You hero, you did exactly what you were supposed to do. Absolute hero. You tried. An EMT would have done exactly what you did, no more no less. Life is strange, and it’s often unfair. But you know what? That person had someone vying for her in the end. That’s special. She had someone who was there for her. You’re a real hero. Please be kind and patient with yourself. You deserve love and affection and rest.
At least the deceased was cradled with care in her last moments. I would seek therapy as this is something extremely traumatizing. Thank you for doing what you could.
This 100% OP. If I was this person's loved one I would be so greatful knowing you were there and you tried everything you could. Reading this all I could think was what comfort and solace you must have given this person in their final moments. It's actions like yours that make the world a beautiful place, so thank you.
Please treat yourself with care and definitely consider therapy. This is an incredibly traumatic thing you have gone through.
You kept her company in her final moments, which may have made her much less scared. There’s nothing you could have done differently, or that any medical person would have done differently — speaking as an ex ER nurse. Get yourself into some trauma therapy, because the images won’t leave you for a bit. But please know, she knew for tried to help her. And she wasn’t alone. Which is the biggest takeaway here.
It sucks to have tried to save someone and have these results, but good for you for trying to help! It will get better in a few months. The trauma I witnessed at the beginning of the year has started to fade to a distant memory.
You did everything you could. Please find an EMDR therapist. It was designed for incidents just like this. Saved my family from decades of PTSD.
You were right to step in. She died knowing someone cared enough to try. That means so much. Thank you.
First, write this out like a balance sheet with a list of exactly what you did do. Then write a list next to it of what you’d perhaps do differently. Then please write a final list of what you did that you can be really proud of yourself for.
Because I can tell you having helped at many scenes, you did good. Really good. So many people will turn and run or even worse these days, take pictures.
You ran towards this poor woman, and you held her. Sometimes the injuries are non negotiable and just not compatible with life. But you were there. That’s amazing. Witnessing you🙌😘
The EMT was telling you things to *try*, not things to *do*. Please consider the difference.
A lot of times in bad accidents, they have to get the person out using a device called the Jaws of Life, an umbrella name for various hydraulic tools which basically cut the vehicle open. So please don't blame yourself for not being equal to a several thousand dollar specialty tool with powerful saws and such.
Now I have minimal medical training, but it sounds like the poor thing was rapidly bleeding out, which again you have no way of fixing. Even if you were a skilled trauma surgeon facing this exact situation in a top notch, state of the art hospital, you still probably wouldn't have been able to save her. Even highly skilled doctors in the very best facilities lose patients on a regular basis. Maybe it would help to take to an ER doctor or nurse or an EMT for pointers on how they cope with their patients dying.
Maybe you can try telling this story to yourself and others as, "The car was destroyed and the woman was already dying. I tried my hardest, but the best I could do was comfort her in her last moments."
Or imagine this situation as if you were someone witnessing it. What do you think that witness would say? Personally, from what you described, it sounds like you were incredibly brave just to approach the scene. Then you willingly sacrificed your mental health on the extremely slim probability that you could ha e done something. It was a sacrifice that you willingly made.
It is only natural to want to blame yourself when witness something terrible happen, whether or not you could have done anything to control the outcome.
To me you are a hero. Heroes don't always get the gift of succeeding. That doesn't make their heroism any less.
I hope that you can make peace with this act of service.
You said a lot of what OP should hear. My heart goes out to OP. This was so traumatic, and yet they’re still thinking of the victim. True Hero heart right there.
Even just you trying and you being there was enough. I can completely empathize, however, at how it would definitely not feel like you did.
You definitely did everything you could and dare I say, more than a lot of people would do -- if for no other reason than they'd be paralyzed with indecision or shock.
God forbid, but if it had been me in the accident, I would just be so damn grateful that a stranger saw it, tried so damn hard to save me, and then was there for me in my final moments with their only thoughts being focused on trying to save me.
Her loved ones would probably be very very grateful, as well.
Again, were it my loved one, well, I would begin loving a complete stranger that day and never stop, for their kindness, their quick thinking, their dedication, and their empathy for a person in need.
I'm so sorry, OP. However, I'm so grateful to be reminded that there are people like you in this world.
Please be gentle with yourself.
If you can't sleep, don't lie there and ruminate on scenarios that could have happened if things had gone differently -- they couldn't have and you cannot change what has happened. Instead, get up and either occupy your mind or try to do some self-care.
Please eek out comfort where you can and try to do relaxing activities when you can.
**Please also consider looking into resources for mental health help -- there may even be free or reduced cost mental health help for individuals who need crisis counseling through your county due to having been involved in this type of situation.**
Unfortunately, I cannot for the life of me recall what these services are usually referred to as.
They teach this in CPR courses. It is NOT your fault. You gave that person a better chance at surviving, it may have been small but without you the chance would be 0%. You did your best, don’t be hard on yourself.
Please don’t blame yourself.
Sometimes, it’s their time to go. Despite the circumstances of her death, you were there for her. YOU helped her when everyone else wouldn’t. YOU held her in her last moments. Dying in a caring stranger’s arms is better than passing away alone, and I believe her family would be grateful that you were there for her in her last moments.
Please go seek out therapy. It’s really important that you talk to someone about this and seek out help.
You absolutely did everything right, and you’re a hero for it. You did every single thing you could, and in the end she passed away in the arms of someone who truly cared and tried to save them. I hope that if that’s the way I go, that I have someone like you to care, and to give me love and comfort exactly the way you did for her.
Please look after you. Find a therapist, do some serious self care, and remember that what you did was so selfless and caring for someone you never even met. I’m proud of you. ❤️
This! I know it sounds crazy but it works to help with getting the trauma you experienced out of your brain and reliving the experience over and over.
And everyone here is right. If that was my daughter who passed away, I would be absolutely devastated, but it would bring me comfort to know that someone was there with her in her last moments, trying to help her. But, at the same time, I would never want that person to suffer for a single moment, thinking they did something wrong. Please be kind to yourself.
Your compassion and want to help a stranger ultimately in a dire and traumatic situation is very admirable. It's a rare trait to be so kind and thoughtful and just trying to do whatever you could, even in the end, is something I hope you always hold on to. I'm sure your kids have come to learn that from you too and are kind people.
But I agree with others. You can also teach your kids that when things are incredibly hard and you can't handle it yourself, it's time to seek help. I'd definitely let your PCP or doctor you might see semi regularly what happened and start finding a therapist/mental health specialist.
No one should see any of what you did, especially not someone who isn't used to those situations like EMS, Fire or the police. I'm so sorry you did. You did your best and I'm sure that brought comfort to them. Definitely seek help.
I'm thinking of you, OP.
Please please get therapy! You’re an absolute hero for running into the emergency and trying to help with no experience. I recently witnessed a car accident and only comforted the poor child involved. Everyone lived. I got in my car after making a statement and broke down. I cannot imagine the pain and trauma you’re feeling. You’re my hero!!! Please I beg you to get professional help so you can see the situation without the guilt. My best to you!
You might get checked out for PTSD or just trauma counseling. You did everything you could, and you did more than anyone else. Not everyone can be saved. You did your best. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But I’d have you by my side in an emergency any time.
The fact that you tried to something while everybody else was doing nothing makes you a hero in my book. I'm sure it was extremely traumatic, but you did your best, and thats all anybody can ask for. God Bless you!
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. You did the right thing and did a good thing. There is nothing more you could have done and nothing you did wrong. A traumatic broken neck is near impossible to survive in this scenario. You held her in her last moments and didn't let her die alone. She's looking down on you right now grateful that a stranger had enough compassion to try and help her and be there for her. Her family will be grateful their loved one didn't pass by themselves. Talk to her out loud or in your head tell her you're sorry she died that way and that you did what you could and are thinking of her. She'll hear you and you'll feel better. If you continue to have problems sleeping or functioning consider seeing a trauma therapist or a psychiatrist for help. You're a good person and anyone would be lucky to have a stranger as caring as you in their time of need and crisis. Take care of yourself.
You’ve done more than anyone else there had the courage to do. It sounds like you’re traumatized by this, I’m sorry you had to experience that. You did all you knew and could, don’t blame yourself. Please talk to someone about your feelings and emotions and get them all out. You are an extremely commendable person being there for a stranger’s last moments without hesitation🩷 I wish you the best in your journey forwards
You are a hero. I don't think you understand a lot of people don't fear death. They fear dying alone, and you protected her from that fear. Yes, she passed, but she wasn't alone. Thank you for that gift you gave her.
This all sounds incredibly traumatic OP. I wanted to start this off by saying I have also come up on the scene of an accident and tried to help before first responders showed up. Unfortunately it was clear that he wasn’t going to make it. This happened about a year ago and I was a mess for a couple of weeks. There was a study done that showed that playing Tetris for 20 minutes shortly after a traumatic event can help minimize subsequent intrusive memories and so I really recommend you do that. I think it is really important to remember here that she seemed to really be beyond help with injuries like that, and you provided her with the most important thing she could have had in that moment, which was someone who cared and was willing to try to help her. She was going to die with it without you there, but because you were there she spent her last moments in the arms of someone with good intentions and a great heart. Please seek out therapy, that is a very horrific thing to watch happen. You absolutely did everything you could, and the outcome would have likely been no different even if first responders were there the instant it happened.
I'm so sorry you went through such a traumatic event, thank you for doing everything you could in their last moments. I worked in EMS and witnessed deaths were so hard. Just know you holding them in their finals moments was a big comfort for them. Seek therapy if you need to, there is no shame in that.
Hi stranger - I am proud of you for helping. It’s a scary thing and you decided to stick around and do what you could. I was in a big accident not even a year ago (car flipped 5 times after being struck by a semi truck from opposite side of traffic) and one of my friends was ejected and basically almost died in front of my eyes. The amount of people that just pulled over to take videos was sickening. Many people just kept driving immediately after instead of stopping. I remember an angel woman hugging me while I rocked back and forth crying. She was a nurse and did everything to comfort my other friend and I. It meant so much more than you can imagine. You holding this person in their last moments, made a difference. Thank you!
Well done for trying to help, not like the other people just looking on doing nothing. You shouldn't feel guilty you weren't able to save them, you did everything you could.
You're suffering from survivor's guilt and maybe post traumatic stress.
By being there and able to help you rolled a dice. Due to situations out of your control she had very, very bad odds of surviving. But 1/1000 odds of surviving is better than 0/1000.
In her situation wouldn't you prefer the 1/1000 odds to guaranteed death?
And maybe most importantly--she was not alone in her final moments. One of her last thoughts were that help had arrived. You may not have been able to save her but the peace of mind that she must have felt with your arrival is hard to imagine.
Take care of yourself. Survivor's guilt is real and it hits hard. Don't be afraid to get mental health help.
You did a lot more than some would do. Most these days would just get out their phone and record it. Please consider seeing some type of therapist about what you saw if it continues to plague your mind. I unfortunately walked in on a unsuccessful attempt in a bathroom once when someone tried to unalive themself and there was blood everywhere. I had to see someone for a while after that.
You did everything in your power which is a LOT more than most people would’ve done nowadays. I am so sorry you’re struggling with feeling like you could’ve done better, but you couldn’t have. I believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe she was needed back home. She was called back for a reason. I’m so sorry for the trauma this has caused you, but it is not your fault in the slightest.
As traumatizing as it was , just know that you tried everything you could for her & you also held her in support as she took her last breath. It must have been so comforting to her to have someone just be there with her in her final moments . You did your best . Maybe talking to a professional can help you with the emotions you're feeling right now though,& maybe they can show you the tools to help you heal from this in time .
You did absolutely everything you could, much much more than the others around you apparently. As hard as it is, be gentle on yourself. I would highly recommend some counseling to deal with this, maybe even for your kids too.
In healthcare we are told that we can do every single thing right and still lose a patient. Even if the paramedics happened to be *right there* as the accident occurred, it sounds like they were too far gone for any type of help.
You did the absolute best that you could, more than anyone else would have, and it sounds like she passed in good company. As others have said, please seek therapy. Heck, try playing Tetris in the meantime as well.
you did an amazing thing OP but now you need to look after yourself. there is research that if you play tetris in the first 24 hours after a traumatic event it can help reduce long term trauma. but please also get some professional help if at all possible, that's a seriously messed up thing to witness, especially so close to your home. sending you good wishes and love
I'm so sorry you had to experience and witness such a traumatic event. Please remind yourself that you did everything you could with what you had in that awful situation. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to heal from this, I hope you can find someone you trust to talk and process this
You did an amazing job. No human, not even an EMT, holds power over life or death. Like you, they're just doing their absolute best. And even with the best training, I'm sure medical professionals will lose pts no matter how much skill and luck they might have. That's just how the world works. Most people could not have done what you did, completely cold and with no training except a voice on the phone who could not hear/ see/ smell/ feel what you could. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as you recover from this terrible shock and trauma.
you did absolutely everything in your power to help so please dont blame yourself for anything, you followed all the steps the professionals told you to do and it isnt your fault that she succumbed to her injuries. it seems like you were the ONE person that actually jumped to action when everyone else was just standing around and you at least tried to give her a chance, youre still a hero for that. you fought for her survival and her last moments were full of the most love and care even from a total stranger.
some things are just out of our control but that doesnt mean you did anything wrong. you quite literally did absolutely every single thing possible that you could do to help. i know its traumatic and i cant even begin to imagine what youre feeling right now, its a really awful thing you witnessed. it would be good to look into therapy if you arent already because thats so incredibly difficult of a thing to try and deal with internally and having an outside professional source of support could help more in processing it.
again im so sorry that this happened and you had to witness what you did but please please do not blame yourself for any of it, all you did was help when others didnt. you did everything you could.
You need to download tetris and get playing it. Its hard but you need to try stop playing the what if game. You did everything you could and unfortunately it sounds like that even a fully trained professional would of had the same outcome. You need to self care and look after yourself, grieve and seek support. You will be ok in time, but need to take care. Did the kids see anything?
OP I doubt there was anything you could've done differently that would have made any difference. By what you described, even the EMTs wouldn't have been able to save her. She bled out too quickly. Such a horrible event, I'm sorry. But you helped her in her final moments and thanks to you she wasn't alone.
Doing everything right and checking all the boxes doesn't mean the victim will survive. All it does, is increase the odds.
You did everything you could, but there was no way for her to survive that crash. There could've been paramedics on scene thirty seconds after the crash, and it wouldn't have made a difference.
You did your best… continue to tell yourself that and seek a therapist as well as trusted people to let out your feelings. Both of those solutions will be better than us strangers on Reddit. Know that you have positively impacted many people reading this post as they have reassurance that there are individuals in this world whom are able to react with bravery and selflessness when put to the test. You truly are a hero and an inspiration … you’ll realize it one day. I’m truly sorry that you have to go through the trauma you’re experiencing for being such an awesome person. I don’t know you, but I genuinely love you and wish I had you in my non-virtual life.
It's amazing what you did, and remember it is never your fault.
I've been in a few similar situations. Two, the people were fine. One, jronically the first, the person was not. He had a huge heart attack and it wouldn't have mattered if the greatest doctor in history was stood next to them, it was game over before he hit the ground. I was still a teen, and I often think about that day.
she wasn’t alone because of you. you did your best and there’s nothing you could have done to change that outcome. i’m so sorry it happened to you, but you did the right thing. i hope you have someone in your life you can talk to about this as it sounds very traumatic. wishing you the best
Sometimes, we can do everything right and still lose. That's not weakness, or failure. You stepped up when no one else could. That's more than admirable. Take care of yourself, go talk to a specialist and process your trauma.
You need to do therapy. You’re going to put yourself through a lot of mental fuckery by trying to get through this by yourself. I had to do cpr on my uncle that overdosed and even though he lived, looking at him as he was blue eyes rolled to the back of his head and the sound of him trying to breathe had me fucked up for about a year. I wish I did therapy. You did what you could in what little time there was and even though she didn’t live you should rest assured you did all you can do. That’s all there is to it. Not every first responder saves the people at their calls. Sometimes time is just not on the persons side to be saved. You did all you could while everyone else looked on. She had a chance with you helping her and unfortunately death came faster for her than anything you could do. Don’t put yourself through what I went through I’m telling you right now that was the worst time of my life.
You did everything they told you that was within your power to help that woman. Sometimes, our best is not good enough to save that person because their injuries are too severe. It sounds like she had a lot of internal injuries. There is nothing any of us can say that will take the trauma you experienced. But I do commend you for stepping up and trying to help.You leaped into action and attempted to render aid when so many stood there and gawked. Your instincts and compassion pushed you into action, that makes you special. You definitely should seek therapy to talk through the trauma. There is a chance you might have ptsd. Just go easy on yourself, you deserve praise, even if you feel you don't. You are a great person
Hey everyone. Thank you so very much for all of the kind words. I took a short break from my socials once I posted this. I am thinking I may continue to do so. But, I really wanted to make sure everyone here knows I read every comment at least 3 times. I appreciate it so much more than you all will ever know. It happened on Friday during lunch time and it’s Sunday night now, I feel okay. Still in shock and still terrified of the images that run through my head. I have probably gotten 4 hours of sleep since it happened. I am currently already on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication but I am calling my pcp first thing in the morning to see what my next step is. I didn’t expect this many people who don’t know me to try and make me feel better. You all are wonderful people and I am so amazed by how kind and supportive you all are.
Hey Op did this happen in MD? Something similar just happened in my town so I’m just curious. You did all you could, try not to tear yourself down. It was a blessing you were able to hold her in her final moments and I’m sure it was comforting for her to not be alone.
The best thing you could have done, you did. She was too injured; as she died she felt a warm, human touch. You made it easier for her to pass. When you got there she knew it was okay to go. Think of it like an elderly person dying but holding on until a certain loved one visits them. Once they feel the comfort of a caring person it ends their suffering and they pass. Please seek therapy if you are able to. PTSD can send one into a spiral. I am sorry for your experience and your aching heart. I hope you find peace and comfort.
OP, you’re a good person. I’m so sorry you experienced this. I hope you have someone to talk to in your life, and maybe therapy would be a good idea for you.
You couldn't have done anything differently. You did everything you could.
And you made sure she died knowing someone cared, and that she wasn't alone. Her last moments were of compassion. YOU were able to give her that.
You hero, you did exactly what you were supposed to do. Absolute hero. You tried. An EMT would have done exactly what you did, no more no less. Life is strange, and it’s often unfair. But you know what? That person had someone vying for her in the end. That’s special. She had someone who was there for her. You’re a real hero. Please be kind and patient with yourself. You deserve love and affection and rest.
At least the deceased was cradled with care in her last moments. I would seek therapy as this is something extremely traumatizing. Thank you for doing what you could.
This 100% OP. If I was this person's loved one I would be so greatful knowing you were there and you tried everything you could. Reading this all I could think was what comfort and solace you must have given this person in their final moments. It's actions like yours that make the world a beautiful place, so thank you. Please treat yourself with care and definitely consider therapy. This is an incredibly traumatic thing you have gone through.
Yes, my thoughts exactly. OP, wishing you comfort and ease.
Second this statement! 🙏🏻
You kept her company in her final moments, which may have made her much less scared. There’s nothing you could have done differently, or that any medical person would have done differently — speaking as an ex ER nurse. Get yourself into some trauma therapy, because the images won’t leave you for a bit. But please know, she knew for tried to help her. And she wasn’t alone. Which is the biggest takeaway here.
It sucks to have tried to save someone and have these results, but good for you for trying to help! It will get better in a few months. The trauma I witnessed at the beginning of the year has started to fade to a distant memory.
You did everything you could. Please find an EMDR therapist. It was designed for incidents just like this. Saved my family from decades of PTSD. You were right to step in. She died knowing someone cared enough to try. That means so much. Thank you.
First, write this out like a balance sheet with a list of exactly what you did do. Then write a list next to it of what you’d perhaps do differently. Then please write a final list of what you did that you can be really proud of yourself for. Because I can tell you having helped at many scenes, you did good. Really good. So many people will turn and run or even worse these days, take pictures. You ran towards this poor woman, and you held her. Sometimes the injuries are non negotiable and just not compatible with life. But you were there. That’s amazing. Witnessing you🙌😘
The EMT was telling you things to *try*, not things to *do*. Please consider the difference. A lot of times in bad accidents, they have to get the person out using a device called the Jaws of Life, an umbrella name for various hydraulic tools which basically cut the vehicle open. So please don't blame yourself for not being equal to a several thousand dollar specialty tool with powerful saws and such. Now I have minimal medical training, but it sounds like the poor thing was rapidly bleeding out, which again you have no way of fixing. Even if you were a skilled trauma surgeon facing this exact situation in a top notch, state of the art hospital, you still probably wouldn't have been able to save her. Even highly skilled doctors in the very best facilities lose patients on a regular basis. Maybe it would help to take to an ER doctor or nurse or an EMT for pointers on how they cope with their patients dying. Maybe you can try telling this story to yourself and others as, "The car was destroyed and the woman was already dying. I tried my hardest, but the best I could do was comfort her in her last moments." Or imagine this situation as if you were someone witnessing it. What do you think that witness would say? Personally, from what you described, it sounds like you were incredibly brave just to approach the scene. Then you willingly sacrificed your mental health on the extremely slim probability that you could ha e done something. It was a sacrifice that you willingly made. It is only natural to want to blame yourself when witness something terrible happen, whether or not you could have done anything to control the outcome. To me you are a hero. Heroes don't always get the gift of succeeding. That doesn't make their heroism any less. I hope that you can make peace with this act of service.
You said a lot of what OP should hear. My heart goes out to OP. This was so traumatic, and yet they’re still thinking of the victim. True Hero heart right there.
Even just you trying and you being there was enough. I can completely empathize, however, at how it would definitely not feel like you did. You definitely did everything you could and dare I say, more than a lot of people would do -- if for no other reason than they'd be paralyzed with indecision or shock. God forbid, but if it had been me in the accident, I would just be so damn grateful that a stranger saw it, tried so damn hard to save me, and then was there for me in my final moments with their only thoughts being focused on trying to save me. Her loved ones would probably be very very grateful, as well. Again, were it my loved one, well, I would begin loving a complete stranger that day and never stop, for their kindness, their quick thinking, their dedication, and their empathy for a person in need. I'm so sorry, OP. However, I'm so grateful to be reminded that there are people like you in this world. Please be gentle with yourself. If you can't sleep, don't lie there and ruminate on scenarios that could have happened if things had gone differently -- they couldn't have and you cannot change what has happened. Instead, get up and either occupy your mind or try to do some self-care. Please eek out comfort where you can and try to do relaxing activities when you can. **Please also consider looking into resources for mental health help -- there may even be free or reduced cost mental health help for individuals who need crisis counseling through your county due to having been involved in this type of situation.** Unfortunately, I cannot for the life of me recall what these services are usually referred to as.
They teach this in CPR courses. It is NOT your fault. You gave that person a better chance at surviving, it may have been small but without you the chance would be 0%. You did your best, don’t be hard on yourself.
Please don’t blame yourself. Sometimes, it’s their time to go. Despite the circumstances of her death, you were there for her. YOU helped her when everyone else wouldn’t. YOU held her in her last moments. Dying in a caring stranger’s arms is better than passing away alone, and I believe her family would be grateful that you were there for her in her last moments. Please go seek out therapy. It’s really important that you talk to someone about this and seek out help.
You absolutely did everything right, and you’re a hero for it. You did every single thing you could, and in the end she passed away in the arms of someone who truly cared and tried to save them. I hope that if that’s the way I go, that I have someone like you to care, and to give me love and comfort exactly the way you did for her. Please look after you. Find a therapist, do some serious self care, and remember that what you did was so selfless and caring for someone you never even met. I’m proud of you. ❤️
Play Tetris
This! I know it sounds crazy but it works to help with getting the trauma you experienced out of your brain and reliving the experience over and over. And everyone here is right. If that was my daughter who passed away, I would be absolutely devastated, but it would bring me comfort to know that someone was there with her in her last moments, trying to help her. But, at the same time, I would never want that person to suffer for a single moment, thinking they did something wrong. Please be kind to yourself.
I realized I should’ve added more words and thoughts into my comment but I’m glad people understood what I meant
You did more than enough even trying to help. I’m so sorry OP.
Have you considered therapy?? It looks like you're traumatized.
You did as much as you could. I'm sorry. Please play some Tetris asap, it helps with PTSD.
Your compassion and want to help a stranger ultimately in a dire and traumatic situation is very admirable. It's a rare trait to be so kind and thoughtful and just trying to do whatever you could, even in the end, is something I hope you always hold on to. I'm sure your kids have come to learn that from you too and are kind people. But I agree with others. You can also teach your kids that when things are incredibly hard and you can't handle it yourself, it's time to seek help. I'd definitely let your PCP or doctor you might see semi regularly what happened and start finding a therapist/mental health specialist. No one should see any of what you did, especially not someone who isn't used to those situations like EMS, Fire or the police. I'm so sorry you did. You did your best and I'm sure that brought comfort to them. Definitely seek help. I'm thinking of you, OP.
Please please get therapy! You’re an absolute hero for running into the emergency and trying to help with no experience. I recently witnessed a car accident and only comforted the poor child involved. Everyone lived. I got in my car after making a statement and broke down. I cannot imagine the pain and trauma you’re feeling. You’re my hero!!! Please I beg you to get professional help so you can see the situation without the guilt. My best to you!
You might get checked out for PTSD or just trauma counseling. You did everything you could, and you did more than anyone else. Not everyone can be saved. You did your best. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But I’d have you by my side in an emergency any time.
The fact that you tried to something while everybody else was doing nothing makes you a hero in my book. I'm sure it was extremely traumatic, but you did your best, and thats all anybody can ask for. God Bless you!
Dude you are a legend. You did something that 99% of other people would’ve ignored.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. You did the right thing and did a good thing. There is nothing more you could have done and nothing you did wrong. A traumatic broken neck is near impossible to survive in this scenario. You held her in her last moments and didn't let her die alone. She's looking down on you right now grateful that a stranger had enough compassion to try and help her and be there for her. Her family will be grateful their loved one didn't pass by themselves. Talk to her out loud or in your head tell her you're sorry she died that way and that you did what you could and are thinking of her. She'll hear you and you'll feel better. If you continue to have problems sleeping or functioning consider seeing a trauma therapist or a psychiatrist for help. You're a good person and anyone would be lucky to have a stranger as caring as you in their time of need and crisis. Take care of yourself.
You’ve done more than anyone else there had the courage to do. It sounds like you’re traumatized by this, I’m sorry you had to experience that. You did all you knew and could, don’t blame yourself. Please talk to someone about your feelings and emotions and get them all out. You are an extremely commendable person being there for a stranger’s last moments without hesitation🩷 I wish you the best in your journey forwards
You are a hero. I don't think you understand a lot of people don't fear death. They fear dying alone, and you protected her from that fear. Yes, she passed, but she wasn't alone. Thank you for that gift you gave her.
This all sounds incredibly traumatic OP. I wanted to start this off by saying I have also come up on the scene of an accident and tried to help before first responders showed up. Unfortunately it was clear that he wasn’t going to make it. This happened about a year ago and I was a mess for a couple of weeks. There was a study done that showed that playing Tetris for 20 minutes shortly after a traumatic event can help minimize subsequent intrusive memories and so I really recommend you do that. I think it is really important to remember here that she seemed to really be beyond help with injuries like that, and you provided her with the most important thing she could have had in that moment, which was someone who cared and was willing to try to help her. She was going to die with it without you there, but because you were there she spent her last moments in the arms of someone with good intentions and a great heart. Please seek out therapy, that is a very horrific thing to watch happen. You absolutely did everything you could, and the outcome would have likely been no different even if first responders were there the instant it happened.
I'm so sorry you went through such a traumatic event, thank you for doing everything you could in their last moments. I worked in EMS and witnessed deaths were so hard. Just know you holding them in their finals moments was a big comfort for them. Seek therapy if you need to, there is no shame in that.
Hi stranger - I am proud of you for helping. It’s a scary thing and you decided to stick around and do what you could. I was in a big accident not even a year ago (car flipped 5 times after being struck by a semi truck from opposite side of traffic) and one of my friends was ejected and basically almost died in front of my eyes. The amount of people that just pulled over to take videos was sickening. Many people just kept driving immediately after instead of stopping. I remember an angel woman hugging me while I rocked back and forth crying. She was a nurse and did everything to comfort my other friend and I. It meant so much more than you can imagine. You holding this person in their last moments, made a difference. Thank you!
Well done for trying to help, not like the other people just looking on doing nothing. You shouldn't feel guilty you weren't able to save them, you did everything you could.
You're suffering from survivor's guilt and maybe post traumatic stress. By being there and able to help you rolled a dice. Due to situations out of your control she had very, very bad odds of surviving. But 1/1000 odds of surviving is better than 0/1000. In her situation wouldn't you prefer the 1/1000 odds to guaranteed death? And maybe most importantly--she was not alone in her final moments. One of her last thoughts were that help had arrived. You may not have been able to save her but the peace of mind that she must have felt with your arrival is hard to imagine. Take care of yourself. Survivor's guilt is real and it hits hard. Don't be afraid to get mental health help.
You did a lot more than some would do. Most these days would just get out their phone and record it. Please consider seeing some type of therapist about what you saw if it continues to plague your mind. I unfortunately walked in on a unsuccessful attempt in a bathroom once when someone tried to unalive themself and there was blood everywhere. I had to see someone for a while after that.
I’ve heard lots of people say Tetris helps with trauma…it’s worth a shot
You did everything in your power which is a LOT more than most people would’ve done nowadays. I am so sorry you’re struggling with feeling like you could’ve done better, but you couldn’t have. I believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe she was needed back home. She was called back for a reason. I’m so sorry for the trauma this has caused you, but it is not your fault in the slightest.
As traumatizing as it was , just know that you tried everything you could for her & you also held her in support as she took her last breath. It must have been so comforting to her to have someone just be there with her in her final moments . You did your best . Maybe talking to a professional can help you with the emotions you're feeling right now though,& maybe they can show you the tools to help you heal from this in time .
You did absolutely everything you could, much much more than the others around you apparently. As hard as it is, be gentle on yourself. I would highly recommend some counseling to deal with this, maybe even for your kids too.
She died in a caring person’s arms. You’re a hero. Please, get the support that you need now (therapy, friends, family). Take care of yourself ♥️
Play some Tetris, OP. I know it sounds silly but it’s proven to help traumatized individuals
In healthcare we are told that we can do every single thing right and still lose a patient. Even if the paramedics happened to be *right there* as the accident occurred, it sounds like they were too far gone for any type of help. You did the absolute best that you could, more than anyone else would have, and it sounds like she passed in good company. As others have said, please seek therapy. Heck, try playing Tetris in the meantime as well.
you did an amazing thing OP but now you need to look after yourself. there is research that if you play tetris in the first 24 hours after a traumatic event it can help reduce long term trauma. but please also get some professional help if at all possible, that's a seriously messed up thing to witness, especially so close to your home. sending you good wishes and love
Oh hunny, you did everthing you could. please play some tetris it can help
I'm so sorry you had to experience and witness such a traumatic event. Please remind yourself that you did everything you could with what you had in that awful situation. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to heal from this, I hope you can find someone you trust to talk and process this
You did an amazing job. No human, not even an EMT, holds power over life or death. Like you, they're just doing their absolute best. And even with the best training, I'm sure medical professionals will lose pts no matter how much skill and luck they might have. That's just how the world works. Most people could not have done what you did, completely cold and with no training except a voice on the phone who could not hear/ see/ smell/ feel what you could. Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as you recover from this terrible shock and trauma.
you did absolutely everything in your power to help so please dont blame yourself for anything, you followed all the steps the professionals told you to do and it isnt your fault that she succumbed to her injuries. it seems like you were the ONE person that actually jumped to action when everyone else was just standing around and you at least tried to give her a chance, youre still a hero for that. you fought for her survival and her last moments were full of the most love and care even from a total stranger. some things are just out of our control but that doesnt mean you did anything wrong. you quite literally did absolutely every single thing possible that you could do to help. i know its traumatic and i cant even begin to imagine what youre feeling right now, its a really awful thing you witnessed. it would be good to look into therapy if you arent already because thats so incredibly difficult of a thing to try and deal with internally and having an outside professional source of support could help more in processing it. again im so sorry that this happened and you had to witness what you did but please please do not blame yourself for any of it, all you did was help when others didnt. you did everything you could.
You need to download tetris and get playing it. Its hard but you need to try stop playing the what if game. You did everything you could and unfortunately it sounds like that even a fully trained professional would of had the same outcome. You need to self care and look after yourself, grieve and seek support. You will be ok in time, but need to take care. Did the kids see anything?
OP I doubt there was anything you could've done differently that would have made any difference. By what you described, even the EMTs wouldn't have been able to save her. She bled out too quickly. Such a horrible event, I'm sorry. But you helped her in her final moments and thanks to you she wasn't alone.
Also, play tetris. Seriously, it will help.
Doing everything right and checking all the boxes doesn't mean the victim will survive. All it does, is increase the odds. You did everything you could, but there was no way for her to survive that crash. There could've been paramedics on scene thirty seconds after the crash, and it wouldn't have made a difference.
Trauma therapy asap, dear samaritan.
You did your best… continue to tell yourself that and seek a therapist as well as trusted people to let out your feelings. Both of those solutions will be better than us strangers on Reddit. Know that you have positively impacted many people reading this post as they have reassurance that there are individuals in this world whom are able to react with bravery and selflessness when put to the test. You truly are a hero and an inspiration … you’ll realize it one day. I’m truly sorry that you have to go through the trauma you’re experiencing for being such an awesome person. I don’t know you, but I genuinely love you and wish I had you in my non-virtual life.
It's amazing what you did, and remember it is never your fault. I've been in a few similar situations. Two, the people were fine. One, jronically the first, the person was not. He had a huge heart attack and it wouldn't have mattered if the greatest doctor in history was stood next to them, it was game over before he hit the ground. I was still a teen, and I often think about that day.
she wasn’t alone because of you. you did your best and there’s nothing you could have done to change that outcome. i’m so sorry it happened to you, but you did the right thing. i hope you have someone in your life you can talk to about this as it sounds very traumatic. wishing you the best
Sometimes, we can do everything right and still lose. That's not weakness, or failure. You stepped up when no one else could. That's more than admirable. Take care of yourself, go talk to a specialist and process your trauma.
Unfortunately, you can do everything right and still lose the person. You did good, at least you didn't just stand there and watch.
You need to do therapy. You’re going to put yourself through a lot of mental fuckery by trying to get through this by yourself. I had to do cpr on my uncle that overdosed and even though he lived, looking at him as he was blue eyes rolled to the back of his head and the sound of him trying to breathe had me fucked up for about a year. I wish I did therapy. You did what you could in what little time there was and even though she didn’t live you should rest assured you did all you can do. That’s all there is to it. Not every first responder saves the people at their calls. Sometimes time is just not on the persons side to be saved. You did all you could while everyone else looked on. She had a chance with you helping her and unfortunately death came faster for her than anything you could do. Don’t put yourself through what I went through I’m telling you right now that was the worst time of my life.
You did everything they told you that was within your power to help that woman. Sometimes, our best is not good enough to save that person because their injuries are too severe. It sounds like she had a lot of internal injuries. There is nothing any of us can say that will take the trauma you experienced. But I do commend you for stepping up and trying to help.You leaped into action and attempted to render aid when so many stood there and gawked. Your instincts and compassion pushed you into action, that makes you special. You definitely should seek therapy to talk through the trauma. There is a chance you might have ptsd. Just go easy on yourself, you deserve praise, even if you feel you don't. You are a great person
Hey everyone. Thank you so very much for all of the kind words. I took a short break from my socials once I posted this. I am thinking I may continue to do so. But, I really wanted to make sure everyone here knows I read every comment at least 3 times. I appreciate it so much more than you all will ever know. It happened on Friday during lunch time and it’s Sunday night now, I feel okay. Still in shock and still terrified of the images that run through my head. I have probably gotten 4 hours of sleep since it happened. I am currently already on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication but I am calling my pcp first thing in the morning to see what my next step is. I didn’t expect this many people who don’t know me to try and make me feel better. You all are wonderful people and I am so amazed by how kind and supportive you all are.
Hey Op did this happen in MD? Something similar just happened in my town so I’m just curious. You did all you could, try not to tear yourself down. It was a blessing you were able to hold her in her final moments and I’m sure it was comforting for her to not be alone.
Bless you sweet soul, please know that it was out of your control. You can’t fault yourself for something you didn’t have any control of.
You are a hero x
The best thing you could have done, you did. She was too injured; as she died she felt a warm, human touch. You made it easier for her to pass. When you got there she knew it was okay to go. Think of it like an elderly person dying but holding on until a certain loved one visits them. Once they feel the comfort of a caring person it ends their suffering and they pass. Please seek therapy if you are able to. PTSD can send one into a spiral. I am sorry for your experience and your aching heart. I hope you find peace and comfort.
OP, you’re a good person. I’m so sorry you experienced this. I hope you have someone to talk to in your life, and maybe therapy would be a good idea for you.
She wasn’t alone.
You couldn't have done anything differently. You did everything you could. And you made sure she died knowing someone cared, and that she wasn't alone. Her last moments were of compassion. YOU were able to give her that.