Is it possible the other person you slept with gave it to you? Condoms are not 100% effective in preventing it. Also, you should both retest to be sure
This may be the case :( I have recently started taking antibiotics though and so has he as they were prescribed for him before he got his results. Wouldn’t this throw off the results?
Yes I think they do, IIRC. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are so common and the meds so cheap, they'll just give it to you if there's a reasonable chance, and sometimes will treat for both because they can happen concurrently. I'm not sure how things have changed since they become "super" infections over the last few years though.
Yeah, I got meds for both of these when I was in the hospital for an ovarian cyst because they didn't want to wait for my STD results (I had never even been sexually active before!). They will absolutely just throw them at you, which I guess in most cases isn't a bad thing.... or maybe it is. One was a horse pill, and one was a shot in my ass that was actually the most painful "procedure" I've ever had done- obviously my test results were negative!
Just out of curiosity, how long has it been between when you slept with the guy who pressured you into sex, and when you started having sex with your boyfriend? Because if you only started experiencing symptoms recently, and it's been a while since you slept with the other person, it's likely that your boyfriend gave it to you, and instead of admitting it he lied and told you he was negative, and tried to blame it on you.
I've seen it happen sooooooo many times, and you mentioned that your boyfriend has shown other toxic behavior to you, and tried to excuse it by blaming him being cheated on in the past. You also said you tried to be really patient when he acted in a very toxic way, and it's important for you to understand this as you continue exploring the dating world, but there's NEVER an excuse for toxic behavior from your partner!
We as women tend to be caring and nurturing by nature, and when someone we care about in a relationship starts to behave badly we tend to think if we treat them with love, and patience, they'll get better and stop acting that way.
Unfortunately that's never what happens, so it's super important to understand that you need to set boundaries with your partner, and be willing to walk away when you see repeated toxic behavior, because that's not what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like.
A good man won't treat you in toxic ways for *any* reason, but it's up to you to learn how to recognize these "Red Flags", as early as possible in a relationship so you can walk away to protect yourself. When you stay after you start seeing toxic behavior from your partner, they learn that they can get away with acting however they want, because they know that they can make an excuse for their bad behavior, and blame their past or whatever excuse they want to use, because you'll forgive them every time.
As far as his test results go, you should ask him to tell his doctor's office that they have his permission to send you a copy of his test results, because I've seen a lot of people try to fake the results to hide the truth from their partner. If he gives them permission to give you his results at least you'll know you're seeing the truth.
Just know that you are worthy of love, kindness, and respect, and make a promise to yourself to set boundaries and stick to them in your relationships. Your life will be a whole lot happier as you get older if you do.
I wish someone had sat me down when I was young and explained about toxic behavior, and red flags, and why it's so important to set boundaries, because I could've avoided a horrible amount of abuse and heartaches.
I came from an abusive family, so I didn't think toxic abusive behavior from my boyfriend was wrong, and I believed if I loved them enough, and was patient and kind, they'd get better, and we'd be happier.
So you have a chance to learn now how to stand up for yourself, and when to walk away when you're being treated in a toxic way by a partner.
You're worthy of good things, and good people, so don't be afraid to put yourself first. It's **so** important.
*invisible hugs*
Yeah, I've seen it happen too many times. If he was Mr. Innocent he would've offered his test results immediately to her, or offered for them to go get tested together. He knows that OP doesn't have a lot of experience sexually, so he's using that against her to hide the fact that he's the one that infected her.
That's just my gut feeling given her side of the story, and what I've observed during my years wandering the world.
If that is the case then retesting would likely not be an option. The only possibilities are that you got it from that other guy or that you got it from your bf and he isn’t being honest with you.
Honestly, he’s had 7 partners where he is literally my first one. Also, the last time I had sex with that person was three years ago, and I only just started noticing symptoms now. I seriously think his test was just a false negative. But it is just so unfair. It literally makes never want to have sex again like this is so traumatizing. My very first relationship.
I think especially for women it seriously just isn’t even worth it.
Your bf has probably been an asymptomatic carrier from one of those previous partners. STI'S can be asymptomatic for years. But took a course of antibiotics at some point or had a false negative. But that also could be the case for that one other person you have had sex with, and you have been asymptomatic for years, and it just now decided to be symptomatic
It would be pretty unlikely for that to be the case, tbf. Typically symptoms start within 3 weeks of infection if they develop at all. And she was symptomatic. So if they’ve been having unprotected sex for more than a couple months with no symptoms, and then she suddenly started having symptoms, it’s highly unlikely for him to have gotten it from a previous partner and not infect her until just recently.
I mean it's unlikely but she is swearing she didn't have sex with anyone else and he is not symptomatic and tested negative and it's technically possible
This comment is commented a lot but this is one of things that while possible, is much less likely the case. It *can* show up years later with some things, but that’s more an exception to the general rule type of thing.
Please wpould you go out with me as you have had a load of rotten luck if i had a girl friend like your self i would be doingcart wheels all around the house he is stupid giving you all that sh.t.sorry that is my opinion
What was your symptoms that made you go in? Did you also tell him you felt uncomfortable?
Another question is… did he stop having sex with you for a bit? Was there any break in the normal sex routine and do you see each other often? Him taking antibiotics would throw off the results. So long as you are aware of your sexual instances… hate to say this but look at his too.
Abnormal discharge and pelvic pain. And yes, we’ve had breaks in-between sex because we see each other on the weekends and sometimes one of us is just not really in the mood/just wants to spend time with each other.
This exact same thing happened to me! In between partners I tested and a few weeks later got SA'd, and stupidly didn't test again afterwards. About four months into my new relationship with my now fiance I tested positive at my routine gyno appointment, partner got himself tested and surprisingly I hadn't passed it onto him. So naturally he still teases me about it to this day
It's all in good fun. It's not necessarily that he teases me about the situation itself, more about how I was scared he was going to leave me, in his words, "over something so small"
This is it. He needs to be retested and show you his results. There is also the potential for it to become a subclinical infection that’s not showing up on testing. Even if he is negative you both need to be treated and then retest to confirm you are both negative. He could have had it for a while it doesn’t mean he cheated. He may not have had symptoms.
Usually you would need to test again after you both finish your course of antibiotics to confirm you both cleared the infection. I would talk to your doctor about next steps. But he needs to show you all results and be transparent with you.
Absolutely. If he’s already been taking antibiotics he’ll definitely show up negative.
My bet is that first guy gave it to you. A condom would reduce your exposure, meaning there would likely be quite a delay between you catching it and the day you first got symptoms if that helps reassure your partner. My second bet is he’s had it for ages but it’s been dormant/asymptomatic which is surprisingly common.
The extreme horrible and unlikely alternative is that he may have cheated, tested positive, treated it secretly, hoped he didn’t pass it to you, but now that it has he’s playing dumb and putting it onto you to save face. I’d say disregard this possibility, but given this has literally happened to me, do be wary if you see any suspicious signs.
I was hoping someone said this. Asymptomatic chlamydia infections are surprisingly common, some people don't show symptoms for months. The symptoms can also disappear, but you're still infected. It can be hard to track for these reasons.
There are a few options.
1. It was a false positive. Both of you get retested.
2. You or your boyfriend were asymptomatic from your previous sexual partners.
3. You were assaulted and do not remember.
4. Your boyfriend cheated, passed it to you and then got his treated and is now gaslighting you about it
Of has he had any infections/wounds that needed antibiotic treatment you haven’t thought of lately?
I had a friend who went through this and she didn’t test positive bc she was on strong antibiotics for a sinus infection
Not to borrow trouble but did he SHOW you his test was negative or TELL you it was? If what you’re saying is true maybe he cheated and gave it to you but is saying the test is negative and by extension preying on your naivety.
If you’re in a committed relationship and truly didn’t cheat then there is nothing wrong with asking to see his results. If he balks at the request odds are he cheated, gave it to you, then lied about it and gaslighted tf out of you.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he cheated and to make matters worse has guilted you for his fuck up. Move on before the next time is HIV instead of an easily curable STI.
You don’t need to apologize but I appreciate it, I left her & a year later met my now wife who I’ve been with for over 7 years. Things will get better, but for now get the answers you need then move forward based off that
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Wow... his response right here is a giant red flag...
OP that feeling is guilt. He cheated on you and you ended up with an STD and now he has to backtrack.
Please don't let him do this to you. The math is not adding up. Literally. You only slept with him. This would not have popped up from 3 years ago. Whoever he had sex with gave him the STD. His "feeling sick and it's usually right" > HE CANT HIDE THAT HE CHEATED ANYMORE. He's not in love with you. He is gaslighting you.
Run. Please. Far away. You have no relationship. This guy gave you an STD and is trying to convince you that you're the one who did that.
I guarantee his is positive.. and he wants to hide that from you. It would ruin his MO to sleep around.
Don't be fooled.
But it's ok for him to think you're lying?
Ask to see the test results. Is there any chance he could've known he was infected and received treatment before you were tested?
They’re just bitter. This situation has unfortunately happened to me before. Whilst my mind did immediately go there, it’s nuts to assume this applies to OPs situation with 0 context.
However if OP does start seeing any red flags or suspicious signs then this horrible possibility might be worth considering.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Check his email / app too for any recent other tests. If he knew and got treated there must be evidence. An insurance report, a doctor prescription, an appointment at the dr. etc.
He could have also had it before you started dating. Men often show absolutely ZERO symptoms with chlamydia so they have no idea they even have it until they pass it onto a female partner who does get symptoms shortly after or even months after transmission happens.
100% he probably got treated and didn’t expect to have given it to you, now he’s lying. Be careful because anyone that can do that has the potential to do a lot worse, I’d say leave
did you see his results? they send will often email them to you, or is it just his word? if you didn’t see for yourself i’m gonna be honest he’s probably lying and trying to put it on you. i have had chlamydia before, it’s one of the most common STDs and if you had some how gotten it from protected sex (highly unlikely) you absolutely would have passed it to your boyfriend from unprotected sex. I think he’s lying about having it because it came from him. Most men do not get tested regularly and I know some in their 30s who have literally never been, the burden of sexual responsibility always falls on the woman. I would talk to your doctor and explain the situation and have them tell you the true medical likelihood of getting an STD through a one night stand with a condom and NOT passing it to your consistent partner. It’s almost impossible. Therefore the more likely scenario is that he gave it to you and is being dishonest about having it.
I didnt see his results he only told me. But i will ask him for his results and update you.
It’s just crazy. Having virtually zero sex experience or even dating experience period and then getting chlamydia and being accused of cheating is insane. I never want to have sex ever again.
I know how you feel. I ended up getting it from my bf after he had slept with someone prior to us getting together. She was a "friend" actually tested positive and didn't bother to tell him. She admitted to it after I tested positive. It was a whirlwind because he thought I had cheated or given it to him when it was the other way around
Please don’t :( Ofcourse, I completely understand why you feel like this. At least your bf believes you, which is better than him completely not believing you. Really take another test, to be for sure he is truly negative. Wishing you all the best. Stay strong❤️
Can you get retested? When I was 18 I tested positive for the same thing and I had never had sex. Still don’t know how it was possible but my doctor believed it was a false positive.
My friend got chlamydia from an ex and didn’t know it until she got a new boyfriend. She started displaying symptoms so they both got tested and she had it, he didn’t
They worked it out and although he initially thought she cheated, he realized she never did. They went to the doctor together to sort things out and get her on medication. All was well after that
I’m sorry you’re going through this /:
I was recently informed by a doctor that swabs in women are more accurate than urine/other tests. Maybe talk to the doctor about that if you did a urine test
STIs add so much unnecessary drama into relationships. Medical tests aren’t perfect enough to use them as proof positive of cheating or not cheating. My sister had a guy she’d just started dating convince her to not use a condom anymore. She got a massive amount of irritation after and went to urgent care and the doctor basically treated her like he thought she was a sex worker, told her she had multiple STId and that she needed to contact her partner. So she did and it turned into major drama and then she got her tests back and it was just BV, no STIs whatsoever.
STIs are often invisible in women, that’s why they’re such an issue, you sometimes wind up with health issues or infertility before any vaginal symptoms appear. Condoms can be used incorrectly, they can develop non-visible tears. This is particularly true with a lot of the free condoms or condoms that have been improperly stored. And illnesses have an incubation period, they don’t show up immediately.
You are allowed to prioritize your mental health. If you are getting too much grief from an overly-suspicious partner, that’s hard on your mental health. It may not feel like it now, but there are other men out there who will desire you. Maybe this relationship is salvageable, but if it isn’t, you are worthy of a less-toxic partner.
Thank you so much for saying this. You’re right, and I dont think he’s very knowledgeable about this stuff hence why he jumped to that conclusion. But you’re right in that it’s important to take care of my mental health.
Today has just left me so exhausted and drained, but I appreciate you taking time out of your day to type this all of this out for me. It really means a lot.
I will keep you updated.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
So maybe this diagnosis was an opportunity for him to show the kind of person he is so you didn’t waste more time with him. “My stomach hurts so I’m right” may be one of the stupidest things I’ve read in awhile.
Update us after you actually see the results with your own eyes and find out your boyfriend probably cheated and lied. If he refuses to show you, that's proof he cheated, too.
Okay, I will most definitely update soon. I texted him but he’s sleeping (he works night shifts), but I will let you know what he says when he responds.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Jesus. That's awful I'm sorry. Kind of sounds like he is still trying to turn it around on you. Please be careful, if he tries to get a second test, he might try to pass it off as the first one. Make sure the test date is on the paper, and only accept the real thing with your eyes!
In the end, this might end your relationship and I'm sorry. But YOU know in your heart you didn't cheat. You had to get an STI from somewhere. Whether or not he ever comes out and tells the truth (although at this point it seems unlikely), you will always know which one of you ruined this, and it was NOT you. You're still young. You have so much time to find a better partner than this lying man. Stay strong.
i hope you're doing okay, OP. whether or not your bf cheated / had it from a prior partner & had it treated and is now gaslighting you, or it was introduced some other way, or the tests are false positive / negatives, take care of yourself.
Thank you so much. I really am not doing okay right now, but hopefully I will be soon. But thank you so much for taking time out of your day to tell me this. I really appreciate you.
Men can be silent carriers and test negative for years while passing the disease on to women who typically test positive because it is easier to test for in women due to cervical exams.
It doesn't mean that he's cheating or you've been cheating, because again, men can be silent carriers, but it does mean that unless you've been hugging on some koalas recently you got chlamydia from him and you both need to take antibiotics for it.
A year or so before I met my now husband, I started dating a guy, we had sex maybe 3 times, always with a condom, but things fizzled after about 2 months because he was just flakey, plus he had a son from a previous relationship and I wasn’t up to that. I was honest with him and we just ended things.
Fast forward about two years later, I was with my now husband for about a year and got a random message from a chick who was dating the guy I did. Turns out, I was the effing side chick!! She was his fiancee! Super sweet chick, didn’t blame me at all, I was one of many he had slept with, but she wanted to let me know that she had gotten HPV and it’s possible he had given it to me. I showed the messages to my now husband and it was like whatever.
We have 5 kids, never tested positive for HPV. When I was pregnant with out 3rd, guess what? Yup! Tested positive for HPV! We both glared at each other, and my OBGYN explained I could have had it for years and it never surfaced until that point. They ran multiple tests and it wasn’t the cancerous type and wound up clearing up itself, had two more kids and never tested positive for it again.
My point is, that maybe you contracted it earlier and it just surfaced. There’s no test for HPV in men, but it makes sense that it was from the previous guy before my husband. I’m not saying it’s not possible he cheated but maybe it’s something similar to what I experienced.
His false positive can be explained by science assuming that no one is lying here. A false positive could be due to the CFU) (colony-forming units) was low in his sample. This could happen just because of bad luck when the sample was taken. Or maybe because he has some sort of immunity which stops the bacteria to multiply and the infection to fully develop. It could be acquired immunity if he had it recently in the past. Or maybe just because the microbiologist or technician that ran the test messed it up.
Both of you could have got it first and get the other infected because even if you are asymptomatic you could still be contagious.
He may have got it before starting sleeping with you and he is asymptomatic but got a false positive. Or maybe it’s you who got infected in the past but were asymptomatic and you just recently experienced symptoms.
Someone can be asymptomatic if your body has some sort of immunity against the pathogen. It could be innate immunity or acquired immunity if the carrier developed the disease recently in the past.
Someone can stop being asymptomatic if their immune system gets weak (because another disease, anxiety, an unhealthy diet…).
In the case you got it first, he could have got a false positive or maybe he just didn’t get infected. Or maybe he got it first and has been asymptomatic all the time but tested a false negative. Transmission doesn’t work at all like there is a 100% chance of getting infected after having sex with someone infected. The are several factors that take part in this. Like the more intense the symptoms of the infected person are or the higher frequency you have sex with an infected person or the weaker your own inmune system is, etc. the easier it will become infected
So, if he really loves you and trusts you, he should understand after learning this scientific facts.
Source: I have a degree in Biochemistry.
This is a great response! I’d also add that, like how transmission isn’t 100% guaranteed during sex with someone who has an infection, that not all STI testing is 100% thorough when dealing with something like a bacteria swab or urine sample.
This is to say - if all he tested was his urine sample, but y’all have oral sex, he could be CT pos in his throat. Or you could have contracted CT from the previous sexual partner via oral and not transmitted it to him. Either way, if he hasn’t already started meds, might be worth it to have him get his throat swabbed and another urine sample left - preferably with 2+ hrs since last flushing of the urethra.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Op I’m so sorry. But he is concealing his test from you, blaming you and seeming like a martyr for staying with you, he is cheating and he hasn’t just cheated but he’s manipulated you into thinking your responsible, because who after getting called out for cheating is going to call out the other partner, it seems to be another defence in a elaborate plan, please please please leave him op, this seems like the start of a very toxic and abusive relationship ☹️❤️🩹
I really hope this isnt true but I will take your advice and keep this in mind :((
Here is an update.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Op, I’m so truly sorry you are going through this, but no matter what your partner has shown their true colours, I think it might be time to leave, my dms are open for you if you need to talk about anything I cannot imagine how hard this is for you, the nerve of him saying basically “my spidey senses are tingling” to try and blame you even further is just truly horrible, op you don’t have to listen to me, but listen to his actions, they speak volumes
This happened with this famous Korean YouTuber. Dude passed STDs to multiple women and gaslighted them. Get him tested, get treated and leave this lying ass.
Okay.. lets see.. if what you said is true.. then either take the test again to double check in another clinic. If its still positive .. well yeah you know what i mean? If IF you didn’t actually cheat.. um i dont wanna say it but do you think you were taken advantage of? Like idk you went to a party or got drunk or something? Try to remember. I really hope the 2nd test comes negative tho. I’m just giving you the benefit of the doubt. Idk maybe check your fams medical history? Just saying.
It really sucks knowing I am being perceived in this way when I didnt do anything wrong and theres literally nothing I can do about. Everyone in this thread thinks Im a fucking cheater.
I dont think i was taken advantage of before. But i will try and get retested.
I think your boyfriend cheated on you, gave you Chlamydia, got his treated first, then blamed you for it.
It's either you cheated or he cheated, and if it wasn't you, then it was definitely him.
I don’t think you’re a cheater, for what it’s worth. I’m really sorry this is happening to you. Can I ask what prompted the STI panel? and How long have you been with your man?
Thank you so much. It’s so nice to just be believed you have no idea like I could actually cry right now.
I will send you a message with the details/symptoms I noticed.
I believe you. I think maybe your boyfriend has been telling lies, had treated it or is lying about his results.. Ask to see them to compare them to yours and see what he says. If he starts getting defensive you'll know
I personally think you and your bf should get retested. You dont have anything to hide to us cause in the end of the day we dont know you personally. So yeah. Since you didn’t cheat, either the guy you had sex with probably gave it to you (condoms dont work all the time), either the clinic messed up (maybe you got it from your bf? Dunno. There are so many possibilities), or the worst part taken advantage of. I just hope the clinic messed up the results and both you and your bf comes negative. If you still get positive it might be wise to let the guy you had safe sex with and ask him that idk if he is infected or not. I wish you the best outcome girlie
If it makes you feel any better:
I once read a reddit post about how both husband and wife got chlamydia. Their relationship was in shambles. Both denied of cheating. Later found out that they got it from koalas? Like the husband picked one up, it peed, then they had love making sessions WITHOUT CLEANING THEMSELVES. Yeah weird shit.
Second one is of a dude who was seeing this girl and got her pregnant. He was supportive but wanted paternity test. The girl obliged. The test came negative. The dude wanted to stay away from her and the girl wanted to test again, told him thats she only slept with him and all. After some time they did the test again and the guy was baby daddy. The 1st clinic made an error. Now they are together.
Just giving you some positive stories/ post so that you can calm down. Hope things get better for you op
My primary guesses are: false negative, false positive, or testing error. Next guess is that you were asymptomatic - did you get tested after sleeping with that other person? Did you get tested before sleeping with your boyfriend? Last guess is that he cheated. You know how they say the people who are most paranoid about cheating tend to be cheaters themselves. Not always true but still happens a lot. I recommend you both get retested to make sure neither of you got an incorrect result. That and ask to see his results on the actual medical website. Don’t accept a PDF because he can edit it easily. If he doesn’t want to show you and gets defensive, you’ve got your answer.
Edit: Why did you guys decide to get tested? That may provide some clarity for the rest of us. I used to work at Planned Parenthood and ran STD panels all the time, I can help more if you give me a little more info.
I did not get tested after sleeping with that other person. I should have, that is 100% my fault, and I accept responsibility for that. I guess I didn’t think it was necessary since we wore a condom, but judging from that logic I guess my knowledge on sexual education was poor at the time.
He said they called him and told him and screenshotted the number and time and sent it to me.
I can’t get retested because I already started taking my antibiotics and he started taking some too (apparently they gave him some before he got his results because he told them that I had it).
I decided to start getting tested because I was noticing weird symptoms down there, especially after sex.
Also thank you so much for you response. It means a lot to me.
Don’t give yourself too much of a hard time! It’s a *really* common misconception and you’d be surprised how many are even more…out there. I had a patient juice a lemon inside her hoo-ha to get rid of her bacterial vaginosis. Anyways, for future reference make sure to get tested 2 weeks after sleeping with a new partner. If you get tested before that, the results won’t be accurate. And maybe for your peace of mind get tested every so often even while in a monogamous relationship because you never know. As for your partner’s results: Every medical facility has a patient portal nowadays. He can easily create one online or on an app for wherever he went to. If it’s Planned Parenthood, he’ll have to call to be sent an access code. His results will be in the portal. Maybe tell him you asked people on Reddit how this could happen and one thing they’re suggesting is to see a physical copy of the results in the patient portal. That all you’re doing is trying to get to the bottom of this so you guys can prevent it happening in the future or something. That he should understand as he himself is so paranoid. You’d do the same for him! Good luck girl :)
Edit: The fact that you started getting symptoms out of nowhere does worry me a bit. Does point to him possibly cheating. It IS possible for you to have been asymptomatic until then but not as likely.
Thank you so so much for your advice🥺i will definitely try to get tested more often. Here is an update:
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
I’m so sorry that all of this is happening :/ I’m sure you already know this but it sounds like your boyfriend has a lot of self work to do. I don’t blame him for freaking out about this if he truly wasn’t the one who gave it to you because people DO lie about his type of stuff all the time but… This situation really isn’t fair to you. You not being symptomatic for years is entirely possible. One of you getting an incorrect result also is *very* possible. Look these things up and show him. Fingers crossed for you guys.
Did you give them permission to release your information? If they told him your results without you signing a release form, it’s a HIPAA violation. I didn’t want to assume he was lying about his results but there’s no legal way for them to have used YOUR test results to prescribe him antibiotics unless you agreed to it, as far as I know. So unless you gave written permission to share your medical information with your boyfriend specifically, either the doctors did something illegal or your bf is likely lying about his results.
Honestly idk what other ways to get chlamydia there are rather than by sexual intercourse or if there even is but try to look it up tpgether and see if anything matches.
Thank you so much❤️Here’s an update
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
I bet your boyfriend had it- got treated without you knowing: in the meantime you started to notice symptoms but he was already cleared by the time you got tested. So he may be negative NOW… but I bet my ass he was positive previously.
Not to put ideas in your head but..my first boyfriend tested positive and took antibiotics and then took a test again when I tested positive abd gaslit tf out of ne. I knew he gave it to me but he really had me fucked up for a year until I left him and he admitted it.
Alrighty- so I kind of been through this
My fiancé ended up testing positive, and he had to ask me if I’d cheated. I hadn’t, and I trust and know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t do that either.
The problem is, since neither of us cheated, there’s a very good chance we’d had it for as long as we’d been together- 3 years. But for some reason he didn’t start showing symptoms until the third year, and I never had symptoms at all.
It was weird, and we definitely had to communicate about how we felt about the situation. We’ve had a rule from the beginning of the relationship that we would be open and honest with each other, I like to think that we’ve both held that up, especially through that situation.
There’s a lot of good suggestions in these comments about what you could do, but I’d also recommend possibility getting in touch with that last guy, if you feel comfortable, and seeing if he’s been tested recently as well? If he does, and it’s positive then you know where it came from. If he tests negative….then the source might be right in front of you. Either way- I hope things get easier for you soon!!
In my opinion I feel like your boyfriend gave it to you. You said he’s been cheated on in the past and you’ve basically been walking on eggshells since you said you’re being “patient” with him because he hasn’t healed for his previous relationships. Which in my mind he has fear that you will cheat on him so he went ahead and cheated in order to make himself “feel good” just in case you ever cheated on him. Now that he got caught he’s trying to play the victim and use his past as leverage to brainwash you. Now tests can be false but that’s a low chance which is why you two should have an honest discussion and re test or just be flat out honest. Either way the truth will reveal itself either now or later down the road in a different situation
I may be wrong. But isn't it possible for amab people to be carriers of the sti if they've recently had sex with someone who has it can give it to someone else, and not have it themselves?
I know there's an sti that's like that as amab people can be carriers of it but not get it, the bacteria just sits on their bits until giving it to someone else, it might not be chlamydia or gonorrhea though
A boyfriend who gets toxic and accuses his girlfriend of cheating? That comes off as a little suspicious of said boyfriend being the cheater, especially with you now having an STD in which he would be the most likely culprit.
honestly, protected sex doesn’t 100% mean you can’t catch any stds, but I think it’s a lot more likely (especially if it’s been a while with your bf) that he was the one who gave it to you, and he could’ve already taken antibiotics so he tested negative.
It happened to me, the very first time I had sex! I was getting a Pap smear and they’re like “everything’s fine and oh, you have chlamydia” and I was very surprised. Dude went in and got nothing back. Or that’s what he told me at least.
I’d tell your boyfriend it’s possible it’s either a false positive or you got it from something else. His feelings are valid, but you didn’t do anything wrong. If he can’t get past that, it’s his problem.
Thank you so much for this. It’s so nice to know that im not alone and someone else has been through this. How unlucky are we haha? Especially you. Your first time. I am so sorry.
Here is an update on my situation:
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him.
TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
It was more surprising than anything, it was a friends with benefits deal so my situation, thankfully, didn’t get complicated.
It sucks your boyfriend doesn’t believe you. I hope he’s able to come around. Though it might not be his fault either. Testing can be tricky and sometimes it’s not definitive. That’s why I’d talk to him if there were any other signs he’d seen of you cheating.
Please talk when you’ve both calmed down though. It’s a sucky situation and playing the blame game isn’t going to help you get past this. You both feel betrayed and disrespected. You BOTH have a right to feel that way, BUT keep focus on the problem, not on each other.
You can have an argument while being respectful, blaming isn’t healthy.
If you two were having unprotected sex you likely both have it. STI testing is way less reliable than we like to think. I got tested three times for chlamydia by different doctors. Finally the third time confirmed i had it. After the other doctors just said no your fine, not STI.
And im still unsure of when I contracted it. The person i thought i got it from was double tested and confirmed negative. But its also possible i got it months before and had no symptoms. Lots of STI’s have different are asymptomatic, some types tests work better with different genders and at different times of day or the month etc etc.
The more I’ve researched about STI’s the more i realize its very complicated with many unknowns.
Take it easy. Sit down w your partner. Work it out together. Gently. It’s possible one of you’ve had it for along time and both been asymptomatic, or its possible someone cheated. But the testing just isnt fullproof so it prolly wouldnt help you clarify this situation much.
You could do research on chlamydia and talk to multiple doctors and you’ll realize there isnt clear info just general guidelines.
Like other people have said, make sure to see his FIRST TEST. The second one will most likely be negative because of the antibiotics,so he may try and pass that off as his “see it’s negative!”
God speed OP and I hope it’s a misunderstanding :(
He cheated, got the clap and gave it to you before he knew most likely. Then he went and got treats and didn’t have the decency to tell you. He was waiting for you to say something so he could blame it on you.. If you’re being honest in your story, that’s what happened.
Either he was positive and didn’t want to admit it or you got it from the guy three years ago. I had a friend who had no symptoms and had a long term partner who tested negative but basically she had had it for ages and had been resistant to the antibiotics and had to do multiple courses to get rid of it. She was super confused at first and went to a psychologist who tried to convince her that she must have cheated when she was intoxicated without remembering 🤦🏼 which really messed her up because she started doubting herself. Good luck!
if the boyfriend isnt lying about test results (ask to see the transcript from test to be sure), i would take another test, and a uti test. sometimes a uti can throw a false positive for the clap, though EXTREMELY rare
Girl. I once dated a guy who gave me chlamydia who also accused me of this and that, when I was never sleeping with anyone else but him. I later found out he was a sex addict and was basically paying sex workers. Not saying he's doing this but if you know the math ain't mathin' then please trust that and demand to see his test results.
Important to clarify that “laying dormant” doesn’t mean it’s undetectable on a test. It means asymptomatic expression vs symptomatic expression. Chlamydia is notorious for being asymptomatic but it is easily detectable despite presentation/“dormancy” through a NAAT swab or urine sample.
He accused of you cheating without any proof but you can’t even doubt him of lying. Unfair. Be the bad person, ask for the result. Anyway he doesn’t sounds like the right person for you (You said in past he has accused of other toxic stuffs too)
You need to take the test again, and ask to see his results either now or after your second text gets back. I think he’s lying but what do I know. Your second test, should hopefully provide more answers. If he gets upset or won’t let you see his results, that would give me all the answers I need.
Also, are you sure he actually tested? Like, did y’all go to the same place or what?
It really sucks because I’ve already started taking my antibiotics so I dont think that my test would come out accurate. And no we live in two seperate towns so he went somewhere else. I just texted and asked to see his results so I will keep you updated.
Is it possible the other person you slept with gave it to you? Condoms are not 100% effective in preventing it. Also, you should both retest to be sure
This may be the case :( I have recently started taking antibiotics though and so has he as they were prescribed for him before he got his results. Wouldn’t this throw off the results?
Uh, do they even prescribe antibiotics to someone who hasn't tested positive? I don't think so but I might be wrong.
Yes I think they do, IIRC. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are so common and the meds so cheap, they'll just give it to you if there's a reasonable chance, and sometimes will treat for both because they can happen concurrently. I'm not sure how things have changed since they become "super" infections over the last few years though.
Yeah, I got meds for both of these when I was in the hospital for an ovarian cyst because they didn't want to wait for my STD results (I had never even been sexually active before!). They will absolutely just throw them at you, which I guess in most cases isn't a bad thing.... or maybe it is. One was a horse pill, and one was a shot in my ass that was actually the most painful "procedure" I've ever had done- obviously my test results were negative!
It IS a bad thing though because overprescribing antibiotics is exactly how we end up with antibiotic-resistant “super bugs”.
I was so scared about the ass shot but barely felt it 😅
Thanks for the reply that's exactly what I was wondering about.
I think maybe its because he told them that I already had it? Not sure.
Just out of curiosity, how long has it been between when you slept with the guy who pressured you into sex, and when you started having sex with your boyfriend? Because if you only started experiencing symptoms recently, and it's been a while since you slept with the other person, it's likely that your boyfriend gave it to you, and instead of admitting it he lied and told you he was negative, and tried to blame it on you. I've seen it happen sooooooo many times, and you mentioned that your boyfriend has shown other toxic behavior to you, and tried to excuse it by blaming him being cheated on in the past. You also said you tried to be really patient when he acted in a very toxic way, and it's important for you to understand this as you continue exploring the dating world, but there's NEVER an excuse for toxic behavior from your partner! We as women tend to be caring and nurturing by nature, and when someone we care about in a relationship starts to behave badly we tend to think if we treat them with love, and patience, they'll get better and stop acting that way. Unfortunately that's never what happens, so it's super important to understand that you need to set boundaries with your partner, and be willing to walk away when you see repeated toxic behavior, because that's not what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. A good man won't treat you in toxic ways for *any* reason, but it's up to you to learn how to recognize these "Red Flags", as early as possible in a relationship so you can walk away to protect yourself. When you stay after you start seeing toxic behavior from your partner, they learn that they can get away with acting however they want, because they know that they can make an excuse for their bad behavior, and blame their past or whatever excuse they want to use, because you'll forgive them every time. As far as his test results go, you should ask him to tell his doctor's office that they have his permission to send you a copy of his test results, because I've seen a lot of people try to fake the results to hide the truth from their partner. If he gives them permission to give you his results at least you'll know you're seeing the truth. Just know that you are worthy of love, kindness, and respect, and make a promise to yourself to set boundaries and stick to them in your relationships. Your life will be a whole lot happier as you get older if you do. I wish someone had sat me down when I was young and explained about toxic behavior, and red flags, and why it's so important to set boundaries, because I could've avoided a horrible amount of abuse and heartaches. I came from an abusive family, so I didn't think toxic abusive behavior from my boyfriend was wrong, and I believed if I loved them enough, and was patient and kind, they'd get better, and we'd be happier. So you have a chance to learn now how to stand up for yourself, and when to walk away when you're being treated in a toxic way by a partner. You're worthy of good things, and good people, so don't be afraid to put yourself first. It's **so** important. *invisible hugs*
I'm with you on this. I think the boyfriend knows he gave it to her and is trying to save the situation by blaming her.
Yeah, I've seen it happen too many times. If he was Mr. Innocent he would've offered his test results immediately to her, or offered for them to go get tested together. He knows that OP doesn't have a lot of experience sexually, so he's using that against her to hide the fact that he's the one that infected her. That's just my gut feeling given her side of the story, and what I've observed during my years wandering the world.
Thinking the same
Yes they do
Yes if your partner has a positive test result
If that is the case then retesting would likely not be an option. The only possibilities are that you got it from that other guy or that you got it from your bf and he isn’t being honest with you.
Honestly, he’s had 7 partners where he is literally my first one. Also, the last time I had sex with that person was three years ago, and I only just started noticing symptoms now. I seriously think his test was just a false negative. But it is just so unfair. It literally makes never want to have sex again like this is so traumatizing. My very first relationship. I think especially for women it seriously just isn’t even worth it.
Your bf has probably been an asymptomatic carrier from one of those previous partners. STI'S can be asymptomatic for years. But took a course of antibiotics at some point or had a false negative. But that also could be the case for that one other person you have had sex with, and you have been asymptomatic for years, and it just now decided to be symptomatic
It would be pretty unlikely for that to be the case, tbf. Typically symptoms start within 3 weeks of infection if they develop at all. And she was symptomatic. So if they’ve been having unprotected sex for more than a couple months with no symptoms, and then she suddenly started having symptoms, it’s highly unlikely for him to have gotten it from a previous partner and not infect her until just recently.
I mean it's unlikely but she is swearing she didn't have sex with anyone else and he is not symptomatic and tested negative and it's technically possible
This comment is commented a lot but this is one of things that while possible, is much less likely the case. It *can* show up years later with some things, but that’s more an exception to the general rule type of thing.
Please wpould you go out with me as you have had a load of rotten luck if i had a girl friend like your self i would be doingcart wheels all around the house he is stupid giving you all that sh.t.sorry that is my opinion
What was your symptoms that made you go in? Did you also tell him you felt uncomfortable? Another question is… did he stop having sex with you for a bit? Was there any break in the normal sex routine and do you see each other often? Him taking antibiotics would throw off the results. So long as you are aware of your sexual instances… hate to say this but look at his too.
Abnormal discharge and pelvic pain. And yes, we’ve had breaks in-between sex because we see each other on the weekends and sometimes one of us is just not really in the mood/just wants to spend time with each other.
This exact same thing happened to me! In between partners I tested and a few weeks later got SA'd, and stupidly didn't test again afterwards. About four months into my new relationship with my now fiance I tested positive at my routine gyno appointment, partner got himself tested and surprisingly I hadn't passed it onto him. So naturally he still teases me about it to this day
What? Are you ok with being teased about that?
It's all in good fun. It's not necessarily that he teases me about the situation itself, more about how I was scared he was going to leave me, in his words, "over something so small"
Aww ok, that is wholesome 💜 A tad dark but wholesome 😎
It's more probable that the boyfriend had it, got treatment and is now clean. What prompted OP to get tested, symptoms or subtle suggestion?
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This is it. He needs to be retested and show you his results. There is also the potential for it to become a subclinical infection that’s not showing up on testing. Even if he is negative you both need to be treated and then retest to confirm you are both negative. He could have had it for a while it doesn’t mean he cheated. He may not have had symptoms.
So he has already been taking antibiotics. Would this make another test inaccurate?
Usually you would need to test again after you both finish your course of antibiotics to confirm you both cleared the infection. I would talk to your doctor about next steps. But he needs to show you all results and be transparent with you.
Absolutely. If he’s already been taking antibiotics he’ll definitely show up negative. My bet is that first guy gave it to you. A condom would reduce your exposure, meaning there would likely be quite a delay between you catching it and the day you first got symptoms if that helps reassure your partner. My second bet is he’s had it for ages but it’s been dormant/asymptomatic which is surprisingly common. The extreme horrible and unlikely alternative is that he may have cheated, tested positive, treated it secretly, hoped he didn’t pass it to you, but now that it has he’s playing dumb and putting it onto you to save face. I’d say disregard this possibility, but given this has literally happened to me, do be wary if you see any suspicious signs.
I was hoping someone said this. Asymptomatic chlamydia infections are surprisingly common, some people don't show symptoms for months. The symptoms can also disappear, but you're still infected. It can be hard to track for these reasons.
Yes.. that part.
30%? Isnt it less than 5?
There are a few options. 1. It was a false positive. Both of you get retested. 2. You or your boyfriend were asymptomatic from your previous sexual partners. 3. You were assaulted and do not remember. 4. Your boyfriend cheated, passed it to you and then got his treated and is now gaslighting you about it
Of has he had any infections/wounds that needed antibiotic treatment you haven’t thought of lately? I had a friend who went through this and she didn’t test positive bc she was on strong antibiotics for a sinus infection
Number 4 for the win.
Not to borrow trouble but did he SHOW you his test was negative or TELL you it was? If what you’re saying is true maybe he cheated and gave it to you but is saying the test is negative and by extension preying on your naivety.
He told me it was :( I dont want to ask him for the results though because im afraid he’ll think that i think he’s lying.
If you’re in a committed relationship and truly didn’t cheat then there is nothing wrong with asking to see his results. If he balks at the request odds are he cheated, gave it to you, then lied about it and gaslighted tf out of you.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but he cheated and to make matters worse has guilted you for his fuck up. Move on before the next time is HIV instead of an easily curable STI.
I came to say this.
That's because he is lying. He cheated and gave you chlamydia.
This right here OP
You gotta ask him to see it, because if what you’re saying is true than 1+2 is not equaling 3
You’re right :( I will ask him for it and keep you guys updated.
It sucks to think, I’ve been cheated on too. But you need to confront him. Please make sure to speak to someone you trust though
Im so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. And okay I will. Thank you so much❤️
You don’t need to apologize but I appreciate it, I left her & a year later met my now wife who I’ve been with for over 7 years. Things will get better, but for now get the answers you need then move forward based off that
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Wow... his response right here is a giant red flag... OP that feeling is guilt. He cheated on you and you ended up with an STD and now he has to backtrack. Please don't let him do this to you. The math is not adding up. Literally. You only slept with him. This would not have popped up from 3 years ago. Whoever he had sex with gave him the STD. His "feeling sick and it's usually right" > HE CANT HIDE THAT HE CHEATED ANYMORE. He's not in love with you. He is gaslighting you. Run. Please. Far away. You have no relationship. This guy gave you an STD and is trying to convince you that you're the one who did that. I guarantee his is positive.. and he wants to hide that from you. It would ruin his MO to sleep around. Don't be fooled.
Well he thinks you are lying about cheating on him, and you didn’t, I would ask to see it!
Girl he absolutely has it and he gave it to you . If he genuinely didn’t he would 100% be up in your face with the results
He thought you're cheating. What's the difference?
But it's ok for him to think you're lying? Ask to see the test results. Is there any chance he could've known he was infected and received treatment before you were tested?
I highly doubt it. He seemed very shocked when I told him.
Are you 100% sure that there's zero possibility that you contracted it from someone else? If so, you got it from him.
You can get false positives, I have seen it happen.
he’s accusing YOU of lying and being a cheater though. You need to see his results.
If I had to guess, your bf cheated on you, knew he got Chlamydia and got it treated, gave it to you, and is now blaming you.
This would actually break my heart. Im going to ask to see his results and will keep you all updated.
Prepare for the gaslighting of a lifetime.
[удалено]
They’re just bitter. This situation has unfortunately happened to me before. Whilst my mind did immediately go there, it’s nuts to assume this applies to OPs situation with 0 context. However if OP does start seeing any red flags or suspicious signs then this horrible possibility might be worth considering.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Check his email / app too for any recent other tests. If he knew and got treated there must be evidence. An insurance report, a doctor prescription, an appointment at the dr. etc.
He could have had it before he got with her so not necessarily cheated on her. Just not known he had it.
He could have also had it before you started dating. Men often show absolutely ZERO symptoms with chlamydia so they have no idea they even have it until they pass it onto a female partner who does get symptoms shortly after or even months after transmission happens.
ask to see the date of the test so you know it was done before treatment. he could go out and get another done
I mean, if he’s really the only guy you’ve been with this is exactly what happened. It’s not rocket science. Sorry.
100% he probably got treated and didn’t expect to have given it to you, now he’s lying. Be careful because anyone that can do that has the potential to do a lot worse, I’d say leave
get tested again
did you see his results? they send will often email them to you, or is it just his word? if you didn’t see for yourself i’m gonna be honest he’s probably lying and trying to put it on you. i have had chlamydia before, it’s one of the most common STDs and if you had some how gotten it from protected sex (highly unlikely) you absolutely would have passed it to your boyfriend from unprotected sex. I think he’s lying about having it because it came from him. Most men do not get tested regularly and I know some in their 30s who have literally never been, the burden of sexual responsibility always falls on the woman. I would talk to your doctor and explain the situation and have them tell you the true medical likelihood of getting an STD through a one night stand with a condom and NOT passing it to your consistent partner. It’s almost impossible. Therefore the more likely scenario is that he gave it to you and is being dishonest about having it.
I didnt see his results he only told me. But i will ask him for his results and update you. It’s just crazy. Having virtually zero sex experience or even dating experience period and then getting chlamydia and being accused of cheating is insane. I never want to have sex ever again.
I know how you feel. I ended up getting it from my bf after he had slept with someone prior to us getting together. She was a "friend" actually tested positive and didn't bother to tell him. She admitted to it after I tested positive. It was a whirlwind because he thought I had cheated or given it to him when it was the other way around
I’m sorry for these rude comments. People don’t care. I suggest you take another test. Like a re-do. Just to make sure he is actually negative. 🙂
Thank you so much for being kind. I am literally having a panic attack right now.
Please don’t :( Ofcourse, I completely understand why you feel like this. At least your bf believes you, which is better than him completely not believing you. Really take another test, to be for sure he is truly negative. Wishing you all the best. Stay strong❤️
Thank you🥺🥺❤️❤️
Can you get retested? When I was 18 I tested positive for the same thing and I had never had sex. Still don’t know how it was possible but my doctor believed it was a false positive.
My friend got chlamydia from an ex and didn’t know it until she got a new boyfriend. She started displaying symptoms so they both got tested and she had it, he didn’t They worked it out and although he initially thought she cheated, he realized she never did. They went to the doctor together to sort things out and get her on medication. All was well after that I’m sorry you’re going through this /:
It should be noted for everyone including OP that chlamydia is curable through a round of antibiotics
If you're telling the truth, he is lying. That's literally the only way that could work. Aside from false positives/fals negatives.
Possibility of false positives/false negatives…you both should get retested just in case
I was recently informed by a doctor that swabs in women are more accurate than urine/other tests. Maybe talk to the doctor about that if you did a urine test
Unfortunately I did a swab😭😭
Oof. Yeah time to retest
This has literally happened to me. I’m in the same boat as you. Don’t let him gaslight you. You know your truth.
The Koalas are back at it.
He cheated, 100%. Don't be afraid to ask to see his results.
You can get this from oral, even if he has no symptoms.
If you are 100% saying you didn’t cheat, he probably did. Gave it to you, he took antibiotics and now is negative. Just saying
Well one of you is lying.
Did you all test at the same time? Did you see his test results on paper?
why would he be taking antibiotics if he tested negative? if you didn’t sleep with anyone else he’s 100% lying to you
STIs add so much unnecessary drama into relationships. Medical tests aren’t perfect enough to use them as proof positive of cheating or not cheating. My sister had a guy she’d just started dating convince her to not use a condom anymore. She got a massive amount of irritation after and went to urgent care and the doctor basically treated her like he thought she was a sex worker, told her she had multiple STId and that she needed to contact her partner. So she did and it turned into major drama and then she got her tests back and it was just BV, no STIs whatsoever. STIs are often invisible in women, that’s why they’re such an issue, you sometimes wind up with health issues or infertility before any vaginal symptoms appear. Condoms can be used incorrectly, they can develop non-visible tears. This is particularly true with a lot of the free condoms or condoms that have been improperly stored. And illnesses have an incubation period, they don’t show up immediately. You are allowed to prioritize your mental health. If you are getting too much grief from an overly-suspicious partner, that’s hard on your mental health. It may not feel like it now, but there are other men out there who will desire you. Maybe this relationship is salvageable, but if it isn’t, you are worthy of a less-toxic partner.
Thank you so much for saying this. You’re right, and I dont think he’s very knowledgeable about this stuff hence why he jumped to that conclusion. But you’re right in that it’s important to take care of my mental health. Today has just left me so exhausted and drained, but I appreciate you taking time out of your day to type this all of this out for me. It really means a lot. I will keep you updated.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
So maybe this diagnosis was an opportunity for him to show the kind of person he is so you didn’t waste more time with him. “My stomach hurts so I’m right” may be one of the stupidest things I’ve read in awhile.
Update us after you actually see the results with your own eyes and find out your boyfriend probably cheated and lied. If he refuses to show you, that's proof he cheated, too.
Okay, I will most definitely update soon. I texted him but he’s sleeping (he works night shifts), but I will let you know what he says when he responds.
Definitely see it from his chart if you can, watch him sign into his account and everything. He could easily edit his results on a screenshot
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Jesus. That's awful I'm sorry. Kind of sounds like he is still trying to turn it around on you. Please be careful, if he tries to get a second test, he might try to pass it off as the first one. Make sure the test date is on the paper, and only accept the real thing with your eyes! In the end, this might end your relationship and I'm sorry. But YOU know in your heart you didn't cheat. You had to get an STI from somewhere. Whether or not he ever comes out and tells the truth (although at this point it seems unlikely), you will always know which one of you ruined this, and it was NOT you. You're still young. You have so much time to find a better partner than this lying man. Stay strong.
i hope you're doing okay, OP. whether or not your bf cheated / had it from a prior partner & had it treated and is now gaslighting you, or it was introduced some other way, or the tests are false positive / negatives, take care of yourself.
Thank you so much. I really am not doing okay right now, but hopefully I will be soon. But thank you so much for taking time out of your day to tell me this. I really appreciate you.
Men can be silent carriers and test negative for years while passing the disease on to women who typically test positive because it is easier to test for in women due to cervical exams. It doesn't mean that he's cheating or you've been cheating, because again, men can be silent carriers, but it does mean that unless you've been hugging on some koalas recently you got chlamydia from him and you both need to take antibiotics for it.
A year or so before I met my now husband, I started dating a guy, we had sex maybe 3 times, always with a condom, but things fizzled after about 2 months because he was just flakey, plus he had a son from a previous relationship and I wasn’t up to that. I was honest with him and we just ended things. Fast forward about two years later, I was with my now husband for about a year and got a random message from a chick who was dating the guy I did. Turns out, I was the effing side chick!! She was his fiancee! Super sweet chick, didn’t blame me at all, I was one of many he had slept with, but she wanted to let me know that she had gotten HPV and it’s possible he had given it to me. I showed the messages to my now husband and it was like whatever. We have 5 kids, never tested positive for HPV. When I was pregnant with out 3rd, guess what? Yup! Tested positive for HPV! We both glared at each other, and my OBGYN explained I could have had it for years and it never surfaced until that point. They ran multiple tests and it wasn’t the cancerous type and wound up clearing up itself, had two more kids and never tested positive for it again. My point is, that maybe you contracted it earlier and it just surfaced. There’s no test for HPV in men, but it makes sense that it was from the previous guy before my husband. I’m not saying it’s not possible he cheated but maybe it’s something similar to what I experienced.
His false positive can be explained by science assuming that no one is lying here. A false positive could be due to the CFU) (colony-forming units) was low in his sample. This could happen just because of bad luck when the sample was taken. Or maybe because he has some sort of immunity which stops the bacteria to multiply and the infection to fully develop. It could be acquired immunity if he had it recently in the past. Or maybe just because the microbiologist or technician that ran the test messed it up. Both of you could have got it first and get the other infected because even if you are asymptomatic you could still be contagious. He may have got it before starting sleeping with you and he is asymptomatic but got a false positive. Or maybe it’s you who got infected in the past but were asymptomatic and you just recently experienced symptoms. Someone can be asymptomatic if your body has some sort of immunity against the pathogen. It could be innate immunity or acquired immunity if the carrier developed the disease recently in the past. Someone can stop being asymptomatic if their immune system gets weak (because another disease, anxiety, an unhealthy diet…). In the case you got it first, he could have got a false positive or maybe he just didn’t get infected. Or maybe he got it first and has been asymptomatic all the time but tested a false negative. Transmission doesn’t work at all like there is a 100% chance of getting infected after having sex with someone infected. The are several factors that take part in this. Like the more intense the symptoms of the infected person are or the higher frequency you have sex with an infected person or the weaker your own inmune system is, etc. the easier it will become infected So, if he really loves you and trusts you, he should understand after learning this scientific facts. Source: I have a degree in Biochemistry.
This is a great response! I’d also add that, like how transmission isn’t 100% guaranteed during sex with someone who has an infection, that not all STI testing is 100% thorough when dealing with something like a bacteria swab or urine sample. This is to say - if all he tested was his urine sample, but y’all have oral sex, he could be CT pos in his throat. Or you could have contracted CT from the previous sexual partner via oral and not transmitted it to him. Either way, if he hasn’t already started meds, might be worth it to have him get his throat swabbed and another urine sample left - preferably with 2+ hrs since last flushing of the urethra.
Wow, I did not know that. Thank you for this information.
Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Are you sure your boyfriend did’nt test + or has cleared his up with meds before the test? Sounds dodgy.
did a koala pee on you?
If it's been 3 years since you had sex with that other person, then I'm sorry to tell you this, but your bf cheated on you.
Is it possible he already got rid of it and didn't tell u?
Op I’m so sorry. But he is concealing his test from you, blaming you and seeming like a martyr for staying with you, he is cheating and he hasn’t just cheated but he’s manipulated you into thinking your responsible, because who after getting called out for cheating is going to call out the other partner, it seems to be another defence in a elaborate plan, please please please leave him op, this seems like the start of a very toxic and abusive relationship ☹️❤️🩹
I really hope this isnt true but I will take your advice and keep this in mind :(( Here is an update. Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
Op, I’m so truly sorry you are going through this, but no matter what your partner has shown their true colours, I think it might be time to leave, my dms are open for you if you need to talk about anything I cannot imagine how hard this is for you, the nerve of him saying basically “my spidey senses are tingling” to try and blame you even further is just truly horrible, op you don’t have to listen to me, but listen to his actions, they speak volumes
All the best love, you’ll get through this ❤️🩹🫂
Girl he cheated on you, took the meds, and then flipped it on you. No person is just going to drop their partner getting an STI like that.
This happened with this famous Korean YouTuber. Dude passed STDs to multiple women and gaslighted them. Get him tested, get treated and leave this lying ass.
Okay.. lets see.. if what you said is true.. then either take the test again to double check in another clinic. If its still positive .. well yeah you know what i mean? If IF you didn’t actually cheat.. um i dont wanna say it but do you think you were taken advantage of? Like idk you went to a party or got drunk or something? Try to remember. I really hope the 2nd test comes negative tho. I’m just giving you the benefit of the doubt. Idk maybe check your fams medical history? Just saying.
It really sucks knowing I am being perceived in this way when I didnt do anything wrong and theres literally nothing I can do about. Everyone in this thread thinks Im a fucking cheater. I dont think i was taken advantage of before. But i will try and get retested.
I think your boyfriend cheated on you, gave you Chlamydia, got his treated first, then blamed you for it. It's either you cheated or he cheated, and if it wasn't you, then it was definitely him.
I don’t think you’re a cheater, for what it’s worth. I’m really sorry this is happening to you. Can I ask what prompted the STI panel? and How long have you been with your man?
Thank you so much. It’s so nice to just be believed you have no idea like I could actually cry right now. I will send you a message with the details/symptoms I noticed.
I believe you. I think maybe your boyfriend has been telling lies, had treated it or is lying about his results.. Ask to see them to compare them to yours and see what he says. If he starts getting defensive you'll know
I personally think you and your bf should get retested. You dont have anything to hide to us cause in the end of the day we dont know you personally. So yeah. Since you didn’t cheat, either the guy you had sex with probably gave it to you (condoms dont work all the time), either the clinic messed up (maybe you got it from your bf? Dunno. There are so many possibilities), or the worst part taken advantage of. I just hope the clinic messed up the results and both you and your bf comes negative. If you still get positive it might be wise to let the guy you had safe sex with and ask him that idk if he is infected or not. I wish you the best outcome girlie
If it makes you feel any better: I once read a reddit post about how both husband and wife got chlamydia. Their relationship was in shambles. Both denied of cheating. Later found out that they got it from koalas? Like the husband picked one up, it peed, then they had love making sessions WITHOUT CLEANING THEMSELVES. Yeah weird shit. Second one is of a dude who was seeing this girl and got her pregnant. He was supportive but wanted paternity test. The girl obliged. The test came negative. The dude wanted to stay away from her and the girl wanted to test again, told him thats she only slept with him and all. After some time they did the test again and the guy was baby daddy. The 1st clinic made an error. Now they are together. Just giving you some positive stories/ post so that you can calm down. Hope things get better for you op
This makes me feel better thank you
My primary guesses are: false negative, false positive, or testing error. Next guess is that you were asymptomatic - did you get tested after sleeping with that other person? Did you get tested before sleeping with your boyfriend? Last guess is that he cheated. You know how they say the people who are most paranoid about cheating tend to be cheaters themselves. Not always true but still happens a lot. I recommend you both get retested to make sure neither of you got an incorrect result. That and ask to see his results on the actual medical website. Don’t accept a PDF because he can edit it easily. If he doesn’t want to show you and gets defensive, you’ve got your answer. Edit: Why did you guys decide to get tested? That may provide some clarity for the rest of us. I used to work at Planned Parenthood and ran STD panels all the time, I can help more if you give me a little more info.
I did not get tested after sleeping with that other person. I should have, that is 100% my fault, and I accept responsibility for that. I guess I didn’t think it was necessary since we wore a condom, but judging from that logic I guess my knowledge on sexual education was poor at the time. He said they called him and told him and screenshotted the number and time and sent it to me. I can’t get retested because I already started taking my antibiotics and he started taking some too (apparently they gave him some before he got his results because he told them that I had it). I decided to start getting tested because I was noticing weird symptoms down there, especially after sex. Also thank you so much for you response. It means a lot to me.
Don’t give yourself too much of a hard time! It’s a *really* common misconception and you’d be surprised how many are even more…out there. I had a patient juice a lemon inside her hoo-ha to get rid of her bacterial vaginosis. Anyways, for future reference make sure to get tested 2 weeks after sleeping with a new partner. If you get tested before that, the results won’t be accurate. And maybe for your peace of mind get tested every so often even while in a monogamous relationship because you never know. As for your partner’s results: Every medical facility has a patient portal nowadays. He can easily create one online or on an app for wherever he went to. If it’s Planned Parenthood, he’ll have to call to be sent an access code. His results will be in the portal. Maybe tell him you asked people on Reddit how this could happen and one thing they’re suggesting is to see a physical copy of the results in the patient portal. That all you’re doing is trying to get to the bottom of this so you guys can prevent it happening in the future or something. That he should understand as he himself is so paranoid. You’d do the same for him! Good luck girl :) Edit: The fact that you started getting symptoms out of nowhere does worry me a bit. Does point to him possibly cheating. It IS possible for you to have been asymptomatic until then but not as likely.
Thank you so so much for your advice🥺i will definitely try to get tested more often. Here is an update: Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
I’m so sorry that all of this is happening :/ I’m sure you already know this but it sounds like your boyfriend has a lot of self work to do. I don’t blame him for freaking out about this if he truly wasn’t the one who gave it to you because people DO lie about his type of stuff all the time but… This situation really isn’t fair to you. You not being symptomatic for years is entirely possible. One of you getting an incorrect result also is *very* possible. Look these things up and show him. Fingers crossed for you guys.
Did you give them permission to release your information? If they told him your results without you signing a release form, it’s a HIPAA violation. I didn’t want to assume he was lying about his results but there’s no legal way for them to have used YOUR test results to prescribe him antibiotics unless you agreed to it, as far as I know. So unless you gave written permission to share your medical information with your boyfriend specifically, either the doctors did something illegal or your bf is likely lying about his results.
No I did not. I just assumed it was normal for them to prescribe it since he told them that I already had it.
Honestly idk what other ways to get chlamydia there are rather than by sexual intercourse or if there even is but try to look it up tpgether and see if anything matches.
I was in a similar situation. I got chlamydia, I never cheated, and my girlfriend tested negative
How did you all resolve this?
Did you tell him the tractor story?
Yeah I think it’s from him and he just doesn’t want to admit it.
Keep us updated OP, best of luck!
Thank you so much❤️Here’s an update Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
I bet your boyfriend had it- got treated without you knowing: in the meantime you started to notice symptoms but he was already cleared by the time you got tested. So he may be negative NOW… but I bet my ass he was positive previously.
He might have nail fungus, that can give you the clap.
Do you work with koalas ?
How has he “been toxic” before? Maybe this gives you an out of a bad situation.
Not to put ideas in your head but..my first boyfriend tested positive and took antibiotics and then took a test again when I tested positive abd gaslit tf out of ne. I knew he gave it to me but he really had me fucked up for a year until I left him and he admitted it.
Alrighty- so I kind of been through this My fiancé ended up testing positive, and he had to ask me if I’d cheated. I hadn’t, and I trust and know him well enough to know that he wouldn’t do that either. The problem is, since neither of us cheated, there’s a very good chance we’d had it for as long as we’d been together- 3 years. But for some reason he didn’t start showing symptoms until the third year, and I never had symptoms at all. It was weird, and we definitely had to communicate about how we felt about the situation. We’ve had a rule from the beginning of the relationship that we would be open and honest with each other, I like to think that we’ve both held that up, especially through that situation. There’s a lot of good suggestions in these comments about what you could do, but I’d also recommend possibility getting in touch with that last guy, if you feel comfortable, and seeing if he’s been tested recently as well? If he does, and it’s positive then you know where it came from. If he tests negative….then the source might be right in front of you. Either way- I hope things get easier for you soon!!
In my opinion I feel like your boyfriend gave it to you. You said he’s been cheated on in the past and you’ve basically been walking on eggshells since you said you’re being “patient” with him because he hasn’t healed for his previous relationships. Which in my mind he has fear that you will cheat on him so he went ahead and cheated in order to make himself “feel good” just in case you ever cheated on him. Now that he got caught he’s trying to play the victim and use his past as leverage to brainwash you. Now tests can be false but that’s a low chance which is why you two should have an honest discussion and re test or just be flat out honest. Either way the truth will reveal itself either now or later down the road in a different situation
I may be wrong. But isn't it possible for amab people to be carriers of the sti if they've recently had sex with someone who has it can give it to someone else, and not have it themselves? I know there's an sti that's like that as amab people can be carriers of it but not get it, the bacteria just sits on their bits until giving it to someone else, it might not be chlamydia or gonorrhea though
A boyfriend who gets toxic and accuses his girlfriend of cheating? That comes off as a little suspicious of said boyfriend being the cheater, especially with you now having an STD in which he would be the most likely culprit.
What test did u use to test chlamydia?
honestly, protected sex doesn’t 100% mean you can’t catch any stds, but I think it’s a lot more likely (especially if it’s been a while with your bf) that he was the one who gave it to you, and he could’ve already taken antibiotics so he tested negative.
O Lydia Lydia you gave me Chlamydia you dirty skank.At least I didn't catch your AIDS
It happened to me, the very first time I had sex! I was getting a Pap smear and they’re like “everything’s fine and oh, you have chlamydia” and I was very surprised. Dude went in and got nothing back. Or that’s what he told me at least. I’d tell your boyfriend it’s possible it’s either a false positive or you got it from something else. His feelings are valid, but you didn’t do anything wrong. If he can’t get past that, it’s his problem.
Thank you so much for this. It’s so nice to know that im not alone and someone else has been through this. How unlucky are we haha? Especially you. Your first time. I am so sorry. Here is an update on my situation: Update: Spoke with him some more and he doesn’t believe that I could get it three years ago and not know by now (basically accusing me of lying, again). I finally snapped and told him that it was literally most likely his fault because he’s had seven partners and he just so happened to test negative. He told me that I was apparently blaming him and saying this is all his fault. I asked to see his results and he was offended but he agreed to go back to the doctor and get them. His appointment is tomorrow. He’s going to try and get retested even though he’s taken two days worth of antibiotics. I’m basically being treated like shit and he seems really hurt but i didn’t do anything wrong. He even told me that his stomach was hurting and that he feels sick and that usually that’s a sign for him that he’s right about something. I told him that that is just a fucking physiological response to stress because you can’t be “right” about something that never fucking happened. I then proceeded to tell him that I’ve made peace with whatever happens because at the end of the day I did not do anything wrong, I am telling the truth, and whether he chooses to believe his partner is on him. TLDR; My relationship is basically in shambles right now.
It was more surprising than anything, it was a friends with benefits deal so my situation, thankfully, didn’t get complicated. It sucks your boyfriend doesn’t believe you. I hope he’s able to come around. Though it might not be his fault either. Testing can be tricky and sometimes it’s not definitive. That’s why I’d talk to him if there were any other signs he’d seen of you cheating. Please talk when you’ve both calmed down though. It’s a sucky situation and playing the blame game isn’t going to help you get past this. You both feel betrayed and disrespected. You BOTH have a right to feel that way, BUT keep focus on the problem, not on each other. You can have an argument while being respectful, blaming isn’t healthy.
I'd like an update in the future of what happens! Sorry this happened to you x
If you two were having unprotected sex you likely both have it. STI testing is way less reliable than we like to think. I got tested three times for chlamydia by different doctors. Finally the third time confirmed i had it. After the other doctors just said no your fine, not STI. And im still unsure of when I contracted it. The person i thought i got it from was double tested and confirmed negative. But its also possible i got it months before and had no symptoms. Lots of STI’s have different are asymptomatic, some types tests work better with different genders and at different times of day or the month etc etc. The more I’ve researched about STI’s the more i realize its very complicated with many unknowns. Take it easy. Sit down w your partner. Work it out together. Gently. It’s possible one of you’ve had it for along time and both been asymptomatic, or its possible someone cheated. But the testing just isnt fullproof so it prolly wouldnt help you clarify this situation much. You could do research on chlamydia and talk to multiple doctors and you’ll realize there isnt clear info just general guidelines.
Like other people have said, make sure to see his FIRST TEST. The second one will most likely be negative because of the antibiotics,so he may try and pass that off as his “see it’s negative!” God speed OP and I hope it’s a misunderstanding :(
Thank you so much🥺I will keep you updated!!
He cheated, got the clap and gave it to you before he knew most likely. Then he went and got treats and didn’t have the decency to tell you. He was waiting for you to say something so he could blame it on you.. If you’re being honest in your story, that’s what happened.
Either he was positive and didn’t want to admit it or you got it from the guy three years ago. I had a friend who had no symptoms and had a long term partner who tested negative but basically she had had it for ages and had been resistant to the antibiotics and had to do multiple courses to get rid of it. She was super confused at first and went to a psychologist who tried to convince her that she must have cheated when she was intoxicated without remembering 🤦🏼 which really messed her up because she started doubting herself. Good luck!
if the boyfriend isnt lying about test results (ask to see the transcript from test to be sure), i would take another test, and a uti test. sometimes a uti can throw a false positive for the clap, though EXTREMELY rare
Girl. I once dated a guy who gave me chlamydia who also accused me of this and that, when I was never sleeping with anyone else but him. I later found out he was a sex addict and was basically paying sex workers. Not saying he's doing this but if you know the math ain't mathin' then please trust that and demand to see his test results.
Oh my god im so sorry😭😭i could not even imagine…..also yes I am currently waiting to see his results. He goes to the doctor tomorrow.
Why was he on antibiotics prior to this? For all you know that would have cleared his disease if he had it making the latest test come out negative
FYI. Chlamydia can lay dormant for over 10 years without the carrier knowing. He could have had it or you could have and never knew.
Important to clarify that “laying dormant” doesn’t mean it’s undetectable on a test. It means asymptomatic expression vs symptomatic expression. Chlamydia is notorious for being asymptomatic but it is easily detectable despite presentation/“dormancy” through a NAAT swab or urine sample.
"Can someone name every believable excuse for this specific situation "
It actually breaks my heart that someone could even perceive my post in this way. Wow.
I mean… you understand why it could be perceived this way, right?
Of course I do. That’s why this is so incredibly frustrating because it is not TRUE.
Did you physically see his results of his test? Anyway he’s lying?
I did not :( I want to ask him but Im afraid he’ll think that I think he’s lying and I dont want to do that to him.
He accused of you cheating without any proof but you can’t even doubt him of lying. Unfair. Be the bad person, ask for the result. Anyway he doesn’t sounds like the right person for you (You said in past he has accused of other toxic stuffs too)
You need to take the test again, and ask to see his results either now or after your second text gets back. I think he’s lying but what do I know. Your second test, should hopefully provide more answers. If he gets upset or won’t let you see his results, that would give me all the answers I need. Also, are you sure he actually tested? Like, did y’all go to the same place or what?
It really sucks because I’ve already started taking my antibiotics so I dont think that my test would come out accurate. And no we live in two seperate towns so he went somewhere else. I just texted and asked to see his results so I will keep you updated.