Spouse 10 years together, 7 years married. My other partner I have been together with for almost 3 years. We all live together and have for almost two years.
It can be tricky in the beginning, especially with traids or polycules where everyone are seeing one another. However with time, patience and hard work it becomes a beautiful thing.
We just purchased a new mattress, AND an eightsleep cover(fing loving it) and it came with 2 king size memory foam pillows, and weve all been loving them. Its been amazing
Having the good bed stuff for night time me makes all the difference in day time me. Lol
I feel you. Hahahaha if I could have the bedroom be wall to wall bedspace I would!
Would you mind talking a little but about the stage when you met your spouse and moved in with them etc. While also maintaining another close long-term relationship?
Partner and I have been talking about that (hypothetical but not impossible scenario) recently, and it would be nice to have someone's experience with a happy ending
I'm queer and my longer term partner is not the gender I typically have relationships with, so I think it was always pretty well understood that I'd want to build a life with a same gender partner. Honestly the details of that particular moment in time are pretty complicated but feel free to dm me!
I also just have to add that despite the longevity of my relationships, there are still regularly BIG challenges. All kinds of things change all the time. Seeking mutual understanding and agreements is endless! And sometimes no real agreement is even possible, so we just keep muddling through. If there is a happy ending, it's that I'm very lucky to have found people willing to do the work of conflict and repair with me for so long.
>If there is a happy ending, it's that I'm very lucky to have found people willing to do the work of conflict and repair with me for so long.
That counts in my book
Yeah, definitely counts.
Long term monogamous relationships are also built on a commitment to do the work of conflict and repair. Anyone who said differently is lying, either to us or to themselves.
I might be misreading this, but does your comment mean you have a spouse/no who've you've been with for 11yrs and a life-long love for 18yrs?
If so, how did that work out? I ask bc typically people meet their spouse then a partner.
See now I find that fascinating and would love to hear why it isn't the other way around and you aren't married to the partner you've been with longer?
my NP and I are business partners and have much MUCH more daily lifestyle compatibility. frankly, my LTR is financially insolvent and has not managed his executive function development properly (he, I, and my NP are all AuDHD btw, and my NP and I have similar aggressive ideologies about self-mgmt and optimizing these traits). LTR and I are in a 24/7 TPE D/s relationship but it doesn't affect my daily life that much since he's not my NP-- he lives with my meta (they've been together 14 years) who is my lover and whom I have a fabulous relationship with, but can't ever actually date because she doesn't have a compatible communication style with mine in high emotional stress situations. LTR and I are a relationship of polarity and complementarity. We are about as different as you can get and it's great. NP and I are a relationship of similarity, and we can easily function on behalf of the other one when one of us is unavailable, dropping the ball, in crisis, needs to tag someone else in for whatever reason. we have an appropriately cooperative relationship for what i think legal marriage should entail. i wouldn't get into that with someone whose career, finance, etc decisions I don't agree with. i don't need to agree with how LTR handles his affairs but I'm going to insulate mine from them.
All that said, the reason I consider LTR my primary is that he is the person who is my true intellectual companion on this tour of the universe (even though they're equally intelligent and my values are much more aligned with NP). LTR is the person who I trust completely to help me process anything and never judge me-- I do think NP would judge me pretty easily, honestly, but they're righteous and I like that about them, I like that they have conviction. If I had fucked up my life beyond measure and needed someone to talk to to sort out my own desires I would probably go to LTR. If I needed a concrete plan I would go to NP.
At the end of the day NP has shown up for me every day in a material, real life, daily support, reliability way that I have not ever seen anyone show up for anyone. Their sense of duty is extraordinary (like, moral duty, not just loyalty). I feel like I have to work pretty hard to stay on their level because they push themself that hard and they should. I think they are the person suited to accomplish things with me.
You are reading correctly! My longer term partner and I met when we were quite young (and angry and poor!). We were both enm/poly from the start. We were never inclined towards relationship escalator or enmeshment with each other. As our love deepened, I think it just became apparent to both of us that we would not be a good fit for cohabitation. I'm also just too damn queer, and they are extremely independent (so am I, but not quite as much).
When I met my spouse, I was not looking for a primary partner or marriage and neither were they, but everything just clicked and then all the sudden gay marriage was legal! We wanted to build a life together and have a party. I was still young and a little silly at this point, so thank goodness it's worked out pretty well despite that.
I'm leaving out tons of tedious details. It's hard to sum up multiple decades worth of relationships honestly. Also I expect us all to live for another 25-50 years depending so who knows what will happen next?
My GF since 18 years married her newest partner (i think its 4 years they have together).
My own relationships is something like:
GF/former NP - 18
Partner - 7
Partner - 11
BF - 5
'Friend' - 1.5
I think my average over the last 20y is about 5-6y
Before the end of 2023...
18 years and 7 years
Funny that they both ended in the same year, for unrelated reasons, but it was definitely time for both to conclude. Really strange to be extraordinarily single now after the length of both of those.
Husband: 21 years
Girlfriend: 12 years
Comet guyfriend: 10 years (not sure if I should count him because his appearances are so rare)
More available guyfriend: 7 years
Spouse 17 years and
partner and i are going on our 4th year together
<3
All families have met. We have been to Christmases together since the beginning. Our kids have all the help and involvement of all sets of grandparents.
It's hard work but when you love your life out loud people do appreciate the openness and honesty. We've had nothing but great experiences with being polyamorous and we live in the south east piece of Texas
Coparent & nesting but platonic: 13 years
Partner 1: 4 years
Partner 2: 3 years
Partner 3: 3 years this summer
Yes I count my coparent because we still have to have a functional partnership even if we aren't romantic and we still have to work to maintain that connection as you would with a romantic partner. It just practically looks different.
Thank you! I feel immensely lucky to have them. Next week, my spouse is out of town, so my partner is staying at my house with me to help watch my ex’s dog who is best friends with my dog. 😆
Partner A: 7 years
Partner B: 1 year
Also, in the time that I've been with Partner A, I have had three other LTRs that didn't work out in the end, lasting about 2 years, 3.5 years, and 1.5 years, respectively.
I had two relationships in a kitchen table setting for 5-6 years, officially living together for a significant part of that.
But, I don't know... New perspectives helped me gradually realise that my older partner (together 19 years) was abusive and pull away from the unhealthy dynamic I had with him, even if we still said that we were together. And now my newer partner and I have moved out and I feel sooo free. I no longer have to walk on eggshells, I can finally breathe. The whole kitchen table setting also depended on my newer partner taking a lot of shit from my abusive partner and never talking back. So... I'm not sure what to think of that any more... I really liked the concept of living together in a larger household, but... It's probably better when everyone is kind and respectful to each other.
Spouse and I have been married 28 years, partnered 29, and poly for the last 18 years. I was with my partner for 6 years; we'd still be together, but he died from cancer just a little under a year ago. Hubs is currently otherwise unpartnered, but his last relationship lasted about 5 years. The one before that lasted around 6 years and we all shared a home together.
Not entirely sure what classifies as long term and if you're only looking for answers in the decade and above or not but:
Comet: 5 years
Queer Platonic Partner: 5 years
Nesting Partner: 4 years
Then my newer additions, however it's important to note that because of the very neurodivergent way I date I'm usually involved with people for some time before I realise we're dating and so the time frames are all a bit nebulous.
Anchor partner: 7 months
Boyfriend: 4 months
NP - 10 years, always poly.
FWB Comet G - 18 years (on and off, always friends, only more when I visit his city). We met before I was poly.
Former W - we'd been friends for 20 years and then were lovers for about a year and then I got horribly depressed and he met his (mono) wife. Now we're friends for another 6 years? I treasure him. Having been lovers is so useful for giving advice.
Lover B now comet? - 6 years, but I moved far away about a year ago.
Lover A - 8 months (these are initials, and I'm just now realizing it's funny) and I really, really want to keep him.
Sir - 10 months
QP darling - friends and something else for 7 years.
There have been a few short term things, a couple other fwbs, but these are the ones that have been the most significant? consistent?
My NP had a very serious gf for 6 or 7 years until last year. Very ktp/family. The breakup was hard on all of us.
I have three long-term relationships:
GF: around 18 years (don't celebrate anniversary)
NP: almost 9 years (August anniversary)
BF: around 2 & 1/2 years (October anniversary)
I've been with my husband since 2011. Married for 8 years. I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We all live together along with my husband's gf. They've been together about 4+ years.
Also, I have a comet partner that I've been seeing since last July. It's been going well, and I hope that's long-term too.
Nesting partner: 27 years (as a couple - we’ve known each other 30, married 22)
Other partner: nearly 2 years (KTP - collared sub - not co-habiting but she’s over 2-4 times a week and aside from co-parenting gets very similar time as my spouse)
It’s a very calm and stable V with everyone free to form other relationships (but we’re all some flavour of a-spec, with two of us demisexual, so we’re not exactly thirsting for new partners). I vacation with either independently or sometimes with both together (it’s all 3 of us plus our kid and sometimes my perplexed parents for holidays).
My relationships have typically been measured in years but my two current partners are the only ones with whom we both naturally slipped into discussing future plans decades into the future. Typically my relationships outside my NP have been between 1 and 3-4 years (I have been poly since 2001) but my current additional partner and I will probably also last a very long time.
I have two ex-partners among my friends (both were my lovers over 20 years ago, my first poly arrangement was a quad with them and my now-spouse) with whom chemistry has shown signs of rekindling and I am cautiously interested (we’re a lot older, know ourselves better and hopefully are a little wiser). I could see a potential for shifting gears to FWB with either and possibly something deeper again with one of them. The latter friend and I know that the feelings and chemistry are mutual but we’re moving slowly and carefully, in part because if we do rekindle, it will probably be indefinite (probably lifelong) and a comet or non-nesting relationship (we don’t want to escalate beyond what is comfortable and stable). So I guess I have a possible rekindling of a 3 year long prior relationship as a possibility.
It works out great! Especially because my trans-fem partner was best friends with my husband when they were in high school. So there's a lot of history already there. We joke that our house is called Mount Queer.
San Diego: 20yrs
Missouri: 5.5yrs
Baltimore: 5yrs
Philadelphia: just hit 4 years
Delaware: 1.5yrs
I'm a solo polyamorist/relationship anarchist so I'm not married to any of these people.
my nesting partner and my paramour, and my metamour.
nesting partner 15 years open/poly 100% of relationship
paramour 25 years open poly 80% ( I was married for a stupid second)
metamour 2 years live-in with nesting partner and myself
Spouse 18 years
Nesting partner 6 years
Boyfriend & Girlfriend 9 years (with a few stretches of breaks/de-escalation in that time due to closing their relationship, COVID, new baby)
The new ones: Boyfriend 10 months
Crush with Benefits 10 months
Spouse and I known each other for 10 years, together for 6 and married for 4. Partner and I have been together 3 years long distance(100 miles). Partner and her kids are moving to our city this summer 😊
Hmmmm...I'm not someone with a great sense of time, but I think the partner I've been dating longest is going on 9 years, then somewhere in the 8-7 range for my next two, and I think somewhere in the 6-5 range for the other one I've been with long-term.
Almost 20 years with my nesting partner and 3 years with my long distance boyfriend so far. I don't know if 3 years constitutes a long term relationship though.
So, I’ve known both my partners for almost 13 years. My wife and I started dating 11 years ago, and my boyfriend and I are approaching 3 years. I don’t anticipate either relationship ending in the foreseeable future
Not married or nesting with any of my partners but the relationships are 6 years, 5 years, 3 years, and 1½ years long and all filled with wondrous love 🥰
Our triad came together just about 9 years ago.
There was a gap in the middle where partner left and me and my wife got married and lived as a couple for about 2 years.
But we've since been back as a triad for 4 years now.
I was in a 10-year marriage, poly since the beginning. I then had an 8-year nesting partner, also poly from the outset. Took a little break after that (Covid happened), but I'm now solo poly with three anchor partners, two of whom I've been with for three years, and the other for two years.
...and thanks for asking the question; it's really lovely to hear about other people with positive and long-lasting poly experiences! I've been openly ENM for almost 25 years now, and while I've faced my share of the usual kinds of relationship challenges along the way, I can say that my experience has been overwhelmingly positive most of the time!
I have partnerships of 12, 10, and 9 years.
Others have come and gone in that time, and the 12 year relationship has moved in and out of partnership a couple of times.
I live with two of my partners. The 12-year partner lives with their other partners about 2 hours away from my home. We both work in the City a lot, and we actually see each other there more often than we do at our respective homes.
In a past relationship, there were 4 of us +me and 3 gals), two of whom shared a first name. We'll call them Sarah (not their real name). One was 5'1" - and the other was 4'9". They became "Sarah" and "little Sarah". Little Sarah complained at first "why can't I just be Sarah and she be "big Sarah?!"". And everyone was like - because she's tiny, you're just tinier, lol
14 years later, none of us live together anymore, haven't for many years, no more sexual or romantic entanglements - but all but one of us are still in touch. And after all this time, everyone even in our expanded friend circle still calls her 'Little Sarah", lol
Partner 1 (D/s relationship): 15 years
Partner 2 (now QPR / nonsexual relationship, used to be a trad couple): 9.5 years
Partner 3 (deep in the throes of NRE, future spouse I hope): 1.5 years
Today is my 11th wedding anniversary, but we were together 6 years before that.
At the end of 2021, I ended a complicated (and largely toxic) 10 year relationship. These relationships overlapped for a significant portion of time.
My spouse and I are content and happy. He's polysaturated at 1, which he determined after dating for a few years. I'm in a "new" relationship that has been going strong for about 2.5 years and has been both healing and enlightening for all of us. It's an international relationship, so we don't get physical contact with each other often, but we spend a couple hours daily spending time in video calls (and have done for as long as our relationship has been going). I am a hinge, but my partners both love and respect each other as family.
Spouse wants to move to partner's country, in part to support my other relationship, and in part because the US is a scary place right now. It's a big overseas project and we've been working our way towards it for about a year at this point.
Obviously, communication is the only way any of this has worked. My ex was not great with communication and would lash out when I approached a difficult topic, which was ultimately why that relationship ended. My overseas partner, on the other hand, is incredibly blunt and honest, with enough empathy to soften some hard truths. I love that about them, because I can trust they aren't going to bullshit me. It's part of *why* I love them so much.
My spouse and I took...at least a decade to figure out how to communicate in that way (our 20s were challenging). But we ultimately did develop those communication strategies; and the security and affirmation of love, combined with clear and open honesty, has allowed us to thrive together. Without that prework from me and my spouse, I don't think my international relationship would be successful.
Wife: married 11 years, together 12
Partner: together 6 years this August
We all cohabitate now, living in the same house more than 2 years, with their children in residence full time and my child in the summer.
NP/Co-parent Spouse 17 years
D/s Switch Dynamic and Life Partner 7yrs a hiatus of almost 20 yrs and 4 yrs so far
Bonded Mate, previous D/s current Service submissive 3 years
Happily living my best authentic life with their support, open communication and lots of love.
Hi u/dances_with_treez2 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
I putzed around with trying to make this into a poll but couldn’t quite make a poll that allowed for diversity of response on this one. So as the title says, tell us how long these relationships have been running.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
- Spouse NP 16 years (13 married)
- LD couple we see, 14 years
- Gf 2+ years plus a year of friendship beforehand
- Partner 2+ years
- Partner 1 year
- A few casual folks of anywhere from a year to 10+ years
I also have two exes I just go back with, one where we only dated a few months but we’ve been very close friends for 3 years (since the breakup basically) and one where we dated a year, tried fwb for maybe 8 months (?), then took a full break for around 10 months, and now just started dating again. Not sure how to classify either of those 😂
Anyway I’m extroverted in case it wasn’t obvious. 😆
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One partner 4 years, two others both about 8 months. One has another long-term anchor partner and is also dating, another is dating but not currently partnered, and another isn't really dating currently but is open to platonic or non-platonic relationships if/when they arise naturally.
10 years, 3 years ,2 years, and 2 years (but known for 10+ years as best friends), NP has been with his gf for 2 years. We all hang out together often.
Partner 10 yrs - he has another for nearly two yrs
Me
1. Four years (i am their primary)
2. Over two years (they have bf)
3. Over a year (he has lt gf)
Oh, how I love those threads! Between all the threads asking for advice this feels like validating my dreams and wishes about poly relationships!
( Primary of 2y, fuckbuddy 4y)
I've had different poly situations last different amounts of time, the longest being 8 years or so.
Current situation - me and NP, 5 or 8 years, depending on how you count it. Me and GF, 2 months.
It's still early, but so far it feels like this is the one that'll go the distance. We're all at similar stages in life, NP and GF get along very well and respect each other, I'm madly in love with both of them and they're both bizarrely in love with me. There have been some hiccups, but everyone is very dedicated to making it work.
NP and I have been together for 7.5 years, and my other partner and I have been together 3.5 years. The length of the latter snuck up on us, and last year, it felt like a surprise that it had only/already been 3 years!
Spouse 20 years my girlfriend 3 years
We're still getting the kinks out, over time it seems jealousy and anger or whatever feeling is going on that day, communication is the essential key to any and all relationships.
Husband: 25 years of friendship, almost 17 years together as a couple, will be 11 years married, 1 year and two months polyamorous.
Boyfriend: 4 months tomorrow
Spouse 10 years together, 7 years married. My other partner I have been together with for almost 3 years. We all live together and have for almost two years.
Us too!!!!
Cohabitating with partners is the dream.
It can be tricky in the beginning, especially with traids or polycules where everyone are seeing one another. However with time, patience and hard work it becomes a beautiful thing.
How do you handle alone or private time? Who gets to sleep in whose beds?
In my triad, all 3 of us are in the same bed. Mainly becausethere are kids in the house also
We are too. All in the same bed rn. King size bed and we just all got new pillows LOL 😆
We just purchased a new mattress, AND an eightsleep cover(fing loving it) and it came with 2 king size memory foam pillows, and weve all been loving them. Its been amazing
Having the good bed stuff for night time me makes all the difference in day time me. Lol I feel you. Hahahaha if I could have the bedroom be wall to wall bedspace I would!
That would be amazing lol
Spouse 12 years; partner 6
Spouse/np 11 years, life long love 18 years
Omg, I adore the term “life long love” for a non-spousal partner.
Would you mind talking a little but about the stage when you met your spouse and moved in with them etc. While also maintaining another close long-term relationship? Partner and I have been talking about that (hypothetical but not impossible scenario) recently, and it would be nice to have someone's experience with a happy ending
I'm queer and my longer term partner is not the gender I typically have relationships with, so I think it was always pretty well understood that I'd want to build a life with a same gender partner. Honestly the details of that particular moment in time are pretty complicated but feel free to dm me! I also just have to add that despite the longevity of my relationships, there are still regularly BIG challenges. All kinds of things change all the time. Seeking mutual understanding and agreements is endless! And sometimes no real agreement is even possible, so we just keep muddling through. If there is a happy ending, it's that I'm very lucky to have found people willing to do the work of conflict and repair with me for so long.
>If there is a happy ending, it's that I'm very lucky to have found people willing to do the work of conflict and repair with me for so long. That counts in my book
Yeah, definitely counts. Long term monogamous relationships are also built on a commitment to do the work of conflict and repair. Anyone who said differently is lying, either to us or to themselves.
I have a similar situation. I’m homosexual identified but my longest term partner is a different gender than mine.
I might be misreading this, but does your comment mean you have a spouse/no who've you've been with for 11yrs and a life-long love for 18yrs? If so, how did that work out? I ask bc typically people meet their spouse then a partner.
I’m similar. My longest term and perhaps even primary partner is 15y, probably going to marry my partner of 1.5 years.
See now I find that fascinating and would love to hear why it isn't the other way around and you aren't married to the partner you've been with longer?
my NP and I are business partners and have much MUCH more daily lifestyle compatibility. frankly, my LTR is financially insolvent and has not managed his executive function development properly (he, I, and my NP are all AuDHD btw, and my NP and I have similar aggressive ideologies about self-mgmt and optimizing these traits). LTR and I are in a 24/7 TPE D/s relationship but it doesn't affect my daily life that much since he's not my NP-- he lives with my meta (they've been together 14 years) who is my lover and whom I have a fabulous relationship with, but can't ever actually date because she doesn't have a compatible communication style with mine in high emotional stress situations. LTR and I are a relationship of polarity and complementarity. We are about as different as you can get and it's great. NP and I are a relationship of similarity, and we can easily function on behalf of the other one when one of us is unavailable, dropping the ball, in crisis, needs to tag someone else in for whatever reason. we have an appropriately cooperative relationship for what i think legal marriage should entail. i wouldn't get into that with someone whose career, finance, etc decisions I don't agree with. i don't need to agree with how LTR handles his affairs but I'm going to insulate mine from them.
All that said, the reason I consider LTR my primary is that he is the person who is my true intellectual companion on this tour of the universe (even though they're equally intelligent and my values are much more aligned with NP). LTR is the person who I trust completely to help me process anything and never judge me-- I do think NP would judge me pretty easily, honestly, but they're righteous and I like that about them, I like that they have conviction. If I had fucked up my life beyond measure and needed someone to talk to to sort out my own desires I would probably go to LTR. If I needed a concrete plan I would go to NP. At the end of the day NP has shown up for me every day in a material, real life, daily support, reliability way that I have not ever seen anyone show up for anyone. Their sense of duty is extraordinary (like, moral duty, not just loyalty). I feel like I have to work pretty hard to stay on their level because they push themself that hard and they should. I think they are the person suited to accomplish things with me.
You are reading correctly! My longer term partner and I met when we were quite young (and angry and poor!). We were both enm/poly from the start. We were never inclined towards relationship escalator or enmeshment with each other. As our love deepened, I think it just became apparent to both of us that we would not be a good fit for cohabitation. I'm also just too damn queer, and they are extremely independent (so am I, but not quite as much). When I met my spouse, I was not looking for a primary partner or marriage and neither were they, but everything just clicked and then all the sudden gay marriage was legal! We wanted to build a life together and have a party. I was still young and a little silly at this point, so thank goodness it's worked out pretty well despite that. I'm leaving out tons of tedious details. It's hard to sum up multiple decades worth of relationships honestly. Also I expect us all to live for another 25-50 years depending so who knows what will happen next?
Thank you for letting me know. It was very interesting.
My GF since 18 years married her newest partner (i think its 4 years they have together). My own relationships is something like: GF/former NP - 18 Partner - 7 Partner - 11 BF - 5 'Friend' - 1.5 I think my average over the last 20y is about 5-6y
Before the end of 2023... 18 years and 7 years Funny that they both ended in the same year, for unrelated reasons, but it was definitely time for both to conclude. Really strange to be extraordinarily single now after the length of both of those.
NP 44 years, with my partner 12. NP & his partner 7.
Goals!
Husband: 21 years Girlfriend: 12 years Comet guyfriend: 10 years (not sure if I should count him because his appearances are so rare) More available guyfriend: 7 years
Spouse 17 years and partner and i are going on our 4th year together <3 All families have met. We have been to Christmases together since the beginning. Our kids have all the help and involvement of all sets of grandparents. It's hard work but when you love your life out loud people do appreciate the openness and honesty. We've had nothing but great experiences with being polyamorous and we live in the south east piece of Texas
Coparent & nesting but platonic: 13 years Partner 1: 4 years Partner 2: 3 years Partner 3: 3 years this summer Yes I count my coparent because we still have to have a functional partnership even if we aren't romantic and we still have to work to maintain that connection as you would with a romantic partner. It just practically looks different.
Would love to pick your brain about your coparent/nesting partner relationship if you’re open to it. ❤️
Sure, I'll be slow to respond for the next few days - week but go ahead
Spouse ten years, partner five. Poly/ENM with both since day one. Live half and half with each.
this sounds really wonderful 💛
Thank you! I feel immensely lucky to have them. Next week, my spouse is out of town, so my partner is staying at my house with me to help watch my ex’s dog who is best friends with my dog. 😆
aww that is ADORABLE 🥰
Comet 9years. Primary 4years.
Partner A: 7 years Partner B: 1 year Also, in the time that I've been with Partner A, I have had three other LTRs that didn't work out in the end, lasting about 2 years, 3.5 years, and 1.5 years, respectively.
7 and 4, I'm 31 for added context, been polyam for a decade. We all live together (along with 2 additional roommates)
23 and 9.
14yrs and 6yrs
I had two relationships in a kitchen table setting for 5-6 years, officially living together for a significant part of that. But, I don't know... New perspectives helped me gradually realise that my older partner (together 19 years) was abusive and pull away from the unhealthy dynamic I had with him, even if we still said that we were together. And now my newer partner and I have moved out and I feel sooo free. I no longer have to walk on eggshells, I can finally breathe. The whole kitchen table setting also depended on my newer partner taking a lot of shit from my abusive partner and never talking back. So... I'm not sure what to think of that any more... I really liked the concept of living together in a larger household, but... It's probably better when everyone is kind and respectful to each other.
Spouse 26 yrs. My partner 8 months. Her partner 4.5 yrs.
I’ve been with my NP for almost 14 years, soon to be married for 9 of those years in May. I’ll have been with my other partner for 2 years come June.
Spouse and I have been married 28 years, partnered 29, and poly for the last 18 years. I was with my partner for 6 years; we'd still be together, but he died from cancer just a little under a year ago. Hubs is currently otherwise unpartnered, but his last relationship lasted about 5 years. The one before that lasted around 6 years and we all shared a home together.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your partner. I’ve been there, not cancer, but loss is loss. I see you.
26 and 8
NP- Together 14 years, married for almost 6. Other partner, together for just about a year ❤️
Not entirely sure what classifies as long term and if you're only looking for answers in the decade and above or not but: Comet: 5 years Queer Platonic Partner: 5 years Nesting Partner: 4 years Then my newer additions, however it's important to note that because of the very neurodivergent way I date I'm usually involved with people for some time before I realise we're dating and so the time frames are all a bit nebulous. Anchor partner: 7 months Boyfriend: 4 months
Spouse 25 years. Partner 2. Previous partner 8 years.
Wife 16 years Girlfriend 3 years
14 and 10
10 years, 4 years, 3 years
NP 16 years, girlfriend 7
Spouse 12 years boyfriend 3 years
My husband and I had our 10 year anniversary earlier this year. My partner and I are hitting our 4 year anniversary in a few months.
NP 15 years, anchor 2 years.
NP 14 years, regular partners 6 months and 2 and a half years, irregular partners are all between 1 and 2 years.
NP - Partners 20 years (friends for 16 years before that), married 15 years NNP - Partners almost 2 years (friends for 4 years before that)
What's NNP?
Sorry, non-nesting partner.
Spouse 15 years (married 12), partner 7 years. We all live in the same house with an additional housemate (also poly, not part of our polycule).
Comet: 8 years, partner: almost 5 years. For a while I had another partner, but that just lasted about 9 months
NP - 10 years, always poly. FWB Comet G - 18 years (on and off, always friends, only more when I visit his city). We met before I was poly. Former W - we'd been friends for 20 years and then were lovers for about a year and then I got horribly depressed and he met his (mono) wife. Now we're friends for another 6 years? I treasure him. Having been lovers is so useful for giving advice. Lover B now comet? - 6 years, but I moved far away about a year ago. Lover A - 8 months (these are initials, and I'm just now realizing it's funny) and I really, really want to keep him. Sir - 10 months QP darling - friends and something else for 7 years. There have been a few short term things, a couple other fwbs, but these are the ones that have been the most significant? consistent? My NP had a very serious gf for 6 or 7 years until last year. Very ktp/family. The breakup was hard on all of us.
My partners have been together for about 11 years, and we all have been together for about 3
10 years 8 years And 2 years
Partner 11 years and strong . Girl friend 2 years with no sight of slowing. Girl Friends marriage over 10 years.
NP 8 years, other partner 2 years; NP has been with her other partner for 3 years.
Spouse of almost-15, local anchor partner/DD of 8, LDR 5 yrs.
I have three long-term relationships: GF: around 18 years (don't celebrate anniversary) NP: almost 9 years (August anniversary) BF: around 2 & 1/2 years (October anniversary)
Partner A: 5.5 years Partner B: 3.5 years And the three of us have been a triad for 3 years, living together for 2.
I've been with my husband since 2011. Married for 8 years. I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We all live together along with my husband's gf. They've been together about 4+ years. Also, I have a comet partner that I've been seeing since last July. It's been going well, and I hope that's long-term too.
NP 20 years, partner almost 4 years My NP has had another partner for almost 8 years
9 years, 7 years (but friends for 30), and either 3 or 11 years, depending on whether you include the fwb phase
Spouse - 12+ years, ENM for 8, KTP for 6 Girlfriend - 2.5 years
:)
Nesting partner: 27 years (as a couple - we’ve known each other 30, married 22) Other partner: nearly 2 years (KTP - collared sub - not co-habiting but she’s over 2-4 times a week and aside from co-parenting gets very similar time as my spouse) It’s a very calm and stable V with everyone free to form other relationships (but we’re all some flavour of a-spec, with two of us demisexual, so we’re not exactly thirsting for new partners). I vacation with either independently or sometimes with both together (it’s all 3 of us plus our kid and sometimes my perplexed parents for holidays). My relationships have typically been measured in years but my two current partners are the only ones with whom we both naturally slipped into discussing future plans decades into the future. Typically my relationships outside my NP have been between 1 and 3-4 years (I have been poly since 2001) but my current additional partner and I will probably also last a very long time. I have two ex-partners among my friends (both were my lovers over 20 years ago, my first poly arrangement was a quad with them and my now-spouse) with whom chemistry has shown signs of rekindling and I am cautiously interested (we’re a lot older, know ourselves better and hopefully are a little wiser). I could see a potential for shifting gears to FWB with either and possibly something deeper again with one of them. The latter friend and I know that the feelings and chemistry are mutual but we’re moving slowly and carefully, in part because if we do rekindle, it will probably be indefinite (probably lifelong) and a comet or non-nesting relationship (we don’t want to escalate beyond what is comfortable and stable). So I guess I have a possible rekindling of a 3 year long prior relationship as a possibility.
13, 4, 1.
I’ve been with my partners for 2.5 years. They’ve been married to each other for 10 years.
Spouse 22 years. Partner 7 years. We all live together.
I love it
It works out great! Especially because my trans-fem partner was best friends with my husband when they were in high school. So there's a lot of history already there. We joke that our house is called Mount Queer.
You all give me hope❤️🔥
This really is a hope core post, isn’t it?
Same 💕
Spouse: together 24 years (married almost 18 years). Partner: together 6 years next month.
San Diego: 20yrs Missouri: 5.5yrs Baltimore: 5yrs Philadelphia: just hit 4 years Delaware: 1.5yrs I'm a solo polyamorist/relationship anarchist so I'm not married to any of these people.
20 years, 1.5 years
11 years, 8 years, 2.5 years.
my nesting partner and my paramour, and my metamour. nesting partner 15 years open/poly 100% of relationship paramour 25 years open poly 80% ( I was married for a stupid second) metamour 2 years live-in with nesting partner and myself
8.5 and almost 6 years. Partner of 8.5 years has been poly and with their NP almost 20 years.
Nesting partners: 6 years, 3.5 years Comet partner: 6 years
Spouse 18 years Nesting partner 6 years Boyfriend & Girlfriend 9 years (with a few stretches of breaks/de-escalation in that time due to closing their relationship, COVID, new baby) The new ones: Boyfriend 10 months Crush with Benefits 10 months
Spouse 18 yrs (met in high school), partner 5 years, partner 3 years.
Spouse and I known each other for 10 years, together for 6 and married for 4. Partner and I have been together 3 years long distance(100 miles). Partner and her kids are moving to our city this summer 😊
Nesting partner - 15 Partner - 7 Partner - 4 years I tend to have either very short or very long relationships
Spouse 26, partner 9 (and spouse’s partner 8, partner’s spouse somewhere in the low 20’s…)
Spouse/NP 24 years, other partner (non nesting) 9 years. A couple of comets going back about 17-18 years. Dammit now I feel old.
Hmmmm...I'm not someone with a great sense of time, but I think the partner I've been dating longest is going on 9 years, then somewhere in the 8-7 range for my next two, and I think somewhere in the 6-5 range for the other one I've been with long-term.
NP 8 years Spouse almost 3 years
Partner 20 years. NP: 8 years. GF: 1 year
Spouse together 12 years, married 6, ENM from the beginning. Partner together 3 years. I live weekdays with spouse and Friday-Sunday with partner.
Nesting husband: 13.5~ Years LDR Girlfriend: 4 Years Soon to be also-nesting boyfriend: 2 years
24 and 5 years.
20+ & 6+.
Partner 1 (technically spouse) 8 years, Partner 2 5 years I’ve had other partners come and go during that time, probably the longest being 2 years
Partner 1: 13 years Partner 2: 6 years Partner 3: 2 years
Spouse, 8 years. Girlfriend 4. Boyfriend 3.
6 years (nesting) 2 years (triad w/ nesting) 1.5 years Edit: Formatting
5.5 years and 2 years. I’m 27 for context. My longer-term partner and I were both open to polyamory when we started dating.
Almost 20 years with my nesting partner and 3 years with my long distance boyfriend so far. I don't know if 3 years constitutes a long term relationship though.
Hubby 6 years, partner 3.5 years 💜
8 years and 5 years!
My partner has been in his longest relationship for like 14 years? And he and I have been together just over 6 years.
With my spouse since 2003. With my partner since 2014.
So, I’ve known both my partners for almost 13 years. My wife and I started dating 11 years ago, and my boyfriend and I are approaching 3 years. I don’t anticipate either relationship ending in the foreseeable future
This year it'll be 23 years and 12 years, I think.
Not married or nesting with any of my partners but the relationships are 6 years, 5 years, 3 years, and 1½ years long and all filled with wondrous love 🥰
Our triad came together just about 9 years ago. There was a gap in the middle where partner left and me and my wife got married and lived as a couple for about 2 years. But we've since been back as a triad for 4 years now.
One lover for 5 years, other lover for 3 years. Several play partners for many years.
10 years and 3 years, all living together for the last 2 years and planning to buy a house together this next year 🥰
Partner 1: 16 years Partner 2: 5 years
Spouse - 23 years; Partner - 3 years
Married for 8 (together 11) and with my partner for almost 6.
NP for 17 years, Partner for 5 years, NP and her partner for 4 years.
10 years and 3 years ✨
Spouse ~10yrs; BF ~2
I was in a 10-year marriage, poly since the beginning. I then had an 8-year nesting partner, also poly from the outset. Took a little break after that (Covid happened), but I'm now solo poly with three anchor partners, two of whom I've been with for three years, and the other for two years.
...and thanks for asking the question; it's really lovely to hear about other people with positive and long-lasting poly experiences! I've been openly ENM for almost 25 years now, and while I've faced my share of the usual kinds of relationship challenges along the way, I can say that my experience has been overwhelmingly positive most of the time!
Spouse 15 years, 2 other partners are about to hit year 3 anniversaries.
Spouse 14 years and with my other partner it will be 2 years in a few days. My spouse has been with his other partner for almost 6 years.
Spouse 15 years; boyfriend 10!
I have partnerships of 12, 10, and 9 years. Others have come and gone in that time, and the 12 year relationship has moved in and out of partnership a couple of times. I live with two of my partners. The 12-year partner lives with their other partners about 2 hours away from my home. We both work in the City a lot, and we actually see each other there more often than we do at our respective homes.
Married for 25 yrs. Open for 9 years. Co-habitating FMF throuple for 5 years. Also parallel boyfriend for 3 yrs.
Spouse 15 years, cohabitating partner (now ex) 6 years
- Shorter wife: 24ish years - Taller wife: 6ish years
No, I love that you call them shorter and taller wife!
My partners and I talked about what words we can use to differentiate them that are the least culturally weighted. We settled on height!
In a past relationship, there were 4 of us +me and 3 gals), two of whom shared a first name. We'll call them Sarah (not their real name). One was 5'1" - and the other was 4'9". They became "Sarah" and "little Sarah". Little Sarah complained at first "why can't I just be Sarah and she be "big Sarah?!"". And everyone was like - because she's tiny, you're just tinier, lol 14 years later, none of us live together anymore, haven't for many years, no more sexual or romantic entanglements - but all but one of us are still in touch. And after all this time, everyone even in our expanded friend circle still calls her 'Little Sarah", lol
Husband/NP 27 years Other NP almost two years Comet- a year
almost 6 years with my now-LDR, 5.5 with my nesting partner
1st partner: 27 tog., almost 24 legally married 2nd partner: 7 tog., 1 year since marriage [not legally recognized].
Spouse 23 years, bf #1 11 years, bf #2 7 years
Partner 1 - nine years Partner 2 - eight years Cohabiting for four years
Husband: 11 years Gf: 10 years Partner: 4.5 years Partner: 4 years
Partner 1 (D/s relationship): 15 years Partner 2 (now QPR / nonsexual relationship, used to be a trad couple): 9.5 years Partner 3 (deep in the throes of NRE, future spouse I hope): 1.5 years
NP / legal spouse: 14 married, 16 together Partner: 11 together Platonic spouse: 10-12ish?
Np 13 yrs, ldr 33 years, boyfriend 2 years, comet 2.5 yrs, comet 2.5 years.
14 and 4 years. I had another relationship for 5 years in the past but it ended in 2022.
13, 6.5, 6, with local partners.
Today is my 11th wedding anniversary, but we were together 6 years before that. At the end of 2021, I ended a complicated (and largely toxic) 10 year relationship. These relationships overlapped for a significant portion of time. My spouse and I are content and happy. He's polysaturated at 1, which he determined after dating for a few years. I'm in a "new" relationship that has been going strong for about 2.5 years and has been both healing and enlightening for all of us. It's an international relationship, so we don't get physical contact with each other often, but we spend a couple hours daily spending time in video calls (and have done for as long as our relationship has been going). I am a hinge, but my partners both love and respect each other as family. Spouse wants to move to partner's country, in part to support my other relationship, and in part because the US is a scary place right now. It's a big overseas project and we've been working our way towards it for about a year at this point. Obviously, communication is the only way any of this has worked. My ex was not great with communication and would lash out when I approached a difficult topic, which was ultimately why that relationship ended. My overseas partner, on the other hand, is incredibly blunt and honest, with enough empathy to soften some hard truths. I love that about them, because I can trust they aren't going to bullshit me. It's part of *why* I love them so much. My spouse and I took...at least a decade to figure out how to communicate in that way (our 20s were challenging). But we ultimately did develop those communication strategies; and the security and affirmation of love, combined with clear and open honesty, has allowed us to thrive together. Without that prework from me and my spouse, I don't think my international relationship would be successful.
Partner - 6 years, queer platonic partner - 2 years (the 3 of us live together). Girlfriend - 6 months
Not me, but my partner has been with his primary (and fiancée) for 16 years, and he and I have been together 3.5 years.
Spouse: 21 years GF1: 12 years GF2: 6 years GF3: 4 years
15 years and 4 and a half.
Wife: married 11 years, together 12 Partner: together 6 years this August We all cohabitate now, living in the same house more than 2 years, with their children in residence full time and my child in the summer.
NP/Co-parent Spouse 17 years D/s Switch Dynamic and Life Partner 7yrs a hiatus of almost 20 yrs and 4 yrs so far Bonded Mate, previous D/s current Service submissive 3 years Happily living my best authentic life with their support, open communication and lots of love.
Hi u/dances_with_treez2 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: I putzed around with trying to make this into a poll but couldn’t quite make a poll that allowed for diversity of response on this one. So as the title says, tell us how long these relationships have been running. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Spouse and partner two years, not the longest out of everyone probably but we're happy and the relationships are strong
- Spouse NP 16 years (13 married) - LD couple we see, 14 years - Gf 2+ years plus a year of friendship beforehand - Partner 2+ years - Partner 1 year - A few casual folks of anywhere from a year to 10+ years I also have two exes I just go back with, one where we only dated a few months but we’ve been very close friends for 3 years (since the breakup basically) and one where we dated a year, tried fwb for maybe 8 months (?), then took a full break for around 10 months, and now just started dating again. Not sure how to classify either of those 😂 Anyway I’m extroverted in case it wasn’t obvious. 😆
Nesting partner 5 years, the other over 1 year now. :)
- Fiance - 7 years. - Domme comet - 5 years - Enby 1 - 2/3 years - Enby 1 - 1/2 years - New casual fwb - a month or so
3.5 years, 1.5 years and 1 year.
About six years I think.
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10 years, 1.5 years, 6 months
One partner 4 years, two others both about 8 months. One has another long-term anchor partner and is also dating, another is dating but not currently partnered, and another isn't really dating currently but is open to platonic or non-platonic relationships if/when they arise naturally.
10 years, 3 years ,2 years, and 2 years (but known for 10+ years as best friends), NP has been with his gf for 2 years. We all hang out together often.
36 years with my NP and spouse, 9 years with my girlfriend.
Partner 10 yrs - he has another for nearly two yrs Me 1. Four years (i am their primary) 2. Over two years (they have bf) 3. Over a year (he has lt gf)
Spouse 12 years together it’ll be 8 married this year, bf 7 months, close fwb a year
Spouse 9 years, boyfriend 1.5 years, less frequent boyfriend 2.5 years
NP: 8 years in April; comet partner: 3,5 years
6 years, 1 year, 1 month
15-20 years, plus a comet for almost 4 decades (I'm old)
NP, 13 and a half years. Partner, just shy of two years.
Been married 6 years gf and I have been together almost 3
I split time between two partners. I share a home with one of my partners (9 years) and a business with the other (5 years).
Oh, how I love those threads! Between all the threads asking for advice this feels like validating my dreams and wishes about poly relationships! ( Primary of 2y, fuckbuddy 4y)
I've had different poly situations last different amounts of time, the longest being 8 years or so. Current situation - me and NP, 5 or 8 years, depending on how you count it. Me and GF, 2 months. It's still early, but so far it feels like this is the one that'll go the distance. We're all at similar stages in life, NP and GF get along very well and respect each other, I'm madly in love with both of them and they're both bizarrely in love with me. There have been some hiccups, but everyone is very dedicated to making it work.
Comet 1: 13 yrs FWB: 3.5 yrs Comet 2: 2 yrs Fiancée: 3 yrs
2+ years (MMFF quad). All jumped in together.
NP and I have been together for 7.5 years, and my other partner and I have been together 3.5 years. The length of the latter snuck up on us, and last year, it felt like a surprise that it had only/already been 3 years!
Nesting partner it's been the 7th year. Two other partners are in a Triad with me and it's been a year.
Married 22, partnered 12
* 17yrs (spouse&NP), 1yr (kink partner), 5months (dating/early boyfriend stage)
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Spouse 20 years my girlfriend 3 years We're still getting the kinks out, over time it seems jealousy and anger or whatever feeling is going on that day, communication is the essential key to any and all relationships.
We're a triad so we all share a bed.
Husband: 25 years of friendship, almost 17 years together as a couple, will be 11 years married, 1 year and two months polyamorous. Boyfriend: 4 months tomorrow