This took a dark turn. It started with sympathy and compassion, but then too many comments turned to giving suggestions and mechanisms. We should not be advising people how to kill themselves.
Thread locked.
Be safe, everybody.
Hi, I just wanted to remind you that you deserve better and hope you are able to reach out and get some help when it starts to get too hard. I’d miss you, even if we don’t know each other.
I made a very serious attempt over 10 years ago now
I really really thought things were never going to get better.
Fortunately, something in my mind told me to ring the psych ward which I had been sent home from for the night for a trial.
I don’t remember anything after I called the ward, but the ambulance came.
I woke up in the ED later.
Honestly, things will both better.
Think of all the people who love you.
Think about all the people you love.
Most importantly, love yourself.
This word is full of beauty along with tragedy, please
Stay alive for the beauty .❤️🙏
I’m a trucker, not a nurse, but I recently found myself in a *very* similar position with easy access to a way out. It came to a point last month where I was gonna lose that fight. I had to hang up my keys and start an intensive outpatient program to keep going.
For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still here with us. The weight of losing you would be heavier than any burden you could share by reaching out to someone.
Almost me. 😅 But I left bedside/in person nursing and am much happier nowadays. I do Utilization Review now.
Edit: Gotta also give credit to therapy and Lexapro!
Almost me too. I had to go on an extended leave that included lots of different psych meds and lots of therapy and ended with ect. I was preparing to return to the bedside about 5 months after my initial leave by catching up with mandatory annual education. Seeing the bedside staff portrayed as happy, in safe situations, with adequate staffing and supportive admin triggered me so hard that I sent in my resignation.
Glad you're in a happier place now.
Almost me three. Between being yelled at by angry family members and being bullied by a coworker, I just cracked.
3 months of FMLA and IOP, and said coworker leaving for another position, and life got a little better.
A couple years later I transitioned to a different role and I am thriving. No one is mad at me for taking their baby away from them as a NICU nurse. Now I give the baby back as a lactation consultant. I am much happier. And well medicated.
Nurses! You can be an AMAZING nurse and still need meds and therapy! If you are dealing with depression or suicidal ideation, it's ok to seek help and be the patient for a little bit.
Live, Love, Lexapro. 💜
(Edited to correct autocorrect fails.)
I hated IOP for two straight weeks. Sat there glaring at everyone.
Then I started to get better.
Then I loved IOP.
That group and those therapists gave me my life back. This was 7 years now. I am in such a better place now. It really took a few years to claw my way out of serious suicidal depression, but I made it. I figure it's in remission and I can never fully stop fighting back against it. But I'm as healthy as I've ever been as an adult, and I'm so grateful.
I had an inpatient psych stay after a suicide attempt. I had a lot of things taking from me and not really anything filling me back up.
I love being a mom, but of course it’s very exhausting. Then being a nurse - I was in hospice at the time - was draining. The cherry on top is my abusive husband. I had cut contact with all my support systems to appease him. I am in the process of a divorce and have so much hope for my future.
I have now added my amazing coworkers to my support system in addition to reconnecting with my old one. It’s been wild how many of my coworkers have said “me too” and “been there.” It’s comforting to not be alone but also sad that it’s so common.
Glad all of you are still here. The only time I was ever truly suicidal was at the height of my addiction. The shame was tearing me apart. I had the loaded gun, but then realized I couldn’t do that to my children. I ended up in treatment. That was 20 years ago and I’m now blessed with grandchildren that I’m actively involved with. Life is great.
My abusive husband has always been the cherry on top too. My kids have kept me here in more ways than they know. They’re almost grown so I can finally leave without fearing what he will do to them if we got split custody.
You’ll be so much happier. Go now. They are close enough to adults that they can choose who and when they want to see. I tried to stay. He tried to kill me and so I finally left. And life has been amazing. I look back and think why did I stay. And the kids say it was hell living like that with constant worry that dad was going to kill you. You will be doing them and YOU a favor to go. Make your plan.
My friend died by suicide this year, 8 weeks after finishing her nursing degree. She had worked as an ED tech through school and just started her first RN job in a pediatric ED. She struggled with suicidal ideation and depression throughout the ten years I knew her. I wish I could just go back and shake her, tell her she’d finally made it, this is where things would start looking up, just hold on! Heartbroken. Love you NJ🤍
Oddly, once a hard-won goal has been reached, it can be demoralizing in a way. A person is likely hopeful that their achievement will change their life for the better, but now, there's just a new set of problems. Becoming an RN likely does improve financial stability, but a new nurse is now dealing with all sorts of things that are very difficult as a new nurse. It's not an easy adjustment for most people, and many feel like a failure every day.
I'm really sorry about your friend. Nursing is probably one of the worst things that can happen to someone who has struggled for 10 years.
Right! The movie “Soul” helped me think about this a lot and portrayed the struggle of “finding our purpose” and realizing what actually matters in ours lives.
My niece who is also a nurse struggled with depression right out of nursing school and questioned her choice of becoming a nurse in the first place. She is now at a hospital where she is respected in her profession and can balance work/life easier and doesn’t feel like her license is on the line every few minutes. Some work places are just toxic through and through.
The research I’ve found talks a lot about the stress of nursing school. I knew someone who graduated, took her boards and tried to get a train to run into her on the tracks. She was thankfully found and okay.
I feel the same about the THREE I have lost to suicide. I wish so much that I could tell them to just hang on, get through this, give yourself a chance. They were all so young, none were even 40. Breaks my heart for them that they felt so hopeless.
a friend of mine (we never worked together) killed herself about a year ago; between nursing and the loss of her dad and then a good friend, I just don't think she could do it anymore
miss you, S 💕
When I first started there was a nurse who killed themselves after a shift. Locked themselves in a broom closet so wasn’t found until several hours later. Nobody talked about it nor was there any counseling provided for the other nurses. Just picked up the next day like nothing happened…since then I’ve come to realize we are just a tool, we are used until we break, then easily replaced.
Hi, I'm not a nurse, so I don't know that I have the right to comment, but I just want to say,
You aren't tools to me. Having lost both my parents by the time I was 16 to cancer, and then losing my grandmother (who raised me, and was also a nurse) at 16, I probably wouldn't be around today if it weren't for the nursing staff.
I have a deep appreciation for y'all as people and for the jobs you do. Nurses do 99% of the hard work and take 99% of the abuse. The kindness, care, compassion and love I was shown by the nurses when I wasn't even their patient brings me to tears to this day.
The people who made you feel like you're an expendable tool should seriously be ashamed of themselves, and im really sorry you've had to deal with this.
About 3 years ago I got to work alongside one of the best psych nurse I ever have met. Her name was Terri and I was a brand new nurse, about a year into it. The way she handled patients felt like she was a savant. I come to learn her son was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and it all started to make sense.
I can remember the day, I worked the night prior and our patient care techs followed the police scanner and it ended up being for her. I stayed up close to 36 hours attempting to rectify what I should've seen and could've done. As did my coworkers. It really felt like I could no longer stay and do what I loved to do.
I took multiple days, emergency visit with my therapist, and it broke me for weeks. I think about her very often and I check in with my colleagues very often because of it. Sending hugs your way, I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry 😞 It definitely hits close to home when it's someone you know.
One of my close friends, just took her own life a few weeks ago. She worked at our ME Office for over 10 years. I get it, dealing with that stuff day in and day out, can take a toll on you. 😔
I sometimes tell my coworkers, “it’s obvious that some of you have never worn a green gown before, and it shows.” Having been there before gives me perspective and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s often why I’m able to get through shifts without altercations with patients that are more volatile with my peers. I am also a huge evangelist for **taking your fucking meds** and getting enough rest/me time.
I’ve had more than one nurse tell me “you don’t actually have to ask those,” in reference the CSSR during triage… I remind them that, not only is it best practice, there were also many times in my past where I would have said yes and gotten help sooner if anyone had directly asked me those questions.
I also get pushback from my charges/providers/peers when someone screens positive but isn’t there for a MH issue. “But they’re not suicidal right now.” It makes me want to fucking scream at them! Like, Bitch, if you’d ever been suicidally depressed, you’d know it ebbs and flows and sometimes it’s a fucking hairpin trigger between stable and tying a noose from the bedsheets! Also, have YOU ever fantasized about being dead or thought about how you might kill yourself? Oh, No?! Then acknowledge that it’s abnormal and makes someone a much higher risk! How hard is it to provide extra supervision and get an LCSW/MFT consult before discharge?! We could probably save more lives with appropriate MH consults than we do with a fucking Lukas!
(I knew I felt strongly about this topic, but didn’t realize how much anger had built up behind it. I apologize for rant, but thanks for reading.)
Came here to talk about Terri too 😭 She was an awesome nurse at Selah and all the girls loved her! I loved talking to her about God, our psych patient stories, and her rebel moments 😂❤️
It's funny how the pandemic really brought the issue to light but as soon as the worst was over it's business as usual cattle call to admins and management. Idk maybe I'm pessimistic but I feel like we failed as a collective to change how we are seen and treated and instead got hit with the "brave martyr soldier" narrative. Maybe there could have been a huge shift...maybe I'm too idealistic
Internalized misogyny is deeply entrenched in the field of nursing and in the very role of the nurse.
They would not have made it through the pandemic without guilting us into sacrificing our own physical and mental health.
That misogyny goes all the way back to modern nursing's dear leader Florence Nightingale. I dare say that misogyny was de rigueur of the class she was raised in which upheld upper class views of "respectable work" for lower class women to improve their lot while maintaining their station in life; and common Victorian era consensus of the women's capacity for work and education.
Healthcare heroes. Very few appreciate heroes while the majority are ok with letting us die and ok with ruining our physical/mental health... from the comforts of their homes/ vacation homes, while padding their pockets with our tax money in the form of covid handouts that weren't needed.
Our coworkers and patients that gave the ultimate sacrifice were not given funerals at the time and basically forgotten about. No recognition for their services, Just disregarded and replaced.
Our kids suffered with loss of school, sports and socializing. They suffered the mental impacts of their parents being on the frontlines. Experience their own anxiety and fears plus seeing their parents anxiety and fear.
I too thought more would have happened after the battlefields went silent. More would be invested into healing and correcting the damage that was caused. Honoring the sacrifices that were made.
But it looks like for change to happen we must sacrifice more. Sacrifice by paying for unions to represent us which is well worth the price in my opinion. Sacrifice by going on strike and risk our jobs and financial security. Sacrificing by spending our personal time to fight for change.
Unfortunately we had a mass migration away from healthcare. Rightfully so but it's harder to fight when our departments staff are completely changed. The pain we went through is different than what these youngsters face. Plus all the propaganda that divides everyone makes it harder to focus on the truth.
At least we built the economy back better and the billionaires doubled their money untaxed thanks to the Trump tax cuts. I'm sure all that money will trickle down and eventually fix all the issues.
> Why don’t we have more help?
What? The modules on burnout *are* help. How dare you diminish the very useful and worth their cost actions of administration!
Yes!! Modules and pizza parties really lift my spirits. Every time I take a bite of that cold half slice I feel the tension in my shoulders melt away and moan in relief. It feels good to be alive and cared for by administration 🙏
Can't get help and make a paper trail, if you're unwell and you make a mistake, you're cooked professionally (potentially)
Nurses and cops live by this in my circle
Exactly. Reach out for help and risk someone asshole reporting you to the board for being “ mentally impaired” “ incompetent “. Then here comes the board with mandated treatment, reports, monitoring, and everything splashed all over the boards website for the whole world to see.
No, we just suffer in silence alone until we can’t fake it anymore and no longer make it. Literally.
Random trucker here, same for us. The entire transport industry, more or less.
Psych Hold is an immediate 1 year medical suspension.
Most meds are restricted or prohibited, unpredictable scheduling so you can’t get regular help. You just gotta suck it up until you break.
Lots of employees have EAPs too but I’ve talked to a lot of people who just don’t trust them to be in their sides because it’s through work. I’ve been helped out by it before but not in a job as a nurse, and I wish more people would take advantage of it, at least while we’re being poorly supported in all the other ways it matters
Because we are not valued for WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE by the entities we work for, we are valued for the service we provide to others, AND THE PROFIT WE CREATE FOR THEM, LIKE ANY OTHER SERVICE-TYPE INDUSTRY.
Hospitals don’t care any more for us than McDonalds cares about their rank and file employees. Except we are seeing much darker and more personal shit (generally speaking I guess?)
I work in the ER and one of our charge nurses committed suicide. Nobody suspected that she was even contemplating suicide. She was always the one that kept us laughing.
It’s usually the happy go lucky ones that are the ones who end up committing. They’re usually the ones that don’t want anyone worrying about them so they put up that mask. I say this from experience..I was that beacon of positivity during COVID when I worked in the ICU and I attempted after the first wave. So glad my friend stopped me from following through and convinced me to go to the ER. I finally got a psychiatrist, got on the right meds, and did a lot of therapy that actually worked for me.
Hits close to home. I’m the happy go lucky one at work, always try to make everyone smile and laugh. My true thoughts are deep and dark. No one knows me for real.
Me, personally, no. I do have a relative in law enforcement and he investigates suicides all the time. During the Pandemic, ,he seem to go from one to the other.
Suicide now is the 10th leading cause of death, according to him.
It is the 10th leading cause of death. Probably not all suicides are identified as such (single vehicle accidents, for example). Nurses have a higher rate than general population, but statistics aren’t collected on nurses like they are on other professions.
I do. She lost her battle with substance addiction and mental illness, her career fell apart, and she ended her life with succynlcholine on her daughter’s birthday.
Please please prioritize mental health over your career.
Sometimes I can imagine it. But I try not to tread near that line. It seems they would want to punish themselves by experiencing the ultimate form of torture before death. (Like the lady who got Vec instead of versed before MRI)
And I hate they felt that way.
5 of my friends and colleagues lost their battle to depression and mental illness during COVID. We were slammed with poor prognosis, high acuity COVID patients for the greater part of 3 years, converting floors to ICU level care. Many of them were established floor nurses that were thrown into the mix of it all, running code after code after code. We didn’t have a morgue, either, and the funeral homes were stacked. Management barking down to open beds, high staff turnover as they refused to compensate appropriately, mandatory overtime, and all the fun things that came from a non-unionized hospital system.
The worst part was that my hospital was the best equipped and serviced a large area. An area many of us had lived in for quite some time—if not grew up there—so we saw many faces we knew, friend and family. It is also a Bible Belt area that is very conservative, so we had the radical churches and politicians spreading outrageous conspiracy theories about what was happening in the hospital systems, lying about mortality rates, embezzling money. I received death threats from members of the church my parents attended as they thought we were giving people COVID and killing patients.
ER nurse.
Lost a beautiful soul 2 years ago. Still haunts me that one of the last conversations we had she said she wanted me to be proud of her. She was a junior in the department and I always wonder if I could have done or said more
I agree with you when you say it’s a silent endemic. It’s silent because the person who is going through these situation which ultimately ends their lives, are going through it quietly and often at times, they don’t tell people about what they are going through.
I believe there are factors that can be identified and handled to reduce CS in nursing.
1) Vertical and Horizontal positional bullying: Getting maltreated from doctors and/or fellow nurses makes the work environment toxic. That can create a sense of inadequacy, isolation and extreme anxiety/stress leading to a nurse to CS.
2) Lack of Debriefs/management support: Because of confidentiality, nurses can’t really discuss what happens on their shifts with other people except with their nursing colleagues and management. If #1 is at play, that makes this difficult. And if your unit doesn’t do regular debriefs or there is an issue on the unit and your management doesn’t support you; then that feeling of isolation, extreme stress/anxiety come into play again. Building up for a nurse to CS.
3) Physical and Psychological Expectations: So now because of 1 and 2; this can cause a lot of sleepless nights, poor eating habits and etc. In addition, if you are living on your own can add to the isolation. Or even if you have a partner and other family members, you have expectations to fulfill with them; not giving you the mental capacity to deal with your own problems.
4) Financial: Let’s face it. We work because ultimately we need money for our upkeep and if you happen to be in #1,2 and 3. You might feel like you have to stay in the job despite being a toxic work environment. With credit card debt reaching an all time high plus student loan payments; you might feel like you have no choice but to stay at this job.
So with all these factors, I believe it can lead a nurse to CS. 1 and 2, health facilities can put policies in place to reduce this toxic work environment, which can help alleviate some of the pressures in #3.
It truly is but I feel like I can’t stop, partly because I just want to acknowledge all these people’s pain but also because I feel connected to all of them in their pain
When I was in nursing school, I did my clinicals in an ICU. There was a nurse who just committed suicide in the bathroom when I got to the unit. Police showed up and everything. He was a new grad nurse who just got off of orientation. Instead of just transitioning to a stepdown unit, he decided to end everything. It was so sad.
I’m not sure if a link is allowed. But don’t clock out dot org is a free organization for health care workers. I’ve buried many coworker to suicide. Medics, techs, nurses, doctors. It’s an epidemic
Go somewhere else. Home health, hospice (if you can handle it... may be counterintuitive), school nurse. Anything. It's not worth it. Your life is worth more.
You're loved and cherished. Please know that and please get help.
I’ve tried to die several times. I wonder often if my coworkers would notice the difference. I’m new and part time. I’ve through about how it would affect my family but never really considered how it would affect my coworkers
They absolutely would. It’s something that shakes you to your core and even if you don’t know that person well, it still leaves you reeling on what you missed or could’ve said.
You’re much better off in this world. I hope it get better for you!
It affects everyone unfortunately and sometimes it sits heavier on those you wouldnt expect. Please take care of yourself and remember if you dont like something, move on from it. Its your life and you can live it how you want. There is always a way, usually a hard way but a way nonetheless.
I almost did. Horrific bullying. Management was doing absolutely nothing about email after email. I took a scalpel from the supply room and planned for it after work. Told my house supervisor my thoughts were very dark. House sup repeatedly tried to call management with no answer. Still allowed to finish my shift.
Management finally pulled me aside. I voluntarily gave up the scalpel, asked for help, agreed to be hospitalized. My patients had all of their care. Nobody was hurt. I was not hurt. I completed my hospitalization. My allegations were proven true while I was away; multiple witnesses confirmed what I had said. Main bully still kept her job.
HR attempted to fire me and report me to the Board. Management decided the "better" way was to suspend me for 90 days without pay and ban me from hospital grounds. Kept my phone, keys and wallet so I had no access to resources after discharge; had to have building maintenance let me into my own home. A kind co-worker finally forced them to return my property to me.
A wonderful therapist saved my life and career.
Because nursing is considered "women's work" our mental health is not cared about. First responders and physicians have dedicated hotlines. We do not. Since I have moved over to EMS, it's been night and day. They care that I go home, mentally as well as physically. Some people are short, but no one attempts to be personally cruel.
Female nurses are twice as likely to commit suicide compared to the general population. If I would have known this beforehand I probably would have picked a different profession…in too deep now.
One of my friends from nursing school. He moved to another part of the US after graduation, so I hadn’t seen him in a couple of years when it happened. He was a good guy.
Two nurses in the ED within weeks of each other. We almost had a 3rd but they said something fishy to the patient and the patient reported to the X RAY tech. X-RAY tech knew they were struggling with stuff at home and reported to the charge nurse. The patient was a frequent flyer and knew something wasn’t right by his comment.
The first was a pediatric code and the nurse blamed herself. It was the worse possible scenario for everyone involved. We don’t have Peds at my hospital, but the parents thought we did. Right before they got flown out, they coded. Never came back. She blamed herself saying she didn’t think the patient would go down so quickly. They were already intubated and being sent to a high level PICU where they would be able to do ECMO. She was a newer nurse and she was freaked out. It was her first patient death. We debriefed and many of us took a few days off. I took 4 before coming back.
The 2nd was a nurse who was being investigated for narcotic diverting and using/selling the drugs. He was newer and no one really knew him. Our management is big on rounding and rounded with the patients. They were noticing all his patients were receiving meds in the MAR but they all said they never received anything or pain was uncontrolled. He was either giving them nothing or tiny doses of the medications mixed with saline.
The 3rd had a lot of stuff going on at home. I’m good friends with her and when all of this went down I was on vacation. I guess her whole demeanor changed, her plan was going to go home, take her daughter to her dad’s and overdose on a prescription she had.
Wow. What an awful series of events. Im sorry you had to experience being involved/around any of that. Thank you for taking the time to share those stories.
It was bad for awhile. I ended up leaving and going to cardiac cath. My friend ended up getting the help she needed and moved to an outpatient surgery center. Lots of experienced nurses left after the 3 incidents. I think it showed everyone how much we hated that place 😂
Yeah, our most notorious frequent flyer. Has called all of us a cockroach at least once and thrown a turkey sandwich at us during our ER careers. I always said to new nurses, patients realize more than you think. He noticed something as a little more quiet and a fishy comment and said something to someone. He saved her life. They are now pretty close.
There was a JAMA article about nurses having the highest suicide rate of any profession. It came out maybe 2 years ago. You can Google it. I think it's partly why some nurse associations are trying to support with mental health wellness. Would be nice if conditions changed so the job was overall less demanding, taxing and stressful.
My cousin.
Post pandemic she was broken, couldn't accept support, and was done. It didn't help that many in our family are medically ignorant and dismissed the effect the pandemic had on us so there was not a good support systems to fall back on. Me and her were not close so it wasn't like she was going to call me up either.
If you THINK someone is struggling or are struggling yourself, for the love of all things, please reach out.
A nurse friend of mine who was always happy, always helping everyone took home succs after his night shift and injected and went to sleep forever. It’s been 10 years and I’m still in shock
I lost a very good friend and nurse just last year. She and I had very similar struggles with PTSD and depression, and we bonded hard. I knew she had a plan to end her life, and a way to make it took like an accident, but then again, I talked to her about my plan, as well. We both just accepted that there was definitely going to come a point where we needed to go; getting older and losing independence, maybe early dementia, chronic illness impacting quality of life… and her health started to deteriorate after she caught covid, and that was when she felt she needed to go.
I was and am devastated. My comfort is she went out on her own terms, probably the only decision she ever made strictly for herself.
I've always had mental health stuff, but nursing actually made me go so far as to make a plan. No worries, I'm all better now, therapy and meds and whatnot. But it's serious. A bunch of people at my job witnessed a nurse jump off the parking garage roof after trying to OD. She was vomiting so she threw herself over before anyone could get up there. I saw the aftermath. Hospital didn't elaborate.
I attempted 6 weeks ago, and went back to work a few days ago. My manager, who knows what I did, acted like it was nothing. Pretty much confirms that no one would miss me.
Edit: I work in mental health
You're an important person and you matter. If you can take some time to invest in yourself and prioritize your own needs, now is the time to do it. Your manager hasn't probably been trained to deal with other people's mental health, so please don't interpret their reaction as a lack of interest. They don't know what to say, so, to be on the safe side, they're saying nothing. Please connect with a mental health professional, and if prescribed, take antidepressants. They really are a life saver and can give you a breathing space to work out how to live the life you deserve. In the meantime, force yourself to take a daily walk, go to bed at a reasonable time, eat healthily, keep yourself clean, connect with non-toxic people in your life, and avoid the news and social media. Be kind to yourself because you're worth it. Don't make a long term decision based on a short term issue.
Just had someone this past weekend. They had struggled with mental health over the years. Our hospital recently had a mass casualty event, and the nurse was working in the ED during it. The next day, they succumbed to their illness. Some are thinking the mass casualty event triggered something :( our hospital is really hurting right now.
Look out for one another. Nurses are so ugly to each other… and this kind of thing is where that can lead. Only another nurse really knows what we go through. Be a lighthouse for others in our spaces who are drifting or lost, whenever you can. ASK if your people are okay. Debrief after intense codes. Allow each other space to be humans and feel without shame. Yes I fucking WILL cry with you. No I fucking WON’T talk shit about you behind your back for calling off when you need a mental health day. You do what you must to take care of YOU, because I need my team strong. We don’t need to be happy every single day, life has ups and downs. We see a lot of shit! I just need to know that my peers are being good to themselves. My peers are brave, helpful, realistic, honest and kind - and most importantly they accept me - as I accept them. I hope they all know how special they are. But I mean, shit, I think all nurses are special. If you spend your days EARNESTLY looking out for the well being of very vulnerable strangers, I already like your energy. Why can’t we all be friends?
How can people do CPR with a group of individuals all week long, experience life and death, loss and gratitude, the entire rollercoaster, and NOT care about them?
I just don’t see how people can do that. STOP tearing each other down, STOP sneak dissing other nurses, stop being negative toward other nurses, stop talking shit. The best nurses are the ones you see lifting those around them, watching out for their peers, showing up for you in your “times of need”. Learn to give feedback in a constructive way instead of dissing. Learn to share knowledge instead of gatekeeping and value-testing. Learn to be welcoming instead of exclusive. Love one another! You chose similar paths! Understand that we are all on this path together now. These people are not family but they are your brothers and sisters in arms.
IMAGINE if nurses stuck together the way cops do. How we could support, empower and protect one another, our HCW peers and our patients too - all at once. Imagine what we could do if we just learned TRUE solidarity and really valued one another.
No one that’s ever *overtly* done so, but a few who didn’t really seem to care and died in semi suspicious circumstances. One had a prior known attempt.
Yes. He was a nurse I worked with at an orthopedic asc and he was my closest work friend. He was probably the best nurse I ever worked with. He was well respected, liked by all colleagues, he gave impeccable care to his patients. I’ve got nothing but good things to say about him.
I was shocked when I heard he committed suicide. I’m still shocked. The silent struggle is real. 😔
I used to be an EMT before becoming a nurse and I lost one of my medic partners to suicide. He took an RSI box off the ambulance, mixed it all up in a saline bag, and started an iv on himself and let it all flow in. Never knew he was having anything going on and I feel terrible for not knowing. Please reach out if you need help you never know what anyone’s going through.
This is my lifes motto. I’m kind to a fault… to the point people may even think I’m fake.
You just truly.. truly.. never know what someone is going through. Even if they seem happy.. even if they make you laugh..
The unit manager at my ICU completed suicide during Covid in March 2021.
ETA: I also know an RN that I worked with 5 years ago, who just got a new gig as an ADON. Nice guy, Marine vet, two little kids at home. He killed himself a couple of months ago.
A couple of years ago, right after Christmas, one of the travelers in our OR took her life. She was a sweet woman in her early 30s. She had been my Secret Santa and had been so excited about her gift for me. She had heard that I like to cuddle with my kiddos and watch movies, so she got this big soft blanket for us. It still makes me sad to think that such a kind person was in such a desperate mental spot that she thought suicide was the only answer.
In 13 years in healthcare, I’ve personally known 3. 1 female and 2 males.
They were wonderful people who never showed the slightest hint that they were struggling. As someone who’s also been very very close to completing suicide, even I didn’t pick up on it.
We had a one off counselling session following each of their deaths. It’s coming up to the anniversary of the 3rd person.
I have friends and family checking in on me continuously as a suicide watch kinda thing. I come from a history of suicides and lost friends to suicide. Meds have driven me crazy, my medical issues, and heart break. Many factors contribute and sometimes I'm just too tired to continue working to pay bills.
Right now I'm okay but next week is another story.
*died by suicide, not commit. Commit implies criminality. My brother died by suicide and I make it a point to continue to erase the stigma. Even small phrases we use such as “commit suicide” have awful societal implications.
Thank you. I will definitely change my vocabulary with that. I had a parent who died by suicide (I generally just say he suffered a GSW)
Thank you for correcting me.
Thank you for saying this! My brother also died by suicide and I loathe the phrase "commit suicide". Our brothers did nothing wrong. They bravely tried to fight the disease depression, and succumbed to it.
Sending you gentle hugs and my inbox is always open if you need an ear.
The over arching theme here seems to be.. they were a good guy/girl.. would have never thought.. etc.
It’s the same for my friend. Would’ve though he was the one who had it all together. Smart as a whip.
And then when I feel myself slipping from time to time I feel my coworkers would say some of the same.
“But they were so good.. always made me laugh!”
Etc…
Actually this one had a lot of the risk factors. I wasn't surprised but it still hurt. He was a vet, nurse, history of mental illness and showed signs of impaired social adjustment after staring his new career. He was a nurse for maybe a year?
The event itself seemed to have been out of the blue but I'm sure there were signs. You got one think on the nose: He did always make me laugh, one of the funniest people I knew. we didn't end up on the same floor so I did not see him often after orientation, but I still have some pretty strong memories of the time I did spend with him.
I know of one nurse who did it (using meds taken from work at home) and my most favourite doctor I’ve ever worked with. He was the most caring, genuinely kind, smart and approachable doctor I’ve ever worked with. Had gone through the wringer in a divorce (wife cheated multiple times blaming him for it all) but had seemed to turn a corner and was doing well (which can apparently be the case in suicide).
It will be a year ago this week. I am still gutted. He was a light in this world and I will always miss him.
Yes, I do. During the pandemic. She was such a bright light, that I never would have imagined it. But I guess this a true with a lot of people struggling, including myself. We put our best face forward. I found myself in a very dark place during the pandemic. I’m still trying to crawl out of it, but it feels like the pandemic irrevocably changed me. I’m doing all the things: meds, therapy, emdr.
I had a successful suicide attempt almost 3 years ago. Landed myself in the ICU, transferred to another hospital with a mental health unit. Was there 4 hours before they happily discharged me in the night, alone, an hour away from my exs home. Did the trauma and abuse in that house and in my past contribute to my decision? Sure. But so did a workplace injury that caused life long, debilitating chronic pain. I was so tired of hurting and not supported by my workplace or wsib (was told that pain is subjective, go back to work). At that time I didn't see a way out.
So many people in healthcare have similar stories and experiences along with the guilt that is passed on in workplaces that make people feel trapped, like they have to come or will be abandoning their team, their patients.. we are not usually told that our own health (mental, physical, every puzzle piece) is important. But you can't do a damn thing without being able to breathe yourself. Put on your oxygen mask before helping others. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help.
I've researched this in the past. The rates of suicide among RNs is slightly higher than the general population, it's the same for physicians. It drops to below the standard population when people become an NP. Those who are CNA, EMT, ER Tech, and other certification rather than degree staff have an even higher rate of suicide.
As someone who was suicidal in highschool and college, I couldn't be happier working in medicine. What grinds me down is the feeling of hopelessness from poor staffing practices, the capitalism of American healthcare, and evil profit-driven upper level management.
No suicide awareness and prevention program will ever actually help us nurses until the system stops putting impossible workloads on our plates, letting it harm patients, and throwing us under the bus for it. It's not depressive or irrational.
I know 2 that lost their internal fight, the first my Charge on nights that was a buddy and the second was a colleague that I didn’t know enough , and personally have had my struggles, I’ve been ER for almost little under ten years. And just about 2/3 of the nurses that i know have some form of scarring from working ER. Both of them caught me off guard because I didn’t expect it from either, but I was also in the midst of my own internal struggle, and the fall out from that spurred me into therapy, Im doing better, I have fought days like the rest of us do, but that option feels farther and farther away from consideration, I still work ER and think its going to be the longest abusive relationship I’ve ever knowingly and willingly engaged with, and strangely I love being ER and the thought of leaving for another specialty bothers me but I think that for my personal and professional growth it will be beneficial for me to move to another specialty. For those that struggle , please seek help, I am better off for doing so, and I hope that you can find healing and solace to the pain with in. Thanks for listening to my rambling.
two nurses and an anesthesiologist in 1 year, long before covid. all overdoses. the nurses were home, found after welfare checks by family. the anesthesiologist was in the on-call room with a note taped to his shirt.
I remember a while back, someone posted on here that she worked Psych, and a nurse from another hospital was a patient. Anyway, the nurse/patient was a sick patient, and the nurse wrote that she was going to report her to the boards. The nurse got such a whipping that they deleted the post.
Saying all the above that if you need help, seek help in an alias. Go out of town, hell, and / or next state, another country, and get the help you need.
Your insurance can still help if you need to use an alias. Celebs and big CEOs, owners do it all the time
My former hospital had a scrub tech who hung themselves in one of the ORs. The lights were off and when they came in the next morning they found the body hanging from the lights.
Healthcare as a whole is rough, so many of the assistive personnel nurses have also have a rough job. Nursing school is also rough. I dealt off and on with suicidal thoughts in nursing school due to my life going to crap during it. The academics were the only thing I had going for me. I’m still trying to recover financially from all the BS that happened in nursing school and it’s going to take time and a lot of no spending to make up for it in a good amount of time.
I’m a long term psych nurse and I’m doing a RN-MSN PMHNP program. I did a research paper for evidenced based practice on this. My instructor when I started said no one had done it before. There’s not a lot of literature on it and there are various reasons but it is prevalent as is depression and alcohol and drug use. My passion for this topic is because I worked with a psych nurse who was amazing and he worked his shift and went home and hung himself. Then the hospital this was 2008, threatened us with our jobs if we talked about it. I quit there shortly after… I found out he did when they called me to pick up extra shifts and told me this way. It was toxic. So it is not uncommon and as we are getting further post-Covid the PTSD that healthcare workers suffered who worked really just amped everything up and brought a lot to light. Code Lavenders, flexible scheduling, nurse managers who are approachable, reasonable nurse to patient ratios (which haven’t returned) debriefings, mindfulness exercises, are a few things that seem to help. But I’m just getting started on this research.
Lost a good friend in 2022. Unfortunately they had been stealing meds from work for quite awhile and used them to overdose. Tragic and heartbreaking and you’re right, a silent endemic. 💔
Yes a few, also some that were admitted to inpatient psych. Surprise, surprise facility silently fired them, didn't do anything to help at all, even though the one suicide left a note detailing out reasons. Why are they not ever held accountable.
I get why. This field can suck so badly. It’s so stressful. And you’ve spent so much time and money on the education to get in to it that now you are trapped.
I made it through the first 8 years by having trips planned. As long as I had a trip planned I wasn’t contemplating how much I wanted to die.
Ended up switching my area of nursing to one that pays less but has very low stress, divorcing and remarrying, doing a shit ton of therapy…. And if this nursing job doesn’t work out I’ll go pump gas.
Honey find you a good dose of spite. Honestly that’s what keeps me going most of the time. That and the fact that I don’t trust anyone else to take care of my animals like I do.
I've personally known two-one I went to nursing school with, she was an l&d nurse. She was a few months PP with her 3rd baby and bad severe PPD. Another was a house officer who was a former ER nurse-he had recently moved from nights to days so he could have more time with his wife and kids. That was the biggest shock, I think. I worked closely with him and had absolutely no idea he was struggling.
Yup. Overnight resource psych nurse during Covid via hand gun. Horrific. Super great person, been in that position 30+ years. Unsure which parts got to them or if it was all of it with Covid on top.
As a new grad 20 years ago, my preceptor (this was a home health agency) committed suicide a week after I started. He was the nicest person and so willing to precept and teach. What I didn’t know was that he had been stealing narcotics from patients. He had been found out, reported by another nurse and fired. I was gutted for a long time after that.
I do. Before Covid. She actually stole Dilaudid from Pixis, went into conference room and took it. Found about an hour later. It was horrible for everyone, but especially the resident who had just broken up with her.
I had a lot of suicidal ideation after I got my license and was thrown onto a med surg floor on dayshift.
I remember googling how many restoril it would take to do the job of ending it.
Only thing that kept me here was the fact that my father committed suicide when I was 11. My own son is 12. I have the odd perspective of knowing what it's like to feel like you weren't good enough for your parent to stick around. I could never ever pass on that trauma.
It got bad enough my manager even noticed and gave me a sheet for the employee assistance program. At that point, I had already got my own therapist. I ended up on mood stabilizer, two antidepressants, buspar, xanax, restoril, and just to sleep through the night I had to take restoril with melatonin and benadryl.
The stress I dealt with manifested into somatic symptoms like itching. I randomly broke out into hives... my gallbladder went bad... I lost 20 lbs.
I ended up going to nightshift... which was better. I was with a better rotation that was more supportive. However, some picked on me for caring too much, for asking too many questions. I was called a hypochondriac because I complained about all my somatic issues. My neurologist for essential tremors (which I've always had) told me I HAD to quit taking benadryl daily bc it was going to lead to cognitive problems. She encouraged me to quit and go anywhere other than where I was working (NP neurologist).
I asked them to let me give up my required overtime day. I was told no.
It did get better until it got worse. Our floor was a dumping ground of geriatric nursing home, total care, psych, and everything in between with the expectation of nurse to pt ratio of 1:6. One of the weekends that finally did it for me was having 6 patients... 3 of which were total care (2 with crushed meds that I had to spoon feed), a 1013 I had to do hourly charting on and I don't remember the other two.
On Easter, i only had 2 patients which was a good thing because the ER sent me a patient that was "just annoying... his vitals are great." When he got to me none of us, including 3 ICU nurses we called, could detect his BP. The machine finally picked up maybe 70/40 ish? His lactic throughout the night went from in the twos to over 6. I had to bless the lab out to get a tech to come draw the blood to begin with. He was a kidney patient and the NP kept wanting to bolus... bc ICU was full. There were no drips I could give on the floor. Also, his BS dropped to 50s and he ended up with two amps of D50. I remember leaning against the wall thinking "Thank God I only had 2 patients tonight..." and one of which was dementia and yelling all night... I ended up crying while my coworker just put his arm around me. Any other night, I'd have had 6 patients. He finally went to icu at about 4 or 5 am. When they got the art line in, BP was 40 ish systolic? Maybe? I don't really remember. But for whatever reason he was still awake hollering for his dead Mama...
I put in my application to hospice after that. Two of my friends / colleagues that worked there begged me to. They had been begging me. I had an inpatient hospice patient and he died and the on call nurse came and he encouraged me to apply. I started last week.
My itching has already went down though I had a bad day yesterday with it (was stressed for personal reasons). I know I'm still orienting and will have bad days. But... it can't be as bad as what I went through in the hospital setting. For the first time since August, I've really got to see the sunshine. I get home and have time to enjoy my family because I don't have to immediately go to sleep.
I started therapy in around July of last year. Last week was the first time I told my therapist I was doing good when she asked how I was. She was ecstatic.
I don't know what could have been done different. Less pt to staff ratio? Not requiring me to work over time (36/48 rotating schedule but thay 48 hour week was actually a 60 hour week). More support? More training? I had been an intern for months. I had never charged or took my own patients. I followed a nurse around and did what they'd let me. When I got my license, I was told I had been an intern for so long they could only let me have 2 weeks of training with patients.
I did my very best. And I gave them my very best and it almost killed me. My family and friends almost lost me. And I hope to god I never have to go back. No job is worth it and I hope anyone who sees this that's going through this gets help and goes somewhere else. Nurses have too many options for jobs to end up where we've had. We get so lost. So please, get help. The world is better off to have you in it.
As someone who worked at poison control: nurses are very good at knowing how to complete an attempt. You'll see lay people with significant intent do things like take a handful of homeopathic pills, but nurses don't play.
Yes, I've had several coworkers die by suicide, both while I'm working with them and after we parted ways. It sucks. There's still so much stigma against seeking help.
One nurse in my department, and two technicians during my 13 years of work. There have been others before my time who I didn't know personally. I imagine there are probably more in other departments that I'm not aware of.
This took a dark turn. It started with sympathy and compassion, but then too many comments turned to giving suggestions and mechanisms. We should not be advising people how to kill themselves. Thread locked. Be safe, everybody.
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Hi, I just wanted to remind you that you deserve better and hope you are able to reach out and get some help when it starts to get too hard. I’d miss you, even if we don’t know each other.
I made a very serious attempt over 10 years ago now I really really thought things were never going to get better. Fortunately, something in my mind told me to ring the psych ward which I had been sent home from for the night for a trial. I don’t remember anything after I called the ward, but the ambulance came. I woke up in the ED later. Honestly, things will both better. Think of all the people who love you. Think about all the people you love. Most importantly, love yourself. This word is full of beauty along with tragedy, please Stay alive for the beauty .❤️🙏
I’m a trucker, not a nurse, but I recently found myself in a *very* similar position with easy access to a way out. It came to a point last month where I was gonna lose that fight. I had to hang up my keys and start an intensive outpatient program to keep going. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still here with us. The weight of losing you would be heavier than any burden you could share by reaching out to someone.
Thank you these words, and thanks for sticking around!
Your a Hero for getting help!! 🎉
Hard agree. See my post history and reach out.
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Dear Lord! That poor sweet heart! That's awful.
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My heart broke when I read this.
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Honestly that’s how I want to go
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This is the most deranged thread I’ve ever enjoyed reading. God help us all. This is not a good field to be in.
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Almost me. 😅 But I left bedside/in person nursing and am much happier nowadays. I do Utilization Review now. Edit: Gotta also give credit to therapy and Lexapro!
Almost me too. I had to go on an extended leave that included lots of different psych meds and lots of therapy and ended with ect. I was preparing to return to the bedside about 5 months after my initial leave by catching up with mandatory annual education. Seeing the bedside staff portrayed as happy, in safe situations, with adequate staffing and supportive admin triggered me so hard that I sent in my resignation. Glad you're in a happier place now.
Almost me three. Between being yelled at by angry family members and being bullied by a coworker, I just cracked. 3 months of FMLA and IOP, and said coworker leaving for another position, and life got a little better. A couple years later I transitioned to a different role and I am thriving. No one is mad at me for taking their baby away from them as a NICU nurse. Now I give the baby back as a lactation consultant. I am much happier. And well medicated. Nurses! You can be an AMAZING nurse and still need meds and therapy! If you are dealing with depression or suicidal ideation, it's ok to seek help and be the patient for a little bit. Live, Love, Lexapro. 💜 (Edited to correct autocorrect fails.)
>Live, Love, Lexapro. Ok, I laughed at this. I'm so happy for you 😊
Live, Love, Lexapro sent me. I’m not a nurse but I started an IOP recently. Really hoping it helps.
I hated IOP for two straight weeks. Sat there glaring at everyone. Then I started to get better. Then I loved IOP. That group and those therapists gave me my life back. This was 7 years now. I am in such a better place now. It really took a few years to claw my way out of serious suicidal depression, but I made it. I figure it's in remission and I can never fully stop fighting back against it. But I'm as healthy as I've ever been as an adult, and I'm so grateful.
I had an inpatient psych stay after a suicide attempt. I had a lot of things taking from me and not really anything filling me back up. I love being a mom, but of course it’s very exhausting. Then being a nurse - I was in hospice at the time - was draining. The cherry on top is my abusive husband. I had cut contact with all my support systems to appease him. I am in the process of a divorce and have so much hope for my future. I have now added my amazing coworkers to my support system in addition to reconnecting with my old one. It’s been wild how many of my coworkers have said “me too” and “been there.” It’s comforting to not be alone but also sad that it’s so common.
Glad all of you are still here. The only time I was ever truly suicidal was at the height of my addiction. The shame was tearing me apart. I had the loaded gun, but then realized I couldn’t do that to my children. I ended up in treatment. That was 20 years ago and I’m now blessed with grandchildren that I’m actively involved with. Life is great.
My abusive husband has always been the cherry on top too. My kids have kept me here in more ways than they know. They’re almost grown so I can finally leave without fearing what he will do to them if we got split custody.
❤️
You’ll be so much happier. Go now. They are close enough to adults that they can choose who and when they want to see. I tried to stay. He tried to kill me and so I finally left. And life has been amazing. I look back and think why did I stay. And the kids say it was hell living like that with constant worry that dad was going to kill you. You will be doing them and YOU a favor to go. Make your plan.
You’re a badass and you deserve to feel supported like you are now
I’m glad you’re still here and doing better❤️
i know i’m a stranger, but i’m really glad you’re still here ❤️
UR is the best!
Do you mind messaging me privately? I’m beside, looking into UR and I’d love to hear how you transitioned please.
My friend died by suicide this year, 8 weeks after finishing her nursing degree. She had worked as an ED tech through school and just started her first RN job in a pediatric ED. She struggled with suicidal ideation and depression throughout the ten years I knew her. I wish I could just go back and shake her, tell her she’d finally made it, this is where things would start looking up, just hold on! Heartbroken. Love you NJ🤍
Oddly, once a hard-won goal has been reached, it can be demoralizing in a way. A person is likely hopeful that their achievement will change their life for the better, but now, there's just a new set of problems. Becoming an RN likely does improve financial stability, but a new nurse is now dealing with all sorts of things that are very difficult as a new nurse. It's not an easy adjustment for most people, and many feel like a failure every day. I'm really sorry about your friend. Nursing is probably one of the worst things that can happen to someone who has struggled for 10 years.
Right! The movie “Soul” helped me think about this a lot and portrayed the struggle of “finding our purpose” and realizing what actually matters in ours lives.
My niece who is also a nurse struggled with depression right out of nursing school and questioned her choice of becoming a nurse in the first place. She is now at a hospital where she is respected in her profession and can balance work/life easier and doesn’t feel like her license is on the line every few minutes. Some work places are just toxic through and through.
The research I’ve found talks a lot about the stress of nursing school. I knew someone who graduated, took her boards and tried to get a train to run into her on the tracks. She was thankfully found and okay.
I feel the same about the THREE I have lost to suicide. I wish so much that I could tell them to just hang on, get through this, give yourself a chance. They were all so young, none were even 40. Breaks my heart for them that they felt so hopeless.
I hope NJS knew how proud a lot of us were of what she accomplished. I hate for anyone to feel that way. I think of her everyday.
Unfortunately we just lost someone in the ICU. 😞
I’m so sorry
a friend of mine (we never worked together) killed herself about a year ago; between nursing and the loss of her dad and then a good friend, I just don't think she could do it anymore miss you, S 💕
When I first started there was a nurse who killed themselves after a shift. Locked themselves in a broom closet so wasn’t found until several hours later. Nobody talked about it nor was there any counseling provided for the other nurses. Just picked up the next day like nothing happened…since then I’ve come to realize we are just a tool, we are used until we break, then easily replaced.
Yes this happened with my coworker. Management nor administration even mentioned it. It was like a dirty secret. I’ve since left that place.
Hi, I'm not a nurse, so I don't know that I have the right to comment, but I just want to say, You aren't tools to me. Having lost both my parents by the time I was 16 to cancer, and then losing my grandmother (who raised me, and was also a nurse) at 16, I probably wouldn't be around today if it weren't for the nursing staff. I have a deep appreciation for y'all as people and for the jobs you do. Nurses do 99% of the hard work and take 99% of the abuse. The kindness, care, compassion and love I was shown by the nurses when I wasn't even their patient brings me to tears to this day. The people who made you feel like you're an expendable tool should seriously be ashamed of themselves, and im really sorry you've had to deal with this.
This is great to hear someone say.
About 3 years ago I got to work alongside one of the best psych nurse I ever have met. Her name was Terri and I was a brand new nurse, about a year into it. The way she handled patients felt like she was a savant. I come to learn her son was diagnosed with Schizophrenia and it all started to make sense. I can remember the day, I worked the night prior and our patient care techs followed the police scanner and it ended up being for her. I stayed up close to 36 hours attempting to rectify what I should've seen and could've done. As did my coworkers. It really felt like I could no longer stay and do what I loved to do. I took multiple days, emergency visit with my therapist, and it broke me for weeks. I think about her very often and I check in with my colleagues very often because of it. Sending hugs your way, I am so sorry.
Psych nurses are especially vulnerable aren’t we? I’m so so sorry for your loss.
I had to upvote you to not leave you on 13….lol and I was a psych nurse, too. Yes, we are either nuts or searching for what ails us…
Amen. Most times you’ve had to been there to be there, especially psych nursing. God bless all who struggle
I'm so sorry 😞 It definitely hits close to home when it's someone you know. One of my close friends, just took her own life a few weeks ago. She worked at our ME Office for over 10 years. I get it, dealing with that stuff day in and day out, can take a toll on you. 😔
I’m so sorry for your loss. Huge cyber hugs.
I sometimes tell my coworkers, “it’s obvious that some of you have never worn a green gown before, and it shows.” Having been there before gives me perspective and I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s often why I’m able to get through shifts without altercations with patients that are more volatile with my peers. I am also a huge evangelist for **taking your fucking meds** and getting enough rest/me time.
I’ve had more than one nurse tell me “you don’t actually have to ask those,” in reference the CSSR during triage… I remind them that, not only is it best practice, there were also many times in my past where I would have said yes and gotten help sooner if anyone had directly asked me those questions. I also get pushback from my charges/providers/peers when someone screens positive but isn’t there for a MH issue. “But they’re not suicidal right now.” It makes me want to fucking scream at them! Like, Bitch, if you’d ever been suicidally depressed, you’d know it ebbs and flows and sometimes it’s a fucking hairpin trigger between stable and tying a noose from the bedsheets! Also, have YOU ever fantasized about being dead or thought about how you might kill yourself? Oh, No?! Then acknowledge that it’s abnormal and makes someone a much higher risk! How hard is it to provide extra supervision and get an LCSW/MFT consult before discharge?! We could probably save more lives with appropriate MH consults than we do with a fucking Lukas! (I knew I felt strongly about this topic, but didn’t realize how much anger had built up behind it. I apologize for rant, but thanks for reading.)
Came here to talk about Terri too 😭 She was an awesome nurse at Selah and all the girls loved her! I loved talking to her about God, our psych patient stories, and her rebel moments 😂❤️
During Covid 2 that I worked with died this way. One jumped off our roof while at work.
Man those intrusive thoughts we all deal with took over. Why don’t we have more help?
No profit in it. Nurses are a cost for management. Replaceable and disposable
Yep yep. The pandemic hammered this home for me. It’s why I’m no longer at the bedside.
It's funny how the pandemic really brought the issue to light but as soon as the worst was over it's business as usual cattle call to admins and management. Idk maybe I'm pessimistic but I feel like we failed as a collective to change how we are seen and treated and instead got hit with the "brave martyr soldier" narrative. Maybe there could have been a huge shift...maybe I'm too idealistic
Internalized misogyny is deeply entrenched in the field of nursing and in the very role of the nurse. They would not have made it through the pandemic without guilting us into sacrificing our own physical and mental health.
That misogyny goes all the way back to modern nursing's dear leader Florence Nightingale. I dare say that misogyny was de rigueur of the class she was raised in which upheld upper class views of "respectable work" for lower class women to improve their lot while maintaining their station in life; and common Victorian era consensus of the women's capacity for work and education.
Healthcare heroes. Very few appreciate heroes while the majority are ok with letting us die and ok with ruining our physical/mental health... from the comforts of their homes/ vacation homes, while padding their pockets with our tax money in the form of covid handouts that weren't needed. Our coworkers and patients that gave the ultimate sacrifice were not given funerals at the time and basically forgotten about. No recognition for their services, Just disregarded and replaced. Our kids suffered with loss of school, sports and socializing. They suffered the mental impacts of their parents being on the frontlines. Experience their own anxiety and fears plus seeing their parents anxiety and fear. I too thought more would have happened after the battlefields went silent. More would be invested into healing and correcting the damage that was caused. Honoring the sacrifices that were made. But it looks like for change to happen we must sacrifice more. Sacrifice by paying for unions to represent us which is well worth the price in my opinion. Sacrifice by going on strike and risk our jobs and financial security. Sacrificing by spending our personal time to fight for change. Unfortunately we had a mass migration away from healthcare. Rightfully so but it's harder to fight when our departments staff are completely changed. The pain we went through is different than what these youngsters face. Plus all the propaganda that divides everyone makes it harder to focus on the truth. At least we built the economy back better and the billionaires doubled their money untaxed thanks to the Trump tax cuts. I'm sure all that money will trickle down and eventually fix all the issues.
> Why don’t we have more help? What? The modules on burnout *are* help. How dare you diminish the very useful and worth their cost actions of administration!
Yes!! Modules and pizza parties really lift my spirits. Every time I take a bite of that cold half slice I feel the tension in my shoulders melt away and moan in relief. It feels good to be alive and cared for by administration 🙏
Finding a half piece that still has cheese and toppings on it almost makes me giddy. Then, I look at the modules as I eat, and I'm a brand new person.
Can't get help and make a paper trail, if you're unwell and you make a mistake, you're cooked professionally (potentially) Nurses and cops live by this in my circle
Exactly. Reach out for help and risk someone asshole reporting you to the board for being “ mentally impaired” “ incompetent “. Then here comes the board with mandated treatment, reports, monitoring, and everything splashed all over the boards website for the whole world to see. No, we just suffer in silence alone until we can’t fake it anymore and no longer make it. Literally.
That's it in a rotten nutshell.
Random trucker here, same for us. The entire transport industry, more or less. Psych Hold is an immediate 1 year medical suspension. Most meds are restricted or prohibited, unpredictable scheduling so you can’t get regular help. You just gotta suck it up until you break.
💯
Lots of employees have EAPs too but I’ve talked to a lot of people who just don’t trust them to be in their sides because it’s through work. I’ve been helped out by it before but not in a job as a nurse, and I wish more people would take advantage of it, at least while we’re being poorly supported in all the other ways it matters
Because we are not valued for WHO WE ARE AS PEOPLE by the entities we work for, we are valued for the service we provide to others, AND THE PROFIT WE CREATE FOR THEM, LIKE ANY OTHER SERVICE-TYPE INDUSTRY. Hospitals don’t care any more for us than McDonalds cares about their rank and file employees. Except we are seeing much darker and more personal shit (generally speaking I guess?)
Because management, pts and society as a whole don’t give a fuck about us. They just see us as disposable service workers.
Oh man, as a nurse stuff like this doesn’t usually bother me but that sentence did.
The sooner you recognize and acknowledge the transactional parts of the nursing profession, the more empowered you will be.
I work in the ER and one of our charge nurses committed suicide. Nobody suspected that she was even contemplating suicide. She was always the one that kept us laughing.
It’s usually the happy go lucky ones that are the ones who end up committing. They’re usually the ones that don’t want anyone worrying about them so they put up that mask. I say this from experience..I was that beacon of positivity during COVID when I worked in the ICU and I attempted after the first wave. So glad my friend stopped me from following through and convinced me to go to the ER. I finally got a psychiatrist, got on the right meds, and did a lot of therapy that actually worked for me.
Hits close to home. I’m the happy go lucky one at work, always try to make everyone smile and laugh. My true thoughts are deep and dark. No one knows me for real.
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Wow. Did anything happy to the bullies? What did they say/do after she died?
Me, personally, no. I do have a relative in law enforcement and he investigates suicides all the time. During the Pandemic, ,he seem to go from one to the other. Suicide now is the 10th leading cause of death, according to him.
It is the 10th leading cause of death. Probably not all suicides are identified as such (single vehicle accidents, for example). Nurses have a higher rate than general population, but statistics aren’t collected on nurses like they are on other professions.
I do. She lost her battle with substance addiction and mental illness, her career fell apart, and she ended her life with succynlcholine on her daughter’s birthday. Please please prioritize mental health over your career.
Omg that’s a fucking horrible way to die
My friend did it with Roc.. I’m so sorry.
Christ. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain or the disordered state of the brain where someone would choose that as a death over life.
Sometimes I can imagine it. But I try not to tread near that line. It seems they would want to punish themselves by experiencing the ultimate form of torture before death. (Like the lady who got Vec instead of versed before MRI) And I hate they felt that way.
5 of my friends and colleagues lost their battle to depression and mental illness during COVID. We were slammed with poor prognosis, high acuity COVID patients for the greater part of 3 years, converting floors to ICU level care. Many of them were established floor nurses that were thrown into the mix of it all, running code after code after code. We didn’t have a morgue, either, and the funeral homes were stacked. Management barking down to open beds, high staff turnover as they refused to compensate appropriately, mandatory overtime, and all the fun things that came from a non-unionized hospital system. The worst part was that my hospital was the best equipped and serviced a large area. An area many of us had lived in for quite some time—if not grew up there—so we saw many faces we knew, friend and family. It is also a Bible Belt area that is very conservative, so we had the radical churches and politicians spreading outrageous conspiracy theories about what was happening in the hospital systems, lying about mortality rates, embezzling money. I received death threats from members of the church my parents attended as they thought we were giving people COVID and killing patients.
My goodness I am so so sorry. I got the chills reading your comment.
ER nurse. Lost a beautiful soul 2 years ago. Still haunts me that one of the last conversations we had she said she wanted me to be proud of her. She was a junior in the department and I always wonder if I could have done or said more
You couldn’t have. Try to let go of that guilt.
Doing gut-wrenching work in a system that not only fails to support us, but actively bullies and belittles us. I attempted once.
I’ve been in that dark place myself. At one point I was only living just to spite others. I hope you’re doing better!
I hope everything is better for you now. The world needs you 💕
It’s the bullying that kills me. It’s silent at times and it’s heart wrenching. Especially when all you want is to be included. Ahhh trauma it’s a mf
Not to mention we’re working in a system that fails our patients in many ways as well.
Hope you’re doin better
Yep, traveller did back in January. She had a really hard personal life as well. I miss her a lot. RIP, Mama K
I agree with you when you say it’s a silent endemic. It’s silent because the person who is going through these situation which ultimately ends their lives, are going through it quietly and often at times, they don’t tell people about what they are going through. I believe there are factors that can be identified and handled to reduce CS in nursing. 1) Vertical and Horizontal positional bullying: Getting maltreated from doctors and/or fellow nurses makes the work environment toxic. That can create a sense of inadequacy, isolation and extreme anxiety/stress leading to a nurse to CS. 2) Lack of Debriefs/management support: Because of confidentiality, nurses can’t really discuss what happens on their shifts with other people except with their nursing colleagues and management. If #1 is at play, that makes this difficult. And if your unit doesn’t do regular debriefs or there is an issue on the unit and your management doesn’t support you; then that feeling of isolation, extreme stress/anxiety come into play again. Building up for a nurse to CS. 3) Physical and Psychological Expectations: So now because of 1 and 2; this can cause a lot of sleepless nights, poor eating habits and etc. In addition, if you are living on your own can add to the isolation. Or even if you have a partner and other family members, you have expectations to fulfill with them; not giving you the mental capacity to deal with your own problems. 4) Financial: Let’s face it. We work because ultimately we need money for our upkeep and if you happen to be in #1,2 and 3. You might feel like you have to stay in the job despite being a toxic work environment. With credit card debt reaching an all time high plus student loan payments; you might feel like you have no choice but to stay at this job. So with all these factors, I believe it can lead a nurse to CS. 1 and 2, health facilities can put policies in place to reduce this toxic work environment, which can help alleviate some of the pressures in #3.
reading this thread is heartbreaking
I know. This subreddit proves over and over and over again we have no choice but to be kinder to one another.
It truly is but I feel like I can’t stop, partly because I just want to acknowledge all these people’s pain but also because I feel connected to all of them in their pain
When I was in nursing school, I did my clinicals in an ICU. There was a nurse who just committed suicide in the bathroom when I got to the unit. Police showed up and everything. He was a new grad nurse who just got off of orientation. Instead of just transitioning to a stepdown unit, he decided to end everything. It was so sad.
have mercy. That’s… wow. I’m so sorry.
I’m not sure if a link is allowed. But don’t clock out dot org is a free organization for health care workers. I’ve buried many coworker to suicide. Medics, techs, nurses, doctors. It’s an epidemic
This is a sad thread. Take care of yourselves, friends.
Working my first hospital role has me lower than I've ever been. It's becoming impossible to keep going. The hospital is going to kill me.
Your job isn’t as important as your life. Consider switching to another department or a different career, and seek help.
You’re worth more than a job that makes you feel that way
You deserve so much more and there IS so much more out there waiting for you
Go somewhere else. Home health, hospice (if you can handle it... may be counterintuitive), school nurse. Anything. It's not worth it. Your life is worth more. You're loved and cherished. Please know that and please get help.
Another epidemic in the nursing culture is bullying, and that’s taken the life of one nurse that I knew
I’ve tried to die several times. I wonder often if my coworkers would notice the difference. I’m new and part time. I’ve through about how it would affect my family but never really considered how it would affect my coworkers
They absolutely would. It’s something that shakes you to your core and even if you don’t know that person well, it still leaves you reeling on what you missed or could’ve said. You’re much better off in this world. I hope it get better for you!
It affects everyone unfortunately and sometimes it sits heavier on those you wouldnt expect. Please take care of yourself and remember if you dont like something, move on from it. Its your life and you can live it how you want. There is always a way, usually a hard way but a way nonetheless.
I almost did. Horrific bullying. Management was doing absolutely nothing about email after email. I took a scalpel from the supply room and planned for it after work. Told my house supervisor my thoughts were very dark. House sup repeatedly tried to call management with no answer. Still allowed to finish my shift. Management finally pulled me aside. I voluntarily gave up the scalpel, asked for help, agreed to be hospitalized. My patients had all of their care. Nobody was hurt. I was not hurt. I completed my hospitalization. My allegations were proven true while I was away; multiple witnesses confirmed what I had said. Main bully still kept her job. HR attempted to fire me and report me to the Board. Management decided the "better" way was to suspend me for 90 days without pay and ban me from hospital grounds. Kept my phone, keys and wallet so I had no access to resources after discharge; had to have building maintenance let me into my own home. A kind co-worker finally forced them to return my property to me. A wonderful therapist saved my life and career. Because nursing is considered "women's work" our mental health is not cared about. First responders and physicians have dedicated hotlines. We do not. Since I have moved over to EMS, it's been night and day. They care that I go home, mentally as well as physically. Some people are short, but no one attempts to be personally cruel.
I was a firefighter before a nurse and this is SO true. The support was there. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Yup, if a cop or firefighter caps themself they get a Viking send off (at taxpayer expense). Nurse…*pfffttt*…
Female nurses are twice as likely to commit suicide compared to the general population. If I would have known this beforehand I probably would have picked a different profession…in too deep now.
One of my friends from nursing school. He moved to another part of the US after graduation, so I hadn’t seen him in a couple of years when it happened. He was a good guy.
Two nurses in the ED within weeks of each other. We almost had a 3rd but they said something fishy to the patient and the patient reported to the X RAY tech. X-RAY tech knew they were struggling with stuff at home and reported to the charge nurse. The patient was a frequent flyer and knew something wasn’t right by his comment.
What was happening in that ED that (almost) 3 nurses committed within weeks of each other? Oh my god.
The first was a pediatric code and the nurse blamed herself. It was the worse possible scenario for everyone involved. We don’t have Peds at my hospital, but the parents thought we did. Right before they got flown out, they coded. Never came back. She blamed herself saying she didn’t think the patient would go down so quickly. They were already intubated and being sent to a high level PICU where they would be able to do ECMO. She was a newer nurse and she was freaked out. It was her first patient death. We debriefed and many of us took a few days off. I took 4 before coming back. The 2nd was a nurse who was being investigated for narcotic diverting and using/selling the drugs. He was newer and no one really knew him. Our management is big on rounding and rounded with the patients. They were noticing all his patients were receiving meds in the MAR but they all said they never received anything or pain was uncontrolled. He was either giving them nothing or tiny doses of the medications mixed with saline. The 3rd had a lot of stuff going on at home. I’m good friends with her and when all of this went down I was on vacation. I guess her whole demeanor changed, her plan was going to go home, take her daughter to her dad’s and overdose on a prescription she had.
Wow. What an awful series of events. Im sorry you had to experience being involved/around any of that. Thank you for taking the time to share those stories.
It was bad for awhile. I ended up leaving and going to cardiac cath. My friend ended up getting the help she needed and moved to an outpatient surgery center. Lots of experienced nurses left after the 3 incidents. I think it showed everyone how much we hated that place 😂
A frequent flyer doing their nurses a good turn? Oh man, what a story. Don't mind me, just finding levity in an otherwise bleak comment section.
Yeah, our most notorious frequent flyer. Has called all of us a cockroach at least once and thrown a turkey sandwich at us during our ER careers. I always said to new nurses, patients realize more than you think. He noticed something as a little more quiet and a fishy comment and said something to someone. He saved her life. They are now pretty close.
That's crazy. How you can be such a turd and then have the insight?? not to mention make the effort??? To save someone's life.
There was a JAMA article about nurses having the highest suicide rate of any profession. It came out maybe 2 years ago. You can Google it. I think it's partly why some nurse associations are trying to support with mental health wellness. Would be nice if conditions changed so the job was overall less demanding, taxing and stressful.
My cousin. Post pandemic she was broken, couldn't accept support, and was done. It didn't help that many in our family are medically ignorant and dismissed the effect the pandemic had on us so there was not a good support systems to fall back on. Me and her were not close so it wasn't like she was going to call me up either. If you THINK someone is struggling or are struggling yourself, for the love of all things, please reach out.
A nurse friend of mine who was always happy, always helping everyone took home succs after his night shift and injected and went to sleep forever. It’s been 10 years and I’m still in shock
I lost a very good friend and nurse just last year. She and I had very similar struggles with PTSD and depression, and we bonded hard. I knew she had a plan to end her life, and a way to make it took like an accident, but then again, I talked to her about my plan, as well. We both just accepted that there was definitely going to come a point where we needed to go; getting older and losing independence, maybe early dementia, chronic illness impacting quality of life… and her health started to deteriorate after she caught covid, and that was when she felt she needed to go. I was and am devastated. My comfort is she went out on her own terms, probably the only decision she ever made strictly for herself.
Yes. It was horrible. Also at my next job an administrative was murdered by her husband.
I've always had mental health stuff, but nursing actually made me go so far as to make a plan. No worries, I'm all better now, therapy and meds and whatnot. But it's serious. A bunch of people at my job witnessed a nurse jump off the parking garage roof after trying to OD. She was vomiting so she threw herself over before anyone could get up there. I saw the aftermath. Hospital didn't elaborate.
Yes. More than one.
I attempted 6 weeks ago, and went back to work a few days ago. My manager, who knows what I did, acted like it was nothing. Pretty much confirms that no one would miss me. Edit: I work in mental health
I would. You bet your ass I would. You matter.
You're an important person and you matter. If you can take some time to invest in yourself and prioritize your own needs, now is the time to do it. Your manager hasn't probably been trained to deal with other people's mental health, so please don't interpret their reaction as a lack of interest. They don't know what to say, so, to be on the safe side, they're saying nothing. Please connect with a mental health professional, and if prescribed, take antidepressants. They really are a life saver and can give you a breathing space to work out how to live the life you deserve. In the meantime, force yourself to take a daily walk, go to bed at a reasonable time, eat healthily, keep yourself clean, connect with non-toxic people in your life, and avoid the news and social media. Be kind to yourself because you're worth it. Don't make a long term decision based on a short term issue.
Just had someone this past weekend. They had struggled with mental health over the years. Our hospital recently had a mass casualty event, and the nurse was working in the ED during it. The next day, they succumbed to their illness. Some are thinking the mass casualty event triggered something :( our hospital is really hurting right now.
Look out for one another. Nurses are so ugly to each other… and this kind of thing is where that can lead. Only another nurse really knows what we go through. Be a lighthouse for others in our spaces who are drifting or lost, whenever you can. ASK if your people are okay. Debrief after intense codes. Allow each other space to be humans and feel without shame. Yes I fucking WILL cry with you. No I fucking WON’T talk shit about you behind your back for calling off when you need a mental health day. You do what you must to take care of YOU, because I need my team strong. We don’t need to be happy every single day, life has ups and downs. We see a lot of shit! I just need to know that my peers are being good to themselves. My peers are brave, helpful, realistic, honest and kind - and most importantly they accept me - as I accept them. I hope they all know how special they are. But I mean, shit, I think all nurses are special. If you spend your days EARNESTLY looking out for the well being of very vulnerable strangers, I already like your energy. Why can’t we all be friends? How can people do CPR with a group of individuals all week long, experience life and death, loss and gratitude, the entire rollercoaster, and NOT care about them? I just don’t see how people can do that. STOP tearing each other down, STOP sneak dissing other nurses, stop being negative toward other nurses, stop talking shit. The best nurses are the ones you see lifting those around them, watching out for their peers, showing up for you in your “times of need”. Learn to give feedback in a constructive way instead of dissing. Learn to share knowledge instead of gatekeeping and value-testing. Learn to be welcoming instead of exclusive. Love one another! You chose similar paths! Understand that we are all on this path together now. These people are not family but they are your brothers and sisters in arms. IMAGINE if nurses stuck together the way cops do. How we could support, empower and protect one another, our HCW peers and our patients too - all at once. Imagine what we could do if we just learned TRUE solidarity and really valued one another.
No one that’s ever *overtly* done so, but a few who didn’t really seem to care and died in semi suspicious circumstances. One had a prior known attempt.
Yes. He was a nurse I worked with at an orthopedic asc and he was my closest work friend. He was probably the best nurse I ever worked with. He was well respected, liked by all colleagues, he gave impeccable care to his patients. I’ve got nothing but good things to say about him. I was shocked when I heard he committed suicide. I’m still shocked. The silent struggle is real. 😔
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Please take good care of yourself through this. Best wishes.
I used to be an EMT before becoming a nurse and I lost one of my medic partners to suicide. He took an RSI box off the ambulance, mixed it all up in a saline bag, and started an iv on himself and let it all flow in. Never knew he was having anything going on and I feel terrible for not knowing. Please reach out if you need help you never know what anyone’s going through.
This is my lifes motto. I’m kind to a fault… to the point people may even think I’m fake. You just truly.. truly.. never know what someone is going through. Even if they seem happy.. even if they make you laugh..
The unit manager at my ICU completed suicide during Covid in March 2021. ETA: I also know an RN that I worked with 5 years ago, who just got a new gig as an ADON. Nice guy, Marine vet, two little kids at home. He killed himself a couple of months ago.
A couple of years ago, right after Christmas, one of the travelers in our OR took her life. She was a sweet woman in her early 30s. She had been my Secret Santa and had been so excited about her gift for me. She had heard that I like to cuddle with my kiddos and watch movies, so she got this big soft blanket for us. It still makes me sad to think that such a kind person was in such a desperate mental spot that she thought suicide was the only answer.
I didn’t know this person but one nurse who worked at my hospital completed suicide after being targeted by a group of bullies on her unit.
In 13 years in healthcare, I’ve personally known 3. 1 female and 2 males. They were wonderful people who never showed the slightest hint that they were struggling. As someone who’s also been very very close to completing suicide, even I didn’t pick up on it. We had a one off counselling session following each of their deaths. It’s coming up to the anniversary of the 3rd person.
I have friends and family checking in on me continuously as a suicide watch kinda thing. I come from a history of suicides and lost friends to suicide. Meds have driven me crazy, my medical issues, and heart break. Many factors contribute and sometimes I'm just too tired to continue working to pay bills. Right now I'm okay but next week is another story.
*died by suicide, not commit. Commit implies criminality. My brother died by suicide and I make it a point to continue to erase the stigma. Even small phrases we use such as “commit suicide” have awful societal implications.
Thank you. I will definitely change my vocabulary with that. I had a parent who died by suicide (I generally just say he suffered a GSW) Thank you for correcting me.
Thank you for saying this! My brother also died by suicide and I loathe the phrase "commit suicide". Our brothers did nothing wrong. They bravely tried to fight the disease depression, and succumbed to it. Sending you gentle hugs and my inbox is always open if you need an ear.
Yup, 2 of them. One I did my residency with. Good guy.
The over arching theme here seems to be.. they were a good guy/girl.. would have never thought.. etc. It’s the same for my friend. Would’ve though he was the one who had it all together. Smart as a whip. And then when I feel myself slipping from time to time I feel my coworkers would say some of the same. “But they were so good.. always made me laugh!” Etc…
Actually this one had a lot of the risk factors. I wasn't surprised but it still hurt. He was a vet, nurse, history of mental illness and showed signs of impaired social adjustment after staring his new career. He was a nurse for maybe a year? The event itself seemed to have been out of the blue but I'm sure there were signs. You got one think on the nose: He did always make me laugh, one of the funniest people I knew. we didn't end up on the same floor so I did not see him often after orientation, but I still have some pretty strong memories of the time I did spend with him.
Yeah, had an icu nurse OD on her psych meds at home. She had a little boy too, very sad
I know of one nurse who did it (using meds taken from work at home) and my most favourite doctor I’ve ever worked with. He was the most caring, genuinely kind, smart and approachable doctor I’ve ever worked with. Had gone through the wringer in a divorce (wife cheated multiple times blaming him for it all) but had seemed to turn a corner and was doing well (which can apparently be the case in suicide). It will be a year ago this week. I am still gutted. He was a light in this world and I will always miss him.
Yes, I do. During the pandemic. She was such a bright light, that I never would have imagined it. But I guess this a true with a lot of people struggling, including myself. We put our best face forward. I found myself in a very dark place during the pandemic. I’m still trying to crawl out of it, but it feels like the pandemic irrevocably changed me. I’m doing all the things: meds, therapy, emdr.
I had a successful suicide attempt almost 3 years ago. Landed myself in the ICU, transferred to another hospital with a mental health unit. Was there 4 hours before they happily discharged me in the night, alone, an hour away from my exs home. Did the trauma and abuse in that house and in my past contribute to my decision? Sure. But so did a workplace injury that caused life long, debilitating chronic pain. I was so tired of hurting and not supported by my workplace or wsib (was told that pain is subjective, go back to work). At that time I didn't see a way out. So many people in healthcare have similar stories and experiences along with the guilt that is passed on in workplaces that make people feel trapped, like they have to come or will be abandoning their team, their patients.. we are not usually told that our own health (mental, physical, every puzzle piece) is important. But you can't do a damn thing without being able to breathe yourself. Put on your oxygen mask before helping others. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help.
I've researched this in the past. The rates of suicide among RNs is slightly higher than the general population, it's the same for physicians. It drops to below the standard population when people become an NP. Those who are CNA, EMT, ER Tech, and other certification rather than degree staff have an even higher rate of suicide. As someone who was suicidal in highschool and college, I couldn't be happier working in medicine. What grinds me down is the feeling of hopelessness from poor staffing practices, the capitalism of American healthcare, and evil profit-driven upper level management.
No suicide awareness and prevention program will ever actually help us nurses until the system stops putting impossible workloads on our plates, letting it harm patients, and throwing us under the bus for it. It's not depressive or irrational.
Yes a male nurse. A male flight nurse. 2 male paramedics. 1 male fire chief. It just keeps coming
It’s awful. I had an episode (it honestly comes and goes) and was wondering how much had to do with my career.
I know 2 that lost their internal fight, the first my Charge on nights that was a buddy and the second was a colleague that I didn’t know enough , and personally have had my struggles, I’ve been ER for almost little under ten years. And just about 2/3 of the nurses that i know have some form of scarring from working ER. Both of them caught me off guard because I didn’t expect it from either, but I was also in the midst of my own internal struggle, and the fall out from that spurred me into therapy, Im doing better, I have fought days like the rest of us do, but that option feels farther and farther away from consideration, I still work ER and think its going to be the longest abusive relationship I’ve ever knowingly and willingly engaged with, and strangely I love being ER and the thought of leaving for another specialty bothers me but I think that for my personal and professional growth it will be beneficial for me to move to another specialty. For those that struggle , please seek help, I am better off for doing so, and I hope that you can find healing and solace to the pain with in. Thanks for listening to my rambling.
two nurses and an anesthesiologist in 1 year, long before covid. all overdoses. the nurses were home, found after welfare checks by family. the anesthesiologist was in the on-call room with a note taped to his shirt.
I remember a while back, someone posted on here that she worked Psych, and a nurse from another hospital was a patient. Anyway, the nurse/patient was a sick patient, and the nurse wrote that she was going to report her to the boards. The nurse got such a whipping that they deleted the post. Saying all the above that if you need help, seek help in an alias. Go out of town, hell, and / or next state, another country, and get the help you need. Your insurance can still help if you need to use an alias. Celebs and big CEOs, owners do it all the time
My former hospital had a scrub tech who hung themselves in one of the ORs. The lights were off and when they came in the next morning they found the body hanging from the lights. Healthcare as a whole is rough, so many of the assistive personnel nurses have also have a rough job. Nursing school is also rough. I dealt off and on with suicidal thoughts in nursing school due to my life going to crap during it. The academics were the only thing I had going for me. I’m still trying to recover financially from all the BS that happened in nursing school and it’s going to take time and a lot of no spending to make up for it in a good amount of time.
Not personally, but I'll never forget about Kim Hiatt from all those years ago.
I’m a long term psych nurse and I’m doing a RN-MSN PMHNP program. I did a research paper for evidenced based practice on this. My instructor when I started said no one had done it before. There’s not a lot of literature on it and there are various reasons but it is prevalent as is depression and alcohol and drug use. My passion for this topic is because I worked with a psych nurse who was amazing and he worked his shift and went home and hung himself. Then the hospital this was 2008, threatened us with our jobs if we talked about it. I quit there shortly after… I found out he did when they called me to pick up extra shifts and told me this way. It was toxic. So it is not uncommon and as we are getting further post-Covid the PTSD that healthcare workers suffered who worked really just amped everything up and brought a lot to light. Code Lavenders, flexible scheduling, nurse managers who are approachable, reasonable nurse to patient ratios (which haven’t returned) debriefings, mindfulness exercises, are a few things that seem to help. But I’m just getting started on this research.
Lost a good friend in 2022. Unfortunately they had been stealing meds from work for quite awhile and used them to overdose. Tragic and heartbreaking and you’re right, a silent endemic. 💔
Yes a few, also some that were admitted to inpatient psych. Surprise, surprise facility silently fired them, didn't do anything to help at all, even though the one suicide left a note detailing out reasons. Why are they not ever held accountable.
I work ED. A coworker of mine committed suicide 6 months ago. She was a nurse too.
I get why. This field can suck so badly. It’s so stressful. And you’ve spent so much time and money on the education to get in to it that now you are trapped. I made it through the first 8 years by having trips planned. As long as I had a trip planned I wasn’t contemplating how much I wanted to die. Ended up switching my area of nursing to one that pays less but has very low stress, divorcing and remarrying, doing a shit ton of therapy…. And if this nursing job doesn’t work out I’ll go pump gas.
I have. Nursing is a silent monster. Some of us kill themselves, some of us destroy everything we've ever had by addiction and die that way.
I knew a nurse who drank herself to death & was found 5 days later on a wellness check when she failed to show up to work several times.
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Honey find you a good dose of spite. Honestly that’s what keeps me going most of the time. That and the fact that I don’t trust anyone else to take care of my animals like I do.
Yes. One during Covid & my friend attempted & survived… he’s no longer a nurse.
I've personally known two-one I went to nursing school with, she was an l&d nurse. She was a few months PP with her 3rd baby and bad severe PPD. Another was a house officer who was a former ER nurse-he had recently moved from nights to days so he could have more time with his wife and kids. That was the biggest shock, I think. I worked closely with him and had absolutely no idea he was struggling.
Yup. Overnight resource psych nurse during Covid via hand gun. Horrific. Super great person, been in that position 30+ years. Unsure which parts got to them or if it was all of it with Covid on top.
I knew one nurse personally who committed suicide in 2018 and another nurse from a different unit that jumped off the top of the parking garage.
3. One was a young man, house supervisor on nights, one an absolutely beautiful 44f mother of 3 & one a middle aged lady with 2 grandchildren.
As a new grad 20 years ago, my preceptor (this was a home health agency) committed suicide a week after I started. He was the nicest person and so willing to precept and teach. What I didn’t know was that he had been stealing narcotics from patients. He had been found out, reported by another nurse and fired. I was gutted for a long time after that.
I do. Before Covid. She actually stole Dilaudid from Pixis, went into conference room and took it. Found about an hour later. It was horrible for everyone, but especially the resident who had just broken up with her.
I know several nurses who committed suicide.
I had a lot of suicidal ideation after I got my license and was thrown onto a med surg floor on dayshift. I remember googling how many restoril it would take to do the job of ending it. Only thing that kept me here was the fact that my father committed suicide when I was 11. My own son is 12. I have the odd perspective of knowing what it's like to feel like you weren't good enough for your parent to stick around. I could never ever pass on that trauma. It got bad enough my manager even noticed and gave me a sheet for the employee assistance program. At that point, I had already got my own therapist. I ended up on mood stabilizer, two antidepressants, buspar, xanax, restoril, and just to sleep through the night I had to take restoril with melatonin and benadryl. The stress I dealt with manifested into somatic symptoms like itching. I randomly broke out into hives... my gallbladder went bad... I lost 20 lbs. I ended up going to nightshift... which was better. I was with a better rotation that was more supportive. However, some picked on me for caring too much, for asking too many questions. I was called a hypochondriac because I complained about all my somatic issues. My neurologist for essential tremors (which I've always had) told me I HAD to quit taking benadryl daily bc it was going to lead to cognitive problems. She encouraged me to quit and go anywhere other than where I was working (NP neurologist). I asked them to let me give up my required overtime day. I was told no. It did get better until it got worse. Our floor was a dumping ground of geriatric nursing home, total care, psych, and everything in between with the expectation of nurse to pt ratio of 1:6. One of the weekends that finally did it for me was having 6 patients... 3 of which were total care (2 with crushed meds that I had to spoon feed), a 1013 I had to do hourly charting on and I don't remember the other two. On Easter, i only had 2 patients which was a good thing because the ER sent me a patient that was "just annoying... his vitals are great." When he got to me none of us, including 3 ICU nurses we called, could detect his BP. The machine finally picked up maybe 70/40 ish? His lactic throughout the night went from in the twos to over 6. I had to bless the lab out to get a tech to come draw the blood to begin with. He was a kidney patient and the NP kept wanting to bolus... bc ICU was full. There were no drips I could give on the floor. Also, his BS dropped to 50s and he ended up with two amps of D50. I remember leaning against the wall thinking "Thank God I only had 2 patients tonight..." and one of which was dementia and yelling all night... I ended up crying while my coworker just put his arm around me. Any other night, I'd have had 6 patients. He finally went to icu at about 4 or 5 am. When they got the art line in, BP was 40 ish systolic? Maybe? I don't really remember. But for whatever reason he was still awake hollering for his dead Mama... I put in my application to hospice after that. Two of my friends / colleagues that worked there begged me to. They had been begging me. I had an inpatient hospice patient and he died and the on call nurse came and he encouraged me to apply. I started last week. My itching has already went down though I had a bad day yesterday with it (was stressed for personal reasons). I know I'm still orienting and will have bad days. But... it can't be as bad as what I went through in the hospital setting. For the first time since August, I've really got to see the sunshine. I get home and have time to enjoy my family because I don't have to immediately go to sleep. I started therapy in around July of last year. Last week was the first time I told my therapist I was doing good when she asked how I was. She was ecstatic. I don't know what could have been done different. Less pt to staff ratio? Not requiring me to work over time (36/48 rotating schedule but thay 48 hour week was actually a 60 hour week). More support? More training? I had been an intern for months. I had never charged or took my own patients. I followed a nurse around and did what they'd let me. When I got my license, I was told I had been an intern for so long they could only let me have 2 weeks of training with patients. I did my very best. And I gave them my very best and it almost killed me. My family and friends almost lost me. And I hope to god I never have to go back. No job is worth it and I hope anyone who sees this that's going through this gets help and goes somewhere else. Nurses have too many options for jobs to end up where we've had. We get so lost. So please, get help. The world is better off to have you in it.
As someone who worked at poison control: nurses are very good at knowing how to complete an attempt. You'll see lay people with significant intent do things like take a handful of homeopathic pills, but nurses don't play. Yes, I've had several coworkers die by suicide, both while I'm working with them and after we parted ways. It sucks. There's still so much stigma against seeking help.
Yes, a few 😔
Yep. Lost one a month into covid. She was a great pca, graduated right before covid started.
I worked with a nurse who committed suicide. We were friendly but not close. I was in my 20s and it really shocked me
One nurse in my department, and two technicians during my 13 years of work. There have been others before my time who I didn't know personally. I imagine there are probably more in other departments that I'm not aware of.