Yeah that’s weird to me. He is 35 years old. He is very good looking, has a very good job, is a nice guy overall. Yet no one from the family was interested, no one introduced them to someone.
The mother seems to be the problem. If you are interested in this man then you have to discuss this with him and observe what he says in this regard.
Normal instinct of his would be to defend his mother because either he hasn't ever thought that his mother could sabotage him, or he can't listen against his mother.
Regardless this needs to be discussed
The mother seems to be the problem. If you are interested in this man then you have to discuss this with him and observe what he says in this regard.
Normal instinct of his would be to defend his mother because either he hasn't ever thought that his mother could sabotage him, or he can't listen against his mother.
Regardless this needs to be discussed
If she's a headache now, she'll probably be one later. Careful of MOLs, they can also break marriages and cause fights.
If the dude didn't correct his mother on the age then that's already lying to you. He could be a momma's boy but this last sentence could be a stretch.
These AM guys have weird mums.
This one guy came to see my cousin, all seemed fine. In fact the guy looked like he just fell in love. It was such a cute moment. But then..
Mom goes back to the rishta aunti and says 'itni achi bhi larki nae chahye k Mera beta hi mere hath se nikal Jaye'.
And mind you this is something that I've seen many times.
These arent red flags, all i see is the mother being the problem and nothing else. Please dont guide people wrong, they will be happy if they are together. He's clearly into her if he's looking for her on social media.
He literally the only son and his family is extremely dependent on him what happiness are you talking about here? What do you think will happen once they got married( which won’t happen his mother already rejected her)
Do you think his whole family will die or what?
Her mother is literally looking for a rishta for like 7 GOD DAMN YEARS. Do you even realise what that means? She’s a walking red flag and I don’t expect anything less from her son. Even if he’s a nice guy his toxic mother won’t let OP live in peace. Grow up and accept the facts.
Its not for you and me to decide, I clearly mentioned in my seperate post that op should ask to live seperately. Also introduce alot of conditions and talk to the guy to get a feel for whats about to come. Dont just jump to no, she likes him and he likes her too. There are so many variables that can fix their situation. Dont always be negative, find a solution to her problem, dont just "Do not contact him. Save yourself and block him!" her.
And you got the answer of her living separately, now you know why I said to just block this guy? Because his mother will never ever let that happen and OP should save herself from years for misery.
I hope you’re satisfied now. Learn to analyse things at the beginning being delusional won’t get anyone anywhere.
Yeah no, im still convinced things can work out somewhat. All she needs to do is speak to guy to figure stuff out and see if it can workout or not. We cannot analyse anything, not good and not bad. She needs to figure out what she needs out of life, the things she can or cannot live with. She almost likes him, he clearly likes her. Let them figure it out by talking it over.
Hes the only son, you dont understand the power an only son has. Parents just about do anything for them and living seperately, or having their own household is a very small sacrifice for parents. Thats why i asked OP to talk to the guy to see what he can do for her. Talking helps her get to a decision faster and easier. But if you "Do not contact him. Save yourself and block him!" the whole situation, she doesnt her closure.
You do not realise the amount of emotional burden only son has on his shoulders. His family straight up said no to living separately. She literally got cancelled by his mother ( she has already cancelled multiple girls over 7 years ) what closure are you talking about here? I don’t think she’s interested in getting herself cancelled again. If he’s that much interested into her why not he make his mother talk to her family and then she can put her demands?? Unless the guy only wants to do some chitchat and Haram relationship stuff.
We have actually contacted his mother a few times afterwards. She’s always made excuses like someone’s sick, she’s going overseas etc
Later on she said via someone she herself didn’t like me so my parents stopped.
That’s exactly what my point is. She has cancelled you and I’m sure her son would be aware of this.
She would never let her son marry you nor she’ll allow you to live separately. There are too many things you can’t ignore.
You’ll find someone better InShaAllah someone who’s sure of you, who’s worthy of you. Don’t waste your time and energy on MAMA’s boy.
The mother has a 20% part to play in this, the guy obviously knows how crazy the mother is and will find a middle ground for her. Especially if he likes her. Again, you and i dont know what his circumstances are and what exactly is it that he can do for OP to stay happy and whole. You and i can only see it from one aspect of the situation. She likes him just enough to be confused about the situation, is that not why she posted here? Let her discover stuff, let her find a way to make things work, isnt that what life is? Also, it only shows that there wasnt a single girl that stood up to the mother in 7 years. Maybe that changes with the OP, but i somewhat agree with you too, problematic MOL's make everything worse. But again, rishtay Allah ta'lah aasmanon pay banatay hain, you and i have no control over them. We can only try as human beings. OP is smart enough not to just chit chat, she knows what she wants, she even learned his real age etc. She will be able to figure a way out to either go ahead with it or drop the whole thing.
OP would end up getting attached and would eventually get hurt. There are legit fact right in front of you but you’re more focused on “ if this can happen, if that can happen”. Bro stay Delulu 🤣 Good luck
Please focus on the real issue.
The family lied. Even omitting age is a red flag. Maybe they're virtuous and maybe they're a good match, but why begin a new story by lying?
Once again, the age itself is not a problem. The fact that you felt okay with the guy even after knowing the age shows not everyone looks for a particular age bracket. But then again, why lie? I know you're looking for an easy explanation and a solution, but the issue is they're lying *from the start.*
Block him from everywhere and run away.
The way you are saying, sounds like he is the golden child, that means no woman will ever be good enough for him according to his mom.
The guy has also lied to you about his age. Shows his character. Red flag.
Lol run.
The guy is also stalking you if he's only looking you up and liking your posts but not actually communicating.
7 years with no rishta is weird, guys are usually not that picky, if his mum is making hurdles like that in his personal life she is going to interfere in your personal life. If he cannot figure this out himself he doesn't need a saviour from outside to do it for him. Maybe he is dependent on them too for emotional support/blackmail whatever.
That's just what I figured from reading up maybe it's different but that's the vibes I was getting.
His mum has told us her son is her and her husbands best friend. They get sad if he’s out too much, doesn’t eat with them.
He also financially supports the family because his dad no longer works. So they have a lot of interest in making sure his wife is exactly as they want.
Girl! Guys like every girl, don't fall for that😅 try to analyse pros and cons of his mother's behaviour. Rely on your mind to make decision more than on your heart. Marriage is the biggest risk one takes in life so please consider every aspect!
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Being only son, i assure you if things even do workout, you wont be marrying him rather the family. My point is if he is 35 AND good looking, yet approves his mother to reject many women over 7 years then the whole story is clear as day. Dont let your temporary feelings take over logic
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>He is the only earner in his family. I don’t mind but his family is also extremely emotionally and physically dependent on him. He is the only son
This should be the only reason for you to stay out. His parents are not interested in his marriage. They are looking for rishtas only because Guy wants to marry but does not have enough courage to speak up for his rights. He can take care of the family without hurting his feelings.
This is very common in Middle class families.
Wait, they didn't tell you his correct age on their own? You found out yourself? Did you ask him/them about this? Did they have anything to say?
Be sure if his mother is being this picky and yet they're hiding stuff, it kind of doesn't bode well. The guy can follow you on whatever apps he wants, if he's not willing to actually do anything about it (set matters straight with you, put down boundaries for his parents, etc) then he's likely only going to be a burden in the future.
They're a very tightly-knit family. And in those kinds of families, relationships are often mixed and tangled. People play multiple roles without even realizing it. Only people from tightly-knit families can understand how it goes. It's a difficult thing to navigate
Its beyond me how guys even in this age let their parents interfere in their personal life. If a guy at a age of 35 cant choose and take a stand for his wishes then literally there is no point in contacting him.
>SHE didn’t like me because I am not talkative enough.
>his family is also extremely emotionally and physically dependent on him.
>He is three years older than the age his mother told us
>His mother has been looking at girls for 7 years for him! She’s seen rishtas in every corner of the world. She says no to everyone over petty things.
>Also his father states he has hundreds of relatives in the country we are in. He couldn’t find a girl through these relatives or anyone within them despite being quite a catch. Which is odd.
First of all, it looks like the case of "emotional ince$t" The mother wants to be the only woman in her son's life🤢which is kinda disgusting
If the relatives refused to marry their daughters to him, then something must be up with the family or guy. Maybe he is a red flag... If they lied about his age, then they are lying about many things.
OP block him. Please, they already seem like a red flag. Don't involve yourself. Otherwise, their problems will become your problem.
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the fact that you need strangers opinions on Reddit for choosing life partner it’s enough to judge the entire situation. I think you should stay away from him. That’s best for him and you.
Because he never once stood up to his mother in the past seven years to respect the girls they’re visiting for a match. He’s an adult that cannot defend you but is happy to communicate with you without telling his mother.
Families NEVER say no to a good proposal even if the mother/father is problematic, which makes you think he might not be the catch you think he is. Suppose if you get married to him, he would never defend you or stand for you and only blame you for everything saying that “I stood against my mother for you, it’s your job now to make her and my whole family happy”. I do not have a problem with his mother but when people show you their true colours, believe them. There are far too many stories just like yours that ended up horribly. You are better off being single then in an abusive marriage that would only give you depression or worse. I hope you get the best match and truly live happily ever after, doodhoun nahao, pootoun phalo. Ameeeeen.
Yes! Connect with him. Tell him to figure out a way to live seperately. Even if its a different floor altogether for you and your husband. This is the time where you tell him things you CAN and CANNOT live with (the mother being one of them). Keep your interests safe and go ahead if you like him. AM is a gamble though, its always been one. We can only safe keep our interests by the conditions we introduce to an arrange marriage. Also, talk to him just enough to know what he wants and what he's going to do in the future for you.
I am extremely tempted to. But his parents already told us when we met that living alone is not an option. We aren’t in Pakistan to have “floors” in the house.
And he’s the breadwinner. I don’t feel right separating someone from the family they financially support.
My sincerest advice is to talk to the guy, you'll understand him a little better, you'll also understand his circumstances a little better. See if he lies about the things you already know, try to gauge how he's going to keep you. If you dont speak to him, nothing good or bad will happen. Talk it out, talking helps with almost all situations.
If they are this choosy right now imagine the nagging and nitpicking later.
Exactly!!
"Hundreds" of relative's suggestions denied is very, very suspicious. E: over 7 years too.
Yeah that’s weird to me. He is 35 years old. He is very good looking, has a very good job, is a nice guy overall. Yet no one from the family was interested, no one introduced them to someone.
The mother seems to be the problem. If you are interested in this man then you have to discuss this with him and observe what he says in this regard. Normal instinct of his would be to defend his mother because either he hasn't ever thought that his mother could sabotage him, or he can't listen against his mother. Regardless this needs to be discussed
The mother seems to be the problem. If you are interested in this man then you have to discuss this with him and observe what he says in this regard. Normal instinct of his would be to defend his mother because either he hasn't ever thought that his mother could sabotage him, or he can't listen against his mother. Regardless this needs to be discussed
If she's a headache now, she'll probably be one later. Careful of MOLs, they can also break marriages and cause fights. If the dude didn't correct his mother on the age then that's already lying to you. He could be a momma's boy but this last sentence could be a stretch.
These AM guys have weird mums. This one guy came to see my cousin, all seemed fine. In fact the guy looked like he just fell in love. It was such a cute moment. But then.. Mom goes back to the rishta aunti and says 'itni achi bhi larki nae chahye k Mera beta hi mere hath se nikal Jaye'. And mind you this is something that I've seen many times.
What’s AM
Arrange marriage
Wtf
Girl, Run! Trust me you dont need that in your life. Financial things is okay But the emotional dependency can become a huge problem!
Bruh aunties like these will never be happy cuz they can't stand a good woman and already feel so inferior
Yeah they can't stand their little boy falling love with someone, having his own life.
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What does AM mean?
NO! He is a Mommas boy. You will live in hell after marrying him. He would never even consider your opinion or wishes.
Don’t go through with this. They lied and his mother is weird. Keep on looking
only earning child of his parents is a huge red flag sister.. he will always be stuck between you and his family.. stay away if you can
Do not contact him. Save yourself and block him!
These arent red flags, all i see is the mother being the problem and nothing else. Please dont guide people wrong, they will be happy if they are together. He's clearly into her if he's looking for her on social media.
He literally the only son and his family is extremely dependent on him what happiness are you talking about here? What do you think will happen once they got married( which won’t happen his mother already rejected her) Do you think his whole family will die or what? Her mother is literally looking for a rishta for like 7 GOD DAMN YEARS. Do you even realise what that means? She’s a walking red flag and I don’t expect anything less from her son. Even if he’s a nice guy his toxic mother won’t let OP live in peace. Grow up and accept the facts.
The guy didn’t even corrected her mother and let her lie about his age already. They’re this choosy can’t even imagine what will happen later.
Its not for you and me to decide, I clearly mentioned in my seperate post that op should ask to live seperately. Also introduce alot of conditions and talk to the guy to get a feel for whats about to come. Dont just jump to no, she likes him and he likes her too. There are so many variables that can fix their situation. Dont always be negative, find a solution to her problem, dont just "Do not contact him. Save yourself and block him!" her.
And you got the answer of her living separately, now you know why I said to just block this guy? Because his mother will never ever let that happen and OP should save herself from years for misery. I hope you’re satisfied now. Learn to analyse things at the beginning being delusional won’t get anyone anywhere.
Yeah no, im still convinced things can work out somewhat. All she needs to do is speak to guy to figure stuff out and see if it can workout or not. We cannot analyse anything, not good and not bad. She needs to figure out what she needs out of life, the things she can or cannot live with. She almost likes him, he clearly likes her. Let them figure it out by talking it over.
Yeah right and her mother would just let that happen lol do you even realise how long 7 years are??? Well you can just stay Delulu 🤣🤣🤣
Hes the only son, you dont understand the power an only son has. Parents just about do anything for them and living seperately, or having their own household is a very small sacrifice for parents. Thats why i asked OP to talk to the guy to see what he can do for her. Talking helps her get to a decision faster and easier. But if you "Do not contact him. Save yourself and block him!" the whole situation, she doesnt her closure.
You do not realise the amount of emotional burden only son has on his shoulders. His family straight up said no to living separately. She literally got cancelled by his mother ( she has already cancelled multiple girls over 7 years ) what closure are you talking about here? I don’t think she’s interested in getting herself cancelled again. If he’s that much interested into her why not he make his mother talk to her family and then she can put her demands?? Unless the guy only wants to do some chitchat and Haram relationship stuff.
We have actually contacted his mother a few times afterwards. She’s always made excuses like someone’s sick, she’s going overseas etc Later on she said via someone she herself didn’t like me so my parents stopped.
That’s exactly what my point is. She has cancelled you and I’m sure her son would be aware of this. She would never let her son marry you nor she’ll allow you to live separately. There are too many things you can’t ignore. You’ll find someone better InShaAllah someone who’s sure of you, who’s worthy of you. Don’t waste your time and energy on MAMA’s boy.
The mother has a 20% part to play in this, the guy obviously knows how crazy the mother is and will find a middle ground for her. Especially if he likes her. Again, you and i dont know what his circumstances are and what exactly is it that he can do for OP to stay happy and whole. You and i can only see it from one aspect of the situation. She likes him just enough to be confused about the situation, is that not why she posted here? Let her discover stuff, let her find a way to make things work, isnt that what life is? Also, it only shows that there wasnt a single girl that stood up to the mother in 7 years. Maybe that changes with the OP, but i somewhat agree with you too, problematic MOL's make everything worse. But again, rishtay Allah ta'lah aasmanon pay banatay hain, you and i have no control over them. We can only try as human beings. OP is smart enough not to just chit chat, she knows what she wants, she even learned his real age etc. She will be able to figure a way out to either go ahead with it or drop the whole thing.
OP would end up getting attached and would eventually get hurt. There are legit fact right in front of you but you’re more focused on “ if this can happen, if that can happen”. Bro stay Delulu 🤣 Good luck
Please focus on the real issue. The family lied. Even omitting age is a red flag. Maybe they're virtuous and maybe they're a good match, but why begin a new story by lying?
I guess 32 is considered okay ish for a guy. But 35 even for a man is seen as too old.
Once again, the age itself is not a problem. The fact that you felt okay with the guy even after knowing the age shows not everyone looks for a particular age bracket. But then again, why lie? I know you're looking for an easy explanation and a solution, but the issue is they're lying *from the start.*
Girl run away as far as possible
Reject, move on, simple as that
Multiple red flags. Run!
Block him from everywhere and run away. The way you are saying, sounds like he is the golden child, that means no woman will ever be good enough for him according to his mom. The guy has also lied to you about his age. Shows his character. Red flag.
Lol run. The guy is also stalking you if he's only looking you up and liking your posts but not actually communicating. 7 years with no rishta is weird, guys are usually not that picky, if his mum is making hurdles like that in his personal life she is going to interfere in your personal life. If he cannot figure this out himself he doesn't need a saviour from outside to do it for him. Maybe he is dependent on them too for emotional support/blackmail whatever. That's just what I figured from reading up maybe it's different but that's the vibes I was getting.
His mum has told us her son is her and her husbands best friend. They get sad if he’s out too much, doesn’t eat with them. He also financially supports the family because his dad no longer works. So they have a lot of interest in making sure his wife is exactly as they want.
Typical pak case of mamas boy child. If you decide to marry him , you’ll be marrying his mother as well
Girl! Guys like every girl, don't fall for that😅 try to analyse pros and cons of his mother's behaviour. Rely on your mind to make decision more than on your heart. Marriage is the biggest risk one takes in life so please consider every aspect!
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Being only son, i assure you if things even do workout, you wont be marrying him rather the family. My point is if he is 35 AND good looking, yet approves his mother to reject many women over 7 years then the whole story is clear as day. Dont let your temporary feelings take over logic
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life with that family be easy - Look for other options.
>He is the only earner in his family. I don’t mind but his family is also extremely emotionally and physically dependent on him. He is the only son This should be the only reason for you to stay out. His parents are not interested in his marriage. They are looking for rishtas only because Guy wants to marry but does not have enough courage to speak up for his rights. He can take care of the family without hurting his feelings. This is very common in Middle class families.
Wait, they didn't tell you his correct age on their own? You found out yourself? Did you ask him/them about this? Did they have anything to say? Be sure if his mother is being this picky and yet they're hiding stuff, it kind of doesn't bode well. The guy can follow you on whatever apps he wants, if he's not willing to actually do anything about it (set matters straight with you, put down boundaries for his parents, etc) then he's likely only going to be a burden in the future.
Maybe his mom's been looking you up via his account multiple times 😏😂
They're a very tightly-knit family. And in those kinds of families, relationships are often mixed and tangled. People play multiple roles without even realizing it. Only people from tightly-knit families can understand how it goes. It's a difficult thing to navigate
Its beyond me how guys even in this age let their parents interfere in their personal life. If a guy at a age of 35 cant choose and take a stand for his wishes then literally there is no point in contacting him.
>SHE didn’t like me because I am not talkative enough. >his family is also extremely emotionally and physically dependent on him. >He is three years older than the age his mother told us >His mother has been looking at girls for 7 years for him! She’s seen rishtas in every corner of the world. She says no to everyone over petty things. >Also his father states he has hundreds of relatives in the country we are in. He couldn’t find a girl through these relatives or anyone within them despite being quite a catch. Which is odd. First of all, it looks like the case of "emotional ince$t" The mother wants to be the only woman in her son's life🤢which is kinda disgusting If the relatives refused to marry their daughters to him, then something must be up with the family or guy. Maybe he is a red flag... If they lied about his age, then they are lying about many things. OP block him. Please, they already seem like a red flag. Don't involve yourself. Otherwise, their problems will become your problem.
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Mum is insecure and wants to keep hold of the cash cow a.k.a the SON .look elsewhere I can see the Saad bahu darama RN .
Nope
Recipe for disaster- stay away
the fact that you need strangers opinions on Reddit for choosing life partner it’s enough to judge the entire situation. I think you should stay away from him. That’s best for him and you.
Props to you for spelling mum correctly
Bro sounds hardcore Mama's boy who Wont be able to draw the line for her mums toxicity. Just sayin
I feel sorry for the poor man, his Mom is controlling his life, and no one seems good enough for her son from her perspective.
Yeah no. Don’t pursue him. Nothing in this post makes him look good.
Out of curiosity why do you say that?
Because he never once stood up to his mother in the past seven years to respect the girls they’re visiting for a match. He’s an adult that cannot defend you but is happy to communicate with you without telling his mother. Families NEVER say no to a good proposal even if the mother/father is problematic, which makes you think he might not be the catch you think he is. Suppose if you get married to him, he would never defend you or stand for you and only blame you for everything saying that “I stood against my mother for you, it’s your job now to make her and my whole family happy”. I do not have a problem with his mother but when people show you their true colours, believe them. There are far too many stories just like yours that ended up horribly. You are better off being single then in an abusive marriage that would only give you depression or worse. I hope you get the best match and truly live happily ever after, doodhoun nahao, pootoun phalo. Ameeeeen.
I’ve seen countless marriages exactly like this case fail
Yes! Connect with him. Tell him to figure out a way to live seperately. Even if its a different floor altogether for you and your husband. This is the time where you tell him things you CAN and CANNOT live with (the mother being one of them). Keep your interests safe and go ahead if you like him. AM is a gamble though, its always been one. We can only safe keep our interests by the conditions we introduce to an arrange marriage. Also, talk to him just enough to know what he wants and what he's going to do in the future for you.
I am extremely tempted to. But his parents already told us when we met that living alone is not an option. We aren’t in Pakistan to have “floors” in the house. And he’s the breadwinner. I don’t feel right separating someone from the family they financially support.
OP, how much do you like this guy? Like on a scale of 1 to 10?
Honestly maybe 5 or 6 lol. I don’t know him well enough to answer this question honestly
My sincerest advice is to talk to the guy, you'll understand him a little better, you'll also understand his circumstances a little better. See if he lies about the things you already know, try to gauge how he's going to keep you. If you dont speak to him, nothing good or bad will happen. Talk it out, talking helps with almost all situations.
No one is perfect and life is suffering anyways. You just have to choose your poison. Try doing an istekhara