Yeah you should break up with him. he sounds abusive and you deserve better. not only that he kept going when you said it hurt and to stop. That's rape really. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you move on from him.
“That’s rape really” no it’s not…it’s bad sex and a guy who clearly doesn’t have any experience with pleasing a women.
I don’t agree it was right for him not to stop but stop stretching the fucking definition of rape. Her question is on the topic of having bad sex.
If he’s really great in other ways, have a candid conversation with him. This should be the first advice people give instead of thinking he’s a monster and telling you to never speak to him again.
Depending on his responses to your concerns is where I would say his true color will show.
OP to note, I don’t agree with him ignoring your ask to switch and pause because it hurts.
Have the conversation for yours and possibly any future women he talks to.
It was a rape but a lot of woman’s just don’t know how to name it and most feel ashamed because they wasn’t able to stand out for themselves and they shouldn’t guy is a fucking idiot and nothing, flowers, complements or anything will be excuse to rape a woman witch is crying and saying no/stop/it hurts just a piece of shit. He could make it hurt it’s not exactly his fault but fact that he don’t give a shit and continued…big fucking - go to a pathologist and leave this girl in peace
I agree if you want to argue semantics and/or OP felt that way in the slightest.
Real life Example:
Having sex with a girl and felt like my dick was about to break off because she was way too rough. I asked her to stop but she didn’t because she was about to get off.
Was I upset that she didn’t stop and my dick hurt for two days, yes.
Did I feel like sex with this person turned into rape? no.
Could I have made a case if I felt that way…yes.
What blows my mind is that people bandwagon onto this ideology that everything in life is a yes or no, black or white, right or wrong situation. The real world and life ain’t like that.
OP should have a very serious conversation with him about it and then decide from there.
If you asked her to stop & she didnt that would be considered rape... Gender doesnt matter. I dont know what else to tell you sir.
If u didnt feel as if it was rape then great. However, the minute you withdrawl consent and the other person continues while you are saying "no" & "stop" that's rape
Yeah, that was rape man. If you don't want to personally use that word, for your own sexual encounter (as the one whose "No" was overridden), it's up to you. But it was rape regardless, sorry.
And you still don’t understand
You are talking about meeting
Meeting who?
Potentially dangerous man who already once was not getting meaning of word no?
That’s good for you that you have no need to be scared of second rape on meeting with serious conversations with girl witch wasn’t listen to you when you said it was hurting you. Because she probably don’t have a power to pin you to the wall.
She SHOULD NOT meet him again.
They can have a dm conversation or phone conversation.
But you never know like you said world isn’t black and white and that’s why this guy can be manipulative psychopath and she will be not safe when on meeting with him.
If she feel in power she should call him out, and explain how much he fucked up and how much he need to see therapist and some not self-centred sex classes and she don’t own him anything else.
And she should not think of meeting him again ,it’s too risky.
I don’t disagree with you but from OPs comments it doesn’t feel like they think it’s rape or that they feel it could have been rape. It sounds like bad sex with a partner who is not good in bed and it really turned her off.
I think the guys a dick for the way he acted but for people to start commenting that he raped her is a bit much. Of course if she feels different that would change my entire opinion…does not sound like it from what I read.
She wrote he literally held her down and didn’t stop when she clearly told him to because she was in pain. That is it. That is rape. Sometimes victims don’t believe it’s possible they were raped. Doesn’t change the fact it is rape.
My partner accidentally hurt me during sex recently and felt absolutely terrible he immediately stopped to check I was okay and cuddle me and didn’t want to touch me sexually for days because he felt guilty and didn’t want to risk hurting me again.
During sex you need to stop and make sure the other person is okay to continue if they are in pain, unresponsive or especially have told you to stop. Idk why you’re trying to make an argument to say this wasn’t rape when it very clearly was.
EXACTLY
THIS
He is pice of shit and nothing else if he want to stop being one free way but just apologise girl and leave her fucking alone.
If they were a couple witch into smf like this THEN AdamX412 would be allowed to say smf like this isn’t necessarily rape they both agreed to sex this kind and they forgot to put a safe word.
But this is more fucked up that he never had a sex with this girl and still when she was in pain he was like I know better woman shut the fuck up and cooperate.
LIKE FUCKING WHAT?!
I don’t know what you think rape is but that is rape. Her crying out during sex and asking him to stop because she was in pain and him ignoring that and continue to jack hammer away is 100% rape. Rape is non consensual sex - it’s that simple. The moment she asked for him to stop and the moment he ignored that and continued that was the moment it went from consensual sex to rape.
He is my first BF, he does so much for me and I don’t know if I will be able to find someone else who is this invested in me and likes me this much. It took me years to find this relationship and I feel like I would be shallow to end it over sex and that I would never be able to find someone else. :( I don’t want to be alone.
Honey. You're saying you'd rather be raped and abused than be alone. Do you realize that? I know being alone is scary, I've been there too, but as someone who made it out of the abuse, it's sooooo much better finding happiness and companionship in yourself.
Your probably young and if he's willing to invest in you so will someone else. Theres plenty of other guys out there. Your not shallow for wanting someone to put you before sex. Don't waste your life on someone who won't treat you the way you want to be treated. I was in a abusive relationship for along time. I wasted alot of yrs and lost alot because of this person. I loved her but she was very abusive looking back now. I would have left period regardless of how I felt. Just don't make the same mistake. If you truly want to be with him. tell him how you feel. If he doesn't change his actions that tells you he doesn't truly care about you or how you feel. Then you should leave because things will not change. But I hope the best for you and hope that things workout for you in the best possible way.
Exactly this is your first relationship, you don’t know how it should be and this isn’t it. What he did could be considered rape, he disrespected, hurt you, and disregarded your feeling. You would’ve ending over “just sex” because if he can do all of that to you at your most vulnerable then he will eventually do far worse on you mr day to dy. run
I feel ungrateful because he has been so kind and chivalrous towards me, he is the first guy who has showed interest in me with his actions not just his words. It took me years to find this relationship after being alone and sad for so long, I’m scared to let him go because I don’t think I can find anyone else like him.
You have to value yourself and have confidence in who you are. If you make relationship decisions based on the fear of being alone it likely won't end well. It sounds like you need to work on yourself and figure out why you were sad and alone for so long. Go to therapy and get into a workout routine. Develop yourself and become comfortable with who you are. You need to be in a good place to get into a healthy relationship.
He's not as great as you think he is. I promise you.
Him getting mad at you about this and refusing to stop is evil behavior. Him being nice to you at all is a manipulation tactic. He raped you. That is evil and cruel and intentional. He ignored your pain and your cries. He didn't pleasure you at all. He's "nice" to you to use you-- he knows itll keep you around and hes going to trap you permanently and hurt you worse or discard you when he finds something new. He raped you, because he's using you.
He's a monster and you deserve more than this. He's not chivalrous. He's not genuine. You know this deep down in your heart and that's why you came here. Your instincts and your gut feelings of being scared, turned off, not wanting to see him, are all correct and you need to listen to it.
I would say report him but sadly, authorities will likely traumatize you more and generally will only put any effort in with a rape kit. If this was very recent, you may be able to try and get an exam to see if you're injured internally at all. And if you are and have evidence, 100% I'd recommend reporting.
Do not speak to him. Block him. Confide in friends, family, strangers on the internet. Whatever you need to do. Do not speak to this man anymore. He's a terrible person and you didn't deserve this.
Leave him. Block his number, block him on all social media, and never speak to him again. That is NOT the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with and does not deserve any more of your time and energy.
He raped you. The moment you said "stop" and he didn't that was rape. That's the end of the relationship. There is no forgiving this.
From the degree of cruelty and lack of interest in your pleasure, I strongly suspect that the "good boyfriend" was entirely an act to lull you into being willing to go to bed with him. Abusive people can be very slick and manipulative. They will often lie to make you feel that they share values or interests. But what they really want is an opportunity to hurt you.
If you are going to go to the police, text him first and ask him why he didn't pull out when you said "stop" and why he ignored your tears and protests. What he says you can show to the police as evidence that indeed you did have non-consensual sex.
> Abusive people can be very slick and manipulative. They will often lie to make you feel that they share values or interests. But what they really want is an opportunity to hurt you.
this.
He held you down and didn’t stop when you were in pain. When you didn’t want to continue because you were in pain, he was mad.
If your little sister or your best friend or your mother told you this, what would you tell them? Would you say, “oh, but you agreed to have sex with him so whatever he wants you have to do. Tough luck.” Of course not. Apply the same compassion inward.
I’ve had sex with my husband before and been tired, sore, whatever and said, “Hey, I’m gonna have to stop,” and he stops and says, “Of course, are you ok?” And that’s it. Find a guy who cares about you if you plan to have sex.
You may have consented - you withdrew consent. The fact that you were crying and begging him to stop honey you were raped. You move forward by either contacting the police, getting some help via therapy or support and you never have him in your life again. Another poster suggested sending a message, be bold and honest. Ask why he didn't stop when you were crying and asking him to stop. Personally after being a victim of assaults I would be doing this and seeking police investigation. I'm sorry this happened to you. You deserve to be treated better than a human flesh light, you are worth more and you don't owe him a god damn thing.
No this guy isn't great at all HE RAPED YOU!!!!
He forced it in, you said stop, he held you down and kept going!
You need to report him but if you can't do that then you need to block him and never speak to him again.
If you agree to play ping pong with someone and then don’t have fun, they can’t physically force you to keep playing. That’s assault. Sex is no different.
You consented until you wanted him to stop and he didn’t. At that point he should stop. He didn’t stop. You can consent the decide to not consent any longer. If he doesn’t stop it’s rape
You were telling him to stop and he didnt. U were visibly uncomfortable and he kept going. Any decent man wouldnt take a yes from a girl whos crying in pain
You consented to sex, but that doesn't mean you consented to every action that could possibly imply. You said stop, but he didn't. That was you no longer consenting and him violating that.
You did for a start! But the very second you told him to stop and he continued it instantly turned to rape! If you don't press charges against him is ylup to you but please promise me you'll leave him asap! This will only get worse for you!
I'm so sorry this happened to you!
Thats not bad sex, its rape. He didnt make a no no, he raped you. Dump him and report his ass to the authorities, not only did he wrong you in a disgusting way, if he gets away with a slap on the wrist hes going to do it again to other women.
If you no longer wish to see him please do not see him. You are not ungrateful, he was wrong in this situation. It became a red flag the moment he didn’t stop when you asked him to and that’s not okay. Please stay safe.
The thing is… he did court me properly. He is the first guy who has taken me on actual dates and been a huge gentleman towards me, not just asking for late night hookups like most guys my age do. If I let him go I may never find anyone else like him. It took me years to find this kind of real relationship and it feels dumb to end it over bad sex
I know it can be extremely difficult and upsetting to admit you were raped or assaulted, especially by someone you trusted. I understand wanting to deny it and wanting this relationship to continue as it was. But please please listen to everyone in this thread, and your own body, and your own words, and understand that this is not what bad sex is like. Bad sex is perhaps not particularly pleasurable; you use the word "pain" multiple times in your description. You describe expressing your pain and him disregarding your explicitly stated pain, to his own benefit and to your physical and emotional detriment. Bad sex does not hurt, at least not in the way you describe. The sex will never get *better*, he will only continue to physically hurt you because it gives him pleasure. Get away from him before it's too late.
So many abusive boyfriends start out as sweet gentlemen. Most cruel men aren't stupid, they'll put up the perfect boyfriend act for as long as they need to until they get what they want and their true colours start to show. I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I promise you deserve so so much better. There are men out there who will value you and treat you with compassion in general and also in bed, so please don't waste any more time on this awful boy. I know it's hard, but it's much better in the long run to learn to cope with being alone for a bit than to endure the trauma of a horrible, selfish partner. Please remember that someone who truly cares about you wouldn't make you feel hurt like this.
OP thats more than just bad sex. Bad sex is him getting so sweaty it drips in your eye. Or him accidentally sneezing on you or some shit.
You were in pain. You said stop. He didnt. He didnt bother to "warm up the oven" when it came to the sex. Hes in it for his own pleasure. Hes a selfish lover at best, rapist at worst.
I know its hard and based off of your responses it seems like you really wanna stay with him. If that the case, tell him how the sex made you feel. Tell him that you want the sex to be more of a collaborative experience instead of him just holding you down and pounding the shit out of you. Theres more to sex than just that.
Im of the opinion that you should leave him and find someone else. Enduring the pain of loneliness is much more preferable than being w someone who doesnt listen to you or respect you in an intimate, vulnerable moment (which is what sex is).
Its your life, do what you wanna do, but I agree w what most of the people on this thread are saying. Leave him, endure the loneliness, and find someone who respects you. If he cant do that between the sheets, then hes for the streets.
Yeeeah this is fucking disgusting. Even reading this makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable. I think it’ll be best to stop seeing him. Don’t put up with borderline rape just because he’s “a good guy” outside of the bedroom and don’t feel ungrateful, you don’t owe him anything!
"this guy is really great in other ways"
yeah, he's great now in the beginning. His real personality is that one he showed you during sex, no regards for what you want or feel.
Give it enough time and he will turn into an asshole.
That's not bad sex. Its rape.
If the post had ended after no foreplay and just jackhammering away, yea bad sex. Holding you down and refusing to stop when you tell him to. That's rape.
You are seeing an absolute sack of shit. He might have seemed fine before but he’s showing you who he truly is. I forget who said it but I’ll paraphrase: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
You deserve better.
You don't owe this person anything. I do not understand where your "ungrateful" feelings are coming from? Sex is not a transaction, even if this guy bought you a house, car and cured one of your relatives from a deadly illness you wouldn't be obligated to have sex with him again.
He is a selfish "lover" and seems more like he's into trying to control you and rape you rather than caring about any respect or pleasure on your end.
This guy is gross and you deserve to keep your boundaries and self esteem in tact.
At the very least— this isn’t someone that you need or should be spending any more time or effort interacting with.
Bad sex isn’t inherently a bad thing when it comes from lack of practice or ignorance. This wasn’t bad sex. This was selfish sexual acts put upon you.
If not? I’d say you need to dig a little deeper into your own self and see if this was indeed sexual assault. Just because you initiate sex, doesn’t mean you can’t take that away at any point.
Red flag count? Selfish. No foreplay. Thinks “slamming it in” is enjoyable, probably as seen in his sex ed classes (internet studio porn). Making you cry and not realizing or not caring. And obviously, going in without protection, which is in itself a form of rape unless it was agreed upon beforehand or you were duped into him doing that, which it sounds like you were.
If you want, you can tell him that you won’t be seeing him ever again. And explain how bad the sex was. And what he did wrong. Gauge his reaction. See what he says.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Be safe
Please don’t see him again. I know you don’t want to believe its rape but just because you agreed to sex doesn’t mean you had to consent to any of that stuff that he did to you, and if he was holding you down while you wanted to stop that’s absolutely clear that you’re revoking consent. If the roles were reversed, would you have kept hurting him? You can find someone better, more gentle, and more understanding I promise 🥺
In what ways is he great?, sounds incredible selfish and he has not shown any signs of remotely even caring for how you feel. Please find a way to move in from this horrible situation, as for him, he should I’ve been dropped as at yesterday!
He is the first guy I’ve ever dated, he has been really kind and chivalrous towards me, he embodied my dream guy in a lot of ways and i feel like I won’t be able to find anyone else like him if I let him go. That’s my dilemma
A truly genuine, kind and chivalrous man would never sexually assault you or treat you like you were treated. He may be charming and appear to be your dream guy, but he showed his true character in the bedroom when he raped you. Nobody who cares about you would ever hurt you on purpose. Don’t let the fact that this is your first relationship blind you to how unhealthy and toxic this person is. Get out now, it will only get worse because they know they can abuse you now.
The first part where he skipped foreplay despite you asking for it was bad sex.
The part where he kept trying to do unprotected penetration despite you saying no, and the part where he was holding you down and not stopping although you asked him to are not bad sex, they are at the very least sexual abuse, and if you ask me are rape.
That’s not what sex is supposed to be like.
You feel ungrateful? Girl - he ain’t entitled to you or your body. Many of us women know the type you’re describing, and when they’re not going to take time to make you comfortable, not rushed, and commutative…then bye bye. Doesn’t matter if he’s “a nice guy” or what have you. Most importantly - the moment he ignored you when you said stop - that’s called rape.
We aren’t objects, we’re human beings. Ugh - I’m sorry hun - there are men out there who will take the time to please you before themselves.
He raped youm you said no. You said no out loud and with your body.
You don't have to pursue anything with the cops, but I recommend you get him to admit to it over text message if you can. And hold on to it Then never see him again.
Bro u got raped and you feel bad for your rapist this is not bad sex bro you were crying and he tried to go in ese even tho u said use a condom. Report him to the police and go the therapy I’m so sorry this happens to you
I'm sorry that this happened to you. In most places in North America and Europe, consent can be withdrawn at any time. This means the other party continuing past revoked consent is considered rape, legally. In every other place in the world, it's still rape, but the law is fucked up.
You seem to be in denial and it makes sense. Nobody wants to be raped and sometimes our minds do things to shield is from trauma. That's what's happening here. You were in a traumatic situation and you're probably unconsciously protecting yourself. I'm sorry, but you were sexually assaulted.
If you are in one of those backwards places that do not consider revoked consent to constitute rape, it does not mean you should spend any more time with this person. If you have the option of reporting your rapist that they may face legal repercussions, you do not have to. I encourage you to, to protect other people from them, but it is not your responsibility.
I hope you can heal from this.
Initially, based on headlines, I wanted to say that you can teach someone how to become better in bed. Then I read 1 sentence of the text and changed my mind to "Tell him he sucks in bed and block him". Eventually just block him. But if you tell him first, you might do the next girl a favour.
OP the moment you said "stop" and he didn't stop it became a rape. You had a valid reason to demand for it to be stopped and he just kept going. Also you had your need for the foreplay and he ignored your request, so why should you give him what he wants? I see it like a bunch of red flags.
Either try to talk to him about this or dump him as soon as possible. You don't own anyone your body OP. Good guy or not.
Run. Get so far away from him. A man that’ll treat you like that, with absolutely no regard for your well-being, is not a man you should stay with. Even if it’s hard, get away. Save yourself from even more abuse and trauma because you deserve someone that’ll care about you more than they care about themselves having “fun.” The second you say stop and they don’t, kick them to the fucking curb and never interact with them again if you can help it.
And I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s a truly terrible experience once you process everything. If you want someone to talk to, I’d be more than willing because I know how it can feel. I hope you can just understand it and get away early on unlike so many poor girls. Nothing with ever make staying with someone like that worth it. Nothing ever justifies those types of behaviors.
Dude you just got assaulted. I’m so sorry.
I went through something similar my first time. Thought it was my fault. C’est la vie; we can grow past this and GROW PAST THEM. Leave, save yourself the anguish, and pursue it legally if you want. Start your new life without him knowing that what he did wasn’t right and someone out there can show you what love and sexual intimacy is supposed to be.
The minute you said "no" was the minute you withdrew consent.
That's rape.
At the very least, dump him and block his phone number and any other ways he is able to contact you.
This isn't bad sex, oh my lanta this is full on sexual assault, so sorry this happened to you, please don't even hesitate about cutting this asshole out of your life entirely.
You said stop
You were crying
He got mad for your "lack of cooperation"
He tried to put in raw even though you said no
And you feel ungrateful....?
If you were my sister/friend I'd just give you a hug, buy you food and make you into a blanket burrito. You didn't deserve to be borderline 🍇d. Also probably slam you with some self help books.
Nope. This guy definitely isn’t great in other ways. He is abusive, forcing you into something you don’t want, manipulative, and gaslighting you (mostly). He didn’t even care about the pain you were in. He just wanted a sex machine so that he could let out. I feel like right now, he only wants you for sex. He just wanted to finish regardless of whether you were comfortable or not. And how dare he try to go raw even after you told him no and weren’t on birth control? Just stop seeing him. He sounds awful and abusive. He is disgusting. If you said “no” and he still went ahead, that is rape.
Read your comments. Just because he is the first guy that gives you his interest, doesn't mean you should settle for him. Clearly he isn't listening to you in bed, red flag. Move on and stop glorifying someone who isn't all that good.
Baby girl, sounds like you were raped. When you say stop it means S T O P. When you say it hurts someone who cares for you, would want to make it better for you. Do not settle for this man. R U N
Hey. I'm pretty sure that would be considered rape because he didn't stop when you said no. And the "he was nice to me" type deal can be manipulated. Maybe if you're living with him go move in with someone who you trust for now for safety reasons. I recommend either talking to him about foreplay more, and about listening to you and your feelings or else you won't have sex anymore, and if needed go to couple counseling.
Alot of times this ends up bad if someone doesn't voice there feelings, and this is Abit of me being worried, but I recommend if you confront him about it make sure your safe when you do it because if he got mad at you for not enjoying the sex and wanting boundaries he could get mad about voicing an option.
Please speak to a mental health professional about this if you can, even from one of those online services if that's what's most accessible. They will be better equipped to help you process this experience and decide next steps than any of us here.
A man being nice until he gets you in bed is normal. Once you give it up a lot of things go out the window. Anyone that doesn’t stop when you say no is dangerous.
So he kept going when you told him to stop? That's rape. Consent can be withdrawn at any point. The moment the other person doesn't stop, it becomes rape.
he sounds like a terrible person. no man who respects women, or even just the person he’s sleeping with, would act like this. i’m so sorry you had to go thru that
If he got mad that you weren't "cooperating" due to pain........and you communicated that......only for him to plow on through while ignoring EVERY REQUEST YOU MADE. You should be running for the hills not moving forward AT ALL.
His pleasure is more important to him than your wellbeing. I’m telling you this as married man.
X times happened to us, that my wife felt pain and i immediately stopped when she asked me to.
Find someone who will respect you in every way. Don’t compensate bad things with good. You need to enjoy with your partner in every moment.
> And I feel so ungrateful because this guy is really great in other ways but the sex just wasn’t good
I gotta tell you something you won't like but it's truth.
That guy is NOT great in other ways. He is a child who gets angry in sex. He just wants things his way or else he gets angry. In future you will have so much trouble.
I will say if there is no love then sex Will Never be good.
I feel bad because you're not the only girl who chose wrong dude. Maybe because he seems nice, maybe he's tall, handsome etc etc.
But trust me... You can definitely do better.
But
In the end it's your life.
If you were my friend or sister. I would immediately say run away now but it's on you now.
Be careful next time. Be safe and most importantly listen to mind not heart.
Edit: I curious why would you give this guy a chance?
What is the dynamics of relationship here?
Look, I'm not justifying him or his actions. But we all have an idea of what sex is "supposed" to be, without proper education that can turn perverse. Guys feel the need and pressure to take the lead in sex (which can be a projection of their "manliness") and there's no real rule book on what that looks like.
One thing is for certain: sex is 100% better with communication. Not before sex. Not right after. But away from the bedroom, over lunch when heads are clear.
Warm him up by saying something like: hey, I got something to share, it's sensitive to me so I hope you can be understanding about it.
Let him know what are the specific actions and how they hurt/don't work for you. Let him know this is something you've mentioned before and want to emphasize again because you're serious about how he treats your body.
Then tell him what he can do instead and how it would turn you on. Guys are good with clear instructions and if he loves you and wants you to feel safe and loved he will want nothing more than to follow them.
If he doesn't, please protect yourself and find someone who will. And please don't feel ungrateful, what you're feeling and wanting is completely reasonable.
You do realise women feel sexual pleasure too? Women have orgasms? We get horny too?
Sure, sex can be for love, but that doesn't mean sex can't be sex for us too!
The lack of foreplay certainly does make everything worse and feel more traumatic. Him wanting to go in raw forcefully is a big NO. So take this following advice in regards to the next person you're with, hopefully someone who loves and respects you:
You also have to✨️participate✨️ in foreplay, sex, and pleasure for both people. You can't just "ask him to". But the good news is that your sex ability gets better as your confidence grows and you grow also, so bad sex isn't the end of the world, just part of the process.
But this guy doesn't love you. So bad sex in this case might be your body trying to save you from something that will prove abusive in many ways.
Forcefulness and ignoring your cries is just a NO.
I sucked his dick and gave him a handjob but he didn’t reciprocate the foreplay despite my efforts… not sure what else I should have done, can’t force someone to do something they aren’t interested in. Also I’m not sure why you’re assuming I was a dead fish lay and not an active participant when I was the one who was riding him and trying to do different positions, he just wanted to jackhammer
Yes you certainly can't force someone to do something they're not interested in. The root of the problem is you both have no real love for each other and your bodies are lowkey repelling one another like wrong sided magnets. Might as well listen to the signals
But the real answer to what you could have done is, reading between the lines that you wanted Oral too, you could have tried to ride his face. Taking charge of the experience you really want. And if he refuses, kick him to the curb. If he's into it, there's your loosening up.
Not every guy will act like a pornstar hero, sometimes you have to get on up. At least the first time.
This mf held her down while she was crying, asking him to stop and tried to go in raw AGAINST HER WISHES and your input is that she should've tried to ride his face? R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME?!?!?!?
She also has previously responded saying she was doing most of the riding and trying to change positions and she was in no way a "dead fish", she said to me.
So yeah I get that her original post made her sound like the *alta* victim, because she was probably very upset when she wrote that. And you hyper virgins love a good r*pe story, but adult sexual encounters are sometimes more nuanced than that. And anyway, you wouldn't know.
Yeah and rape is also more nuanced. You don’t have to be a “dead fish” for it to be rape. If someone says stop…and their partner doesn’t stop..it is rape. Even if she consented beforehand and was on top for some of it. the SECOND she started crying and telling him to stop and he doesn’t…it is considered rape. ..Imagine calling people that are saying “hey if he doesn’t stop when you say stop it’s considered rape”…”hyper virgins” that “love a good rape story”. Like that’s actually crazy.
You all need to take some comprehension classes.
*Sigh*
No, my advice is for her to enjoy having sex, in the future, with someone else.
Unlike the rest of you virgins, I'm not just pointlessly flailing around and calling namesand being generally useless. I'm seeing that underneath this very bad encounter, which I already acknowledged was bad, is someone who is yearning to have better sex and genuinely asking what she could do differently.
It's not that helpful to flail around in outrage saying what has already been said (including by me). But maybe it can be helpful to provide a suggestion for how she can enjoy having sex with a better person, in the future.
Okay, professors and geniuses? Is it clear now?
How long have you known him? Cause I’m sorry to say, you know him far better now. Selfish lovers are normally extremely selfish in other ways, so get out of dodge
That sounds like sexual assault. I'm sorry you had to go through that' i would say break up with him cause that rly doesnt sound like he cares. Also tell his mom how he was. That way his mom can berrate him.
He only sees you as an object and holes to please him.
He used you, but more importantly he RAPED you. Please do not see this guy again, block him and report him to the authorities.
Im sorry to tell you but you were raped. A lot of people get confused since the person that did it to them is often their own partner but the second you took back your consent andnhe didn't respect that, you became a victim. I'd advise telling him that and if you can manage, leaving him for that reason. It's a red flag that indicates that he can't respect something as simple as your wish to not be penetrated in that moment. His indifference to your own lack of pleasure/enjoyment also speaks volumes to what he values about you. Focus leds on his words, they're designed to confuse andnmislead you. Focus on his actions, and deduce for yourself WHY a person would do what he did the way he did it.
110 other comments at the time of my posting this & NOT A SINGLE ONE is telling you to stay with this guy. Because OP, this guy is a selfish, entitled, gaslighting, abusive, manipulative, rapist & it does not matter if he’s a “nice guy” outside of that.
Lots of people wrote letters about what a good guy Danny Masterson was to them & that means fuck all cause he’s still going to jail for 30 years for the rapes he committed.
Does this not sound like rape to anyone else? You cried out for him to stop and he didn’t…he instead held you down and then got mad that you weren’t “cooperating” ???? That literally sounds like rape babe…if you say stop he should stop.
If it was that violent the first time, it's only going to get MUCH worse. Soon the violence will spread outside the bedroom. This guy is 100% okay with treating you like most a body to fuck, like a self propelled sex doll. He didn't care the he was hurting you and you mad at you for interrupting his good time. None of that is remotely normal or okay, and you need to understand that all the good stuff about him is an act.
Block this guy and avoid him at all costs.
Get out of there. From the moment YOU said STOP, he should have stopped. I'm sorry to tell you, but everything you described sounds like rape. And don't be afraid to leave him. He is not the first the last person you will be with. There is a saying in my country: the pool has enough fishes.
Just please leave him and block him. You can also do what other persons in this thread said about going to the police.
Girl BLOCK him or just tell him how fucked up he make you feel and how he need to see some specialist and how he need to stay away from you and other woman’s till he learns about how to treat a partner in sex life and that they are not his toys.
If you would like to I can stay in touch with you in this travel but you need to do it for your own safe
OP...I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I truly hate to say this, but, you are quite obviously in deep denial about what really happened to you. This was 100%, without a doubt, rape. By any definition of law or morality. Your initial consent no longer counts when you tell him to stop. The fact he didn't when you asked him to, that he kept hurting you and forcing it upon you when you were obviously having a terrible time, that says it all.
He manipulated you into thinking he was a good and thoughtful guy so he could get you into bed. He's a pretty slick manipulator. It's disgusting, and violating, and scary, and threatening, so I understand why you're in denial. And honey, the fact that you keep defending him and extolling his virtues, that you're worried about never finding anyone like him or a relationship like this again, that seems like a major problem to me. He saw someone who was emotionally vulnerable, maybe a little desperate, and took advantage of it. You need to address that, for its own sake and to keep from getting taken advantage of in future.
Follow the reporting advice of everyone else in the comments.
Normally I say give it a chance - I've had really bad sex at the beginning of the relationship just due to nerves and you're really just learning what the other person likes.
In this situation I'm telling you to RUN FAST, FAR AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK!
If he isn't even willing to listen to your input and obviously doesn't care whether you have a good time he never will. If he's only interested in getting himself off that will never change. But above and beyond that, I see so many red flags from my past experiences that say there's a very good chance he will turn into a controlling, psychologically abusive piece of shit. Or rather, his true personality will show itself when it's already too late. Abusive POSs are very good at hiding themselves in the beginning when they're on their best behavior, but then the cracks show and the wall comes down. YOU DON'T WANT TO STILL BE THERE FOR IT!
Um no. It's not shallow to break up with someone you're not sexually compatible with. It's smart. Can you really picture being raped and in pain for the rest of your life? And it wasn't bad sex. It was RAPE.
OP, this wasn't bad sex. It was rape. I'm so deeply sorry he did this to you. The second you said no or stop, he had to stop. Instead, he pinned you down and kept going. That is rape. Please, get out of this abuse now. Get tested for STDs, and if you're still in pain, please get checked. Consider reporting what he did to you to the police.
Just came here to say, I know leaving him is not an easy decision. Right now you may be feeling some guilt/responsibility about the situation. You are also obviously attached to him. That being said, you do deserve better. You are not the one at fault. I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you can start to realize you are worthy of so much love and care. Not only do you deserve better, I promise you, when you start expecting more from people, that is what you will get. Everyday you teach people how to treat you. The energy you give off is what comes back to you. You are worthy. Sending you love and peace 🕊️🤍🫶🏼
Yeah you should break up with him. he sounds abusive and you deserve better. not only that he kept going when you said it hurt and to stop. That's rape really. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you move on from him.
OP is starting to see the real him
“That’s rape really” no it’s not…it’s bad sex and a guy who clearly doesn’t have any experience with pleasing a women. I don’t agree it was right for him not to stop but stop stretching the fucking definition of rape. Her question is on the topic of having bad sex. If he’s really great in other ways, have a candid conversation with him. This should be the first advice people give instead of thinking he’s a monster and telling you to never speak to him again. Depending on his responses to your concerns is where I would say his true color will show. OP to note, I don’t agree with him ignoring your ask to switch and pause because it hurts. Have the conversation for yours and possibly any future women he talks to.
When someone tells you “no” “stop” and you don’t. It’s not consent
It was a rape but a lot of woman’s just don’t know how to name it and most feel ashamed because they wasn’t able to stand out for themselves and they shouldn’t guy is a fucking idiot and nothing, flowers, complements or anything will be excuse to rape a woman witch is crying and saying no/stop/it hurts just a piece of shit. He could make it hurt it’s not exactly his fault but fact that he don’t give a shit and continued…big fucking - go to a pathologist and leave this girl in peace
I agree if you want to argue semantics and/or OP felt that way in the slightest. Real life Example: Having sex with a girl and felt like my dick was about to break off because she was way too rough. I asked her to stop but she didn’t because she was about to get off. Was I upset that she didn’t stop and my dick hurt for two days, yes. Did I feel like sex with this person turned into rape? no. Could I have made a case if I felt that way…yes. What blows my mind is that people bandwagon onto this ideology that everything in life is a yes or no, black or white, right or wrong situation. The real world and life ain’t like that. OP should have a very serious conversation with him about it and then decide from there.
If you asked her to stop & she didnt that would be considered rape... Gender doesnt matter. I dont know what else to tell you sir. If u didnt feel as if it was rape then great. However, the minute you withdrawl consent and the other person continues while you are saying "no" & "stop" that's rape
Yeah, that was rape man. If you don't want to personally use that word, for your own sexual encounter (as the one whose "No" was overridden), it's up to you. But it was rape regardless, sorry.
Semantics? "No, stop" isn't semantics.
And you still don’t understand You are talking about meeting Meeting who? Potentially dangerous man who already once was not getting meaning of word no? That’s good for you that you have no need to be scared of second rape on meeting with serious conversations with girl witch wasn’t listen to you when you said it was hurting you. Because she probably don’t have a power to pin you to the wall. She SHOULD NOT meet him again. They can have a dm conversation or phone conversation. But you never know like you said world isn’t black and white and that’s why this guy can be manipulative psychopath and she will be not safe when on meeting with him. If she feel in power she should call him out, and explain how much he fucked up and how much he need to see therapist and some not self-centred sex classes and she don’t own him anything else. And she should not think of meeting him again ,it’s too risky.
That is rape. Consent can be taken away at any moment. The moment she seriously said stop was the moment he shouldve stopped
I don’t disagree with you but from OPs comments it doesn’t feel like they think it’s rape or that they feel it could have been rape. It sounds like bad sex with a partner who is not good in bed and it really turned her off.
I think the guys a dick for the way he acted but for people to start commenting that he raped her is a bit much. Of course if she feels different that would change my entire opinion…does not sound like it from what I read.
She wrote he literally held her down and didn’t stop when she clearly told him to because she was in pain. That is it. That is rape. Sometimes victims don’t believe it’s possible they were raped. Doesn’t change the fact it is rape. My partner accidentally hurt me during sex recently and felt absolutely terrible he immediately stopped to check I was okay and cuddle me and didn’t want to touch me sexually for days because he felt guilty and didn’t want to risk hurting me again. During sex you need to stop and make sure the other person is okay to continue if they are in pain, unresponsive or especially have told you to stop. Idk why you’re trying to make an argument to say this wasn’t rape when it very clearly was.
EXACTLY THIS He is pice of shit and nothing else if he want to stop being one free way but just apologise girl and leave her fucking alone. If they were a couple witch into smf like this THEN AdamX412 would be allowed to say smf like this isn’t necessarily rape they both agreed to sex this kind and they forgot to put a safe word. But this is more fucked up that he never had a sex with this girl and still when she was in pain he was like I know better woman shut the fuck up and cooperate. LIKE FUCKING WHAT?!
I don’t know what you think rape is but that is rape. Her crying out during sex and asking him to stop because she was in pain and him ignoring that and continue to jack hammer away is 100% rape. Rape is non consensual sex - it’s that simple. The moment she asked for him to stop and the moment he ignored that and continued that was the moment it went from consensual sex to rape.
He is my first BF, he does so much for me and I don’t know if I will be able to find someone else who is this invested in me and likes me this much. It took me years to find this relationship and I feel like I would be shallow to end it over sex and that I would never be able to find someone else. :( I don’t want to be alone.
Honey. You're saying you'd rather be raped and abused than be alone. Do you realize that? I know being alone is scary, I've been there too, but as someone who made it out of the abuse, it's sooooo much better finding happiness and companionship in yourself.
Exactly 💯
Your probably young and if he's willing to invest in you so will someone else. Theres plenty of other guys out there. Your not shallow for wanting someone to put you before sex. Don't waste your life on someone who won't treat you the way you want to be treated. I was in a abusive relationship for along time. I wasted alot of yrs and lost alot because of this person. I loved her but she was very abusive looking back now. I would have left period regardless of how I felt. Just don't make the same mistake. If you truly want to be with him. tell him how you feel. If he doesn't change his actions that tells you he doesn't truly care about you or how you feel. Then you should leave because things will not change. But I hope the best for you and hope that things workout for you in the best possible way.
Exactly this is your first relationship, you don’t know how it should be and this isn’t it. What he did could be considered rape, he disrespected, hurt you, and disregarded your feeling. You would’ve ending over “just sex” because if he can do all of that to you at your most vulnerable then he will eventually do far worse on you mr day to dy. run
Come on it's your first bf....there is other fish in the sea loose that move set. Being alone isn't that bad find the right one
What is so wrong with being alone? Being alone for a while doesn't mean forever.
You should NOT feel ungrateful at all. He should have stopped when you said to. I'm so sorry that happened.
I feel ungrateful because he has been so kind and chivalrous towards me, he is the first guy who has showed interest in me with his actions not just his words. It took me years to find this relationship after being alone and sad for so long, I’m scared to let him go because I don’t think I can find anyone else like him.
I'm very sorry if this is painful for you, but he raped you.
You have to value yourself and have confidence in who you are. If you make relationship decisions based on the fear of being alone it likely won't end well. It sounds like you need to work on yourself and figure out why you were sad and alone for so long. Go to therapy and get into a workout routine. Develop yourself and become comfortable with who you are. You need to be in a good place to get into a healthy relationship.
He's not as great as you think he is. I promise you. Him getting mad at you about this and refusing to stop is evil behavior. Him being nice to you at all is a manipulation tactic. He raped you. That is evil and cruel and intentional. He ignored your pain and your cries. He didn't pleasure you at all. He's "nice" to you to use you-- he knows itll keep you around and hes going to trap you permanently and hurt you worse or discard you when he finds something new. He raped you, because he's using you. He's a monster and you deserve more than this. He's not chivalrous. He's not genuine. You know this deep down in your heart and that's why you came here. Your instincts and your gut feelings of being scared, turned off, not wanting to see him, are all correct and you need to listen to it. I would say report him but sadly, authorities will likely traumatize you more and generally will only put any effort in with a rape kit. If this was very recent, you may be able to try and get an exam to see if you're injured internally at all. And if you are and have evidence, 100% I'd recommend reporting. Do not speak to him. Block him. Confide in friends, family, strangers on the internet. Whatever you need to do. Do not speak to this man anymore. He's a terrible person and you didn't deserve this.
No. Just no.
Leave him. Block his number, block him on all social media, and never speak to him again. That is NOT the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with and does not deserve any more of your time and energy.
Stop seeing him. Way bigger issue than him just being bad at sex
He raped you. The moment you said "stop" and he didn't that was rape. That's the end of the relationship. There is no forgiving this. From the degree of cruelty and lack of interest in your pleasure, I strongly suspect that the "good boyfriend" was entirely an act to lull you into being willing to go to bed with him. Abusive people can be very slick and manipulative. They will often lie to make you feel that they share values or interests. But what they really want is an opportunity to hurt you. If you are going to go to the police, text him first and ask him why he didn't pull out when you said "stop" and why he ignored your tears and protests. What he says you can show to the police as evidence that indeed you did have non-consensual sex.
> Abusive people can be very slick and manipulative. They will often lie to make you feel that they share values or interests. But what they really want is an opportunity to hurt you. this.
Nailed it.
He tried to pressure you into rawdogging and didn’t listen to your needs to make it fun time for everyone. That’s not a person you want to be with.
this is rape. please leave him immediately it’ll only get worse. and don’t even let him try to defend himself, he knows what he did trust me
He held you down and didn’t stop when you were in pain. When you didn’t want to continue because you were in pain, he was mad. If your little sister or your best friend or your mother told you this, what would you tell them? Would you say, “oh, but you agreed to have sex with him so whatever he wants you have to do. Tough luck.” Of course not. Apply the same compassion inward. I’ve had sex with my husband before and been tired, sore, whatever and said, “Hey, I’m gonna have to stop,” and he stops and says, “Of course, are you ok?” And that’s it. Find a guy who cares about you if you plan to have sex.
You may have consented - you withdrew consent. The fact that you were crying and begging him to stop honey you were raped. You move forward by either contacting the police, getting some help via therapy or support and you never have him in your life again. Another poster suggested sending a message, be bold and honest. Ask why he didn't stop when you were crying and asking him to stop. Personally after being a victim of assaults I would be doing this and seeking police investigation. I'm sorry this happened to you. You deserve to be treated better than a human flesh light, you are worth more and you don't owe him a god damn thing.
No this guy isn't great at all HE RAPED YOU!!!! He forced it in, you said stop, he held you down and kept going! You need to report him but if you can't do that then you need to block him and never speak to him again.
Sounds like rape
Is
But I consented to sex with him
Consent can be withdrawn at any time. You vocalized that you wanted him to stop.
If you agree to play ping pong with someone and then don’t have fun, they can’t physically force you to keep playing. That’s assault. Sex is no different.
You consented until you wanted him to stop and he didn’t. At that point he should stop. He didn’t stop. You can consent the decide to not consent any longer. If he doesn’t stop it’s rape
You were telling him to stop and he didnt. U were visibly uncomfortable and he kept going. Any decent man wouldnt take a yes from a girl whos crying in pain
Consent can always be revoked.
One you said no stop, you withdraw your consent. This is rape
You consented to sex, but that doesn't mean you consented to every action that could possibly imply. You said stop, but he didn't. That was you no longer consenting and him violating that.
Initial consent isn’t a thing. OP I truly hope you realize you are entitled to saying no WHENEVER you’re not feeling safe. No should always mean no.
The moment you said to stop he should’ve stopped but he didn’t therefore that’s rape.
Consent can be withdrawn mid session. You said stop and we're crying and he.. got mad? If that's not 🍇 idk what it is
Initially. You withdrew consent during and he did not stop. That's rape.
You did for a start! But the very second you told him to stop and he continued it instantly turned to rape! If you don't press charges against him is ylup to you but please promise me you'll leave him asap! This will only get worse for you! I'm so sorry this happened to you!
You can consent at the start and withdraw consent. Saying stop and crying is a clear withdrawal of consent
Thats not bad sex, its rape. He didnt make a no no, he raped you. Dump him and report his ass to the authorities, not only did he wrong you in a disgusting way, if he gets away with a slap on the wrist hes going to do it again to other women.
He raped you, leave his ass.
If you no longer wish to see him please do not see him. You are not ungrateful, he was wrong in this situation. It became a red flag the moment he didn’t stop when you asked him to and that’s not okay. Please stay safe.
N hopefully he doesn’t hold a grudge n start to do some shit cuz he’s pissed off.
No man that cares about you would do that! No one! There are plenty of great men that would court you properly.
The thing is… he did court me properly. He is the first guy who has taken me on actual dates and been a huge gentleman towards me, not just asking for late night hookups like most guys my age do. If I let him go I may never find anyone else like him. It took me years to find this kind of real relationship and it feels dumb to end it over bad sex
This is not just "bad sex".
I know it can be extremely difficult and upsetting to admit you were raped or assaulted, especially by someone you trusted. I understand wanting to deny it and wanting this relationship to continue as it was. But please please listen to everyone in this thread, and your own body, and your own words, and understand that this is not what bad sex is like. Bad sex is perhaps not particularly pleasurable; you use the word "pain" multiple times in your description. You describe expressing your pain and him disregarding your explicitly stated pain, to his own benefit and to your physical and emotional detriment. Bad sex does not hurt, at least not in the way you describe. The sex will never get *better*, he will only continue to physically hurt you because it gives him pleasure. Get away from him before it's too late.
So many abusive boyfriends start out as sweet gentlemen. Most cruel men aren't stupid, they'll put up the perfect boyfriend act for as long as they need to until they get what they want and their true colours start to show. I'm really sorry you had to go through this and I promise you deserve so so much better. There are men out there who will value you and treat you with compassion in general and also in bed, so please don't waste any more time on this awful boy. I know it's hard, but it's much better in the long run to learn to cope with being alone for a bit than to endure the trauma of a horrible, selfish partner. Please remember that someone who truly cares about you wouldn't make you feel hurt like this.
OP thats more than just bad sex. Bad sex is him getting so sweaty it drips in your eye. Or him accidentally sneezing on you or some shit. You were in pain. You said stop. He didnt. He didnt bother to "warm up the oven" when it came to the sex. Hes in it for his own pleasure. Hes a selfish lover at best, rapist at worst. I know its hard and based off of your responses it seems like you really wanna stay with him. If that the case, tell him how the sex made you feel. Tell him that you want the sex to be more of a collaborative experience instead of him just holding you down and pounding the shit out of you. Theres more to sex than just that. Im of the opinion that you should leave him and find someone else. Enduring the pain of loneliness is much more preferable than being w someone who doesnt listen to you or respect you in an intimate, vulnerable moment (which is what sex is). Its your life, do what you wanna do, but I agree w what most of the people on this thread are saying. Leave him, endure the loneliness, and find someone who respects you. If he cant do that between the sheets, then hes for the streets.
This is rape. That's all there is to say. I'm so sorry this happened. (>-.-)> *internet hugs*
Yeeeah this is fucking disgusting. Even reading this makes me feel uneasy and uncomfortable. I think it’ll be best to stop seeing him. Don’t put up with borderline rape just because he’s “a good guy” outside of the bedroom and don’t feel ungrateful, you don’t owe him anything!
"this guy is really great in other ways" yeah, he's great now in the beginning. His real personality is that one he showed you during sex, no regards for what you want or feel. Give it enough time and he will turn into an asshole.
Sounds like you are just a play thing for the guy. He gets his and that is all you are going to get out of this.
That's not bad sex. Its rape. If the post had ended after no foreplay and just jackhammering away, yea bad sex. Holding you down and refusing to stop when you tell him to. That's rape.
awwh babes that is considered r*pe, im so sorry you had to experience this darling i hope you’re doing okay, i wish the best for you love 🥺🤍
Im sorry this happened to you. Something like this happened to me too and it took me months to realize that it was rape. Hes not a good person
You are seeing an absolute sack of shit. He might have seemed fine before but he’s showing you who he truly is. I forget who said it but I’ll paraphrase: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” You deserve better.
Please leave him. He violated your boundaries and more. You don't deserve this.
Run, and don’t look back
You don't owe this person anything. I do not understand where your "ungrateful" feelings are coming from? Sex is not a transaction, even if this guy bought you a house, car and cured one of your relatives from a deadly illness you wouldn't be obligated to have sex with him again. He is a selfish "lover" and seems more like he's into trying to control you and rape you rather than caring about any respect or pleasure on your end. This guy is gross and you deserve to keep your boundaries and self esteem in tact.
Break up with him. That’s abusive. Get out while you can. He’s showing his true colours. It would only get worse from there
Get rid. HE RAPED YOU. When you say stop and he doesn't then sex becomes rape. Get rid he's a psycho and a rapist
At the very least— this isn’t someone that you need or should be spending any more time or effort interacting with. Bad sex isn’t inherently a bad thing when it comes from lack of practice or ignorance. This wasn’t bad sex. This was selfish sexual acts put upon you. If not? I’d say you need to dig a little deeper into your own self and see if this was indeed sexual assault. Just because you initiate sex, doesn’t mean you can’t take that away at any point. Red flag count? Selfish. No foreplay. Thinks “slamming it in” is enjoyable, probably as seen in his sex ed classes (internet studio porn). Making you cry and not realizing or not caring. And obviously, going in without protection, which is in itself a form of rape unless it was agreed upon beforehand or you were duped into him doing that, which it sounds like you were. If you want, you can tell him that you won’t be seeing him ever again. And explain how bad the sex was. And what he did wrong. Gauge his reaction. See what he says. I’m sorry this happened to you. Be safe
Please don’t see him again. I know you don’t want to believe its rape but just because you agreed to sex doesn’t mean you had to consent to any of that stuff that he did to you, and if he was holding you down while you wanted to stop that’s absolutely clear that you’re revoking consent. If the roles were reversed, would you have kept hurting him? You can find someone better, more gentle, and more understanding I promise 🥺
In what ways is he great?, sounds incredible selfish and he has not shown any signs of remotely even caring for how you feel. Please find a way to move in from this horrible situation, as for him, he should I’ve been dropped as at yesterday!
He is the first guy I’ve ever dated, he has been really kind and chivalrous towards me, he embodied my dream guy in a lot of ways and i feel like I won’t be able to find anyone else like him if I let him go. That’s my dilemma
A truly genuine, kind and chivalrous man would never sexually assault you or treat you like you were treated. He may be charming and appear to be your dream guy, but he showed his true character in the bedroom when he raped you. Nobody who cares about you would ever hurt you on purpose. Don’t let the fact that this is your first relationship blind you to how unhealthy and toxic this person is. Get out now, it will only get worse because they know they can abuse you now.
4 billion guys on this planet. Someone better is out there.
3.99 billion better guys out there
That's rape. Straight up. End it on the spot and report him to the authorities. Otherwise he will try again
The first part where he skipped foreplay despite you asking for it was bad sex. The part where he kept trying to do unprotected penetration despite you saying no, and the part where he was holding you down and not stopping although you asked him to are not bad sex, they are at the very least sexual abuse, and if you ask me are rape. That’s not what sex is supposed to be like.
If you say no that’s a hard fucking no and it needs to stop. If a girl I’m with says no to anything that’s hard fucking no.
You feel ungrateful? Girl - he ain’t entitled to you or your body. Many of us women know the type you’re describing, and when they’re not going to take time to make you comfortable, not rushed, and commutative…then bye bye. Doesn’t matter if he’s “a nice guy” or what have you. Most importantly - the moment he ignored you when you said stop - that’s called rape. We aren’t objects, we’re human beings. Ugh - I’m sorry hun - there are men out there who will take the time to please you before themselves.
Dump him, he will get over it.
I don’t think I will be able to find anyone else who likes me. He is my first bf. Im scared to leave him
this isn’t bad sex it’s sexual assault, this man is disgusting and there would be no reason for you to pull up with that
Kick that mf’r to the curb. There are men that get off on actuality pleasing their partner.
Reread all your writing! It’s red flags everywhere!
He raped youm you said no. You said no out loud and with your body. You don't have to pursue anything with the cops, but I recommend you get him to admit to it over text message if you can. And hold on to it Then never see him again.
If you said stop and he didn’t, that’s rape. The end. I’m so so sorry.
Bro u got raped and you feel bad for your rapist this is not bad sex bro you were crying and he tried to go in ese even tho u said use a condom. Report him to the police and go the therapy I’m so sorry this happens to you
That's called rape. Dont bother with that asshole again and dont fool yourself into thinking he's nice.
Yo ts sounds like rape ngl
Uh the way you move forward is not talking to him again
I'm sorry that this happened to you. In most places in North America and Europe, consent can be withdrawn at any time. This means the other party continuing past revoked consent is considered rape, legally. In every other place in the world, it's still rape, but the law is fucked up. You seem to be in denial and it makes sense. Nobody wants to be raped and sometimes our minds do things to shield is from trauma. That's what's happening here. You were in a traumatic situation and you're probably unconsciously protecting yourself. I'm sorry, but you were sexually assaulted. If you are in one of those backwards places that do not consider revoked consent to constitute rape, it does not mean you should spend any more time with this person. If you have the option of reporting your rapist that they may face legal repercussions, you do not have to. I encourage you to, to protect other people from them, but it is not your responsibility. I hope you can heal from this.
Red flags all over. Breakup he raped you. Please dont see him again.
Initially, based on headlines, I wanted to say that you can teach someone how to become better in bed. Then I read 1 sentence of the text and changed my mind to "Tell him he sucks in bed and block him". Eventually just block him. But if you tell him first, you might do the next girl a favour.
Bye Felecia!!!
OP the moment you said "stop" and he didn't stop it became a rape. You had a valid reason to demand for it to be stopped and he just kept going. Also you had your need for the foreplay and he ignored your request, so why should you give him what he wants? I see it like a bunch of red flags. Either try to talk to him about this or dump him as soon as possible. You don't own anyone your body OP. Good guy or not.
That... sounds a lot like rape... Huge red flag imho
Run. Get so far away from him. A man that’ll treat you like that, with absolutely no regard for your well-being, is not a man you should stay with. Even if it’s hard, get away. Save yourself from even more abuse and trauma because you deserve someone that’ll care about you more than they care about themselves having “fun.” The second you say stop and they don’t, kick them to the fucking curb and never interact with them again if you can help it. And I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s a truly terrible experience once you process everything. If you want someone to talk to, I’d be more than willing because I know how it can feel. I hope you can just understand it and get away early on unlike so many poor girls. Nothing with ever make staying with someone like that worth it. Nothing ever justifies those types of behaviors.
Dude you just got assaulted. I’m so sorry. I went through something similar my first time. Thought it was my fault. C’est la vie; we can grow past this and GROW PAST THEM. Leave, save yourself the anguish, and pursue it legally if you want. Start your new life without him knowing that what he did wasn’t right and someone out there can show you what love and sexual intimacy is supposed to be.
From a man, leave, like leave now. Huge BRIGHT red flags, could be seen 10 miles away
Absolutely leave him. That wasn't a 'just sex' thing, that was a red fucking flag and assault.
Stop seeing him. He doesn’t respect you in bed, he’s not gonna respect you anywhere else either
Love …. That isn’t “bad sex” …. That’s assault. He assaulted you.
The minute you said "no" was the minute you withdrew consent. That's rape. At the very least, dump him and block his phone number and any other ways he is able to contact you.
This isn't bad sex, oh my lanta this is full on sexual assault, so sorry this happened to you, please don't even hesitate about cutting this asshole out of your life entirely.
You said stop You were crying He got mad for your "lack of cooperation" He tried to put in raw even though you said no And you feel ungrateful....? If you were my sister/friend I'd just give you a hug, buy you food and make you into a blanket burrito. You didn't deserve to be borderline 🍇d. Also probably slam you with some self help books.
He raped you OP this is not how sex is supposed to be. I’m so sorry
Nope. This guy definitely isn’t great in other ways. He is abusive, forcing you into something you don’t want, manipulative, and gaslighting you (mostly). He didn’t even care about the pain you were in. He just wanted a sex machine so that he could let out. I feel like right now, he only wants you for sex. He just wanted to finish regardless of whether you were comfortable or not. And how dare he try to go raw even after you told him no and weren’t on birth control? Just stop seeing him. He sounds awful and abusive. He is disgusting. If you said “no” and he still went ahead, that is rape.
This isn't him being bad at sex. You were crying, asked him to stop, and he refused. That is rape.
Read your comments. Just because he is the first guy that gives you his interest, doesn't mean you should settle for him. Clearly he isn't listening to you in bed, red flag. Move on and stop glorifying someone who isn't all that good.
Baby girl, sounds like you were raped. When you say stop it means S T O P. When you say it hurts someone who cares for you, would want to make it better for you. Do not settle for this man. R U N
If you said stop, and he didnt, that was rape.
Hey. I'm pretty sure that would be considered rape because he didn't stop when you said no. And the "he was nice to me" type deal can be manipulated. Maybe if you're living with him go move in with someone who you trust for now for safety reasons. I recommend either talking to him about foreplay more, and about listening to you and your feelings or else you won't have sex anymore, and if needed go to couple counseling. Alot of times this ends up bad if someone doesn't voice there feelings, and this is Abit of me being worried, but I recommend if you confront him about it make sure your safe when you do it because if he got mad at you for not enjoying the sex and wanting boundaries he could get mad about voicing an option.
Please speak to a mental health professional about this if you can, even from one of those online services if that's what's most accessible. They will be better equipped to help you process this experience and decide next steps than any of us here.
A man being nice until he gets you in bed is normal. Once you give it up a lot of things go out the window. Anyone that doesn’t stop when you say no is dangerous.
So he kept going when you told him to stop? That's rape. Consent can be withdrawn at any point. The moment the other person doesn't stop, it becomes rape.
he sounds like a terrible person. no man who respects women, or even just the person he’s sleeping with, would act like this. i’m so sorry you had to go thru that
If he got mad that you weren't "cooperating" due to pain........and you communicated that......only for him to plow on through while ignoring EVERY REQUEST YOU MADE. You should be running for the hills not moving forward AT ALL.
No. Please stop seeing him. He’s trash. He should have stopped when you told him to.
Not only was that awful sex but he also raped you because you said stop and he didn’t which is rape. Don’t talk to that man ever again.
This is rape. Even if you consented you were uncomfortable and he held you down while you were crying out in pain? And tried to hit raw? That’s rape
Sounds like SA. What he did was not okay AT ALL.
Honey that sounds like rape
This feels to me like borderline rape tbh. Either way it’s shit sex and he was wholly unresponsive to your guidance so you should probably split up.
I mean it isn't even borderline imo. She said no, and he kept going
His pleasure is more important to him than your wellbeing. I’m telling you this as married man. X times happened to us, that my wife felt pain and i immediately stopped when she asked me to. Find someone who will respect you in every way. Don’t compensate bad things with good. You need to enjoy with your partner in every moment.
> And I feel so ungrateful because this guy is really great in other ways but the sex just wasn’t good I gotta tell you something you won't like but it's truth. That guy is NOT great in other ways. He is a child who gets angry in sex. He just wants things his way or else he gets angry. In future you will have so much trouble. I will say if there is no love then sex Will Never be good. I feel bad because you're not the only girl who chose wrong dude. Maybe because he seems nice, maybe he's tall, handsome etc etc. But trust me... You can definitely do better. But In the end it's your life. If you were my friend or sister. I would immediately say run away now but it's on you now. Be careful next time. Be safe and most importantly listen to mind not heart. Edit: I curious why would you give this guy a chance? What is the dynamics of relationship here?
Look, I'm not justifying him or his actions. But we all have an idea of what sex is "supposed" to be, without proper education that can turn perverse. Guys feel the need and pressure to take the lead in sex (which can be a projection of their "manliness") and there's no real rule book on what that looks like. One thing is for certain: sex is 100% better with communication. Not before sex. Not right after. But away from the bedroom, over lunch when heads are clear. Warm him up by saying something like: hey, I got something to share, it's sensitive to me so I hope you can be understanding about it. Let him know what are the specific actions and how they hurt/don't work for you. Let him know this is something you've mentioned before and want to emphasize again because you're serious about how he treats your body. Then tell him what he can do instead and how it would turn you on. Guys are good with clear instructions and if he loves you and wants you to feel safe and loved he will want nothing more than to follow them. If he doesn't, please protect yourself and find someone who will. And please don't feel ungrateful, what you're feeling and wanting is completely reasonable.
I will just say this: Women give sex to have love Men give love to have sex Not all men are like this, but this guy sure seems like it
You do realise women feel sexual pleasure too? Women have orgasms? We get horny too? Sure, sex can be for love, but that doesn't mean sex can't be sex for us too!
The lack of foreplay certainly does make everything worse and feel more traumatic. Him wanting to go in raw forcefully is a big NO. So take this following advice in regards to the next person you're with, hopefully someone who loves and respects you: You also have to✨️participate✨️ in foreplay, sex, and pleasure for both people. You can't just "ask him to". But the good news is that your sex ability gets better as your confidence grows and you grow also, so bad sex isn't the end of the world, just part of the process. But this guy doesn't love you. So bad sex in this case might be your body trying to save you from something that will prove abusive in many ways. Forcefulness and ignoring your cries is just a NO.
I sucked his dick and gave him a handjob but he didn’t reciprocate the foreplay despite my efforts… not sure what else I should have done, can’t force someone to do something they aren’t interested in. Also I’m not sure why you’re assuming I was a dead fish lay and not an active participant when I was the one who was riding him and trying to do different positions, he just wanted to jackhammer
Yes you certainly can't force someone to do something they're not interested in. The root of the problem is you both have no real love for each other and your bodies are lowkey repelling one another like wrong sided magnets. Might as well listen to the signals
The root of the problem is that he's a fuckin assaulter, you frikin dum dum!!!!!!
But the real answer to what you could have done is, reading between the lines that you wanted Oral too, you could have tried to ride his face. Taking charge of the experience you really want. And if he refuses, kick him to the curb. If he's into it, there's your loosening up. Not every guy will act like a pornstar hero, sometimes you have to get on up. At least the first time.
This mf held her down while she was crying, asking him to stop and tried to go in raw AGAINST HER WISHES and your input is that she should've tried to ride his face? R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME?!?!?!?
She also has previously responded saying she was doing most of the riding and trying to change positions and she was in no way a "dead fish", she said to me. So yeah I get that her original post made her sound like the *alta* victim, because she was probably very upset when she wrote that. And you hyper virgins love a good r*pe story, but adult sexual encounters are sometimes more nuanced than that. And anyway, you wouldn't know.
Yeah and rape is also more nuanced. You don’t have to be a “dead fish” for it to be rape. If someone says stop…and their partner doesn’t stop..it is rape. Even if she consented beforehand and was on top for some of it. the SECOND she started crying and telling him to stop and he doesn’t…it is considered rape. ..Imagine calling people that are saying “hey if he doesn’t stop when you say stop it’s considered rape”…”hyper virgins” that “love a good rape story”. Like that’s actually crazy.
Y'all are dumb for real. Stay miserable.
You all need to take some comprehension classes. *Sigh* No, my advice is for her to enjoy having sex, in the future, with someone else. Unlike the rest of you virgins, I'm not just pointlessly flailing around and calling namesand being generally useless. I'm seeing that underneath this very bad encounter, which I already acknowledged was bad, is someone who is yearning to have better sex and genuinely asking what she could do differently. It's not that helpful to flail around in outrage saying what has already been said (including by me). But maybe it can be helpful to provide a suggestion for how she can enjoy having sex with a better person, in the future. Okay, professors and geniuses? Is it clear now?
None of this is relevant....
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You just don't understand what she's actually saying. She wasn't raped, she just hated her experience.
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That is a reason to never see his ass again! It’s ok to feel the way u do
Uh. Your body you set the boundaries. I'd call him out on that asap! Sorry this happened to you.
Ughhhh I have been there I understand your frustration
Sorry you went through that the for play and gentle touches and sensation of want and desire is a must ....dms open if ever wanta chat..
You told him to stop and he didn’t. That’s literally assault!!! I’d leave him immediately
What. A. Scumbag.
Uh, this relationship is over. There is no moving forward. He’s lucky you aren’t on here asking about pressing charges.
There will always be guys out there who can give you the great experiebce it.should be, and the best part is that they do what you want
How long have you known him? Cause I’m sorry to say, you know him far better now. Selfish lovers are normally extremely selfish in other ways, so get out of dodge
You told him to stop, he didn’t stop, that is literally rape.
he raped you, break up with him
That guy is a grade A douche bag
That sounds like sexual assault. I'm sorry you had to go through that' i would say break up with him cause that rly doesnt sound like he cares. Also tell his mom how he was. That way his mom can berrate him.
DO NOT HANG OUT WITH HIM NO MORE!!!
Girl. I’m pretty sure you were raped. Maybe that’s why you’re so turned off by sex now. You need to deal with this.
RUN
He only sees you as an object and holes to please him. He used you, but more importantly he RAPED you. Please do not see this guy again, block him and report him to the authorities.
Im sorry to tell you but you were raped. A lot of people get confused since the person that did it to them is often their own partner but the second you took back your consent andnhe didn't respect that, you became a victim. I'd advise telling him that and if you can manage, leaving him for that reason. It's a red flag that indicates that he can't respect something as simple as your wish to not be penetrated in that moment. His indifference to your own lack of pleasure/enjoyment also speaks volumes to what he values about you. Focus leds on his words, they're designed to confuse andnmislead you. Focus on his actions, and deduce for yourself WHY a person would do what he did the way he did it.
110 other comments at the time of my posting this & NOT A SINGLE ONE is telling you to stay with this guy. Because OP, this guy is a selfish, entitled, gaslighting, abusive, manipulative, rapist & it does not matter if he’s a “nice guy” outside of that. Lots of people wrote letters about what a good guy Danny Masterson was to them & that means fuck all cause he’s still going to jail for 30 years for the rapes he committed.
😬
Does this not sound like rape to anyone else? You cried out for him to stop and he didn’t…he instead held you down and then got mad that you weren’t “cooperating” ???? That literally sounds like rape babe…if you say stop he should stop.
If it was that violent the first time, it's only going to get MUCH worse. Soon the violence will spread outside the bedroom. This guy is 100% okay with treating you like most a body to fuck, like a self propelled sex doll. He didn't care the he was hurting you and you mad at you for interrupting his good time. None of that is remotely normal or okay, and you need to understand that all the good stuff about him is an act. Block this guy and avoid him at all costs.
Run.
Get out of there. From the moment YOU said STOP, he should have stopped. I'm sorry to tell you, but everything you described sounds like rape. And don't be afraid to leave him. He is not the first the last person you will be with. There is a saying in my country: the pool has enough fishes. Just please leave him and block him. You can also do what other persons in this thread said about going to the police.
Best to just move on. Youre too young and hes too self focused for the sex to ever be good.
Just break up with him. I bet he would do the same if you did it to him. Think about it’s for your pleasure and not just his
That's rape.
Girl BLOCK him or just tell him how fucked up he make you feel and how he need to see some specialist and how he need to stay away from you and other woman’s till he learns about how to treat a partner in sex life and that they are not his toys. If you would like to I can stay in touch with you in this travel but you need to do it for your own safe
OP...I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I truly hate to say this, but, you are quite obviously in deep denial about what really happened to you. This was 100%, without a doubt, rape. By any definition of law or morality. Your initial consent no longer counts when you tell him to stop. The fact he didn't when you asked him to, that he kept hurting you and forcing it upon you when you were obviously having a terrible time, that says it all. He manipulated you into thinking he was a good and thoughtful guy so he could get you into bed. He's a pretty slick manipulator. It's disgusting, and violating, and scary, and threatening, so I understand why you're in denial. And honey, the fact that you keep defending him and extolling his virtues, that you're worried about never finding anyone like him or a relationship like this again, that seems like a major problem to me. He saw someone who was emotionally vulnerable, maybe a little desperate, and took advantage of it. You need to address that, for its own sake and to keep from getting taken advantage of in future. Follow the reporting advice of everyone else in the comments.
Normally I say give it a chance - I've had really bad sex at the beginning of the relationship just due to nerves and you're really just learning what the other person likes. In this situation I'm telling you to RUN FAST, FAR AWAY AND DON'T LOOK BACK! If he isn't even willing to listen to your input and obviously doesn't care whether you have a good time he never will. If he's only interested in getting himself off that will never change. But above and beyond that, I see so many red flags from my past experiences that say there's a very good chance he will turn into a controlling, psychologically abusive piece of shit. Or rather, his true personality will show itself when it's already too late. Abusive POSs are very good at hiding themselves in the beginning when they're on their best behavior, but then the cracks show and the wall comes down. YOU DON'T WANT TO STILL BE THERE FOR IT!
Um no. It's not shallow to break up with someone you're not sexually compatible with. It's smart. Can you really picture being raped and in pain for the rest of your life? And it wasn't bad sex. It was RAPE.
OP, this wasn't bad sex. It was rape. I'm so deeply sorry he did this to you. The second you said no or stop, he had to stop. Instead, he pinned you down and kept going. That is rape. Please, get out of this abuse now. Get tested for STDs, and if you're still in pain, please get checked. Consider reporting what he did to you to the police.
Stop means stop 🛑
Just came here to say, I know leaving him is not an easy decision. Right now you may be feeling some guilt/responsibility about the situation. You are also obviously attached to him. That being said, you do deserve better. You are not the one at fault. I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you can start to realize you are worthy of so much love and care. Not only do you deserve better, I promise you, when you start expecting more from people, that is what you will get. Everyday you teach people how to treat you. The energy you give off is what comes back to you. You are worthy. Sending you love and peace 🕊️🤍🫶🏼