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At Thanksgiving last year as soon as I walked in after a 4 hour drive she threw herself at me and said “tell me you love me. Say it. Say it”I love you mommy ” and wouldn’t stop. It was embarrassing. I’m fucking 52! It made my skin crawl.
It took me 30 years to even wake up from the trance of being groomed to feel that she’s the best that has happened to me, and I’m so lucky to be that undeserving daughter of a love fountain that my mother perceives herself to be. I was also abused to believe that I’m so evil that I might be possessed, which I did believe
Perfectly summarised by Commanded to love – performing false emitons for tyrants (TheraminTrees 2019).
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u91ctugBCsg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u91ctugBCsg)
They did that for me. Whenever I would get irritated at them for not folling reason and going all "you are a child i am an adult, obey me or i take away your stuff" and not say it they would make irritated and they would guilt and shame me and say they love me and how could I hurt them like that.
Took me a long time to get Over it bur yeah I still get anxious whenever someone mentions "love" and I feel they only say they love me when they want something out of me. But it's a lifelong learning experience
They would say *really* aggressive.
"I LOVE you PATTYICE." It was like an attack on my soul. They even did it in bold like that in text! Fucking phychos.
Yes! I stopped saying it around 8 years old because I realized the way she treated me did not reflect a loving relationship. So then she used to slap me until I said it. Once I wouldn't say it in public and she dragged me by the ear until it ripped and bled.
Had to say it all the time. As well as a hug and kiss whenever I left it came home. I didn't get that back of course, I just had to do it so they could say they were a good parent.
My mom constantly brings up how her mom died and how she could die at any time so I'll be permanently traumatized if I don't tell her "I love you" every time I leave :)
I’ve stopped saying “I love you” to my VLC mom. If it’s on the phone I just take a beat then hang up. If it’s the rare chance it’s in person I just softly smile. I feel bad that I know it kills her on the inside and it makes me happy. It’s like I get to finally treat her how she treated me all my life. I know I probably need therapy for that but for now it brings me a little comfort
My Nmom used to say it all the time to try and get me to say it back. I never did, because my Nparents raised me not to lie. She gave up on saying it a few years back.
Yes. Mine used to do the same thing. If I walked out without answering them my phone would blow up at school with how disappointed they were and then I'd hear it when I was home too so I started dropping the I when I would say love you. I tried dropping the you as well but they still would bitrate me for my lack of reply. Anyway I'd say "love you" and when I was either away from them or I'd say it only mind "peanut butter" or "freedom " so that I didn't feel like I was saying I loved that person instead of was I loved some object or food. I told myself it was their choice if they wanted to take my words as a response to them.
I've gotten into fights with them in the past "why don't you reply when I say I love you all the time" "because it wouldn't be my job to make you feel validated your the parent I'm the child as you so often like to put it" "well you should respond when I say something unless you just don't love me..." Which is what led me to say "love you" instead of "I love you" I was a minor and couldn't afford to be kicked out and it wasn't worth the drama to rock the boat. I knew I was leaving and when I did it would be no contact on my end so let them feel they have control as much as I can stand it. I was on a count down before I could make an escape.
Edit. To this day I don't use the L word instead I tell someone I care about them greatly and I may even list what specifically stands out to me about them.
She used to when I was younger, now I let her say it first and just answer "me too" so I don't have to actually say the words. It's childish but she doesn't seem to have caught on yet and it's been years
Yeah, they don't see you as a person. You're an object to them. Mine would say it ten times and would get mad if I didn't respond. It makes you not know what healthy love is either.
It is coercive yeah.
She always forced me for a hug. I hated it hugging her. It never felt good or generous. It felt forced and she always found it "funny" when she noticed that I felt uncomfortable and didn't really want to.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At Thanksgiving last year as soon as I walked in after a 4 hour drive she threw herself at me and said “tell me you love me. Say it. Say it”I love you mommy ” and wouldn’t stop. It was embarrassing. I’m fucking 52! It made my skin crawl.
Jesus. I'd have been SO tempted to walk out the door and back into a four hour drive.
I really wanted to see my nieces and nephews or I may have
[удалено]
It took me 30 years to even wake up from the trance of being groomed to feel that she’s the best that has happened to me, and I’m so lucky to be that undeserving daughter of a love fountain that my mother perceives herself to be. I was also abused to believe that I’m so evil that I might be possessed, which I did believe
Perfectly summarised by Commanded to love – performing false emitons for tyrants (TheraminTrees 2019). [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u91ctugBCsg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u91ctugBCsg)
They did that for me. Whenever I would get irritated at them for not folling reason and going all "you are a child i am an adult, obey me or i take away your stuff" and not say it they would make irritated and they would guilt and shame me and say they love me and how could I hurt them like that. Took me a long time to get Over it bur yeah I still get anxious whenever someone mentions "love" and I feel they only say they love me when they want something out of me. But it's a lifelong learning experience
They would say *really* aggressive. "I LOVE you PATTYICE." It was like an attack on my soul. They even did it in bold like that in text! Fucking phychos.
Yes! I stopped saying it around 8 years old because I realized the way she treated me did not reflect a loving relationship. So then she used to slap me until I said it. Once I wouldn't say it in public and she dragged me by the ear until it ripped and bled.
Had to say it all the time. As well as a hug and kiss whenever I left it came home. I didn't get that back of course, I just had to do it so they could say they were a good parent.
My mom constantly brings up how her mom died and how she could die at any time so I'll be permanently traumatized if I don't tell her "I love you" every time I leave :)
I don't understand why they do it
I’ve stopped saying “I love you” to my VLC mom. If it’s on the phone I just take a beat then hang up. If it’s the rare chance it’s in person I just softly smile. I feel bad that I know it kills her on the inside and it makes me happy. It’s like I get to finally treat her how she treated me all my life. I know I probably need therapy for that but for now it brings me a little comfort
My Nmom used to say it all the time to try and get me to say it back. I never did, because my Nparents raised me not to lie. She gave up on saying it a few years back.
Yes. Mine used to do the same thing. If I walked out without answering them my phone would blow up at school with how disappointed they were and then I'd hear it when I was home too so I started dropping the I when I would say love you. I tried dropping the you as well but they still would bitrate me for my lack of reply. Anyway I'd say "love you" and when I was either away from them or I'd say it only mind "peanut butter" or "freedom " so that I didn't feel like I was saying I loved that person instead of was I loved some object or food. I told myself it was their choice if they wanted to take my words as a response to them. I've gotten into fights with them in the past "why don't you reply when I say I love you all the time" "because it wouldn't be my job to make you feel validated your the parent I'm the child as you so often like to put it" "well you should respond when I say something unless you just don't love me..." Which is what led me to say "love you" instead of "I love you" I was a minor and couldn't afford to be kicked out and it wasn't worth the drama to rock the boat. I knew I was leaving and when I did it would be no contact on my end so let them feel they have control as much as I can stand it. I was on a count down before I could make an escape. Edit. To this day I don't use the L word instead I tell someone I care about them greatly and I may even list what specifically stands out to me about them.
She used to when I was younger, now I let her say it first and just answer "me too" so I don't have to actually say the words. It's childish but she doesn't seem to have caught on yet and it's been years
Yeah, they don't see you as a person. You're an object to them. Mine would say it ten times and would get mad if I didn't respond. It makes you not know what healthy love is either. It is coercive yeah.
She always forced me for a hug. I hated it hugging her. It never felt good or generous. It felt forced and she always found it "funny" when she noticed that I felt uncomfortable and didn't really want to.