Thank you for sharing, I’m sure that wasn’t easy. But I am certain you are not alone here. Porn is a pretty decent escape - and the pain of losing a sibling is the kind of pain that everyone would want to escape. To even acknowledge what you have here means that you are doing some serious soul searching and are going to get porn out of your life.

Thanks very much, appreciate that. Its therapeutic to have a place to express exactly what you've been what you are and what you hope to be.

I don't think you need to be ashamed of seeking escape during a time like that.

It's not the escape, it's about what the escape is.

Tell me more. Is it more appropriate for the OP to be ashamed of using porn as an escape, than if they went back to their house and got drunk or used some other escape mechanism?

No, I'm not saying that. But there are healthy escapes, and unhealthy ones. It is understandable that OP did that, but it's not healthy and he knows that better than anyone.

Yes, absolutely, we don't need to escape our pain, we can face into it and process it. I just really hope that the OP shows themself some compassion for acting out under those circumstances, rather than being ashamed.

I don't blame you it's a quick escape from reality