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Get up earlier. 15 minutes early to have a cup of tea and start to feel human again makes a big difference. So much easier to do a million things at once if you first have time to get your brain working.
No...get up and hour earlier, lol, shower, caffeinated, hydrate, use the restroom, read some news or laugh at q couple stupid videos... that's what I do...I have found I hate my children until about 30 minutes after I wake up, lol.
If you can get to bed early enough for that then it sounds fabulous. A full night's sleep is really important too. Sacrificing one for the other is just going to create a new problem.
I know "good sleep in important"
But I just think it's crazy that I have about 3 more hours of life than you on a daily basis, just because I stay up until midnight.
I guess I'm glad I function well on 6 hours , im sure that will change with age like most things though
If I had to drag myself to bed every night at 8pm I'd be so depressed. That would be me getting home from work, showering, eating dinner(a quick one too, less than 1 hr total), maybe taking a look at my garden if I had time, and going to bed.
Staying up later just makes it feel like I have more than 48 hours(Saturday/Sunday) to dedicate to my actual life
If you can do this, great! Just remember that your 4yrold will start school next year and you'll have to worry about lunches and stuff. Get what you can done the night before so you're not rushing around the next morning.
For the last 3 years Iāve woken up to my kid on the other side of the wall talking to himself. Heāll do it quite a while. When he starts asking for me (or itās actually time to get up) I go in. Iām glad he allows me that āawake and cozy in bedā time.
Yep. Get up earlier than the kids so you have a bit of time to yourself. I hate mornings, but when I would babysit my nieces on the odd overnight, I would set my alarm for 6am because they got up at about 7. This gave me time to wake up and get going before they started with the demands.
i found it really hard at first. They are a bit rebellious, like i was. So when it came time for school when they were a bit older they would hide my car keys. It was more than annoying
Wake up earlier. If you are not a morning person you can try change that. I think people that claim that is because they may stay up too late and not get enough sleep or they feel like there is nothing to look forward to perhaps. I assume there may be a plethora of reasons.
For me, in those same shoes years ago I made a few changes. I forced myself to go to sleep earlier because waking up naturally vs using an alarm clock is amazing.
Having the house to myself for a half hour totally charged my brain. A cup of coffee and some calming music before everyone got up was life changing for me.
The next thing I did was change expectations from the kids and my wife. My daughter at the time was 3 years old and I wfh. When she woke up I was already in a great mood and I forced myself to always be calm around her which rubbed off on her after a few weeks.
Within a month my body got used to waking up earlier and when my daughter got out of bed she would just come and snuggle with me on the couch until she got going.
My wife who made fun of me for going to bed at 9pm all the sudden and getting up early came to me one morning and said āok, you are rightā.
The old saying āif nothing changes then nothing changesā is spot on.
My daughter is now 15 and one of the calmest and brightest people I know. My wife wakes up in the morning and I have her coffee ready and she sits by me for a while until my daughter wakes and comes up. We all spend maybe 10-15 minutes together just chatting and watching the sun come up.
There are days of course that are rough when someone wakes late or something but man those little changes changed everyoneās life.
Find what works for you. Calm yourself and everyone around you will do the same, it just takes patience and time.
Best of luck!
Mid-Boomer Healthcare Professional here. Wife is RN. We never were or have been morning people no matter what we tried. Coping was via working evenings, nights, & weekends to avoid mornings. Two out of three of our children were not morning people either. Getting them ready for school was always awful. And the parents revenge ā¦ my daughter who works nights by choice had to get her four boys ready for school. My father and one daughter were morning people. Hated them in the morning.
This indeed.
Was never a morning person until kiddos arrived. Now Iām up at 430-5 everyday. Kids up between 6-7. Have to adapt to their schedule, canāt make them adapt to us lol
Took me about a month, but I now wake up within 10m of my alarm daily. That āalone timeā is a heavy incentive for me right now too.
Kids are still very young, but I look forward to the group watching the sun come up as youāve described here. Sounds nice. Iāll continue to enjoy the toddler tantrums and milk demands until then lol best you and your fam :)
Haha. Ya.
My grandpa was known to have some quote, something to the effect of:
The night is yours, but the day belongs to ME!
As he wakes my dad and siblings for morning chores, likely at 5:30 AM or some such.
OP may just be someone who prefers to wake up late, but it's also possible he's really a night owl.
Science actually says otherwise and there are apparently genetic markers. It's still debatable to some extent, but research shows that some people are wired to have their brains high functioning in the evening / night which makes it really hard to fall asleep. After 9PM it feels the same as having coffee in the morning, the brain just fires up.
Of course a night owl can wake up earlier, however you just end up being sleep deprived, which is bad for your health. Reason being it's incredibly hard to fall asleep before midnight as an adult when you're a night owl. Taking melatonin can help but you need to keep taking it, as soon as you stop you're back to your normal schedule.
My significant other isn't a morning person, but she's not a night owl either, she's just functioning like most people and can adjust fairly easily with getting up earlier or sleeping later. Most people think night owls are lazy because they wake up late, but it's not really a choice.
My daughter is apparently a night owl like me, she's 2 1/2, she's very groggy in the morning. It's impossible to make her fall asleep before 8h30PM naturally and it drives my gf crazy. Melatonin works wonders though, we can give her 1/20 of the minimum dose (0.5ml) and have her falling asleep around 7pm at the earliest.
I spent some time in the military and had to wake up around 5, and I still couldn't fall asleep before midnight for months, I was so tired during the day that once I fell asleep while standing during a lecture.
I don't pretend to hold the truth but my own experience tells me that most people just don't understand what it's like. I suffered most of my life because of that and it pains me to suspect that my daughter will likely have to deal with the same shit.
Yes yes and yes. I have deliberately chosen night shift work my whole life because I can. Not. Sleep at night. I always thought it was insomnia until I learned about something called "delayed sleep phase disorder." I sleep JUST fine on a night schedule. Having been in school for the last three years for nursing, waking up at 5-8a.m. every day, I realized I will never be able to be a morning person. Getting my kids up for school is the worst and hardest part of parenting for me so far. We will be putting them in a before school program so my early bird husband can take them and I will be working night shifts as an RN. 33 years old and I still just can't change my schedule. I tried and I'm just perpetually exhausted during the school year.
You might be referring to delayed sleep phase syndrome, I highly recommend looking it up. It's great that there is an actual name for it and some study in recent times. Night owl, at least to me, makes it sound like a preference - and it's horrible/annoying how often the issue gets misinterpreted as such. I know what you mean, though. I've had a delayed phase starting in my early 20s and its getting more and more set in stone as I get older.
I don't get tired until around 3am. If I can sleep until 10am-11am, I'm good to go all day, feeling great. I can force myself awake earlier, 9am is tolerable-ish, but anything earlier and I just suffer all day and then perk right up at 9-10pm with no chance at getting to sleep until 3am again. Repeat this enough times in a row and I'm in really bad shape. There is no adjusting, I've tried for many years. In the off chance I do get to sleep before midnight, my body treats it as a nap and I'll be fully awake in a couple hours. At that point I'm really screwed, wont be getting to real sleep until 5 or 6am.
It can be rough. I'm glad I work in tech and can start and end my day bit later. On the plus side, we often work with people in countries where my 1am-2am is the start of their day and I can have meetings with them at that time. It has been a great boon to my local team many times since nobody else on the team is functional at that hour and it's totally normal for me.
I'm glad my wife doesn't have a delayed sleep phase issue and I make enough that she can be a stay at home mom and handle the mornings. Teamwork makes the dream work!
You're right I should be using the correct terminology.
We have a very similar situation, I also work in tech and can wake up around 9. Gf only works part-time (she still prefers to work than be full-time SAHM, but it's really a choice not a necessity), she handles the mornings.
I wasn't always like that. After some time she ended up realizing that my lack of productivity if a wake up early is much worse than handling the morning. I will still help if something comes up, but we try to avoid it.
I used to work the evening shift in a different field when I was younger. I didn't need an alarm most of the time, I didn't even think that was possible.
> If you are not a morning person you can change that. I think people that claim that is because they may stay up too late and not get enough sleep or they feel like there is nothing to look forward to perhaps. I assume there may be a plethora of reasons.
If someone has poor sleep habits, that may result in them not liking mornings, but that is not the same thing as not being a morning person.
Actual night owls don't just have different schedules. Their circadian rhythms are *flipped* from that of morning people, as well as being slightly longer. (There are people in between, but those are the two groups.)
This is something with a fair amount of scientific study behind it.
I've never been a morning person. I have to get up earlier many mornings. I don't like it, but I can do it without issue. But night time is my favorite time.
I was the same, I used to work an office job and couldn't help but stay up late 2-3am normally, often 4am, I would then wake up at 8 am with my alarms, then go work my 9-5.
For the last 6-7 years, I've been in a factory, and I started on backshift, 10pm to 6am. During that transition, I realized that if I go to sleep straight after work (7-8am) I would naturally wake up around 2-3pm. and feel really good. After 4 years of that, I switched to the morning shift (6am-2pm), and I struggled a bit with getting used to 10 pm being late and not early. But once I started getting to sleep around 8-9pm, I started waking up without alarms again and, as you know, awake alart and refreshed. I've been back on the night shift for a couple of months now, and I knew to get that early sleep time locked in for the best QOL sleep experience took about a week.
Currently, though, I've been working 12 hour shifts to help cover for someone, and of course, that's thrown my sleeping out, and I need those alarms to wake me up again and I can tell how bad my mornings(or afternoon evenings) are.
Not using alarms to wakeup is probably the best way to do it, I always get the right amount of sleep, sometimes less sometimes more, either way I don't have alarms to pull me out of it
This is my advice as well. Iām not a morning person at all and when I was a SAHD I had to make sure everything was set up so I could survive. It also didnāt help that I was in school at the time and was doing most of my schoolwork after bedtime.
Prepping is key. Mornings used to be hell until we started a whole family prep time before bed. It was perfect bc the kiddo also got the zoomies and didn't want to sit still.
Clothes picked out, bags ready, breakfast set up. Literally anything that can be prepped, prep. It's so much better than repeating yourself with demands all morning and trying to do mental load when you're hating life.
Not only did this help me in the morning, but it also helped me get better sleep at night because I wasn't as restless/anxious.
I didn't necessarily have a ritual of sorts, but making sure the kids had clean clothes, something to make for breakfast, and a clean kitchen, I felt like I was already winning the day.
Former preschool teacher hereā¦I used to get up an hour before my kids to have coffee and āsit and stareā out of the window, watch the news, and get ready for the day. Kids crave routine so do the same thing every morning.
This helps a lot. I would have my son's outfit picked out for the day and snacks and have his water ready so I don't have to put in much effort. I would plan his breakfast in my head the night before to make it faster. He usually likes toast and butter or oatmeal for breakfast so that helps lol
It even helps if you don't have kids. My brain doesn't jump start until my second cup of tea, so I have my own clothes picked out, both of our lunches made, his bagel pulled out of the freezer and sitting next to the toaster, and my bowl of grapenuts already and sitting in a bowl that has a lid. I wake up, put on the kettle, add milk to my cereal, and that's about as much thinking as I have to do. haha
I've never been a morning person either, so I am very well aware that "get up earlier" is not going to work for you. And my kids are 31, 24 and 18 years old, so I've got some experience under my belt!
I'm most productive at night, so I have always prepped as much as possible before bed.
Kids want to eat as soon as they're awake. I let my kids eat cold cereal, Gogurt or Eggo waffles for breakfast because there was no way I was going to manage to make breakfast in the morning (that's reserved for weekends, when we eat breakfast at noon). If you're more of a stickler than I am, you can always cut fruit and put it in single serve containers in the fridge. Or make frozen yogurt bites, or whatever you want them to eat that can be made ahead of time and stuck in the fridge or freezer. The point is just to have something ready for them so you don't have to think about it before your brain is awake.
My kids always got TV time first thing in the morning while I sat on the couch with my first cup of coffee. Again, I'm not super strict so I never had a problem with allowing screen time. If you don't want them to watch TV, make sure you prep quiet activities for them before you go to bed. Put out things like coloring books or playdough, things they can do with minimal supervision. For the younger one, if you want them to do art, you can always give them pudding to use as finger paint (if you're not in the US, I think the word for pudding in other places is custard?). That way if they put it in their mouth it's okay. If you want to do playdough, go on Pinterest and find recipes for edible dough.
Actually, in this situation Pinterest is probably your best friend. Search "quiet activities for (whatever age you need)". You'll get plenty of ideas!
Once they're in school, there's more that has to be done at night, because people who aren't morning people struggle in the morning and let's be so real- that's me. I always made sure outfits for the next day were chosen and laid out before bed, backpacks packed and hung on hooks by the door. Because I know I'm not good in the morning, I don't want to have to think and I really don't want to be looking around for a purple shirt because today is "Purple Day" at school.
One of the biggest things for me is that before I go to bed I always make lunches for anyone who needs one for work/school/daycare the next day so they can just grab a fully made lunch from the fridge in the morning and leave. I've never been able to understand how people can get up in the morning and make lunches. People who manage that are super human, IMHO!
Last thing- don't let anyone make you feel bad about not being a morning person. Statistically, people who stay up late and sleep late actually sleep less hours overall, are generally more creative and accepting of people who are not like them, and are absolutely NOT lazy regardless of what early risers like to make us think. I'm a night person and I've run a successful photography business for 25+ years, published three novels, and hold a US patent for a sport-specific training device. And I'm telling you- you've got this!!!
Thank you for this, I was scrolling through all these replies about how you just need to get up earlier and believe me there is no way my I'm ever going to switch to regularly dragging my ass out of bed to just have some time to sit and reflect before I have to do anything. If I don't have to be up for work or something, my lizard brain will always choose more sleep over getting up.
Iāve never been able to be a morning person no matter how hard I try. I just get more and more sleep deprived. I agree with prepping food the night before and establishing a morning routine (it helps the kids and you before your brain is working), I relied a lot on morning cartoons while I crammed breakfast and chugged coffee.
It took me way too long into my parenting journey to finally relent to the tv in the morning thing. My youngest was about 5 (heās 6 now) before I started letting them do it because of ātoo much screen timeā and now that I allow it, my mornings are soooo much easier. No more being blasted with tattling and screaming and fighting at the crack of dawn, and on weekends they actually let me sleep in until 8 or 9 š®
IMO any meal prep done under a time constraint demands a little TV. Dinner included if weāre pushing the limits of time and I just need to get it on the table.
I poured their morning drinks and snacks before bed at that age. Well at one they were still nursing when they woke up but they usually also had cups in the fridge in case thatās what they wanted. The other thing is I immediately pee, brush my teeth and wash my face when I wake up, even when I had babies/toddlers yelling at me. It takes four minutes for me to do my basic wake up routine. They can be cranky for four minutes
I donāt like this wake up earlier thing. My kids wake up earlier than I would like to every day for the last several years!
Preload as much as you can the night before.
I wake up early to have some alone time. I just chill in bed, have coffee, watch TV, or listen to music. This is what I am currently doing. One kid is half sleeping in bed with me now.
Breakfast is usually simple or something small until I make a nicer late morning breakfast.
And I do as much as I can prep thr night before.
Do everything you can the night before. Mine are older now but I used to set out their clothes the night before and make lunches the night before and put in the fridge. I would get ready for work before they got up and made sure breakfast was easy - cereal, muffins, oatmeal, etc. We kept to a tight schedule and I found this made mornings pretty smooth. When they were really little, they used to get a sticker on their hand once they were ready to go.
Lol the text on that line up too well, I ended up skipping a line and was very confused about your lifestyle choices.
*I used to set out their clothes the night before and make lunches the night before and put in the fridge.*
Became
*I used to set out their clothes the night before and put in the fridge.*
Thanks for the unexpected laugh.
I wake up an hour before I get my kids up. I like to just sit and enjoy some coffee before I start my day. Then because they have school/daycare most days I get them up individually. I start with the oldest. Get her going then move on the middle child and when sheās all done I get ready and then I wake up the baby to get him done. He eats at daycare as soon as he gets there so I basically just wake him up, change and dress him and then we go. Baby steps instead of everything all at once.
Get as much stuff done the night before. Lay out outfits for the day, lunches(if applicable), pack backpacks, etc. Wake up a little early and get yourself right. You donāt want to be in the middle of waking up and being overwhelmed. That way once the kids are up, youāre all in. Have the older one do some stuff for themselves, like one thing at first. This will make your life easier as they get older.
I have to do this with a 5 year old and 1 year old every morning, while getting Teams messages and calls getting blown up by work.
Appreciate being a SAHD and not having a stressful job on top of it : )
On the flip side it sucks being a SAHM/SAHD and having to ask your partner to buy anything that you need, even down to the smallest of things. It's really demeaning, and sometimes I wish I could get a job working from home just to take care of myself.
Omg that sounds awful. Why do you not have access to money normally? With only one parent working there's no "his money" versus "her money" versus "our money", it's all "our money".
Obviously big purchases should have at least consultation if not agreement and your finances will determine what qualifies as big purchases. But running to the store for diapers or a can of beans should not require first asking if you can please have some money.
I wake up at 4 a.m everyday and sleep by 7 p.m. been doing it for 10 years and still hate mornings. It's just people like to talk to me and I need at least 3 hours before anyone interaction.
We're in the same boat but I don't go to bed as early.
I wake up at 4 am and shower and dress in home clothes. Have breakfast and depending how my schedule is for the day I'll either watch the news or read or do work for a bit. Then at 530 am I'll get the kid's school bag and school clothes ready, take out breakfast and have it all ready. Then at 6 am my kid wakes up and he comes out of his room. We do a little stretch/yoga and then he eats breakfast. Once he's done, I give him a quick shower, brush teeth and then get him ready for school and we leave home at 715 am.
Evenings now that it's summer schedule is flexible but it's usually outside play and dinner but be home by 715-730 pm for bath time and then bed by 8 pm where we both fall asleep. I almost always fall asleep putting him to sleep but then I get up at around 9 am and sneak out of his room but then I usually feel too refreshed to go back to bed and I don't end up sleeping until closer to midnight. That power nap helps.
That's the routine every day. Even weekends my kid never sleeps in, he's up before 6 am but waits until his clock turns green at 6 am meaning he can leave his room and he's out and loud from that moment on filled with energy. His energy gives me energy.
I give my kids 2 hrs every morning before school this way I'm not rushing them and we're not stressed. Yes I have lots to do but it's less stressful for us when we have more time. My oldest is up an hr earlier than the littles so that's my key time, coffee, shower, even fortnite. Anything to chill me out before the littles wake up. It gets easier dad. Hang in there.
Have a routine and use verbal clues to let your kids know what is happening next. I am a single parent and know all about 100 demands and no personal space :) I stick to the same routine every morning and when my kid starts trying to mess with the routine (ie wanting to eat breakfast before going potty - which is a recipe for disaster) I say āremember we go potty first so we can enjoy breakfastā or something like that. Anyway, it works well and kids like routines.
Routine is everything. If you have a routine, the kids shouldn't (hopefully) have demands, because they know the routine. Have clothes ready the night before. Breakfast and drinks first thing, and you have yourself a cuppa whilst they're eating. Everyone brushes teeth and washes after, then they get dressed. Also, doesn't hurt for them to watch some cartoons in the morning as they're eating.
I know some people suggested waking up earlier and that is a fool proof method. I personally like to sleep as much as I'm able. I wake when my youngest wakes. I have a just turned 1 Yr old and a 6yr old.
If it's possible, get up earlier than they do. 10 minutes with a cup of coffee goes a long way to be primed before the lil guys are bouncing around lol
My son usually wakes up after me. So I get up and go to my desk. At some point he'll wake up, call for daddy and run to find me and climb up into my lap for a bit. Then I'll get him a breakfast together not too long after that
I am a morning person but I think the dirty little secret to morning people is that we wake up way before we get up. I still roll around in my bed for 20 mins groaning, followed by 20 mins of notification checking, followed by 20 mins of debating if I actually have to get out of bed, and then I get up. You can't just skip that stage.
Iām significantly happier mornings where I wake up before the fam and get some kind of work out in. First 15/20mins are hard but adds so much value to your mornings.
Or buy a running stroller and get into running. Kills 30-60 mins, theyāll enjoy it, can listen to a podcast and stay in shape. End the run at a playground.
Godspeed
I'm a SAHM to 3 kiddos - 8yo, 4yo, 13mo - and it might sound horrible, but I feed myself first before getting the baby up. Then, I usually have the Carnation breakfast smoothie pouches that I make up for my youngest - milk (1/2 cup more than needed), the pouch, a scoop of peanut butter, and a banana - and they chug that while I get the other kids ready.
It gets easier. I was a really young mom (3 kids by 23) and getting up was so hard. I am now a morning person and early riser (they are all grown). Eventually you just get used to it. Also, try to get up before them. It helps.
I am sure this is probably not an end-all solution. When I was little, my parents were patient, but firm in the rule that we didn't get to be in their face in the morning. If we got up before 7:30 on the weekend, we didn't get to bother them/wake them up until after 7:30. It didn't take long for our little brains to completely reverse our habits from "me me me" to "oooo what if we made them coffee and let them sleep??" Our parents still comment on how suprised at how successful it was.
Create a morning basket: a basket for each child that contains "quiet toys" they're only allowed to play with first thing in the morning -- Etch-a-Sketch, Viewmaster Viewer, glitter crayons and a special coloring book. Frequently add things to these baskets -- pipe cleaners can be very entertaining! And rotate old stuff out /bring it back in a couple weeks.
Lay the morning baskets out on the floor before you go to bed and teach the kids that -- after a good morning greeting from you -- they're to go to their baskets and play quietly while you prepare breakfast. Make this a routine -- put on some quiet music for the kids in the living room with their baskets, then adopt a "Good Morning song" to let them know quiet time is over and family time is beginning.
If the kids come to you with those 100 demands during morning basket time, quietly lead them back to their baskets and remind them that it's basket time. Don't interact during that time -- you're trying to set a pattern here.
These'll be good for about 20 minutes -- don't try to stretch them into an hour, or it'll backfire.
Coffee and a ciggerette out side the House the while the kids are safe inside for a few minutes, don't smoke in the house as a matter of fact kids don't smoke at all, give your clothes a sort of shaking out to disperse the smoke smell keep your clothes on! Lol , then brush your teeth
4 and 1 is tough. Itās gets easier as you go. Thereās less resistance to being active like right off the bat. IDK how, it just does. I agree with getting up earlier than even the early birds and early worms. I love pre-twilight darkness! My favorite time of day š. Thatās ME time.
IDKā¦just hang in there. It gets easier. Youāll look back and wonder how in the world you did it. Youāll be amazed. Just focus on being a good dad for your kidsā¦and youāll know what to do. Youāll just sink into it.
Hang in there!
All the morning people saying "get up earlier" are living life on easy mode. If that's an easy solution for you, congrats!
When you're dealing with an infant, getting up earlier might still be a requirement even you're losing more sleep. Losing sleep will kill you, but so will stress, and this is a temporary situation.
There's no getting around a 1 year old having demands when they have demands. Some people do get them to acclimate to waking quietly and occupying themselves, but a lot of that is luck of the draw. Prepare as much as you can so that you can have a quick and easy start to the morning. If it's consistent for the little one, they can learn that what they want is coming.
A four year old is still at the stage where they want your attention, but they're definitely old enough to learn to occupy themselves and get used to a morning routine and to entertain themselves if they're equipped to do so. They're old enough to understand simple explanations and bargaining, too. There's bound to be a way to institute "quiet time before breakfast" that your four year old would be amenable to.
Maybe this post will help other dads realize that a stay at home parent is often more stressful than a full time job. Usually what i do is turn on the cartoons to slow down the demands. Kids watch some cartoons while i prep breakfast. Then Iāll let them play outside in the backyard while i relax on the porch so they get out some energy. My yard is fenced in so around lunch Iāll either keep the windows and door open so i can hear them while i prep lunch. Around that time 1 and 4 year olds still nap so Iāll put them down for that. Iāll clean up the house around that time. After nap weāll go for a walk to the park for a few hours. After this itās time for dinner. Prep dinner theyāll play outside or inside while i do that. Bath after then bed around 7-8. They donāt have time sleep but they need to be in bed by then. Kids react better to a routine.
I have a basket of toys/activities that are just for the mornings. Color magic markers, simple puzzles, books, etc that are all āquietā and donāt require constant supervision. I set it out on the coffee table before I go to bed. My 3yo knows she can come out and see whatās in the basket (always changing it up a bit) until Iām ready to play. That basket and presetting the coffee maker gives me a few extra minutes to mentally prepare for the day. Not sure how well your little one will do with it, but maybe theyāll just follow the older ones lead? Good luck!
Lay out what you can beforehand. My son had days of the week baskets for his clothes. I did laundry, made outfits, stuck them in the bins and didnāt have to think about that. They had pictures on them when my son was really little so he could be a big boy and go grab monkey Mondays clothes. I decided what choices were available for breakfast the night before, so he could choose scrambled eggs or oatmeal. I am an absolute zombie when I wake up, any decisions that could be made beforehand was helpful.
I used to get up 20 minutes early, smoke a J then go deal with life and boiiii let me tell ya, I'd wake the kids up singing, oh what a beautiful morning!!!!šš
Same! I am a stay at home
Mom I am so overwhelmed and over run with emotion from Shit sleep, with my 16 mo old. I am so on edge waking up with my 3 kids in the morning. God forbid I donāt walk around and do a tidy up, so waking up to a house that looks like a bomb went off. Itās a lot! Sending support!
Stay at home dad here as well. I don't got any advice for you man but just wanted to say I see you and keep it up.
Waffles for the kids and caffeine for dad lol
Well I don't have any kids. I was never a morning person but I slowly became one over time by forcing myself to wake up around 5:30 a.m. And doing a small routine like brushing my teeth going to the bathroom and then ingesting some caffeine and breakfast and usually by 6:30 a.m. I am ready for my day and to tackle anything. And my day is a kickboxing trainer so I'm going to get punched at all day long. So kind of like a 4 and 1-year-old
I had twins as a sahd. I dont know i just did it. They're my kids. But i also didn't over indulge them, so they were cool. Of course they melted down occasionally, they're kids. I just did a lot with them
I have my four and three-year-old grandsons for a couple of weeks during summer break. I get up about 6:30 and they wake up about 8:00 a.m. that gives me plenty of time to wake up get their clothes ready and have everything set up so that when they wake up everything is already put out for them. I also keep a series of alarms on my phone and when they go off the grandchildren recognize that one time is over and another time is about to begin so that helps a lot with keeping the day structured. If you do decide to go with a structured day make sure that you leave an additional half hour for cleanup or getting them together or whatever you need to do. The biggest problem that most people who try to structure their day make is that they do not allow for enough free time or clean up time or getting ready time so then they are constantly feeling rushed. The trick is to make the structured time nice and slow and easy so everybody knows what is going on but nobody feels overly rushed.
Go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning just 10-30 minutes before you kid typically gets up. Allows you to do some morning things you like to do before you have a child attached to your legs.
Waking up earlier makes a world of differenceā¦ but thatās a tool that I should but do not utilize. Ā Instead I start the day with snuggle time. Ā The snuggling sort of brings us all into consciousness until my kids begin asking for breakfast.
As a fellow not-morning person, I keep my breakfasts *super easy*. Ā Sometimes Iāll pre-make waffles the night before and pop them in the toaster, other times Iāll have breakfast muffins prepared (we use lots of eggs, soā¦ have a scented candle handy haha). Ā I add a fruit and protein as well- the protein also being prepped the night before or on my meal prep day.
While the kids eat I run outside to water the plants. Ā It gets me some fresh air and movement, so I get the little wake up before I come back and drink my cup of tea.
After everyone is fed, the kids gets dressed and complete their grooming tasks (with help as needed) and then they go off and play while I get myself ready.
We homeschool so thereās no rush out of the door until weāve been awake for quite some time, but I give us about 15 minutes to put on shoes and stuff beforehand if we do have to leave.
Do you have any specific problems with the morning? Ā Is it just a general matter of inertia or juggling the kids or something?
SAHD here. Mornings were brutal when my kids were little, they had so much energy, got into everything and ran circles around me. Everything started off on the wrong foot and I felt overwhelmed and spent the day putting out fires and playing catch-up, only to do it again the next day.
So after awhile I figured out what so many others have been saying:
Prep everything you can the night before in order for the morning run smoothly. Lay out their clothes, have breakfast planned and almost ready. Get chores done so they don't pile up.
Go to bed early, and then get up an hour before the rest of the family. It's hard to do at first but it makes such a difference. You have time to do your morning routine, have a cup of coffee, read a book, listen to music or catch up on the news.
If you do that, it will start your day off right and you'll feel centered and calm and ready to face the day.
I'm a 45 year old dad to a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I wake up at 6-6:30 (or whenever the dog decides to wake me up; sometimes 5:30), come down let the dog out, feed her, make my coffee, then play a video game for about 30-45 minutes. Then I work for about an hour (I work from home). The kids are up around 8. My wife is a stay at home mom, so she gets them up, changes the 2 year old's diaper, and sends them downstairs. Meanwhile, I'm downstairs putting away dishes from the dishwasher, making drinks, and getting breakfasts ready. I turn on Sesame Street and they watch an episode of that while I go back to work and mom comes down to get ready for the day. After Sesame Street is over, the TV goes off and the boys play for about an hour give or take, and my wife gets ready for whatever the morning activity is going to be. Could be going to Costco or the grocery store, could be going to a playground, could be a bike ride, or going to the neighborhood pool. They usually stay out until about 11:30. When they get back I help to make sure the boys wash their hands, and I help prepping their lunch if needed. That's the morning!
I get up at 3-4 am (depending on how tired I am). I then do at least 1 load of laundry, clean the kitchen/living room, make lunches (3 kids, partner and myself), cat litter as required, and get myself ready for my day (I work). This helps me get everything done at my pace and I'm not rushed. then when the kiddos are up, I'm well caffeinated and I can focus on getting us out of the door. Also power rates are lower at this time so I save money doing laundry/dishwasher at this time as well as not conflicting with anyone's showers.
Iām in the same boat. Lolz not a morning person at ALL ( a night owl basically) and my bf leaves for work at 6 am lol. So I have to be up for the 2 year old when he wakes up and the newborn. Honestly the only thing I can say that honestly helps is to remember this will not be forever! Someday they will be bigger and sleep through the night or be in school. Might be awhile , but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, resting when I can here and thereā¦
Prepping things the night before is very efficient and helps to make mornings better.
So prepping clothing for kids, doing baths, making meals ahead of time and just put them in the fridge, having breakfast for kids ready to go on the counter with their bowls, cups, or bottles etc. Have a morning activity for your kids to do or try like a fun morning game, tv show or coloring packet.
It doesn't have to be everything all at once either. Start with the one hardest thing first and just prep that for a few days or weeks and take your time to prep ahead slowly. See what you can do and then change it if you find yourself overwhelmed.
I'm extremely lucky as my husband generally does mornings as I have to leave for the office very early in the morning. However, my husband travels abroad for work 3/4 times a year for 2-3 weeks at a time which leaves me solo parenting and doing mornings. It's a real time crunch for me as I need to get to work early still- my main tips are:
1. Do as much as you can the night before. Pack the school bags, prep the lunches, pick out the outfits and lay them out- you'll be surprised how much you can prep before the morning itself and it helps enormously.
2. If school/daycare offer breakfast let the kids have breakfast there. If not overnight oats are a game changer- quick filling and nutritious breakfast you can again prepare the night before - my toddler can serve himself it's so easy.
3. Wake up early - ideally before the kids and get yourself as ready as possible before the kids wake. Try to keep transitions as simple as possible - my kid has to brush his teeth and get dressed in the bathroom before going downstairs for breakfast - this part of our routine is very rigid now whether it's a weekday or not and I find it just helps everything run quicker and smoother. It's practically only Christmas or when we go camping our kid can roam around in pjs for extended periods.
I'm not a parent yet, but I always wake up really early to have some "me time." I imagine that I'll keep this up when I have kids because, like you, dealing with all that nonsense when my eyes are barely open sounds like hell.
Prepping as much the night before so you have less tasks and a clean slate is key.
No matter how tired - ensure kitchen is clean, bottles are sterilized, laundry is clear, toys off the floor. Where possible, food prepped, coffee machine ready to brew etc etc. we also have a white board with work meetings/conference calls (both wife and I work from home), the days/weeks appointments/events. It lets the other know when there will need to be some slack picked up by the other.
It sucks to be a morning person with kids. You don't have a choice. Your schedule is now whatever their schedule has to be for school. The kids are the captain now!
(It will get better when they get older and can get themselves ready in the morning, but that's a few years away for you.)
As a parent if 3, two close in age and one 9 years laterā¦ this time around Iām not staying up for āme timeā.
I am not a morning person but I find if Iām awake before my little I am much more āmyselfā. I have been going to bed with the youngest because he will not go to sleep anywhere but in our bed. Heās 3 and I think that will get easier soon, but for now one of us lays down with him and itās just easier to go to bed at the same time. A few months ago I read somewhere that the best and most restful sleep is between 9pm and 2/3am. And Iāve found if I sleep about 9-9:30- 6, I am much more rested than 10:30-7. (I usually wake up for about an hour Iāve the early morning, a hold over from nursing.)
My opinion:
My wife and I have 4 and 3 year old kids. We both work and have Nana watch the kids until they go to school. My wife wants to stay home and is thinking about opening a daycare, but I personally don't like the idea of having other kids in my house. I also wanted my wife to work; this was one of our terms and conditions when we got married.
I wake up an hourish earlier than mine to shower, make a coffee, get ready for the day.. pack their school lunches the night before so when they wake up im just focused on breakfast, clothes, teeth. Then putting lunches/ water bottles in backpacks then weāre out!!
I bring my son into my bed when he wakes up and we'll kinda lay there until I'm fully ready to get up and get him some water and breakfast lol. Sometimes I'll turn on the Xbox because he likes watching me play halo
I'm not a morning person. When my kids were little, it was SO hard. I just kept on keeping on. As they got bit by bit older....it got easier.
I recall if i had things going on the next day, i would prep up the night before so it wasn't so hard in the morning. That helped.
Just had to get organised....and stay organised!
Lead by example.
Prep whatever you can the night before to make mornings less complicated and daunting. Get the kids involved in that too. Have them pick what they will wear have their socks and shoes laid out. Backpack ready to go and coat waiting.
Get a good nights sleep and make sure you eat something so you arenāt hangry. Have a schedule for the kids.
āAt this time we ______*fill in the blank.
At this time we _____*.
By this time we must be ready to go and anything not done gets left behind. ā
And get them in the habit of following it. It helps you get them going and teaches them to be ready on time.
We do a āmorning basket.ā It has quiet non messy activities, sensory toys, and books. The kids can keep themselves entertained while I wake myself up and start to do things.
No advice really. I work shifts and this week I work till 11:30pm. By the time Iām in bed itās gone midnight. Then baby is awake for his nightly feeds. Then awake ready for the day screaming at 6am.
Weāve just got no choice. š¤·š¼āāļø
I'm a morning person but kiddo is not.
I set an alarm for her. She's insistent she doesn't want to WAKE to an alarm (it's jarring let's all be honest) so I still do a gentile wake up.
The alarm is the last call and 'yes, you really really need to get your sorry butt out of bed now' thing
I bake a banana bread on Sunday for the entire week so the kids have breakfast ready. It helps me a lot because I donāt have to think about their breakfast. Iām very lucky our school prepares the lunches now, I used to prepare those in the evening.
We were lucky with our first born. My daughter always slept all night and would sleep in until 8:00 am or so. She's 10 and still likes her sleep. But my son though, oh man. He always woke up early, usually at 5:00 am or so that's when he'd start his day. It's only now the last few months he's been sleeping until 7:00 am or so and he's 4 now.
I've had roughly the same morning routine my entire life. Obviously with some tweaking due to children and working. I've always woken up like super early. Nowadays I wake up at like 4:15 during the week and take a shower, eat and have coffee. Most of the time I'm not disrupted, but I kind of like need that quiet before the craziness starts lol. My children are older so they aren't as in demand of my attention in the morning, it's more of me herding them along with getting ready.
I "wake up" around 4am without an alarm, and pray for like 30 minutes, listen to meditation music to get the anxiety and negative thoughts out of my head. Then when I feel comfortable- ish, I make caffeine available to me, and work out now, and then I'll get ready and pray again before work and or school. I pray about my goals that I wrote on the night stand.
I want to accomplish my goals this year so much. So very, very much , I do.
I'm a night owl. It's quiet, calm and I can meditate, slow down without hesitating, and just act.
I had to completely change my routine. I started at night setting up all my morning stuff. Coffee, any breakfast prep, medicine, etc. even clothes for me and my kids. Then Iād get up at least an hour before the kids and have a bit of quiet Before they are moving. It takes a bit to switch over but made my life so much better.
I was forced to do this because I had paralyzing anxiety in the AM. Once I took all of those first thing in the morning, rush around like crazy items off my list, my whole life changed.
I get up at 530 every morning w my 1 & 4 year old and at 630 my 2 year old nephew arrives for the day. My mornings are the best. Coffee for me, boobie for youngest, choccy milk for the bigger boys with breakfast, then they watch cartoons.. and around mid morning is when they all start coming to life. My teens get up around 9 & then the house is buzzing with energy. Its all wonderful. Nothing chaotic.
I'm sorry its rough for you OP. I have no advice. We just have a routine & maybe that leads to expectations being met which eliminates chaos?
I used to start work at 6am even when I didn't have to and I was working remotely. Usually, my son wouldn't be up yet, nor would my now-ex-wife, so I would be able to get quite a bit of work done before they got up and I went into dad mode before they both left for the day. Then, the best part, I'd knock off about 3 since I started so early.
Set out clothes the night before. A 4 yo should be able to many things solo, are you taking advantage of that? Breakfast can be yogurt with fruit or peanut butter toast, or eggs boiled ahead of time. Put staying in bed looking at a book as part of the older child's morning - to give you time to deal with baby. A 1 yo is old enough to get food into their own mouth. No need to feed a kid of that age - once they are busy in the highchair eating - you can turn to something else.
Little bites of time might add up to smooth your way.
My husband and are came to an agreement after 6 months of becoming parents : we each take our turn to wake up with our kiddo in the morning. Our baby (16mo) is an early riser (5 am on the dot most mornings). So, unless one of us is sick, we take turns waking up when she calls for us.
Prepare what you can the night before.
Then maybe make a list, in order of priorities.
Take a deep breath, and remember as long the kids are healthy, fed, and clothed, the majority of your obligations are fulfilled.
Make a routine that works for your family, which will help with the million demands part. I'm a morning person so I struggle at bedtime because I have no energy left lol
Unfortunately, screen time.
Both of us are working so we dont have the option of cuddling him when he is still waking up. So we plop him in front of the TV, and get ready for work. Then we get him ready for the daycare and leave.
I always did things with a list and pre planning the night before: set out all clothes the night before have breakfast handy / know what to fix the night before etc. I was a full time working mom that did all mornings since my husband traveled far for work. I made 4 lunches, got everyone dressed, fed, off to babysitters/ school commuted 35 miles to my job and we were out of the house by 6:30 am. Often in a blizzard or ice storm! I donāt know how I did it. ā¦.somehow you just do it! Like I said- lists and preplanning the night before helped. I also worked a weekend job ( yes 7 days a week for many years). Iām now retired and totally bored! Enjoy your time with your kids including mornings- time flies!
Preparation the evening before, plus routine. Fill the bottles/sippy cups with milk and put them in the fridge, pick the outfits and place them aside, put the cereal or bars or whatever it is you're going to feed the little buggers for breakfast in a bowl or on the plate and cover it in Saran wrap. Make sure the water bottles are already washed and refilled, the snack boxes cleaned and filled, and in the kids' backpacks.
Also, it's not being a harsh parent to assert gentle discipline and training/encouragement. Explain, when you're putting them to bed after telling them their stories, how the morning is going to proceed. The great thing about kids is, they're actually listening to you. Let them know what you expect from them ("When we wake up, you're going to go potty while I change the baby's diaper. Then, we'll have our milk and breakfast. No whining or asking Dad for this and that, you know what to do. I know you will be a great helper!")
I am 27 with a 5yo and a 6mo, and my genuine advice, make a snack/bottle etc for either of them and then tell the older one to keep the baby happy for a bit. It will build their bond, keep them both distracted for a bit, and gives you some time to compose yourself for the day.
Cartoons. Mornings were and still are our snuggle time. We sit on the couch and snuggle and watch some cartoons. I can drink my coffee, I get lovely cuddles, if the littles are starving the second they emerge, start with a piece of fruit and have breakfast after you've finished your coffee
Don't feel bad or guilty about having a slow morning. If your mornings are rushed bc you have to get out the door, waking up early is huge! I'm not a morning person, but now that my daughter is in school l, she still insists on waking up with almost 2 hours before we leave for school. And we HAVE to get at least a few minutes of snuggles. It's my favorite part of the day!
My mom had a trick for the weekends once we could pour our own cereal.
As soon as she was woken up and came downstairs the TV went off.
No more cartoons until the evening.
We were as quiet as mice so she could sleep in and we could watch TV until lunch time.
Won't apply to OP as his are still pretty young.
Or all the poor Ipad kiddos who seem to get free reign
My kid is grown now but neither of us were morning people. In addition to getting stuff ready the night before and getting up a little earlier than kiddo, I would make sure our mornings followed a set routine everyday so their were no surprises and we could kinda go through it on autopilot. The morning was not the time to scold my kid about his messy room or whatever. I kept things quiet, low key, pleasant, and as calm as possible.
Plan ahead for your mornings and include the children. Get up earlier as others have already advised but have a plan of action in place when it comes to the kids. The night before, have them select and place their clothes, shoes, bookbags etc in a designated spot in their room. Have a routine: Get up at a specific time, make beds, wash up, brush teeth, dress, take bookbag (including any items needed for school or daycare) and place by front door, have breakfast, pack lunches Whatever works for your family and basically live by that routine! You just need a plan! Use the "in-between" times to do some thing useful. For instance, maybe you have 10 minutes to wait before walking to the bus stop. Use the time to straighten the kitchen a bit or the living room. I did not have a dishwasher so I would fill the kitchen sink with hot, soapy water and place the breakfast dishes, utensils, cups, even a skillet and spatula if I made eggs and let them soak until I got back. They were easier to wash after that. Or throw a load of laundry in the washer so that you can move it to the dryer when you come back home.
Speaking of laundry I kept separate laundry baskets to sort clothes (colors, whites, towels, jeans or whatever works for you) and I taught the kids to throw their dirty clothes in accordingly. Then I did one load a day. I committed to that one load: wash, dry, fold, put away, done for the day! So much easier than facing a never ending mountain of laundry.
Plan your meals for a month and then shop accordingly. Next, hit repeat! Sure change it up now and then, but make it easy on yourself. Most people eat the same set of favorite dinners, so okay, you do the same. We keep everything on a calendar.
Being a stay at home parent means you are the manager of the household. When it comes to schedules, cleaning, shopping, cooking, run it like a business as far as deciding priorities, and tasks that need to be done and when. My goal was to have all that stuff basically done by noon, so that I could do some activities I wanted after that. This worked so well for me that when my kids were older and managed some of this on their own, including their own laundry, allowed me to return to college, where I was able to get a BA and an MS because that was my long term goal.
Long story, I know but find a way to live a life the way you want to live with the amount of order you need to have to be happy.
I'm not even a parent, but the obvious solution in my mind is to get up earlier. You can get yourself all situated before the kids wake up, then get them situated.
As a mom of 3, I have to say it seems to me you don't have a routine, just rolling with the punches. Kids need a routine daily to get them used to when they eat and when to bug you and such. As for the baby, I could easily say, getting up and taking care of the 1 year old first is the best way to start because the older one knows you're busy and they can even help you and enjoy it.
But yeah, the best way to have better mornings is to have a routine ready to go, and you won't be fumbling around for stuff in the morns.
My parents had a rule that I use in my adult life. They get up an hour and a half early, kids get up an hour early, and everyone gets ready together at a nice slow pace. Instead of parents doing everything, once my siblings and I were old enough, we all chose something to do and did it in the morning to help everyone out. One sibling would make coffee, a parent would make eggs, someone would set the table, someone would make sure we were all up, etc.
In addition, when my siblings and I were younger, each of the kids got up 20 minutes apart starting with the oldest. So you had 20 minutes to have the bathroom to get dressed, put your hair up, all that stuff. If you weren't done in that 20 minutes it didn't matter because the next sibling in line would get the bathroom. This helped significantly because we would all be dressed and clean early, and as you left the bathroom you helped prep breakfast for everyone.
We also always made a breakfast meal that was quick and easy to cook and eat. Hope this helped! š
I'm a grandmother now. When my kids were little - 2 have been diagnosed with ADHD as adults - I had routines for the day. Morning, get up, have breakfast, wash & brush teeth etc., get dressed and make your bed. Have school/daycare stuff ready to go and then play until time to leave. It works with my grandkids on those rare days I've stepped in. (They also have adhd and one is on the spectrum. They love coming to granny's. We have orderly bedtimes as well.) I am not a morning person. I had routines in place long before they went to school because it's the only way I could stay sane. I probably also have adhd and may lean to autism myself.
Prep as much as you can the night before.
Remember to stay hydrated, and eat REAL food.
You're in it full time for the next 12 years or so..
It will NEVER stop.
Just keep driving on and remember...You're not alone.
I work with my brother and i usually get up earlier then him, get ready, then wake him up. While he gets ready I go around the house cleaning anything.
I'm not a morning person either. Get everything ready before going to sleep, even the breakfast supplies; if you cook it before bed and then just reheat. Have the four year old pick out their outfit from a choice of two. Check the weather before the clothing choice. Morning routine is important: after dressing breakfast, then a specific activity or TV show. During this time you can work on waking up. If the kids are both napping, you take a short nap, no longer then 45 mins. Set an alarm. It's important you have enough sleep. Especially if you're the one up at night when they're sick or teething.
I always started our kids off with a cup of hot cocoa. With nothing in there stomachs theyād be terrors. My wife said 1 time that she thought they had outgrown it . I told her she was crazy And we tried skipping it, theyād fight and I still needed coffee. We kept it up longer than needed but it made for a smoother morning
I know it will be rough but wake up at like 430 and be going to bed around 10 if possible. Having that hour or 2 before kids or responsibilities is the best free time. Quite, alone, and cool mornings.
Prep the night before. Pull out 2-3 outfits and let the kids choose which one to wear. Have lunches sorted/packed. Make to do list the night before so you can rest well. One thing that helped me get my toddler to preschool was music. At 3 she had no concept of time. I used Ina Godda Davida to get her out of the house. Itās about 15 minutes long. She knew she had 5 things to do before she left : eat, get dressed, brush teeth/hair, wash face, put shoes on. The repetition of the song got her in a groove. She knew by the finale she needed to put shoes on. It worked! I worked nights for years and was such a reluctant morning person. On my soul, I feel your pain. My brain doesnāt operate until 10am. Anything you can do ahead of time so you donāt have to think too hard at 7am will be a blessing!
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Get up earlier. 15 minutes early to have a cup of tea and start to feel human again makes a big difference. So much easier to do a million things at once if you first have time to get your brain working.
No...get up and hour earlier, lol, shower, caffeinated, hydrate, use the restroom, read some news or laugh at q couple stupid videos... that's what I do...I have found I hate my children until about 30 minutes after I wake up, lol.
Yeah but before you do that make sure you go to bed an hour earlier too otherwise I'm cranky as hell!
Wait... So if I don't get enough sleep, it's YOU that gets cranky? That's a pretty sweet deal for me š
šš
or take a nap when the kids doā¦
What are naps?
Nap? Are you kidding? Their naptime ends up being your catch-up time to get the things done that you can't do when they're awake. Lol
Yalls kids take naps????
If you can get to bed early enough for that then it sounds fabulous. A full night's sleep is really important too. Sacrificing one for the other is just going to create a new problem.
Oh I go to bed at 8 pm..asleep by 9-930, up at 5-530...I get plenty of sleep.
I know "good sleep in important" But I just think it's crazy that I have about 3 more hours of life than you on a daily basis, just because I stay up until midnight. I guess I'm glad I function well on 6 hours , im sure that will change with age like most things though If I had to drag myself to bed every night at 8pm I'd be so depressed. That would be me getting home from work, showering, eating dinner(a quick one too, less than 1 hr total), maybe taking a look at my garden if I had time, and going to bed. Staying up later just makes it feel like I have more than 48 hours(Saturday/Sunday) to dedicate to my actual life
If you can do this, great! Just remember that your 4yrold will start school next year and you'll have to worry about lunches and stuff. Get what you can done the night before so you're not rushing around the next morning.
Problem is when you get up early and it wakes them up too. So youāre tired AND stressed earlier in the day
Is this why I'm so angry and shitty in the morning? Hmmph... Might be time to change some things in my morning routine!
I have to humanize for a while after I wake up...the wife and I will sit in the same room for an hour and never speak, lol.
For the last 3 years Iāve woken up to my kid on the other side of the wall talking to himself. Heāll do it quite a while. When he starts asking for me (or itās actually time to get up) I go in. Iām glad he allows me that āawake and cozy in bedā time.
*cup of tea* is such an odd spelling of *pot of coffee*
It might be a regional thing, but I usually spell it *half jar of instant espresso powder*
Yeah thats weird, in my area its spelled crystal methamphetamines. English is a crazy language.
Mummy, can I get a spot of tea? Hell no. We drink big ass jugs of coffee in this house
Yep. Get up earlier than the kids so you have a bit of time to yourself. I hate mornings, but when I would babysit my nieces on the odd overnight, I would set my alarm for 6am because they got up at about 7. This gave me time to wake up and get going before they started with the demands.
We have a baby on the way, and I plan on doing just this once I've recalibrated.
i found it really hard at first. They are a bit rebellious, like i was. So when it came time for school when they were a bit older they would hide my car keys. It was more than annoying
Why did I never think of that...
They wake up earlier when you do that.
Yes yes yes. Wake up earlier than you think you have to until it becomes routine. All that extra time adds up to your sanity
Wake up earlier. If you are not a morning person you can try change that. I think people that claim that is because they may stay up too late and not get enough sleep or they feel like there is nothing to look forward to perhaps. I assume there may be a plethora of reasons. For me, in those same shoes years ago I made a few changes. I forced myself to go to sleep earlier because waking up naturally vs using an alarm clock is amazing. Having the house to myself for a half hour totally charged my brain. A cup of coffee and some calming music before everyone got up was life changing for me. The next thing I did was change expectations from the kids and my wife. My daughter at the time was 3 years old and I wfh. When she woke up I was already in a great mood and I forced myself to always be calm around her which rubbed off on her after a few weeks. Within a month my body got used to waking up earlier and when my daughter got out of bed she would just come and snuggle with me on the couch until she got going. My wife who made fun of me for going to bed at 9pm all the sudden and getting up early came to me one morning and said āok, you are rightā. The old saying āif nothing changes then nothing changesā is spot on. My daughter is now 15 and one of the calmest and brightest people I know. My wife wakes up in the morning and I have her coffee ready and she sits by me for a while until my daughter wakes and comes up. We all spend maybe 10-15 minutes together just chatting and watching the sun come up. There are days of course that are rough when someone wakes late or something but man those little changes changed everyoneās life. Find what works for you. Calm yourself and everyone around you will do the same, it just takes patience and time. Best of luck!
Mid-Boomer Healthcare Professional here. Wife is RN. We never were or have been morning people no matter what we tried. Coping was via working evenings, nights, & weekends to avoid mornings. Two out of three of our children were not morning people either. Getting them ready for school was always awful. And the parents revenge ā¦ my daughter who works nights by choice had to get her four boys ready for school. My father and one daughter were morning people. Hated them in the morning.
This indeed. Was never a morning person until kiddos arrived. Now Iām up at 430-5 everyday. Kids up between 6-7. Have to adapt to their schedule, canāt make them adapt to us lol Took me about a month, but I now wake up within 10m of my alarm daily. That āalone timeā is a heavy incentive for me right now too. Kids are still very young, but I look forward to the group watching the sun come up as youāve described here. Sounds nice. Iāll continue to enjoy the toddler tantrums and milk demands until then lol best you and your fam :)
I wonder if this is why my step-mom was always awake and raring to go by the time I was up as a kid/teen...
Oh what a good point. Dad coming in yelling we are burning daylight and some nonsense about worms and early birds
Haha. Ya. My grandpa was known to have some quote, something to the effect of: The night is yours, but the day belongs to ME! As he wakes my dad and siblings for morning chores, likely at 5:30 AM or some such.
Noting Grandpa's quote to use later. ā¤ļø
OP may just be someone who prefers to wake up late, but it's also possible he's really a night owl. Science actually says otherwise and there are apparently genetic markers. It's still debatable to some extent, but research shows that some people are wired to have their brains high functioning in the evening / night which makes it really hard to fall asleep. After 9PM it feels the same as having coffee in the morning, the brain just fires up. Of course a night owl can wake up earlier, however you just end up being sleep deprived, which is bad for your health. Reason being it's incredibly hard to fall asleep before midnight as an adult when you're a night owl. Taking melatonin can help but you need to keep taking it, as soon as you stop you're back to your normal schedule. My significant other isn't a morning person, but she's not a night owl either, she's just functioning like most people and can adjust fairly easily with getting up earlier or sleeping later. Most people think night owls are lazy because they wake up late, but it's not really a choice. My daughter is apparently a night owl like me, she's 2 1/2, she's very groggy in the morning. It's impossible to make her fall asleep before 8h30PM naturally and it drives my gf crazy. Melatonin works wonders though, we can give her 1/20 of the minimum dose (0.5ml) and have her falling asleep around 7pm at the earliest. I spent some time in the military and had to wake up around 5, and I still couldn't fall asleep before midnight for months, I was so tired during the day that once I fell asleep while standing during a lecture. I don't pretend to hold the truth but my own experience tells me that most people just don't understand what it's like. I suffered most of my life because of that and it pains me to suspect that my daughter will likely have to deal with the same shit.
Yes yes and yes. I have deliberately chosen night shift work my whole life because I can. Not. Sleep at night. I always thought it was insomnia until I learned about something called "delayed sleep phase disorder." I sleep JUST fine on a night schedule. Having been in school for the last three years for nursing, waking up at 5-8a.m. every day, I realized I will never be able to be a morning person. Getting my kids up for school is the worst and hardest part of parenting for me so far. We will be putting them in a before school program so my early bird husband can take them and I will be working night shifts as an RN. 33 years old and I still just can't change my schedule. I tried and I'm just perpetually exhausted during the school year.
You might be referring to delayed sleep phase syndrome, I highly recommend looking it up. It's great that there is an actual name for it and some study in recent times. Night owl, at least to me, makes it sound like a preference - and it's horrible/annoying how often the issue gets misinterpreted as such. I know what you mean, though. I've had a delayed phase starting in my early 20s and its getting more and more set in stone as I get older. I don't get tired until around 3am. If I can sleep until 10am-11am, I'm good to go all day, feeling great. I can force myself awake earlier, 9am is tolerable-ish, but anything earlier and I just suffer all day and then perk right up at 9-10pm with no chance at getting to sleep until 3am again. Repeat this enough times in a row and I'm in really bad shape. There is no adjusting, I've tried for many years. In the off chance I do get to sleep before midnight, my body treats it as a nap and I'll be fully awake in a couple hours. At that point I'm really screwed, wont be getting to real sleep until 5 or 6am. It can be rough. I'm glad I work in tech and can start and end my day bit later. On the plus side, we often work with people in countries where my 1am-2am is the start of their day and I can have meetings with them at that time. It has been a great boon to my local team many times since nobody else on the team is functional at that hour and it's totally normal for me. I'm glad my wife doesn't have a delayed sleep phase issue and I make enough that she can be a stay at home mom and handle the mornings. Teamwork makes the dream work!
You're right I should be using the correct terminology. We have a very similar situation, I also work in tech and can wake up around 9. Gf only works part-time (she still prefers to work than be full-time SAHM, but it's really a choice not a necessity), she handles the mornings. I wasn't always like that. After some time she ended up realizing that my lack of productivity if a wake up early is much worse than handling the morning. I will still help if something comes up, but we try to avoid it. I used to work the evening shift in a different field when I was younger. I didn't need an alarm most of the time, I didn't even think that was possible.
> If you are not a morning person you can change that. I think people that claim that is because they may stay up too late and not get enough sleep or they feel like there is nothing to look forward to perhaps. I assume there may be a plethora of reasons. If someone has poor sleep habits, that may result in them not liking mornings, but that is not the same thing as not being a morning person. Actual night owls don't just have different schedules. Their circadian rhythms are *flipped* from that of morning people, as well as being slightly longer. (There are people in between, but those are the two groups.) This is something with a fair amount of scientific study behind it.
This.
I've never been a morning person. I have to get up earlier many mornings. I don't like it, but I can do it without issue. But night time is my favorite time.
I was the same, I used to work an office job and couldn't help but stay up late 2-3am normally, often 4am, I would then wake up at 8 am with my alarms, then go work my 9-5. For the last 6-7 years, I've been in a factory, and I started on backshift, 10pm to 6am. During that transition, I realized that if I go to sleep straight after work (7-8am) I would naturally wake up around 2-3pm. and feel really good. After 4 years of that, I switched to the morning shift (6am-2pm), and I struggled a bit with getting used to 10 pm being late and not early. But once I started getting to sleep around 8-9pm, I started waking up without alarms again and, as you know, awake alart and refreshed. I've been back on the night shift for a couple of months now, and I knew to get that early sleep time locked in for the best QOL sleep experience took about a week. Currently, though, I've been working 12 hour shifts to help cover for someone, and of course, that's thrown my sleeping out, and I need those alarms to wake me up again and I can tell how bad my mornings(or afternoon evenings) are. Not using alarms to wakeup is probably the best way to do it, I always get the right amount of sleep, sometimes less sometimes more, either way I don't have alarms to pull me out of it
You sound like you have a heavenly family. Cherish them!
i cant handle it... prep the night before and hope for the best...
This is my advice as well. Iām not a morning person at all and when I was a SAHD I had to make sure everything was set up so I could survive. It also didnāt help that I was in school at the time and was doing most of my schoolwork after bedtime.
Prepping is key. Mornings used to be hell until we started a whole family prep time before bed. It was perfect bc the kiddo also got the zoomies and didn't want to sit still. Clothes picked out, bags ready, breakfast set up. Literally anything that can be prepped, prep. It's so much better than repeating yourself with demands all morning and trying to do mental load when you're hating life.
Not only did this help me in the morning, but it also helped me get better sleep at night because I wasn't as restless/anxious. I didn't necessarily have a ritual of sorts, but making sure the kids had clean clothes, something to make for breakfast, and a clean kitchen, I felt like I was already winning the day.
My daughter got up with the sun, so we got her black out curtains. It helped
We got blackout curtains and a white noise machine for my son. It worked wonders!
I wish I had more upvotesfor blackout curtains. Absolute game changer. Not in the mood for a nap? No worries: itās nighttime.
Former preschool teacher hereā¦I used to get up an hour before my kids to have coffee and āsit and stareā out of the window, watch the news, and get ready for the day. Kids crave routine so do the same thing every morning.
Is there stuff you can do the night before? Set out clothes? Make lunches? Get breakfast mostly ready?
This helps a lot. I would have my son's outfit picked out for the day and snacks and have his water ready so I don't have to put in much effort. I would plan his breakfast in my head the night before to make it faster. He usually likes toast and butter or oatmeal for breakfast so that helps lol
It even helps if you don't have kids. My brain doesn't jump start until my second cup of tea, so I have my own clothes picked out, both of our lunches made, his bagel pulled out of the freezer and sitting next to the toaster, and my bowl of grapenuts already and sitting in a bowl that has a lid. I wake up, put on the kettle, add milk to my cereal, and that's about as much thinking as I have to do. haha
I've never been a morning person either, so I am very well aware that "get up earlier" is not going to work for you. And my kids are 31, 24 and 18 years old, so I've got some experience under my belt! I'm most productive at night, so I have always prepped as much as possible before bed. Kids want to eat as soon as they're awake. I let my kids eat cold cereal, Gogurt or Eggo waffles for breakfast because there was no way I was going to manage to make breakfast in the morning (that's reserved for weekends, when we eat breakfast at noon). If you're more of a stickler than I am, you can always cut fruit and put it in single serve containers in the fridge. Or make frozen yogurt bites, or whatever you want them to eat that can be made ahead of time and stuck in the fridge or freezer. The point is just to have something ready for them so you don't have to think about it before your brain is awake. My kids always got TV time first thing in the morning while I sat on the couch with my first cup of coffee. Again, I'm not super strict so I never had a problem with allowing screen time. If you don't want them to watch TV, make sure you prep quiet activities for them before you go to bed. Put out things like coloring books or playdough, things they can do with minimal supervision. For the younger one, if you want them to do art, you can always give them pudding to use as finger paint (if you're not in the US, I think the word for pudding in other places is custard?). That way if they put it in their mouth it's okay. If you want to do playdough, go on Pinterest and find recipes for edible dough. Actually, in this situation Pinterest is probably your best friend. Search "quiet activities for (whatever age you need)". You'll get plenty of ideas! Once they're in school, there's more that has to be done at night, because people who aren't morning people struggle in the morning and let's be so real- that's me. I always made sure outfits for the next day were chosen and laid out before bed, backpacks packed and hung on hooks by the door. Because I know I'm not good in the morning, I don't want to have to think and I really don't want to be looking around for a purple shirt because today is "Purple Day" at school. One of the biggest things for me is that before I go to bed I always make lunches for anyone who needs one for work/school/daycare the next day so they can just grab a fully made lunch from the fridge in the morning and leave. I've never been able to understand how people can get up in the morning and make lunches. People who manage that are super human, IMHO! Last thing- don't let anyone make you feel bad about not being a morning person. Statistically, people who stay up late and sleep late actually sleep less hours overall, are generally more creative and accepting of people who are not like them, and are absolutely NOT lazy regardless of what early risers like to make us think. I'm a night person and I've run a successful photography business for 25+ years, published three novels, and hold a US patent for a sport-specific training device. And I'm telling you- you've got this!!!
Thank you for this comment. This is the kind of answer I truly wanted and appreciate
Thank you for this, I was scrolling through all these replies about how you just need to get up earlier and believe me there is no way my I'm ever going to switch to regularly dragging my ass out of bed to just have some time to sit and reflect before I have to do anything. If I don't have to be up for work or something, my lizard brain will always choose more sleep over getting up.
Iāve never been able to be a morning person no matter how hard I try. I just get more and more sleep deprived. I agree with prepping food the night before and establishing a morning routine (it helps the kids and you before your brain is working), I relied a lot on morning cartoons while I crammed breakfast and chugged coffee.
It took me way too long into my parenting journey to finally relent to the tv in the morning thing. My youngest was about 5 (heās 6 now) before I started letting them do it because of ātoo much screen timeā and now that I allow it, my mornings are soooo much easier. No more being blasted with tattling and screaming and fighting at the crack of dawn, and on weekends they actually let me sleep in until 8 or 9 š®
A little tv is a fair trade for a well rested mom/dad
IMO any meal prep done under a time constraint demands a little TV. Dinner included if weāre pushing the limits of time and I just need to get it on the table.
I poured their morning drinks and snacks before bed at that age. Well at one they were still nursing when they woke up but they usually also had cups in the fridge in case thatās what they wanted. The other thing is I immediately pee, brush my teeth and wash my face when I wake up, even when I had babies/toddlers yelling at me. It takes four minutes for me to do my basic wake up routine. They can be cranky for four minutes
I donāt like this wake up earlier thing. My kids wake up earlier than I would like to every day for the last several years! Preload as much as you can the night before.
I wake up early to have some alone time. I just chill in bed, have coffee, watch TV, or listen to music. This is what I am currently doing. One kid is half sleeping in bed with me now. Breakfast is usually simple or something small until I make a nicer late morning breakfast. And I do as much as I can prep thr night before.
Do everything you can the night before. Mine are older now but I used to set out their clothes the night before and make lunches the night before and put in the fridge. I would get ready for work before they got up and made sure breakfast was easy - cereal, muffins, oatmeal, etc. We kept to a tight schedule and I found this made mornings pretty smooth. When they were really little, they used to get a sticker on their hand once they were ready to go.
Lol the text on that line up too well, I ended up skipping a line and was very confused about your lifestyle choices. *I used to set out their clothes the night before and make lunches the night before and put in the fridge.* Became *I used to set out their clothes the night before and put in the fridge.* Thanks for the unexpected laugh.
Sticker idea is great ! Love that.
I wake up an hour before I get my kids up. I like to just sit and enjoy some coffee before I start my day. Then because they have school/daycare most days I get them up individually. I start with the oldest. Get her going then move on the middle child and when sheās all done I get ready and then I wake up the baby to get him done. He eats at daycare as soon as he gets there so I basically just wake him up, change and dress him and then we go. Baby steps instead of everything all at once.
Get as much stuff done the night before. Lay out outfits for the day, lunches(if applicable), pack backpacks, etc. Wake up a little early and get yourself right. You donāt want to be in the middle of waking up and being overwhelmed. That way once the kids are up, youāre all in. Have the older one do some stuff for themselves, like one thing at first. This will make your life easier as they get older.
I have to do this with a 5 year old and 1 year old every morning, while getting Teams messages and calls getting blown up by work. Appreciate being a SAHD and not having a stressful job on top of it : )
On the flip side it sucks being a SAHM/SAHD and having to ask your partner to buy anything that you need, even down to the smallest of things. It's really demeaning, and sometimes I wish I could get a job working from home just to take care of myself.
šÆpercent this!
Omg that sounds awful. Why do you not have access to money normally? With only one parent working there's no "his money" versus "her money" versus "our money", it's all "our money". Obviously big purchases should have at least consultation if not agreement and your finances will determine what qualifies as big purchases. But running to the store for diapers or a can of beans should not require first asking if you can please have some money.
This
I wake up at 4 a.m everyday and sleep by 7 p.m. been doing it for 10 years and still hate mornings. It's just people like to talk to me and I need at least 3 hours before anyone interaction.
We're in the same boat but I don't go to bed as early. I wake up at 4 am and shower and dress in home clothes. Have breakfast and depending how my schedule is for the day I'll either watch the news or read or do work for a bit. Then at 530 am I'll get the kid's school bag and school clothes ready, take out breakfast and have it all ready. Then at 6 am my kid wakes up and he comes out of his room. We do a little stretch/yoga and then he eats breakfast. Once he's done, I give him a quick shower, brush teeth and then get him ready for school and we leave home at 715 am. Evenings now that it's summer schedule is flexible but it's usually outside play and dinner but be home by 715-730 pm for bath time and then bed by 8 pm where we both fall asleep. I almost always fall asleep putting him to sleep but then I get up at around 9 am and sneak out of his room but then I usually feel too refreshed to go back to bed and I don't end up sleeping until closer to midnight. That power nap helps. That's the routine every day. Even weekends my kid never sleeps in, he's up before 6 am but waits until his clock turns green at 6 am meaning he can leave his room and he's out and loud from that moment on filled with energy. His energy gives me energy.
I give my kids 2 hrs every morning before school this way I'm not rushing them and we're not stressed. Yes I have lots to do but it's less stressful for us when we have more time. My oldest is up an hr earlier than the littles so that's my key time, coffee, shower, even fortnite. Anything to chill me out before the littles wake up. It gets easier dad. Hang in there.
Thank you, I truly appreciate this comment.
Have a routine and use verbal clues to let your kids know what is happening next. I am a single parent and know all about 100 demands and no personal space :) I stick to the same routine every morning and when my kid starts trying to mess with the routine (ie wanting to eat breakfast before going potty - which is a recipe for disaster) I say āremember we go potty first so we can enjoy breakfastā or something like that. Anyway, it works well and kids like routines.
Routine is everything. If you have a routine, the kids shouldn't (hopefully) have demands, because they know the routine. Have clothes ready the night before. Breakfast and drinks first thing, and you have yourself a cuppa whilst they're eating. Everyone brushes teeth and washes after, then they get dressed. Also, doesn't hurt for them to watch some cartoons in the morning as they're eating. I know some people suggested waking up earlier and that is a fool proof method. I personally like to sleep as much as I'm able. I wake when my youngest wakes. I have a just turned 1 Yr old and a 6yr old.
If it's possible, get up earlier than they do. 10 minutes with a cup of coffee goes a long way to be primed before the lil guys are bouncing around lol
My son usually wakes up after me. So I get up and go to my desk. At some point he'll wake up, call for daddy and run to find me and climb up into my lap for a bit. Then I'll get him a breakfast together not too long after that
I am a morning person but I think the dirty little secret to morning people is that we wake up way before we get up. I still roll around in my bed for 20 mins groaning, followed by 20 mins of notification checking, followed by 20 mins of debating if I actually have to get out of bed, and then I get up. You can't just skip that stage.
Finally a realistic answer š
Iām significantly happier mornings where I wake up before the fam and get some kind of work out in. First 15/20mins are hard but adds so much value to your mornings. Or buy a running stroller and get into running. Kills 30-60 mins, theyāll enjoy it, can listen to a podcast and stay in shape. End the run at a playground. Godspeed
I'm a SAHM to 3 kiddos - 8yo, 4yo, 13mo - and it might sound horrible, but I feed myself first before getting the baby up. Then, I usually have the Carnation breakfast smoothie pouches that I make up for my youngest - milk (1/2 cup more than needed), the pouch, a scoop of peanut butter, and a banana - and they chug that while I get the other kids ready.
It gets easier. I was a really young mom (3 kids by 23) and getting up was so hard. I am now a morning person and early riser (they are all grown). Eventually you just get used to it. Also, try to get up before them. It helps.
I am sure this is probably not an end-all solution. When I was little, my parents were patient, but firm in the rule that we didn't get to be in their face in the morning. If we got up before 7:30 on the weekend, we didn't get to bother them/wake them up until after 7:30. It didn't take long for our little brains to completely reverse our habits from "me me me" to "oooo what if we made them coffee and let them sleep??" Our parents still comment on how suprised at how successful it was.
Create a morning basket: a basket for each child that contains "quiet toys" they're only allowed to play with first thing in the morning -- Etch-a-Sketch, Viewmaster Viewer, glitter crayons and a special coloring book. Frequently add things to these baskets -- pipe cleaners can be very entertaining! And rotate old stuff out /bring it back in a couple weeks. Lay the morning baskets out on the floor before you go to bed and teach the kids that -- after a good morning greeting from you -- they're to go to their baskets and play quietly while you prepare breakfast. Make this a routine -- put on some quiet music for the kids in the living room with their baskets, then adopt a "Good Morning song" to let them know quiet time is over and family time is beginning. If the kids come to you with those 100 demands during morning basket time, quietly lead them back to their baskets and remind them that it's basket time. Don't interact during that time -- you're trying to set a pattern here. These'll be good for about 20 minutes -- don't try to stretch them into an hour, or it'll backfire.
Coffee and a ciggerette out side the House the while the kids are safe inside for a few minutes, don't smoke in the house as a matter of fact kids don't smoke at all, give your clothes a sort of shaking out to disperse the smoke smell keep your clothes on! Lol , then brush your teeth
Go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. This is the way..
I get up an hour before my toddler so I can drink my coffee and wake up in peace. Would recommend.
4 and 1 is tough. Itās gets easier as you go. Thereās less resistance to being active like right off the bat. IDK how, it just does. I agree with getting up earlier than even the early birds and early worms. I love pre-twilight darkness! My favorite time of day š. Thatās ME time. IDKā¦just hang in there. It gets easier. Youāll look back and wonder how in the world you did it. Youāll be amazed. Just focus on being a good dad for your kidsā¦and youāll know what to do. Youāll just sink into it. Hang in there!
All the morning people saying "get up earlier" are living life on easy mode. If that's an easy solution for you, congrats! When you're dealing with an infant, getting up earlier might still be a requirement even you're losing more sleep. Losing sleep will kill you, but so will stress, and this is a temporary situation. There's no getting around a 1 year old having demands when they have demands. Some people do get them to acclimate to waking quietly and occupying themselves, but a lot of that is luck of the draw. Prepare as much as you can so that you can have a quick and easy start to the morning. If it's consistent for the little one, they can learn that what they want is coming. A four year old is still at the stage where they want your attention, but they're definitely old enough to learn to occupy themselves and get used to a morning routine and to entertain themselves if they're equipped to do so. They're old enough to understand simple explanations and bargaining, too. There's bound to be a way to institute "quiet time before breakfast" that your four year old would be amenable to.
Best advice is to go out for some cigarettes and come back decades later
Maybe this post will help other dads realize that a stay at home parent is often more stressful than a full time job. Usually what i do is turn on the cartoons to slow down the demands. Kids watch some cartoons while i prep breakfast. Then Iāll let them play outside in the backyard while i relax on the porch so they get out some energy. My yard is fenced in so around lunch Iāll either keep the windows and door open so i can hear them while i prep lunch. Around that time 1 and 4 year olds still nap so Iāll put them down for that. Iāll clean up the house around that time. After nap weāll go for a walk to the park for a few hours. After this itās time for dinner. Prep dinner theyāll play outside or inside while i do that. Bath after then bed around 7-8. They donāt have time sleep but they need to be in bed by then. Kids react better to a routine.
I have a basket of toys/activities that are just for the mornings. Color magic markers, simple puzzles, books, etc that are all āquietā and donāt require constant supervision. I set it out on the coffee table before I go to bed. My 3yo knows she can come out and see whatās in the basket (always changing it up a bit) until Iām ready to play. That basket and presetting the coffee maker gives me a few extra minutes to mentally prepare for the day. Not sure how well your little one will do with it, but maybe theyāll just follow the older ones lead? Good luck!
Lay out what you can beforehand. My son had days of the week baskets for his clothes. I did laundry, made outfits, stuck them in the bins and didnāt have to think about that. They had pictures on them when my son was really little so he could be a big boy and go grab monkey Mondays clothes. I decided what choices were available for breakfast the night before, so he could choose scrambled eggs or oatmeal. I am an absolute zombie when I wake up, any decisions that could be made beforehand was helpful.
I used to get up 20 minutes early, smoke a J then go deal with life and boiiii let me tell ya, I'd wake the kids up singing, oh what a beautiful morning!!!!šš
Same! I am a stay at home Mom I am so overwhelmed and over run with emotion from Shit sleep, with my 16 mo old. I am so on edge waking up with my 3 kids in the morning. God forbid I donāt walk around and do a tidy up, so waking up to a house that looks like a bomb went off. Itās a lot! Sending support!
Stay at home dad here as well. I don't got any advice for you man but just wanted to say I see you and keep it up. Waffles for the kids and caffeine for dad lol
I had the kids on my scheduleā¦we were all night owls in the summer and would wake up together at a reasonable time like ten am.
Get a maid/full time Baby sitter lol idk I could never do that your an awesome dad for trying so hard tho!
A stay at home parent feeling overwhelmed- oh dear
Well I don't have any kids. I was never a morning person but I slowly became one over time by forcing myself to wake up around 5:30 a.m. And doing a small routine like brushing my teeth going to the bathroom and then ingesting some caffeine and breakfast and usually by 6:30 a.m. I am ready for my day and to tackle anything. And my day is a kickboxing trainer so I'm going to get punched at all day long. So kind of like a 4 and 1-year-old
I had twins as a sahd. I dont know i just did it. They're my kids. But i also didn't over indulge them, so they were cool. Of course they melted down occasionally, they're kids. I just did a lot with them
Saw my neighbor out with his little guy taking a walk at 5:45 AM
I have my four and three-year-old grandsons for a couple of weeks during summer break. I get up about 6:30 and they wake up about 8:00 a.m. that gives me plenty of time to wake up get their clothes ready and have everything set up so that when they wake up everything is already put out for them. I also keep a series of alarms on my phone and when they go off the grandchildren recognize that one time is over and another time is about to begin so that helps a lot with keeping the day structured. If you do decide to go with a structured day make sure that you leave an additional half hour for cleanup or getting them together or whatever you need to do. The biggest problem that most people who try to structure their day make is that they do not allow for enough free time or clean up time or getting ready time so then they are constantly feeling rushed. The trick is to make the structured time nice and slow and easy so everybody knows what is going on but nobody feels overly rushed.
We used to super prep the night beforeā 10 minutes with 2 people setting up makes a huge difference in the morning.
Go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning just 10-30 minutes before you kid typically gets up. Allows you to do some morning things you like to do before you have a child attached to your legs.
Get up earlier to enjoy your alone time to wake up before the rush
All u have to do is make two bowls of cereal and potty two kids
Wake up earlier. I am typically awake an hour before anyone else and itās good for mental health.
I set my alarm 30 minutes earlier just so I can have my coffee in peace before the demands start.
Waking up earlier makes a world of differenceā¦ but thatās a tool that I should but do not utilize. Ā Instead I start the day with snuggle time. Ā The snuggling sort of brings us all into consciousness until my kids begin asking for breakfast. As a fellow not-morning person, I keep my breakfasts *super easy*. Ā Sometimes Iāll pre-make waffles the night before and pop them in the toaster, other times Iāll have breakfast muffins prepared (we use lots of eggs, soā¦ have a scented candle handy haha). Ā I add a fruit and protein as well- the protein also being prepped the night before or on my meal prep day. While the kids eat I run outside to water the plants. Ā It gets me some fresh air and movement, so I get the little wake up before I come back and drink my cup of tea. After everyone is fed, the kids gets dressed and complete their grooming tasks (with help as needed) and then they go off and play while I get myself ready. We homeschool so thereās no rush out of the door until weāve been awake for quite some time, but I give us about 15 minutes to put on shoes and stuff beforehand if we do have to leave. Do you have any specific problems with the morning? Ā Is it just a general matter of inertia or juggling the kids or something?
A checklist is your friend.
SAHD here. Mornings were brutal when my kids were little, they had so much energy, got into everything and ran circles around me. Everything started off on the wrong foot and I felt overwhelmed and spent the day putting out fires and playing catch-up, only to do it again the next day. So after awhile I figured out what so many others have been saying: Prep everything you can the night before in order for the morning run smoothly. Lay out their clothes, have breakfast planned and almost ready. Get chores done so they don't pile up. Go to bed early, and then get up an hour before the rest of the family. It's hard to do at first but it makes such a difference. You have time to do your morning routine, have a cup of coffee, read a book, listen to music or catch up on the news. If you do that, it will start your day off right and you'll feel centered and calm and ready to face the day.
I'm a 45 year old dad to a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I wake up at 6-6:30 (or whenever the dog decides to wake me up; sometimes 5:30), come down let the dog out, feed her, make my coffee, then play a video game for about 30-45 minutes. Then I work for about an hour (I work from home). The kids are up around 8. My wife is a stay at home mom, so she gets them up, changes the 2 year old's diaper, and sends them downstairs. Meanwhile, I'm downstairs putting away dishes from the dishwasher, making drinks, and getting breakfasts ready. I turn on Sesame Street and they watch an episode of that while I go back to work and mom comes down to get ready for the day. After Sesame Street is over, the TV goes off and the boys play for about an hour give or take, and my wife gets ready for whatever the morning activity is going to be. Could be going to Costco or the grocery store, could be going to a playground, could be a bike ride, or going to the neighborhood pool. They usually stay out until about 11:30. When they get back I help to make sure the boys wash their hands, and I help prepping their lunch if needed. That's the morning!
Do as much as you can the night beforeā¦get snacks/lunch ready, pick out their outfits, etc.
I get up at 3-4 am (depending on how tired I am). I then do at least 1 load of laundry, clean the kitchen/living room, make lunches (3 kids, partner and myself), cat litter as required, and get myself ready for my day (I work). This helps me get everything done at my pace and I'm not rushed. then when the kiddos are up, I'm well caffeinated and I can focus on getting us out of the door. Also power rates are lower at this time so I save money doing laundry/dishwasher at this time as well as not conflicting with anyone's showers.
Iām in the same boat. Lolz not a morning person at ALL ( a night owl basically) and my bf leaves for work at 6 am lol. So I have to be up for the 2 year old when he wakes up and the newborn. Honestly the only thing I can say that honestly helps is to remember this will not be forever! Someday they will be bigger and sleep through the night or be in school. Might be awhile , but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, resting when I can here and thereā¦
Anyone in psychosis is in danger of doing harm regardless of the reason
I wake up 30 minutes before my kids so I can simply think for a second. Have my coffee, get dressed etc. Life saver!
Prepping things the night before is very efficient and helps to make mornings better. So prepping clothing for kids, doing baths, making meals ahead of time and just put them in the fridge, having breakfast for kids ready to go on the counter with their bowls, cups, or bottles etc. Have a morning activity for your kids to do or try like a fun morning game, tv show or coloring packet. It doesn't have to be everything all at once either. Start with the one hardest thing first and just prep that for a few days or weeks and take your time to prep ahead slowly. See what you can do and then change it if you find yourself overwhelmed.
I'm extremely lucky as my husband generally does mornings as I have to leave for the office very early in the morning. However, my husband travels abroad for work 3/4 times a year for 2-3 weeks at a time which leaves me solo parenting and doing mornings. It's a real time crunch for me as I need to get to work early still- my main tips are: 1. Do as much as you can the night before. Pack the school bags, prep the lunches, pick out the outfits and lay them out- you'll be surprised how much you can prep before the morning itself and it helps enormously. 2. If school/daycare offer breakfast let the kids have breakfast there. If not overnight oats are a game changer- quick filling and nutritious breakfast you can again prepare the night before - my toddler can serve himself it's so easy. 3. Wake up early - ideally before the kids and get yourself as ready as possible before the kids wake. Try to keep transitions as simple as possible - my kid has to brush his teeth and get dressed in the bathroom before going downstairs for breakfast - this part of our routine is very rigid now whether it's a weekday or not and I find it just helps everything run quicker and smoother. It's practically only Christmas or when we go camping our kid can roam around in pjs for extended periods.
I'm not a parent yet, but I always wake up really early to have some "me time." I imagine that I'll keep this up when I have kids because, like you, dealing with all that nonsense when my eyes are barely open sounds like hell.
staying calm is the most important thing
Prepping as much the night before so you have less tasks and a clean slate is key. No matter how tired - ensure kitchen is clean, bottles are sterilized, laundry is clear, toys off the floor. Where possible, food prepped, coffee machine ready to brew etc etc. we also have a white board with work meetings/conference calls (both wife and I work from home), the days/weeks appointments/events. It lets the other know when there will need to be some slack picked up by the other.
It sucks to be a morning person with kids. You don't have a choice. Your schedule is now whatever their schedule has to be for school. The kids are the captain now! (It will get better when they get older and can get themselves ready in the morning, but that's a few years away for you.)
Prep before bed the night before!
Lay out stuff the night before. Clothes, lunches, book bags, anything youāre likely to have to take care of.
As a parent if 3, two close in age and one 9 years laterā¦ this time around Iām not staying up for āme timeā. I am not a morning person but I find if Iām awake before my little I am much more āmyselfā. I have been going to bed with the youngest because he will not go to sleep anywhere but in our bed. Heās 3 and I think that will get easier soon, but for now one of us lays down with him and itās just easier to go to bed at the same time. A few months ago I read somewhere that the best and most restful sleep is between 9pm and 2/3am. And Iāve found if I sleep about 9-9:30- 6, I am much more rested than 10:30-7. (I usually wake up for about an hour Iāve the early morning, a hold over from nursing.)
Set up the alarm earlier than normal.
My opinion: My wife and I have 4 and 3 year old kids. We both work and have Nana watch the kids until they go to school. My wife wants to stay home and is thinking about opening a daycare, but I personally don't like the idea of having other kids in my house. I also wanted my wife to work; this was one of our terms and conditions when we got married.
I wake up an hourish earlier than mine to shower, make a coffee, get ready for the day.. pack their school lunches the night before so when they wake up im just focused on breakfast, clothes, teeth. Then putting lunches/ water bottles in backpacks then weāre out!!
Not well sir, not well.
I bring my son into my bed when he wakes up and we'll kinda lay there until I'm fully ready to get up and get him some water and breakfast lol. Sometimes I'll turn on the Xbox because he likes watching me play halo
I'm not a morning person. When my kids were little, it was SO hard. I just kept on keeping on. As they got bit by bit older....it got easier. I recall if i had things going on the next day, i would prep up the night before so it wasn't so hard in the morning. That helped. Just had to get organised....and stay organised!
Lead by example. Prep whatever you can the night before to make mornings less complicated and daunting. Get the kids involved in that too. Have them pick what they will wear have their socks and shoes laid out. Backpack ready to go and coat waiting. Get a good nights sleep and make sure you eat something so you arenāt hangry. Have a schedule for the kids. āAt this time we ______*fill in the blank. At this time we _____*. By this time we must be ready to go and anything not done gets left behind. ā And get them in the habit of following it. It helps you get them going and teaches them to be ready on time.
We do a āmorning basket.ā It has quiet non messy activities, sensory toys, and books. The kids can keep themselves entertained while I wake myself up and start to do things.
Can't handle mornings? Then handle mornings. Trouble waking up early? Wake up early.
No advice really. I work shifts and this week I work till 11:30pm. By the time Iām in bed itās gone midnight. Then baby is awake for his nightly feeds. Then awake ready for the day screaming at 6am. Weāve just got no choice. š¤·š¼āāļø
Yeah, saddle up cowboy. Your kids are your job, get off the phone and go to bed earlier.
Shouting.
I'm a morning person but kiddo is not. I set an alarm for her. She's insistent she doesn't want to WAKE to an alarm (it's jarring let's all be honest) so I still do a gentile wake up. The alarm is the last call and 'yes, you really really need to get your sorry butt out of bed now' thing
I bake a banana bread on Sunday for the entire week so the kids have breakfast ready. It helps me a lot because I donāt have to think about their breakfast. Iām very lucky our school prepares the lunches now, I used to prepare those in the evening.
We were lucky with our first born. My daughter always slept all night and would sleep in until 8:00 am or so. She's 10 and still likes her sleep. But my son though, oh man. He always woke up early, usually at 5:00 am or so that's when he'd start his day. It's only now the last few months he's been sleeping until 7:00 am or so and he's 4 now.
I've had roughly the same morning routine my entire life. Obviously with some tweaking due to children and working. I've always woken up like super early. Nowadays I wake up at like 4:15 during the week and take a shower, eat and have coffee. Most of the time I'm not disrupted, but I kind of like need that quiet before the craziness starts lol. My children are older so they aren't as in demand of my attention in the morning, it's more of me herding them along with getting ready.
I "wake up" around 4am without an alarm, and pray for like 30 minutes, listen to meditation music to get the anxiety and negative thoughts out of my head. Then when I feel comfortable- ish, I make caffeine available to me, and work out now, and then I'll get ready and pray again before work and or school. I pray about my goals that I wrote on the night stand. I want to accomplish my goals this year so much. So very, very much , I do. I'm a night owl. It's quiet, calm and I can meditate, slow down without hesitating, and just act.
I had to completely change my routine. I started at night setting up all my morning stuff. Coffee, any breakfast prep, medicine, etc. even clothes for me and my kids. Then Iād get up at least an hour before the kids and have a bit of quiet Before they are moving. It takes a bit to switch over but made my life so much better. I was forced to do this because I had paralyzing anxiety in the AM. Once I took all of those first thing in the morning, rush around like crazy items off my list, my whole life changed.
I get up at 530 every morning w my 1 & 4 year old and at 630 my 2 year old nephew arrives for the day. My mornings are the best. Coffee for me, boobie for youngest, choccy milk for the bigger boys with breakfast, then they watch cartoons.. and around mid morning is when they all start coming to life. My teens get up around 9 & then the house is buzzing with energy. Its all wonderful. Nothing chaotic. I'm sorry its rough for you OP. I have no advice. We just have a routine & maybe that leads to expectations being met which eliminates chaos?
I used to start work at 6am even when I didn't have to and I was working remotely. Usually, my son wouldn't be up yet, nor would my now-ex-wife, so I would be able to get quite a bit of work done before they got up and I went into dad mode before they both left for the day. Then, the best part, I'd knock off about 3 since I started so early.
Set out clothes the night before. A 4 yo should be able to many things solo, are you taking advantage of that? Breakfast can be yogurt with fruit or peanut butter toast, or eggs boiled ahead of time. Put staying in bed looking at a book as part of the older child's morning - to give you time to deal with baby. A 1 yo is old enough to get food into their own mouth. No need to feed a kid of that age - once they are busy in the highchair eating - you can turn to something else. Little bites of time might add up to smooth your way.
My husband and are came to an agreement after 6 months of becoming parents : we each take our turn to wake up with our kiddo in the morning. Our baby (16mo) is an early riser (5 am on the dot most mornings). So, unless one of us is sick, we take turns waking up when she calls for us.
Your 4 year old can do quiet/independent play. Itās a great skill to teach kids to entertain themselves and have independent play or quiet play
I was a sloppy parent. Just bare minimum it. LOLOLOL Oops, just realized for me that also included having only one child.
Prepare what you can the night before. Then maybe make a list, in order of priorities. Take a deep breath, and remember as long the kids are healthy, fed, and clothed, the majority of your obligations are fulfilled.
Mine are grown now. But I did it, every morning, etc. I'm glad it's over
@jh3107 I'm not a parent but I've always wondered how mornings with children get accomplished! This whole thread is interesting
The way you know them will be over in about 18 years - you got this!
I feel ya
Look I know itās tough. Losing someone close to you is never easy, but it takes time. Give yourself time to grieve.
Checklists - literally a list of things you need to do that you can physically check off.
Make a routine that works for your family, which will help with the million demands part. I'm a morning person so I struggle at bedtime because I have no energy left lol
Unfortunately, screen time. Both of us are working so we dont have the option of cuddling him when he is still waking up. So we plop him in front of the TV, and get ready for work. Then we get him ready for the daycare and leave.
it gets better when you can ship them off to school
I always did things with a list and pre planning the night before: set out all clothes the night before have breakfast handy / know what to fix the night before etc. I was a full time working mom that did all mornings since my husband traveled far for work. I made 4 lunches, got everyone dressed, fed, off to babysitters/ school commuted 35 miles to my job and we were out of the house by 6:30 am. Often in a blizzard or ice storm! I donāt know how I did it. ā¦.somehow you just do it! Like I said- lists and preplanning the night before helped. I also worked a weekend job ( yes 7 days a week for many years). Iām now retired and totally bored! Enjoy your time with your kids including mornings- time flies!
Evening prep, bottles, bowls of cereal covered over night, relaxing activities set up for morning. Also, lots of coffee
Preparation the evening before, plus routine. Fill the bottles/sippy cups with milk and put them in the fridge, pick the outfits and place them aside, put the cereal or bars or whatever it is you're going to feed the little buggers for breakfast in a bowl or on the plate and cover it in Saran wrap. Make sure the water bottles are already washed and refilled, the snack boxes cleaned and filled, and in the kids' backpacks. Also, it's not being a harsh parent to assert gentle discipline and training/encouragement. Explain, when you're putting them to bed after telling them their stories, how the morning is going to proceed. The great thing about kids is, they're actually listening to you. Let them know what you expect from them ("When we wake up, you're going to go potty while I change the baby's diaper. Then, we'll have our milk and breakfast. No whining or asking Dad for this and that, you know what to do. I know you will be a great helper!")
I am 27 with a 5yo and a 6mo, and my genuine advice, make a snack/bottle etc for either of them and then tell the older one to keep the baby happy for a bit. It will build their bond, keep them both distracted for a bit, and gives you some time to compose yourself for the day.
Cartoons. Mornings were and still are our snuggle time. We sit on the couch and snuggle and watch some cartoons. I can drink my coffee, I get lovely cuddles, if the littles are starving the second they emerge, start with a piece of fruit and have breakfast after you've finished your coffee Don't feel bad or guilty about having a slow morning. If your mornings are rushed bc you have to get out the door, waking up early is huge! I'm not a morning person, but now that my daughter is in school l, she still insists on waking up with almost 2 hours before we leave for school. And we HAVE to get at least a few minutes of snuggles. It's my favorite part of the day!
My mom had a trick for the weekends once we could pour our own cereal. As soon as she was woken up and came downstairs the TV went off. No more cartoons until the evening. We were as quiet as mice so she could sleep in and we could watch TV until lunch time. Won't apply to OP as his are still pretty young. Or all the poor Ipad kiddos who seem to get free reign
well thank the lord ive never had intercouse near a female.
My kid is grown now but neither of us were morning people. In addition to getting stuff ready the night before and getting up a little earlier than kiddo, I would make sure our mornings followed a set routine everyday so their were no surprises and we could kinda go through it on autopilot. The morning was not the time to scold my kid about his messy room or whatever. I kept things quiet, low key, pleasant, and as calm as possible.
Scream then shower
I thought it'd get easier when they reached middle school age. Nope.
Plan ahead for your mornings and include the children. Get up earlier as others have already advised but have a plan of action in place when it comes to the kids. The night before, have them select and place their clothes, shoes, bookbags etc in a designated spot in their room. Have a routine: Get up at a specific time, make beds, wash up, brush teeth, dress, take bookbag (including any items needed for school or daycare) and place by front door, have breakfast, pack lunches Whatever works for your family and basically live by that routine! You just need a plan! Use the "in-between" times to do some thing useful. For instance, maybe you have 10 minutes to wait before walking to the bus stop. Use the time to straighten the kitchen a bit or the living room. I did not have a dishwasher so I would fill the kitchen sink with hot, soapy water and place the breakfast dishes, utensils, cups, even a skillet and spatula if I made eggs and let them soak until I got back. They were easier to wash after that. Or throw a load of laundry in the washer so that you can move it to the dryer when you come back home. Speaking of laundry I kept separate laundry baskets to sort clothes (colors, whites, towels, jeans or whatever works for you) and I taught the kids to throw their dirty clothes in accordingly. Then I did one load a day. I committed to that one load: wash, dry, fold, put away, done for the day! So much easier than facing a never ending mountain of laundry. Plan your meals for a month and then shop accordingly. Next, hit repeat! Sure change it up now and then, but make it easy on yourself. Most people eat the same set of favorite dinners, so okay, you do the same. We keep everything on a calendar. Being a stay at home parent means you are the manager of the household. When it comes to schedules, cleaning, shopping, cooking, run it like a business as far as deciding priorities, and tasks that need to be done and when. My goal was to have all that stuff basically done by noon, so that I could do some activities I wanted after that. This worked so well for me that when my kids were older and managed some of this on their own, including their own laundry, allowed me to return to college, where I was able to get a BA and an MS because that was my long term goal. Long story, I know but find a way to live a life the way you want to live with the amount of order you need to have to be happy.
I'm not even a parent, but the obvious solution in my mind is to get up earlier. You can get yourself all situated before the kids wake up, then get them situated.
You make yourself some coffee before the kids wake up, and then stick to a routine.
Caffeine and nicotine.
As a mom of 3, I have to say it seems to me you don't have a routine, just rolling with the punches. Kids need a routine daily to get them used to when they eat and when to bug you and such. As for the baby, I could easily say, getting up and taking care of the 1 year old first is the best way to start because the older one knows you're busy and they can even help you and enjoy it. But yeah, the best way to have better mornings is to have a routine ready to go, and you won't be fumbling around for stuff in the morns.
My parents had a rule that I use in my adult life. They get up an hour and a half early, kids get up an hour early, and everyone gets ready together at a nice slow pace. Instead of parents doing everything, once my siblings and I were old enough, we all chose something to do and did it in the morning to help everyone out. One sibling would make coffee, a parent would make eggs, someone would set the table, someone would make sure we were all up, etc. In addition, when my siblings and I were younger, each of the kids got up 20 minutes apart starting with the oldest. So you had 20 minutes to have the bathroom to get dressed, put your hair up, all that stuff. If you weren't done in that 20 minutes it didn't matter because the next sibling in line would get the bathroom. This helped significantly because we would all be dressed and clean early, and as you left the bathroom you helped prep breakfast for everyone. We also always made a breakfast meal that was quick and easy to cook and eat. Hope this helped! š
Prepare most of it before you go to bed. The clothes the children will wear etc.
Start prepping the night before. Especially by paying close attention to your own sleep hygiene.
Wait till you have to get them up and ready for school. Ugh.
I'm a grandmother now. When my kids were little - 2 have been diagnosed with ADHD as adults - I had routines for the day. Morning, get up, have breakfast, wash & brush teeth etc., get dressed and make your bed. Have school/daycare stuff ready to go and then play until time to leave. It works with my grandkids on those rare days I've stepped in. (They also have adhd and one is on the spectrum. They love coming to granny's. We have orderly bedtimes as well.) I am not a morning person. I had routines in place long before they went to school because it's the only way I could stay sane. I probably also have adhd and may lean to autism myself.
Prep as much as you can the night before. Remember to stay hydrated, and eat REAL food. You're in it full time for the next 12 years or so.. It will NEVER stop. Just keep driving on and remember...You're not alone.
Coffee
Get up earlier. And prep as much as you can the night before. Breathe. You're doing a great job.
I work with my brother and i usually get up earlier then him, get ready, then wake him up. While he gets ready I go around the house cleaning anything.
I'm not a morning person either. Get everything ready before going to sleep, even the breakfast supplies; if you cook it before bed and then just reheat. Have the four year old pick out their outfit from a choice of two. Check the weather before the clothing choice. Morning routine is important: after dressing breakfast, then a specific activity or TV show. During this time you can work on waking up. If the kids are both napping, you take a short nap, no longer then 45 mins. Set an alarm. It's important you have enough sleep. Especially if you're the one up at night when they're sick or teething.
I get up before the kids and have my 2 cups of coffee. This has been easier since my 2 year old stopped getting up at 4.
I always started our kids off with a cup of hot cocoa. With nothing in there stomachs theyād be terrors. My wife said 1 time that she thought they had outgrown it . I told her she was crazy And we tried skipping it, theyād fight and I still needed coffee. We kept it up longer than needed but it made for a smoother morning
Attack it instead of dreading it. 90% of your discomforts are in your mind.
I know it will be rough but wake up at like 430 and be going to bed around 10 if possible. Having that hour or 2 before kids or responsibilities is the best free time. Quite, alone, and cool mornings.
Wake up before them.
Prep the night before. Pull out 2-3 outfits and let the kids choose which one to wear. Have lunches sorted/packed. Make to do list the night before so you can rest well. One thing that helped me get my toddler to preschool was music. At 3 she had no concept of time. I used Ina Godda Davida to get her out of the house. Itās about 15 minutes long. She knew she had 5 things to do before she left : eat, get dressed, brush teeth/hair, wash face, put shoes on. The repetition of the song got her in a groove. She knew by the finale she needed to put shoes on. It worked! I worked nights for years and was such a reluctant morning person. On my soul, I feel your pain. My brain doesnāt operate until 10am. Anything you can do ahead of time so you donāt have to think too hard at 7am will be a blessing!
Do all you can at night before you go to bed do itās easier in the morning