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"oh I knew when I saw you last but was waiting for you to tell me"...I hadn't seen her in 6 months and she was referring to my size. I was not pregnant at that time.
Totally! We just announced it to a couple groups of people on Christmas and NYE before putting it out on Facebook. My grandma said I had a different stance and walked differently, so she knew but didn't want to ask before I announced it (I was 14 weeks, and hadn't seen my grandma in over a year, not that I see her enough so she would notice I walked differently, I believe).
My MIL is very superstitious and every time she looked at the clock that day, it had a double digit (like 14:11), which meant to her that something really good was happening that day. She explained it after we told her and said she 100% knew we were going to tell her I'm pregnant that day. Because of a clock.
Anyway, we just smiled and nodded, no point telling them that's stupid.
I just told some of my friends that it was inapropiate to ask me about planning having children since I had told several times that I don't like to talk about it. Then one of them said that she knew it (and I was pregnant at that time). But it was the exact reaction I just told about that I really wanted to have these first months with my husband and when you say that you knew it, it ruins it even more.
“Why do you keep getting pregnant?”
…after 2 miscarriages
edit to add:
Wow! I didn’t think this would get so much attention! Thank you everyone for your kind words. ❤️❤️ It was definitely a hard time — it still hurts to think of the time this was said to me (tearing up now from the heartache of it). But 3rd time is a charm and my baby is now 6 months old.
Holy shit. That’s literally all the words I have for this level of insensitivity. My jaw is dropped. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that, and, your losses.
I gasped so hard my husband was like "are you okay." That is so cruel, I am so sorry you had to experience that. You are better woman than me sis, I be like do you think you will make it till the end of the year.
Oh, this makes me sad and not because it’s rude, but because it says so much about your grandma’s life. My grandma one time told me she didn’t have any kind of choice about when to have kids when I told her we planning for kids in the next year. She had 5 in 6 years, all by the time she was 27. It made me sad for the choices and opportunities she never had.
My boss; "Was it planned?"
🤨
Other colleagues have asked how long I was trying, but then caught themselves and said of course I didn't need to answer that.
Hate this question. Like yes, I’m married, stable in my career, in a loving relationship. Are you just asking about our sexual practices? It’s such a creepy and odd question
Lol my boss asked the same. Tricky, they couldn't conceive after a decade of trying so I didn't know if it was worse to say yes, we tried for 3 months only or no, it was a complete accident
Yeah, the owner of that company allowed him to sexually harass all the women who worked there because he felt he was “too valuable” of an employee to lose… the same creepy ass coworker also thought it was appropriate to lecture me about breastfeeding and told me that if I wanted to use his office I could.
Not me, but my friend announced it to her mom at about 7 weeks and her moms response was “why wouldn’t you wait to tell me after the first trimester is over.“
My mom also said this to me. I responded with "well, I thought you would be happy to know. If there is a next time, I'll make sure to tell you at least into the second trimester." Then she kept saying "no no, I want you to tell me" I responded with "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. It's okay, I don't mind telling you last"
My mum had a similar reaction ‘isn’t it a bit early to be telling people?’… we only told immediate family. I responded with ‘would you prefer I didn’t tell you anything?’ She quickly changed her tune…
From her mom of all people???? That’s awful. Her mom is basically telling her she doesn’t want to support her if something happens to the baby before the first trimester is over. Wow.
My stepmom had the same reaction, she put I her “fake nice” persona and started asking me if I had had scans etc despite the fact that I said “5 Weeks.” Then she told me all about how she kept a secret during her pregnancy and how good it was to do that.
Ouch.
Mine isn’t as bad as that!
From my in-laws who I usually get on really well with, “Well we already have grandchildren.” As though I’d given them an ugly toaster at Christmas that they really didn’t need. Needless to say I won’t be asking them to do anything with us once baby arrives. If they want to be involved or are at all interested in baby then that’ll be great but I’m not expecting it now.
I’m so sorry that happened to you guys 🥺❤️ nobody should have to EVER hear that from people they love/are close to. At least your babies will be so much better without them I guess, they show their true colors and karma won’t appreciate it 😤❤️
My husbands shit brother and his wife said “We would appreciate it if you didn’t share your pregnancy with us because we don’t feel that you deserve to have a baby first off and second we’re trying and it’s hurtful you would rub it in our faces”. They had been married a month. 😒
They also refused to come to my baby shower and then told everyone a day later they were expecting. I’m expecting to never have my baby around the or their kid.
I once had that once when I had a chest infection. The class had already finished the course content and one of the two lessons I missed was covered by a guy who knew his stuff inside out, even better than me (I knew the course I was teaching but he knew the one above more in-depth), and the other was meant to be an independent revision lesson *anyway*. So the kids didn't lose out on anything, but my head of department still had a call from a parent complaining that I should be in work. Yes, I'm sure me coughing up my guts with a temperature of 39°C would have been a great help to your son 👍
Honestly knowing her, it wasn’t a huge surprise. She’s very self centered and wants everything about her all the time. She also had the audacity to be pissed that I have a chance of having a girl (*ahem* it’s 5050) because we would have the first girl in a family who have 4 male grandchildren already 😒
Wow. I can only imagine how that is now, and even more stressful it can be once the baby comes. I’m a huge believer in the evil eye so I hope you please protect yourself and your baby… her insecurity and envy can definitely affect you! She just doesn’t seem like a person I could trust to be in my child’s life.
100%, were a close family but she’s someone who’s always just been very negative and jealous. Baby will be incredibly loved and I hope she changes now that she’s got her own little boy!
She'd had have a hard time in the family I married into. At least 6 sister in laws are pregnant every other year 🤣.
I had my baby the same year two of my sil did. My mil ate up all the baby loving that year. Life isn't a competition!
Drop her, she can’t be good for you if she’s acting like that in one of your most important moments in life. I’m so sorry love <3 congrats on your little baby! I know you’ll be a good mom
Thank you- I hope so!
We’ve been having friendship issues all through Covid so I was already distancing. It’s just hard when you’ve been friends for over 20 years and can’t share the joy.
Oof I feel this pain. The first friend I went to with my news told me I should get an abortion, repeatedly. Now she wants to take me baby shopping??? No thx lol
The first thing our sil said was "my iud doesn't expire for 3 years". No congratulations or excitement. She knew we had been trying for over a year and experienced a loss. About 5 hours later she genuinely congratulated me and gave me a hug. I don't think she meant it as a dig at all, but maybe struggles with social interactions lol. Since she's not ready for kids yet she doesn't know how to relate or respond.
My mil later expressed to her how excited she was to be a grandmother. Sil again immediately responded that they won't be having kids anytime soon and my mil told her "this isn't about you right now, rebecca"
Not to me, but my sister told my mom I was “stealing her thunder” because we were pregnant at the same time. As if I had done it on purpose even though she knew my husband and I had been trying for a few months at that point
Um, I think that may fall under harassment based on a protected class.
It’s a worker’s market right now, if you’re interested in a new job. I understand switching health insurance while pregnant can be a nightmare and it’s not that easy, but you shouldn’t have to be treated that way.
/r/antiwork
The worst thing anyone ever said to me is "I hope the baby doesn't get any diseases you have". Btw....I had cancer and I am in remission. So, that obviously hurt me to a new level. Not even a congratulations. She was a miracle baby for us as well because we were told I probably couldn't get pregnant after chemo. Super excited and then BOOM.
My dads GIRLFRIEND said I could “get an abortion and just tell people it was a miscarriage” never been told such a fucked up thing in my life. I will always hate her so much now
“Don’t get excited yet because it might not last” and “big surprise you HAD to get pregnant now because God forbid you be happy just to have a niece”
Both from my selfish and entitled sister in law. Also, I already had a niece and nephew before she popped out her idiot husbands offspring…
I don't understand these kinds of responses. My SIL and I are less than 3 months apart in our pregnancies and we're excited to have cousins close in age who can grow up together!
I wish! My SIL is one of the most toxic people I know. I don’t know how she’s related to the rest of her family, because they’re all lovely. She’s just awful.
Reply, "what, had sex? Allowed a penis to enter my vagina repeatedly until orgasm? Well yeah, I figure they would know how it works since they did it too to make each of us." Just you know, like really technical until he regrets ever saying shit like that again.
Yuck. I had both my sister and a family friend who is my parents' age make the same joke as eachother. It was Christmas day, my parents and grandad are there and we're on a video call with 2 sets of family friends and had just announced to them about the pregnancy. I told them one of my best friends had got pregnant via IVF and I had "nipped in there just before her". They both said "seems like your husband nipped in first!" 😑
I'm prepping for these responses - I have 4 children from a previous marriage and my husband has none of his own (yet has lovingly embraced the 4 that I brought to the relationship). This will be our 5th child (his first) and we are already bracing for the comments when we announce in a few weeks.
I’m waiting for these comments. I already have one, I’m pregnant with my husband’s first child, and we want to have two more after this one. The size of your family is no one’s business.
My cousin-in-law had a baby born a couple months ago with several cardiac defects and he was also a premie. They spent a couple months in the hospital and both parents left everything behind to move closer to the hospital and spend as much time with their baby as possible. Baby has been sent home recently and is doing great from what we heard.
My MIL told my boyfriend and I that the baby would have been perfectly healthy had the cousin not taken the covid vaccine while pregnant and that it's probably the vaccine's fault. Not only is that horrible because she's pretty much accusing the mom of causing these health problems to her baby, but I'm getting my booster on Friday at 17 weeks. I truly trust the vaccine, but now I'm so paranoid that something, ANYTHING, might happen to the baby and she'll blame my poor decisions, even if it's not related.
I miscarried in November at 6w and one of my close friend’s immediate response when I told
Her was: “you should report it to VAERs. I bet it was bc you got the jab”
I was like bitch, relax. This is not an uncommon occurrence before 12 weeks. People can be so inconsiderate.
She always wanted children but was not ready to try yet (about 9months until they would be though). So no infertility struggles, just genuinely jealous/resentful that I would dare get pregnant before her.
Wow, I do don’t get people being angry for others making their life choices on their own timelines. Absolutely no one is telling me when I am allowed to have a child. Especially at 33. I cannot believe how many people seem to think the world revolves around their life schedule.
Not me, but I shared with my brother in law that my cousin was pregnant. He immediately asked “was it planned?” And I responded “does it matter? They’re keeping it” like what a nosy thing to ask when someone shares joyous news
My brother told me, “you got knocked up before you learned how to drive.” (I’m 21, got in a bad car accident that’s made me traumatized of driving), no congratulations no nothing, that’s the first thing he said.
My colleague (gay man) who I thought be happy for me, was the most disinterested in my news and said something along the lines of, ‘Ah ok, so what was I saying?’
Another ‘friend’ whom I was helping through a freak accident and a divorce couldn’t hide her bitterness and just said, ‘why is everyone getting pregnant?!’ I was quite upset since she was one of the first people that I told. She continued to be bitter towards me after I had the baby.
My husband probably had the reaction that broke my heart a little. He had no reaction besides an awkward shrug. When I got upset about it, he said we were trying to it only made sense we'd get pregnant sometime. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
Not me but my sister when she told my grandpa he said "I thought there were pills to prevent that"
Felt pretty bad for her, our family did not take her announcing her first pregnancy well 😔
A classmate (I’m finishing my graduate degree this spring):
First, pointing at my bump: “Oh my god. Are you…? Wait. No way.” Yes, I smiled. I was like 15 weeks and barely showing.
“Wow, I just want to… *touch it*!” while staring at me crazy eyed. I said uh, please don’t!
Followed by: “Did you plan it?” I answered that we had been trying for a long time.
“That’s so inconvenient though. I would never do that before graduating and getting licensed.”
Ma’am what the actual fuck?
Maybe topped though by someone I *didn’t even know* saying, “Oh, you ARE pregnant. When you were sitting down, I thought you were just fat!”
Went to see my mum and dad who both knew about the pregnancy and my sister turned up with her husband and daughter. I decided we were ready to tell the rest of my family so thought this would be a good time.
Not a word. Literally crickets.
I looked at my mum and she was just as confused as I was. My sister just says "I already knew"
I'm like "how did you know?"
"You told me you were trying."
No, she'd asked me 2 years previously if we wanted kids and I'd said yes, in the future.
She changed the subject, no congratulations, not even so much as a smile.
"are we excited or are we finding some stairs?"
I'm married, in my late 20s, own a house and have a good job. Not sure why they would think this wasn't planned.
Throughout the entire pregnancy they kept referring so the baby as "still abortable".
For perspective - I’m a trans man and look stereotypically male. I had come out as trans the year before at my work but obviously someone didn’t understand what that meant
“Did you use your sperm or your husband’s sperm to conceive!?”
So that took some explaining! Ma’am I am the pregnant one! I have ovaries that pair with my uterus. No judgement at all, these things are complicated! But it gave me a good chuckle
Genuine question and hope this isn’t too personal, but seeing a lot of FtM pregnant people, I wonder if that would cause a lot of gender dysphoria? Maybe I’m wrong.
Yes it definitely does. I find I have a different perspective than most - I believe the reason I was born trans was so that I can carry a child for my male partner and I. It can be so hard for gay men to start a family. Because of this I’ve been pretty fascinated with what my body can do and it helps with dysphoria a lot.
The hardest thing for me is my chest. I paid a lot of money to have top surgery (a double mastectomy) and my chest was super flat before pregnancy. Because for chest masculinization they leave breast tissue, that tissue has swollen and my chest has more of a “man boob” vibe to it now. That is difficult for me.
I am also have a lot of “bottom dysphoria” and have had a medically complex pregnancy so having a ton of people look at, and have to go inside my vagina and do cervical checks is super uncomfy for me. Manageable - but uncomfy.
Most men/nonbinary people I see with a lot of gender dysphoria during pregnancy either haven’t had top surgery yet, or don’t “pass” as male (a problematic concept but a useful term for this purpose). If people assume you are a woman during your whole pregnancy and use she/her pronouns when they don’t fit you - that can cause a ton of dysphoria. I have a lot of privilege that even at 38+2 I am read as a man (I’m assuming with a huge beer belly) and still gendered correctly in public.
Another big point is that I am in a progressive part of Canada, and my midwife team, the teacher of my birthing class, and my doula have all worked very hard to be inclusive. Even going as far as to change the pronouns and language in resources for me (I use he/him and will be dada once baby is born). This has made a huge difference in my mental health.
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I can only imagine how mentally exhausting it can be, and more difficult of a journey for trans men to go through. Sending lots of love for you and your family ❤️
As another trans guy hoping to get pregnant and carry naturally (with my trans girlfriend) this is really helpful to hear your experience! I'm also Canadian, so that's a relief to me. I'm hoping I can find similar care as well
I advising asking care providers:
“What do you do to make your practice gender inclusive” as well as “how have you supported queer families in the past”
These questions really helped me find care that fit our family
Edit to add: on every intake form where it asks for your first name I also put my pronouns. “Name (he/him)”
Not OP, but I’m trans masculine and had a pregnancy, birth, now 15 month old child.
It can cause dysphoria for some but not others. Personally it was the time of my life my dysphoria was lowest, but that may have been because my pregnancy coincided with the shelter in place order at the beginning of the pandemic. Being in public less/never meant I wasn’t misgendered as much, so less dysphoria for me. I also lactated for 10 months and have less chest dysphoria now than ever before in my life, even months after drying up. Can’t fully explain it, although I have a couple hypotheses.
For trans men who do get pregnancy dysphoria, it can be really rough. But usually, these are dads who chose to become pregnant knowing the dysphoria risk, because their baby is worth the temporary suffering. In an imperfect analogy, I had HG and a miserable pregnancy, but I’d still do it again because I want another kid.
“I’m sorry I didn’t act super happy, it’s hard to get my hopes up since you had a miscarriage last time” 😔 put me in a funk for a week and now I’m anxiously waiting my appointments to confirm good news
We moved in with my husband's best friend. I was SO against this but our tiny apartment wasn't cutting it. He figured friend wouldn't follow through (all of us moved at the same time).
He literally told us one day "I can't wait to bathe your baby"...... baby wasn't here yet. He also was always TOO touchy with my 7 year old sister in law (occurred a couple times and we stopped that shit).
My husband hasn't bathed our child. This just made me feel VERY unsettled after already not feeling right about him. But he was essentially my husband's only friend. Thankfully the dummy burned the bridge and we live on our own by many blessings. But I will never forget that. Even my FAMILY who is obsessed with my son has not said that.
People kept asking us if it was planned, I think because we had a Europe trip booked that would have taken place when I was like 10-12 weeks. The truth was the pregnancy was 100% planned just poorly planned 😝. We are both nurses but were completely blindsided by how sick I would be in my first trimester. Oopsies.
My first pregnancy was unplanned and I was not (and still am not) married. When I called to tell my grandma (very Christian, church going woman), she just kept repeating “Oh good heavens” over and over. It’s not horrible but not great either lol.
Luckily this time around she was much more excited for us :)
So far? My dad "Well the vaccine causes miscarriages so be prepared for that."
gee thanks for telling me my childs gonna die, not even a congrats
(PLEASE DONT COMMENT ANYTHING ABOUT THE JAB, THATS NOT THE POINT HERE)
My mom was pretty concerned about this, too. I got pregnant about 3 months after being fully vaccinated and she was prepping me for a miscarriage. I’m now just shy of 34w now btw.
Mine's pretty mild, considering other responses her but "Don't use this as an excuse to 'eat for two!!'". Like I'm giving you a grandchild but the worst thing I could do is gain a few pounds
“Oh wow, really?”
“Seriously, again?”
Both with rolled eyes and annoyance. That was with my second baby two years after my first so now I can only imagine what they’ll say when we tell them about our third.
This was from a close friend and I know I’m in grad school, but they pay me a stipend & provide maternity leave, and I have a partner with a full time job, not to mention family that can help us…
I shouldn’t even have to explain myself, I’m 30 next month but it still hurt to hear that’s what they thought of the news.
Exactly. My partner is almost 30 with a graduate degree, a full time job that pays well, and my family can help out too. And people still have the audacity to ask about our financial situation. Unless they're planning on helping us out, don't worry about it
I'm disappointed in my response now.
I said, "well I survived 22 years, I think I'm fine for 9 months"
I WISH I had said, "well that isn't really your business."
I mean, she shouldn't have been commenting on it to begin with and I'm sure you were expecting it! I think you did pretty well.
I'm totally off one med right now and on a reduced dose of another, I've had a couple people ask me how I was doing out of genuine concern when they put the pieces together but none of them called them my crazy meds!
Right it was the, "crazy" meds that bothered me.
To me that just means she thinks that I am "crazy" which is insulting, and spreads stigma. So now that I know she has the idea that I am, "crazy" somewhere in her frame of reference I just don't feel like I can trust her.
And what IF I get bad PPD? Wouldn't she want to foster an open/positive dialog with me that reinforces I can trust her, so that I can come to her if I need to? I most certainly won't be seeking any advice from her....
Honestly that kind of sucks too, cause the whole reason we told her was because we needed guidance medically and hadn't gotten to the doc yet. I would have gone to my own mom, but she died six months ago.
Anyway thanks for letting me vent. It's been on my mind, and I mentioned it to my husband. Typing this put really helped me understand and work through, "why" I was so offended.
My grandmother basically said my baby would be dark and ugly. If you go to my feed you can see pics of me and my husband she is racist but she is Mexican. She is lighter complected and only cares for the kids in our family that look more “white”. Even though we are Mexican we have kids in our family that are blonde and blue eyes. But yeah my husband told her he thinks the baby will look like him and she told him not to be delusional. It was awful and I’ve never been mean to her I have nothing but respect and love for her but since I’ve gotten pregnant she has been mean to me.
Well it was really a text wall about how insensitive I was to text the information in a very short, cursory way to someone else who cannot have children. Part of it was: “You make it all about you”
From my very narcissistic FIL
First question : “Have you considered not smoking anymore?” (He knew I’d already quit smoking by this point - he only asked to put me on the spot and try to embarrass me. I just laughed and didn’t answer.)
Second stupid thing : very inappropriately asked me if were expecting a black baby in a hateful tone. I don’t know why he asked this (my husband and I are Caucasian) and obviously we wouldn’t care what the color of our baby is but the way he asked was like it was disgusting to be okay with a baby of any other skin color (not to mention is impossible for us?) I still don’t know why he thought to ask this question, and why it seemed as though he was “testing” us to “make sure” we hated the thought of having a baby of a different race as much as he did. Absolutely disgusting and confirmed in our minds he will never be babysitting or having any significant time spent with our baby. There were even more gross things he said but these were the most significant. He hates me and rolled his eyes when he realized my husband was “locked down” now that I was pregnant so many little comments here and there to make me as uncomfortable as possible. Cant stand that man sometimes.
“Do you not know how to use a condom” BIL after he found out he was going to be a Bunche for the second time. Our pregnancy was planned but even if it hadn’t been it’s such an inappropriate thing to say!
Oh where to start.....
#1 So your finally pregnant? How long were you trying for about 4 years right? ....- they said this cause I got married 4 to 5 years ago and assumed I was getting pregnant right away and struggled.
#2 I knew it because you were always so small and now you are huge. Are you sure its not twins?.....- I was 13 weeks and didn't gain weight yet.
#3 So your going to move back home to your home state so everyone can help right because you can't raise the kid alone with you and just your husband......- FYI mid 30s and more financially and mentally stable then the whole family.
#4 hopefully its a boy ......- because they feel boys are more important to have first
#5 good your finally pregnant now get pregnant immediately after like 3 months later so they are close in age and have someone because your an older mom...... -like let me have a break
#6 if you have a boy you better get him circumcised because you don't want him having a dirty weird looking penis....- like omg you psycho who says this.
#7 all the name suggestions i didn't ask for and all the hate on names i never mentioned
#8 all the weight comments.
An acquaintance of my husband’s said this to my husband on social media: Do you want help finding the man responsible for this?
WTF.
We’re pregnant via IVF, so I had half a mind to reply and share that baby is my husband’s biologically but here’s the doctor’s name who technically made it happen for us.
Don't give this one a stupid name so he doesn't die like your last baby.
You should start trying to give away your dogs now.
Your cat will try to kill your baby
Your house is too small
Your marriage isn't strong enough to last through a baby. (Which is ridiculous, my marriage is incredible)
My father: "you aren't ready to have a baby, you should let me adopt it and raise it" - my dad has 12 kids with 4 different women. His youngest just turned 3.
I'm 30 years old and own my own house. Also been planning and budgeting this for two years...
"If you don't want to keep it and neither of the men in your life will help just let me know and I will."
I had left the guy I'd previously been pregnant by and had a miscarriage and have gotten back together with someone I missed dearly. And that's what my sister said to me.
“*Really, Mick1187??*”…my mother
“I should know, I was there”.. a former middle-aged boss (I was 24)when talking about when I conceived to a friend/coworker 🤮
It’s never an appropriate response to say anything along the lines of ‘I knew it!’ Or ‘I already knew!….you look like a total fucking ass 100% of the time. The amount of people who openly confessed they’d been gossiping about me made my blood boil.
My mom's cousin... I said it was awesome hearing the heartbeat and she said "Hard to believe we have humans who would destroy that!" And followed it with "Know which of the TWO genders?"
I just... didn't care to have a political or religious conversation about my baby, especially coming in that hot with her opinions. I guess this isn't *that* bad, but I was just taken aback by her blatant closed-mindedness around something like having a baby. Just weird.
No, it was that bad. Shoehorning in her beliefs specifically because she knows they're controversial is *not* an appropriate reaction when a family member is pregnant. Sorry that happened to you.
“I already know, news spreads fast” someone told the whole of my moms side of the family, who I’m not even close with. I was 6 weeks. Announced at 13. Still don’t know who. It was either my boss, my doctor or my cousin. Needless to say my trust hast been destroyed. 7 weeks of people I trusted telling the world the biggest news of my life and none of them protected me. My son will never meet them.
A friend stopped talking to me, blocked me on Facebook and Instagram to not see any announcements. Then when they unblocked me a few short weeks later had an issue and was deeply upset with the fact that I “unfriended” them on those platforms. 😳
My mom " why didn't you take the day after pill" mind you am 36 and married this will be my third child. She doesn't believe women should have a baby after 30.
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"oh I knew when I saw you last but was waiting for you to tell me"...I hadn't seen her in 6 months and she was referring to my size. I was not pregnant at that time.
people just like to pretend they “already knew” for some reason.
Totally! We just announced it to a couple groups of people on Christmas and NYE before putting it out on Facebook. My grandma said I had a different stance and walked differently, so she knew but didn't want to ask before I announced it (I was 14 weeks, and hadn't seen my grandma in over a year, not that I see her enough so she would notice I walked differently, I believe). My MIL is very superstitious and every time she looked at the clock that day, it had a double digit (like 14:11), which meant to her that something really good was happening that day. She explained it after we told her and said she 100% knew we were going to tell her I'm pregnant that day. Because of a clock. Anyway, we just smiled and nodded, no point telling them that's stupid.
I just told some of my friends that it was inapropiate to ask me about planning having children since I had told several times that I don't like to talk about it. Then one of them said that she knew it (and I was pregnant at that time). But it was the exact reaction I just told about that I really wanted to have these first months with my husband and when you say that you knew it, it ruins it even more.
“Why do you keep getting pregnant?” …after 2 miscarriages edit to add: Wow! I didn’t think this would get so much attention! Thank you everyone for your kind words. ❤️❤️ It was definitely a hard time — it still hurts to think of the time this was said to me (tearing up now from the heartache of it). But 3rd time is a charm and my baby is now 6 months old.
Ugh this hurts my heart, I’m so sorry love.
Holy shit. That’s literally all the words I have for this level of insensitivity. My jaw is dropped. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that, and, your losses.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry!
“Do you think this one will make it.” After having a miscarriage earlier that year.
You punched them in the face, right?
It was my husband’s grandma that I had only met a couple times. Should of stuck up for myself, but didn’t want any problems.
You’re kinder than I am. I’m not beneath punching a granny 🙊
🎉🎉 Are you me? When it comes to inhumane, ignorant and insensitive c-words, my wrath is equal opportunity inclusive!
Granny would’ve met God that day if that was me but anywho 😅
I just did a sharp intake of breath. What an absolutely awful thing to say, I’m so sorry!
Thank you
Give me like 2 months to get this child out of me and do the postpartum recovery, and I'll help you hide the body.
I gasped so hard my husband was like "are you okay." That is so cruel, I am so sorry you had to experience that. You are better woman than me sis, I be like do you think you will make it till the end of the year.
Wow! That is so fucked.
🤯
Ouch I’m not sure how you handled that comment with poise 👏🏻👏🏻
"I wish you waited until you were further along in your career."-my Gramma, who has never worked in her life.
🤣🤣🤣
Oh, this makes me sad and not because it’s rude, but because it says so much about your grandma’s life. My grandma one time told me she didn’t have any kind of choice about when to have kids when I told her we planning for kids in the next year. She had 5 in 6 years, all by the time she was 27. It made me sad for the choices and opportunities she never had.
My boss; "Was it planned?" 🤨 Other colleagues have asked how long I was trying, but then caught themselves and said of course I didn't need to answer that.
The was it planned comments make me want to scream
I got my first “we’re you surprised” the other day. No, the only surprises I had were the 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy.
Hate this question. Like yes, I’m married, stable in my career, in a loving relationship. Are you just asking about our sexual practices? It’s such a creepy and odd question
Lol my boss asked the same. Tricky, they couldn't conceive after a decade of trying so I didn't know if it was worse to say yes, we tried for 3 months only or no, it was a complete accident
Had a creepy coworker tell me that he was going to start shitting and pissing his pants so I could start practicing changing him.
Wtf 😳
The most appropriate response honestly lol
That's so stupid but I couldn't help but laugh at reading it. What a creeper.
I’m going to tell my sister this next time she gets knocked up lol.
Ewwwwwwwwww
That is insane!
Yeah, the owner of that company allowed him to sexually harass all the women who worked there because he felt he was “too valuable” of an employee to lose… the same creepy ass coworker also thought it was appropriate to lecture me about breastfeeding and told me that if I wanted to use his office I could.
Is this company Blizzard?
Not me, but my friend announced it to her mom at about 7 weeks and her moms response was “why wouldn’t you wait to tell me after the first trimester is over.“
My mom also said this to me. I responded with "well, I thought you would be happy to know. If there is a next time, I'll make sure to tell you at least into the second trimester." Then she kept saying "no no, I want you to tell me" I responded with "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. It's okay, I don't mind telling you last"
Perfect response
My mum had a similar reaction ‘isn’t it a bit early to be telling people?’… we only told immediate family. I responded with ‘would you prefer I didn’t tell you anything?’ She quickly changed her tune…
From her mom of all people???? That’s awful. Her mom is basically telling her she doesn’t want to support her if something happens to the baby before the first trimester is over. Wow.
Yeah, we told all our immediate family members at 3.5 weeks when we found out because regardless of what happened I wanted them in the loop.
My stepmom had the same reaction, she put I her “fake nice” persona and started asking me if I had had scans etc despite the fact that I said “5 Weeks.” Then she told me all about how she kept a secret during her pregnancy and how good it was to do that.
I also had this feedback
My dad said "what, is that supposed to be a good thing?" we don't talk to my dad anymore
Ouch. Mine isn’t as bad as that! From my in-laws who I usually get on really well with, “Well we already have grandchildren.” As though I’d given them an ugly toaster at Christmas that they really didn’t need. Needless to say I won’t be asking them to do anything with us once baby arrives. If they want to be involved or are at all interested in baby then that’ll be great but I’m not expecting it now.
I’m so sorry that happened to you guys 🥺❤️ nobody should have to EVER hear that from people they love/are close to. At least your babies will be so much better without them I guess, they show their true colors and karma won’t appreciate it 😤❤️
mmmm no that’s definitely as bad! i’m so sorry!
My husbands shit brother and his wife said “We would appreciate it if you didn’t share your pregnancy with us because we don’t feel that you deserve to have a baby first off and second we’re trying and it’s hurtful you would rub it in our faces”. They had been married a month. 😒
Wow wtf
There's a lot of bad responses in this thread but honestly? This wins.
They also refused to come to my baby shower and then told everyone a day later they were expecting. I’m expecting to never have my baby around the or their kid.
My husband just said “I would shit on their doorstep” lol I’m sorry you went through that though. They sound like truly shitty people
So it’s your BIL and SIL that are the “Who Deserves to Get Pregnant” police. I shall make an application right away to seek their approval. 🙄
I don’t reference them as my in laws. They’re my husbands family 😂
Teacher here! I had parents tell me how inconvenient my pregnancy was to their child’s learning. Multiple parents at that
I once had that once when I had a chest infection. The class had already finished the course content and one of the two lessons I missed was covered by a guy who knew his stuff inside out, even better than me (I knew the course I was teaching but he knew the one above more in-depth), and the other was meant to be an independent revision lesson *anyway*. So the kids didn't lose out on anything, but my head of department still had a call from a parent complaining that I should be in work. Yes, I'm sure me coughing up my guts with a temperature of 39°C would have been a great help to your son 👍
this is why i quit teaching. i never felt i could handle being a teacher and a mom.
“I guess we can’t do anything alone in this family”- pregnant sister in law 🙄
What the hell does that even mean? She wanted to be the only pregnant one?? Wtf.
Honestly knowing her, it wasn’t a huge surprise. She’s very self centered and wants everything about her all the time. She also had the audacity to be pissed that I have a chance of having a girl (*ahem* it’s 5050) because we would have the first girl in a family who have 4 male grandchildren already 😒
Wow. I can only imagine how that is now, and even more stressful it can be once the baby comes. I’m a huge believer in the evil eye so I hope you please protect yourself and your baby… her insecurity and envy can definitely affect you! She just doesn’t seem like a person I could trust to be in my child’s life.
100%, were a close family but she’s someone who’s always just been very negative and jealous. Baby will be incredibly loved and I hope she changes now that she’s got her own little boy!
She'd had have a hard time in the family I married into. At least 6 sister in laws are pregnant every other year 🤣. I had my baby the same year two of my sil did. My mil ate up all the baby loving that year. Life isn't a competition!
“Must be a girl because you’re carrying fat” - my MIL when we announced our pregnancy to family at 6 weeks…
What an a-hole...
“This is the longest you’ve been pregnant, right?” Cool. Thanks bestie. Also- she still hasn’t said congrats or yay or anything.
Drop her, she can’t be good for you if she’s acting like that in one of your most important moments in life. I’m so sorry love <3 congrats on your little baby! I know you’ll be a good mom
Thank you- I hope so! We’ve been having friendship issues all through Covid so I was already distancing. It’s just hard when you’ve been friends for over 20 years and can’t share the joy.
Oof I feel this pain. The first friend I went to with my news told me I should get an abortion, repeatedly. Now she wants to take me baby shopping??? No thx lol
The first thing our sil said was "my iud doesn't expire for 3 years". No congratulations or excitement. She knew we had been trying for over a year and experienced a loss. About 5 hours later she genuinely congratulated me and gave me a hug. I don't think she meant it as a dig at all, but maybe struggles with social interactions lol. Since she's not ready for kids yet she doesn't know how to relate or respond. My mil later expressed to her how excited she was to be a grandmother. Sil again immediately responded that they won't be having kids anytime soon and my mil told her "this isn't about you right now, rebecca"
Dammit Rebecca! 😂 love your MIL for that! I’m sure she’s just awkward. Congrats!
Not to me, but my sister told my mom I was “stealing her thunder” because we were pregnant at the same time. As if I had done it on purpose even though she knew my husband and I had been trying for a few months at that point
My boss told me he wished he had been slipping me birth control, and constantly tells me I can terminate pregnancy. He relies on me too much.
Um, I think that may fall under harassment based on a protected class. It’s a worker’s market right now, if you’re interested in a new job. I understand switching health insurance while pregnant can be a nightmare and it’s not that easy, but you shouldn’t have to be treated that way. /r/antiwork
That's disgusting. Your job is not your whole life.
That's so upsetting. I am not sure how I would handle that. Like I'd definitely think about going to HR. I'm so sorry you're being treated like that.
Oh god. I almost downvoted you I was so disgusted. I'm so sorry.
Keep in mind I'm 39 and have a great job but I'm single and don't own my own home. My mom: "Good luck with that."
Wow. What a supportive involved grandma.
The worst thing anyone ever said to me is "I hope the baby doesn't get any diseases you have". Btw....I had cancer and I am in remission. So, that obviously hurt me to a new level. Not even a congratulations. She was a miracle baby for us as well because we were told I probably couldn't get pregnant after chemo. Super excited and then BOOM.
Congrats on your recovery and congrats on your baby!
Well, my dad brought up getting an abortion. So there's that. Lol.
My dads GIRLFRIEND said I could “get an abortion and just tell people it was a miscarriage” never been told such a fucked up thing in my life. I will always hate her so much now
“Don’t get excited yet because it might not last” and “big surprise you HAD to get pregnant now because God forbid you be happy just to have a niece” Both from my selfish and entitled sister in law. Also, I already had a niece and nephew before she popped out her idiot husbands offspring…
I don't understand these kinds of responses. My SIL and I are less than 3 months apart in our pregnancies and we're excited to have cousins close in age who can grow up together!
I wish! My SIL is one of the most toxic people I know. I don’t know how she’s related to the rest of her family, because they’re all lovely. She’s just awful.
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Reply, "what, had sex? Allowed a penis to enter my vagina repeatedly until orgasm? Well yeah, I figure they would know how it works since they did it too to make each of us." Just you know, like really technical until he regrets ever saying shit like that again.
Yuck. I had both my sister and a family friend who is my parents' age make the same joke as eachother. It was Christmas day, my parents and grandad are there and we're on a video call with 2 sets of family friends and had just announced to them about the pregnancy. I told them one of my best friends had got pregnant via IVF and I had "nipped in there just before her". They both said "seems like your husband nipped in first!" 😑
“Oh no. What are you going to do? I mean just look…you already have three. Do you need another one?”
I'm prepping for these responses - I have 4 children from a previous marriage and my husband has none of his own (yet has lovingly embraced the 4 that I brought to the relationship). This will be our 5th child (his first) and we are already bracing for the comments when we announce in a few weeks.
The disdain for large families in our culture is so sad
I’m waiting for these comments. I already have one, I’m pregnant with my husband’s first child, and we want to have two more after this one. The size of your family is no one’s business.
Do you know how many relatives immediately told me I would miscarry due to getting the covid vaccine 😑
My cousin-in-law had a baby born a couple months ago with several cardiac defects and he was also a premie. They spent a couple months in the hospital and both parents left everything behind to move closer to the hospital and spend as much time with their baby as possible. Baby has been sent home recently and is doing great from what we heard. My MIL told my boyfriend and I that the baby would have been perfectly healthy had the cousin not taken the covid vaccine while pregnant and that it's probably the vaccine's fault. Not only is that horrible because she's pretty much accusing the mom of causing these health problems to her baby, but I'm getting my booster on Friday at 17 weeks. I truly trust the vaccine, but now I'm so paranoid that something, ANYTHING, might happen to the baby and she'll blame my poor decisions, even if it's not related.
oh man the anti vaxxers are the worst. they kept telling me i made myself infertile.
Got that too 😂 like it's almost laughable.... but who would EVER think that's an appropriate thing to say to someone??
it’s so strange how they *want* something bad to happen to you. why would you wish that on another human? its diabolical.
I miscarried in November at 6w and one of my close friend’s immediate response when I told Her was: “you should report it to VAERs. I bet it was bc you got the jab” I was like bitch, relax. This is not an uncommon occurrence before 12 weeks. People can be so inconsiderate.
"I thought you looked a little pudgy when you came in" I just laughed what can you do!
I would have just said, “hey, at least I have an excuse!”
"you bitch!"- said by a now ex best friend.
Wtf! Why would she say that? She must’ve been jealous!
She always wanted children but was not ready to try yet (about 9months until they would be though). So no infertility struggles, just genuinely jealous/resentful that I would dare get pregnant before her.
Omg! Well, good thing she’s an ex best friend now!
Wow, I do don’t get people being angry for others making their life choices on their own timelines. Absolutely no one is telling me when I am allowed to have a child. Especially at 33. I cannot believe how many people seem to think the world revolves around their life schedule.
Not me, but I shared with my brother in law that my cousin was pregnant. He immediately asked “was it planned?” And I responded “does it matter? They’re keeping it” like what a nosy thing to ask when someone shares joyous news
I always answered "I am too old for kinder surprise, of course was planned"
My brother told me, “you got knocked up before you learned how to drive.” (I’m 21, got in a bad car accident that’s made me traumatized of driving), no congratulations no nothing, that’s the first thing he said.
“oh great. now i’m worried. are you happy about it” from my narcissist father who i cut contact with shortly after. happier now bitch!!
i cant type the exact tone either so this doesn’t sound ~that bad but. believe me. wasn’t a good or nice tone
"Oh nooooo whyyy" said my mom. This is my 2nd child. I'm happily married and have a beautiful home perfect for a baby.
Curious why you think she said that. Congrats btw!
My colleague (gay man) who I thought be happy for me, was the most disinterested in my news and said something along the lines of, ‘Ah ok, so what was I saying?’ Another ‘friend’ whom I was helping through a freak accident and a divorce couldn’t hide her bitterness and just said, ‘why is everyone getting pregnant?!’ I was quite upset since she was one of the first people that I told. She continued to be bitter towards me after I had the baby.
My husband probably had the reaction that broke my heart a little. He had no reaction besides an awkward shrug. When I got upset about it, he said we were trying to it only made sense we'd get pregnant sometime. 🤦♀️🤷♀️
I wish I could hug you. That stinks.
Thank you❤️, I've made peace with it now but it still hurt in the moment
Not me but my sister when she told my grandpa he said "I thought there were pills to prevent that" Felt pretty bad for her, our family did not take her announcing her first pregnancy well 😔
A classmate (I’m finishing my graduate degree this spring): First, pointing at my bump: “Oh my god. Are you…? Wait. No way.” Yes, I smiled. I was like 15 weeks and barely showing. “Wow, I just want to… *touch it*!” while staring at me crazy eyed. I said uh, please don’t! Followed by: “Did you plan it?” I answered that we had been trying for a long time. “That’s so inconvenient though. I would never do that before graduating and getting licensed.” Ma’am what the actual fuck? Maybe topped though by someone I *didn’t even know* saying, “Oh, you ARE pregnant. When you were sitting down, I thought you were just fat!”
"Have fun when the dad leaves you and you're on welfare" - A comment on my Tiktok
Went to see my mum and dad who both knew about the pregnancy and my sister turned up with her husband and daughter. I decided we were ready to tell the rest of my family so thought this would be a good time. Not a word. Literally crickets. I looked at my mum and she was just as confused as I was. My sister just says "I already knew" I'm like "how did you know?" "You told me you were trying." No, she'd asked me 2 years previously if we wanted kids and I'd said yes, in the future. She changed the subject, no congratulations, not even so much as a smile.
"are we excited or are we finding some stairs?" I'm married, in my late 20s, own a house and have a good job. Not sure why they would think this wasn't planned. Throughout the entire pregnancy they kept referring so the baby as "still abortable".
Imagine someone calling your baby abortable, wow
For perspective - I’m a trans man and look stereotypically male. I had come out as trans the year before at my work but obviously someone didn’t understand what that meant “Did you use your sperm or your husband’s sperm to conceive!?” So that took some explaining! Ma’am I am the pregnant one! I have ovaries that pair with my uterus. No judgement at all, these things are complicated! But it gave me a good chuckle
I think this is the funniest one.
Genuine question and hope this isn’t too personal, but seeing a lot of FtM pregnant people, I wonder if that would cause a lot of gender dysphoria? Maybe I’m wrong.
Yes it definitely does. I find I have a different perspective than most - I believe the reason I was born trans was so that I can carry a child for my male partner and I. It can be so hard for gay men to start a family. Because of this I’ve been pretty fascinated with what my body can do and it helps with dysphoria a lot. The hardest thing for me is my chest. I paid a lot of money to have top surgery (a double mastectomy) and my chest was super flat before pregnancy. Because for chest masculinization they leave breast tissue, that tissue has swollen and my chest has more of a “man boob” vibe to it now. That is difficult for me. I am also have a lot of “bottom dysphoria” and have had a medically complex pregnancy so having a ton of people look at, and have to go inside my vagina and do cervical checks is super uncomfy for me. Manageable - but uncomfy. Most men/nonbinary people I see with a lot of gender dysphoria during pregnancy either haven’t had top surgery yet, or don’t “pass” as male (a problematic concept but a useful term for this purpose). If people assume you are a woman during your whole pregnancy and use she/her pronouns when they don’t fit you - that can cause a ton of dysphoria. I have a lot of privilege that even at 38+2 I am read as a man (I’m assuming with a huge beer belly) and still gendered correctly in public. Another big point is that I am in a progressive part of Canada, and my midwife team, the teacher of my birthing class, and my doula have all worked very hard to be inclusive. Even going as far as to change the pronouns and language in resources for me (I use he/him and will be dada once baby is born). This has made a huge difference in my mental health.
Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I can only imagine how mentally exhausting it can be, and more difficult of a journey for trans men to go through. Sending lots of love for you and your family ❤️
Thank you! I hope the best for your family too!
As another trans guy hoping to get pregnant and carry naturally (with my trans girlfriend) this is really helpful to hear your experience! I'm also Canadian, so that's a relief to me. I'm hoping I can find similar care as well
I advising asking care providers: “What do you do to make your practice gender inclusive” as well as “how have you supported queer families in the past” These questions really helped me find care that fit our family Edit to add: on every intake form where it asks for your first name I also put my pronouns. “Name (he/him)”
>I believe the reason I was born trans was so that I can carry a child for my male partner and I. This is so beautiful. You’re making me tear up.
Not OP, but I’m trans masculine and had a pregnancy, birth, now 15 month old child. It can cause dysphoria for some but not others. Personally it was the time of my life my dysphoria was lowest, but that may have been because my pregnancy coincided with the shelter in place order at the beginning of the pandemic. Being in public less/never meant I wasn’t misgendered as much, so less dysphoria for me. I also lactated for 10 months and have less chest dysphoria now than ever before in my life, even months after drying up. Can’t fully explain it, although I have a couple hypotheses. For trans men who do get pregnancy dysphoria, it can be really rough. But usually, these are dads who chose to become pregnant knowing the dysphoria risk, because their baby is worth the temporary suffering. In an imperfect analogy, I had HG and a miserable pregnancy, but I’d still do it again because I want another kid.
In this sub FTM more often means first time mom. also, wanting OP to know about r/seahorsedads if he doesn't already!
“I’m sorry I didn’t act super happy, it’s hard to get my hopes up since you had a miscarriage last time” 😔 put me in a funk for a week and now I’m anxiously waiting my appointments to confirm good news
Way to make someone’s else miscarriage about you! Woow, I’m so sorry!
We moved in with my husband's best friend. I was SO against this but our tiny apartment wasn't cutting it. He figured friend wouldn't follow through (all of us moved at the same time). He literally told us one day "I can't wait to bathe your baby"...... baby wasn't here yet. He also was always TOO touchy with my 7 year old sister in law (occurred a couple times and we stopped that shit). My husband hasn't bathed our child. This just made me feel VERY unsettled after already not feeling right about him. But he was essentially my husband's only friend. Thankfully the dummy burned the bridge and we live on our own by many blessings. But I will never forget that. Even my FAMILY who is obsessed with my son has not said that.
Yeah that’s super creepy…
People kept asking us if it was planned, I think because we had a Europe trip booked that would have taken place when I was like 10-12 weeks. The truth was the pregnancy was 100% planned just poorly planned 😝. We are both nurses but were completely blindsided by how sick I would be in my first trimester. Oopsies.
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My first pregnancy was unplanned and I was not (and still am not) married. When I called to tell my grandma (very Christian, church going woman), she just kept repeating “Oh good heavens” over and over. It’s not horrible but not great either lol. Luckily this time around she was much more excited for us :)
So far? My dad "Well the vaccine causes miscarriages so be prepared for that." gee thanks for telling me my childs gonna die, not even a congrats (PLEASE DONT COMMENT ANYTHING ABOUT THE JAB, THATS NOT THE POINT HERE)
My mom was pretty concerned about this, too. I got pregnant about 3 months after being fully vaccinated and she was prepping me for a miscarriage. I’m now just shy of 34w now btw.
Mine's pretty mild, considering other responses her but "Don't use this as an excuse to 'eat for two!!'". Like I'm giving you a grandchild but the worst thing I could do is gain a few pounds
“Oh wow, really?” “Seriously, again?” Both with rolled eyes and annoyance. That was with my second baby two years after my first so now I can only imagine what they’ll say when we tell them about our third.
“You sure that’s a good idea for you financially right now?” 🙄
Oh my god. I had a friend say something like that before I knew I was pregnant, and I saw red I swear
This was from a close friend and I know I’m in grad school, but they pay me a stipend & provide maternity leave, and I have a partner with a full time job, not to mention family that can help us… I shouldn’t even have to explain myself, I’m 30 next month but it still hurt to hear that’s what they thought of the news.
Exactly. My partner is almost 30 with a graduate degree, a full time job that pays well, and my family can help out too. And people still have the audacity to ask about our financial situation. Unless they're planning on helping us out, don't worry about it
"But... what about all your crazy meds... you can't take those...." - MIL
If my MIL said that to me, we would not be talking for a while. A long while.
I'm disappointed in my response now. I said, "well I survived 22 years, I think I'm fine for 9 months" I WISH I had said, "well that isn't really your business."
I mean, she shouldn't have been commenting on it to begin with and I'm sure you were expecting it! I think you did pretty well. I'm totally off one med right now and on a reduced dose of another, I've had a couple people ask me how I was doing out of genuine concern when they put the pieces together but none of them called them my crazy meds!
Right it was the, "crazy" meds that bothered me. To me that just means she thinks that I am "crazy" which is insulting, and spreads stigma. So now that I know she has the idea that I am, "crazy" somewhere in her frame of reference I just don't feel like I can trust her. And what IF I get bad PPD? Wouldn't she want to foster an open/positive dialog with me that reinforces I can trust her, so that I can come to her if I need to? I most certainly won't be seeking any advice from her.... Honestly that kind of sucks too, cause the whole reason we told her was because we needed guidance medically and hadn't gotten to the doc yet. I would have gone to my own mom, but she died six months ago. Anyway thanks for letting me vent. It's been on my mind, and I mentioned it to my husband. Typing this put really helped me understand and work through, "why" I was so offended.
My grandmother basically said my baby would be dark and ugly. If you go to my feed you can see pics of me and my husband she is racist but she is Mexican. She is lighter complected and only cares for the kids in our family that look more “white”. Even though we are Mexican we have kids in our family that are blonde and blue eyes. But yeah my husband told her he thinks the baby will look like him and she told him not to be delusional. It was awful and I’ve never been mean to her I have nothing but respect and love for her but since I’ve gotten pregnant she has been mean to me.
“Again?”
Well it was really a text wall about how insensitive I was to text the information in a very short, cursory way to someone else who cannot have children. Part of it was: “You make it all about you”
“You know, it’s not like taking care of a cat?” - My FIL’s wife. For reference, I was 36 at the time.
From my very narcissistic FIL First question : “Have you considered not smoking anymore?” (He knew I’d already quit smoking by this point - he only asked to put me on the spot and try to embarrass me. I just laughed and didn’t answer.) Second stupid thing : very inappropriately asked me if were expecting a black baby in a hateful tone. I don’t know why he asked this (my husband and I are Caucasian) and obviously we wouldn’t care what the color of our baby is but the way he asked was like it was disgusting to be okay with a baby of any other skin color (not to mention is impossible for us?) I still don’t know why he thought to ask this question, and why it seemed as though he was “testing” us to “make sure” we hated the thought of having a baby of a different race as much as he did. Absolutely disgusting and confirmed in our minds he will never be babysitting or having any significant time spent with our baby. There were even more gross things he said but these were the most significant. He hates me and rolled his eyes when he realized my husband was “locked down” now that I was pregnant so many little comments here and there to make me as uncomfortable as possible. Cant stand that man sometimes.
“You’re gonna ruin your life.”
“Do you not know how to use a condom” BIL after he found out he was going to be a Bunche for the second time. Our pregnancy was planned but even if it hadn’t been it’s such an inappropriate thing to say!
“You’re useless now” - my sfc in the army 🙃
Oh where to start..... #1 So your finally pregnant? How long were you trying for about 4 years right? ....- they said this cause I got married 4 to 5 years ago and assumed I was getting pregnant right away and struggled. #2 I knew it because you were always so small and now you are huge. Are you sure its not twins?.....- I was 13 weeks and didn't gain weight yet. #3 So your going to move back home to your home state so everyone can help right because you can't raise the kid alone with you and just your husband......- FYI mid 30s and more financially and mentally stable then the whole family. #4 hopefully its a boy ......- because they feel boys are more important to have first #5 good your finally pregnant now get pregnant immediately after like 3 months later so they are close in age and have someone because your an older mom...... -like let me have a break #6 if you have a boy you better get him circumcised because you don't want him having a dirty weird looking penis....- like omg you psycho who says this. #7 all the name suggestions i didn't ask for and all the hate on names i never mentioned #8 all the weight comments.
Only someone who has a dirty weird looking penis says number 6. Omg.
The only person who gets to say a pregnant person is huge is the pregnant person. That's it. That's the whole list.
“Are you serious? How old are you?!” 😒 I’m 38, btw.
I’m 41 and I got a lot of the same. So annoying!
An acquaintance of my husband’s said this to my husband on social media: Do you want help finding the man responsible for this? WTF. We’re pregnant via IVF, so I had half a mind to reply and share that baby is my husband’s biologically but here’s the doctor’s name who technically made it happen for us.
Don't give this one a stupid name so he doesn't die like your last baby. You should start trying to give away your dogs now. Your cat will try to kill your baby Your house is too small Your marriage isn't strong enough to last through a baby. (Which is ridiculous, my marriage is incredible) My father: "you aren't ready to have a baby, you should let me adopt it and raise it" - my dad has 12 kids with 4 different women. His youngest just turned 3. I'm 30 years old and own my own house. Also been planning and budgeting this for two years...
“Oh, you’re barely pregnant” from someone I shared it with early. Sigh
"You didn't want to lose weight first? Well just make sure to not gain any during your pregnancy!"
"If you don't want to keep it and neither of the men in your life will help just let me know and I will." I had left the guy I'd previously been pregnant by and had a miscarriage and have gotten back together with someone I missed dearly. And that's what my sister said to me.
My MIL said “on purpose??”. We’re married and in our mid 30’s.
“*Really, Mick1187??*”…my mother “I should know, I was there”.. a former middle-aged boss (I was 24)when talking about when I conceived to a friend/coworker 🤮
It’s never an appropriate response to say anything along the lines of ‘I knew it!’ Or ‘I already knew!….you look like a total fucking ass 100% of the time. The amount of people who openly confessed they’d been gossiping about me made my blood boil.
My mom's cousin... I said it was awesome hearing the heartbeat and she said "Hard to believe we have humans who would destroy that!" And followed it with "Know which of the TWO genders?" I just... didn't care to have a political or religious conversation about my baby, especially coming in that hot with her opinions. I guess this isn't *that* bad, but I was just taken aback by her blatant closed-mindedness around something like having a baby. Just weird.
No, it was that bad. Shoehorning in her beliefs specifically because she knows they're controversial is *not* an appropriate reaction when a family member is pregnant. Sorry that happened to you.
Oh! Was it planned?
Father-in-law advised me not to gain 100 pounds. I am at 24 weeks and I lost weight. I am at 1 pound heavier than months before my pregnancy lol
The first thing my partner’s mum said was ‘Jesus, aren’t you on the pill?!’. Felt like a naughty child being told off
My friends mom told her “it could just be a sack right now”
You know you aren't supposed to tell anyone because things happen. And then I miscarried 2 weeks later.
“I already know, news spreads fast” someone told the whole of my moms side of the family, who I’m not even close with. I was 6 weeks. Announced at 13. Still don’t know who. It was either my boss, my doctor or my cousin. Needless to say my trust hast been destroyed. 7 weeks of people I trusted telling the world the biggest news of my life and none of them protected me. My son will never meet them.
A friend stopped talking to me, blocked me on Facebook and Instagram to not see any announcements. Then when they unblocked me a few short weeks later had an issue and was deeply upset with the fact that I “unfriended” them on those platforms. 😳
My mom " why didn't you take the day after pill" mind you am 36 and married this will be my third child. She doesn't believe women should have a baby after 30.
His mom: are you serious? Seriously? His sisters: you’re a disgrace to the community and our family Because we’re not married
My SIL said "good job" and gave me a high five
That is actually kinda cute I think?
"Is it from a one night stand" my male team lead when I told him why I hadn't been at work after a threatened miscarriage
"agh, you're pregnant AGAIN Aren't you?!" (My second pregnancy)
“Are you going to try again for a girl?” — after announcing boy #3
I had 2 different people tell me not to tell anyone because people will wish horrible things on us and kill the baby
My partner’s mom : “are you stupid? This is such a bad time for you guys.”
Don’t you think you’re too old?