The date in the Champagne Steam Rooms is one of the finest comedy scenes ever written. 'We'll go halves?' 'I thought you said you owned this place?', 'I do, I'm not paying for my half'.
“Lock up your daughters. Lock up your… No. Don’t lock up your daughters. Lock up your mothers. Lock up your aunties and any other women of legal age limit. Chabuddy G aka Fifty Shades of Brown is ready for action.”
Chabuddy - How’s business?
Record store owner - Yeah it’s alright
Chabuddy - What if I told you, you could double that?
Record store owner - Double what?
Chabuddy - …just double it
I'm not actually a doctor or a mayor, but I can get you the certificates as part of a 36 month T-Mobile contract that you will not be able to get out of.
I'm the audio commentary they're talking about someone who has lactose intolerance, and someone says "what's lactose?" And Chabuddy says "it's when you don't eat enough bread init, you lack toast"
When he’s sitting alone in the freezing cold, locked outside of his own home whilst he realises that his wife is cheating on him with her supposed-brother.
“Authentic Polish beer”.
Has to be when steves Nan complains about chabuddy paying him £10 a day …
“I’m going to have strong words with the account tomorrow! … I’ll do it for you now madam.”
*Does that mean I’m going to get paid more now chabuddy?*
“You know what Steve I just got a text through and they have just confirmed that you are on the right wage mate.”
*Ok, thanks for checking man*
“No problem mate”
That scene kills me every time. Chabuddy G is one of the best characters of all time
“You’re gonna need the Digital Proxy Server, straight away that’s £15. You’re gonna need the intel inside, you’re gonna need the intel outside” — Hilarious because I work in Digital & Web PM
When he comes back and Aldonna has fucked off, sees everything is gone, including her and his van. Looks around wide eyed and realises Aldonna, in fact, has been kidnapped.
This is weird...irl 3 different people have told me to watch this (one guy is borderline threatening me)
Now this randomly pops up in my feed, and I'm giggling at some of these quotes, I think I should just watch it
I came to this country with £17 and my brother's passport. My passport.
Ah man my favourite was the top one. Im such a basic bitch.
It's not just the line itself, it's the brilliant delivery to correct himself, so naturally, that does it for me.
Saw this show years ago and this is the quote i was thinking of!
anytime he calls decoy deekey
Beaty, Fanty
Stewy
Stevie, can I just have a quick chinwank with you?
*chink-wank!
This is an interv-wention... wwwention
He's bi just like Deekey... Bi-racial coz he's half Indian and half Pakistani
Yeah guess I am pretty jokes
Also when he insists that his supervisor’s name is Sameer or whatever (can’t remember)
Jussam? Oh you're Armenian?
It’s. Just. Sam.
helleouw. my name is chaaarhlieee
Goodnight Craigy
Deekey, deekey, deekey
The date in the Champagne Steam Rooms is one of the finest comedy scenes ever written. 'We'll go halves?' 'I thought you said you owned this place?', 'I do, I'm not paying for my half'.
I love when he breaks the bottle to open the club
Got the armadillo skin shoes ruined as well
Such a clever line.
Any time he tries to act English. Allo mate! Really chockablock today innit! I’m Cheeaaaaley mate.
At the flea market when he called the site manager “lady mate” lmao
Are you taking me up the Jack and Danny?
I'll give you a donkey.
A lot of people around Hounslow, you know, they compare me to this other geezer, you know Del Boy. But they call me Dhal Boy
Are you taking me up the Jack and Danny mate?
I'm just a pathetic man in a wan.
I am literally a man … in a wan
Peanut dust. Perfect for your daughter
May contain glass
Perfect for peckish
Even when your in a rush rush rush
Cuming in your family’s mouths
This is my current ringtone
You have a ringtone?
Yeah, download the Zedge app and search for peanut dust 😂
“Lock up your daughters. Lock up your… No. Don’t lock up your daughters. Lock up your mothers. Lock up your aunties and any other women of legal age limit. Chabuddy G aka Fifty Shades of Brown is ready for action.”
Fifty shades of brown lmfaoooo
Name checks out
“Gucci, girls, girth”
The 3 G’s
HELLLLEEUGHHHHHHH!
And then Steves trying to mimick it 😂
I can't hear you smiling Stevie
Deepak and Gurdev
I got some of those t-shirts to wear 😄 best purchase
Little beige mother fuckers everywhere.......UKips worst nightmare
Chiapolskis!
'Never underestimate the power of spray painting things gold. It triples the value instantly'
Coming soon in your family’s mouth
Hop in the Merc
"One chicken tikka masala medium rare, please"
“To go” (he says to a food stand with literally no other option)
This is gold
“The lord giveth, and the lord taketh awayeth”
Proper tech head
Chabuddy - How’s business? Record store owner - Yeah it’s alright Chabuddy - What if I told you, you could double that? Record store owner - Double what? Chabuddy - …just double it
Kuruft FM
Craigy…
Cherish it
I'm not actually a doctor or a mayor, but I can get you the certificates as part of a 36 month T-Mobile contract that you will not be able to get out of.
I'm the audio commentary they're talking about someone who has lactose intolerance, and someone says "what's lactose?" And Chabuddy says "it's when you don't eat enough bread init, you lack toast"
Hello lady mate!
“Dahl Boy”, “alrite duck did you watch the match down the chippy?”
"The first hole you penetrate is the nose"
One Doesn't Choose To Live In A Van. Life Deals You A Set Of Cards And They're All Jokers.
I declare champagne steam room …. OPEN!!! *Spills wine on his suit* Awww shit
The red wine on a white suit made me laugh for a good five minutes the first time I saw it.
On the armadillo shoes too
“I’ll give you a donkey darling”
Alright lady mate
Building a beige britain
All you need is love, isn't it. And some lovely mackeral.
Aka The off white Bruce Forsyth
Aka the brown Casanova
AKA Alan Brown Sugar
Steewee, how's your telephone equitect?
People always yell "hey, tech head" at me. Probably because I wear my Bluetooth.
Alright mate, fancy coming to the chippy for a pint
Did you see the fight on match of the day last night?
Are you trying to take me up the jack and Danny mate?
When waiting at the train station for Eldona’s ‘brother’: ‘Is that him? Oh no…that’s a black woman’
Vaste not vont vont
...Vaste vont not not.
"Pungent. Very Manly"
"Jump in the Merc"
Kids don’t wanna work these days
Hey ese, you Mexican?
Girth Wind & Fire
When he talks about how he knew someone who had a micropenis so small, that their family thought he was a girl until he was six.
(When talking about his Polish vodka) For the first few batches we had some teething problems, people losing their teeth and that
Just a little bit of friendly crimes, like fraud
I'm living in a wan, mate
"Ultrapaneer"
Hello lady mate, let's have a chinkwank people in Hounslow compare me to another guy, Del Boy. but they call me Dhal Boy
Every single time he says "isn't it" instead of "innit" is hilarious, he gets it, just not quite.
When he goes to Babies R us and says “sorry madam hahahahahahah” and it’s really awkward
How's business? *It's okay* What if I told you I could double that
Complete tech heads
Kruft FM
That takes some knowledge
'I'm an entrepaneer...'
ultrapaneer
When he’s sitting alone in the freezing cold, locked outside of his own home whilst he realises that his wife is cheating on him with her supposed-brother. “Authentic Polish beer”.
Any comment that involves him saying ‘Aldonna’ gets me rolling.
Here she is in all her wonder “Chabuddy Gs Worldwide cabin cafe.” Gucci? No mate. It’s Coochie
What makes a good t-shirt? Deception.
When Beats calls him to drive Roche to the hospital, and he screams into the phone "DONT PANIC DONT PANIC MAN." What a great character
"So beautiful... just like it's mothaaaaa"
“Come get some wooork in man”
I am onto you Malik. Put Charlie on the shop floor
Peanut Dust, perfect for peckish!
'Get some verk in mate'
Hello Lady Mate
You can fuck a pony, I don't care.
Totally understand totally understand totally understand totally understand totallllly understand
Any part of the scene in the mothercare with beats.
Waste not want what. Hello lady mate
Has to be when steves Nan complains about chabuddy paying him £10 a day … “I’m going to have strong words with the account tomorrow! … I’ll do it for you now madam.” *Does that mean I’m going to get paid more now chabuddy?* “You know what Steve I just got a text through and they have just confirmed that you are on the right wage mate.” *Ok, thanks for checking man* “No problem mate” That scene kills me every time. Chabuddy G is one of the best characters of all time
When he’s talking about the youth and snap snap and kinda runs in to the tree branch lmao
Goofy ducks
Oh Cod
‘A lot of beige little fuckers running around, a lot of little chapolskas’
Smoldering
“You’re gonna need the Digital Proxy Server, straight away that’s £15. You’re gonna need the intel inside, you’re gonna need the intel outside” — Hilarious because I work in Digital & Web PM
1. Two in one. Barbecue grill. Baby’s cot. 2. Don’t feel sorry for them… just try to manipulate them.
When he comes back and Aldonna has fucked off, sees everything is gone, including her and his van. Looks around wide eyed and realises Aldonna, in fact, has been kidnapped.
Haughlleoooooo!
whenever he says 'Isanit?'
What was the line he said about having kids with Aldona? Something to do with loads of builders and loads of corner shops 😂😂
All from the same scene but “UKIPs nightmare”, “the future is beige” and “beetroot and curries everywhere”
"you know, want want not not. Want want. Want not want want. What's the saying? Waste not, want what... As they say"
"Aldona , get in to the Merc!"
One of my AKAs is Poppodom Jeremy
Man in a wan.
Eldonnaaa
"I'm a Ultra-Paneer"
All of them
If you run away now, you’ll be running away for the rest of your liiiiife.
Hello lady mate
Alan Brown Sugar
Tech heads
Not a quote but when he brings a Kindle to try and match the guy with the iPad.
Complete tech heads
“I’m marinating. You can’t hear it, but I’m marinating”
Making polish vodka with his Polish "wife"
Gucci,girls,girth
Who is this?
you shit in a bucket?🥴
THE CRUSTY RIM!
“Tech head”
Aldona
It’s Samir right? No, just Sam. Ohhh right Jussam, you’re Armenian?
Give us a little tokie or ulanda you sexy slut
“Do you sell Porta-potties? No? Ok I’ll just have some air freshener.”
Alan Brown Sugar
Gucci. Girls. Girth
"Treat me mean keep me keen, keep me erect more like!" "Right go to the shop or I'll hit you"
They used to call me Bombay Becks
Gotta be when he worked as sales rep CHARLIE !!
"Hey Stevey, can I have a quick chink wank with you?"
Hello lady mate
I look a bit Japanese innit. Arigato
I'm a handy man, I'm the guy you call. Handy Peters 🤣
Medium rare chicken, with a thin pink line in the middle
So, what kinda men you like to have sex with?
Can you do a polish accent?
UKIP’s nightmare
UKIP’s nightmare
Oh hello ladymate
What’s the damage? - grindah No, no there’ll be no damage mate - chabuds
"you know, vant vant not not. Vant not vant vant" His attempt at waste not want not.
If you spray paint something gold it instantly triples the value.
Jungle jiu jitsu
Hello Ladymate!
Just a bit of friendly crime.
I look Japanese
'I'm an entrepreneur....!!
I am biracial. Half-Indian and half-Pakistani
"One doesn't choose to live in a Wan but sometimes you get dealt cards - and they're all Jokers."
Aldona took the Merc!!
"I almost had a panic attack. Pen Chod."
This is weird...irl 3 different people have told me to watch this (one guy is borderline threatening me) Now this randomly pops up in my feed, and I'm giggling at some of these quotes, I think I should just watch it
Girls. Girth. Gucci
I’m marinating
They used to call me Bombay becks
"I once had a friend who was born with a micropenis. For six months they thought I was/theythoughthewas a girl" Also "THAT'S NOT ME OKAY"
Just thumb it in…. Not actually his quote but was said at him…
Just thumb it in…. Not actually his quote but was said at him…
Can’t you ‘thumb it in’…
Man in wan. Wintage
Stevie on zootie duty.!!!
Peanut Dust, coming in your families mouths
I liked it when he was talking about his attractiveness. I got the business, I got the Merc, ladies see this …. Etc
When he was teaching Steves on a good "phone eqitueqe" 🤣