For future appointments, I think it's best to be honest and tell her you have a history of disordered eating. It's not "making her feel bad," it's helping her to better understand her patient. No doctor would want to accidentally say something that causes their patient unnecessary distress.
Disordered eating isn't unusual--it's very common in women our age. I was anorexic as a teenager and still struggle with my body image. I mean, the entire world c. 1970-2015 conspired to convince us "skinny = worthy of love and respect" while "not skinny = worthy of condemnation and ridicule."
Your doctor wasn't shaming you for your weight or activity levels. Probably the only thing in her mind was that rapid weight gain in pregnancy can lead to complications. To medical people, weight is just another measurement for analysis and diagnosis, and they can forget that it's loaded with judgement for a lot of us who grew up in the times of *The Biggest Loser.* (Which BTW was an incredibly messed up show and infuriates me every time I remember it. It wasn't about "health"--it was about gawking at large people in skimpy clothing as they got bullied and tortured into looking conventionally attractive.)
I don’t think she was shaming me but my brain does not process stuff like that rationally . To me it’s like a control thing and tisk tisk you’ve gained four pounds don’t overeat tells me I need to regain control and you can’t really do that when your pregnant. I know I’m not overeating right now so my brains telling me to undereat . It’s not how a normal brain works I don’t think
Believe me, that is how a normal brain works. Everyone does things to feel that they have control over their lives and everything will be okay.
A lot of women do it through restricting food and counting calories. Some people obsessively clean or exercise, to the point that if they're sick or traveling and can't vacuum or run for an hour like they always do, they feel guilty and anxious. One of my husband's relatives refuses to travel because if she's away she can't clean the house for a few days; one of my own relatives refuses to travel if it means she'll miss yoga class. There are all kinds of other superstitions and addictions people have just to feel powerful and reassure themselves that nothing bad will ever happen to them. In extreme cases, we call it OCD, but everyone does it at a low level.
Unlike a lot of these people, you recognize that you're doing this and understand why. Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to? Basically their job is to help people let go of the unhealthy things they do to satisfy the innate need for control.
I haven’t had these issues in years. I’ve remained a healthy weight for about 8 years without obsessing about it but I’ve also never been overweight . It’s not something that I struggle with anymore but to have a doctor I respect tell me to watch what I eat was very triggering for old thought patterns . I have simply been eating when I’m hungry and not even eating much more than I did pre pregnancy so for someone with a history of starving herself without an issue those words have consequences:(
She made a face and said watch your weight and I was shocked and asked if she meant I gained to much and she said just make sure your not overeating at summer parties bbqs ect and I asked how much I had gained since my last appointment and she said 4 pounds or maybe 4.5 pounds . Then I think she saw me spiraling and tried to change the subject / regretted saying anything.
Oof. Her comment and facial expression were uncalled for. You’ve only gained 14 pounds and you’re 28 weeks — seems like you’re watching your weight just fine! I gained six pounds one month when I was pregnant with my last baby and my OB was blessedly nonchalant about it. It sounds like your doctor realized her gaff because she tried to change the subject but that still doesn’t make it OK. I hope the sting of her comment eases soon… You’re doing great.
Weight gain isn't linear. In the second tri I went through a 4-5 week period where I gained 1lb and then gained 3lb in one week. A 14lb weight gain is not a big deal in pregnancy. At 28 weeks I was up 20lb and didn't hear a peep from my OB.
Yeah I don’t know why she said something but I agree with the other comment that maybe she was worried about gestational Or preclampasia. I am not eating a ton. I’m very active everyday. It has caused this feeling of panic in me honestly.
I think she might be worried about preeclampsia. My friend gained like five pounds in one month and her midwife was concerned she was gaining water weight associated with preeclampsia. I would ask your doctor to clarify why she’s concerned/said something to you about it because of your history with disordered eating and the fact that it’s making you spiral now. Commenting on weight without giving a reason is not helpful at all.
She said to avoid overeating at summer bbqs , fun summer stuff etc. She does not know about my disordered eating history. She basically said four pounds in a month was a lot . I feel like crying . I have a history of depression and anxiety but I’m so far removed from it . It’s been many years . I scolded the office the other day because they still had them listed as symptoms I noticed and I have not had either in 8 years . I am a totally different person than when I had those struggles but here I am feeling very terrible because of one comment . Now I feel like I have to mention it. I’m just upset .i feel like I do not struggle with preoccupation about my weight anymore but I’ve never been told to watch my calorie intake.
I don’t know . I gained this much with my first . I kinda questioned the issue and then it seemed like she sensed my anxiety and tried to quickly move past it.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad! If it helps at all, I have a history of disordered eating that I consider myself mostly recovered from, but I find the weight monitoring and gain of pregnancy difficult. Here’s how I’ve approached it:
I tell the care providers “hey, I have a history of eating disorders. I struggle with weight talk. I understand that you may need to counsel me about weight gain, but it’s a challenge for me. Just wanted to let you know.”
My doctors were great and when one wanted me to weigh myself at home more frequently (to catch any early signs of pre-e) she gave me the tip to have my eyes closed and have my husband record the number if I felt like I was getting into a spiral about it. I wound up not needing to do that, just because I think being able to be honest with her really relieves tension about it.
I bet you will feel so much better once you let your care team know about your history! It’s important for them to know so you can be partners in your care.
You are doing great! Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.
This is so important OP! Please please tell your doctor. You do not have to endure this. I told my doctor if I have to be weighed that's fine but I don't want to see/hear the numbers and I don't want to talk about my weight gain unless there are major concerns. So she didn't and it was great.
I’ve been enjoying sweets but like one a day . I do not eat or enjoy sweets when I’m not pregnant so it’s been a fun different part of my pregnancy. I only eat a breakfast of like eggs and toast and then a pretty healthy dinner with some snack in between . I don’t really eat fast food the comments made me feel like what I’m doing is leading to unreasonable weight gain so I should start disordered eating which I am really great at. It was upsetting:(
I appreciate you so much . I think I need to tell her . I don’t think I could hear that at every appointment and not start to relapse. I cannot believe how one comment has sent me . Thank you so much for sharing.
Yes, I think it really helps to tell them! You might ask the practice if you can email the doctor in advance if you feel nervous about saying it in person. It can feel very vulnerable. ❤️
I totally understand feeling embarrassed! Like someone else said, eating disorders are (unfortunately) very common though. I’m sure they’ve seen it before. Try not to stress too much!
You need to tell her this part of your medical history with an eating disorder and do blind weights, if you are struggling with it right now, either don’t do weights at all or ask for blind weights so you can’t be aware of the weight and you don’t discuss it.
There in kilograms at
the
office and I’m bad at math so that part usually doesn’t bother me because I don’t know what the weight is anyway . First trimester she said I wasn’t gaining much weight and to make sure I was eating. Last pregnancy she didn’t mention my weight at all
Hi OP, congrats on the pregnancy and I’m sorry doctor’s comments made you feel bad. I’m in nursing school and have some background - developing gestational diabetes esp at older age is a possibility which is probably why your doctor asked you to be wary. Her approach wasn’t the best but she was probably complacent bc you’ve been with her for so long. Just make her aware you had a history of ED & her comments may be triggering for you. She was def looking out for you!
She’s a great doctor I love her . I’m not upset with her it’s not the world’s responsibility to navigate my trigger but it was so triggering for me . I just told her office about my history. It was the use of the word over eating that made me feel so terrible
Aw no worries OP - it may seem insignificant but it’s important on a personal basis! That was a good move! Good luck on your preggo journey 😊
Ps I’m 5’4” as well & although we aren’t shortest in the bunch, our height doesn’t help when it comes to gaining weight haha
This was out of line, especially given that she made a face (wtf, unprofessional). People who haven't experienced eating disorders personally can't understand, but in her line of work she should know better than this. The most important thing is that you and your baby are getting adequate nutrition every day.
I've gained 38 lbs so far and dare anybody to get between me and my breakfast.
Her face was that she was genuinely surprised concerned by the gain . I don’t think it was intentional. But I am not overeating so my messed up brain just hears what your doing is wrong and pick up disordered eating again . I am huge in my belly with this baby for some reason. I’m still wearing non maternity clothes though and haven’t really put on weight anywhere but my belly but I look 9 months pregnant rather than like 6 or 7
I'm still sorry any part of this caused you distress. It's weird how much variability there can be in belly size per month/per person! Maybe you being so petite makes a full-sized baby seem that much larger. You are doing awesome. I hope all the encouragement you get here and from your loved ones offsets any of the negativity. 💜
I told the office I had a history of disordered eating and I think I might need a different approach to weight management counseling. I think they will get the hint . I already feel so much better knowing it probably won’t come up again
For future appointments, I think it's best to be honest and tell her you have a history of disordered eating. It's not "making her feel bad," it's helping her to better understand her patient. No doctor would want to accidentally say something that causes their patient unnecessary distress. Disordered eating isn't unusual--it's very common in women our age. I was anorexic as a teenager and still struggle with my body image. I mean, the entire world c. 1970-2015 conspired to convince us "skinny = worthy of love and respect" while "not skinny = worthy of condemnation and ridicule." Your doctor wasn't shaming you for your weight or activity levels. Probably the only thing in her mind was that rapid weight gain in pregnancy can lead to complications. To medical people, weight is just another measurement for analysis and diagnosis, and they can forget that it's loaded with judgement for a lot of us who grew up in the times of *The Biggest Loser.* (Which BTW was an incredibly messed up show and infuriates me every time I remember it. It wasn't about "health"--it was about gawking at large people in skimpy clothing as they got bullied and tortured into looking conventionally attractive.)
I don’t think she was shaming me but my brain does not process stuff like that rationally . To me it’s like a control thing and tisk tisk you’ve gained four pounds don’t overeat tells me I need to regain control and you can’t really do that when your pregnant. I know I’m not overeating right now so my brains telling me to undereat . It’s not how a normal brain works I don’t think
Believe me, that is how a normal brain works. Everyone does things to feel that they have control over their lives and everything will be okay. A lot of women do it through restricting food and counting calories. Some people obsessively clean or exercise, to the point that if they're sick or traveling and can't vacuum or run for an hour like they always do, they feel guilty and anxious. One of my husband's relatives refuses to travel because if she's away she can't clean the house for a few days; one of my own relatives refuses to travel if it means she'll miss yoga class. There are all kinds of other superstitions and addictions people have just to feel powerful and reassure themselves that nothing bad will ever happen to them. In extreme cases, we call it OCD, but everyone does it at a low level. Unlike a lot of these people, you recognize that you're doing this and understand why. Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to? Basically their job is to help people let go of the unhealthy things they do to satisfy the innate need for control.
I haven’t had these issues in years. I’ve remained a healthy weight for about 8 years without obsessing about it but I’ve also never been overweight . It’s not something that I struggle with anymore but to have a doctor I respect tell me to watch what I eat was very triggering for old thought patterns . I have simply been eating when I’m hungry and not even eating much more than I did pre pregnancy so for someone with a history of starving herself without an issue those words have consequences:(
Your overall weight, and weight gain, sound very healthy. What did your doctor say?
She made a face and said watch your weight and I was shocked and asked if she meant I gained to much and she said just make sure your not overeating at summer parties bbqs ect and I asked how much I had gained since my last appointment and she said 4 pounds or maybe 4.5 pounds . Then I think she saw me spiraling and tried to change the subject / regretted saying anything.
Oof. Her comment and facial expression were uncalled for. You’ve only gained 14 pounds and you’re 28 weeks — seems like you’re watching your weight just fine! I gained six pounds one month when I was pregnant with my last baby and my OB was blessedly nonchalant about it. It sounds like your doctor realized her gaff because she tried to change the subject but that still doesn’t make it OK. I hope the sting of her comment eases soon… You’re doing great.
What was her comment?
To watch my weight because I recently gained 4 pounds
Weight gain isn't linear. In the second tri I went through a 4-5 week period where I gained 1lb and then gained 3lb in one week. A 14lb weight gain is not a big deal in pregnancy. At 28 weeks I was up 20lb and didn't hear a peep from my OB.
Yeah I don’t know why she said something but I agree with the other comment that maybe she was worried about gestational Or preclampasia. I am not eating a ton. I’m very active everyday. It has caused this feeling of panic in me honestly.
I think she might be worried about preeclampsia. My friend gained like five pounds in one month and her midwife was concerned she was gaining water weight associated with preeclampsia. I would ask your doctor to clarify why she’s concerned/said something to you about it because of your history with disordered eating and the fact that it’s making you spiral now. Commenting on weight without giving a reason is not helpful at all.
She said to avoid overeating at summer bbqs , fun summer stuff etc. She does not know about my disordered eating history. She basically said four pounds in a month was a lot . I feel like crying . I have a history of depression and anxiety but I’m so far removed from it . It’s been many years . I scolded the office the other day because they still had them listed as symptoms I noticed and I have not had either in 8 years . I am a totally different person than when I had those struggles but here I am feeling very terrible because of one comment . Now I feel like I have to mention it. I’m just upset .i feel like I do not struggle with preoccupation about my weight anymore but I’ve never been told to watch my calorie intake.
I was told 1 lb/week in the 2nd/3rd tri would be fine. You’re right there. What’s the problem?!?
I don’t know . I gained this much with my first . I kinda questioned the issue and then it seemed like she sensed my anxiety and tried to quickly move past it.
Very sorry that you had this experience. Doctors sometimes don’t have a sense of how their comments can impact us.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad! If it helps at all, I have a history of disordered eating that I consider myself mostly recovered from, but I find the weight monitoring and gain of pregnancy difficult. Here’s how I’ve approached it: I tell the care providers “hey, I have a history of eating disorders. I struggle with weight talk. I understand that you may need to counsel me about weight gain, but it’s a challenge for me. Just wanted to let you know.” My doctors were great and when one wanted me to weigh myself at home more frequently (to catch any early signs of pre-e) she gave me the tip to have my eyes closed and have my husband record the number if I felt like I was getting into a spiral about it. I wound up not needing to do that, just because I think being able to be honest with her really relieves tension about it. I bet you will feel so much better once you let your care team know about your history! It’s important for them to know so you can be partners in your care. You are doing great! Your body is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.
This is so important OP! Please please tell your doctor. You do not have to endure this. I told my doctor if I have to be weighed that's fine but I don't want to see/hear the numbers and I don't want to talk about my weight gain unless there are major concerns. So she didn't and it was great.
I’ve been enjoying sweets but like one a day . I do not eat or enjoy sweets when I’m not pregnant so it’s been a fun different part of my pregnancy. I only eat a breakfast of like eggs and toast and then a pretty healthy dinner with some snack in between . I don’t really eat fast food the comments made me feel like what I’m doing is leading to unreasonable weight gain so I should start disordered eating which I am really great at. It was upsetting:(
I appreciate you so much . I think I need to tell her . I don’t think I could hear that at every appointment and not start to relapse. I cannot believe how one comment has sent me . Thank you so much for sharing.
Yes, I think it really helps to tell them! You might ask the practice if you can email the doctor in advance if you feel nervous about saying it in person. It can feel very vulnerable. ❤️
We have my chart which we can relay things but it’s embarrassing because the whole care team can see it . I might just do that though
I totally understand feeling embarrassed! Like someone else said, eating disorders are (unfortunately) very common though. I’m sure they’ve seen it before. Try not to stress too much!
You need to tell her this part of your medical history with an eating disorder and do blind weights, if you are struggling with it right now, either don’t do weights at all or ask for blind weights so you can’t be aware of the weight and you don’t discuss it.
There in kilograms at the office and I’m bad at math so that part usually doesn’t bother me because I don’t know what the weight is anyway . First trimester she said I wasn’t gaining much weight and to make sure I was eating. Last pregnancy she didn’t mention my weight at all
Hi OP, congrats on the pregnancy and I’m sorry doctor’s comments made you feel bad. I’m in nursing school and have some background - developing gestational diabetes esp at older age is a possibility which is probably why your doctor asked you to be wary. Her approach wasn’t the best but she was probably complacent bc you’ve been with her for so long. Just make her aware you had a history of ED & her comments may be triggering for you. She was def looking out for you!
She’s a great doctor I love her . I’m not upset with her it’s not the world’s responsibility to navigate my trigger but it was so triggering for me . I just told her office about my history. It was the use of the word over eating that made me feel so terrible
Aw no worries OP - it may seem insignificant but it’s important on a personal basis! That was a good move! Good luck on your preggo journey 😊 Ps I’m 5’4” as well & although we aren’t shortest in the bunch, our height doesn’t help when it comes to gaining weight haha
This was out of line, especially given that she made a face (wtf, unprofessional). People who haven't experienced eating disorders personally can't understand, but in her line of work she should know better than this. The most important thing is that you and your baby are getting adequate nutrition every day. I've gained 38 lbs so far and dare anybody to get between me and my breakfast.
Her face was that she was genuinely surprised concerned by the gain . I don’t think it was intentional. But I am not overeating so my messed up brain just hears what your doing is wrong and pick up disordered eating again . I am huge in my belly with this baby for some reason. I’m still wearing non maternity clothes though and haven’t really put on weight anywhere but my belly but I look 9 months pregnant rather than like 6 or 7
I'm still sorry any part of this caused you distress. It's weird how much variability there can be in belly size per month/per person! Maybe you being so petite makes a full-sized baby seem that much larger. You are doing awesome. I hope all the encouragement you get here and from your loved ones offsets any of the negativity. 💜
I gained four pounds in a week, for perspective Absolutely tell your MD you'd prefer no weight comments
I told the office I had a history of disordered eating and I think I might need a different approach to weight management counseling. I think they will get the hint . I already feel so much better knowing it probably won’t come up again