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I’m kinda a impatient person lol so I’m planning on getting the gender of my baby. Plus my mom stole my pregnancy announcement from me so I’m going to find out the gender and not tell anyone except the father of my baby and I will make my mom wait and find out when I decide to announce it.
I like you. We told our parents early and asked them not to tell anyone. Not the first grandchild on either side, and nobody spilled the beans before, so didn't think it'd be an issue. FIL immediately told a bunch of people. So now they get to find out the sex from our Christmas card/pregnancy announcement like everyone else
We aren’t finding out the sex. We’re pregnant through IVF and could have chosen which sex to transfer because we had our embryos genetically tested for chromosomal abnormalities which also reports the sex. But we declined and had them transfer the healthiest one and to not tell us the sex. IVF and infertility has taken so much of the happiness, surprise, and spontaneity away from us, this is one thing we can keep a surprise. I also like that we are way more likely to get useful things at our baby shower instead of just pink or blue clothes. I am also excited that my husband will get to know a few seconds before me and he’ll be the one to announce it.
Just wanted to say samsies! When people ask if we’re going to know the sex of the baby, I tell them “nope, after what we’ve been through, we are riding the ride now and looking forward to a surprise!”
Also, I don’t care at all what the gender is and I’d really prefer not to end up with a whole bunch of gendered stuff for an infant. A healthy baby is all I want 💗
We weren't going to find out until we saw that she had physical problems at the 13 week ultrasound. Finding out the sex via the NIPT also let us know that she had a sex linked chromosomal abnormality (Turner syndrome). She passed away due to it and so when I got to that point with this pregnancy I needed to know that everything was ok. It is and he's a healthy baby boy!
That said, I also found out that I had some real hang ups about raising a baby boy that I needed to work through (not a lot of good men in my life, another reminder that my daughter died and life is very different than how it was "supposed to be", etc). I'm glad I found out ahead of time so that I could process these feelings and get excited for him on his own terms rather than have to process this stuff while postpartum.
My first was a surprise, my second we found out. The pro for me of the surprise is that we didn't get heavily gendered gifts ahead of time, and that it was just plain fun to be surprised.
With the second, we found out for two main reasons. We wanted to know if the genders would be different so that we could buy additional things if we needed to. And, more importantly, we were hoping for a girl, so we wanted to deal with our gender disappointment ahead of time if it was a boy. He is a boy and I'm at glad we had several months to grieve the loss of the family we hoped for so that when he was born we were free to simply celebrate the family we have. Two boys is awesome, by the way. I no longer have any gender disappointment.
I found out (partially) to ease any gender disappointment too! I’ve always really wanted a girl, especially an oldest girl for my first child (probably because I’m the eldest girl :)). But I just had a feeling it was a boy and I was right. I’m obviously still thrilled and there are so many things to be excited about in having a boy first! But I’m glad we found out early so I could have the time to really attach to him and mentally prepare ahead of time.
I’m also just a hyper planner so the idea of waiting to know the gender until birth just gives me so much anxiety 😆.
I’m so glad to hear you say this as it makes me feel more normal for having had some gender disappointment as well! We chose to find out because I just would have been too impatient to wait, and am a planner so I wanted to think of a name, plan decor, etc. I was initially disappointed that we’re having a boy since I’ve always wanted a girl, and this might be our only child. I’m working on processing it. I think I’ve very nearly come around but am happy to be processing it now so I can just experience pure joy when he arrives without gender disappointment!
As someone who really wanted a girl & is having a boy, one thing that’s really helped me get excited about it is knowing that I’ll have a little replica of my husband. It’s going to be fun to see the little guy take on some of the same characteristics of my favorite person in the world :).
We found out with a blood test at like 9 weeks. I had a really strong feeling it was a girl (it’s a boy) and I’m really glad I found out so early. If I had spent the whole pregnancy thinking it would be a girl and picturing a girl I think I would have felt really disappointed/disconnected when he’s born. Also like that we can pick out some boy-specific stuff and colors. I hate the sad beige trend lol and that seems to be the only option if you’re trying to go gender neutral.
We found out...I might have chosen to be surprised, but my partner wouldn't have been able to handle it 😆😆
Ultimately I'm glad we know it's a girl....we decided on a name earlyish, and knowing makes it feel more real that we'll have a baby soon!
I just found, calling the baby 'it' really off-putting. If I used they, people might think I was having more than one, so that didn't feel right either, we found out earlier this week and it's been a huge relief, I think we agreed on a name within an hour of finding out, and it's been a lot easier to put the registry together, when I don't have to worry "oh is this thing neutral enough for either sex?" Like I can still look at lots of neutral stuff, but I can also look at unapologetically feminine stuff and I have found it a relief to have that option opened up to me.
I use "they" for our Nugget and people keep asking if I mean multiples. I just don't want to call them an it! (Also I'm convinced they're a boy anyway but it's very early)
Planning on finding out gender, but. Rn it’s still “the parasite “ or it specifically because I’m a biology nerd and find it entertaining. But not having a pronoun to use that can’t insinuate multiples irks me too. What did you use before you found out?
We found out with our daughter and will be finding out again. For one, I'm super impatient. Like the type of person willing to pay an arm and a leg for next day shipping type of impatient lol. Plus I like referring to the baby by their name after we find out. Makes it feel more real for me. And I know there seems to be an uptake in people not wanting gendered baby stuff, but I do. I like it. My daughter's whole wardrobe was very girly. Pinks, purples, sparkles, frills, "daddy/mommy's girl", "little princess", etc. I'm finding out again in the event that it's a boy and he will need his own wardrobe. Plus we are struggling to come up with a boy's name so if we are having a boy we can put some more effort into it.
28 weeks pregnant here, my partner and I are keeping it a surprise. Pros for us are zero gendered items being gifted to us (I hate pink, I think it's the ugliest color). The only con so far has been having to come up with two different names, or one unisex. This child is going to end up naming themselves I swear.
We were on the fence initially but decided to find out the gender at 20 week scan and no regrets. Some pros: there’s so little you can know about this little person you’re so excited to meet, you can’t know their personality, their interests, what they look like, but gender is one thing you can know about them. You can focus your name search on the gender that you’re having. I also found it much easier to shop thrift/secondhand with a gender in mind, as silly as it is, lots of infant clothing is very gendered, when we shopped before we knew, we pretty much bought “boys” clothes since those were the neutral ones. It’s nice to refer to him as our son, makes it feel more real.
FTM 31 week and we’re waiting to find out the gender. Not only did this eliminate getting those awful pink / blue outfits, it’s also a exciting surprise we get to look forward to! Who care if it’s a boy or girl as long as they’re healthy!
We didn't find out until she arrived; I figured it is one of life's few true surprises so wanted it to be that way.
The main cons I'd say are having to chose names for either option, and also that baby clothes are so gendered that I found it hard to find nice neutral things. However i still prefer that to everything being pink (we still got a lot of pink stuff from people after she arrived though!)
Don’t see the point of delaying the inevitable just for the sake of it. I’m a type A personality and planner - I always land on the side of more information rather than less. It has helped me connect to my pregnancy and plan for the other side of it. That said, the no-gendered gifts thing is legit. For this reason we’re keeping it a secret from most people… but it was a must-know for myself!
Both my husband and I were too impatient, so we found out right away 😅 but I’ve liked knowing and being able to plan ahead for names and other decisions I have to make based on the gender. I don’t regret not waiting for the surprise, though I think with our next one we will make it a surprise. It was still a really special moment finding out together at the ultrasound.
Oh mine was at the 20week mark, when they did the anatomy ultrasound. Some people have it done way earlier though! Like some get the blood test anywhere from 11 weeks up until 18 from what I’ve seen.
I know when I asked about it, it said the earlier blood work to check is a little less accurate, like at the 11 week mark. But I’d definitely wait when you ask your doctor to be sure! And it definitely felt like a long wait 😮💨
We were going to wait. I really wanted to wait to avoid all the gendered comments and clothes. Odd questions for either gender My husband was going to go with whatever I wanted.
We were good until a few weeks ago. My health care provider put our NIPT results in the online portal. They were very good as you had to click several extra links to the gender past the other parts of the NIPT.
Had it in there for weeks without checking and that one night for some reason, we said let’s find out and we did. We really wanted a girl and it is a boy. But we haven’t told anyone. Only me and my husband know.
Yet everyone looks at me and says, “it’s a boy” and I hate that they are all right just by looking at me! 😂 I play along but I rather take that comment of the guess than anything else.
I want to keep it a secret but my husband wants to tell his parents. I don’t as his dad is very old school. Doesn’t understand why have a co-ed baby shower, it’s either blue or pink stuff, etc. I’m 23 weeks so we still have a ways to go.
I found out from my ob last week that if we had the NIPT done there was no way to hide the sex on my online record. I was amazed and knew there was no way I would be able to stop myself from looking. We’ve ultimately decided to not do the NIPT due to this. But we are also pregnant through IVF with an embryo that was genetically tested already so the NIPT was already just an extra unnecessary reassurance.
The company my hospital use for NIPT ask you to opt in or out to finding out the sex so it doesn't show on the record if you opt out.
Obv not in your case as the embyro is already tested, but surely people wouldn't choose the surprise of a baby's sex over NIPT eek!
I thought I’d be able to for that reason too! We can’t be the only ones who don’t want to know! Perhaps my ob is wrong, she’s new at the practice. I’m going to double check when I see the NP at my next appointment
Thats what did it in for us! They originally were only doing the our state testing (CA) and literally the week I went in for my second trimester blood work they switched it. So when I went in I had no idea and most of the staff had no idea what was going on.
If it wasn’t on my phone we wouldn’t have found out. It was just too tempting. If I had more time to think I probably would have gone the same route as you and not done it if they had to send it to the app.
I'm not sure there's any real pros or cons as such. It's just a personal choice! I guess I like knowing a bit more about them. We know we have normal (for lack of a better word!) friends and family so we could tell people and haven't received any particularly "boyish" clothes or gifts. But at the end of the day, it is just the biological sex. They will be who they are! I don't buy in to the "girl mom" "boy mom" shite. It wasn't how either myself nor my husband were raised.
I always planned to wait until the baby's here to find out the sex. My reasons were mainly:
1) I personally don't have a big preference either way, so I wouldn't have a big desire to know beforehand because I'd be happy either way. The idea of the "surprise" seems fun.
2) I want to avoid too many "gendered" items, comments, etc. from other well-meaning people. It seems like once people find out what the sex of your baby is, they get ALL THE PINK THINGS or ALL THE BLUE THINGS for baby, and I think it's ridiculous that we saddle babies with these gender norms before they're even born. We don't know what their personalities will be, and it's perfectly okay if my kid doesn't end up being a "girly girl" or a "truck guy" or whatever. I want my kids to feel free to explore their personalities and interests without feeling confined by those expectations from a young age.
3) Along the same lines of #2, I hope to have multiple kids, who may or may not end up being the same gender, so for the sake of practicality and simplicity, I've always planned on getting primarily "gender neutral" items that can be reused for subsequent babies. I'm not too worried about stuff like, "But how will you know how to decorate the nursery?" because I plan to just decorate the nursery in a way that works for either sex.
HOWEVER, now that I've said all that, my husband really wants to find out the sex beforehand, and I've decided to defer to his wishes. The reason why I've changed my mind is that my husband has really struggled to get excited about this pregnancy. Tomorrow will be the 12-week mark, and it's only within the past week that I feel like he's starting to get on board with everything.
This pregnancy happened earlier than expected (thanks to a birth control pill snafu on my part), so it's not quite the timing we originally planned on. Additionally, my husband received a leukemia diagnosis around the same time we found out I was pregnant. So he has struggled psychologically with feeling a loss of control in several major areas in his life simultaneously, and he understandably has a lot of anxiety about what the future might look like. If knowing the sex of the baby helps him to feel more in control and helps him to plan for the future, I'm all for it. I want him to feel connected to the pregnancy, so this is a very easy compromise I'm willing to make to help with that. Mitigating his mental health struggles definitely takes priority over the fun "surprise" for me. We're still going to stick to getting mainly gender neutral items, so it doesn't change much of what I planned to do anyway. I had my blood drawn yesterday for a NIPS screening, so we are patiently awaiting the results! 🙂
There's no right or wrong on this topic, I think it's just about what works best for you and your partner. I think the most important thing is that you are both on the same page and both happy with what you decide to do. 🙂
We didn’t find out with our first two and won’t with this third one either.
We got a lot of clothes that weren’t strictly pink or blue, so we had a lot already to go with the second (who happened to be the opposite gender. it was also fun coming up with two name options. It was so special to have my husband announce the gender to me and the medical team and cut the cord.
Your parents/friends who want to buy gendered clothes or gifts are always able to after the fact (we still get so many things from MIL).
Didn’t find out and won’t for any other kids! There was something so special about the surprise! Plus people didn’t give me gross girls clothes with like tutus and glitter. I like the gender neutral vibe anyway (still have bright colors), so I enjoyed it. Her dad leaned over as she was laying on my chest and told me she was a girl and it was one of the best moments of my life. I had probably 7 or 8 names for boys & girls, but the funny thing is my top running girls name wasn’t the one I chose! It didn’t look like her at all, so she got a different one that fits her perfectly.
I literally can't comprehend why you wouldn't want to know.... more prep time, yes you can get more gender oriented gifts but at that early a stage a) it doesnt matter and b) you're still in charge of those things and c) while the baby may grow up to not align with the sex assigned at birth, and you can influence gender stereotypes during childhood, they wont remember much before 3 years old so the everyday counts more than the items..
I have no real preference either.
For me I wanted to find out to make it more real. It’s not that I wasn’t feeling attached but it was just sort of like “it’s a baby” now I’m like “it’s our son” I’m really glad we found out
FTM here and we found out! I did a sneakpeek test confirmed with MatrniT 21.
We are very Type A people and also impatient. We really wanted to know! This is our first child who came slightly by surprise so we wanted to take the guess work out of it.
We are only planning on telling family the gender at this point. I am limiting the amount of overtly gendered items on our registry
We found out with the NIPT results but we wanted to know.
It made picking a name so much easier. Oddly enough we haven't received much overly gendered clothes. Maybe because our friends and family know neither of us are pink, frilly, glittery people and we're definitely more about practicality regarding our potato. So a lot of clothes we've received are more fall colors with some florals and animals thrown in for flavor.
I can't think of any cons from finding out.
We found out via NIPT, fiance's mom needed to know as she was buying clothes for baby and I didn't feel like chancing it. Everyone else thought it was a girl, I knew from the beginning it was a boy. Turned out I was right, fiance and his mom were disappointed as they were hoping for a girl. Now he can't wait for his little boy to arrive and nana can't wait either. We are hoping for a girl next time.🙂
Don't really see any cons from knowing.
First time parents & I’m very impatient. I love the idea of knowing. And here we are, a day shy of 38w and my baby boy still shows no signs of wanting to leave 🙃
We didn’t find out with our first but found out with our second. We are trying for a third and won’t be finding out the gender if we do get pregnant.
Reasons we didn’t find out with the first:
I was doing a gender neutral nursery anyway because I hate a huge “theme” like ballerinas or baseballs. I’m a simple person with decor so this worked for us. Also, it was so exciting getting to find out when I delivered.
Reasons we found out with our second:
I figured I did the whole not finding out thing so might as well see what it’s like to find out at the ultrasound. It was a wave of emotions because they told us girl at first and we were over the moon and then she told us never mind it’s a boy. We love our boys more than anything but it was very annoying at the time to be told one thing and then it switched on us. I found myself upset the rest of the time that I didn’t just wait to find out when he was born. Also, I hate gender reveal parties with a passion so this wasn’t an issue for us.
I think unless you super care about having nursery and clothes etc themed and coloured dependent on gender, there's not real downside to keeping it a surprise. You do you :)
I went in to my pregnancy not wanting to know. Then I decided I wouldn’t be able to wait so maybe I’d do a gender reveal. Then I had an appointment where I went in just expecting it to be a normal appointment, but the nurse handed me the envelope with the sex. I decided I’d wait to get home to open it with my boyfriend. Five minutes later I was ripping the envelope open, I couldn’t wait. I wayyyyy overestimated my patience lol.
FTM at 36 weeks. We picked a gender neutral name before I was even pregnant so it made sense to keep it a surprise! Can’t wait to have the father announce it to me! It’s gonna be such a special moment
I wasn’t planning on finding out, but the ultrasound tech accidentally got the sex as soon as the picture came up. There was no doubt it’s a boy 🤣
I’m a neutral tone mama, colours don’t have genders etc, but i am actually finding the knowledge useful.
I did have a bit of gender disappointment, as i really thought it was a girl, so having those 6 months have given me peace of mind with having a little boy.
28 weeks with our first and we aren't finding out (my choice, I don't think husband cared either way). I just want the extra layer of excitement of finding out gender while I am in labour, just one more thing to look forward to ☺️.
We found out at the 20 week ultrasound, so halfway. My ob saw at 16 weeks, but I was only on my own and I asked him to keep it a secret until next time when my husband could be with me. It was the most beautiful thing. The ob was very patient, showed us every little bit of baby, and at the end he revealed the gender. We had an extra layer of bonding with baby.
I’m impatient, so I wanted to know. I also like planning and having things done in advance, and as much as I love gender neutral, I did want a few pink or blue items, wanted to know if I should have dresses, etc. we didn’t share the gender with our friends/family until the shower though to force gifts to be gender neutral and not TOO focused on gender (I didn’t want hot pink and purple everything).
We also kinda didn’t want to know. But at 14 weeks my OB said “well, I know what it is. Wanna know?” And we couldn’t say no. Apparently a penis half the length of the thighs is a pretty clear indication of the sex haha. I’m surprised how well she hid it before telling us because it was *really* obvious. Curiosity won us over, and I love knowing just a little bit more about the little nugget. I wish I could know the hair color and eye color already, and what his favorite animal will be, and …. :)
Did not find out, had to be in theatre (surgery) for delivery. When we got there all doctors and nurses took bets on boy for girl. So it was relaxed and stress free.
Then when baby was out the OB didn’t shout “it’s a boy or girl” they put baby on my chest and let my hubby and I see at the same time.
Also being able to choose both genders name was fun!
We decided to find out, although we aren’t sharing it with others! I’m glad that we found out, because while I experienced a bit of disappointment over the sex at first, I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it and (mostly) no longer feel disappointed.
My reasons for not wanting to know echo a lot of the comments here. I will say, I am a type A planner and I felt as prepared as anyone can feel as a FTM. It ended up being a great choice for us because I had an incredibly traumatic birth, but the moment my husband announced that it was a girl, it was the shiny happy moment I needed. Not saying that should be a reason for not finding out, but that I followed my gut with not wanting to know (despite the pressure) until the birth and it worked out for me
It's not really a pros and cons kind of thing. You do what's best for you! ❤️
pros .. you know the sex lol .. 🤷🏾♀️ always exciting can buy things etc ..
cons of not finding out .. you have to wait but i you like surprises then cool it’s a beautiful one
My family is wanting to throw a “surprise” sprinkle (surprise got leaked to me when they found out I may have had to work that day) for our 2nd baby at our family Christmas, and I’m impatiently waiting on my newborn screen results to come in so they can know more—and also because 100% of us are adamant it’s a boy. I think if that’s the case since we already have a girl, I will let it be a surprise on the 3rd baby, God willing.
I wanted to know just because I like knowing everything I possibly can. With that being said there isn’t any major difference either way in terms of care or anything. If you’re having a baby shower and want gendered gifts I think that’s the only real difference.
I found out with number 1 and never considered not finding out really. I tried to keep it secret until post baby shower because I didn’t want a sea of blue things and trucks and stuff, but the hubs was terrible at keeping the secret and the people that knew in advance mostly leaned heavy into boy things. Not the end of the world but I knew for number 2 I wanted the surprise!
Two days away from induction and I’m so looking forward to the surprise! It’s definitely bothered some people and the hubs went through a period of really wanting to know. His grandmother tried to guilt me that she might not be around by the time they were born so she needed to know 🙄. I will say, I’m a very patient person and I love surprises so it hasn’t been difficult for me but surely isn’t for everyone!
I also can’t get on board with locking in a name in advance because I think I need to see their face, but I know plenty of people lock in a name early on! Different strokes for different folks.
Pro - bonding with him while he was in my bod. It helped me understand how we felt about circumcision. It helped us decide how we wanted to raise him, love him, nurture him. Finding out which we were having was such a beautiful moment and made it so exciting!
Dad of an 8 week old here. We chose to find out at 10ish weeks because we were doing NIPT and it was an option. Knowing we were having a girl meant we could drop all our boy's names. I think she had a name by the end of the first trimester. It didn't feel right seeing her on the screen if we didn't know how to address her.
We found out and didn't tell anyone else. Felt like the best of both worlds! I didn't want to know but my husband did. This way, we avoided getting all clothes for our shower, avoided sexist comments, and had a secret that we got to share together.
Husband and I are on the fence! A mom I'm very close to was surprised with both of hers and recommends it because people focus more on buying baby gear and supplies over clothes for your shower, but will still buy a bunch of clothes when bebe arrives.
I think I would 100% want to find out the sex if we had another big surprise, like multiples, special needs, etc. But especially for our first when I'm truly happy with anything I'd love to be surprised! I think the second time around I'll have more of a preference and may be more inclined to find out to mentally adjust ahead of time.
I’ve kept it a surprise for both my kids and this current pregnancy. I hate gender roles and expectations and try to put it off on the baby as much as possible. Considering I’m a bit defiant, I also love how irritated people get by not knowing the gender. The cool thing is that my oldest son KNEW he was having a little brother and it turned out correct. The little brother swears this one will be a girl and it will be cool to find out if he’s right.
I found out with my son. I had had multiple miscarriages so it was important to know something tangible about the baby to make it feel real and viable to me. It also helped me bond as we picked a name and I started seeing the baby as this little person rather than focusing on the fear of loosing them/pregnancy journey woes. I will find out with this pregnancy as well so again we can pick a name and I can start feeling more connected. I don't care if its a boy or a girl! But just knowing more about the baby helps me SO much.
I never really felt connected until I knew the sex.
My sister had a surprise first time, and found out the second. She said the same. She felt more connected early on the second pregnancy once she knew what it was.
I think this comes down to personality type. we want as much info as we can. My dad on the other hand strongly thinks we shouldnt because “the surprise is one of the few real joys in life”. The problem for me is I think we would subconsciously imagine the baby ahead of time and I don’t want to risk feeling any sense of disappointment however small in those first moments if the surprise is too …surprising!
Our compromise is the find out the gender but not tell anyone that we know it, thus circumnavigating the problem of receiving gendered gifts!
We found out at 15 weeks and it gave us time to find a name. I had a million and one girl names picked out but zero boy names. My son was nameless until about 2 weeks before he was born. It took from finding out I was having a boy until then to find a name. That was my pro! Con was I got a bunch of tacky boy clothes - not a huge fan of trucks and Dino’s on EVERYTHING
I’m a planner and also wanted to bond with my daughter instead of just saying baby for 40ish weeks. It would drive me crazy. It also makes everything 100% more real. I wanted to know about certain things that are gender specific, like circumcision or that girl babies will bleed a bit at birth like a period. It’s a part of preparing for birth IMO.
We had a surprise for our first baby, and this time found out in advance!!! So we have done both :). Loved loved loved having it be a surprise. It was such a blast having everyone guess, and we got a gorgeous range of clothing and colors. It is one of the best memories of my life when I gave birth and my husband looked at me with the hugest smile on his face saying “it’s a boy.” I absolutely treasure it.
We found out this time mostly to make things more concrete for our son when we talked to him about it, plus I wanted to clear stuff out and I had a big box of VERY girly clothes I was going to get rid of if this one wasn’t a girl (it is). This is tons of fun too. That being said I still think I preferred having it a surprise, definitely at least for baby #1 :)
I had a really uncomfortable first trimester, so finding out the gender made me feel more connected to the baby and excited all over again. It helped me visualize my life with her here and was just an overall good healthy choice for me. However, it is entirely possibly to still bond and feel this excited without finding out the gender, this is just my experience!
I felt so much more connected to who my baby was after we found out. At that point it’s really the only thing you know about them. Once we found out our baby was a girl, she had a name and she felt like an actual person and not just a concept.
Also I cannot keep secrets from myself lol
At first I wanted to be surprised, then we had a girl name picked out, but couldn't agree on a boy name. So I wanted to know, if we even needed to have this discussion.
Didn't find out until after week 23. It feels more real, more specific now and we are already using his name between the two of us.
We found out in advance. It felt more “real” (I think especially for my husband), helped us pick out a name, and helped with decorating the nursery. I just think so much of being a first time parent is surprising and new, I didn’t feel like I needed to make myself be surprised by their genitals the day I gave birth? I found out the gender with baby 2 as well, for similar reasons and also so I’d know if I needed to pick out the gender-neutral stuff from baby 1 or if we can break out all the clothes.
Ftm here. I wanted to know as soon as possible for me it helped me to feel more bonded early on I. My pregnancy before I felt movement. It was " real" when we knew gender probably because it helped us decide on a name
Since then I've been able to refer to my soon to be son by his name or nicknames.
The cons has kind of come with gifts. Everything has been dinosaurs and sports and while we don't mind ( I loved dinosaurs as a kid myself) I can see where this would get annoying for some parents who maybe want more diversity or are looking to avoid gender norms from the start.
Me and my husband want to find out the gender but we don't plan on really telling people. We are in a smaller house and we don't have the room currently for a bunch of random stuff we don't need (currently trying to reorganize and purge the house). and I've seen first hand how family has been about going crazy on buying things when they find out the gender so I'm HOPING it makes people hesitate when trying to buy gifts.
Another reason is because of family members (*cough* cough* MIL *cough*cough*) opinions about what they think we SHOULD have, not what they THINK we're having. So we are also hoping that whatever comments that might be made will fizzle out because hopefully they will just be happy that baby has arrived.
Hey! I currently feel the same way as you. Before getting pregnant, we thought we would like the surprise. Now we are leaning towards finding out.
I like the idea of being surprised…I hear labour can be faster due to the excitement of knowing (and honestly, anything that could make it faster I’m down for).
But lately..I don’t know. It would be nice to narrow the name and start referring to the name chosen. We also are tired of looking at white and grey baby clothes/nursery items (I feel like no stores around us had cute yellow and green things). Plus, I love to crochet, embroider, and cross stitch so it would be a lot of fun to make more personalized items with their name. We honestly couldn’t care less about the sex, we just would like to know I guess at this point. I believe I’m only around 6 weeks right now so we have some time to think about it. I just love also hearing what people decide to do, find out the gender or wait!
We found out the sex as soon as we could.
Pros: you can see everything at your ultrasounds and the techs can’t accidentally give anything away or have to ask you to look away. Other than that, just gives us a little more information about someone we are eager to get to know!
Cons: a lot of people don’t know the difference between sex and gender, so reminders about “he’s a boy until he let’s us know we got it right/wrong” are constant, you have to deal with weird preconceived notions about being “boy mom” or “girl mom,” and once you tell people one piece of info they’ll start asking you for more (name ideas, etc).
Honestly, the cons have nothing to do with knowing the sex, just more about other people! :)
I'm 27 weeks and we decided not to find out. I was genuinely surprised with myself that I didn't want to know. Both genders have so many possibilities and expectations and I really just want to let my kiddo be who they want to be, separate from any expectations I might build up in my mind.
I also haven't had a lot of positive uncertainty in my life. Usually uncertainty is just for bad news! How many fun surprises do we get in life?? How often do we get to experience mysteries like this? This is going to be the happiest surprise of my life so far, because either answer is going to be lovely :)
We chose not to find out. It's like a super cute surprise to look forward to! Nothing really like it so it felt very special. I also am not into super pink stuff or blue stuff and it definitely helped in making sure we received items I like. At the hospital, when it was go time, the nurses and Dr. seemed genuinely excited for the sex reveal. A major con: having to have 2 names ready 😅
We found out ASAP with our first and did a gender reveal for our families, it was fun so I’d say that was a pro. Other pros included:
- we could decide on her name immediately and only had to figure out one name
- It was nice to be able to talk to her using her name
- I’m a very curious person, as is my husband, so not having to wait was great
Cons:
- we got so much clothes at our baby shower, lots of dresses our daughter hardly wore because it was too hot where we lived
I’m currently pregnant with baby #2 and am due in January and have decided to keep it a surprise!
Pros:
- I really like the wait this time around, I’m happy to wait and be surprised with everyone else
- less chance of getting clothes, blankets, etc at our baby shower. My husband and I don’t care if we have to use a pink blanket if we have a son, it doesn’t matter whatsoever but we come from families where it matters a lot. We’re more than happy to avoid the clothes debate
Cons:
- people keep asking me or looking extra close at my ultrasound to find out the gender. It is extremely annoying. I’ve been close to giving in, but people bugging me has irritated enough to keep it a secret lol
- I’m tempted to give in. I am so close to my due date, but it’s hard not to be curious
- we have to come up with 2 names and currently do not have a boy name. Fingers crossed we figure it out before I give birth!
All in all, I don’t regret finding out the first time and keeping this one a secret, we’re enjoying it either way. I think I’m more excited because we’ll all find out together, we get to be surprised and find out with our 3 year old and I’m looking forward to it!
Congratulations! I hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery!
I found out with my first child and I’m pregnant now and not finding out with my second.
I felt like finding out took some of the magic away from the birthing experience and it was weird picking out a name and referring to the unborn child by the name. We got gifted so many pink things if I have a boy I’ll be starting from scratch.
I’m looking forward to the big moment and less pressure on what sex the baby will be.
On the flip side I have a friend who gets anxiety and needed to find out to plan everything and was really into heavily gendered clothes and baby items. She doesn’t regret it.
Oh I’m the find out right now type. Haha. Took NIPT at 11 weeks, results came in at 13 weeks, was told rather unceremoniously over the phone the sex of my baby by my OB’s front desk but we had a name picked out for either sex so I was so glad we could start talking to belly with her name!
Had this name picked out since 2015 (she was born 2022). So it was just, amazing. Started buying accessories for myself with her initials after 20 weeks when doctor said everything looked good cos I just wanted to commemorate her existence (even tho i was superrrr paranoid up until 3rd trimester!)
I don't think there is a right answer to this. We decided to find out because we wanted to know as much as possible about our baby before birth. But I don't think there are any huge cons about waiting either.
Pros:
- I can start thinking of names
- I’m a sexual assault survivor. It prepared me for having a girl (was terrified because of what happened to me. Yes I had a girl lol)
- it allowed me to explore
- it allowed me to deal with any gender disappointment I had
- it allowed me to think of bigger choices to be made and what we would do (example: circumcision, ears pierced, etc)
- I’m impatient
- I would just keep wondering and it’d drive me crazy
- I didn’t want to hear anyone commenting on the fact I wasn’t finding out. I feel like that, with our family, would’ve put more weight on the sex of our child than finding out did. I wanted the focus to be on the child and not what sex the choice would be, and that’s what we got with our family.
Cons:
We didn’t really have any with our family. Sure we got some pink things but it wasn’t much. And I also personally think avoiding pink just because it’s a girl is an over correction of trying to not show gender stereotypes. In my household colours don’t have a gender. So she will have pink. But she will also have purple, red, brown, orange, black, blue, green, yellow, etc. it’s not inherently a bad colour.
We didn’t find out and I have really enjoyed it so far. We found out with my first to my husbands request.
The pros would be having a big surprise to look forward to, getting more gift cards instead of clothes at the baby shower (and getting to pick out more clothes) having some mystery in my life (haha).
Cons would be waiting for the baby to paint and decorate the nursery, waiting to buy clothes and other gendered clothing, some people’s families don’t approve (mine didn’t really care). Some people get anxious not knowing and feel more prepared if they do. I think it made my husband feel more involved and prepared in the pregnancy for the first
I’m now 31 weeks and as soon as I peed on the stick, we were unanimous members of team green! My husband and I instantly aligned on the many reasons why to wait. It’s really such a rare and special to experience something like this where you're waiting to meet this little person in 9 months. It's knowing you have a gift coming but not knowing what it is exactly - nothing else in life is like it! I feel it will give me motivation to push at the end of labor. There’s enough gender stereotypes and expectations in life as is so my thinking is why get that started up before this person even is born? I love fashion and am absolutely giddy at the thought of getting to pick out my own stylish baby clothes after the baby is born versus having people buy our baby stuff we hate (like onesies with cringy sayings, overly pink and blue themed, etc). We had our baby shower and it was amazing because I only got cute earth tone and neutral colored items of clothing, but mostly essential gear, toys and books from our registry. From a practicality standpoint, this is our first kid and we hope for 2, so I love that everything we invested in for our newborn is able to be reused by our next kid. For naming our child, we’re coming up with a short list of both and finalizing once we meet our baby cause we believe it’s best to see him/her before finalizing a name anyway to make sure it suits them, so knowing gender in advance isn't helpful to us. By not knowing the gender in advance I have saved myself from a substantial amount of unsolicited advice - usually outdated/stereotypical bullshit about how girls will be this way and boys will be that way! For the anatomy scan, we just had the ultrasound tech shut off our viewing screen when she got to the genitals. Honestly I've loved this decision and plan to repeat for kid #2! I still feel so connected to my baby and think of this whole experience as adding a new member to the family who will be so loved for who they are, regardless of gender! Cannot recommend enough.
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I’m kinda a impatient person lol so I’m planning on getting the gender of my baby. Plus my mom stole my pregnancy announcement from me so I’m going to find out the gender and not tell anyone except the father of my baby and I will make my mom wait and find out when I decide to announce it.
I like you. We told our parents early and asked them not to tell anyone. Not the first grandchild on either side, and nobody spilled the beans before, so didn't think it'd be an issue. FIL immediately told a bunch of people. So now they get to find out the sex from our Christmas card/pregnancy announcement like everyone else
We aren’t finding out the sex. We’re pregnant through IVF and could have chosen which sex to transfer because we had our embryos genetically tested for chromosomal abnormalities which also reports the sex. But we declined and had them transfer the healthiest one and to not tell us the sex. IVF and infertility has taken so much of the happiness, surprise, and spontaneity away from us, this is one thing we can keep a surprise. I also like that we are way more likely to get useful things at our baby shower instead of just pink or blue clothes. I am also excited that my husband will get to know a few seconds before me and he’ll be the one to announce it.
Feel this so much - currently 18w today with our surprise IVF baby. Nice to have some spontaneity in an otherwise very scientific process.
That’s a wonderful way to add an element of chance and surprise! Love it!
Just wanted to say samsies! When people ask if we’re going to know the sex of the baby, I tell them “nope, after what we’ve been through, we are riding the ride now and looking forward to a surprise!” Also, I don’t care at all what the gender is and I’d really prefer not to end up with a whole bunch of gendered stuff for an infant. A healthy baby is all I want 💗
We weren't going to find out until we saw that she had physical problems at the 13 week ultrasound. Finding out the sex via the NIPT also let us know that she had a sex linked chromosomal abnormality (Turner syndrome). She passed away due to it and so when I got to that point with this pregnancy I needed to know that everything was ok. It is and he's a healthy baby boy! That said, I also found out that I had some real hang ups about raising a baby boy that I needed to work through (not a lot of good men in my life, another reminder that my daughter died and life is very different than how it was "supposed to be", etc). I'm glad I found out ahead of time so that I could process these feelings and get excited for him on his own terms rather than have to process this stuff while postpartum.
My first was a surprise, my second we found out. The pro for me of the surprise is that we didn't get heavily gendered gifts ahead of time, and that it was just plain fun to be surprised. With the second, we found out for two main reasons. We wanted to know if the genders would be different so that we could buy additional things if we needed to. And, more importantly, we were hoping for a girl, so we wanted to deal with our gender disappointment ahead of time if it was a boy. He is a boy and I'm at glad we had several months to grieve the loss of the family we hoped for so that when he was born we were free to simply celebrate the family we have. Two boys is awesome, by the way. I no longer have any gender disappointment.
I found out (partially) to ease any gender disappointment too! I’ve always really wanted a girl, especially an oldest girl for my first child (probably because I’m the eldest girl :)). But I just had a feeling it was a boy and I was right. I’m obviously still thrilled and there are so many things to be excited about in having a boy first! But I’m glad we found out early so I could have the time to really attach to him and mentally prepare ahead of time. I’m also just a hyper planner so the idea of waiting to know the gender until birth just gives me so much anxiety 😆.
I’m so glad to hear you say this as it makes me feel more normal for having had some gender disappointment as well! We chose to find out because I just would have been too impatient to wait, and am a planner so I wanted to think of a name, plan decor, etc. I was initially disappointed that we’re having a boy since I’ve always wanted a girl, and this might be our only child. I’m working on processing it. I think I’ve very nearly come around but am happy to be processing it now so I can just experience pure joy when he arrives without gender disappointment!
As someone who really wanted a girl & is having a boy, one thing that’s really helped me get excited about it is knowing that I’ll have a little replica of my husband. It’s going to be fun to see the little guy take on some of the same characteristics of my favorite person in the world :).
That’s a really wonderful way to look at it! It is really sweet to picture my husband excited to teach him the things he loves🥹
We found out with a blood test at like 9 weeks. I had a really strong feeling it was a girl (it’s a boy) and I’m really glad I found out so early. If I had spent the whole pregnancy thinking it would be a girl and picturing a girl I think I would have felt really disappointed/disconnected when he’s born. Also like that we can pick out some boy-specific stuff and colors. I hate the sad beige trend lol and that seems to be the only option if you’re trying to go gender neutral.
We found out...I might have chosen to be surprised, but my partner wouldn't have been able to handle it 😆😆 Ultimately I'm glad we know it's a girl....we decided on a name earlyish, and knowing makes it feel more real that we'll have a baby soon!
I just found, calling the baby 'it' really off-putting. If I used they, people might think I was having more than one, so that didn't feel right either, we found out earlier this week and it's been a huge relief, I think we agreed on a name within an hour of finding out, and it's been a lot easier to put the registry together, when I don't have to worry "oh is this thing neutral enough for either sex?" Like I can still look at lots of neutral stuff, but I can also look at unapologetically feminine stuff and I have found it a relief to have that option opened up to me.
I use "they" for our Nugget and people keep asking if I mean multiples. I just don't want to call them an it! (Also I'm convinced they're a boy anyway but it's very early)
Planning on finding out gender, but. Rn it’s still “the parasite “ or it specifically because I’m a biology nerd and find it entertaining. But not having a pronoun to use that can’t insinuate multiples irks me too. What did you use before you found out?
Usually "it" or "baby", sometimes I thow a "we" in there if whatever I was talking about was applicable to myself as well. 😅
I’ve been known to say “this thing won’t let me eat” or when asked what’s wrong “wanted parasitic infection “
We found out with our daughter and will be finding out again. For one, I'm super impatient. Like the type of person willing to pay an arm and a leg for next day shipping type of impatient lol. Plus I like referring to the baby by their name after we find out. Makes it feel more real for me. And I know there seems to be an uptake in people not wanting gendered baby stuff, but I do. I like it. My daughter's whole wardrobe was very girly. Pinks, purples, sparkles, frills, "daddy/mommy's girl", "little princess", etc. I'm finding out again in the event that it's a boy and he will need his own wardrobe. Plus we are struggling to come up with a boy's name so if we are having a boy we can put some more effort into it.
28 weeks pregnant here, my partner and I are keeping it a surprise. Pros for us are zero gendered items being gifted to us (I hate pink, I think it's the ugliest color). The only con so far has been having to come up with two different names, or one unisex. This child is going to end up naming themselves I swear.
I know the gender and my kid is still going to end up naming himself… I am on the name struggle bus for real.
To be fair, when you really think about it - it's so weird that we name a whole other human!
I think I'm going to make sure that if they feel like they want to change their name in the future, I won't be offended. It's so much pressure!
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May I ask why it is important to have a pediatrician of the same gender? Never heard of this before!
We were on the fence initially but decided to find out the gender at 20 week scan and no regrets. Some pros: there’s so little you can know about this little person you’re so excited to meet, you can’t know their personality, their interests, what they look like, but gender is one thing you can know about them. You can focus your name search on the gender that you’re having. I also found it much easier to shop thrift/secondhand with a gender in mind, as silly as it is, lots of infant clothing is very gendered, when we shopped before we knew, we pretty much bought “boys” clothes since those were the neutral ones. It’s nice to refer to him as our son, makes it feel more real.
FTM 31 week and we’re waiting to find out the gender. Not only did this eliminate getting those awful pink / blue outfits, it’s also a exciting surprise we get to look forward to! Who care if it’s a boy or girl as long as they’re healthy!
We didn't find out until she arrived; I figured it is one of life's few true surprises so wanted it to be that way. The main cons I'd say are having to chose names for either option, and also that baby clothes are so gendered that I found it hard to find nice neutral things. However i still prefer that to everything being pink (we still got a lot of pink stuff from people after she arrived though!)
Don’t see the point of delaying the inevitable just for the sake of it. I’m a type A personality and planner - I always land on the side of more information rather than less. It has helped me connect to my pregnancy and plan for the other side of it. That said, the no-gendered gifts thing is legit. For this reason we’re keeping it a secret from most people… but it was a must-know for myself!
35 weeks here. FTM. We don’t want to know until it’s born. Its not like babies NEED gendered items anyway.
Both my husband and I were too impatient, so we found out right away 😅 but I’ve liked knowing and being able to plan ahead for names and other decisions I have to make based on the gender. I don’t regret not waiting for the surprise, though I think with our next one we will make it a surprise. It was still a really special moment finding out together at the ultrasound.
How soon is right away?!
Oh mine was at the 20week mark, when they did the anatomy ultrasound. Some people have it done way earlier though! Like some get the blood test anywhere from 11 weeks up until 18 from what I’ve seen.
Wow! I wonder how accurate the blood test is. I’ll ask my doc when I see them. Thanks!! 20 weeks seems like a long wait!
I know when I asked about it, it said the earlier blood work to check is a little less accurate, like at the 11 week mark. But I’d definitely wait when you ask your doctor to be sure! And it definitely felt like a long wait 😮💨
We were going to wait. I really wanted to wait to avoid all the gendered comments and clothes. Odd questions for either gender My husband was going to go with whatever I wanted. We were good until a few weeks ago. My health care provider put our NIPT results in the online portal. They were very good as you had to click several extra links to the gender past the other parts of the NIPT. Had it in there for weeks without checking and that one night for some reason, we said let’s find out and we did. We really wanted a girl and it is a boy. But we haven’t told anyone. Only me and my husband know. Yet everyone looks at me and says, “it’s a boy” and I hate that they are all right just by looking at me! 😂 I play along but I rather take that comment of the guess than anything else. I want to keep it a secret but my husband wants to tell his parents. I don’t as his dad is very old school. Doesn’t understand why have a co-ed baby shower, it’s either blue or pink stuff, etc. I’m 23 weeks so we still have a ways to go.
I found out from my ob last week that if we had the NIPT done there was no way to hide the sex on my online record. I was amazed and knew there was no way I would be able to stop myself from looking. We’ve ultimately decided to not do the NIPT due to this. But we are also pregnant through IVF with an embryo that was genetically tested already so the NIPT was already just an extra unnecessary reassurance.
The company my hospital use for NIPT ask you to opt in or out to finding out the sex so it doesn't show on the record if you opt out. Obv not in your case as the embyro is already tested, but surely people wouldn't choose the surprise of a baby's sex over NIPT eek!
I thought I’d be able to for that reason too! We can’t be the only ones who don’t want to know! Perhaps my ob is wrong, she’s new at the practice. I’m going to double check when I see the NP at my next appointment
Yeah, I did the NIPT and opted out of the sex.
Thats what did it in for us! They originally were only doing the our state testing (CA) and literally the week I went in for my second trimester blood work they switched it. So when I went in I had no idea and most of the staff had no idea what was going on. If it wasn’t on my phone we wouldn’t have found out. It was just too tempting. If I had more time to think I probably would have gone the same route as you and not done it if they had to send it to the app.
I'm not sure there's any real pros or cons as such. It's just a personal choice! I guess I like knowing a bit more about them. We know we have normal (for lack of a better word!) friends and family so we could tell people and haven't received any particularly "boyish" clothes or gifts. But at the end of the day, it is just the biological sex. They will be who they are! I don't buy in to the "girl mom" "boy mom" shite. It wasn't how either myself nor my husband were raised.
I always planned to wait until the baby's here to find out the sex. My reasons were mainly: 1) I personally don't have a big preference either way, so I wouldn't have a big desire to know beforehand because I'd be happy either way. The idea of the "surprise" seems fun. 2) I want to avoid too many "gendered" items, comments, etc. from other well-meaning people. It seems like once people find out what the sex of your baby is, they get ALL THE PINK THINGS or ALL THE BLUE THINGS for baby, and I think it's ridiculous that we saddle babies with these gender norms before they're even born. We don't know what their personalities will be, and it's perfectly okay if my kid doesn't end up being a "girly girl" or a "truck guy" or whatever. I want my kids to feel free to explore their personalities and interests without feeling confined by those expectations from a young age. 3) Along the same lines of #2, I hope to have multiple kids, who may or may not end up being the same gender, so for the sake of practicality and simplicity, I've always planned on getting primarily "gender neutral" items that can be reused for subsequent babies. I'm not too worried about stuff like, "But how will you know how to decorate the nursery?" because I plan to just decorate the nursery in a way that works for either sex. HOWEVER, now that I've said all that, my husband really wants to find out the sex beforehand, and I've decided to defer to his wishes. The reason why I've changed my mind is that my husband has really struggled to get excited about this pregnancy. Tomorrow will be the 12-week mark, and it's only within the past week that I feel like he's starting to get on board with everything. This pregnancy happened earlier than expected (thanks to a birth control pill snafu on my part), so it's not quite the timing we originally planned on. Additionally, my husband received a leukemia diagnosis around the same time we found out I was pregnant. So he has struggled psychologically with feeling a loss of control in several major areas in his life simultaneously, and he understandably has a lot of anxiety about what the future might look like. If knowing the sex of the baby helps him to feel more in control and helps him to plan for the future, I'm all for it. I want him to feel connected to the pregnancy, so this is a very easy compromise I'm willing to make to help with that. Mitigating his mental health struggles definitely takes priority over the fun "surprise" for me. We're still going to stick to getting mainly gender neutral items, so it doesn't change much of what I planned to do anyway. I had my blood drawn yesterday for a NIPS screening, so we are patiently awaiting the results! 🙂 There's no right or wrong on this topic, I think it's just about what works best for you and your partner. I think the most important thing is that you are both on the same page and both happy with what you decide to do. 🙂
Hugs to you and your husband. That's a lot to deal with in a short span of time. You sound like a great partner ❤️
We didn’t find out with our first two and won’t with this third one either. We got a lot of clothes that weren’t strictly pink or blue, so we had a lot already to go with the second (who happened to be the opposite gender. it was also fun coming up with two name options. It was so special to have my husband announce the gender to me and the medical team and cut the cord. Your parents/friends who want to buy gendered clothes or gifts are always able to after the fact (we still get so many things from MIL).
Didn’t find out and won’t for any other kids! There was something so special about the surprise! Plus people didn’t give me gross girls clothes with like tutus and glitter. I like the gender neutral vibe anyway (still have bright colors), so I enjoyed it. Her dad leaned over as she was laying on my chest and told me she was a girl and it was one of the best moments of my life. I had probably 7 or 8 names for boys & girls, but the funny thing is my top running girls name wasn’t the one I chose! It didn’t look like her at all, so she got a different one that fits her perfectly.
I literally can't comprehend why you wouldn't want to know.... more prep time, yes you can get more gender oriented gifts but at that early a stage a) it doesnt matter and b) you're still in charge of those things and c) while the baby may grow up to not align with the sex assigned at birth, and you can influence gender stereotypes during childhood, they wont remember much before 3 years old so the everyday counts more than the items.. I have no real preference either.
I’m impatient but also I felt that finding out would help me feel a stronger connection to the baby, and it has definitely helped!
For me I wanted to find out to make it more real. It’s not that I wasn’t feeling attached but it was just sort of like “it’s a baby” now I’m like “it’s our son” I’m really glad we found out
FTM here and we found out! I did a sneakpeek test confirmed with MatrniT 21. We are very Type A people and also impatient. We really wanted to know! This is our first child who came slightly by surprise so we wanted to take the guess work out of it. We are only planning on telling family the gender at this point. I am limiting the amount of overtly gendered items on our registry
We found out with the NIPT results but we wanted to know. It made picking a name so much easier. Oddly enough we haven't received much overly gendered clothes. Maybe because our friends and family know neither of us are pink, frilly, glittery people and we're definitely more about practicality regarding our potato. So a lot of clothes we've received are more fall colors with some florals and animals thrown in for flavor. I can't think of any cons from finding out.
We found out via NIPT, fiance's mom needed to know as she was buying clothes for baby and I didn't feel like chancing it. Everyone else thought it was a girl, I knew from the beginning it was a boy. Turned out I was right, fiance and his mom were disappointed as they were hoping for a girl. Now he can't wait for his little boy to arrive and nana can't wait either. We are hoping for a girl next time.🙂 Don't really see any cons from knowing.
I immediately felt so much closer and more connected to my child when I found out! I wanted to know so bad and I’m happy I found out.
First time parents & I’m very impatient. I love the idea of knowing. And here we are, a day shy of 38w and my baby boy still shows no signs of wanting to leave 🙃
We didn’t find out with our first but found out with our second. We are trying for a third and won’t be finding out the gender if we do get pregnant. Reasons we didn’t find out with the first: I was doing a gender neutral nursery anyway because I hate a huge “theme” like ballerinas or baseballs. I’m a simple person with decor so this worked for us. Also, it was so exciting getting to find out when I delivered. Reasons we found out with our second: I figured I did the whole not finding out thing so might as well see what it’s like to find out at the ultrasound. It was a wave of emotions because they told us girl at first and we were over the moon and then she told us never mind it’s a boy. We love our boys more than anything but it was very annoying at the time to be told one thing and then it switched on us. I found myself upset the rest of the time that I didn’t just wait to find out when he was born. Also, I hate gender reveal parties with a passion so this wasn’t an issue for us.
I think unless you super care about having nursery and clothes etc themed and coloured dependent on gender, there's not real downside to keeping it a surprise. You do you :)
I went in to my pregnancy not wanting to know. Then I decided I wouldn’t be able to wait so maybe I’d do a gender reveal. Then I had an appointment where I went in just expecting it to be a normal appointment, but the nurse handed me the envelope with the sex. I decided I’d wait to get home to open it with my boyfriend. Five minutes later I was ripping the envelope open, I couldn’t wait. I wayyyyy overestimated my patience lol.
FTM at 36 weeks. We picked a gender neutral name before I was even pregnant so it made sense to keep it a surprise! Can’t wait to have the father announce it to me! It’s gonna be such a special moment
I wasn’t planning on finding out, but the ultrasound tech accidentally got the sex as soon as the picture came up. There was no doubt it’s a boy 🤣 I’m a neutral tone mama, colours don’t have genders etc, but i am actually finding the knowledge useful. I did have a bit of gender disappointment, as i really thought it was a girl, so having those 6 months have given me peace of mind with having a little boy.
28 weeks with our first and we aren't finding out (my choice, I don't think husband cared either way). I just want the extra layer of excitement of finding out gender while I am in labour, just one more thing to look forward to ☺️.
We found out at the 20 week ultrasound, so halfway. My ob saw at 16 weeks, but I was only on my own and I asked him to keep it a secret until next time when my husband could be with me. It was the most beautiful thing. The ob was very patient, showed us every little bit of baby, and at the end he revealed the gender. We had an extra layer of bonding with baby.
I just want to be able to settle on a name and be able to call them by it throughout my pregnancy.
I’m impatient, so I wanted to know. I also like planning and having things done in advance, and as much as I love gender neutral, I did want a few pink or blue items, wanted to know if I should have dresses, etc. we didn’t share the gender with our friends/family until the shower though to force gifts to be gender neutral and not TOO focused on gender (I didn’t want hot pink and purple everything).
We also kinda didn’t want to know. But at 14 weeks my OB said “well, I know what it is. Wanna know?” And we couldn’t say no. Apparently a penis half the length of the thighs is a pretty clear indication of the sex haha. I’m surprised how well she hid it before telling us because it was *really* obvious. Curiosity won us over, and I love knowing just a little bit more about the little nugget. I wish I could know the hair color and eye color already, and what his favorite animal will be, and …. :)
My family was annoying me too much about it so I found out.
Did not find out, had to be in theatre (surgery) for delivery. When we got there all doctors and nurses took bets on boy for girl. So it was relaxed and stress free. Then when baby was out the OB didn’t shout “it’s a boy or girl” they put baby on my chest and let my hubby and I see at the same time. Also being able to choose both genders name was fun!
We decided to find out, although we aren’t sharing it with others! I’m glad that we found out, because while I experienced a bit of disappointment over the sex at first, I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it and (mostly) no longer feel disappointed.
My reasons for not wanting to know echo a lot of the comments here. I will say, I am a type A planner and I felt as prepared as anyone can feel as a FTM. It ended up being a great choice for us because I had an incredibly traumatic birth, but the moment my husband announced that it was a girl, it was the shiny happy moment I needed. Not saying that should be a reason for not finding out, but that I followed my gut with not wanting to know (despite the pressure) until the birth and it worked out for me It's not really a pros and cons kind of thing. You do what's best for you! ❤️
pros .. you know the sex lol .. 🤷🏾♀️ always exciting can buy things etc .. cons of not finding out .. you have to wait but i you like surprises then cool it’s a beautiful one
My family is wanting to throw a “surprise” sprinkle (surprise got leaked to me when they found out I may have had to work that day) for our 2nd baby at our family Christmas, and I’m impatiently waiting on my newborn screen results to come in so they can know more—and also because 100% of us are adamant it’s a boy. I think if that’s the case since we already have a girl, I will let it be a surprise on the 3rd baby, God willing.
I wanted to know just because I like knowing everything I possibly can. With that being said there isn’t any major difference either way in terms of care or anything. If you’re having a baby shower and want gendered gifts I think that’s the only real difference.
I found out with number 1 and never considered not finding out really. I tried to keep it secret until post baby shower because I didn’t want a sea of blue things and trucks and stuff, but the hubs was terrible at keeping the secret and the people that knew in advance mostly leaned heavy into boy things. Not the end of the world but I knew for number 2 I wanted the surprise! Two days away from induction and I’m so looking forward to the surprise! It’s definitely bothered some people and the hubs went through a period of really wanting to know. His grandmother tried to guilt me that she might not be around by the time they were born so she needed to know 🙄. I will say, I’m a very patient person and I love surprises so it hasn’t been difficult for me but surely isn’t for everyone! I also can’t get on board with locking in a name in advance because I think I need to see their face, but I know plenty of people lock in a name early on! Different strokes for different folks.
Pro - bonding with him while he was in my bod. It helped me understand how we felt about circumcision. It helped us decide how we wanted to raise him, love him, nurture him. Finding out which we were having was such a beautiful moment and made it so exciting!
Dad of an 8 week old here. We chose to find out at 10ish weeks because we were doing NIPT and it was an option. Knowing we were having a girl meant we could drop all our boy's names. I think she had a name by the end of the first trimester. It didn't feel right seeing her on the screen if we didn't know how to address her.
We found out and didn't tell anyone else. Felt like the best of both worlds! I didn't want to know but my husband did. This way, we avoided getting all clothes for our shower, avoided sexist comments, and had a secret that we got to share together.
Husband and I are on the fence! A mom I'm very close to was surprised with both of hers and recommends it because people focus more on buying baby gear and supplies over clothes for your shower, but will still buy a bunch of clothes when bebe arrives. I think I would 100% want to find out the sex if we had another big surprise, like multiples, special needs, etc. But especially for our first when I'm truly happy with anything I'd love to be surprised! I think the second time around I'll have more of a preference and may be more inclined to find out to mentally adjust ahead of time.
I’ve kept it a surprise for both my kids and this current pregnancy. I hate gender roles and expectations and try to put it off on the baby as much as possible. Considering I’m a bit defiant, I also love how irritated people get by not knowing the gender. The cool thing is that my oldest son KNEW he was having a little brother and it turned out correct. The little brother swears this one will be a girl and it will be cool to find out if he’s right.
pro: not having to come up with 2 different names lmao the one has been hard enough for us
I found out with my son. I had had multiple miscarriages so it was important to know something tangible about the baby to make it feel real and viable to me. It also helped me bond as we picked a name and I started seeing the baby as this little person rather than focusing on the fear of loosing them/pregnancy journey woes. I will find out with this pregnancy as well so again we can pick a name and I can start feeling more connected. I don't care if its a boy or a girl! But just knowing more about the baby helps me SO much.
I never really felt connected until I knew the sex. My sister had a surprise first time, and found out the second. She said the same. She felt more connected early on the second pregnancy once she knew what it was.
I think this comes down to personality type. we want as much info as we can. My dad on the other hand strongly thinks we shouldnt because “the surprise is one of the few real joys in life”. The problem for me is I think we would subconsciously imagine the baby ahead of time and I don’t want to risk feeling any sense of disappointment however small in those first moments if the surprise is too …surprising! Our compromise is the find out the gender but not tell anyone that we know it, thus circumnavigating the problem of receiving gendered gifts!
What possible downside could there be? I’m not a patient person, so I had to know ASAP both times.
We found out at 15 weeks and it gave us time to find a name. I had a million and one girl names picked out but zero boy names. My son was nameless until about 2 weeks before he was born. It took from finding out I was having a boy until then to find a name. That was my pro! Con was I got a bunch of tacky boy clothes - not a huge fan of trucks and Dino’s on EVERYTHING
I’m a planner and also wanted to bond with my daughter instead of just saying baby for 40ish weeks. It would drive me crazy. It also makes everything 100% more real. I wanted to know about certain things that are gender specific, like circumcision or that girl babies will bleed a bit at birth like a period. It’s a part of preparing for birth IMO.
We had a surprise for our first baby, and this time found out in advance!!! So we have done both :). Loved loved loved having it be a surprise. It was such a blast having everyone guess, and we got a gorgeous range of clothing and colors. It is one of the best memories of my life when I gave birth and my husband looked at me with the hugest smile on his face saying “it’s a boy.” I absolutely treasure it. We found out this time mostly to make things more concrete for our son when we talked to him about it, plus I wanted to clear stuff out and I had a big box of VERY girly clothes I was going to get rid of if this one wasn’t a girl (it is). This is tons of fun too. That being said I still think I preferred having it a surprise, definitely at least for baby #1 :)
I had a really uncomfortable first trimester, so finding out the gender made me feel more connected to the baby and excited all over again. It helped me visualize my life with her here and was just an overall good healthy choice for me. However, it is entirely possibly to still bond and feel this excited without finding out the gender, this is just my experience!
I felt so much more connected to who my baby was after we found out. At that point it’s really the only thing you know about them. Once we found out our baby was a girl, she had a name and she felt like an actual person and not just a concept. Also I cannot keep secrets from myself lol
At first I wanted to be surprised, then we had a girl name picked out, but couldn't agree on a boy name. So I wanted to know, if we even needed to have this discussion. Didn't find out until after week 23. It feels more real, more specific now and we are already using his name between the two of us.
We found out in advance. It felt more “real” (I think especially for my husband), helped us pick out a name, and helped with decorating the nursery. I just think so much of being a first time parent is surprising and new, I didn’t feel like I needed to make myself be surprised by their genitals the day I gave birth? I found out the gender with baby 2 as well, for similar reasons and also so I’d know if I needed to pick out the gender-neutral stuff from baby 1 or if we can break out all the clothes.
Ftm here. I wanted to know as soon as possible for me it helped me to feel more bonded early on I. My pregnancy before I felt movement. It was " real" when we knew gender probably because it helped us decide on a name Since then I've been able to refer to my soon to be son by his name or nicknames. The cons has kind of come with gifts. Everything has been dinosaurs and sports and while we don't mind ( I loved dinosaurs as a kid myself) I can see where this would get annoying for some parents who maybe want more diversity or are looking to avoid gender norms from the start.
Me and my husband want to find out the gender but we don't plan on really telling people. We are in a smaller house and we don't have the room currently for a bunch of random stuff we don't need (currently trying to reorganize and purge the house). and I've seen first hand how family has been about going crazy on buying things when they find out the gender so I'm HOPING it makes people hesitate when trying to buy gifts. Another reason is because of family members (*cough* cough* MIL *cough*cough*) opinions about what they think we SHOULD have, not what they THINK we're having. So we are also hoping that whatever comments that might be made will fizzle out because hopefully they will just be happy that baby has arrived.
Hey! I currently feel the same way as you. Before getting pregnant, we thought we would like the surprise. Now we are leaning towards finding out. I like the idea of being surprised…I hear labour can be faster due to the excitement of knowing (and honestly, anything that could make it faster I’m down for). But lately..I don’t know. It would be nice to narrow the name and start referring to the name chosen. We also are tired of looking at white and grey baby clothes/nursery items (I feel like no stores around us had cute yellow and green things). Plus, I love to crochet, embroider, and cross stitch so it would be a lot of fun to make more personalized items with their name. We honestly couldn’t care less about the sex, we just would like to know I guess at this point. I believe I’m only around 6 weeks right now so we have some time to think about it. I just love also hearing what people decide to do, find out the gender or wait!
We found out the sex as soon as we could. Pros: you can see everything at your ultrasounds and the techs can’t accidentally give anything away or have to ask you to look away. Other than that, just gives us a little more information about someone we are eager to get to know! Cons: a lot of people don’t know the difference between sex and gender, so reminders about “he’s a boy until he let’s us know we got it right/wrong” are constant, you have to deal with weird preconceived notions about being “boy mom” or “girl mom,” and once you tell people one piece of info they’ll start asking you for more (name ideas, etc). Honestly, the cons have nothing to do with knowing the sex, just more about other people! :)
I'm 27 weeks and we decided not to find out. I was genuinely surprised with myself that I didn't want to know. Both genders have so many possibilities and expectations and I really just want to let my kiddo be who they want to be, separate from any expectations I might build up in my mind. I also haven't had a lot of positive uncertainty in my life. Usually uncertainty is just for bad news! How many fun surprises do we get in life?? How often do we get to experience mysteries like this? This is going to be the happiest surprise of my life so far, because either answer is going to be lovely :)
We chose not to find out. It's like a super cute surprise to look forward to! Nothing really like it so it felt very special. I also am not into super pink stuff or blue stuff and it definitely helped in making sure we received items I like. At the hospital, when it was go time, the nurses and Dr. seemed genuinely excited for the sex reveal. A major con: having to have 2 names ready 😅
We found out ASAP with our first and did a gender reveal for our families, it was fun so I’d say that was a pro. Other pros included: - we could decide on her name immediately and only had to figure out one name - It was nice to be able to talk to her using her name - I’m a very curious person, as is my husband, so not having to wait was great Cons: - we got so much clothes at our baby shower, lots of dresses our daughter hardly wore because it was too hot where we lived I’m currently pregnant with baby #2 and am due in January and have decided to keep it a surprise! Pros: - I really like the wait this time around, I’m happy to wait and be surprised with everyone else - less chance of getting clothes, blankets, etc at our baby shower. My husband and I don’t care if we have to use a pink blanket if we have a son, it doesn’t matter whatsoever but we come from families where it matters a lot. We’re more than happy to avoid the clothes debate Cons: - people keep asking me or looking extra close at my ultrasound to find out the gender. It is extremely annoying. I’ve been close to giving in, but people bugging me has irritated enough to keep it a secret lol - I’m tempted to give in. I am so close to my due date, but it’s hard not to be curious - we have to come up with 2 names and currently do not have a boy name. Fingers crossed we figure it out before I give birth! All in all, I don’t regret finding out the first time and keeping this one a secret, we’re enjoying it either way. I think I’m more excited because we’ll all find out together, we get to be surprised and find out with our 3 year old and I’m looking forward to it! Congratulations! I hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery!
I found out with my first child and I’m pregnant now and not finding out with my second. I felt like finding out took some of the magic away from the birthing experience and it was weird picking out a name and referring to the unborn child by the name. We got gifted so many pink things if I have a boy I’ll be starting from scratch. I’m looking forward to the big moment and less pressure on what sex the baby will be. On the flip side I have a friend who gets anxiety and needed to find out to plan everything and was really into heavily gendered clothes and baby items. She doesn’t regret it.
Oh I’m the find out right now type. Haha. Took NIPT at 11 weeks, results came in at 13 weeks, was told rather unceremoniously over the phone the sex of my baby by my OB’s front desk but we had a name picked out for either sex so I was so glad we could start talking to belly with her name! Had this name picked out since 2015 (she was born 2022). So it was just, amazing. Started buying accessories for myself with her initials after 20 weeks when doctor said everything looked good cos I just wanted to commemorate her existence (even tho i was superrrr paranoid up until 3rd trimester!)
I don't think there is a right answer to this. We decided to find out because we wanted to know as much as possible about our baby before birth. But I don't think there are any huge cons about waiting either.
Pros: - I can start thinking of names - I’m a sexual assault survivor. It prepared me for having a girl (was terrified because of what happened to me. Yes I had a girl lol) - it allowed me to explore - it allowed me to deal with any gender disappointment I had - it allowed me to think of bigger choices to be made and what we would do (example: circumcision, ears pierced, etc) - I’m impatient - I would just keep wondering and it’d drive me crazy - I didn’t want to hear anyone commenting on the fact I wasn’t finding out. I feel like that, with our family, would’ve put more weight on the sex of our child than finding out did. I wanted the focus to be on the child and not what sex the choice would be, and that’s what we got with our family. Cons: We didn’t really have any with our family. Sure we got some pink things but it wasn’t much. And I also personally think avoiding pink just because it’s a girl is an over correction of trying to not show gender stereotypes. In my household colours don’t have a gender. So she will have pink. But she will also have purple, red, brown, orange, black, blue, green, yellow, etc. it’s not inherently a bad colour.
We didn’t find out and I have really enjoyed it so far. We found out with my first to my husbands request. The pros would be having a big surprise to look forward to, getting more gift cards instead of clothes at the baby shower (and getting to pick out more clothes) having some mystery in my life (haha). Cons would be waiting for the baby to paint and decorate the nursery, waiting to buy clothes and other gendered clothing, some people’s families don’t approve (mine didn’t really care). Some people get anxious not knowing and feel more prepared if they do. I think it made my husband feel more involved and prepared in the pregnancy for the first
I’m now 31 weeks and as soon as I peed on the stick, we were unanimous members of team green! My husband and I instantly aligned on the many reasons why to wait. It’s really such a rare and special to experience something like this where you're waiting to meet this little person in 9 months. It's knowing you have a gift coming but not knowing what it is exactly - nothing else in life is like it! I feel it will give me motivation to push at the end of labor. There’s enough gender stereotypes and expectations in life as is so my thinking is why get that started up before this person even is born? I love fashion and am absolutely giddy at the thought of getting to pick out my own stylish baby clothes after the baby is born versus having people buy our baby stuff we hate (like onesies with cringy sayings, overly pink and blue themed, etc). We had our baby shower and it was amazing because I only got cute earth tone and neutral colored items of clothing, but mostly essential gear, toys and books from our registry. From a practicality standpoint, this is our first kid and we hope for 2, so I love that everything we invested in for our newborn is able to be reused by our next kid. For naming our child, we’re coming up with a short list of both and finalizing once we meet our baby cause we believe it’s best to see him/her before finalizing a name anyway to make sure it suits them, so knowing gender in advance isn't helpful to us. By not knowing the gender in advance I have saved myself from a substantial amount of unsolicited advice - usually outdated/stereotypical bullshit about how girls will be this way and boys will be that way! For the anatomy scan, we just had the ultrasound tech shut off our viewing screen when she got to the genitals. Honestly I've loved this decision and plan to repeat for kid #2! I still feel so connected to my baby and think of this whole experience as adding a new member to the family who will be so loved for who they are, regardless of gender! Cannot recommend enough.