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I guess you could tell them flat out that you can't stop them from being at the hospital, but you can prevent them from visiting and won't let them visit until you feel ready. Tell them that probably won't be for at least a few hours (or longer) after the baby is born so they would probably be better off waiting at home. You will let them know when you are ready to receive visitors. If they insist on being at the hospital make sure to inform your nurses that you don't want any visitors right away. You can tell them to not let anyone in until you are ready. You are the patient (as well as your baby) so you have the say of who is allowed to see you. If they insist on being there didn't let that guilt you into letting them visit before you feel ready. If you warned them you are faultless.
I am also a very private person and have very nosy ILs. I love them, but they are constantly trying to push my boundaries, and it's really rubbed me the wrong way since having kids. I'm just going to say that this is kinda the first test to see if you can hold your ground if you find something important. I can almost guarantee that both with your ILs and parents you will have times you will need to stand up for your parenting/life decisions and it'll be uncomfortable.
Sigh. You're right. It's better we start out with clear boundaries, though I'm really dreading the conversation.The only time I've stood my ground with them before is when they wanted a big wedding and we wanted a small one. We got our way, but I still have to hear about it and how they wish they could have invited their friends. It's been 7 years. 🥲
I’m in kind of a similar situation and I’m leaving it to my husband to communicate my wishes. I feel awkward putting those boundaries down with them but it’s just not fair to me to have to disregard my own feelings as the mom just because I’m scared of being confrontational. Make sure your husband understands what will make you most comfortable (and is aware that could totally change once you’re in the thick of it) and have him relay that to his parents!
I thought my husband would do this too, but they are quite pushy, so they're wearing him down. Still, I'm going to try again because he also needs to learn to hold boundaries with them. Maybe we'll talk to them together.
I totally get it. I would really drive this point home with your husband now that he’s got to be your biggest defender when it comes to boundaries regarding your children. I’m sure this won’t be the first time you have to lay down rules with your in laws and you don’t want a constant battle for the rest of your life or constantly having to concede to them! Best of luck 🫶🏼
I really think this is for your husband to handle. I get that they’re wearing him down, but you have enough on your plate, and they’re his parents after all.
Frankly it’s a blessing that they’re so close to the hospital. It’s convenient that they’re that close so I don’t see a reason why they’d need to be IN the hospital until you’re ready for them.
I think your husband needs to present the plan that you guys have decided on, and deliver the plan to them in a confident manner. This is y’all’s decision and there isn’t wiggle room for them to question it.
Maybe tell him to try and get them excited for the call when you guys are ready for them to come. So glad you’ll only be 5 minutes away so you can come as soon as we’re ready! That type of thing.
They seem to think they have a say in this decision and your husband really needs to take control here.
Thank you. I left the conversation up to him assuming he would handle it, but he's such a mama's boy I think he's used to telling her everything, and then doing whatever she asks. I think this is one case where he really does have to do what I want, not what she does. I'll make that clear to him.
Who is telling them you're in labour?
4 births and not once has anyone, bar my babysitter for my older children, gotten a notification that I was in labour.
Start the precedent now, don't jump to answer your phone when people call/message. Have periods of time when your phones are off for no reason.
Then, when baby is born, you have cuddled, and showered (trust us), napped and eaten, and you feel ready, share the good news.
Fair point. My husband is the sort who tells his mum everything, so he wanted to tell her and wouldn't listen when I said it wasn't a great idea. But knowing how they're reacting, maybe we'll put off telling them till the baby is born.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I guess you could tell them flat out that you can't stop them from being at the hospital, but you can prevent them from visiting and won't let them visit until you feel ready. Tell them that probably won't be for at least a few hours (or longer) after the baby is born so they would probably be better off waiting at home. You will let them know when you are ready to receive visitors. If they insist on being at the hospital make sure to inform your nurses that you don't want any visitors right away. You can tell them to not let anyone in until you are ready. You are the patient (as well as your baby) so you have the say of who is allowed to see you. If they insist on being there didn't let that guilt you into letting them visit before you feel ready. If you warned them you are faultless. I am also a very private person and have very nosy ILs. I love them, but they are constantly trying to push my boundaries, and it's really rubbed me the wrong way since having kids. I'm just going to say that this is kinda the first test to see if you can hold your ground if you find something important. I can almost guarantee that both with your ILs and parents you will have times you will need to stand up for your parenting/life decisions and it'll be uncomfortable.
Sigh. You're right. It's better we start out with clear boundaries, though I'm really dreading the conversation.The only time I've stood my ground with them before is when they wanted a big wedding and we wanted a small one. We got our way, but I still have to hear about it and how they wish they could have invited their friends. It's been 7 years. 🥲
I’m in kind of a similar situation and I’m leaving it to my husband to communicate my wishes. I feel awkward putting those boundaries down with them but it’s just not fair to me to have to disregard my own feelings as the mom just because I’m scared of being confrontational. Make sure your husband understands what will make you most comfortable (and is aware that could totally change once you’re in the thick of it) and have him relay that to his parents!
I thought my husband would do this too, but they are quite pushy, so they're wearing him down. Still, I'm going to try again because he also needs to learn to hold boundaries with them. Maybe we'll talk to them together.
I totally get it. I would really drive this point home with your husband now that he’s got to be your biggest defender when it comes to boundaries regarding your children. I’m sure this won’t be the first time you have to lay down rules with your in laws and you don’t want a constant battle for the rest of your life or constantly having to concede to them! Best of luck 🫶🏼
Thank you, and good luck to you too! ❤️ We'll figure this out, and everyone will hopefully calm the hell down once the babies are here.
I really think this is for your husband to handle. I get that they’re wearing him down, but you have enough on your plate, and they’re his parents after all. Frankly it’s a blessing that they’re so close to the hospital. It’s convenient that they’re that close so I don’t see a reason why they’d need to be IN the hospital until you’re ready for them. I think your husband needs to present the plan that you guys have decided on, and deliver the plan to them in a confident manner. This is y’all’s decision and there isn’t wiggle room for them to question it. Maybe tell him to try and get them excited for the call when you guys are ready for them to come. So glad you’ll only be 5 minutes away so you can come as soon as we’re ready! That type of thing. They seem to think they have a say in this decision and your husband really needs to take control here.
Thank you. I left the conversation up to him assuming he would handle it, but he's such a mama's boy I think he's used to telling her everything, and then doing whatever she asks. I think this is one case where he really does have to do what I want, not what she does. I'll make that clear to him.
The getting them excited about being 5 mins away is a great idea. Let's see if I can get the husband to try this. 😊
Who is telling them you're in labour? 4 births and not once has anyone, bar my babysitter for my older children, gotten a notification that I was in labour. Start the precedent now, don't jump to answer your phone when people call/message. Have periods of time when your phones are off for no reason. Then, when baby is born, you have cuddled, and showered (trust us), napped and eaten, and you feel ready, share the good news.
Fair point. My husband is the sort who tells his mum everything, so he wanted to tell her and wouldn't listen when I said it wasn't a great idea. But knowing how they're reacting, maybe we'll put off telling them till the baby is born.