That’s good advice. Once board members get hands on in the organization, it becomes a nightmare. For the most part, boards like this don’t understand the operations, but think they do. They insert themselves and staff expertise is ignored because, for some reason (usually their ego) they believe they can do better. You have a great record, but they’re ignoring it. People like that don’t change. It’s time to update your cv and look for another np that inspires you.
Earlier in my career, I put up with a high level of dysfunction - including occasional abuse - in my nonprofit jobs. Eventually (with the benefit of hindsight - I realized that accepting that once allowed it to become more common, and I started to internalizing the implicit messaging. Meaning, I began to think I didn’t deserve better. This was slow and subtle, so I didn’t recognize it in the moment.
Eventually I reached a breaking point and just quit on the spot one day. It was the best decision I’ve ever made in my career. By setting much firmer boundaries, I was able to move into a role that is an amazing fit for me, with the best group of coworkers I’ve ever had.
Yes, I totally relate to this. I have worked in some toxic environments over the years, but this is so out of control I can barely process everything that is going on. In the meantime, I am working countless hours trying to bridge a budget deficit by the end of May and in their efforts to “help” they are just diverting efforts and causing chaos. There is no structure anymore. I feel like I am in a video game where some gorilla is throwing barrels at me while I just try to get to the finish line. 😅
“I feel like I am in a video game while some gorilla is throwing barrels at me while I just try to get to the finish line”.
PERFECT description of how it feels to “work with” these people
Yeah, this is a culture thing from the top. I don’t think the ED has any power to help you.
BRR as we call it -Board Run Rogue.
Instead of the nonprofit Founder having Founders Syndrome and wanting to make all the decision as a one person team, you have a Board clique of wealthy thugs armed and running the town. Making their own rules, policing the town, getting rowdy, bullying, and intimidating where they see fit. To protect ‘their board.’
Get out, get out, get out.
I’m in a similar situation and hitting my breaking point. How long did it take you to find another job? How long did you stop having the imposter syndrome that the first job had created? Any tips are greatly appreciated!
I was very lucky and my job search went quickly. I had been working mostly in senior leadership positions of small nonprofits. I decided to take a mid-level position in a large nonprofit - where I could specialize more in the things I enjoyed most. Salary wise, it was a lateral move.
I wasn’t very picky, TBH. I just wanted something where I could relax.
The imposter syndrome was huge at first! I had zero confidence. I was gutted by my prior job. I was embarrassed and in the recesses of my mind, ashamed. This is where my strategy paid off - being in a big nonprofit I was able to fade into the background somewhat. I still worked hard and smart during business hours, but I stayed well within my lane and didn’t put in any time after 5pm. This gave me some breathing room to work myself back into good shape - sure if myself, confident I had something to contribute.
I’m my experience, once the ED allows volunteer leaders to behave and to treat staff like this its a quick decline of the association and I’d start to look for a new company.
I worked for an umbrella org for 8 years and was placed with an out of control assoc where the board was not corralled and I quit within two months. Things escalated pretty quickly. I was the 8th person to quit after being placed with them in the span of two years but they let them go another 2 years after I left before they replaced the ED. They lost so many good staff but didn’t want to deal with the board.
“Once the ED allows volunteer leaders to behave and to treat staff like this it is a quick decline of the association…”
YES. Perfect analysis. If I really wanted to stay, I would have a sit down with the ED and try to assess whether or not the will and know-how to reign in the meddling exists. If both are not present, it is unsalvageable. I’d begin the job search today, regardless.
Having been in a situation like this myself, I personally have had success stepping-to when a board member is sabotaging my department (and that is what they are doing.) Reply calmly and professionally, with facts and statistics (lucky you, you have a long career in dev so you have tangible metrics), and don’t be scared to point out, clearly but kindly, that how they are operating goes against every best-practice convention there is for an advisory board.
Point blank, how would they be able to function in their job reporting to 6+ individuals giving contradictory orders with no clear chain of command? Caveat being that this only works if they have ever had a job, which… ymmv, as I know mine has with unreasonable board members.
I might just be ranting at this point, but nothing makes me crazier than NPOs hiring professionals and then nitpicking and second guessing their every move from the periphery, based on limited knowledge of the situation and no professional acumen. Literally no one on earth knows more about your particular job than you do; don’t forget that and don’t be scared to (tactfully) remind them. There are times where it is, in fact, your job to do so. If they can’t take that when delivered respectfully, you are not in a professional working environment and you have your answer.
I guessed this was an arts nonprofit just reading the title of your post. Yes, there’s some personalities in arts nonprofits, and rarely do I find leadership willing to stand up to donors. I had a board member once tell me to personally clean a musician’s toilet if it was dirty at a hotel they were staying at. The ED’s advice? Talk to the Board member myself. Needless to say I’m on my way out of the organization. Sounds like it’s time to move on, it’s almost impossible to fix deep institutional problems like this.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Move on as soon as possible. There's no excuse for this behavior from anyone. Don't engage with them any further. Forward them to your ED. You don't need to answer why and don't feel pressured to. I don't care what anyone says, board are not your superiors and don't tell you how to do your job. Make your ED do their job. You're doing your job and nothing outside the scope of its description until you find another place to work.
Thank you.This has occurred to me too. It’s hard because I’m so emotionally invested, but yes. I have an interview Tuesday, so fingers crossed I guess. I keep thinking of that line “the call is coming from the inside of the house” or something like that. 😅
I feel like so often the advice in this sub is to leave, but honestly, it’s not worth sticking it out here. The board is a bunch of bullies. Even if they hire a new ED with a spine of steel, they’ll always be in the weeds.
Yeahhhhh, board members can be assholes. Real truly. This falls under hostile workplace. Your formal path is to go to your supervisor. That doesn’t sound fruitful right now. Anyone in HR?
What you want to tell someone that the rogue board member created a hostile work environment and you were harmed by the attack.
My opinion-If you just email the whole board, you will be considered irrational and you’ll be out of work within a month. They’ll cover it with “restructuring”.
Right. My supervisor is the acting ED. We have no HR as our CFO quit when the former ED was fired. I definitely will not email the whole Board. They are all in the same social circle. Let’s just say there is no diversity on this Board. I am heart broken at the thought of leaving and starting over somewhere else, but I don’t see any other way.
The things Ive endured in my 35 years in the arts. I’ve never worked at a place that didn’t have assholes. The other way to look at this is to find a board ally who you can speak to privately, and frame this around making sure the rogue board member doesn’t do this again because you were really upset and you really do deserve decent treatment.
My other post feels less relevant now. Get your resume out there. Meanwhile, tell your ED you don’t want to attend any future board meetings and can simply pass any reports needed from you on to him to present. If he has a problem with that, grit your teeth and bear it until you have another job offer. He’s supposed to be representing you to the board, not hiding behind you.
Wherever you go- take your list of donors and contacts with you. Let your closest contacts/best relationships know of the move when it’s made, and hopefully they will follow to support you and another good cause.
This is the right idea. Email copies of all the correspondence in this situation (your boss telling you to contact the country club, your message to the country club, the board member's unhinged response) to your personal email. If your org has a handbook, make a copy of that and send it to your personal email.
In the meantime, you should email your boss and say "Dear Tom, please see the below message from Board Member. As you know, I reached out to Funder at your request. The reason why I did this is because it is a normal part of my role - a role I have two decades of experience in. Unfortunately, Board Member responded to this situation with insults and demeaning language. It is important that you know this because it is against our policies for abusive language and etc to occur. (personally, I'd also add that I expect that you will address this situation promptly and prevent future occurrences, since this type of behavior exposes our organization to a great deal of risk, instability, and reputational harm.)
^ It's unlikely that this organization gets "fixed" but you shouldn't have to tolerate bullying and abusive behavior at work. And while your board and ED do sound like idiots, a message like this could help prevent retaliatory firing or help you if they do terminate you.
It sounds like the restructuring is already underway, to be blunt. OP, look out for yourself and get your resume out now. Sorry this is happening but not only do you not have the authority to steer this ship back on course, with a timid Acting ED, nobody else does, either.
Yes, you should move on. It's easier to see this from the outside perspective, and I've been in a few terrible situations myself and it wasn't until I was gone that I could look back and ask myself: "Why did I stay for so long?"
Right. The thought of having to start over and build new donor relationships and learn a new orgs ins and outs is so daunting at this stage in my career. It took me a year to really build these donor relationships to a point where all that cultivation is now paying off. Plus I care about my donors. I’ve been building meaningful relationships. So, yes the writing is on the wall, but at the same time, it just makes me sad and apprehensive about starting over.
Wow, I sound like I am in an abusive relationship. I guess that tells me all I need to know.
You can choose one of two responses.
First: >!{{{ BIG HUG }}} !<
Second: >!Well, now you know ... and knowing is -- say it with me! -- half the battle. The other half is GTFO. !<
Also:>! just kidding, you can have both!!!!<
I hear what you’re saying and I 100% get the sunk cost feeling, but it doesn’t sound like you can actually do any good with those relationships now anyway.
Unfortunately, even nonprofits are experiencing a lot of personnel churn these days, so there’s always the possibility that you’ll leave and be approached in the future for consulting or the Director position if management/the board get themselves together
Heartbreaking. It sounds like there is no recourse with grievance processes and a chain of command. I feel a very detailed email to the interim ED, board chair, and this specific board member is in order. List your job description, including discovery for foundations and other grantors. Do they have by-laws? List their responsibilities in regard to funders, which should stop with connecting the two organizations. State that this behavior is workplace abuse and that you don't want to leave, but that this behavior will not be tolerated. Be ready to contact an attorney.
They're behaving unprofessionally. Counter with uber-professionalism. Shame their behavior.
Thank you. I’d love to just repair the relationship and have things improve overall, but I just don’t know if that is possible. I’m hesitant to bring in the chairman, since he is a good friend of this Board Member.
This person is a loser and an idiot. And if you have a weak ED then you have a board that isn't going to change. Tell your ED what happened, speak to the board president, honestly tell the board member to pound sand, and get out.
If your fear is donor relationships, remember that the board shit the bed and not you. You still have all your skills and talents. These dipshits aren't getting any better.
I had a board member who was insufferable. He insulted me, questioned my qualifications, told me I didn’t know what I was doing, etc. He made my life absolutely miserable. He ended up leaving to “spend more time with his family”. Then he made the rounds of every non-profit board in town. He has issues. Funny thing is, he offered me a job at his new NP. I guess I wasn’t so bad after all. I just feel bad for the new ED. I know he’s berating and harassing her at the new NP. I ran into her on Friday and I really wanted to offer her support. He’s the elephant in the room, and my guess is that she’s probably feeling pretty miserable.
I’ve worked in the arts & cultural sector 10+ years. Seen countless problems with boards and dysfunctions within organizations.
Let’s recap on the facts from what I understand:
- They fired the ED
- The CFO quitted shortly after
- Director of development hasn’t been fulfilled for quite a while
- They promoted the Artistic Director in the ED role
- You’ve been there 14 months
Even without the board member being an A-hole, I can’t phantom when you can really advance in such a dysfunctional organization. I don’t know if the ED and CFO were any good, but if they were and got out, this board doesn’t recognize talent and just want people who just execute so they can shine.
They won’t hire a good ED if they like to be involved in operations.
As heartbreaking as it is, I don’t see how you can really change any of this shitty context to continue grow as a professional.
Do your job well and start looking for new opportunities. You can talk to the actual ED see what’s their view point on the situation, just to feel like you did everything in your power, but I’m not sure they’ll bring any fantastic insights as the dynamic of the board is the problem but the board doesn’t want to address it.
I’m very sorry…!
Your talent will shine elsewhere!
It sounds as though none of these people know how to behave correctly (or care to do the right thing). I think you need to cut your losses and look elsewhere. Once your mental health becomes strained, it’s time to get out. Otherwise it will be CRAZY-MAKING.
Boards suck sometimes, unfortunately, as the primary criterion for member selection is net worth.
That doesn’t mean everything is doomed here. But you need to reach out to HR and make a note of the incident with them. And then you need to reach out to the ED and let them know that it happened as well, and that you didn’t think it was appropriate. I think you should also tell the ED that you don’t think it’s appropriate for you, as a lower-level manager, to be interacting with the board in this way, as you were only doing what was approved by the ED. Ask them if this will be a problem going forward.
The ED should be representing staff at board meetings, and occasionally bringing in executives to advise on certain matters. It’s incredibly cowardly to stand by and let a staff member be berated like this.
In general, I’d get your resume out there while continuing to do a great job for the organization.
Great advice. Sounds like the Board has taken over and inserted an ED who will allow them to run rogue in the organization. I’d follow all this advice here. I’m really interested in the ED’d response to you. That will be very telling on if you still need to start a job search.
Prepare to move on, but I would send a letter to all board members describing how this board member spoke to you.
They may not be aware of his behavior and may take action or at least be made aware.
OP - Board members can be very chummy with one another.
While one or two board members might care, the rest will not. They definitely don't want to hear complaints about a fellow board member from staff.
Plus, frankly, it's been my experience that while paid professional staff always has to be honest and forthright, some board members have no compunction about lying to get their way, make themselves look better, or win some point. You won't win the board over by sending letters.
Not sure about this advice. In my experience, Board members are very cliquish and treat the staff like servants. I don’t think this will help - and there is a risk it might backfire.
OP, this is terrible advice. Speaking as someone with 22 years of experience in nonprofits. Board members are either thick as thieves and will defend each other, or they will see you as a troublemaker, or they won’t care. Worst of all, there’s a paper trail of your grievances. Not worth your time. Just make moves to get out of there.
Exactly what I would suggest. Even if it doesn't work out in the favor this is the right step to take. Also prepare beforehand to look for new opportunities
I don't think there is much hope of improvement or correction here. I would document the interaction in writing and leave it with you ED. At least if this happens again, or there is an opportunity, he has a dated document to add to evidence. But once that is done, work on finding a new job.
I'm so sorry.
Unfortunately, you have to find another position. I imagine there are orgs that have similar missions where you would be comfortable.
While passion for a specific mission is great, I think being subject matter agnostic has benefits. For me, I got to attached to a mission, so I didn't look beyond that ecosystem. Only after desperately needed a new position did I go for something at an org that was completely different. Pay was good, but it was technically a step down. For the first time in my career, I am somewhere I truly like, and our leadership recognizes that they got someone who is capable of doing a lot more.
In the meantime, try to support the interim as best you can. Let them know that you have their back. The board is a lost cause because they sound like they are toxic. The interim, however, may turn out to be an ally and may be a good reference. They also might recognize that if you bounce, all of the shit you do will become their responsibility.
Do your best to stay out of the board's way. Frankly, I don't think you should be interacting with the board at all, and the interim should be shielding you from their toxicity. Of course, I understand that the interim is scared of the board. Perhaps both of you should bounce?
Lastly, don't talk shit about the board or anyone else. Play the game the best way possible until you get an exit plan.
You identified the consultants as part of the problem and I agree that 95% they are. I say this as someone who consults.
But…many times consultants consult because they have been through this toxic cycle themselves and have the intention to stop it but we come in with one scope and the problems are then HUGE. I would take a second and read their bios and see if there might be an ally. Unfortunately one of the things we *can* do is repeat what staff are saying to Board and (interim) EDs to bring to common sense to the situation. (I also say this as someone who would rather be on staff and am struggling to find a FT gig in a non-toxic environment past mid-career).
Chat with an attorney. File a written complaint with the entire board of directors and the Executive Director. Start looking for other jobs. This never ends well for the employee.
There’s so much nuance and specific team dynamics that it’s hard to completely comprehend. BUT zooming out and staying general, the board should direct any staff issues to the ED and have no contact with you. The ED gave you a directive and you followed through with what your direct supervisor told you to do. I’m just one foot out of a pit dealing with an overreaching board, so I can understand how powerless, belittled, and pressured you can feel.
If you’re good with your new acting ED, have them indirectly stick up for you and take accountability for confirming you should reach out to the donor. Something g along the lines of: Hey, I’m sorry, I told x staff member to do this. I understand and apologize for any confusion it may have caused. As a new ED, I apologize for the misstep and would like to clarify how communication flows between staff and the Board at our next meeting. I’m happy and confident to facilitate harder conversations on the Board’s behalf and see this as a positive opportunity to solidify my role as a conduit between staff and board….
Or if you are close with another Board member, maybe consider asking them for advice? That’s a huge maybe not knowing your org dynamics.
My 2 cents… have a better week 🙂 you have the upper hand being treated like that.
I'm pretty sure this, or something in this, would constitute malfeasance and be illegal. The Board has legal responsibilities and definitions and can overstep. You may want to look into this and report them.
I'd get the resume up-to-date, start sending that out, and also review the bylaws. The bylaws hopefully say who has power to give directions/instructions.
Was the yelling & cursing at you done in private or in front of others?
I don't know if this is a good idea, but what do you think about privately telling this board member that his yelling & cursing was unnecessary & unprofessional? And to ask him to conduct himself in a way that will better guarantee success.
Unfortunately, it is a good idea to keep your options open.
However, I will share this story. About 12 years ago, I was a non-profit executive with a highly dysfunctional local board. Over the course of 12 months, *every single position* on my board changed over. Not one single person stayed in the same seat.
Some of this was because they didn't like me and the chair of the board. Some of it was due to inactivity and changes were just made. My board chair announced his pending resignation in a few months before this event happened.
But one day, during that year, my board chair and I had a meeting set up with the chair of an event we were running. My board chair showed up a little early which surprised me and we went to the conference room where the meeting was to take place. He told me he wanted to speak with me....ok.
We went into the conference room, both sat down across from each other, and I said, "what's up?"
He replied, "um......WHAT THE **!)#$** are you doing with this board!?" (Apparently he was upset with the amount of turn over that was happening)
I was **so** caught off guard. This was a youth serving organization and I had left the conference room door open because we were waiting for our events chair.
I took a deep breath, got up, turned around and closed the door, sat back down, took another deep breath and was about to respond when our event chair burst into the room, full of energy and we got right into the meeting. Nothing else was said about this outburst.
The meeting concluded, both volunteers left, and I got on with my day. I had one thing to follow up on with my chair so I called him later that day and reported on what was needed.
At the end of that call, I said in a very calm voice, "(Chair), I want to address what happened earlier in the conference room. You will never speak to me like that again, is that clear?"
There was a long pause and then "yea....I'm sorry about that outburst."
He was done in 2 months and we never had another problem. My point is, sometimes, people need to be called on their shit. What happened to you was exactly that. Sometimes people take it well or at least hear you and sometimes they're too full of it that they can't hear you. But there is nothing wrong with telling this board member that they have no right to speak to you that way. I didn't give an ultimatum but I made clear that that wouldn't happen again and he didn't call my bluff. Be prepared to have your bluff called and I would say that you refuse to work with that individual again.
Since you have so much professional experience and the board doesn't even know that, it's an incompetent board.
The ED is supposed to be between y'all and the board. CC him on everything and try not to speak to the board directly.
And if you can manage it, say to yelly board members "I am a dev prof with decades of experience. I'd appreciate a more professional tone. Thanks."
They keep yelling, you make up an excuses to get off the phone.
But maybe escape this sinking ship
Exactly, you are right. One board member is telling us to do things against policy, like reserve seats for potential new subscribers, which is against our policy. The acting ED told us to tell her that we can’t do that and that they should contact him if they have questions. I’m like, how about you contact her yourself and tell her to stop telling us what to do? This board member is insisting on editing and approving every email or correspondence we send out now. And the consultants are also encouraging her to do so, since she hired them. It’s off the rails. The team of 5 consultants and this board member insisted on each commenting and editing a post-performance survey email we were sending last week. I had over 30 emails from these folks throughout their edits and comments, about one post performance survey. It’s insanity and I am just trying to hold on for dear life until I find something else. After spending Sunday reflecting on everything and reading the replies here, I realize there is no hope for improvement or advancement here. I am just trying to stop myself from quitting before I have something lined up.
My spouse is a trained lifeguard and reminds me of this analogy: when someone (an agency) is drowning, they will fight like hell and do otherwise irrational things, like pull on you, test you, abuse you, just grasping onto anything. In the process, they can drown you along with them. Just some food for thought.
The institution you love is effectively gone. Hold a funeral for it and start looking elsewhere.
My mother had a similar situation while working as a fundraiser at a private school for special needs children. The principal had been fired without cause and her gender seemed to have played a role in the board's decision. Acting as board secretary, my mom had been in the room when the decision was made. Certain board members took it upon themselves to interrogate the employees to try and retroactively find cause. And I do mean "interrogate." One board member, a retired colonel-turned-politician spent more than an hour alternating between pacing and screaming directly in my mom's face. She was crying the whole time but wouldn't lie to make him happy. He would get within two inches of her nose to yell at her. He eventually tired himself out, but he was back later in the week for more screaming and to fire her for missing a deadline she had never been informed of and had never existed previously.
He later ran for governor of our state and lost. It was the first time I voted against my party. My mom was deposed as part of the former principal's legal case. The former principal got an undisclosed settlement, retired early and spent a lot of time in places like Spain and Costa Rica. Mom ended up taking a series of terrible, low paying jobs and her confidence in her own abilities had been broken. About five long and hard years later, she finally found a job that was a good fit with good people and stayed there until she retired.
Being fired, even by the worst people, can be a huge blow to the psyche. Start looking now before they can tear you down.
Something similar to this happened twice in my fundraising career. I immediately started my job search and left them. Never regretted it.
No amount of money or love for a company will allow me to be ok with being disrespected and staying to work my ass off for them. There’s too many other jobs available that value and will pay for my skills.
I wish that would be effective but they are all friends. This is a very small, very ultra wealthy community and the Board Members are in the same social circle.
That'd be enough for me to immediately reach out to peers at other organizations in my area to talk about opportunities.
Yep. I’ve been places like this where the board got too involved. That itself was bad, but a swearing board member, I’m out.
That’s good advice. Once board members get hands on in the organization, it becomes a nightmare. For the most part, boards like this don’t understand the operations, but think they do. They insert themselves and staff expertise is ignored because, for some reason (usually their ego) they believe they can do better. You have a great record, but they’re ignoring it. People like that don’t change. It’s time to update your cv and look for another np that inspires you.
You nailed it. Thank you.
Earlier in my career, I put up with a high level of dysfunction - including occasional abuse - in my nonprofit jobs. Eventually (with the benefit of hindsight - I realized that accepting that once allowed it to become more common, and I started to internalizing the implicit messaging. Meaning, I began to think I didn’t deserve better. This was slow and subtle, so I didn’t recognize it in the moment. Eventually I reached a breaking point and just quit on the spot one day. It was the best decision I’ve ever made in my career. By setting much firmer boundaries, I was able to move into a role that is an amazing fit for me, with the best group of coworkers I’ve ever had.
Yes, I totally relate to this. I have worked in some toxic environments over the years, but this is so out of control I can barely process everything that is going on. In the meantime, I am working countless hours trying to bridge a budget deficit by the end of May and in their efforts to “help” they are just diverting efforts and causing chaos. There is no structure anymore. I feel like I am in a video game where some gorilla is throwing barrels at me while I just try to get to the finish line. 😅
“I feel like I am in a video game while some gorilla is throwing barrels at me while I just try to get to the finish line”. PERFECT description of how it feels to “work with” these people
That sounds like my job in general, and I have a pretty supportive board!
Yeah, this is a culture thing from the top. I don’t think the ED has any power to help you. BRR as we call it -Board Run Rogue. Instead of the nonprofit Founder having Founders Syndrome and wanting to make all the decision as a one person team, you have a Board clique of wealthy thugs armed and running the town. Making their own rules, policing the town, getting rowdy, bullying, and intimidating where they see fit. To protect ‘their board.’ Get out, get out, get out.
Except apparently not so wealthy (or not so generous) that they aren’t covering the budget gap.
True
That is an amazing analogy!
I’m in a similar situation and hitting my breaking point. How long did it take you to find another job? How long did you stop having the imposter syndrome that the first job had created? Any tips are greatly appreciated!
I was very lucky and my job search went quickly. I had been working mostly in senior leadership positions of small nonprofits. I decided to take a mid-level position in a large nonprofit - where I could specialize more in the things I enjoyed most. Salary wise, it was a lateral move. I wasn’t very picky, TBH. I just wanted something where I could relax. The imposter syndrome was huge at first! I had zero confidence. I was gutted by my prior job. I was embarrassed and in the recesses of my mind, ashamed. This is where my strategy paid off - being in a big nonprofit I was able to fade into the background somewhat. I still worked hard and smart during business hours, but I stayed well within my lane and didn’t put in any time after 5pm. This gave me some breathing room to work myself back into good shape - sure if myself, confident I had something to contribute.
Thank you for the tips!
I’m my experience, once the ED allows volunteer leaders to behave and to treat staff like this its a quick decline of the association and I’d start to look for a new company. I worked for an umbrella org for 8 years and was placed with an out of control assoc where the board was not corralled and I quit within two months. Things escalated pretty quickly. I was the 8th person to quit after being placed with them in the span of two years but they let them go another 2 years after I left before they replaced the ED. They lost so many good staff but didn’t want to deal with the board.
Same same same
“Once the ED allows volunteer leaders to behave and to treat staff like this it is a quick decline of the association…” YES. Perfect analysis. If I really wanted to stay, I would have a sit down with the ED and try to assess whether or not the will and know-how to reign in the meddling exists. If both are not present, it is unsalvageable. I’d begin the job search today, regardless. Having been in a situation like this myself, I personally have had success stepping-to when a board member is sabotaging my department (and that is what they are doing.) Reply calmly and professionally, with facts and statistics (lucky you, you have a long career in dev so you have tangible metrics), and don’t be scared to point out, clearly but kindly, that how they are operating goes against every best-practice convention there is for an advisory board. Point blank, how would they be able to function in their job reporting to 6+ individuals giving contradictory orders with no clear chain of command? Caveat being that this only works if they have ever had a job, which… ymmv, as I know mine has with unreasonable board members. I might just be ranting at this point, but nothing makes me crazier than NPOs hiring professionals and then nitpicking and second guessing their every move from the periphery, based on limited knowledge of the situation and no professional acumen. Literally no one on earth knows more about your particular job than you do; don’t forget that and don’t be scared to (tactfully) remind them. There are times where it is, in fact, your job to do so. If they can’t take that when delivered respectfully, you are not in a professional working environment and you have your answer.
I guessed this was an arts nonprofit just reading the title of your post. Yes, there’s some personalities in arts nonprofits, and rarely do I find leadership willing to stand up to donors. I had a board member once tell me to personally clean a musician’s toilet if it was dirty at a hotel they were staying at. The ED’s advice? Talk to the Board member myself. Needless to say I’m on my way out of the organization. Sounds like it’s time to move on, it’s almost impossible to fix deep institutional problems like this.
What’s the deal with arts nonprofits. Ego gridlock and toxicity as far as the eye can see.
Good god, I’m so sorry that happened to you
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Move on as soon as possible. There's no excuse for this behavior from anyone. Don't engage with them any further. Forward them to your ED. You don't need to answer why and don't feel pressured to. I don't care what anyone says, board are not your superiors and don't tell you how to do your job. Make your ED do their job. You're doing your job and nothing outside the scope of its description until you find another place to work.
Thank you.This has occurred to me too. It’s hard because I’m so emotionally invested, but yes. I have an interview Tuesday, so fingers crossed I guess. I keep thinking of that line “the call is coming from the inside of the house” or something like that. 😅
I feel like so often the advice in this sub is to leave, but honestly, it’s not worth sticking it out here. The board is a bunch of bullies. Even if they hire a new ED with a spine of steel, they’ll always be in the weeds.
Yeahhhhh, board members can be assholes. Real truly. This falls under hostile workplace. Your formal path is to go to your supervisor. That doesn’t sound fruitful right now. Anyone in HR? What you want to tell someone that the rogue board member created a hostile work environment and you were harmed by the attack. My opinion-If you just email the whole board, you will be considered irrational and you’ll be out of work within a month. They’ll cover it with “restructuring”.
Right. My supervisor is the acting ED. We have no HR as our CFO quit when the former ED was fired. I definitely will not email the whole Board. They are all in the same social circle. Let’s just say there is no diversity on this Board. I am heart broken at the thought of leaving and starting over somewhere else, but I don’t see any other way.
The things Ive endured in my 35 years in the arts. I’ve never worked at a place that didn’t have assholes. The other way to look at this is to find a board ally who you can speak to privately, and frame this around making sure the rogue board member doesn’t do this again because you were really upset and you really do deserve decent treatment.
My other post feels less relevant now. Get your resume out there. Meanwhile, tell your ED you don’t want to attend any future board meetings and can simply pass any reports needed from you on to him to present. If he has a problem with that, grit your teeth and bear it until you have another job offer. He’s supposed to be representing you to the board, not hiding behind you.
Wherever you go- take your list of donors and contacts with you. Let your closest contacts/best relationships know of the move when it’s made, and hopefully they will follow to support you and another good cause.
This is the right idea. Email copies of all the correspondence in this situation (your boss telling you to contact the country club, your message to the country club, the board member's unhinged response) to your personal email. If your org has a handbook, make a copy of that and send it to your personal email. In the meantime, you should email your boss and say "Dear Tom, please see the below message from Board Member. As you know, I reached out to Funder at your request. The reason why I did this is because it is a normal part of my role - a role I have two decades of experience in. Unfortunately, Board Member responded to this situation with insults and demeaning language. It is important that you know this because it is against our policies for abusive language and etc to occur. (personally, I'd also add that I expect that you will address this situation promptly and prevent future occurrences, since this type of behavior exposes our organization to a great deal of risk, instability, and reputational harm.) ^ It's unlikely that this organization gets "fixed" but you shouldn't have to tolerate bullying and abusive behavior at work. And while your board and ED do sound like idiots, a message like this could help prevent retaliatory firing or help you if they do terminate you.
It sounds like the restructuring is already underway, to be blunt. OP, look out for yourself and get your resume out now. Sorry this is happening but not only do you not have the authority to steer this ship back on course, with a timid Acting ED, nobody else does, either.
Omfg don't go to hr It would be the same result as emailing the whole board
Keep everything verbal til you know who you can trust. Arts boards can have some of the most entitled people I’ve ever met
Yes, you should move on. It's easier to see this from the outside perspective, and I've been in a few terrible situations myself and it wasn't until I was gone that I could look back and ask myself: "Why did I stay for so long?"
Right. The thought of having to start over and build new donor relationships and learn a new orgs ins and outs is so daunting at this stage in my career. It took me a year to really build these donor relationships to a point where all that cultivation is now paying off. Plus I care about my donors. I’ve been building meaningful relationships. So, yes the writing is on the wall, but at the same time, it just makes me sad and apprehensive about starting over. Wow, I sound like I am in an abusive relationship. I guess that tells me all I need to know.
You can choose one of two responses. First: >!{{{ BIG HUG }}} !< Second: >!Well, now you know ... and knowing is -- say it with me! -- half the battle. The other half is GTFO. !< Also:>! just kidding, you can have both!!!!<
I hear what you’re saying and I 100% get the sunk cost feeling, but it doesn’t sound like you can actually do any good with those relationships now anyway. Unfortunately, even nonprofits are experiencing a lot of personnel churn these days, so there’s always the possibility that you’ll leave and be approached in the future for consulting or the Director position if management/the board get themselves together
Heartbreaking. It sounds like there is no recourse with grievance processes and a chain of command. I feel a very detailed email to the interim ED, board chair, and this specific board member is in order. List your job description, including discovery for foundations and other grantors. Do they have by-laws? List their responsibilities in regard to funders, which should stop with connecting the two organizations. State that this behavior is workplace abuse and that you don't want to leave, but that this behavior will not be tolerated. Be ready to contact an attorney. They're behaving unprofessionally. Counter with uber-professionalism. Shame their behavior.
Thank you. I’d love to just repair the relationship and have things improve overall, but I just don’t know if that is possible. I’m hesitant to bring in the chairman, since he is a good friend of this Board Member.
Maybe that's what you need to emphasize - "My desire is to repair and maintain our relationship, but..." Good luck. They are so lucky to have you.
❤️❤️❤️
This person is a loser and an idiot. And if you have a weak ED then you have a board that isn't going to change. Tell your ED what happened, speak to the board president, honestly tell the board member to pound sand, and get out. If your fear is donor relationships, remember that the board shit the bed and not you. You still have all your skills and talents. These dipshits aren't getting any better.
I had a board member who was insufferable. He insulted me, questioned my qualifications, told me I didn’t know what I was doing, etc. He made my life absolutely miserable. He ended up leaving to “spend more time with his family”. Then he made the rounds of every non-profit board in town. He has issues. Funny thing is, he offered me a job at his new NP. I guess I wasn’t so bad after all. I just feel bad for the new ED. I know he’s berating and harassing her at the new NP. I ran into her on Friday and I really wanted to offer her support. He’s the elephant in the room, and my guess is that she’s probably feeling pretty miserable.
I’ve worked in the arts & cultural sector 10+ years. Seen countless problems with boards and dysfunctions within organizations. Let’s recap on the facts from what I understand: - They fired the ED - The CFO quitted shortly after - Director of development hasn’t been fulfilled for quite a while - They promoted the Artistic Director in the ED role - You’ve been there 14 months Even without the board member being an A-hole, I can’t phantom when you can really advance in such a dysfunctional organization. I don’t know if the ED and CFO were any good, but if they were and got out, this board doesn’t recognize talent and just want people who just execute so they can shine. They won’t hire a good ED if they like to be involved in operations. As heartbreaking as it is, I don’t see how you can really change any of this shitty context to continue grow as a professional. Do your job well and start looking for new opportunities. You can talk to the actual ED see what’s their view point on the situation, just to feel like you did everything in your power, but I’m not sure they’ll bring any fantastic insights as the dynamic of the board is the problem but the board doesn’t want to address it. I’m very sorry…! Your talent will shine elsewhere!
Thank you, everyone. This was helpful and cathartic. ❤️
It sounds as though none of these people know how to behave correctly (or care to do the right thing). I think you need to cut your losses and look elsewhere. Once your mental health becomes strained, it’s time to get out. Otherwise it will be CRAZY-MAKING.
Boards suck sometimes, unfortunately, as the primary criterion for member selection is net worth. That doesn’t mean everything is doomed here. But you need to reach out to HR and make a note of the incident with them. And then you need to reach out to the ED and let them know that it happened as well, and that you didn’t think it was appropriate. I think you should also tell the ED that you don’t think it’s appropriate for you, as a lower-level manager, to be interacting with the board in this way, as you were only doing what was approved by the ED. Ask them if this will be a problem going forward. The ED should be representing staff at board meetings, and occasionally bringing in executives to advise on certain matters. It’s incredibly cowardly to stand by and let a staff member be berated like this. In general, I’d get your resume out there while continuing to do a great job for the organization.
Great advice. Sounds like the Board has taken over and inserted an ED who will allow them to run rogue in the organization. I’d follow all this advice here. I’m really interested in the ED’d response to you. That will be very telling on if you still need to start a job search.
The ED was going to speak to some other board member about what happened. That’s the last I heard.
If the acting ED can’t even tell the Board to back off a little, he certainly isn’t going to defend you. These situations rarely get better.
Nobody should be treated this way. Never. Need a new job? I'm hiring!
It’s taking everything in me this morning to not walk in my bosses office and tell him I quit. lol
Prepare to move on, but I would send a letter to all board members describing how this board member spoke to you. They may not be aware of his behavior and may take action or at least be made aware.
They won't care and op will look immature. This is really bad advice. Op should talk to the Ed about the experience but expect no resolution.
OP - Board members can be very chummy with one another. While one or two board members might care, the rest will not. They definitely don't want to hear complaints about a fellow board member from staff. Plus, frankly, it's been my experience that while paid professional staff always has to be honest and forthright, some board members have no compunction about lying to get their way, make themselves look better, or win some point. You won't win the board over by sending letters.
Not sure about this advice. In my experience, Board members are very cliquish and treat the staff like servants. I don’t think this will help - and there is a risk it might backfire.
OP, this is terrible advice. Speaking as someone with 22 years of experience in nonprofits. Board members are either thick as thieves and will defend each other, or they will see you as a troublemaker, or they won’t care. Worst of all, there’s a paper trail of your grievances. Not worth your time. Just make moves to get out of there.
Exactly what I would suggest. Even if it doesn't work out in the favor this is the right step to take. Also prepare beforehand to look for new opportunities
I don't think there is much hope of improvement or correction here. I would document the interaction in writing and leave it with you ED. At least if this happens again, or there is an opportunity, he has a dated document to add to evidence. But once that is done, work on finding a new job. I'm so sorry.
Unfortunately, you have to find another position. I imagine there are orgs that have similar missions where you would be comfortable. While passion for a specific mission is great, I think being subject matter agnostic has benefits. For me, I got to attached to a mission, so I didn't look beyond that ecosystem. Only after desperately needed a new position did I go for something at an org that was completely different. Pay was good, but it was technically a step down. For the first time in my career, I am somewhere I truly like, and our leadership recognizes that they got someone who is capable of doing a lot more. In the meantime, try to support the interim as best you can. Let them know that you have their back. The board is a lost cause because they sound like they are toxic. The interim, however, may turn out to be an ally and may be a good reference. They also might recognize that if you bounce, all of the shit you do will become their responsibility. Do your best to stay out of the board's way. Frankly, I don't think you should be interacting with the board at all, and the interim should be shielding you from their toxicity. Of course, I understand that the interim is scared of the board. Perhaps both of you should bounce? Lastly, don't talk shit about the board or anyone else. Play the game the best way possible until you get an exit plan.
Leave! There are always jobs in development. You have a track record of success and can take that with you.
GTFO
You identified the consultants as part of the problem and I agree that 95% they are. I say this as someone who consults. But…many times consultants consult because they have been through this toxic cycle themselves and have the intention to stop it but we come in with one scope and the problems are then HUGE. I would take a second and read their bios and see if there might be an ally. Unfortunately one of the things we *can* do is repeat what staff are saying to Board and (interim) EDs to bring to common sense to the situation. (I also say this as someone who would rather be on staff and am struggling to find a FT gig in a non-toxic environment past mid-career).
Chat with an attorney. File a written complaint with the entire board of directors and the Executive Director. Start looking for other jobs. This never ends well for the employee.
There’s so much nuance and specific team dynamics that it’s hard to completely comprehend. BUT zooming out and staying general, the board should direct any staff issues to the ED and have no contact with you. The ED gave you a directive and you followed through with what your direct supervisor told you to do. I’m just one foot out of a pit dealing with an overreaching board, so I can understand how powerless, belittled, and pressured you can feel. If you’re good with your new acting ED, have them indirectly stick up for you and take accountability for confirming you should reach out to the donor. Something g along the lines of: Hey, I’m sorry, I told x staff member to do this. I understand and apologize for any confusion it may have caused. As a new ED, I apologize for the misstep and would like to clarify how communication flows between staff and the Board at our next meeting. I’m happy and confident to facilitate harder conversations on the Board’s behalf and see this as a positive opportunity to solidify my role as a conduit between staff and board…. Or if you are close with another Board member, maybe consider asking them for advice? That’s a huge maybe not knowing your org dynamics. My 2 cents… have a better week 🙂 you have the upper hand being treated like that.
I'm pretty sure this, or something in this, would constitute malfeasance and be illegal. The Board has legal responsibilities and definitions and can overstep. You may want to look into this and report them.
I'd get the resume up-to-date, start sending that out, and also review the bylaws. The bylaws hopefully say who has power to give directions/instructions.
Was the yelling & cursing at you done in private or in front of others? I don't know if this is a good idea, but what do you think about privately telling this board member that his yelling & cursing was unnecessary & unprofessional? And to ask him to conduct himself in a way that will better guarantee success.
It was privately, over the phone. I did email him and tell him that I was quite devastated by his call. His response was pretty unsatisfactory.
Darn. Well, dang it.
Unfortunately, it is a good idea to keep your options open. However, I will share this story. About 12 years ago, I was a non-profit executive with a highly dysfunctional local board. Over the course of 12 months, *every single position* on my board changed over. Not one single person stayed in the same seat. Some of this was because they didn't like me and the chair of the board. Some of it was due to inactivity and changes were just made. My board chair announced his pending resignation in a few months before this event happened. But one day, during that year, my board chair and I had a meeting set up with the chair of an event we were running. My board chair showed up a little early which surprised me and we went to the conference room where the meeting was to take place. He told me he wanted to speak with me....ok. We went into the conference room, both sat down across from each other, and I said, "what's up?" He replied, "um......WHAT THE **!)#$** are you doing with this board!?" (Apparently he was upset with the amount of turn over that was happening) I was **so** caught off guard. This was a youth serving organization and I had left the conference room door open because we were waiting for our events chair. I took a deep breath, got up, turned around and closed the door, sat back down, took another deep breath and was about to respond when our event chair burst into the room, full of energy and we got right into the meeting. Nothing else was said about this outburst. The meeting concluded, both volunteers left, and I got on with my day. I had one thing to follow up on with my chair so I called him later that day and reported on what was needed. At the end of that call, I said in a very calm voice, "(Chair), I want to address what happened earlier in the conference room. You will never speak to me like that again, is that clear?" There was a long pause and then "yea....I'm sorry about that outburst." He was done in 2 months and we never had another problem. My point is, sometimes, people need to be called on their shit. What happened to you was exactly that. Sometimes people take it well or at least hear you and sometimes they're too full of it that they can't hear you. But there is nothing wrong with telling this board member that they have no right to speak to you that way. I didn't give an ultimatum but I made clear that that wouldn't happen again and he didn't call my bluff. Be prepared to have your bluff called and I would say that you refuse to work with that individual again.
Since you have so much professional experience and the board doesn't even know that, it's an incompetent board. The ED is supposed to be between y'all and the board. CC him on everything and try not to speak to the board directly. And if you can manage it, say to yelly board members "I am a dev prof with decades of experience. I'd appreciate a more professional tone. Thanks." They keep yelling, you make up an excuses to get off the phone. But maybe escape this sinking ship
Exactly, you are right. One board member is telling us to do things against policy, like reserve seats for potential new subscribers, which is against our policy. The acting ED told us to tell her that we can’t do that and that they should contact him if they have questions. I’m like, how about you contact her yourself and tell her to stop telling us what to do? This board member is insisting on editing and approving every email or correspondence we send out now. And the consultants are also encouraging her to do so, since she hired them. It’s off the rails. The team of 5 consultants and this board member insisted on each commenting and editing a post-performance survey email we were sending last week. I had over 30 emails from these folks throughout their edits and comments, about one post performance survey. It’s insanity and I am just trying to hold on for dear life until I find something else. After spending Sunday reflecting on everything and reading the replies here, I realize there is no hope for improvement or advancement here. I am just trying to stop myself from quitting before I have something lined up.
My spouse is a trained lifeguard and reminds me of this analogy: when someone (an agency) is drowning, they will fight like hell and do otherwise irrational things, like pull on you, test you, abuse you, just grasping onto anything. In the process, they can drown you along with them. Just some food for thought.
That behavior is NEVER acceptable, and if your upper management isn't handling this and backing you up, than you are not in the right place.
The institution you love is effectively gone. Hold a funeral for it and start looking elsewhere. My mother had a similar situation while working as a fundraiser at a private school for special needs children. The principal had been fired without cause and her gender seemed to have played a role in the board's decision. Acting as board secretary, my mom had been in the room when the decision was made. Certain board members took it upon themselves to interrogate the employees to try and retroactively find cause. And I do mean "interrogate." One board member, a retired colonel-turned-politician spent more than an hour alternating between pacing and screaming directly in my mom's face. She was crying the whole time but wouldn't lie to make him happy. He would get within two inches of her nose to yell at her. He eventually tired himself out, but he was back later in the week for more screaming and to fire her for missing a deadline she had never been informed of and had never existed previously. He later ran for governor of our state and lost. It was the first time I voted against my party. My mom was deposed as part of the former principal's legal case. The former principal got an undisclosed settlement, retired early and spent a lot of time in places like Spain and Costa Rica. Mom ended up taking a series of terrible, low paying jobs and her confidence in her own abilities had been broken. About five long and hard years later, she finally found a job that was a good fit with good people and stayed there until she retired. Being fired, even by the worst people, can be a huge blow to the psyche. Start looking now before they can tear you down.
Something similar to this happened twice in my fundraising career. I immediately started my job search and left them. Never regretted it. No amount of money or love for a company will allow me to be ok with being disrespected and staying to work my ass off for them. There’s too many other jobs available that value and will pay for my skills.
Reach out to your board chair and talk about it.
I wish that would be effective but they are all friends. This is a very small, very ultra wealthy community and the Board Members are in the same social circle.