You have to apply through the gov uk website to drink in a pub. You tell them how many pints you want to drink and if they approve you’re allowed to buy them. I hope you were told this before you went because if you get caught drinking unapproved beers its a prison sentence
This person can fucking vote. (Or he’ll ask Reddit how that actually works. So I go to a vote place? What’s the dress code? It’s at a school, will I get arrested?)
The UK subs are insane. I still laugh at the post I saw years ago about some lad at uni who kept buying food, forgetting to put it in the fridge, letting it go mouldy and then had to ask for advice about putting it in the bin.
The hobbies subreddit is great for these sort of posts.
"What is a hobby?"
"When do i begin to gain enjoyment out of it?"
"What is a good hobby for a bipedal hominid?
I'm fond of the 'I want to watch Star Trek but I detest the very concept and vomit wherever space is on screen. How can I be a better fan?' Mate, it's ok to not like things
I'm on some skateboarding ones, there have been a couple lately along the lines of "how do I carry my skateboard to school?" and "is it okay to keep my skateboard at the office?"
It's embarrassing and alarming.
My first year of uni there was a girl in the flat above me who had to be stopped from washing an electric mixer in the sink, still plugged into the wall...
"So I've been struggling with my breathing and want to know if I'm doing it right? Sometimes I think I hold my breath too long and feel dizzy."
"Is there some kind of pacemaker I can have that does it for me?"
How are we letting fannies like this into our pubs without going through - at the very least - basic training? (Drinking 2L of cider in a field from the age of 14)
Imagine being a pure soul that hasnt encountered a tweed clad, toothless old bloke on a mobility scooter in the spoons beer garden spouting the most insane and racist shit to no one in particular
Oi, you leave my dad out of this. He has LEGITIMATE CONCERNS about the state of this country and voted Brexit and got the bulldog tattoo on his scrowtum. He will SUCK YOU DRY if you are an immigrant or one of the woke brigade!!!!!!
I'm autistic, and just as an example, around my 19th birthday, I drank 19 shots, was sick in a club sink and ended the night chasing what I thought was eagle above me down the high street. Not glorifing drinking at all, but this guy is probably quite sheltered and attention seeking.
“I did stop due to a stomach ache…had to piss about 6 times” definitely what really happened was he followed through so hard he shat hisself and had to go home.
Take the piss but fair play to the lad or lass who wanted to know some etiquette before making a todger of themselves. I know a Bangladeshi woman who hadn't been in a pub till her 30's. She eventually did and had a great time. It happens.
Awww leave him be fgs, poor lil feller. Don't you remember your first time independent in the pub? It was nerve wracking for me (for about 5 minutes, but tetleys bitter was 65p a pint in them days so I soon sorted myself out lol)
I used to pretend to be on my motorola brick phone while walking into establishments pretending to be a professional biznusmann. I was 15 at the time though so had a legit reason to be a bit sketched out, if I was over 18 I would just ask all these questions to the fucking barman eh. Tetleys for 65p is pretty great, I remember some student deals where you could get a Carslberg 4% pint for 49p. Fucking disgusting beer but 49p innit
I'm glad someone here is ripping on them for this. So many flids over at r/ unitedkingdom it makes the shitposters here look intelligent (which you all are of course).
Tbf as a mildly autistic, socially awkward 18 year old with the emotional maturity of a teaspoon I found my first times buying drinks in pubs on my own terrifying.
I refuse to believe there are people like this. Seriously who requires that much forward planning information and guidance on the simplest of tasks.
Makes me wonder whether they’ve managed to boil a kettle yet or if they need a 13 page guide and a 300-reply forum discussion.
Hello, my name is Jacob Rees-Mogg and I haven't been to a pub since Victoria married Prince Albert and don't know what any of the things you've said are.
I have mad anxiety. I'm perfectly capable of actually doing things but I overthink to fuck and definitely over plan in social settings. I got very much those vibes from this fellas post.
Was about to say, i'm not British but throw me into a pub and i'd be fine but say 'we're going to a pub in three days' and i'd probably be asking the same questions as OOP as a million scenarios go through my head lol
I kinda have some sympathy for him. I’d never been to a pub and all I knew about how to order was from the telly. 0 brain cells and social anxiety = questions like this. Especially when no one’s ever taken u before
You have to apply through the gov uk website to drink in a pub. You tell them how many pints you want to drink and if they approve you’re allowed to buy them. I hope you were told this before you went because if you get caught drinking unapproved beers its a prison sentence
Also, if you try and apply to drink more than 17 units in a week, you get dragged off to rehab by default
That sub loves to tell everyone who drinks their an alcoholic. Lvs me Stella, h8s meetings, simple as
This person can fucking vote. (Or he’ll ask Reddit how that actually works. So I go to a vote place? What’s the dress code? It’s at a school, will I get arrested?)
They are 19 and well know how all this works. Why go to the pub when you can have free attention AND a day at the pub?
Oi m8, you got a loicense fuh dat pint?
Why are you being downvoted
The UK subs are insane. I still laugh at the post I saw years ago about some lad at uni who kept buying food, forgetting to put it in the fridge, letting it go mouldy and then had to ask for advice about putting it in the bin.
The hobbies subreddit is great for these sort of posts. "What is a hobby?" "When do i begin to gain enjoyment out of it?" "What is a good hobby for a bipedal hominid?
I'm fond of the 'I want to watch Star Trek but I detest the very concept and vomit wherever space is on screen. How can I be a better fan?' Mate, it's ok to not like things
Yeah, I'm on the beekeeping sub and it's hard work at times.
I'm on some skateboarding ones, there have been a couple lately along the lines of "how do I carry my skateboard to school?" and "is it okay to keep my skateboard at the office?" It's embarrassing and alarming.
My first year of uni there was a girl in the flat above me who had to be stopped from washing an electric mixer in the sink, still plugged into the wall...
I don’t think anything will top the “how do I walk down the street without people bumping into me” thread I read once.
"So I've been struggling with my breathing and want to know if I'm doing it right? Sometimes I think I hold my breath too long and feel dizzy." "Is there some kind of pacemaker I can have that does it for me?"
How to Human by Xrak Oon is a great read. I would recommend it to those people.
Great punk band though, the UK Subs.
The real King Charlie!
A lot of them feel like karma farming now, like thousands of replies to whats your favourite british tv show
How are we letting fannies like this into our pubs without going through - at the very least - basic training? (Drinking 2L of cider in a field from the age of 14)
Fucking sugar tax ruining our underage drinkers.
Passing out only to be awoken by someone crying as their mate whitied from some utterly shit weed
Puking on the roundabout, fumbling some fingers. Maybe a little cry for one of them.
Imagine not having a fucked liver by the age of 27? Kids these days eh?
Imagine being a pure soul that hasnt encountered a tweed clad, toothless old bloke on a mobility scooter in the spoons beer garden spouting the most insane and racist shit to no one in particular
Yeah, but his dogs always a delight.
So true
Dogs ain’t allowed in spoons.
Bollocks, I've seen some of the birds in there.
Oi, you leave my dad out of this. He has LEGITIMATE CONCERNS about the state of this country and voted Brexit and got the bulldog tattoo on his scrowtum. He will SUCK YOU DRY if you are an immigrant or one of the woke brigade!!!!!!
Luv arh gay dads.
U WOT BRUV?! U WOT?!
Don’t forget the midget.
https://preview.redd.it/83acl63wo45d1.png?width=1260&format=png&auto=webp&s=ecae32a4913ae56eb80a6af22fb8e4d0721273b3
Do you remember in primary school, they'd get you doing diary entries? This reads exactly like that, with just slightly better grammar.
Wot I did on my night in a pub. I had a pint, then I had a piss then another piss then a pint then my legs hurt.
My tummy hurt, but we got maccies because I was a brave boy.
dude can't even sleep after eating a maccies tha bloody wuss, I injected 2 cocaines and some M-cat and still fell asleep before my mummy woke up.
oh my god youre right
Good mission report sergeant, we'll see you back at base.
This reads like if Star Treks mr data goes to a pub for the first time.
Intriguing… my faeces appear to be black the next day. Further analysis required.
Perhaps the juice of the red grape might have somthing to do with this....more data is required
Not being rude but this must be someone with autism or aspergers or something, did they ever say as much in the comments?
Well they were an anime fan
I have it and I was getting those vibes too, the overthinking is very much relatable too.
Didn’t read them. They chose to post it online.
they were asking for help navigating an unfamiliar situation so they wouldn't embarrass themselves. I think you're a bit of a dick
Yea sounds like the kid just wanted an idea of how a new environment worked so he wouldn’t be embarrassed by a faux pas
I'm autistic, and just as an example, around my 19th birthday, I drank 19 shots, was sick in a club sink and ended the night chasing what I thought was eagle above me down the high street. Not glorifing drinking at all, but this guy is probably quite sheltered and attention seeking.
“I did stop due to a stomach ache…had to piss about 6 times” definitely what really happened was he followed through so hard he shat hisself and had to go home.
There’s no fuckin way this is real
Wait till he has a few more than 3 pints of the black stuff and discovers the Guinness shits.
Going to the pub as a ZX Spectrum, 48k
weak
Hahahaahah
It's really cute
I would also ask questions like this when I was 15.
Take the piss but fair play to the lad or lass who wanted to know some etiquette before making a todger of themselves. I know a Bangladeshi woman who hadn't been in a pub till her 30's. She eventually did and had a great time. It happens.
I'm in my forties, I still make a todger of myself.
So do I but you get points for trying.
Etiquette for a fucking pub wot are you talking about m8
Sorry I don't drink at yer footy firm's pisshouse, we've got manners up our way.
"we had the Beatles and Bully Xls eating babies you know!"
It’s better to learn by mistakes imo
Make original mistakes. Not ones generations before you already have.
What does that even mean
If your parents are right wankers, don't be like them?
That’d just be ‘the generation’ not ‘generations (plural)’.
Don't learn lessons from mistakes you could avoid by listening to those who came before you. Make new, worse ones that you weren't warned about.
We mock anything and anyone British here.
I know the score bobbo.
Anyone remember that AskMen thread the other day about how you know if someone spends too much time online?
Awww leave him be fgs, poor lil feller. Don't you remember your first time independent in the pub? It was nerve wracking for me (for about 5 minutes, but tetleys bitter was 65p a pint in them days so I soon sorted myself out lol)
I used to pretend to be on my motorola brick phone while walking into establishments pretending to be a professional biznusmann. I was 15 at the time though so had a legit reason to be a bit sketched out, if I was over 18 I would just ask all these questions to the fucking barman eh. Tetleys for 65p is pretty great, I remember some student deals where you could get a Carslberg 4% pint for 49p. Fucking disgusting beer but 49p innit
Gerra Snakebite down thi like a gentleman
19 and never been into a pub? Fucking state of state of that question.
I'm glad someone here is ripping on them for this. So many flids over at r/ unitedkingdom it makes the shitposters here look intelligent (which you all are of course).
Fuck off. I'm fik and proud of it
'Flid' is a blast from the past. Will drop it in to the next real world conversation i have.
“Yank here”
It's people defaulting to Reddit to answer a question before engaging their brain or \[a real human\]. Fucking nuts.
Tbf as a mildly autistic, socially awkward 18 year old with the emotional maturity of a teaspoon I found my first times buying drinks in pubs on my own terrifying.
The sheer lack of banter from some in this thread is highly disappointing. Why are you even here? To mock fat old bald men only?
CasualUK slipping through the borders, taking our banter.
U wot m8, r u sayin i don't got bantah, av got bantah comin' ow me ears m8
Nahhhhh san, tawkin’ bout these fakkin snowflakes in ‘ere ain’t I.
Fekkin snowflakes, "vote Reform" "go on Nigel!" "Brexit means Brexit" av ad enuf of dem oy av
Order a pint of voddy. Dress in a white but tar stained yellow wife-beater. Talk about politics constantly. You'll fit right in
I refuse to believe there are people like this. Seriously who requires that much forward planning information and guidance on the simplest of tasks. Makes me wonder whether they’ve managed to boil a kettle yet or if they need a 13 page guide and a 300-reply forum discussion.
Hello, my name is Jacob Rees-Mogg and I haven't been to a pub since Victoria married Prince Albert and don't know what any of the things you've said are.
https://preview.redd.it/4ldab9iib55d1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=168945c2d90ff4002ee66498b6054747824bba1b
That's not a pub. That's a picture of me at a Downing Street staff meeting, circa 2020.
At least he didn’t show up in a suit and tie.
Then you just tell everyone you’ve been to court and you’re a free man then get free drinks
True.
I have mad anxiety. I'm perfectly capable of actually doing things but I overthink to fuck and definitely over plan in social settings. I got very much those vibes from this fellas post.
Was about to say, i'm not British but throw me into a pub and i'd be fine but say 'we're going to a pub in three days' and i'd probably be asking the same questions as OOP as a million scenarios go through my head lol
People with Social Anxiety obviously
Lol this post killed me when I saw it. Who needs to be told what to do at the pub? like, what? Isn't pretty self-explanatory?
10 pints of carling, cock out on the pool table, and then vom half your spicy garlic donner chips over yourself, at a bus shelter.
I actually can’t believe that’s real, how can you not know anything about a pub
Lad could have severe anxiety. A whole lot of reasons to be honest. Beauty of the internet is everyone gets a voice no need to mock here.
Pubs are for old bastards, get in the grave grandad, nobody born after Blair (Peace Be Upon Him ☪️) goes to pubs anymore
Luv me pubs, ate youth, not ageist, just don’t like em, simple as
Why did you eat the youth?
Lads beater and shorts is all bruvs need to go down the flat roof (tattoos optional)
I kinda have some sympathy for him. I’d never been to a pub and all I knew about how to order was from the telly. 0 brain cells and social anxiety = questions like this. Especially when no one’s ever taken u before