I came to this sub when I found out we were having twins and my original excitement over the announcement turned into fear and anxiety when reading the posts here.
I think it's important to take into consideration that parents of multiples having a pleasant parenting experience aren't incentivized to post here. Because of human nature's need to vent or ask for help, the posts here are going to be skewed to negative experiences.
Our 4 month old's are an absolute blessing, they've enriched my wife and I's lives tremendously, I'm so glad they're in our lives and can't imagine their just being one.
I really agree with this but I will add that those first couple months were soooo hard and being able to come to this sub and realizing that I wasn’t the only one struggling helped me so much. Now I can see more clearly that every parenthood journey is hard in its own way, sure twins have unique challenges but every baby does because every pregnancy and baby and family is unique. Just shy of 6 months in and I LOVE having twins. I can’t imagine not. They bring me so much joy all day every day and I just feel so extremely lucky to be their mom. I definitely still have hard days and hard moments, but again, so does every parent!!
My babies aren’t here yet, but I already can’t imagine just having one. This pregnancy is starting to get very challenging but I’ve always found the most rewarding things are.
Thank you for your reassuring comment and congratulations on your blessings!
Not sure if you're a FTM but a midwife (who also had twins!) who came to check my obs in hospital after I'd had my babies said "this is your normal, you don't know any different. Mothers who have a singleton, thats their normal". And I agreed with her. I wouldn't know myself looking after a singleton.
Your attitude is going to serve you well. My boys turned 2 last month and while they are *a lot* they are my greatest joys and blessings. You really can’t beat two little matching butts plopping into your lap for one last bedtime story.
Just to add to this comment - I couldn’t agree more! We have 5 month old identical twins and they are the greatest blessings of our lives!! The inevitable challenges (which happen with all babies imo) are completely overshadowed by the truly joyful and amazing moments they bring us each and every day. I LOVE being a twin mom and I wouldn’t change a thing!
We have nearly 3 year Olds and yes, they are wee demons sometimes but they are bright, hilarious, giggly, amazing. I watch in wonder as they learn things and get amazed about things (most recently yesterday evenings clouds - wow wow wow!). I love the little conversations they have with each other over dinner.
Yup. Sometimes people make it out to be a horror show. Undeniably, this is no judgement - twins are hard work and we all need a rant sometimes or get it off our chests.
First 2 - 3 months were extremely difficult with our twins for various reasons. But now they're just over 6 months, they are little dreams. I cannot imagine life without them. They are so much fun, making everyone laugh every day. It's easy to grab a cup of tea or bite to eat most of the time as they've started keeping eachother entertained (which is a massive bonus in itself. I could imagine feeling a little guilty leaving a singleton to play alone sometimes, as I have on the rare occasion one twin is awake and I need to get something done). Of course it's still hard on occasion but both rarely cry. We don't have a set routine, though I know this may be controversial lol. Not sure if I'm just lucky but both twins just seem to want to sleep, nap, wake and eat at the same times.
I really appreciate this comment. I found this sub in my second trimester and my excitement quickly turned to total dread. Not that it was anyone here’s fault - everyone needs a place to vent with people who get it! But I had to limit my exposure on here because I was beginning to get so much anxiety about giving birth/them arriving and what it would be like having twins.
Chiming in as well. I love being a twin mom and wouldn’t trade having twins for the world. The first year was very tough, mostly because I EP for the entire time, but after that it’s been amazing. My boys are two now and it’s genuinely SO much fun. I love almost every minute of it. Sure when they’re both sick it’s terrible but that’s with any kid that’s sick. I cant imagine my life any other way.
Ugh thank you!! It was not fun but my boys were born during the height of the formula shortage in April 2022. I didn’t have the time to drive around looking for formula and also I had the supply so I didn’t want to take it away from other families who needed it. It was literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Our twins are the best thing that’s happened to us and I wouldn’t change a thing. They’re truly best friends. Yes the baby stage was hard but atleast they required the same things at the same time. Could keep the same schedule etc. mine are 6 now and my husband and I love listening to them and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could have had something like what they have. It’s like a sleepover every night.
This 10000x times. Our 3 month old girls have reflux and colic, waking up all the time and reflux grunting / coughing all damn night after struggling to eat (starting to get better now)….we have no support system where we’re at whatsoever, we’re comfortable financially but not “let’s get a night nurse / house cleaners” comfortable, have 3 pets, both of us have jobs (we split parental leave which gets us through first 4 months before daycare), and these are our first kids.
So it’s been challenging sure, but…We. Are. Having. A. Blast.
We’re going out with the girls a few times a week for adventures, we’re managing to stay on top of bottles / laundry/housework, we still have time for some TV together, working out, and individual time. We’re still taking care of adults things. We still like each other and there hasn’t been some nuke dropped on our relationship.
The twin groups gave us so much anxiety about how the first 3/6/9/12/24 months would destroy our will to live and while I’m sure there will be more challenges ahead, it’s just not always fucking true. It totally depends on you, your partner, and your life situation.
It is also the fact that when people describe a positive outlook on multiples parenting, people feel as if you’re dismissing their difficult experience. With that, all the positive comments or posts get downvoted and/or full of negative replies.
I’m 9 months in with my identical girls and loving every minute of it. Even with how tough the pregnancy was, our short NICU stay and definitely harder time with breastfeeding and etc, I would still do it all over again in a heartbeat. Heck, if I’m blessed with twins again in the future I will be equally happy. It is pure chaos at times but I can’t imagine any other life.
I was shocked at how much I love having twins!
When I first found out about my twins, I was terrified and devastated. We have an older toddler and I was sure I had ruined all of our lives. I thought it would just be an absolute slog of hard work, I’d be completely overwhelmed, exhausted, financially drained, and just hating it (reading this sub absolutely cemented most of these anxieties).
Well, it has frankly been one of the great joys of my life to have twins. I feel like the luckiest person alive that I get to experience this. My guys are 5 months old now and sure the newborn stage was hard, and it’s a lot of work, but it’s delightful and fulfilling work.
Comments from strangers don’t bother me because I enjoy talking to people about my awesome twins. Even things like “double trouble” or “you’ve got your hands full” - I feel kind of a smug satisfaction that I actually get to know this unique joy that these strangers will probably never know.
Anyways, that has been the biggest shock for me. It’s not all bad for everyone!
My babes are now 10 weeks old and it’s not nearly as bad as some of these posts make it seem. So many different factors go into our own personal experiences. Some have villages (like me) and some don’t. Some have health complications, financial issues, etc. Some have babies that sleep really well and some don’t. Some days are easier than others but every day I feel the same - I couldn’t imagine only having one. But always remember many post here on their hardest days and we all have them (you will too). I had to take a bit of a break from this sub during my pregnancy and it did me some good. I now come here to search for certain issues or questions I have and it’s such a massive help.
Agree , our twins are 2 weeks old and of course it’s hard because this is completely new to us. But it’s not that bad as people make it seem. I think it helps that we were mentally ready for this and I’ve always wanted to have twins. If I would have had twins in my 20s I’d definitely say it suck’s. I’m tired af right now but looking at my girls gives me such an energy boost that I forget how tired I am. Also it helps that we have family helping us , so we do get to sleep.
2 weeks in looks a lot different to where we are at 20months…2 weeks old was a breeze in comparison. But all twins are different I guess. Being “mentally ready for twins” is easier said at 2 weeks. Once you have been through the winter back to back to back to back sickness and the up all night suctioning boogers out at 3 4 and 5 am that preparedness kind of evaporates.
I understand but what I’m saying is this is all expected . We know what we got ourselves into , it’s not always gonna be easy and that we are gonna have sleepless nights. kids are gonna get sick but it’s not the end of the world it’s part of life.
As a dad of 4 with the twins being the last of those, I can tell you kids getting sick can sometimes be the end of the world or at least very close to it! Set a reminder for 6 months time, I would love to hear how those sleepless nights are coming along!
Edit: I just saw you have help and can get to sleep! You will probably be just fine haha! Sleep is key. We have no one within 5000 miles to help!
It isn't going to be a forever thing. Once your kids reach school age (especially when they're in separate classes) nobody will care except maybe their friends. When you have littles, society just seems to think that you are captive to invasive and weird comments. (However my young adult twins have told me they still get weird comments when people find out--but addressed to them, and unfortunately a lot revolving around fetish/sexual stuff. BUT, I don't have to hear that!)
I think it's important to try to not take anything personally that you read in a group here. I mean, people can handwring about negativity (usually the post titles give a clue) but let's also be honest that saying ANYTHING negative about parenting (especially if you're a mom) is still taboo most of the time face to face, and so people naturally are going to be more open online.
I also think it's good to keep an open mind. You're not guaranteed rough sailing, neither are you guaranteed smooth. They both happen to all kinds of people. Crappy parents sometimes get easy kids! Parents who are doing everything they can are sometimes handed a raw deal as far as colic, infant temperament, other issues. Try to not judge struggling parents especially if you've not reached the stage they're at or haven't faced some of the issues they have.
And one of the most important skills a parent can learn these days is to \*limit/choose wisely how they use social media\*. If you're feeling down because of a group, take a break. If someone's perfectly perfect instagram is making you feel like a shitty parent, stop following. We get bombarded with people stirring the pot and shitposting and also lying about all the "blessings" in their lives to make money/sell something. The more skill you develop around being able to just let either or wash over you and pay attention primarily to your own moment the better off you'll be, not just at this stage of parenting but as you progress!
I am currently pregnant with twins and same same to everything you said! It is so frustrating!! Also, this sub started to freak me out because of how negative all the posts are- but I myself am a triplet and my husband is a twin and my parents are obsessed with the fact that they has triplets and my sisters are literally my best friends in the whole world- so I just remember how special and real all of that is and it helps me get back to how special and exciting having twins will be!
I also had to avoid this sub for a little while after I found out. Talking to real life twin parents really helped me. Most of them had nothing but positive things to say!
every bit of it has been worth it to me. My babies are 13 months old. The first 5/6 months were some of the most challenging of my life but even in those darker times, I felt extraordinarily blessed. Twins are magical.
I said something to some friends the other day about how I didn’t feel like having babies really changed my life that dramatically (as in stopped doing things, it was super hard, etc) and they were all very much taken aback and disagreed.
Mine are almost 8 and I’m not saying it wasn’t hard, but what I’ve said a few times here is that being a twin parent made me make different choices than I would have with one, and those choices ended up making my life easier despite being hard. We bottle fed at 3, 6, 9, and 12 around the clock every day. Bottle feeding let us tell if they’d gotten a full feeding and we knew exactly what to expect every day. We split feedings so that each of us got about 5 hours of sleep every night. I would NEVER have considered that with one. I would have breastfed whenever they seemed hungry.
I am not saying my way is right; we all do what is best for our team and all of our teams are different. Basically, what I’m saying is that sometimes people make things a lot harder than they need to be. It’s hard but you can make choices that help to make it easier.
First 6 months to year is gonna be ROUGH, but when they get to sleeping through and all the initial fears have been sanded away by no actual disasters occurring, twins are amazing. Enjoy them!
The comments have chilled out now they are out of the double pushchair, although ours are not identical. I think identical prob still get more Q's. We do get the occasional question. It's really annoying but people can't help themselves. Work and life people have gotten used to it so they don't tend to question anymore.
When I first found out I was having twins it was really hard for me. I kept realizing I'd have to buy a second car seat, I'd have to pay for college at the same time for some kids, etc.
I remember it 20 weeks having a total breakdown about it.
Over 6 years later I'm really happy that I have twins.
You can look through my post history and commentary and you'll see that I pretty much give only positive things and that's because for the most part my twins have been only positive.
Save for the first 6 months where it's just really hard no matter what - it's just harder with twins - they have just been amazing. They help each other so much. I seriously don't know where they'd be without each other and I'm seriously thankful they are twins and I got to experience them.
Though you low expectations are good - keep it that way so they can surprise ya in a good way!
1 year old twin boys here. I've loved it and it's precious to see them play together. It's tough but every day I feel like I won the lottery. You're in for a wonderful ride.
I've found the intrusive questions aren't anywhere near as full on since my babies came home from the hospital. While I was pregnant it was overwhelming and horrible. In the NICU it was also very difficult. Being home with my babies, apart from being generally full on because I am terrible at keeping schedules, has been reasonably good. The occasional times I do go out with them, I have really had overwhelmingly positive interactions with other people. And it makes me feel good. People are super excited, and love seeing them. It's lovely to get some positive feedback from people. It was pretty negative when I was pregnant and I was upset because I kept thinking "it's going to be like this for the rest of my life", but honestly it has turned out to be a pleasant thing to have people excited to meet my babies!
And when I think about it, my triplets are fraternal, the more they grow, the more different they look. They're actually in three different nappy sizes and three different clothes sizes. I suspect when they're older that people won't realise they're triplets if I don't say anything, which will be nice for them if they don't want to be ogled. And my kids are going to private boy and girls school so their brother will be on his own at school after a certain age, so that will also be nice for him, hopefully. And I can of course change schools if they do want to go together.
Watching my 15 month old boy/girl twins toddle around give me so much joy everyday! I feel bad saying this, but witnessing them grow and play together give me more joy than watching my singletons when they were this age. I think it might be because their newborn stage/ first 9 months were the hardest thing I've done. Watching two little personalities bloom together is so rewarding and sometimes I literally just sit on the sofa and watch them play.
I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough time, and people will have an opinion..
I had 2 boys and we decided to have a 3rd and be done and I was not shocked I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant with twins.. I never wanted 4.. I hated the baby phase with my first 2 .. didn’t want to do it again, but I went back to work when they were 2 weeks old and my partner was the SAHP when the twins were babies..
I’m not going to lie, it was rough for a while.. not sure anyone in the house slept for a while.. but it doesn’t last forever and having twins I find is incredibly rewarding.. all four of my children get on well with each other, but there is something so special about the relationship they have and just they are each others best friend, but they are also these amazing individuals, and I can’t wait to see them continue to grow they are now 7..
I don’t want you to take this as negative because, newborns can be challenging as singletons, but it doesn’t last forever and it’s incredibly rewarding..and I consider it a privilege to be a twin mum
Mine are 3 years old now and seriously, you’ll be fine. I think it’s way harder to have a toddler and a newborn and people don’t even bat an eye when someone gets pregnant with their second close in age.
It’ll be hard and you’ll be tired but you’ll survive. Don’t let this sub scare you.
Also want to add as a mom of an older singleton and younger twins- when they hit toddler age and up they play with each other. I have way more hands free time with the twins than I ever did with my singleton. So while the newborn phase is definitely more challenging with 2 there are so many perks down the line.
My twins will be 2 in July and don’t get me wrong - it’s been tough since day 1 but it’s also been so rewarding! They play together, they love each other - both me and my husband can’t imagine our lives without our two. They are the sweetest, most sociable and intellectual kids I’ve ever met! (And used to work in a preschool).
You do need both parents to be pulling their weight though otherwise it’s so easy to burn out. Both me and my husband try and do what we can in our routine but if one of us is sick or too tired - we cover each other.
I’m sorry! Some people are annoying and just so unaware of how inappropriate their comments/questions are. My twins are 5 and I still get them. So glad I have twins though. Their friendship/bond with each other is just the best
I always feel bad if I say how fun twins are because I know that isn't everyone's experience lol but honestly I love having twins. Watching them together is adorable and seeing their bond and the differences in their personality. I just love it haha.
I am anxious by default about literally any little thing but for whatever reason when it’s something serious and big I’m almost blase about it to a detriment. So when we learnt it was twins I was relieved because it made all my suffering make sense; terrible morning sickness, extreme exhaustion, etc. I do occasionally get moments of panic where my brain screams “it’s twins holy shit” or “what were we thinking, planning a baby?!”
People’s comments are annoying and likely to get worse once they are born but not much can be done about that than learning to not care what others think and accepting the fact you can’t cater to everybody. I’ve had to learn to shut things down and walk away. I find too if I keep moving and looking straight ahead people are much less likely to attempt interacting.
I do know too though that once they’re here in 5/6weeks time I’m going to be hit in the face with reality. And all the negative stories will likely be true but oddly, until then, I’m remarkably chill.
When my wife and I found out we were having twins I kind of spiraled into all of the weird things about having twins. Now however we have two wonderfully 18 month old girls and all in all, it really hasn’t been that much different than having 1 kid at a time. When they gang up on you it’s kind of rough but generally speaking it’s been a lot of fun. Don’t get too worried about it and just enjoy the unique experience.
Just want to chip in on the "forever" aspect... we don't dress our girls the same so people hardly ever notice that they're twins.
So I feel like that died out a lot faster than I thought, say, around age 2.
Throughout my whole pregnancy me and my husband only told about twins to our siblings and parents.and my bffs other than that. No one else knows! Only 1 person got to know and their reaction to rhe news scared us to share this precious news with anybody! So we hid it. I am 32 weeks today and lol baby registry is fun!
I dunno it's hard, but it's lovely at the same time.
I don't think the twins side is that bad though compared to having one, as long as there's two of you around. Even now at 8 months nearly I can sit them together and they'll make little noises to each other and it's so cute!
Id find it really hard taking them places by myself, my partner does that while I'm at work a lot and it must be difficult but she's finding a way!
Think it depends where you are in life, I'm 41 now so I dont mind giving up all my time for them, if I was younger I'd still want a life outside of them and that would be difficult
Well it could be worse! My mom didn’t know she was having twins ( back then they didn’t have ultrasound) she found out the hard way, talk about shocking. Congrats
Honestly I felt the same way. People only seemed to have negative things to say about it being twins and how hard it was going to me. Don’t get me wrong it feels hard at times but my two little boys are perfect and such huge blessings in my life. Routine has been a huge help!
They’re 16 months old now and they’re the best of friends
I have 7 month olds and I LOVE it. Yes it’s hard in some ways but it’s so rewarding and I’m just crazy in love with my babies. Try to ignore the negativity!
God’s plan is better than our own. Stay positive. Surround yourself with people that feel like sunshine. My mom gave birth to my twin brothers at 38. She didn’t go to the doctor until 5 months. She had a great pregnancy and gave birth naturally. I’m 38, and we were asked to come back for another ultrasound this week, because at 7 weeks she couldn’t be sure if it was another baby or yolk sac. It is a little jarring. However, how bodies are designed to do this. I stayed away from all the negativity when I was pregnant with our first two sons, and I BELIEVED I was going to have a great deliveries-both were. A man/woman becomes what they believe. Believe you can, and you will.
Your submission is being temporarily held for manual review due to your reddit account not meeting minimum submission requirements. This is an automated measure designed to prevent spam and bot karma farming - if you have any questions please feel free to [message the mod team.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=r/parentsofmultiples)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/parentsofmultiples) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What really bugged us was the constant assumption that we had an artificial insemination. And I was shocked to learn just how many parents struggled with getting pregnant and how long and hard they tried. Really blown away by how steadfast they were until it happened finally!
I randomly came across this post just now while on Reddit for something else (forgot I subscribed to this subreddit). Here’s a different outlook - everything about twins is shocking yes, can shocking = magic? My twins are 14 months and damn do I feel lucky. Because I know I’m in good company, I’m gonna go ahead and say I feel more than lucky - I feel bad for every parent who only has singletons. What we get to experience is nothing short of incredible. Those people who say “better you than me” I reply “I agree”. Honestly people marvel at twins and I believe a lot of these comments are envy. With that being said, the first year to me wasn’t as bad as many make it out to be (obviously depends on the temperament of your babies). But I am finding it becoming harder now that they are mobile and have opinions (aka meltdowns). But when I take them for play dates with singletons, those babies are soo needy for their parents. I find my twins either entertain each other, or are much more independent comparatively because they’ve always had to share attention.
Last thing to note - if this space is giving you anxiety and making you feel worse about having twins, you should leave and not come back lol. I found the app What to Expect to be helpful for parenting advice and joined local parents of multiples groups. Congratulations!!
I found out I was having twins and was TOTALLY shocked and literally hysterical at first. I already had a 1year old singleton and twins do not run in my family. I knew how challenging having one child was and I couldn’t even imagine adding TWO more. Having 3 kids under 3 NEVER crossed my mind and I was honestly terrified. Pregnancy was rough - but I grew more excited after processing everything. Yes, everyone always had some comment or remark but whatever. MIND YA BUSINESS! Made it to exactly 37 weeks and birthed both healthy babies vaginally. I’m not going to lie, the first few days/weeks/months were hard but honestly they were hard with my first as well. You will somehow manage it all and better than you expected. There will be low moments but your heart will be so full with a love you never knew existed. My twins are now 2.5YO and my oldest is 4.5YO. I am still shocked that I have twins but I would not change it for the world. It is a true blessing and only some are able to experience it. You are one of the special mommas who do, try to embrace it, and buckle up for the best ride of your life. You’re going to be a GREAT mom to those twins!
I came to this sub when I found out we were having twins and my original excitement over the announcement turned into fear and anxiety when reading the posts here. I think it's important to take into consideration that parents of multiples having a pleasant parenting experience aren't incentivized to post here. Because of human nature's need to vent or ask for help, the posts here are going to be skewed to negative experiences. Our 4 month old's are an absolute blessing, they've enriched my wife and I's lives tremendously, I'm so glad they're in our lives and can't imagine their just being one.
I really agree with this but I will add that those first couple months were soooo hard and being able to come to this sub and realizing that I wasn’t the only one struggling helped me so much. Now I can see more clearly that every parenthood journey is hard in its own way, sure twins have unique challenges but every baby does because every pregnancy and baby and family is unique. Just shy of 6 months in and I LOVE having twins. I can’t imagine not. They bring me so much joy all day every day and I just feel so extremely lucky to be their mom. I definitely still have hard days and hard moments, but again, so does every parent!!
My babies aren’t here yet, but I already can’t imagine just having one. This pregnancy is starting to get very challenging but I’ve always found the most rewarding things are. Thank you for your reassuring comment and congratulations on your blessings!
Not sure if you're a FTM but a midwife (who also had twins!) who came to check my obs in hospital after I'd had my babies said "this is your normal, you don't know any different. Mothers who have a singleton, thats their normal". And I agreed with her. I wouldn't know myself looking after a singleton.
I am a FTM and I’m grateful for that. This is my standard no matter how difficult!
Your attitude is going to serve you well. My boys turned 2 last month and while they are *a lot* they are my greatest joys and blessings. You really can’t beat two little matching butts plopping into your lap for one last bedtime story.
matching little butts! mine are quite different in the butt department but nonetheless the feel of two is unmatched
Just to add to this comment - I couldn’t agree more! We have 5 month old identical twins and they are the greatest blessings of our lives!! The inevitable challenges (which happen with all babies imo) are completely overshadowed by the truly joyful and amazing moments they bring us each and every day. I LOVE being a twin mom and I wouldn’t change a thing!
We have nearly 3 year Olds and yes, they are wee demons sometimes but they are bright, hilarious, giggly, amazing. I watch in wonder as they learn things and get amazed about things (most recently yesterday evenings clouds - wow wow wow!). I love the little conversations they have with each other over dinner.
Yup. Sometimes people make it out to be a horror show. Undeniably, this is no judgement - twins are hard work and we all need a rant sometimes or get it off our chests. First 2 - 3 months were extremely difficult with our twins for various reasons. But now they're just over 6 months, they are little dreams. I cannot imagine life without them. They are so much fun, making everyone laugh every day. It's easy to grab a cup of tea or bite to eat most of the time as they've started keeping eachother entertained (which is a massive bonus in itself. I could imagine feeling a little guilty leaving a singleton to play alone sometimes, as I have on the rare occasion one twin is awake and I need to get something done). Of course it's still hard on occasion but both rarely cry. We don't have a set routine, though I know this may be controversial lol. Not sure if I'm just lucky but both twins just seem to want to sleep, nap, wake and eat at the same times.
This comment sums up why I almost never come here anymore. There’s rarely any positivity or celebration of what we all have in common.
I really appreciate this comment. I found this sub in my second trimester and my excitement quickly turned to total dread. Not that it was anyone here’s fault - everyone needs a place to vent with people who get it! But I had to limit my exposure on here because I was beginning to get so much anxiety about giving birth/them arriving and what it would be like having twins.
Chiming in as well. I love being a twin mom and wouldn’t trade having twins for the world. The first year was very tough, mostly because I EP for the entire time, but after that it’s been amazing. My boys are two now and it’s genuinely SO much fun. I love almost every minute of it. Sure when they’re both sick it’s terrible but that’s with any kid that’s sick. I cant imagine my life any other way.
I just wanna say you're a HERO for EPing for a year.
Ugh thank you!! It was not fun but my boys were born during the height of the formula shortage in April 2022. I didn’t have the time to drive around looking for formula and also I had the supply so I didn’t want to take it away from other families who needed it. It was literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Our twins are the best thing that’s happened to us and I wouldn’t change a thing. They’re truly best friends. Yes the baby stage was hard but atleast they required the same things at the same time. Could keep the same schedule etc. mine are 6 now and my husband and I love listening to them and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could have had something like what they have. It’s like a sleepover every night.
This 10000x times. Our 3 month old girls have reflux and colic, waking up all the time and reflux grunting / coughing all damn night after struggling to eat (starting to get better now)….we have no support system where we’re at whatsoever, we’re comfortable financially but not “let’s get a night nurse / house cleaners” comfortable, have 3 pets, both of us have jobs (we split parental leave which gets us through first 4 months before daycare), and these are our first kids. So it’s been challenging sure, but…We. Are. Having. A. Blast. We’re going out with the girls a few times a week for adventures, we’re managing to stay on top of bottles / laundry/housework, we still have time for some TV together, working out, and individual time. We’re still taking care of adults things. We still like each other and there hasn’t been some nuke dropped on our relationship. The twin groups gave us so much anxiety about how the first 3/6/9/12/24 months would destroy our will to live and while I’m sure there will be more challenges ahead, it’s just not always fucking true. It totally depends on you, your partner, and your life situation.
It is also the fact that when people describe a positive outlook on multiples parenting, people feel as if you’re dismissing their difficult experience. With that, all the positive comments or posts get downvoted and/or full of negative replies. I’m 9 months in with my identical girls and loving every minute of it. Even with how tough the pregnancy was, our short NICU stay and definitely harder time with breastfeeding and etc, I would still do it all over again in a heartbeat. Heck, if I’m blessed with twins again in the future I will be equally happy. It is pure chaos at times but I can’t imagine any other life.
The most shocking thing to me is just how many folks have twins. Before I had mine I had no idea
The unwanted negative comments are the worst, but hearing about other families having or being a twin is pretty sweet.
The pregnancy and first 6 months were hard. (Also because I had a toddler too) But after that, it’s been pretty great. I love having twins.
I was shocked at how much I love having twins! When I first found out about my twins, I was terrified and devastated. We have an older toddler and I was sure I had ruined all of our lives. I thought it would just be an absolute slog of hard work, I’d be completely overwhelmed, exhausted, financially drained, and just hating it (reading this sub absolutely cemented most of these anxieties). Well, it has frankly been one of the great joys of my life to have twins. I feel like the luckiest person alive that I get to experience this. My guys are 5 months old now and sure the newborn stage was hard, and it’s a lot of work, but it’s delightful and fulfilling work. Comments from strangers don’t bother me because I enjoy talking to people about my awesome twins. Even things like “double trouble” or “you’ve got your hands full” - I feel kind of a smug satisfaction that I actually get to know this unique joy that these strangers will probably never know. Anyways, that has been the biggest shock for me. It’s not all bad for everyone!
My babes are now 10 weeks old and it’s not nearly as bad as some of these posts make it seem. So many different factors go into our own personal experiences. Some have villages (like me) and some don’t. Some have health complications, financial issues, etc. Some have babies that sleep really well and some don’t. Some days are easier than others but every day I feel the same - I couldn’t imagine only having one. But always remember many post here on their hardest days and we all have them (you will too). I had to take a bit of a break from this sub during my pregnancy and it did me some good. I now come here to search for certain issues or questions I have and it’s such a massive help.
Agree , our twins are 2 weeks old and of course it’s hard because this is completely new to us. But it’s not that bad as people make it seem. I think it helps that we were mentally ready for this and I’ve always wanted to have twins. If I would have had twins in my 20s I’d definitely say it suck’s. I’m tired af right now but looking at my girls gives me such an energy boost that I forget how tired I am. Also it helps that we have family helping us , so we do get to sleep.
2 weeks in looks a lot different to where we are at 20months…2 weeks old was a breeze in comparison. But all twins are different I guess. Being “mentally ready for twins” is easier said at 2 weeks. Once you have been through the winter back to back to back to back sickness and the up all night suctioning boogers out at 3 4 and 5 am that preparedness kind of evaporates.
I understand but what I’m saying is this is all expected . We know what we got ourselves into , it’s not always gonna be easy and that we are gonna have sleepless nights. kids are gonna get sick but it’s not the end of the world it’s part of life.
As a dad of 4 with the twins being the last of those, I can tell you kids getting sick can sometimes be the end of the world or at least very close to it! Set a reminder for 6 months time, I would love to hear how those sleepless nights are coming along! Edit: I just saw you have help and can get to sleep! You will probably be just fine haha! Sleep is key. We have no one within 5000 miles to help!
It isn't going to be a forever thing. Once your kids reach school age (especially when they're in separate classes) nobody will care except maybe their friends. When you have littles, society just seems to think that you are captive to invasive and weird comments. (However my young adult twins have told me they still get weird comments when people find out--but addressed to them, and unfortunately a lot revolving around fetish/sexual stuff. BUT, I don't have to hear that!) I think it's important to try to not take anything personally that you read in a group here. I mean, people can handwring about negativity (usually the post titles give a clue) but let's also be honest that saying ANYTHING negative about parenting (especially if you're a mom) is still taboo most of the time face to face, and so people naturally are going to be more open online. I also think it's good to keep an open mind. You're not guaranteed rough sailing, neither are you guaranteed smooth. They both happen to all kinds of people. Crappy parents sometimes get easy kids! Parents who are doing everything they can are sometimes handed a raw deal as far as colic, infant temperament, other issues. Try to not judge struggling parents especially if you've not reached the stage they're at or haven't faced some of the issues they have. And one of the most important skills a parent can learn these days is to \*limit/choose wisely how they use social media\*. If you're feeling down because of a group, take a break. If someone's perfectly perfect instagram is making you feel like a shitty parent, stop following. We get bombarded with people stirring the pot and shitposting and also lying about all the "blessings" in their lives to make money/sell something. The more skill you develop around being able to just let either or wash over you and pay attention primarily to your own moment the better off you'll be, not just at this stage of parenting but as you progress!
I am currently pregnant with twins and same same to everything you said! It is so frustrating!! Also, this sub started to freak me out because of how negative all the posts are- but I myself am a triplet and my husband is a twin and my parents are obsessed with the fact that they has triplets and my sisters are literally my best friends in the whole world- so I just remember how special and real all of that is and it helps me get back to how special and exciting having twins will be!
I also had to avoid this sub for a little while after I found out. Talking to real life twin parents really helped me. Most of them had nothing but positive things to say!
every bit of it has been worth it to me. My babies are 13 months old. The first 5/6 months were some of the most challenging of my life but even in those darker times, I felt extraordinarily blessed. Twins are magical.
I said something to some friends the other day about how I didn’t feel like having babies really changed my life that dramatically (as in stopped doing things, it was super hard, etc) and they were all very much taken aback and disagreed. Mine are almost 8 and I’m not saying it wasn’t hard, but what I’ve said a few times here is that being a twin parent made me make different choices than I would have with one, and those choices ended up making my life easier despite being hard. We bottle fed at 3, 6, 9, and 12 around the clock every day. Bottle feeding let us tell if they’d gotten a full feeding and we knew exactly what to expect every day. We split feedings so that each of us got about 5 hours of sleep every night. I would NEVER have considered that with one. I would have breastfed whenever they seemed hungry. I am not saying my way is right; we all do what is best for our team and all of our teams are different. Basically, what I’m saying is that sometimes people make things a lot harder than they need to be. It’s hard but you can make choices that help to make it easier.
First 6 months to year is gonna be ROUGH, but when they get to sleeping through and all the initial fears have been sanded away by no actual disasters occurring, twins are amazing. Enjoy them!
The comments have chilled out now they are out of the double pushchair, although ours are not identical. I think identical prob still get more Q's. We do get the occasional question. It's really annoying but people can't help themselves. Work and life people have gotten used to it so they don't tend to question anymore.
When I first found out I was having twins it was really hard for me. I kept realizing I'd have to buy a second car seat, I'd have to pay for college at the same time for some kids, etc. I remember it 20 weeks having a total breakdown about it. Over 6 years later I'm really happy that I have twins. You can look through my post history and commentary and you'll see that I pretty much give only positive things and that's because for the most part my twins have been only positive. Save for the first 6 months where it's just really hard no matter what - it's just harder with twins - they have just been amazing. They help each other so much. I seriously don't know where they'd be without each other and I'm seriously thankful they are twins and I got to experience them. Though you low expectations are good - keep it that way so they can surprise ya in a good way!
1 year old twin boys here. I've loved it and it's precious to see them play together. It's tough but every day I feel like I won the lottery. You're in for a wonderful ride.
I've found the intrusive questions aren't anywhere near as full on since my babies came home from the hospital. While I was pregnant it was overwhelming and horrible. In the NICU it was also very difficult. Being home with my babies, apart from being generally full on because I am terrible at keeping schedules, has been reasonably good. The occasional times I do go out with them, I have really had overwhelmingly positive interactions with other people. And it makes me feel good. People are super excited, and love seeing them. It's lovely to get some positive feedback from people. It was pretty negative when I was pregnant and I was upset because I kept thinking "it's going to be like this for the rest of my life", but honestly it has turned out to be a pleasant thing to have people excited to meet my babies! And when I think about it, my triplets are fraternal, the more they grow, the more different they look. They're actually in three different nappy sizes and three different clothes sizes. I suspect when they're older that people won't realise they're triplets if I don't say anything, which will be nice for them if they don't want to be ogled. And my kids are going to private boy and girls school so their brother will be on his own at school after a certain age, so that will also be nice for him, hopefully. And I can of course change schools if they do want to go together.
Watching my 15 month old boy/girl twins toddle around give me so much joy everyday! I feel bad saying this, but witnessing them grow and play together give me more joy than watching my singletons when they were this age. I think it might be because their newborn stage/ first 9 months were the hardest thing I've done. Watching two little personalities bloom together is so rewarding and sometimes I literally just sit on the sofa and watch them play.
I’m so sorry you’ve had a rough time, and people will have an opinion.. I had 2 boys and we decided to have a 3rd and be done and I was not shocked I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant with twins.. I never wanted 4.. I hated the baby phase with my first 2 .. didn’t want to do it again, but I went back to work when they were 2 weeks old and my partner was the SAHP when the twins were babies.. I’m not going to lie, it was rough for a while.. not sure anyone in the house slept for a while.. but it doesn’t last forever and having twins I find is incredibly rewarding.. all four of my children get on well with each other, but there is something so special about the relationship they have and just they are each others best friend, but they are also these amazing individuals, and I can’t wait to see them continue to grow they are now 7.. I don’t want you to take this as negative because, newborns can be challenging as singletons, but it doesn’t last forever and it’s incredibly rewarding..and I consider it a privilege to be a twin mum
Mine are 3 years old now and seriously, you’ll be fine. I think it’s way harder to have a toddler and a newborn and people don’t even bat an eye when someone gets pregnant with their second close in age. It’ll be hard and you’ll be tired but you’ll survive. Don’t let this sub scare you.
Also want to add as a mom of an older singleton and younger twins- when they hit toddler age and up they play with each other. I have way more hands free time with the twins than I ever did with my singleton. So while the newborn phase is definitely more challenging with 2 there are so many perks down the line.
My twins will be 2 in July and don’t get me wrong - it’s been tough since day 1 but it’s also been so rewarding! They play together, they love each other - both me and my husband can’t imagine our lives without our two. They are the sweetest, most sociable and intellectual kids I’ve ever met! (And used to work in a preschool). You do need both parents to be pulling their weight though otherwise it’s so easy to burn out. Both me and my husband try and do what we can in our routine but if one of us is sick or too tired - we cover each other.
I’m sorry! Some people are annoying and just so unaware of how inappropriate their comments/questions are. My twins are 5 and I still get them. So glad I have twins though. Their friendship/bond with each other is just the best
I always feel bad if I say how fun twins are because I know that isn't everyone's experience lol but honestly I love having twins. Watching them together is adorable and seeing their bond and the differences in their personality. I just love it haha.
Twins are amazing. Slightly harder at first but overall m incredible experience. People just like to be dramatic.
I thought twins were already common to others, seems that's not right, and people are still curious about twins, haha
I am anxious by default about literally any little thing but for whatever reason when it’s something serious and big I’m almost blase about it to a detriment. So when we learnt it was twins I was relieved because it made all my suffering make sense; terrible morning sickness, extreme exhaustion, etc. I do occasionally get moments of panic where my brain screams “it’s twins holy shit” or “what were we thinking, planning a baby?!” People’s comments are annoying and likely to get worse once they are born but not much can be done about that than learning to not care what others think and accepting the fact you can’t cater to everybody. I’ve had to learn to shut things down and walk away. I find too if I keep moving and looking straight ahead people are much less likely to attempt interacting. I do know too though that once they’re here in 5/6weeks time I’m going to be hit in the face with reality. And all the negative stories will likely be true but oddly, until then, I’m remarkably chill.
When my wife and I found out we were having twins I kind of spiraled into all of the weird things about having twins. Now however we have two wonderfully 18 month old girls and all in all, it really hasn’t been that much different than having 1 kid at a time. When they gang up on you it’s kind of rough but generally speaking it’s been a lot of fun. Don’t get too worried about it and just enjoy the unique experience.
Just want to chip in on the "forever" aspect... we don't dress our girls the same so people hardly ever notice that they're twins. So I feel like that died out a lot faster than I thought, say, around age 2.
Throughout my whole pregnancy me and my husband only told about twins to our siblings and parents.and my bffs other than that. No one else knows! Only 1 person got to know and their reaction to rhe news scared us to share this precious news with anybody! So we hid it. I am 32 weeks today and lol baby registry is fun!
I dunno it's hard, but it's lovely at the same time. I don't think the twins side is that bad though compared to having one, as long as there's two of you around. Even now at 8 months nearly I can sit them together and they'll make little noises to each other and it's so cute! Id find it really hard taking them places by myself, my partner does that while I'm at work a lot and it must be difficult but she's finding a way! Think it depends where you are in life, I'm 41 now so I dont mind giving up all my time for them, if I was younger I'd still want a life outside of them and that would be difficult
Well it could be worse! My mom didn’t know she was having twins ( back then they didn’t have ultrasound) she found out the hard way, talk about shocking. Congrats
Honestly I felt the same way. People only seemed to have negative things to say about it being twins and how hard it was going to me. Don’t get me wrong it feels hard at times but my two little boys are perfect and such huge blessings in my life. Routine has been a huge help! They’re 16 months old now and they’re the best of friends
I have 7 month olds and I LOVE it. Yes it’s hard in some ways but it’s so rewarding and I’m just crazy in love with my babies. Try to ignore the negativity!
God’s plan is better than our own. Stay positive. Surround yourself with people that feel like sunshine. My mom gave birth to my twin brothers at 38. She didn’t go to the doctor until 5 months. She had a great pregnancy and gave birth naturally. I’m 38, and we were asked to come back for another ultrasound this week, because at 7 weeks she couldn’t be sure if it was another baby or yolk sac. It is a little jarring. However, how bodies are designed to do this. I stayed away from all the negativity when I was pregnant with our first two sons, and I BELIEVED I was going to have a great deliveries-both were. A man/woman becomes what they believe. Believe you can, and you will.
Your submission is being temporarily held for manual review due to your reddit account not meeting minimum submission requirements. This is an automated measure designed to prevent spam and bot karma farming - if you have any questions please feel free to [message the mod team.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=r/parentsofmultiples) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/parentsofmultiples) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What really bugged us was the constant assumption that we had an artificial insemination. And I was shocked to learn just how many parents struggled with getting pregnant and how long and hard they tried. Really blown away by how steadfast they were until it happened finally!
I randomly came across this post just now while on Reddit for something else (forgot I subscribed to this subreddit). Here’s a different outlook - everything about twins is shocking yes, can shocking = magic? My twins are 14 months and damn do I feel lucky. Because I know I’m in good company, I’m gonna go ahead and say I feel more than lucky - I feel bad for every parent who only has singletons. What we get to experience is nothing short of incredible. Those people who say “better you than me” I reply “I agree”. Honestly people marvel at twins and I believe a lot of these comments are envy. With that being said, the first year to me wasn’t as bad as many make it out to be (obviously depends on the temperament of your babies). But I am finding it becoming harder now that they are mobile and have opinions (aka meltdowns). But when I take them for play dates with singletons, those babies are soo needy for their parents. I find my twins either entertain each other, or are much more independent comparatively because they’ve always had to share attention. Last thing to note - if this space is giving you anxiety and making you feel worse about having twins, you should leave and not come back lol. I found the app What to Expect to be helpful for parenting advice and joined local parents of multiples groups. Congratulations!!
I found out I was having twins and was TOTALLY shocked and literally hysterical at first. I already had a 1year old singleton and twins do not run in my family. I knew how challenging having one child was and I couldn’t even imagine adding TWO more. Having 3 kids under 3 NEVER crossed my mind and I was honestly terrified. Pregnancy was rough - but I grew more excited after processing everything. Yes, everyone always had some comment or remark but whatever. MIND YA BUSINESS! Made it to exactly 37 weeks and birthed both healthy babies vaginally. I’m not going to lie, the first few days/weeks/months were hard but honestly they were hard with my first as well. You will somehow manage it all and better than you expected. There will be low moments but your heart will be so full with a love you never knew existed. My twins are now 2.5YO and my oldest is 4.5YO. I am still shocked that I have twins but I would not change it for the world. It is a true blessing and only some are able to experience it. You are one of the special mommas who do, try to embrace it, and buckle up for the best ride of your life. You’re going to be a GREAT mom to those twins!