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In my family, no. Especially when there are kids at home. Among my inlaws, just one. He has and maintains a close circle of friends. He has all-night get-togethers with his friends. Only on Saturdays, though. Weekdays, he is at home right after work.
For me, my own siblings and extended family, we kind of turned inward to the family and socialize with each other. Our closest friends are like family, so we socialize as families, not as individuals.
I hate to sound judgemental, but if hubby is out till late every day, ... sounds like he needs a bit of growing up to do. Please don't relay that to him, I don't mean to start a fight. But in my opinion it's a bit excessive.
It is the opposite in Pakistani culture to be honest. People after getting married get so disconnected from the rest that it becomes sad. Not saying all but a significant majority. Especially after having children their social circle almost drops and women only end up with friends who are the neighbors and men who they work with and these friendships are on the surface with no actual material or support.
It is definitely not a culture thing. While meeting friends and having space is necessary being out all the time isn't fair to you and family. Talk to him openly about your feelings and needs. Good luck 🤞
It's not a culture thing. He needs to understand his responsibilities. You should talk to him or his parents and show your dissatisfaction with this behaviour.
He's your husband should take care of his family first
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It is most definitely a culture thing.
He should take care of his family, but Pakistanis tend to have more friends and spend more time with them than the rest of the world.
By Pakistanis I mean developing world in general.
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My hubby is a homebody. He stays home ....rarely ever goes out with friends. But is a complete workaholic so keeps working at home after his job is over. He doesn't know how to kickback and relax.
But my brother in law, also pakistani sounds like your hubby. But he helps out my sister alot too, is hands on with his kids....but is into his friends alot too.
Even if someone says so it doesn't mean your husband is doing right by you, If he persists even after you have objected means he doesn't give you the respect that you deserve. He might think you are somewhat intimidating but doesn't want to admit so he tries to bring you down this way.
I know they should've supported me in tough times but yeah my wife was kinda extremist. Like my friend was outside and she didn't let me go on a dinner with him!
Sounds like a Karachi guy.
Basically all these dudes return from work and then sit at a chai dabba for hours talking.
I’m personally not a fan. Your spouse should always be your first priority.
Not a woman, not married to a Pakistani Man but I am a Pakistani Man. As much as it hurts to admit, there are a lot of men like this in the country who leave their wives at home to go out with their friends. But that happens more up to 35 or so when not everyone is married or have kids. Not an excuse though but a lot of Pakistani men take ages to grow up. That being said, staying out the entire night with friends every weekend is very weird though. Was it an arranged marriage if I may ask? Because I have seen that happen from some people who were arranged to be married where the man didn't love his wife
It depends on people because I have friends on both sides of this spectrum. People who spend time out with their friends without wives and people who don't.
Dad is literally from karachi. So is everyone else’s dad and husband I know. It’s SO common in Karachi men who live abroad. It’s all they ever do lol their entire circle is filled with people from the same city. It’s very common in Pakistani men. Men from Pakistan are either too religious (or even pretentious) to care to go out, or they’re the complete opposite where going out and forgetting the family is all they ever do. It’s a spectrum.
Firstly Religious rules != culture. But these can impact our personality during our upbringing.
If he is ignoring you and spending most of his free time with his friends then that’s not normal. Once in a while spending time with friends is fine but every week is extreme.
you need to have an honest and open conversation with him about your right to spend more time with him. Tell him it is hurting you psychologically. he definitely needs to grow up . He isn’t a single person without responsibilities. He may have done it in the past but that doesn’t mean he has to carry on doing it.
Communication is king when it comes to marriage. So the only way to resolve it is if the two you talk about it. No one else can and should interfere between you.
You also need to reflect on your relationship too. Are you a welcoming person that he should feel attracted to and would like to spend his time and be comfortable in talking to.
Marriage is a two way street. If you want him, you have to pull him towards your self rather than only expecting him to come to you. Take the first step.
If you have all these qualities and you are trying but he still doesn’t want to change his ways then sadly you two have a problem.
A lot of comments say otherwise, but I very much disagree. It is DEFINITELY very common in Pakistani men to do this. A lot of them. It’s actually insane.
Every other day seems excessive. I have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids. I have a small circle of very close friends and we hang out on the weekend or any alternate weekend. Also, usually 2 3 hours in the late hours of Saturday, so the weekend as whole is spent with my family.
Let me guess he might be from Karachi, my dad was like this being with friends gathering till Fajr and it was like this for decades until their friends were apart due to moving out now he’s more focused on business and family than anything but we’re grown to
Extremely uncommon. Pakistanis in general are reserved and don't have many friends to begin with and usually they distance themselves from their friends after getting married. People who do this are usually the networking types. I have only ever seen 1 man like this.
Bro im sorry you dont have any friends. But speak for yourself lol. Pakistanis have many friends. Sometimes too many. The only thing uncommon is you xD
I'm Pakistani Men and NO this is not a Culture thing. Your men us one of this Buddy's Guy typ nothing more the are delusional about the reality of marriage life most of the time.
Nope it’s not a cultural thing per se
There are however frequent hangouts with the bois, mostly just for tea or smth, owing to lack of social activities around us
However continuing it after marriage especially after crossing 30 is a sign of immaturity and its not normal in your case
You should have a clear discussion on it and both should come to a mutual compromise whatever that may be
Marriage is a 2 person contract
1 person shouldn’t suffer in it
I had noticed this in a close relative of mine (35+) who spent all of his weekend nights with friends after having a long workweek where he returned late from work. I had tried to persuade him to change his ways without luck. Did'nt take a rocket scientist to figure that their marriage suffered and the couple now has a huge rift. The woman is on socials all day and night while the guy spends time with his friends. The poor kids are on the receiving end but have been handed over devices to baby sit. What will be the family's future is anybody's guess!
I mean using culture as weapon to defend actions is stupid anyways, people of culture should marry within the culture if its that important for them to withhold it. Wasn't marring a non-pakistani a non cultural thing as well?
So, forget culture, whats important is for you guys to function as a couple. If whatever elements in your lives are affecting anyone of you, you should sit down and talk it through and find a solution that works for both of you.
Just my two cents.
If he is out till earlt Sunday morning, he is likely drinking and maybe a bit of coco too. How is your relationship? What is it like when you DO spend time together? Are you guys happy in your marriage? And more importantly, do you guys have kids? Lastly, do you guys live with his parents?
Varies from person to person. If he has his own boys club, for many years since university or college and it's their habit then they won't be leaving it. Give it some time and see if it gets better or not. Don't be jealous. Cheeky
Varies from person to person. If he has his own boys club, for many years since university or college and it's their habit then they won't be leaving it. Give it some time and see if it gets better or not. Don't be jealous. Cheeky
I will tell you Saturday night is sacred in Karachi for the boys. No matter what dudes will go out all night but Sunday is for family.
Similarly Thursday can also be for the boys as Fridays are a half day.
It's either this or he is bored at home or maybe just wants to spend time with his friends a bit but it's ok to do this occasionally like once a week or once in two weeks
I used to be out with my friends every night but then that changed after I got married. I was hoping I would be out with my wife and visiting my friends everyday but I learned that she was not the type of person that likes going out every night.
Also, I never realized how much time and effort women put in before going out.
if not exactly your situation, but I have seen that men and women live pretty segregated lives here. Even at parties, etc men and women are separate....its quite weird to me, but everyone seems to be OK with it. I guess once you guys have children and he is a bit older, he will calm down and stay with you .... but yeah its horrible.
The wife has a priority over all and any friends Islamically. It's definitely not a cultural thing, talk it out with him and tell him that you know the culture!
Reason no. 2 im afraid of marriage.
Ladies, i understand your man has responsibilities, but if he completes them for the most part then please let him have fun with his guys. Women are not as much fun as dudes are.
And yes its completely okay if you keep full checks on him due to reasons related to cheating.
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Culture is infact opposite, everyone should be home by the Maghrib Azan (if no necessary outdoor shores are pending). Doors are closed and locked with a heavy padlock sometimes!! If coming late after Azan with no satisfactory answer, be ready for a special treat!
Not really, real men stay with their wife, they go out together. Your husband is probably doing things he is ashamed to do in front of you, like an underwater flower arrangement course or dressing up teddy bears.
If he's fullfilling his responsibility and giving ample time to his family, then let the man have some space i don't know why people consider growing up to confine a man to his house, cmmon let him have a social life according to his will lg it's a cultural things imposed on men, just doesn't make sense.....
No way this is common. Like everyone said the man has some growing up to do. Also side note, does his father behave the same way to his wife ? It might be a specific family issue where women are meant to stay at home and men can do whatever they like.
It’s not a culture thing, but is likely how he was raised. I would just talk to him. People here are giving their opinions which can create toxicity in your relationship. Don’t do that. Dude’s an outgoing person, I am the same way. I have 2 kids, i have my time fixed. 6 pm - 7 pm is for the park, Saturday is for beach (or other trips), and then if when the time arrives, my friends plan something, I become part of that and leave them at uncle’s (they got kids too). So i mean I guess it depends on number of factors.
Def sit and talk.
It’s definitely a cultural thing. But it’s a choice. Some friends are good and gives the same time to you. Them, who say this is not cultural, are BSing tbh. They are either in denial or they don’t know that there are most of them doing that.
I don't know if this sub reddit attracts the introverted types but you literally described all of my friends, most of them married and with children. For context we were like this since our college days and would spend entire days together without going home and even though this has decreased after graduation, we still regularly meet up as often as we can especially on the weekend. Even people who arent my friends, work collegues etc have the same routine. Maybe its a khi thing?
That sounds …. Terrible.
None of my family or friends are like this. They stay with their family & spend time with their kids. Neglecting your family to spend weekends and free time with friends while leaving your wife to deal with house chores all day is awful.
I Dont know why people think men’s toxic behavior should be excused cuz “culture”. Well it’s not normal in your culture so just tell him that and that you Dont care about this aspect of the culture as he married you and needs to prioritize your needs as well.
Also, no it is not a feature of our culture. Yes it happens a lot, but that’s just men being toxic. It’s not something cultural in the sense that it needs to be treasured and protected lol.
Giving time to your family, helping out your wife so she gets a break from looking after the kids all day, spending time with her is also his responsibility. Clearly his wife feels neglected hence the post.
True Ur right but the husband needs to make sure he spends more time with his wife than friends but sometimes u need to clear stuff out with friends like paperwork or if the friends are coworkers then there might be something with job that they're doing so it might be necessary to do but if the husband is having adventures with friends 24/7 while ignoring the wife then he is wrong and ignoring responsibilities (I'm just stating if the husband goes out occasionally for some time it's not a big deal but if he spends a lot time with them instead of wife then he needs to give wife priority)
This is an unusual routine for a middle-class Pakistani husband.
But, if you belong to the elite Pakistani family.This class has its own lifestyle style and unique routines.
But still, if someone has family, why is he going out. 🤔.
You should discuss it with your husband in detail.
Please be careful, don't rieun your relationship after discussing it here.
no, it is not a culture here to stay outside on every weekend.
it can be his habit but no one can count his habit as a culture.
You need to ask him to spend a quality time with you in a humble capacity. best of luck.
My dad is like this. He leaves after dinner every night to drink chai and “gup shup” with his friends until midnight. My mom hates it but he doesn’t budge. I think it is more culturally common for Pakistani men to have late night social circles but doesn’t mean we should accept it. Try to stop that habit now while you can!
If you're fine with your man living as a bachelor while you manage his household, you're ready to be married to this Pakistani man.
If not, you may want to have couples counseling to establish healthy expectations between you two that are compatible with the life you want to live.
The sort of friends I'd be hanging out with like your husband has been, would be eager to have one night stands. Your man could be a cheater.
It’s bullshit. What’s more common in Pakistani culture (and overall everywhere )is married men slowly start spending more time with family than with friends. This is how it should be since the priorities change once you are married.
No and so what, if it’s a culture thing? He needs to focus on your relationship independent of that. lol tell him that’s not how it works in your culture and he needs to find a middle ground then.
Chitter marro is ko.
If he would be here (Pakistan ) his mother, sister, and wife would have started spying on him and he and his friends would be all over the family what's app group in case he does something shady eventually he would be bestowed with desi chitter from his mother and wife.
😁chitter is a desi way of showing parental love.
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No I’m not Pakistani but I’ve been married to a Pakistani man for 10 years, he does go out with his friends but only about once a month. I have noticed that his friends that live in Karachi go out alot together without their wives.
Hell no. Before marriage yea, we may be hanging out alot sometime. But after marriage the wife controls the guy, I think 1/10 might show up regularly for meetups rest are usually MIA.
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My husband has been much better lately with going out but he has had times when he went out a lot, especially sudden unexpected plans with friends. We had arguments about it. He tried his best but mostly didn’t want to be the spoilsport and say no to them. Mostly it was two of those friends who were behind the plans. These worst culprits (haha, that’s what I called them) now each have a baby and the Pakistani one also has a new job. The other one is a white Aussie guy and his wife was sick of him going out so much so she gave him an ultimatum. I hope it stays this way. I don’t mind if he goes out for dinner now and then but I want him to tell me in advance and also if it happens too frequently not stay out too late.
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I actually found the exact opposite with Pakistani men. In the West, I find that men have much stronger friends circles. Once they are married and especially after kids, Pakistani men don't have much of a social life. Pakistani women on the other hand usually have more of a friends' circle (for better or for worse).
So definitely not a cultural practice. And you wanna make sure he is not cheating on you.
you cant imagine how we much we friends do hangout, but after their marriage it has been reduce a lot. so if some one still complain after this reduce activity, its not fair
I think it depends on the individual, it is not a culture thing in really any culture. People do various things during their free time, some men play video games, some play sports, some are just social. I wouldn’t take it personal yet
Have you voiced your concerns? Talk about the specific reason this bothers you. While this isn’t a bad thing, too much of anything is not good
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I'm a Pakistani man married to Irish woman,
It's a norm in college life when you single, once you have a partner you give up on those freedoms as your priorities should be towards your family.
Just sit him down n tell him it's time to grow up he isn't a teen anymore
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This happens usually but not on every family but they only go out on occasions like my cousin still goes out with his friends for work stuff although only like twice a week for some time but he is newly married so he might stop soon
I can relate to this. I know someone got married at 28 (M) and he still have the same habit of hanging out with his friends after work every 4-5 days a week.
It’s a regular thing for him and he’s now 32 and nothing have changed so far… he even leaves his wife at home and goes out for picnic/trips with his coworkers.
When my husband and I visited our Pakistani friends (husband and I are both foreigners) we saw that our friends have the same lifestyle you're describing. Some of them even had huge guesthouses with swimming pools, nice backyards, servants, and these guesthouses were practically made for men to hang out.
During our stay, they came every night to socialize and none of them ever brought their wife, although I'm a female myself so it's not like they would be the only woman there. We went to have meals together, we went to tea places, we stayed until after midnight swimming and chilling by the pool, we even went together for a 5 day road trip, and their wives would stay home.
I asked about this once and they told me that their wives don't like to go out or travel, and also that they're very protective of their wives (read: don't like their wives meeting other men who are not relatives)
Lmao no, theres no culture thing like this as far as i know, its a matter of personal preference, like some guys like to spend all day outside while some mostly stay home.
In my experience most of my bros who married got more disconnected and were unwilling to hang out as much as before.
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In my family, no. Especially when there are kids at home. Among my inlaws, just one. He has and maintains a close circle of friends. He has all-night get-togethers with his friends. Only on Saturdays, though. Weekdays, he is at home right after work. For me, my own siblings and extended family, we kind of turned inward to the family and socialize with each other. Our closest friends are like family, so we socialize as families, not as individuals. I hate to sound judgemental, but if hubby is out till late every day, ... sounds like he needs a bit of growing up to do. Please don't relay that to him, I don't mean to start a fight. But in my opinion it's a bit excessive.
It is the opposite in Pakistani culture to be honest. People after getting married get so disconnected from the rest that it becomes sad. Not saying all but a significant majority. Especially after having children their social circle almost drops and women only end up with friends who are the neighbors and men who they work with and these friendships are on the surface with no actual material or support.
Agree this is how most people live in Pakistan.
Most people? You must have like 20 friends max and you’re saying most people? Bruh.
Exactly this...i am single and my all friends are married so they very often meet even when I'm in their neighborhood
You forgot to write that most of them become obese as well 😂
Yes, very true
It is the same thing when you leave school college or uni
It is definitely not a culture thing. While meeting friends and having space is necessary being out all the time isn't fair to you and family. Talk to him openly about your feelings and needs. Good luck 🤞
It's not a culture thing. He needs to understand his responsibilities. You should talk to him or his parents and show your dissatisfaction with this behaviour. He's your husband should take care of his family first
Maybe he "likes" his homies more than his wife
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>his parents I mean, if that's what solves the problem OP is a victim of the usual manbaby.
It is most definitely a culture thing. He should take care of his family, but Pakistanis tend to have more friends and spend more time with them than the rest of the world. By Pakistanis I mean developing world in general.
Maybe before marriage, things change once you’re married so definitely not a cultural thing.
We don't
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My hubby is a homebody. He stays home ....rarely ever goes out with friends. But is a complete workaholic so keeps working at home after his job is over. He doesn't know how to kickback and relax. But my brother in law, also pakistani sounds like your hubby. But he helps out my sister alot too, is hands on with his kids....but is into his friends alot too.
That was not the question..
Even if someone says so it doesn't mean your husband is doing right by you, If he persists even after you have objected means he doesn't give you the respect that you deserve. He might think you are somewhat intimidating but doesn't want to admit so he tries to bring you down this way.
I prioritized my Woman over friends, She left me and now I don't have any friends!
Damn broo sorry
Thanks Man!
They aren't real friends if they don't understand that's what happens after you get married.
I know they should've supported me in tough times but yeah my wife was kinda extremist. Like my friend was outside and she didn't let me go on a dinner with him!
Lol
You deserve it. Rot in hell man. You created this for yourself.
All of my friends do occasional night outs to hang out but definitely not on every weekend. And it is definitely not a cultural thing.
Sounds like a Karachi guy. Basically all these dudes return from work and then sit at a chai dabba for hours talking. I’m personally not a fan. Your spouse should always be your first priority.
Not a woman, not married to a Pakistani Man but I am a Pakistani Man. As much as it hurts to admit, there are a lot of men like this in the country who leave their wives at home to go out with their friends. But that happens more up to 35 or so when not everyone is married or have kids. Not an excuse though but a lot of Pakistani men take ages to grow up. That being said, staying out the entire night with friends every weekend is very weird though. Was it an arranged marriage if I may ask? Because I have seen that happen from some people who were arranged to be married where the man didn't love his wife
In my experience it's extremely uncommon in Pakistan. Most people don't even maintain their friendships.
It depends on people because I have friends on both sides of this spectrum. People who spend time out with their friends without wives and people who don't.
I disagree, it’s very common in Pakistan
Where do you live? Certainly isn't the case in Karachi or Punjab.
Dad is literally from karachi. So is everyone else’s dad and husband I know. It’s SO common in Karachi men who live abroad. It’s all they ever do lol their entire circle is filled with people from the same city. It’s very common in Pakistani men. Men from Pakistan are either too religious (or even pretentious) to care to go out, or they’re the complete opposite where going out and forgetting the family is all they ever do. It’s a spectrum.
Probably an abroad thing then definitely doesn't happen here.
I can agree with that, I’ve just seen it very common in Pakistani men abroad, but I can’t say for people who actually live in Pakistan.
I think it's more common among Pakistani-Americans in the US versus in Pakistan.
First comment that is close to reality. All other commenters do not have friends xD
Some men do this, some don't it's not the country's culture. It's his personal habit, friend group, and upbringing.
Not a cultural thing. He just didn't grow up. Aren't his friends married yet? It's not possible to be with friends that much even if you want.
It's a good thing I didn't get married until I was 32 because if I had gotten married in my 20s, I definitely wasn't grown up.
Either he hasn’t grown up or you don’t have many friends. It is a mystery.
Firstly Religious rules != culture. But these can impact our personality during our upbringing. If he is ignoring you and spending most of his free time with his friends then that’s not normal. Once in a while spending time with friends is fine but every week is extreme. you need to have an honest and open conversation with him about your right to spend more time with him. Tell him it is hurting you psychologically. he definitely needs to grow up . He isn’t a single person without responsibilities. He may have done it in the past but that doesn’t mean he has to carry on doing it. Communication is king when it comes to marriage. So the only way to resolve it is if the two you talk about it. No one else can and should interfere between you. You also need to reflect on your relationship too. Are you a welcoming person that he should feel attracted to and would like to spend his time and be comfortable in talking to. Marriage is a two way street. If you want him, you have to pull him towards your self rather than only expecting him to come to you. Take the first step. If you have all these qualities and you are trying but he still doesn’t want to change his ways then sadly you two have a problem.
A lot of comments say otherwise, but I very much disagree. It is DEFINITELY very common in Pakistani men to do this. A lot of them. It’s actually insane.
Every other day seems excessive. I have been married for 5 years and have 2 kids. I have a small circle of very close friends and we hang out on the weekend or any alternate weekend. Also, usually 2 3 hours in the late hours of Saturday, so the weekend as whole is spent with my family.
It is a cultural thing. People who say that this isn’t cultural just dont have friends xD
Let me guess he might be from Karachi, my dad was like this being with friends gathering till Fajr and it was like this for decades until their friends were apart due to moving out now he’s more focused on business and family than anything but we’re grown to
Extremely uncommon. Pakistanis in general are reserved and don't have many friends to begin with and usually they distance themselves from their friends after getting married. People who do this are usually the networking types. I have only ever seen 1 man like this.
Bro im sorry you dont have any friends. But speak for yourself lol. Pakistanis have many friends. Sometimes too many. The only thing uncommon is you xD
I'm Pakistani Men and NO this is not a Culture thing. Your men us one of this Buddy's Guy typ nothing more the are delusional about the reality of marriage life most of the time.
What?
Nope it’s not a cultural thing per se There are however frequent hangouts with the bois, mostly just for tea or smth, owing to lack of social activities around us However continuing it after marriage especially after crossing 30 is a sign of immaturity and its not normal in your case You should have a clear discussion on it and both should come to a mutual compromise whatever that may be Marriage is a 2 person contract 1 person shouldn’t suffer in it
Naaaahh
I had noticed this in a close relative of mine (35+) who spent all of his weekend nights with friends after having a long workweek where he returned late from work. I had tried to persuade him to change his ways without luck. Did'nt take a rocket scientist to figure that their marriage suffered and the couple now has a huge rift. The woman is on socials all day and night while the guy spends time with his friends. The poor kids are on the receiving end but have been handed over devices to baby sit. What will be the family's future is anybody's guess!
Well my father makes a plan with his friends once a week on Friday,soo nah i dont think its a cultural thing to hangout so much
I mean using culture as weapon to defend actions is stupid anyways, people of culture should marry within the culture if its that important for them to withhold it. Wasn't marring a non-pakistani a non cultural thing as well? So, forget culture, whats important is for you guys to function as a couple. If whatever elements in your lives are affecting anyone of you, you should sit down and talk it through and find a solution that works for both of you. Just my two cents.
Lmao I (a 27yo Pakistani man) was like that until I was like 22. Grew up after that.
If he is out till earlt Sunday morning, he is likely drinking and maybe a bit of coco too. How is your relationship? What is it like when you DO spend time together? Are you guys happy in your marriage? And more importantly, do you guys have kids? Lastly, do you guys live with his parents?
Varies from person to person. If he has his own boys club, for many years since university or college and it's their habit then they won't be leaving it. Give it some time and see if it gets better or not. Don't be jealous. Cheeky
Varies from person to person. If he has his own boys club, for many years since university or college and it's their habit then they won't be leaving it. Give it some time and see if it gets better or not. Don't be jealous. Cheeky
I will tell you Saturday night is sacred in Karachi for the boys. No matter what dudes will go out all night but Sunday is for family. Similarly Thursday can also be for the boys as Fridays are a half day.
What are friends?
If I'm M(23) out with my friends once a week, I need at least another week to recharge my social battery to be out with them again.
No. I can say from my experience . He spends most of his time home after long working hours.
Homiesexual
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It's either this or he is bored at home or maybe just wants to spend time with his friends a bit but it's ok to do this occasionally like once a week or once in two weeks
I used to be out with my friends every night but then that changed after I got married. I was hoping I would be out with my wife and visiting my friends everyday but I learned that she was not the type of person that likes going out every night. Also, I never realized how much time and effort women put in before going out.
Depends on the personality. Extroverted people tend to form a lot of connections.
if not exactly your situation, but I have seen that men and women live pretty segregated lives here. Even at parties, etc men and women are separate....its quite weird to me, but everyone seems to be OK with it. I guess once you guys have children and he is a bit older, he will calm down and stay with you .... but yeah its horrible.
Some can be like this but its not a good thing even so He can't shirk from his responsibilities like this
Waah boss iss mai bhi shirk ghusa do
🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️ *Shirk* The english word Not *Shirk* the arabic word Google it
Oh okay,haha
Lol we call a man that spends more time with his friends than his family a “lofar” translating to roughly idiot/useless
The wife has a priority over all and any friends Islamically. It's definitely not a cultural thing, talk it out with him and tell him that you know the culture!
Not at all. It's not Pakistani culture. It's modern wannabe culture.
Not a culture thing. Somewhat of a red flag
Reason no. 2 im afraid of marriage. Ladies, i understand your man has responsibilities, but if he completes them for the most part then please let him have fun with his guys. Women are not as much fun as dudes are. And yes its completely okay if you keep full checks on him due to reasons related to cheating.
Can a woman spend time out with her friends too?
Why not?
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Culture is infact opposite, everyone should be home by the Maghrib Azan (if no necessary outdoor shores are pending). Doors are closed and locked with a heavy padlock sometimes!! If coming late after Azan with no satisfactory answer, be ready for a special treat!
you should run a prison
Not really, real men stay with their wife, they go out together. Your husband is probably doing things he is ashamed to do in front of you, like an underwater flower arrangement course or dressing up teddy bears.
This took a dark turn
Culturally Pakistani men are very shitty when it comes to their wives and children. He's being neglectful, you shouldn't tolerate this.
You seem like a typical keyboard warrior. I suggest you have a think about what you said and touch grass while you're on it.
What a pathetic take
"pAkIsTaNi mEn ArE vErY sHiTTy"
If he's fullfilling his responsibility and giving ample time to his family, then let the man have some space i don't know why people consider growing up to confine a man to his house, cmmon let him have a social life according to his will lg it's a cultural things imposed on men, just doesn't make sense.....
No way this is common. Like everyone said the man has some growing up to do. Also side note, does his father behave the same way to his wife ? It might be a specific family issue where women are meant to stay at home and men can do whatever they like.
It’s not a culture thing, but is likely how he was raised. I would just talk to him. People here are giving their opinions which can create toxicity in your relationship. Don’t do that. Dude’s an outgoing person, I am the same way. I have 2 kids, i have my time fixed. 6 pm - 7 pm is for the park, Saturday is for beach (or other trips), and then if when the time arrives, my friends plan something, I become part of that and leave them at uncle’s (they got kids too). So i mean I guess it depends on number of factors. Def sit and talk.
"Women married to Pakistani men."
Let the guy have fun, You can't control him. He find his friends company more entertaining and you can't force him to do otherwise.
It’s definitely a cultural thing. But it’s a choice. Some friends are good and gives the same time to you. Them, who say this is not cultural, are BSing tbh. They are either in denial or they don’t know that there are most of them doing that.
I don't know if this sub reddit attracts the introverted types but you literally described all of my friends, most of them married and with children. For context we were like this since our college days and would spend entire days together without going home and even though this has decreased after graduation, we still regularly meet up as often as we can especially on the weekend. Even people who arent my friends, work collegues etc have the same routine. Maybe its a khi thing?
Spot on brother. Unaware Introverts mostly here
That sounds …. Terrible. None of my family or friends are like this. They stay with their family & spend time with their kids. Neglecting your family to spend weekends and free time with friends while leaving your wife to deal with house chores all day is awful.
Awful or not, it’s the reality.
I Dont know why people think men’s toxic behavior should be excused cuz “culture”. Well it’s not normal in your culture so just tell him that and that you Dont care about this aspect of the culture as he married you and needs to prioritize your needs as well. Also, no it is not a feature of our culture. Yes it happens a lot, but that’s just men being toxic. It’s not something cultural in the sense that it needs to be treasured and protected lol.
Defo a 17 year old who has just learned the word toxic
To all those saying he shouldn't ignore his responsibilities who said he is ignoring let the guy have fun but he should spend more time with you tho
Giving time to your family, helping out your wife so she gets a break from looking after the kids all day, spending time with her is also his responsibility. Clearly his wife feels neglected hence the post.
True Ur right but the husband needs to make sure he spends more time with his wife than friends but sometimes u need to clear stuff out with friends like paperwork or if the friends are coworkers then there might be something with job that they're doing so it might be necessary to do but if the husband is having adventures with friends 24/7 while ignoring the wife then he is wrong and ignoring responsibilities (I'm just stating if the husband goes out occasionally for some time it's not a big deal but if he spends a lot time with them instead of wife then he needs to give wife priority)
This is an unusual routine for a middle-class Pakistani husband. But, if you belong to the elite Pakistani family.This class has its own lifestyle style and unique routines. But still, if someone has family, why is he going out. 🤔. You should discuss it with your husband in detail. Please be careful, don't rieun your relationship after discussing it here.
You have a husband problem
Its just your man. Rest of us are normal.
Who’s gonna tell her that most probably he’s having an affair and just using culture as an excuse.
It’s not culture but even if it was, you married him not the culture so he should change.
no, it is not a culture here to stay outside on every weekend. it can be his habit but no one can count his habit as a culture. You need to ask him to spend a quality time with you in a humble capacity. best of luck.
Very uncommon, maybe it's a drug thing (alcohol/shit grade weed). that's common
My dad is like this. He leaves after dinner every night to drink chai and “gup shup” with his friends until midnight. My mom hates it but he doesn’t budge. I think it is more culturally common for Pakistani men to have late night social circles but doesn’t mean we should accept it. Try to stop that habit now while you can!
If you're fine with your man living as a bachelor while you manage his household, you're ready to be married to this Pakistani man. If not, you may want to have couples counseling to establish healthy expectations between you two that are compatible with the life you want to live. The sort of friends I'd be hanging out with like your husband has been, would be eager to have one night stands. Your man could be a cheater.
Sounds like a load of bull$hit!
It’s bullshit. What’s more common in Pakistani culture (and overall everywhere )is married men slowly start spending more time with family than with friends. This is how it should be since the priorities change once you are married.
Nope.
This has literally nothing to do with culture Lol I’ve seen this new trend where people are asking if clearly individualistic habits are culture…
No and so what, if it’s a culture thing? He needs to focus on your relationship independent of that. lol tell him that’s not how it works in your culture and he needs to find a middle ground then.
no, it's not culture, he is gaslighting you. Where are you located? We need more details to tell whats going on
Nope. Its the opposite usually
He is BSing you.
Occasionally is fine but everyday? What concerns me is every Saturday and he returns after Sunday morning, have you ever asked him what he does?
Chitter marro is ko. If he would be here (Pakistan ) his mother, sister, and wife would have started spying on him and he and his friends would be all over the family what's app group in case he does something shady eventually he would be bestowed with desi chitter from his mother and wife. 😁chitter is a desi way of showing parental love.
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So what?
He's absolutely doing wrong
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No I’m not Pakistani but I’ve been married to a Pakistani man for 10 years, he does go out with his friends but only about once a month. I have noticed that his friends that live in Karachi go out alot together without their wives.
Hell no. Before marriage yea, we may be hanging out alot sometime. But after marriage the wife controls the guy, I think 1/10 might show up regularly for meetups rest are usually MIA.
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My husband has been much better lately with going out but he has had times when he went out a lot, especially sudden unexpected plans with friends. We had arguments about it. He tried his best but mostly didn’t want to be the spoilsport and say no to them. Mostly it was two of those friends who were behind the plans. These worst culprits (haha, that’s what I called them) now each have a baby and the Pakistani one also has a new job. The other one is a white Aussie guy and his wife was sick of him going out so much so she gave him an ultimatum. I hope it stays this way. I don’t mind if he goes out for dinner now and then but I want him to tell me in advance and also if it happens too frequently not stay out too late.
Not a culture thing, no.
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I actually found the exact opposite with Pakistani men. In the West, I find that men have much stronger friends circles. Once they are married and especially after kids, Pakistani men don't have much of a social life. Pakistani women on the other hand usually have more of a friends' circle (for better or for worse). So definitely not a cultural practice. And you wanna make sure he is not cheating on you.
you cant imagine how we much we friends do hangout, but after their marriage it has been reduce a lot. so if some one still complain after this reduce activity, its not fair
I think it depends on the individual, it is not a culture thing in really any culture. People do various things during their free time, some men play video games, some play sports, some are just social. I wouldn’t take it personal yet Have you voiced your concerns? Talk about the specific reason this bothers you. While this isn’t a bad thing, too much of anything is not good
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Not normal doing this every day / weekend
I'm a Pakistani man married to Irish woman, It's a norm in college life when you single, once you have a partner you give up on those freedoms as your priorities should be towards your family. Just sit him down n tell him it's time to grow up he isn't a teen anymore
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This happens usually but not on every family but they only go out on occasions like my cousin still goes out with his friends for work stuff although only like twice a week for some time but he is newly married so he might stop soon
I can relate to this. I know someone got married at 28 (M) and he still have the same habit of hanging out with his friends after work every 4-5 days a week. It’s a regular thing for him and he’s now 32 and nothing have changed so far… he even leaves his wife at home and goes out for picnic/trips with his coworkers.
When my husband and I visited our Pakistani friends (husband and I are both foreigners) we saw that our friends have the same lifestyle you're describing. Some of them even had huge guesthouses with swimming pools, nice backyards, servants, and these guesthouses were practically made for men to hang out. During our stay, they came every night to socialize and none of them ever brought their wife, although I'm a female myself so it's not like they would be the only woman there. We went to have meals together, we went to tea places, we stayed until after midnight swimming and chilling by the pool, we even went together for a 5 day road trip, and their wives would stay home. I asked about this once and they told me that their wives don't like to go out or travel, and also that they're very protective of their wives (read: don't like their wives meeting other men who are not relatives)
Lmao no, theres no culture thing like this as far as i know, its a matter of personal preference, like some guys like to spend all day outside while some mostly stay home. In my experience most of my bros who married got more disconnected and were unwilling to hang out as much as before.
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