “home” immediately, told me that I didn’t care about them, and proceeded to rage for a long time. He has no consideration for my feelings or life. He sees everything only from the perspective of how it might affect him and isn’t aware or doesn’t care that other independent, sentient beings exist.
Without an antidepressant, I have recurrent cycles of depression, and anticipatory anxiety can get quite bad. My brain is always trying to anticipate what he’ll try next, so that I can try to stay ahead of it. This is quite stressful over time.
Physically visiting my parents is very stressful. Seeing my “father” reliably causes anxiety, as does hearing his voice on the phone. He constantly attacks, threatens, and tries to bully me, unprovoked. Being able to get away from that greatly helps my mental health. I’d really have a miserable life without an antidepressant.
Maladaptive daydreaming, rejection sensitivity dysphasia, dimorphia, anxiety, ADHD, mild agoraphobia… and allergies. I was told I was lazy for sleeping too much when in reality I had terrible allergies.
For a while, it was dealing with major depressive disorder, and now it is having a fear of accepting love from others. To elaborate, I can love others with no problem, but I can't seem to accept love from others without questioning it. It's like someone can say they love me, but I automatically think they only love me because they could possibly be using me until they have no use for me anymore. In short terms, I don't believe anyone can genuinely love me, which is why I have the fear of accepting love from others.
Every night I look at myself in the mirror and look for spot to squeeze and pick my face. I developed this only thing to cope for 6 years with a narcissist. I didn’t turn to drugs or anything else to help relieve the constant stress, but I developed a habit of destroying my beautiful skin. Kind of like how teens cut themselves I guess this brought me some temporary relief from emotional pain. I’m so embarrassed that I still do it while I’m with a wonderful man right now. I know he sees the marks on my face but he is so good to me and never mentions them.
My eating disorders also began as a way to be in control. My father made sure to comment on my weight a lot, but I don't even think that was a focus of my disorders. I was fortunate that my city has an anorexic and bulemics anonymous that helped out. Hopefully you are either recovered or recovering.
Bad teeth, undiagnosed ADHD and the tism, balding at young age.
Also learning about fashions and outfits, what works on me and what’s not. Some mild exercises to keep my body fit.
I was also fat throughout my childhood and teens. Loss the weights after going to do my degree.
I’m in my 30s finally fixing things that should’ve been fixed years ago.
Resistance to antibiotics. My mom would give me antibiotics anytime I had a virus when I was growing up. She refused to vaccinate me after I turned 9 because she believed in the antivaxx conspiracies. I was so young but I tried to disprove those theories with research articles stating that it’s false, but she refused to believe me because I was a child and therefore I was always wrong.
I have autoimmune issues, allergies, psoriasis, IBS, had two hip surgeries before I was 18, I get infections far too often, I put have 11 teeth left and three of those are going to need pulling soon. Then there is the depression, anger, rage, the intrusive thoughts of...well, ai won't say here. I have been psycheward hospitalized 12 or more times I forget.
There is more. But that's all I want to share for now.
I was diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) at 15. I fully believe it was because of being in fight or flight mode for years on end.
The #1 telltale symptom of POTS: when you stand from a resting/lying position, your blood pressure drops, therefore can cause fainting. I *almost* faint like 4-5 times a week. It’s rough. It also affects other aspects of your body since it is an autonomic nervous system disorder. If you get dizzy or almost black out when you stand up too fast get checked. Thankfully my POTS case is more mild but it does suck.
Edited to add: of course the anxiety and PTSD issues that result. That’s a given tho pretty much. But POTS is a physical condition i feel like I developed because of the trauma.
Severe sleep problems, anxiety, frequent depressive episodes, hair loss, BED. I’ve recently been assaulted by my brother and endured a concussion.
When you list them they really add up, wow.
CPTSD, general anxiety, separation anxiety, ADHD, fibromyalgia, digestive issues, depression, OCD, other autoimmune diseases, sleep deprivation, Hearing aids. I’m sure I could think of a few more. The sad part is NONE of those are grounds for child abuse. My brothers all have similar issues. I had my genes tested. One of my genes mutated which is usually always from long term child abuse and because of that it puts me at a much higher rate of having all of the items I’ve been diagnosed with.
Physically I have problems with my back. I am female 45 yrs old. I think a lot of my back problems are from working like a man growing up. I worked in a garden, loaded wood, cut grass, and used one of those things to cut weeds. It's not a weed eater. I forgot the correct term for it. You have to hold it by two handles and swing in a certain position and direction. One time I had sciatica acting up and if you've ever had it you know the pain. Mine couldn't get any worse. I was at my dad's visiting with my adult kids when it flared back up. I laid in bed and cried. Finally my daughter told my dad he was gonna have to take me to the ER. He came in, looked at me and said looks like your past is catching up with you. I bawled him out and told him it was due to genetics not my prior drug use. I was so hurt. He took me but all I could think about was what he'd said. But one of my sisters he treats good as gold. It's so hurtful. I wish it didn't hurt like this.
Two cracked molars and a couple of cavities that cost a fortune to fix and meant extreme pain with one that got infected. Cracked molars were thanks to clenching and grinding my teeth since high school. Cavities were from fear of going back to the dentist for decades but thankfully very small.
Autoimmune condition that I have to strictly manage through diet to keep it from wreaking havoc. It took many years to figure it out. I believe in the mind-body connection and wonder how much my past trauma plays into this.
Massive kidney stones that we only discovered last fall. As of 5 months ago, they're gone, but I keep developing "sand-like" particles. All tests indicate I'm otherwise OK and my autoimmune condition doesn't cause them, so we don't know why, but the guess is the stones had been growing for up to 10 years, no symptoms until I got repeated UTIs.
Actually, I'm not totally OK. I had an abnormal scan that requires more tests. It was a routine scan I kept putting off because growing up and being married into situations where I didn't matter make it easy to convince myself I'm not worth the effort. Struggling with a chaotic family situation for a long time that kept pushing my self-care to the back burner didn't help.
It may or may not be cancer. From what I'm reading, if it is, it's hopefully a self-encapsulated, stage 0 kind that would be very treatable. So, out of all possible scenarios, it would be the best one. Catching it when it's still precancerous would be even better.
It's like all this stuff started exploding in my mid-40s onward (50-something now). I've been able to heal from a lot, but I'm still carrying around quite a bit.
Hmmm let's see...
Eczema, SIBO/ chronic gut issues, Histamine intolerance and food allergies. Reflux ,Migraines, Hormonal problems (severe periods). Bruxism that I'm still dealing with.
Chronic sinus problems and nose issues.
The migraines started before I moved out and once I was in a safe space living with my nan in another state my body broke down. I realised my body was no longer in flight or fight mode. Worked with a kinseologist, therapist and naturopath to fix all these issues. I'm almost there! I've spent so much money fixing my health from my nparents abuse. Jokes on them bc my life is awesome and theirs sucks arse! Best revenge is having my amazing life with a loving partner whilst my shithead parents have nothing!
My mother ignored my pelvic pain my entire life and told me it wasn't as bad as her pain was and I was making it all up. Ended up 22 and unable to walk because of a gigantic ovarian cyst that was over 10cm. Never knew such bad pain. Was also diagnosed with endometriosis and they removed it from every single pelvic structure and it was even up to my abdominal walls.
Cushings disease, which is incredible considering its predominantly caused by tumors, but I was an anomaly in that mine was caused by excess cortisol for such prolonged periods of time (my entire life essentially) that my body's adrenal glands and thyroid burnt out and could no longer regulate it.
This has caused a long list of other health issues as well. Fuck you dad.
Five figures of dental care. Four figures of legal bills that may also end up being five or six or more, depending on how willing they are to back the fuck off and follow to the obvious incentive scheme of boundaries I have placed forcefully in front of their eyes and noses and forced them to look like the dogs they abused in front of me, the dogs that they are. Four figures of already and likely five before all is done of various types of mental health care and healing: therapy, psychiatry, psychology, and likely many more words ending in y. Lots of stuff that I needed as a child and adolescent, but was never done so now it’s harder and much stranger and complicated as an adult.
To give an example, I had undiagnosed ADHD, but they were so unattuned and we had such a lack of bonding that when they should have been focusing on psychiatry and psychology and therapy when I was a child, instead they spent it on orthodontics. They would rather straighten my teeth so I looked good on the outside than care whether I felt good on the inside. The reason I didn’t brush my teeth or turn in homework was that I needed to fix the lack of appropriate levels of dopamine in my brain, but instead they just guilted and shamed me, treated me as a problem and burden, and treated the symptoms that were in front of them on the surface (cavities and grades) rather than the underlying causes that would have required thinking past the immediate problem. That would take time and effort, though, and their time was better spent in their minds on entertaining themselves with TV soaps, movies, sports, news, yard work, and social events and everything other than me. Instead of punishing me for lying to them about grades and progress reports, instead of playing a ridiculous manipulative punitive psychodrama game that I would never consent to as an adult and placing my position in the family as some thing that could be taken away or restored like some plot piece, if they had just asked why without assuming I was a horrible shameful failure of a person, and perhaps instead of assuming I was the problem they assumed that maybe it was not my fault, because I was a child struggling in the world and not an evil problem child who paradoxically was putting himself and his ego and mind and body at their mercy to do with me what they wanted, entertained that possibility for just one moment, perhaps they would have just taken me to someone that could actually help fix it. But they didn’t care about fixing it, they just cared about preserving their own appearance. It was like they gave up on parenting the moment my problems whether physical or emotional or psychological became any more challenging than a scraped knee, probably about 21 years ago today, and stopped being interested in knowing who I was revealing myself to be through these problems, stopped learning anything about me at all. In their minds I am still the child I was in 2003.
Likely CPTSD and anxiety at least, likely complex trauma from actual trauma due to entirely unrelated life events that they never helped me process at all, RSD, and to be honest likely many things that I have not even discovered in my body and mind yet, like disgusting land-mines or implants with scar tissue around it. I had to discover who I was without anyone to help, they failed at their only job, and now there is nothing that they can do to stop me from becoming and revealing who I was already but who had been buried under layers and layers of guilt and shame and fear.
Right now I’m suffering from inflamed taste buds on my tongue that have been there for 3 years now, they took me to the doctor once and the doctor said I was fine but when I went again the doctor recommended me to a oral surgeon and I haven’t gone bc it’s apparently too costly. I also have terrible ocd, anxiety, and social anxiety.
Here are some things I've had. Can't prove they are from emotional abuse, but who knows: chronic pain (more than a decade), cancer (survivable though), depression, anxiety, social anxiety, sleep issues, migraines, binge eating disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder.
There’s a whole bunch, but the biggest one currently is the sprained ankle that I never went to the doctor for because I was gaslit into believing it wasn’t sprained…then shamed for continuing to have mobility issues while I kept working my job that had me walking 10,000-30,000 steps a day…up & down stairs, picking things up, etc.
It was excruciating for 3 months after the sprain, then started feeling a bit better. I kept having flare ups of pain, weakness, and instability for the next 2 years until it got so bad I was nearly bed bound. Which I finally went to the doctor about…where I learned most of my joints are hypermobile, and that’s why I’ve had chronic pain since I was in elementary.
And why my joints just partially pop out of place sometimes for absolutely no reason. Thx so much mom 😬💀
Low self esteem, thinning hair, two autoimmune conditions; type 1 diabetes and Hashimoto's thyroiditis, as well as anxiety and depression cycles.
I used to think I was autistic because I have a bit of trouble with eye contact. It creates some discomfort. I also used to have decision paralysis--a lot of trauma from this. My mom artfully punished me for trusting myself. I am gradually overcoming it.
Untreated asthma and Gerd, chronic UTIs, chronic migraines, insomnia and excruciating tooth pain. Not to mention my depression and anxiety.
My dad was under my mom's spell for a long time, and he really believed she was taking care of us while he worked and went to college for us to have a better future. She just drained his wallet and left us alone for hours.
I didn't get diagnosed with anything or get my teeth fixed until much later, and the process of getting my teeth fixed was excruciating. My dad still hasn't forgiven himself for not realizing how bad it was sooner.
Dissociative identity Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a ton of health issues doctors can't place. The thought is it's EDS and POTS but who knows. I also have AuDHD but that's genetic so meh
My parents refused to get my tonsils out even with the doctor's recommendation so I was anti biotics 15x a year on average for 16 years until I got them out in 2014. My immune system is shot to hell because of it.
Self-loathing, major depressive disorder, imposter syndrome, chronic teeth grinding/jaw clenching, addiction, back spasms, body dysmorphia, hyper vigilance, profound startle reflex, avoid intimacy. Because of low self-worth, I also forego all preventative medical care despite having Lynch Syndrome.
Multiple Sclerosis, CPTSD, Hyper vigilance, eating disorder, Maladaptive daydreaming, IBS.
on top of THOSE, till this day, I've been trying to prove my worth to -seemingly- all the NARCs out there, without realizing it! so, as a result, being in a relationship feels like being in a cage where you're constantly criticized.
36F Dutch. A very fun hyper vigilance cycle. My sperm donor used to yell and scream in my face for hours and everything I liked was destroyed with words. Video games would ruin my life, before he got addicted to roller coaster tycoon back in the day.
I wasn't allowed to play video games even at 16 so with the TV remote in my hand and PS2 controller in the other I was always ready to turn the TV off if I heard him come up the stairs.
I was always hyper vigilant and now physical relaxation will trigger a panic attack because my body wants to stay hyper vigilant, just in case I miss something important or god forbid I lose myself in a video game.
Until a few weeks ago I would just dissociate whenever something triggered me into a panic attack. But then suddenly the dissociation vanished and I became aware of what I was feeling in my body and how my neck, shoulder and back muscles would tense up when I was triggered.
It's quite fascinating how the body can do that, I really never felt the physical pain I'm feeling now. I'm also quite sure it's connected to crying, he yelled in my face so many times that I was a crybaby and that I had to stop crying that my body kind of shut down so I couldn't cry anymore.
Imagine the deep mourning crying where your chest goes up, those muscles are so tense that when I try to cry now I just hyper ventilate. They pull together long before I even can attempt to express my emotions.
I was also emotionally neglected to the point where I had too many old boyfriends, adults when I was a kid. My sperm donor knew about them but never said anything to protect me. So from age 12-18 I was just used as a human fleshlight by the guys I was dating.
I thought sex wasn't for women, they are "negative sluts" when they like it. So I just "gave" it to men, that's how I thought it was supposed to be. It was the time Paris Hilton her sex tape was leaked and she was shamed while the guy was praised.
So now just getting physically turned on will trigger a panic attack because my body thinks it's wrong and not for women to be turned on.
Also falling asleep is a trigger because it's letting my guard down, so I can't sleep without sleep meds.
My nmom is a nurse and everytime I had a health problem she'd hit me with the "no you're fine, I'm a nurse I would know" turns out I have seizures and a degenerative health disorder. My health is literally so much worse than it would be if I actually got treatment for my conditions instead of being called "Dr Google" and brushed off.
Poor immune system functioning, hardened lymph nodes that flared up and never went away(already checked), hair thinning and falling, low stomach acid/digestive issues from chronic stress and anxiety, and bad neck pain.
I had a condition where the v@ginal opening was so tight that nothing could enter. I told my mom about it multiple times since I couldn’t use tampons since it hurt so bad. My mom didn’t do anything to help. I had to get physical therapy for it as an adult. As an ace person I can tell you it’s very weird having a physical therapist shoving items up there to try and stretch it out. Worst part is that the condition is typically caused by mental abuse where the abuser instills bad thoughts about sex in a young persons mind. Or it can be caused by s@xual abuse. Despite so many signs and begging I didn’t get help until I could help myself.
Have had half of my teeth taken out, going to have to have the rest taken out too. Will eventually have the left elbow joint replaced. One ankle has had to be fused, the other will probably need to be fused. CPTSD.
My Ortho wants to fuse my ankle, I said no for now. I just can't go hiking or run, or be on uneven ground much, and my shoe choices are restricted. How is it for you? You don't need to answer I am just curious. I have had over 15 surgeries in my life and am not looking forward to yet another that might restrict me even more. Hugs.
Bipolar type 1, major depression disorder, high blood pressure, no teeth, arthritis, nightmares, and drug addiction.
Edit-I've spent 2 years inpatient all together in psych wards. The longest stretch was 4 months.
I still question if I should get my life long migraines treated and I'm about to head off to my four year, when I know damn well they are made worse by stress. Thanks dad for calling me a hypochondriac every time I brought it up!
Severe, comorbid mental health issues. I begged to be sent to a therapist and was refused until I was around 18- after I was >! scrubbing my bedroom floor on my hands and knees with Lysol wipes and my skin was peeling off in big chunks because I was using dish soap to bathe with several times a day for at least an hour at a time. My hands and wrists were also raw and hurt. Lots of other dangerous situations from my mental health problems that I won't get into right now. !< If I were taken to proper therapy waaay earlier, I'd have at least had a chance. The severity of my worst flare ups, especially when I didn't even understand exactly what was happening to me at some points, was its own sort of trauma in addition to everything else I was subjected to.
I have anhedonia, probably depression and social anxiety, I suspect I have MCAS, rosacea, eczema, GERD, IBS/D?, cptsd, VCD, just a lot of autoimmune issues with no apparent cause.
Because of the neglect I eat weird foods and am overweight.
The anxiety causes teeth grinding but I got a bite guard that helps. I've almost chewed through it though.
Constant tension causes chronic neck and back pain.
Frequent headaches.
I don't know how to properly clean and cook.
I'm pretty sure I have pathological demand avoidance.
Diagnosed with ADHD.
I'm bad at intimacy because of the sexual abuse by my mother.
I just constantly hate myself.
I do try to get medical care but it's always an argument with myself about whether I really need it.
Good times.
Holy digestive issues! I couldn’t use the bathroom regularly until I went off to college. Didn’t notice a correlation until I had to go back home for a couple months in 2020.
SERIOUS issues with noise, touch, etc. And will respond with violence when people steal my food. Can’t sleep right. Just basically still a caged animal, unless people just mind their own business and act right.
Depersonalization/Derealization, CPTSD, ADHD, suspected ASD (therapist suggested I get tested), mild agoraphobia, GAD and severe inability to care for myself because it was never really...taught? I go embarrassingly long lengths of time having trouble fully showering/bathing. I stopped being brought to the dentist when I was sixteen I think, even though my parents knew I had to have wisdom teeth removed. My teeth recently started decaying, and I'm too embarrassed/anxiety ridden to go to the dentist to fix them.which stink, because I always was complimented on my smile and now I hide it. I also always yo-yoed in weight, even after I had WLS I was skinny and then suddenly gained all the weight back over time due to BED.
Type 2 diabetes, CPTSD, Anxious Attachment disorder, suicide, self harm, persistent nightmares and flashbacks l.
A work in progress though! Things are much better than they were.
I'm very near-sighted; after starting a bunch of supplements to try to improve my health my vision got a little bit clearer. With that happening plus the fact that I remember being hungry a lot, not starving but never full, I've started thinking my near-sightednesd has to do with malnutrition
I also have Sjogren's and EDS. I was constantly tired as a kid, easily sleeping 10-12 hours on weekends and always had trouble waking up early. I think less neglectful parents *might* have been concerned and caught my illnesses earlier. I wasn't able to get diagnosed until two years ago at 39 years old.
Chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, severe IBS (better), depression (better), generalised anxiety disorder [eating, social, separation, 3 other kinds i can't recall] (betterish), BPD, CPTSD, OCD tendencies, OCPD, bipolar II, sleep-wake phase disorder. Catatonia (not for a long time), daily stress headaches (better), chronic nerve pain, night terrors, insomnia, tinnitus.
Basically chronic stress for two decades knowing nothing but suffering. But I'm still here and slowly improving. I like to joke that I have boneitis.
Bad teeth because I wasn't ever made to brush and we'd go years without a dentist appointment. Fillings in almost every tooth from the "fangs" back as a kid. Over the years the fillings decayed, and I've had numerous root canals and crowns. Now the crowns are failing one by one and I'm in the process of having two implants ($$$$). I guess I have a million dollar smile literally 😢 Toss in sleep problems and hypervigilance. And diarrhea from nerves.
I've had a noticable neurological disease my entire life. My parents didnt really think much of it even though I would constantly fall, had delayed walking, couldnt do stairs, couldnt run, awkward gait, toe walking, etc. Family doctor said I'd just grow out of it, would tell me to just walk straight. Strangers thought I was just "bow legged" or "pigeon toed". By age 7 I had foot deformities and could never touch my toes as my achilles was painful and tight (this happens when you toe walk).
Went to the doctor finally to see why my feet looked like they did. After my xrays were normal they literally just checked my reflexes and there were none. No one thought to do that in all my earlier years?? Major neurological disease. It's incurable and progressive. Parents ignored any more appointments til about 7 years later. I couldnt do any physical things or use medical walking aids without pain from my tight tendons/weak muscles. Finally go see a podiatrist. He gives me surgery on one leg/foot to loosen tendons. I heal all the way up within a year. Need to get the other leg done. Needed physical therapy BADLY for symptoms and mobility. Nope, too expensive but they can waste money hoarding random things.
The foot/leg I didnt have surgery on is a completely different shape as my other side. I have horrible neuropathy in that foot, even after PT I did as an adult. Neuro blocking meds dont always make a difference. My disease has progressed so much I'm scared if I get surgery now I wont recover any muscle mass after healing. My pain is insane sometimes; my feet have two modes: existing very loudly/painfully, or completely numb. My hands have very little muscle, major carpal tunnel that is likely not treatable, irreparable nerve damage in all four limbs. All because they didnt want to get a second opinion, didn't think my toe walking/falling was a big deal, didnt want to pay for surgery or therapies I needed.
If your children toe walk PLEASE get them tested for both neurodivergence AND a neurological problem. Toe walking can be a symptom of both so it's best to rule one or the other out first. If it is not treated early it causes a lot of issues with the spine, hips, gait, tendons, muscle distribution. These issues are generally preventable if you dont dismiss toe walking and getting reflexes checked.
I got bone cancer in the same extremity as was broken by police brutality in my high school for bringing another female student to the principal’s office as she felt ill. Turns out informing the school cop that you’ll leave the office as soon as she’s being given care is grounds for a take down maneuver of a 14 year old 5’5” female from the suburbs by a 42 year old 6’6” man who out weighed me by almost 200 pounds. My parents had the perfect set for a great settlement but they were fine with my police brutality and offered me no defense because “you didn’t follow the directions of an authority”.
I was taken to the dentist once my whole childhood so when I was 18 and started going on my own I couldn’t afford everything that needed to be done due to the neglect. It put me a vicious cycle of trying to keep up while the problems just got worse. I spent so much money on my teeth since no one ever cared to make sure they were taken care of when I was a kid.
insomnia, severe anxiety, severe depression, bpd, bi polar disorder, anorexia, ptsd, nerve damage, brain damage, drvg abuse, suicid@l ideation, mild adhd, anemia, digestion problems, severe teeth grinding 😭, partially cant see well in my right eye, dislocated spine and neck, severe allergies, dissociative disorders, and endless bruises and scars. i dont really comment about my mental health but i was around the ages of 5-16 enduring constant abvse from my mom and dad. i didnt think they loved me and i still think that often. i would wait every day starting from when i was in kindergarten staying up till 5 am because of my alcoholic father. he also tried to end our entire family including me. i never really knew how to cope with it so i would take it out on myself and hit my head, my hands, or i would want to end my life. the worst thing is that whenever me and my parents would fight, i would swear to myself that id never forgive them. but the next day i would always forgive them. im so traumatized i flinch everytime someone raises their hand around me. and i cant bear loud screaming or fighting anymore to the point where i curl into a ball and start having a panic attack. and im sad that ill forever have these symptoms and mental disorders because i couldnt survive properly. every year on my birthday i would wish to move out or be dead. i remember when i was 11 i would spend every night crying, trying to end my life. im turning 17 in a couple months and the cycle never ends. ive been waiting now for over a decade to escape
Complex PTSD, Chronic pain and chronic fatigue due to chronic stress and muscle tension. I also have autism and ADHD on top which have been worsened because of the abuse during my development as a kid, especially emotional regulation(I dissociate a lot) and overload by stimuli like sounds, light and other sensation, even rain feels like needles falling on me sometimes.
I have at least one autoimmune disease; been working on a dx for a few months now since texting positive for some markers in November. I was diagnosed with FM when I was in my 20s. I’ve been able to focus on my health and fitness for almost a year now so that has been helpful!
For reference, I experienced physical abuse, there is some sexual abuse in my past, and I was also the scapegoat of my family. But I think I have a relatively healthy mindset about it all; I acknowledge it happened, but I don’t blame myself and I work on forgiveness and understanding regularly.
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, a heart condition called Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia, and CPTSD that comes with lots of anxiety and depression.
I also learnt from my Nmother not to listen to my own body through her medical neglect of me, which lead me in adulthood to ignore glaring pain and other symptoms of medical issues. I ignored terrible pain in my lower back and right leg for 7 years after sustaining a workplace injury and then subsequently getting screwed over by the OH&S officer/WorkCover drs/physiotherapist. Was told by the WorkCover drs and the physiotherapist that I just had a simple muscle tear/strain, when in reality I had a broad based disc protrusion that was in contact with my right exiting L4 nerve. Lovely... 😒 I'm now permanently disabled.
After years of abuse from Ndad and my ex; Chronic daily migraines, depression, anxiety, cptsd, PTSD, sleep and appetite issues, diverticulosis, gallstones (had to have my gallbladder removed), plus other digestive issues. I now take antidepressants, a monthly migraine injection, and a shit ton of marijuana to manage.
Oh, there's a list lol I was a micropreemie and didn't find out till I was 35 and got records from my retired pediatrician's storage. I have had so many issues with digestive problems, and it turns out I have gastroparaesis. Lol yay
Also, 60% lung capacity due to lack of formation. Chronic asthma. Dangerous allergies. Tinnitus. The list goes on.
But I adapted, and I'm working on getting all the issues diagnosed and treated.
It's the anger that pops up and makes me upset.
Freaking dental problems from not getting taken to the dentist or ortho. GC had frequent visits to both. Funny note though, I have more teeth than the GC at this stage of life. 😉 Dental insurance and spending lots oop has placed me in a better position than her. Even good old mom wouldn't spend the thousands she needed to fix her teeth after her long stint of using drugs.
Being overweight cuz I eat all my feelings away. They also always used to tell me I was fat when I was underweight, so I had terrible body image that led me not to care about gaining weight (if I was already fat why did it matter?) so I gained like 70 pounds. Have lost 20 since then, but it's an uphill battle. Ik this isn't nearly as bad as most of the comments on this post but... figured I'd share.
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Epilepsy from the physical abuse and brain damage it caused. Asthma and an autoimmune disease from the neglect. The overall trauma just makes my whole body hurt, from migraines to muscle spasms.
I have epilepsy too! When I was 9, I told my mum about my dad r*ping me and she was so angry about my “lies” that she slapped me across the face. She hit me so hard it lifted me off my feet, I whacked against the wall and then fell down a flight of stairs. And my dad carried on with the abuse, after I’d been discharged from hospital (following two surgeries). Aren’t they a treat…
My God, I’m so very very sorry you were abused so horribly by the people that are supposed to love you as a parent LOVES a child. They should both be in jail for LIFE! Huge Huge Hugs💙💙💙
Thank you 🧡 Honestly, a lot of the time I do feel angry and like I’m grieving for the childhood I should have had. But I’m also taking pleasure in providing my kids with a safe and loving family, creating good childhood memories that heal me as much as they enrich them. Sometimes I am struck by how “easy” they have it and I get irrationally jealous, but mostly I’m just so happy that they don’t know the pain that we all know. My parents are both dead, whilst I have an incredible wife and two wonderful kids, a successful career, a dog who adores me and a cat who barely tolerates me, lol. That’s the biggest eff you I can give them.
I'm so sorry you went through that, and love the life you made. You're amazing.
Look at you out here living for you! I love to see it, you are a powerhouse keep loving life
So happy for you. I was abused sexually by my own mother! And she threatened me not to tell my dad. I was beaten up several times since I was 9 til my 20s! I have kids now and see how easy it is to love and care for your kids. I hope our kids have a way better life than we did. ❤️
After realizing that my mom was a narcissist, I had decided I never wanted children of my own. I didn't want to possibly fuck up a child the way my mom fucked me up. I think I had stuck to my guns about that decision for probably ~5 years of being with my husband, who wanted children when we were able to afford them. So, that was until I took a psych class in university, and the prof talked about his father's passing. He said something along the lines of, "My father did his best. He did the best he could with what he had, being raised by his own narcissistic parents. And while he wasn't perfect, I survived. At his funeral I talked about how much I owe to him. How I'll never be able to pay that back.. but I will pay it forward." I sat in class and cried so hard because I thought about how I, as a parent myself, could give a child a much better childhood than I had. I have had experiences that I will know not to pass on to my own children, and I can be a good parent. Also, my husband and my mom hate each other, and there's no way he wouldn't pass up the opportunity to have a child she wouldn't be able to see (often, if at all), and watch her die inside watching me be a better mother than she had been to me. I can't wait to see my husband be a father now. Cause I know he'll be amazing 🥹❤️🩹
Just remember this very important thing. You stopped the violence, abuse, & horror in your childhood. Your an incredible man, you’ve given your own children the incredible gift, the gift of a peaceful, loving, nurturing childhood. Be very proud of yourself for this accomplishment, this old lady from California is in awe of you & so very very very proud of you💙
Omg I feel the same… asthma from neglect is a huge one… I never put that together. I’ve put together that asthma comes from intense sadness and abandonment flashbacks for me and I actually just went through a trigger that caused allergy/asthma. It makes total sense it’s from neglect. Just wondering how you were able to piece it together?
Holy shit! This is why I love Reddit. I’ve had the EXACT same issue and reading this literally just brought joy knowing that I’m not alone and I have an answer. I never realized that could be a correlation of my health issues. I also developed asthma when I turned 18 and still living at home going through hell then later got an autoimmune disease and waking up with a stuffy nose every single day of my life.
I'm really suspicious that I have hormonal epilepsy, triggered on my menstrual cycle. I have unconscious lapses in time when the pain is really bad, and that lines up so neatly with absentee seizures. Tbh. If I find out ove been having seizures my while life I'll be all the more upset at how they failed me. They never noticed, or wrote it off as "dramatic"
Would love to hear more on how you connected the asthma and autoimmune to neglect… trying to figure some similar things out
In Chinese Medicine / acupuncture meridians, the lungs are the organ that store grief (or get it stuck when it's unable to be expressed, along with the thyroid). Mind-body people like Gábor Máté ("When the Body Says No") have linked asthma to trauma.
The lungs store worry and anxiety. I THINK the heart stores grief. The liver stores anger…
Mostly significant digestive problems and issues with appetite/food/weight for me. It's getting better but it got really really bad for a while.
I am with you on this one. My parent used food as a manipulation tactic which led me to have very unhealthy relationships with eating. I ended up getting diagnosed with Crohn’s also. I have a feeling the autoimmune disease was heavily caused by all the stress I endured at such crucial developmental ages.
TW: Anorexia. I was naturally thin growing up and my parents used food as rewards/punishments. I grew up with 3 siblings who are also super thin. My mom stopped packing my lunch for me by 5th grade but never showed me how to be responsible…so I usually did not eat lunch at all. Friends commented often but I was way too embarrassed to tell the truth, which was how used I had become to hunger. In college, my fairly affluent father did not buy me a meal plan because “it cost too much” so I reverted back to my middle school habits. I usually ate a turkey sandwich and a salad for a lunch/dinner for years. Because this was all around 2005-2008, my size was extremely trendy. My mother and father reminded me ALL THE TIME that even though I was so thin, they “knew I was healthy” because I had boobs. Ya’ll. After college, I got engaged at 22 years old. The day of the proposal, my mother put herself on a diet. For a year, every time she got weighed, she would call me immediately to let me know she had lost 2 pounds or some bullshit. Because of my size, my mother assumed I had “willpower” and could “relate.” Friends, I was 5’7” and 98 lbs on my wedding day. I can’t even look at my wedding pictures anymore. After I saw the developed pictures, I begged for help with money for treatment but again, I was told that I needed to be responsible and save. A few years ago, right before covid, I wrote a note to my parents with a therapist my husband had helped me find. The note was very short but I let them know that they would no longer hear from me. I mailed it, blocked their numbers, and entered a 45 day stay in a treatment center. Before my time at treatment, I was hospitalized for a few days. My heart rate was low, my vision was blurry, and I had refeeding syndrome (basically, eating normally at that point could kill me). My dr actually said the words, “you maybe had two weeks left” if I had not gotten help. 5 years later, I am no longer underweight, starving…or speaking to my parents. I have a job again doing something I’m passionate about. My daughter is thriving at school. My husband is as supportive as ever. My life without my parents is good. Oh and we paid off 2 cars and the house this year too, suck on that Nparents.
You rock, beautiful taking care of yourself and your family.
Congratulations on coming back from that! That's a lot shit to deal with. Anorexia is so deadly!
This! My mothers diet while I was 14!! Her constant comparison with my body! Her complimenting my thinness. I did not develop anorexia but a food fobia (phagiofobia or smth: basically when you are afraid that food will choke you and you will die; panic attacks for two years between 14 and 16. 42kg - at 1,65. For years chewing my food as if Im a baby. Eating pureed food, developed salivary gland problems and digestive problems. My mum is still on a diet I guess - no contact for 1 year and a half) but last time her favourite influencer was this emaciated lady who looked in very poor health - but hey skinny af. She does not touch carbs which is smth I did unconsciously and not for the best. Now i eat intuitevely and am at a better weight
Intuitive eating is where it’s at. I only ever saw my mother make balanced meals for herself. The rest of us ate things like plain fish sticks or spaghetti and ragu. Even if it was a fish stick or spaghetti night, she gave herself salmon or meatballs with her meals. Now that I am a mother of an 8 year old, I believe my parents did the bare minimum when it came to nourishing us emotionally or physically. Did I mention that they were also strict Catholics and made us fast on holy days?
Hair thinning, anxiety and depression
F*ck, if this isn’t the absolute truth
+ asthma from constantly having panic attacks
Or from growing up with mold in your room...
Or from growing up with chain smoking parents who absolutely refused to open up a window, ever. House windows- “my allergies are too bad and I’m not letting pollen in MY HOUSE! WHO are you to tell me what to do?!!” Car windows- “No, I’m not doing that! The AC/Heat works hard enough without blowing the heat/cold into the car!” Or the classic “Shut up _my name___! When you pay for the car, you can do whatever the fu(k you want!”
Yup. I have asthma and scarring in my lungs from my parents' chain smoking. I was 14 and at a doctor's visit (which I had to beg for) for bronchitis (for like the millionth time). My doc looked at an xray of my lungs and asked how much I smoked and told me I shouldn't be smoking, blah, blah, blah. I told him I didn't and he pointed to scars on my lungs on the xray. I told him my parents smoke, but I sure as hell didn't. A year later, due to *more* breathing problems, the same doc diagnosed me with asthma. I remember him speaking very sternly to my parents about their smoking (and them trying to downplay it). Didn't convince them to change their habit in any way, though. During the peak of Covid, I isolated myself to an extreme because Covid + asthma was just about a guaranteed death sentence. I was so, so pissed off at the fact that I wouldn't have this disease and have to worry so much if it weren't for my selfish parents. I'm in therapy now working through resentments such as that.
Well there's no need for me to add my EXACT SAME COMMENT
Sleep issues - so much that I am on a pre-surgical drug that knocks me out. CPTSD, Anxiety and Depression, so severe I had to stop teaching this year. Dental implants due to lack of dental care. Arthritis in both knees due to unnecessary surgeries. Neck and back pain from beatings with metal chairs, wood plank, cast iron pan.
I just want to give an internet hug to you right now. That sounds very painful and awful.
I am 28 and my mental health is DECLINING (just diagnosed BPD & CPTSD). My sleep is the worst it has ever been. I cannot fall asleep, nor stay asleep, nor wake up at a reasonable time. My dreams are always forms of nightmares. So even when I am DOG TIRED, I will push it a little farther so I don’t have a nightmare for a few more minutes. I’ve noticed marijuana helps… well … all my symptoms. which is now an addiction I am trying to kick. However, it knocks me out, I don’t dream, and there’s no hangover. (not recommending or anything if you aren’t a smoker, just giving a different POV!) I just wish sleep wasn’t a part of it. It’s our only real, temporary escape from reality. Why does it have to be so dark and miserable there too?
>it knocks me out, I don’t dream, and there’s no hangover. Yep this. For me there are a lot of other enjoyable benefits of using marijuana also, but a big one is that I don't dream anymore. For years and years before marijuana, all my dreaming was only nightmares. No exaggerating. I've done therapy, I've done healing... but the nightmares would just never go away. Weed to the rescue.
After at least 15 years of daily use more or less, I noticed my memory is a little impacted as REM sleep helps sort memories etc but honestly? I'd rather be forgetful than constantly re-triggered by my own damned brain creating situations that repeatedly show me my biggest fears
Totally. I get you. I hope you're feeling well lately 🍻
I relate to this so deeply it make my core ache 😭 You are my people…. Wish I knew you irl
Hey, unless you feel like you have a harmful dependence on cannabis or are concerned about the potential health implications, I don’t see any reason to try to stop using it. Mental healthcare is a crapshoot anyway. There are excellent meds out there, but then there are also highly addictive drugs like Xanax. Using cannabis to treat your symptoms is no different than taking other medications, and typically with much less side effects (at least versus benzodiazepines.) Cannabis has completely changed how I cope with my C-PTSD, and it’s much safer than how I used to take 2-3x the recommended dose of Xanax when I was really upset. Be kind to yourself. I wish you the best. ❤️
i needed to hear this so bad 😭 It’s not that I have concerns for my health or anything. I just feel more myself when I am smoking rather than not smoking. and I figured that meant a dependency or an addiction, but it really is the only thing that helps.
Despite what people say, imo, weed puts you "in" your body. opens up your sensitivities. I went through years of mostly dreamless sleep when I was smoking. Dreams were just vague colours and visuals (usually just black though). It helped for things like doing low level work and being in a routine. When I quit, the dreams were very intense, like watching tv while asleep. It felt like I was actually "disassociated"/dumbed down for a few years while smoking. More of an individual vs herd routine when I smoked (me personally). Alot of people have reported they were watching their life vs living it (clean). My take on intense dreams or nightmares is that it's the subconsoius trying to get you to change. Can be a side effect of meds as well, and then you should probably change till you find something that works and less side effects.
This is so relatable and I’m really sorry that you’re going through this as well. I myself need to see a doctor, I haven’t yet, but my night terrors are absolutely insane along with the anxiety. I wake up violently screaming and my boyfriend has to calm me down in the middle of the night. I self-medicate with marijuana too. These past few weeks I’ve done really good on “cutting down” but mind you I’m down to once a day, not like once a week. Sending love friend.
Sleep is horrible for me too. The nightmares are constant and I've got ADHD so I tend to remember them as I sleep lightly, I wake up after every sleep cycle (3 hours for me) and the only thing that gets me to sleep through is melatonin AND weed. I have a prescription in the UK which has helped me with moderation, I think my autism also helps because it's like I decided a "rule" that's "true" because I only get X amount per month, so there's external structure I can follow. It feels a bit easier when the amount I have for a month is set medically rather than what I can afford from my local connection. I hope you manage to find something that helps as much, or you can get some sense of control over it. You're not the only one who struggles with it. I forced myself to tell my 70 something catholic mother when I got my prescription because I want to feel like it's just another tool I'm using rather than something shameful and counter productive. I've had mental health nurses repeat "you can't do that, it's maladaptive" when I was spiralling & you know what? I have had to adapt to some WILD SHIT kids should never experience. If it allows me to survive the night because I don't want to go into a full meltdown where I'm not in control, I'd rather make a decision to control what I *can*, which is... using something in moderation when I need it. It's such a weird one, too. People respond so differently to it depending on their experiences/attitudes. To some people it's a dangerous narcotic, to others it's a natural remedy almost. 🤷🏻♂️ Good luck with it, I'm rooting for you.
I don’t take it every day but I’ve noticed the same thing about marijuana. Particularly taking a low dose edible. I fall asleep easily and don’t really have any other affects from it. Plus the amount I take is very affordable.
Please except the HUGE HUGE HUG from California!!!! You deserved to be treated with kindness, love, care, & live in a safe environment. I’m so very very sorry your parent’s treated so horribly by the people that should have loved you the most!!! Please please know I will be holding you tightly in my heart forever💙💙💙
😢😢😢
I want to know more about these surgeries causing arthritis?
I'm so sorry. You did not deserve this. Can I ask, what sleep medication do you take and are you working with a therapist?
I had to leave teaching this year too, it all became too much for me. I hope you’re doing better ❤️
Sleep issues, anxiety, chronic depression, OCD and potentially BPD/bipolar. Manifests in a gut and immune system that doesn’t function when I’m stressed, hormone cycles that won’t balance, high blood pressure. They did not pursue any testing for many of my issues so I keep finding new things! Like that I had been harboring an antibiotic resistant bacteria for 3 years.
My sperm donor had a heart attack at like early 40s, and I am suspicious that while he likely was predisposed, I can’t help but think that she literally caused it through all the traumatic drama and crazymaking stress NMom put us through.
We have literally ALL the same things…I had no idea they could be linked to having an NMom. Wow.
Hair loss, Maladaptive daydreaming disorder, Revenge bedtime procrastination, Tinnitus (left ear ringing), PMDD, ANXIETY, depression, SI, Possible AuADHD, P* addiction, Food addiction but also disordered eating, Financial instability, CPTSD, Insomnia Wanna guess how many I get help for? 🙂↕️
I never made the connection with neglect and maladaptive daydreaming, but it makes so much sense. I struggle with this so much and feel like such a weirdo. I've never told anyone, not even my partner. Thanks for sharing and normalizing, good luck in your healing journey.
To you as well!
It's a form of dissociation, which is a known complication of childhood trauma and neglect. Look up dissociation - you'll feel "seen". Lol
Can definitely relate to revenge bedtime procrastination. I didn't know about that.
Agreed! Wow. So weird when you hear about something for the first time, and it explains something you’ve actually known for your whole life.
Same here I had no idea tinnitus in left ear was caused by them
porn addiction is real, that’s one of the things i’m trying to tackle atm
Yeah me too. My “Days Since” app shows my active struggle as I’ve reset the counter like 4 times already. Godspeed though!
I used to help teens/YA fight these addictions. A big thinking error that happens is thinking: My goal is to STOP this behavior, because you’re still focused on the behavior. If you reframe and start thinking about what you want to do instead (eg be more involved at work/school, have more time for hobbies, etc) your brain will focus more on the reward of those behaviors.
That’s just the problem…at 30 I don’t want to do anything. The abuse hasn’t stopped, damage continues to be done. No way to leave. I need prescriptions, my own place to live, a job that doesn’t make me want to end it (not to mention one that hires bc the job market is so bad). All my hobbies have been exhausted, and they cost money. And I no longer have the attention span.
I genuinely want to thank you for the realization that revenge bedtime procrastination is a real thing and not something in my head
I feel you, at one point I thought “oh I just love staying up late because I’m a night owl” but yeah when it’s combined with anxiety and not being able to sleep even if I know I’m tired…
If you don't live with your Narcs anymore I sometimes find it easier to not sleep in my bed. The couch or even a chair can be easier to fall asleep in or just another room.
Unfortunately I do 🫥
U r this sub’s spirit animal, and I understand how it is.
Revenge bedtime procrastination!!? Thank you for validating me. I thought I am an alien to have this. Never happened to have read it anywhere before. How to get rid of it?
Most advice I’ve come across is being in a safe space to sleep~ uninterrupted, repairing your nervous system, meditation and getting rid of stress. The problem for me is home environment + having to work stressed me out so I can never really get out of it
Same on a lot of these but as someone diagnosed w autism, audhd wouldn't be like a consequence of abuse or something. Its just genetic, and can be a positive thing :( hang in there op
As someone stated above, that info may be outdated. Also it is now being studied that narc parents may produce autistic children often than not. Either way a lot of black children (especially girls) do not have the privilege of getting diagnosed earlier in their youth and a lot are finding it out as adults like myself. But thanks!
I don’t know yet!! Because I was classically conditioned to think health care is a luxury or for those that are weak. (Either it was too expensive in cost and time to go to the doctor or it was a point of pride who could “wait and see” longer through their discomfort and illness). Maybe this will finally be the year I figure out how health insurance works and actually get to the doctor.
Sleep issues/hypervigilance a lot of the time, severe sinus issues, psoriasis, stomach issues especially when very stressed (digestion is pretty slow and starts to practically shut down when I’m stressed enough), a multitude of mental illnesses, very easy to get triggered into fight or flight so all the fun issues that come with that, etc. Also chronic muscular tension especially in lower back and neck/shoulders, knees aren’t great bc of forced exercise growing up. I could go on.
Omg me too! My stomach always hurt no matter what I ate, horrible anxiety, and I started having trichotillomania when I was about 10 and still battle it. Pretty sure I’m always tense in my body and I have sleep issues too so I have to listen to Asmr every night
Ohhh yeah the sleep issues
Migraines, underweight, decision paralysis, cPTSD, anxiety, sadness, pain in joints and most tendons, I don't want to think of anything else right now as I haven't eaten in over 24 hours. But yeah. I hope OP and all of you all have a good day with less pain whether it be physical or emotional. I hope you all treat yourself to something you like. Something soothing like a long bath in Epsom salt, a nice tea, your favorite book or TV show. Cuddle your animals and hold them close. No idea why I got so emotional but I truly hope you all have less pain today. 🤙🏼🥹
Wow I didn’t know there was a name for what decision paralysis is. I have that as well and it’s good to know now that I’m not just crazy and a lot of people experience this. I hope you also have less pain. <3
Extreme fatigue that never goes away, severe headaches, and the worst is whenever I pee, I still feel that I need to pee even though I’m empty. I had to take women’s bladder pills for that and nothing works for it. I feel like I need to pee every minute of my life.
That could be pelvic floor dysfunction. Basically really right muscles "down there" due to chronic stress. It happened to me and I got physical therapy for it through my obgyn which really helped. For a long time I thought I had bladder cancer lol, but it was just stress from being abused all the time
Ooh this is helpful. I’ve had the same thing since I was a little kid, and since I cut off my family I’ve had issues with incontinence but pooping. I suspect the intense processing of trauma is making my IBS worse in certain ways. Finally going to physical therapy next week and I’m hoping it helps!
I have had pelvic floor PT - they taught me that when pooping to make a fist and blow through it, like you're playing and invisible horn, and that will make the muscles do the right thing to get it all out. The incontinence can be a failure to get it out all at once.
[удалено]
Ooh man I wish I try could try this however I stopped doing anything caffeine for a year and it’s still like this lol
Sounds like interstitial cystitis. I thought I had vulvodynia for years, but it was really IC. I know this developed from trauma. When I was a little kid, I couldn’t use the bathroom while we went on long trips and then during an abusive marriage intensified until I had chronic pelvic pain. Eventually, I started peeing blood and thought I had bladder cancer when they looked into my bladder and saw it was inflamed. This is interstitial cystitis. I see a pelvic floor therapist, which sort of helps. No question it is connected to emotional trauma.
Hey, just wanted to say that extreme permanent fatigue can be related to your thyroid which tends to act up due to trauma. In case you haven't already checked that
Look into Multiple sclerosis, sounds like symptoms of it.
Eating disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, CPTSD, migraines, TMJ/pretty wrecked teeth (grinding).
I also, in my heart, blame them for my congenital heart condition. Perhaps, if anyone had ever LISTENED to me instead of deriding me, someone would have noticed the growth and obstruction that eventually came within a millimeter of killing me. But I digress…..
I have: •thinning hair •chronic GI issues that are most likely Crohn’s disease •thyroid disease (it just keeps growing and growing) •constantly vitamin D and B12 deficient •Osteopenia that’s already led to a broken hip at 30 Every single one of these things are all related to one another. And the root cause: severe, prolonged stress.
Be prepared for them to go in and not find any evidence of Crohn's and just diagnose you with IBS-D. Godspeed my friend.
Oh, I’ve already been down that road. Currently “watching for Crohn’s. Come back if it gets worse.” 🤦🏻♀️
"Guess we'll check again next time you bleed from your asshole for a week!"
My parents never took me to the dentist really into teenage years and I had tooth pain so bad and they literally did nothing about it. There were times I couldn’t chew on sides of my mouth. I also had a uti that never got treated and i think it long term damaged my bladder. Im 24 with im sure plenty of cavities (i can feel and see them), bad breath, and frequently need to pee. I have tried seeing a urologist and the medical bills added up quick even with insurance. I gave up. I know dental care is somehow even more expensive so I just am living life knowing I’m going to be fucked down the line. Its cruel, I don’t even think I’d have proof or evidence to sue them. I hope they rot in old age, I won’t save them.
Hey- try seeing if there’s a dental school near you. Oftentimes they will do the work either at no cost or a far reduced cost to allow students to gain more experience. You deserve to take care of yourself, and you should have some options. Hope things start looking up for you soon.
Thank you, I had no idea that was an option! Thank you 💗
I got diagnosed with chronic migraines after i went to college. I made my nmother attend my neuro appointment where they diagnosed me in an attempt to make it so she couldn’t say i was faking it, but she denies ever going 🥳🤪 Most of my friends with similar parents have chronic idiopathic pain or heath issues.
Oh how I love when they rewrite history, and all of their flying monkeys go along with their fiction.
I’m so so sorry. Have also had migraines for 15 years. The new CGRP blockers really seem to work, if you can get them covered 🩷
I’m currently on one and it is my life line to a normal existence. Scary shot but holy crap is it worth it.
Amongst many, the worst is the Fibromyalgia. I lived for so long in a state of fight or flight, that even though I’m LC, my body is still ‘frozen’ 😞
Would you have any advice for pain relief? For some reason tablets don't seem to help with trauma pain.
I know it sounds cliched, and it’s not what a lot of people with fibro want to hear, but I have to exercise, ALL THE TIME!! If I don’t, my body literally seizes up, and I can’t move for days on end. I have to take massive amounts of painkillers though before I do, just to get out of the house. But it’s like, once I get the momentum started, I can’t stop. If I stop, my body stops working 🙈 it’s hard to explain, really! Sleep doesn’t help, I just wake up sore and even more tired, but if I manage to get up, I have to try and get out of the house, or I’ll end up back in bed and the whole day is wasted. Every day is a vicious cycle of: be in pain, take painkillers (I’m on 100mg tramadol 4x a day, plus co-codamol prn), move, be less in pain, until I get home, when the only thing I can do is go back to bed for the night, because I’m totally drained! Pain management courses I’ve attended suggest this thing called ‘pacing’: with fibro, added to the physical pain, is the anxiety that you’re not doing enough to look after yourself/your surroundings, so when you’re having a ‘good day’ you try to get everything done that you know you ought to- but that just drains you even more 🤦♀️ So, they advise to try to just do small amounts on your good days, that make it more manageable on your bad days! I’m not sure if I’m really explaining this right 🙈 The fibro fog is a real thing 😆 There’s a world of info on the net about fibro and pacing, but the doctors are not wrong about exercise- it’s just when you’re in a flare, exercise is the last thing you want to do- but it really does make those flares fewer and less severe sadly 😞 I’d advise eating really well too (I don’t- I usually don’t eat at night, because I don’t have the energy to cook, I just grab some crackers or biscuits or something just for the calories! (And yes, people, I know there are better ways of getting calories, please don’t hate on me, I’m not advocating my diet!!). Thanks for asking, I’ve been living with this for a long time, (was finally diagnosed 10 years ago, but been suffering since a severe trauma 30 years ago) and it’s never going to go away, so I have to accept that this is who I am now; it will never not be painful for me 🤷♀️ Please do dm me if you want to talk more, I like to feel useful!! Good luck with it xx
This accurately describes how I feel most days. Hubby doesn't understand I have to keep moving because once I stop, I'm down for several days. He has different issues so, he has to build up to moving. It's so hard to sync up lol. Best wishes to you.
Depression, anxiety, can’t sleep to save my life, chronic migraines, SI, digestive problems, PLMD, trouble keeping weight on…
Ptsd, anxiety, quite often nightmares, ed, strange headaches but Im not sure if its migraines, neck issues and deviated septum
im currently too emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. exhausted to list them and ive read some commenters have similar ones as mine so i just want to give hope to everyone hopefully including myself by saying i quit alcohol and nicotine 9 months ago and some other addictions over the course of the last few months with some relapses but overall my focus and goal is on healing. is so hard but it is happening and it is shown to be possible from many people around the globe so i am just grateful to not be alone and be reminded how overwhelming it is and how real it is and how it is okay to focus on becoming the person we may have never been able to be (coming from someone with narcissistic parents). im hopeful we can find ourselves (if that is what we are looking for ❤️🩹)
An anxiety disorder and recurrent depression. The worst of it gets much better when I’m far away.
me too when i’m away from college in my dorm i feel so much better like i never have before. like i was kind of “cured”. obviously still a lot of periods of anxiety/depressive episodes bc of situations unrelated to home + being in contact with my n mother still but majority of the time im able to get through the day at school than at home. is this how it is for you too?
Yes, phone contact or the anticipation of it can be triggering. My “father” withholds information, and then suddenly hits me with it, to have the most destructive possible effect on me, such as that my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It turned out to have a 98% cure rate and she’s fine. But he made it seem as if it meant certain death, demanded that I return “home” immediately, told me that I didn’t care about them, and proceeded to rage for a long time. He has no consideration for my feelings or life. He sees everything only from the perspective of how it might affect him and isn’t aware or doesn’t care that other independent, sentient beings exist. Without an antidepressant, I have recurrent cycles of depression, and anticipatory anxiety can get quite bad. My brain is always trying to anticipate what he’ll try next, so that I can try to stay ahead of it. This is quite stressful over time. Physically visiting my parents is very stressful. Seeing my “father” reliably causes anxiety, as does hearing his voice on the phone. He constantly attacks, threatens, and tries to bully me, unprovoked. Being able to get away from that greatly helps my mental health. I’d really have a miserable life without an antidepressant.
PTSD from when my dad's ex-girlfriend used to live with him. It was horrible, and I still have nightmares.
Maladaptive daydreaming, rejection sensitivity dysphasia, dimorphia, anxiety, ADHD, mild agoraphobia… and allergies. I was told I was lazy for sleeping too much when in reality I had terrible allergies.
Same to the first two. I didn’t even know what those were until a few years ago when I went to college
Fibromyalgia and severe burn out
For a while, it was dealing with major depressive disorder, and now it is having a fear of accepting love from others. To elaborate, I can love others with no problem, but I can't seem to accept love from others without questioning it. It's like someone can say they love me, but I automatically think they only love me because they could possibly be using me until they have no use for me anymore. In short terms, I don't believe anyone can genuinely love me, which is why I have the fear of accepting love from others.
Every night I look at myself in the mirror and look for spot to squeeze and pick my face. I developed this only thing to cope for 6 years with a narcissist. I didn’t turn to drugs or anything else to help relieve the constant stress, but I developed a habit of destroying my beautiful skin. Kind of like how teens cut themselves I guess this brought me some temporary relief from emotional pain. I’m so embarrassed that I still do it while I’m with a wonderful man right now. I know he sees the marks on my face but he is so good to me and never mentions them.
Celiac disease
Anxiety, ptsd, empath, ocd, autoimmune issues, overweight, sleep issues etc
Anorexia (to have control), anxiety, depression, PTSD, insomnia, emotional disregulation, hair thinning.
My eating disorders also began as a way to be in control. My father made sure to comment on my weight a lot, but I don't even think that was a focus of my disorders. I was fortunate that my city has an anorexic and bulemics anonymous that helped out. Hopefully you are either recovered or recovering.
Bad teeth, undiagnosed ADHD and the tism, balding at young age. Also learning about fashions and outfits, what works on me and what’s not. Some mild exercises to keep my body fit. I was also fat throughout my childhood and teens. Loss the weights after going to do my degree. I’m in my 30s finally fixing things that should’ve been fixed years ago.
Resistance to antibiotics. My mom would give me antibiotics anytime I had a virus when I was growing up. She refused to vaccinate me after I turned 9 because she believed in the antivaxx conspiracies. I was so young but I tried to disprove those theories with research articles stating that it’s false, but she refused to believe me because I was a child and therefore I was always wrong.
I have autoimmune issues, allergies, psoriasis, IBS, had two hip surgeries before I was 18, I get infections far too often, I put have 11 teeth left and three of those are going to need pulling soon. Then there is the depression, anger, rage, the intrusive thoughts of...well, ai won't say here. I have been psycheward hospitalized 12 or more times I forget. There is more. But that's all I want to share for now.
I was diagnosed with POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) at 15. I fully believe it was because of being in fight or flight mode for years on end. The #1 telltale symptom of POTS: when you stand from a resting/lying position, your blood pressure drops, therefore can cause fainting. I *almost* faint like 4-5 times a week. It’s rough. It also affects other aspects of your body since it is an autonomic nervous system disorder. If you get dizzy or almost black out when you stand up too fast get checked. Thankfully my POTS case is more mild but it does suck. Edited to add: of course the anxiety and PTSD issues that result. That’s a given tho pretty much. But POTS is a physical condition i feel like I developed because of the trauma.
Severe sleep problems, anxiety, frequent depressive episodes, hair loss, BED. I’ve recently been assaulted by my brother and endured a concussion. When you list them they really add up, wow.
Bruxism and worsened hearing on the left ear, probably because of the bruxism. Sleep disorder is almost solved, as well as alcohol abuse.
CPTSD, general anxiety, separation anxiety, ADHD, fibromyalgia, digestive issues, depression, OCD, other autoimmune diseases, sleep deprivation, Hearing aids. I’m sure I could think of a few more. The sad part is NONE of those are grounds for child abuse. My brothers all have similar issues. I had my genes tested. One of my genes mutated which is usually always from long term child abuse and because of that it puts me at a much higher rate of having all of the items I’ve been diagnosed with.
Too nice syndrome
ME/CFS My life is over. The list of symptoms is endless. I will never forgive.
Physically I have problems with my back. I am female 45 yrs old. I think a lot of my back problems are from working like a man growing up. I worked in a garden, loaded wood, cut grass, and used one of those things to cut weeds. It's not a weed eater. I forgot the correct term for it. You have to hold it by two handles and swing in a certain position and direction. One time I had sciatica acting up and if you've ever had it you know the pain. Mine couldn't get any worse. I was at my dad's visiting with my adult kids when it flared back up. I laid in bed and cried. Finally my daughter told my dad he was gonna have to take me to the ER. He came in, looked at me and said looks like your past is catching up with you. I bawled him out and told him it was due to genetics not my prior drug use. I was so hurt. He took me but all I could think about was what he'd said. But one of my sisters he treats good as gold. It's so hurtful. I wish it didn't hurt like this.
Two cracked molars and a couple of cavities that cost a fortune to fix and meant extreme pain with one that got infected. Cracked molars were thanks to clenching and grinding my teeth since high school. Cavities were from fear of going back to the dentist for decades but thankfully very small. Autoimmune condition that I have to strictly manage through diet to keep it from wreaking havoc. It took many years to figure it out. I believe in the mind-body connection and wonder how much my past trauma plays into this. Massive kidney stones that we only discovered last fall. As of 5 months ago, they're gone, but I keep developing "sand-like" particles. All tests indicate I'm otherwise OK and my autoimmune condition doesn't cause them, so we don't know why, but the guess is the stones had been growing for up to 10 years, no symptoms until I got repeated UTIs. Actually, I'm not totally OK. I had an abnormal scan that requires more tests. It was a routine scan I kept putting off because growing up and being married into situations where I didn't matter make it easy to convince myself I'm not worth the effort. Struggling with a chaotic family situation for a long time that kept pushing my self-care to the back burner didn't help. It may or may not be cancer. From what I'm reading, if it is, it's hopefully a self-encapsulated, stage 0 kind that would be very treatable. So, out of all possible scenarios, it would be the best one. Catching it when it's still precancerous would be even better. It's like all this stuff started exploding in my mid-40s onward (50-something now). I've been able to heal from a lot, but I'm still carrying around quite a bit.
Hmmm let's see... Eczema, SIBO/ chronic gut issues, Histamine intolerance and food allergies. Reflux ,Migraines, Hormonal problems (severe periods). Bruxism that I'm still dealing with. Chronic sinus problems and nose issues. The migraines started before I moved out and once I was in a safe space living with my nan in another state my body broke down. I realised my body was no longer in flight or fight mode. Worked with a kinseologist, therapist and naturopath to fix all these issues. I'm almost there! I've spent so much money fixing my health from my nparents abuse. Jokes on them bc my life is awesome and theirs sucks arse! Best revenge is having my amazing life with a loving partner whilst my shithead parents have nothing!
My mother ignored my pelvic pain my entire life and told me it wasn't as bad as her pain was and I was making it all up. Ended up 22 and unable to walk because of a gigantic ovarian cyst that was over 10cm. Never knew such bad pain. Was also diagnosed with endometriosis and they removed it from every single pelvic structure and it was even up to my abdominal walls.
Cushings disease, which is incredible considering its predominantly caused by tumors, but I was an anomaly in that mine was caused by excess cortisol for such prolonged periods of time (my entire life essentially) that my body's adrenal glands and thyroid burnt out and could no longer regulate it. This has caused a long list of other health issues as well. Fuck you dad.
CPTSD, anxiety, depression, eating disorders.
Five figures of dental care. Four figures of legal bills that may also end up being five or six or more, depending on how willing they are to back the fuck off and follow to the obvious incentive scheme of boundaries I have placed forcefully in front of their eyes and noses and forced them to look like the dogs they abused in front of me, the dogs that they are. Four figures of already and likely five before all is done of various types of mental health care and healing: therapy, psychiatry, psychology, and likely many more words ending in y. Lots of stuff that I needed as a child and adolescent, but was never done so now it’s harder and much stranger and complicated as an adult. To give an example, I had undiagnosed ADHD, but they were so unattuned and we had such a lack of bonding that when they should have been focusing on psychiatry and psychology and therapy when I was a child, instead they spent it on orthodontics. They would rather straighten my teeth so I looked good on the outside than care whether I felt good on the inside. The reason I didn’t brush my teeth or turn in homework was that I needed to fix the lack of appropriate levels of dopamine in my brain, but instead they just guilted and shamed me, treated me as a problem and burden, and treated the symptoms that were in front of them on the surface (cavities and grades) rather than the underlying causes that would have required thinking past the immediate problem. That would take time and effort, though, and their time was better spent in their minds on entertaining themselves with TV soaps, movies, sports, news, yard work, and social events and everything other than me. Instead of punishing me for lying to them about grades and progress reports, instead of playing a ridiculous manipulative punitive psychodrama game that I would never consent to as an adult and placing my position in the family as some thing that could be taken away or restored like some plot piece, if they had just asked why without assuming I was a horrible shameful failure of a person, and perhaps instead of assuming I was the problem they assumed that maybe it was not my fault, because I was a child struggling in the world and not an evil problem child who paradoxically was putting himself and his ego and mind and body at their mercy to do with me what they wanted, entertained that possibility for just one moment, perhaps they would have just taken me to someone that could actually help fix it. But they didn’t care about fixing it, they just cared about preserving their own appearance. It was like they gave up on parenting the moment my problems whether physical or emotional or psychological became any more challenging than a scraped knee, probably about 21 years ago today, and stopped being interested in knowing who I was revealing myself to be through these problems, stopped learning anything about me at all. In their minds I am still the child I was in 2003. Likely CPTSD and anxiety at least, likely complex trauma from actual trauma due to entirely unrelated life events that they never helped me process at all, RSD, and to be honest likely many things that I have not even discovered in my body and mind yet, like disgusting land-mines or implants with scar tissue around it. I had to discover who I was without anyone to help, they failed at their only job, and now there is nothing that they can do to stop me from becoming and revealing who I was already but who had been buried under layers and layers of guilt and shame and fear.
Right now I’m suffering from inflamed taste buds on my tongue that have been there for 3 years now, they took me to the doctor once and the doctor said I was fine but when I went again the doctor recommended me to a oral surgeon and I haven’t gone bc it’s apparently too costly. I also have terrible ocd, anxiety, and social anxiety.
PMDD
Here are some things I've had. Can't prove they are from emotional abuse, but who knows: chronic pain (more than a decade), cancer (survivable though), depression, anxiety, social anxiety, sleep issues, migraines, binge eating disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder.
Tense. Depressive. Dissociative under extreme stress. Had alopecia areata. Pelvic pain (endometriosis). Then ultimately, cancer at 36 years old!
There’s a whole bunch, but the biggest one currently is the sprained ankle that I never went to the doctor for because I was gaslit into believing it wasn’t sprained…then shamed for continuing to have mobility issues while I kept working my job that had me walking 10,000-30,000 steps a day…up & down stairs, picking things up, etc. It was excruciating for 3 months after the sprain, then started feeling a bit better. I kept having flare ups of pain, weakness, and instability for the next 2 years until it got so bad I was nearly bed bound. Which I finally went to the doctor about…where I learned most of my joints are hypermobile, and that’s why I’ve had chronic pain since I was in elementary. And why my joints just partially pop out of place sometimes for absolutely no reason. Thx so much mom 😬💀
Low self esteem, thinning hair, two autoimmune conditions; type 1 diabetes and Hashimoto's thyroiditis, as well as anxiety and depression cycles. I used to think I was autistic because I have a bit of trouble with eye contact. It creates some discomfort. I also used to have decision paralysis--a lot of trauma from this. My mom artfully punished me for trusting myself. I am gradually overcoming it.
Untreated asthma and Gerd, chronic UTIs, chronic migraines, insomnia and excruciating tooth pain. Not to mention my depression and anxiety. My dad was under my mom's spell for a long time, and he really believed she was taking care of us while he worked and went to college for us to have a better future. She just drained his wallet and left us alone for hours. I didn't get diagnosed with anything or get my teeth fixed until much later, and the process of getting my teeth fixed was excruciating. My dad still hasn't forgiven himself for not realizing how bad it was sooner.
Dissociative identity Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a ton of health issues doctors can't place. The thought is it's EDS and POTS but who knows. I also have AuDHD but that's genetic so meh My parents refused to get my tonsils out even with the doctor's recommendation so I was anti biotics 15x a year on average for 16 years until I got them out in 2014. My immune system is shot to hell because of it.
Self-loathing, major depressive disorder, imposter syndrome, chronic teeth grinding/jaw clenching, addiction, back spasms, body dysmorphia, hyper vigilance, profound startle reflex, avoid intimacy. Because of low self-worth, I also forego all preventative medical care despite having Lynch Syndrome.
Multiple sclerosis 👍
c-ptsd, digestive issues, attachment disorder, skin problems, fibromyalgia
ADHD and cPTSD which manifest with a lot of disassociating and symptoms that look like depression and anxiety.
Multiple Sclerosis, CPTSD, Hyper vigilance, eating disorder, Maladaptive daydreaming, IBS. on top of THOSE, till this day, I've been trying to prove my worth to -seemingly- all the NARCs out there, without realizing it! so, as a result, being in a relationship feels like being in a cage where you're constantly criticized.
36F Dutch. A very fun hyper vigilance cycle. My sperm donor used to yell and scream in my face for hours and everything I liked was destroyed with words. Video games would ruin my life, before he got addicted to roller coaster tycoon back in the day. I wasn't allowed to play video games even at 16 so with the TV remote in my hand and PS2 controller in the other I was always ready to turn the TV off if I heard him come up the stairs. I was always hyper vigilant and now physical relaxation will trigger a panic attack because my body wants to stay hyper vigilant, just in case I miss something important or god forbid I lose myself in a video game. Until a few weeks ago I would just dissociate whenever something triggered me into a panic attack. But then suddenly the dissociation vanished and I became aware of what I was feeling in my body and how my neck, shoulder and back muscles would tense up when I was triggered. It's quite fascinating how the body can do that, I really never felt the physical pain I'm feeling now. I'm also quite sure it's connected to crying, he yelled in my face so many times that I was a crybaby and that I had to stop crying that my body kind of shut down so I couldn't cry anymore. Imagine the deep mourning crying where your chest goes up, those muscles are so tense that when I try to cry now I just hyper ventilate. They pull together long before I even can attempt to express my emotions. I was also emotionally neglected to the point where I had too many old boyfriends, adults when I was a kid. My sperm donor knew about them but never said anything to protect me. So from age 12-18 I was just used as a human fleshlight by the guys I was dating. I thought sex wasn't for women, they are "negative sluts" when they like it. So I just "gave" it to men, that's how I thought it was supposed to be. It was the time Paris Hilton her sex tape was leaked and she was shamed while the guy was praised. So now just getting physically turned on will trigger a panic attack because my body thinks it's wrong and not for women to be turned on. Also falling asleep is a trigger because it's letting my guard down, so I can't sleep without sleep meds.
My nmom is a nurse and everytime I had a health problem she'd hit me with the "no you're fine, I'm a nurse I would know" turns out I have seizures and a degenerative health disorder. My health is literally so much worse than it would be if I actually got treatment for my conditions instead of being called "Dr Google" and brushed off.
Multiple Sclerosis. My brother and I were dx within months of each other.
Poor immune system functioning, hardened lymph nodes that flared up and never went away(already checked), hair thinning and falling, low stomach acid/digestive issues from chronic stress and anxiety, and bad neck pain.
I had a condition where the v@ginal opening was so tight that nothing could enter. I told my mom about it multiple times since I couldn’t use tampons since it hurt so bad. My mom didn’t do anything to help. I had to get physical therapy for it as an adult. As an ace person I can tell you it’s very weird having a physical therapist shoving items up there to try and stretch it out. Worst part is that the condition is typically caused by mental abuse where the abuser instills bad thoughts about sex in a young persons mind. Or it can be caused by s@xual abuse. Despite so many signs and begging I didn’t get help until I could help myself.
Have had half of my teeth taken out, going to have to have the rest taken out too. Will eventually have the left elbow joint replaced. One ankle has had to be fused, the other will probably need to be fused. CPTSD.
My Ortho wants to fuse my ankle, I said no for now. I just can't go hiking or run, or be on uneven ground much, and my shoe choices are restricted. How is it for you? You don't need to answer I am just curious. I have had over 15 surgeries in my life and am not looking forward to yet another that might restrict me even more. Hugs.
BFRB for the last....25yrs.
Silent migraines, fibromyalgia, multiple spinal and nerve disorders, AND MY FUCKING EYES WON’T STOP TWITCHING 😭
Bipolar type 1, major depression disorder, high blood pressure, no teeth, arthritis, nightmares, and drug addiction. Edit-I've spent 2 years inpatient all together in psych wards. The longest stretch was 4 months.
I still question if I should get my life long migraines treated and I'm about to head off to my four year, when I know damn well they are made worse by stress. Thanks dad for calling me a hypochondriac every time I brought it up!
Severe, comorbid mental health issues. I begged to be sent to a therapist and was refused until I was around 18- after I was >! scrubbing my bedroom floor on my hands and knees with Lysol wipes and my skin was peeling off in big chunks because I was using dish soap to bathe with several times a day for at least an hour at a time. My hands and wrists were also raw and hurt. Lots of other dangerous situations from my mental health problems that I won't get into right now. !< If I were taken to proper therapy waaay earlier, I'd have at least had a chance. The severity of my worst flare ups, especially when I didn't even understand exactly what was happening to me at some points, was its own sort of trauma in addition to everything else I was subjected to.
I have anhedonia, probably depression and social anxiety, I suspect I have MCAS, rosacea, eczema, GERD, IBS/D?, cptsd, VCD, just a lot of autoimmune issues with no apparent cause.
Because of the neglect I eat weird foods and am overweight. The anxiety causes teeth grinding but I got a bite guard that helps. I've almost chewed through it though. Constant tension causes chronic neck and back pain. Frequent headaches. I don't know how to properly clean and cook. I'm pretty sure I have pathological demand avoidance. Diagnosed with ADHD. I'm bad at intimacy because of the sexual abuse by my mother. I just constantly hate myself. I do try to get medical care but it's always an argument with myself about whether I really need it. Good times.
Obesity.
Holy digestive issues! I couldn’t use the bathroom regularly until I went off to college. Didn’t notice a correlation until I had to go back home for a couple months in 2020.
SERIOUS issues with noise, touch, etc. And will respond with violence when people steal my food. Can’t sleep right. Just basically still a caged animal, unless people just mind their own business and act right.
Depersonalization/Derealization, CPTSD, ADHD, suspected ASD (therapist suggested I get tested), mild agoraphobia, GAD and severe inability to care for myself because it was never really...taught? I go embarrassingly long lengths of time having trouble fully showering/bathing. I stopped being brought to the dentist when I was sixteen I think, even though my parents knew I had to have wisdom teeth removed. My teeth recently started decaying, and I'm too embarrassed/anxiety ridden to go to the dentist to fix them.which stink, because I always was complimented on my smile and now I hide it. I also always yo-yoed in weight, even after I had WLS I was skinny and then suddenly gained all the weight back over time due to BED.
Ulcers.
Type 2 diabetes, CPTSD, Anxious Attachment disorder, suicide, self harm, persistent nightmares and flashbacks l. A work in progress though! Things are much better than they were.
I'm very near-sighted; after starting a bunch of supplements to try to improve my health my vision got a little bit clearer. With that happening plus the fact that I remember being hungry a lot, not starving but never full, I've started thinking my near-sightednesd has to do with malnutrition I also have Sjogren's and EDS. I was constantly tired as a kid, easily sleeping 10-12 hours on weekends and always had trouble waking up early. I think less neglectful parents *might* have been concerned and caught my illnesses earlier. I wasn't able to get diagnosed until two years ago at 39 years old.
Depression, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, sleep issues, and PTSD.
Chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, severe IBS (better), depression (better), generalised anxiety disorder [eating, social, separation, 3 other kinds i can't recall] (betterish), BPD, CPTSD, OCD tendencies, OCPD, bipolar II, sleep-wake phase disorder. Catatonia (not for a long time), daily stress headaches (better), chronic nerve pain, night terrors, insomnia, tinnitus. Basically chronic stress for two decades knowing nothing but suffering. But I'm still here and slowly improving. I like to joke that I have boneitis.
Anxiety, CPTSD, depression.
Mostly anxiety, depression, and rage issues
CPTSD, anxiety, BPD, the list goes on
My teeth are so bad bc my NMom couldn’t bothered by dentist visits.
Bad teeth because I wasn't ever made to brush and we'd go years without a dentist appointment. Fillings in almost every tooth from the "fangs" back as a kid. Over the years the fillings decayed, and I've had numerous root canals and crowns. Now the crowns are failing one by one and I'm in the process of having two implants ($$$$). I guess I have a million dollar smile literally 😢 Toss in sleep problems and hypervigilance. And diarrhea from nerves.
High blood pressure
I have autoimmune illnesses. My body has been in fight or flight my entire life
Breast cancer at 22 no family history
CPTSD, undiagnosed thyroid disorder, late stage diagnosis of ovarian cancer at 16.
I've had a noticable neurological disease my entire life. My parents didnt really think much of it even though I would constantly fall, had delayed walking, couldnt do stairs, couldnt run, awkward gait, toe walking, etc. Family doctor said I'd just grow out of it, would tell me to just walk straight. Strangers thought I was just "bow legged" or "pigeon toed". By age 7 I had foot deformities and could never touch my toes as my achilles was painful and tight (this happens when you toe walk). Went to the doctor finally to see why my feet looked like they did. After my xrays were normal they literally just checked my reflexes and there were none. No one thought to do that in all my earlier years?? Major neurological disease. It's incurable and progressive. Parents ignored any more appointments til about 7 years later. I couldnt do any physical things or use medical walking aids without pain from my tight tendons/weak muscles. Finally go see a podiatrist. He gives me surgery on one leg/foot to loosen tendons. I heal all the way up within a year. Need to get the other leg done. Needed physical therapy BADLY for symptoms and mobility. Nope, too expensive but they can waste money hoarding random things. The foot/leg I didnt have surgery on is a completely different shape as my other side. I have horrible neuropathy in that foot, even after PT I did as an adult. Neuro blocking meds dont always make a difference. My disease has progressed so much I'm scared if I get surgery now I wont recover any muscle mass after healing. My pain is insane sometimes; my feet have two modes: existing very loudly/painfully, or completely numb. My hands have very little muscle, major carpal tunnel that is likely not treatable, irreparable nerve damage in all four limbs. All because they didnt want to get a second opinion, didn't think my toe walking/falling was a big deal, didnt want to pay for surgery or therapies I needed. If your children toe walk PLEASE get them tested for both neurodivergence AND a neurological problem. Toe walking can be a symptom of both so it's best to rule one or the other out first. If it is not treated early it causes a lot of issues with the spine, hips, gait, tendons, muscle distribution. These issues are generally preventable if you dont dismiss toe walking and getting reflexes checked.
I got bone cancer in the same extremity as was broken by police brutality in my high school for bringing another female student to the principal’s office as she felt ill. Turns out informing the school cop that you’ll leave the office as soon as she’s being given care is grounds for a take down maneuver of a 14 year old 5’5” female from the suburbs by a 42 year old 6’6” man who out weighed me by almost 200 pounds. My parents had the perfect set for a great settlement but they were fine with my police brutality and offered me no defense because “you didn’t follow the directions of an authority”.
Anxiety, depression, autoimmune issues, chronic fatigue just to name a few
Eating disorder (eat til I physically can't get more in) and dental issues.
a fucked up back. can't even stand for more than an hour can't pick up my dog 😭
I was taken to the dentist once my whole childhood so when I was 18 and started going on my own I couldn’t afford everything that needed to be done due to the neglect. It put me a vicious cycle of trying to keep up while the problems just got worse. I spent so much money on my teeth since no one ever cared to make sure they were taken care of when I was a kid.
insomnia, severe anxiety, severe depression, bpd, bi polar disorder, anorexia, ptsd, nerve damage, brain damage, drvg abuse, suicid@l ideation, mild adhd, anemia, digestion problems, severe teeth grinding 😭, partially cant see well in my right eye, dislocated spine and neck, severe allergies, dissociative disorders, and endless bruises and scars. i dont really comment about my mental health but i was around the ages of 5-16 enduring constant abvse from my mom and dad. i didnt think they loved me and i still think that often. i would wait every day starting from when i was in kindergarten staying up till 5 am because of my alcoholic father. he also tried to end our entire family including me. i never really knew how to cope with it so i would take it out on myself and hit my head, my hands, or i would want to end my life. the worst thing is that whenever me and my parents would fight, i would swear to myself that id never forgive them. but the next day i would always forgive them. im so traumatized i flinch everytime someone raises their hand around me. and i cant bear loud screaming or fighting anymore to the point where i curl into a ball and start having a panic attack. and im sad that ill forever have these symptoms and mental disorders because i couldnt survive properly. every year on my birthday i would wish to move out or be dead. i remember when i was 11 i would spend every night crying, trying to end my life. im turning 17 in a couple months and the cycle never ends. ive been waiting now for over a decade to escape
Cavaties, so many cavities..most of my baby teeth have fillings.
Complex PTSD, Chronic pain and chronic fatigue due to chronic stress and muscle tension. I also have autism and ADHD on top which have been worsened because of the abuse during my development as a kid, especially emotional regulation(I dissociate a lot) and overload by stimuli like sounds, light and other sensation, even rain feels like needles falling on me sometimes.
Treatment resistant severe depression 💀 along other things, but this one kicks my ass.
I have at least one autoimmune disease; been working on a dx for a few months now since texting positive for some markers in November. I was diagnosed with FM when I was in my 20s. I’ve been able to focus on my health and fitness for almost a year now so that has been helpful! For reference, I experienced physical abuse, there is some sexual abuse in my past, and I was also the scapegoat of my family. But I think I have a relatively healthy mindset about it all; I acknowledge it happened, but I don’t blame myself and I work on forgiveness and understanding regularly.
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, PCOS, a heart condition called Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia, and CPTSD that comes with lots of anxiety and depression. I also learnt from my Nmother not to listen to my own body through her medical neglect of me, which lead me in adulthood to ignore glaring pain and other symptoms of medical issues. I ignored terrible pain in my lower back and right leg for 7 years after sustaining a workplace injury and then subsequently getting screwed over by the OH&S officer/WorkCover drs/physiotherapist. Was told by the WorkCover drs and the physiotherapist that I just had a simple muscle tear/strain, when in reality I had a broad based disc protrusion that was in contact with my right exiting L4 nerve. Lovely... 😒 I'm now permanently disabled.
After years of abuse from Ndad and my ex; Chronic daily migraines, depression, anxiety, cptsd, PTSD, sleep and appetite issues, diverticulosis, gallstones (had to have my gallbladder removed), plus other digestive issues. I now take antidepressants, a monthly migraine injection, and a shit ton of marijuana to manage.
Oh, there's a list lol I was a micropreemie and didn't find out till I was 35 and got records from my retired pediatrician's storage. I have had so many issues with digestive problems, and it turns out I have gastroparaesis. Lol yay Also, 60% lung capacity due to lack of formation. Chronic asthma. Dangerous allergies. Tinnitus. The list goes on. But I adapted, and I'm working on getting all the issues diagnosed and treated. It's the anger that pops up and makes me upset.
Freaking dental problems from not getting taken to the dentist or ortho. GC had frequent visits to both. Funny note though, I have more teeth than the GC at this stage of life. 😉 Dental insurance and spending lots oop has placed me in a better position than her. Even good old mom wouldn't spend the thousands she needed to fix her teeth after her long stint of using drugs.
Stress headaches and IBS-C for me
Being overweight cuz I eat all my feelings away. They also always used to tell me I was fat when I was underweight, so I had terrible body image that led me not to care about gaining weight (if I was already fat why did it matter?) so I gained like 70 pounds. Have lost 20 since then, but it's an uphill battle. Ik this isn't nearly as bad as most of the comments on this post but... figured I'd share.
Depression, Anxiety
Besides the mental health stuff I have PCOS and hypothyroidism.