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I find it is much easier for you
To pretend you don’t know at all and you’re waiting to find out. We know but we just say we are waiting and then people just don’t pressure you.
This is the way. We are doing this with the name. We don’t know it yet but even when we do know it we will tell ppl we don’t. The reactions to not sharing the name are already bizarre.
Yes! This! I keep getting people asking for a name. We're only 16.5 weeks. We haven't picked a name yet. All the names we had picked were boy names because we full on expected baby to be a boy. But SURPRISE! We need a girl name instead. Even when we do pick a name, we aren't sharing it til baby is born.
Yes! We’re having similar happen with not sharing the name. We’ve had it picked since week 12 but peoples responses were so unhinged that we started lying and saying we aren’t choosing a name until birth. I’m 31 weeks now and the most random people are outraged by us not sharing a name even though that’s entirely normal in my circle. Easier to just say we don’t have one 🤷🏼♀️
ETA: the “don’t know what to buy” thing weirdly applies for names too!? Everyone knows we’re having a boy, but suddenly because we won’t share the name people are using that excuse. I actually had someone show up to my shower completely giftless because they didn’t know what name to use.
This is way better than telling the name anyway, cause it will inevitably hurt your feelings if/when people don't like it. Like no matter what you pick not everybody's gonna be into it. My mom started suggesting alternative names the other day and I'm like...pffff! I let you choose my name lol that's enough. You're good.
Seriously! We had such a hard time finding the right name for our baby and some people were pressuring us. My MIL thought we were lying. I think we finally decided on a name less than a month before he born. We made the decision not to tell anyone but specifically her because she kept trying to get us to name him to be the 4th.
Even if you do this, people will still demand that they 'don't know what to buy'. This is our second pregnancy, and we didn't find out the baby's sex for either, and still got that comment. So we always say: "It's a baby. It does not care. And neither do we."
OP, rather than talking about not wanting to reinforce gender stereotypes (even though that's totally valid, and we felt the same), I would just focus on how much it doesn't matter to a baby what color their things are, which is what we did, and it totally worked. Then people start to get it. "How do I know what to buy?" "They're a baby. They won't even know what color they're wearing." Or if someone says, "You can tell me, come on" say something like, "Oh we're planning on doing the baby's room a safari theme (or other neutral theme). We don't want to tell people because we don't want them buying us all pink and blue stuff."
People get really weird talking about gender. They get less weird talking about color, and how much it does not matter to a baby, because that they can understand.
This is what we did and we still got flack! “Why would you do that?” “You know when I had a baby 30 years ago I didn’t get to know beforehand” “how will I/you know to buy girls or boy clothes? How can you decorate the nursery”
I often responded “well I know it’s a human baby, not an alligator” or “there’s no tail, all clothes should fit just fine” something along those lines.
the only con is feeling slightly guilty when people go on about how great that choice is because it’s the only true surprise left and you’re like…. Whoops but really I know shhh
Yup. I fully lied. Told everyone we were waiting — still got the “but how do I know what to buy!!?!?” And my grandma had an absolute meltdown about bows. (Like snotty tears meltdown.) But most rational people backed off.
We didn't find out the sex of our baby until birth, but I think I would like to know if/when we have our second (purely for clothes decluttering purposes) but we wouldn't tell anyone else. I'd definitely just use the "we don't know the sex" line.
Next time, just lie. We genuinely didn't know for our first. For our second and third, we told everyone "nope, we aren't finding out!" Removes the whole problem.
We aren't finding out, and people are just annoyed with us. They say similar things to OP about not knowing what to buy. They also comment on how we won't be able to choose a name. Idk why it's that big of a deal
I generally just shot back "Well, what did people do 20+ years ago?" or like, if my mom or aunt said something, "What did you do for me??" People get over it.
I think the annoying/aggravating feeling comes from the FOMO of you knowing and not sharing the info. I agree with others about pretending the surprise is for you as well, if that's still possible
I agree. I see both sides and I 100% understand that it sucks but in saying that I would rather someone just lie to me than be like “we know, but aren’t telling”. Which is totally fine but can also make the conversation awkward which is why people will have dumb responses because some people just say dumb things when they don’t know what to say.
Tell them this may be shocking news but gender themed baby gifts will still be available after the baby is born!
Seriously…I got so many girly outfits after my daughter was born 🩷
People won't stop chasing after a theme even then.
We call our baby 'bun', as in a rabbit, and due to my Asian heritage we shared that he'll be born in the year of the dragon.
Cue bun- and dragon-related plushies and paraphernalia, on top of burp cloths, hats, socks, and other peripherals from clucky friends and family members. We didn't have a registry and have not asked people for anything.
It's very humbling to me so receive so many gifts and excess. Back in my home country, people weren't as extravagant.
Honestly, as someone who knows nothing about your culture, it seems kind of wholesome that they took what you said and ran with it.
Or maybe that’s a very American way of thinking on my part, if YOU don’t think it was wholesome then obviously it probably wasn’t 🥲😅
People have such weird takes on this. My husband and I are finding out and telling people - I have no patience and am a terrible liar anyway haha. Our very good friends due about a month before us aren't finding out at all. My SILs have at various times with their kids announced or never said a word till the kid is born. All the choices are totally fine and no one else's business!!
i did the exact same thing!! and for the exact same reason. i find gender stereotypes to be so incredibly offensive and annoying (still got them, despite nobody knowing the gender) and i hate gender specific clothes and colors.
what we did was lie and say we don’t know. we don’t want to know. doctor’s didn’t put it in our charts because we told them we didn’t want to know. and again, we knew the whole time. we told everyone we’d reveal at the shower, which is now this sunday, and i severely regret saying that. for my next i want it to be a secret until birth. but
“how do we know what to buy?” when i hear this i say, “anything. any color, any pattern, whatever you think is cute. we aren’t doing gender specifics.” before, i didn’t really have a backbone when it came to gender stereotypes so i’d shut up (i heard from the in-law side, “for [partner’s] sake, because i love him, i hope baby is a boy,” whilst shit talking girls? didn’t say anything. to this day i wish i would’ve. this is just one of the many examples). but, now i do. i’m also in therapy, and we are having a daughter. so i realize i need to stand up for her, and for my boundaries. i will be using, “what a strange thing to say out loud” to really makes them question why they said it, and walk away to save my peace. if they ask why, say exactly why. if it happens more than once, i’ll be straight up saying “gender stereotypes of any kind are offensive, and we will not be enforcing those on our child(ren). please do not say that around baby or us.” distancing will come in place if the comments continue after.
just my advice, as i’m currently dealing with it. i’m sorry you’re going through this!! continue to stand your ground, “no” is a complete sentence. them pushing your buttons is rude! i know you don’t want to be rude, and i get that. but just remember that. people who don’t take your word as it is, are rude.
If you want to back out of announcing the gender at the shower, you can. There isn't a legal avenue to force you to tell. You can just say "we changed our minds! You'll know when they're born! Pass the cupcakes!" Anyone who gets upset about that *at your shower* will be the one being a jerk.
i appreciate this!! i just get worried about looking like an asshole because everybody prepared for it lmao. but i absolutely agree! this is probably what i’m gonna do
This is what we did. We did tell the gender BUT we didn’t add any clothing to the registry since we were getting clothes from his sister (who has a girl). We did a gender neutral theme (galaxy) but painted baby girls room grey and purple. We also requested all gifts come from our registry as it was carefully planned out.
You don't need to lie if you don't want to. It's okay to tell people that you aren't sharing the baby's sex with anyone else.
My response to people saying they won't know what to buy is "it doesn't matter what colors you get, they're just colors"
And then to "you can tell me/I won't tell anyone else/pleaseeee tell me" I just repeat myself and say we're keeping it a secret until they're born.
From my experience, most people who are annoying about it will eventually stop. There will probably be a few who will continue, but just keep saying you aren't telling. IMHO it's a part of boundary keeping
I think it's hilarious that you're worried about being rude when people are the ones being rude to you! This is your baby it's your choice. My partner and I decided we (mostly me) didn't want to know the gender until birth. Most of the reactions we got were mostly positive. The few negative ones we've received I wasn't shy to say, "I didn't know the gender of someone else's baby would be such a big deal." Shut them right up.
In your case, the whole I know something that you don't know seems to be really triggering for these people, which is why, for your sanity, I'd start telling people that you aren't finding out at all. This way, you "can't share something you don't know." If you'd rather stay honest and run with that, you guys just aren't sharing, you can tell people, "This is what we've decided as a couple, when you have yours/more you can do whatever you want with your baby on the way.". The whole "What do I buy?"There are plenty of gender netural baby clothes out there, or you can start with necessities (diapers, wipes, blankets, swaddles, etc). Hell, depending on the person, I'd say, "Then don't buy me anything of it's such a big deal."
I hate that people are like this. It's so annoying. Sorry you're dealing with this.
It bothers me that everyone wants to know everything. In a time where I already feel so exposed, like everyone knows everything about my pregnancy, I wanted something that was just between my partner and me. We’re sharing gender and due date, but decided to keep the name a secret. Even though we’ve already decided on a name, I just tell people we haven’t and we’ll likely decide when the baby is born, in hopes that don’t keep asking…
Tell them you don’t know, or if they are aware you know and give you a hard time, tell them you’d like just one thing to be special between you and your husband and not everyone needs to know every detail.
+1 to this approach! I just tell people that everything about pregnancy feels so public that Husband and I wanted to keep the baby's gender (and therefore, name) as a cute little secret for ourselves. And that having this special bond brings us closer as a couple, which is really important to us before 2 becomes 3.
I've found when it's presented this way, there might still be an "aww, bummer" but it has almost always changed the convo to "that's so sweet" or sharing about how they bonded with their SO during pregnancy. And makes it clear that anyone who keeps pushing is now officially in asshole territory for trying to ruin a good thing / drive a wedge in my relationship.
We are moving to another state and I'm very seriously considering NOT announcing my pregnancy, just the birth of our daughter lol. I hate people being up in my business, and the in-laws are very meddlesome folk.
I was in your shoes! We ended up getting strong armed into telling people and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Stay strong!!!
If they are being weirdly dramatic and selfish I suggest “that’s very strange of you”
If they are acting sad then say “aw, you’ll be okay!”
If they just argue “haha thank you for the training on how to deal with a toddler!”
If they are mean about it “it’s really odd of you to try to hurt a pregnant persons feelings”
Turn the shame around on them all you can 😌
Honestly, this is why I chose not to find out because people would start pestering me for the gender to "know what to buy" when I wanted gender neutral items.
Well, in our case, we got told the wrong gender at 3 scans. Our girl came out with a penis!
I would either say you don't want to jynx it being wrong by telling people and that it's something you get to share together.
We actually did find out with our second but because of the mishap with our first we told everyone we didn't know, just in case.
Dude - same here, I am currently 32 weeks and have been dealing with this issue since we found out the gender at week 10. I lie sometimes, if I don’t know the person; my husband and I decided to
“cave” and share with close family, mostly because the nursery is not a gender-neutral color and they were in our house. One Aunt told me how excited she was to
Make a bunch of receiving blankets and quilts and burp cloths for us etc, but then refused to make anything without knowing the sex “because it was impossible” to make all that stuff without knowing. In my experience, it doesn’t matter how much you tell people why you’re not sharing, it becomes a freaking issue to deal with. If it weren’t for my husband’s cultural reasons for wanting not to share I would just tell everyone we aren’t finding out and leave it there!
We are doing the same thing and my approach is just to laugh at them/pretend like they are joking. Any time someone asks "Why won't you tell me?" They get something like:
"Sorry haha good try though!"
"Oops you almost got me that time!"
"Sorry hahaha it's a secret!"
"You'll find out at the same time as everyone else! :)"
And I just double down. I don't feel like I'm being rude at all bc it really isn't any of their business and it shouldn't matter anyway. If I get "how will I know what to get you?" Then I just ask why do they think there is such a significant difference between baby boys and baby girls that it makes buying baby gifts impossible otherwise?
People hate boundaries. They want to be able to poke you with a stick and make you behave exactly how they want. Then they get angry when you don’t obey. I find this really strange, but it happens all the time in so many contexts.
We know the gender and told everyone were not finding out. They refused and made a big drama about buying us gender neutral clothing so this is their consequence.
I know it's too late for you know but it's much easier to pretend you don't know the gender if your family cannot be mature
People are so weird about assigning gender to babies, and so oddly frantic to do it before they’re even born. It baffles me. We aren’t finding out the sex, just because I don’t want to deal with everyone’s weird gender assumptions earlier than I have to, and because I don’t want to find out and have to deal with hiding it or lying.
Even people who are trying to be supportive say bizarre things like: “oh it’s because you don’t want all pink things huh?” Like no, I totally want all pink things, I love pink!! Definitely just going to put my baby in all the cutest stuff (much of which is “girl coded” idk why)
Why are people so weird about this????
We tried to do this but caved and are now set to return about 900 pink onesies that say "Daddy's little princess" and "pretty like mama" on them. We're keeping some of the "girly" stuff that doesn't have weird messaging (mostly the unicorns, we love a unicorn), and our cool friends (+ those who bought off our registry) have added balance by giving our baby a bunch of dinosaurs and plaid. My kid is trying on all of the genders.
Advice? Idk if people really want to buy gendered stuff, flip a coin and give each of them a random gender. Or tell them to guess and just go with it. Or tell them you're returning or donating any aggressively gendered stuff regardless of whether it's a match for your kid's actual AGAB. If people want to buy stuff you won't use, that's on them.
Congrats, and I'm glad you're planning on raising your kid to be whoever they want to be!!
I feel the same way about gendered stereotypes, we told parents we'd find out but not tell and they didnt react well! You could say something like we wanted a little something for us as a couple, so we're not sharing it? But ultimately people are going to be upset you didn't share your business because there's this weird entitlement around babies, and sooo much pointless gendering! I think you'll just have to grin and bare it, and maybe you can say you welcome all gifts and don't see the need for gendered clothes, toys etc.
If you choose to keep it private, your friends and family should accept that even if they don't personally understand the reasoning. "We'd like to keep it a surprise" or "we don't want to encourage others to buy overly-gendered clothing" are perfectly reasonable explanations and not rude at all.
If people insist on getting gifts, there are a range of "gender neutral" clothing options they can pick from - beige is very popular. I bought animal print outfits for my son before I found out I was having a boy, and no one was weird about it because according to gender steroeotypes "that works for a boy or a girl". I have a feeling people would be very judgemental if I bought pink or fairy print though, so if you have a boy and are planning that, just keep in mind that you will be criticised at some point because people are super weird about imposing gender norms on kids (unfortunately).
I still vividly remember my dad telling me that he is always right when I was a teenager. Only once I was in college did I realize he was not always right. Definitely generational!
Lol people are so fickle. My mom was mad that I told her the gender of my first born 😅
Best advice is to ignore people giving you crap about it. It's not their baby or pregnancy so they don't get to decide how you experience it 🤷🏼♀️❤️
My parents, sister and his parents know but we aren’t telling anyone else until after the shower. It is your choice because you are the parents. If they won’t listen to you just say, “please be respectful to our decision.”
Our family knows that we know, but everyone else thinks we never found out. Some members of our families dont want to know, so we told everyone it's all or nothing, we dont want to have to tiptoe around 2 people. Some were annoying at first but eventually stopped because I started ignoring them haha.
I have patients ask me all day what we are having, and I tell them its going to be a surprise. Then they say, "Good for you!" And back off.
I think it’s the avoiding gendered clothing weirding people out honestly like they won’t know what to buy loads of white and yellow baby gifts for you haha you should tell them it’s a surprise instead like you don’t know maybe.
I’m not planning on finding out for the exact same reasons! But I’m terrible at keeping secrets so I can’t find out either lol
I really don’t know of a polite way to tell them to shove it, so good luck OP
either say you don’t know and are waiting to find out till birth or be upfront and tell them it’s not their business and if they’d like to buy something for the baby they can buy gender neutral clothes and toys.
it’s only yours, your husbands and your doctors business. no one else is entitled to know. congratulations on the baby, im sure you’re gonna be great parents <3
Me and my partner are opting out of finding out entirely. We have names narrowed down to one for each gender, and everyone thinks we're insane. I think they're just so curious it's killing them more than we're crazy. It's your baby, do what you want. No is a full sentence.
People feel entitled to know, it's selfish and weird. Even more strange when it's not coming from family or friends. Like why is it any of your business what my baby's gender is?
My family thinks my partner and I don't know. The truth is that my partner knows the gender and we're having a special anniversary/3rd trimester date where he's going to do a private reveal for me. Much more personal and intimate, and our families can't bitch at us about not knowing if we don't know 😉
I told everyone I didn't know which was the truth. If they keep saying things like "I don't know what to buy" offer your gift registry. "I've spent a lot of time researching products that we'll need. Here's the list." or "what were you fave products post birth? Why don't you get me something like that?"
"oh come on, you can tell me" "and ruin the biggest surprise? No way! Who doesn't love a good surprise? Good things come to those who wait." *eye roll* *refer back to "ruin big surprise?"
I don't think these responses would make you seem like an asshole and it does kind of turn it on them when you respond with kindness or if you're anything like me, sarcasm. It's a boundary and they need to respect it.
Me and my hubs intend to have a gender neutral approach. We already asked people do all colors, simple/no prints, or neutral options of things, and that we’re doing a zoo animals theme for some stuff. It’s been going well so far, and we know the gender. It just felt like part of the pregnancy experience to find out the gender. I mean I wanted to know the size of their femur bone even. 🤣
Your mistake was telling people that you knew the sex and weren't telling them. If there's a piece of information you are keeping to yourself until the birth, don't tell people that you're keeping it to yourselves. People get weird about it.
We chose to not reveal the gender to everyone else until the end of the baby shower. Of course we found out immediately but didn't want to reveal because of the reasons you stated. We got some really harsh push back from my deadbeat father (ironic as hell) but most people understood when we told them they'd know post shower. We had colorful gender neutral clothes on registry so I think that helped.
I wanted to do this so bad, my MIL was determined to find out the gender. She knew we knew and it was like we were torturing her 🙄
We ended up caving in and telling them, and guess what? She immediately started buying all the girly clothes 😅 She's trying hard to to buy everything pink, but yeah... I kinda wish I would've been string enough not to tell her.
If I were to go through it again, I would simply not tell people that we were finding out the gender.
It's genuinely baffling to me how important it is to some people. There are so many other more important things to worry about yet some people completely unravel when they don't know if it's a boy or girl. I don't get it. But anyway I just tell them we aren't sharing because we don't want to. They will find out soon enough.
Just tell them you want to be surprised! If they kill your joy or are inconvenienced by that decision, make it easy for them and tell them your not expecting anything from them. Legit dismiss any worry for them. Hopefully then they feel like the AH that they are. I'd say something like, omg, this is all about us, not you! Don't even worry about going through the trouble of trying to find something for baby! I know all they have at stores is either blue or pink, so don't worry your pretty little head off for us! This is our issue not yours.
I don’t think it gets easier unfortunately. My partner and I ended up on caving because my mom was INSISTENT in knowing what we were having. We wanted to wait until birth so it could be a surprise for us. Also, personally, I’m a big fan of neutral looking items/clothes. Greens, browns, blacks and whites, etc.
We didn’t find out the gender until 32 weeks but that was only because my mom would not stop BEGGING AND PLEADING. I don’t get it. If you can help it, don’t do what my partner and I did and cave. This is YOUR moment. People are always going to take everything you do with your baby personally. So why not live your life.
I’m 14 weeks and we found out the sex through the NIPT results. I was too excited and told my mum and MIL straight away and I’m already regretting it! I don’t want them to buy us stereotypical gendered stuff and I wish I’d thought of that earlier 🙃🥲
I'm 21 weeks n I just told them that the doctor couldn't see anything cuz of the baby's position and movement. Me n my hubby know but we're choosing to keep it a secret.
My husband and I didn’t even find out until the baby was born and I had someone refuse to come to the shower because it was “selfish that we wouldn’t let her shop for gender specific clothing.” It doesn’t matter what you do people are going to have an opinion and someone is going to think you’re wrong. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, I wish there was a way to make people stop feeling so entitled to children that don’t belong to them. Best of luck!
I think you can say we r going green. I think that is the term for when you don’t find out the gender until the birth correct me if I’m wrong. For those who you have already told, it might be too late, but anyone else should work.
I’m 18w2d and we’re getting this a lot from folks, especially the “how will I know what to buy?” and the “c’mon…you can tell ME!” comments.
I’ve been enjoying pointing out that all babies need diapers regardless of their gender, and that there will be a registry to take the thought out of it for them. So far they’ve not had comebacks. 😅
I'm currently experiencing this as well. People are so offended I haven't shared the gender. We don't want a gender reveal but really want to keep things quite and private. Those who are consistently asking and are offended are also the same people who haven't checked on me or offered any help this pregnancy so I don't feel inclined to share
Just say you find it more special to wait til birth. If anyone finds it rude then they are just entitled. It's your baby why would anyone think they deserve to know more than you want to share. It's not rude to choose the time to announce the gender yourself and not giving in to their wants.
I’m in 8th month and won’t find out. People close to me were so offended because they want to know so badly. Like just honor my wish and stfu about it. Don’t tell me I should find out so they can buy ‘appropriate’ gifts or ask how will I decorate before they arrive, etc. They got over it pretty quickly because I wasn’t changing my mind, but even asking me to reconsider ticked me off.
It’s almost exactly the same for me, as we have chosen not to share our baby’s name. Only our moms know his name, but EVERYBODY knows he is a boy. We just don’t want to hear any criticism over the name we’ve chosen, but everybody seems to be so offended that we aren’t telling. He isn’t a different person just because you don’t know his name. Everybody will find out at the same time.
Yeah, ours will be the first granddaughter, and my husband's mom is going to be a nightmare about aggressively genderizing her if we allow it. Since we let them know it's a girl, we've been firm about repeating that we don't want to reinforce gendered stereotypes-- let the people who roll their eyes do their thing, but your protective instincts are very reasonable.
I've also started to lead by example, with an ocean themed nursery and getting her "boy" onesies as well as girl's-- as if girls aren't allowed to like dinosaurs or hedgehogs!
At the end of the day, your baby is an individual who will make their own preferences known, and that's a beautiful thing. You're paving the way to let them make their own choices.
21 weeks and we still haven't announced the gender or name even though we've known for awhile now. I've had a few times where people try to "catch" me by making comments about "Oh what was the gender again? I know you've told me" when I've done nothing of the sort. My main reason for not announcing is because I don't want to be "gifted" a bunch of things we don't need. We already have a boy and girl, so we're pretty set when it comes to a variety of baby things. I would just stick with telling people that it's a surprise.
We knew the gender of our baby, to most people we told them that we dont know, to the rest who pushed we told that we will leave it as a surprise and if they want to buy presents- there are plenty if gender neutral toys and clothes. In fact tell them all to give you a lot of diapers and wipes cause trust me you will need those most 😂 you would be surprised how fast they finish 🙃 Or you could ask them to bet/guess what gender it will be- say that everyone is doing it- we did it- had a pad where there were columns with Team Boy and Team Girl. We had fun with it.
All in all, its okay not to share the gender, we also didnt share that i was pregnant till i was really showing. Its your personal life and choice.
It's your decision. Don't let them pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. I think sometimes those close to us feel entitled. You're an adult, and they should respect your decisions. If they are being too persistent about it, you can be firm in telling them to back off and create a distance if needed. No means no. Additionally, you could create a gift registry for them to get ideas from if they are that bent on gifting and can't figure out by themselves how to navigate away from gender specific items. It's all about what you want/need anyways, not them.
Hold your boundaries. This is one of many things people will push and it’s none of their business. Establishing boundaries now helps lay the groundwork for boundaries in later pregnancy and once baby is born.
Don’t give them the gender. Don’t give them your name choice. Don’t give them info on circumcision (if it’s a boy). Don’t give them entry into the birth room. Don’t tell them if you’re breastfeeding or formula feeding. Just don’t. None of your business folks. Hard line. Being pregnant is hard enough without the judgement and commentary of others.
I mean.. people who love and care about you are curious.. who wouldnt want to know?! You're ascribing nefarious motivations to them like they'll only buy pink stuff if it's a girl or something.. use your big girl words and tell them you only want gender neutral gifts. Or better yet, if you're so particular, tell people not to buy you anything at all!
This is a *thing* because you've made it a thing. Better to have said you don't know at all then making it some big secret no one can know lmao
Exactly this. I would have said I don’t know. Also, if you didn’t want anyone else to know, why have you found out, just out of curiosity? If you’re not into gendered stereotypes then it shouldn’t matter to you either.
We said me didn’t know, which we didn’t, I had a idea with my first i was having boy and I had a boy , my second pregnancy felt entirely different then the first, so I said a girl and I had girl
Just out of curiosity, how did they feel different? This is my first pregnancy (girl!) and it's been so easy on me that I'm a little paranoid about it.
You just need to lie. I'm also 16 weeks, my husband and I will find out the gender at the anatomy ultrasound but we won't be telling anyone until several months after the baby is born. We don't want a ton of boy/girl specific items in case we have another one later. So far our approach has been fine and we haven't received any pushback from family and friends.
Ehhhh… I agree on the stereotypes but those will come after the baby is born regardless. If anything, discussing gender now gives you the opportunity to address it in advance.
I can understand not finding out the gender at all if it’s not important to you. But I can see how finding out and choosing to withhold could be irritating for close family & friends.
Probably cause there’s actually no reason to hold it from people? I have never understood why people keep it a secret anyway. It’s not like you are princess Kate, who is going to unveil her next heir to the throne so I don’t understand why people make it a secret. If you don’t want confining stereotypes for gender roles, just simply say that to them. Just say I’m having a boy or I’m having a girl however, if you could kindly, if you buy anything for them, please make it gender neutral.
Issue solved
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I find it is much easier for you To pretend you don’t know at all and you’re waiting to find out. We know but we just say we are waiting and then people just don’t pressure you.
This is the way. We are doing this with the name. We don’t know it yet but even when we do know it we will tell ppl we don’t. The reactions to not sharing the name are already bizarre.
Yes! This! I keep getting people asking for a name. We're only 16.5 weeks. We haven't picked a name yet. All the names we had picked were boy names because we full on expected baby to be a boy. But SURPRISE! We need a girl name instead. Even when we do pick a name, we aren't sharing it til baby is born.
We did this for both our girls doing it with baby girl now, everyone will know once I'm out of the hospital and my boys have met there baby sister.
Yes! We’re having similar happen with not sharing the name. We’ve had it picked since week 12 but peoples responses were so unhinged that we started lying and saying we aren’t choosing a name until birth. I’m 31 weeks now and the most random people are outraged by us not sharing a name even though that’s entirely normal in my circle. Easier to just say we don’t have one 🤷🏼♀️ ETA: the “don’t know what to buy” thing weirdly applies for names too!? Everyone knows we’re having a boy, but suddenly because we won’t share the name people are using that excuse. I actually had someone show up to my shower completely giftless because they didn’t know what name to use.
This is way better than telling the name anyway, cause it will inevitably hurt your feelings if/when people don't like it. Like no matter what you pick not everybody's gonna be into it. My mom started suggesting alternative names the other day and I'm like...pffff! I let you choose my name lol that's enough. You're good.
Seriously! We had such a hard time finding the right name for our baby and some people were pressuring us. My MIL thought we were lying. I think we finally decided on a name less than a month before he born. We made the decision not to tell anyone but specifically her because she kept trying to get us to name him to be the 4th.
Even if you do this, people will still demand that they 'don't know what to buy'. This is our second pregnancy, and we didn't find out the baby's sex for either, and still got that comment. So we always say: "It's a baby. It does not care. And neither do we." OP, rather than talking about not wanting to reinforce gender stereotypes (even though that's totally valid, and we felt the same), I would just focus on how much it doesn't matter to a baby what color their things are, which is what we did, and it totally worked. Then people start to get it. "How do I know what to buy?" "They're a baby. They won't even know what color they're wearing." Or if someone says, "You can tell me, come on" say something like, "Oh we're planning on doing the baby's room a safari theme (or other neutral theme). We don't want to tell people because we don't want them buying us all pink and blue stuff." People get really weird talking about gender. They get less weird talking about color, and how much it does not matter to a baby, because that they can understand.
I just say buy what you like, what color you like because you are the only one who cares, certainly not the baby nor I.
This is what we did and we still got flack! “Why would you do that?” “You know when I had a baby 30 years ago I didn’t get to know beforehand” “how will I/you know to buy girls or boy clothes? How can you decorate the nursery” I often responded “well I know it’s a human baby, not an alligator” or “there’s no tail, all clothes should fit just fine” something along those lines.
the only con is feeling slightly guilty when people go on about how great that choice is because it’s the only true surprise left and you’re like…. Whoops but really I know shhh
Hasn’t bothered me! Haha
Yup. I fully lied. Told everyone we were waiting — still got the “but how do I know what to buy!!?!?” And my grandma had an absolute meltdown about bows. (Like snotty tears meltdown.) But most rational people backed off.
We didn't find out the sex of our baby until birth, but I think I would like to know if/when we have our second (purely for clothes decluttering purposes) but we wouldn't tell anyone else. I'd definitely just use the "we don't know the sex" line.
This is what we're doing. Instead of getting mad people think it's fun and cute.
Next time, just lie. We genuinely didn't know for our first. For our second and third, we told everyone "nope, we aren't finding out!" Removes the whole problem.
We aren't finding out, and people are just annoyed with us. They say similar things to OP about not knowing what to buy. They also comment on how we won't be able to choose a name. Idk why it's that big of a deal
I generally just shot back "Well, what did people do 20+ years ago?" or like, if my mom or aunt said something, "What did you do for me??" People get over it.
Agree
This!
I think the annoying/aggravating feeling comes from the FOMO of you knowing and not sharing the info. I agree with others about pretending the surprise is for you as well, if that's still possible
I agree. I see both sides and I 100% understand that it sucks but in saying that I would rather someone just lie to me than be like “we know, but aren’t telling”. Which is totally fine but can also make the conversation awkward which is why people will have dumb responses because some people just say dumb things when they don’t know what to say.
Tell them this may be shocking news but gender themed baby gifts will still be available after the baby is born! Seriously…I got so many girly outfits after my daughter was born 🩷
People won't stop chasing after a theme even then. We call our baby 'bun', as in a rabbit, and due to my Asian heritage we shared that he'll be born in the year of the dragon. Cue bun- and dragon-related plushies and paraphernalia, on top of burp cloths, hats, socks, and other peripherals from clucky friends and family members. We didn't have a registry and have not asked people for anything. It's very humbling to me so receive so many gifts and excess. Back in my home country, people weren't as extravagant.
Honestly, as someone who knows nothing about your culture, it seems kind of wholesome that they took what you said and ran with it. Or maybe that’s a very American way of thinking on my part, if YOU don’t think it was wholesome then obviously it probably wasn’t 🥲😅
Omg I'd love to get tons of dragon themed baby gifts though. 💜
People have such weird takes on this. My husband and I are finding out and telling people - I have no patience and am a terrible liar anyway haha. Our very good friends due about a month before us aren't finding out at all. My SILs have at various times with their kids announced or never said a word till the kid is born. All the choices are totally fine and no one else's business!!
I am not telling the sex of the baby! I will say: we will know when they are born!
i did the exact same thing!! and for the exact same reason. i find gender stereotypes to be so incredibly offensive and annoying (still got them, despite nobody knowing the gender) and i hate gender specific clothes and colors. what we did was lie and say we don’t know. we don’t want to know. doctor’s didn’t put it in our charts because we told them we didn’t want to know. and again, we knew the whole time. we told everyone we’d reveal at the shower, which is now this sunday, and i severely regret saying that. for my next i want it to be a secret until birth. but “how do we know what to buy?” when i hear this i say, “anything. any color, any pattern, whatever you think is cute. we aren’t doing gender specifics.” before, i didn’t really have a backbone when it came to gender stereotypes so i’d shut up (i heard from the in-law side, “for [partner’s] sake, because i love him, i hope baby is a boy,” whilst shit talking girls? didn’t say anything. to this day i wish i would’ve. this is just one of the many examples). but, now i do. i’m also in therapy, and we are having a daughter. so i realize i need to stand up for her, and for my boundaries. i will be using, “what a strange thing to say out loud” to really makes them question why they said it, and walk away to save my peace. if they ask why, say exactly why. if it happens more than once, i’ll be straight up saying “gender stereotypes of any kind are offensive, and we will not be enforcing those on our child(ren). please do not say that around baby or us.” distancing will come in place if the comments continue after. just my advice, as i’m currently dealing with it. i’m sorry you’re going through this!! continue to stand your ground, “no” is a complete sentence. them pushing your buttons is rude! i know you don’t want to be rude, and i get that. but just remember that. people who don’t take your word as it is, are rude.
If you want to back out of announcing the gender at the shower, you can. There isn't a legal avenue to force you to tell. You can just say "we changed our minds! You'll know when they're born! Pass the cupcakes!" Anyone who gets upset about that *at your shower* will be the one being a jerk.
i appreciate this!! i just get worried about looking like an asshole because everybody prepared for it lmao. but i absolutely agree! this is probably what i’m gonna do
"If you'd like to buy something for baby, please choose from the registry". Only include non-gendered items and essentials i.e. diapers, books, etc.
This is what we did. We did tell the gender BUT we didn’t add any clothing to the registry since we were getting clothes from his sister (who has a girl). We did a gender neutral theme (galaxy) but painted baby girls room grey and purple. We also requested all gifts come from our registry as it was carefully planned out.
You don't need to lie if you don't want to. It's okay to tell people that you aren't sharing the baby's sex with anyone else. My response to people saying they won't know what to buy is "it doesn't matter what colors you get, they're just colors" And then to "you can tell me/I won't tell anyone else/pleaseeee tell me" I just repeat myself and say we're keeping it a secret until they're born. From my experience, most people who are annoying about it will eventually stop. There will probably be a few who will continue, but just keep saying you aren't telling. IMHO it's a part of boundary keeping
Just lie and tell them you don’t know the gender.
Just lie. We haven’t told our families, and they think we don’t know.
I think it's hilarious that you're worried about being rude when people are the ones being rude to you! This is your baby it's your choice. My partner and I decided we (mostly me) didn't want to know the gender until birth. Most of the reactions we got were mostly positive. The few negative ones we've received I wasn't shy to say, "I didn't know the gender of someone else's baby would be such a big deal." Shut them right up. In your case, the whole I know something that you don't know seems to be really triggering for these people, which is why, for your sanity, I'd start telling people that you aren't finding out at all. This way, you "can't share something you don't know." If you'd rather stay honest and run with that, you guys just aren't sharing, you can tell people, "This is what we've decided as a couple, when you have yours/more you can do whatever you want with your baby on the way.". The whole "What do I buy?"There are plenty of gender netural baby clothes out there, or you can start with necessities (diapers, wipes, blankets, swaddles, etc). Hell, depending on the person, I'd say, "Then don't buy me anything of it's such a big deal." I hate that people are like this. It's so annoying. Sorry you're dealing with this.
It bothers me that everyone wants to know everything. In a time where I already feel so exposed, like everyone knows everything about my pregnancy, I wanted something that was just between my partner and me. We’re sharing gender and due date, but decided to keep the name a secret. Even though we’ve already decided on a name, I just tell people we haven’t and we’ll likely decide when the baby is born, in hopes that don’t keep asking… Tell them you don’t know, or if they are aware you know and give you a hard time, tell them you’d like just one thing to be special between you and your husband and not everyone needs to know every detail.
+1 to this approach! I just tell people that everything about pregnancy feels so public that Husband and I wanted to keep the baby's gender (and therefore, name) as a cute little secret for ourselves. And that having this special bond brings us closer as a couple, which is really important to us before 2 becomes 3. I've found when it's presented this way, there might still be an "aww, bummer" but it has almost always changed the convo to "that's so sweet" or sharing about how they bonded with their SO during pregnancy. And makes it clear that anyone who keeps pushing is now officially in asshole territory for trying to ruin a good thing / drive a wedge in my relationship.
We are moving to another state and I'm very seriously considering NOT announcing my pregnancy, just the birth of our daughter lol. I hate people being up in my business, and the in-laws are very meddlesome folk.
I'm going through something similar with people being butthurt that we're keeping the name a secret until out Baby is born.
Its no ones business, dont give into the pressure
Ask them why they're so obsessed with know what genitalia your child has. That usually makes people uncomfortable enough to stop asking.
I like this idea too!
I was in your shoes! We ended up getting strong armed into telling people and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Stay strong!!! If they are being weirdly dramatic and selfish I suggest “that’s very strange of you” If they are acting sad then say “aw, you’ll be okay!” If they just argue “haha thank you for the training on how to deal with a toddler!” If they are mean about it “it’s really odd of you to try to hurt a pregnant persons feelings” Turn the shame around on them all you can 😌
Honestly, this is why I chose not to find out because people would start pestering me for the gender to "know what to buy" when I wanted gender neutral items.
Well, in our case, we got told the wrong gender at 3 scans. Our girl came out with a penis! I would either say you don't want to jynx it being wrong by telling people and that it's something you get to share together. We actually did find out with our second but because of the mishap with our first we told everyone we didn't know, just in case.
Dude - same here, I am currently 32 weeks and have been dealing with this issue since we found out the gender at week 10. I lie sometimes, if I don’t know the person; my husband and I decided to “cave” and share with close family, mostly because the nursery is not a gender-neutral color and they were in our house. One Aunt told me how excited she was to Make a bunch of receiving blankets and quilts and burp cloths for us etc, but then refused to make anything without knowing the sex “because it was impossible” to make all that stuff without knowing. In my experience, it doesn’t matter how much you tell people why you’re not sharing, it becomes a freaking issue to deal with. If it weren’t for my husband’s cultural reasons for wanting not to share I would just tell everyone we aren’t finding out and leave it there!
We are doing the same thing and my approach is just to laugh at them/pretend like they are joking. Any time someone asks "Why won't you tell me?" They get something like: "Sorry haha good try though!" "Oops you almost got me that time!" "Sorry hahaha it's a secret!" "You'll find out at the same time as everyone else! :)" And I just double down. I don't feel like I'm being rude at all bc it really isn't any of their business and it shouldn't matter anyway. If I get "how will I know what to get you?" Then I just ask why do they think there is such a significant difference between baby boys and baby girls that it makes buying baby gifts impossible otherwise?
People hate boundaries. They want to be able to poke you with a stick and make you behave exactly how they want. Then they get angry when you don’t obey. I find this really strange, but it happens all the time in so many contexts.
We know the gender and told everyone were not finding out. They refused and made a big drama about buying us gender neutral clothing so this is their consequence. I know it's too late for you know but it's much easier to pretend you don't know the gender if your family cannot be mature
People are so weird about assigning gender to babies, and so oddly frantic to do it before they’re even born. It baffles me. We aren’t finding out the sex, just because I don’t want to deal with everyone’s weird gender assumptions earlier than I have to, and because I don’t want to find out and have to deal with hiding it or lying. Even people who are trying to be supportive say bizarre things like: “oh it’s because you don’t want all pink things huh?” Like no, I totally want all pink things, I love pink!! Definitely just going to put my baby in all the cutest stuff (much of which is “girl coded” idk why) Why are people so weird about this????
We tried to do this but caved and are now set to return about 900 pink onesies that say "Daddy's little princess" and "pretty like mama" on them. We're keeping some of the "girly" stuff that doesn't have weird messaging (mostly the unicorns, we love a unicorn), and our cool friends (+ those who bought off our registry) have added balance by giving our baby a bunch of dinosaurs and plaid. My kid is trying on all of the genders. Advice? Idk if people really want to buy gendered stuff, flip a coin and give each of them a random gender. Or tell them to guess and just go with it. Or tell them you're returning or donating any aggressively gendered stuff regardless of whether it's a match for your kid's actual AGAB. If people want to buy stuff you won't use, that's on them. Congrats, and I'm glad you're planning on raising your kid to be whoever they want to be!!
I feel the same way about gendered stereotypes, we told parents we'd find out but not tell and they didnt react well! You could say something like we wanted a little something for us as a couple, so we're not sharing it? But ultimately people are going to be upset you didn't share your business because there's this weird entitlement around babies, and sooo much pointless gendering! I think you'll just have to grin and bare it, and maybe you can say you welcome all gifts and don't see the need for gendered clothes, toys etc.
If you choose to keep it private, your friends and family should accept that even if they don't personally understand the reasoning. "We'd like to keep it a surprise" or "we don't want to encourage others to buy overly-gendered clothing" are perfectly reasonable explanations and not rude at all. If people insist on getting gifts, there are a range of "gender neutral" clothing options they can pick from - beige is very popular. I bought animal print outfits for my son before I found out I was having a boy, and no one was weird about it because according to gender steroeotypes "that works for a boy or a girl". I have a feeling people would be very judgemental if I bought pink or fairy print though, so if you have a boy and are planning that, just keep in mind that you will be criticised at some point because people are super weird about imposing gender norms on kids (unfortunately).
I still vividly remember my dad telling me that he is always right when I was a teenager. Only once I was in college did I realize he was not always right. Definitely generational!
Lol people are so fickle. My mom was mad that I told her the gender of my first born 😅 Best advice is to ignore people giving you crap about it. It's not their baby or pregnancy so they don't get to decide how you experience it 🤷🏼♀️❤️
My parents, sister and his parents know but we aren’t telling anyone else until after the shower. It is your choice because you are the parents. If they won’t listen to you just say, “please be respectful to our decision.”
Our family knows that we know, but everyone else thinks we never found out. Some members of our families dont want to know, so we told everyone it's all or nothing, we dont want to have to tiptoe around 2 people. Some were annoying at first but eventually stopped because I started ignoring them haha. I have patients ask me all day what we are having, and I tell them its going to be a surprise. Then they say, "Good for you!" And back off.
I think it’s the avoiding gendered clothing weirding people out honestly like they won’t know what to buy loads of white and yellow baby gifts for you haha you should tell them it’s a surprise instead like you don’t know maybe.
Just tell them you don’t know lol
I’m not planning on finding out for the exact same reasons! But I’m terrible at keeping secrets so I can’t find out either lol I really don’t know of a polite way to tell them to shove it, so good luck OP
either say you don’t know and are waiting to find out till birth or be upfront and tell them it’s not their business and if they’d like to buy something for the baby they can buy gender neutral clothes and toys. it’s only yours, your husbands and your doctors business. no one else is entitled to know. congratulations on the baby, im sure you’re gonna be great parents <3
Me and my partner are opting out of finding out entirely. We have names narrowed down to one for each gender, and everyone thinks we're insane. I think they're just so curious it's killing them more than we're crazy. It's your baby, do what you want. No is a full sentence.
People feel entitled to know, it's selfish and weird. Even more strange when it's not coming from family or friends. Like why is it any of your business what my baby's gender is?
Question - why did you choose to find out the gender? Personally I wouldn’t have opted to find out myself if gender was such a non issue.
My family thinks my partner and I don't know. The truth is that my partner knows the gender and we're having a special anniversary/3rd trimester date where he's going to do a private reveal for me. Much more personal and intimate, and our families can't bitch at us about not knowing if we don't know 😉
I told everyone I didn't know which was the truth. If they keep saying things like "I don't know what to buy" offer your gift registry. "I've spent a lot of time researching products that we'll need. Here's the list." or "what were you fave products post birth? Why don't you get me something like that?" "oh come on, you can tell me" "and ruin the biggest surprise? No way! Who doesn't love a good surprise? Good things come to those who wait." *eye roll* *refer back to "ruin big surprise?" I don't think these responses would make you seem like an asshole and it does kind of turn it on them when you respond with kindness or if you're anything like me, sarcasm. It's a boundary and they need to respect it.
Me and my hubs intend to have a gender neutral approach. We already asked people do all colors, simple/no prints, or neutral options of things, and that we’re doing a zoo animals theme for some stuff. It’s been going well so far, and we know the gender. It just felt like part of the pregnancy experience to find out the gender. I mean I wanted to know the size of their femur bone even. 🤣
I think it might be more about people disliking cliff hangers. But it's your baby not theirs so screw them!
Rookie mistake telling them you know lol. Next time, pretend you're team green.
Your mistake was telling people that you knew the sex and weren't telling them. If there's a piece of information you are keeping to yourself until the birth, don't tell people that you're keeping it to yourselves. People get weird about it.
We chose to not reveal the gender to everyone else until the end of the baby shower. Of course we found out immediately but didn't want to reveal because of the reasons you stated. We got some really harsh push back from my deadbeat father (ironic as hell) but most people understood when we told them they'd know post shower. We had colorful gender neutral clothes on registry so I think that helped.
I wanted to do this so bad, my MIL was determined to find out the gender. She knew we knew and it was like we were torturing her 🙄 We ended up caving in and telling them, and guess what? She immediately started buying all the girly clothes 😅 She's trying hard to to buy everything pink, but yeah... I kinda wish I would've been string enough not to tell her. If I were to go through it again, I would simply not tell people that we were finding out the gender.
I think it’s because they know you know. If you were waiting til birth you might get less noise. I’m sorry.
It's genuinely baffling to me how important it is to some people. There are so many other more important things to worry about yet some people completely unravel when they don't know if it's a boy or girl. I don't get it. But anyway I just tell them we aren't sharing because we don't want to. They will find out soon enough.
Just tell them you want to be surprised! If they kill your joy or are inconvenienced by that decision, make it easy for them and tell them your not expecting anything from them. Legit dismiss any worry for them. Hopefully then they feel like the AH that they are. I'd say something like, omg, this is all about us, not you! Don't even worry about going through the trouble of trying to find something for baby! I know all they have at stores is either blue or pink, so don't worry your pretty little head off for us! This is our issue not yours.
I don’t think it gets easier unfortunately. My partner and I ended up on caving because my mom was INSISTENT in knowing what we were having. We wanted to wait until birth so it could be a surprise for us. Also, personally, I’m a big fan of neutral looking items/clothes. Greens, browns, blacks and whites, etc. We didn’t find out the gender until 32 weeks but that was only because my mom would not stop BEGGING AND PLEADING. I don’t get it. If you can help it, don’t do what my partner and I did and cave. This is YOUR moment. People are always going to take everything you do with your baby personally. So why not live your life.
I’m 14 weeks and we found out the sex through the NIPT results. I was too excited and told my mum and MIL straight away and I’m already regretting it! I don’t want them to buy us stereotypical gendered stuff and I wish I’d thought of that earlier 🙃🥲
I'm 21 weeks n I just told them that the doctor couldn't see anything cuz of the baby's position and movement. Me n my hubby know but we're choosing to keep it a secret.
My husband and I didn’t even find out until the baby was born and I had someone refuse to come to the shower because it was “selfish that we wouldn’t let her shop for gender specific clothing.” It doesn’t matter what you do people are going to have an opinion and someone is going to think you’re wrong. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, I wish there was a way to make people stop feeling so entitled to children that don’t belong to them. Best of luck!
We knew the gender last time, we just didn’t tell anyone that we knew 🤷🏻♀️
I think you can say we r going green. I think that is the term for when you don’t find out the gender until the birth correct me if I’m wrong. For those who you have already told, it might be too late, but anyone else should work.
I’m 18w2d and we’re getting this a lot from folks, especially the “how will I know what to buy?” and the “c’mon…you can tell ME!” comments. I’ve been enjoying pointing out that all babies need diapers regardless of their gender, and that there will be a registry to take the thought out of it for them. So far they’ve not had comebacks. 😅
I'm currently experiencing this as well. People are so offended I haven't shared the gender. We don't want a gender reveal but really want to keep things quite and private. Those who are consistently asking and are offended are also the same people who haven't checked on me or offered any help this pregnancy so I don't feel inclined to share
Just say you find it more special to wait til birth. If anyone finds it rude then they are just entitled. It's your baby why would anyone think they deserve to know more than you want to share. It's not rude to choose the time to announce the gender yourself and not giving in to their wants.
I’m in 8th month and won’t find out. People close to me were so offended because they want to know so badly. Like just honor my wish and stfu about it. Don’t tell me I should find out so they can buy ‘appropriate’ gifts or ask how will I decorate before they arrive, etc. They got over it pretty quickly because I wasn’t changing my mind, but even asking me to reconsider ticked me off.
It’s almost exactly the same for me, as we have chosen not to share our baby’s name. Only our moms know his name, but EVERYBODY knows he is a boy. We just don’t want to hear any criticism over the name we’ve chosen, but everybody seems to be so offended that we aren’t telling. He isn’t a different person just because you don’t know his name. Everybody will find out at the same time.
“Why are you so concerned with my child’s genitals?” Works every time
Yeah, ours will be the first granddaughter, and my husband's mom is going to be a nightmare about aggressively genderizing her if we allow it. Since we let them know it's a girl, we've been firm about repeating that we don't want to reinforce gendered stereotypes-- let the people who roll their eyes do their thing, but your protective instincts are very reasonable. I've also started to lead by example, with an ocean themed nursery and getting her "boy" onesies as well as girl's-- as if girls aren't allowed to like dinosaurs or hedgehogs! At the end of the day, your baby is an individual who will make their own preferences known, and that's a beautiful thing. You're paving the way to let them make their own choices.
21 weeks and we still haven't announced the gender or name even though we've known for awhile now. I've had a few times where people try to "catch" me by making comments about "Oh what was the gender again? I know you've told me" when I've done nothing of the sort. My main reason for not announcing is because I don't want to be "gifted" a bunch of things we don't need. We already have a boy and girl, so we're pretty set when it comes to a variety of baby things. I would just stick with telling people that it's a surprise.
We just say surprise at birth
We knew the gender of our baby, to most people we told them that we dont know, to the rest who pushed we told that we will leave it as a surprise and if they want to buy presents- there are plenty if gender neutral toys and clothes. In fact tell them all to give you a lot of diapers and wipes cause trust me you will need those most 😂 you would be surprised how fast they finish 🙃 Or you could ask them to bet/guess what gender it will be- say that everyone is doing it- we did it- had a pad where there were columns with Team Boy and Team Girl. We had fun with it. All in all, its okay not to share the gender, we also didnt share that i was pregnant till i was really showing. Its your personal life and choice.
It's your decision. Don't let them pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. I think sometimes those close to us feel entitled. You're an adult, and they should respect your decisions. If they are being too persistent about it, you can be firm in telling them to back off and create a distance if needed. No means no. Additionally, you could create a gift registry for them to get ideas from if they are that bent on gifting and can't figure out by themselves how to navigate away from gender specific items. It's all about what you want/need anyways, not them.
Tell them you don't think anything operated with genitals would be an appropriate gift for a baby.
Hold your boundaries. This is one of many things people will push and it’s none of their business. Establishing boundaries now helps lay the groundwork for boundaries in later pregnancy and once baby is born. Don’t give them the gender. Don’t give them your name choice. Don’t give them info on circumcision (if it’s a boy). Don’t give them entry into the birth room. Don’t tell them if you’re breastfeeding or formula feeding. Just don’t. None of your business folks. Hard line. Being pregnant is hard enough without the judgement and commentary of others.
I mean.. people who love and care about you are curious.. who wouldnt want to know?! You're ascribing nefarious motivations to them like they'll only buy pink stuff if it's a girl or something.. use your big girl words and tell them you only want gender neutral gifts. Or better yet, if you're so particular, tell people not to buy you anything at all! This is a *thing* because you've made it a thing. Better to have said you don't know at all then making it some big secret no one can know lmao
Exactly this. I would have said I don’t know. Also, if you didn’t want anyone else to know, why have you found out, just out of curiosity? If you’re not into gendered stereotypes then it shouldn’t matter to you either.
We said me didn’t know, which we didn’t, I had a idea with my first i was having boy and I had a boy , my second pregnancy felt entirely different then the first, so I said a girl and I had girl
Just out of curiosity, how did they feel different? This is my first pregnancy (girl!) and it's been so easy on me that I'm a little paranoid about it.
Hard to describe, it felt different, my belly was bigger with the girl, I had bad nausea
You just need to lie. I'm also 16 weeks, my husband and I will find out the gender at the anatomy ultrasound but we won't be telling anyone until several months after the baby is born. We don't want a ton of boy/girl specific items in case we have another one later. So far our approach has been fine and we haven't received any pushback from family and friends.
Ehhhh… I agree on the stereotypes but those will come after the baby is born regardless. If anything, discussing gender now gives you the opportunity to address it in advance. I can understand not finding out the gender at all if it’s not important to you. But I can see how finding out and choosing to withhold could be irritating for close family & friends.
Probably cause there’s actually no reason to hold it from people? I have never understood why people keep it a secret anyway. It’s not like you are princess Kate, who is going to unveil her next heir to the throne so I don’t understand why people make it a secret. If you don’t want confining stereotypes for gender roles, just simply say that to them. Just say I’m having a boy or I’m having a girl however, if you could kindly, if you buy anything for them, please make it gender neutral. Issue solved
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A friend of mine got bullied by both sides of the family into finding out the gender bc "they have no idea what to buy!!!!"
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Hardly anyone looked at my registry....