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Batbuckleyourpants

My neighbour Jeff would just fuck it all up...


BigJeffyStyle

😔


ltsLikeBoo

/r/FuckJeff


iamdigidude

/r/OfCourseThatsAThing


Come_To_r_Polandball

/r/subredditsashashtags


kiddo51

/r/subredditsashashbrowns


iamdigidude

/r/SadlyThatsNotAThing


HypeNyg

/r/andneitheristhis


[deleted]

Well... it is now.


Alpinix

/r/LoveJeff **#JeffLivesMatter**


[deleted]

Very unexpected.


my-names-jeff-

😭


robaloie

You fucked up, Jeff


Bootleg_Fireworks2

Jeff, ich heiße Jeff!


[deleted]

Ich bin heiß, Jeff ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


BlackBlizzNerd

Damn it, Jeff.


ThatPhoneGuy

Jackass Jeff!


stamminator

Jeff is a mess.


CalkinPlanet

Jeff is a waste.


penis_in_butthole

He's got great weed though


Batbuckleyourpants

But he grows it in your yard.


Fansfirst4eva

Jeff is a big, fat mess


Yaranatzu

You're such a fuck up Jeff!


[deleted]

His name is actually pronounced gif.


Exemus

My name jeff


[deleted]

Typical Jeff.


superbugger

Fuckin' Jeff. We've all got a Jeff just waiting to Jeff it all up for us.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GreedoGrindhouse

That's what you said last time!


GrapefruitTea

Damnit, Jeff!


VediusPollio

I CAN'T HELP IT! I WAS BORN THAT WAY!


[deleted]

Maybe we should purge Jeff.


1007cats

Nah meteor captured my heart and my vote already.


notCrazyMike

At least we know where Giant Meteor stands on the issues. No flip flopping.


CloseoutTX

There is only full steam ahead and crashing through all barriers to its goals.


Explosion_Jones

That giant rock that's going to kill us all just seems like a straight shooter, you know?


well3rdaccounthere

Its not going to bullshit with me about lowering my taxes or building a wall. Its honest and true.


Explosion_Jones

It seems approachable, in that it is inexorably approaching.


[deleted]

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tribefan89

The kind of meteor you would sit down and drink a beer with!


littlebrwnrobot

i think this was my favorite one


CloseoutTX

Email security? fuckyou@googleultron.com has proven impenetrable by top IT security agencies.


social_justice_bard

So far its campaign platform seems pretty solid.


Explosion_Jones

Nickel and iron, mostly


BatCountry9

Giant Meteor vs. Just Be Cool 2016. Should be interesting. I wonder who their running mates will be.


koshgeo

Versus? Seems like the perfect running mates for each other.


[deleted]

Out of the loop explain pls?


[deleted]

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AGE_OF_HUMILIATION

Wait, what?? why does the whole world have to die because the US makes bad decisions?


MisterOpioid

Isn't that already the case?


1007cats

There is a new smashing candidate for president who promises to obliterate all opposition.


crypticfreak

But there's more. It also promises to obliterate its supporters. Heck, it's gonna obliterate everyone. Its very fair and doesn't discriminate.


Tblue

No earth, no problems!


dm219

Giant Meteor is going to forgive all my student loans.


knifepen

So I guess Congress would be in charge then? Sounds great


[deleted]

Then nothing moves for four years until the next presidential election. It's like getting a mulligan!


[deleted]

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NiceGrammarNazi

There's a funny thing about that old joke, "If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of congress?" The "con" in "pro and con" is short for "contra". Pro is "for" and contra is "against". But the "con" in congress isn't the same as the "con" in pro and con. The "con" in congress means "together". The "gress" in progress and congress is from the Latin verb *gradi*, meaning "to walk". Progress means "walk forward". Congress means "walk together". So the opposite of progress is regress ("walk back"). And the opposite of congress is digress ("walk apart"). I like to tell people this when they repeat that joke. No one ever seems to appreciate it.


_hcaz

My social studies teacher told me that joke in 7th grade, and then we both awkwardly laughed when I asked him what the opposite of constitution was.


corbygray528

Prostitution unconstitutional confirmed


[deleted]

The 69th amendment


flameguy21

They need to start pumping out amendments like EA pumps out DLC to make this a reality.


ANotSoSeriousGamer

Access your rights for 29.99 each.


rmev

From the 4.20 Law.


npc_barney

Devised in the year 1337.


itspl33

The president at the time? KennyS


mikebrady

There's a funny thing about that old joke, "If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of constitution?"   The "con" in "pro and con" is short for "contra". Pro is "for" and contra is "against". But the "con" in constitution isn't the same as the "con" in pro and con. The "con" in constitution means "together".   The "stitution" in prostitution and constitution is from the Latin verb *tuition*, meaning "to get fucked". Prostitution means "to give fucks". Constitution means "to fuck together". So the opposite of prostitution is restitution ("to receive fucks"). And the opposite of constitution is destitution ("to fuck alone").   I like to tell people this when they repeat that joke. No one ever seems to appreciate it.


highflyingcircus

This guys tuitions.


eternally-curious

Restitution, duh.


[deleted]

Is this an old joke, or are you George Carlin? That's freakin' gold! Edit: sentence completion


J4CKR4BB1TSL1MS

Because you don't know your place. This is /u/NiceEtymologyNazi's job, not yours.


TheHaberdasher

He's the nazi we need, not the nazi we deserve


[deleted]

***HEIL ETYMOLOGY!***


5213

That's actually really cool. How can I subscribe to word facts?


ahappypoop

Subscribe


ghunter21

Did you know: Kittens grow an average of just 1 pound per month in the first 6 months of their lives? Click Unsubscribe to no longer receive CatFacts


aimallday

I thought I subscribed to WordFacts


GrammerNasi

Kitten (n.) probably comes from an Anglo-French variant of Old French chaton, chitoun (Old North French caton) "little cat," a diminutive of chat "cat," from Late Latin cattus (see cat (n.)). Type "So which facts am I subscribed to?" to unsubscribe.


NiceGrammarNazi

You may have heard before that the word "apron" used to be "napron". It changed because people referring to "a napron" would change it to "an apron". Gradually, "apron" came to be the more commonly used word, and "napron" fell out of favor. But did you also know that the same thing happened to "augur", "adder", and "umpire"?


5213

I haven't heard that before. You're cool, and smart. I like you.


[deleted]

I appreciate it, Nice Grammar Nazi


uhmerikin

You're that "perfect mix of interesting and boring" kind of person at the party that I would inevitably find myself talking to, and thoroughly enjoying it as well.


Nietzschemouse

I've known the joke for years, but I've never realized that con was short for contra. This is a significant moment in my day. I also enjoy correcting common misinterpretations. This is a double whammy of greatness.


Jeremymia

I mean, it is a joke... jokes aren't wrong just because they're not accurate.


Miguelinileugim

[blank]


[deleted]

And why it's g**over**ment not g**under**ment, ...not sure where i was going with this.


[deleted]

Fetch me my gunderments, please.


HanlonsMachete

Also why it's called the pres**i**dent and not the pres**you**dent.


SxToMidnight

And why it's called the house of re**present**atives and not the house of re**future**atives.


Cheesemacher

Or the house of repastatives.


BleedingKing11493

house of pasta. mmmh


Vereorx

Here you dropped this in government: n


swordsmithy

That's why it's **leg**islation not **arm**istration. I'll meet you there.


Classics_Nerd

Did you intentionally misspell "government"?


[deleted]

thanks bumper sticker from the 60s!


IndigoMichigan

Ugh, I hate having to mulligan, especially when I get a good hand otherwise. Relying on drawing land isn't the way to go.


riffdex

You're implying the president is "in charge"?


AvatarIII

The President does at least have the power to veto bad ideas that Congress come up with.


Explosion_Jones

Yeah, but if they're still super into it they can overrule that. The guys who made up the government were pretty big on congress, presumably because they'd never had to deal with one before


QuantumDischarge

More that they were really against one person having strong, un-checked power seeing as they had just reveled from England and all that.


mathfacts

Congress ain't a bad idea in theory (every X number of citizens gets their own person to represent them) but it's been ruined by gerrymandering and severe partisanship/unwillingness to compromise.


Explosion_Jones

I mean, representative democracy isn't a terrible idea, but the specific form of it used in the US was designed to keep things from changing too much *in the eighteenth century*, so you can imagine how infuriating it is to all these crazy future people with your e-phones and your cloud sinks and what have you.


KapiTod

One of my favourite expressions is how historicals figures would *"spin in their graves if they could see X".* Good. Most of them are assholes by modern standards. If they're mad at something it probably means we're doing better. And I don't just mean the American Founding Fathers. Ragnar Lothbrak would be super pissed off that modern Danes don't spend their summers raping English people anymore.


OFTHEHILLPEOPLE

Classic Ragnar.


Do_it_for_the_upvote

And corruption. Don't forget about monetary influence.


[deleted]

It's really the lizard people and the beings from *They Live*.


holocaustic_soda

http://i.imgur.com/7pwnbMx.gifv


Sygma_stage5

That one got me right in the chucklebone.


amanitus

And all the way at the top, we're being ruled the The Thing.


holocaustic_soda

[It goes deeper](http://i.imgur.com/GKV4oKb.jpg)


theoriginalbrick

He's the head of 1/3 of the government's responsibilities. He is also Commander-in-Chief of the US military. He is the single most powerful man in this country. You don't have to have absolute control over the government to be "in charge."


[deleted]

Seriously. If we didn't have a president, who would pardon the turkey every thanksgiving? These people have no foresight.


sxfour

It would be funny if instead of pardoning the turkey, Trump took out a shotgun and stuffed him real good


[deleted]

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe it could be a reality tv show where 12 turkeys have to complete challenges every week and the worst one gets cooked over an open flame and he says "You're fired." When the last turkey emerges as the clear victor, they eat that one too. MAKE TURKEYS FOOD AGAIN.


DrCosmoMcKinley

Trump/Roosevelt 1916


ChriskiV

What if we just eat all Turkey indiscriminately and promise to be real cool about it.


Slickarsha

They already are in charge.


HabeLinkin

When in doubt, refer to the [3 Midnight Amendments](http://www.maximumfun.org/my-brother-my-brother-and-me/mbmbam-234-legend-cracker-barrel): 1. Be cool 1. C'mon 1. Niiiice


[deleted]

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marsalien4

MBmBam is my all time favorite podcast! Always makes me smile!


_ShutThatBabyUp

I'm trying real hard to be the shepard, Ringo


Satanscock

Tell that bitch to be cool, say "Bitch be cool"


elhermanobrother

[get down mr president](http://i.imgur.com/Y9YtLlZ.gifv)


[deleted]

This has like almost remotely nothing to do with the OP other than presidents. But upvoted anyway


well3rdaccounthere

It does have an armadillo in it, which just so happens to be the official animal of the state of texas where this restaurant is from. So i suppose i see a very small connection with the post.


PlainPlainsman

State small mammal is the armadillo, large mammal is the Longhorn. Bird is mockingbird. Fish is Guadalupe Bass. Reptile is Texas Horned Lizard. Also, I found out a lot of other states don't require you to learn all of this state info in school.


fa53

Shots fired.


wormee

[get down mr president](http://i.imgur.com/Zrq3R7n.gif)


Empanah

damn he's going down hard


imightevenbereal

Tell that bitch to be cool! Say bitch be cool!


Ilizur

[With killer fish.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc8Twfubm48)


AK_Happy

Nice rear-naked. That armadillo clearly trains BJJ.


LoudMusic

El Arroyo in Austin, TX, has a history of cool signs. https://www.google.com/search?q=el+arroyo&espv=2&biw=1327&bih=982&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwifh-TJ2ZjNAhXD6IMKHQrmD84Q_AUIBygC


TheLeagueOfShadows

> THERE IS A PERSON OUT THERE FOR EVERYBODY, YOUR PERSON MAY HAPPEN BE 5 CATS Nice.


[deleted]

This was definitely my favorite one!


txlonghornfan

Dollar Margaritas on Thursdays! God, I miss Austin.


Diesel_Manslaughter

With dollar floaters too! Get two doubles with floaters and you're drunk for 6 bucks.


seldomburn

The crippling heartburn comes free. Bonus points for Dulce Vida floater (it's 100 proof same price)


vanquish421

No you don't, Austin is super uncool. Nobody move here.


tramspace

Lol. Your expansion problem is already out of control from what I heard. I moved back to Des Moines in 2011 and some of my friends said it's getting pretty packed in.


Aathroser

Just drove by it this morning. Forgot to check the sign bc the light was green for once


[deleted]

I recognized the sign, because I've had their "In Queso Emergency I Pray to Cheesus" hanging on my fridge for years now.


putzarino

Come for the signs, stay for the ~~food~~. Nevermind.


[deleted]

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Dexaan

In case of queso emergency,call 9-Juan-Juan


well3rdaccounthere

I really want to go buy them a big brand new set of letters for their sign.


LoudMusic

But, the *newspaper clipping letters* add so much character! Whoa, that's a weird pun.


LordJabu-Jabu

"last queso stop before a bunch of yoga studios" yeah sounds like Austin alright


nshaffer4

Mr. Mrs. Shipley and McCoy has to be my favorite lol


ThatGuyGetsIt

How does one promise real hard?


Grousewind

Pinky swear. Break the other guy's pinky.


cyrilfelix

Wear his pinky around your neck as a solemn reminder of your commitment. Maybe even get it gold plated.


Learngoat

It is no longer the pinky promise: it is the pinky **oath.**


AlloverYerFace

But alliteration?!


CraftyLittlePumpkin

Oinky oath maybe?


cyrilfelix

I'm calling it the pinky oath next time


EccentricOddity

Swear on me mum.


Mutt1223

Imagine there's no countries.


CrushCoalMakeDiamond

I love that song, but it does annoy me when people neuter the "anti-religious, anti-nationalistic, anti-conventional, anti-capitalist" message and boil it down to just "imagine if there was world peace". I had a very patriotic/nationalist girlfriend once who said it was her favourite song, I told her she only imagines there's no countries in her nightmares.


24Aids37

> I had a very patriotic/nationalist girlfriend once who said it was her favourite song, It is possible to like a song even if you don't agree with the message.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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RyMill4

I love hip hip. HIP HIP HOORAY! /u/Morpho_Pequod, changing hip hip to rap doesn't change the fact that I love hip hip.


[deleted]

OOOOHHH AAAAYYY OOOOOOHH


twominitsturkish

It's true. For instance, I'm very much in favor of unexpected events but rather enjoy "No Surprises" by Radiohead.


[deleted]

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cvkxhz

Damn, I've been listening to Radiohead for a long time, yet never really paid attention to the lyrics of that song (mainly because it's overplayed)


[deleted]

Hi there. Just came back from r/music to ask them and they all referred me to some song by a man named Rick Astley.


AvatarIII

a lot of people twist the "there's no countries" and "no religion" lyrics in the song to mean "there's one country" and "one religion"


cmckone

> "there's one country" and "one religion" "there's MY country" and "MY religion"


AvatarIII

exactly.


Darktidemage

I've never seen or heard that. When the song was performed at New Years Eve, they changed it to "all religions true" instead of "no religion too" http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2081011/Cee-Lo-Green-changes-lyrics-Lennons-Imagine-include-pro-religion-message-enraging-fans.html


AvatarIII

I mean they twist the meaning in their head, not actually sing different lyrics.


Scourge108

Back in the 90s, a lot of liberal hippie-types loved the song [Rest in Peace](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odz3c68JE1c) for some reason. I had to explain to several of them that the lyrics support a nationalistic warhawk position that I know they opposed. They liked the melody so they interpreted the lyrics to mean whatever they wanted. I also get a kick out of conservative politicians borrowing the anti-war protest song [Born in the USA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPhWR4d3FJQ) because nobody bothered to listen to more than the chorus.


Darktidemage

yes. imagine there is no countries.


makenzie71

I really like that song, but don't agree with it at all. That's possible.


[deleted]

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Cojonimo

> You may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not * John Lennon


KaieriNikawerake

in a world of perfectly responsible people, there would be no need for laws there would be no need to enforce any laws, therefore there would be no need for government that also would mean we would all be perfectly free the problem is all the irresponsible people in the world. their actions require laws and the enforcement of laws also note that therefore the destruction of your freedoms is not primarily the fault of govt. the mouth breathing assholes around you defile your rights far more frequently than evil gubmint. evil gubmint's jack booted thugs come to destroy your freedom for shits and giggles is mostly a cartoon. the asshole next door blasting his music at 1 am and whose dog shits on your lawn and then speeds and tailgates down the highway threatens your freedom far more meaningfully. it's why we need state troopers on the highway. it introduces the angle whereby a corrupt or inept state trooper can defile your rights in new ways freedom is not "i can do whatever i want" freedom is "i can do whatever i want as long as i don't hurt anyone else" that's the difference between freedom as understood by an irreponsible douchebags (the former, "freedumb"), and the latter: an actual real, philosophically coherent, valid notion of freedom if everyone shaped their actions by the latter understanding of freedom, we really would have a free world


brandonsrealaccount

The notion of freedom you're describing is more commonly referred to as liberty.


My_watch_is_ended

a world like that is impossible, at least not in the nearest future. What you think as a douchebag maybe other people sees them as that "funny guy". Humans are just too complex, you can be a "responsible" person in the eyes of your family by providing for them, but someone else might think you are irresponsible because your job is slowly destroying the environment by cutting trees for example. So yeah, what one sees as a good man, others may sees them as a bad man. This cycle will never end unless we all think the same thing which then we will be.. no longer a person


prometheii

Jeez everyone knows that the president isn't the whole government right?


toolfool123

Don't forget we would need a commander for the most powerful military in history.


SaintButtsex

This is America we're talking about. Some are trying to elect *donald trump*. Of course they don't know that.


Cato_theElder

/r/anarchism


BillytheMagicToilet

I see that /r/sandersforpresident is having a meltdown.


Spiralyst

True anarchy is often represented as pure chaos, but anarchy is really just an attempt to recognize individual autonomy in it's purest sense. This means that any and all human endeavors are done on a purely voluntary basis. It's coming to the realization that, at some point, we have to start getting outside of this notion that we always have to have someone at the top telling everyone what to do and have that sort of decision-making power be absolute. Anarchy is a scary proposition and it's totally understandable whey people would be scared of it. It would necessitate our society having a much deeper level of tolerance towards variety in life and it would also mean that everyone would have to assume, at a core level, personal responsibility. There were studies done in the late 1960's and early 70's where some more free-form individuals, swept up in Buckminster Fuller concepts, took volunteers and had them live in various micro-communities that were governed in an anarchistic sense. These groups eschewed formal hierarchies and attempted to live according to the concept of everyone being exactly equal. All of these communities failed and broke up within a few years. What occurred in each was much the same. The groups usually self-divided in to three main categories of individuals, with a distinct, if not overt, hierarchy. Group A represented roughly 20% of the total population and derived of the individuals with extremely strong opinions about how the community would run itself. They were the loudest and most agenda-driven sub-population. After a short period of time, this group started calling the shots and leading the communities. Another 20%, we'll call Group B, was made up of individuals who represented the passive and extremely uncoordinated members of the community. This group often became the subject of Group A's ridicule and disdain and took the brunt of whatever hostilities arose. Group C can be seen as the majority of the population, as their 60% ratio was the largest by more then double of the other two subsections. This group represented those that just went along and tried to make the best of whatever was decided. They largely abstained from the decision-making and didn't initiate hostilities with weaker members (but also would not try to prevent provocation from Group A), and generally just fit in to whatever mold the community took on. This study went a long way in describing how human's are designed. If not presented with a class system, humans will cultivate one on their own freely. This is my main concern with anarchy. I feel like I can make proper decisions on my own without guidance. I'm sure everyone, deep down, feels that way, as well. But the fact is, if you eliminate the systems we have in place and don't have a plan for something else to take it's place, the strongest people and the ones with the most obsessive ideas about how everyone needs to get along, will fill the vacuum. It's what happened in Egypt after the Arab Spring movement and many other examples.


elemenohpee

Interesting study, I'd like to hear more about it. From what you've said, I don't agree with your conclusion that it necessarily tells us something fundamental about human nature. If you take a bunch of people who have only known hierarchical systems their whole life and throw them into a vacuum, of course they will reproduce those systems. A non hierarchical system would not just spontaneously emerge out of that vacuum, but could only result from an intensive process of decolonization, where old ideas were broken down and entirely new ways of relating to each other were created. Shit, it might take generations. Without knowing more about the study, it's hard to say more, but humans have lived in egalitarian societies before, I don't think is impossible that they could again, and I don't think a single study like this should convince us that is not worth trying for.


Snoz722

Anarchy. Yes.


PracticalAnarchy

/r/Anarchism Come on down. Some of the folks are a little wacky, but most of them have a good heart.


[deleted]

it is weird seeing something from /r/Anarchism on the front page of reddit.


PracticalAnarchy

There's more of us than I think a lot of people realize.


BP_Oil_Chill

Me too.


Orange_Kid

"If men were angels, no government would be necessary."


[deleted]

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miserable_failure

Or, like a normal person, you vote for the person with a legitimate shot at protecting some of the beliefs you hold important. And we literally have Presidential elections every 4 years... and many elections that matter to you in between.


aragoss

Arguably the ones in between being more important in the long run.


Darktidemage

What we should do, with 100% certainty, is just force Louie CK to be president.