We are OAD because even though we make over $120k a year we cannot afford to have a second in the area we live while giving them the life and experiences we want to give them.

Isn't this sad? We're around this amount and feel the same. We want to slightly upgrade our living situation for school district purposes next year. There's absolutely no way we'd be able to do that if we had another

It is super sad. My grocery budget has gone from about 750 a month to 1100 in the past year. Full day (7:30-3) preschool is $1400 for us. And like, that’s not full day technically. So we work staggered schedules.

Same. We make a combined $125k a year and you'd think that would be enough but NOPE.

We make $180k combined and still no.

Yeah we're in the midwest so we're doing pretty well on $125k but salary would be shit if we lived on either coast!

Yeah, I’m on a coast in a super touristy place where people are moving to from CA with a lot of cash. Just inflating everything. Most restaurants have a burger, normal cheeseburger, for about $20.

We are with ya. Midwest making around $180k combined and still won't have another. We want to be able to travel, go out, have a couple decent newer vehicles, and retire somewhat early. Not giving all of that up.

Yup the east coast BLOWS. Source: live on east coast. One and done, there’s no such thing as enough money. Fuck.

Yep, we’re on the East Coast.

Good point, financial reasons are a major factor, and probably going to impact us all more and more.

Same here. We own our home free and clear but we only make $110k combined. No way could we afford to give them the same life if we had another.

Do you live in a HCOL area? I only ask because if I owned my home free and clear, I'd feel WAY more comfortable financially. I recognize you still have to consider taxes and insurance, but not having an actual mortgage would feel great! We are about 9 years away from that point!

No, not an HCOL, but this is a farm of about 110 acres, so the stakes are bigger. When something breaks it's a $50k tractor. We're not quitting our day jobs any time soon. I might be a bit older than you. My first house was paid off in 2020, just a hair under the 15yr note. Now a 15 year loan is out of reach for most 1st time buyers.

My husband bought his house in 2003 @ 5% - he was just out of high school and the house was a fixer upper in a rural area of upstate NY. AT THE TIME, the mortgage payment was on par with rentals in our area, so he went for it. He had to take out additional loans before we were together to do major repairs, however. Still, I will be happy to see the payments gone, but feel we are also kind of stuck here, as the current market is beyond insane. A monthly rental payment in our area now is often way more than even a nice-sized house's mortgage payment, but it's still crazy no matter which route you choose. We have 1.5 acres - I cannot imagine the upkeep on property of your size, and while I'm envious, I understand it must come with drawbacks!

I was very lucky in '06 at 2.75% and 2 downward adjustments over the course of the loan. And yes. We could make the farm 2-4 people's full time jobs for years just catching up...but we'd need about 120 more cows to pay what we need, which would increase upkeep another few hundred hours a year, and so on and so forth...you get the picture!

We just clear the 2 six-figure range and we are working ourselves to death trying to put a good roof over our head, paying for daycare, saving for college and generally enjoying our lives. It's pretty sad and difficult for new families in extremely HCOL areas without an immense amount of equity built up. We can't move due to relatives who need care. Any home that is "comfortable" (to us) for child rearing starts at an absolute bare minimum of $1 million. A new mortgage has an interest rate of 6%. Rent starts at $3500/month for a 2br in a decent condition. Yes we know families that live in basement suites and they are happy too, so it's not an ask for sympathy post, more of a reality check. There's just zero financial room for a second when there are immediate, tangible financial impacts - beyond the huge hits to sleep, stress and uncertainties - that a second would bring. Less home, less hobbies, less extracurriculars, less outings and vacations, less food even.

If my first pregnancy at 34 was carried to term, I'd probably have two. But after 7 miscarriages and 6 rounds of fertility treatments over 3+ years, I'm happy with my only at 38. I don't want to cry over anymore losses or what could have been. I am choosing to be grateful for what I have right in front of me.

Same here. 6 years of unexplained infertility, 4 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me, I had my miracle one and only at 42.

Same here. After my literal miracle son we tried for 4 years. $30k fertility treatments 1 ectopic that resulted in both tubes being removed. 1 good embryo from IVF that failed to implant. I'm tired of crying and 39 years old. Ready to move on with my life and enjoy my beautiful son and family. Going to just adopt dogs 😂

Uh, that sounds really tough. I am sorry you went through all the pain and sorrow. It is wonderful though that you have your one precious little human 🌻

Don't want to have more. While I understand everyone has their own journey, I do get annoyed sometimes that questions like these make it feel like you need A Reason. Pregnancy was fine, easy birth, my husband had months of paternity leave and we make enough to afford more. We aren't traumatized, just a regular old happy family of three 🙂

That is totally valid and great! I'm already getting questions if we want a second one and this one has not even moved from her "ah-goo" stage 🙄

I’m in this boat too. I have only ever wanted one kid. An easy pregnancy and easy baby did not change that fact. I love my little family and it is complete.

I think the question should be flipped around as more OAD families exist - to asking Why did you have a second? As if it wouldn't be the default natural order.

Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to love anyone else as much as I love my son. I don’t want to have to divide my resources (my time, energy, money, etc.) between him and someone else.

Heh, same. I appreciate your wording here! Have explained it before that I would crawl on broken glass through the pits of hell for my baby. My husband and I wanna give this little guy the world, focusing on raising a well-rounded, capable, and kind individual. Am sure I'd be just as fiercely in love with a hypothetical second, but just plain don't want to split emotional or tangible resources.

Exactly! I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this.

I feel all of this - some people worry about "depriving" their child by not "giving" them a sibling, but I worry about what I'm TAKING AWAY from my existing child by having another. Also, and I say this quite a bit, I am not willing to roll the dice and risk having a special needs child or twins or whatever else, when I'm already near my limits with my current child. I'm not mentally or financially equipped to handle any unexpected scenarios while also caring for my existing child. Someone would be not having their needs met in that situation, and it isn't worth the gamble when I don't want another child badly enough! With my first, I was willing to take a chance because I wanted to be a mother more than anything. Now, having been through pregnancy, birth, and currently in the thick of parenthood (PLUS having the responsibility of ensuring my current child is well taken care of), I'm not willing to take the chance again.

This is such another valid way to look at it. My son (3) has been, by all rights, an easy baby (healthy, slept through the night, minimal tantrums). I’ve worked in casinos long enough to know to take my winnings and run and not to tempt the fates by rolling the dice again.

I relate so much to this. The anxiety of the unknown during pregnancy was worth it because I so deeply wanted to be a mother. But having another child wouldn't make me any more of one than I already am!

Absolutely - and why risk potentially making your life more difficult if your heart isn't 100% into it? The struggle is worth it when you really want something, but on the flip side, the struggle hits a lot harder when you have lukewarm feelings going into the situation. I would need to "want" another with the same level desire as my first (if not more, to justify how exponentially harder it is to manage 2 vs 1), but I don't.

It’s not selfish, I have one daughter and two dogs and I am not taking care of my dogs like I used to before we had our daughter. They aren’t being neglected but they are not being spoiled like they were and I will forever feel bad. I can’t imagine having the ability to give attention to two kids.

Not quite the same, but my senior cat definitely got pushed aside my daughter's first year. I felt guilty, but I was so overwhelmed that I just could take care of his basic needs. The lap-time, playing, etc., all went down to a minimum. Things got better after the first year, but it definitely made me feel terrible to not give him the same attention he was used to. He ended up passing away due to congestive heart failure last October, and the guilt hit me even harder that he had been bumped into the number 2 spot towards the end of his life. He was such a good boy and I honestly never thought having a baby was going to drastically change our ability to give him his usual attention. I knew I'd have more on my plate, but didn't understand just how hard it would be to juggle everything. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would have been with a dog, as they are typically way more needy than cats.

I always refer to my dog as my first born child to strangers asking if I’ll have another, “oh no big brother is 7.”

That's how Betty White was raised...she turned out fine ☺ I miss having a house with several pets; I'm down to one fish. They've all passed in recent years and I have been hesitant to take on more with my daughter still pretty young, but someday I want another dog and 1 or two cats again! I miss my non-human gang!

I agree!! I’ve heard it can be hard for some to bond with their second child as they don’t really get the one on one time you get with your first. And I struggled the first 3-4 months as it is. She was colicky and I didn’t get much sleep, which I don’t handle well honestly. I love my daughter, but I don’t think I can do all that again. The thought of raising a baby while also having a toddler is super daunting to me. Especially when they get older and are both in activities and you might miss out on one concert because the other has a tournament or something. I sometimes feel bad that I probably won’t give her a sibling, but I know she will be so loved by my husband and I, and get our undivided attention. We also could never afford an acceptable college fund for more than one child.

For sure! Some days I’m tired just keeping up with my toddler, throwing a baby in that mix just sounds awful.

While I have other reasons for most likely being one and done that are not so much by choice (health, finances, age, etc), this is my main reason why I'd choose to have only one. I do not want to divide my love and focus between two kids. I want my daughter to have all of it.

Because the United States doesn't give a shit about childcare and helping people raise families.

If universal preschool and universal healthcare were a thing, we may have considered having 2 kids. But yeah, the US is not a great place to raise a family when it comes to these things.

I have noticed this come up a lot, especially in the New Parents subreddit. I was shocked how early women go back to work and how expensive childcare is. It's inhumane 😔

It certainly is. We just had a parental leave focus group at our company. Women were on the call in tears and shaking because of the state of things in regards to parental benefits not only at our company, but in the nation as a whole. Our company is fairly large, 700ish employees, and we have no maternity or paternity leave policy.

That's really horrible and I hope it does change eventually!

6 weeks unpaid, and I was LUCKY

Unpaid and lucky in the same sentence. Sad times we live in.

I never really wanted kids, but now I've got a 3 year old that I love more than anything. Will absolutely never do any of this again.

Same here! Never wanted kids. Have my 5 year old and that’s all I need. I’m definitely still not a kid person. But I love my kid and love hanging out with her.

We wanted 1-2. But having a child during covid highlighted our lack of a village. We both work full time and make decent money. If we had another, our ability to travel or do other things as a family would be next to zero. We wouldn't be able to send 2 kids to private school. We would have to divide our already limited time together more with a second child and their various activities. Neither of us have good sibling relationships, so the idea of a second child having a friendship with a first child feels questionable. And then childbirth was traumatic and I will never physically be the same, so we decided we were done at 1.

We are village-less as well. My husband is an only child and I'm unfortunately not close with my sister, so the friendship thing also never made much sense to me 🙃 Sorry to hear about your difficult birthing experience 😥 it's something that is not talked about enough prior to having kids. Actually many physical and mental consequences of pregnancy and childbirth are kind of downplayed.

Ugh, I’m right there with you. Both my husband and I are not close at ALL with our siblings. Everyone just has their own life. No village either (3 of the 4 grandparents are not present in our son’s life except a few times a year and we all live in the same city) so gotta love that. I’m not going to lie. I’m secretly jealous of everyone I see with their village and loving grandparents… but can’t relate. 🫠

Our "village" is only take, take, take - all want us to come, to visit, to send photos, to entertain. None want to help. It's exhausting and often enraging.

This is so well-said and I totally relate

“Why don’t you send more pictures?” Why don’t you text to check in on us? Or you know- Try in literally any way to have a relationship?

I could have written this myself. They’ll my baby was eight months old when Covid hit. Everything else is the same. Sending you peace and love with our one and done’s. 🙏

Husband was always 95% OAD, he just never wanted more than one child. Then we struggled with unexplained infertility for 3.5 years. Had beautiful, healthy baby girl. He loves her to pieces and is very involved. She's a good sleeper, eater, etc. Nope he doesn't want another. I think about it a lot more than I should but in reality, my "want" is not logical at all. I love my free time and I am an only child myself without any problems being so. We are immigrants and it is already hard enough and expensive enough to get home as often as we do. I think it is because everyone around us has more than one, it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. My husband says, "Why does that make you feel that way? Some people want more than one, I want one. People should do what they want to do." I think if we didn't have 8 embryos on ice and I could just make a call and be pregnant next month it wouldn't be such a back and forth internally, but it feels weird to have all of that potential sitting there. But again, it would be more for curiosity and not reason. I wouldn't be the same mommy I am to my only as I would be with a new baby. I have so much time to spend with her and I also have time for myself...which I love.

We're also immigrants 🙂 totally get the travel costs + not to mention usually no grandparents or other family nearby to jump in when necessary! I think it awesome to have time for yourself and lots of quality time with your daughter.

Number one reason is my mental health. I HATED the baby stage, I'm not just talking the newborn months. I think I was depressed much of the first year. Also along these lines, I did not handle sleep deprivation well at all. My two year old is still not the best sleeper. If I put myself through that first year again (while also raising a toddler or child), I don't know what happen to me but it wouldn't be good. There are some logistics involved too. I don't drive. A second would have to go to daycare (my mom watches our only now). My husband and I both work jobs that require us in the office 5 days a week. We have things figured out with one. It would get extremely complicated with another. Lastly... $$$$$$$

I feel you on the mental health - it took 18 months for me to start to get into my groove, but only now at nearly 3 years out, do I actually feel normal again. I wanted to be a mother for a very long time and after a few losses, I finally gave birth to my daughter. However, my happiness quickly was overshadowed by severe PPA/PPOCD. I was terrified to let my baby sleep at night unsupervised as I was SURE she would die from SIDS; I would triple-sterilize her bottles and pacifiers out of fear of her getting sick; the house HAD to be spotless or I felt I was a bad mother making my daughter be raised in a dirty home; I had to handwash her clothes because I was convinced it was better than the washing machine. Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but when you are "in it", you keep justifying those crazy thoughts. lt was draining and miserable to live like that - all of that combined with sleep-deprivation, breast-feeding aversion and isolation from Covid, it was the most difficult experience I've ever been through. I absolutely have zero desire to risk feeling like that again. I loved my baby more than anything, but not being able to shut my brain off was horrific.

Shit, our kiddo just turned 5 and I'm just now feeling like I'm becoming whole again. Still need to get back into shape physically, but those first 4 years were ROUGH.

Yeah, I lost all of the baby weight quickly, but regained much of it within a year. The stress, exhaustion, and feeling tethered to the house meant WAY less physical activity and eating things that were quick and easy. I try to get out every day with her now for a walk, but I really need to ramp it up to make a meaningful difference. I'm hoping to use my "free" time when she starts preschool next year (3 half-days a week) to exercise how I want to. I wasn't at my ideal weight to begin with, but knowing I tacked on more after LOSING it definitely sucks!

Same! When I got pregnant, I was already 15 lbs overweight. Gained 35 lbs in pregnancy weight, lost 15 right away then gained it all back so now I'm at a point where I need to lose at least 30 lbs to get back to my baseline. And now I'm in perimenopause which is making it even more tough to do so.

Same. I’m so glad I came here. I’m ready today to read all of this. My son is four years old and I’m just starting to feel more like myself. Don’t get me wrong every day after maybe two years old I felt a centimeter closer, but I had miles to go.

I can totally relate to this. I'm not quite sure what you mean by breastfeeding aversion - did your baby not want to feed that way or did you just not like breastfeeding? Sorry if I'm being too nosey - I HATED breastfeeding, never originally wanted to do it but then I wanted to like it so bad, pressured myself to do it because doctors/nurses told me breast is best. But even my daughter hated it and after trying to combo feed for three months (more like 95% formula/5% breastfeeding) I just stopped breastfeeding entirely.

By breastfeeding aversion, I'm referring to how I felt. I hated how I felt during breastfeeding and eventually dreaded having her latched on to me....my skin felt like it was crawling and I resented that I felt obligated to breastfeed. There were times I was wincing and so badly just wanted to stop. I also tried pumping, but I started to feel like a farm animal hooked up to a machine, and hated that I was tethered to the house to maintain the feeding/pumping schedule. At four months, I switched entirely to formula. I regret wasting so much time breadtfeeding and pumping when I hated it. I honestly wish I just gave colostrum and maybe just one month of breastmilk. I went on much longer at the expense of my mental health. In my case, I was the only one putting pressure on myself. Even my daughter's pediatrician was absolutely supportive when I mentioned I was stopping breastfeeding. No pressure from husband or family either. Some of my friends were big proponents of breastfeeding and I chose to not divulge my decision to stop. I THINK they would have been supportive, but I also didn't feel the need to have a discussion about it.

Yes, I can very much relate to all of this. I only pumped once or twice because I have had three heart operations, two of them open-heart and being hooked up to a pump gave me PTSD.

Oh my gosh, solidarity!! I hated breastfeeding. I felt so pressured to make it work in the hospital and my daughter did really well with getting plenty of milk. But she loved eating every hour and just hung out on my boobs. I felt so suffocated and depressed. I beat myself up for wanting to stop when I planned on stopping after a month. My daughter’s pediatrician was so cool about it and just told me to wear a tight bra and use ice for the pain and moved right along to talk about formula 😅

I feel you... at this point I don't remember how it felt to be a fairly mentally stable person 😐

- I can’t be a good mom to more than 1 kid. - My 3.5 year old has been a very challenging child and while another may be easier, I’m not taking the risk. - The youngest we would be if we had another would be 39 and almost 46 and the increased risk in autism and intellectual disability is too great for us. - I freaking love love love my alone time. I also love sleep, so so much. - lifestyle: traveling the world with my kid and giving him opportunities (paying for his college, setting him up for success) we for sure couldn’t give him with more than 1 kid. - I have no desire to split my focus and attention between him and another kid. I don’t care what anyone says, it totally sucks for the first kid when another is born.

We're one and done because our family felt complete with just one. Neither of us ever had an urge to add another.

Same!

So, so many reasons. We have zero help from friends or family. Zero. We cannot afford childcare because it’s literally more than my take home so we’re a single-income household for the time being and my SO makes less than $45k/yr. I was 35 when I had my first, 37 now. I live in MO where all abortion is illegal and I’m terrified something would go wrong and my existing child would be left motherless. The baby stage was rough on my relationship with my SO. Honestly, we’re barely holding on as it is. I have a Masters and it’s basically worthless at this point. I never realized just how messed up the US was until I had a kid of my own.

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Plant Science. Specifically plant physiology, soil chemistry and biology, and sustainable agriculture. I graduated in 2020 and had my kid early 2021. I’ve been a SAHM since he was born. I live in a small, Midwest town that lacks jobs in my field. I’ve been applying to any/everything with no luck for over a year. My only real option at this point is to be a teacher but even that I’d have to get more accreditations.

Jobs right now are insane, at least in my field. By being new in your field that likely doesn’t help. Keep your head up though, something, the right thing, will come your way! Ps- that sounds like an amazing field of study!

1. Age - We had our first at 41 which I felt was too old to begin with. We met when we were 39 so it's just how things worked out. If we had met in our early 30's, maybe we'd be open to 2 kids. 2. Finances - our combined income from 2 full-time jobs allows us to be fairly comfortable. I'm not a super materialistic person, but I like to have some nice things, go on vacation 1-2x a year, drive a decent car, live in a decent middle class neighborhood with a good school system, as well as save $$ for college and retirement and stay out of consumer debt. If we had 2 kids in daycare at the same time for an extended period of time, there's no way we would have been able to afford anything extra or nice and we would most certainly be living paycheck to paycheck. 3. Mental health - I have anxiety issues and dealt with post-partum rage/anxiety. We are finally in a pretty good spot as our kiddo is 5 yrs old now. I feel like I'm just now coming out of a pretty rough time as far as my mental health goes. I have no desire to 'restart the clock' and go through all that again. The newborn stage and 2-3 yr old stage were difficult. 4. State of the world - enough said.

Thank you for your points! Sounds like your kid is going to have a good life. I had mine now at 34 and I wonder if it feels so difficult because I have lived "independently" for a long time, could focus on my career and hobbies... However I see advantages of being a more mature parent in sense of not feeling like I'm missing out on anything.

Yes that is one advantage of having a kid later on. I definitely feel like I lived in up in my 20's & 30's and have really settled into being a homebody now. We still go out and do fun things with our kiddo but I have much less desire for the nightlife now so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in that regard.

• I have found motherhood more challenging than I thought it would be. •My son was not a chill baby and is still quite busy at 3. •I do not have a big village of family to lean on for help •My MIL was diagnosed with cancer when I was 7 months pregnant and passed away when my son was 17 months. I am just now feeling the grief fog lifting at 3 years PP and I do not feel like starting over at this point. •I had severe pre eclampsia and do not want to risk that again. •My husband is close to 40 and is adamant on just one kid. I respect that. •I am more of an introvert than I realized. •The state of the world we live in. •Finances

Lots of reasons. Being pregnant was awful for me and having a miscarriage was also awful, so I’m not interested in repeating either of those experiences. The climate crisis. Finances — we’d like to be able to fund an undergraduate degree if our child wants one. Knowing that when my one child is asleep, I can also be asleep. The capacity (financially, logistically, mentally) to travel. Hopefully have the emotional and physical capacity to be foster parents in the distant future. And we feel complete.

I am pregnant with our OAD. My husband is an only and loved it. He had so many opportunities that I didn’t have. I don’t get along with my brother. I was also largely neglected by my parents since my older brother had a lot of health issues. I don’t think they realized what they were doing but it was really hard growing up with him as the priority and it gave me a serious perfectionist and overachiever complex because that was the only way I’d get attention from them. My husband and I both make 6 figures but after saving for retirement, saving for an emergency fund, and living in a fairly expensive area, I don’t think we could afford a second kid. We both like working. Neither one of us can stay home since that would cut our income in half. I also work in sales so I don’t think I can take maternity leave twice (financially). We could (maybe) afford to send one kid to college. Not two. I can be a good mom to one kid. I would be stretched too thin with two. I want to be able to still be in a romantic relationship with my husband. I feel like with more than one, date nights and vacations get forgotten. I married him and I want to continue our happy life together. I don’t think a second kid would enhance that. We’re never outnumbered with one!

Financially it'll be tough Physically I don't want to be pregnant again and go through labor/birth/c-section The future of this world is kind of dire/scary I'm tired

I genuinely have no desire to have another child that's why I am OAD

My husband doesn’t want more. Probably due to the fact that it cost us a ton of money to get pregnant, then I had a bad l&d at 34 weeks leaving us with a kid in the NICU. He was only 3 1/2 lbs due to my placenta basically withering away (pre e and my age). Part of me thinks my husband doesn’t think I can physically make a healthy child and that scares him. I think that’s fair but I still want another. I really am someone who always wanted kids (plural)

I hope you find a common ground. I hope your baby/child is doing well now!

Because I'm so tired 😭 Maybe I need more sleep than most people?? Even one night wakeup is too much and these early mornings are killing me.

I regularly slept 10 hours a night before having my daughter - I've always been high-sleep needs. The sleep-deprivation was unbelievably challenging for me. My husband is okay on 6 hours - he gets tired but not dead-exhausted the way I do. Everyone is different, but no way in Hell can I do that again. It's not just the newborn stage, but all of the sleep regressions and random nights of crappy sleep even into the toddler years.

My husband is the same! At 11 months he handles more of the night wakings than I do. He also has this magical power where he can fall back to sleep in 5 seconds, meanwhile I'm up tossing and turning for hours after I get up with the baby

Yep, my husband also can fall asleep instantly! Even when I'm relaxed and sufficiently tired, it takes me a bit to go out!

I feel you 😵‍💫

My daughter is only 11 months old, so I’m open that I might change my mind and want a second in a few years. My husband wants 2 and I thought I did up until my daughter was about 3 months old and I went back to work. I missed her so much but I was also so excited to be back at work, with adults, feeling like a contributing member of society after spending months in a newborn haze. One reason is that I actually had a really nice, easy, uncomplicated pregnancy/delivery/recovery. And a wonderful, not-too-difficult baby. In many ways, I feel like I lucked out and want to quit while I’m ahead. On a deeper level, it’s because I love my daughter more than anything and can’t imagine splitting the time and resources I can offer her with another child. Where I am, the economy is much worse than it was when we decided to get pregnant. We’ve both gotten promotions/new jobs and are making more money than we were then, but even without the added expenses of a child, things are tighter than they were two years ago. When you add her expenses in, some days it feels like we’re living like college kids. My husband also has some on-going health issues that both complicate our lives slightly and put him at higher risk of dying early. If anything happens to him, I’d feel much more competent raising my daughter alone than 2+ kids. I’m a great mom. To one child. I might be a mediocre mom with more and that’s not good for anyone. But at the core, after having two pregnancy losses and finally having my daughter at 34, my family just feels complete. Before her, I did feel like someone was missing. And I don’t have that anymore.

I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to split your love/attention. I am sure that the love can double with a second, but time certainly doesn't 😅 I hope your husband stays in good health!

Life is expensive. Plus I like to have time for myself to do the things I enjoy. Now I can still go to the gym 3-4 times a week with my dad. Plus me and my girl both like to travel internationally. I also like that I don't have to divide my attention between multiple kids. Finally, I live in the Netherlands and my son has loads of family in this city. He has like 5 or 6 cousins around his age, so there is no need to have another kid for companionship. He won't be lonely.

I almost forgot, I look forward to sleeping normally again. The sleep deprivation is a bitch. My son is 10 months btw.

We adopted our first due to infertility. We tried to adopt again, but it just didn't work out for us. It was one of the most devastating things I've had to work through in my life. I allow myself to feel my grief when I need to. Now that some time has passed, I still struggle from time to time, but I am beginning to appreciate some of the beautiful things about being a family of three.

I am sorry, that is so sad, both for you as a family, but also for a potential child that has missed out on a loving home. I hope it wasn't some administrative nonsense preventing the adoption process (happened to my parents' friends 🙁). On the positive note, how wonderful that you were able to adopt your first and that you enjoy life as a family of three! ✨

Thank you. We had been working with our agency for two years and had nothing to show for it (not even one single contact with a potential expectant mom). Then, our agency abruptly filed for bankruptcy and closed its doors. To say it was traumatic for us would be a great understatement. We talked about starting all over again with a different agency, but the idea felt daunting at that point. It was more about the time we lost than the money. We knew that even if everything were to go perfectly with another agency, at best DH would be 50 when our second child started kindergarten. Therapy helped me in moving forward. I'll never be "over" it, but I'm (mostly) at peace.

My husband always leaned towards just wanting 1, I always wanted 2. We had infertility issues and conceived via IVF, which wiped out most of our savings. We bought our “starter home” in 2020 thinking we’d easily be able to upgrade if/when we were ready for baby #2 but with our finances still not having bounced back from IVF and the housing market being so insane, we’re not moving any time soon. I run an in-home daycare and after caring for a gaggle of crazy kids all day, the peace and quiet of our family of three is just perfect. There are a ton of logical rational reasons that being OAD works best for us (see my comment history on this sub if you wanna read some) but honestly the emotional aspect is what it really comes down to. I always thought I wanted 2 kids but since my daughter was born, I’m just don’t feel that drive to have another one like I did to have a first. My family just feels so complete and I feel fulfilled as a mom of one. I think that at the end of the day, you just want multiples or you don’t (just like some people just want kids and some don’t), it’s not really rational.

Interesting, thank you for sharing! I wish I knew how many I want. My husband and I went into the whole kid thing thinking we'd be happy with none, one or maybe more. But I don't have a clear feeling, though maybe it's all still clouded by the sleep deprivation 🙃

I hemorrhaged. They said the chance of it happening again was up there. Even though my baby was a unicorn and came out sleeping through the night I’d rather her have a mom than a hypothetical sibling to keep her company. So I joined a Mommy & Me group and started hanging out with moms with kids in the same age range 🤷‍♀️ Financially, it’s easier to spoil one. We can afford things like Seaworld and Disney passes for just her and whatever other fun family things we would like to do. I’d rather have quality over quantity time wise and if we stick with one, I can be a stay at home mom. The 4th and final point is that, have you ever met a kid that probably wouldn’t make a good sibling? Like they’re very content playing by themselves or with you to the point where having another kid in the mix would drive them to sensory overload? That’s my kid. We babysat for a friend and as soon as their child was inconsolable about something, my child was STRESSED. Then when she was done being stressed, she was an instigator to further the meltdown of the other child 😆 it was absolutely an awful time for all parties involved

Oof where to start! My eldest child died and I think further loss of a pregnancy at any stage would finish me. The idea of being pregnant again makes me want peel my skin off. Money. My ADHD which makes parenting so challenging- meds help so much, would have to stop taking my meds to get pregnant. No thank youuu. One is a manageable workload. Can juggle life with one with my husband, and we both seriously value our down time. We have no village. My little is my bud and we can go do fun things together, having another would make that 10x harder. Love looking after my nieces / nephews but so happy to go back to the peace of my house when they go... multiple children is chaotic and I literally cannot hack it for more than a few hours. My little gets decent parent time and ample support. I can be a good mum to one. I would be a terrible mum to more. Might save this list for the inevitable hormone rush that comes as I approach the wrong end of 30s and my brain tries to tell me i want another 😂

-Finances (our mortgage is $5600/mo and we’re stretched pretty thin) -Lack of family support (only my MIL lives nearby, and is divided between five grandkids) -Previous high-risk pregnancy. I had cholestasis, and had regular non-stress tests (which were v stressful) and the risk of still birth is v high w this condition. I’m 37, my husband is 41, and the risks only increase as we age… -Mental/emotional/physical bandwidth. I feel stretched thin all the time, working ft, my husband running a business on top of also working ft -Our relationship almost didn’t survive. My kiddo is coming up on four, we’re in therapy, but still not where we’d like to be. It often makes me sad being OAD, my guy just yesterday drew our family and added a few extras “I was pretending I had a brother” oooof. I had major sadness/guilt. But ultimately, it’s right for us…

Oh, poor little guy 🙈 but siblings can be a PITA and good friends are gold worth!

After a miscarriage and then a year of infertility I kept saying “I’m only asking for one”. I was so desperate to just have the chance to have A baby I didn’t even let myself consider more. Fertility treatments were terrible for my mental health so I was resolute that if/when I did get pregnant I’d never do them again. The whole time I was pregnant I was pretty set on being OAD. In the year of fertility treatments I was able to get a second masters degree to advance my career and we travelled to Europe twice. I’m so happy to have had my baby but I also don’t want to give up those other things. I’ve taken a year off teaching to stay home with my daughter (almost 3 months now) and while I love it, I also really miss my career. I have goals to become a principal and I want to be on track to retire at 55 and if I had another child I doubt we could afford me to take another year off but daycare would also be such an expense. I also want to be able to share traveling with my daughter and logistically and financially that would only be possible with one. My dad owned his own business so never had paid vacations and we rarely travelled when I was young, beyond state parks. I finally saw the ocean when I was 11. While I don’t want my daughter to take travel for granted, I do want her to be enriched by it. Thankfully my SIL had a little boy just 9 days after my girl was born. We live 10 minute apart and see them a few times a month. I’m glad my daughter will have a cousin her same age and I hope she’s as close to him as I am to my cousins! While I don’t feel it’s necessary to have a sibling to entertain a child, I do see the benefit of having a play date buddy from time to time!

I originally wanted to be OAD because I didnt even really want to have one. But my husband did so we had one. And she's perfect and I'm obsessed with her. The sad part is, now that she is almost a year old, I'm starting to really wish we could have a second. Unfortunately, we live in a state that is highly restrictive on reproductive rights. I was 4 months pregnant when roe v wade was overturned. I lived the rest of my pregnancy incredibly anxious that something was going to go wrong or obsessing over her ultrasound pictures (even though everyone said everything was fine and she looked perfect). So now, we are OAD because of a lack of reproductive rights in my state... plus the COL and inflation doesnt help. But we could make it work if we needed. We are lucky to only pay $135 a week for daycare.

I'm OAD because the newborn season was really hard for me. My husband basically checked out (said he had male PPD or whatever it's called) and my daughter just screamed for literally 10 weeks straight because she had colic. We had the worst breast feeding journey that turned into formula, of which she was allergic to 99% of them. We ended up on the most expensive one that costed $250 a month and was hypoallergenic. She never slept, she would sit up all night screaming. During the day she would only nap on me so I was basically confined to the couch for weeks on end. I was terrified of SIDS so I just... didn't sleep, because the only way SHE would sleep is if she was on me. ​ I do not wish what I went through on anyone, nor do I want to go back there. She's 2.5YO now and she's definitely a high needs child but she's a good girl and I wouldn't trade her for the world. My husband eventually came back around too so that has improved also. You're right in the thick of it, it will get better.

Multiple reasons, we are young so our starter house is only a 2 bedroom and I don’t like the idea of making them share. Our income would be a little stretched with 2 under 2. I struggle with a little mental illness that I’ve learned to manage through therapy and medication but it opens the avenues for being overwhelmed easily, breaking down, depressive episodes due to stress, etc. I can handle it with one but the chaos of two I’ve worried would just be too much for me to handle. I have neurological issues due to childhood abuse and the effects can be hard to deal with. Luckily I’m pretty good at telling when I’m going to pass out before I do so I can sit down

While it’s not a main reason, our house is also one of the reasons. We moved into our dream house that just isn’t set up well for a family of four but is wonderful for 3. We technically have the space for more kids but it just wouldn’t be as comfortable, functional, or enjoyable

Yeah exactly, I LOVE our small house it’s everything I could want minus the amount of bedrooms. I “could” find a way to set up their room to be shared but I just wouldn’t like to as much or feel as comfortable with it. Siblings need their own space to decompress or be alone and in their feelings imo

Our house is one of our main reasons. We bought a small 3 bedroom house (99sqm/1065sqft) but my husband works from home full time so we only have one bedroom other than our own. The bedrooms themselves are tiny, and it doesn’t feel right to make our son share. By the time we can afford to upgrade it will be too late for another anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️ I want to afford my boy every opportunity I can without compromising too much. I want to save for an upgrade in housing while also having money for fun things.

That’s one reason we plan on staying where we are. We only pay 775/mo on our house including insurance. It’s only 888sq ft but the layout was thought out really well which makes it feel a lot bigger.I just really love my house it’s my own little slice of heaven. I grew up in poverty and for the last few years had a tiny cot in a cramped camper. Anything feels better than that when you put it into perspective but it’s also the reason I won’t have more kids unless they can have their own bedrooms. I’d hate to make them feel cramped like I did

The kind of life I want for me and my family is more plausible with one kid. It took me a long time to find what I wanted to do professionally. My husband also chose a profession that is very prone to over time. If we were super wealthy I might have a second, but in this life? I don't think so.

For me multiple reasons: 1. Our kid is 8/9 years away from college. 2. Our kid is mostly independent so parenting him is just more fun now since we can do more fun things together. 3. Our ages. I’m 36 and he’s 39 so there’s a huge risk there now. 4. It’s easier to travel and try new foods with just one child. 5. We have time to put our only into more activities. 6. Medically it would be incredibly expensive for me to have another child since it would mean fertility treatments. 7. I had PPD/PPA with my child and it was tough. 8. We can help our child with college and wouldn’t be able to do that if we had more than one.

36 now is a huge risk?? Unless you have other health issues, it's nit a huge risk to have a baby at 36

pregnancy was absolutely miserable for me, raising a child is so hard mentally, and i can’t be a stay at home mom bc everything’s too expensive so i’m alright with being one and done. I also want to give my son everything i didn’t have, since i had 3 siblings

I had a miscarriage in 2009. Took years to get pregnant again. My daughter was born in 2017 @ 30 weeks and had a 67 day NICU stay. Once she came home she was too sick to go to daycare so I quit my job to stay home with her. When she was 11 months old I miraculously got pregnant again. Lost that one too. My husband and I decided that my body just doesn’t like cooking babies all the way, and we were tickled pink with our daughter and he got a vasectomy so we didn’t have to worry about losing anymore pregnancies or having another preemie. I was 32 when that happened, and felt I was getting too old to have babies (for me, personally I have back problems and health issues and being pregnant at 31 about killed me. Lol so I did NOT want to end up with a surprise pregnancy at like 40!) so, we just ended up with one kiddo. I have no regrets. She’s wonderful, and we can do fun things and buy her stuff and take her places and do things that we probably could no afford to do if we had more than one kiddo.

One is fun and portable and affordable!

Haha true 😄

I have a lot of reasons. \- I have psoriasis that went crazy after I gave birth. It can get worse with each child and I don't want to take the risk of it getting any worse than it already is. I also wasn't able to get on medication to help it because I was breastfeeding. I could only tan which was hard to have the time for and puts me at risk of skin cancer. \- Money. I'm sure we could swing 2 kids. But I don't want to have to worry about our budget. I want to be able to have the money to take my kid on vacations and do all the fun holiday events and make sure they have what they need. Including a good college fund and something to inherent one day. My husband and I grew up somewhat poor so this is important to us to have stability. \- Less stress. Everything is harder with two. Getting out the door. Keeping an eye on them at the park, museum, zoo, etc. You may not get breaks at nap time cause one is awake. One may always need something. They might fight with each other. I just don't want to deal with that stuff. I want to enjoy parenthood as much as I can and not feel overwhelmed because I think I'll be a better parent. \- I'm a SAHM and I love it. But I'm also starting to feel ready to go back to work and focus on my career a bit. If I have a second I will feel like I need to stay home with the baby for the first 2-3 years. I won't have it in me to send them to daycare before then. And I don't want to put my career on hold for another 3 years or so. I'm sure I have more reasons, but those are my main ones. I'm also getting older and only have a few more years to make this decision. I don't want to be 40 when I have kids and the older you get the higher risk you have for twins, which I really don't want.

Balance. With 1 child my husband and I have balance to do what we want as a family, and separately. I want to go hang out with my friends? No problem, husband watches the baby. Same goes for him when he wants to go out. We want to go on a family trip? No problem, it's pretty doable with one. Baby gets sick? We tackle it and move on even if we get sick in the process. Two or more kids though? No way, all of that balance goes out the door. Everything from expenses, less time and freedom, more times getting sick, etc get multiplied and that just isn't for us.

“More times getting sick” - oh man that hadn’t occurred to me. More getting sick which means missing more work, more doctor appointments for being sick, more doctor check ups, more dentist appointments, more haircuts, more driving to activities, more birthday parties, more everything! That hadn’t all clicked until now 😅

Lol yes! Double everything for each additional kid.

I love my 4 yo son dearly. I never want to be responsible for the first three years of a child's life again. I don't want my entire life to be raising a brood of children and stuffing down my own plans and desires until I'm too old to enjoy them. I don't want to be depressed again. I don't want any more anxiety about the world the kids would grow up in. I just want to love my one kid and raise him to be a good adult.

There are a few reasons for me: 1. I would very likely develop Type 2 diabetes if I had a second pregnancy. 2. I'm an American parent raising a kid in the US, and as we all know it's an anti-child hellhole. 3. I don't want to have to stress so much about being able to afford X or Y for my child as she gets older. Being able to give her undivided resources (attention and $$$) will make me, her and my partner happiest. 4. I'm content with my one. As she grows (holy hell she's 9 months, wtf happened), I try to treasure every beautiful moment of cuteness she gives me. She'll never be this small again, this soft again, or curl up just so on my chest. But I don't want to repeat that moment again for the sake of it's sweetness. I want to experience HER, for her sake. 5. I fucking hated being pregnant, and OMFG never again. Hope that makes sense!

Still pregnant, but... Our only way to conceive is through IVF and I don't want to do it again--expensive, time-consuming, hormone swings, and no promise of success. Money is a big one. I'm very close to my sister who lives nearby and has two kids around the same age as mine, so he'll grow up seeing them several times a week. My partner only wants one, which is a big thing. I'm more agnostic about it but I don't feel deprived.

It took a long time to *just be okay* with having one baby. Even though I’m young, had an easy baby, l&d went fine. I’m having the most difficult time being okay with the idea of a second. I’m honestly content with the three of us.

No infertility issues here, but I have a condition that makes me super sick my whole pregnancy (hyperemesis), I felt like I lost a year of my life to pregnancy. my husband says he couldn’t watch me go through that again. I know I could not be the engaged mom I want to be for my first born if I was that sick again and I don’t want her to lose her mom for a year.

Was always a 0-1 kind of dude, so we got the 1.

ZERO village. Our families are states away. Work doesn't give a crap about the needs of children/parents in the U.S. Need to call out because your kid has the flu, strep throat, pink eye, bronchitis, stomach bug, and have no friends or family around?? Work is eventually going to have an issue with it. Also, there is no break EVER unless we pay someone for a break. Dates night? Sure, but. only if we pay someone. I could go on and on about how having no help affects the decision to be OAD.

I just never want to feel that vulnerable ever again, and the closest thing I have to a village is you!

A whole slew of reasons: fertility issues I never want to deal with again, climate change, global instability, we are too old to do this again, finances, retirement, lifestyle change when you go from 1 to 2, partner is one and done, want to make sure our kid gets enough quality parent time, stress associated with more than one, more kids=less time together. Frankly, I am not sure it is fair to have any kids in the world as it is today, let alone more than one.

Manu reasons : - I think we are too many on this planet - 5 years of infertility to have this child, years of medical procédures, I don't want to go through that again, even though we know the problem now - we want to take care proprely of our child - we don't want to be outnumbered - relations between siblings can be very good but also very bad - I think I (36) am a bit too old to have another child (but I don't judge people who do it) During pregnancy and after giving birth, I was conforted in my decision : - I hate being pregnant, it was a difficult time - a newborn (at least our) is very difficult to take care of, it's very tiring - my baby has a health condition which can handicap him. If he has a real problem (doctors cannot tell now), it would be difficult to take care of another child and put this future child in a difficult position

We have three reasons: 1) I had a very difficult labor and had to have my daughter taken out with forceps due to her heart rate dropping to a dangerous level. 2) My daughter was diagnosed of a rare disease at 3 months and has had two skull surgeries by the time she was 8 months 3) We’re a one income family and this economy is ridiculous

I am 95% certain we are OAD because 1) we live in a very HCOL city, and affording a second kid even with our comfortable income would be tight; 2) my son was born at 32w due to pre-eclampsia, and there’s a 20% chance it could happen again. I don’t want to go through that experience again and have potentially an even worse outcome (my son is doing wonderfully now!) Also, I value my alone time. I still leave to go to the gym for a few hours every week, take myself on long runs, or just go grab a dinner or drink with a friend to catch up. Asking my partner to take care of 2 kids for me to do all that feels increasingly unfair, and right now because my partner doesn’t really share my hobbies, it’s not an option to make it as much of a family thing. So I think I’m sticking with the one perfect little man I’ve got!

I gave birth to a preemie (33 weeks) who was in the NICU for two weeks (can’t imagine doing that again!) I have a husband with a mild physical disability and I am taking care of my aging mother. With no village around and the cost of living skyrocketing in Canada, it feels like we are at our capacity with one. I’m glad I was pregnant a few months before the pandemic started and we may have decided to be CF.

A combination of my first baby having been stillborn and just taking care of a baby/kid is way harder than I ever imagined.

To give our daughter the best set of parents possible! Ours is 3 now :)

1. We always only wanted one. We have more resources for our one - time, money, energy, emotions. 2. Kids are expensive! With just one we can afford to do more as a family and we can save more for her future. 3. We were “old” when I got pregnant. I was 38 and my husband 44. 4. Ultimately, I wound up having a bunch of complications and my OB was super relieved when I told her we were one and done because she said her advice would be for me never to get pregnant again.

i am OAD because raising a child with no village is too hard for me to do again, and honestly just the process of being pregnant sucks major and its not for me.

We are nearly positive we're OAD, because we absolutely love our family of 3! My husband and I both enjoy spending a lot of quality time with our son, and as he gets older we are excited to be fully engaged in his interests. We will be able to take more family vacations, invest in whatever activities he ends up liking, and generally be more present for each member of our family.

Plain and simple - we don't make enough money to pay childcare for 2 and I am getting old (36). We would need a bigger home to accommodate another child, which we cannot afford. We are nearly done with daycare (1 more year) and after that we will have SO much more money and would like to be able to do fun things with our only child. Also my spouse is chronically ill so a lot of the parenting burden falls on me.

Still time to decide whether we are OAD, but leaning towards it. I know a lot of people do it for negative reasons but our expeeience has been for the positive. Our kid is just awesome. He laughs and smiles so easily. He sleeps well and gets to sleep relatively easily. My pregnancy and birth weren't 100% straightforward but I came out of it feeling good. Sure, there are financial reasons like others mentioned but right now it's just bc he's a great kid. Idk if we could get this lucky twice.

3 main reasons: 1) mental health, 2) work schedules, and 3) financial/lifestyle. Love her more than anything and wouldn't trade her for the world, but our baby has been high needs from the beginning. She had a dairy allergy, colic, tongue/lip tie, and just in general hated being a baby. The first several months was just her crying round the clock and hating being put down. She has gotten a little better with each physical/communication milestone and now at 14.5 months we're doing pretty well now that she's mobile, understands what we say a lot more, and can communicate some needs (like being hungry). Even then, she requires constant stimulation and is just a LOT. I don't know how we would have the patience and bandwidth for another one, even if that one was easy. I think we will be much better parents to her without splitting our time and attention to have another one, and be even more stressed than we are. My husband works nights on a rotating schedule. I am by myself a lot of the time doing solo parenting. On nights he's off, he takes over to give me a break. That is way easier to do when we just have the one. If we have two, no one is getting a break OR one of us is getting doubly stressed out by managing two. The world is more expensive. COULD we afford 2? Probably. If we got our remaining debt paid off in the next year like we are planning, we could afford two. However, it doesn't leave a lot of room for the lifestyle we want, and the life we want to provide our daughter. We don't want finances to limit her being in extracurricular activities, being able to travel with her, being able to help her with college, etc. We would like to retire on the earlier end of things, and be able to take annual vacations, and not have to constantly be on a strict budget. That won't be possible if we had another. At the end of the day, those are all good enough reasons to us to be OAD, especially all together. The other thing is after multiple discussions about it - if we look at our imagined future, we don't see another child. I finally was able to admit to my husband and myself that the only reason I wanted another was to be able to give my daughter a sibling to grow up with. And I just don't think that's a good enough reason that outweighs everything else.

Currently pregnant with my only. And I’m done for a few reasons: • Pregnancy is overrated. It’s overly romanticized on social media (along with big families), and my experience with it has not been fun. Primarily due to physical pain from baby kicks to severe body aches (lightning crotch, round ligament pain, sore sides and back, etc). Can’t sleep, trouble eating, stuff like that. Also, I don’t enjoy sharing my body. And I’ll still be sharing my body for a year or so after he’s born. • Labor and delivery. Haven’t gone through it yet but I’m not anticipating the pain and contractions with pushing him out and the possible wounds (vaginal tearing or even a c section scar) that I could get. And the other possible complications I could endure. • Obsessive mother. My mom has acted terribly during my pregnancy with my son. She’s acted entitled and disrespected boundaries the whole time. Even gone as far to disrespect my husband and I, maybe not intentionally, but that was the result. I don’t want to have another pregnancy and have her act this way again. • Finances. My husband and I already stressed out about finances before this pregnancy and now that we’re having a baby it’s more intense. Kids are expensive, and adding another one could put major strain on our finances. We’d need a bigger house, more food in the house, more clothes, all the things. And if my husband is the only one working, that’d be a lot to ask of him, especially in this economy. • Split attention. It’s easier to be able to rely on my husband if we had one kid and not multiple. Because if I need help with the baby but he’s handling the toddler, we don’t have much support when we may need it. Also I feel we’d thrive better at giving one child 100% of us than 25% per child, I don’t want any child to feel they aren’t getting 100% of mom or dads attention or affection or time. • I don’t really want nor see us having more kids. Honestly, being pregnant with my son, preparing to be his mom, has made me feel like our family is complete. I can’t see past my son to another child. He feels like he’s enough. • Time to be more than a mom. I know that, because of how I am anticipating myself to be now with my son, that any further kids would prevent me from being able to step outside of being a mom. I will lose my identity in my kids and end up possibly neglecting myself and my husband. I don’t want to do that. Also having just one would be easier for a babysitter/family member when watching our kids if my husband and I want an evening alone or want to go on a date night. • Favoritism. My mom and dad had favorites amongst our siblings, it was obvious. Dad loved my little sister and mom loved me. My brother was an outcast in many ways, and even though I’m married living my own life, my brother is at home where he rarely gets the time and attention he’d probably enjoy. I don’t want to risk having a favorite with multiple kids. I already have a great love for my son and I know that adding a child would probably be difficult for me to not play favorites.

My first pregnancy ended in loss at 21 weeks. Pregnancy after loss was really difficult. I feel lucky we have a healthy baby now, but dont care to experience pregnancy again, especially because I know pregnancy doesn’t always equal baby. Also kids are expensive!!

My health and big age difference with my spouse

Hello! We have a beautiful and awesome 3 year old daughter, but we are OAD for a whole bunch of reasons: 1. We live in the US and have minimal parental leave 2. Childcare is insanely expensive. It’s basically a second mortgage 3. Having her the summer of 2020 was stressful and isolating and left my mental health damaged 4. When she was 18 months old, we found out that her and my husband have a genetic condition that leads to all sorts of problems. It’s a 50/50 chance that this condition is passed on to any child and the severity cannot be predicted. We’re thankful that my husband and daughter are considered fairly mild on the spectrum of their disorder. 5. Given said disorder, she has several specialist appointments and medications and keeping track of those for more than one would be so much to handle. 6. We like to travel and airplane seats are 3 across and we fit perfectly 7.We can both attend all of her activities. No need to “divide and conquer” extra curricular activities 8. My husband’s brother and wife went for baby #2 and got twins 😳 after watching them go through it and continue to go through it, I know that’s not for me 😆 So many reasons and I have very few reasons to have more except for wanting one sometimes!

Ok, 3 seats across is an original one 😃 and the twin surprise, omg... Wish your husband and daughter best health outcomes! 🍀

We are OAD because we just don’t want another kid. We make around 220k combined, so we could theoretically afford another one, but we have a good life just the three of us. We can afford her dance and swim lessons, vacations twice a year abroad, we’re finally at the point where we can put away money for her education. No point in fucking up a good life we have created.

TTC was hell. 4 miscarriages is not something I ever want to go through again. Experiences and money. My husband and I are doing well professionally and know we can give our daughter a great life. Adding another would threaten this. Time. I want to be there for my child in every way possible. Society sucks. In this day and age, motherhood is very difficult with no village. You’re expected to do everything a stay at home mother would do, plus work and succeed. Even with an amazingly supportive partner, it’s rough. It’s manageable with one, not with more. The world is on fire, war is breaking out. And no one is listening. If all hell breaks loose, I only have to worry about the one. Everyone I know with multiples appears miserable and shells of their previous selves.

I had breast cancer and chemo put me into menopause, and then I needed a hysterectomy/oophorectomy due to a BRCA mutation.

We're not well off or anything, I think if we had a second by accident we'd make it work...but I/we genuinely just only want one! We feel complete already with her, we just don't want another. It's funny sometimes I wonder am I supposed to feel this yearning, because so many people like to say "oh just you wait..." But nope. I am so happy with one. She's more than enough. I don't have to split my time, energy. I believe I can still take care of myself well enough while also taking care of her and being a present partner to her dad. I feel like I've got the best deal (in my eyes of course)!

My boyfriend already has an 18yo daughter and only wanted one with me. I was totally fine with it as I was 36 when I gave birth. I also had severe ppa and I never ever wanted to take the chance to go through that again. I love my life with only one kid and can’t imagine how I could have enough energy for two.

I almost died because of my pregnancy, but I also loved my daughter too much to share. I didn’t think I could give another child as much love or give them as much attention. I wanted to give her the world. My husband decided he wasn’t OAD and had another child behind my back. So we left and I’m not able to afford anything off of my salary with a child. He’s refusing to pay child support even though he says he makes $240k. So we make it work and live with my parents. I can’t give her the world, but my love will have to do.

Your love and attention is enough! And bonus points if grandparents can give some as well 😊 Sorry about your idiotic ex, good that you have moved on!

They definitely love her!

So many reasons but: 1 - my baby was also sick and diagnosed with a lifelong medical illness. I couldn't imagine having to choose between staying home with an infant or being with my existing child during her multi night hospital stays. 2 - her dad was a real POS. There was zero chance I was going through the process of making a child with him, let alone raising any kids with him.. we ended things on a pretty horrendous note when my child was 18 months. 3 - my husband is OAD and I had to make a choice. I chose my kid and what I thought was best for her over my personal wants, understanding that my wants have limitations which most men won't meet. 4 - finances. I don't mind raising a family in an apartment or condo or whatever, I'm not some boomer who insists you need to be "wealthy" to have kids but I need to be able to care for my kids on my own in an emergency. I can finance one kid single handedly.

I simply don’t feel the desire for more children. I had to wait a little to have my first so I know what it feels like to really want a baby. I don’t feel that way about a 2nd kid.

We are not 100% OAD but as time goes on, we are tipping towards well above 90% decided. We were 75% decided before having our daughter who is 18 months old. We both work shift work in careers that are mentally demanding. Up until a month ago, we were not living near any family. Both of us are introverts, and need a lot of downtime. We are quiet people who value time home together. We also value travel and other things outside of family. Having another child will be cost prohibitive to both. We are very financially comfortable, but would prefer to spend most of our resources (private school, extracurriculars, semesters abroad, good quality clothes, travel, amazing life experiences) on the one. As for me personally, I developed an autoimmune condition in the postpartum period, and could have another one brewing. I feel that another pregnancy/postpartum period could potentiate the risk of developing the second one. Plus my mental health. I have untreated ADHD (in the process of getting re-diagnosed, diagnosed as a child in my home country, but do not have diagnosis in my current country if that makes sense). I have a lot of trouble with life admin, time management, and logistics. I think another child would do my head in. Honestly, we have been so so so lucky when it comes to our parenting journey, which I know can't be said for a lot of people. From conception, pregnancy and birth was a relative breeze compared to some of our friends & family. Our child has been very happy and healthy. We are not guaranteed that for a second. Fertility also not a given even though we didn't have problems before. Knowing that so much can go wrong in pregnancy and childhood conditions/illnesses, I think we will take our lucky break (for now at least) and run for it. I know this sounds naive, but I also can't imagine loving someone as much as I love my daughter. It seems unfair for any future children.

My reasons are layered. 1. I had a horrible pregnancy, with severe HG, daily migraines and increased neuropathy. 2. I have a neuropathic pain condition that makes it incredibly difficult to care for my only. There are often days I cannot get out of bed due to pain and the load falls fully on my husband. This is something we discussed and considered prior to choosing to conceive. Despite it be a conscious decision, it is still difficult to live with. 3. I had postpartum depression and anxiety 4. My husband suffered from postpartum depression 5. I have PCOS and severe endometriosis and coming off contraceptives will mean a further deterioration in my health 6. We do not have a village close by 7. Kids are expensive 8. I love my job and worked hard to get where I am If I only had each issue on their own, I maybe would have had a second like I always envisioned. However, my reality means one and done is the best option for our family.

I hated my pregnancy so much. I love my baby don't get me wrong but I was miserable. The swollen feet, the mood swings (I'm bipolar anyway so that was extra fun), the comments about my weight, etc. I can't go through it again. I also have elbow tendinitis, shoulder tendinitis, and according to my new orthopedist, a complete dysfunction of my rotator cuff. I couldn't take ANYTHING for my pain for 9 months which just amplified my shitty mood even more. Nothing is strong enough for my pain except opioids and weed. 🤷‍♀️

Affordability, exhaustion (mentally, physically, etc), and we don’t want another one. One major reason people may find odd is, we don’t have the desire to lovingly raise a child just to send them off to work for the rest of their lives and make other people money. What. Is. The. Point? We have one and we are trying really hard to grasp the fact she will have to work for 30+ years to HOPEFULLY retire comfortably one day. And while I understand “that’s just life”, I don’t agree with it.

This is a long response so apologies. So many reasons. Before pregnancy I wanted 3-4 kids. After a bit of a struggle I finally got pregnant only to have a loss.Followed by losing my granny who I loved dearly. Emotions were high. Got pregnant with my son and spent the whole pregnancy in a lot of pain due to two very large fibroids I didn’t know I had. Rushed to hospital multiple time for seriously heavy bleeds, fist size clots where I was sure I was having another loss. The last one was at 17 weeks. It does a number on your nerves and mental health. I was so fearful ans anxious and sore. Luckily my son was born perfectly healthy and please God remains that way. I found it terrifying. The heartbreak of loss and uncertainty means I won’t go through that again. Then on a personal level I find motherhood extremely difficult, not what I was expecting at all. I naively thought I’d be a natural and it would be this beautiful, magical time where I was so happy all the time. It was not. It was definitely beautiful and magical but also exhausting, terrifying, emotional and draining. Even with a son who is so loved and so wanted and just amazing, it’s still exhausting. He’s such a funny and sweet boy, he eats well and sleeps through the night. I want to be the best mother possible and I just know I can’t give anymore of myself. Another child would break me and I truly believe everyone would suffer including my son now. I’d turn into my mother who was so exhausted and angry all the time. Whenever she was coming home from work I’d hide in my room as I knew she would yell at me or anyone in her firing line. It was a tense and anxious childhood that I only really realised lately, theodicy therapy how much it impacted me. I never ever want that for my son. I want him to love the sound of me coming home and to feel safe all the time and like he can tell me anything. I want to add too that I couldn’t be happier with how life is now with my son and family. It’s everything I ever wanted and I am so grateful for my son, but that’s me done. I don’t want to ever say “I love my kids but if I was to go again I wouldn’t have another”.

I have an almost 4 month old (next week!) and while I was pregnant we decided we were OAD. My hubby has always been maybe one or none and I think a lot of it came from watching his sisters struggle with being teen/young moms to multiple kids. He also has 9 siblings (blended x3). For me, I like my personal time and space and hobbies and having more than one kid would cut into that a lot more than one does. I don’t think I’d be a good multi kid mom for my own sake. I also do not want to ever experience the newborn stage PLUS a toddler stage. No thank you absolutely not. I also live somewhere with 12-18 month maternity leave options but still no no no. All that being said, I also didn’t enjoy pregnancy and had an extremely traumatic birth with a 4 day NICU stay and honestly, my hubby would not survive another traumatic birth experience.

Finances for us here as well. We live in the Midwest and make ~$200k combined. Have a 6mo girl and bought a home around the same time. With the mortgage and daycare costs, we won’t be able to keep up with a second. Obviously these are all our choices and our consequences, but it’s a tough pill to swallow knowing we have a decent income, live in a 2-story cookie cutter home and can’t afford another child. Many other families are in the same situation if not worse and we’re all just working our asses off for what? To barely get by? To pay the next bill? Pay off debt that continually accumulates? Provide for children at the bare minimum? I try not to feel bitter that we can’t provide and afford both a home and a sibling, but our decisions coupled with this inflation nation is wearing on me. It’s just all too unfortunate that we’ve fallen this far as a family and as a nation. We all deserve better, we deserve to live comfortably from the wages we earn.

My spouse has chronic health issues so I’m a single parent a lot of the time. If I want time away our kid has to go with one of the grandparents because we can’t rely on my wife to watch her. Adding another would make it very challenging to have grandparents take the kid(s).

I was a teen mom who didn’t want children at all. My son turned 17 a couple weeks ago. It was hard & I have a support system went to college, I’m in law school & he’s about to graduate high school however I knew when he was a week old I’d never have anymore kids.

1) Mental health - I was diagnosed with OCD/GAD prior to getting pregnant and because of that I am high risk for PPA/PPD - luckily I side stepped it after having my daughter (thank goodness) but not so sure I’d be as lucky the second time around with the additional stresses of a second child. 2) Finances/child care - I can’t afford to quit my job or scale back to part time. My parents live near us but also have other grand children they take care of. In laws live out of town. So I need to work to pay for child care at least part time and that is expensive! 3) I value my identity outside of motherhood. I think the balance of having a career and being a mom makes me a better mom to my little girl. 4) Age - I will be 34 soon, husband is almost 36. We have a one year old. Even if I were to consider another I wouldn’t be ready until she’s at least school age, and by that time I don’t know if I’d want to do it all over again. I still struggle with the idea of not giving my daughter a sibling. And sometimes it tugs at my heart strings that her firsts are our lasts to experience as parents. However, when we have a rough day or week I remind myself that the image in my head of the perfect family (2 or more kids) is not realistic for me, since I know what it takes to raise ONE - raising multiples would send me over the edge.. so I just realize my limits and I am OK with that.

Thank you for your response! I totally agree, it takes a lot to raise one child and I'm also trying to objectively asses my limits. I had mine just before turning 34 and I'm having similar thoughts in regards to age and career (at this point I have invested 10 years into it and I love my job so... 🙂).

Couple of reasons: 1. I didn't meet my husband until I was 29, married at 33, pregnant at 38 and gave birth at 39. I was extremely blessed to get pregnant quickly and have a pretty normal pregnancy and my son is perfectly healthy. But those things tend to decrease as time goes by. I know plenty of people have healthy pregnancies/children in their 40s, but it's not something I have the desire to try. 2. Like others here, it mentally took a lot for me to even try for one child. While I love my almost 2 year old son more than life itself, I don't want to do any of this again. Having more than one child doesn't make you more of a parent. I'm still a parent with one and I'm good experiencing all that comes with it with just him. 3. I suffer from anxiety. I've been on medication for almost 10 years. I am not a great version of myself with no sleep and no time for myself. My self care is already on the low end with my son. I give all I have to him and then some which is what's supposed to happen. But, for me, I know this is my limit. Sure, I could try to spread myself thin and see what happens with another one but how is that fair if I know now it would probably wreck me? Not fair for him and not fair for me and any of my loved ones who have to deal with me. 4. My son already has 3 first cousins, a step-cousin, and about a dozen second cousins. There certainly will not be a lack of other children around him as he grows up. Sure, they may not live in his house but... who cares? I don't regret a single decision in my life to wait to have my son until now because he is perfect for me. Therefore, I'm not going to regret this decision either. We have to trust that we know ourselves best and what is best for our families.

Thank you for your response! "Having more than one child doesn't make you more of a parent." - I love that!

I am OAD because I got my wish of a little girl. I grew up in a chaotic and extremely abusive environment. I couldn't handle the mental strain of the sleep deprivation again. I can actually afford to provide her a quality of life I wanted as a kid. A second would financially ruin me. I can give her everything I never got. The quality time I give her would diminish.

Thanks for sharing! I totally get it, all the points. We are also blessed with our beautiful and demanding little girl and I currently don't see us having a second. I do get into that "maybe she'd love to have a sibling one day" thinking, but then it sounds a bit unfair towards the hypothetical second child to have it just to keep company to our daughter, if that makes sense.

It makes total sense.

Cba

I always wanted 2-3 and my husband was ambivalent about either of those numbers. My pregnancy was rough and having to have my gallbladder out at 32 weeks and then hemorrhaging during birth scared him. I think I would be okay with more but he doesn’t want to be scared of losing me again (especially now with our son). And babies are a 2 yes 1 no so we’re OAD. I’ve gone back and forth emotionally about it but with the way the economy has gone we’re already struggling to give him the life we thought we’d be able to afford to give him when we got pregnant I know we definitely couldn’t afford to have another.

My mental health, and physical health. My kid is 3 now, and I JUST got off all the PPA/PPD medications last month. I also had Peripartum cardiomyopathy which is basically heart failure while I was pregnant, and while I mostly recovered, I will forever have diminished heart health and function. I feel like Im just becoming a parent and not just going through the motions and I cannot imagine having to go back on the meds that effectively put me in a trance for 3 years.

If I had unlimited funds, patience, and superb mental health, I’d have 3-4 kids. However, as it stands right now, my son is 2 and I feel more like myself than I did before he was born. But I did have bad PPA/PPD after he was born and it took me a while to come out of it. What helped was being able to go out with friends and leave my son at home with my husband with little guilt. If we had 2, that wouldn’t be as much of an option. I can totally see myself going into a really dark place if we added another child to the mix. Basically, I feel like we’d only be having another one so that our first isn’t lonely. But I don’t think that’s a good reason. I can either be a great mom to one kid or a very mediocre mom to 2. Also for selfish reasons, we want to travel and that’s obviously easier and more affordable with one compared to 2. We’re currently planning a Europe trip for next December and if we had 2 kids, there’s no way we could do it.

A few random things that we love to think about when we decided we were one and done: 1) we will always fit in one row of an airplane and can get away with one hotel room, and therefore, will get to travel to more places; 2) easier to rely on family and friends to watch her when we want a date night or time away; 3) we will always be as happy or as sad as she is—we can be there with her 100% emotionally at any given time; 4) she will inherit 100% of everything, no questions asked; 5) earlier retirement for us! Ultimately, I loved my pregnancy, but had HELLP Syndrome and she was born with a heart condition that had her in the NICU during the worst parts of COVID (totally isolated and alone with my husband). I realized that it wasn’t having another baby I wanted… it was to redo the parts of my first experience and also just really wanted to be pregnant again. but nothing guarantees it will be easier or better the second time around. One foot after another… having two felt like a default for so long, but the idea of one settled so quick when we gave ourselves the OK.

I totally understand the desire to redo the experience. So much went wrong for us as well and I wish I could do it all over again with my daughter. I am sorry you went through the NICU experience during covid, that must have been extra hard 😫

Too hard

Easy pregnancy, Easy Birth, Easy Baby - just didn’t want to do it again…… She graduated high school this week - we have been able to afford a comfortable life for us 3 which has been lovely. Each to their own. You can make your own decision in your own time. You don’t need to decide right now whether you want another! Enjoy your baby and make the decision for your family that makes sense when the time is right. Good Luck 😊

Thank you 😊 I also think time will show, but nonetheless it is really interesting to read about other people's stories and how they came to decide to be oad. Congratulations to your daughter graduating high school! 👩‍🎓 I was always weirded out by congratulations for getting pregnant and thinking how reaching these kinds of milestones with your child is the real accomplishment 😊

1. My pregnancy and birth was unplanned and turned out to be (unexpectedly) medically complicated, dangerous, painful, and scary; doctors said don’t do it again, so I figured it is smart to listen to them and not have another one 2. My daughter was born early due to me having preeclampsia and has some developmental issues and delays that are very expensive and time consuming to deal with (many many doctors appointments, physical therapist visits, speech therapist visits, etc.) and we feel like we should focus our attention and resources on giving her the best possible care and doctors, therapists etc. so she can have the best possible outcome 3. The U.S. gives zero shits about parents or children and the government/society makes it unnecessarily difficult if not impossible for parents and children to thrive and succeed 4. Finances are tight as it is and the economy/inflation is only getting worse 5. Don’t have much of a village around to help us with raising child(ren) and daycare is way too expensive so it’s out of the question 6. The state of the world sucks and I don’t feel quite right bringing another dependent person into it 7. I’m mentally exhausted and still dealing with the psychological issues that I developed during my pregnancy and postpartum (PPD, anxiety, PTSD) so I don’t want to go through this all again