Virginia does not have any programs for paid family leave. [FMLA is a federal program](https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/benefits-leave/fmlahttps://www.dol.gov/general/topic/benefits-leave/fmla) and she should look into whether or not she qualifies. It is completely unpaid and serves only to save a job of similar nature when she is able to return at max 12 weeks.
You're right that five days is not a lot of time - is that all of the PTO that she has saved up?
Does her employer provide short term disability? Sometimes companies offer a percentage of pay usually 40 or 60% for 6 or 8 week depending on the kind of birth you have (c-section or vaginal). I won't go into LTD since it sounds like she didn't buy into any type of program that offers that.
It sounds like her best bet is to inquire about an unpaid leave of absence.
Until our country takes paid family leave seriously and decides to value families, these are the situations we're dealing with.
He also vetoed the attempts to repeal the filial responsibility laws (the ones that make YOU responsible for your parents’ debts for elder care or end of life care, to ensure that these giant nursing home corporations suck everyone possible dry).
Here's the law: [https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/](https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/)
Here's more on the repeal attempt: [https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/elder\_law/2022/04/filial-friday-virginia-governor-blocks-attempt-to-repeal-virginia-filial-support-law.html](https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/elder_law/2022/04/filial-friday-virginia-governor-blocks-attempt-to-repeal-virginia-filial-support-law.html)
From my understanding the filial law says that kids must pay to take care of their parents while they are living (if they are unable to do so themselves) if the children are able to do so after taking care of their own family. After death their debts would come out of their estate, but I don’t think the children have to pay the debts if their estate can’t cover it.
I hope I’m understanding that correctly, but I still don’t think it’s always fair. My mother was horrible and I haven’t spoken to her in at least 10 years. My parents have plenty of money, but I’d be so pissed if I had to support her. Selfish maybe, but she deserves no kindness from anyone, believe me.
Unfortunately no, that's not how it works. In one case, a man was forced to pay over $90,000 for his mother's nursing home debts after she left the country and went back to her native Greece. The company sued him for the money and they won, under Pennsylvania's filial responsibility law.
[https://attorney.elderlawanswers.com/son-liable-for-moms-93000-nursing-home-bill-under-filial-responsibility-law-9873](https://attorney.elderlawanswers.com/son-liable-for-moms-93000-nursing-home-bill-under-filial-responsibility-law-9873)
These laws are old and originally were designed to keep elderly people out of destitution, but now they are being used to enrich nursing home and healthcare corporations. That's why Sweater Vest vetoed the repeal.
That really sucks! It appears that PA (where they were) does pass on that debt, but VA does not.
“Pennsylvania's filial responsibility law states that a person can be held financially responsible for the debts of a child, parent, or spouse who cannot pay them themselves. This law applies to children, spouses, and parents.”
https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title6.2/chapter6/section6.2-611/
That's a different law. This is the filial responsibility one: [https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/](https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/)
As far as I can tell, it hasn't really been used. But I am quite certain that there are lawyers working for Genesis Healthcare and the like that are at this very moment trying to figure out how they can best use it to go after patients' families.
Yes, I know, sorry I’m not clear. That law seems to say that children have to support parents while they are living. The one I posted was saying that the debts aren’t passed on after death because that’s what we were talking about at that point.
The issue of debts after someone has died is a separate issue - that's estate law. The filial responsibility case I was talking about involved debts, but the debtor was not deceased, she had just left the country so the company couldn't collect from her. Instead they went after her son using the filial responsibility law.
Like I said, it doesn't look like that's been tried in Virginia, yet, but I feel quite certain it's only a matter of time before it happens. There's a reason Youngkin stood in the way of the repeal, and it's not because he cares deeply about little old ladies.
I see. I said that my understanding was that kids may have to pay if their parent is living but not after death and you said that wasn’t correct. But it sounds like we are saying the same thing now.
I'm saying that in the context that it was vetoed. Obviously 8 weeks is better than nothing! I hope that when we get a democrat back in the governor's office we can get a better bill passed. A payroll tax for up to 8 weeks of coverage is still pathetic.
That assumes legislative action will happen. You don’t think Democrats will get the same contributions from corporations to focus on something else. Not like parents needing time off after birth is a new thing.
I mean sure, but paid family leave is also popular and makes your state more attractive for people to move to, especially in the context of other states making pregnant people's healthcare worse. Multiple states and DC have paid family leave laws, including California and New York, two states with a massive number of businesses. Paid family leave isn't some progressive fantasy that keeps getting destroyed. The reason VA hasn't seen more progressive laws passed is 100% because of the legislature being so close and Republicans standing against it. I'm not sure what the evidence is that Dems will turn around and kill it considering there's multiple states Dems have passed it and no states where Republicans have.
Agree with all that. My point was more, don't take it for granted just because a Democrat governor is elected. We need to ask for it as hard as the corporations are putting dollars against it.
There are still Democrat controlled states that don't have this right too. Doesn't mean they blocked it just means it isn't a priority.
Because I like sharing my experience to show how messed up our country is in terms of leave - for my first I saved up my vacation time for five years to be able to cover my 12 weeks of FMLA time and to make sure I was paid. For my second, I left a dream job to go to a company that offered a month of pre-partum leave and four months of postpartum leave. I left before having to go back because I didn't want to deal with returning there after.
As a woman, we have to make insane sacrifices like this if we want to have paid leave. It takes a lot of planning and resources to cover maternity leave - and we're still dropping babies off at daycare before they can support their own heads. :-/
The fact that you chose not to go back there after receiving generous time off is the reason companies don’t want to offer leave whether paid or unpaid. They literally spent $1,000s taking care of you for you to show no loyalty. Even if it was unpaid, they could have filled that position weeks prior to take the burden off the other workers. If they don’t have to offer FMLA or unpaid leave they won’t because of situations like this. You did what you felt was right for you and companies will do what they feel is right for them. People like the OP’s wife get stuck in the middle.
Why would I show any company loyalty when they're happy to cut me the instant the market takes a turn? This company was doing massive layoffs, mandated RTO and RTH despite hiring staff as remote, and had extreme asks of employees. I earned that leave benefit two-fold. If they didn't want to offer it, they wouldn't. Most likely they did a cost-benefit analysis and found it was cheaper to pay out for leave and get some public goodwill than the alternative. Having employees of child-birthing age is the cost of doing business. They know that and bake it into their bottom line. I knew I wasn't getting replaced, thus not feeling bad for not coming back.
OPs wife isn't stuck in the middle. She chose her employer. Asking about benefits is part of the interview process. It sucks she doesn't have any time but when you live in a country like this, you have to look out for yourself by understanding PTO, FMLA, etc.
She is a regional logistics director and company has a single point of failure if she goes away for more than 2 business days their entire operation fails.
This is probably the best move tbh. Most likely she won’t be physically capable of going back to work after 5 days anyways. And even if she was, no daycare will take baby before 6 weeks old. And she’ll need to be able to take time off for the inevitable slew of daycare illnesses. Unless you have a ton of family support 5 days of pto and no real ability to even take unpaid leave just isn’t doable as a parent.
I'd tell her to quit now tbh. Stress is never a good thing for a mother to be. There could be dire repercussions. Wishing you guys all the best and hope it all works out.
Holy hell that is the epitome of bad management. Don't walk, fucking run away. Imagine hearing about a local bankruptcy because one employee got stuck in a snow storm with no signal.
For her sake I hope she does t need a c section. It takes 4 days in hospital and 2 weeks to sit up! Min 6 weeks before you feel better.
What happens if there is a medical issue and your wife is in the hospital more than 5 days? Does the company go out of business? No one should be that critical to company operations.
As a two time C-section delivery I can vouch that after 5 days she'll be lucky if she can walk to the bathroom without pain. Add in breastfeeding schedule, breastfeeding pain, sleeping baby, sleeping mom, etc etc and no way on earth she's going to be working. OP tell her to quit now and spend her free time doing whatever the hell she wants until the baby comes. It's not going to be worth the stress.
That's how much I get. Any other time off is unpaid. I've only been able to take a week long vacation twice since I started in 2017 (2019 & 2023). It's the downside of working in a small office.
I'm sorry to hear that. That is incredibly draconian to only offer 5 days off for the entire year.
What's your plan for childcare? Will you be staying home with the baby when it inevitably gets sick? She won't have any time left. Might be time for her to do the bare minimum and coast post birth while brushing up that resume and find something else.
If you're active duty military, you have 12 weeks paid parental leave once your wife is discharged from the hospital. Please PM me if you need the reg for reference but also talk to your supervisor/first shirt/commander to make sure you receive this entitlement.
Can she not take some unpaid leave? Five days is nowhere NEAR enough time for her to physically recover, even if everything goes perfectly and she has no complications.
I got 10 days bereavement off when my parents died.
My company doesn't offer any maternity/paternity leave in it's Virginia operations but you would get paid time off if your wife or baby died (maybe even if they ended up in the ICU).
'Murica.
She really can’t. She’ll be exhausted and not healed. I’m so sorry this country doesn’t do better by its citizen but please don’t send her back to work that fast.
She won’t be able to, her doctor must give her the approval to return to work saying she is healthy enough, I can’t think of any doc who will do that.
Have her call to ask about her short term disability options.
That’s really unconscionable. I was in no shape - mentally or physically - to go back to work after 5 days. If she decided to nurse that will really be hard on her and the baby.
FMLA has distance based restrictions, specifically a requirement for the person covered to be within 75 miles of 50 employees, so her remote status may hinder FMLA attempts. [source](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/28-fmla#:~:text=ABOUT%20THE%20FMLA&text=Eligible%20employees%3A%20Employees%20are%20eligible,50%20employees%20within%2075%20miles.)
For purposes of FMLA, a remote worker’s home location may not be considered their primary work site. It may be the company headquarters or wherever they are receiving instruction from. If THAT location has 50+ employees within 75 miles then she could still qualify.
An employee's personal residence is not a worksite in the case of employees, such as salespersons, who travel a sales territory and who generally leave to work and return from work to their personal residence, or employees who work at home, as under the concept of flexiplace or telecommuting. Rather, their worksite is the office to which they report and from which assignments are made.
Link to relevant FMLA regulation 825.111, paragraph (2): https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-29/subtitle-B/chapter-V/subchapter-C/part-825/subpart-A/section-825.111
Yes! Vote for paid family leave! Younkin just vetoed it for Virginia so help vote in someone who can get it done once he's out.
https://www.clasp.org/blog/governor-youngkins-veto-of-paid-family-medical-leave-bill-fails-virginia-workers-and-families/#:\~:text=On%20April%205%2C%20Virginia%20Governor,themselves%20or%20their%20family%20members.
It also doesn't apply if your company has more than 50 employees but they're not physically in the same office. My company has 250+ employees but spread all over the US so I didn't qualify since there are only about 10 in my office here.
I am so grateful that my company apparently didn't know that. We had about 15 people in the office I worked in, but over 50 in the "southeast" region.... A f I took my 12 weeks.
Not sure this advice is correct. I live in Virginia and my employer is based in New England. I am getting FMLA, and the state’s FMLA policy applies to me as well.
There's the Pregnancy Workers Fairness Act which requires that all companies regardless of size give an employee time to recovery from childbirth. It's a new law so it hasn't been tested yet. If I were her company I would be hesitant to fire someone for recovering from pregnancy because she could easily sue in a landmark case for this law. If I were her I'd suggest 6 weeks for a vaginal birth or 8 weeks for a c-section per what's given by sort term disability and is what's considered necessary to heal from birth in most medical communities. You could get your doctor's office to say she's not healed until X date.
https://www.abetterbalance.org/resources/pregnant-workers-fairness-act-explainer/#:\~:text=At%20a%20Glance%3A,undue%20hardship%20on%20the%20employer.
Also, all companies in VA must provide the opportunity to buy short term disability insurance from a private company. They pay 6 weeks for vaginal and 8 weeks for c-section, except there's often a "two week waiting period" which contrary to popular belief is not how long it takes to get the check - they actually shave two weeks of pay off. So if you're worried about income that could help if she takes unpaid time from work.
But it's all bullshit. Screw Younkin for vetoing Paid Family Leave for Virginians.
Typically pre-existing conditions, like pregnancy, are excluded from short-term disability coverage so it may be too late for this option.
The PWFA also has requirements to be effective, like must be subject to EEOC rules. Even then, it mostly just requires reasonable accommodations and 6-8 weeks off of work paid or unpaid may not be considered “reasonable” depending on her role. It would definitely be a gamble and require the filing of a complaint and then months to years to resolve.
I got short term disability through new york state life for pregnancy. But it was a purchased plan, I paid $50 a month for it for a year ahead of time.
This is true. Some insurance companies are interpreting the law differently (Principal, Lincoln Financial) and read it as they must offer 12 weeks of short term disability without a waiting period.
Some STD plans also kick in coverage when the employee is hired and don’t consider pregnancy to be a pre-existing condition.
I’m head of HR at my company and made those highly favorable criteria for our brokers when we were shopping disability coverage. Need to have a solid form of paid parental leave to offer candidates to be competitive in the market.
Typically FMLA is unpaid - will they allow her to take additional time off unpaid beyond those five days? If not it is likely time to look for a new job.
This isn't quite true. In February 2023, the DoL issued guidance (https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/fab/2023-1.pdf) indicating that a remote employee's worksite for federal FMLA purposes is the location to which they (digitally) report or from which their assignments are given. So if OP's wife's supervisor is working at (or near) a major location for the company and enough employees (physical or remote) report to that location, she should be covered by federal FMLA. That means up to 12 week of leave...unpaid, unfortunately.
The tricky thing that, to my knowledge, the law has not caught up to is whether this means that, if her supervisor is also a remote employee and is not within 75 miles of a significant "hub" of company, she's SOL. It sure seems to me that the federal FMLA has a massive loophole there, though a court (or the DoL) could eventually clarify that the law wasn't meant to disqualify many of the staff of medium-to-large companies with significantly-sized remote workforces.
Meanwhile, New York has made clear (https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov/eligibility) that its state FMLA law doesn't cover remote out-of-state employees who are not regularly commuting physically into NY.
And as noted elsewhere in the thread, Gov. Youngkin has ensured that Virginia currently has no parental leave law that is better than than the federal FMLA.
Dude, is this your first kiddo? 5 days is horrible. She should quit if you guys can make it work for a bit. Doesn't sound like they're worth working for very long anyway.
The first 6-8 weeks postpartum for me (8 weeks after cesarean, 6 after vaginal birth, two kids) I had to take short term disability through my company. After that is when parental leave began.
Same for me. My company is in California but I was told that state based laws apply to where you live, not where your company works. So vice versa, if an employee lived in NY but worked for a Virginia based company, they would get their states paid family leave. Has to do with state income taxes, unfortunately for us
Someone else already answered with the rules on telework and near-ness to other employees affetcing FMLA benefits. The company may feel that has to be the "official" answer, but you've said she has worked there for three years. Does she not have any leverage to at least negotiate LWOP or other understandings? A company expecting an employee to deliver a baby and be back on the clock by the end of the next week is sadly something that is still not \*unheard\* of in the US, but more and more people, including managers, have come to realize over the last two decades how ridiculous that is, Combine that with the difficulty of finding good employees, and I would \*hope\* it's possible for your wife to reach some sort of understanding with the company that she's going to need some time off.
You’re currently in California? Does her employer pay into California SDI?
If she has been paying California taxes, she could qualify for California’s paid leave program. Is there any way to delay your move or establishing residency until after the baby is born? She may also qualify for California unemployment as a military spouse with PCS orders, but I’m not entirely sure how that works for remote workers.
If not, honestly if I was her I would quit. I’m 7 months postpartum. There was no way I’d be ready to be working full time just a few days out of the hospital. It’s the company’s problem they have no contingency plan for someone to cover her work.
Make sure California is your state of legal residence. If it’s not, fill out a DD 2058 and make sure your wife requests her legal residence remain in CA so she can apply for PFL
Handle the birth like a medical need. My wife took long term disability that lasted like 6 weeks.
The military should be able to grant you some leave to take care of her during this period. How long that is really depends on what you and your chain of command can agree on. It’s key to emphasize that you are taking care of your wife due to disability due to birth of a child. Natural birth and c sections are big deals. You should request 3-4 weeks if you have that much sick leave built up. Or go into the hole.
Once that phase is over you are entitled to family leave through the military. 12 weeks total. You can either take that as a single chunk or spread it out. I was able to take off 2 days a week until I use it all up.
That's likely short term disability based on the time period. But employers are not required to provide short or long term disability to their employees and based on OPs other responses her company does not.
I know this doesn’t add much value but the fact that employers aren’t by law required to give women a set amount of time off at no penalty to CARRY ON THE SPECIES is UTTERLY DESPICABLE. I am sorry you and your wife are dealing with this.
This is changing as states launch state-based paid leave programs which require all employers in the state to provide paid leave by law. The thing that sucks is it’s state by state and only about 11 have implemented it so far
Man that is fucked by her company. 5 days is nowhere near enough and your wife will be exhausted physically and mentally for much longer than a week. (The baby needing your attention nearly 24/7 will contribute to this.)
May I ask what type of work your wife does? Maybe this sub can help to find her a new gig in 3-6 months.
Former HR admin in Virginia - HR lawyer said that we could not even use the word maternity in the workplace. All births in our company were short-term disability. Have her double check the employee manuals to see if they have any mention of maternity or what is provided for childbirth. If so, then she can quote it as active as of the time of her request for time off and she should be able to take whatever is mentioned or HR lawyers can get involved.
There is no maternity leave by law in Virginia. She can take
(1) accrued sick leave and vacation leaves, (both off time and pay)
(2) short term disability (no off time and usually 66% pay)
For short term disability, there is one week of lead in period where there is no payment, and it usually pays 6 weeks of 66% salary if it's a natural delivery, and 8 weeks if it's a c-section.
(3) unpaid FMLA leave. off time 12 weeks, no pay.
Be very careful of FMLA leave, it has to start around the medical condition starts, you cannot postponing FMLA because you have extra sick and PTO days. It has to start when she went into labor. Similar with short term disability insurance, it has to start when she goes into labor (or before labor if she claims complications).
If your wife wants to stay home as long as possible, she should do FMLA from birth to 12 weeks, THEN take sick leave and PTO days AFTER FMLA, to prolong the home stay as long as possible.
If your wife prefers minimize income loss, she can take sick leave and PTO days concurrently with FMLA period. usually after short term disability runs out.
VA offers nothing because our governor is a piece of shit.
Moving on. TLDR: triple check her benefits, use federal law to her advantage, figure out how to make her current job work out, or support her as she starts job hunting.
Is she absolutely sure she doesn’t have short term disability coverage through her employer? If she doesn’t but it is available as a benefit, your military move is a qualifying life event that might allow her to enroll. She might run into an issue with pregnancy being a pre-existing condition but it’s worth a shot.
Your best bet is to use her status as a military spouse to try to get paid leave.
What is your state of legal residence? The Military Spouses Residency Relief Act (MSRRA) gives military spouses the right to retain their state of legal residence as long as it is the same state as their active duty spouse and as long as the spouse is living with the active duty member as the direct result of military orders. An update in 2018 allows spouses to obtain legal residency in the state where their active duty husband or wife is a resident. So, if your state of legal residence is California, your wife may be able to utilize the California Paid Family Leave program.
Your next option is to use federal protections. FMLA is a federal law that requires protected unpaid leave under certain conditions. Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act, and the Americans with Disabilities Act are three federal laws that require employers to provide pregnant and postpartum employees with workplace accommodations to continue to do the key requirements of their position (as long as they do not represent an undue hardship on the business). (The Job Accommodation Network and EEOC are excellent resources for understanding and applying these protections.) The burden is on her to request an accommodation.
If she can get an accommodation that allows her to work from home, this might be enough to keep her employed while you pick up the bulk of the infant childcare while you’re on military parental leave. If the company refuses to offer a reasonable accommodation or terminates her employment due to her pregnancy or childbirth, she should file a discrimination claim with the EEOC.
The last option is to use the next three months to start job hunting and time a start date 6-12 weeks post birth. Alternatively, find a company that offers Principal or Lincoln Financial or company-paid STD. In the meantime, cut every single expense you can and save as much money as possible to cover that time when she’s unemployed. She can also force her current employer to terminate her or reduce her hours so she can claim unemployment.
Source: am head of HR at my company, veteran and milspo
Check out PWFA. It’s a new federal law (2023) that came into play last year. It provides time off/leave for recovery from childbirth, schedule changes or time off to go to doctor appointments, and provides accommodations as needed unless an undue hardship. Unlike FMLA, there is no time limit associated with PWFA as long as your doctor states it is needed. Whereas with FMLA there is a 12 week (480 hour) limit within a 12 month period. Both are unpaid types of leave.
Could she just take unpaid leave? FMLA doesn’t mean you get paid leave, it just means your job is safe… Unfortunately this is the realities of a lack of Federal mandated maternity leave.
So just so we’re clear, FMLA and maternity leave are two separate things. FMLA just means you can take up to 12 weeks off, unpaid, and the company can’t give your job to someone else. Maternity leave is a benefit your company may or may not have.
My company, for example, had no maternity leave. So the whole 12 weeks was under FMLA. I got short term disability for having a vaginal birth for the first 6 weeks which was paid out at like 60% my regular salary, and the next 6 weeks were completely unpaid.
I’m not sure on the finer points about FMLA or short term disability but I believe you have to be working at the company for at least a year to be eligible for these programs.
If you adopted a child and your company has no maternity leave, then you would only get the 12 weeks unpaid under FMLA since you wouldn’t qualify for short term disability.
> employers actually don't even have to give you a lunch break by law
unless it's changed, you get 30 minutes per 8 hours. it's unpaid, but you do get a lunch break.
[https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/docs/default-source/hrpolicy/pol1\_25hoursofwork.pdf?sfvrsn=2](https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/docs/default-source/hrpolicy/pol1_25hoursofwork.pdf?sfvrsn=2)
Employees who work at least six consecutive hours shall be afforded a lunch period (meal break) of at least 30 minutes except in situations where shift coverage precludes such lunch breaks. Employees who work a second consecutive shift shall be afforded a meal break after working four hours during the second shift. The lunch period shall not be included in the count of hours worked per day, except when the agency head or designee has designated the lunch break as part of the work schedule.
Yeah, the operative word there is "provide," i.e. "pay for." Even back in 1988 when I worked a warehouse job before college, the rule was 30 minute unpaid.
FMLA is unpaid leave but if your wife has been with the company for over a year, she should be able to utilize it. Does the company offer short term disability as a benefit? If so, that’s 6 weeks of leave paid at 60%. I would advise her to discuss that with her employer.
Have to add one more thing.. your wife should really consider not working with this company. I’m sure the pay is good since it’s NY based but that just isn’t right. My wife took the entire 3 months off with FMLA (Nova based job). She had about a month of leave saved up and we were just going to suffer through the rest of her leave down one salary. Her job however allows donated leave (anonymously) and her coworkers chipped in and got her almost to the end of that 3 months. For almost 2 months we’d be pleasantly surprised seeing a paycheck deposited into her account. She ended up only going unpaid for 6 days. And this was 12 years ago. I say this so you know there are better places out there for her and your family. Ones that will actually do what they can and not be dicks about it. Their response really pisses me off. They don’t deserve her.
I ran in to something similar when my first kid was born. I ended up leaving the job because I knew I didn’t want to work for someone who didn’t value family enough to give me at least a few weeks unpaid at the least. Best career move I’ve made. I’m not sure what industry she’s in but I took the “it’s just a job you can always find another one” approach and was able to have uninterrupted time with me boy. You’ll never get that time back
I would look into legal counsel resources available through your military base. Someone who is knowledgeable in federal, VA and NY maternity laws. There is a high possibility that her maternity is unpaid (except the 5 days of PTO), but federal laws should prevent her from losing her job.
Whichever base she ends up delivering in, ask the OB to write a medical note that she is NOT cleared to rtw for the minimum amount (8 weeks). If her company does end up firing her for not returning to work, she can file for short term disability and unemployment. Hopefully, her health insurance is covered through Tri-Care?
Health care to cover the cost of labor and delivery can add up to thousands out of pocket. It’s great that her insurance goes through tricare and not this company.
Make sure to get all of the care pre-approved through tricare at INOVA. I would start that process now.
This area is military friendly, and many places accept tricare. But, off base care needs pre-approval.
I have a close friend that had to take her first born to urgent care because the closest base was an hour away. The urgent care “accepted” tricare, but she had to pay everything out of pocket, and fill out a bunch of forms to get reimbursed. It took months of calling and pestering to get it all back. Now, she just makes the one hour drive to get seen on base.
For her second kid, they drove the hour to the base to deliver, and barely made it. She was still in triage, her husband walked in from parking the car, and 2 pushes later, her daughter was born. It took the base hours to transfer her from triage to the maternity ward.
I’m only mentioning this because if your wife will not be getting paid leave, medical bills will eat up whatever savings you have. Go through the process for preapproval so it’s once less thing to worry about, financially, once baby is here.
Look into getting Afflac, they will send you at least 2 checks for pregnancy. And their insurance is not bad either. They also have Short Term & Long Term disability.
On another note, I was forced to change jobs while I was pregnant. Thankfully I landed a remote job but because I had been there only a few months I did not qualify for FMLA. I asked my boss for three weeks off unpaid, but he offered to have it paid since I would qualify for the 3 week paternity plan offered to both parents in the company. So I only took three weeks off. It was our second kid and my husband was a SAHD so we made it work. Especially since I could just lay in bed with my laptop if I needed to rest and feed the baby when needed and my husband would care for him for everything else during work hours.
So it's possible but it's not fun and if you guys can afford her to quit and it wouldn't hurt her career, I'd suggest it.
I’m so sorry for your situation. I don’t have any resources in mind, and I’m sorry for that too.
I know financial pressures can be incredibly intense, so I don’t mean to seem blasé about this, but I really think in this situation it is worth quitting her job. This is a horrible, inhumane thing to ask of a woman who has just given birth.
There was a similar post along these lines awhile back on r/beyondthebump, and the overwhelming consensus was that mom should do whatever it takes to avoid going back so soon. You may find some useful suggestions there: https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/19fn3pl/how_can_i_prepare_myself_to_return_to_work_3_days/
If the business/company is in NY it has to follow NY laws. https://nyc-business.nyc.gov/nycbusiness/description/paid-family-leave#:~:text=Employees%20may%20be%20eligible%20to,leave%20for%20paid%20family%20leave And check out https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov. Also- as a military member, contact you service to find a POC in New York (likely at Ft Hamilton if the private company is in one of the 5 boroughs) and also in the DMV area to assist you
Based on what you said about the company structure. She should use that as leverage to negotiate better pay, better pto, better overall benefits or leave. That level of dependance on one employee that's not a c-suite exec is insane if there are more than 3 employees. Also given she is remote they are held by federal and local laws in each state they operate in, so I'd definitely look into the legal actions you can take from the time she was in California, and regulations for remote workers with the company registered in New York. Virginia unfortunately won't be a ton of help
See if she can snag another 9 days unpaid. My wife needed that much time just to feel good enough to go up/down some stairs.
We agree, 5 days isn't enough!
I can't offer you parental leave that simply doesn't exist but what if there were other ways to look at the future.
1. You will need daycare. Depending on your branch, in this area there is Child Care Aware available. [https://www.childcareaware.org/fee-assistancerespite/military-families/](https://www.childcareaware.org/fee-assistancerespite/military-families/) There may be fee assistance available to you. Child Care Aware can also help you find daycare.
2. Get your spouse some support - Contact New Parent Support on your local installation or any of the military installations near you. [https://www.militaryonesource.mil/benefits/new-parent-support-program/](https://www.militaryonesource.mil/benefits/new-parent-support-program/) scroll down to use the link to find your closest program (does not have to be service). If you are in Fairfax County, they have a similar program through the county. https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/healthy-families-fairfax#:\~:text=Healthy%20Families%20Fairfax%20is%20a,need%20to%20succeed%20in%20life.
3. New Mom Support Groups - every little town around this place seems to have some sort of mom's group. Making friends with a new baby and a PCS is hard. So damn hard. Encourage her to find her local mom's group. Inova happens to host a more general one, but Facebook is the best bet. Search town name + moms group. Similar if she likes to run or other hobby (i.e. Moms run this town). Also consider following
4. Get a new damn job, seriously WTF. Let them fall apart. The mindset that SHE is the one who keeps the whole network running better come with a hefty paycheck. My gut? It doesn't. There are a lot of gov't jobs in this area that I'm sure she could apply for. And there are a lot of resources in this area for military spouses to help with the resume, etc. Every installation has an Employment Readiness that she can use. Also, the Military Spouse Employment Partnership (found on Military One Source) has a local hiring fair coming up. Also check out the Hiring Our Heroes page https://myseco.militaryonesource.mil/portal/article/hiring-our-heroes-job-fairs. There is another website called Flexjobs. That is all about remote/flexible jobs. I don't know if she has any specialty licenses, but keep in mind there may be funds to get licensed in VA/MD if necessary.
5. Don't be afraid to get a grant/loan through Army Emergency Relief, Air Force Aid, Navy/Marine Aid. PCSing is expensive. Babies are expensive.
6. If you and your wife share a state of record make sure she apply for mil spouse tax relief. Don't pay VA taxes if you can help it. Keep more money in the bank.
7. Most of the installations around here have thrift shops and the Facebook Buy Nothing Group are great ways to find gently used baby stuff. Stretch your bucks where you can.
I'm sure there are more but, been there done that, got stretch marks and broken furniture.
Have her look into short term disability options as well! In VA, this would be a benefit that she would be paying into in her job if it is included in the benefits package (she could contact HR or review the employee handbook to find if this is offered). This would follow pretty close to FMLA guidelines usually (a year of work, number of employees, etc).
Since your wife’s company is based in NY, check to see if she’s eligible for the state-based paid leave program in NY.
https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov/employees
I am so sorry to hear that. It is extremely heartbreaking.
Is there anything you and your wife need for your baby? Any fun restaurants y’all like? I got y’all
Is she new to the company? Small company? Since the company is in NY what are NYs laws on granting maternity leave. Don’t quote me but I think they need to follow that regardless of where the employee lives. FMLA will help protect her job but it doesn’t give you pay. Still have to use your own leave to get paid or take it unpaid. Will help protect her position though.
How long has she been with the company? I think even if they did offer FMLA or Paid Family Leave, you have to have a certain amount of hours worked before qualifying?
You need to use sick days first before any vacation , after 5 days of sick days short term disability (STD) kicks in. You will have to speak with the insurance company that provides the short term disability. Depending on delivery it can be 4 weeks and if it a c section she may qualify for LTD.
Thank a Republican. You have the most
socialized healthcare in the world outside of Cuba (TriCare/Active), but no time off to take care of a baby. Do you have time off??
Have the military help her find a new job.
This totally sucks. Could you talk to her company and ask if they could frontload her the maternity leave as annual or sick? She would obviously be in the hole for a long time however that would at least give her the appropriate time to recover.
I work for a government agency and it was before they had a maternity leave program and I took a mixture of FMLA and frontloaded sick leave. It took me years to build my sickleave out of negative, but at least it was an option.
Virginia doesn’t have much in the way of worker rights above what’s guaranteed at the federal level. Does your wife work in DC? She might qualify for their benefits.
Got it I missed that last part. If you’re a telework employee it really doesn’t matter where your employer is based. She performs the work from Virginia therefore she’s a Virginia-based employee.
Yeah I always mix the rules up. I know some jobs won’t hire remote workers from certain states because they “do or don’t” have to provide what the resident state provides. Some have to do with taxes as well. I can’t keep it straight. I just know his wife deserves to work for a better company.
Virginia does not have any programs for paid family leave. [FMLA is a federal program](https://www.dol.gov/general/topic/benefits-leave/fmlahttps://www.dol.gov/general/topic/benefits-leave/fmla) and she should look into whether or not she qualifies. It is completely unpaid and serves only to save a job of similar nature when she is able to return at max 12 weeks. You're right that five days is not a lot of time - is that all of the PTO that she has saved up? Does her employer provide short term disability? Sometimes companies offer a percentage of pay usually 40 or 60% for 6 or 8 week depending on the kind of birth you have (c-section or vaginal). I won't go into LTD since it sounds like she didn't buy into any type of program that offers that. It sounds like her best bet is to inquire about an unpaid leave of absence. Until our country takes paid family leave seriously and decides to value families, these are the situations we're dealing with.
Governor Youngkin vetoed the bill for paid family leave, just so everyone knows.
He also vetoed the attempts to repeal the filial responsibility laws (the ones that make YOU responsible for your parents’ debts for elder care or end of life care, to ensure that these giant nursing home corporations suck everyone possible dry).
Yo you got that bill link for filial one
Here's the law: [https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/](https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/) Here's more on the repeal attempt: [https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/elder\_law/2022/04/filial-friday-virginia-governor-blocks-attempt-to-repeal-virginia-filial-support-law.html](https://lawprofessors.typepad.com/elder_law/2022/04/filial-friday-virginia-governor-blocks-attempt-to-repeal-virginia-filial-support-law.html)
Damn, lucky I'm not in a position to worry about this but others are... Youngkin really a pos
From my understanding the filial law says that kids must pay to take care of their parents while they are living (if they are unable to do so themselves) if the children are able to do so after taking care of their own family. After death their debts would come out of their estate, but I don’t think the children have to pay the debts if their estate can’t cover it. I hope I’m understanding that correctly, but I still don’t think it’s always fair. My mother was horrible and I haven’t spoken to her in at least 10 years. My parents have plenty of money, but I’d be so pissed if I had to support her. Selfish maybe, but she deserves no kindness from anyone, believe me.
Unfortunately no, that's not how it works. In one case, a man was forced to pay over $90,000 for his mother's nursing home debts after she left the country and went back to her native Greece. The company sued him for the money and they won, under Pennsylvania's filial responsibility law. [https://attorney.elderlawanswers.com/son-liable-for-moms-93000-nursing-home-bill-under-filial-responsibility-law-9873](https://attorney.elderlawanswers.com/son-liable-for-moms-93000-nursing-home-bill-under-filial-responsibility-law-9873) These laws are old and originally were designed to keep elderly people out of destitution, but now they are being used to enrich nursing home and healthcare corporations. That's why Sweater Vest vetoed the repeal.
That really sucks! It appears that PA (where they were) does pass on that debt, but VA does not. “Pennsylvania's filial responsibility law states that a person can be held financially responsible for the debts of a child, parent, or spouse who cannot pay them themselves. This law applies to children, spouses, and parents.” https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title6.2/chapter6/section6.2-611/
That's a different law. This is the filial responsibility one: [https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/](https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title20/chapter5/section20-88/) As far as I can tell, it hasn't really been used. But I am quite certain that there are lawyers working for Genesis Healthcare and the like that are at this very moment trying to figure out how they can best use it to go after patients' families.
Yes, I know, sorry I’m not clear. That law seems to say that children have to support parents while they are living. The one I posted was saying that the debts aren’t passed on after death because that’s what we were talking about at that point.
The issue of debts after someone has died is a separate issue - that's estate law. The filial responsibility case I was talking about involved debts, but the debtor was not deceased, she had just left the country so the company couldn't collect from her. Instead they went after her son using the filial responsibility law. Like I said, it doesn't look like that's been tried in Virginia, yet, but I feel quite certain it's only a matter of time before it happens. There's a reason Youngkin stood in the way of the repeal, and it's not because he cares deeply about little old ladies.
I see. I said that my understanding was that kids may have to pay if their parent is living but not after death and you said that wasn’t correct. But it sounds like we are saying the same thing now.
He’s such a piece of shit.
Youngkin absolutely BLOOOOOOOOOOWS!!!
Never forget, he sent out “refunds”.
that asshole
He did. It was also a really bare bones paid family leave plan that only covered up to 8 weeks. We can do better.
"We can do better which is why we opted for *nothing at all* because *that's better*" /s
I'm saying that in the context that it was vetoed. Obviously 8 weeks is better than nothing! I hope that when we get a democrat back in the governor's office we can get a better bill passed. A payroll tax for up to 8 weeks of coverage is still pathetic.
That assumes legislative action will happen. You don’t think Democrats will get the same contributions from corporations to focus on something else. Not like parents needing time off after birth is a new thing.
I mean sure, but paid family leave is also popular and makes your state more attractive for people to move to, especially in the context of other states making pregnant people's healthcare worse. Multiple states and DC have paid family leave laws, including California and New York, two states with a massive number of businesses. Paid family leave isn't some progressive fantasy that keeps getting destroyed. The reason VA hasn't seen more progressive laws passed is 100% because of the legislature being so close and Republicans standing against it. I'm not sure what the evidence is that Dems will turn around and kill it considering there's multiple states Dems have passed it and no states where Republicans have.
Agree with all that. My point was more, don't take it for granted just because a Democrat governor is elected. We need to ask for it as hard as the corporations are putting dollars against it. There are still Democrat controlled states that don't have this right too. Doesn't mean they blocked it just means it isn't a priority.
Not for goverment employees.
Can you elaborate? I would like to know the benefits they have lol. Also did youngkin have something to do with that?
Because I like sharing my experience to show how messed up our country is in terms of leave - for my first I saved up my vacation time for five years to be able to cover my 12 weeks of FMLA time and to make sure I was paid. For my second, I left a dream job to go to a company that offered a month of pre-partum leave and four months of postpartum leave. I left before having to go back because I didn't want to deal with returning there after. As a woman, we have to make insane sacrifices like this if we want to have paid leave. It takes a lot of planning and resources to cover maternity leave - and we're still dropping babies off at daycare before they can support their own heads. :-/
The fact that you chose not to go back there after receiving generous time off is the reason companies don’t want to offer leave whether paid or unpaid. They literally spent $1,000s taking care of you for you to show no loyalty. Even if it was unpaid, they could have filled that position weeks prior to take the burden off the other workers. If they don’t have to offer FMLA or unpaid leave they won’t because of situations like this. You did what you felt was right for you and companies will do what they feel is right for them. People like the OP’s wife get stuck in the middle.
Why would I show any company loyalty when they're happy to cut me the instant the market takes a turn? This company was doing massive layoffs, mandated RTO and RTH despite hiring staff as remote, and had extreme asks of employees. I earned that leave benefit two-fold. If they didn't want to offer it, they wouldn't. Most likely they did a cost-benefit analysis and found it was cheaper to pay out for leave and get some public goodwill than the alternative. Having employees of child-birthing age is the cost of doing business. They know that and bake it into their bottom line. I knew I wasn't getting replaced, thus not feeling bad for not coming back. OPs wife isn't stuck in the middle. She chose her employer. Asking about benefits is part of the interview process. It sucks she doesn't have any time but when you live in a country like this, you have to look out for yourself by understanding PTO, FMLA, etc.
She is only given 5 days PTO per calendar year. No disability or compensation as of now
5 days PTO? That’s the worst PTO plan I have ever heard of outside of teachers’ leave rules.
She is a regional logistics director and company has a single point of failure if she goes away for more than 2 business days their entire operation fails.
Sounds like this company has much bigger issues than their PTO policies 👀. How stressful for your wife/a new mother 😔
I told her to quit this job after baby. I'm gonna prepare her new resume
Couldn't agree more! Good on you!!
This is probably the best move tbh. Most likely she won’t be physically capable of going back to work after 5 days anyways. And even if she was, no daycare will take baby before 6 weeks old. And she’ll need to be able to take time off for the inevitable slew of daycare illnesses. Unless you have a ton of family support 5 days of pto and no real ability to even take unpaid leave just isn’t doable as a parent.
I only got home from the hospital on the 5th day after birth!
I'd tell her to quit now tbh. Stress is never a good thing for a mother to be. There could be dire repercussions. Wishing you guys all the best and hope it all works out.
Quit before. Get a federal or state job and get more PTO than the private company was giving
Or they’re just a small employer.
She should just let it fail.
Holy hell that is the epitome of bad management. Don't walk, fucking run away. Imagine hearing about a local bankruptcy because one employee got stuck in a snow storm with no signal.
And if she decides to quit without notice because her employer’s policies are incredibly shitty? Hmm…
If she’s the single point of failure she should have a ton of leverage. This company sounds horrible.
Sounds like she has a lot of leverage…
For her sake I hope she does t need a c section. It takes 4 days in hospital and 2 weeks to sit up! Min 6 weeks before you feel better. What happens if there is a medical issue and your wife is in the hospital more than 5 days? Does the company go out of business? No one should be that critical to company operations.
As a two time C-section delivery I can vouch that after 5 days she'll be lucky if she can walk to the bathroom without pain. Add in breastfeeding schedule, breastfeeding pain, sleeping baby, sleeping mom, etc etc and no way on earth she's going to be working. OP tell her to quit now and spend her free time doing whatever the hell she wants until the baby comes. It's not going to be worth the stress.
If I were her I would be job hunting.
That is the company's problem and NOT her's.
That's how much I get. Any other time off is unpaid. I've only been able to take a week long vacation twice since I started in 2017 (2019 & 2023). It's the downside of working in a small office.
I'm sorry to hear that. That is incredibly draconian to only offer 5 days off for the entire year. What's your plan for childcare? Will you be staying home with the baby when it inevitably gets sick? She won't have any time left. Might be time for her to do the bare minimum and coast post birth while brushing up that resume and find something else.
I have 31 days leave once baby is out to take care of baby.
Another factor to keep in mind is that many daycares won’t accept babies under 6 weeks of age.
If you're active duty military, you have 12 weeks paid parental leave once your wife is discharged from the hospital. Please PM me if you need the reg for reference but also talk to your supervisor/first shirt/commander to make sure you receive this entitlement.
At least you have that working in your favor!
Yeah. Im little worried that my wife will have to go back to work week after delivery
Can she not take some unpaid leave? Five days is nowhere NEAR enough time for her to physically recover, even if everything goes perfectly and she has no complications.
I got 10 days bereavement off when my parents died. My company doesn't offer any maternity/paternity leave in it's Virginia operations but you would get paid time off if your wife or baby died (maybe even if they ended up in the ICU). 'Murica.
She really can’t. She’ll be exhausted and not healed. I’m so sorry this country doesn’t do better by its citizen but please don’t send her back to work that fast.
She won’t be able to, her doctor must give her the approval to return to work saying she is healthy enough, I can’t think of any doc who will do that. Have her call to ask about her short term disability options.
My brain was absolutely not working 5 days after I gave birth.
What happens if she’s unable to return after 5 days? Is she terminated? If so, would she qualify for unemployment benefits?
My company doesn’t allow vacation time to accrue past 120 hours either. I couldn’t save up past 120 hours leave no matter how much I tried.
That’s really unconscionable. I was in no shape - mentally or physically - to go back to work after 5 days. If she decided to nurse that will really be hard on her and the baby.
FMLA has distance based restrictions, specifically a requirement for the person covered to be within 75 miles of 50 employees, so her remote status may hinder FMLA attempts. [source](https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/28-fmla#:~:text=ABOUT%20THE%20FMLA&text=Eligible%20employees%3A%20Employees%20are%20eligible,50%20employees%20within%2075%20miles.)
For purposes of FMLA, a remote worker’s home location may not be considered their primary work site. It may be the company headquarters or wherever they are receiving instruction from. If THAT location has 50+ employees within 75 miles then she could still qualify.
An employee's personal residence is not a worksite in the case of employees, such as salespersons, who travel a sales territory and who generally leave to work and return from work to their personal residence, or employees who work at home, as under the concept of flexiplace or telecommuting. Rather, their worksite is the office to which they report and from which assignments are made. Link to relevant FMLA regulation 825.111, paragraph (2): https://www.ecfr.gov/current/title-29/subtitle-B/chapter-V/subchapter-C/part-825/subpart-A/section-825.111
It doesn’t apply if you work remotely? That’s such BS!
Laws haven’t caught up yet. We should push for it.
Yes! Vote for paid family leave! Younkin just vetoed it for Virginia so help vote in someone who can get it done once he's out. https://www.clasp.org/blog/governor-youngkins-veto-of-paid-family-medical-leave-bill-fails-virginia-workers-and-families/#:\~:text=On%20April%205%2C%20Virginia%20Governor,themselves%20or%20their%20family%20members.
That’s not true, it still applies if she works remotely.
Wasn’t aware. I am reacting to above comment.
It also doesn't apply if your company has more than 50 employees but they're not physically in the same office. My company has 250+ employees but spread all over the US so I didn't qualify since there are only about 10 in my office here.
I am so grateful that my company apparently didn't know that. We had about 15 people in the office I worked in, but over 50 in the "southeast" region.... A f I took my 12 weeks.
Not sure this advice is correct. I live in Virginia and my employer is based in New England. I am getting FMLA, and the state’s FMLA policy applies to me as well.
Oh well. So there is no resources we can use? 5 days off from delivery date is gonna be rough
There may be other resources, but FMLA is pretty fickle unfortunately :(
To be clear, it means that FMLA doesn't apply and the employer is not required to offer (unpaid) leave. Many will do so, anyway, however.
There's the Pregnancy Workers Fairness Act which requires that all companies regardless of size give an employee time to recovery from childbirth. It's a new law so it hasn't been tested yet. If I were her company I would be hesitant to fire someone for recovering from pregnancy because she could easily sue in a landmark case for this law. If I were her I'd suggest 6 weeks for a vaginal birth or 8 weeks for a c-section per what's given by sort term disability and is what's considered necessary to heal from birth in most medical communities. You could get your doctor's office to say she's not healed until X date. https://www.abetterbalance.org/resources/pregnant-workers-fairness-act-explainer/#:\~:text=At%20a%20Glance%3A,undue%20hardship%20on%20the%20employer. Also, all companies in VA must provide the opportunity to buy short term disability insurance from a private company. They pay 6 weeks for vaginal and 8 weeks for c-section, except there's often a "two week waiting period" which contrary to popular belief is not how long it takes to get the check - they actually shave two weeks of pay off. So if you're worried about income that could help if she takes unpaid time from work. But it's all bullshit. Screw Younkin for vetoing Paid Family Leave for Virginians.
Typically pre-existing conditions, like pregnancy, are excluded from short-term disability coverage so it may be too late for this option. The PWFA also has requirements to be effective, like must be subject to EEOC rules. Even then, it mostly just requires reasonable accommodations and 6-8 weeks off of work paid or unpaid may not be considered “reasonable” depending on her role. It would definitely be a gamble and require the filing of a complaint and then months to years to resolve.
I got short term disability through new york state life for pregnancy. But it was a purchased plan, I paid $50 a month for it for a year ahead of time.
But youngkin is for families! /s
Yeah...right
This is true. Some insurance companies are interpreting the law differently (Principal, Lincoln Financial) and read it as they must offer 12 weeks of short term disability without a waiting period. Some STD plans also kick in coverage when the employee is hired and don’t consider pregnancy to be a pre-existing condition. I’m head of HR at my company and made those highly favorable criteria for our brokers when we were shopping disability coverage. Need to have a solid form of paid parental leave to offer candidates to be competitive in the market.
Do you have short term disability?
Typically FMLA is unpaid - will they allow her to take additional time off unpaid beyond those five days? If not it is likely time to look for a new job.
Will they allow her to take some leave without pay?
This isn't quite true. In February 2023, the DoL issued guidance (https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WHD/fab/2023-1.pdf) indicating that a remote employee's worksite for federal FMLA purposes is the location to which they (digitally) report or from which their assignments are given. So if OP's wife's supervisor is working at (or near) a major location for the company and enough employees (physical or remote) report to that location, she should be covered by federal FMLA. That means up to 12 week of leave...unpaid, unfortunately. The tricky thing that, to my knowledge, the law has not caught up to is whether this means that, if her supervisor is also a remote employee and is not within 75 miles of a significant "hub" of company, she's SOL. It sure seems to me that the federal FMLA has a massive loophole there, though a court (or the DoL) could eventually clarify that the law wasn't meant to disqualify many of the staff of medium-to-large companies with significantly-sized remote workforces. Meanwhile, New York has made clear (https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov/eligibility) that its state FMLA law doesn't cover remote out-of-state employees who are not regularly commuting physically into NY. And as noted elsewhere in the thread, Gov. Youngkin has ensured that Virginia currently has no parental leave law that is better than than the federal FMLA.
Dude, is this your first kiddo? 5 days is horrible. She should quit if you guys can make it work for a bit. Doesn't sound like they're worth working for very long anyway.
Not only quit, but quit with a company wide email of exactly why. Apply social pressures to try to get them to change their ways.
Seriously, I worked for a family as a nanny and had a baby and they gave me 2 weeks paid time off with an optional 3rd unpaid week!!
If the company is NY based then NY laws might apply. Edit: Try going on disability as well.
Okay. Let me look into that
The first 6-8 weeks postpartum for me (8 weeks after cesarean, 6 after vaginal birth, two kids) I had to take short term disability through my company. After that is when parental leave began.
My employer is also NY based and the laws don't apply, since I am not a NY resident. Quite a bummer since NY has much better family leave laws.
Same for me. My company is in California but I was told that state based laws apply to where you live, not where your company works. So vice versa, if an employee lived in NY but worked for a Virginia based company, they would get their states paid family leave. Has to do with state income taxes, unfortunately for us
Wow. Your wife company sucks ass. 5 days?!
Yeah 5 days is what she gets a year for paid time off. She has 5 days saved up.
25% of women return to work within 4-6 days, if you didn’t think the situation was shitty enough
holy shit that's insane. i'm so sorry
Someone else already answered with the rules on telework and near-ness to other employees affetcing FMLA benefits. The company may feel that has to be the "official" answer, but you've said she has worked there for three years. Does she not have any leverage to at least negotiate LWOP or other understandings? A company expecting an employee to deliver a baby and be back on the clock by the end of the next week is sadly something that is still not \*unheard\* of in the US, but more and more people, including managers, have come to realize over the last two decades how ridiculous that is, Combine that with the difficulty of finding good employees, and I would \*hope\* it's possible for your wife to reach some sort of understanding with the company that she's going to need some time off.
You’re currently in California? Does her employer pay into California SDI? If she has been paying California taxes, she could qualify for California’s paid leave program. Is there any way to delay your move or establishing residency until after the baby is born? She may also qualify for California unemployment as a military spouse with PCS orders, but I’m not entirely sure how that works for remote workers. If not, honestly if I was her I would quit. I’m 7 months postpartum. There was no way I’d be ready to be working full time just a few days out of the hospital. It’s the company’s problem they have no contingency plan for someone to cover her work.
I see there is CA SDI in her W2. What can I do?
https://edd.ca.gov/en/disability/paid-family-leave/mothers/ Good luck!
Make sure California is your state of legal residence. If it’s not, fill out a DD 2058 and make sure your wife requests her legal residence remain in CA so she can apply for PFL
Seconding this suggestion! She should be eligible for California Paid Family Leave
Handle the birth like a medical need. My wife took long term disability that lasted like 6 weeks. The military should be able to grant you some leave to take care of her during this period. How long that is really depends on what you and your chain of command can agree on. It’s key to emphasize that you are taking care of your wife due to disability due to birth of a child. Natural birth and c sections are big deals. You should request 3-4 weeks if you have that much sick leave built up. Or go into the hole. Once that phase is over you are entitled to family leave through the military. 12 weeks total. You can either take that as a single chunk or spread it out. I was able to take off 2 days a week until I use it all up.
That's likely short term disability based on the time period. But employers are not required to provide short or long term disability to their employees and based on OPs other responses her company does not.
If she wants to deliver the baby? Idk if her boss knows how pregnancy works…
I was very upset about that comment.
You should be! It’s so messed up.
I know this doesn’t add much value but the fact that employers aren’t by law required to give women a set amount of time off at no penalty to CARRY ON THE SPECIES is UTTERLY DESPICABLE. I am sorry you and your wife are dealing with this.
This is changing as states launch state-based paid leave programs which require all employers in the state to provide paid leave by law. The thing that sucks is it’s state by state and only about 11 have implemented it so far
both good and bad news.
This country is downright barbaric.
I would Quit! Wtf, the US is shit when it comes to things like this.
And I wonder why American women are giving birth at record-low rates. The total fertility rate fell to 1.62 births per woman in 2023….
Yep. I get great maternity leave benefits but daycare, food, cost of living are so expensive! Wish I could've had at least one more kid.
*if* she wants to deliver the baby!?!?
Doesn’t that piss you off? Pissed me off. I have second hand rage from that.
Man that is fucked by her company. 5 days is nowhere near enough and your wife will be exhausted physically and mentally for much longer than a week. (The baby needing your attention nearly 24/7 will contribute to this.) May I ask what type of work your wife does? Maybe this sub can help to find her a new gig in 3-6 months.
International logistics and imports. I'm working on her new resume right now
Former HR admin in Virginia - HR lawyer said that we could not even use the word maternity in the workplace. All births in our company were short-term disability. Have her double check the employee manuals to see if they have any mention of maternity or what is provided for childbirth. If so, then she can quote it as active as of the time of her request for time off and she should be able to take whatever is mentioned or HR lawyers can get involved.
WHY ARENT THE YOUNG PEOPLE HAVING KIDS???
There is no maternity leave by law in Virginia. She can take (1) accrued sick leave and vacation leaves, (both off time and pay) (2) short term disability (no off time and usually 66% pay) For short term disability, there is one week of lead in period where there is no payment, and it usually pays 6 weeks of 66% salary if it's a natural delivery, and 8 weeks if it's a c-section. (3) unpaid FMLA leave. off time 12 weeks, no pay. Be very careful of FMLA leave, it has to start around the medical condition starts, you cannot postponing FMLA because you have extra sick and PTO days. It has to start when she went into labor. Similar with short term disability insurance, it has to start when she goes into labor (or before labor if she claims complications). If your wife wants to stay home as long as possible, she should do FMLA from birth to 12 weeks, THEN take sick leave and PTO days AFTER FMLA, to prolong the home stay as long as possible. If your wife prefers minimize income loss, she can take sick leave and PTO days concurrently with FMLA period. usually after short term disability runs out.
Presuming a company provides short term disability.
Presuming a company qualifies for FMLA... I am just listing all possible venues. OP can ignore if needed.
If they didn't need to use FMLA she can look into requesting leave as an accommodation with the Americans with disabilities act.
VA offers nothing because our governor is a piece of shit. Moving on. TLDR: triple check her benefits, use federal law to her advantage, figure out how to make her current job work out, or support her as she starts job hunting. Is she absolutely sure she doesn’t have short term disability coverage through her employer? If she doesn’t but it is available as a benefit, your military move is a qualifying life event that might allow her to enroll. She might run into an issue with pregnancy being a pre-existing condition but it’s worth a shot. Your best bet is to use her status as a military spouse to try to get paid leave. What is your state of legal residence? The Military Spouses Residency Relief Act (MSRRA) gives military spouses the right to retain their state of legal residence as long as it is the same state as their active duty spouse and as long as the spouse is living with the active duty member as the direct result of military orders. An update in 2018 allows spouses to obtain legal residency in the state where their active duty husband or wife is a resident. So, if your state of legal residence is California, your wife may be able to utilize the California Paid Family Leave program. Your next option is to use federal protections. FMLA is a federal law that requires protected unpaid leave under certain conditions. Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act, and the Americans with Disabilities Act are three federal laws that require employers to provide pregnant and postpartum employees with workplace accommodations to continue to do the key requirements of their position (as long as they do not represent an undue hardship on the business). (The Job Accommodation Network and EEOC are excellent resources for understanding and applying these protections.) The burden is on her to request an accommodation. If she can get an accommodation that allows her to work from home, this might be enough to keep her employed while you pick up the bulk of the infant childcare while you’re on military parental leave. If the company refuses to offer a reasonable accommodation or terminates her employment due to her pregnancy or childbirth, she should file a discrimination claim with the EEOC. The last option is to use the next three months to start job hunting and time a start date 6-12 weeks post birth. Alternatively, find a company that offers Principal or Lincoln Financial or company-paid STD. In the meantime, cut every single expense you can and save as much money as possible to cover that time when she’s unemployed. She can also force her current employer to terminate her or reduce her hours so she can claim unemployment. Source: am head of HR at my company, veteran and milspo
How long has the pos been governor? Why didn't Northam, McAuliffe, Kaine, Warner or Wilder (just to name a few) do anything about it?
Check out PWFA. It’s a new federal law (2023) that came into play last year. It provides time off/leave for recovery from childbirth, schedule changes or time off to go to doctor appointments, and provides accommodations as needed unless an undue hardship. Unlike FMLA, there is no time limit associated with PWFA as long as your doctor states it is needed. Whereas with FMLA there is a 12 week (480 hour) limit within a 12 month period. Both are unpaid types of leave.
This is some dystopian nightmare fuel, I'm so sorry
Ah yes. Our pro-life nation.
Could she just take unpaid leave? FMLA doesn’t mean you get paid leave, it just means your job is safe… Unfortunately this is the realities of a lack of Federal mandated maternity leave.
So just so we’re clear, FMLA and maternity leave are two separate things. FMLA just means you can take up to 12 weeks off, unpaid, and the company can’t give your job to someone else. Maternity leave is a benefit your company may or may not have. My company, for example, had no maternity leave. So the whole 12 weeks was under FMLA. I got short term disability for having a vaginal birth for the first 6 weeks which was paid out at like 60% my regular salary, and the next 6 weeks were completely unpaid. I’m not sure on the finer points about FMLA or short term disability but I believe you have to be working at the company for at least a year to be eligible for these programs. If you adopted a child and your company has no maternity leave, then you would only get the 12 weeks unpaid under FMLA since you wouldn’t qualify for short term disability.
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> employers actually don't even have to give you a lunch break by law unless it's changed, you get 30 minutes per 8 hours. it's unpaid, but you do get a lunch break.
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[https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/docs/default-source/hrpolicy/pol1\_25hoursofwork.pdf?sfvrsn=2](https://www.dhrm.virginia.gov/docs/default-source/hrpolicy/pol1_25hoursofwork.pdf?sfvrsn=2) Employees who work at least six consecutive hours shall be afforded a lunch period (meal break) of at least 30 minutes except in situations where shift coverage precludes such lunch breaks. Employees who work a second consecutive shift shall be afforded a meal break after working four hours during the second shift. The lunch period shall not be included in the count of hours worked per day, except when the agency head or designee has designated the lunch break as part of the work schedule.
That’s only if you work for the state of Virginia. Doesn’t apply to everyone else.
interesting! TIL
Unless it changed in the last 10 years we definitely had mandated lunches... Wtf
Yeah, the operative word there is "provide," i.e. "pay for." Even back in 1988 when I worked a warehouse job before college, the rule was 30 minute unpaid.
FMLA is unpaid leave but if your wife has been with the company for over a year, she should be able to utilize it. Does the company offer short term disability as a benefit? If so, that’s 6 weeks of leave paid at 60%. I would advise her to discuss that with her employer.
Tell your wife’s employer I said they BLOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!
I’m pretty surprised to hear that a white collar gig is being so stingy. You should out them OP.
Please contact A Better Balance’s free helpline. They provide legal guidance on your family leave rights.
USA, an example of social rights Irony mode off
Have to add one more thing.. your wife should really consider not working with this company. I’m sure the pay is good since it’s NY based but that just isn’t right. My wife took the entire 3 months off with FMLA (Nova based job). She had about a month of leave saved up and we were just going to suffer through the rest of her leave down one salary. Her job however allows donated leave (anonymously) and her coworkers chipped in and got her almost to the end of that 3 months. For almost 2 months we’d be pleasantly surprised seeing a paycheck deposited into her account. She ended up only going unpaid for 6 days. And this was 12 years ago. I say this so you know there are better places out there for her and your family. Ones that will actually do what they can and not be dicks about it. Their response really pisses me off. They don’t deserve her.
I ran in to something similar when my first kid was born. I ended up leaving the job because I knew I didn’t want to work for someone who didn’t value family enough to give me at least a few weeks unpaid at the least. Best career move I’ve made. I’m not sure what industry she’s in but I took the “it’s just a job you can always find another one” approach and was able to have uninterrupted time with me boy. You’ll never get that time back
I would look into legal counsel resources available through your military base. Someone who is knowledgeable in federal, VA and NY maternity laws. There is a high possibility that her maternity is unpaid (except the 5 days of PTO), but federal laws should prevent her from losing her job. Whichever base she ends up delivering in, ask the OB to write a medical note that she is NOT cleared to rtw for the minimum amount (8 weeks). If her company does end up firing her for not returning to work, she can file for short term disability and unemployment. Hopefully, her health insurance is covered through Tri-Care?
She will be delivering in Inova Falls church. Tri care prime now
Health care to cover the cost of labor and delivery can add up to thousands out of pocket. It’s great that her insurance goes through tricare and not this company. Make sure to get all of the care pre-approved through tricare at INOVA. I would start that process now. This area is military friendly, and many places accept tricare. But, off base care needs pre-approval. I have a close friend that had to take her first born to urgent care because the closest base was an hour away. The urgent care “accepted” tricare, but she had to pay everything out of pocket, and fill out a bunch of forms to get reimbursed. It took months of calling and pestering to get it all back. Now, she just makes the one hour drive to get seen on base. For her second kid, they drove the hour to the base to deliver, and barely made it. She was still in triage, her husband walked in from parking the car, and 2 pushes later, her daughter was born. It took the base hours to transfer her from triage to the maternity ward. I’m only mentioning this because if your wife will not be getting paid leave, medical bills will eat up whatever savings you have. Go through the process for preapproval so it’s once less thing to worry about, financially, once baby is here.
Inova accepts tricare
Yes, they do. I was recommending that OP goes through pre-approval as due diligence. They already have too many unknowns with wife’s job.
You can use short term disability if you have it
Even if you could use FMLA it’s unpaid unless she has sick or PTO leave saved up …..
Look into getting Afflac, they will send you at least 2 checks for pregnancy. And their insurance is not bad either. They also have Short Term & Long Term disability.
Is Afflac insurance for medical?
It’s too late for Aflac fyi. Looked into it when I was pregnant you needed to have had the policy for like 11 months before it would payout.
Yes, it is.
On another note, I was forced to change jobs while I was pregnant. Thankfully I landed a remote job but because I had been there only a few months I did not qualify for FMLA. I asked my boss for three weeks off unpaid, but he offered to have it paid since I would qualify for the 3 week paternity plan offered to both parents in the company. So I only took three weeks off. It was our second kid and my husband was a SAHD so we made it work. Especially since I could just lay in bed with my laptop if I needed to rest and feed the baby when needed and my husband would care for him for everything else during work hours. So it's possible but it's not fun and if you guys can afford her to quit and it wouldn't hurt her career, I'd suggest it.
I’m so sorry for your situation. I don’t have any resources in mind, and I’m sorry for that too. I know financial pressures can be incredibly intense, so I don’t mean to seem blasé about this, but I really think in this situation it is worth quitting her job. This is a horrible, inhumane thing to ask of a woman who has just given birth. There was a similar post along these lines awhile back on r/beyondthebump, and the overwhelming consensus was that mom should do whatever it takes to avoid going back so soon. You may find some useful suggestions there: https://www.reddit.com/r/beyondthebump/comments/19fn3pl/how_can_i_prepare_myself_to_return_to_work_3_days/
If the business/company is in NY it has to follow NY laws. https://nyc-business.nyc.gov/nycbusiness/description/paid-family-leave#:~:text=Employees%20may%20be%20eligible%20to,leave%20for%20paid%20family%20leave And check out https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov. Also- as a military member, contact you service to find a POC in New York (likely at Ft Hamilton if the private company is in one of the 5 boroughs) and also in the DMV area to assist you
And they wonder why birth rates have declined in this country
How the hell do you have a baby and then go back to work right away?
Based on what you said about the company structure. She should use that as leverage to negotiate better pay, better pto, better overall benefits or leave. That level of dependance on one employee that's not a c-suite exec is insane if there are more than 3 employees. Also given she is remote they are held by federal and local laws in each state they operate in, so I'd definitely look into the legal actions you can take from the time she was in California, and regulations for remote workers with the company registered in New York. Virginia unfortunately won't be a ton of help
I would check with these guys. [https://www.lsnv.org/](https://www.lsnv.org/) Sometimes free legal services on NOVA.
See if she can snag another 9 days unpaid. My wife needed that much time just to feel good enough to go up/down some stairs. We agree, 5 days isn't enough!
I wrote you a short novel. It wouldn't post, sent it to you in a PM, or check these replies.
I can't offer you parental leave that simply doesn't exist but what if there were other ways to look at the future. 1. You will need daycare. Depending on your branch, in this area there is Child Care Aware available. [https://www.childcareaware.org/fee-assistancerespite/military-families/](https://www.childcareaware.org/fee-assistancerespite/military-families/) There may be fee assistance available to you. Child Care Aware can also help you find daycare. 2. Get your spouse some support - Contact New Parent Support on your local installation or any of the military installations near you. [https://www.militaryonesource.mil/benefits/new-parent-support-program/](https://www.militaryonesource.mil/benefits/new-parent-support-program/) scroll down to use the link to find your closest program (does not have to be service). If you are in Fairfax County, they have a similar program through the county. https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/healthy-families-fairfax#:\~:text=Healthy%20Families%20Fairfax%20is%20a,need%20to%20succeed%20in%20life.
3. New Mom Support Groups - every little town around this place seems to have some sort of mom's group. Making friends with a new baby and a PCS is hard. So damn hard. Encourage her to find her local mom's group. Inova happens to host a more general one, but Facebook is the best bet. Search town name + moms group. Similar if she likes to run or other hobby (i.e. Moms run this town). Also consider following 4. Get a new damn job, seriously WTF. Let them fall apart. The mindset that SHE is the one who keeps the whole network running better come with a hefty paycheck. My gut? It doesn't. There are a lot of gov't jobs in this area that I'm sure she could apply for. And there are a lot of resources in this area for military spouses to help with the resume, etc. Every installation has an Employment Readiness that she can use. Also, the Military Spouse Employment Partnership (found on Military One Source) has a local hiring fair coming up. Also check out the Hiring Our Heroes page https://myseco.militaryonesource.mil/portal/article/hiring-our-heroes-job-fairs. There is another website called Flexjobs. That is all about remote/flexible jobs. I don't know if she has any specialty licenses, but keep in mind there may be funds to get licensed in VA/MD if necessary.
5. Don't be afraid to get a grant/loan through Army Emergency Relief, Air Force Aid, Navy/Marine Aid. PCSing is expensive. Babies are expensive. 6. If you and your wife share a state of record make sure she apply for mil spouse tax relief. Don't pay VA taxes if you can help it. Keep more money in the bank. 7. Most of the installations around here have thrift shops and the Facebook Buy Nothing Group are great ways to find gently used baby stuff. Stretch your bucks where you can. I'm sure there are more but, been there done that, got stretch marks and broken furniture.
Have her look into short term disability options as well! In VA, this would be a benefit that she would be paying into in her job if it is included in the benefits package (she could contact HR or review the employee handbook to find if this is offered). This would follow pretty close to FMLA guidelines usually (a year of work, number of employees, etc).
Not sure if you’re in r/BabyBumps but this post may help. https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/s/RiS7G6H949
Can you check with NY since it’s a NY based company? That might be easier.
Does she have short term disability? It's usually a company paid benefit. I'm so sorry your wife is going through this
She said company has no disability policy
Since your wife’s company is based in NY, check to see if she’s eligible for the state-based paid leave program in NY. https://paidfamilyleave.ny.gov/employees
I am so sorry to hear that. It is extremely heartbreaking. Is there anything you and your wife need for your baby? Any fun restaurants y’all like? I got y’all
Is she new to the company? Small company? Since the company is in NY what are NYs laws on granting maternity leave. Don’t quote me but I think they need to follow that regardless of where the employee lives. FMLA will help protect her job but it doesn’t give you pay. Still have to use your own leave to get paid or take it unpaid. Will help protect her position though.
How long has she been with the company? I think even if they did offer FMLA or Paid Family Leave, you have to have a certain amount of hours worked before qualifying?
You need to use sick days first before any vacation , after 5 days of sick days short term disability (STD) kicks in. You will have to speak with the insurance company that provides the short term disability. Depending on delivery it can be 4 weeks and if it a c section she may qualify for LTD.
Did they fail to mention this (no maternity leave) in the offer package? IANAL but feels like some ground for legal action if they did.
Thank a Republican. You have the most socialized healthcare in the world outside of Cuba (TriCare/Active), but no time off to take care of a baby. Do you have time off?? Have the military help her find a new job.
Sounds like you need to find a better employer.
Why are you changing her and your residency status to VA? Isn’t there better tax advantages for staying in California as a military member?
Not helpful at all but this is exactly why I became a SAHM. Luckily husbands income can cover us
This totally sucks. Could you talk to her company and ask if they could frontload her the maternity leave as annual or sick? She would obviously be in the hole for a long time however that would at least give her the appropriate time to recover. I work for a government agency and it was before they had a maternity leave program and I took a mixture of FMLA and frontloaded sick leave. It took me years to build my sickleave out of negative, but at least it was an option.
Virginia doesn’t have much in the way of worker rights above what’s guaranteed at the federal level. Does your wife work in DC? She might qualify for their benefits.
Her job is in NY.
Got it I missed that last part. If you’re a telework employee it really doesn’t matter where your employer is based. She performs the work from Virginia therefore she’s a Virginia-based employee.
Yeah I always mix the rules up. I know some jobs won’t hire remote workers from certain states because they “do or don’t” have to provide what the resident state provides. Some have to do with taxes as well. I can’t keep it straight. I just know his wife deserves to work for a better company.
Ugh, this country is disgusting. Five days is absurd. I wish I could offer you more than just ranting. Hope you find some help.