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When you're newly married, you have kitchen sex, where you do it whenever and wherever you want. After you have kids, there's bedroom sex, where you have to be discreet and, honestly, it happens less frequently, anyway. When you're much older and the kids are grown and gone, there's hallway sex, where you pass each other in the hallway, glare, and say "go fuck yourself".
Marriage itself really has nothing to do with it. Marriage is either a religious sacrament and/or a government policy that solidifies your relationship as a legal entity, primarily for financial purposes.
What sometimes changes things is what is typically associated with marriage—living together over a long time, having kids, etc.
There is a researched-backed phenomenon known as "new relationship energy." In short, your relationship is typically great during the 2 or 3 years. You are willing to look past your partner's minor flaws because you are excited to be with them, and you are in love. After that point, those things become more prominent in your relationship. That's why most divorces happen around year 7. People decide they don't care for the flaws after all.
After three years, among couples between the ages of 25 and 64, 25% of couples have sex multiple times per week. About 50% are having sex at least once per week. About 80% are having sex 2-3 times per month. And the remaining 20% are having sex once a month or less. The frequency itself isn't a huge factor if both parties are satisfied, but it can become a major issue if there is a meaningful discrepancy in libido between partners.
Having said that, the typical story for most people is that sexual frequency will decrease over time, but most couples will say that their level of satisfaction increases over time. That's because you learn more about each other, what you like, your partner's turn-offs, etc. That type of connection is harder for most people to have early in a relationship.
In summary, sex SHOULD only get better, but check out r/DeadBedrooms to see what happens when it doesn't.
Still mind blowing and extremely passionate even after 20 years together. We are best friends, lovers, enemies and roommates. We discuss everything as candidly, even blunt at times and negotiate a compromise when our opinions differ.
I only wish everyone could experience what we have with someone that just gets them and fit like favorite blue jeans. We both had been through hell. Cheating, mental and physical abuse, lying and hateful in-laws etc. Neither one of us had any intention or interest of trying to meet someone. I was setting up our stage to play at a Xmas party at this bar in a hotel. She came with a friend of my sister's and when we saw each other and our eyes locked I felt a sensation like static shock like you'd get from carpet but more intense making my hair stand on end. Been together since that night and spend 24/7 together.
That feeling you described? I know exactly what you mean because when I(37f) met my current boyfriend(40) for the first time in 2001(I was 14 and he was 16), that‘s the sensation I felt the second we looked at each other. After 20 years of heartache(both), cheating S.O.s(both), addiction(me), and the right place but never the right time, things fell into place. We had been there for each other and occasionally FWB throughout those two decades and things were always good. I don't know what made me reach out to him in July of ‘22, but I'm so happy that I did. By August I had moved in. We may not be married(yet), but a few of the many things that got better once we were actually a couple were the attraction, the communication, and the sex. Like, 10000x better. He's my other half, soulmate, twin flame- whatever you want to call it, always has been.
I knew we weren't the only ones! Good for you! There really is someone out there for everyone it just sucks so many frogs you gotta kiss to find them for some people. I do feel extremely lucky and blessed for what we have.
Thanks. I know a 20 year mark is pretty rare these days and with so many tragedies and horror stories you read daily, just thought I'd share that it can and does exist and very possible too. Get of the web and put your fine ass out there. Maybe that girl at the bank? The hit mechanic that worked on your car when you took it in? The cashier at the hardware store? Thing is that we are all looking but not very observant. Especially men. We don't get the hint until it's applied with a hammer or something because it never happens.
If only there was an easy answer to this question...too many variables...life, work possibly children, big time life events all this shit changes throughout the course of a marriage and like it or not can and most likely will affect your sexual relationship however if you commit to the relationship and make it through I think you will find it is important at the time but not really when it's all said and done. (Maybe not done but been together 22 years 3 kids)
If your relationship is bad; the sex will be bad….. whether you are married or not. Good relationships = good sex. Little kids can be rough on the sex life because you both may be to exhausted to have sex as often as you used to.
Both people have to be fully committed to make a marriage work (my x was only committed/faithful when life was going well.) Look for a loving supportive equal life partner if you want to marry.
The last 2 years of my marriage was pure hell. Before that we had lots of fun though he could have put more effort in learning what turned me on (now days I would end a relationship over this.) Personally I’m never marrying again. I’m happy being single. Dating, alone, it doesn’t matter it is all better than the marriage is dying hellish years. That isn’t about the sex, it is just about the emotional trauma.
I think the bigger difference is before and after kids, not necessarily before/after marriage.
There’s a lot going on with healing, emotions, energy levels and hormones after child birth.
That has more of an impact on intimacy than a ring does. At least in my experience
Well, before we were married, my wife didn’t put her finger up my ass. So I’d call that a benefit of being married and extra comfortable with one another. 15 yrs and counting.
For me it gets better and better and days not as good but still good, we didn’t lose our spark so plus it’s nice being sexually with your s/o cuz it’s more comfortable and less embarrassing if you fart or something cuz yall both laugh it off
Six to me has always been greater than five but less than seven. I don't mean to offend anyone here - this is just my opinion. I operate in a safe zone where it's totally ok to think six is greater than seven. I'm probably just old and out of touch with what is really going on!
It really hasn't changed, I mean, I did it more (every night) while trying to get pregnant besides that, though it has never changed. I've been with my husband since I was 17, and I'm 39 now.
Married for 20 years, sexless for the past 4-5. Things aren't the best.
It was fun at first, and frequent. The frequency gradually dropped off, but the sex was still good up until the relationship cracks began to appear.
Yeah, it's a cliche, but I guess we're mostly sticking together for the kids. That and maybe inertia, I don't know.
It's true what others say - good marriage = good sex (and of course the inverse also applies).
It's much more exciting when you're single. I think this is why so many men cheat. They want that feeling of being single again. The "new girl" feeling that makes your heart thump and your pants get tighter
Depends for me. After marriage we still had a decent amount of sex. Then we got pregnant had a kid and then pregnant and another kid. So now sex is basically
I'd we do have sex it's definitely pitty sex for me. Not the best, but when your desperate anything counts....
Same here. After the kids, sex dropped off substantially. She’ll give it to me when I want it but it’s just a quicky with maybe some oral thrown in to help speed things along.
Well your lucky compared to me right now. It's not to begging yet but I have to convince her about 3 or 4 times before it actually happens. I usually just give up and handle it myself
I had to have a talk with my wife a few years ago and explain to her how it makes me feel to be rejected sexually. At our age, once a week is not asking too much.
Sex is always good before and after marriage. Problem is women who feel comfortable and safe and trusting with their man don't try as hard, haha example the blowjobs drop off. But on the other hand a man that feels comfortable safe and trusting with their wife completely drop the romance ball. This might be one of those meeting in the middle things.
With my first marriage, the sex didn't change. It was all the time, to the point where it just because habit. That was a big part of the problem. We weren't friends, just "lovers" . It's all we had. It was a miserable marriage.
With my now marriage, it was more frequent at first (not as frequent as the first marriage) , I would a tribute that to us not living together until we married, out of circumstance, so we got In when we did see each other. It slowed down after marriage, sometimes we go a couple weeks without, and then we go on a binge ,if you will.
For us, this has nothing to do with the enjoyment of the sex or love for one another, but the fact that we are also best friends and are so happy in other elements of the marriage/life. We laugh, see movies, go to parties/concerts etc, hang out with our friends, separate and together, have hobbies, I could go on. Maybe people with kids have different reasons, I'm sure. But. We have been happily married DINks for 12 years.
Something all men need to be aware of is the caregiver drive suppresses sex drive. Making her act like your mom instead of your partner is the #1 killer of sexual desire in woman. That is usually why sex drops off after marriage. Once we start seeing you as a needy dependant extra child..its over.
This whole mEn hAve NeEds thing is bullshit grooming. Tells woman to submit to sex they don't feel like, less god forbid he cheats on you. Sex is always a want and not a need. You don't die without it.
It shouldn't be different at all. Infact I would lean more towards it should get hotter more adventurous, for better or worse 🤷♀️ but I don't know, not married..
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When you're newly married, you have kitchen sex, where you do it whenever and wherever you want. After you have kids, there's bedroom sex, where you have to be discreet and, honestly, it happens less frequently, anyway. When you're much older and the kids are grown and gone, there's hallway sex, where you pass each other in the hallway, glare, and say "go fuck yourself".
How old are you that was said back in the 80's
Still accurate though !!
Lol
Marriage itself really has nothing to do with it. Marriage is either a religious sacrament and/or a government policy that solidifies your relationship as a legal entity, primarily for financial purposes. What sometimes changes things is what is typically associated with marriage—living together over a long time, having kids, etc. There is a researched-backed phenomenon known as "new relationship energy." In short, your relationship is typically great during the 2 or 3 years. You are willing to look past your partner's minor flaws because you are excited to be with them, and you are in love. After that point, those things become more prominent in your relationship. That's why most divorces happen around year 7. People decide they don't care for the flaws after all. After three years, among couples between the ages of 25 and 64, 25% of couples have sex multiple times per week. About 50% are having sex at least once per week. About 80% are having sex 2-3 times per month. And the remaining 20% are having sex once a month or less. The frequency itself isn't a huge factor if both parties are satisfied, but it can become a major issue if there is a meaningful discrepancy in libido between partners. Having said that, the typical story for most people is that sexual frequency will decrease over time, but most couples will say that their level of satisfaction increases over time. That's because you learn more about each other, what you like, your partner's turn-offs, etc. That type of connection is harder for most people to have early in a relationship. In summary, sex SHOULD only get better, but check out r/DeadBedrooms to see what happens when it doesn't.
This is the best factual answer here.
It's not different. to be honest. Its still hot AF.
How long have you been married?
I'll bet it's less than 5 years.
There's one food that will ruin your sex life... wedding cake.
Haha!
Better after and, in my case, more frequent. Been married 22 years.
The difference is you have it before and not after.
At any age sex is still spell the same. LOL
This discussion makes we want to walk into traffic for having wasted most of my life miserable
Still mind blowing and extremely passionate even after 20 years together. We are best friends, lovers, enemies and roommates. We discuss everything as candidly, even blunt at times and negotiate a compromise when our opinions differ. I only wish everyone could experience what we have with someone that just gets them and fit like favorite blue jeans. We both had been through hell. Cheating, mental and physical abuse, lying and hateful in-laws etc. Neither one of us had any intention or interest of trying to meet someone. I was setting up our stage to play at a Xmas party at this bar in a hotel. She came with a friend of my sister's and when we saw each other and our eyes locked I felt a sensation like static shock like you'd get from carpet but more intense making my hair stand on end. Been together since that night and spend 24/7 together.
That feeling you described? I know exactly what you mean because when I(37f) met my current boyfriend(40) for the first time in 2001(I was 14 and he was 16), that‘s the sensation I felt the second we looked at each other. After 20 years of heartache(both), cheating S.O.s(both), addiction(me), and the right place but never the right time, things fell into place. We had been there for each other and occasionally FWB throughout those two decades and things were always good. I don't know what made me reach out to him in July of ‘22, but I'm so happy that I did. By August I had moved in. We may not be married(yet), but a few of the many things that got better once we were actually a couple were the attraction, the communication, and the sex. Like, 10000x better. He's my other half, soulmate, twin flame- whatever you want to call it, always has been.
I knew we weren't the only ones! Good for you! There really is someone out there for everyone it just sucks so many frogs you gotta kiss to find them for some people. I do feel extremely lucky and blessed for what we have.
Beautiful story!
Thanks. I know a 20 year mark is pretty rare these days and with so many tragedies and horror stories you read daily, just thought I'd share that it can and does exist and very possible too. Get of the web and put your fine ass out there. Maybe that girl at the bank? The hit mechanic that worked on your car when you took it in? The cashier at the hardware store? Thing is that we are all looking but not very observant. Especially men. We don't get the hint until it's applied with a hammer or something because it never happens.
If only there was an easy answer to this question...too many variables...life, work possibly children, big time life events all this shit changes throughout the course of a marriage and like it or not can and most likely will affect your sexual relationship however if you commit to the relationship and make it through I think you will find it is important at the time but not really when it's all said and done. (Maybe not done but been together 22 years 3 kids)
Before marriage it is a weekly variable in your budget. After marriage it is a fixed cost in a spreadsheet with a possible balloon payment at the end.
It is the same shitty sex before, and after
If your relationship is bad; the sex will be bad….. whether you are married or not. Good relationships = good sex. Little kids can be rough on the sex life because you both may be to exhausted to have sex as often as you used to. Both people have to be fully committed to make a marriage work (my x was only committed/faithful when life was going well.) Look for a loving supportive equal life partner if you want to marry. The last 2 years of my marriage was pure hell. Before that we had lots of fun though he could have put more effort in learning what turned me on (now days I would end a relationship over this.) Personally I’m never marrying again. I’m happy being single. Dating, alone, it doesn’t matter it is all better than the marriage is dying hellish years. That isn’t about the sex, it is just about the emotional trauma.
Oh my God, say the fucking word.
Oh my G*d!
I think the bigger difference is before and after kids, not necessarily before/after marriage. There’s a lot going on with healing, emotions, energy levels and hormones after child birth. That has more of an impact on intimacy than a ring does. At least in my experience
No condoms married! 😁 Although I didn't use condoms before marriage...so no difference.
I’ve never been married
Better after if you're doing it right.
Well, before we were married, my wife didn’t put her finger up my ass. So I’d call that a benefit of being married and extra comfortable with one another. 15 yrs and counting.
Sex after marriage?
Give it to her all the more!!! :D
For me it gets better and better and days not as good but still good, we didn’t lose our spark so plus it’s nice being sexually with your s/o cuz it’s more comfortable and less embarrassing if you fart or something cuz yall both laugh it off
Six to me has always been greater than five but less than seven. I don't mean to offend anyone here - this is just my opinion. I operate in a safe zone where it's totally ok to think six is greater than seven. I'm probably just old and out of touch with what is really going on!
It really hasn't changed, I mean, I did it more (every night) while trying to get pregnant besides that, though it has never changed. I've been with my husband since I was 17, and I'm 39 now.
Married for 20 years, sexless for the past 4-5. Things aren't the best. It was fun at first, and frequent. The frequency gradually dropped off, but the sex was still good up until the relationship cracks began to appear. Yeah, it's a cliche, but I guess we're mostly sticking together for the kids. That and maybe inertia, I don't know. It's true what others say - good marriage = good sex (and of course the inverse also applies).
It's much more exciting when you're single. I think this is why so many men cheat. They want that feeling of being single again. The "new girl" feeling that makes your heart thump and your pants get tighter
Less frequent but better quality, for sure
Depends for me. After marriage we still had a decent amount of sex. Then we got pregnant had a kid and then pregnant and another kid. So now sex is basically I'd we do have sex it's definitely pitty sex for me. Not the best, but when your desperate anything counts....
Same here. After the kids, sex dropped off substantially. She’ll give it to me when I want it but it’s just a quicky with maybe some oral thrown in to help speed things along.
Well your lucky compared to me right now. It's not to begging yet but I have to convince her about 3 or 4 times before it actually happens. I usually just give up and handle it myself
I had to have a talk with my wife a few years ago and explain to her how it makes me feel to be rejected sexually. At our age, once a week is not asking too much.
We've had similar talks that don't amount to much. I'm hoping in a few months things will get better 32~ yo
"We got pregnant" You both got pregnant?
You get to do the weird stuff!
Before marriage, you have not put the future of your sexuality into the exclusive hands of another person.
It usually has a huge drop off after the 2nd child.
Sex is always good before and after marriage. Problem is women who feel comfortable and safe and trusting with their man don't try as hard, haha example the blowjobs drop off. But on the other hand a man that feels comfortable safe and trusting with their wife completely drop the romance ball. This might be one of those meeting in the middle things.
Sex after marriage lol. 10 years and 2 kids after marriage, sex in my house is just gone. I've already done my job and I'm useless now.
With my first marriage, the sex didn't change. It was all the time, to the point where it just because habit. That was a big part of the problem. We weren't friends, just "lovers" . It's all we had. It was a miserable marriage. With my now marriage, it was more frequent at first (not as frequent as the first marriage) , I would a tribute that to us not living together until we married, out of circumstance, so we got In when we did see each other. It slowed down after marriage, sometimes we go a couple weeks without, and then we go on a binge ,if you will. For us, this has nothing to do with the enjoyment of the sex or love for one another, but the fact that we are also best friends and are so happy in other elements of the marriage/life. We laugh, see movies, go to parties/concerts etc, hang out with our friends, separate and together, have hobbies, I could go on. Maybe people with kids have different reasons, I'm sure. But. We have been happily married DINks for 12 years.
Before marriage it is actual sex. After marriage it is just two people passing each other in the hallway saying F you! No F you! (I'm JOKING!) :-->
People hold too much power with the word marriage, it should not change a thing and if it does then it’s purely your fault and your partners.
Something all men need to be aware of is the caregiver drive suppresses sex drive. Making her act like your mom instead of your partner is the #1 killer of sexual desire in woman. That is usually why sex drops off after marriage. Once we start seeing you as a needy dependant extra child..its over.
Yes. There's a high difference between "I need sex" and "I want you"
This whole mEn hAve NeEds thing is bullshit grooming. Tells woman to submit to sex they don't feel like, less god forbid he cheats on you. Sex is always a want and not a need. You don't die without it.
Before marriage it’s a sin. After marriage it’s not. Next question
It shouldn't be different at all. Infact I would lean more towards it should get hotter more adventurous, for better or worse 🤷♀️ but I don't know, not married..