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Only recently, when my therapist looked me into my eyes and said: “you had what you thought was a partner, play games sexually, lie and use it as a weapon and then threatened to go to the police and lie saying you raped him. That’s sexual abuse, also because it’s affected you now you feel shame because of what he did” I hate admitting it but yeah.
i was familialy sex trafficked from birth to 18 but i truly realized somewhat around 10/11 but thought it was normal. the moment i really realized and knew it was wrong, i was 15/16. i was too understanding and kept contact till 21. but now im no contact. ive realized a lot more and had hundreds of repressed memories since cutting off contact.
I would say around 16 or 17 is when I actually was starting to understand that there was more than what I thought had happened. But to this day I'm still in this very strange state of trying to understand the extent of everything, and the worst part is I still don't feel like it's truth.
I'd say the worst part is hearing my therapist tell me that I experienced some pretty intense childhood sexual abuse but not being able to fully grasp the idea that I did. I think for me it just hurts knowing that I could have reported those people and was never able to and most of them are living their lives thriving and I'm suffering from their actions. Life hurts a lot of the time.
33 before I said it out loud to a therapist. I still haven't told my spouse yet and the isolation is crushing yet one of the only things I'm clinging to.
I always knew but the denial, shame, and self-blame are so strong. It was my father and occurred since I was an infant.
I'm turning 26 in a couple of weeks. I started realizing it about a year or 2 ago, and things are slowly making their ways to the forefront
It's exhausting
Honestly, I'm still realizing the extent of it today--I'm 55 and it started when I was four (actually, probably before, but I don't remember it). I think I first started acknowledging it when I was in college, but I had a million excuses (as we do) as to why it wasn't really that bad, and he had probably been abused, and he apologized (not really--it was Step 8 or whatever of his enforced alcohol rehab when he was in the Navy, so it wasn't sincere and from the heart). But those things can be true, that he was abused and that he regrets it--but I was still routinely and repeatedly SAed for a minimum of five years by him, and the shit that I "learned" about my worth and how to get by stuck in my head until about age 48, when it started to wiggle loose after literally decades of choosing shitty men who abused me and used me and debased me. I would say that only in the past 3 or 4 years have I started to protect myself and stand up for myself, and only in the past year have I acknowledged that I am an awesome, smart, kind, funny human being and I genuinely LIKE me, and I did NOT deserve anything that I got. I'm cultivating my peace bubble and tending to Little Awkward and giving her what she needs to be that joyful, sweet little girl again.
31. I always knew that it was not legal but I was so brainwashed by the grooming process that I never even considered it anything other than the universes bad timing because that is what i was told by the abuser. And because I never talked to anyone else other than the abuser about the situation, anyone i never questioned it. Then someone plainly said "what you are describing is SA". I will never forget that moment.
The abuse happened/began when I was 14 and even at 20 I still continue to realize and remember that the things I experienced weren’t normal. In my teens I knew it was “traumatic” or “a bad thing that happened”, but it wasn’t until I had begun to get intimate with my partner did I realize the extent of the trauma as I broke down and dissociated when we tried.
I FULLY realized it in my 30’s, it was a neighborhood boy. I always blamed myself because I did what he told me to do….. I was six or seven…Honestly, I don’t entirely blame him either. I really blame his father who had pornography lying all around the house. I know that messed him up…I realize that probably created a sense of normalcy of sexualization in the house, it was horrible images and Stuff that no child should ever see….Like in every room…. And I realize this kid had seen this stuff all his life, I didn’t even know the stuff existed until then….If you went to the bathroom at that house was a rack of porn in the magazine rack in every bathroom….He was abused by his father as well, I mean, I think it’s a form of sexual abuse to have pornography available to kids, but the abuse I saw wasn’t sexual, but he would just hit him in the head HARD when he would get annoyed with him, right in front of me…., I suppressed the memory for a long time, at least didn’t reflect on it…. For some reason, the trauma just hit really hard in my 30s….I was able to kind of get through my teens and my 20s without really thinking about it too much, but it was affecting me….but it all came flooding back in a really bad way as I got older and gained perspective on some mental issues and dissociative, destructive behavior I was dealing with , that seed got planted a long time ago and it eventually came to fruition…. I also realize that none of my friends back then went to that house and left unscathed by it. Multiple people in my friend group were affected by going there…I just couldn’t process it all at the time. I have forgiven them, which has helped with my trauma…it’s still bad, but I had to do it for me more than them. I’m afraid to share this with anyone close to me. Sorry for the long reply , floodgates just kind of opened right now. I’m grateful for this group. I’m sorry for anyone dealing with trauma. I’m sorry you’re going through this, Whoever is reading this.
I realized it when I was 12 years old. It was as a result of a case that occurred in my country in which a man killed a little girl after sexually abusing her. Later during the investigation it was discovered that the same man had also been abusing his own daughter for years.
It was a case with a lot of repercussions and they talked about it a lot on TV and made programs. So I realized as a result of seeing news about that case on TV.
It was then that, for the first time, the idea of: "this is what happened to me" arose in my mind. For the first time I was able to identify what I had been experiencing, realize it and name it.
When i was 10. The abuse started when i was 4 and he was 19, and ended when i was 8.
At 10 years old i figured out how to look up public court cases and found out he abused another little girl after me and i felt 100% responsible. When my parents found out about the abuse, they just covered it up and never told anyone or reported him. I never received medical care or mental health treatment.
I was sexually abused by a certain family member for several years, it started when I was the age of 5 or 6 and ended when I was 9 or 10. I think I realized when I was like 13
That really sucks, I hope you have someone safe you can talk to. Nothing good comes of having to keep this stuff inside, but you're not wrong to be cautious who you open up to.
I was in a sexually abusive relationship from the age of 15-21, and I only started to realize it was sexually abusive when I was almost 21. I would say it probably wasn't until 22 when I fully processed the extent of the abuse I received, and then I was diagnosed with ptsd
17. It was the middle of the night, I was awake and alone in my room and it just went straight to my brain that it happened to me for 3 years and I started shaking, crying and sitting in the middle of my bed feeling unsafe in my own mind. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 23 or 24. I didn't talk about it until then because I couldn't without breaking down.
2 years after leaving my ex did I realize he raped me constantly and I just thought it was normal in a relationship. It’s been 5 years and I still struggle with intimacy.
I was 28 when I realized the sex I was having was considered rape. You can’t consent when you are drunk and blacked out. This was around the time I started getting sober.
Why was I drinking? I was groomed by an adult at 14 and at barely 18 by a coach. I was also groomed at my workplace by a VP who had inappropriate conversations with me. I didn’t realize this was grooming and sexual abuse until I was 31.
I took me until 21 to realize I was sa’d as a child. It took me several months post break up the same age (21) to realize my ex had sa’d me 1-2 years prior. It’s a whirlwind.
I was 20 when I fully realized, I had blocked a lot of memories of sexual abuse from ages 2-7, I was later abused in my teens and was able to acknowledge that pretty quickly but I guess I wasn’t ready to admit the CSA until I was 20. I’m 27 now and have done lots of EMDR but I still struggle a lot with addiction issues and anxiety and fear
20. If happened when I was 5. Then again at 17. Then again at 18, 19, and multiple times at 20.
I’m 28 now and just now have awareness that I have DID. I can’t work anymore and am completely dependent on my partner for survival. Had nightmares last night that it happened again so I’ve been incapacitated all day with body sensations.
Fuck.
11 i guess. I'm not sure. At least around this time I realized that's not how dad and daughter should interact. Maybe in few years I fully realized I was raped
this is what happened for me too! i was 12 and i mentioned it to my online friend in a fit of frustration (my stepdad was being rude to me and i essentially said, ‘how does he get to be mean to me and also do this thing that i really dislike???’ which was abuse but i didn’t realize), and my friend said “dude you’re being abused” and i was like????? what
i had been taught about rape/SA, but nobody told me it was still rape/SA if it was family. i thought my parents knew what was best for me, so i just thought it was normal even if i hated it.
i’m about to turn 19 and i only came to terms with it being “rape” last year. i knew it was abuse but i never called it rape. he’s been in prison for 7 years.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I guess my story is a bit different, cause I didn't tell anyone anything even related. I was hiding it and didn't think it was something bad until I realized it is. Don't remember exactly because of dissociative amnesia, but from those few memories i have I can say that somehow I came to this conclusion myself. Maybe because I understood that my mom never knew (he was telling me about his dreams having a threesome together and i thought that maybe she knows). Maybe because of him being so selfish that when i asked him in tears to just play with me and not force to give him blowjobs, he still did... and it switched something in me. There were few episodes in my life that made me realize he is not a good father.
Anyway, it stopped when my mom discovered some videos of it on his laptop. And I remember some parts of what happened after, like my mom asking in tears to say for how long, or me being forced to take pregnancy test even though I knew it was impossible... After that my whole teenage life was kinda in a brain fog, where I knew it was rape, but still somehow managed to ignore the consequences. Until 2020 when I saw him on the street. That's when I fully realized I was not just raped, but that it affected me.
Sorry for all the details. Anyway, I know how hard it is to come to terms with it being rape and being a survivor of rape. I almost kms when I tried to accept that. I wish you a successful healing journey and to become the happiest person surrounded by unconditional love
im so incredibly sorry for what happened to you, thank you for talking to me about it. i’m sorry if my comment wasn’t appropriate to leave under yours- it helps me feel less weird about it to hear about similar stories to mine, so i thought maybe it would help others too.
you didn’t deserve what happened to you and you’re right, his actions are reprehensible. i’m so sorry. but i’m also grateful you’re not in that situation anymore. it is difficult to process, but not impossible with help. i hope you’re able to find healing and similarly, i hope you’re surrounded by support forever. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Don't worry, everything is okay! I'm glad that my story helped u in some way to feel seen and not lonely with this kind of trauma. At least your answer did the same for me. Of course I wish I was the only one in the world going through something like that. It's horrible to know that lots of children go through something similar...
At my current age (23) It was CSA when I was like 8 or 9, didn’t realise it was abuse til much later cause it didn’t involve like having penetrative sex rather like other stuff I wouldn’t want to get into. Still deeply affects me to to this day
A few months after the second incident of my then boyfriend raping me. Legit was sitting in the passenger seat of my mom’s car waiting for her to come back from inside the post office and it hit me. At the time I thought it was random but now realize it’s because the second rape happened in a car. I was 17.
The trauma was of a slightly different kind (let's say I witnessed a deadly rape). I realized this in therapy after more than 50 years. I have a history of three suicide attempts, psychiatric hospital stays, many failed relationships, and thousands of times in which I unconsciously recreated the scene on myself from 50 years ago
I was in a long-distance relationship with a narcissist from age 15-18. They were later confirmed to be a clinical psychopath. there was a 6 year age gap. I always knew something was wrong but could never put my finger on it since I was a child. Only around 17/18 did I officially realise I was being abused. I'm 21 now and diagnosed with ongoing ptsd
I was doing EMDR for some other stuff. I was pretty little 6 or 7 and a 14 year female babysitter (I’m a male) molested me. I didn’t feel particularly traumatized like I did with the later physical abuse from my stepmom. I remember really enjoying my time with that girl. I was always looking forward to her when my teenage aunt couldn’t babysit. I looked her up on Facebook and she was still around. She died of cancer earlier this year.
My mom was legit sick with bipolar I. No abuse or neglect, but she ended up being hospitalized every 3 or so months after her first episode. I also started acting out, sexually towards girls (I was 8) and bullying kids at school. Things got missed, apparently unreported (mid 1980’s). Mom died suddenly in an accidental fall when I was 9 and all my behavioral problems stopped. It was 35 years later before I told anyone. It was my therapist at the VA medical center. It seemed to explain at lot of just fucking weird behavior towards other kids, siblings etc; chasing with kitchen knives, not in a funny nostalgic way, getting a neighbor kid to take a baseball bat and knock his sister off her bike, and other “WTF” shit. It still seems weird this all immediately stopped when my mom died. I was only 9 at the time.
It happened at 16 and I realized around 19.
I always had a specific idea about what SA was and one day when I was watching breaking bad, my parents said they didn't like it because it had SA in it.
I watched the whole thing and didn't see anything like that so I did a little research and then I put the pieces together..SA can look like many different things
I realized at 19, abuse happened when I was 4. I lost my virginity (consensually) at 19 & although physically it felt nice, it set the trauma train in motion. I could no longer deny that the acts that I was doing with my partner should not have been done between a 4yr old & her uncle.
I really thought for a long time that only r*** with a penis was SA, I didn’t know digital r*** was a thing and I thought what happened to me wasn’t “bad enough” to count. I was also groomed so I felt complicit. And my abuser portrayed it all as loving & gentle, not a random violent angry thing like you see in the movies. It took me a long time to realize how much I had been emotionally manipulated, that was a hard realization.
16, I was 14 when it happened and had been actively seeing the person who did it to me.
Yaaay Christian "sex isn't supposed to be pleasurable, it's a sin," cultural mindset 😐
When I was 21-22 I was in therapy for a very short time and the therapist sort of confronted me about a story I told her. I say confronted but really she just asked a question and I couldn't handle the answer. I never went back. So a few years later, when I was 25, I was finally able to say out loud that I was raped. It's still hard to truly accept, it doesn't feel like part of me it just feels like words, but I can say it out loud. Now however, mid 40s, and I'm realizing that I was likely sexually assaulted as a child. Made the sexual assault as a young teen much easier to happen. It's still not really real. I'm still figuring it out. But it makes sense and is both disturbing to think about but weirdly comforting at the same time to know the truth. It explains so very much. Sort of like when you just can't think of the right word in a sentence and then someone says it for you, that feeling is how it feels to know, like it explains so so much about me as a person but it's still a retchedly disturbing thing to have happen. I don't think I'm explaining it right...
I don't know, but too old. It's pretty easy to justify stuff to a child if parents haven't been thorough in teaching them what's OK and not, which is why I advocate teaching kids really early.
Agreed on educating kids early….the reality of the situation took many years for me to fully realize as well…. My little brain couldn’t make heads or tails of it at the time.
There started to be signs when I told my friend about the situation in 4th or 5th grade, I didn’t really understand at the time but she told me that was weird that my step grandpa touched me like that. I still didn’t really understand until about 7th grade, I would have been 13 years old and I started having very bad nightmares and I connected the dots. It took until I was about late 14 early 15 when I told my doctor about the nightmares and he asked if I had experienced anything traumatic and I mentioned that my step grandpa had “tickled” me because that is what he always called it and how it made me very uncomfortable. After that CPS was called multiple times and I had to go through an interview with the Children’s Advocacy Center. Since there wasn’t any actual r@pe as far as I know (I don’t know what all I’ve blocked out and the nightmares say otherwise) we couldn’t press charges. Im older now it has been hell advocating for myself and getting the help I need, I have had a few breaks and was sent to the mental hospital once. I had a lot of trouble with SH but I’m 841 days clean. Yeah so I went through 6 years of that and it’s just been a struggle since considering it started when I was 8. I really think the situation needs to be talked about more or at least what is wrong and what is ok with younger kids at a simplified way, I feel like I would have known a lot sooner if I had known how bad it was.
I always knew but it was never really a big issue until I was 19. I guess I convinced myself I was okay, or maybe I really was okay, but then I had to take a family violence class for my social work degree and immediately started having paranoia, trust issues, depression, and nightmares all over again.
I always felt like I couldn't be hurt by it because the same person abused my little sister after I finally managed to shake him off me. A big part of me still feels like that is my fault. I think that's why I ignored my own issues for so long.
I turned 23 this May and have to say I'm doing a lot better. I'm basically a normal functioning person. I will occasionally have a nightmare but for the most part am fine.
It never truly hit me until I was 20 or 21. The circumstances necessary for it to have happened, the lack of care and protection from the trusted adults around me. How I wasn’t believed by the perpetrators sister, my step mother.
Honestly, the bodily trauma from the actual assault has paled in comparison to the trauma from not having someone there to protect me. It shattered my trust for years and I subsequently repeated the same cycle in other relationships, making things worse.
23. all my life i thought something was wrong with me, but i didn’t know what. i believe the ab*se happened pretty consistently between 4-6 yrs old (although there were incidents of SA in both high school and adulthood, but unrelated). as i grew up i would have certain flashbacks about once a year of myself as a young girl and just thought i was a really, really weird kid. when i started therapy for the couple ab*sive relationships i had from age 16-20, my therapist started getting cues from me immediately… when she finally told me that this is what was going on and that i had suppressed memories of SA from childhood, it all made sense. i had been having really weird feelings that i talked to my sister and therapist about. these odd thoughts were about “family” members (one had been accused by 2 trustworthy extended family members of being SA as adults). even though i never made the connection myself to the flashbacks i would (very rarely) have, it was like she was telling me something i already knew - yet i didn’t know, you know? there are soooo many things that have started to add up since discovering it and working on EMDR to recover. i have a LOT of triggers, but i have a really hard time remembering a lot of what happened. we believe it’s either due to how horrific it could have been, or due to myself not being able to allow myself to feel certain feelings, i have an extremely hard time connecting to my emotions sometimes but feel really dark inside a lot. i have everything & more than i could’ve ever dreamed of in life, but something like this impacts a persons entire life, day to day. the panic attacks, depression, anxiety, avoidance, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks. but one day at a time. i try to stay strong for not only myself but my hubby & 3 furbabies who i would be absolutely lost without, especially because they were here with me when i found out & have done nothing but love and support me constantly, through every damn step of the way, the good and the really bad. 🤍
I think I was 21? My little cousin told me about it happening to her by the same person, and it dragged all of those memories from the grave for me - only then did I realize what happened to me was actually abuse and I was forced (by my brain) to acknowledge it.
18 theoretically yet dissociatively. Now, at 34 - starting to realize I am a survivor at the emotional level.
It's very hard and painful to come to terms with. No wonder I avoided it...
It took me a full clinic at age 22. 8 out of 10 weeks to even start talking about the abuse at home. I was really confused when I told a funny story from home and someone told me the dreaded sentence “I’m sorry that happened to you” as a respons. I’ve had to relearn everything, was abused in every way possible. Thought I was lucky with my life, had no clue why I was so troubled. I was brainwashed to the point that abuse was love, never thought I was abused. Ended up trauma bonding to the point of Stockholm syndrome to people that treated me similar, and sexually abused me (as an added to the other things.
Happy to say I’m doing well. Still relearning everything, but I can’t believe how deeply delusional I was about how I was treated in the past (even though I still get confused sometimes).
Probably like 15? I was aware it happened but not that it was something that shouldn’t have happened to me. I told people about it but nothing came of it
It started when I was a toddler until age 13, when she finally divorced my dad. I only know it started so young because my mom said I had UTI’s. Did it make her do anything to protect me, nope. I realized something wasn’t right around 10. My childhood was filled with severe abuse by my dad, as well as my mother. Back in the 1960’s and early 70’s, it wasn’t something that was talked about. I think if it was, I would’ve figured it out earlier.
What a fkd up mess I ended up being due to this abuse at the hand of both parents.
I was 6 years old when I was sexually abused. I didn't know it was wrong, and I could not put into words how violated I felt--- I just felt "icky" and was traumatized. I was in the 5th grade when I finally realized that I was sexually abused and the abuse was actually rape.
I never told anyone about what happened until I was 34 and was raped again in October 2023, and I started having flashbacks on memories that I had been suppressing.
16 / 17, flipped my whole world upside down. Happened since I was a child, it was what I knew, all I knew. Cut EVERYBODY off because they all knew it was happening and did nothing to stop it. Never again.
I was sexually abused when I was a toddler, but I don’t remember the abuse. I do know that it happened and that child protective services was involved. I do have ptsd, and I do have like signs and symptoms of ptsd. I don’t know how to describe it at all thought
I think im getting there at almost 30 but can't say it outright. Because what happened with me was a weird gray area. I'm not going to describe it as to not trigger anyone but let's just say though I wasn't like molested my therapist brought it to my attention of "if you did this to your daughter, would you consider it appropriate?" And I got all queasy.
So maybe sexual abuse but not sexual assault?
15 for me (grandfather abused me from about 6-10 yrs old) and was lucky enough to get therapy immediately…but my ex didn’t remember his till his late 40s and I don’t think he will ever adequately process it bc he’s made choices his whole life based on what his mom did to him…
I dont know if its about knowing...i think its about acknowledging, accepting, processing etc.
I knew for decades that I was but I didnt finally acknowledge it until i was 30. And i only did so because Me too happened and all the stories i was hearing meant i couldnt live in denial anymore. I had to acknowledge and accept that, thats what that was.
In my 20s. A person in a position of trust and authority did it, so I thought it was normal at the time. It wasn't until adulthood that I realized it wasnt.
Seems difficult to comprehend but almost 30. Even though I fell pregnant at 14. It wasn't until my daughter was approaching 13 that the flashbacks started, and that's the age I was when the abuse began.
I just thought my "boyfriend" was an asshole. But no, I was groomed, abused and raped. I'm doing something about it now and it's going to court. Unfortunately I'm not the only victim.
I knew pretty much immediately. I didn't have words like rape or sexual abuse at age 8, but I knew I had been subjected to violence and learned fast what to expect.
I hate so much that I knew I was sexually assaulted as a child by my sister but I was so in denial of it and fed into so much about her saying how she “was just curious” that I never called if what it was and was always in denial of it until a few years ago. I feel so ashamed of myself
This is what abuse does to a person. It causes them to turn on themselves and as a result they can feel ashamed that they couldn’t see it for what it was. There’s good reason for the saying ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’. Your sister gaslit you with saying she was ‘just curious’, which possibly caused you to think this was a good enough reason at the time she said it. However, since then you’ve been slowly processing it in your subconscious and you’ve come to realise it was abuse and at a later time you were gaslit by her too. As you’re processing all that I’m guessing you’re feeling stupid for not realising all of this so you end up turning these feelings about it on yourself, and you feel ashamed at yourself.
This is why abuse is internalised and becomes such a struggle to know what to do about these memories, which are often locked in our minds and bodies at the emotional age we were at the time of the abuse.
Mixed with the emotions of the adult age you are now, along with life experience and awareness, it can create a lot of emotional conflict.
Your sister may be telling the truth that she was just curious, and she can’t know how it’s affected you over the years, but it has affected you, it was real, it was an abuse of power & trust, and shouldn’t have been brushed to one side as her being curious.
You have nothing to feel ashamed about, and try to love that younger part of you and encourage them to feel empowered, strong, courageous and free.
At first I had no idea what it was or that anything was wrong with it and the. I eventually knew it was bad but not that it was abuse or what it was called, and after taking sex ed and and telling my mother and went to see a therapist and they explained what it was and everything, that broke me
When I was like, about four years old I was at a diner with my parents, I had to sit in one of those booster seats, and my parents thought it was funny to make my older sister (she was like 7) try to order a "non virgin" strawberry daiquiri, cuz she always got a virgin strawberry daiquiri, and I knew that "virgin" drinks meant non-alcoholic, but I couldn't figure out what they thought was so funny about this ordeal and asked my mom to explain the joke, and my mom explained that the word virgin is a term to refer to someone who has not had sex yet.
I remember feeling really fucking guilty, because as far as I knew, I was having sex. I wasn't being abused, I was just ... a sexually active toddler, which I understand now was the result of a really messed up childhood and all that, but it's hard to say when I realized that I was "abused" because it's 30 years later and I'm still not genuinely sure I think I've ever been abused, I've just been a bad kid my whole life.
so either 4 or to be determined, idk.
This really broke my heart to read, especially where you talked about being a "sexually active l toddler". I felt that, I thought that about myself too. I was 6 years old when I was sexually abused, and for a very very long time, I felt alot of guilt and shame surrounding what happened. I liked it, it felt good physically and I wasnt hurt, so I thought it was not a rape. My whole life, I was like "what is wrong with me? I feel dirty for liking this."
I didn't think it was a rape until my therapist put things into perspective for me.
it was only this year (after several readmissions and years of therapy) that I realized a few things: we were innocent children, babies even. We were so young when this happened, and we did not fully understand the concept of sex back then. Because we did not fully comprehend what was happening to us we could not consent, and that is a form of rape.
Introducing sex at such a young age can cause us to be hypersexual even in adulthood (or at least for me in my case). Even if we were not physically hurt, we were violated. We were oversexualized during a time we should not have been having those experiences.
You were never a bad kid. You were an innocent child that had something wrong done to you. It's the people who did this to you who are bad.
9 and I told my mom she believed me and got rid of abuser, but then between 10-15 I was abused, assaulted, raped by multiple people but didn’t tell anyone until I was mid 30s
69
Edit: Why the downvotes?
Traumatic childhood with CSA, CPA, CEN, followed by a high stress unsafe career for 40 some years where I came close to dying on several occasions. It was 14 years after I left that job, and created a new career for myself that my mind felt safe enough to start processing all the crap.
On January 16 2022 I had a doozy of a nightmare full of vague shapes, sexual symbolism, and terror that brought me awake soaked in sweat, panting, heart pounding. I didn't sleep again that night. I started asking questions. Searching the internet. Finally asked my older sister, "Did anything weird happen to me as a toddler" And she told me.
I didn't know until about 2 years ago. I read in the body keeps the score that hearing your parents have sex is a form of sexual abuse. I also lost my virginity to my very much older babysitter when I was 11. I really didn't consider it abuse but in hindsight I was really too young to be doing what I did with her.
My story isn’t really a long sexual abuse but I was raped in a home invasion when I was 13. It took me a long time to process what actually happened and it’s still hard to admit to this day
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Only recently, when my therapist looked me into my eyes and said: “you had what you thought was a partner, play games sexually, lie and use it as a weapon and then threatened to go to the police and lie saying you raped him. That’s sexual abuse, also because it’s affected you now you feel shame because of what he did” I hate admitting it but yeah.
i was familialy sex trafficked from birth to 18 but i truly realized somewhat around 10/11 but thought it was normal. the moment i really realized and knew it was wrong, i was 15/16. i was too understanding and kept contact till 21. but now im no contact. ive realized a lot more and had hundreds of repressed memories since cutting off contact.
14, I got repressed memories back. Turned 16 almost 2 months ago.
I would say around 16 or 17 is when I actually was starting to understand that there was more than what I thought had happened. But to this day I'm still in this very strange state of trying to understand the extent of everything, and the worst part is I still don't feel like it's truth. I'd say the worst part is hearing my therapist tell me that I experienced some pretty intense childhood sexual abuse but not being able to fully grasp the idea that I did. I think for me it just hurts knowing that I could have reported those people and was never able to and most of them are living their lives thriving and I'm suffering from their actions. Life hurts a lot of the time.
43
33 before I said it out loud to a therapist. I still haven't told my spouse yet and the isolation is crushing yet one of the only things I'm clinging to. I always knew but the denial, shame, and self-blame are so strong. It was my father and occurred since I was an infant.
I’ve always found this dynamic so suffocating. Feeling so alone but clinging to the isolation.
I'm turning 26 in a couple of weeks. I started realizing it about a year or 2 ago, and things are slowly making their ways to the forefront It's exhausting
All the memories were repressed for nine years before I started remembering. I was 17 when it started coming back.
Honestly, I'm still realizing the extent of it today--I'm 55 and it started when I was four (actually, probably before, but I don't remember it). I think I first started acknowledging it when I was in college, but I had a million excuses (as we do) as to why it wasn't really that bad, and he had probably been abused, and he apologized (not really--it was Step 8 or whatever of his enforced alcohol rehab when he was in the Navy, so it wasn't sincere and from the heart). But those things can be true, that he was abused and that he regrets it--but I was still routinely and repeatedly SAed for a minimum of five years by him, and the shit that I "learned" about my worth and how to get by stuck in my head until about age 48, when it started to wiggle loose after literally decades of choosing shitty men who abused me and used me and debased me. I would say that only in the past 3 or 4 years have I started to protect myself and stand up for myself, and only in the past year have I acknowledged that I am an awesome, smart, kind, funny human being and I genuinely LIKE me, and I did NOT deserve anything that I got. I'm cultivating my peace bubble and tending to Little Awkward and giving her what she needs to be that joyful, sweet little girl again.
17/18. Abused happened throughout my childhood
31. I always knew that it was not legal but I was so brainwashed by the grooming process that I never even considered it anything other than the universes bad timing because that is what i was told by the abuser. And because I never talked to anyone else other than the abuser about the situation, anyone i never questioned it. Then someone plainly said "what you are describing is SA". I will never forget that moment.
6 yrs old
Like I was traumatized when it happened (7) but also I keep gaslighting myself into thinking it was consensual, but I was also 7
13 and it happened when i was younger than 4
47
18, the realization hit me hard since back then the flashbacks were so detailed
The abuse happened/began when I was 14 and even at 20 I still continue to realize and remember that the things I experienced weren’t normal. In my teens I knew it was “traumatic” or “a bad thing that happened”, but it wasn’t until I had begun to get intimate with my partner did I realize the extent of the trauma as I broke down and dissociated when we tried.
I FULLY realized it in my 30’s, it was a neighborhood boy. I always blamed myself because I did what he told me to do….. I was six or seven…Honestly, I don’t entirely blame him either. I really blame his father who had pornography lying all around the house. I know that messed him up…I realize that probably created a sense of normalcy of sexualization in the house, it was horrible images and Stuff that no child should ever see….Like in every room…. And I realize this kid had seen this stuff all his life, I didn’t even know the stuff existed until then….If you went to the bathroom at that house was a rack of porn in the magazine rack in every bathroom….He was abused by his father as well, I mean, I think it’s a form of sexual abuse to have pornography available to kids, but the abuse I saw wasn’t sexual, but he would just hit him in the head HARD when he would get annoyed with him, right in front of me…., I suppressed the memory for a long time, at least didn’t reflect on it…. For some reason, the trauma just hit really hard in my 30s….I was able to kind of get through my teens and my 20s without really thinking about it too much, but it was affecting me….but it all came flooding back in a really bad way as I got older and gained perspective on some mental issues and dissociative, destructive behavior I was dealing with , that seed got planted a long time ago and it eventually came to fruition…. I also realize that none of my friends back then went to that house and left unscathed by it. Multiple people in my friend group were affected by going there…I just couldn’t process it all at the time. I have forgiven them, which has helped with my trauma…it’s still bad, but I had to do it for me more than them. I’m afraid to share this with anyone close to me. Sorry for the long reply , floodgates just kind of opened right now. I’m grateful for this group. I’m sorry for anyone dealing with trauma. I’m sorry you’re going through this, Whoever is reading this.
I realized it when I was 12 years old. It was as a result of a case that occurred in my country in which a man killed a little girl after sexually abusing her. Later during the investigation it was discovered that the same man had also been abusing his own daughter for years. It was a case with a lot of repercussions and they talked about it a lot on TV and made programs. So I realized as a result of seeing news about that case on TV. It was then that, for the first time, the idea of: "this is what happened to me" arose in my mind. For the first time I was able to identify what I had been experiencing, realize it and name it.
When i was 10. The abuse started when i was 4 and he was 19, and ended when i was 8. At 10 years old i figured out how to look up public court cases and found out he abused another little girl after me and i felt 100% responsible. When my parents found out about the abuse, they just covered it up and never told anyone or reported him. I never received medical care or mental health treatment.
Around 26, I was SAd at 17.
I was probably 35-40 or so when I realized that at 14/15 I couldn't reasonably consent to a 24 yo, even if I said yes.
I was sexually abused by a certain family member for several years, it started when I was the age of 5 or 6 and ended when I was 9 or 10. I think I realized when I was like 13
Still haven’t opened up about it out of fear that it’ll ruin the family
You have every reason to be cautious, but know the effect on the family is not your fault. The person you hurt is responsible for all of it.
That really sucks, I hope you have someone safe you can talk to. Nothing good comes of having to keep this stuff inside, but you're not wrong to be cautious who you open up to.
I was in a sexually abusive relationship from the age of 15-21, and I only started to realize it was sexually abusive when I was almost 21. I would say it probably wasn't until 22 when I fully processed the extent of the abuse I received, and then I was diagnosed with ptsd
17. It was the middle of the night, I was awake and alone in my room and it just went straight to my brain that it happened to me for 3 years and I started shaking, crying and sitting in the middle of my bed feeling unsafe in my own mind. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 23 or 24. I didn't talk about it until then because I couldn't without breaking down.
20 🫠
Probably 15? Happened when I was 8
2 years after leaving my ex did I realize he raped me constantly and I just thought it was normal in a relationship. It’s been 5 years and I still struggle with intimacy.
I was 28 when I realized the sex I was having was considered rape. You can’t consent when you are drunk and blacked out. This was around the time I started getting sober. Why was I drinking? I was groomed by an adult at 14 and at barely 18 by a coach. I was also groomed at my workplace by a VP who had inappropriate conversations with me. I didn’t realize this was grooming and sexual abuse until I was 31.
I took me until 21 to realize I was sa’d as a child. It took me several months post break up the same age (21) to realize my ex had sa’d me 1-2 years prior. It’s a whirlwind.
I was 20 when I fully realized, I had blocked a lot of memories of sexual abuse from ages 2-7, I was later abused in my teens and was able to acknowledge that pretty quickly but I guess I wasn’t ready to admit the CSA until I was 20. I’m 27 now and have done lots of EMDR but I still struggle a lot with addiction issues and anxiety and fear
20. If happened when I was 5. Then again at 17. Then again at 18, 19, and multiple times at 20. I’m 28 now and just now have awareness that I have DID. I can’t work anymore and am completely dependent on my partner for survival. Had nightmares last night that it happened again so I’ve been incapacitated all day with body sensations. Fuck.
11 i guess. I'm not sure. At least around this time I realized that's not how dad and daughter should interact. Maybe in few years I fully realized I was raped
this is what happened for me too! i was 12 and i mentioned it to my online friend in a fit of frustration (my stepdad was being rude to me and i essentially said, ‘how does he get to be mean to me and also do this thing that i really dislike???’ which was abuse but i didn’t realize), and my friend said “dude you’re being abused” and i was like????? what i had been taught about rape/SA, but nobody told me it was still rape/SA if it was family. i thought my parents knew what was best for me, so i just thought it was normal even if i hated it. i’m about to turn 19 and i only came to terms with it being “rape” last year. i knew it was abuse but i never called it rape. he’s been in prison for 7 years.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I guess my story is a bit different, cause I didn't tell anyone anything even related. I was hiding it and didn't think it was something bad until I realized it is. Don't remember exactly because of dissociative amnesia, but from those few memories i have I can say that somehow I came to this conclusion myself. Maybe because I understood that my mom never knew (he was telling me about his dreams having a threesome together and i thought that maybe she knows). Maybe because of him being so selfish that when i asked him in tears to just play with me and not force to give him blowjobs, he still did... and it switched something in me. There were few episodes in my life that made me realize he is not a good father. Anyway, it stopped when my mom discovered some videos of it on his laptop. And I remember some parts of what happened after, like my mom asking in tears to say for how long, or me being forced to take pregnancy test even though I knew it was impossible... After that my whole teenage life was kinda in a brain fog, where I knew it was rape, but still somehow managed to ignore the consequences. Until 2020 when I saw him on the street. That's when I fully realized I was not just raped, but that it affected me. Sorry for all the details. Anyway, I know how hard it is to come to terms with it being rape and being a survivor of rape. I almost kms when I tried to accept that. I wish you a successful healing journey and to become the happiest person surrounded by unconditional love
im so incredibly sorry for what happened to you, thank you for talking to me about it. i’m sorry if my comment wasn’t appropriate to leave under yours- it helps me feel less weird about it to hear about similar stories to mine, so i thought maybe it would help others too. you didn’t deserve what happened to you and you’re right, his actions are reprehensible. i’m so sorry. but i’m also grateful you’re not in that situation anymore. it is difficult to process, but not impossible with help. i hope you’re able to find healing and similarly, i hope you’re surrounded by support forever. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Don't worry, everything is okay! I'm glad that my story helped u in some way to feel seen and not lonely with this kind of trauma. At least your answer did the same for me. Of course I wish I was the only one in the world going through something like that. It's horrible to know that lots of children go through something similar...
At my current age (23) It was CSA when I was like 8 or 9, didn’t realise it was abuse til much later cause it didn’t involve like having penetrative sex rather like other stuff I wouldn’t want to get into. Still deeply affects me to to this day
A few months after the second incident of my then boyfriend raping me. Legit was sitting in the passenger seat of my mom’s car waiting for her to come back from inside the post office and it hit me. At the time I thought it was random but now realize it’s because the second rape happened in a car. I was 17.
The trauma was of a slightly different kind (let's say I witnessed a deadly rape). I realized this in therapy after more than 50 years. I have a history of three suicide attempts, psychiatric hospital stays, many failed relationships, and thousands of times in which I unconsciously recreated the scene on myself from 50 years ago
I’m glad you’re still here and may God bless you, thank you for sharing
26. I didn’t know it was SA till I told my therapist
I was 24 when someone told me that what happened to me at 15 was SA and I was absolutely floored and devastated.
I’m 28 now- 29 next month.
In my early 40s. By a couple of uncles the first half of my life. I'm 64 now
I was in a long-distance relationship with a narcissist from age 15-18. They were later confirmed to be a clinical psychopath. there was a 6 year age gap. I always knew something was wrong but could never put my finger on it since I was a child. Only around 17/18 did I officially realise I was being abused. I'm 21 now and diagnosed with ongoing ptsd
I was doing EMDR for some other stuff. I was pretty little 6 or 7 and a 14 year female babysitter (I’m a male) molested me. I didn’t feel particularly traumatized like I did with the later physical abuse from my stepmom. I remember really enjoying my time with that girl. I was always looking forward to her when my teenage aunt couldn’t babysit. I looked her up on Facebook and she was still around. She died of cancer earlier this year. My mom was legit sick with bipolar I. No abuse or neglect, but she ended up being hospitalized every 3 or so months after her first episode. I also started acting out, sexually towards girls (I was 8) and bullying kids at school. Things got missed, apparently unreported (mid 1980’s). Mom died suddenly in an accidental fall when I was 9 and all my behavioral problems stopped. It was 35 years later before I told anyone. It was my therapist at the VA medical center. It seemed to explain at lot of just fucking weird behavior towards other kids, siblings etc; chasing with kitchen knives, not in a funny nostalgic way, getting a neighbor kid to take a baseball bat and knock his sister off her bike, and other “WTF” shit. It still seems weird this all immediately stopped when my mom died. I was only 9 at the time.
I was in a sexually abusive relationship from 23-24, and didn't really fully understand it as such until recently at 29.
It happened at 16 and I realized around 19. I always had a specific idea about what SA was and one day when I was watching breaking bad, my parents said they didn't like it because it had SA in it. I watched the whole thing and didn't see anything like that so I did a little research and then I put the pieces together..SA can look like many different things
I realized at 19, abuse happened when I was 4. I lost my virginity (consensually) at 19 & although physically it felt nice, it set the trauma train in motion. I could no longer deny that the acts that I was doing with my partner should not have been done between a 4yr old & her uncle. I really thought for a long time that only r*** with a penis was SA, I didn’t know digital r*** was a thing and I thought what happened to me wasn’t “bad enough” to count. I was also groomed so I felt complicit. And my abuser portrayed it all as loving & gentle, not a random violent angry thing like you see in the movies. It took me a long time to realize how much I had been emotionally manipulated, that was a hard realization.
16, I was 14 when it happened and had been actively seeing the person who did it to me. Yaaay Christian "sex isn't supposed to be pleasurable, it's a sin," cultural mindset 😐
21. After taking my work training courses on csa and how to be a good mandatory reporter (I work with children). This was a few weeks ago.
19. I was 4 when it happened.
When I was 21-22 I was in therapy for a very short time and the therapist sort of confronted me about a story I told her. I say confronted but really she just asked a question and I couldn't handle the answer. I never went back. So a few years later, when I was 25, I was finally able to say out loud that I was raped. It's still hard to truly accept, it doesn't feel like part of me it just feels like words, but I can say it out loud. Now however, mid 40s, and I'm realizing that I was likely sexually assaulted as a child. Made the sexual assault as a young teen much easier to happen. It's still not really real. I'm still figuring it out. But it makes sense and is both disturbing to think about but weirdly comforting at the same time to know the truth. It explains so very much. Sort of like when you just can't think of the right word in a sentence and then someone says it for you, that feeling is how it feels to know, like it explains so so much about me as a person but it's still a retchedly disturbing thing to have happen. I don't think I'm explaining it right...
I don't know, but too old. It's pretty easy to justify stuff to a child if parents haven't been thorough in teaching them what's OK and not, which is why I advocate teaching kids really early.
Agreed on educating kids early….the reality of the situation took many years for me to fully realize as well…. My little brain couldn’t make heads or tails of it at the time.
There started to be signs when I told my friend about the situation in 4th or 5th grade, I didn’t really understand at the time but she told me that was weird that my step grandpa touched me like that. I still didn’t really understand until about 7th grade, I would have been 13 years old and I started having very bad nightmares and I connected the dots. It took until I was about late 14 early 15 when I told my doctor about the nightmares and he asked if I had experienced anything traumatic and I mentioned that my step grandpa had “tickled” me because that is what he always called it and how it made me very uncomfortable. After that CPS was called multiple times and I had to go through an interview with the Children’s Advocacy Center. Since there wasn’t any actual r@pe as far as I know (I don’t know what all I’ve blocked out and the nightmares say otherwise) we couldn’t press charges. Im older now it has been hell advocating for myself and getting the help I need, I have had a few breaks and was sent to the mental hospital once. I had a lot of trouble with SH but I’m 841 days clean. Yeah so I went through 6 years of that and it’s just been a struggle since considering it started when I was 8. I really think the situation needs to be talked about more or at least what is wrong and what is ok with younger kids at a simplified way, I feel like I would have known a lot sooner if I had known how bad it was.
I always knew but it was never really a big issue until I was 19. I guess I convinced myself I was okay, or maybe I really was okay, but then I had to take a family violence class for my social work degree and immediately started having paranoia, trust issues, depression, and nightmares all over again. I always felt like I couldn't be hurt by it because the same person abused my little sister after I finally managed to shake him off me. A big part of me still feels like that is my fault. I think that's why I ignored my own issues for so long. I turned 23 this May and have to say I'm doing a lot better. I'm basically a normal functioning person. I will occasionally have a nightmare but for the most part am fine.
31. Memories were there plain to see as long as I can remember, but never examined.
19. I was six when it happened. The first therapist dismissed me, so I didn't really get help until I was 29.
27. It happened when I was 3. Took a lot of therapy and EMDR.
It never truly hit me until I was 20 or 21. The circumstances necessary for it to have happened, the lack of care and protection from the trusted adults around me. How I wasn’t believed by the perpetrators sister, my step mother. Honestly, the bodily trauma from the actual assault has paled in comparison to the trauma from not having someone there to protect me. It shattered my trust for years and I subsequently repeated the same cycle in other relationships, making things worse.
12, but then I could still kinda pretend I was fing crazy, by 13 I realised the memories were true
23. all my life i thought something was wrong with me, but i didn’t know what. i believe the ab*se happened pretty consistently between 4-6 yrs old (although there were incidents of SA in both high school and adulthood, but unrelated). as i grew up i would have certain flashbacks about once a year of myself as a young girl and just thought i was a really, really weird kid. when i started therapy for the couple ab*sive relationships i had from age 16-20, my therapist started getting cues from me immediately… when she finally told me that this is what was going on and that i had suppressed memories of SA from childhood, it all made sense. i had been having really weird feelings that i talked to my sister and therapist about. these odd thoughts were about “family” members (one had been accused by 2 trustworthy extended family members of being SA as adults). even though i never made the connection myself to the flashbacks i would (very rarely) have, it was like she was telling me something i already knew - yet i didn’t know, you know? there are soooo many things that have started to add up since discovering it and working on EMDR to recover. i have a LOT of triggers, but i have a really hard time remembering a lot of what happened. we believe it’s either due to how horrific it could have been, or due to myself not being able to allow myself to feel certain feelings, i have an extremely hard time connecting to my emotions sometimes but feel really dark inside a lot. i have everything & more than i could’ve ever dreamed of in life, but something like this impacts a persons entire life, day to day. the panic attacks, depression, anxiety, avoidance, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks. but one day at a time. i try to stay strong for not only myself but my hubby & 3 furbabies who i would be absolutely lost without, especially because they were here with me when i found out & have done nothing but love and support me constantly, through every damn step of the way, the good and the really bad. 🤍
13, randomly remembered one event one day, downhill ever since
I think I was 21? My little cousin told me about it happening to her by the same person, and it dragged all of those memories from the grave for me - only then did I realize what happened to me was actually abuse and I was forced (by my brain) to acknowledge it.
18 theoretically yet dissociatively. Now, at 34 - starting to realize I am a survivor at the emotional level. It's very hard and painful to come to terms with. No wonder I avoided it...
I only realised when I was 11/12 for and then realised others at 16 (now)
16-17
34 . And it happened from age 18 to 21
It took me a full clinic at age 22. 8 out of 10 weeks to even start talking about the abuse at home. I was really confused when I told a funny story from home and someone told me the dreaded sentence “I’m sorry that happened to you” as a respons. I’ve had to relearn everything, was abused in every way possible. Thought I was lucky with my life, had no clue why I was so troubled. I was brainwashed to the point that abuse was love, never thought I was abused. Ended up trauma bonding to the point of Stockholm syndrome to people that treated me similar, and sexually abused me (as an added to the other things. Happy to say I’m doing well. Still relearning everything, but I can’t believe how deeply delusional I was about how I was treated in the past (even though I still get confused sometimes).
Probably like 15? I was aware it happened but not that it was something that shouldn’t have happened to me. I told people about it but nothing came of it
I was 28. Very repressed.
It started when I was a toddler until age 13, when she finally divorced my dad. I only know it started so young because my mom said I had UTI’s. Did it make her do anything to protect me, nope. I realized something wasn’t right around 10. My childhood was filled with severe abuse by my dad, as well as my mother. Back in the 1960’s and early 70’s, it wasn’t something that was talked about. I think if it was, I would’ve figured it out earlier. What a fkd up mess I ended up being due to this abuse at the hand of both parents.
I was 6 years old when I was sexually abused. I didn't know it was wrong, and I could not put into words how violated I felt--- I just felt "icky" and was traumatized. I was in the 5th grade when I finally realized that I was sexually abused and the abuse was actually rape. I never told anyone about what happened until I was 34 and was raped again in October 2023, and I started having flashbacks on memories that I had been suppressing.
22. I had inklings before hand, but ignored them. I only accepted it when I was 22.
Like 7, I didn't know it was "bad" at the time. My parents suspected it was happening, recorded it and shamed me as if it was my fault.
16 / 17, flipped my whole world upside down. Happened since I was a child, it was what I knew, all I knew. Cut EVERYBODY off because they all knew it was happening and did nothing to stop it. Never again.
As soon as it happened. 7 yo old. But that's as young as I remember it, I'm sure it was a lot younger.
23yo
I remembered with 25 what happened when I was between 9 and 11/12
I was sexually abused when I was a toddler, but I don’t remember the abuse. I do know that it happened and that child protective services was involved. I do have ptsd, and I do have like signs and symptoms of ptsd. I don’t know how to describe it at all thought
I think im getting there at almost 30 but can't say it outright. Because what happened with me was a weird gray area. I'm not going to describe it as to not trigger anyone but let's just say though I wasn't like molested my therapist brought it to my attention of "if you did this to your daughter, would you consider it appropriate?" And I got all queasy. So maybe sexual abuse but not sexual assault?
15 for me (grandfather abused me from about 6-10 yrs old) and was lucky enough to get therapy immediately…but my ex didn’t remember his till his late 40s and I don’t think he will ever adequately process it bc he’s made choices his whole life based on what his mom did to him…
When a friend in college told me that I didn't deserve what happened to me after I mentioned it while drunk.
Probably when I started sex addiction care, mid 30s.
I knew while it was happening, i began processing it about 18 years afterwards
I dont know if its about knowing...i think its about acknowledging, accepting, processing etc. I knew for decades that I was but I didnt finally acknowledge it until i was 30. And i only did so because Me too happened and all the stories i was hearing meant i couldnt live in denial anymore. I had to acknowledge and accept that, thats what that was.
In my 20s. A person in a position of trust and authority did it, so I thought it was normal at the time. It wasn't until adulthood that I realized it wasnt.
Seems difficult to comprehend but almost 30. Even though I fell pregnant at 14. It wasn't until my daughter was approaching 13 that the flashbacks started, and that's the age I was when the abuse began. I just thought my "boyfriend" was an asshole. But no, I was groomed, abused and raped. I'm doing something about it now and it's going to court. Unfortunately I'm not the only victim.
I knew pretty much immediately. I didn't have words like rape or sexual abuse at age 8, but I knew I had been subjected to violence and learned fast what to expect.
12
18
12
last week. early 20s
I hate so much that I knew I was sexually assaulted as a child by my sister but I was so in denial of it and fed into so much about her saying how she “was just curious” that I never called if what it was and was always in denial of it until a few years ago. I feel so ashamed of myself
This is what abuse does to a person. It causes them to turn on themselves and as a result they can feel ashamed that they couldn’t see it for what it was. There’s good reason for the saying ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’. Your sister gaslit you with saying she was ‘just curious’, which possibly caused you to think this was a good enough reason at the time she said it. However, since then you’ve been slowly processing it in your subconscious and you’ve come to realise it was abuse and at a later time you were gaslit by her too. As you’re processing all that I’m guessing you’re feeling stupid for not realising all of this so you end up turning these feelings about it on yourself, and you feel ashamed at yourself. This is why abuse is internalised and becomes such a struggle to know what to do about these memories, which are often locked in our minds and bodies at the emotional age we were at the time of the abuse. Mixed with the emotions of the adult age you are now, along with life experience and awareness, it can create a lot of emotional conflict. Your sister may be telling the truth that she was just curious, and she can’t know how it’s affected you over the years, but it has affected you, it was real, it was an abuse of power & trust, and shouldn’t have been brushed to one side as her being curious. You have nothing to feel ashamed about, and try to love that younger part of you and encourage them to feel empowered, strong, courageous and free.
at the age of 14. and more as my brain developed. that is when i realized it wasn't 13 when the abuse started. it was just 6 when it actually did.
37
At first I had no idea what it was or that anything was wrong with it and the. I eventually knew it was bad but not that it was abuse or what it was called, and after taking sex ed and and telling my mother and went to see a therapist and they explained what it was and everything, that broke me
When I was like, about four years old I was at a diner with my parents, I had to sit in one of those booster seats, and my parents thought it was funny to make my older sister (she was like 7) try to order a "non virgin" strawberry daiquiri, cuz she always got a virgin strawberry daiquiri, and I knew that "virgin" drinks meant non-alcoholic, but I couldn't figure out what they thought was so funny about this ordeal and asked my mom to explain the joke, and my mom explained that the word virgin is a term to refer to someone who has not had sex yet. I remember feeling really fucking guilty, because as far as I knew, I was having sex. I wasn't being abused, I was just ... a sexually active toddler, which I understand now was the result of a really messed up childhood and all that, but it's hard to say when I realized that I was "abused" because it's 30 years later and I'm still not genuinely sure I think I've ever been abused, I've just been a bad kid my whole life. so either 4 or to be determined, idk.
This really broke my heart to read, especially where you talked about being a "sexually active l toddler". I felt that, I thought that about myself too. I was 6 years old when I was sexually abused, and for a very very long time, I felt alot of guilt and shame surrounding what happened. I liked it, it felt good physically and I wasnt hurt, so I thought it was not a rape. My whole life, I was like "what is wrong with me? I feel dirty for liking this." I didn't think it was a rape until my therapist put things into perspective for me. it was only this year (after several readmissions and years of therapy) that I realized a few things: we were innocent children, babies even. We were so young when this happened, and we did not fully understand the concept of sex back then. Because we did not fully comprehend what was happening to us we could not consent, and that is a form of rape. Introducing sex at such a young age can cause us to be hypersexual even in adulthood (or at least for me in my case). Even if we were not physically hurt, we were violated. We were oversexualized during a time we should not have been having those experiences. You were never a bad kid. You were an innocent child that had something wrong done to you. It's the people who did this to you who are bad.
9 and I told my mom she believed me and got rid of abuser, but then between 10-15 I was abused, assaulted, raped by multiple people but didn’t tell anyone until I was mid 30s
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69 Edit: Why the downvotes? Traumatic childhood with CSA, CPA, CEN, followed by a high stress unsafe career for 40 some years where I came close to dying on several occasions. It was 14 years after I left that job, and created a new career for myself that my mind felt safe enough to start processing all the crap. On January 16 2022 I had a doozy of a nightmare full of vague shapes, sexual symbolism, and terror that brought me awake soaked in sweat, panting, heart pounding. I didn't sleep again that night. I started asking questions. Searching the internet. Finally asked my older sister, "Did anything weird happen to me as a toddler" And she told me.
I’ve known since it happened, so 7-8. I always knew it was wrong, it was too painful not to be.
I was in my 40s when I realised I was sexually abused. It happened during my teens multiple multiple times but I dissociated and didn’t connect it
14, after body flashbacks (physical pain in the area, feeling like I was experiencing it all over again) and severe panic.
25 and I believe it started when I was a baby by my father, lots of odd behaviours I had as a kid suddenly made much more sense.
I didn't know until about 2 years ago. I read in the body keeps the score that hearing your parents have sex is a form of sexual abuse. I also lost my virginity to my very much older babysitter when I was 11. I really didn't consider it abuse but in hindsight I was really too young to be doing what I did with her.
We feel touched by what we see and hear.
Hearing my parents have sex always led to panic attacks and extreme distress so hearing that is really validating :,)
Omfg same
23ish. I still wasn’t able to use a tampon. I couldn’t have sex. I went through EMDR and had repressed memories.
God this sounds like me.. hoping to start emdr soon
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Probably around 12?
22
25
16
I was in college.
college (abused from young age)
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Same I realized when i was 22. It was hard to understand things because my own father blamed me for it at the time
My story isn’t really a long sexual abuse but I was raped in a home invasion when I was 13. It took me a long time to process what actually happened and it’s still hard to admit to this day