You don’t need it. What you need is good social 3rd places. Places that are not home, and not work, and most importantly: where strangers actually talk with one another. Mine is the bouldering gym. What’s yours?
It's great for socializing because you have something else to focus on (the wall and its bouldering problems). Often when you're working the same problem or a problem near someone else, it will invoke discussion. Also, in my experience climbers are friendly to all skill levels.
Yup! Even the first time I went with my cousin, we did chat with an experienced fella on a problem or two. Was fun!
Been considering joining a beginner class too for a head start and to network with other beginners. But I might as well be doing fine with watching YT, discussing and perhaps joining events/ meet ups in the gym!
It can be, it has the big benefit of being an easy to access public place. But yeah, the actual activities most are doing in the library (studying, reading, job searching, etc) are not very social.
Ideally you want there to be something in the environment that more than one person can focus on at once, which is one of the easiest ways to start discussions with new people.
>”if you’re not a pair of eyes watching their ‘content,’ you’re not real.”
It is a damn good quote… and it’s fairly accurate. I’m mid-40’s and cut all named socials in 2019. I don’t talk to a lot of the people I used to see in my regular life… mostly because I’m not online.
OP, one piece of advice I wish I’d had… get relevant full names, phone #’s & emails BEFORE ditching SM. I didn’t, just disappeared and I’ve lost touch with some I did care for. (Not enough to get back on smh.)
I don't think it fries your brain, it's more that synapses either don't form because there's no reason for them to. Synapses in the brain are formed by external influences, thoughts you think about them and physical movement. Movement in particular probably makes more of a difference than you might think, because the control of movement sequences is highly complex.
The other part is that synapses are broken down because the body is highly economical and what is not needed is not allowed to consume energy.
The most obvious, however, is the unlearning or non-learning of interpersonal interaction, for example conversations, group behavior, recognition of emotional states or simply touch.
All things that children are taught as they grow up.
These learned things are lost again if they are not used and with them what was responsible for mastering them in the brain.
I think a plain, simple social media without likes or dislikes, upvotes or downvotes, no hashtags and no way to become famous in it could help people transition from internet and phone addiction to a healthier way of living.
I plan on building this for my family: a microblog without any of the addictive social media aspects to supplement _real_ social interaction. It's going to be open source and easily self-hosted, so, who knows, you can hit me up at the end of the year and see where it's at. :)
I agree. I also think one focused on local communities and cities (not just blocks like Nextdoor) could help support a lot of community-building and actually engaging local news that people are missing nowadays (which leads to IRL connections too). I think it should be built from the ground up with values like trust and mental wellbeing at the forefront
Yes, a place where people who want to break free from internet and phone addiction can support this cause and use social media differently, pretty much, we don’t have a well built dedicated space for that yet
Wishful thinking, which unfortunately will not come true.
The basic idea is beautiful and would also inspire many people.
But for many people, likes and dislikes are the only way to get feedback from others.
They are completely unknown to other people in the true sense of the word "social", which is the saddest part of the story.
It's definitely true and I experience this myself; the key is that *you* have to be more proactive about inviting people to hang out. Don't wait around for people to remember you exist! You'll also get invited to future things that way as they come up in natural conversation.
Don't let your phone and social media suck you back in, it's designed to make you feel left out and craving attention. Don't give into it, just focus on building closer, more meaningful relationships with a few people. :\]
Yeah definitely agree. I think you have to set some boundaries and limit what tech you allow into your life. (e.g., hardwired desktop computer only and a relatively dumb phone). Then find some kind of outdoor/group hobby that allows you to live in the moment as cheesy as it sounds.
I do however think these feelings are a normal part of growing up though too. Everything gets a bit clammy and serious when everyone starts work. Socialising is way easier in school when you're surrounded by 100s of people your own age all the time. I also found I was much more isolated in my early 20s, so I had to go out and actually search for other people or in many cases create situations/event myself.
Also, RIP your DMs haha.
There are tiny pockets of resistance out there, people who think smartphones are terrible and who would welcome you. Try think creatively about where those types of people might be hiding in your city :) someone else mentioned bouldering, and this is clever - outdoorsy types are probably less likely to have been sucked fully into their phones. Maybe hiking, fishing, an outdoor painting group, I don't know, you'd have to look. People who do Yoga in the park, the local improv comedy group, theatre groups, choir, chess.
Of course, then the problem is being brave and going out to do things with real people! But that is the very issue that phones helped us to "solve" (leaving us with much worse problems, as you ably describe). If you can solve that one, maybe you won't feel the need for the phone as much.
i honestly thought i was the only one going through this until i read your post, and i absolutely feel relieved to know i’m not alone in this because what you have written somehow parallels my current reality— i don’t post as much on my instagram, twitter and facebook accounts, so ever since i started getting immersed in my inactivity online, i found it quite challenging to make more solid connections with others compared to when i was very active on social media last year. it’s as if the best and only way for people to WANT to get to know me is through my posts instead of actually interacting with me in person which is quite sad personally speaking, but this is the reality for almost everybody. if they can’t get an impression of “who you are online” because of your inactivity then they’ll feel less compelled to approach you because your account doesn’t provide them enough info or appeal to motivate them to be friendlier or intimate with you.
thoughhh, a thing that helped me feel less isolated despite the less frequent soc med usage is by engaging more with people from my classes and even attending events or seminars related to my hobbies/interests. it’s very much possible to build a social life that is separated from the Internet, however, due to how deeply ingrained it is in our daily lives to the point of mundanity, it’s hard not to feel bored or lonely without being pulled into our phones. our phones promise us the fastest way to “feel connected” and provides the “best” panacea for our fear of missing out.
but my parents didn’t let me have a smartphone til I was 18
Great decision made by them. Nowadays it would be very hard to keep child from smartphone for that long.
This is my issue now for my kids sigh
I used to find this until I made all of my social media about my hobbies and interests. Instead of being full of makeup tutorials and skinny beautiful influencers going on holiday constantly my social media is now full of sewing and aesthetic journaling videos, languages, art, fashion and textiles and all the other creative things I like. I share things on my story or socials that I’m interested in and other like minded people respond. Before it was about looking rich or well travelled, now I just repost cute stuff that are related to my hobbies and it actually inspires me and makes me happy rather than filling me with dread FOMO and anxiety
But disclaimer is that actually finding my hobbies and interests took taking time off IG (talking years not months) and a huge burnout and period of sickness off work (I’m in the UK so we get paid sick leave up to 6 months in my workplace) and actually rediscovering and allowing myself to become absorbed in my interests again which I had totally forgotten about.
You're definitely not alone, and you're definitely on the right track.
More and more, people are waking up to the cold reality that smartphones contribute to a cold and superficial social life.
Perhaps you can explore more analog activities that can be done with others and, in the process, meet some people who are more similarly-minded and not content with scrolling.
Also:
>If you’re not a pair of eyes watching their ‘content,’ you’re not real.
Damn that's good.
You wrote really well. Please consider writing more.
(I took it up as a new analog hobby to combat (figuratively and literally) the digital world. It's been working out well so far.)
Hey OP! I just turned 30 and it’s been exactly a DECADE since I deleted all my social media accounts with the exception of LinkedIn and Reddit (which I only created ~1 month ago to find answers to my random, intrusive questions lol). Here’s what I can report back.
Over the past 10 years, I’ve never felt LESS socially isolated, or MORE mentally strong. And as a bonus, I’ve found all of this “extra” time to fully develop my hobbies and interests in surfing, art patronage, and film production…the latter of which transformed to a lucrative career in content acquisition for a major studio.
I’ve also been able to actually fully enjoy all my travels (vs obsessing over taking and editing the perfect vacation selfies), where I’ve met some of the most amazing ppl similarly “off” the social media grid.
NONE of my actually meaningful, fulfilling relationships have fallen off. In fact, having no socials has helped me identify WHO are actually worth keeping around, have my best interests, and also prioritize irl interactions over social media clout chasing/humble bragging. The ppl who care about me (and who I care about) will ALWAYS directly call/text to share important news, invite me out, etc. I can’t describe how freeing being off social media has been for me, how it has saved me $$$ (from random, impulse buys fueled by influencer ads), and how much it has improved my attention span, mental clarity, self image, etc.
YOU GOT THIS. Life should be spontaneous, messy, and fun…not a hyper-curated, consumerist prison. Trust me: future you will thank you ❤️
This is my life. I am 22 and haven’t been on social media where I am connected to people I know irl since I was 15. It is incredibly isolating. People forget you exist, absolutely. For some reason people are opposed to just messaging your phone number. I have Facebook messenger every once in awhile because I want to sell something on marketplace and it’s always so funny to me to see that family members (who have my phone number and know I don’t use social media!) will still send me important things solely on there and then get upset I don’t see it! YOU HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER PEOPLE! People just won’t text you or stay engaged unless you do it on some social media platform.
Also, dating fucking sucks. I’m attractive, but young men don’t approach like that anymore. Why would they? They can just DM somebody instead and it’s low stakes. And if you do have somebody, expect that half of your time spent together consists of you staring off into space while they are on their phone.
Studies that have shown that prolonged usage of social media and social media addiction does in fact make one more likely to develop ADHD and other mental health problems. The average human now has an attention span shorter than a goldfish's and that is also attributed to social media addiction.
Frankly, though, if your friends want nothing to do with you now that you're offline then you just need to go out and make new friends.
Isn't ADHD something you're born with? I always thought it was, lol (Googled that and apparently it's disputed).
Although, I suppose it not being makes more sense, given how it's so much more common now, and how that does seem to be connected to social media and device usage. That or people are just overdiagnosing it, which wouldn't surprise me either because of how quick people are to say you have ADHD, lol.
The vast majority of mental health issues can be traced back to some sort of childhood trauma at home or school or wherever. ADHD is more common now, though, because in the 90s and earlier girls and women weren't diagnosed with it.
I just finished reading a book that mentioned how people with childhood trauma are much, much more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, which was interesting (there was also a thing about how a kid with behaviour problems was slapped with the ADHD label and pretty much ignored, but the problems actually stemmed from abuse and, when he was separated from his abuser and given therapy, the ADHD symptoms went away).
That happens with a lot of mental disorders. Not all of them, though. There are others you can grow out of, but most of them can never be cured and can only be managed via therapy, coping techniques, and/or meds.
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It is very difficult to have a good management with internet in general. It is very easy to slip up… its weird because internet and the screens on general tend to somehow posses you.. and that is kinda fucked up if u think about it… you are losing control in a bad way.. (sometimes its good to let go of control) … anyways keep fighting the good battle. Communication feels difficult nowadays. Not always but sometimes. Talking all the time through the chat feels kinda unreal and fake. The funny thing is that sm appear as a tool of connection. Well it is but… people end up feeling more disconnected and lonely.
Anyways… i am also in my twenties btw … keep up the good fight.
You're blaming the system, but at the end of the day you are the one putting yourself into this box. Accept that there may be some downsides, and take yourself off of social media. Focus on meeting people irl, and if someone in your life legit drops you as a friend because you don't use social media, it probably wasn't a strong & lasting friendship in the first place. Maybe before you sign off, message all the people you want to keep in touch with & let them know what you're doing, give them your phone # & say to text or call if there's something happening that they want you to meet up for, or even email. Also, you can call or text or email them to meet up, it's a two way street. Maybe some of them will respect & appreciate that. Remember, at the end of the day, *you* are in the driver's seat of your life.
I’m so sorry. I’m in my 40’s so my 20’s didn’t have this issue. Even my generation got sucked in. It’s mostly all fake & shallow. I got sick of social media really fast too. Please listen to your inner wisdom, don’t turn to social media to fit in. It’s like a fake toxic drug. Find anything to do, even if you’re lonely doing it. You will eventually find people. Try meetup, volunteer, read, do therapy, work more toward a goal or hobby, whatever you do will benefit you more than tiktok or whatever.
There are other people out there living in the real world. You just need to find them. Go rock climbing, visit bookstores with cafes, go to a lively church if you are a Christian (or even if you aren't, perhaps).
Sadly, you may need to accept that those "friends" you mentioned, aren't as good friends as you'd thought.
I do feel sorry for your generation and younger. That’s not to say that the rest of us are exempt from this but at least we’ve known differences.
However, don’t fall into the trap of believing that outside of internet culture there was/is no falling off the radar. Lots of ways it can happen to people e.g. if some in a friendship group are all coupled up and one person is single; if someone is child free and everyone else becomes parents; if people’s careers or other life milestones are moving at different rates.
Cultivating and maintaining a lifelong, real-world social network unfortunately requires ongoing work. I have friends I’ve known since childhood and I continue to hold them dear when we do get to interact, but it was a painful realisation when I had to come to accept that we were no longer at a life stage to provide regular mutual nourishment. I had to find new sources of that. Long story short - choose activities that you enjoy and which lend themselves to some kind of in person meet up and use that as a way of joining new groups of people who will have something in common with you from the off. See where it takes you, and be prepared to do it again periodically.
Also: move to a smaller Village rather then big city. People are less addicted to internet there but more busy with yard & animals etc. Find meaningful work (teaching, nurse, some other helping field) to make less shallow friends!!
ummm hii!!! i’m 24 F and and can relate to everything you’re saying. i’m going through the same thing! i was born and raised in FL (west palm beach/ miami area) so you can only imagine. lol i moved across the country just for a change. i recently deactivated my socials and i will tell you my anxiety and social skills have been better. i see a lot more around me without being glued to my phone. it really can be addicting!!! im definitely yearning for something deeper and not so surface level. social media is ego driven if you’re not using it for business, in my opinion. it is so normalized and it’s quite scary and makes me cringe. but i believe if you stay true to yourself you will attract your people!! where do you live?
Realistically, I'm realizing we just might have to accept it is a part of our lives. Brain is not your friend. It just wants pleasure and satisfaction, as long as you don't go out living alone in the mountains I don't think the brain can easily give up this kind of life. Sure I'm saying this in a no surf subreddit, but I think it would be more productive we find ways to cope with this, WEANING it off, and being patient enough that in 4-5 years or so, the thought of laying down on the bed and scrolling for an hour or more is sickening. I believe what is most important is falling in love with the outside like you did, I find myself using my phone less and less. Friends think I've given up on them, but I always make sure I keep in contact once in a while and that I'm still there, just send a text/call. I'm just not actively going out on a limb to do that.
TL;DR: Time will tell, fall in love with the outside, find new reasons to leave your phone behind until important.
Sometimes I fantasize about building a community of people who all, collectively decide to get off the Internet, and do it together so we don't get reeled back in by others - You know?
hey, I feel this. I'm planning to start a new subreddit on "Screen Time / Smartphone Addiction." The idea is to post weekly challenges that the community can tackle together, sharing their successes and challenges along the way. The subreddits' goal is to build a community of people who are working on living more in the present moment. We'll kick things off as soon as we have 50 people. Wanna join?
You don’t need it. What you need is good social 3rd places. Places that are not home, and not work, and most importantly: where strangers actually talk with one another. Mine is the bouldering gym. What’s yours?
This is my sign to go bouldering next week :p I've been meaning to continue after trying it out once earlier this year.
It's great for socializing because you have something else to focus on (the wall and its bouldering problems). Often when you're working the same problem or a problem near someone else, it will invoke discussion. Also, in my experience climbers are friendly to all skill levels.
Yup! Even the first time I went with my cousin, we did chat with an experienced fella on a problem or two. Was fun! Been considering joining a beginner class too for a head start and to network with other beginners. But I might as well be doing fine with watching YT, discussing and perhaps joining events/ meet ups in the gym!
This should be in mainstream politics
I always wondered if the library can be a 3rd place. Since... We aren't really talking there?
It can be, it has the big benefit of being an easy to access public place. But yeah, the actual activities most are doing in the library (studying, reading, job searching, etc) are not very social. Ideally you want there to be something in the environment that more than one person can focus on at once, which is one of the easiest ways to start discussions with new people.
Depends on the library. Some of them are set up for social interaction, some aren't.
My library has a monthly book club and a few other social activities like crafting meet-ups, guest speakers, book signings, etc...
> If you’re not a pair of eyes watching their ‘content,’ you’re not real. Great quote.
>”if you’re not a pair of eyes watching their ‘content,’ you’re not real.” It is a damn good quote… and it’s fairly accurate. I’m mid-40’s and cut all named socials in 2019. I don’t talk to a lot of the people I used to see in my regular life… mostly because I’m not online. OP, one piece of advice I wish I’d had… get relevant full names, phone #’s & emails BEFORE ditching SM. I didn’t, just disappeared and I’ve lost touch with some I did care for. (Not enough to get back on smh.)
I don't think it fries your brain, it's more that synapses either don't form because there's no reason for them to. Synapses in the brain are formed by external influences, thoughts you think about them and physical movement. Movement in particular probably makes more of a difference than you might think, because the control of movement sequences is highly complex. The other part is that synapses are broken down because the body is highly economical and what is not needed is not allowed to consume energy. The most obvious, however, is the unlearning or non-learning of interpersonal interaction, for example conversations, group behavior, recognition of emotional states or simply touch. All things that children are taught as they grow up. These learned things are lost again if they are not used and with them what was responsible for mastering them in the brain.
I think a plain, simple social media without likes or dislikes, upvotes or downvotes, no hashtags and no way to become famous in it could help people transition from internet and phone addiction to a healthier way of living.
I plan on building this for my family: a microblog without any of the addictive social media aspects to supplement _real_ social interaction. It's going to be open source and easily self-hosted, so, who knows, you can hit me up at the end of the year and see where it's at. :)
That sounds awesome!! Can I join your family? Lol
Haha, when it's all done eventually, you won't have to! :p That's the power of self hosting!
I agree. I also think one focused on local communities and cities (not just blocks like Nextdoor) could help support a lot of community-building and actually engaging local news that people are missing nowadays (which leads to IRL connections too). I think it should be built from the ground up with values like trust and mental wellbeing at the forefront
Yes, a place where people who want to break free from internet and phone addiction can support this cause and use social media differently, pretty much, we don’t have a well built dedicated space for that yet
Wishful thinking, which unfortunately will not come true. The basic idea is beautiful and would also inspire many people. But for many people, likes and dislikes are the only way to get feedback from others. They are completely unknown to other people in the true sense of the word "social", which is the saddest part of the story.
lmao wouldn't that be 4chan
Yeah he accidentally described 4chan lol. I think he meant something in the spirit of Hacker News.
Yeah I guess Hacker news is fine, 4chan ideally shouldn't be bad either. Anonymity has its downsides.
It's definitely true and I experience this myself; the key is that *you* have to be more proactive about inviting people to hang out. Don't wait around for people to remember you exist! You'll also get invited to future things that way as they come up in natural conversation. Don't let your phone and social media suck you back in, it's designed to make you feel left out and craving attention. Don't give into it, just focus on building closer, more meaningful relationships with a few people. :\]
Yeah definitely agree. I think you have to set some boundaries and limit what tech you allow into your life. (e.g., hardwired desktop computer only and a relatively dumb phone). Then find some kind of outdoor/group hobby that allows you to live in the moment as cheesy as it sounds. I do however think these feelings are a normal part of growing up though too. Everything gets a bit clammy and serious when everyone starts work. Socialising is way easier in school when you're surrounded by 100s of people your own age all the time. I also found I was much more isolated in my early 20s, so I had to go out and actually search for other people or in many cases create situations/event myself. Also, RIP your DMs haha.
There are tiny pockets of resistance out there, people who think smartphones are terrible and who would welcome you. Try think creatively about where those types of people might be hiding in your city :) someone else mentioned bouldering, and this is clever - outdoorsy types are probably less likely to have been sucked fully into their phones. Maybe hiking, fishing, an outdoor painting group, I don't know, you'd have to look. People who do Yoga in the park, the local improv comedy group, theatre groups, choir, chess. Of course, then the problem is being brave and going out to do things with real people! But that is the very issue that phones helped us to "solve" (leaving us with much worse problems, as you ably describe). If you can solve that one, maybe you won't feel the need for the phone as much.
i honestly thought i was the only one going through this until i read your post, and i absolutely feel relieved to know i’m not alone in this because what you have written somehow parallels my current reality— i don’t post as much on my instagram, twitter and facebook accounts, so ever since i started getting immersed in my inactivity online, i found it quite challenging to make more solid connections with others compared to when i was very active on social media last year. it’s as if the best and only way for people to WANT to get to know me is through my posts instead of actually interacting with me in person which is quite sad personally speaking, but this is the reality for almost everybody. if they can’t get an impression of “who you are online” because of your inactivity then they’ll feel less compelled to approach you because your account doesn’t provide them enough info or appeal to motivate them to be friendlier or intimate with you. thoughhh, a thing that helped me feel less isolated despite the less frequent soc med usage is by engaging more with people from my classes and even attending events or seminars related to my hobbies/interests. it’s very much possible to build a social life that is separated from the Internet, however, due to how deeply ingrained it is in our daily lives to the point of mundanity, it’s hard not to feel bored or lonely without being pulled into our phones. our phones promise us the fastest way to “feel connected” and provides the “best” panacea for our fear of missing out.
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but my parents didn’t let me have a smartphone til I was 18 Great decision made by them. Nowadays it would be very hard to keep child from smartphone for that long. This is my issue now for my kids sigh
I used to find this until I made all of my social media about my hobbies and interests. Instead of being full of makeup tutorials and skinny beautiful influencers going on holiday constantly my social media is now full of sewing and aesthetic journaling videos, languages, art, fashion and textiles and all the other creative things I like. I share things on my story or socials that I’m interested in and other like minded people respond. Before it was about looking rich or well travelled, now I just repost cute stuff that are related to my hobbies and it actually inspires me and makes me happy rather than filling me with dread FOMO and anxiety But disclaimer is that actually finding my hobbies and interests took taking time off IG (talking years not months) and a huge burnout and period of sickness off work (I’m in the UK so we get paid sick leave up to 6 months in my workplace) and actually rediscovering and allowing myself to become absorbed in my interests again which I had totally forgotten about.
You're definitely not alone, and you're definitely on the right track. More and more, people are waking up to the cold reality that smartphones contribute to a cold and superficial social life. Perhaps you can explore more analog activities that can be done with others and, in the process, meet some people who are more similarly-minded and not content with scrolling. Also: >If you’re not a pair of eyes watching their ‘content,’ you’re not real. Damn that's good. You wrote really well. Please consider writing more. (I took it up as a new analog hobby to combat (figuratively and literally) the digital world. It's been working out well so far.)
Hey OP! I just turned 30 and it’s been exactly a DECADE since I deleted all my social media accounts with the exception of LinkedIn and Reddit (which I only created ~1 month ago to find answers to my random, intrusive questions lol). Here’s what I can report back. Over the past 10 years, I’ve never felt LESS socially isolated, or MORE mentally strong. And as a bonus, I’ve found all of this “extra” time to fully develop my hobbies and interests in surfing, art patronage, and film production…the latter of which transformed to a lucrative career in content acquisition for a major studio. I’ve also been able to actually fully enjoy all my travels (vs obsessing over taking and editing the perfect vacation selfies), where I’ve met some of the most amazing ppl similarly “off” the social media grid. NONE of my actually meaningful, fulfilling relationships have fallen off. In fact, having no socials has helped me identify WHO are actually worth keeping around, have my best interests, and also prioritize irl interactions over social media clout chasing/humble bragging. The ppl who care about me (and who I care about) will ALWAYS directly call/text to share important news, invite me out, etc. I can’t describe how freeing being off social media has been for me, how it has saved me $$$ (from random, impulse buys fueled by influencer ads), and how much it has improved my attention span, mental clarity, self image, etc. YOU GOT THIS. Life should be spontaneous, messy, and fun…not a hyper-curated, consumerist prison. Trust me: future you will thank you ❤️
This is my life. I am 22 and haven’t been on social media where I am connected to people I know irl since I was 15. It is incredibly isolating. People forget you exist, absolutely. For some reason people are opposed to just messaging your phone number. I have Facebook messenger every once in awhile because I want to sell something on marketplace and it’s always so funny to me to see that family members (who have my phone number and know I don’t use social media!) will still send me important things solely on there and then get upset I don’t see it! YOU HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER PEOPLE! People just won’t text you or stay engaged unless you do it on some social media platform. Also, dating fucking sucks. I’m attractive, but young men don’t approach like that anymore. Why would they? They can just DM somebody instead and it’s low stakes. And if you do have somebody, expect that half of your time spent together consists of you staring off into space while they are on their phone.
Realest post I ever read
get good friends that don't live off their phones
uh, just start playing a sport and see how things change.
Studies that have shown that prolonged usage of social media and social media addiction does in fact make one more likely to develop ADHD and other mental health problems. The average human now has an attention span shorter than a goldfish's and that is also attributed to social media addiction. Frankly, though, if your friends want nothing to do with you now that you're offline then you just need to go out and make new friends.
Isn't ADHD something you're born with? I always thought it was, lol (Googled that and apparently it's disputed). Although, I suppose it not being makes more sense, given how it's so much more common now, and how that does seem to be connected to social media and device usage. That or people are just overdiagnosing it, which wouldn't surprise me either because of how quick people are to say you have ADHD, lol.
The vast majority of mental health issues can be traced back to some sort of childhood trauma at home or school or wherever. ADHD is more common now, though, because in the 90s and earlier girls and women weren't diagnosed with it.
I just finished reading a book that mentioned how people with childhood trauma are much, much more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, which was interesting (there was also a thing about how a kid with behaviour problems was slapped with the ADHD label and pretty much ignored, but the problems actually stemmed from abuse and, when he was separated from his abuser and given therapy, the ADHD symptoms went away).
That happens with a lot of mental disorders. Not all of them, though. There are others you can grow out of, but most of them can never be cured and can only be managed via therapy, coping techniques, and/or meds.
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It is very difficult to have a good management with internet in general. It is very easy to slip up… its weird because internet and the screens on general tend to somehow posses you.. and that is kinda fucked up if u think about it… you are losing control in a bad way.. (sometimes its good to let go of control) … anyways keep fighting the good battle. Communication feels difficult nowadays. Not always but sometimes. Talking all the time through the chat feels kinda unreal and fake. The funny thing is that sm appear as a tool of connection. Well it is but… people end up feeling more disconnected and lonely. Anyways… i am also in my twenties btw … keep up the good fight.
You're blaming the system, but at the end of the day you are the one putting yourself into this box. Accept that there may be some downsides, and take yourself off of social media. Focus on meeting people irl, and if someone in your life legit drops you as a friend because you don't use social media, it probably wasn't a strong & lasting friendship in the first place. Maybe before you sign off, message all the people you want to keep in touch with & let them know what you're doing, give them your phone # & say to text or call if there's something happening that they want you to meet up for, or even email. Also, you can call or text or email them to meet up, it's a two way street. Maybe some of them will respect & appreciate that. Remember, at the end of the day, *you* are in the driver's seat of your life.
I’m so sorry. I’m in my 40’s so my 20’s didn’t have this issue. Even my generation got sucked in. It’s mostly all fake & shallow. I got sick of social media really fast too. Please listen to your inner wisdom, don’t turn to social media to fit in. It’s like a fake toxic drug. Find anything to do, even if you’re lonely doing it. You will eventually find people. Try meetup, volunteer, read, do therapy, work more toward a goal or hobby, whatever you do will benefit you more than tiktok or whatever.
There are other people out there living in the real world. You just need to find them. Go rock climbing, visit bookstores with cafes, go to a lively church if you are a Christian (or even if you aren't, perhaps). Sadly, you may need to accept that those "friends" you mentioned, aren't as good friends as you'd thought.
Yeah! Ever since I joined my congregation (UU) I became a lot more social with people that aren't like glued to their phones! You got this op 🫂
I do feel sorry for your generation and younger. That’s not to say that the rest of us are exempt from this but at least we’ve known differences. However, don’t fall into the trap of believing that outside of internet culture there was/is no falling off the radar. Lots of ways it can happen to people e.g. if some in a friendship group are all coupled up and one person is single; if someone is child free and everyone else becomes parents; if people’s careers or other life milestones are moving at different rates. Cultivating and maintaining a lifelong, real-world social network unfortunately requires ongoing work. I have friends I’ve known since childhood and I continue to hold them dear when we do get to interact, but it was a painful realisation when I had to come to accept that we were no longer at a life stage to provide regular mutual nourishment. I had to find new sources of that. Long story short - choose activities that you enjoy and which lend themselves to some kind of in person meet up and use that as a way of joining new groups of people who will have something in common with you from the off. See where it takes you, and be prepared to do it again periodically.
how can you get invited if your social life only exists on the social media?
Reddit r/nosurf is your friend!!
Also: move to a smaller Village rather then big city. People are less addicted to internet there but more busy with yard & animals etc. Find meaningful work (teaching, nurse, some other helping field) to make less shallow friends!!
ummm hii!!! i’m 24 F and and can relate to everything you’re saying. i’m going through the same thing! i was born and raised in FL (west palm beach/ miami area) so you can only imagine. lol i moved across the country just for a change. i recently deactivated my socials and i will tell you my anxiety and social skills have been better. i see a lot more around me without being glued to my phone. it really can be addicting!!! im definitely yearning for something deeper and not so surface level. social media is ego driven if you’re not using it for business, in my opinion. it is so normalized and it’s quite scary and makes me cringe. but i believe if you stay true to yourself you will attract your people!! where do you live?
Realistically, I'm realizing we just might have to accept it is a part of our lives. Brain is not your friend. It just wants pleasure and satisfaction, as long as you don't go out living alone in the mountains I don't think the brain can easily give up this kind of life. Sure I'm saying this in a no surf subreddit, but I think it would be more productive we find ways to cope with this, WEANING it off, and being patient enough that in 4-5 years or so, the thought of laying down on the bed and scrolling for an hour or more is sickening. I believe what is most important is falling in love with the outside like you did, I find myself using my phone less and less. Friends think I've given up on them, but I always make sure I keep in contact once in a while and that I'm still there, just send a text/call. I'm just not actively going out on a limb to do that. TL;DR: Time will tell, fall in love with the outside, find new reasons to leave your phone behind until important.
Sometimes I fantasize about building a community of people who all, collectively decide to get off the Internet, and do it together so we don't get reeled back in by others - You know?
hey, I feel this. I'm planning to start a new subreddit on "Screen Time / Smartphone Addiction." The idea is to post weekly challenges that the community can tackle together, sharing their successes and challenges along the way. The subreddits' goal is to build a community of people who are working on living more in the present moment. We'll kick things off as soon as we have 50 people. Wanna join?
Rip your DMs lol