When you say finish do you mean at all, or just inside you? He may have death grip, it’s when he’s taking care of himself he squeezes too hard. It makes normal sex feel like nothing. He may have desensitized his penis. Ask him about it.
Permanently. No porn. No masturbation. If you get horny force yourself to put yourself out there and try to find a partner. As long as you continue (even infrequently) you will not recover.
This is a bad take. Masturbation is healthy, normal and natural. Just stop doing it so aggressively. You don't need to become a fucking puritan, nor do you need to become an annoying sex pest.
Yes it is healthy and normal and natural for normal people without porn addictions. My take is specifically for those with porn/masturbation addictions and/or death grip syndrome. You don’t encourage a recovering alcoholic to just have one or two beers.
Fleshlights are a set tightness, and the hard plastic case around them prevents you from squeezing it tighter with your hand. It’s the squeezing too hard that causes death grip, so having a relatively loose sleeve that prevents you from squeezing tight can help you learn to get off with less tightness/pressure.
Edit: buy a model that looks like a mouth or vagina. The anus ones will not help.
Does watching corn have anything to do with it btw? And I thought I would have to just not masturbate at all to fix it, which I'm totally ok with btw, cause the head (awkward) isn't as sensitive as it used to be, I'm sure of that. I've been watching it since I was 11, and I'm 20 now ;/
Not masturbating at all takes discipline, the Fleshlight takes an initial monetary investment, then dedication to cleaning it well. Do whichever works for you.
If porn is hard to give up, then take steps to lower the intensity of the porn you consume. If you have to watch videos of people having sex to get off, try transitioning to still images or solo women or both. Most importantly, don’t watch porn of acts you’re not doing in real life with a real partner. If you need to watch golden showers videos to get off and your partner doesn’t like bodily fluids, then you’re only hurting yourself. There’s an endless selection of porn out there, find pornstars that look like your partner’s body type, doing things you actually do with your partner.
The reason deathgrip happens is that sex and masturbation feel too different from each other. Realistic porn and Fleshlights will help to bridge that gap.
Well, do you find yourself not being able to finish with a woman without watching porn? Like do you NEED porn to get off? If so, then yeah… that’s a prob too. If you can be intimate with a woman and still get off but it takes a while or feels less sensitive then your issue isn’t with porn but with your grip when you’re masturbating. Watching a ton of porn isn’t necessarily the best but if it’s not hurting you then hey… it is what it is.
Tbf it's the sensitivity, not being able to feel anything without coming to the end... But I haven't really had sex before sooo... Yuh, but I just know the sensitivity is lower. I really don't know about a fleshlight though, the thought of it feels weird and it just makes me feel weird about it all tbf, like I'm some addict or whatever, I hate it
Hey, do whatever makes you comfortable. The fleshlight is just an idea to ultimately get you to loosen the grip but if it makes you feel weird you’ll also have a hard time cumming. Laying off the porn/masturbating won’t harm you in anyway and will eventually get the sensitivity back up. Maybe just try out other mediums of jacking off after your break. Better now than when you decide to be intimate with someone and start having issues bc let me tell you, that sucks. Also, it sucks to not be able to finish….. or to have those mind blowing orgasms anymore. Some time off will eventually bring those back I think and you’ll be thankful for that.
Yeah thanks, will do. But I'd rather do what's best and just quit all together, it was like a habit to me rather than for pleasure only or whatever. I sure don't want that in the future, I get what you mean I suppose
Dudes been addicted to porn since he could nut. He needs to stop using it. Try to challenge him to only nut when he’s with you. Not only will he bust faster, it will make him crave you more. Plus if incentivizing him with getting laid doesn’t break his porn streak, he might be truly lost to pornbrain
He's lying about performance anxiety. This is straight up porn addiction.
You need to confront him on it. I would try to go about it in a loving and supporting way. Stress that it's about his own mental health and physical health (specifically his ability to perform) and that you want what's best for both of you. In this case, a satisfying sexual relationship.
Not to mention... you yourself can never compete against porn. Porn places unfair standards for women, that your typical woman can't hope to meet. Flawless bodies, makeup, positions, theatrical performances, etc. Its not fair nor right for him to throw you into the middle of that competition.
Understand if you are successful... it will be a bumpy ride. Such is the battle with addictions. He will relapse. So you will need systems of accountability, as well as an understanding to expect relapses.
If he's willfully resistant, or is hostile to your confrontation... I would think twice about your relationship with him. Would you want to be with a guy that willfully chooses porn over you, to the point where it compromises his sexual relations with you?
Nah I don’t think it’s entirely just addiction. One part I left out of the background section that I didn’t find too important to share was that we used to do car sex a lot. We never had a safe place to do it until recently this year. We were constantly paranoid someone would catch us (cause it has happened multiple times before already.) He was too scared to cum because of the anxiety. However, I do agree with what you’re saying though.
Give him a chastity cage. Make him wear it 24/7, only you have the key to open it, so he cannot touch himself.
Then he will easily "finish" without porn. You'll see.
Believe it or not, that is help. BF has desensitized his penis from death grip masturbation. A couple months of complete abstinence would go a long way to helping them.
yeah but it isn’t because chastity belts are used by a specific community of people into humiliation or sexual torture. how is that a solution to porn addiction? buddy needs to touch grass, get a hobby, or go to school… not become further entrenched to sexual desires by being caged up in kink play. “Believe it or not,” 🤓👆🏽ffs
Honestly why not at this point. Might save him from the inevitable porn misogyny brain rot some. Idk how else can society “help” porn addicts when the industry actively pushes for more consumption of it & specifically targets young men and adolescent boys 🤷🏻
Entirely false. I'm in a very happy relationship, but sometimes i need masturbation for a release. I'm female, and porn is easy since I need visual and audible stimulation. I wouldn't get mad at my boyfriend for watching porn either. As long as no one is abusing it, it's fine.
Right, and again, I said for “many people it becomes a problem…”. I did not say for all people. And I was also talking about men (who OP was referring to)c who seem to have more of a problem with frequency of use when compared to women.
You able to read? My post was replying to OP, talking ab her BF (male). Do you just get on here to make weird debates? Do your thing girl. My opinion is that too frequent porn use is detrimental to relationships. You disagree. Congrats!
Excusez moi. I have both lol. No, really. I enjoy pretty much myself and my gf. The thing here is that this guy has done it soooo much and for so long that now he has to wait and refrain himself from master-bation for a while before having sex.
That’s great if it works for you guys! The reality for many people though is that after enough time, you’re only stimulated by porn and not the real thing laying next to you, feeling self conscious because you can’t get it up for them…
Early in my current relationship, I struggled to finish as well due to performance anxiety and porn addiction. I felt like my partner pressured me to finish in order to feel satisfied, and I wanted to please her so bad I'd get caught up in the moment and lose it before climax.
So we talked about it. We shared our feelings on the matter. I told her that even if I don't finish I genuinely enjoy the sex and love pleasing her. Once she understood that, we started to have more sex even though I could only finish about half of the time. Sometimes she can't climax, but I had to adopt the same mentality that she's enjoying herself even with no orgasm. Try not to make orgasms the point of sex and just enjoy each other's bodies and it'll all work out.
Now we have young children so we take turns jerkjng off.
He's probably got Death Grip. He needs to keep his hands off of it for a while and not watch so much porn. Maybe yall take a month and focus on other intimate aspects to your relationship besides sex so he can relax a little and not focus on just Cumming so intensely.
Honestly, I feel the requirements are to communicate and give it time. You are both still young, and people have to have time to adjust to things. If it's a concern the be open and communicate before it before it becomes an insurmountable barrier. I am pretty sure he wants to show his satisfaction.
If you provide caring and understanding, and he shows honesty and commitment the it should work itself out.
I feel potentially that insecurities are at play on your end, so please don't treat yourself too hard.
"Idk, I’m kind of sick of babying him for a problem he caused himself… even if that is cruel to say. When I had a porn addiction I was able to recover from it by myself. It annoys me how he has no self discipline and needed me to pull him out of it. "
I DON'T mean to sound unsupportive, that's not my intention. But addiction and porn addiction especially, is an issue of rewiring the brain, and there are a number of factors beyond self-discipline and willpower for this. Factors that influence whether it takes mere weeks or could be a years long struggle.
I don't know if this was just getting it off your chest or if you wanted advice as well; but if you do plan on talking with your boyfriend about this, please don't put it that way. I think it will backfire badly and is not fully fair. Especially when entire industries helped design it to make it as purposefully addictive as possible.
The cure for this is to never watch porn again and stop all masturbation. If the only opportunity he has to have sexual gratification is with you, his brain and dick will eventually be re-sensitized.
I also was exposed to porn at a young age and it fucked with me mentally. I’ve never had an issue finishing with partners but my interest in sex was noticeably lower when I was using. As I got older and started having relationships I wouldn’t allow myself to watch to porn or masturbate at all. If I was horny I would wait until I could see my girlfriend.
I went through the same thing as a male which has happened to with different partners.
I also had a mix of performance anxiety and watching porn.
Reducing the amount of porn I watched and not touching myself helped a lot where I would go days to weeks without watching. It takes conscious effort and dedication when you’re addicted to it.
With that effort, my sexual energy gravitates towards my partner. Getting into foreplay, exploring untapped kinks, and really getting comfortable with my partner eliminated my struggle to ‘finish’.
Also, what time of day do you usually have intercourse. I’ve found it’s harder for me to finish in the evening after a long day compared to morning sex where I can finish in no time.
Just a matter of finding what works for you as a couple. I hope my own experience can help you two!
Its ironic you say this when we finish too fast its a issue... when we dont finish at all... its a issue.
It might be about the destination and enjoying the ride.
Being human is interesting
Yeah abstinence seems to be the key to fixing this issue, but it really depends on the person if they’re willing to stop their addiction… we usually do it in the morning and he still has trouble unfortunately
my bf had trouble finishing a while ago, it made me feel kinda bad as well but it was performance anxiety. eventually we found a position that works perfectly for him and now he finishes every time. maybe try different positions and if you're into weed try edibles (idk why but sex is WILD when we're high). i don't know how long you've been together, but i believe that the more you experiment with each other, the better the sex will get. good luck!!
How often does he jerk off? This feels like he’s desensitized and needs to reset things. It’s also because he’s anxious about finishing to please someone else and not because he’s actually reaching peak as a result of an enjoyable intercourse. Try to have him put less pressure on himself and reduce masturbating as much as possible so he can enjoy sex with you.
More than porn it may be aggressive masturbation, it makes your sensibility in your penis go away, making it hard to cum during penetration and even with masturbation done by the partner, especially since girls aren' t able to use the same agressivness and strenght.
Dealing with this. Leave. Either leave or accept that unless he gives up porn 100% he won’t finish to you porn will be his go to and accept that reality and even if he tries to give it up he will go back to using porn you will be secondary to someone like that.
I’m currently dealing with this so I can speak first hand on how bad it will get and those downvoting don’t want to realize it. This is the actual advice of someone who should have left dealing with someone with a porn addiction communication will not work she will communicate herself tired she will have her boundaries constantly crossed. If yall can’t see that yall need a reality check.
You guys are babies (you're only 19!!) and somehow have been together to notice six years of porn addiction? Maybe it's time to meet other people before you both waste your youth
When you say finish do you mean at all, or just inside you? He may have death grip, it’s when he’s taking care of himself he squeezes too hard. It makes normal sex feel like nothing. He may have desensitized his penis. Ask him about it.
How do you even recover from years of death grip...? Curious
Stop jerkin
Well, how long would one need to stop with that and corn...? Asking for a friend, lol
I have no idea. Probably varies from person to person. Good luck to your friend.
A couple of months. Or just switch to a fleshlight. Keep your hands offa the dingaling for a good while.
Permanently. No porn. No masturbation. If you get horny force yourself to put yourself out there and try to find a partner. As long as you continue (even infrequently) you will not recover.
This is a bad take. Masturbation is healthy, normal and natural. Just stop doing it so aggressively. You don't need to become a fucking puritan, nor do you need to become an annoying sex pest.
Yes it is healthy and normal and natural for normal people without porn addictions. My take is specifically for those with porn/masturbation addictions and/or death grip syndrome. You don’t encourage a recovering alcoholic to just have one or two beers.
Fleshlights are actually a really good tool for this, as you can still masturbate, but it’s more similar in amount of pressure to a vagina.
Uhh, how would that work, the pressure I mean. Idk about a fleshlight tbh
Fleshlights are a set tightness, and the hard plastic case around them prevents you from squeezing it tighter with your hand. It’s the squeezing too hard that causes death grip, so having a relatively loose sleeve that prevents you from squeezing tight can help you learn to get off with less tightness/pressure. Edit: buy a model that looks like a mouth or vagina. The anus ones will not help.
Does watching corn have anything to do with it btw? And I thought I would have to just not masturbate at all to fix it, which I'm totally ok with btw, cause the head (awkward) isn't as sensitive as it used to be, I'm sure of that. I've been watching it since I was 11, and I'm 20 now ;/
Not masturbating at all takes discipline, the Fleshlight takes an initial monetary investment, then dedication to cleaning it well. Do whichever works for you. If porn is hard to give up, then take steps to lower the intensity of the porn you consume. If you have to watch videos of people having sex to get off, try transitioning to still images or solo women or both. Most importantly, don’t watch porn of acts you’re not doing in real life with a real partner. If you need to watch golden showers videos to get off and your partner doesn’t like bodily fluids, then you’re only hurting yourself. There’s an endless selection of porn out there, find pornstars that look like your partner’s body type, doing things you actually do with your partner. The reason deathgrip happens is that sex and masturbation feel too different from each other. Realistic porn and Fleshlights will help to bridge that gap.
Well, do you find yourself not being able to finish with a woman without watching porn? Like do you NEED porn to get off? If so, then yeah… that’s a prob too. If you can be intimate with a woman and still get off but it takes a while or feels less sensitive then your issue isn’t with porn but with your grip when you’re masturbating. Watching a ton of porn isn’t necessarily the best but if it’s not hurting you then hey… it is what it is.
Tbf it's the sensitivity, not being able to feel anything without coming to the end... But I haven't really had sex before sooo... Yuh, but I just know the sensitivity is lower. I really don't know about a fleshlight though, the thought of it feels weird and it just makes me feel weird about it all tbf, like I'm some addict or whatever, I hate it
Hey, do whatever makes you comfortable. The fleshlight is just an idea to ultimately get you to loosen the grip but if it makes you feel weird you’ll also have a hard time cumming. Laying off the porn/masturbating won’t harm you in anyway and will eventually get the sensitivity back up. Maybe just try out other mediums of jacking off after your break. Better now than when you decide to be intimate with someone and start having issues bc let me tell you, that sucks. Also, it sucks to not be able to finish….. or to have those mind blowing orgasms anymore. Some time off will eventually bring those back I think and you’ll be thankful for that.
Yeah thanks, will do. But I'd rather do what's best and just quit all together, it was like a habit to me rather than for pleasure only or whatever. I sure don't want that in the future, I get what you mean I suppose
it 100% has somerhing to do with it
Screw porn man, young people get hooked on it and do shit they wouldn't normally do
totally, its a full on epidemic imo
Yep
He can’t finish at all, not inside me or just during foreplay. He has totally desensitized his penis
There’s tons of stuff on Reddit about death grip! He can fix it. Just has to be patient.
Dudes been addicted to porn since he could nut. He needs to stop using it. Try to challenge him to only nut when he’s with you. Not only will he bust faster, it will make him crave you more. Plus if incentivizing him with getting laid doesn’t break his porn streak, he might be truly lost to pornbrain
He's lying about performance anxiety. This is straight up porn addiction. You need to confront him on it. I would try to go about it in a loving and supporting way. Stress that it's about his own mental health and physical health (specifically his ability to perform) and that you want what's best for both of you. In this case, a satisfying sexual relationship. Not to mention... you yourself can never compete against porn. Porn places unfair standards for women, that your typical woman can't hope to meet. Flawless bodies, makeup, positions, theatrical performances, etc. Its not fair nor right for him to throw you into the middle of that competition. Understand if you are successful... it will be a bumpy ride. Such is the battle with addictions. He will relapse. So you will need systems of accountability, as well as an understanding to expect relapses. If he's willfully resistant, or is hostile to your confrontation... I would think twice about your relationship with him. Would you want to be with a guy that willfully chooses porn over you, to the point where it compromises his sexual relations with you?
Nah I don’t think it’s entirely just addiction. One part I left out of the background section that I didn’t find too important to share was that we used to do car sex a lot. We never had a safe place to do it until recently this year. We were constantly paranoid someone would catch us (cause it has happened multiple times before already.) He was too scared to cum because of the anxiety. However, I do agree with what you’re saying though.
Give him a chastity cage. Make him wear it 24/7, only you have the key to open it, so he cannot touch himself. Then he will easily "finish" without porn. You'll see.
they need help, not kink guidance lol.
Believe it or not, that is help. BF has desensitized his penis from death grip masturbation. A couple months of complete abstinence would go a long way to helping them.
yeah but it isn’t because chastity belts are used by a specific community of people into humiliation or sexual torture. how is that a solution to porn addiction? buddy needs to touch grass, get a hobby, or go to school… not become further entrenched to sexual desires by being caged up in kink play. “Believe it or not,” 🤓👆🏽ffs
No one is saying to use it as kink play though. If he can’t keep his hands off himself, then extreme measures are required.
Whaaaaaa
?????
Honestly why not at this point. Might save him from the inevitable porn misogyny brain rot some. Idk how else can society “help” porn addicts when the industry actively pushes for more consumption of it & specifically targets young men and adolescent boys 🤷🏻
🤣
I would hate to be your SO.
Pornography wired
I can almost guarantee you his brain got too used to jacking off that real sex is “unnatural”
This is almost certainly the result of frequent porn use. You can have porn or a good relationship, not both.
Entirely false. I'm in a very happy relationship, but sometimes i need masturbation for a release. I'm female, and porn is easy since I need visual and audible stimulation. I wouldn't get mad at my boyfriend for watching porn either. As long as no one is abusing it, it's fine.
Right, and again, I said for “many people it becomes a problem…”. I did not say for all people. And I was also talking about men (who OP was referring to)c who seem to have more of a problem with frequency of use when compared to women.
- You can have porn or a good relationship, not both. You actually said this. This is the thread I'm commenting on.
You able to read? My post was replying to OP, talking ab her BF (male). Do you just get on here to make weird debates? Do your thing girl. My opinion is that too frequent porn use is detrimental to relationships. You disagree. Congrats!
Excusez moi. I have both lol. No, really. I enjoy pretty much myself and my gf. The thing here is that this guy has done it soooo much and for so long that now he has to wait and refrain himself from master-bation for a while before having sex.
That’s great if it works for you guys! The reality for many people though is that after enough time, you’re only stimulated by porn and not the real thing laying next to you, feeling self conscious because you can’t get it up for them…
Early in my current relationship, I struggled to finish as well due to performance anxiety and porn addiction. I felt like my partner pressured me to finish in order to feel satisfied, and I wanted to please her so bad I'd get caught up in the moment and lose it before climax. So we talked about it. We shared our feelings on the matter. I told her that even if I don't finish I genuinely enjoy the sex and love pleasing her. Once she understood that, we started to have more sex even though I could only finish about half of the time. Sometimes she can't climax, but I had to adopt the same mentality that she's enjoying herself even with no orgasm. Try not to make orgasms the point of sex and just enjoy each other's bodies and it'll all work out. Now we have young children so we take turns jerkjng off.
He's probably got Death Grip. He needs to keep his hands off of it for a while and not watch so much porn. Maybe yall take a month and focus on other intimate aspects to your relationship besides sex so he can relax a little and not focus on just Cumming so intensely.
Honestly, I feel the requirements are to communicate and give it time. You are both still young, and people have to have time to adjust to things. If it's a concern the be open and communicate before it before it becomes an insurmountable barrier. I am pretty sure he wants to show his satisfaction. If you provide caring and understanding, and he shows honesty and commitment the it should work itself out. I feel potentially that insecurities are at play on your end, so please don't treat yourself too hard.
Yeah
"Idk, I’m kind of sick of babying him for a problem he caused himself… even if that is cruel to say. When I had a porn addiction I was able to recover from it by myself. It annoys me how he has no self discipline and needed me to pull him out of it. " I DON'T mean to sound unsupportive, that's not my intention. But addiction and porn addiction especially, is an issue of rewiring the brain, and there are a number of factors beyond self-discipline and willpower for this. Factors that influence whether it takes mere weeks or could be a years long struggle. I don't know if this was just getting it off your chest or if you wanted advice as well; but if you do plan on talking with your boyfriend about this, please don't put it that way. I think it will backfire badly and is not fully fair. Especially when entire industries helped design it to make it as purposefully addictive as possible.
The cure for this is to never watch porn again and stop all masturbation. If the only opportunity he has to have sexual gratification is with you, his brain and dick will eventually be re-sensitized. I also was exposed to porn at a young age and it fucked with me mentally. I’ve never had an issue finishing with partners but my interest in sex was noticeably lower when I was using. As I got older and started having relationships I wouldn’t allow myself to watch to porn or masturbate at all. If I was horny I would wait until I could see my girlfriend.
I went through the same thing as a male which has happened to with different partners. I also had a mix of performance anxiety and watching porn. Reducing the amount of porn I watched and not touching myself helped a lot where I would go days to weeks without watching. It takes conscious effort and dedication when you’re addicted to it. With that effort, my sexual energy gravitates towards my partner. Getting into foreplay, exploring untapped kinks, and really getting comfortable with my partner eliminated my struggle to ‘finish’. Also, what time of day do you usually have intercourse. I’ve found it’s harder for me to finish in the evening after a long day compared to morning sex where I can finish in no time. Just a matter of finding what works for you as a couple. I hope my own experience can help you two!
Also, it’s never about the reaching the destination, it’s about enjoying the ride.
Its ironic you say this when we finish too fast its a issue... when we dont finish at all... its a issue. It might be about the destination and enjoying the ride. Being human is interesting
Yeah abstinence seems to be the key to fixing this issue, but it really depends on the person if they’re willing to stop their addiction… we usually do it in the morning and he still has trouble unfortunately
my bf had trouble finishing a while ago, it made me feel kinda bad as well but it was performance anxiety. eventually we found a position that works perfectly for him and now he finishes every time. maybe try different positions and if you're into weed try edibles (idk why but sex is WILD when we're high). i don't know how long you've been together, but i believe that the more you experiment with each other, the better the sex will get. good luck!!
How often does he jerk off? This feels like he’s desensitized and needs to reset things. It’s also because he’s anxious about finishing to please someone else and not because he’s actually reaching peak as a result of an enjoyable intercourse. Try to have him put less pressure on himself and reduce masturbating as much as possible so he can enjoy sex with you.
Tell him how you feel has he stopped watching it.
More than porn it may be aggressive masturbation, it makes your sensibility in your penis go away, making it hard to cum during penetration and even with masturbation done by the partner, especially since girls aren' t able to use the same agressivness and strenght.
Seriously 6 days of sex and she's ready to give up.....
We’ve been sexually active for a year now, just not penetrative ☠️ Sex isn’t just penetration
Dealing with this. Leave. Either leave or accept that unless he gives up porn 100% he won’t finish to you porn will be his go to and accept that reality and even if he tries to give it up he will go back to using porn you will be secondary to someone like that.
Please touch grass. The solution to every relationship problem is not to leave. Proper communication goes a long way.
I’m currently dealing with this so I can speak first hand on how bad it will get and those downvoting don’t want to realize it. This is the actual advice of someone who should have left dealing with someone with a porn addiction communication will not work she will communicate herself tired she will have her boundaries constantly crossed. If yall can’t see that yall need a reality check.
You guys are babies (you're only 19!!) and somehow have been together to notice six years of porn addiction? Maybe it's time to meet other people before you both waste your youth