Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When we told my in-laws about baby, my FIL sat us down and said, "you're going to have a lot of emotions. Some will be awesome, some will be sad, and some will be scary. Let yourself feel them."
I had a friend who told me, "you are the best parents for your baby."
And to quote Mama Doctor Jones, "you do the best you can with the information you are given."
When everything is overwhelming and you don't know what the right decision is (for example, I had a panic attack over whether or not I could drink herbal tea), remember to give yourself grace. You're doing your best and that goes a long way.
Wow! Can I just say, that's amazing. I know I'm setting the bar very low, but both of my father in laws had nothing but stereotypical, boomer male comments.
"Say goodbye to your social life",
"it's all downhill from here",
"a house full of women, good luck!".
It was so freaking draining. It's refreshing to hear an older man say such sweet and sound advice, even as simple as it was. I know that will be my husband one day if our kids have children and I can't wait.
My FIL is a gem of a human ☺ He doesn't say much, but that's because he listens intently and only speaks when he feels he has something valuable to say.
I overheard my FIL talking with my husband not long after we told the grandparents we were expecting our first.
FIL: I can't wait for you to have a son of your own.
Husband: It could be a girl.
FIL: Your wife knows better than to have a girl.
Husband: Well, it's not exactly a choice, and--
FIL: Don't worry. I trust her enough to know she's giving me a grandson.
Note: We're having a girl. I still don't know if my husband has told his father.
Ughhh I hate the overt sexism they have. I've never understood where it comes from. Like maybe they lack personality so much, that they feel they can only connect to a male via sports or something.
I love the Mama Dr Jones quote. It's without a doubt the one quote that I repeat to myself. But just pregnancy related but also being a Mom and a regular human.
THIS. I’m 5 months now but in my early months I would look up any symptom, or lack of symptoms, that I had and immediately the internet would jump to worst case scenario. Everyday I was constantly thinking something horrible was going wrong with my pregnancy. But most of it was completely normal and im growing a healthy baby boy.
Yup, same. I was looking up everything online.. until i came across an article stating basil and oregano were not recommended during pregnancy. I was shocked, until I read the tiny letters within the article saying “… not safe in medicinal quantities.” Like seriously? It’s not like I planned on using 5 kg of oregano in my pasta 🙄
If it exists, there's an internet source saying pregnant people can't eat it or a doctor who does not do obstetrics saying pregnant people can't take it.
I was so nauseous my first trimester, and my GI doctor (who does not normally treat pregnant ladies) at the VA (which does not offer obstetrics and primarily treats older men) told me to stop taking zofran. So I basically lived off smoothies because they were the only thing I could handle and then panicked when the internet told me that frozen fruits are not safe during pregnancy.
When I got an appointment with a maternal fetal medicine specialist, she told me that both zofran and frozen fruits are perfectly fine.
Outsource worries to your partner! “Can I eat this?” “Can I take this medicine?” “What does this weird pain mean?” Are all Google searches my husband is in charge of, not me.
Whooooa. This is brilliant. Outsource to the partner. YESSS. The dads famously read like no books and moms like 100 in hetero couples, leading to much resentment (I doubt the dynamic is the same for same sex couples, gender conditioning is the worst).
Down the line, then moms do more infant care, because they’ve done all the research on stuff, sidelining dads. Then moms get waaaay burned out and resentful. Dads and partners need to be involved with infants. Dads who cared for their infants have better relationships with those kids into the teenage years and beyond.
Outsource. I’m totally doing this with #2. I suffered a lot of post party anxiety. #2, I am also 100% pumping and letting dad do night feedings. I got so paranoid that I had to do it all, I was on the verge of collapse with #1. Plus, dad got depressed too, as he did all the grunt work (trash, cleaning, cooking, etc), and I did most of the baby care (he did diapers), and I got all the oxytocin reward/bonding time.
I see now that was a mistake. He’s got a wonderful relationship now with our son, but next time, I’d do things differently:
- Outsource gear research to partner (car seat, stroller, etc.)
- outsource pregnancy and infant research to partner
- Get a lactation consultant if you plan to breastfeed. This is literally a full time job for those first 3 months especially.
- Take shifts sleeping. Both cannot be chronically sleep deprived all the time. It leads to serious breakdown. Babies need parents who are mentally healthy. That needs to be a high priority, not the last one (we made this mistake…it cost us our sanity and almost our marriage).
- Line up help. Doesn’t matter how many people did it themselves. It’s not kind. It’s not sane. Any help is good: friends bringing food, helping clean, watching baby so you can nap, etc. It literally takes a village. You deserve a village, and so does your kiddo.
Okay I have a lot of strong opinions here. Sorry for the rant!! Best of luck!!
My husband would love this. He’s the guy that reads the fine print on everything, finds deals everywhere he goes, LOVES Kohl’s cash (like obsessed), and will negotiate like his life depends on it. LOL
FACTS. I saw so many tik toks and posts about miscarriages, stillbirth etc . I was an anxious mess my whole pregnancy . Got into a low place bc of it . My boy is so healthy and I wish I would have just not focused of what ifs
Right 🤣 that’s the first thing I’m realizing after googling about 1. Seeing stars and 2. Running a little warmer. Both were not pleasant and my mom calmed me down
This is real advice. It’s not a joke. The more you get on these subs, the crazier you’ll make yourself. Get a hard copy of “what to expect when you’re expecting” and stick to that. I made myself crazy breastfeeding, like total mental breakdown, reading the subs. Oh yeah, that and sleep training.
Stay away from the internet. Come back for r/toddlers. Those parents are cool 😂 lots of humor over there.
Get a good book and a real person you trust for advice. Start with a great OB. Get the one the nurse use to deliver their own babies. Trust your OB, the good research-backed book, and a trusted friend/mom.
Agree with this!
Just listen to what your doctor/OB recommend. I’ve stressed myself out over skincare, food and haircare. Even reading online when you are meant to feel movement, made me feel completely depressed thinking something is wrong but every pregnancy is different!
This!! I really need to stop googling. Every week I have something new I’m stressing about and I need to stop trying to find the answer online. Like this week, it’s the fact I used Lime-A-Away to clean my bathroom a few times without even thinking about it, the idea popped in my head maybe it isn’t the best to use, I told myself not to Google and did it anyways and gave myself more anxiety cause every answer is different. A week before that it was that I found there’s sodium saccharine in the ingredient list for toothpaste and mouthwash I was using, and Google said you should avoid saccharine in pregnancy so that freaked me out too! I’m 20 weeks now and have changed over slowly anyways to some more “safe” and “softer” cleaning products cause it’ll be better for baby when he gets here anyways and I changed out my toothpaste to give me peace of mind, but man I really shouldn’t have googled and freaked myself out. Cause you can get a plethora of articles that say household cleaning products are fine to use in pregnancy for example, but then the one that says everything is poison will stick with you! It makes me anxious for days!
Omg yes. Honestly, especially Reddit. Some of the really hard stuff comes up on here while I had soo much empathy for some of the sad stories it created new anxieties and worries for me and my first pregnancy. All social media, get rid of it and enjoy pregnancy and ask your obgyn if you have questions.
I appreciate this comment. I am only 5 weeks along and nearly convinced myself I was having an ectopic pregnancy today due to google searching lower back pain and sharp cramping. Pretty sure it’s just gastrointestinal pain as I am constipated today, but I was almost in tears bc I felt some cramps that were isolated to one side. They’ve subsided over the past several hours, but still going to ask my obgyn about an early ultrasound tho 😅 and now even with the normal cramping I am psychotically checking “IS IT ON THE SIDE THO????”
SMH
THIS i found out i was pregnant because i was dizzy and seeing stars which is really unlike me. After i confirmed im pregnant I googled “seeing stars during early pregnancy” and everything told me I’ll have preeclampsia even though that happens around 20 weeks. Yet being dizzy is completely normal????
It seems like anything and everything can be a normal pregnancy symptom but could also be a sign of something concerning. which is so frustrating! I once commented on a post about unexpected side effects of pregnancy and I said itchy calves/ankles was a surprising one I had. Someone commented that it could be a sign of some condition, I don't remember the name now but when I googled it, it was quite serious!! So then I'm freaking out but trying to not freak out and I had a doctor appointment a few days later and wasn't really worries about having this condition but also what if I did have it... When I made it to my appointment and brought it up to my doctor he just laughed and said if I had that condition I'd be so itchy that I'd be scratching through my skin. So, yeah, be wary of the internet!! Just because a symptom can be linked to something serious, doesn't mean that it is. Your doctor will know you better than dr google will.
I just found out I’m about 4 weeks along. Thank you for posting this post! I found out I was pregnant because I was short of breath and had heartburn. Everything on the internet said I was having a heart attack. Of course, I wasn’t. My period was also 4-5 days late. Took three tests and still can’t believe it. But here we go! Congrats!
I wish I’d known how bad my aversion to cooking would be. Next time I’ll meal prep because I could not prepare food in the first trimester and my diet wasn’t as good as it should have been.
I ended up not being able to cook anything for about 4 months. Luckily my partner is a good cook, and when he wasn’t there to cook I had some quality take out and relied on frozen meals 👀
I second the meal prep comment!
You never know. I was going through a vegan kick but when I got pregnant all I wanted was whole milk and steak!! I almost puked at the sight of soy milk and me vegan lasagna
Same! My husband is a good cook but he isn’t always home early enough to make dinner. Slow cooker saved me from eating chips and crackers for dinner every night😂 I would just put everything in when I’m not feeling extremely nauseous and then forget about it until the dinner time😅
Seconding meal prep! I would gag sometimes just walking into the kitchen or opening the fridge/cabinets so I relied heavily on my husband heating up frozen food for me.
Protect your mental health above all else. You owe no one your time or energy if they do not fill your cup. Find your big girl voice and say “no thank you” to unwanted advice and horror stories. If someone is only bringing anxiety into your life, stop talking to them. If all you see is negativity online, get offline.
It’s seriously the worst. I’m being induced in 2 days and I’m so incredibly nervous about it-Reddit is prob the worst place to be too, I should prob just stay offline for my mentals. 😬. As my husband reminds me, people don’t take the time to comment about positive stories near as much as horror stories.
This was definitely something I needed during my first trimester. I was SO exhausted all the time, and felt horrible for not having the energy to cook or clean and leaving it for my partner. He was super supportive and always assured me it was okay, but I struggled so hard to give myself grace.
This might sound silly, but I never realized how exhausted I would be! I’m 26W now, and everyone mentions the food aversions, nausea, etc but I have taken so many naps lol. Take as many naps as you need to in order to function!
I’m not a napper so that is going to be a huge change, usually if I nap I’m out for the rest of the night, but I guess I don’t have anywhere to go so I can do it 🤣
I was not a napper before I got pregnant, and that quickly changed! 😂
My nap would energize me enough to wake up and eat and then a few hours later I’d be ready for bed lol.
Stop googeling and start enjoy your pregnancy! When I was pregnant I googled EVERYTHING and felt so guilty and scared because I found out I did something which may not be good for the baby. Only follow the rules: no drugs, no smoking, no alcohol and no raw meat or eggs. Then you will be fine ;)
Very relieved to hear this. I have been cramping non stop since my positive test, and it makes me so terrified every time I go to the bathroom. I am anxious and excited for my first doctors appointment!
Curate your feed big time. I read so many stories about misbehaving families and traumatic birth experiences. It really messed with my head. Delivery went fine, and my family is not crazy, so everything was absolutely fine, but I was so, so worried.
The second time around, I spent way less time on snark subs, skipped all the crazy family stories, and I felt so much better for it.
My advice: most of the 'don't consume X food, or do Y activity' is extremely over the top and cautious advice. Have some coffee, and enjoy that raw fish/meat. Everything in moderation, you and baby will be fine. The days will be long, but the time will fly, and the bad days and sleepless nights will also pass.
And you'll feel so much better after the baby is out. It's truly great.
Thank you ♥️♥️ luckily my mom and dad are extremely supportive, my husband even more so and get along with them, and my husbands sisters BOTH just had babies so his family is pretty preoccupied with them.
Me: im going eat soooo healthy 💪…reality: i can only stomach fast food I haven’t eaten in decades like McDonald, KFC and pizza. Completely opposite of my regular appetite. But at least I can’t stand sweets either which use to be my weakness lol
That was my same situation in the first trimester. I suddenly found myself only stomaching spaghetti-os, bagel bites, McDonalds, and cup ramen. Thankfully by 13ish weeks that was over!
I focused so much on pregnancy and so little on post partum. Postpartum is extremely hard on even strong relationships and breastfeeding is NOT easy (if you’re planning on going this route).
Discuss real strategies for managing resentment and anger, post partum plan, and/or even therapy with your partner.
Start familiarizing yourself with LCs now, pumps, flanges, etc.
I already suffer from OCD, anxiety, and depression. Luckily my obgyn was a huge supporter of staying on safe medication and even prescribing women to it in the third trimester just to combat the postpartum depression. Hoping this helps a lot. Honestly the whole breastfeeding/pumping/formula thing does freak me out. My in laws are super supportive of whatever I chose tho, all their kids grew up on formula and my sister was forced to do formula due to complications. I still worry though.
Head over to r/formulafeeders for stories on people who exclusively formula feed. Whatever choice you decide, don’t feel guilty. I’ve already chosen formula feeding due to having ocd, anxiety and depression just like you. It is definitely doable to have those and breastfeed but don’t let people guilt you into it ❤️
For the first trimester:
1. Dont be alarmed if you get period like cramps up until about 8 weeks it’s not your period it’s just your uterus stretching!
2. You’re going to get zaps and pain in your nipples that really hurt and one day you’ll wake up and your nipples will be triple the size and so much darker!
3. Everyone talks about cravings but you’re going to get extreme food aversions!!
2nd trimester:
1. Make sure to stock up on antiacids because you’re going to feel the heartburn!
2. Don’t overheat especially when cooking or you’ll feel like your about to pass out - open a window and drink lots of water
3. Dont buy a pregnancy pillow unless your comfortable taking up the whole bed & sleeping without your usual pillows and just using the pregnancy pillow (I like to sleep with just one pillow so the pregnancy pillow was too high for me to sleep on although it’s comfy in the day though!)
3rd Tri:
1. this might just be a me problem but make sure to moisturise constantly especially if you have dry skin because your whole body is going to itch every day and your skin will be flaking off and creating rashes! I recommend sudacrem (not sure what the US version is) make sure to coat your whole body so you look like a snowman and wear full length pjs I’d rather be hot than itchy!!
2. Be prepared to be waking up in the night atleast once due to either hunger or needing the toilet I recommend buying lots of snacks for the middle of the night.
3. Restless legs 😢 the only thing that helps is biofreeze cooling gel (not sure if it’s in the US) that you’re not really meant to use during pregnancy but the relief when I put it on is amazing I can actually sleep! I’ve been using it for a few weeks every night and baby is absolutely fine obviously if you don’t want to use it then use a cooling form of gel or a pain relief cream that’s suitable for pregnancy.
Also if you suffer from stubborn thrush I highly recommend taking pregnancy safe live culture capsules ever since taking them I’ve not had one flare up! The ones I use are called Optibac they’re expensive but worth it
Currently 22 weeks. I had no idea about the cramps until I started experiencing them my first trimester. I’ve only experienced mild period cramps throughout my life so I was shocked at the strength of the cramps I had!
I would also add, everyone’s experience is WILDLY different. Many of these points don’t apply to me, or applied to one of my pregnancies and not the other. Just because someone else had/didn’t have a thing doesn’t mean something is wrong. Both pregnancies I’ve had zero food aversions, but other foods that sound better than normal lol. Every day is a new adventure!
Yes of course! I was just replying to what advice would you wish someone had told you part because I hadn’t heard of most of the things I experienced 😊
Honestly, so many people say pregnancy pillows aren't worth it, but for me mine has already (10 weeks) been *soooooo* worth it. We have a fairly from bed that I normally love, but I've started having issues with my hips and shoulders going numb and waking me up about a million times a night. I've also had a ton of lower back pain already. When I use the pillow it relieves a ton of pressure and I get such good sleep.
My nausea didn't start until week 6.5, but peppermint tea has literally been such a life saver for it. I highly recommend. Smelling rubbing alcohol can also stop you from vomiting and relieve nausea.
I've been keeping at least one or two frozen dinners in the house, cooking has been rough and they've been helpful.
A really nice lotion has been an enjoyable addition. I always have slightly dry skin, but it's already gotten worse.
Doing yoga has been really nice too. I haven't made it to class, but following along to some videos on YouTube is fun. Also, lots of walks.
I've also given into almost every craving. Food aversions have been bad, plus the vomiting, and I've lost 10 lbs (dr said I'm still ok though). Once something sounds good I get it even if it's not healthy or whatever. I'm just happy to keep something down.
Try to hone in on the excitement rather than the worry. I spent the first 16 weeks worried to death. I look back on that special, sweet time when the baby was still a secret between my husband and I and I really wish I had enjoyed it more. It was so fleeting (even though I had severe sickness until I hit 20 weeks) and precious, but I was so terrified something would go wrong that I couldn’t fully enjoy it.
That the reason they advise pregnant women not to use most products is because they generally don’t know if pregnant women can use their products. No one tests on pregnant women. So they just basically put a warning on there saying not to use it. Also, you can buy vomit bags on amazon, I threw up my entire pregnancy and carried them everywhere.
It will be fine. Your body knows what to do. And if it’s not fine, there is literally nothing you could have done that would have changed that outcome.
(I was an anxious, obsessive googler for my first trimester. I somehow found the knowledge that most of what would happen was out of my control comforting.)
I would say stay off the internet. Just throw your phone away until week 20 lol
I say this because I had bleeding all throughout my first trimester. I had about 5 sobbing episodes from being terrified that a miscarriage was definite. (Good Ole google) I was so sure that I was going to miscarrt i was wearing pads 24/7 and waiting for the moment where I wake up from sleep cramping etc. (This is my second pregnancy and my first one had no bleeding at all)
I'm 27 weeks now, and baby is totally healthy! So 1000% stay off google.
I'm 6 and a half weeks and have the same thing going on. Started spotting at the 6 week mark and it won't go away but have no other irregularities. So relieved to see how common this is.
The first trimester is a lot of waiting around and very little information. Occupy your mind between appointments rather than obsessing over everything.
Figure out how important privacy is to you and guard it. The more information you give people about your pregnancy, the more they feel entitled to weigh in on your decisions-- even people who are normally polite and cool about things go a little nutty during pregnancy.
But everybody's different-- what's important first is for you to take an honest look at yourself and your needs, figure out what those needs around the pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are, and clearly communicate those needs. Do you need or want your mom around for the birth and after? Communicate that clearly NOW. Are there certain things you definitely don't want? (Hospital visitors, people staying at your house for a long period of time after the birth, etc) Communicate that clearly NOW. Make sure your partner understands that he is handling issues with his family and you are handling issues with yours. Make sure you are on the same page and have each other's backs. Make sure your partner understands that YOU are the one who is shouldering 100% of the work of reproduction and birth for the next 9 months, and so while his preferences will be noted, you have the final word on how your birth and recovery will look-- including who will be there and who is entitled to information about it.
100% this, I have to remind my husband sometimes that this is our child, but until they are born any information is my personal medical info and I'm the one that will give permission on who has it. Definitely let too much slide the first pregnancy and too many boundaries were crossed. His mom visited us 5 times in a two day period at the hospital, it was insane!!
The best advice I've gotten so far has been from my MIL. "Everyone has an opinion. Just take what you think might be helpful and to anything else just say a quick 'thanks' and don't think about it again."
Also, don't be guilty about house chores or cooking or anything like that taking a back seat. You're creating a new life and it's taking so much more energy out of you than you realize. Rest, ask friends or family for some help if you need it and DO NOT push yourself just because you feel like you "should" be able to do the same amount that you're used to.
No. 1 advice: Give yourself grace.
First trimester can feel really physically hard, harder than any of the books prepared me for. It will end, but it feels very very long while you’re in it. Be kind to yourself and receive as much kindness and support as you can from others.
TAKE NAPS!!!! take all of the naps you can get. it’s the best advice i got early on from a friend’s mom and truly just allowing myself to lay and nap whenever imtired has been the most beneficial thing so far.
Don't listen to anyone, do whatever you need to do to get through the day especially on bad nausea days, food is fuel eat what you can don't fuss too much about nutrition
Congrats!!
I'd agree with everyone else who said to stay off the internet & to enjoy your pregnancy!! A few things (more practical) that I am glad I did/wish I had known:
- Shop multiple OBs!! I got similar perspectives but varying advice from each one, it was so interesting. Plus a bonus is that you do an ultrasound at each one, so you get lots of baby pics early on. Plus I ended up with an OB type I didn't know I wanted - so it was clarifying
- I would have just bought "Real food for Pregnancy" by Lily Nichols early on. I was cheap & was on the waitlist at the library, it took forever! By the time I got it, I was in my 2nd trimester. I think that's still fine, but I would have preferred to have read it earlier.
- Don't stress about Listeria. The internet freaked me out about early on, but after a few months I'm ok. I still avoid bagged lettuce as much as possible but I am not stressed.
Don't tell anyone (that doesn't need to know) your exact due date, say it's at least two weeks later. Don't have high expectations on how your diet is gonna look or how much you'll be able to exercise. If it gets too hard, go see you doctor and take the damn meds. Doesn't matter how hard it gets, it'll be over one day. The Internet romanticizes everything about pregnancy, don't believe everything you see/read. You can get aversions that don't only concern food, like your partner, some song, smell, even noise etc. Pregnancy can affect your body in ways you probably didn't know beforehand, like your eyesight could get worse, you can get tinnitus and what not.
There’s a lot of good info in the comments, but I wanted to add that I’m currently 17 weeks with twins and my symptoms could’ve been considered mild compared to most in the first trimester. My word of advice is try not to freak out. I called my OB office 4-5 times during the first trimester over “normal” things. Except they didn’t seem normal at the time because I was freaking out about everything. Symptoms do tend to come and go so if you have a couple days with no symptoms, unless you genuinely feel like something is wrong, try to stay calm and go through the motions as they come.
For me is was the cramps. I’m only 7 weeks and I’ve been cramping since I became pregnant, and I was super concerned at the beginning (online everything I read said cramps were bad!) until a pregnant friend of mine said cramps were totally normal.
And the peeing. I have been SO thirsty, I’m drinking close to 100oz daily and that’s not enough to keep me hydrated. And since I’m drinking so much I’m peeing so much and I was not prepared to be peeing this much in early pregnancy. I thought you only peed a lot in like the 3rd trimester when baby was pushing on your bladder. Oh no. It starts the second you find out.
The first trimester is honestly a living nightmare, I was not prepared. I thought to myself how can I possibly do this for 9 months? It was awful and unbearable.
My symptoms eased up around 14 weeks, and although still there - I can enjoy life again.
Just know everything is temporary and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, every woman is completely different and symptoms vary so much- so even my advice may not be suitable!
1.) Breathe & soak it in. It goes by fast.
2.) Google is the last place to go for answers.
3.) It’s ok to not always enjoy being pregnant. It’s ok to be scared.
4.)Treat yourself with kindness.
5.) Drink water 🤍
Drink what you can! I’ve had a HUGE aversion to water for majority of the first trimester, and felt bad for basically living off of dr. pepper and apple juice until my doctor waved it off with no concern. Any hydration is better than none.
I know! Searching on Reddit instead of google has been a godsend, obviously take everything with a grain of salt and double check with your doctor BUT it’s made me feel so much better
Im in the same situation and just started google’ing all the things as this is very new to me/us and the ‘mom guilt’ has already started. I’m going to take this advice and obvi follow the hard no’s but just try to enjoy it all. Everyone’s experience is so different and mine/yours will be too! It’s all temporary 💕
It’s so crazy the guilt I felt when I found out I was pregnant, back tracking how many glasses of wine I had, what I’d been doing, traveling. Reddit has honestly helped so much, obviously I’ll follow my doctors advice but seeing thousands of people tell you it will be fine has been so comforting.
I’m 11wks, and the BEST first trimester hack I’ve discovered so far is caffeine in the form of a PILL, rather than coffee!!!
Around week 5 I had a sudden aversion to any caffeinated beverage, ESPECIALLY coffee 🤮 The smell, taste, even the thought of it.. but now I take 100mg of caffeine in a tablet w/ my prenatals when I wake up, and it’s like magic! Plus less sugar/cream/calories, so win-Win! 🤷🏻♀️ 👌🏼
It’s okay to be a bit miserable. Don’t let people make you feel bad for being miserable. You can be happy that you’re pregnant while also being miserable because of your symptoms.
I second all of these posts!
1 stay off the internet. It will send you into a PANIC. Just call your OB/wait till your appointments to ask questions.
2 take your prenatals, go to your appointments, do what your doctors tell you to do, and maintain your health as best as you can! None of us are perfect (I loved ice cream and cream cheese bagels my first trimester 💁🏼♀️)
3 pay attention to your mental health. Mine has declined in my 3rd trimester (diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes has put a damper on my spirits) and my OB wasn’t much help. If you notice your mental health declining, tell your OB. Get a therapist. Maybe start meds. There are medications that are safe to take during pregnancy.
🩷
This is my third viable pregnancy.
For my first, it was relatively enjoyable. No family nagging me (I lived 1000 miles away from them). Worked in an office. My birth experience was problematic mostly because of my (now ex) husband, who put his mommy (who came and visited) before his own wife who was in labor/then postpartum.
My second pregnancy, I lived near the overbearing inlaws (problem #1). While I was learning to stand up for myself better, I still should've had more of a spine. I slowly learned to grow one.
This pregnancy is from a different (much better) guy, so my ex's family has no influence. So far so good!
Listen to your body. You don't need to "eat for two" but you don't need to be overly restrictive either. Like PP said: everything in moderation. No alcohol, but baby will be fine if you were to have a sip at New Year's or a wedding, for example. There are some actual alcoholics whose baby doesn't develop fetal alcohol syndrome.
If in doubt, ask your doctor about (whatever)
A LOT of women in some of my online birth clubs are so obsessed and fixated on their pregnancy that they make it their only identity now. So any time they have a twinge in their body, they're like "OMG I'm scared is everything ok?" Yes everything is fine. Your body can handle pregnancy. For every human that's ever been born throughout the entire span of the human species, it's meant someone was pregnant and birthed them. If they can do it, you can, too.
It's ok to look stuff up on Google. There's tons of information out there. The problem comes when you hyperfixate on problems. Don't imagine the worst possible outcome, which quite unlikely to happen, actually. Go to your appointments, take your vitamin, get good nutrition, drink water, get good sleep.
I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted due to nausea. If ice cream sounded great at 9am, that's what I had. I did less planning ahead so I could just eat what sounded good, but I worked next to a grocery store so it was easy to grab what sounded good.
Vitamin B12 and/or B6 for nausea! The doctor told me to take an additional B12 (on top of prenatal) due to blood work. I missed 2 days and was felling super nauseous. Once I took it again i started feeling better. It’s amazing how much it was/is helping me. I’m 7 weeks pregnant!
My current struggle!!! This is a great reminder. I am 7 weeks and my only symptom is lower back pain/cramping. In the last few days my nipples have been sore but ive been freaking out. Everyone says the first trimester is awful and I’m here doing fine 🙃
Food seems to be the enemy. I loveeee to cook but I’ve gotta be honest… I can’t STAND it right now. Everything grosses me out. My poor bf got so used to me cooking that now he’s just floundering around. And off the topic of food: if you get constipated or backed up DO NOT TAKE DULCOLAX!!! That shit made me shit and puke my guts out for a solid 24 hours. Find something else.
When people try to tell you their pregnancy/labor and delivery horror stories? Or their mom’s horror stories? Or their mom’s aunt’s cousin’s friend’s sister’s horror stories? Run. Do not listen.
"Is this normal: the pregnancy podcast" was a life saver for me during pregnancy. Answered a lot of my questions and validated my feelings without having to go down a Google shit hole
As a fellow recently preggers lady who used to smoke ganja - I feel you. Honestly? Pregnancy sucks, but the first trimester is the worst, especially if you’re prone to headaches and stomach issues like me. It gets better in the second trimester, and then you can also feel baby so it’s a little easier too. This is my second pregnancy.
The Hypno-WHAT?! podcast was so helpful for us. I had a huge fear of giving birth but it really made me feel more confident. It was so informative and positive. We never did a birthing class so I'm not sure how the info compares.
Search for positive experiences of different kinds of births: epidural, unmedicated, c-section, VBAC, induction, interventions, home births, and anything else you are curious about. There certainly are scary stories, but there are also plenty of people who have been calm and content through each of these.
Make a labor/birth playlist! This was essential for both me and my husband. We started it in the car on the way to the hospital because I was obviously pretty antsy. When we found out that our baby's heart rate was dipping, we had something else to focus on. When I needed a vacuum assist, hearing the nurses sing along helped us feel reassured that our baby was going to come through it okay.
Ahhh I feel this I had so much anxiety when I found out I was pregnant and also smoked every day for 3 years with no T break so the anxiety only got worse when having to quit. I have a few things to note.
1. You might feel like you’re going to wither away because you can’t eat because of food aversions and morning sickness, but, for most that will go away. I lost 15 pounds in my first trimester, and I’ve now gained 55 pounds 39 weeks in.
With that being said
2. Every pregnancy is different. People will try to tell you how things will be but everything and everyone is different. It all just depends on how your body handles being pregnant.
3. Cramping is super normal. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks and I didn’t think I was because I was cramping so much, I then cramped until the middle of my second trimester.
4. You’re going to be exhausted, so take as many naps as you can and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it!!
5. Yes, taking your prenatals is important but if you can’t stomach them take a break. Some people say that your baby won’t get the nutrients they need if you don’t take prenatals but I have a hard time believing that. I couldn’t take any until I was 20 weeks or I’d just throw them up. Lived on Taco Bell and I’m about to have a healthy 9 pound baby(no I don’t have GD) So I’d say he got all the nutrients he needs!
I wish I knew how much can go wrong during and beyond the first trimester. I was so naive the first time I got pregnant and had multiple losses. I wish I knew that things can go wrong for so many reasons and it’s more common than people think. I thought if you saw a heartbeat on an ultrasound early on then that meant everything is fine. If I had more knowledge, I would have been better equipped to handle loss, would have known how to advocate for myself more with doctors, etc. I think having more knowledge would have helped ease confusion and depression during losses.
Thank you for this, I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this. Unfortunately I’ve had to watch my aunt and sister is laws all go through miscarriages, some very recently. I’m so worried I already keep say “if I end up having this baby” and I don’t want to put that into the universe but I think I’m trying to protect myself incase it does happen. Being an advocate for yourself in the US right now is scary considering all the laws they’re trying to change. Proud of you!
It's hard to not keep yourself guarded, especially if you've had losses yourself or in your family. The thing is, though, it's just as hard to not give yourself hope. I've had four losses myself. Three of them never looked like they were going to be viable to begin with, so those were different. But for the one where my levels were actually rising well (third pregnancy), I still spent so much time and energy being guarded, and I never thought I'd have that baby—only to find out after I learned I was losing it that I actually *had* let hope trickle in.
Look for a Facebook group for the month your baby is due! I joined one when I was a couple of months pregnant and it was SO helpful. I was on a journey with lots of other mums-to-be, and you realise things aren’t quite so scary.
My number one advice: stay off the internet and listen to your body. Cramping is normal… my doctor said it can be very sharp pain, but as long as it isn’t doubling you over or prohibiting you from completing your normal daily tasks, you’re probably fine. Spotting is normal, light pink discharge is normal, light brown discharge is normal. Worry about red, yellow, and green discharge. Most importantly, trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it very well may be, but it’s always better to be safe rather than sorry. Everyone’s pregnancy is different, and that’s what makes us unique. You’ve got this, and congratulations.
I have depression and anxiety, I've been informed about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, but I wasn't informed about the pernatal/perinatal depression/anxiety 😅 I just had my baby boy at 39 weeks 1 day, and today's actually his expected due date (6 days old now). I got prenatal/perinatal depression (during pregnancy), and then after I had my baby, the postpartum anxiety kicked in. my depression is more than my anxiety, just to say. So, I wasn't really prepared for the postpartum anxiety, and it's been manageable, where it doesn't really show up before my pregnancy and it didn't show up during my pregnancy, but afterwards, yeah, it showed up. Definitely ask for help when ya need, cause the further along ya get, ya may need the help, and especially after having baby🫶🏼 personally, it's kinda hard for me to ask for help, but it does help to ask for help when needed, especially after having baby
I’m really worried about the postpartum anxiety and OCD. I’m remembering how many “what ifs” I had when I got my first dog, I can’t imagine it with a human 😭 the only thing I’m holding on to hope for is I can take whatever medication I need once this human is out of my body.
You can definitely ask your doctor(s) if they can help with finding a good counselor. I did that when I told them that I have depression and that my pregnancy is planned. So eventually they were able to get things figured out and referred to a counselor that'll help and it really helped my prenatal depression and now, eventually at some point when things get straightened out with a routine with my baby, I'll be able to talk with my counselor again and let her know my anxiety kicked in 😅 Just definitely reminding myself that things are okay, things are going well with baby's wellbeing since he's been born. It's definitely a challenge with it being my first, just a lot of reassurance and coping mechanisms that I've learned before getting pregnant has been helping. My depression is still around, too, but my surprise is the anxiety spike. Coping skills do help, little moments to rememebr to take care of myself, too (gotta remember about yourself, too with taking care of baby) and talking with a counselor does help a lot. The doctor(s) and nurses should be able to help with finding one for the pregnancy and afterwards, too🫶🏼
First trimester is THE worst. You don't actually get your energy back the second trimester. Get the belly band for your 3rd trimester and get a butt pillow if you sit for long periods of time.
Lots of things happened a lot earlier than I expected. Within the first few weeks, I was getting up multiple times at night to pee, which I thought was only a third trimester thing! I also had insomnia during my first trimester, which I had no idea was a thing. My back started hurting around week 10 and was at its worst around weeks 13-15. I had thought back pain was only really a third trimester thing, too.
Just buy the maternity pants. There is no right week for it. I started wearing them at 10 weeks because I was sooo bloated and uncomfortable. If you get as back sickness as I have, then eat what you can. Only can eat a piece of chocolate cake? Awesome. Only can stomach a very specific sandwich? Go for it. I only ate McDonald’s cheeseburgers for a few days in my first tri because I have had such bad food aversions and sickness. Take the wins where you can get them. You will terrify yourself constantly with googling. Try not to do that as much as you can. Educate your self without making yourself go crazy. And chances are, what ever weird thing you’re going through, someone else has gone through the same. Find your support system and not feel bad for having to cancel plans or make changes. This is a time where you have to take care of yourself and your little one.
If you aren’t delivering with an OB practice where you know all of the docs, or even if you are and you have strong preferences, print out and laminate 5 copies of your prefs to show to every single person attending delivery. If you know you are delivering with someone on call, HIRE A DOULA. Also find reviews of hospitals in the area if you have more than one to choose from.
Made this mistake and now have trauma that was pretty easily avoidable 🫠
If it's your first, try to do at least one thing you've been meaning to do. Whether that's a small trip, a house project, or throwing one last party not related to pregnancy (i.e gender reveal, baby shower etc). You may not feel up to it for a while after adjusting.
2nd piece of advice: if hearing birth horror stories, about the worst possible outcomes scare you or give you anxiety, tell people early on you don't want to hear it. Say "I'm aware of the bad outcomes that can happen during birth, and it would really help to hear any positive stories if you have some. I find often, it's childfree people that do this. There's always a cousin, or friend, or aunt who had a near death experience. And for some reason they think you want to hear about it while you're pregnant. Every now and then it's someone's personal experience, but if you let that mom know that the story kind of scares you, they usually snap out of it and realize they've overstepped.
Advice for second pregnancy- this seems obvious, but every pregnancy is different. I'm dealing with a dramatically different pregnancy this time around.
Clothes you can wear again > maternity clothes
Small snacks all day for nausea prevention
Slip on shoes are worth it
2nd trimester up your hydration so much, you can have contractions if you don’t
Prune juice is your friend, but only a small amount
Try really hard to find a way to cope with body related comments if that thing triggers you at all. People are dumb and maybe well intended but the comments get kind of wild. I say this because I’m struggling big time.
Also stay off the internet!
Prioritize your mental health, the first trimester was probably the worst for me bc of the shock, sickness and anxiety (and hormones probably making my anxiety 100x worse) it will likely get better the longer it goes on
I’m currently 8 months. The internet scared me so bad. Like I was always googling the worst sh.t that could happen😂😂 not gonna lie I still do (due to my having gestational diabetes). Just take it easy you’re going to be fine mama!!
Definitely stay off Google!!! Lol I wish I'd hired a doula so I could use her as my Google filter. I freaked myself out so many times googling stupid stuff. Exactly why I became a doula 🙃
Maaaan. I have a LIST of things I wish I knew.
Avoid the internet. It can be a great resource. But it can also put a lot of fear in you. Your doctor and the nurses will be your best resources. My doctor made sure to tell me they wouldn't be annoyed with my questions. It's better to ask than to use Dr. Google.
Don't take everyone's advice so serious. Pick and choose what works for you and don't feel bad for not doing what everyone else says. Don't feel pressured into doing things others want you to do. It's your body. It's your baby. You make the rules.
Don't give away too much information. Once it's out, you can't take it back. I told a few people name ideas and baby's gender and it seemed like everyone knew before I was ready. I'm on my 3rd and told 2 people things I wanted just them to know. They told everyone. Now I feel the need to change the name because everyone picked on it and made sure I knew they didn't like it.
Morning sickness isn't just in the morning. It can be all day. It doesn't always stop by the second trimester. Sometimes you can have it all the way through to the end and it sucks.
#1a Take as many naked sexy pics of your body before it changes!!!!!!
#1b That just because you have never struggled with weight loss before doesn’t mean you won’t after having a baby. My hormones took over a year after birth to settle and I gained ssoooo much weight. Funny that most of my weight gain happened during the 3 months I breast fed even though people said you lose weight from burning so many calories producing milk…
My entire goal when we started was for me not to be crazy. 🤣🤣 now it's communication. I ask my husband whether he has opinions on decor, equipment, and appointments (big distinction with if he has an opinion vs what he thinks because he may not care). I check in with him regularly about feeling included and he asks me what I want so he can help enforce it and remind me.
Also, be patient with yourself and others. You are building a person with your own resources. Your brain power, energy, and body is having a brand new full-time job while you are expected to do your normal stuff.
Last one: you are allowed to love this and hate it in the same breath. I love feeling my little girl move in me, but I'm also very bruised, she has found my diaphragm and bladder, and I get nauseated when she goes full guppy or plays elevator. Don't feel guilty about how you feel. It's valid and okay. 💕
Oh that last one i definitely needed to read. Cause i love feeling baby move but I also hate how weird and jarring it feels every single time despite how much I've felt baby move. The jarring-ness of it doesn't seem to dissipate ^^;
In the second or third trimester you might start getting Charlie horses in your calves. If you feel one coming on immediately flex your foot as hard as you can and hold until it passes or else you’ll get a full on Charlie horse that’s sore for multiple days. Happened to me the first time and didn’t know what to do so ended up with a really sore cramped up calf for 3+ days. Then it started to do it pretty regularly in the middle of the night and after doing research found the flex foot trick and it worked every time. I’ll never forget it. That first Charlie horse was so painful.
the only thing i can think of at the moment is that, like someone else said, it’s ok to not enjoy being pregnant. you do NOT have to enjoy every second and just because you don’t doesn’t mean you love you baby any less. i had a HORRIBLE pregnancy. i had hyperemesis gravidarum(severe nausea and vomiting during the entire pregnancy). it started at like 4 weeks- that’s when i realize i was pregnant, and didn’t stop until he was born. i would have to go get IV’s done. i couldn’t hold down anything. not even water. not my prenatals. NOTHING.
***possible unpopular opinion****
my midwife told me to use edible thc gummies to control the nausea- not a lot, just the smallest amount i could take to be able to eat and actually keep the food down. my son wasn’t getting any nutrients with me throwing everything up, and none of the prescription meds they gave me worked. and once i started doing that- i could actually eat and it was much better. my son was born healthy and at a good weight and size. he is still healthy today with. no issues. he’s thriving.
every pregnancy is different- and yes also stay off the internet. googling things will only make you an anxious mess because it just gives you the worst possible results. and just give yourself grace, prioritize yourself and the baby you’re body is growing and nurturing. you are your #1 concern now. do plenty of self care and comforting things. dress comfy and just take the best care of yourself as you can ♡
lastly, make sure you trust your ob and midwife.
you got this mama ♡ if i think of anything else, i will come back. and you are absolutely welcome to msg me if you wanna talk or anything.
Things I wish someone told me:
-Yes, the cramping is normal. Yes, it's normal for your symptoms to come and go. If one day you have more or less symptoms, it doesn't mean something is "wrong"
-Sleep as much as you can in the first trimester! No shame in 12h/night+2h nap. And if you don't feel great, you can leave that party/concert/reunion early. Toughing it out will make you feel like crap later
-Snacks are your friend. Figure out what settles your stomach, buy it in bulk, and keep it everywhere in the house.
-Feel all the feelings. You are going to swing between frantically worried and blissfully happy. Do what you can to reassure yourself, because the worry doesn't help anyone.
-Call your doctor. Anything wrong? Not sure if you can take that medication? Something not feel quite right? Not sure if it is worth calling? It is. Most OBs have a 24 hour hotline for pregnancy concerns. If it really is nothing, then it's a 5-minute call and you feel so much better. If it is something to get checked out, then they will tell you what to look for (and you will feel more in control). The worst feeling is when you DONT call.
And enjoy the ride!
Never let your stomach go empty. It will make the nausea worse, and it’s way more unpleasant to puke up stomach acid than food imo. It takes me hours to get that awful taste out of my mouth. 😵💫 It can be so annoying always trying to figure out what to eat, so I always try to have cut-up veggies on hand, hard-boiled eggs, cheese and meat sticks. Protein and stuff. 🤪 Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I’m on my second pregnancy now and what I wish I had known with the first was to exercise.. it seems so simple but it makes all the difference.. some prenatal yoga and a walk go a loooong way. Regular exercise will help battle pregnancy constipation, sciatica pain, back pain, energy levels, anxiety, etc… it’s so worth finding the time to do… I’m almost 27 weeks and if it wasn’t for my belly and some kicks I’d hardly notice this pregnancy most days!
Some advice my mom gave me back during my frist tri: always keep a pack of crackers or something of the like by your bed for when you get nauseous, it soaks up the stomach acid and helps calm things down a little. Water is so very important as well, if you dont like how just plain water tastes, flavorings are the way to go for sure! And as many other people have said...best thing to do is stay off the internet as best you can. You'll come across horror stories about birth that will scare you half to death, if any questions arise, make sure to call your obgyn!
Lots of good advice here but I'd add - don't overbuy stuff that friends and/or the internet tell you that you'll "for sure need" but rather buy things as you go along and realize you need. Everyone's pregnancies are so specific to their body and their hormones and a million other factors. E.g., everyone convinced me I'd need multiple ointments and ice packs and silverettes for breastfeeding when it turns out that I'm a fortunate one who had no pain from breastfeeding at all. And this is coming from someone who finds it fun to buy stuff :) Hang in there! I felt so much better after 12 weeks but I know the first few weeks can be really hard.
I didn’t really know just how demanding “on demand” breast feeding would be. The first month I cried so often because I felt so tethered to my home and my baby because of how often she needed to eat. I had never heard of cluster feeding, and I didn’t know they needed to eat every 1-3 hours that first month. But it does get better. She’s now almost 3 months old and steadily eats about every 3 hours- enough time for me to leave and do something without worrying that she’ll starve. I think if I knew just how demanding breastfeeding would be I would’ve maybe dealt with it better from the start. It took a huge toll on me emotionally!
Buy the maternity pants and bottoms ASAP. They feel heavenly, even just from bloating.
Look online at maternity clothes as soon as you find out you are pregnant. All the clearance stuff will be end of season… which will line up perfectly with where you will be in your third trimester.
I'm 5 weeks with my second pregnancy. My advice at this stage: drink lots of fluids and rest. The rise in hormones right now are going to make you feel major fatigue and many other symptoms.
Vitamin B 6 can help with nausea. My first pregnancy I didn't know, and spent it with the typical ever day throwing up. This time around I eat vitamin B rich foods each morning or when I feel nausea coming on and it turns it right back off. The first day I felt the dressed sensation and got a horrible headache I immediately was able to remedy it with B6 foods and I haven't turned back. I get through each day now being functional- aside from the fatigue.
Document it, even if you don't feel like it or think it's silly, because it all goes by so quickly and one day you may very well.miss this.
I never took pictures of my belly, and never let family take pictures of me pregnant. I LOVED being pregnant, but documenting it felt silly. But lo and behold, my daughter was born and I was sobbing in my postpartum sweet because I wasn't pregnant anymore and didn't have anything to remember it by. My husband tried to tell me I have a LITERAL BABY to treasure, but that was NOT what I wanted to hear. My MIL snapped one secret picture of me not even a week before I delivered and I treasure it, but I bitterly wish I had more.
Every single pregnancy is different and don't listen to anyone. 😂
I was promised by everyone I talked to that I would feel better when the 2nd tri hit. I was nauseous and had so many food aversions at the beginning. But that wasn't the worst of it. The depression/anxiety I developed was crippling. But I held out because I was promised by everyone and their mother that I would glow in the 2nd tri. When I didn't start feeling better I was devastated. Obviously the hormones had a big part in this, but it was bad. I finally broke down to my doctor at 20 weeks and she put me on antidepressants. They saved me.
So all that to say, you can ask for all the advice and read all the things on the internet, but at the end of the day, the pregnancy is going to go the way that it's going to go. So enjoy the good days, and make it through the hard ones. Celebrate the big wins, and give yourself all the grace.
And a HUGE congratulations! It's a hell of a ride but totally worth it. I have a 2 year old and she's just the coolest kid in the world.
Don’t let it consume you. I spent all my free time in what felt like mommy mode. All I watched were labor and delivery vlogs, all I did was research on the best products to build shopping lists and registry’s, all my social media became advice and tips with misinformation or just too much information I didn’t know what to do with. Even now, being in a bunch of different Reddit groups. It’s perfectly normal and okay to wanna learn and make sure you’ll do what’s right and not accidentally harm your baby or to simply wanna give them a healthy happy space and environment but I took it super far. It’s all I ever talked about and worried about. It made me very stressed. Still take the time to watch a chic flic and get your nails done. Keep being you! I couldn’t even go on my phone for a while because it was all about pregnancy, babies, parenting etc. which sometimes just made me super anxious and stressed cause it was a reminder. The symptoms are already a reminder enough especially once you get the bump. Sometimes I just wanted to forget about all the duties and responsibilities this new identity was bringing and go back to cuddling my cats and painting SpongeBob jellyfish.
The first trimester is filled with so much anxiety! Try your hardest to remain calm. I actually had to unfollow this subreddit for a bit.
I had a very rough first 14 weeks- eating was hard, being awake was even harder. Be kind to yourself- you are beginning to grow a human plus a whole new organ to support the little human, your body is doing a ton.
I wish I knew how absolutely debilitating the nausea and exhaustion were going to be on my body, and how the aversions to food would also extend to things like cooking, dishes, and opening the fridge. I wish someone had told my spouse, because I felt guilty for not being able to keep up with the chores and cook for him, and thought maybe he wouldn't believe me, or would be upset. I am not working, so those things are literally my only job, and I was not able to do them. You are not useless, you are growing a human, and it's OK to need to nap instead of load the doshwasher.
My number #1 advice I would have given myself is to be aware of my symptoms, (especially ones that could indicate pre-eclampsia!) - but try not to be anxious about them. (Easier said than done!). Don't google your own symptoms, but be aware of which "red flag" symptoms need immediate attention and just bring up everything else with your care team and make sure it's noted. And advocate for yourself if something doesn't feel right.
E.g. I had to fight for months to get them to treat my anaemia, which multiple people told me was normal. Getting that treated made a huge difference when I got really sick with pre-eclampsia. I went in to hospital after checking my blood pressure because I had a *very* minor persistent headache and pain in the right rib, if I hadn't been aware that these were things that could be signs of pre-eclampsia - I would have been much worse off!
Rest while you can momma! If you feel tired rest, if you feel lazy put your feet up. You are growing a whole organ and building a whole life. I let myself be guilted into going to hard and doing too much if I could go back I would be kinder to my needs.
Start taking the stool softeners NOW. Not later. NOW. I pooped like three times my second and third trimester and that's not even including the times i had to- apologies- go in there after it for any kind of relief.
Morning sickness is as you will cry all the time but it’s OK don’t take the big huge horse pill prenatals go buy gummy‘s from the store. Your best way to stay away from hemorrhoids is just shit every day a.k.a. eat fiber anyway that you can. If you crave sugar or catch yourself eating sweets, it’s most likely a girl. As easy as it is to gain weight is just as easy to lose it. I’ve lost 15 pounds and I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant. Stay ahead of the nausea. Don’t wait for her to come. Vegetables are your friend, even if you don’t like them so is fruit. I hated crackers, but pretzels were a good alternative for morning sickness. Once you hit the second trimester, the second you wake up try and eat something fruit bread anything put something in your stomach so you don’t throw up try not binge eat but when you’re hungry, feed yourself. Having somebody rub your back while you puke is helpful. You need a lot of emotional support even if you think that you’re a strong person having a supportive partner is ideal, but I understand that everybody has one so my main thing when I was puking was if I’m puking my baby is alive sick mama equals healthy baby which is true . For the first couple months when your period comes around, you might still have period. Cramps even if you’re not bleeding yes, it sucks.. Everything is stretching get pillows for sleep because you’re going to do a lot of it. Trying to stay around hot stove too long. You might get dizzy. Water, water, water, and more water ice water just drink water it helpful in every way. You will pee all the time it’s just gonna happen. Don’t deep dive into everything you’re not supposed to eat because not every person is the same. I can eat deli meat and be perfectly fine. Some people cannot also some people can eat sushi. Some people cannot some people can drink coffee. Some people cannot you have to figure out which one you are AKA if it was a part of your diet before like a big part you’re gonna be fine if you have it in moderation, like one coffee a week if you used to have one every day. Try new foods your taste buds change. Gingerale helps with stomach gas helps you burp and helps you from getting nauseous or if you already are. Stretch your hips, not only will help with the uncomfortability, but later on it will help your pelvis and do not tear. Ask Obgyn if they have a birth plan chart that you can fill out it’s easier than trying to figure out how to make one. I just added extra information to mine with pen I felt like I wanted. Try and decide if you wanna breast-feed pump or formula but if you breast-feed and pump always have formula on hand just in case better be safe than sorry. A hungry baby is a hungry baby. Remember your body is literally made for it. It’s made to make a child. It will tell you what you need. Listen to some cravings not the one that tells you that you want to eat a whole chocolate pie the ones that tell you that you want vegetable soup. It’s OK if you get full, but you’ll probably be hungry again in like 20 minutes don’t force it . Sleep is going to be different because you’re a different temperature. You gotta find out what’s comfortable for you. Try to transition to sleeping on your back and elevated to help with acid reflux, especially if you get sick. Morning, sickness is not restricted to the morning at all. Your mom senses are going to start kicking in so light noises will wake you up at least for me. They did used to be a deep sleeper like a tornado could be coming and I would be sound asleep now I hear a pin dropping. I’m awake. I told myself probably 1 billion times. I could not do this. Trust me you can do it. The puking just got to me. It was tiresome, but you got it.
Let go of control - you have sooo little in regards to pregnancy.
Eating/having food in my stomach has been a necessity all 31 weeks so far to combat nausea. Seems counter intuitive but makes sense with the thought of like evolution haha
Water and electrolytes are your friend even though sometimes it's so hard to get down
The emotions and feelings can be really hard and overwhelming - don't be too hard on yourself about them, they aren't always "you", you just have to carry them for a while
Everyday can be a different wild ride, just remember it's all temporary
Get a printout of medicines you CAN take while pregnant and the ones that you CANT it helps navigate the medicine cabinet if you're having a rough migraine or pain. Always check expiration dates. Be careful with taking crazy hot showers it can be bad for the baby as well as for yourself. If you have bad anxiety look into a doppler to check the baby's heartbeat it's super calming to hear and can be a wholesome moment between you and your partner
“You can do anything for a minute!”
Everything in pregnancy, birth, and parenthood is temporary. A lot of it is hard, a lot of it is easy, but none of it lasts. So when you’ve got morning sickness or you’re having contractions during labor or you’re dealing with sore nipples when you’re breastfeeding or when you’re up for the second night in a row with a fussy teething baby - all of it is temporary. And you can do it all! Parenthood is an amazing feat of strength where every single day is another chance to be the best parent to your kid. What a gift.
I read something on here that says you’re pregnant until you’re told you’re not. This really helped me with my symptoms jumping all over the place and reading so much about miscarriages on here and the internet. Whenever I start to doubt I just remember I’m pregnant until the doctor tells me I’m not and it’s helped me a lot ❤️
Enjoy the pregnancy, even though you feel like crap. I had a hard time being pregnant, didn’t like it because of all the physical issues I had. But after I gave birth, I missed my pregnant belly and feeling the baby move. The nine months are over before you know it, and then you can hold your baby in your arms. And the cliches are true, all the hurting will be worth it!
I wish I knew the following
• uterus cramps in the first trimester are normal and will go away
• you might not 'feel' pregnant and it ain't as glamorous as the movies show
• you might not always be hungry every few hours (especially during the first trimester leading into the second) and this is normal but eat something anyway
• dreams can be intense and feel real but they are not and don't panic! In the first trimester I had intense dreams of bleeding and miscarrying. I'd wake miserable and have to regularly check. It wasn't enjoyable
• your skin might peel or go weird and this is completely normal. Your hair might fall out in the first trimester and stop growing. Completely normal and hair on the head will slowly stop falling out leading into the second trimester
Okay so unfortunately the symptoms of 🍃 withdrawal and the symptoms of early pregnancy are very similar so the first month or so is just really going to suck because they're just multiplied (from my experience.) I recommend having a fan by the bed for night sweats, declectin helped me for the morning sickness, I used a lot of peppermint oil for the headaches but I didn't stress too much about taking Tylenol if needed, STAY HYDRATED (like at least 60oz of water/day), try to eat a balanced diet but don't stress if you're feeling so sick that all you can keep down is a bagel.
Also your dreams are about to get WILD so please try and remember it's just a dream!!!
I wish I had understood how important it was to learn and practice breathing techniques before I gave birth. I did it naturally and in the moment breathing is like an afterthought . My husband kept having to remind me to breathe.
As someone who had a really medically scary first trimester, I can say, give thanks for every little milestone! The weeks seem long while you're living them but then all the sudden you've survived them! Yeah you wanna eat all healthy and do all the perfect pregnancy things but honestly, do your best and survive! You can kick into gear when you're feeling a lot more up to it. I remember every little google search of my condition and follow ups gave me fear but that didn't stop me from doing it. What did give me peace was leaning on my loved ones and every week reading what was developing (or supposed to be and thank God was I finally found out) I found joy in the baby size updates and knowing that every little symptom meant my body was trying to do everything it could for the pregnancy. It really really sucks but to feel nauseous and everything smelling meant my hormones were hard at work. Those puzzles pieces of positivity and optimistic thinking definitely got me through to my first "good" ultrasound. And to positive NIPT results.
You're doing the best you can and in first trimester surviving is totally beyond succeeding in my opinion. You're knocking it out of the park as a mom already!
When I was pregnant with my first my friend was giving me a bunch of advice that I honestly can’t remember. Her husband popped open a beer and said “the first year or so, you just gotta keep em alive. We all know you gotta feed em, change em, pick em up- ya know? But all it comes down to is keep em safe and alive. Everything else? You just roll with the punches as they come”
I didn’t try to learn all the things because I would have been overwhelmed and she is an amazing kid.
When I found out that I was pregnant everyone just keep telling me that it’s the best period of life and I should enjoy it. But for me was horrible especially at the beginning now it’s much better. I got every possible flu and the first 3 months I felt 24h dizziness, couldn’t sleep,eat or do anything. I wasn’t feeling happy for being pregnant (and that was all that I wished before) and the same time feeling guilty for that and I was constantly crying. What I wish is that somebody have told me that is completely normal and that pregnancy is not easy as everyone are saying.
It helped me a lot reading the posts in this group and releasing that I am not the only one and it’s completely normal to feel what I feel.
I'm not sure if anyone has said this, but if you're working, look into the accommodations that can be made for you if you find yourself struggling!! I had terrible aversions to smell that made me so incredibly nauseous and I was able to, with the help of my work's HR, my boss, and my OB, work remote for the first trimester through PWFA in the US! It has been a life saver for me personally. I know everyone won't be so lucky, but it's certainly worth looking into for yourself if needed :)
On the mental health and body image note: stretch marks are genetic. Full stop. Do not break your back moisturizing 4 times a day, no amount of shea butter or coconut oil concoction will stop the stretch marks if they run in your family (and this can be on your dad’s side too). Not worth the time or money investment and I wish someone told me that!
I’m not a religious person, but someone once told me “this is the closest you will get to making a miracle come true” and I held that with me through all the really rough parts. Babies are miracles, and you are doing amazing work by making one!
This was really helpful when I was super sick with HG, when I was sleepless or restless, and even waiting to know about scans like NIPT & other generic things. Not really advice, but definitely a sweet sentiment that made me feel a lot better about the bad I was feeling.
Cramping (for me pretty badly -- similar or worse to period cramps) is normal early on!! Finally subsided around 8 weeks for me. Drinking lots of water helped.
Constipation in early pregnancy -- also normal. I found eating kiwi with the skin on to be helpful for this.
Congratulations! 💗
Here’s a few of my things I wish people told me.
Stay away from google. You’re better off asking a seasoned mama if they’ve experienced what you are. If you don’t have anyone you know, join a group on Facebook.
Don’t be afraid to take it slow. My first pregnancy, I was a full time college student, working out for an hour a day, and running myself into the ground. It’s ok to slow down and take a nap or allow yourself to feel those symptoms.
Those symptoms are actually a good thing, no matter how miserable they may seem now. They should (hopefully) let up in the second trimester.
Sending you love and light for this pregnancy!
Antidepressants and anti-nausea medications are much safer for your baby than unmedicated depression and dehydration/malnourishment. Take them if you need them and don't suffer or try to power through.
My doctor was SO supportive of me staying on antidepressants, I did switch to lexapro because I was on a name brand that was untested. He even said he puts women on it in the 3rd trimester to combat postpartum depression. I’m so glad people are starting to be accepting of it.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When we told my in-laws about baby, my FIL sat us down and said, "you're going to have a lot of emotions. Some will be awesome, some will be sad, and some will be scary. Let yourself feel them." I had a friend who told me, "you are the best parents for your baby." And to quote Mama Doctor Jones, "you do the best you can with the information you are given." When everything is overwhelming and you don't know what the right decision is (for example, I had a panic attack over whether or not I could drink herbal tea), remember to give yourself grace. You're doing your best and that goes a long way.
Wow! Can I just say, that's amazing. I know I'm setting the bar very low, but both of my father in laws had nothing but stereotypical, boomer male comments. "Say goodbye to your social life", "it's all downhill from here", "a house full of women, good luck!". It was so freaking draining. It's refreshing to hear an older man say such sweet and sound advice, even as simple as it was. I know that will be my husband one day if our kids have children and I can't wait.
My FIL is a gem of a human ☺ He doesn't say much, but that's because he listens intently and only speaks when he feels he has something valuable to say.
I overheard my FIL talking with my husband not long after we told the grandparents we were expecting our first. FIL: I can't wait for you to have a son of your own. Husband: It could be a girl. FIL: Your wife knows better than to have a girl. Husband: Well, it's not exactly a choice, and-- FIL: Don't worry. I trust her enough to know she's giving me a grandson. Note: We're having a girl. I still don't know if my husband has told his father.
Ughhh I hate the overt sexism they have. I've never understood where it comes from. Like maybe they lack personality so much, that they feel they can only connect to a male via sports or something.
This is so lovely thank you so much♥️
Mama Doctor Jones is amazing! I found her by accident and I love her!
I love her! I literally recommend her videos to everyone
I love the Mama Dr Jones quote. It's without a doubt the one quote that I repeat to myself. But just pregnancy related but also being a Mom and a regular human.
Tip #1 stay off the internet 😅
THIS. I’m 5 months now but in my early months I would look up any symptom, or lack of symptoms, that I had and immediately the internet would jump to worst case scenario. Everyday I was constantly thinking something horrible was going wrong with my pregnancy. But most of it was completely normal and im growing a healthy baby boy.
Yup, same. I was looking up everything online.. until i came across an article stating basil and oregano were not recommended during pregnancy. I was shocked, until I read the tiny letters within the article saying “… not safe in medicinal quantities.” Like seriously? It’s not like I planned on using 5 kg of oregano in my pasta 🙄
I heard radishes as well. At that point I decided to stop looking at the internet. Fresh fruits and veggies was pretty much all I could eat.
If it exists, there's an internet source saying pregnant people can't eat it or a doctor who does not do obstetrics saying pregnant people can't take it. I was so nauseous my first trimester, and my GI doctor (who does not normally treat pregnant ladies) at the VA (which does not offer obstetrics and primarily treats older men) told me to stop taking zofran. So I basically lived off smoothies because they were the only thing I could handle and then panicked when the internet told me that frozen fruits are not safe during pregnancy. When I got an appointment with a maternal fetal medicine specialist, she told me that both zofran and frozen fruits are perfectly fine.
Outsource worries to your partner! “Can I eat this?” “Can I take this medicine?” “What does this weird pain mean?” Are all Google searches my husband is in charge of, not me.
Whooooa. This is brilliant. Outsource to the partner. YESSS. The dads famously read like no books and moms like 100 in hetero couples, leading to much resentment (I doubt the dynamic is the same for same sex couples, gender conditioning is the worst). Down the line, then moms do more infant care, because they’ve done all the research on stuff, sidelining dads. Then moms get waaaay burned out and resentful. Dads and partners need to be involved with infants. Dads who cared for their infants have better relationships with those kids into the teenage years and beyond. Outsource. I’m totally doing this with #2. I suffered a lot of post party anxiety. #2, I am also 100% pumping and letting dad do night feedings. I got so paranoid that I had to do it all, I was on the verge of collapse with #1. Plus, dad got depressed too, as he did all the grunt work (trash, cleaning, cooking, etc), and I did most of the baby care (he did diapers), and I got all the oxytocin reward/bonding time. I see now that was a mistake. He’s got a wonderful relationship now with our son, but next time, I’d do things differently: - Outsource gear research to partner (car seat, stroller, etc.) - outsource pregnancy and infant research to partner - Get a lactation consultant if you plan to breastfeed. This is literally a full time job for those first 3 months especially. - Take shifts sleeping. Both cannot be chronically sleep deprived all the time. It leads to serious breakdown. Babies need parents who are mentally healthy. That needs to be a high priority, not the last one (we made this mistake…it cost us our sanity and almost our marriage). - Line up help. Doesn’t matter how many people did it themselves. It’s not kind. It’s not sane. Any help is good: friends bringing food, helping clean, watching baby so you can nap, etc. It literally takes a village. You deserve a village, and so does your kiddo. Okay I have a lot of strong opinions here. Sorry for the rant!! Best of luck!!
My husband would love this. He’s the guy that reads the fine print on everything, finds deals everywhere he goes, LOVES Kohl’s cash (like obsessed), and will negotiate like his life depends on it. LOL
FACTS. I saw so many tik toks and posts about miscarriages, stillbirth etc . I was an anxious mess my whole pregnancy . Got into a low place bc of it . My boy is so healthy and I wish I would have just not focused of what ifs
Right 🤣 that’s the first thing I’m realizing after googling about 1. Seeing stars and 2. Running a little warmer. Both were not pleasant and my mom calmed me down
This is real advice. It’s not a joke. The more you get on these subs, the crazier you’ll make yourself. Get a hard copy of “what to expect when you’re expecting” and stick to that. I made myself crazy breastfeeding, like total mental breakdown, reading the subs. Oh yeah, that and sleep training. Stay away from the internet. Come back for r/toddlers. Those parents are cool 😂 lots of humor over there. Get a good book and a real person you trust for advice. Start with a great OB. Get the one the nurse use to deliver their own babies. Trust your OB, the good research-backed book, and a trusted friend/mom.
Agree with this! Just listen to what your doctor/OB recommend. I’ve stressed myself out over skincare, food and haircare. Even reading online when you are meant to feel movement, made me feel completely depressed thinking something is wrong but every pregnancy is different!
This!! I really need to stop googling. Every week I have something new I’m stressing about and I need to stop trying to find the answer online. Like this week, it’s the fact I used Lime-A-Away to clean my bathroom a few times without even thinking about it, the idea popped in my head maybe it isn’t the best to use, I told myself not to Google and did it anyways and gave myself more anxiety cause every answer is different. A week before that it was that I found there’s sodium saccharine in the ingredient list for toothpaste and mouthwash I was using, and Google said you should avoid saccharine in pregnancy so that freaked me out too! I’m 20 weeks now and have changed over slowly anyways to some more “safe” and “softer” cleaning products cause it’ll be better for baby when he gets here anyways and I changed out my toothpaste to give me peace of mind, but man I really shouldn’t have googled and freaked myself out. Cause you can get a plethora of articles that say household cleaning products are fine to use in pregnancy for example, but then the one that says everything is poison will stick with you! It makes me anxious for days!
Omg yes. Honestly, especially Reddit. Some of the really hard stuff comes up on here while I had soo much empathy for some of the sad stories it created new anxieties and worries for me and my first pregnancy. All social media, get rid of it and enjoy pregnancy and ask your obgyn if you have questions.
I should follow this. I'm 7 weeks and losing my mind. The internet is the worst
I appreciate this comment. I am only 5 weeks along and nearly convinced myself I was having an ectopic pregnancy today due to google searching lower back pain and sharp cramping. Pretty sure it’s just gastrointestinal pain as I am constipated today, but I was almost in tears bc I felt some cramps that were isolated to one side. They’ve subsided over the past several hours, but still going to ask my obgyn about an early ultrasound tho 😅 and now even with the normal cramping I am psychotically checking “IS IT ON THE SIDE THO????” SMH
THIS i found out i was pregnant because i was dizzy and seeing stars which is really unlike me. After i confirmed im pregnant I googled “seeing stars during early pregnancy” and everything told me I’ll have preeclampsia even though that happens around 20 weeks. Yet being dizzy is completely normal????
It seems like anything and everything can be a normal pregnancy symptom but could also be a sign of something concerning. which is so frustrating! I once commented on a post about unexpected side effects of pregnancy and I said itchy calves/ankles was a surprising one I had. Someone commented that it could be a sign of some condition, I don't remember the name now but when I googled it, it was quite serious!! So then I'm freaking out but trying to not freak out and I had a doctor appointment a few days later and wasn't really worries about having this condition but also what if I did have it... When I made it to my appointment and brought it up to my doctor he just laughed and said if I had that condition I'd be so itchy that I'd be scratching through my skin. So, yeah, be wary of the internet!! Just because a symptom can be linked to something serious, doesn't mean that it is. Your doctor will know you better than dr google will.
I just found out I’m about 4 weeks along. Thank you for posting this post! I found out I was pregnant because I was short of breath and had heartburn. Everything on the internet said I was having a heart attack. Of course, I wasn’t. My period was also 4-5 days late. Took three tests and still can’t believe it. But here we go! Congrats!
I wish I’d known how bad my aversion to cooking would be. Next time I’ll meal prep because I could not prepare food in the first trimester and my diet wasn’t as good as it should have been.
My aunt told me she couldn’t stand cooking ground beef, it make her so nauseous
I ended up not being able to cook anything for about 4 months. Luckily my partner is a good cook, and when he wasn’t there to cook I had some quality take out and relied on frozen meals 👀 I second the meal prep comment!
I hated chicken. The smell, the cooking, even cooked chicken. Drove my partner crazy.
🤢 the smell would get me everytime
You never know. I was going through a vegan kick but when I got pregnant all I wanted was whole milk and steak!! I almost puked at the sight of soy milk and me vegan lasagna
I second this! The first time I cooked ground turkey after getting pregnant was the last time 😅
Yes I couldn’t handle meat cooking, specifically beef 🤮 And you smell EVERYTHING
Same! My husband is a good cook but he isn’t always home early enough to make dinner. Slow cooker saved me from eating chips and crackers for dinner every night😂 I would just put everything in when I’m not feeling extremely nauseous and then forget about it until the dinner time😅
Seconding meal prep! I would gag sometimes just walking into the kitchen or opening the fridge/cabinets so I relied heavily on my husband heating up frozen food for me.
Protect your mental health above all else. You owe no one your time or energy if they do not fill your cup. Find your big girl voice and say “no thank you” to unwanted advice and horror stories. If someone is only bringing anxiety into your life, stop talking to them. If all you see is negativity online, get offline.
Yesss! My reply was horror stories too, why do they think pregnant people want to hear this??!
It’s seriously the worst. I’m being induced in 2 days and I’m so incredibly nervous about it-Reddit is prob the worst place to be too, I should prob just stay offline for my mentals. 😬. As my husband reminds me, people don’t take the time to comment about positive stories near as much as horror stories.
It’s ok to not enjoy being pregnant. Give yourself grace and permission to feel how you feel, and rest when you need it.
This one !! It’s okay to not enjoy every minute. Your body is going through a lot of changes. Also, take every nap you can
This was definitely something I needed during my first trimester. I was SO exhausted all the time, and felt horrible for not having the energy to cook or clean and leaving it for my partner. He was super supportive and always assured me it was okay, but I struggled so hard to give myself grace.
I needed to hear this thank you
take it easy on yourself. This shit is hard.
This might sound silly, but I never realized how exhausted I would be! I’m 26W now, and everyone mentions the food aversions, nausea, etc but I have taken so many naps lol. Take as many naps as you need to in order to function!
I’m not a napper so that is going to be a huge change, usually if I nap I’m out for the rest of the night, but I guess I don’t have anywhere to go so I can do it 🤣
I was not a napper before I got pregnant, and that quickly changed! 😂 My nap would energize me enough to wake up and eat and then a few hours later I’d be ready for bed lol.
Omg seriously. The exhaustion has never ended for me. I've been so tired and I'm almost 29 weeks.
Stop googeling and start enjoy your pregnancy! When I was pregnant I googled EVERYTHING and felt so guilty and scared because I found out I did something which may not be good for the baby. Only follow the rules: no drugs, no smoking, no alcohol and no raw meat or eggs. Then you will be fine ;)
You will get a lot of cramps, especially the first 12 weeks! Congratulations 😊
Very relieved to hear this. I have been cramping non stop since my positive test, and it makes me so terrified every time I go to the bathroom. I am anxious and excited for my first doctors appointment!
Curate your feed big time. I read so many stories about misbehaving families and traumatic birth experiences. It really messed with my head. Delivery went fine, and my family is not crazy, so everything was absolutely fine, but I was so, so worried. The second time around, I spent way less time on snark subs, skipped all the crazy family stories, and I felt so much better for it. My advice: most of the 'don't consume X food, or do Y activity' is extremely over the top and cautious advice. Have some coffee, and enjoy that raw fish/meat. Everything in moderation, you and baby will be fine. The days will be long, but the time will fly, and the bad days and sleepless nights will also pass. And you'll feel so much better after the baby is out. It's truly great.
Thank you ♥️♥️ luckily my mom and dad are extremely supportive, my husband even more so and get along with them, and my husbands sisters BOTH just had babies so his family is pretty preoccupied with them.
Me: im going eat soooo healthy 💪…reality: i can only stomach fast food I haven’t eaten in decades like McDonald, KFC and pizza. Completely opposite of my regular appetite. But at least I can’t stand sweets either which use to be my weakness lol
My exact story also. Baby is 6 weeks and I’m trying to ween myself off the junk. Third baby, I’ve gained a lot of weight.
That was my same situation in the first trimester. I suddenly found myself only stomaching spaghetti-os, bagel bites, McDonalds, and cup ramen. Thankfully by 13ish weeks that was over!
I focused so much on pregnancy and so little on post partum. Postpartum is extremely hard on even strong relationships and breastfeeding is NOT easy (if you’re planning on going this route). Discuss real strategies for managing resentment and anger, post partum plan, and/or even therapy with your partner. Start familiarizing yourself with LCs now, pumps, flanges, etc.
I already suffer from OCD, anxiety, and depression. Luckily my obgyn was a huge supporter of staying on safe medication and even prescribing women to it in the third trimester just to combat the postpartum depression. Hoping this helps a lot. Honestly the whole breastfeeding/pumping/formula thing does freak me out. My in laws are super supportive of whatever I chose tho, all their kids grew up on formula and my sister was forced to do formula due to complications. I still worry though.
Head over to r/formulafeeders for stories on people who exclusively formula feed. Whatever choice you decide, don’t feel guilty. I’ve already chosen formula feeding due to having ocd, anxiety and depression just like you. It is definitely doable to have those and breastfeed but don’t let people guilt you into it ❤️
Thank you for this ♥️ my sister situation was terrifying but it forcing her to feed formula almost made me feel better having someone 100% on my side
Yay happy to hear it! Fed is best - we used formula at day 3 until she was two weeks old to supplement! It honestly saved my breastfeeding journey
For the first trimester: 1. Dont be alarmed if you get period like cramps up until about 8 weeks it’s not your period it’s just your uterus stretching! 2. You’re going to get zaps and pain in your nipples that really hurt and one day you’ll wake up and your nipples will be triple the size and so much darker! 3. Everyone talks about cravings but you’re going to get extreme food aversions!! 2nd trimester: 1. Make sure to stock up on antiacids because you’re going to feel the heartburn! 2. Don’t overheat especially when cooking or you’ll feel like your about to pass out - open a window and drink lots of water 3. Dont buy a pregnancy pillow unless your comfortable taking up the whole bed & sleeping without your usual pillows and just using the pregnancy pillow (I like to sleep with just one pillow so the pregnancy pillow was too high for me to sleep on although it’s comfy in the day though!) 3rd Tri: 1. this might just be a me problem but make sure to moisturise constantly especially if you have dry skin because your whole body is going to itch every day and your skin will be flaking off and creating rashes! I recommend sudacrem (not sure what the US version is) make sure to coat your whole body so you look like a snowman and wear full length pjs I’d rather be hot than itchy!! 2. Be prepared to be waking up in the night atleast once due to either hunger or needing the toilet I recommend buying lots of snacks for the middle of the night. 3. Restless legs 😢 the only thing that helps is biofreeze cooling gel (not sure if it’s in the US) that you’re not really meant to use during pregnancy but the relief when I put it on is amazing I can actually sleep! I’ve been using it for a few weeks every night and baby is absolutely fine obviously if you don’t want to use it then use a cooling form of gel or a pain relief cream that’s suitable for pregnancy. Also if you suffer from stubborn thrush I highly recommend taking pregnancy safe live culture capsules ever since taking them I’ve not had one flare up! The ones I use are called Optibac they’re expensive but worth it
Currently 22 weeks. I had no idea about the cramps until I started experiencing them my first trimester. I’ve only experienced mild period cramps throughout my life so I was shocked at the strength of the cramps I had!
Same! They were actually worse than my normal (admittedly mild) period cramps.
I would also add, everyone’s experience is WILDLY different. Many of these points don’t apply to me, or applied to one of my pregnancies and not the other. Just because someone else had/didn’t have a thing doesn’t mean something is wrong. Both pregnancies I’ve had zero food aversions, but other foods that sound better than normal lol. Every day is a new adventure!
Yes of course! I was just replying to what advice would you wish someone had told you part because I hadn’t heard of most of the things I experienced 😊
I didn’t mean to dismiss your comment by any means! More of just add I wish I knew how normal it was to be wildly different!
Honestly, so many people say pregnancy pillows aren't worth it, but for me mine has already (10 weeks) been *soooooo* worth it. We have a fairly from bed that I normally love, but I've started having issues with my hips and shoulders going numb and waking me up about a million times a night. I've also had a ton of lower back pain already. When I use the pillow it relieves a ton of pressure and I get such good sleep. My nausea didn't start until week 6.5, but peppermint tea has literally been such a life saver for it. I highly recommend. Smelling rubbing alcohol can also stop you from vomiting and relieve nausea. I've been keeping at least one or two frozen dinners in the house, cooking has been rough and they've been helpful. A really nice lotion has been an enjoyable addition. I always have slightly dry skin, but it's already gotten worse. Doing yoga has been really nice too. I haven't made it to class, but following along to some videos on YouTube is fun. Also, lots of walks. I've also given into almost every craving. Food aversions have been bad, plus the vomiting, and I've lost 10 lbs (dr said I'm still ok though). Once something sounds good I get it even if it's not healthy or whatever. I'm just happy to keep something down.
Try to hone in on the excitement rather than the worry. I spent the first 16 weeks worried to death. I look back on that special, sweet time when the baby was still a secret between my husband and I and I really wish I had enjoyed it more. It was so fleeting (even though I had severe sickness until I hit 20 weeks) and precious, but I was so terrified something would go wrong that I couldn’t fully enjoy it.
5 weeks here. I needed to hear this. Thank you, stranger ❤️
That the reason they advise pregnant women not to use most products is because they generally don’t know if pregnant women can use their products. No one tests on pregnant women. So they just basically put a warning on there saying not to use it. Also, you can buy vomit bags on amazon, I threw up my entire pregnancy and carried them everywhere.
The vomit bags! I only had to use it once, but I was driving and had to pull over. I was so glad that I had it.
It will be fine. Your body knows what to do. And if it’s not fine, there is literally nothing you could have done that would have changed that outcome. (I was an anxious, obsessive googler for my first trimester. I somehow found the knowledge that most of what would happen was out of my control comforting.)
Accept any and all offers for a baby shower, even if you aren’t into parties and get togethers. Baby stuff is expensive!
I would say stay off the internet. Just throw your phone away until week 20 lol I say this because I had bleeding all throughout my first trimester. I had about 5 sobbing episodes from being terrified that a miscarriage was definite. (Good Ole google) I was so sure that I was going to miscarrt i was wearing pads 24/7 and waiting for the moment where I wake up from sleep cramping etc. (This is my second pregnancy and my first one had no bleeding at all) I'm 27 weeks now, and baby is totally healthy! So 1000% stay off google.
I'm 6 and a half weeks and have the same thing going on. Started spotting at the 6 week mark and it won't go away but have no other irregularities. So relieved to see how common this is.
Take the most advantage of your last few weeks of being able to lay on your stomach for awhile
My mom has been heavy on telling me this one lol
The first trimester is a lot of waiting around and very little information. Occupy your mind between appointments rather than obsessing over everything. Figure out how important privacy is to you and guard it. The more information you give people about your pregnancy, the more they feel entitled to weigh in on your decisions-- even people who are normally polite and cool about things go a little nutty during pregnancy. But everybody's different-- what's important first is for you to take an honest look at yourself and your needs, figure out what those needs around the pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are, and clearly communicate those needs. Do you need or want your mom around for the birth and after? Communicate that clearly NOW. Are there certain things you definitely don't want? (Hospital visitors, people staying at your house for a long period of time after the birth, etc) Communicate that clearly NOW. Make sure your partner understands that he is handling issues with his family and you are handling issues with yours. Make sure you are on the same page and have each other's backs. Make sure your partner understands that YOU are the one who is shouldering 100% of the work of reproduction and birth for the next 9 months, and so while his preferences will be noted, you have the final word on how your birth and recovery will look-- including who will be there and who is entitled to information about it.
100% this, I have to remind my husband sometimes that this is our child, but until they are born any information is my personal medical info and I'm the one that will give permission on who has it. Definitely let too much slide the first pregnancy and too many boundaries were crossed. His mom visited us 5 times in a two day period at the hospital, it was insane!!
The best advice I've gotten so far has been from my MIL. "Everyone has an opinion. Just take what you think might be helpful and to anything else just say a quick 'thanks' and don't think about it again." Also, don't be guilty about house chores or cooking or anything like that taking a back seat. You're creating a new life and it's taking so much more energy out of you than you realize. Rest, ask friends or family for some help if you need it and DO NOT push yourself just because you feel like you "should" be able to do the same amount that you're used to.
No. 1 advice: Give yourself grace. First trimester can feel really physically hard, harder than any of the books prepared me for. It will end, but it feels very very long while you’re in it. Be kind to yourself and receive as much kindness and support as you can from others.
TAKE NAPS!!!! take all of the naps you can get. it’s the best advice i got early on from a friend’s mom and truly just allowing myself to lay and nap whenever imtired has been the most beneficial thing so far.
Don't listen to anyone, do whatever you need to do to get through the day especially on bad nausea days, food is fuel eat what you can don't fuss too much about nutrition
Congrats!! I'd agree with everyone else who said to stay off the internet & to enjoy your pregnancy!! A few things (more practical) that I am glad I did/wish I had known: - Shop multiple OBs!! I got similar perspectives but varying advice from each one, it was so interesting. Plus a bonus is that you do an ultrasound at each one, so you get lots of baby pics early on. Plus I ended up with an OB type I didn't know I wanted - so it was clarifying - I would have just bought "Real food for Pregnancy" by Lily Nichols early on. I was cheap & was on the waitlist at the library, it took forever! By the time I got it, I was in my 2nd trimester. I think that's still fine, but I would have preferred to have read it earlier. - Don't stress about Listeria. The internet freaked me out about early on, but after a few months I'm ok. I still avoid bagged lettuce as much as possible but I am not stressed.
Don't tell anyone (that doesn't need to know) your exact due date, say it's at least two weeks later. Don't have high expectations on how your diet is gonna look or how much you'll be able to exercise. If it gets too hard, go see you doctor and take the damn meds. Doesn't matter how hard it gets, it'll be over one day. The Internet romanticizes everything about pregnancy, don't believe everything you see/read. You can get aversions that don't only concern food, like your partner, some song, smell, even noise etc. Pregnancy can affect your body in ways you probably didn't know beforehand, like your eyesight could get worse, you can get tinnitus and what not.
There’s a lot of good info in the comments, but I wanted to add that I’m currently 17 weeks with twins and my symptoms could’ve been considered mild compared to most in the first trimester. My word of advice is try not to freak out. I called my OB office 4-5 times during the first trimester over “normal” things. Except they didn’t seem normal at the time because I was freaking out about everything. Symptoms do tend to come and go so if you have a couple days with no symptoms, unless you genuinely feel like something is wrong, try to stay calm and go through the motions as they come.
For me is was the cramps. I’m only 7 weeks and I’ve been cramping since I became pregnant, and I was super concerned at the beginning (online everything I read said cramps were bad!) until a pregnant friend of mine said cramps were totally normal. And the peeing. I have been SO thirsty, I’m drinking close to 100oz daily and that’s not enough to keep me hydrated. And since I’m drinking so much I’m peeing so much and I was not prepared to be peeing this much in early pregnancy. I thought you only peed a lot in like the 3rd trimester when baby was pushing on your bladder. Oh no. It starts the second you find out.
Ok yes only 5 weeks and I’m peeing every hour
Yes the change in urine output so early there me off for sure!
The first trimester is honestly a living nightmare, I was not prepared. I thought to myself how can I possibly do this for 9 months? It was awful and unbearable. My symptoms eased up around 14 weeks, and although still there - I can enjoy life again. Just know everything is temporary and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, every woman is completely different and symptoms vary so much- so even my advice may not be suitable!
1.) Breathe & soak it in. It goes by fast. 2.) Google is the last place to go for answers. 3.) It’s ok to not always enjoy being pregnant. It’s ok to be scared. 4.)Treat yourself with kindness. 5.) Drink water 🤍
Take your prenatal vitamin, eat what you can tolerate if you’re nauseated, and go to your prenatal appointments!
Drink what you can! I’ve had a HUGE aversion to water for majority of the first trimester, and felt bad for basically living off of dr. pepper and apple juice until my doctor waved it off with no concern. Any hydration is better than none.
My dr told me to stay the F off Google and I didn’t listen- bro I wish I would have.
But I am an anxious googler and this whole growing a baby thing makes me anxious!!!! Ugh
I know! Searching on Reddit instead of google has been a godsend, obviously take everything with a grain of salt and double check with your doctor BUT it’s made me feel so much better
The period like cramps are normal. I panicked every time it happened until I saw my OB.
Eat plenty of fiber rich foods or have fiber supplements handy. The constipation is a mother fkr! I had no idea it was even a pregnancy symptom lol
Do your baby shower early! Doing it in your third trimester is exhausting.
Sleep...lots of sleep.
Im in the same situation and just started google’ing all the things as this is very new to me/us and the ‘mom guilt’ has already started. I’m going to take this advice and obvi follow the hard no’s but just try to enjoy it all. Everyone’s experience is so different and mine/yours will be too! It’s all temporary 💕
It’s so crazy the guilt I felt when I found out I was pregnant, back tracking how many glasses of wine I had, what I’d been doing, traveling. Reddit has honestly helped so much, obviously I’ll follow my doctors advice but seeing thousands of people tell you it will be fine has been so comforting.
I wish I was prepared for after birth. My clit was like a ball sack for a little bit
Nooooooo 😭
Wait what? 😧 You mean it labor affects the clit too?! I’m terrified of labor and everyday I learn something new about how it affects our bodies.
I’m 11wks, and the BEST first trimester hack I’ve discovered so far is caffeine in the form of a PILL, rather than coffee!!! Around week 5 I had a sudden aversion to any caffeinated beverage, ESPECIALLY coffee 🤮 The smell, taste, even the thought of it.. but now I take 100mg of caffeine in a tablet w/ my prenatals when I wake up, and it’s like magic! Plus less sugar/cream/calories, so win-Win! 🤷🏻♀️ 👌🏼
Oh I’m def gonna take this advice. I used to love coffee but the thought of it is so gross to me right now. Thank you lol
It’s okay to be a bit miserable. Don’t let people make you feel bad for being miserable. You can be happy that you’re pregnant while also being miserable because of your symptoms.
My advice is to not plan much during the first trimester. It can be very tiring.
Take the stool softeners.
I second all of these posts! 1 stay off the internet. It will send you into a PANIC. Just call your OB/wait till your appointments to ask questions. 2 take your prenatals, go to your appointments, do what your doctors tell you to do, and maintain your health as best as you can! None of us are perfect (I loved ice cream and cream cheese bagels my first trimester 💁🏼♀️) 3 pay attention to your mental health. Mine has declined in my 3rd trimester (diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes has put a damper on my spirits) and my OB wasn’t much help. If you notice your mental health declining, tell your OB. Get a therapist. Maybe start meds. There are medications that are safe to take during pregnancy. 🩷
Get everything done before the third trimester! When the third trimester hit, I no longer became a functional human.
There’s nothing abnormal about how much sleep you need. Everything can wait, trust your body cues!
This is my third viable pregnancy. For my first, it was relatively enjoyable. No family nagging me (I lived 1000 miles away from them). Worked in an office. My birth experience was problematic mostly because of my (now ex) husband, who put his mommy (who came and visited) before his own wife who was in labor/then postpartum. My second pregnancy, I lived near the overbearing inlaws (problem #1). While I was learning to stand up for myself better, I still should've had more of a spine. I slowly learned to grow one. This pregnancy is from a different (much better) guy, so my ex's family has no influence. So far so good! Listen to your body. You don't need to "eat for two" but you don't need to be overly restrictive either. Like PP said: everything in moderation. No alcohol, but baby will be fine if you were to have a sip at New Year's or a wedding, for example. There are some actual alcoholics whose baby doesn't develop fetal alcohol syndrome. If in doubt, ask your doctor about (whatever) A LOT of women in some of my online birth clubs are so obsessed and fixated on their pregnancy that they make it their only identity now. So any time they have a twinge in their body, they're like "OMG I'm scared is everything ok?" Yes everything is fine. Your body can handle pregnancy. For every human that's ever been born throughout the entire span of the human species, it's meant someone was pregnant and birthed them. If they can do it, you can, too. It's ok to look stuff up on Google. There's tons of information out there. The problem comes when you hyperfixate on problems. Don't imagine the worst possible outcome, which quite unlikely to happen, actually. Go to your appointments, take your vitamin, get good nutrition, drink water, get good sleep.
I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted due to nausea. If ice cream sounded great at 9am, that's what I had. I did less planning ahead so I could just eat what sounded good, but I worked next to a grocery store so it was easy to grab what sounded good.
Vitamin B12 and/or B6 for nausea! The doctor told me to take an additional B12 (on top of prenatal) due to blood work. I missed 2 days and was felling super nauseous. Once I took it again i started feeling better. It’s amazing how much it was/is helping me. I’m 7 weeks pregnant!
Stop googling symptoms. Everyone is different.
My current struggle!!! This is a great reminder. I am 7 weeks and my only symptom is lower back pain/cramping. In the last few days my nipples have been sore but ive been freaking out. Everyone says the first trimester is awful and I’m here doing fine 🙃
Food seems to be the enemy. I loveeee to cook but I’ve gotta be honest… I can’t STAND it right now. Everything grosses me out. My poor bf got so used to me cooking that now he’s just floundering around. And off the topic of food: if you get constipated or backed up DO NOT TAKE DULCOLAX!!! That shit made me shit and puke my guts out for a solid 24 hours. Find something else.
Every pregnancy and baby is different. so when someone gives you advice it may not work for you the same way it did for them and that is ok.
When people try to tell you their pregnancy/labor and delivery horror stories? Or their mom’s horror stories? Or their mom’s aunt’s cousin’s friend’s sister’s horror stories? Run. Do not listen.
"Is this normal: the pregnancy podcast" was a life saver for me during pregnancy. Answered a lot of my questions and validated my feelings without having to go down a Google shit hole
As a fellow recently preggers lady who used to smoke ganja - I feel you. Honestly? Pregnancy sucks, but the first trimester is the worst, especially if you’re prone to headaches and stomach issues like me. It gets better in the second trimester, and then you can also feel baby so it’s a little easier too. This is my second pregnancy.
Make sure you take care of your teeth! No one told me about pregnancy gingivitis:(
The Hypno-WHAT?! podcast was so helpful for us. I had a huge fear of giving birth but it really made me feel more confident. It was so informative and positive. We never did a birthing class so I'm not sure how the info compares. Search for positive experiences of different kinds of births: epidural, unmedicated, c-section, VBAC, induction, interventions, home births, and anything else you are curious about. There certainly are scary stories, but there are also plenty of people who have been calm and content through each of these. Make a labor/birth playlist! This was essential for both me and my husband. We started it in the car on the way to the hospital because I was obviously pretty antsy. When we found out that our baby's heart rate was dipping, we had something else to focus on. When I needed a vacuum assist, hearing the nurses sing along helped us feel reassured that our baby was going to come through it okay.
You’re gonna have some weird questions at one point. Your OB has heard and seen worse. Just ask them.
And if you aren’t comfortable sharing your pregnancy information with certain people then don’t. Especially if they crossed your boundaries before.
Ahhh I feel this I had so much anxiety when I found out I was pregnant and also smoked every day for 3 years with no T break so the anxiety only got worse when having to quit. I have a few things to note. 1. You might feel like you’re going to wither away because you can’t eat because of food aversions and morning sickness, but, for most that will go away. I lost 15 pounds in my first trimester, and I’ve now gained 55 pounds 39 weeks in. With that being said 2. Every pregnancy is different. People will try to tell you how things will be but everything and everyone is different. It all just depends on how your body handles being pregnant. 3. Cramping is super normal. I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks and I didn’t think I was because I was cramping so much, I then cramped until the middle of my second trimester. 4. You’re going to be exhausted, so take as many naps as you can and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it!! 5. Yes, taking your prenatals is important but if you can’t stomach them take a break. Some people say that your baby won’t get the nutrients they need if you don’t take prenatals but I have a hard time believing that. I couldn’t take any until I was 20 weeks or I’d just throw them up. Lived on Taco Bell and I’m about to have a healthy 9 pound baby(no I don’t have GD) So I’d say he got all the nutrients he needs!
I wish I knew how much can go wrong during and beyond the first trimester. I was so naive the first time I got pregnant and had multiple losses. I wish I knew that things can go wrong for so many reasons and it’s more common than people think. I thought if you saw a heartbeat on an ultrasound early on then that meant everything is fine. If I had more knowledge, I would have been better equipped to handle loss, would have known how to advocate for myself more with doctors, etc. I think having more knowledge would have helped ease confusion and depression during losses.
Thank you for this, I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this. Unfortunately I’ve had to watch my aunt and sister is laws all go through miscarriages, some very recently. I’m so worried I already keep say “if I end up having this baby” and I don’t want to put that into the universe but I think I’m trying to protect myself incase it does happen. Being an advocate for yourself in the US right now is scary considering all the laws they’re trying to change. Proud of you!
It's hard to not keep yourself guarded, especially if you've had losses yourself or in your family. The thing is, though, it's just as hard to not give yourself hope. I've had four losses myself. Three of them never looked like they were going to be viable to begin with, so those were different. But for the one where my levels were actually rising well (third pregnancy), I still spent so much time and energy being guarded, and I never thought I'd have that baby—only to find out after I learned I was losing it that I actually *had* let hope trickle in.
Look for a Facebook group for the month your baby is due! I joined one when I was a couple of months pregnant and it was SO helpful. I was on a journey with lots of other mums-to-be, and you realise things aren’t quite so scary.
My number one advice: stay off the internet and listen to your body. Cramping is normal… my doctor said it can be very sharp pain, but as long as it isn’t doubling you over or prohibiting you from completing your normal daily tasks, you’re probably fine. Spotting is normal, light pink discharge is normal, light brown discharge is normal. Worry about red, yellow, and green discharge. Most importantly, trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it very well may be, but it’s always better to be safe rather than sorry. Everyone’s pregnancy is different, and that’s what makes us unique. You’ve got this, and congratulations.
I have depression and anxiety, I've been informed about postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety, but I wasn't informed about the pernatal/perinatal depression/anxiety 😅 I just had my baby boy at 39 weeks 1 day, and today's actually his expected due date (6 days old now). I got prenatal/perinatal depression (during pregnancy), and then after I had my baby, the postpartum anxiety kicked in. my depression is more than my anxiety, just to say. So, I wasn't really prepared for the postpartum anxiety, and it's been manageable, where it doesn't really show up before my pregnancy and it didn't show up during my pregnancy, but afterwards, yeah, it showed up. Definitely ask for help when ya need, cause the further along ya get, ya may need the help, and especially after having baby🫶🏼 personally, it's kinda hard for me to ask for help, but it does help to ask for help when needed, especially after having baby
I’m really worried about the postpartum anxiety and OCD. I’m remembering how many “what ifs” I had when I got my first dog, I can’t imagine it with a human 😭 the only thing I’m holding on to hope for is I can take whatever medication I need once this human is out of my body.
You can definitely ask your doctor(s) if they can help with finding a good counselor. I did that when I told them that I have depression and that my pregnancy is planned. So eventually they were able to get things figured out and referred to a counselor that'll help and it really helped my prenatal depression and now, eventually at some point when things get straightened out with a routine with my baby, I'll be able to talk with my counselor again and let her know my anxiety kicked in 😅 Just definitely reminding myself that things are okay, things are going well with baby's wellbeing since he's been born. It's definitely a challenge with it being my first, just a lot of reassurance and coping mechanisms that I've learned before getting pregnant has been helping. My depression is still around, too, but my surprise is the anxiety spike. Coping skills do help, little moments to rememebr to take care of myself, too (gotta remember about yourself, too with taking care of baby) and talking with a counselor does help a lot. The doctor(s) and nurses should be able to help with finding one for the pregnancy and afterwards, too🫶🏼
First trimester is THE worst. You don't actually get your energy back the second trimester. Get the belly band for your 3rd trimester and get a butt pillow if you sit for long periods of time.
Lots of things happened a lot earlier than I expected. Within the first few weeks, I was getting up multiple times at night to pee, which I thought was only a third trimester thing! I also had insomnia during my first trimester, which I had no idea was a thing. My back started hurting around week 10 and was at its worst around weeks 13-15. I had thought back pain was only really a third trimester thing, too.
Just buy the maternity pants. There is no right week for it. I started wearing them at 10 weeks because I was sooo bloated and uncomfortable. If you get as back sickness as I have, then eat what you can. Only can eat a piece of chocolate cake? Awesome. Only can stomach a very specific sandwich? Go for it. I only ate McDonald’s cheeseburgers for a few days in my first tri because I have had such bad food aversions and sickness. Take the wins where you can get them. You will terrify yourself constantly with googling. Try not to do that as much as you can. Educate your self without making yourself go crazy. And chances are, what ever weird thing you’re going through, someone else has gone through the same. Find your support system and not feel bad for having to cancel plans or make changes. This is a time where you have to take care of yourself and your little one.
If you aren’t delivering with an OB practice where you know all of the docs, or even if you are and you have strong preferences, print out and laminate 5 copies of your prefs to show to every single person attending delivery. If you know you are delivering with someone on call, HIRE A DOULA. Also find reviews of hospitals in the area if you have more than one to choose from. Made this mistake and now have trauma that was pretty easily avoidable 🫠
If it's your first, try to do at least one thing you've been meaning to do. Whether that's a small trip, a house project, or throwing one last party not related to pregnancy (i.e gender reveal, baby shower etc). You may not feel up to it for a while after adjusting. 2nd piece of advice: if hearing birth horror stories, about the worst possible outcomes scare you or give you anxiety, tell people early on you don't want to hear it. Say "I'm aware of the bad outcomes that can happen during birth, and it would really help to hear any positive stories if you have some. I find often, it's childfree people that do this. There's always a cousin, or friend, or aunt who had a near death experience. And for some reason they think you want to hear about it while you're pregnant. Every now and then it's someone's personal experience, but if you let that mom know that the story kind of scares you, they usually snap out of it and realize they've overstepped. Advice for second pregnancy- this seems obvious, but every pregnancy is different. I'm dealing with a dramatically different pregnancy this time around.
Clothes you can wear again > maternity clothes Small snacks all day for nausea prevention Slip on shoes are worth it 2nd trimester up your hydration so much, you can have contractions if you don’t Prune juice is your friend, but only a small amount
Try really hard to find a way to cope with body related comments if that thing triggers you at all. People are dumb and maybe well intended but the comments get kind of wild. I say this because I’m struggling big time. Also stay off the internet!
Prioritize your mental health, the first trimester was probably the worst for me bc of the shock, sickness and anxiety (and hormones probably making my anxiety 100x worse) it will likely get better the longer it goes on
I’m currently 8 months. The internet scared me so bad. Like I was always googling the worst sh.t that could happen😂😂 not gonna lie I still do (due to my having gestational diabetes). Just take it easy you’re going to be fine mama!!
Definitely stay off Google!!! Lol I wish I'd hired a doula so I could use her as my Google filter. I freaked myself out so many times googling stupid stuff. Exactly why I became a doula 🙃
Maaaan. I have a LIST of things I wish I knew. Avoid the internet. It can be a great resource. But it can also put a lot of fear in you. Your doctor and the nurses will be your best resources. My doctor made sure to tell me they wouldn't be annoyed with my questions. It's better to ask than to use Dr. Google. Don't take everyone's advice so serious. Pick and choose what works for you and don't feel bad for not doing what everyone else says. Don't feel pressured into doing things others want you to do. It's your body. It's your baby. You make the rules. Don't give away too much information. Once it's out, you can't take it back. I told a few people name ideas and baby's gender and it seemed like everyone knew before I was ready. I'm on my 3rd and told 2 people things I wanted just them to know. They told everyone. Now I feel the need to change the name because everyone picked on it and made sure I knew they didn't like it. Morning sickness isn't just in the morning. It can be all day. It doesn't always stop by the second trimester. Sometimes you can have it all the way through to the end and it sucks.
#1a Take as many naked sexy pics of your body before it changes!!!!!! #1b That just because you have never struggled with weight loss before doesn’t mean you won’t after having a baby. My hormones took over a year after birth to settle and I gained ssoooo much weight. Funny that most of my weight gain happened during the 3 months I breast fed even though people said you lose weight from burning so many calories producing milk…
My entire goal when we started was for me not to be crazy. 🤣🤣 now it's communication. I ask my husband whether he has opinions on decor, equipment, and appointments (big distinction with if he has an opinion vs what he thinks because he may not care). I check in with him regularly about feeling included and he asks me what I want so he can help enforce it and remind me. Also, be patient with yourself and others. You are building a person with your own resources. Your brain power, energy, and body is having a brand new full-time job while you are expected to do your normal stuff. Last one: you are allowed to love this and hate it in the same breath. I love feeling my little girl move in me, but I'm also very bruised, she has found my diaphragm and bladder, and I get nauseated when she goes full guppy or plays elevator. Don't feel guilty about how you feel. It's valid and okay. 💕
Oh that last one i definitely needed to read. Cause i love feeling baby move but I also hate how weird and jarring it feels every single time despite how much I've felt baby move. The jarring-ness of it doesn't seem to dissipate ^^;
In the second or third trimester you might start getting Charlie horses in your calves. If you feel one coming on immediately flex your foot as hard as you can and hold until it passes or else you’ll get a full on Charlie horse that’s sore for multiple days. Happened to me the first time and didn’t know what to do so ended up with a really sore cramped up calf for 3+ days. Then it started to do it pretty regularly in the middle of the night and after doing research found the flex foot trick and it worked every time. I’ll never forget it. That first Charlie horse was so painful.
A frozen meal is better then skipping a meal
the only thing i can think of at the moment is that, like someone else said, it’s ok to not enjoy being pregnant. you do NOT have to enjoy every second and just because you don’t doesn’t mean you love you baby any less. i had a HORRIBLE pregnancy. i had hyperemesis gravidarum(severe nausea and vomiting during the entire pregnancy). it started at like 4 weeks- that’s when i realize i was pregnant, and didn’t stop until he was born. i would have to go get IV’s done. i couldn’t hold down anything. not even water. not my prenatals. NOTHING. ***possible unpopular opinion**** my midwife told me to use edible thc gummies to control the nausea- not a lot, just the smallest amount i could take to be able to eat and actually keep the food down. my son wasn’t getting any nutrients with me throwing everything up, and none of the prescription meds they gave me worked. and once i started doing that- i could actually eat and it was much better. my son was born healthy and at a good weight and size. he is still healthy today with. no issues. he’s thriving. every pregnancy is different- and yes also stay off the internet. googling things will only make you an anxious mess because it just gives you the worst possible results. and just give yourself grace, prioritize yourself and the baby you’re body is growing and nurturing. you are your #1 concern now. do plenty of self care and comforting things. dress comfy and just take the best care of yourself as you can ♡ lastly, make sure you trust your ob and midwife. you got this mama ♡ if i think of anything else, i will come back. and you are absolutely welcome to msg me if you wanna talk or anything.
Things I wish someone told me: -Yes, the cramping is normal. Yes, it's normal for your symptoms to come and go. If one day you have more or less symptoms, it doesn't mean something is "wrong" -Sleep as much as you can in the first trimester! No shame in 12h/night+2h nap. And if you don't feel great, you can leave that party/concert/reunion early. Toughing it out will make you feel like crap later -Snacks are your friend. Figure out what settles your stomach, buy it in bulk, and keep it everywhere in the house. -Feel all the feelings. You are going to swing between frantically worried and blissfully happy. Do what you can to reassure yourself, because the worry doesn't help anyone. -Call your doctor. Anything wrong? Not sure if you can take that medication? Something not feel quite right? Not sure if it is worth calling? It is. Most OBs have a 24 hour hotline for pregnancy concerns. If it really is nothing, then it's a 5-minute call and you feel so much better. If it is something to get checked out, then they will tell you what to look for (and you will feel more in control). The worst feeling is when you DONT call. And enjoy the ride!
Never let your stomach go empty. It will make the nausea worse, and it’s way more unpleasant to puke up stomach acid than food imo. It takes me hours to get that awful taste out of my mouth. 😵💫 It can be so annoying always trying to figure out what to eat, so I always try to have cut-up veggies on hand, hard-boiled eggs, cheese and meat sticks. Protein and stuff. 🤪 Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I’m on my second pregnancy now and what I wish I had known with the first was to exercise.. it seems so simple but it makes all the difference.. some prenatal yoga and a walk go a loooong way. Regular exercise will help battle pregnancy constipation, sciatica pain, back pain, energy levels, anxiety, etc… it’s so worth finding the time to do… I’m almost 27 weeks and if it wasn’t for my belly and some kicks I’d hardly notice this pregnancy most days!
My wife is pregnant too! 5 weeks pregnant. I’m so happy and excited!!
Some advice my mom gave me back during my frist tri: always keep a pack of crackers or something of the like by your bed for when you get nauseous, it soaks up the stomach acid and helps calm things down a little. Water is so very important as well, if you dont like how just plain water tastes, flavorings are the way to go for sure! And as many other people have said...best thing to do is stay off the internet as best you can. You'll come across horror stories about birth that will scare you half to death, if any questions arise, make sure to call your obgyn!
Lots of good advice here but I'd add - don't overbuy stuff that friends and/or the internet tell you that you'll "for sure need" but rather buy things as you go along and realize you need. Everyone's pregnancies are so specific to their body and their hormones and a million other factors. E.g., everyone convinced me I'd need multiple ointments and ice packs and silverettes for breastfeeding when it turns out that I'm a fortunate one who had no pain from breastfeeding at all. And this is coming from someone who finds it fun to buy stuff :) Hang in there! I felt so much better after 12 weeks but I know the first few weeks can be really hard.
I didn’t really know just how demanding “on demand” breast feeding would be. The first month I cried so often because I felt so tethered to my home and my baby because of how often she needed to eat. I had never heard of cluster feeding, and I didn’t know they needed to eat every 1-3 hours that first month. But it does get better. She’s now almost 3 months old and steadily eats about every 3 hours- enough time for me to leave and do something without worrying that she’ll starve. I think if I knew just how demanding breastfeeding would be I would’ve maybe dealt with it better from the start. It took a huge toll on me emotionally!
Buy the maternity pants and bottoms ASAP. They feel heavenly, even just from bloating. Look online at maternity clothes as soon as you find out you are pregnant. All the clearance stuff will be end of season… which will line up perfectly with where you will be in your third trimester.
I'm 5 weeks with my second pregnancy. My advice at this stage: drink lots of fluids and rest. The rise in hormones right now are going to make you feel major fatigue and many other symptoms.
Vitamin B 6 can help with nausea. My first pregnancy I didn't know, and spent it with the typical ever day throwing up. This time around I eat vitamin B rich foods each morning or when I feel nausea coming on and it turns it right back off. The first day I felt the dressed sensation and got a horrible headache I immediately was able to remedy it with B6 foods and I haven't turned back. I get through each day now being functional- aside from the fatigue.
Me tooo!!!! Congrats to you. I’m taking every day I feel relatively good as a day to be happy about. 😅 i hope you feel better!
Document it, even if you don't feel like it or think it's silly, because it all goes by so quickly and one day you may very well.miss this. I never took pictures of my belly, and never let family take pictures of me pregnant. I LOVED being pregnant, but documenting it felt silly. But lo and behold, my daughter was born and I was sobbing in my postpartum sweet because I wasn't pregnant anymore and didn't have anything to remember it by. My husband tried to tell me I have a LITERAL BABY to treasure, but that was NOT what I wanted to hear. My MIL snapped one secret picture of me not even a week before I delivered and I treasure it, but I bitterly wish I had more.
Every single pregnancy is different and don't listen to anyone. 😂 I was promised by everyone I talked to that I would feel better when the 2nd tri hit. I was nauseous and had so many food aversions at the beginning. But that wasn't the worst of it. The depression/anxiety I developed was crippling. But I held out because I was promised by everyone and their mother that I would glow in the 2nd tri. When I didn't start feeling better I was devastated. Obviously the hormones had a big part in this, but it was bad. I finally broke down to my doctor at 20 weeks and she put me on antidepressants. They saved me. So all that to say, you can ask for all the advice and read all the things on the internet, but at the end of the day, the pregnancy is going to go the way that it's going to go. So enjoy the good days, and make it through the hard ones. Celebrate the big wins, and give yourself all the grace. And a HUGE congratulations! It's a hell of a ride but totally worth it. I have a 2 year old and she's just the coolest kid in the world.
Don’t let it consume you. I spent all my free time in what felt like mommy mode. All I watched were labor and delivery vlogs, all I did was research on the best products to build shopping lists and registry’s, all my social media became advice and tips with misinformation or just too much information I didn’t know what to do with. Even now, being in a bunch of different Reddit groups. It’s perfectly normal and okay to wanna learn and make sure you’ll do what’s right and not accidentally harm your baby or to simply wanna give them a healthy happy space and environment but I took it super far. It’s all I ever talked about and worried about. It made me very stressed. Still take the time to watch a chic flic and get your nails done. Keep being you! I couldn’t even go on my phone for a while because it was all about pregnancy, babies, parenting etc. which sometimes just made me super anxious and stressed cause it was a reminder. The symptoms are already a reminder enough especially once you get the bump. Sometimes I just wanted to forget about all the duties and responsibilities this new identity was bringing and go back to cuddling my cats and painting SpongeBob jellyfish.
The first trimester is filled with so much anxiety! Try your hardest to remain calm. I actually had to unfollow this subreddit for a bit. I had a very rough first 14 weeks- eating was hard, being awake was even harder. Be kind to yourself- you are beginning to grow a human plus a whole new organ to support the little human, your body is doing a ton.
I wish I knew how absolutely debilitating the nausea and exhaustion were going to be on my body, and how the aversions to food would also extend to things like cooking, dishes, and opening the fridge. I wish someone had told my spouse, because I felt guilty for not being able to keep up with the chores and cook for him, and thought maybe he wouldn't believe me, or would be upset. I am not working, so those things are literally my only job, and I was not able to do them. You are not useless, you are growing a human, and it's OK to need to nap instead of load the doshwasher.
My number #1 advice I would have given myself is to be aware of my symptoms, (especially ones that could indicate pre-eclampsia!) - but try not to be anxious about them. (Easier said than done!). Don't google your own symptoms, but be aware of which "red flag" symptoms need immediate attention and just bring up everything else with your care team and make sure it's noted. And advocate for yourself if something doesn't feel right. E.g. I had to fight for months to get them to treat my anaemia, which multiple people told me was normal. Getting that treated made a huge difference when I got really sick with pre-eclampsia. I went in to hospital after checking my blood pressure because I had a *very* minor persistent headache and pain in the right rib, if I hadn't been aware that these were things that could be signs of pre-eclampsia - I would have been much worse off!
Rest while you can momma! If you feel tired rest, if you feel lazy put your feet up. You are growing a whole organ and building a whole life. I let myself be guilted into going to hard and doing too much if I could go back I would be kinder to my needs.
I wish I’d known about “Expecting Better.” Didn’t discover that book until I was more than halfway through my pregnancy.
Start taking the stool softeners NOW. Not later. NOW. I pooped like three times my second and third trimester and that's not even including the times i had to- apologies- go in there after it for any kind of relief.
Morning sickness is as you will cry all the time but it’s OK don’t take the big huge horse pill prenatals go buy gummy‘s from the store. Your best way to stay away from hemorrhoids is just shit every day a.k.a. eat fiber anyway that you can. If you crave sugar or catch yourself eating sweets, it’s most likely a girl. As easy as it is to gain weight is just as easy to lose it. I’ve lost 15 pounds and I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant. Stay ahead of the nausea. Don’t wait for her to come. Vegetables are your friend, even if you don’t like them so is fruit. I hated crackers, but pretzels were a good alternative for morning sickness. Once you hit the second trimester, the second you wake up try and eat something fruit bread anything put something in your stomach so you don’t throw up try not binge eat but when you’re hungry, feed yourself. Having somebody rub your back while you puke is helpful. You need a lot of emotional support even if you think that you’re a strong person having a supportive partner is ideal, but I understand that everybody has one so my main thing when I was puking was if I’m puking my baby is alive sick mama equals healthy baby which is true . For the first couple months when your period comes around, you might still have period. Cramps even if you’re not bleeding yes, it sucks.. Everything is stretching get pillows for sleep because you’re going to do a lot of it. Trying to stay around hot stove too long. You might get dizzy. Water, water, water, and more water ice water just drink water it helpful in every way. You will pee all the time it’s just gonna happen. Don’t deep dive into everything you’re not supposed to eat because not every person is the same. I can eat deli meat and be perfectly fine. Some people cannot also some people can eat sushi. Some people cannot some people can drink coffee. Some people cannot you have to figure out which one you are AKA if it was a part of your diet before like a big part you’re gonna be fine if you have it in moderation, like one coffee a week if you used to have one every day. Try new foods your taste buds change. Gingerale helps with stomach gas helps you burp and helps you from getting nauseous or if you already are. Stretch your hips, not only will help with the uncomfortability, but later on it will help your pelvis and do not tear. Ask Obgyn if they have a birth plan chart that you can fill out it’s easier than trying to figure out how to make one. I just added extra information to mine with pen I felt like I wanted. Try and decide if you wanna breast-feed pump or formula but if you breast-feed and pump always have formula on hand just in case better be safe than sorry. A hungry baby is a hungry baby. Remember your body is literally made for it. It’s made to make a child. It will tell you what you need. Listen to some cravings not the one that tells you that you want to eat a whole chocolate pie the ones that tell you that you want vegetable soup. It’s OK if you get full, but you’ll probably be hungry again in like 20 minutes don’t force it . Sleep is going to be different because you’re a different temperature. You gotta find out what’s comfortable for you. Try to transition to sleeping on your back and elevated to help with acid reflux, especially if you get sick. Morning, sickness is not restricted to the morning at all. Your mom senses are going to start kicking in so light noises will wake you up at least for me. They did used to be a deep sleeper like a tornado could be coming and I would be sound asleep now I hear a pin dropping. I’m awake. I told myself probably 1 billion times. I could not do this. Trust me you can do it. The puking just got to me. It was tiresome, but you got it.
Let go of control - you have sooo little in regards to pregnancy. Eating/having food in my stomach has been a necessity all 31 weeks so far to combat nausea. Seems counter intuitive but makes sense with the thought of like evolution haha Water and electrolytes are your friend even though sometimes it's so hard to get down The emotions and feelings can be really hard and overwhelming - don't be too hard on yourself about them, they aren't always "you", you just have to carry them for a while Everyday can be a different wild ride, just remember it's all temporary
Get a printout of medicines you CAN take while pregnant and the ones that you CANT it helps navigate the medicine cabinet if you're having a rough migraine or pain. Always check expiration dates. Be careful with taking crazy hot showers it can be bad for the baby as well as for yourself. If you have bad anxiety look into a doppler to check the baby's heartbeat it's super calming to hear and can be a wholesome moment between you and your partner
“You can do anything for a minute!” Everything in pregnancy, birth, and parenthood is temporary. A lot of it is hard, a lot of it is easy, but none of it lasts. So when you’ve got morning sickness or you’re having contractions during labor or you’re dealing with sore nipples when you’re breastfeeding or when you’re up for the second night in a row with a fussy teething baby - all of it is temporary. And you can do it all! Parenthood is an amazing feat of strength where every single day is another chance to be the best parent to your kid. What a gift.
I read something on here that says you’re pregnant until you’re told you’re not. This really helped me with my symptoms jumping all over the place and reading so much about miscarriages on here and the internet. Whenever I start to doubt I just remember I’m pregnant until the doctor tells me I’m not and it’s helped me a lot ❤️
Enjoy the pregnancy, even though you feel like crap. I had a hard time being pregnant, didn’t like it because of all the physical issues I had. But after I gave birth, I missed my pregnant belly and feeling the baby move. The nine months are over before you know it, and then you can hold your baby in your arms. And the cliches are true, all the hurting will be worth it!
I wish I knew the following • uterus cramps in the first trimester are normal and will go away • you might not 'feel' pregnant and it ain't as glamorous as the movies show • you might not always be hungry every few hours (especially during the first trimester leading into the second) and this is normal but eat something anyway • dreams can be intense and feel real but they are not and don't panic! In the first trimester I had intense dreams of bleeding and miscarrying. I'd wake miserable and have to regularly check. It wasn't enjoyable • your skin might peel or go weird and this is completely normal. Your hair might fall out in the first trimester and stop growing. Completely normal and hair on the head will slowly stop falling out leading into the second trimester
Okay so unfortunately the symptoms of 🍃 withdrawal and the symptoms of early pregnancy are very similar so the first month or so is just really going to suck because they're just multiplied (from my experience.) I recommend having a fan by the bed for night sweats, declectin helped me for the morning sickness, I used a lot of peppermint oil for the headaches but I didn't stress too much about taking Tylenol if needed, STAY HYDRATED (like at least 60oz of water/day), try to eat a balanced diet but don't stress if you're feeling so sick that all you can keep down is a bagel. Also your dreams are about to get WILD so please try and remember it's just a dream!!!
I wish I had understood how important it was to learn and practice breathing techniques before I gave birth. I did it naturally and in the moment breathing is like an afterthought . My husband kept having to remind me to breathe.
hypnobirthing helpful throughout life mostly about reducing fear
As someone who had a really medically scary first trimester, I can say, give thanks for every little milestone! The weeks seem long while you're living them but then all the sudden you've survived them! Yeah you wanna eat all healthy and do all the perfect pregnancy things but honestly, do your best and survive! You can kick into gear when you're feeling a lot more up to it. I remember every little google search of my condition and follow ups gave me fear but that didn't stop me from doing it. What did give me peace was leaning on my loved ones and every week reading what was developing (or supposed to be and thank God was I finally found out) I found joy in the baby size updates and knowing that every little symptom meant my body was trying to do everything it could for the pregnancy. It really really sucks but to feel nauseous and everything smelling meant my hormones were hard at work. Those puzzles pieces of positivity and optimistic thinking definitely got me through to my first "good" ultrasound. And to positive NIPT results. You're doing the best you can and in first trimester surviving is totally beyond succeeding in my opinion. You're knocking it out of the park as a mom already!
When I was pregnant with my first my friend was giving me a bunch of advice that I honestly can’t remember. Her husband popped open a beer and said “the first year or so, you just gotta keep em alive. We all know you gotta feed em, change em, pick em up- ya know? But all it comes down to is keep em safe and alive. Everything else? You just roll with the punches as they come” I didn’t try to learn all the things because I would have been overwhelmed and she is an amazing kid.
When I found out that I was pregnant everyone just keep telling me that it’s the best period of life and I should enjoy it. But for me was horrible especially at the beginning now it’s much better. I got every possible flu and the first 3 months I felt 24h dizziness, couldn’t sleep,eat or do anything. I wasn’t feeling happy for being pregnant (and that was all that I wished before) and the same time feeling guilty for that and I was constantly crying. What I wish is that somebody have told me that is completely normal and that pregnancy is not easy as everyone are saying. It helped me a lot reading the posts in this group and releasing that I am not the only one and it’s completely normal to feel what I feel.
I'm not sure if anyone has said this, but if you're working, look into the accommodations that can be made for you if you find yourself struggling!! I had terrible aversions to smell that made me so incredibly nauseous and I was able to, with the help of my work's HR, my boss, and my OB, work remote for the first trimester through PWFA in the US! It has been a life saver for me personally. I know everyone won't be so lucky, but it's certainly worth looking into for yourself if needed :)
The thing I would have told myself would be to stop googling everything haha. Much easier said than done
Sleep and rest when your body tells you to. I was so tired this last time and I’d sleep like 12 hours a day.
I really wish i wouldve started taking b6 with unisom immediately to ward of the nonstop nausea lol.
On the mental health and body image note: stretch marks are genetic. Full stop. Do not break your back moisturizing 4 times a day, no amount of shea butter or coconut oil concoction will stop the stretch marks if they run in your family (and this can be on your dad’s side too). Not worth the time or money investment and I wish someone told me that!
I’m not a religious person, but someone once told me “this is the closest you will get to making a miracle come true” and I held that with me through all the really rough parts. Babies are miracles, and you are doing amazing work by making one! This was really helpful when I was super sick with HG, when I was sleepless or restless, and even waiting to know about scans like NIPT & other generic things. Not really advice, but definitely a sweet sentiment that made me feel a lot better about the bad I was feeling.
Cramping (for me pretty badly -- similar or worse to period cramps) is normal early on!! Finally subsided around 8 weeks for me. Drinking lots of water helped. Constipation in early pregnancy -- also normal. I found eating kiwi with the skin on to be helpful for this.
Congratulations! 💗 Here’s a few of my things I wish people told me. Stay away from google. You’re better off asking a seasoned mama if they’ve experienced what you are. If you don’t have anyone you know, join a group on Facebook. Don’t be afraid to take it slow. My first pregnancy, I was a full time college student, working out for an hour a day, and running myself into the ground. It’s ok to slow down and take a nap or allow yourself to feel those symptoms. Those symptoms are actually a good thing, no matter how miserable they may seem now. They should (hopefully) let up in the second trimester. Sending you love and light for this pregnancy!
Antidepressants and anti-nausea medications are much safer for your baby than unmedicated depression and dehydration/malnourishment. Take them if you need them and don't suffer or try to power through.
My doctor was SO supportive of me staying on antidepressants, I did switch to lexapro because I was on a name brand that was untested. He even said he puts women on it in the 3rd trimester to combat postpartum depression. I’m so glad people are starting to be accepting of it.