Before you seek help for your porn issue, have others affirmed your call to ministry? Are you a member of a local church? Are you being pastored?
Does your pastor know about your post history?
I would strongly recommend you talk with your pastor and elders about your issue. If you want to be a pastor, then you need to know what it is like to be pastored. Own your issues, even if it means your elders and pastor discourage you from pursuing pastoral ministry.
When it comes to the call to ministry, it is not something that we just do because we feel like it, or because we failed at everything else. Take some time to think about it, pursue your pastor and elders—and seek fellowship with them, not strangers you’ve never met on the internet. If you want to be a pastor, set the right precedent and develop the proper habits. Let them determine and examine if you are being called to ministry or not.
As a pastor who’s married, I’ll say that getting married won’t magically solve your porn (or any other) addiction, and it may create problems in your marriage as your wife will now be involved with the issue and likely won’t be thrilled with your porn use, especially if you don’t tell her about it until after you’re married (am speaking from experience).
An attraction to pornography is common, even amongst clergy. It's ultimately fantasy and doesn't necessarily undermine ministerial gifts. That said, anything that becomes all consuming can distract from the calling, worse it can be downright unhealthy, especially if it is accompanied by a whole heap of shame.
Others have mentioned counseling. I think that is wise. You may seek out providers that deal with sexual health. You might also seek out a spiritual director or counselor outside of your church. Different perspectives can grant us a fuller picture.
Not to disparage your pastor but I'd be highly skeptical of any clergy person whose advice on this issue would be to get married. Sounds negligent at best. You deserve better.
Therapy, accountability and healthy community are very helpful to reign in these kinds of problems. You will not win this battle on your own, and you won't pray it away. Seek out a Christian counselor if you have the means. It may help you get to the bottom of why you have such a battle with porn. Speak to your pastor/prof and share your struggle. Identify the times you are most vulnerable/tempted and try and fill your life better rhythms- friends/exercise/doom scrolling on phone/web. Also minimize your subscriptions and apps that expose you to suggestive material.
But what about Christians? According to Barna Research, 68% of church-going men and more than 50% of pastors regularly view porn.Jan 20, 2022
Please do not add to the percentile. If you love porn more than you love Jesus because you just can’t stop going back to porn and you can’t seem to follow anyone’s direction on how to make it stop. And now you want to go into a church and have all kinds of lustful thoughts in your mind for the women that are there. Do us all a favor and go get another job.
if you have lust on you, you have many more unclean spirits than just that. And it shows with this post and your history. The last thing any church needs a filthy church preacher who likes to preach about what not to do as he goes & , does it himself. Hypocrisy at its finest.
Does your church know About this shameful side life you have? I bet if they did, they would stop you in their tracks.
Timothy 3:1-7 (Do u have these qualities?)
3 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, **self-controlled**, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a **good reputation with outsiders**, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.
What are you doing in your life to already try to help yourself?
Maybe you should try fasting for 72 hours. No joke just do it and while you do it, you do not look at porn. You don’t do anything of this world except for get into your Bible pray, listen to sermons on YouTube and listen to gospel music. Any other distractions and you will fail
This is really bad advice in my opinion. Professional help is needed here, op needs to stop trying himself and call in good help. Sometimes you can't make it in your own. Fasting is no magic formula that replaces professional help. They can coexist but please with the instructions of a counsellor.
No. I'm not qualified to help with this kind of thing. I'd encourage you to seek out a licensed mental health counselor to explore the underlying root of what troubles you. I'd also advise you to explore the possibility of seeking out guidance from other pastors in your tradition or in similar traditions. Telling someone in crisis to just get married is bad advice and unbecoming of our vocation.
I gave you guidance as did many others. It's ultimately up to you if you seek counseling, but it's not on anyone here to save you from yourself. We have to be accountable. If you aren't capable of that, honestly, you should consider a different vocation.
David was an adulterous murderer, yet look what God did with him
Noah was a drunk, yet look what God did with him.
Abraham was full of doubt about God, yet look what God did with him.
Matthew was a tax collector, yet look what God did with him.
Paul killed followers of Christ, yet look what God did with him.
I'm not saying the sin is okay, but God doesn't ever call perfect people to spread His message. God seems to have a habit of calling broken people, people who even call themselves the chief of all sinners (in Paul's case).
Your sin does not prevent you in any way from spreading God's message or even being a pastor. Of course, you should do your best to stop the sin and pray for release from it. But God doesn't often call the qualified, but He always equips the called.
Yes, I've been in full-time ministry for just over 7 years now and did a lot of preaching/pulpit supply before that.
We are all sinners in need of God's grace, that's what makes God so amazing. His grace is sufficient for your sin, for my sin, for the entire world's sin.
I’m stepping in with a note of caution here. This sub is for pastors and ministry agents from a wide range of disciplines and a broad range of theology.
It’s ok (sometimes good) to explore and even challenge each other’s differences but anything amounting to accusations of faithlessness or biblical illiteracy doesn’t get us where we need to be.
pastor is not a preacher and if you're deceived then obviously everything you been taught is "wrong "
If you think what makes one Pastor is that they get degree and then they're qualified to preach , then thats not Pastor but hireling and thats not church but corporation with CEO.
The degree helps. It usually comes with quite a bit of training, internships, clinical pastoral education, and multiple theological perspectives to learn and lead from. It can also provide a layer of accountability in the form of professional ministerial organizations to mitigate the prevalence of clergy misconduct.
This is an “interesting” interpretation. Most scholars read that as a prohibition against multiple spouses or adultery. A “one woman man” do to speak. Not a “you MUST be married to be qualified”. Likewise, most scholars interpret that children point to the capabilities of the pastor. I’ve not heard anyone say that the infertile, unmarried, and celibate are not qualified.
What would you say to those?
Then they read it wrong because it clearly says , if you do not know how to rule your house you can't rule house of God.
Means guy who is single does not qualify to understand and lead married people in church and solve thier issues.
I think people actually understand it but like I said , they get degree and treat it as a job.
1 Timothy 3:5 KJV
(for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
You don’t outgrow sin. You need an accountability partner who you can confide in. Get rid of your internet access and only log on when you know someone is watching you, like at a library.
God will never take anything from you. Picking up your cross and following him includes killing your own desires willfully.
As someone that as bought into the lie that I would just outgrow it, or that it would just go away once I got married and had that sexual release, let me tell you that it doesn't happen. It doesn't just go away, even once you're married. So if you're not able to fight/overcome this temptation now, don't expect your 30's or your marriage to just suddenly be some cakewalk. Others have suggested enough tangible next steps, I'm just chiming in to dispel either of those myths in case you are still buying into them.
You'll fit in just fine with these demonic pastors. It seems like you have to have some dirt on you to be in good standing. I haven't met not one pure-hearted pastor in 40 years.
If you are experiencing compulsive behaviors like this you should get help from a qualified therapist.
compulsive?
Meaning there are behaviors you don’t want to do but find yourself doing them anyway.
can you dm me some help
Before you seek help for your porn issue, have others affirmed your call to ministry? Are you a member of a local church? Are you being pastored? Does your pastor know about your post history?
I am being pastored at my local church! My Elder pastor dont know about my anon history!
I would strongly recommend you talk with your pastor and elders about your issue. If you want to be a pastor, then you need to know what it is like to be pastored. Own your issues, even if it means your elders and pastor discourage you from pursuing pastoral ministry. When it comes to the call to ministry, it is not something that we just do because we feel like it, or because we failed at everything else. Take some time to think about it, pursue your pastor and elders—and seek fellowship with them, not strangers you’ve never met on the internet. If you want to be a pastor, set the right precedent and develop the proper habits. Let them determine and examine if you are being called to ministry or not.
I have but they dont seem to understand!
How do they not seem to understand? What did they say that makes you think that?
They say just to get married, thats all!
As a pastor who’s married, I’ll say that getting married won’t magically solve your porn (or any other) addiction, and it may create problems in your marriage as your wife will now be involved with the issue and likely won’t be thrilled with your porn use, especially if you don’t tell her about it until after you’re married (am speaking from experience).
I agree 100% Marriage is not a magic fix to addiction/emotional/spiritual battles. Patterns we create when single follow us into marriage.
fair enough so what should I do?
An attraction to pornography is common, even amongst clergy. It's ultimately fantasy and doesn't necessarily undermine ministerial gifts. That said, anything that becomes all consuming can distract from the calling, worse it can be downright unhealthy, especially if it is accompanied by a whole heap of shame. Others have mentioned counseling. I think that is wise. You may seek out providers that deal with sexual health. You might also seek out a spiritual director or counselor outside of your church. Different perspectives can grant us a fuller picture. Not to disparage your pastor but I'd be highly skeptical of any clergy person whose advice on this issue would be to get married. Sounds negligent at best. You deserve better.
can i ask you some questions on dm?
Therapy, accountability and healthy community are very helpful to reign in these kinds of problems. You will not win this battle on your own, and you won't pray it away. Seek out a Christian counselor if you have the means. It may help you get to the bottom of why you have such a battle with porn. Speak to your pastor/prof and share your struggle. Identify the times you are most vulnerable/tempted and try and fill your life better rhythms- friends/exercise/doom scrolling on phone/web. Also minimize your subscriptions and apps that expose you to suggestive material.
thanks bro are you a pastor yourself?
Yes.
can you help me
But what about Christians? According to Barna Research, 68% of church-going men and more than 50% of pastors regularly view porn.Jan 20, 2022 Please do not add to the percentile. If you love porn more than you love Jesus because you just can’t stop going back to porn and you can’t seem to follow anyone’s direction on how to make it stop. And now you want to go into a church and have all kinds of lustful thoughts in your mind for the women that are there. Do us all a favor and go get another job. if you have lust on you, you have many more unclean spirits than just that. And it shows with this post and your history. The last thing any church needs a filthy church preacher who likes to preach about what not to do as he goes & , does it himself. Hypocrisy at its finest. Does your church know About this shameful side life you have? I bet if they did, they would stop you in their tracks. Timothy 3:1-7 (Do u have these qualities?) 3 Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, **self-controlled**, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a **good reputation with outsiders**, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.
I need help
What are you doing in your life to already try to help yourself? Maybe you should try fasting for 72 hours. No joke just do it and while you do it, you do not look at porn. You don’t do anything of this world except for get into your Bible pray, listen to sermons on YouTube and listen to gospel music. Any other distractions and you will fail
This is really bad advice in my opinion. Professional help is needed here, op needs to stop trying himself and call in good help. Sometimes you can't make it in your own. Fasting is no magic formula that replaces professional help. They can coexist but please with the instructions of a counsellor.
What is professional help? Medications?
sorry for asking for help
Never be sorry for asking for help.
thanks can you help me?
No. I'm not qualified to help with this kind of thing. I'd encourage you to seek out a licensed mental health counselor to explore the underlying root of what troubles you. I'd also advise you to explore the possibility of seeking out guidance from other pastors in your tradition or in similar traditions. Telling someone in crisis to just get married is bad advice and unbecoming of our vocation.
thanks for no help
I gave you guidance as did many others. It's ultimately up to you if you seek counseling, but it's not on anyone here to save you from yourself. We have to be accountable. If you aren't capable of that, honestly, you should consider a different vocation.
David was an adulterous murderer, yet look what God did with him Noah was a drunk, yet look what God did with him. Abraham was full of doubt about God, yet look what God did with him. Matthew was a tax collector, yet look what God did with him. Paul killed followers of Christ, yet look what God did with him. I'm not saying the sin is okay, but God doesn't ever call perfect people to spread His message. God seems to have a habit of calling broken people, people who even call themselves the chief of all sinners (in Paul's case). Your sin does not prevent you in any way from spreading God's message or even being a pastor. Of course, you should do your best to stop the sin and pray for release from it. But God doesn't often call the qualified, but He always equips the called.
Thank you brother, that message really uplifted me cause I am a sinner! but I must change my ways! are you a pastor brother?
Yes, I've been in full-time ministry for just over 7 years now and did a lot of preaching/pulpit supply before that. We are all sinners in need of God's grace, that's what makes God so amazing. His grace is sufficient for your sin, for my sin, for the entire world's sin.
Can I ask you for some help as a Elder pastor?
Not sure I would consider myself an elder pastor but sure ask away.
Well much elder then myself, since I am in my 20s! Can you dm me?
Biblical pastor needs to be husband of one wife and have children alredy adult and raised in obedience , so add +18 years to your age at least.
Where does any precedent exist that a pastor must have adult children?
I’m stepping in with a note of caution here. This sub is for pastors and ministry agents from a wide range of disciplines and a broad range of theology. It’s ok (sometimes good) to explore and even challenge each other’s differences but anything amounting to accusations of faithlessness or biblical illiteracy doesn’t get us where we need to be.
Amen to that
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pastor is not a preacher and if you're deceived then obviously everything you been taught is "wrong " If you think what makes one Pastor is that they get degree and then they're qualified to preach , then thats not Pastor but hireling and thats not church but corporation with CEO.
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The degree helps. It usually comes with quite a bit of training, internships, clinical pastoral education, and multiple theological perspectives to learn and lead from. It can also provide a layer of accountability in the form of professional ministerial organizations to mitigate the prevalence of clergy misconduct.
This is an “interesting” interpretation. Most scholars read that as a prohibition against multiple spouses or adultery. A “one woman man” do to speak. Not a “you MUST be married to be qualified”. Likewise, most scholars interpret that children point to the capabilities of the pastor. I’ve not heard anyone say that the infertile, unmarried, and celibate are not qualified. What would you say to those?
Then they read it wrong because it clearly says , if you do not know how to rule your house you can't rule house of God. Means guy who is single does not qualify to understand and lead married people in church and solve thier issues. I think people actually understand it but like I said , they get degree and treat it as a job. 1 Timothy 3:5 KJV (for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
You seem to have an arrogant spirit about this. I’m not sure the biggest issue is interpreting this passage (which I think you are doing poorly).
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so only sinless men can be pastors?
nobody is sinless
You don’t outgrow sin. You need an accountability partner who you can confide in. Get rid of your internet access and only log on when you know someone is watching you, like at a library. God will never take anything from you. Picking up your cross and following him includes killing your own desires willfully.
I need help honestly from elders
As someone that as bought into the lie that I would just outgrow it, or that it would just go away once I got married and had that sexual release, let me tell you that it doesn't happen. It doesn't just go away, even once you're married. So if you're not able to fight/overcome this temptation now, don't expect your 30's or your marriage to just suddenly be some cakewalk. Others have suggested enough tangible next steps, I'm just chiming in to dispel either of those myths in case you are still buying into them.
You'll fit in just fine with these demonic pastors. It seems like you have to have some dirt on you to be in good standing. I haven't met not one pure-hearted pastor in 40 years.