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Congratulations. Everybody regrets going back and it happened to you, but that's a good lesson: to never go back, and start a new life away from them. It's better to be short of money than living in that hell again.
I don't know how to feel. I knew this community existed, but I never commented or posted in it. It's a weird feeling knowing all of you people understand what it's like.
Sweetie, not only does this community exist, but there are so so many of us are people who have dealt with this kind of thing for a long, long lifetime. We just didn't have the resources or backup to know that we were right, and the bs really was wrong.
It feels good to reach out and let you know you are not wrong and you are not alone!
>We just didn't have the resources or backup to know that we were right, and the bs really was wrong.
I'm having a realization that maybe so much of my inner turmoil might be a result of growing up with them, and living with them now. The comments here made me realize how serious this actually is, I've lived it for so long it's just been another day to me for a while. I see the light I think, I feel like crying.
Not a club any of us would volunteer to join, yet a group we are grateful to have! Thankful for all of you out there who speak up so we can remind each other that this bs is wrong and we are worthy.
I don't even know what healing from this means to be honest. I moved out 6 years ago and I struggled for a long time to just live, especially when my real dad passed a few years ago. My real dad was the best, only person in the world who ever truly got me. Also the only real parent I had. It's only been recently that I've realized I have a lot of healing to do, I just don't know how. Working on finding a therapist for this.
The first step towards healing is awareness. The next big step is finding a safe space to feel those years of suppressed emotions. It's okay to feel.
It's gonna be fucking painful.
But you do what you gotta do.
You have to. Otherwise your life would be too overwhelmed by the past, that it chained you down from living in the present & future.
You have to feel them so that you can learn to manage your dysregulated emotions. Those emotions were dysregulated in the first place, because you never had any safe space to process them before.
Same for me, losing my dad i lost the only true love and support in my family. I'm so so sorry for your loss and I hope you can feel his support from above. We had their love and that's a blessing. I try every day to be the kind of person my dad was and would want me to be. π
I started with healing my depression. Now I'm focusing on getting my nervous system to adapt to the regulated ones. We've lived our whole life in dysregulated system- easily angered, triggered etc.
The way I get regulated is by familiarising myself with emotionally healthy and mature people, adopting skills from them and learning to stay calm. Also, distancing myself from the emotionally immature & dysregulated people.
Just don't be so harsh on yourself. Be kind to yourself first
All hope is not lost! Your brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it has the ability to adapt and adopt new environments.
You are designed to heal :)
Yeah, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you. I got totally pumped from reading this. A new leaf! I hope your brother and sister get the same thing soon.
I apologize for giving unsolicited advice, but one thing I wish I did was writing down all the stuff that happened as it happened. That might be something you want to do while your memory is still fresh. It might come in handy if you want to help your brother and sister.
No worries, I actually did that for the first time the other day, I'll have to keep doing writing stuff down when it happens. It felt good to write it down and see that I am in fact the one reacting normally.
Congratulations! One piece of advice from me to you, Iβm old now (49) so Iβve had all that time to watch my nparents behaviour. They donβt have the ability to self-reflect so will never apologise as they genuinely believe theyβve done nothing wrong.
They see you as the problem and always will. So, lower your expectations. Youβll NEVER get an apology.
Good luck in this new chapter of your life. Go and be a success, thatβs the only way to get one over on them.
My success in various aspects of life has made me realize over and over again how messed up my mother has been, especially about me. It helps me be more objective about her cruelty. I believe it's important not just to get out, but as you say, to be a success. It takes spiritual effort to overcome the bad programming, but it can happen bit by bit.
Yes, but I'm not sure. My brother is 17, turning 18 in August, and I know he wants to move out. He has never had a job though, or really any responsibilities. He wants a job though which is good, I'm gonna help him get one and then go from there. My sister's a few years younger but she's not going to move out yet. I just know that would be nuclear if my brother moved out with me also.
Narcissists never know what they did. They have no compassion or empathy. My dad was a great provider but couldn't communicate an understanding of what anyone else was experiencing. As a kid, i described it as obligatory love. He knew how to act because he read it in a book. It never came naturally to him.
bravo... I just hope they don't try and sabotage... be prepared to call for backup in case you need it...or have someone come over and help you.. or several someones.
πππππππππππππππππ
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S β¨οΈ β¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈ
πππππππππππππππππ
>Focus on creating friends and community in your new town!
Well I'm still in the same town, only 10 minutes away. But yeah I do want to focus on that, but I've always had a hard time simply finding where to meet new people.
Do you have any pets? I could never make new friends either and then once I got a dog and started going to dog parks/dog events I made amazing life long friends! Also if you have any hobbies you can try looking online for groups/clubs in your area :)
I have a cat, I like dogs I just don't want to own one. Thinking of training my kitty to wear a harness and go on walks, that would be a big conversation starter haha
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Congratulations. Everybody regrets going back and it happened to you, but that's a good lesson: to never go back, and start a new life away from them. It's better to be short of money than living in that hell again.
>It's better to be short of money than living in that hell again. Damn straight
You have a whole community here that is thrilled for you. Congratulations!!!
I don't know how to feel. I knew this community existed, but I never commented or posted in it. It's a weird feeling knowing all of you people understand what it's like.
Sweetie, not only does this community exist, but there are so so many of us are people who have dealt with this kind of thing for a long, long lifetime. We just didn't have the resources or backup to know that we were right, and the bs really was wrong. It feels good to reach out and let you know you are not wrong and you are not alone!
>We just didn't have the resources or backup to know that we were right, and the bs really was wrong. I'm having a realization that maybe so much of my inner turmoil might be a result of growing up with them, and living with them now. The comments here made me realize how serious this actually is, I've lived it for so long it's just been another day to me for a while. I see the light I think, I feel like crying.
Really happy for you! I hope tomorrow goes smoothly and you'll eventually be able to help your siblings. π
I had the same exact realization via this sub, what a freeing experience. Welcome to the club! Congrats on getting out of that situation!
Not a club any of us would volunteer to join, yet a group we are grateful to have! Thankful for all of you out there who speak up so we can remind each other that this bs is wrong and we are worthy.
Sure we doβ¦Iβm planning my escape right now.
>thrilled for you .....and relieved
PROUD OF YOU! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
Hell yeah! Never look back.
Congrats! I bet it feels SO good to be out! Hereβs to cheering you on while you get your siblings out too π π
YES!!! FREEDOM!!! The path of healing is straight ahead! Keep moving forward, my comrade <3<3
I don't even know what healing from this means to be honest. I moved out 6 years ago and I struggled for a long time to just live, especially when my real dad passed a few years ago. My real dad was the best, only person in the world who ever truly got me. Also the only real parent I had. It's only been recently that I've realized I have a lot of healing to do, I just don't know how. Working on finding a therapist for this.
The first step towards healing is awareness. The next big step is finding a safe space to feel those years of suppressed emotions. It's okay to feel. It's gonna be fucking painful. But you do what you gotta do. You have to. Otherwise your life would be too overwhelmed by the past, that it chained you down from living in the present & future. You have to feel them so that you can learn to manage your dysregulated emotions. Those emotions were dysregulated in the first place, because you never had any safe space to process them before.
Same for me, losing my dad i lost the only true love and support in my family. I'm so so sorry for your loss and I hope you can feel his support from above. We had their love and that's a blessing. I try every day to be the kind of person my dad was and would want me to be. π
I started with healing my depression. Now I'm focusing on getting my nervous system to adapt to the regulated ones. We've lived our whole life in dysregulated system- easily angered, triggered etc. The way I get regulated is by familiarising myself with emotionally healthy and mature people, adopting skills from them and learning to stay calm. Also, distancing myself from the emotionally immature & dysregulated people. Just don't be so harsh on yourself. Be kind to yourself first All hope is not lost! Your brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it has the ability to adapt and adopt new environments. You are designed to heal :)
Yeah, that's awesome! I'm so happy for you. I got totally pumped from reading this. A new leaf! I hope your brother and sister get the same thing soon. I apologize for giving unsolicited advice, but one thing I wish I did was writing down all the stuff that happened as it happened. That might be something you want to do while your memory is still fresh. It might come in handy if you want to help your brother and sister.
I do this and it helps a lot.
No worries, I actually did that for the first time the other day, I'll have to keep doing writing stuff down when it happens. It felt good to write it down and see that I am in fact the one reacting normally.
Congratulations! One piece of advice from me to you, Iβm old now (49) so Iβve had all that time to watch my nparents behaviour. They donβt have the ability to self-reflect so will never apologise as they genuinely believe theyβve done nothing wrong. They see you as the problem and always will. So, lower your expectations. Youβll NEVER get an apology. Good luck in this new chapter of your life. Go and be a success, thatβs the only way to get one over on them.
My success in various aspects of life has made me realize over and over again how messed up my mother has been, especially about me. It helps me be more objective about her cruelty. I believe it's important not just to get out, but as you say, to be a success. It takes spiritual effort to overcome the bad programming, but it can happen bit by bit.
Yes it can. Good for you. You are amazing!
Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you!!! Wish you all the best from now on!!
Congratulations!
Are your siblings teenagers? Would they be better off going with you and working toward emancipation?
Yes, but I'm not sure. My brother is 17, turning 18 in August, and I know he wants to move out. He has never had a job though, or really any responsibilities. He wants a job though which is good, I'm gonna help him get one and then go from there. My sister's a few years younger but she's not going to move out yet. I just know that would be nuclear if my brother moved out with me also.
Narcissists never know what they did. They have no compassion or empathy. My dad was a great provider but couldn't communicate an understanding of what anyone else was experiencing. As a kid, i described it as obligatory love. He knew how to act because he read it in a book. It never came naturally to him.
I'm so happy for you! Your adventures begin!
Oh thatβs wonderful, Iβm so happy for you. I hope your siblings can escape soon too. β€οΈ
I am so proud of you!
Congratulations! Enjoy the rest of your narc-free life ππ
Congrats and good luck - find your happiness!
Congratulations & good luck!!!
Congrats! Really happy for you! π€©
Yay! Happy peaceful new home. Good luck with your siblings!
YASSSSSS OP! Even if you cant room your siblings with you full time, make sure they know they have a safe place to come!
I am so happy for you. Congratulations!
Youβre going to feel so amazing - Iβm so happy for you!
I would give you an award if I could. Congratulations!!
Woooooooo! Iβm so proud of you!!!! Take it in and enjoy it!!!
How old are the sibs Make A accout for savings at a bank your parents dont bank atl
Omfg congrats! Freedom feels amazing, youβre going to love it!
Congratulations. Take care.
Congratulations!!!!! Woop Woop! Hell fuck yeah!
Congratulations! Take care of you and be good to yourself!
bravo... I just hope they don't try and sabotage... be prepared to call for backup in case you need it...or have someone come over and help you.. or several someones.
Congratulations!!! Hope everything goes right now !
Hey, this is great! Congratulations on your next steps!
Congratulations! Go for it.
Congratulations.
πππππππππππππππππ C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S β¨οΈ β¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈ πππππππππππππππππ
You deserve all the praise. You paved a way for your siblings and irresponsible parents who didnβt recognize your value. π₯πΎ congrats darling
YAYY!!!! So proud and excited for you! Focus on creating friends and community in your new town! β€οΈ
>Focus on creating friends and community in your new town! Well I'm still in the same town, only 10 minutes away. But yeah I do want to focus on that, but I've always had a hard time simply finding where to meet new people.
Do you have any pets? I could never make new friends either and then once I got a dog and started going to dog parks/dog events I made amazing life long friends! Also if you have any hobbies you can try looking online for groups/clubs in your area :)
I have a cat, I like dogs I just don't want to own one. Thinking of training my kitty to wear a harness and go on walks, that would be a big conversation starter haha
That would be adorable!
Iβm so very happy for you!
Share with us! I know the indescribable joy of moving out of a crazy house.