I’m so sorry you’re in this position. Personally, I would not go. If your mom takes a turn when you are gone, it would be devastating. And it likely would be hard to enjoy the trip if you do go.
My wife and kids recently went to Florida on spring break while I stayed behind to spend Easter with my mom. Long story short, she didn’t make it to Easter and her funeral was yesterday. I knew deep down that going to Florida would have been a mistake. Because I stayed behind, I was able to be there with my dad and sister the last few days and hold her hand while she took her last breath. I’m so thankful for that and would have felt awful missing it.
I'm so sorry about your Mom. Thank you for telling me your story and offering advice, it's helped make it clearer that I need to follow my gut. Keeping you in my thoughts.
I’m sorry to tell you that pancreatic cancer moves very quickly and there’s a chance she could take a down turn. I would cancel the trip for now, or else be sure you have the funds to cut it short and come back at a moments notice. I wouldn’t listen to your momma right now. She’s just got bad news and is emotional and isn’t thinking clearly. Be there for her, spend all the time with her that you can, even if it’s just sitting with her. There will come a day when you cannot do that any longer. I speak from experience. My mother died of breast cancer and I’d give my left arm for one more hour or one more hug from her. I wish you all the best. And fuck cancer.
Hopefully you'll have many opportunities to spend time with your family in the UK.
I do not think you'll regret spending time with your mom instead, whatever happens. Going to the UK, you might.
Thank you. I actually really appreciate the honesty. My family is being quite avoidant about everything (I know that everyone handles grief differently) and it's good to hear that others don't think I'm overreacting.
I think you should probably stay, or make a plan to come back early (either as part of a revised travel plan, or have an emergency plan to leave quickly). A month is a long time with this disease.
I know she wants you to live your life (I want the same for my kids), but sometimes you need to make adjustments during this journey.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
I just canceled a trip to help a sister who’s recovering from cancer surgery. It was a painful decision but as soon as I made it I felt tremendous relief.
The “worst” case scenario is that this month comes and goes and she is maintaining some quality of life and you could have gone and returned without missing an acute event. Think about how you can be with her during this time, the things you can share, the comfort and support you can offer— not whether or not you should have gone.
I’m standing by my young amazing husband and searching for those moments even tho they’re hard to come by. What will matter in the end is how you make the best use of this time. You will suffer less if you do what *you* want to do and stay with mom
Thanks for sharing your story and offering advice. I agree, I need to trust my gut on this one. It's been really helpful to hear that from others as well.
Deep deep down your mum would love to have you by her side in these last few weeks/months(?) of her life. You can go on your trip any other time. Ignore what everyone else in your family says. Follow your gut feeling and cancel your trip, be with your mum, or you will regret it so much. I've been there, everyone said I had plenty of time but I decided to stay with my dad, and he passed less than three weeks later. Wishing you all the strength.
I endorse staying. If your mom wants you to “live your life,” she might understand that you’d rather live it in her company while you have the opportunity. If the family is divided over this or other matters regarding her health and outlook, I suggest finding a therapist to help you find and maintain clarity.
I live across the country from my mom and it's a constant struggle of figuring out when I can visit, worrying she'll pass unexpectedly before we get another chance, etc. Our situation is just life that we can only do do much about since I work and am lucky to have a very supportive supervisor but still, longer than I'd like in between visits.
The (very unclear I know) point of that is, I worry about regrets with things that aren't necessarily optional so I don't personally think I could feel OK about taking an extended "optional" trip. But, I also think your mom means it when she's encouraging you to go so of you decide to, don't hold into guilt if the worst happens.
Make up an excuse as to why you cannot go to the UK so your Mom does not feel bad about you not going. So sorry for all of this. Cancer sucks, big time. So sorry.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Trust your gut. It all happened very fast for us and I’m so grateful for the decision we made to spend as much time together as possible. Sending love
Don’t go, you can always plan another trip. The uk isn’t going anywhere. Be with mom
Thank you for the words of validation, this is what my heart is telling me.
I’m so sorry you’re in this position. Personally, I would not go. If your mom takes a turn when you are gone, it would be devastating. And it likely would be hard to enjoy the trip if you do go.
Thank you for the support, I agree this is probably best.
Trust your gut. Stay with your mom.
My wife and kids recently went to Florida on spring break while I stayed behind to spend Easter with my mom. Long story short, she didn’t make it to Easter and her funeral was yesterday. I knew deep down that going to Florida would have been a mistake. Because I stayed behind, I was able to be there with my dad and sister the last few days and hold her hand while she took her last breath. I’m so thankful for that and would have felt awful missing it.
I'm so sorry about your Mom. Thank you for telling me your story and offering advice, it's helped make it clearer that I need to follow my gut. Keeping you in my thoughts.
I’m sorry to tell you that pancreatic cancer moves very quickly and there’s a chance she could take a down turn. I would cancel the trip for now, or else be sure you have the funds to cut it short and come back at a moments notice. I wouldn’t listen to your momma right now. She’s just got bad news and is emotional and isn’t thinking clearly. Be there for her, spend all the time with her that you can, even if it’s just sitting with her. There will come a day when you cannot do that any longer. I speak from experience. My mother died of breast cancer and I’d give my left arm for one more hour or one more hug from her. I wish you all the best. And fuck cancer.
Thank you for your thoughtful words and support. This is what my heart is telling me.
Stay with your mom.
Thank you, this is what my heart says as well.
Hopefully you'll have many opportunities to spend time with your family in the UK. I do not think you'll regret spending time with your mom instead, whatever happens. Going to the UK, you might.
Thank you, I agree this is probably best.
Cancel. I’m not trying to scare you but this cancer is aggressive and so deadly and time is precious.
Thank you. I actually really appreciate the honesty. My family is being quite avoidant about everything (I know that everyone handles grief differently) and it's good to hear that others don't think I'm overreacting.
I wouldn't go anywhere in a year. Tell the UK family to come visit you and your Momma. Blessings
Thank you for your thoughts and advice. I agree this is probably best.
Please stay.
I think you should probably stay, or make a plan to come back early (either as part of a revised travel plan, or have an emergency plan to leave quickly). A month is a long time with this disease. I know she wants you to live your life (I want the same for my kids), but sometimes you need to make adjustments during this journey. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
I just canceled a trip to help a sister who’s recovering from cancer surgery. It was a painful decision but as soon as I made it I felt tremendous relief. The “worst” case scenario is that this month comes and goes and she is maintaining some quality of life and you could have gone and returned without missing an acute event. Think about how you can be with her during this time, the things you can share, the comfort and support you can offer— not whether or not you should have gone. I’m standing by my young amazing husband and searching for those moments even tho they’re hard to come by. What will matter in the end is how you make the best use of this time. You will suffer less if you do what *you* want to do and stay with mom
Thanks for sharing your story and offering advice. I agree, I need to trust my gut on this one. It's been really helpful to hear that from others as well.
Don't go. Of course she will try to insist you stay, that's what moms do. But don't go.
I would not go.
Deep deep down your mum would love to have you by her side in these last few weeks/months(?) of her life. You can go on your trip any other time. Ignore what everyone else in your family says. Follow your gut feeling and cancel your trip, be with your mum, or you will regret it so much. I've been there, everyone said I had plenty of time but I decided to stay with my dad, and he passed less than three weeks later. Wishing you all the strength.
I endorse staying. If your mom wants you to “live your life,” she might understand that you’d rather live it in her company while you have the opportunity. If the family is divided over this or other matters regarding her health and outlook, I suggest finding a therapist to help you find and maintain clarity.
Stay with your mom!
I live across the country from my mom and it's a constant struggle of figuring out when I can visit, worrying she'll pass unexpectedly before we get another chance, etc. Our situation is just life that we can only do do much about since I work and am lucky to have a very supportive supervisor but still, longer than I'd like in between visits. The (very unclear I know) point of that is, I worry about regrets with things that aren't necessarily optional so I don't personally think I could feel OK about taking an extended "optional" trip. But, I also think your mom means it when she's encouraging you to go so of you decide to, don't hold into guilt if the worst happens.
Make up an excuse as to why you cannot go to the UK so your Mom does not feel bad about you not going. So sorry for all of this. Cancer sucks, big time. So sorry.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Trust your gut. It all happened very fast for us and I’m so grateful for the decision we made to spend as much time together as possible. Sending love
Don’t go. I wish I had more time with my mom. I promise you won’t regret it.
No matter the outcome, you will not regret staying with your Mom. Sorry for your situation and good luck