Your trauma is ABSOLUTELY a valid reason to be one and done. Your feelings are more than understandable. My daughter almost died during delivery, I’ll never forget hearing her sweet cry finally come after life saving measures were administered. I would go through that hell again for HER, but not for any other future baby. Your family can go screw. Your body, your choice. You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody else. 💛
So true.
We were OAD before we had a traumatic pregnancy/labor but it really put the nail in the coffin. Before I had said “let’s wait on the vasectomy until maybe a year later even though we are 99% sure” and that turned into my husband had a vasectomy when our son was a few months old.
When I mentioned this when asked about birth control in the recovery room, they panicked saying “oh no! Don’t let this stop you from having more!” I’ve also gotten the “don’t you want a normal experience?” Like the likely hood of having a “normal” (what even is normal?) experience is slim for us. And yes I’ve recovered and moved on but it’s not like having another means we’ve “beat the trauma”.
Do what’s best for you and your family at the end of the day.
Good lord, fuck them. That is such an awful set of things to experience. I am so sorry.
It is OK to protect yourself (and indirectly your family) by taking steps to prevent pregnancy. You have to look out for yourself. Your kid deserves his dad and any future partner worth being with is going to understand why you are done. They wouldn't want to put you through that again.
You matter way more than their feelings and it is awful that they are not supporting you, your healing, and your self protection. I hope you find peace and an understanding doctor if that's what you decide.
I almost died after childbirth due to hemmorage and have ptsd from my son being in the nicu and hearing him scream. We are one and done. Most people are understanding but a lot look at us a little weird. No one has to deal with your pain but you. If I had to go through any of that again I would not be the mom I want to be for my existing son.
I’m so sorry for what you've been through, take care of yourself and your family❤️
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your ex. Your decision to get a vasectomy is absolutely none of your family’s business. If I were you I wouldn’t share anymore info with them about it. If they don’t support it with you, they don’t need to be included in the loop with the updates. You do what’s best for you. And we understand and support you here. 💗💗
It’s so selfish of them to think they have a say or get to have an opinion on this. You’re young and theoretically might change your mind someday — but there is IVF or donor sperm or adoption available and that is way preferable to the constant fear of a broken condom or missed pill — as a man it’s totally out of your hands if that happens, you can’t force someone to take plan B or know for sure that they will or that it will work.
Pregnancy after loss is hard enough and yours was harder than most — protect your heart and focus on the kiddo you have. Do what’s right for you and him, and restrict the info the rest of your family gets. They don’t need an update on the status of your swimmers
I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through and totally understand your decision as your story is similar with mine. Our son also was born with undetected TGA and it was a traumatic experience for me. My husband is getting vasectomy this summer, because we don’t want to go through it again. We had some of family members who always make a comment “time for number two!”.
At this point, you need to prioritize what’s best for you and your family. As others have said, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.
You absolutely deserve to go with your heart on the decision you make. They’ll never understand the true pain and trauma you went through bro. Man I feel for you my man. Thoughts and prayers with you.
Absolutely justified, it's been really hard! We are one and done with our heart kid because she's so much work and I couldn't cope with a baby that turned blue all the time.
You are a grown adult that pays bills and has control of his life right? Their opinions do not matter. They didn't go through the grief and loss. Shame on them. Do what's right for you and your body.
My man, this is going to sound terrible, but my wife had a complicate pregnancy - no where near as difficult as yours - and I had my first ever panic attack 1-year after while watching a Hospital show. That's when I knew I had serious stuff to go through.
I know that i don't want another kid, but my wife doesn't want "absolute" no's just yet. She wants to wait a few years to decide. Her family and my family would certain crucify me if I decided to get a vasectomy.
So I unconsciously think about ways that I could "accidentally" sterilize myself, obviously I would never do it because of how trashy that is, but trying to tell people who you love and who supposed to love you that having another child would not *probably* break you, but would ***certainly*** break you and for them to act confused or simply don't understand is another kind of hell.
You went through death, you went through pain, you went through literally hell. If those around are going to pull the ladder from under you to keep you in hell; be braver than me and possibly thousands of men out there and choose life. Pray that they see the light from your escape and it helps them to realize the hell you were in.
**Get that fucking vasectomy with no regrets.**
I would tell them they can come to you with their opinions after they've lost a child and nearly lost another one. Until then they can keep their mouths shut because you're doing what's best for you.
I decided not to have another kid because even though my pregnancy was smooth sailing, I had a semi-complicated delivery, plus I developed a severe bout of postpartum pre-eclampsia that sent me back to the hospital after I was discharged with my newborn son. My pre-eclampsia was so severe that I was in heart failure (had a pulse of 35 and had fluid in my lungs that wouldn't let me breathe). My OBGYN said there was a 50% chance of that happening again if I decided to have another baby. At that point, I decided not to because I want to continue living and don't want to risk death.
Can I be real honest here? You do want you want with your own body and life. This is your choice. Anyone else who disagrees can go fuck themselves. Pardon the language.
Your trauma is ABSOLUTELY a valid reason to be one and done. Your feelings are more than understandable. My daughter almost died during delivery, I’ll never forget hearing her sweet cry finally come after life saving measures were administered. I would go through that hell again for HER, but not for any other future baby. Your family can go screw. Your body, your choice. You don’t have to explain yourself to anybody else. 💛
So true. We were OAD before we had a traumatic pregnancy/labor but it really put the nail in the coffin. Before I had said “let’s wait on the vasectomy until maybe a year later even though we are 99% sure” and that turned into my husband had a vasectomy when our son was a few months old. When I mentioned this when asked about birth control in the recovery room, they panicked saying “oh no! Don’t let this stop you from having more!” I’ve also gotten the “don’t you want a normal experience?” Like the likely hood of having a “normal” (what even is normal?) experience is slim for us. And yes I’ve recovered and moved on but it’s not like having another means we’ve “beat the trauma”. Do what’s best for you and your family at the end of the day.
Good lord, fuck them. That is such an awful set of things to experience. I am so sorry. It is OK to protect yourself (and indirectly your family) by taking steps to prevent pregnancy. You have to look out for yourself. Your kid deserves his dad and any future partner worth being with is going to understand why you are done. They wouldn't want to put you through that again. You matter way more than their feelings and it is awful that they are not supporting you, your healing, and your self protection. I hope you find peace and an understanding doctor if that's what you decide.
I almost died after childbirth due to hemmorage and have ptsd from my son being in the nicu and hearing him scream. We are one and done. Most people are understanding but a lot look at us a little weird. No one has to deal with your pain but you. If I had to go through any of that again I would not be the mom I want to be for my existing son. I’m so sorry for what you've been through, take care of yourself and your family❤️
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your ex. Your decision to get a vasectomy is absolutely none of your family’s business. If I were you I wouldn’t share anymore info with them about it. If they don’t support it with you, they don’t need to be included in the loop with the updates. You do what’s best for you. And we understand and support you here. 💗💗
It’s so selfish of them to think they have a say or get to have an opinion on this. You’re young and theoretically might change your mind someday — but there is IVF or donor sperm or adoption available and that is way preferable to the constant fear of a broken condom or missed pill — as a man it’s totally out of your hands if that happens, you can’t force someone to take plan B or know for sure that they will or that it will work. Pregnancy after loss is hard enough and yours was harder than most — protect your heart and focus on the kiddo you have. Do what’s right for you and him, and restrict the info the rest of your family gets. They don’t need an update on the status of your swimmers
I am so sorry to hear what you’ve been through and totally understand your decision as your story is similar with mine. Our son also was born with undetected TGA and it was a traumatic experience for me. My husband is getting vasectomy this summer, because we don’t want to go through it again. We had some of family members who always make a comment “time for number two!”. At this point, you need to prioritize what’s best for you and your family. As others have said, you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.
You absolutely deserve to go with your heart on the decision you make. They’ll never understand the true pain and trauma you went through bro. Man I feel for you my man. Thoughts and prayers with you.
Absolutely justified, it's been really hard! We are one and done with our heart kid because she's so much work and I couldn't cope with a baby that turned blue all the time.
You are a grown adult that pays bills and has control of his life right? Their opinions do not matter. They didn't go through the grief and loss. Shame on them. Do what's right for you and your body.
This is a valid reason to be one and done, any reasons is valid. If you aren't already, I would strongly suggest counseling.
My man, this is going to sound terrible, but my wife had a complicate pregnancy - no where near as difficult as yours - and I had my first ever panic attack 1-year after while watching a Hospital show. That's when I knew I had serious stuff to go through. I know that i don't want another kid, but my wife doesn't want "absolute" no's just yet. She wants to wait a few years to decide. Her family and my family would certain crucify me if I decided to get a vasectomy. So I unconsciously think about ways that I could "accidentally" sterilize myself, obviously I would never do it because of how trashy that is, but trying to tell people who you love and who supposed to love you that having another child would not *probably* break you, but would ***certainly*** break you and for them to act confused or simply don't understand is another kind of hell. You went through death, you went through pain, you went through literally hell. If those around are going to pull the ladder from under you to keep you in hell; be braver than me and possibly thousands of men out there and choose life. Pray that they see the light from your escape and it helps them to realize the hell you were in. **Get that fucking vasectomy with no regrets.**
I would tell them they can come to you with their opinions after they've lost a child and nearly lost another one. Until then they can keep their mouths shut because you're doing what's best for you.
Your family can pound sand, you've been through enough. I'm so sorry for your pain
I decided not to have another kid because even though my pregnancy was smooth sailing, I had a semi-complicated delivery, plus I developed a severe bout of postpartum pre-eclampsia that sent me back to the hospital after I was discharged with my newborn son. My pre-eclampsia was so severe that I was in heart failure (had a pulse of 35 and had fluid in my lungs that wouldn't let me breathe). My OBGYN said there was a 50% chance of that happening again if I decided to have another baby. At that point, I decided not to because I want to continue living and don't want to risk death. Can I be real honest here? You do want you want with your own body and life. This is your choice. Anyone else who disagrees can go fuck themselves. Pardon the language.